This morning I was checking my blog stats, which allows me to see how new readers are finding me, and what Google searches are leading people to my website. Normally it's about the same...
But today was different. Among the top searches that led people here were heart-wrenching phrases that made me put my coffee down and choke back tears.
I don't want to be a mom anymore...
Overwhelmed mom depressed...
Motherhood is too hard...
I was thinking about those words later as I washed dishes and tried to listen to the acoustic station I had playing as my boys bickered back and forth from their bedroom.
My gosh. Can I just get five minutes of peace while I clean up?
I realized the reason those words had hit me so hard wasn't just because they were sad.; it was because I have been the mom that felt like that.
There have been dark days when depression overthrew me, and maybe I would have reached for my iPhone and typed in desperate words, hoping for a magic answer. I've been the mom in the bathroom with the door locked, tears running down my face because I just didn't know what to do about my strong-willed child. I've been the mom screaming at a defiant toddler instead of reaching for her heart and asking what's wrong. I've been the bitter wife, I've been the ungodly mother, I've been the housewife so overwhelmed that I just end up doing nothing.
Sweet overwhelmed mama, whoever you are, Jesus came so that you would have life, and have it abundantly.
Do you really believe that being so overwhelmed and isolated that you reach out to Google is abundant life?
It's not. There is so much more than you can even imagine waiting for you in the palm of His hand. And it's all for you. You just have to turn around, look at Him, and take it.
You're right that you can't do this. You're right that this is all too much for you. You're right that some days are depressing.
But you can do all things through the One who gives you strength.
That is about as cliche as it gets, but when you pause and really think about that beautiful truth and apply it to your motherhood, you can feel the giant weight that's been crushing your shoulders start to lift, it gets lighter and lighter as you say "yes" to His help. He did not create you to be able to do all this on your own. In fact, He knows that you can't and never had any expectation for you to be able to.
You did that to yourself.
He wants you to let go of that and let Him guide you. Let Him give you peace that diffuses your anger, love that overcomes your frustration with your children, joy that breaks the chains of depression.
Take a deep breath, quiet your spirit even if all around there is noise, feel yourself letting go of all this and reaching to touch the face of your Savior. Get up and walk in the Light now, because a daughter of the King deserves better than to be taken down by the lies of the enemy.
"The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly."
"When the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him."