Ep 115: Trial and Error: Ways I Tried to Simplify My Life

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This episode is fun to share. I don't try to simplify everything, but sometimes when something is taking a lot of time or feels a little bit too much, I'll ask myself, “How can I simplify this?”. I thought it'd be fun to see the “bloopers” side of simplifying because there are definitely some things that I've tried that I thought would simplify my life that just didn't. In this episode I’m sharing some of those things and talking about what I learned and how I adjusted. So, let's jump in!

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • The beauty product meant to simplify that turned out to be super complicated

  • How delegating too much in her business has had negative consequences

  • The adjustments she has made to her laundry routine

  • Why prioritizing exercise in the morning wasn’t a good fit for her

Mentioned in this Episode:


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Does motherhood feel more like a hurricane of chaos that you’er surviving rather than the awesome, joy-filled season you want it to be?

Unburdened lightens your load so you can live abundant, well, and intentionally focused on those who matter most! It’s the overwhelmed mom’s guide to a simpler motherhood.


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hey friend! There are things mentioned in this episode that I know you're going to want to look up and links you're going to want to click. So just so you know, you can find anything mentioned in this episode at alliecasazza.com/shownotes/115.

This episode is fun to share. I have been thinking a lot about this. I don't try to simplify everything. I think that the world thinks I try to simplify everything because I'll get questions like, “Where does minimalism and simplicity come in when it comes to this?” And it's like it's my job and I've never even thought about that.

So sometimes you guys are way deeper into this than I am, but I just sometimes think when something is taking a lot of time or feels a little bit too much, I'll try to think how can I simplify this?

Sometimes I do that with something and it doesn't work out, so I just thought it'd be fun to see the “bloopers side” of simplifying because there are definitely some things that I've tried that I thought would simplify my life that just didn't. And then just kind of talking about what I learned and how I adjusted. So, let's jump in!

One of the first things that came to mind when I was thinking about this episode (actually, this is what sparked this episode) is eyelash extensions. Have you guys heard of these? I thought they were super creepy, scary, and would hurt to get put on when they first came out and I was just like, “No! Get away from my eyes!” But then I learned how it works and I saw people getting them and their lashes looked perfect all the time.Somebody told me what a timesaver it was, they don't have to wear mascara, and it was so great. And so, I thought, “Hmm, what the heck? My eyelashes are pretty dark and they're not super short or anything, but I definitely have to put mascara on in the morning and like, that might be cool.”

One girl, this blogger that I follow, she told everyone that her lashes keep her from wearing mascara and she likes that because it's a little bit more natural. She didn't have to wear so much makeup right around her eyes, and they're so dark and full that she doesn't have to wear eyeliner. I don't really wear that much eyeliner or I just do one brush across to make my eyes look a little bit more open. So I was like, “Okay, cool. That might simplify. If I didn't have to do eye makeup that would be great. I’d just do my face, my eyebrows and that'd be great.”

And so, I went in and I got them done. I was all excited and...it was just kind of a bummer. If you sleep on your side or stomach, which I do (I sleep on my stomach usually), your face smashes into the pillow and my eyelash extensions would get all bunched up and weird. I'd have to get this really light cleanser and put it on one of those little eyelash brushes and try to brush it out and it just wouldn't really work right. They looked kind of funny.

And they fall out. Obviously, your real lashes fall out on a regular basis so when they fall out, the extensions fall out because they're attached to your lashes. It definitely didn't hurt or anything at all to get them put on. But the eyelash extensions themselves, they just weren't really working out. They bunched up and they fell out.

There's some that are super intense, like they're really dark. They're just a lot. I just had regular, more natural eyelash extensions, just a little bit darker than my regular lashes. That's what the place that I went to offered. I just didn't really like the look of the other ones because they seemed really fake and just a bit much.

But there were times for date night or if I was going to be on TV or film something that I would want more of a pop and the extensions wouldn't get the job done, so I'd add some, extension-safe mascara. And I was thinking, “Well, now I'm doing mascara.” I don't know, it just wasn't great.

Also washing my face…I love washing my face at night, getting my makeup off, getting in the shower and just washing my face. I'd wash my face and splash it with water to get all the wash off. And what's the next thing you do? You dry your eyes off. I'd have to be really careful not to wipe the extensions too hard so they didn't come off. It was just a lot. I don't know. I didn't like it.

