Ep 049: Staying Positive When Life Knocks You Down

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You know those moments when life is really difficult or when things aren’t going well? Those moments are hard! Let’s not dismiss that. But we don’t have to stay down forever! It is important that we remain positive, that we acknowledge what is happening and what we are feeling, and that we do what we need to do to move forward. If you're in a difficult place, if you’re just really overwhelmed or if you're really having a rough time, I’ve got you! Today I am sharing three simple ways that you can remain positive when life knocks you down. You're going to get over this because you are a doer. You are an overcomer. You are going to push through this and I'm rooting for you!

 
 

In This Episode, Allie Discusses:

  • The difference between inconveniences and life crises.

  • How staying positive doesn't have to be irritating or impossible - it's a super beneficial way to live! But you're also a person with feelings and it's okay to have a tough time when life knocks you down.

  • Why you shouldn’t play the victim or throw yourself a pity party in those moments.

  • The benefit of paying attention to your feelings (Don’t ignore them, don’t discount them, don’t struggle against them).

  • Practical things you can do to stay positive when life knocks you down.

Mentioned in this Episode:

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Unburdened is the overwhelmed beginner’s guide to a simpler motherhood. I walk you through how to stop over-complicating, procrastinating, and just start making positive changes now.

How to declutter, just a little bit – not super deep into it, because you can’t handle that when you are this overwhelmed. How to declutter toxic relationships in your life. How to simplify your calendar. How to start owning your time and not just managing it as life happens to you. How to stop just setting goals and letting them sit there. How to create a cleaning routine that works for you and your life.

This course is a mini-course. It is small. It is straightforward. But it is everything for the mom who feels like she needs a total overhaul but is too overwhelmed to start! 


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


I_ve_got_you_2.png

Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to.  I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days.  I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it.  Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and i know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood.  I’m Allie Casazza and this is the The Purpose Show.

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Hey friend! Today I want to talk to you about staying positive when life knocks you down. I really want to address when life is just not going well. When things are just really difficult.

Maybe you're struggling with some depression. Maybe you're not really there yet.

Maybe something really bad happened. Maybe something stressful or scary is going on and you don't really know how things are going to turn out.

Or maybe you're going through marriage problems and you're not really sure exactly what the problem is but it's got you down.

Maybe you're just really overwhelmed. Maybe you're in a time of crisis. Maybe there's a lot of inconvenience going on.

I'm not going to get super specific in what the situation is, what the level of the situation is because I think it's all relative. It depends on you as a person, your personality type, what your threshold for pain is in this life. We all define what a crisis is differently.

I think there are inconveniences and there are “life crises.”

An example of an inconvenience is last year Brian and I were scheduled to go to this Entrepreneur Retreat, across the country. We were really excited about it. We got the kids all packed up and sent them to my parents for three days. We headed to the airport and we were about to go on our way. We got to our first destination, which was a stopover flight at the airport in San Francisco. Our flight was delayed again and again and again, and all this stuff happened to where we ended up not even going on the trip and getting stuck at the airport for 48 hours. It was pretty frustrating. That's an inconvenience. That's not a life crisis.

An example of a life crisis would be your husband lost his job or you found out he is going to have to be let go in a month. You don't know what you're going to do. You’ve got a big house payment and kids and bills and you're freaking out. That's a life crisis. Or there's a death.

See what I mean? People can define “crisis” differently depending on what they've already been through and their personality type.

I think either way, inconvenience or crisis, it's important to know how to stay positive and how to deal when life is kicking you in the crotch, to put it bluntly.

I want to go over some things that I have picked up and learned. This is very surface. I'm not getting super deep into faith and all of that. Of course, if you know me or have been around here for more than two seconds, you know that I'm a Christian and my faith is a major part of my life, how I live and how I handle things. But I wanted to stay practical and sort of surface what can you actually do other than faith-based things.

I found this page in my journal and I had written these types of things down that I've learned over the course of my life going through multiple difficult things, in multiple difficulty levels of things. And it was really helpful. I liked seeing it and I wanted to share it with you.

First of all, I want to say that staying positive doesn't have to be irritating, like Pollyanna Syndrome where everything is rainbows and butterflies, just smile and be happy and it'll all be okay. It also doesn't have to be impossible.

It's easy to think to yourself, “Oh, I'm going to stay positive. When this happens or if this ever happens, I would just be really positive about it.” And then the event comes to your actual life and it feels really impossible to stay positive. I think it's a super beneficial way to live, but you're also a person who has feelings and it's okay to have a tough time.

So, let's talk about what to do, when to give yourself a break, how to set boundaries for your emotions, and when to “give in” and what not to do, if that makes sense.

Number One - It’s really important not to play the victim. Don't throw yourself into this never-ending pity party when things aren't going right - whether that’s something small like the entrepreneur retreat example. or something big like your husband lost his job or your mother just got diagnosed with cancer or you're losing your house.

We've had a situation where we lost a house because the landlord who were renting from lost their house and didn't tell us they weren't paying the mortgage with the rent. That was really difficult because it felt out of our control. It was really unfair and we had to move out pretty much immediately. I had just had my eleven-pound baby so I was not in a great place. And this was also right at the time in my story where I was really overwhelmed and depressed and hadn't really figured out how to simplify yet.

There are things like that that feel like a crisis, but don't throw yourself a pity party, like a never-ending pity party. It's okay to have a quick one.

Think about it. Have you ever known someone who just couldn't get over something? You give them advice, you're supportive, you're positive, and they just don't stop. And it's been way too much time, in your opinion, and they're still not letting it go. They just can't get over it. Eventually you do and everyone else does. And the person is left alone because they've alienated everyone in their own little private pity party.

Everyone's dealing with their own stuff. Everyone's got struggles. I'm not saying don't call your friends and family and vent. I'm saying vent, share feelings. Get the advice you need. Take a minute and then keep it moving in a positive way. Start to take action.

That leads me to number two - take action on the problem. Now. Pay attention to what you're feeling. Don't ignore your feelings, don't discount them. Don't shame yourself or feeling them. Don't struggle against them. Just acknowledge what they are.

I have really learned a lot from the practice of meditation. Simply being still. Being quiet. Thinking nothing. I'm not thinking. I'm not praying. I'm not even thinking about or repeating a thought over and over and over again to myself like a lot of people say they do when they're meditating,

I'm just simply sitting and being. If I have a thought, I acknowledge that it's there and I let it go. Have you ever done that? Have you ever really sat there and just let yourself be and notice how you feel? It's so powerful and so simple to acknowledge your feelings. I would encourage you to do that if you're going through a hard time. That is taking action - paying attention to your feelings, not ignoring them, not shaming yourself for having them, not discounting them or acting like they're not as big of a deal as they are, or fighting against them, but just acknowledging them.

Feeling your feelings. It's super powerful.

Have you ever had a million things to do and you keep fighting to make it work or figure it out? You how they say we’re like computers with too many windows open at once and we're going to crash? Pay attention to your feelings and do what you need to do that best for you. Acknowledge your feelings.

Have you been “in a crisis” and you were really feeling like, “oh my gosh, I'm so overwhelmed?” I got like this again in the time of my life when we were really trying to make ends meet and we had realized at Brian's job that if he only worked the minimum required hours each day we weren't really going to make ends meet. That we could not only make ends meet, but have a little bit of extra money to do a couple of fun things here and there, if he was working a ton of overtime. So, he was always volunteering to take extra overtime. The company did forced overtime for a while and that was good and terrible; good for the money, terrible from the time together.

During those really, really long years of a season of my life, I got like this. I got to the point where I had all these feelings. I had way too many windows open and I was crashing hard. There was no way out because the kids were there. Everything had to keep moving. I was doing everything from dawn till after bedtime by myself. I had all of that on my plate and it was really terrible. It was so hard.

I should have just stopped and paid attention to my feelings, paused, known what I know now, and given myself that space to just feel for a second and asked myself, “What is it that I'm feeling here? I'm feeling completely overwhelmed and feeling like I just can't. Period. I just can't. I don't even know what. I just can't. I'm feeling like I miss my husband and this is not what I thought it was going to be like when we got married. I miss him. I'm feeling really lonely and feeling a little resentful too.”

If I would have let myself feel and acknowledge those feelings, I may have been able to think a little bit clearly about, “Okay, well, what do you want to do? Well, I don't know if this is worth it. I think I want to start to look for a different job. Try to intentionally find a way out. Start praying for a way out of this.” But honestly those thoughts didn't really come to us for years because we were hustling so hard to just get by and get through the next day.

Then the nighttime would come. The kids would go to bed. The silence would hit and I would want to avoid my feelings. I was a “feelings suppressor” to the extreme and I would binge eat junk food, turn on Netflix, ignore my feelings until I was so exhausted I fell asleep. The next day started to my kids tapping me, waking me up, and the chaos began all over again. This was my existence.

No wonder I got depressed, right?

I think giving yourself the space to feel your feelings. Once you feel those feelings, what do you need? Are you tired? Take a nap? Are you stressed? Take a break, take a step back. Take a day, take some time for yourself. Are you overwhelmed? Cut things off or let them go. Disappoint somebody. It's okay. Let it go. Are you worried?

Do you need help? Ask for it. Call someone that you know can relate. Call somebody that you trust, even if they don't live near you and can't really physically do anything. Just call someone. Get it off your chest. Maybe somebody who will give you good advice for your situation. Just do something.

Take some sort of action. It doesn't have to be action that's going to solve your problem, right then and there, but doing something is going to make you feel so much better. Acknowledging your feelings gives them space to make you aware of them, and then you can do something about it. Even if it's just taking a nap. Not an avoidance nap, but an I'm exhausted, I need rest, nap.

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Do you feel like you are barely getting through your days friend? Does motherhood feel more like a hurricane of chaos that you are just surviving rather than the awesome, joy-filled season that you want it to be?

Well, motherhood is hard. I am not going to lie to you about that. While it is servitude and giving to your family from yourself, it doesn’t have to be something that we are waiting to be over. Something that we are counting down the minutes till naptime, or bedtime, or waiting for the next day to start. If you are wanting to sort through the clutter in your mind, your heart, your home calendar, your health, routines, and relationships, I created Unburdened just for you!

It is a guide that will help you go from drowning in the sea of stress and overwhelm, to owning your time and living the best version of your motherhood. So you can live abundantly while intentionally focusing on those who matter most.

Unburdened is the overwhelmed beginner’s guide to a simpler motherhood.

In Unburdened, I will walk you through how to stop over-complicating, procrastinating, and just start making positive changes now. How to declutter, just a little bit – not super deep into it, because you can’t handle that when you are this overwhelmed – but a surface declutter that will get you real results in your house so you can clean up less.

How to declutter toxic relationships in your life and set some good boundaries. How to simplify cleaning, get healthy and feel better – finally!

How to simplify your calendar. How to start owning your time and not just managing it as life happens to you.

How to stop just setting goals and letting them sit there. Start actually defining where you want to go and getting there through reverse engineering and goal-setting.

How to create a cleaning routine that works for you and your life.

This course is a mini-course. It is small. It is straightforward. But it is everything for the mom who feels like she needs a total overhaul but is too overwhelmed to start.

It will help you simplify the things that have you stuck and leave survival mode behind for good.

Is this resonating with you? Sound like you? Does this sound like something that would really help you right now? Go to bit.ly/getunburdened.

I really poured my heart into this little course. I created it for the mom who is really wanting to simplify, declutter, and pursue a life of less, but she is so burdened and overwhelmed with the mess of life. It’s not just her house. She wants to simplify at the surface of all the different things in her life so she can focus on her family more. So then she can focus more on really, truly purging her entire house.

If this sounds like you, I encourage you to check it out. You are probably the person I created it for. I want you in there. I want it to help you.

Check it out.  bit.ly/getunburdened

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Number three is set boundaries for your breaks. Maybe you think, “Okay, I just want to eat whatever I want and let the house go. Stay in bed and not do anything. Skip the kids’ homeschooling for a day and just watch Netflix all day.” But then you're like, “Okay, I really shouldn't do that.” Every once in a while (and I'm giving you permission here, girl, because I've done it myself), do it anyway.

If you can feel like this is what I need, I need a break. I need to rest. I need a day away from the routines and the stress and the go, go, go. I want a day of canceling all these appointments, canceling all this stuff, staying home from work, snuggling in bed with my babies, eating cereal and just watching The Office on Netflix and letting the kids have a tech day. I need it.

Decide that you're going to do that and then give yourself boundaries around that so that you don't end up doing that same thing every day, three months later. Do what you have to do. Let yourself have a day if you need it. Take a break.

For example, you know saying, “I'm going to do whatever I want for a day. I just want to stay in bed. I'm going to stay on the couch. I'm not going to go to the gym. I'm going to eat whatever I want, and then tomorrow I'm going to get back to my routine. Then do that. That's your boundary. Give yourself a day or two days, probably no more than that. And you’re not going to stay there. Set boundaries for yourself.

I'm speaking from experience. What I said is what I used to do. I used to get so overwhelmed that I would fall into a pit.

This is where those of you who have never struggled with depression are probably judging me pretty harshly right now, and that's okay. Those of you who have gone through depression are probably about to cry because you're hearing that I understand exactly how you feel. I'm being really raw and honest with you and that's what I'm here to do.

You are who I'm here to serve with this episode and I just want you to know as you're listening right now that I could just cry for you. You are in such a difficult place and I am so sorry that you are there and I want you to know that it is okay. It's okay to be there. It's okay.

Whether you're in a depressive place or not, it's okay to take a break. But take the break and then get up. Even if it's hard. The only way to get over it is to get through it, so push through it. You can't skip it. You can't fast forward. I know you wish you could. I used to wish that I could fast forward, like that movie “Click.” If I could just fast forward to this one part because I know I won't regret it. The thing is, you will regret it, you would regret it, and you can't do it anyway. You've got to get through it, if you want to get over this hump. So, take a day. Take a break. Let yourself have a no-bra-Netflix-whatever day.

Then stand up the next morning. Set your alarm. Get up and start with one step. Get out of bed.

Next step, brew your favorite brew of coffee and enjoy that cup. Enjoy it hot. Let the kids get their own breakfast. Let them wait a second so you can have a couple of sips of coffee in peace.

Get the kids their breakfast, push play on the audio book you'd been wanting to listen to and have a relaxing day while you do the laundry.

Rinse the dishes after breakfast. Keep the TV off for one day. Listen to an audio book instead.

Step-by-step, step out of this difficult time, this rut that you found yourself in.

I know that this episode is called “Staying Positive When Life Knocks You Down” and maybe none of this really sounds positive, but I know what it is like to be beyond an inconvenient time, beyond stuck at the airport on your way to an entrepreneur retreat. When you're in a time of crisis, when you are in a rut and it's so dark down there, you really don't see how you're going to get out this time. This is staying positive.

Deciding that you're going to take a day, you're going to give yourself a break. That you’re going to just have a “whatever day” and setting boundaries around that one day so it doesn't turn into six months. Deciding that you're tired and you need a nap, and that is the action you're taking today. Staying positive in a time like this. Paying attention to your feelings. Acknowledging that they're there. Being still in feeling those feelings instead of suppressing them. That is staying positive.

That's positive movement forward in a situation like this. Deciding that you're not going to play the victim and you're not going to continue to throw yourself a pity party. That’s staying positive. That's overcoming.

I hope these three steps have been a light to somebody who's really been in a dark time. I have totally been there and I understand.

I'm going to keep this episode brief. I'm going to cut it off here because when you're in a place like that, when you're just really overwhelmed and you're really having a rough time, that's really all you can take – three things. And even that might be too much.

I love you guys. If you're listening to this and maybe you’re emotional, maybe you broke down a little bit, maybe you're just like in awe that this episode found its way to you at the perfect time. I feel you. I know. Even though I don’t personally know you, I know you and know where you're at. I've been there. You will get over this sweet, sweet friend. You will get over this because you're going to work through it. You're not going to let it hold you down one more second longer.

You're going to get over this because you are a doer. You are an overcomer. You are going to push through this and I'm rooting for you. I'm always rooting for you.
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This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

 

Ep 048: Turning Struggles Into Strength with Jessica Rasdall

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We all have been through tough stuff in our life. And sometimes we feel like we are the only person in the world who has ever experienced those tough moments. You normally don’t hear about other people going through those same things. There is beauty is sharing your struggles with others and there is strength that can come from it. Jessica Rasdall is one of those people who has bravely shared her story with the world. She took a moment that could have broken her and turned it into a story that has changed peoples lives. Her message is one of hope and encouragement; you are not alone in your struggles!

 
 

In This Episode, Allie + Jessica Discuss:

  • The impact your story has, even in the midst of the brokenness.

  • How to share the whole story (from brokenness to healing), not just the brokenness. Celebrate the growth and progress you have made!

  • What it looks like to take your story and use it to bring strength to yourself and those around you.   

  • What you give your focus to is what you get more of and what will grow. So where is your focus within your story?

Mentioned in this Episode:

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Want more inspiration than just the podcast? Do you wish there were more episodes?  Do you want videos? Do you want pdf’s? Do you want to really get you started on minimalism and simplifying your motherhood?

In the Supermom Vault,  you will receive replays of my very best online workshops (not available anywhere else), tons of actionable PDF's, downloadable with one click, more than 20 audio & video trainings, and professionally-designed printables for your home to keep you focused & inspired! 


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


I_ve_got_you_2.png

Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to.  I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days.  I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it.  Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and i know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood.  I’m Allie Casazza and this is the The Purpose Show.

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ALLIE: Hey beauties! Welcome back to another episode of The Purpose Show.

I'm here with the beautiful, purple-haired friend of mine, Jessica Rasdall.

You do many things. You're a speaking coach. You’re my speaking coach. I have your speaking course. You have an amazing story that we're here to talk about today and you are the author of the book, Shattered, which is what we're really here to talk about.

I just read it. It's so amazing and powerful. It’s not a light read like we were talking about.

I would love for you to introduce yourself and whatever you like about your story. And then we'll dive in.

JESSICA: Thank you so much. I'm so excited to share about this. You know, it’s crazy how many different things I do because that was never really part of the plan. I was super normal. I wasn't a straight A student. Let's not joke around. I was an average student going through school.

I was a freshman. I did have a business scholarship. I wanted to do what everybody else did and what my parents wanted me to do, “Go to a four-year school, get a degree, get a masters, get some corporate job and stay there forever.” That was the plan.

I had known my best friend since I was five years old and the two of us were inseparable. I figured we would be like my mom and her best friend. My mom has known her best friend, Maddie, her entire life and they are the exact opposite, but the closest. And that's how I felt about my friend, Laura.

But my freshman year of college I made a decision that changed everything.

One night we went out. It was just supposed to be a girl’s night out and we ended up drinking. I drove us home. Something happened and we don't really know what caused the car accident, but Laura was killed on impact and I nearly lost my own life.

So, all of these plans and all of these things that I had put on the table, the road that I tried to chart for myself was gone. Everything was out the window and now I was left to figure out what do I do from here? How do I do it without her because I had never done anything in my life without Laura? That was terrifying.

On top of all the medical stuff, the emotional stuff, I was now facing 10 ½ - 15 years in prison for DUI manslaughter.

I couldn't even wrap my mind around that.

So, everything went out the window and it was just a matter of, what do you do next? How do you wake up tomorrow? How do you schedule your next appointment? Or how do you show up at school, at all?

You have all of these different emotions going on. You're going through these stages of grief. There's days where I hated everybody. I was angry and I wanted to point fingers and place blame. There were days where I didn't want to come out of my room and I didn't want to deal with this. You go through so many different feelings and you feel like you're the only person in the world who has ever experienced this. You don't hear about other people going through it.

A big part of me felt like if I never heard of somebody making it out the other side, maybe people didn't. Maybe this was a situation that if you got yourself into it, there was no coming out. There was no coming back from it. And that was terrifying.

I remember being in a Barnes and Noble Bookstore and I was looking for something, anything to tell me, “This is what you do. These are the steps.” I was very logical. I wanted a roadmap. I wanted someone to tell me “this is how you pick up the pieces, how you'd go on” and I couldn't find anything. I broke down in the middle of the store, in the middle of the self-help section.

My mom came up to me, “what are you doing” trying to pick me up off the floor. I told her, “There's nothing here, there's nothing here to tell you what to do next when you take the life of your best friend.” She was so calm and she just pointed at the shelf and said, “Well Jess, why don't you just put something there?”

It was in that moment in the middle of the bookstore, I drew a line in the sand and decided that trying to figure this out had nothing to do with me. This was about something so much bigger. And if I made it out of that car, it had to be for a reason. And even if that reason was just to tell somebody that, “Hey, you could make it through this,” I had to keep going. I had to keep going even when everybody else said I shouldn't, or I couldn't. I had to do it for the person who was looking for a roadmap also. And I was terrified of Laura being forgotten about or being another underaged drinking statistic.

So, I started sharing my story. I started speaking to High School kids, college students and anybody who would listen. I began telling them about the decisions that I made in hopes that they wouldn't repeat my mistake.

I spoke to over 15,000 kids in two years. And then I was sentenced to prison.

That in itself is a whole other story.

But when you come home from that and you're now trying to rebuild again. Because I felt like after the accident it was this moment of figuring out “How do I just make it through this?” And then you “make it through,” so to speak, and you do your time in prison, you come home and now it's another matter of “Now, how do I put this behind me?”

Because now I'm the convicted felon, the murderer, the drunk driver.

ALLIE: I think that like goes on your record and is like in your book you talk about, “Now I have to check that box. Yes. I have been convicted of a felony and it's a big one.” I love how honest you were.

I also didn't want to interrupt you, but I love too that you started to share your story before that chapter of your life was even over. I feel like now I know it is; the whole part about the death, everything. It's done. You finished the prison part, it's all finished. But, you didn't even know. You didn't even know what your sentence was going to look like. You hadn't even gone through that. You immediately started sharing in the middle of your brokenness, which I want to come back to you after you finished sharing.

I just wanted to say I love that part about your story. You glazed over it in the book; like it's nothing that you started right away. I can't even imagine how many tears you choked through while you were trying to talk because it was so fresh. Aside from even sharing at all, the fact that you shared right away is so powerful and so brave. I noticed that in your book and I loved that part of it, that you just jumped right in.

JESSICA: Thank you. I am not a talker. I'm a motivational speaker, but I'm not a talker. I am a doer; I am not somebody who enjoys wasting away my days making plans. If I have an idea, I want to take action on it.

Full disclosure, don't just jump into sharing your story on something that you haven't dealt with. I was going to therapy. I was taking medication. I had a full team of support, but none of that was enough for me. I needed to feel like I was physically doing something with my life. You can't make it right, but that was in a way doing something to give this meaning.

When I came home and started rebuilding the pieces and figuring out what was I going to do from here, I didn't want to talk about it at first. I didn't want to be the girl in the accident anymore. I had no idea who Jessica was because I felt like I had been lost in all of this.

But when I didn't talk about it, something was missing. There was this huge disconnect because, just like you said, I started sharing right away and I was sharing with an open case on the table. I was publicly going out and telling what I had done, even though I was facing 15 years in prison. It's almost as long as I'd been alive. I was only 18.

Now here I was, not the girl waiting to go to prison, but I was now the young woman who made it out the other side and that story had to change. The way that I looked at it had to change. The way that I shared it had to change. The way that it was presented to the world needed to change.

That was a big evolution in my own healing journey because I feel like when we get into the thick of things, when something happens to us or when we make a mistake, we get stuck in that story - the initial story, the one that we have to tell, the one that happens. But as we move through the healing journey, we can sometimes feel obligated to keep sharing that first story and it's important for us to sometimes take a step back and realize, “Am I in the same place when I first crafted that story?”

Has this changed? How have I grown? Do I need to be sharing this with somebody different now? Can other people benefit from it? Because it doesn't serve us to keep telling something that takes us back, if we're trying to move forward. That was a big part with coming home was understanding that the story had to change.

ALLIE: Absolutely. I love that. What happened in your life is so much and so heavy. I don't like to use the word “dramatic” but I don't really know what else to say. It’s not like a light story, like “oh, I used to struggle with this and now I don't.” But, you have so beautifully come out, not only come out the other side but used it as leverage for your purpose.

We were saying before we hit record that you could have let this be a black spot over your life.  Like in the movies when something really dramatic happens in a character's life and they never recovered and that's why they are the way they are. And they get into the backstory and that's the reason that they're so awful, depressed or so stuck.

But you used what happened to you and launched into your purpose because of that. You couldn't be doing what you're doing without that happening is what I mean. And so, I really wanted to have you here and use your story to speak to turning something difficult that has happened or a personal struggle into your strength.

Our audience is mostly mothers, so raising your kids. How can you use that to raise your kids to learn from you and turn that into their strength? Something that makes you what you are and changes the world really. And I just want to kind of hear your thoughts about that and maybe in a general sense so that it can be applied from other people's different struggles other than what you're specifically was.

JESSICA: I know my story's a lot.

ALLIE: It’s amazing, though.

JESSICA:  I thought I'll go talk to a group of few thousand people and share my story and all is great. But when I first started my business and I started helping female business owners craft their own stories, I was terrified because of who am I? Who am I to do this? Those labels stuck with me hard. I was the felon. I was the failure. I was the college dropout. I think that becomes our sticking point - the labels that we allow others to place in us and more importantly the labels that we give ourselves. It's so easy to say little things like “well I'm lazy.” Today, I said I was irritable, but I am. I’m pregnant.

It's so easy to say that we are failures or we're not good enough or compare ourselves to other people. And those things carry so much weight. We can't wait around for somebody else to change that dialogue. It is so important for us to take the time to say, “OK, well maybe I was a little irritable this morning. There’s a lot of hormones running through this body, but I can still take the time to go do other things. Right before we got on this, my daughter and I were in the kitchen making dinner together. Our thing every night is to turn up the music and have a dance party while we make dinner. And it's silly. But that's just our thing together. I don't get frustrated when she empties the dishwasher and the silverware isn't exactly where I want it or dripped water all over the floor.

ALLIE: {laughing} Basically made your life harder.

JESSICA: But it's so easy to be our worst critics and continue to put that on repeat of “I'm the failure” or even worse, “I’m the victim” or whatever that dialogue is for us. Until we can identify it and start paying attention to the things we're telling ourselves or the things we're saying to other people, we can't change that. We can't.

And it's so easy to tell other people. When you're in conversations with others, how are you talking about that with others? If you're talking about your parenting style and getting frustrated with that. Are you talking about being a loving mother or are you talking about being that frustrated mother? What are the things that you are clinging to, embracing, and really identifying. Just saying that “everything is great” isn't enough.

I don't want you to “fake it till you make it,” but we need to make sure that we're paying more attention to the things that we want, other than the things we want to get rid of. Those things that we focus on grow. They grow fast, like weeds. It's so important for us to cling to, even if it only feels like a tiny, tiny little piece, the things that make us proud, excited and want to do more.  

ALLIE:  Yeah. Absolutely. What your giving focus to, what you're speaking to, and paying attention to, is what you get more of.

Just a little example (I think it was episode six) where I talked about my business story, that's where I learned that what I was hounding on – “We’re so broke. We have nothing. It's never going to be easy.”  I got more and more of that because I was focusing on it and kind of just accepting “this is the way my life is. It seems to be in the cards.” That attitude is BS and it has no place in the life of an overcomer.

If you want to be an overcomer, you need to start to focus on, “I am able. I have a really great brain and I can do a lot of good things. I can do something to make the situation different.” Even if you've struggled, even if something awful has happened or you've done something awful, you can overcome that. It's about the story that you're telling yourself. People don't realize how much weight their words hold, I think. I love that you mentioned that.

JESSICA: It is powerful and you know it can be a little difficult. I'd say for my situation, I am hoping that nobody listening to this has ever been through anything like this, but I'm willing to bet that you've probably been through something that at some point made you feel a little guilty. It doesn't matter what it is.

Guilt is a beast. That could be forgetting. I forgot to send Chad’s breakfast to work with them today and I did feel really bad about that this morning. I know it's so silly, but guilt has a way of creeping in and messing up everything.

So for me, I do have really bad survivor's guilt. Here's the kicker though: changing the dialogue is great, but for me it couldn't be for me. And this might sound silly, but doing something for myself, I didn't have that internal motivation. I didn't. At all. Because I would constantly then play devil's advocate and “Well, who am I to deserve that? I should feel this way.” So for me, I had to find something outside of myself to want to improve for and that's really where the whole book concept came from.

I wasn't speaking because I love the spotlight and I love people hearing this painful story. I was speaking because I wanted to make sure someone else didn’t repeat that mistake. Because I wanted to keep Laura’s memory alive. I don't get up and do the work that I do for any reason other than maybe my family or my clients.

And if you're somebody who does struggle with maybe finding that internal motivation, whatever reason that might be, I want to challenge you to look for something outside of yourself that makes you dig deeper.

Because doing something for yourself is wonderful; we deserve it, even on the days we don't think we should. But letting somebody else down, that's a crippling feeling. Nobody wants to disappoint somebody else. And when you can set your actions up in a way that makes you feel like somebody else is depending on you, it just sets this whole new motivation into the mix.
_______________________________________________________________

Hey friend! It’s Allie! Have you heard of the Supermom Vault yet?

The Supermom Vault is a library of inspiration I created for you. It holds replays of my very best online workshops that aren’t available anywhere else, tons of really actionable pdf’s that are downloadable with just one click, more than 20 audio and video trainings from me, and professionally designed printables for your home to keep you focused and inspired.

The Supermom Vault is only $39.00 and is available at alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

Check it out! It’s a really good simple start.

Want more inspiration than just the podcast? Do you wish there were more episodes? Want more details? Do you want videos? Do you want pdf’s?  Do you want to download things and get your hands on something to really get you started when it comes to minimalism and simplifying your motherhood?

This is definitely the place to go!

Check it out! Alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

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ALLIE: One thing I really wanted to ask you, and I didn't even hash out exactly how it was going to phrase this, so I need to talk it out. How do you go from… let's say whatever the situation is for anybody they have guilt about something. Something has happened in their life or is continuously happening. We used the “yelling” example before we recorded… something as small as that or something as big as what's happened in your life. They struggle with guilt over something and they feel like they're caught in that cycle or in the cycle of the actual thing, like continuously yelling or whatever. Having anger problems, whatever it is. What actionable, tactical steps would they take to get out of that cycle and what should they focus on? What can they physically start to do to get out of that cycle, if that makes sense?

JESSICA: When I was first in the thick of everything, before I ever gave that first presentation, I was stuck. Hard stuck in a cycle of “what if?” What if things had been different? What if I had done this instead? What if I had just made a phone call? It's really easy to get stuck there.

What if I could just get up a little bit earlier? What if I would stop yelling? What if I would just go to the gym? What if? What if? But, we don’t want to take any action on it. We don't always hear the “what if” though. It is this quiet voice. What happened is when I first sat down to write that first presentation, to literally just put my story on paper, everything changed. Now I was no longer allowed to ask the question of “what if?” I had to tell it.

I had to become the narrator of my own story and that gave me the power to decide how I was going to tell it and what was going to happen next. So, I think it's really important to first identify what it is that's happening, because we can make up all these stories in our head. We can dramatize that a whole lot and make it worse than it really is.

Now, I was sitting down and getting down to the facts of “what happened” or “what is happening?” Then, “OK, this is what's going on. Now, what do I actually want from this? What can I be made to change this?” Because until you draw that line in the sand and say, “This is what has been done. These are what the facts are. I don't want it to be like this anymore,” nothing will change.

ALLIE: You answered my next question. That was perfect.

I'm going to link to your book and I want you to talk about that.

If somebody wanted to connect with you can you tell us where to find you and what you're usually on more social-wise.

JESSICA: Yes. I'm an odd one. You can always reach out to me on social media and Instagram is probably the easiest way to get ahold of me.

You can find me at Jessica Rasdall.

Or if you are somebody who's crazy like me and you want to speak, it's The Public Speaking Strategists.

I'll be very honest. I'm not a slave to social media. I might be on there all the time, but I don't share everything. I want to give you that permission to not share everything either. I feel like we're in an age where there's this pressure for “everybody needs to know what I'm wearing today, what kind of coffee I'm having, where I'm going to go get my groceries, what I fed my kid.”

ALLIE: And every inner thought. I was just talking about this with... you know Kendra? It's an entitlement. There's this underlying tone of entitlement from people. And I'm guilty of it too, a little, sometimes. They “follow” you. Even if you're not an influencer per se, just a normal mom using Instagram. “Where did you get that?” And if I don't respond, I'll notice like, “Um, I saw that you didn't respond? I get really want to know where you got that shirt.” It's like… you don't have to know where I got everything. We don't have to share all the time. I totally understand. I love that you said that.

JESSICA: I do want to give you that permission, like heads up! If you don't see me sharing everything, it doesn't mean I'm not there. I'm totally listening and I'm available.

You can reach out to me. Don't expect me to be all-day, every-day telling you what's happening every five minutes, because I just don’t think that's important.

I know as we're talking about the language that we tell ourselves and also with social media, I feel like we're at a place right now where we are at a fine line of “glamorizing” the mess and not the message.

And it's so easy to want to show the piled-up laundry, the sink full of dishes, or complain about all the things that are going wrong, and that my kid doesn't want to go to bed now. That's real life.

I'm not perfect. I'm not going to show you all the stuff in my office.

At the same time, I'm very protective of your input, what I'm giving to you and I don't want to fill your news feed, your ears, your mind or your heart with anything other than a positive message.

So, I'm a big believer in sharing a little bit of what's really going on, but also making sure that I'm delivering something of value to you and there's not always something there. If you don't hear from me, don't freak out. You can just reach out. I'm there.

ALLIE: Yeah, totally. And what is your website? You can find me at JessicaRasdall.com. Super easy to find me.

Or again, if you're crazy and you want to speak, thepublicstrategist.com  

ALLIE: Your stuff is amazing. Before we ever connected on this level, I had shared that I was going through some speaking stuff because I just dread it. It's just a part of my career. It's gonna happen and I'm better now because of you.

Guys, this is who I was learning from. And your course has helped me so much. You're so amazing at that. If you are somebody who needs help with public speaking, this is who you go to. We will link to all of that.

Thank you so much!

Your book is amazing. Her book is Shattered. I will link to it in the show notes. It’s a very short read, but it's not an easy read. So be emotionally prepared because it tells this entire story and all the details of that. And you really did a great job. Like I was saying, you go into a lot of detail, but you get to the point. And there is a point. At the end of every section of the book, there is a point like, “OK, so having said all of that, here's what I learned from this chapter of this story.” And it's very actionable, gracious and honest. It’s just a really, really great book.  

Also parents, it’s something to have on hand. Let your kids read when they get to, what would you say? Early high school?

JESSICA: Yeah. High School. It was definitely very hard to pare down the book, right? Because I have so much to share. I could write a million books about this story.

But for me it was again, what did I need in that bookstore? What was that roadmap I needed? But also trying to figure out where was the balance of getting to speak directly to the person going through what I had been through, but also speaking to somebody going through any kind of struggle. What were the universal concepts? What were the key pieces of the puzzle that I felt like if I could take out any of the extra stuff, anything that would distract, what could get you through the hardest, the hardest times. And what were the things that you could take action on right away?

And it was hard. It was very hard to share some of those parts. There were other parts that it was very hard to cut things out, because they were things that I wanted to say really bad. But, I know that that's not always added value to the reader and that's what's important to me.

I don't care if you liked me; I don't care if you don't like me; I don't care if you follow me, but if I'm not adding value to you and your life, I'm not doing my job.

ALLIE:  Yeah. And that comes across for sure. Definitely a good read for anything difficult and again to have on hand. I'm definitely going to have my kids read it when they get into that high school time. This is real, this is what can happen and does happen way more often than anybody is talking about other than you.

Thank you so much for taking time to be here and sharing a little piece of your story and your wisdom from that. I really appreciate it.

JESSICA: Thank you so much for having me.
_______________________________________________________________

This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

 

EP 047: How To Make Birthdays Special Without The Huge Party

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We celebrate birthdays big time in our house! But most of the time it is in nontraditional ways. We make birthdays special without having a big party. And there's something sweet, intimate and special about doing it that way. We can get into this mindset of “if you're not having a big party then you didn't really celebrate” and that's just not true. You can totally make birthdays special without the big party! There's nothing against having parties, just keep it simple so that you enjoy it. It’s a big day. It's the celebration of the day you became a mom, either for the first time or the fifth time. It’s the celebration of a new life and it matters. We don’t need to perform or impress, we need to celebrate!

 
 

In This Episode, Allie Discusses:

  • How celebrating birthdays in simpler, nontraditional ways are just as special.

  • Ways to simplify parties so they are less stressful for everyone (especially you!)

  • What it means to have a no gifts birthday party.

  • The significance your child's birthday has on you as their mom.

Mentioned in this Episode:

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Want more inspiration than just the podcast? Do you wish there were more episodes?  Do you want videos? Do you want pdf’s? Do you want to really get you started on minimalism and simplifying your motherhood?

In the Supermom Vault,  you will receive replays of my very best online workshops (not available anywhere else), tons of actionable PDF's, downloadable with one click, more than 20 audio & video trainings, and professionally-designed printables for your home to keep you focused & inspired! 

 


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to.  I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days.  I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it.  Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and i know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood.  I’m Allie Casazza and this is the The Purpose Show.

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Hey, beautiful! Today we're going to talk about how you can make birthdays special for your kids without the huge party.

This episode is coming out of questions that I get, like every other episode, but I also just recently had a birthday party for my son. We had gone a while without really doing a birthday party and it was nice; I enjoyed it for sure.

I also think there's something to be said about birthdays without the huge party. There's something sweet, intimate and special about it. I think we can get into this mindset of “if you're not having a big party then you didn't really celebrate” and that's just not true.

I really love birthdays. We celebrate them big time in our house, but a lot of the time it's in nontraditional ways. It might not look super big on the outside, but it's really special to us and to our family, whether we are having a big party or we're not.

I wanted to talk about some ways that we've made birthdays special without having a big party.

First of all, do something that your child really wants to do, or go somewhere that they really want to go. This can be something big like Disneyland, Legoland, the zoo, or whatever. A theme park you live around. It could be something as simple as going to the movies. Or going to their favorite park for the whole day and bringing a picnic lunch and cupcakes and just having a fun day. Kids remember those types of things.

Number two is to create simple traditions like waking up to balloons all over their bedroom floor, streamers hanging from their door, or birthday cake pancakes the morning of their birthday. Something like that.

By the way, we've done all three of those things and they're all super special. We switch between different things for different kids, but the most popular thing in our house is balloons and streamers when they wake up. They love it. It's super exciting. The door is closed the morning of their birthday and when they open it streamers are stuck to the wall above their door. It's like a streamer curtain. There are balloons in the hallway leading down the stairs and we're all there ready to wish them Happy Birthday in the morning. It's just super sweet. It's those little things that make kids feel really special.

Number three is to have some really nice focused family time. Maybe dinner out or dinner in where you make their favorite meal, get their favorite takeout, go to their favorite restaurant. Have a family game night, play their favorite video game all together. Let them teach you how to play. Play board games or watch a movie at home together. Bake a cake. Just hang out and have family time.

It can feel like you're not doing enough and that's just ridiculous. It doesn't have to feel like that. Birthdays can be so special if they're super simple. It doesn't have to be blown out of proportion.

Number four is to celebrate with just close family members. This is simplifying it for you in a way that it's like you're not hosting the big party and dealing with all the people. And I know it can get complicated. If I invite this person, then I have to invite this person, and that leads to this person – it starts feeling really out of control.

And sometimes for a child's birthday, you want to celebrate them. You want to love on them. But honestly, it can come at a really bad time. I've had birthdays come when I was having a miscarriage. When we were moving. When we found out some really difficult news about Brian's job. It was just a really hard time.

It's okay. It's not selfish for you to adjust and act accordingly to the season that you're in, where you're at in life right now. If you need to keep it to close family members, ask everyone to come over, order pizza and just hang out. Have a cake and some ice cream and sing to your kid for their birthday. Let it be a nice family night.  

Number five is have the party. Just keep it simple. Let go of these Pinterest-perfect, super, super themed parties that are inconvenient and draining for everyone involved.

I had a birthday party for Leland’s first birthday. Leland's my second born. So, this was like six years ago, seven years ago. It was superhero-themed.

I was a totally different mom back then. I went crazy, way above and beyond. I built a cardboard city. I had cut out strips of comic books to make a banner - actually out of comic books - we decorated it like crazy. We went way outside of our budget and really financially hurt ourselves that month.

And I was a mess. I was a psycho, you guys. I was in such a bad mood. I was yelling the whole morning of the party. A couple of close friends come over to help me set up. I was on the verge of tears. I was snapping at everybody. I was just not myself. And that's what I remember about my son's first birthday party. It really wasn’t fun.

He doesn't even remember it, thankfully. It really sucked. It wasn't fun.

I don't know if you guys can relate to that story, but I never wanted to repeat that again. That was actually right before my minimalism story kind of started. So, I decided, “You know what? I think simple is better for everyone.” And so, I started to keep things simple.
_______________________________________________________________

Hey friend! It’s Allie! Have you heard of the Supermom Vault yet?

The Supermom Vault is a library of inspiration I created for you. It holds replays of my very best online workshops that aren’t available anywhere else, tons of really actionable pdf’s that are downloadable with just one click, more than 20 audio and video trainings from me, and professionally designed printables for your home to keep you focused and inspired.

The Supermom Vault is only $39.00 and is available at alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

Check it out! It’s a really good simple start.

Want more inspiration than just the podcast? Do you wish there were more episodes? Want more details? Do you want videos? Do you want pdf’s?  Do you want to download things and get your hands on something to really get you started when it comes to minimalism and simplifying your motherhood?

This is definitely the place to go!

Check it out! Alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

_______________________________________________________________

We just had Hudson's birthday party and it was great. It was super simple. He wanted a theme.

And on that note, while we're talking about this, we have been out of doing birthday parties for a while. We haven't had an actual big birthday party in a few years. It's been a really nice break. We were traveling. We had lived out of state for a little bit. We weren't really around friends and family. We took a nice break from the traditional birthday parties and this is how we came to have all these different ways to make birthdays special without parties. It was just a really nice break.

But this year Hudson just said, “You know, mom, I really want a party. Is it okay if I have a party?”

And I said, “Of course, what do you want to do?” He wanted to have a Ninjago-themed party. For those of you who don't know, Ninjago is a Lego thing. It’s a movie and a show. It's these little Ninja guys. The boys (Bella too) just really love it.

And so, he really wanted to have a Ninjago-themed birthday party and I said, “Sure.”

And it was actually really fun. We ended up doing a “no gifts” birthday party. I haven't done that since Hudson turned one. There's a blog post about that. I'll link to it if you want to read about how to do that the right way without seeming like a jerk. Why you would or wouldn't want to do it. Why we never really do it; we did it this one time and haven't done it in five years.

It was just really simple, really good and wholesome. He had a really great time. He knew about the “no gifts” thing and had just wanted one or two things. My mom got him one thing and I got him the other thing. It was really great.

We did do a themed party. I ordered a couple of themed decorations from Amazon ahead of time. They came in the mail and were hanging out in the closet way before his party, which is really not stressful for me. We ordered a simple-colored, themed cake at Target and put a couple little Lego Ninja guys on the cake to decorate it. It was super simple.

We hung lights in the backyard and had some balloons. The kids jumped on the trampoline, played games and ran around while the adults hung out and talked. It was a really good time for everybody.

I think if you stop thinking about it as a “birthday party” and feeling the need to provide all of this entertainment, candy, gift bags for the end of it, piñata, and amazing Pinterest-worthy cupcake tower and all of that performance anxiety that comes with it (just let it go), and think of it more like hosting a barbecue in celebration of your child being born, it kind of shifts your perspective.  That's what we do now.

So, we grilled, had food, drinks and punch. We didn't really have anything “themed” in terms of games and stuff. We just let the kids play. They were allowed to show their friends the Nintendo Switch and they played video games for a little bit. They played outside a ton on the trampoline. They ran around upstairs. They built Legos at the table together. We had cake and food and everyone just played.

The kids were creative and played together and the adults talked and hung out in the backyard. It was just so fun. It was just like having a summer barbecue. It was really wholesome and good.

I think sometimes if we step outside of the “birthday party performance anxiety mom mentality” and just let ourselves plan a good time, it's different and it's better.

There's nothing against having parties, but just keep it simple so that you enjoy it.

It’s a big day. It's the celebration of the day you became a mom, either for the first time or the fifth time. It’s the celebration of a new life and it matters. It's big. Somebody new was born into this world. A World Changer was born and we're celebrating that. We’re not performing or impressing and I think that's the key.
_______________________________________________________________

This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

 

Ep 046: How to Pull Out of A Midday "Funk"

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You know that feeling when you fall into a funk midday. Maybe the morning sucked. Maybe it just hasn't been a great day and you fall into this place of “blah.” All you really want to do is eat candy, sit down and Netflix hard. You feel like this and you really don’t know why. As moms, we have things that really need to get done. We have to make sure everything is functioning. We've got a lot on our plates and it's important that we're energized and ready to take it on. But sometimes when we're just not feeling it and if we give in to those feelings, things may fall apart and our family will definitely feel that. I have developed some things that helped pull me out of that midday funk state of mind. Because that's really all it is; it's a state of mind! I am so excited to share my tips with you and hope you find them helpful when you find yourself in a midday funk!

 
 

In This Episode, Allie Discusses:

  • The importance in recognizing that a midday funk is a state of mind and that you can totally do things to change it.

  • How to create a fresh start for yourself in the middle of the day.

  • The control that you have in how you respond to the external things that are outside of your control.

  • Ways you can avoid falling into the temptation of things that don’t serve you well during a midday funk (ex. Netflix, emotional eating, etc.)

  • The freedom that comes from realizing that every single thing about your life right now is just a season. This funk will pass.

Mentioned in this Episode:

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This is one of my favorite free downloads! It's basically a list of the things you can do to pull out of a midday funk.  It has a list of my favorite happy dance songs, a list of my favorite scriptures and affirmations for a bad day, and three links to funny videos if you need to laugh in the middle of a bad day! I really think it's going to help you guys!

 


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If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to.  I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days.  I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it.  Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and i know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood.  I’m Allie Casazza and this is the The Purpose Show.

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Hey friends! Welcome to another episode of The Purpose Show.

I am going to talk today about that feeling when you fall into a funk midday. Maybe the morning sucked. Maybe it just hasn't been a great day and you fall into this place of Blah. All you really want to do is eat candy (maybe that’s just me), sit down and Netflix hard. You feel Blah and you don't really even know why. You fall into a rut in the middle of the day.

I'm just going to call it a funk, but I think we all relate. We all know what I'm talking about. Maybe there’s a nutrition reason for it, but you run out of energy and feel bummed out. You don't feel like doing what you have to do the rest of the day.

I think most of it is probably just repetitiveness. You have your things to do and you're just doing your mom thing. Maybe you work, maybe you don't. Maybe you're at home or out, whatever. But wherever you are and whatever your lifestyle is, I think sometimes we fall into this place of getting in a little rut. Sometimes they can even last longer than a day.

I want to talk about getting into that midday funk where you feel, “Yuck! I can't go on.” You don't want to do what you have to do. The thought of making dinner and getting the kids homework going just makes you cringe. You just don't even know how you're going to do it. We're going to talk about that today.

I have some things that I want to say first.

First of all, this happens to me still. In the past, I thought that it was because of my lifestyle. You know, I was a stay at home mom. I didn't really have much of an outlet outside of that. My husband, Brian, was working crazy long hours and the day was just so long. I had to wake up in the morning and start the day with the kids by myself because Brian was already gone. Or he would travel for work trips pretty often, so he may have been out of state or something. And then I had to do the entire day - dinner cleanup, baths and bedtime routine, getting the kids in bed, all of it – all by myself. And it was really hard.

There's a lot of other things that are way harder than that. But that was really hard for me, especially in this season that we were in. Financial struggles that were super heavy. Our kids were very young and little and we were in the “having babies” stage of parenthood.

I was often pregnant and tired and it was a really tough time. And I thought it was just because of that.

But, you know, now Brian and I have worked hard for years to get to our version of “an abundant, flourishing life” where he has left his job and we work together every day. We homeschool the kids and our family is together a lot. We don't have to work crazy hours doing something that we don't like or on something that doesn't feel purposeful. Everything is a lot simpler and definitely easier and happier.

But I still get like that sometimes. Doing the same things again and again, no matter what your situation is, no matter what your finances look like, no matter what excess stressors you have on your plate, I think just being a mom and doing the same kind of things throughout your days gets you down.

I developed some things, especially back in the time that I was just talking about of my stay-at-home motherhood, that really helped me cope with that. The fact is stay-at-home mom or not, I have things that are my responsibility. I have things that really need to get done. I am an important person in my family and you are too. We've got things we've got to do. We've got to provide food for the kids. We've got to cook it, we've got to serve it. We've got to make sure everything is functioning. Most moms are the backbones of their families. We've got a lot on our plates and it's important that we're energized and ready to take it on.

Sometimes when we're just not feeling it, if we give in to those feelings and give in to that, “Oh, I'm just exhausted” and we just don't do it, it kinda sucks. Things will fall apart. Our family will definitely feel it.

I definitely think there's some days where you need to throw in the towel, order some pizza, call it a night and go ahead and just relax. Maybe you need to snuggle up with your kids and turn on some Netflix that you can all enjoy. Just sit together and “be”, and let the house go for tonight. I definitely think there's a time for that.

But sometimes you just can't and you really need to suck it up and keep going. That was my situation. It is now still, but especially back in my stay-at-home mom days. It was hard. I needed to keep going and I felt like I couldn't.

So, I developed some things that helped me pull out of that midday blah funk state of mind because that's really all it is. It's a state of mind. And I think that's actually the first thing I want to talk about. If you just realize that the state of mind, it takes away a lot of the power from it. Realizing that this is just how I'm feeling. This isn't actually happening me. It's not a fact or reality. It's just a state of mind where I'm at right now, mentally and I can do something to change it.

Step one, realize that it is a state of mind. Realize this is just how you're feeling and you can totally do things to change it.

Something must have happened, whether it's really blatant and you totally can name it, (well my kid did this, or this broke, this got ruined and that ruined my day), or you can't really name it. You just don't feel great. Whatever it is, realizing that something caused your state of mind to shift to this funky place, that's a really good place to start.

Another tip that I would have for when this happens is changing your scenery. Go for a walk, with the kids if you have to. Pack up the kids in the stroller. Let them get their scooters or bikes or just walk or run in front of you. Get out of the house. Change your scenery. Go for a walk.

Take a drive. That's another really good one. What I always loved about taking a drive is that the kids are strapped into their car seats so it's better than a walk because they're not running around crazy. They can't really move. They're in their seats and that's that. You can blast some music, roll the windows down, let it out, sing, and get out of the house. Feel the wind on your face. Just be out and not have to worry about your kids. Bonus if you have a TV in your car. Turn the TV on for them and just think. Be by yourself. Listen to a podcast with one ear bud in or something like that.

Get out of where you're at, wherever you are. When you're feeling that you've got that mid-day slump happening, get out of it and change the scenery. Go do something else.

I think walking is really beneficial. The act of moving, getting the blood pumping through your legs, getting out and walking is really good, but it can sometimes be more stress than it's worth.

I recently saw that a mom tagged me in a post where she was saying that she was really having a rough day. She wanted to hit the refresh button. She walked around her driveway. She was listening to the podcast and pacing around her driveway because she just needed a break. She needed to get out. She needed a change of scenery. She was having that midday slump and she needed some inspiration. She put the kids down for a nap and she walked around her driveway. I think it's really cool because she took action.

She did what she had to do. She took care of herself and changed her scenery. She knew what she needed and she went and made it happen. Instead of letting it be an excuse, “Well, I'm here with the kids and I can't leave. I can't wake them up. This sucks. I'm just going to watch Netflix.”

She was proactive. She listened to The Purpose Show. She got some inspiration and encouragement. She walked around, but she was still near her kids where they were safe. She fixed her problem.

Sometimes, we just need a change of scenery. We don't realize we have been home all week, all day just doing the same thing again and again. Break it up. Forget the chores. Leave the dishes for a second. Go and change your scenery.

The next thing I want to talk about is how getting into a midday slump is a state of mind.

I want to talk to you about something that's really powerful. I've mentioned this a couple of times elsewhere, but this may be new for you. It's been so powerful for me and every time somebody hears about it, they say the same thing and that it really blew their mind.  

Speaking of state of mind, I think we always get into this place of “Oh, tomorrow will be a fresh start. Tomorrow's a new day. I'll start this diet tomorrow. I will get caught up on the housework. It will be better. I just need to sleep tonight.” Or whatever. We get into this “tomorrow mindset” and that's exactly what it is. Tomorrow has a mindset of its own. Tomorrow has its own state of mind. Who's to say that you can't just “borrow” the state of mind of “tomorrow” and create that fresh start for yourself anytime you need it.

Have a fresh start in the middle of the day. You can create that for yourself. The sun does not have to set and then re-rise for you to have a fresh start. You can take the mindset of tomorrow and have a second start of your day right in the middle of the day. I used to do this all the time. Sometimes I still do. It's super helpful.

What is it about tomorrow that gives you a “fresh start” state of mind. How can you capture that? Maybe you get the kids busy for a second and you go sit in your closet and just breathe deeply. Say a prayer. Think about all that’s happened during the day that's made it a totally sucky day and let it go. Look at it, acknowledged that it happened, and then just let that issue go.

Stand up. Shake yourself off. Put a little more mascara on. Go downstairs and get your stuff done because it is a new day because you needed to be a new day and you're calling it. It is a new day. I have a fresh start. You're taking that mindset of tomorrow's fresh start and implementing it now when you really need it.

I was talking to my mom about this before I recorded this episode. We were having this conversation back and forth about when you get in that midday slump as a mom, especially when your kids are young. She was talking about something else I think is really powerful and that is realizing that you can't really control what's going on on the outside. I mean, in some ways you can, but not really. But you have complete control over what's going on inside of you and what your response to things is.

I know that may sound a little cliché and kind of annoying when you're having a hard day. “You have full control over how you're responding to this.” It can be really irritating. But really, that's empowering and doesn't have to be irritating. It can be super empowering and encouraging. Realize that this day has not gone very well. This happened. That happened. Those are all things that I didn't have control over. Maybe you did and you can realize that. If your child is having a meltdown or something tipped over and broke, you can't control those things. They already happened.

You can control how you respond. You don't have to let it upset you. You can talk yourself “off the ledge” so to speak. I think a lot of these things are realizing this is just a state of mind. This is how I'm feeling right now. This isn't my actual reality. This is how I'm feeling right now.

These things going on are outside of my control. I can only control my responses. I'm going to choose to respond positively. You know what? This has been a totally crap day. We’re going to bag it, throw it out and hit the restart button right now. It is now a new day starting now. Then, move forward and continue to stay in that mindfulness and that place of positive responding no matter what else happens during your day.

Then also realizing that this whole thing is temporary. Every single thing about your life right now is just a season. Your marriage will shift and everything will ebb and flow, so if you're having a hard time and it is a bad state in your marriage, it will change.

Things are always changing. Your kids will get older. Things will get easier in some ways and harder in other ways. Everything about your life is just a season. I think we get so caught up in the little bubble of our current reality that we burn out. We forget that there is a much bigger picture, a much bigger world, a much bigger purpose happening here. As much as today might suck, it is totally temporary. Everything about our life right now is just a season and it's going to shift.

What are the good things about this season? What can you choose to enjoy? What can you be acknowledging that this is a season and then be super grateful for that and dreaming of the day where you can let it go, like maybe you’re potty training or something like that. Just that realization can be really huge.

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Hey friend! It’s Allie! Have you heard of the Supermom Vault yet?

The Supermom Vault is a library of inspiration I created for you. It holds replays of my very best online workshops that aren’t available anywhere else, tons of really actionable pdf’s that are downloadable with just one click, more than 20 audio and video trainings from me, and professionally designed printables for your home to keep you focused and inspired.

The Supermom Vault is only $39.00 and is available at alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

Check it out! It’s a really good simple start.

Want more inspiration than just the podcast? Do you wish there were more episodes? Want more details? Do you want videos? Do you want pdf’s?  Do you want to download things and get your hands on something to really get you started when it comes to minimalism and simplifying your motherhood?

This is definitely the place to go!

Check it out! Alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

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Another thing I want to say is find the funny in whatever is happening. I love to do this. I don't really think of myself as a very funny person, but I love to laugh. I only watch funny TV shows. I love to laugh. I love making other people laugh. I love being sarcastic and getting people to see the irony in things and just make them giggle. I love it.

A lot of the time if you are having a totally bad day, stop for a second and look around. Maybe your toddler's running through the house and he doesn't have any pants or underwear on. That's special. How did that even happen?

Maybe your baby woke up from his nap. He had gotten into his diaper and there's poop smeared all over his crib. There's Cheerios spilled downstairs. You haven't done the laundry in a week and everything is completely crazy.

Just stand there and legit crack up at the reality of your life. Honestly, motherhood is so hilarious. There are so many things that are just taken as normal because it's “mom life.” If you really stop, stand back and look at it, it is so freaking funny. Laugh at whatever is happening, if you can at all. Laughter is the best medicine, right?

If you have a little humor, it makes you such a good mom. Laugh if you can at all. Look at the funny and find it in whatever is happening around you.

And then I also want to say, OK, this is big for me, like preaching to myself here. Whatever you’re tempted to do when you're in a mid-day slump or you're finding yourself in that weird, yuck, blah, funk state of mind, it probably doesn't serve you.

So for me, I'm always tempted to emotional eat. Emotional eating. Grab some junk food, candy or something that's not good for me. Then plop on the couch, watch Netflix and let the kids go play. That sounded bad like a terrible mom, but you guys know what I mean?

Basically, you're avoiding problems. Look at the situation. If you feel really “Yuck! I just can’t do this day. I don't know how I'm going to go all the way till bedtime by myself. I just can't do this. I'm just so done. I'm so exhausted. What is it that you are tempted to do? Is it to binge eat? Is it watching Netflix? Is it to avoid your problems? What is your natural reaction? Don't do that.

Realize what it is. Realize what you actually want. You want to avoid your problems and just start over tomorrow. You also want an endorphin rush. This is what has helped me with emotional eating, which I'll talk about another episode. But what you really want is an endorphin rush.

When you give into emotional eating, when you plop down on the couch, ignore all the stuff, veg out, and turn on Netflix, you're giving yourself an endorphin rush. If that's what your body needs right now because it's just feeling blah, how can you get that in a productive way?

I'm going to say something here, so if you've got littles listening turn it down or something, but there are a couple ways to get an endorphin rush when you really need it.

First of all, eat something healthy instead and drink a butt-load of water.

Go for a run even in your house. Do high knees and jog with high knees through your house. Your kids will think you're psychotic and they'll get a kick out of it. You get that exercise endorphin rush.

Sex. You can have a nooner, go for it girl. You do you.

Get that endorphin rush in a way that is going to be protective, helpful and serve you because that's what it really is.

Realizing… What I am tempted to do right now is (insert whatever you're tempted to do).

Using my examples. For me, I just want to be, “I'm starving. I'm done. This day sucks. I don't have the energy to do this day. I just want to go and get Del Taco for everybody for dinner so I don't have to cook, binge eat a Burrito and fries and then turn on The Office on Netflix. Let the kids play in the backyard and just forget everything else I need to do today.” I'm avoiding my problems and I want an endorphin rush because I'm feeling blah.

Turn it around on its head. How can you get that in a productive way? If you need to take a cat nap, take a nap. Set a timer for 25 minutes. A 20-minute nap is scientifically proven to really help you in the middle of your day.

Actually, if you like coffee, drink a cup of coffee and then take a 20-minute nap and that is apparently like a powder keg of re-energizing yourself. I do it all the time and it really works. Do that.

Take care of yourself; I'm not saying to just plow through. But look at what you're really wanting in the “psych part.” What do I really need here?

Find a healthier way to get that.

So I can't believe I said nooner on my podcast. Can we just acknowledge for a second that I said that?

Anyway, you guys can see what I mean. You can turn this around any way you want. If you wanna just take a walk. If you need to work out. If you need to do Yoga. If you need to turn on some loud music and have a dance party. Find a way to get the endorphin rush. Find a way to avoid your problems temporarily and then come back to it through a nap or something.

Look at the heart of what it is that you are tempted to do because this day is not going well. Look at why you want to do it and then find a better way to get that.

The dance party example leads right into my next tip, which is call a total time out with your kids. Blast the happiest music you can find and have a living room dance party.

This seriously, feels like the last thing you want to do when you're in a midday funk, but it's so good for you. It's so good for your kids. It's so good for you guys as a family. “You know what I am just calling a timeout. Guys, this day is not going well for us. Everyone's attitude is just in the tank. We've got a lot to do. Mommy is tired and cranky and I want to go get a Burrito, but I shouldn't do that. So, we're going to turn on some good old- fashioned vintage Taylor Swift and we're going to have a dance party and go for it.”

I actually created a really fun free download for you guys that goes with this episode. In it I list my favorite living room dance party songs. So, if you need suggestions, you can find them there. And I'll tell you guys where to find that at the end of this episode.

So anyway, super fun. It really helps. You’re getting that exercise and you're getting an endorphin rush. You can feel it. If you guys have Alexa in your house, turn her all the way up to volume 10 and ask her to play your favorite dance party song. It just reverberates in the whole house. It's super fun. It's just so freeing. So good. It's a really good break in the day. Super fun. Just know it's totally normal if you're like “this is literally the last thing I feel like doing right now.” Do it anyway. It's good for you.

The next thing I want to say is maybe a little bit more practical. Look at your to do list and take something off of it. For example, maybe you can order out instead of cooking; just get something healthy, if you are a binge eater.  

Simplify whatever you can about your day. Look at it. What really has to get done today?

I just did this yesterday. I was coming off a really productive week. Then I had a restful weekend. My Monday was going OK, but I just felt blah around 11:00 AM. I still had to homeschool the kids. I still had seven big work tasks to knockout and it wasn’t going to happen. I looked at my to-do list and I found three things that just really didn't need to be done that day. And I let them go. I pushed them to other days. I took a coffee nap and I did the other things and it was fine.

So how can you do that? Is there anything that does not absolutely have to get done today? How can you simplify your to do list? If there's nothing, then find a way to simplify the things that have to happen.

Take the dinner example, you have to feed your family. You can't let that go. Right? But you can simplify the way it's done though. You can let them have a cereal night. You can order take out. You can go out to eat. Find a way to simplify what it is that's left for your day.

The next thing is read scripture or positive affirmations or words to literally change your mentality in the moment. You guys know if you've been around me or listen to the show for more than two seconds, how big I am on the power of what you think and what you say.

Use this to your advantage. Again, in the download that goes with this episode, I've got a list of a few of my favorite things to read or say out loud when I get like this. Use it.

Read powerful scripture.

Come up with something positive. “This is just a state of mind. It's just how I'm feeling. This isn't a reality. My reality is abundant. Look at these precious babies around me that are making me want to go crazy and lay in the street until the bus comes by. They're beautiful people though and I love them. This life is so good. I'm just overwhelmed right now.”

Speak life and call it like it is. Change the story you're telling yourself about your situation.

The last thing that I used to do, still do and would encourage you to do when you're in a midday slump is watch a funny video for a minute.

It's a total mood lift. Again, I’m linking to my favorite ones in the free download in the show notes. Oh my gosh. There is this one where, oh my gosh, you just have to go see it. There are a handful of videos that I have saved on my YouTube app on my phone. I will literally go and just open it up and watch one of those. Total mood lift. It's hilarious.

If you can't find the funny in whatever's going on in your life, find the funny somewhere else. Watch a video that just makes you crack up every time. Everybody has videos that they think are extra, super hilarious, but nobody else really gets. Find those and save them for yourself. Save the links to those videos in your notes app on your phone for easy access. Find a way to laugh and give yourself that happy that you need today.

OK, so this download that goes with this episode is one of my favorites. Don't be offended by what I titled it. I had to. It works and it’s perfect and amazing.

The next time your day totally goes to hell in a handbasket, look at this list. It's basically a list of the things that I told you today in the podcast. I know that you listened to the podcast and it's encouraging and inspiring, but then you kind of forget about it.

It's a printed out list of all the tips I gave you. It has a list of my favorite happy dance songs, a list of my favorite scriptures and affirmations for a bad day, and three links to funny videos if you need to laugh in the middle of a bad day. It's totally free. Just click the button and get it there. It's great. I really think it's going to help you guys.

I hope that you all feel like you are not alone when you get into that mid-day slump state of mind. It's so normal. We all get like that. Sometimes you have to accept that it is what it is and do what you can to respond to it better instead of wishing that you didn't struggle with that. Or beating yourself up for feeling blah when you have such a great life. It's OK. We all get like that.

I really hope this helps you guys and be encouraged. I love you guys. I love sitting here and talking into my microphone encouraging you.

I will talk to you next time.

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This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

 

EP 045: Body Confidence with Jenna Kutcher

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We often look at the media and other people to tell us what we need to be and how we need to look. But in doing that, we create this false narrative in our minds that we aren’t enough, that our bodies aren’t beautiful, and that we aren’t worthy. And these narratives are far from the truth! We should be confident in our bodies … they can do incredible things! Body confidence isn’t just waking up one day and being like, “I am perfect, I am whole, I am complete.” It's really looking at those limiting beliefs that we've had in our brain and paying attention to that dialogue that we're having with ourselves every single day. Body confidence is about honoring your body, fueling it and not punishing it.

Jenna Kutcher is an entrepreneur, wedding photographer, and uses her social media platform to discuss personal things, like marriage, body image, and more. She recently went viral for a vulnerable and honest post about her own body confidence journey. She is amazing at wearing what she wants and not what other people think she should wear based on her size. She's beautiful, confident and I hope she inspires you on your own journey to body confidence.

 
 

In This Episode, Allie + Jenna Discuss:

  • How to find balance between loving ourselves and our bodies and still keeping the motivation to be healthy and make positive changes.

  • Embracing the seasons where you aren’t as confident in your body (ex. postpartum).

  • The value in accepting your body for what it has done for you and loving it for that.

  • How to love the body you have instead of focusing on the body you want.

  • Ways we can encourage others to be confident and love their bodies.

Mentioned in this Episode:

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Want more inspiration than just the podcast? Do you wish there were more episodes?  Do you want videos? Do you want pdf’s? Do you want to really get you started on minimalism and simplifying your motherhood?

In the Supermom Vault,  you will receive replays of my very best online workshops (not available anywhere else), tons of actionable PDF's, downloadable with one click, more than 20 audio & video trainings, and professionally-designed printables for your home to keep you focused & inspired! 


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to.  I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days.  I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it.  Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and i know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood.  I’m Allie Casazza and this is the The Purpose Show.

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Hey friends! I am over the moon excited to share today's guest with you. Jenna Kutcher is an inspiration to me. She is one of the very, very few podcasters and people who I pretty religiously follow online. I listen to her podcast. I've listened to almost every episode and I really can't say that about anyone else. I'm pretty picky with who I really follow and I just love her. She's such a light in this competitive, unkind world and I really respect her.

I wanted to have Jenna on the show to talk about our body image, loving ourselves, and treating ourselves well. Jenna is amazing at wearing what she wants, wearing what she feels good in and not what other people think she should wear based on her size. She's beautiful and confident and she's such an inspiration.

This episode is really, really great and I'm so excited to share it with you.

So, let's dive in!

For those who don't know Jenna, she does a lot of things. She mostly talks about business and that's why I mainly follow her. She talks about marketing and running your online business really well. If you're doing that, are aspiring to do that, she's a great person to follow.

She's also a wedding photographer. She takes beautiful photos.

She speaks very pointedly and beautifully about personal things, like marriage, body image and all of that. So, let's dive in to talking about body image with Jenna.

ALLIE: Hi Jenna! Welcome to The Purpose Show! Thank you so much for taking time to be here.

JENNA: Thanks for having me, Allie!

ALLIE:  We're going to dive right in because I've got a load of questions for you from my Instagram audience and I really am curious to hear your answers.

You talk about a lot of things, but we're here to talk about body image. Specifically, self-love and getting over that self-consciousness that I think especially circulates around this summer season.

You have said that you struggled your whole life with your weight and insecurity surrounding that. I know myself and many of our listeners can definitely relate. Can you tell us a little bit about what exactly that has looked like for you over the years?

JENNA: When I was three years old, I started as a gymnast and my entire childhood was wrapped up in the sport of gymnastics. Unlike normal girls, I would go to school and then I'd get picked up off the bus and I'd go practice until 8:30 at night. We were really in it; it was intense and amazing, and it was probably my best memories ever.

So, growing up I was a very structured girl. I worked during lunch to get my homework done because we didn't have time to do it at the gym. I ate my meals at the gym and that gymnastics group was like my family.

From a very early age I was very aware of bodies because here we are in these Lycra leotards every single day being told to point our toes and suck in our guts. And we're tiny. We're just these tiny little humans.

When I was about 15, I had a bunch of foot injuries while being a gymnast that sidelined me. And it was like my body caught up to all of the years of working out. While I was in a cast, I gained weight. I got boobs. I got hips.  

I went back to the gym after I had healed and suddenly my feet could touch the floor from the balance beam and I realized I had grown a lot in a very short amount of time.

I remember being a kid and really watching the way that my mom ate.

She did Weight Watchers all the time where she would cook our family a dinner, but then she would just eat a little bowl of cottage cheese. I realized that we, as women, are supposed to be different. We're not supposed to eat the way other people eat.

It was never intentional. My mom is amazing. But seeing her constantly on a diet created this idea that we need to be dieting. So, when I caught up with my body, got boobs, got hips, got my period, finally, when I was 16 ½, I realized, “Holy crap, I need to control my body. I want to be skinny again. I want to get back.”

Following my gymnastics career, I became a diver. I dove through all four years of college. Again, I was stuck in spandex every single day of my life with my body on display. Going to college, I gained a lot of weight and it just was such a struggle.

Looking through the last 10 years of my life, I believed that lie that you have to “shed for the wedding.” I was so tiny on my wedding day, I remember barely eating before it and then being so excited about my honeymoon because I could eat again.

A lot of these unhealthy behaviors followed me into my twenties. I think that when you're a kid you're like, “Someday I'm going to figure this out and this is going to be normal and I’m not going to be dieting and I'm not going to have disordered eating.” But I think that as women it follows us as long as we let it.

When we were married for about five years, we decided we wanted to start a family. That really started my journey with my body because we suffered through two miscarriages, two in two years.

And I hated my body. I was so mad. I was blaming myself for the loss. I thought I did something wrong. That was when I really disconnected from my body intentionally because it didn't feel like home anymore.

The last two years have been so hard, but they've also been probably the most healing years because I've really had to pursue that relationship and what it looks like. I've decided to share that journey with the world, which for better or for worse, has been an adventure. It’s something that I feel is never a destination that I'll reach, but something I'm working towards.

ALLIE: Yeah. I love that about you. We were talking a little before we recorded about some of the comments and messages that we see. It's like, “Okay, what is going to happen if I share this thing, this big controversial thing I'm going through?” I respect you for that so much.

I want to say when you were talking about disconnecting from your body intentionally, I love that you admitted that. For my own self, I've had miscarriages as well, but with my children being born, they all - no matter how much I tried - I did so many things to try to have natural deliveries and I ended up with cesareans for all four of them. And there's this war that you may find, soon, that is this war of womanhood and strength that “I did it and it was so beautiful and empowering” and I'm just kind of here like, “okay.”

I really beat myself up for not being able to. I mean, getting sawed in half is hard to, but I'd beat myself up. I definitely disconnected from my body after the third time and I got depressed. I really had a hard time with what my body had failed to do and it felt like it betrayed me. I feel like that's kind of in the same wheelhouse as what you were describing. What's wrong with me if you're not gonna do what you're supposed to do?

I stopped taking care of myself. I just didn't care anymore. Recently, over the last maybe couple of years, it's been this journey of “Well, what would happen if I accepted my body, loved it and took good care of it instead of worrying, obsessing? I just love that you exude that.

You recently went viral for your Instagram post, which I understand. I’ve shared it and you’re probably tired of talking about it. It was about being married to this super muscular fit, health-conscious hubby of yours, and that for a while enhanced your insecurities in a lot of ways. Can you tell us a little bit about that part and how you've overcome that and where you're at now?

JENNA: My husband is awesome. He's so freaking handsome and we've been together for the last 10 years. The crazy thing that I think of is we met in our teens and now we're 30 and to see the different journeys we've been on, both together and separately, has just been crazy. My husband kind of got coined the term within our friend group as “Mr. Six Pack,” which is hilarious because he's so much more than just the six pack. But it's true. This man has abs for days.

And so, one thing that I've really struggled with is I went from being an athlete my whole life to not knowing where my identity lied. Then my identity got wrapped up in being this business owner, which means sitting behind a computer for long days and really glorifying that “busy.”

I look at my husband and the way that he treats his body, the way that he works out, the way that he prioritizes and I don't have that strength. I will not eat a Kale smoothie for breakfast no matter what you put in it. And so, I've always felt this guilt around it because he is just so routinized and so clear on what he wants and what he does. And I feel like I'm that way with my business, but I'm not that way with my health.

And so, when you put your life out there - and for us, we are in Hawaii part of the year living in swimsuits - I write this narrative in my head that, “you are not worthy to be with this man.” I tell myself that as we're walking along the beach, people are judging me and wondering what he sees in me.

And these are all narratives that are not true. People probably don't even glance twice at us. But I think that all of us as women can relate, that we're telling ourselves these stories that are the worst stories we've ever been told. And we're living in these narratives that are just cycling over and over and over again until we really believe that that's our truth.

And so, when a stranger slid into my DMs and brought up that question of, “why do you deserve a man that looks like that?” it just brought everything back to me of the story that I've been telling myself. It tricked me into thinking that if she's thinking that, how many other people are thinking that?

When I posted about it, I truthfully didn't think anything of it. I like to call out the haters, and just really shed some truth and spread some grace for people that like to slide into DMs. So, it wasn't anything out of the ordinary.

But what I think became of it is that so many women, whether we're telling ourselves that we're not worthy because of the amount of money he makes or the way he looks, or the way that he provides, or whatever that story is, we can all relate on some level of just not feeling worthy.

Going viral is the craziest experience of our lives. It was something you cannot prepare for and cannot prepare for the aftermath of it.

All in all, we're really thankful that it was a positive story with a positive look at marriage because I think that our culture really needs it.

ALLIE: I want to know how you would answer this question that came in when I poled everybody, which I love. And it was, “How do we find that balance between loving ourselves and our bodies and still keeping the motivation to be healthy and make positive changes because, sometimes the fact is you just don't feel very good, and you want to make those positive changes without getting super down on ourselves. How do you kind of balance that?

JENNA:  I love this question because I think that one of the biggest misconceptions about body positivity is that you’re content or complacent and I don't think that body positivity is either of those things. What I've worked so hard to do is to honor my body, fuel it and not punish it. I think that for so long I looked at working out as this way to punish myself for the food I ate or for the exercise that I didn't do. I looked at food not as fuel, but either as a coping mechanism or a way to hold myself back and prove that I have self-control.

It was this really unbalanced relationship with both and becoming kind of a figure in the “curvy world,” which I'm a size 10 so I'm really not plus size and I'm really not that straight size. I'm very in the middle.

I want people to know that just because I'm in this place of being a curvy woman, I am still working to be the healthiest version of myself.

When we went through our fertility stuff, I had to eliminate gluten from my diet. I had to watch caffeine. I had to make a lot of lifestyle changes. But when I was looking at them it wasn't as a diet, it was, “How can I fuel my body in a way that actually gives me energy,” and kind of changing all of that.

I think that there is a way to love yourself just as you are. I think deep down in our guts we all know what the best version of ourselves would be like, what that homeostasis feels like, when we feel most energized. I think that we all need to move towards that and not a number on the scale or a number on our pant size.

ALLIE: Yeah, absolutely. I love that. And I think too, accepting your body for all that it’s done for you. Even if there have been “failures” or “disappointments” like miscarriage and c-sections and things not going the way you wanted. Besides from having babies, even health stuff.

I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 17 and that was the first time I remember feeling like, “Well, this sucks.” Surgeries and needed things like that just accepting it and thinking, “Okay, how can I respond to what my body is telling me that it needs in a way that will fuel it and energize it, instead of just hating on it.” It's so sad how natural that is though, how natural it is to go that way.

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ALLIE: I think we understand like the idea of accepting your body for what it's done for you and loving it for that, but what does it look like to actually do that? To change that narrative? I almost think of it like affirmations. It feels kind of funny to stand there and say, “I am beautiful. You look great girl.” How do I actually do that?

JENNA: Well I think something that I struggle with in the body positivity movement is that people are trying to sell it like it’s this sweater you can buy and put it on and suddenly you feel great. But for those of us who are being warriors in this, it is choices every single day, and a struggle every single day.

To be honest, I think it is the hardest journey I've ever been on, harder than building a business or suffering loss. Choosing to really figure out “What does coming home to my body look like?” And then “How do I choose that every day?”

Even today I was on a walk with our dogs. I haven't been working out like I normally have and I looked down at my legs and I thought, “These legs are strong; they are carrying this.”  

For me it's been a lot of dressing for the way that I am right now, not the way that I want to be or the way that I should be. Getting clothes that I feel good in and that I'm not hiding in. That has been huge. I think that so many of us hide or we try to hide these areas of our body.

When I started to look and say, “I want to feel good, therefore I need to buy clothes that make me feel good and clothe myself in them.” That's been a big thing. I think not looking for other people's approval in that and doing the hard, inner work that's necessary to get there.

One of my friends Erin, she runs the account, Raw Beauty Talks. It's an awesome account if you're looking for body positivity. She does some online coaching with women. When we went through our second miscarriage, she said, “I feel called that I need to work with you. I really want to give this gift to you.”

I think it was eight weeks, once a week, we would get on the phone and we would talk about things. How do I feel after I binge eat and what are some of these issues that I'm having? Every week I would bawl my eyes out because it was things that were tied so far back in my life that I just haven't wanted to deal with.

And so, I think that with body positivity, it's not just waking up one day and being like, “I am perfect, I am whole, I am complete.” But it's really looking at those limiting beliefs that we've had in our brain and paying attention to that dialogue that we're having with ourselves every single day.

Even today. I put on a Bra. It was too tight. I felt suffocated. And I was like, “Oh my God, I can't do this! Can I go braless? What's going to happen today?”

It's so funny because you have to retrain yourself and say, “It's not because I'm fat; this is my body. I just need to choose something better.” And change those conversations.

But man, it is hard and it is not something you can buy. And it is a choice that you need to dig into some of that hard stuff that you've buried in order to get to where you want to go.

ALLIE: Yeah, absolutely. I've had a hard time with this. I wanted to bring it up because I'm with you. I wouldn't do this with anyone else. I was raised very Christian modesty – “modest is hottest” was the mantra.

I don't need to get into the whole thing. I see the value in that and especially as a teenage girl. But there's this type of swimsuit that I have been wanting to wear so badly and it's super cute. I bought one when I was not taking care of myself and I bought it in a size smaller because I know my “normal” when I'm not binge eating, and it fit and I'm so happy that I got there.

I was going to San Diego for a work trip and I told myself, “I'm going to bring the suit and I'm going to do it. I'm going to put it on. I'm going to feel confident.” It was a one-piece that goes down the upper midriff. I was so excited and I felt so good in it. I thought, “I'm not gonna worry about my thighs touching and rubbing. I'm so excited.”

I felt so beautiful! And right away somebody did an Instagram story and I was in it. I got tagged and then I immediately received a message from somebody and they said, “I just want you to know that I'm unfollowing you because you're a fellow Christian and you’re being so slutty and immodest and embarrassing.” And I went into myself like, “Oh my gosh.”

And I was going on Instagram to check something while I was out at the pool with my friends and I saw it there and I just was like, “Oh my gosh.”

It just broke me.

I don't even know what my question is here, but what would you have to say about the way women talk to each other? I know that that must have come from something in her, and not about me because “you do you” and like, “leave me alone?” If you don't like that, then don't wear it.

It was this shaming and the way she said it. The words she used were so cutting. And it really brought me down. I'm over it now, but at the time it just sliced me.

What can we do to encourage others and how can we change this? Do you know what I mean?

JENNA: Oh yeah. I had somebody a while ago say, “We talked about you at our Bible study and we don't believe you're a real Christian because no real Christian would show up online in a bra and underwear that is only for your husband.”

It’s things like that where especially when faith gets pulled in that it's like, “Holy cow, this is way deeper than just calling somebody fat or whatever you want to do.”

But for me it's been this journey of understanding that I have a very limited amount of energy and where can I put that? People don't talk about it, but if you get one bad comment and a thousand good ones, you will remember verbatim that bad comment for the rest of your life. We remember things from our childhood that we hold on to. That’s the way that our brain works because it's something we think we should fix.

Going viral, our bodies are talked about. My marriage is talked about. My husband is talked about. Our lives are being talked about by people who don't know us, who don't follow us, who don't care about our mission.

But I think too, it was so cool. Yesterday I posted something on Instagram and all these people are commenting on it. Then all of the comments started becoming this encouragement factor of other followers encouraging other followers.

We have to lead by example. I think that as women we're taught that other women are competition. For me, I check out more women than I check out men, and I'm a straight female, because I'm constantly sizing myself up against them. “Oh, my arms are bigger than hers, but my waist is smaller than hers” because that's what we're taught.

We look at magazines; we look at advertisements. We look at the way that the media tells us what we need to be.

When it comes to women cutting other women, I always respond to those. I know you shouldn't. I know you should let the haters hate. But to me, there is something deeper going on and it's my job to say, “I recognize that you're hurting because you're trying to hurt me and I just want to pray for you.”

Sometimes people turned it around and some are like, “nope, still hate you,” and you're like, “all right, letting you go.”

I think that we, as women, we carry so much baggage.

When I was working with Erin, she asked me, “Which parts of your body hurt?” I said, “My shoulders are really sore.” And she said, “It's because you're carrying so much weight.” I think that we have to learn how to remove those bags and really figure out what's worth carrying with us.

It's generally not those comments, but hey, that is some freaking hard work that nobody talks about.

ALLIE: Yeah, for sure. It's enough to make you want to think maybe this whole blog thing isn’t worth it. Pack it up; I’m done. It's so terrible.

And like you said, when the faith is brought into it, it’s invasive and incredibly hurtful.

My last question for you is in the realm of motherhood and what our bodies go through. On your personal note, you've had miscarriages. You're currently pregnant. Your body goes through so much, no matter how far into the pregnancy you get. With whatever changes you've seen in yourself, how do you mentally, I guess, treat that type of change? Because it's really out of your control, but it changes it so much. What is your mindset with that?

JENNA: Both times we were pregnant and miscarried, we made it to 10 weeks. I was so angry because in a year's time I'd been pregnant for 20 weeks with nothing to show. And ya’ll know, the first few weeks suck. I was so frustrated. I gained weight. My boobs were fluctuating like crazy. I was angry because I had gone through all of this. Then you have the physical reminders of what is no longer. It was this battle of up and down, and up and down.

Now that we're pregnant again and I have been so sick and so it's been really hard. And the thing that drives me bananas about this is I am so thankful, but this has been hard.

And as somebody who loves to go a million miles a minute, being forced to literally slow down to nothing has been a challenge.

I am super thankful to be partnering with some different companies like Aerie throughout my pregnancy to show the transformation that our bodies go through. But to talk about it because already, I mean my boobs are giant and it's changing everything. My pants don't fit. You go through these narratives in your head of, “Do I really need to buy another size up?” “What does this look like?”

My body is never going to be the same and it doesn't belong to me anymore. And it's just so crazy.

I think one of the most beautiful things is nowadays I think that we're finally going in a direction where people are being more honest about your body post baby.

There are some amazing celebrities leading the way, like Jessie James Decker. That woman is awesome, just posting her postpartum body and saying this is what it looks like. This is what's going on. And there have been some campaigns that really walks through that.

I think as a woman it's our greatest gift and we recognize that, but it's also like we're being robbed of who we are and where our identity lies. We're really being challenged. Can I love myself through this? Can I love my body through this? Knowing that my body will never be the same, can I still come home to it?

I don't have the answers on that yet. I don't know. My belly button is getting stretched right now. I feel like I don't even know what it's going to look like after this whole ordeal is done.

I'm actually really excited to share this journey with women and to talk through it because it's going to be a bumpy road literally with cellulite and all those things. But it is such a blessing. I think that it's going to be another hard thing that we’ve got to go through together.

ALLIE: Yeah, for sure. And I think it's ridiculous that there's been so many years, decades even, of hiding what happens after you have a baby. We can't do anything about it. You can rub lotions and coconut oil and all these things and it doesn't matter.

I didn't have any of those “pregnancy things” until my third, who ended up being the largest baby born in our state without pregnancy issues. I had no diabetes and he was 11 pounds. I remember coming to after the surgery and saying, “why is there a toddler nursing on me” and my husband cracked up.

He wrecked me. I had hanging skin from being stretched so far. I swore the whole time he was twins. “I'm telling you they’re wrong. There’s two in there.” And there basically was.

I had that hanging skin, that “mom pouch.” I remember feeling like I needed to hide it and being in a wedding right after he was born and wearing double Spanx sweating to death. I don't remember anything about my best friend's wedding except that I was miserable because I wanted to look good.

I just had my third baby who broke records. I think I can have pouch.

It's so sad and I just think it's so ridiculous. I love women like you who are saying, even outside of pregnancy, just with our bodies period, that this is BS.  

This is how it goes. We can't really do much about it. And you can take care of yourself and energize yourself, but it is what it is sometimes. We shouldn’t be having to hide it or wear pants at the beach because we're embarrassed. It's a joke.

So, thank you for what you do. It's so important.

Okay guys, we're going to let Jenna go. I am going to link to everything. I would assume you're going to point everyone to Instagram to find you?

JENNA: Yeah. Just hop on over there @JennaKutcher. I'm doing a lot of really fun body positivity and just real talks about body stuff over on my feed. It's my favorite work to do because I think it's the most needed work in this world. So, join me over there.

Thank you so much for having me, Allie.

ALLIE: Yeah, sure. Thank you so much!

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This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

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Ep 044: Coffee + Questions with Allie

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Welcome to this month’s Coffee & Questions segment here on The Purpose Show! The Coffee & Questions segment is a time where I answer ... I always physically have a cup of coffee with me because it feels super fun. It feels like I am sitting down with my friends, having coffee, and just…chatting. That’s what I want my show to feel like, especially this segment. If you asked a question, this is a time where I may answer it. So, sit down, cozy up, get a cup of coffee, and let’s chat!

 
 

In This Episode, Allie Discusses:

  • Simple ways to entertain guests as a minimalist.

  • How she reads so much in the busyness of life and what faith-based books she is enjoying right now.

  • What courses to start with if you are ready to dive into simplistic living.

Mentioned in this Episode:

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  • WANT TO DECLUTTER YOUR HOME?

You buy stuff with your time, not just your money. Less clutter equals less stress and more time. It's as simple as that! Your Uncluttered Home is my most popular, globally-praised decluttering course, designed for moms who want to live their lives more than they clean up after it. It's truly the A-Z of minimalism - every room, every area of your house, totally uncluttered. 

This super extensive, extremely detailed course is literally everything you need to become a minimalist mama who's able to be a lot more present for what matters most. This truly is the ultimate when it comes to my philosophy and implementing it into your own life.


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Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Hi beautiful friend! Welcome to this month’s Coffee & Questions segment here on The Purpose Show! The Coffee & Questions segment is a time when I sit down with 2-4 questions from you. You guys ask questions in many different places – email, Instagram Messages, Instagram Comments, Facebook, all of that. I have my team help me pull a few select questions and I answer them once a month. This is a time where I always physically have a cup of coffee with me because it feels super fun. It feels like I am sitting down with my friends, having coffee, and just…chatting. That’s what I want my show to feel like, especially this segment. If you asked a question, this is a time where I may answer it. So, sit down, cozy up, get a cup of coffee, and let’s chat!

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Okay, let's dive in.

Question #1: How do you entertain as a minimalist, especially when your kids want to have friends over, but you don't have an abundance of toys or space? I technically don't need 15 coffee mugs, but what if I have friends over and we all want coffee? It seems like it can get expensive to always have disposable stuff on hand.

This is a great question and I'm really excited to answer it.

In Your Uncluttered Home, especially, I teach you how to make minimalism work for you, and I talk about this a lot in all of my free stuff too. You have to make minimalism work for you, who you are as a person, and how you use your home.

For me, hosting is a huge part of who I am and how I use my home. I love being hospitable.

Those of you who have been around for a while might remember when we bought a camper and renovated it. We traveled the country for about seven or eight months. The reason we didn't go a full year, which was the original plan, was because I couldn't take not hosting anymore. I missed having a home base. I missed having a “regular home,” having friends over, being the one who hosted for holidays, decorating. Opening up my home to people who needed a friend, who needed to come and vent. Or have a cup of coffee with somebody who needed prayer. Hosting book club and Bible Studies. I missed that so much. It was the biggest, number one reason that we didn't complete our goal of a full year of full-time camper living and traveling with the kids. It's huge for me, so I totally understand this question.

I absolutely have extra cups and more coffee mugs that I need for that very reason. I am always the hostess for family events. I host something in my house multiple times a month all the time. The only reason you will see me not hosting is if we are sick or something.

Thanksgiving is at my house. Christmas is at my house. Weekend barbecues. Memorial Day. Everything is at my house. The only holiday we don't host at our house is 4th of July because we have a different tradition based on going to a park in our area with a bunch of friends at our church.

I love hosting. It's a huge part of who I am. This is also one of the biggest reasons that Brian and I prioritize our home financially. Putting money into the outdoor space with lots of seating, making it really beautiful and welcoming. Using the front room and forcing an extra living room in there even though our house wasn't really designed to have a front living room and a main living room. We made it work and made sure we had extra seating and sofas in two living spaces because we like to host. This is why we wanted to create a welcoming space and we're happy to open up to others.

It's a huge part of our family and our legacy. We love being hospitable. You'll often find us saying, “Oh, why don't you guys just come over this weekend and we can talk about it.” We love hosting.

We have two coffee machines for this reason. We have a lot of things that are circled around opening up our home. You have to make minimalism work for you. If you don't, if you like to entertain, and purging certain items will make that difficult or more expensive for you, then why would you do that? Why would you let those things go?

If you do that, and in that case then what you're doing is getting into this sort of legalistic minimalism, which is focused on following a set of unwritten rules and letting go of things because you technically don't need them, and because you think that you should let them go. Not because it isn't serving you and you know it's right for you to let it go.

You've got to know yourself. You've got to know who you are, what you like to do, what lights you up, how you use your home.

Even if you aren't super hospitable like I am and like the person who asked this question is, if you have kids, they're going to have friends over every now and then most likely when they're teenagers. We all want to be the place where the kids hang out, right? So we can keep an eye on them? If you don't have any extra things it's just not a reliable way to live.

This is why I have a whole lesson on this in Your Uncluttered Home where I talk about having extras. But if it really bothers you, if it's really creating more work for you, if your family is pulling out the extra mugs, cups, and making more dishes for you, then store those things in another place separate from your regular dishes. Pull those things out when it's time to host something.

I totally understand. And that's what I would say to that question.

Really quick note on the part about “I don't have an abundance of toys for kids to play with when they come over.” That doesn't matter.

We have a limited amount of toys. We definitely have toys. I've shared before that we have a bin of Legos in the homeschool room. We have a toy bin that we purchased at Ikea. (I think they discontinued it. I always get questions about our toy bin. I think it's gone because I can never find it to tag it for anyone.) All the toys fit in there. The kids will go into the kids’ room and pull out the toys and play swords.

I will tell you this. What normally happens when we have a playdate and we have friends over, is the kids will go upstairs and they'll kind of explore. You know how it is when you go to somebody's house and your kids want to explore? What's their house like? What toys do they have? They will go up there and they'll either pull out something, make up a game or story, and play “imaginary play” like my kids do all day, every day, or they'll end up playing outside and not really using toys.

I have found that because I have four kids and they're used to playing this simplified way of playing, that they pull their new friends into the way that they like to play. But, we do have toys and they do get played with when friends are over.

If you have like a “toyless existence,” I don't really know what to tell you because we just don't live that way. We just have less.

It's not really a problem when friends come over.

Question #2:  I noticed you seem to be reading a lot of faith-based books right now. (Yes, that’s true.) What are they? Do you mind answering?

When I read I like to bop around by topic. For a certain amount of time I might be really into reading about business and growing my knowledge in that area of my life. And then next it might be faith-based books. Maybe next would be parenting, marriage or personal growth.

I bop around by topic and I'll get really into a certain area of my life and read a bunch of stuff on that topic. Then when I feel I'm burnt out focusing on that area of my life, I'll move onto the next. That’s just me. It's just a natural way that I take in books and content. It isn’t something intentional that I set out to do.

Here are some books that I've been reading right now.

I just finished Man, Myth, Messiah. It's a book much like The Case for Christ. I don't know if you guys have ever read that. It's really famous. It's a book that dives into the historical facts that prove Jesus existed, and prove who He was. I've been really interested in diving deeper into my faith. I was raised Christian. I went to a private Christian school. After I graduated high school I was at a point where I needed to decide if this was going to be my beliefs for myself, and not because I was raised that way and I went to a Christian school. I went on this little mini journey of finding God for myself.

I did and I continued to live the way that I was raised. But lately I've been interested in learning more. I want to know the facts. I've been really interested in diving into that area of my life. So I read Man, Myth, Messiah in paperback, and it was great.

I'm currently reading God's Not Dead, which is actually the Prequel to Man, Myth, Messiah written by the same author. It's really good. You may have heard of it. They turned it into one of those super cheesy Christian movies that I have not seen. I cannot stand those movies. I think they're so cheesy. I'm glad they're making them, but wow, the acting, I just can't handle it, so I'm reading the book. It's really good.

I'm listening to an Audible book called Poverty, Riches and Wealth: Moving from a Life of Lack into True Kingdom Abundance. It's basically a biblically-based book about wealth, money, money management and all that, which is something that I am always seeking to be more wise about.

Question #3. Can you share how you read so much in the busyness of life? It seems like you have so much going on, yet I always see you taking on a new book. Please share how you do this.

Absolutely. First of all, you have to understand the season of life that I'm in. I did not read this much when I had tiny babies and when my husband was working at his job, which I always say it was a 9-5, but it was not. He would leave at 5:30/6:00 in the morning and he wouldn't come back until after 10:00/10:30 pm sometimes. The earliest he would come back was at the kids' bedtime. So, I did not read this much back then. I didn't really do audio books back then either.

Understand the season that I'm in. Brian is home with me. We run our business together. We share the homeschooling load. We share the house load. Our kids are older. Emmett is 3-years-old (at the time of this recording, he’s 3 ½ , so I'm kind of out of that psycho season).

I've always been a reader. I've always been a bookworm, but it was a lot slower than it is now. The reason that I read so much is that I let myself. I gave myself permission to let go of this weird rule I had set for myself of not reading more than one book at once. I used to only read one book at once and I wouldn't let myself start a new book until that book was finished. I realized it was weird.

I put that on myself. I think that's actually really common. I've heard a lot of people say they do that. It was really holding me back from reading because sometimes I don't want to pick up that particular book. I want to pick up a different book. I let myself have a couple of books I bounce around between and they sit on my coffee table. Whatever I'm currently reading is either in my purse, because I take my books with me wherever I go, or it's sitting on my coffee table. I'll pick up one of the two books that I've got going on. They're usually around the same topic, the same type of book. I'll read as I can.

I read for about 20 to 30 minutes every single morning as part of my morning ritual. I shared that in an earlier podcast episode, which I will link to in the show notes if you guys are interested in that. I definitely get a chunk of reading done then. If I only read then I would still read a lot and I would still plow through my books pretty quickly. That alone could be a reason why I read so much.

But like I said, I bring my books with me everywhere. If I have a second, if Emmett falls asleep in the car, I will sit for a little bit and read my book instead of getting in the house and unloading him, hurrying up and coming inside to get onto the next thing.

I think with minimalism comes a slower-paced life. Even though I'm very busy, my life is incredibly full. My days are stacked with my morning routine, then I get into the work day. I have house stuff to take care of. I homeschool my kids. When there's baseball season, we have baseball. We have horse lessons. Then making dinner and getting the kids in bed. My days are stacked.

Even with all of that, there's a slower-paced lifestyle that we have because we've simplified so much. That's the way we are as a family.

I would say one of the biggest reasons that we do homeschool our kids is because we wanted to have a slower-paced life. When our kids were in school, we were always dropping off somebody or picking up somebody at different times and it was just crazy.

It was really a lot and it just didn't allow for a very slow-paced life. We felt like we only got a couple hours with our kids each evening and those couple of hours were full of homework, cooking dinner, going to baseball practice, and going into the next thing.  

We really didn't like that.

With this slower-paced life, there's room for things. Room for, “You know what, the kids are happy. I'm going to sit in the car for a few more minutes and read a few pages.” I'll take my kids to the park and I'll bring my book and sit on the bench and read a few pages. Then I'll go play with them and we'll go home. Maybe I need a second to myself in the midst of a crazy day when I'm feeling like I'm losing my patience. I'll tell Brian, “Hey, I'm going to go upstairs for a second and just breathe.” I'll bring my book, read a page or two, catch my patience again. Then come back downstairs and finish the day with my family.

I'm kind of sneaking it into my life throughout the day, but the biggest chunks of time are my half-hour of reading in the morning as part of my morning ritual, and sometimes I will read instead of watching Netflix.

I always have an audio book going at the same time as whatever paperback book I'm reading. I listen to my audio book every morning while I'm getting ready. So, with my morning routine, I have my quiet time and I do Pilates, read a book, read my Bible, and I have my prayer time and all that. But after I make sure the kids have had breakfast, make sure they're good, I go upstairs and I get dressed for my day. I'm doing makeup and throwing my hair together. It's usually only like 20 minutes. I will open up my Audible APP and I'll hit play on whatever audio book I have.

Right now my audio book is Poverty, Riches, and Wealth. I just finished a book called Jesus Feminist on audio and I listened to that every morning while I got ready. 20/30 minutes of getting ready, sometimes it's just 10/15 minutes depending on the day, but a chunk of time every single morning listening to an audiobook, I get through it pretty quickly.

That's how I do it. I have a lot going on, but I still make time for reading. I think it's really important to read. I teach my kids that too. Reading is power. Books are our power. Knowledge is power. It's important to always be growing, always be learning about a different area of your life. It’s important to not stay stagnant, but always be learning, growing. I think reading is the way to do that.

Those are the little tricks that I do to take in so many books all the time.

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When you buy something, you buy it with your time. With minutes from your life. Not just with your money. Studies show us that less clutter equals less stress and more time. It is really as simple as that.

This was the founding reason that I created Your Uncluttered Home. It has become my most popular, globally-praised, decluttering course that I designed for moms who want to live their lives more than they want to clean up after it.

It is truly the A-Z of minimalism. Every room. Every area. Every nook and cranny of your house totally uncluttered. This super extensive, extremely detailed course is literally everything you need to become a minimalist momma who is able to be a lot more present for what matters most.

To learn more about the course, go to alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

This really is the short-cut version. The exact journey that I took as a mom, 5-6 years ago, that got me to this point of an uncluttered, minimalistic motherhood where I am spending the least amount of time on my house every day.

Motherhood is just way too sweet a time to be spent struggling so hard and living in survival mode day in and day out.  Our stuff is really the cause of that.

If you want to start this lifestyle, if you want to simplify your life… I believe that it all starts at home.

Simplify your life.  alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

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Question #4: I love your teaching and I want to go all in. Which course is best to start with and why?

This is a really great question. I think it's one of the top five most asked questions. I see this all the time in my Facebook group. It's really popular. I'm happy to finally give this an answer.

First of all, if you go to my website and you click the courses tab at the top, there is a video explaining the differences between each of my courses. I have a breakdown of a picture and the title of the courses, a little bit of a quick recap of what they are. And then if you scroll down, you'll see a video of me and I am explaining the differences between each of my courses because I want to be super clear.

I want you to know what you're purchasing, know what you're enrolling in and know exactly what you're getting.

Each course has its own separate “about” page where you can read more details about exactly what is this course, what's in it, and where is it going to take you? Who are you going to be when you come out of it? Because if you go through the entire course and you do what I'm saying, you will be a completely different person. Who are you going to be when you come out of this course?

My courses are legit. They are serious. It's a deep, deep dive into each area of your life. If you think that my free stuff is helpful, if you really like the podcast, if you really like my blog posts and the free downloads, you have no idea how much of a serious dive into all this stuff the courses are. It is a heavy, serious power punch to your life. You will be different if you go through those courses.

I want you to know what you're getting into and I explain each thing in the video and on that page.

Also, I have designed my courses so that you can start anywhere. You can start with any of them. It just depends on where you're at and what's popping out at you more. If you look at the description for Unburdened and you're like, “wow, I really feel like this is really where I'm at right now” and it's just kind of speaking to you, enroll in that to start with.

If you're reading about Your Uncluttered Home and clutter is a huge, huge, huge drain on you right now and that's just where you're at, that's where you should start.

If you just kind of want to see who I am, maybe you're new and you don't know what I'm all about. You just want a little taste of something and you don't want to spend too much money, then try the Supermom Vault. That's why I designed it.

It also depends on your budget. The courses are all priced pretty differently and the prices of my courses reflect how deep of a dive they are and how much you will get out of each one. So, if you're able, I would always start with Your Uncluttered Home because I believe it all begins at home. It did for me in simplifying my entire life six years ago. It all started at home and it's a domino effect from there, but it could start somewhere else for you.

I'm just telling you, I know for a fact that if you start with your home and you simplify your physical clutter you will be changed. Science shows us, my life has shown me and the lives of thousands of other women all across the globe who have done Your Uncluttered Home, have shown me that if you start at home, you are setting yourself up for success. You are changing yourself on the inside and that affects everything - you're eating, your relationships, your calendar, your schedule. All of those things are affected by how you simplify your home.

A few months ago, I introduced “course bundles” and that means that I take two courses that go really well together and I create a bundle price, where I put them together and I slashed the price. So instead of getting Unburdened for $69 and Your Uncluttered Home for $200, I will slash Unburdened down by like 30/35 bucks and you're getting them both for $230.

Does that make sense? It's not a buy one get one, but it's close and it's a lot less. So, if you're going to get multiple courses, you don't really know where to start and you have the budget, you can just bundle it together and get two at once and start wherever you want or do them both at the same time.

One quick side note that I do want to say. This question isn't in here, but it's directly tied to the last question and I get it a lot. The way to start with my courses is once you enroll in something, just start listening. There's always a “start here lesson” at the beginning. Start there, watch that video, listen to that audio, get that content in your brain and just start listening.

Maybe you can replace a book with my course, do what I do and listen a little bit every morning, even just five minutes. Just get through the lessons. Start taking in the content. Then what I always tell beginners who have a really full life - maybe they have a baby at home, they work a lot, they are just really busy, really overwhelmed - take one week and spend 15 minutes every morning listening to the course. Then the next week, take that 15 minutes and apply what you learned last week, every day for 15 minutes every morning. That's it.

If you can get in an hour, if you end up doing 30 minutes instead – great! But just have the goal. Set a timer for 15 minutes, listen to the course every day for 15 minutes for one week. Then the next week, take action on the course for 15 minutes every day. Just 15 minutes. Start there and keep that pattern of every other week taking in the course and the weeks in between taking action on the course and you will slowly, but surely change your life.

And really that's not that slowly. That's a lot. It's going to go quick and you're going to see a huge difference in yourself, your home and your life.

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This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

 

EP 043: ADD/ADHD + Motherhood with Chelsea Reinking

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Minimalism has so many benefits. You hear me talk about them all the time! But one of the benefits that I haven’t talked about yet is the positive impact minimalism can have on ADD. Living with ADD amplifies the feeling of being overwhelmed by a never-ending to do list and expecting perfection 100% of the time. But when you clear your space, you free your mind of striving too hard. Believe it or not, physical clutter adds to the struggle of being able to focus!

This issue is super close to my heart and it was a true honor to sit and talk with fellow-mama Chelsea Reinking. Her journey with ADD and motherhood  is empowering! Whether you struggle with ADD or not, I believe you will find great value in listening to this episode.

 
 

In This Episode, Allie Discusses:

  • How ADD or ADHD can affect you as a mother.

  • The difference you will see in your quality of life when you clear your space of physical clutter.

  • The correlation between physical clutter and your ability to focus properly.

  • Things you can do to immediately break the mental cycle that ADD traps you in.

  • Tactical tips to help you refocus when you feel overwhelmed.

Mentioned in this Episode:

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WANT TO DECLUTTER YOUR HOME?

You buy stuff with your time, not just your money. Less clutter equals less stress and more time. It's as simple as that! Your Uncluttered Home is my most popular, globally-praised decluttering course, designed for moms who want to live their lives more than they clean up after it. It's truly the A-Z of minimalism - every room, every area of your house, totally uncluttered. This super extensive, extremely detailed course is literally everything you need to become a minimalist mama who's able to be a lot more present for what matters most. This truly is the ultimate when it comes to my philosophy and implementing it into your own life.


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to.  I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days.  I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it.  Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and i know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood.  I’m Allie Casazza and this is the The Purpose Show.

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ALLIE: Hey friends. Welcome to another episode of The Purpose Show!

I'm extra excited and really honored to be coming to you with this episode. We're talking about some pretty serious stuff here today with Chelsea Reinking.

She is kind of an amazing mama. She's just finished writing and is about to submit a paper for college on the effects of minimalism on people who struggle with ADD. This issue is close to my heart as my mom struggles with ADD, so I'm really excited to dive in and talk to Chelsea about this topic. Thank you so much Chelsea, for taking time to talk with us.

CHELSEA: Well thank you Allie. I really appreciate it.

ALLIE: You are diagnosed with ADD, correct? And you wrote your paper on the effects of minimalism and ADD. So, we want to hear from you. Can you start with a little bit of a background of your story, what made you want to get into this topic, how ADD has affected you?

CHELSEA: Right. So, I have struggled with learning. I went to public school throughout my whole life. In third grade, I remember having such a hard time with spelling tests. My mom noticed this as well and would seek to get help for me. My teacher said, “Oh, she's fine. She doesn't need any assistance and we'll work through it.” And through that came a diagnosis of a learning disability, which actually didn't get really diagnosed till 2014, when I went back to college when I met with my doctor. It was just labeled as a learning disability and wasn't titled ADHD. With that came not really getting help in the public school system until I got to college. So, it has been such a struggle.

It beats you down as a person when you fail over and over and over again. That is another thing with ADHD emotions, that frontal lobe comes into play when it’s talking about emotional things. You are more likely to feel all the “feels” and cry, so I will try and hold it together.

ALLIE: Do whatever you need to. I don't know if you've listened to a lot of episodes, but I have cried a couple of times on my show. I ended up sobbing during a live stream in my Purpose Society Group last month. What we're doing is important and it's important to us. When I'm talking about my story or depression or PPD or whatever, I get super emotional. I totally understand. It's all good. I think it also helps people understand the importance of this, and anybody who maybe is diagnosed with ADD or ADHD thinks they might have that issue, this is going to communicate in such a powerful way to them that it's okay and there are things they can do to lighten that load.

That's where I want to go with this episode, is just like, “Okay, if this is speaking to you, how can we lighten your load?”

Chelsea, I would love to hear from you. How does ADD or ADHD affect you as a mother specifically?

CHELSEA: Oh, that's a loaded question. For example, when I'm making dinner. My daughter is two years old and she loves her mama. Making dinner for me is a struggle. Following a recipe, getting everything out on the counter and following through with it, finishing the task at hand without burning anything.

But then when you have a toddler or an infant needing you and being called in that other direction, you will completely just want to crack and break and cry and scream. And then especially if you have a spouse at home, maybe doing their self-caring because they just got done with a hard day's work and trying to respect that. All of that anger builds.

So it’s really learning to work through those moments, being able to calm yourself down and have positive self-talk and say, “You know what? If for the next 20 minutes Melanie is crying at my feet, that's okay. Can I encourage her to go get a different toy or something?”

Having minimalism worked in with this as she's getting older, I see how beneficial it is because now when I say “Can you go get a toy or a book,” she knows exactly which one she wants because she doesn't have a million toys to choose from.

And the other thing going back to the kitchen is now I have set it up to work for me instead of against me. For example, a utensil, like a spatula, I only have two maybe, where you could have way more than that. I would grab a spatula that I don’t really like and that one would go in the sink, because I only used it once and decided I wanted another one. So, definitely pairing down on what you have around you eliminates those overwhelming factors.

ALLIE:  Since you brought it up and that's where I wanted to go next, let’s talk about the idea of minimalism and this philosophy of less clutter physically. We talked about this when you interviewed me for your paper - how you were repeating what I'm always trying to get across and I love how you said it - that it's not just about having a clean space, having an uncluttered space.

Everyone always says this to me and it drives me crazy. I know that they mean well, but it drives me crazy when they say it - being organized. It is not about that at all. I'm actually a really disorganized person. I'm a really busy person with a lot going on and you have the same thing and you have the ADD struggle. It's not about wanting to be super organized. It's a fight for survival. It’s a means to a simpler, more abundant life in the middle of chaos.

Can you maybe focus on an area aside from your kitchen, since you already shared that, where minimalism has profoundly impacted you? How have you seen such a difference from clearing your physical clutter to improve your quality of life?

CHELSEA: Right. This one’s very personal. My birth mother died when I was 9-months-old. I was given a lot of items of hers later on in my life. Of course, I wanted to keep all of them, because her mother, my grandmother, had saved these things.  

In 2017, after joining the group that you had on Facebook, I really thought about pairing down more. I went through all the items, worked through all the “feels” and I got rid of a lot of it. Number one, it's not my birth mom. It’s not going to bring her back. It doesn't really keep her memory alive because those memories that are given to me are storytelling from other people, so they are still there.

I did actually keep something longer. This last Christmas, Christmas 2017, I was going through the box of Christmas items and I found the stocking she had made. She passed away in December. She made stockings for us. Her name was Melanie, which is my daughter's name. I'm going to call her Grandma Melanie. Grandma Melanie made stockings with our names on them. I asked myself, “Is this giving me joy or does it just really made me feel sad?” It really made me feel sad, so I took a picture of the two stockings and got rid of them. So not only has that freed space in my home, but it also freed space in my heart. That made sense.

That emotional attachment to things is really just holding people back. And once you can let go of those things, it totally frees you to fill yourself up with all the good in this world.

ALLIE: I love that you used that example. That was so amazing and so personal. I think that it's really good that you did that because there are so many different types of emotional attachment to items.

Personally, we have come through such a difficult time as a family, Brian and I as a couple, from going through poverty and real financial scarcity. Now that we're on the other of that, I will find myself struggling with holding onto things “just in case.”

There's that and then there's widows and people who have struggled with loss, and then your loss of your mom when you were so young. There's so many different avenues of sadness or fear-based keeping things. Everybody has some version of that. I haven't had anyone on the show that has shared that “Oh my gosh, I need to keep this just because.”

Also, I think it's really empowering. You didn't really know your mother because she died when you were so young, and it's almost like out of everybody that I've ever talked to, it seems like you would be the one to really understand that struggle. You overcame that and I think you're amazing for that. That's so, so incredible.

So, you realized the physical clutter was adding to your struggle with focusing. Focusing on what matters. Focusing on what you need to get done right now. It was distractions. Then there’s the emotional level with your mother. Those things were keeping you sad, keeping you back, instead of being able to move forward and be open to the positive emotions of the things that are happening in your life right now.

I was texting my mom about you after we had spoken for your interview with me and preparation for this one. And my mom was like, “Oh my gosh, I'm so overwhelmed. I have so many things I would want to say about that or want to say to her and she sent me this text I'm going to read you.

CHELSEA: Is it going to make me cry?

ALLIE:  I don't know, but it made me really emotional for sure. I was texting her, “I'm crying right now. I'm so sad.” I wanted to read it because it gets the point across. As a person that doesn't struggle with ADD, I think that this gets the point across. If anyone is ADD, it would give them that validation that this is something that can be very normal and common, but you might not even realize you're dealing with.

My Mom said, “I think when you're in the throes of this season of life that you're in right now (talking about raising kids) and you are scattered like I was, you get caught in this vicious cycle of surviving in your daily life, perpetual disorganization, being overwhelmed and then beating yourself up for not being able to get your (I'll say crap) together. So, it's a horrific cycle. I'm just coming off that crazy cycle even though I haven't really been in the complete throes of raising kids for some time because really the struggle is internal, not just external.”

I thought the end of that was really eye-opening for me. Yeah, raising kids is chaotic externally, sure. But that she's feeling like she's just coming off of it…

Some background…I'm sorry, I'm jumping around. I'm the oldest of four and I'm way older than my siblings. My parents had me a few years into their marriage. My mom was struggling with some serious internal stuff from the way that she was raised and so there was a big gap. My parents didn't have any more kids for a while, so my siblings are much younger than I am. My youngest sibling is about to graduate from high school and I'm 31, so there's a pretty big gap there.

I thought it was so interesting that even though she's been out of “the thick of it” for years, that she feels like she's just now coming out of it, because the chaos is internal. She continued to say you make it up in your own head. You can’t focus, so there's extra chaos internally when really on the outside, it should be pretty manageable. Do the laundry, make dinner, spend time with your kids, help them with their homework, get them in bed. But inside it's this mess of distractions and brain clutter.

So, would you agree with what she was like? What would you say to what she's saying?

CHELSEA: 100 percent! It was amazing. Actually, it really reminded me of part of my paper in the introduction. I say living with ADHD amplifies that overwhelmed feeling of the never-ending to do list and expecting perfection 100% of the time. I feel like our brains are just beating us down over and over and over again.

Allie and I actually have very similar stories with our background. My youngest sibling is 9 and I am 30.

ALLIE: Okay. Wow. Even bigger gap. So, you get the big gap thing.

CHELSEA: Totally. It is exactly what she says. For someone that struggles with ADHD

that method of, “Okay, what needs to be done right now? What needs to be done later? And what doesn’t really matter.” We don't have that, because everything feels like “It has to happen now, or else, I'm failing.” It is expecting perfection.

Everyone needs to listen to episode 29, where Allie talks about perfection. I have listened to it now a couple times. With ADHD, it is a struggle of delegating tasks in our mind and really thinking in the moment, “Why am I here? Why did I come into this room? What was I going to do and do I really need to be here?”

Definitely adopting having less around you to distract you when you do that is good.

ALLIE: Yeah. This was eye-opening for me, talking to my mom, and in a couple of ways. First of all, the burden, the way that my mom described how she felt like this, I felt the burden of “if I struggled with that, I mean really, I don't know if I would have been able to have four kids.”

So then in turn that would have directly impacted what I'm doing as a person, my life choices.  My first thought was, “Oh my gosh, I simply could not handle that every minute, that burden, and also have four children.” We probably would have had fewer kids unless I had found some solutions with it. I was so burdened just by hearing her talk about it.

People who are struggling with this it is affecting their lives in profound ways that they may not realize because that's all you know. That's the way that your brain works. If that's all you know, you only know you.

I'm just tearing up as I was listening to you talk because it’s this realization of, “Oh my gosh, my mom did such an amazing job!” I didn't even know that she struggled with that until she told me when I was older, and she was figuring it out when I was in high school.

To encourage you and anybody listening who's falling into this camp, the kids - we think you're doing great. We don't even notice. We don’t think, “Seems like mom can't focus like other moms can.” I never noticed or knew anything. My mom did a phenomenal job; she's the best mom ever. I never knew.

Also, to give hope to you and to anyone listening that has this issue, that I think it is all internal, just like my mom said. It is internal and even your doubts and your fears about what this is doing to you as a mom and your family is very internal.

Sure. There are things that you notice, how mom was a little scattered or she seemed really stressed out, but every mom has that in some way. It’s just a little different for you.

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When you buy something, you buy it with your time. With minutes from your life. Not just with your money. Studies show us that less clutter equals less stress and more time. It is really as simple as that.

This was the founding reason that I created Your Uncluttered Home. It has become my most popular, globally-praised, decluttering course that I designed for moms who want to live their lives more than they want to clean up after it.

It is truly the A-Z of minimalism. Every room. Every area. Every nook and cranny of your house totally uncluttered. This super extensive, extremely detailed course is literally everything you need to become a minimalist momma who is able to be a lot more present for what matters most.

To learn more about the course, go to alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

This really is the short-cut version. The exact journey that I took as a mom, 5-6 years ago, that got me to this point of an uncluttered, minimalistic motherhood where I am spending the least amount of time on my house every day.

Motherhood is just way too sweet a time to be spent struggling so hard and living in survival mode day in and day out.  Our stuff is really the cause of that.

If you want to start this lifestyle, if you want to simplify your life… I believe that it all starts at home.

Simplify your life.  alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

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ALLIE: Okay. Getting back on topic. From that text from my mom, we were texting through and trying to come up with one question that she would want to ask you, just to be a voice for somebody who's struggling with ADD. This is what we came up with: What are some things a person struggling with chronic overwhelm can do to immediately improve their life or to break the mental cycle that ADD traps you in?

I feel like we talked about simplifying and minimalism being that thing, but I wanted to ask you anyway, to open the floor to anything else you want to say or to branch off of that even more.

CHELSEA: You definitely talk about this. In every single episode you congratulate the women listeners that they're taking time for themselves or you say, “Good morning, Beautiful Mama!” and that is the first thing that every single person struggling with this needs to sit down and say, “I am enough.”

The number one thing I think that needs to be done is you need to set yourself down and say these words out loud. Truly intake them. Say, “I am enough. I am beautiful inside and out. I am loved by the Lord. This is my life and I have control over my life. I do have control.”

And then start generating, “What is your goal?” Even taking the simple steps for that day, “What is my goal for today? What will make me feel accomplished?” Work that in. If it is during making coffee. If it is during nap time or during a shower. Making time for yourself.

I listen to this podcast while I'm in the shower because that is really the only time I have for me. Designate that time.

So, there we go. First, identifying a goal. Second, identifying a time and making yourself do it and stick with it. And if you get distracted, that is OK. Refocus your mind.  

ALLIE: Do you have anything tactical or more practical that helps you with that? Like does it help you to write it down and look back at that piece of paper? What was I going to do today? Is there anything that helps you refocus or is it a total mental thing for you?

CHELSEA:  Initially it does start with paper, but that paper is not in your hands all the time. Or your phone is not. Or your calendar is not. So, it really does become a mental game. Especially when I get stressed or overwhelmed, I feel myself side tracking.

This morning for example, we're getting ready. I went into my room three times from the bathroom. I have no idea why. I had to go in there and I had to say this out loud, “What am I doing?” and redirect myself back into the bathroom to finish getting ready. I don't know why I went into the bedroom. That sounds so weird, but for some reason I wanted to stop and do something and go into the bedroom. But I had to realize, “okay, why did I come in here? There’s no real reason, so go back into the bathroom and finish getting ready.”

It does really help to say these things out loud. Just say, “Why am I here? What is my focus, what is my goal?” And then identify those things and then follow through. I think when we hold ourselves to the expectation of making a list every day, it won't always happen. Knowing that you can refocus your brain and tackle what is needed to be done at that time is really amazing.

ALLIE: I just love that so much. I'm trying to sound super smart and add to it and I have nothing to say because I love what you said. It was so encouraging and also practical at the same time. It's easy to talk about grace or talk about giving yourself space and not really give practical advice and you just did both so well.

Oh my gosh, that was so good. I can't wait for my mom to listen to this.

Thank you so much for your time.

Is there anything anywhere that you want to link to or anything you want to say to wrap this episode up? I feel like that was just so good. I just want to end there. Is there anything you want to add?

CHELSEA: Just be kind to yourself today. Give yourself a pat on the back.

Thank you so much for having me here.

I'm actually taking a detox from social media right now. A lot of things that are coming due so I need to stay focused.

I would love to give you my paper after it is completely done and have that available for people to read.

ALLIE: Yeah, we can link to it in the show notes. Definitely.

CHELSEA: Okay, perfect. If anyone has any questions I would love for them to feel free to email me.

ALLIE: We’ll put that in the show notes. Thank you so much for making yourself available. You can just tell you exude passion about this. I think it's very overlooked for mothers specifically, and maybe that's just because I'm not in it and looking for things, but I have never come across anybody who has as much passion, knowledge, care and grace for people who are struggling with this.

I really applaud you for what you're doing and the way you speak on this topic. I'm really honored to have you.  

I hope that this episode gets into all the ears that need it so, so badly.

So, thank you so much again. This was really, really great.

CHELSEA: Thank you Allie. I really appreciate it.

ALLIE: Okay guys, we will link to Chelsea's email if you're struggling and you just want to reach out to her or to thank her for this. Whatever it is, we’ll link to her email address. We'll definitely link to her paper that she wrote when she's finished with. We'll link to all of that so you can get more of Chelsea and all the work she's been doing on this after this episode.

And as always, if this episode was impactful for you, tell us. Leave a review on itunes. Reviews are everything and I always appreciate it.

I’ll talk to you guys next time.

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This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

 

Ep 042: The Importance of An Evening Routine

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What you do in the evening definitely affects how your morning goes. I'm telling you, it's not about you personality type. It's about setting yourself up for success, for joy. It’s about giving yourself the gift of a good solid start to the day, so you can handle what the rest of the day throws at you. So why wouldn't you want to set yourself up for success, right?

It's really important to make all your routines work for you and your life. What works for someone else may not work for you. I hope that through hearing what my (very flexible) evening routine looks like, you find what works for you!

 
 

In This Episode, Allie Discusses:

  • How an evening routine will help ease your morning routine.

  • The importance of making your routine work for you and your life. Don’t feel pressured to copy what works for someone else, because it may not work for you!

  • What a general evening routine looks like in the Casazza house.

  • Simple decisions you can make during your evening routine that will help relieve stress for the next day (What to wear, how to do your hair, when to work out, etc.)

  • How to create your own evening routine.

Mentioned in this Episode:

 

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WANT TO SET YOUR MORNING UP FOR SUCCESS?

What you do in the evening definitely affects how your morning goes. I'm telling you, it's not about you personality type. It's about setting yourself up for success, for joy. I created a FREE guide to help you figure out what you can get done during your evening routine so you can make the next day easier! And you know I am all about making my days easier! 


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to.  I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days.  I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it.  Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and i know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood.  I’m Allie Casazza and this is the The Purpose Show.

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Hey, beautiful! I am going to be talking about having an evening routine in this episode.

I personally think that the morning routine has the most impact. I guess I feel like it's the most important thing when it comes to your routines, because no matter what happens at night, you can always start over tomorrow. Also, for the current place I am in my life, a lot of the time evenings just don't go exactly as planned, and a lot of the time it’s because I'm exhausted. There was a lot going on. I'm running a company and homeschooling. I find that mornings are more in my control.

I've heard some people say the opposite and I used to feel the opposite, so I really think it's just about where you're at in your life. But what you do in the evening definitely affects how your morning goes. So why wouldn't you want to set yourself up for success, right?

It's not that I don't have an evening routine or anything; it's just that I'm really, really big and really rigid with my morning routine. My evening routine is becoming more rigid, but it's definitely something that will ebb and flow a little bit more than a morning routine.

But I've been asked about what our evening routine looks like a lot of times. We do have one, so I'm definitely going to open up and share what that will look like with you today. And then also I am going to get into a little bit at the end of what you can do to create your own evening routine.

This is one of those things where, depending on what type of learner you are, it really helps to look at this on paper and write it out for yourself. I put together a free download for you. You can fill it out on your computer or print it out, depending on your preference. It has a checklist of what an evening routine can do for you and also has some space with prompts to help you brainstorm out loud with yourself what your routine should be. Because everybody's life is different.

And that's the other thing I wanted to say before diving in. I think it's really important to make all your routines work for you and your life. You have a different schedule than I do. You have different things on your plate than I do. You're in a different season of life than I am most likely. But I think it can help to see what someone else is doing and then to copy some things and gain inspiration from other things. I always liked to learn this way, by hearing what someone else does, because it gets the wheels turning for me and helps me find a place, a jumping off point, of what to do for my own self.

Let's dive in. I am going to share what our families’ typical evening routine looks like.

Our evening routine starts after dinner. After we eat dinner - whether we got takeout, cooked a big meal from scratch, or we just ate leftovers, whatever it looks like - after we eat dinner, we start with meal cleanup and the evening routine keeps unfolding from there.

One thing that's important to note is that everybody in our family helps. When our kids were very, very small babies and really, really little toddlers it wasn't this way, but we also didn't really have a super rigid evening routine at that point. It was like survival mode. Now that we have a nine-year-old, a seven-year-old, a six-year-old and a three-year-old, things are different.

Our evening routine starts with cleanup. Everybody pitches in. Even Emmett, the youngest, helps pick things up. (For those of you with really little ones, it gets better and you're not always going to be the one doing everything.). So, like I said, we start with our meal cleanup - dishes (dishes are the kids’ job, I don’t do that anymore, which is amazing) or utensils or throwing away packages if we got takeout that night - whatever it is.

And then general pickup, wiping things down, going through the house and doing a general cleanup. I've shared before that we have a few different times in a day where we do a once-over of the house a 5/10-minute clean sweep because we're a home all the time.

Brian and I work from home and run the business from home. We have a home office. We even work out at home; we've got a gym in the garage. We homeschool the four kids. We're home all the time and there's a lot happening in our house.

For those of you who don't work at home, or homeschool, you don't realize how much mess and life is happening outside of your home when are doing the typical job and school thing. When everything is happening at home, it makes for a lot more mess, so we definitely have normal times of picking up throughout the day. I like to center those around meals, so pretty much every time we eat a meal or the kids will get a snack around 10:30 in the morning. Anytime there's food involved, we'll say, “Hey, I’m setting a timer for five minutes. Everybody pick up what you see,” and everyone picks up.

But at night it's a big, “Okay, let's get the house cleaned up for the next day.” It's mainly the kitchen, the floors, things that might have slipped under the couch, or been set down by Emmett that should have been put away, our entryway and our bathrooms.

It's not like we've got cleaning supplies out and we're wiping down the baseboards, detailing the bathrooms or anything. It's just a pick up. I'm straightening things up so that we're starting the next day with a clean slate. After the kitchen, the dishes are done, the kitchen is wiped down and general pickup is done, we also do the downstairs bathroom one more time.

That bathroom takes a hit, let me tell you. There's a man and three boys in this house and I'm singling them out because I don't care what you say, they are messier than girls. It's the main bathroom. It’s the only bathroom downstairs. If guests are over or if Emmett has to go potty, his little special potty seat that goes on top of the regular toilet seat is in there. There's a lot going on. I definitely, definitely give it a wipe down every time I'm in there because it's always taking a beating.

So, we give the downstairs bathroom a wipe down, switch out the hand towel with a fresh one, and give it another once over to make sure it looks good before we head upstairs.  

Once that's all done then we head upstairs and it's time to get the kids ready for bed with showers, baths, and brush their teeth. For showers and baths, Emmett in particular always needs a bath. He needs a bath every day. If we ever do skip it it’s because we were out and he fell asleep and it's past bedtime and he just goes in bed, but he pretty much needs a bath every single day. He's very dirty. He's just a really wild little guy. He's constantly climbing under things and getting into stuff and he's just a dirty little guy.

Usually, though, I have the older kids on an every other day rotation. Bella will shower while the younger two bathe. And then the next day, Leland will shower while Emmett bathes. Everyone's getting cleaned every other day and that works for us, for where we're at right now. We'll see what happens when they're teenagers and we’ve got all that going on.

The kids use my bathroom. Although we have two bathrooms upstairs, they use my bathroom because our tub is amazing and huge. I put them in there and then I can clean our bathroom. It doesn’t usually need it very much, but I'll run the Swiffer Vac and pick up any hairs that fall on the floor. That’s one of my pet peeves. It's super gross to me when there's hair on the bathroom floor. I'll wipe down the counters. Sometimes we'll get into the cabinets and do a little purge, make sure everything looks okay. It's something productive to do while the kids are getting clean.

If the bathroom is fine, I will fold that load of laundry that I started early that morning if I haven't gotten it done yet. Like I shared in the laundry episode (which I'll link to in the show notes) I start a load of laundry in the morning and then by the time I go to bed that night it is dried, folded and put away. That’s how I stay on top of the laundry.

After all the showering and bathing, laundry or bathroom cleanup is done, the kids get ready for bed. We do teeth and all that.

Then usually we choose tomorrow’s clothes so that it's one less decision in the morning. The kids like to get themselves dressed. I don't care if they match perfectly all the time unless we are going somewhere where it matters. I'll let them choose their outfits. Then we get ready to get tucked in. Story, prayers, conversation, catch up over the day.

Sometimes I'll feel like one kid in particular maybe had a rough day. Maybe they just couldn't get things right, were in trouble a lot, or felt a little disconnected. Then I'll go in there and specifically spend a few extra minutes with them and help get their hearts back where it belongs with me. Speak life over them, pray with them, and whatever's needed there.

Honestly a lot of the time this kind of gets skipped over. We always pray with them, but sometimes it's just been a day and I just need to be alone, so we'll skip the story and just pray together and talk about the day real quick. And then it's “good night” and lights out.

But usually we do spend time at bedtime and it's a really sweet time.

The younger kids go to bed at eight. The older kids go to bed at nine. We have that difference of time and usually though everyone's in their room. I'll say goodnight to the older two, even though they’re not going to sleep yet. They usually go together in Bella's room and read books, talk a little bit, or build Lego's quietly. They have this unwinding time for about 45 minutes to an hour before it's time for them to go to bed. Then Leland will go into the boys' room, with his brother already asleep, and climb up to the top bunk and go to bed at his bedtime and Bella will stay in her room and go to sleep at her bedtime too.

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Do you feel like you are barely getting through your days friend? Does motherhood feel more like a hurricane of chaos that you are just surviving rather than the awesome, joy-filled season that you want it to be?

Well, motherhood is hard. I am not going to lie to you about that. While it is servitude and giving to your family from yourself, it doesn’t have to be something that we are waiting to be over.  Something that we are counting down the minutes till naptime, or bedtime, or waiting for the next day to start. If you are wanting to sort through the clutter in your mind, your heart, your home, calendar, your health, routines, and relationships, I created Unburdened just for you!

It is a guide that will help you go from drowning in the sea of stress and overwhelm, to owning your time and living the best version of your motherhood. So you can live abundantly while intentionally focusing on those who matter most.

Unburdened is the overwhelmed beginner’s guide to a simpler motherhood.

In Unburdened, I will walk you through how to stop over-complicating, procrastinating, and just start making positive changes now. How to declutter, just a little bit – not super deep into it, because you can’t handle that when you are this overwhelmed – but a surface declutter that will get you real results in your house so you can clean up less.

How to declutter toxic relationships in your life and set some good boundaries. How to simplify cleaning, get healthy and feel better – finally!

How to simplify your calendar. How to start owning your time and not just managing it as life happens to you.

How to stop just setting goals and letting them sit there. Start actually defining where you want to go and getting there through reverse engineering and goal-setting.

How to create a cleaning routine that works for you and your life.

This course is a mini-course. It is small. It is straightforward. But it is everything for the mom who feels like she needs a total overhaul, but is too overwhelmed to start.

It will help you simplify the things that have you stuck and leave survival mode behind for good.

Is this resonating with you? Sound like you? Does this sound like something that would really help you right now? Go to bit.ly/getunburdened.

I really poured my heart into this little course. I created it for the mom who is really wanting to simplify, declutter, and pursue a life of less, but she is so burdened and overwhelmed with the mess of life. It’s not just her house. She wants to simplify at the surface of all the different things in her life so she can focus on her family more. So then she can focus more on really, truly purging her entire house.

If this sounds like you, I encourage you to check it out. You are probably the person I created it for. I want you in there. I want it to help you.

Check it out.  bit.ly/getunburdened

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Once the kids are in bed, Brian and I will either finish anything that's lingering in the house if for some reason there's still something left over that needs to be done.

Every once in a while the workload will get really heavy, especially during launches. When there's a launch in our business, it means that we're releasing something new or something not new, but that's been closed. Some of my courses are not available all the time. Maybe they've been closed for months and then we'll reopen it. Different weeks like that in the business are a lot heavier workload. Sometimes the house just gets a little extra behind during those times because we're both working and balancing school, and things get behind for those 5-10 days, depending on the launch.

Sometimes we need to finish up some things in the house or the business. Sometimes we'll pull out our laptops and just sit on the couch together, have a glass of wine and talk, play music and wrap up any work.

But usually we're pretty done and all the stuff during the day has been done. Usually it's very rigid and the same, where we work in the morning and then we balance school. Brian does science, math and history, and I'll do language arts, reading and creative writing and all that with the kids in the afternoon.

Typically, we're all done with everything and we will sit and spend time together, watch Netflix. On Sunday nights, we have our weekly meeting where we go over everything together. So, it just depends on what night it is and what's going on in our lives during that month.

Before I go to bed I usually pick out what I'm going to wear the next day again, just because it's reducing morning decisions. I've shared before - and I feel like it always sounds a little dramatic, but I'm just being honest - I'm really, really an introvert. Dealing with decisions, people, and expelling energy, really has an effect on me. I have to be really, really careful with my energy levels and my emotional wellbeing. I've learned that I am kind of a sensitive person in that way. I have noticed since I turned 30 (I'm 31 now) I really started to just become “okay” with that about myself. I'm just careful with myself.

I try to make as many decisions as I can the night before, so that I start the morning out really well, not having to make a bunch of decisions and things like “What am I going to do with my hair? What am I going to wear? Am I going to work out this morning or not?”

They might seem trivial or like they don't matter, but they are decisions and those kinds of things just drain all my energy. The last thing I want is to make decisions, a bunch of decisions, in the morning and kind of dive into my day, and then before I even really start my work day, I'm already depleted. That's happened before and it's a bad feeling. So, I like to pick out what I'm going to wear the next day and sit it on top of my dresser.

I set my alarm. I make sure that my Bible, my journal, a pen and whatever book I'm currently reading is laid out for me downstairs in the area where I have my quiet time.

I also put my exercise clothes right by the toilet in my bathroom because when my alarm goes off I always get straight out of bed to avoid sleeping in. I go pee and then I will slip on my workout clothes before I head downstairs just because it helps wake me up a little bit more when I'm out of it.

Then I'm ready for Pilates later in the morning, which is a part of my morning ritual most days.

That's pretty much it. I usually go to bed around 10, but it just depends. This past week I have been extra tired. I don't know if you have your husband or kids around, so sorry if you do, but during PMS I am always really extra tired and I just listen to my body during those times. In the morning when I'm doing Pilates, I'll usually choose “stretch” workouts versus “feel the burn” workouts. I listen to my body and just stretch it out, do lots of breathing. It's definitely more like yoga than Pilates during that week. And then I'll go to bed really early.

Actually, as I'm recording this, last week was “that week” for me. I was really tired. I really listened to my body. I hydrated a ton. I didn't have a drink on date night. I'll usually have a drink on date night or a glass of wine here and there at home during the week. I didn't have anything extra. I loaded my body up with water and ate really healthy food choices, even though I wanted to eat junk because “PMS” and I just went to bed really early every night.

I was so tired. One night I went to bed at 7:30. I don't know what it was other than just that PMS time. I was just so exhausted. I've really learned to listen to my body. I'm definitely more of a night owl by nature. I've talked so much about that before. I still feel that tendency. To me, staying up till 10:00/10:30 when I get up so early, is staying up late. When I'm rhythmically getting up early, I can't stay up later than that. It's really hard for me. I don't enjoy it anymore.

I enjoy my quiet time when the kids are in bed. I still get that time with Brian. I can watch Netflix and be alone. If I want to get something done, I can. I can still get that time, but just every once in a while, I don't want it. I'm so tired and I just want to go to sleep.

So, that was last week for me. It just depends. I really believe in listening to your body if you can. If there's not stuff that you have to do, listen to what your body needs and just go to bed if you're tired.

But I will say my evening routine is huge for me because it helps me. It helps me want to wake up in the morning. That leads me into my next section of this episode, which is how you can create your evening routine.

I encourage you to get the free download that comes with this episode. It's Your Simplified Evening Routine. It's a free download. It's really straightforward and it's going to help spell this out for you so you can work through it on your own, instead of just listening to this.

But the biggest thing is to think about what's going to set you up for a successful morning. What do you need to get done before your day gets going? Is there anything that you could do at night instead of using your morning time for it?

I used to get up in the morning and find my workout clothes, get my workout shoes on, look for socks, put deodorant on, groggily go downstairs and then not really know where anything was. I didn't want to be fumbling through drawers trying to find my Bible or trying to find my headphones so I could listen to my audio book. I didn't want the kids to wake up. It made me not want to get out of bed.

To get out of bed at 5:00/5:45/6:00 in the morning, whatever time you wake up, it takes a lot. I do get up usually pretty early. I get up between 5:00-5:45 every morning, depending on the need, how much time I want in the morning and what time I go to bed. And that takes a lot.

And so, I need to want to get out of bed. What's going to do that for you? For me, waking up and making decisions, searching for things, scrambling, that's not going to make me want to get out of bed in the morning. I think that is the biggest misconception about waking up early, that people are not setting themselves up for a morning where they're excited to get up for what's going to get you up.

For me, it’s having that quiet time when the kids are asleep or at least they're upstairs, because we have that boundary set where they need to be in their room playing until it's time for breakfast. They don't decide when my day starts. I decide when my day starts. I decide when their breakfast is served too.

Having that parental boundary, I know that I'm going to get that quiet time. I know that I'm going to get to read. I'm going to be in the Word. I'm going to get time to pray. I'm going to be able to take a walk. I'm going to be able to read a book for 20 minutes uninterrupted. Are you kidding me? That's amazing. Of course, I'll get up for that.

So just write it all out. What would you love to do? What do you need to get done at night to give yourself that gift of a great morning? And again, like I said, what's going to help you look forward to the morning?

For me, another thing is knowing that I'm going to wake up to a clean house, an empty kitchen sink, a cozy space with a blanket, my books, and journal waiting for me to have alone time in the morning and that early morning “quiet” is huge. So, I set myself up for that.

I have a blanket that I got at Target, just like a throw blanket. It's my favorite blanket in the house. I have it slung over the arm of the couch downstairs in the front room where I sit and have my quiet time every morning. It's waiting for me.

I get my mug out and I set it next to my coffee machine. I put a fresh coffee pod in there as well. All I have to do is push the button in the morning. I lay out my workout clothes. I have the house picked up. The bathrooms are clean. Things are put away and picked up. The kitchen sink is empty. The kitchen is sparkling white, clean and ready for a fresh day.

There have definitely been times where I have skipped it and for some reason or another it didn't get done. Maybe people were sick or I was just too exhausted and I chose to go to bed and neglect that. Life happened. It really sucks and I totally, totally feel the difference in my entire day. It’s not just like, “Oh, what a bummer. I woke up to a dirty house.”

It's that my morning didn't get off to the right start and that affects my mood, my mentality and what I do in my morning time. It affects the whole day. It's like a domino effect.

This really matters. I'm telling you, it's not about being Type A because I am for sure Type B. It's about setting yourself up for success, for joy. It’s about giving yourself the gift of a good solid start to the day, so you can handle what the rest of the day throws at you.

If your kid throws up on the way to your doctor appointment. If a kid is playing baseball in the front yard and they break your window. If you get a call that changes everything. If you just end up having a crappy day and nothing really bad happens, at least you had a great morning.

At least you gave yourself that “center time.” And the evening is that catalyst for that great morning.

So, go to the show notes for this episode. It's alliecasaza.com/shownotes/42 and get yourself that free download.

Sit, knowing all of this, having listened to this episode and just work through that free download. Get your own simplified evening routine because it really does matter.

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This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

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