I also noticed that because I got pretty natural-looking extensions (just because that fits my style), my real lashes looked about the same. It just looked like I had a great mascara day and that just wasn't worth it to me. And the cost of the extensions, it just wasn't worth it.

The only good thing that really came out of the extensions is that I now know that they don't work for me. But I also got to know the girl who did my extensions and I really liked her. We became friends and I would look forward to our conversations. She's a really great girl, so that was cool.

But I don't know, I dropped them. I let them fall out. And the girl that does the lashes, she went on a vacation for three weeks and while she was gone, I just decided not to go and find anyone else cause I wasn't super jazzed about the extensions anymore. I just let them fall out.

And while my real lashes were growing in, I wore those magnetic ones (once I figured out how to put them on right. I'm glad that no one was filming that because that was a process). I really liked them and they looked great. I found some natural ones that looked like my real lashes and they were fine. So, now my eyelashes are back and I'm just wearing mascara like a normal person.

But what I learned from this was not everything that seems like it will simplify your life actually will. And that's okay.

Another thing that I have done, this is kind of a general one, but another thing I've done to simplify my life that sometimes doesn't work is delegating too much in my business.

So, I know some of you, we've worked together. I've got some business coaching clients now and I love working with you guys. It's amazing. And I've been talking more and more about business here on the show, on my platforms, and on Instagram and stuff.

One of the biggest core beliefs I have about being a business owner is that I believe that your business should be built around your lifestyle and not the other way around. So, I like to think, “What life do I want? What lifestyle do I want?”

I want to be present with my kids. I want to be able to drop everything, go grab lunch and go out for a midday drive. I want to be able to have Legoland days with my kids and have fun in the summer, fall or winter, no matter what the school schedule is, no matter if they're taking a break from school or not.

I want to be able to take trips and vacations. I want to have the freedom to be a mom and to be present and have fun. And I want my business to support that both in terms of my schedule and my money. So that's how I view things. And because of that, I delegate a lot.

I basically have the perspective in my business of, “Why is this on my task list? Does it have to be on there? Does it have to be done? And if so, does it have to be done by me?” And if the answer isn't, “yes, yes, yes, yes and yes,” then I remove that item from my task list and either give it to somebody on my team or remove it completely because sometimes we think things need to get done and they don't actually need to get done.

Delegating is amazing and I really believe it's the key to having joy, happiness, and honestly, success as a business owner. The more I delegate, the more successful I am. And I think that's because I have more white space in my brain. I just feel happier. I have more space to come up with fresh ideas, come up with new product ideas, and new marketing ideas.

No one really talks about this but I think it is possible to delegate too much of certain things in certain seasons to where it leads to a disconnect. Here are a couple of examples that I'm willing to share with you guys about this.

One area where I found myself delegating too much in order to try to simplify my life and my schedule was with my finances. I delegated basically everything in my finances.

I have a CFO. She's an accountant and she watches everything. She makes sure that everyone gets paid. She's in charge of payroll. She watches what's coming in and what's not. She knows what our bottom line is. She knows when to tell me that we're getting too close to that or otherwise it’s okay if we're getting way above that or whatever. She just watches the finances.

Then I have two other people who are along with her because I don't think that you should have just one person in charge of your money. I think that that's where things get scary, people get hurt and stolen from and all that nasty stuff. (Not that I don't trust my CFO—if she's listening, you're amazing! You're doing great).

But you don't want to be stupid, right? You want to be smart.

I've shared before, Brian and I have had quite a money story. If you have not listened to episode six of this podcast, go back and listen, because it is the story of our business and how we went from our past life to our new life through the business that we started.

I have struggled with money and looking at it, even if there is a lot of it or a little of it. It triggers me. I've shared a little before in the past that I had been diagnosed with PTSD by my therapist a couple of years ago. I was having night sweats and recurring nightmares about the repo guy banging on our door and taking our car away—the panic attacks that I used to have. Money and me have been through quite a process.

And even though I had healed from a lot of the money stuff and a lot of money blocks and issues that I had, I just really didn't like dealing with money. So, I delegated it pretty much completely. And then I would check-in and we'd have monthly meetings about what's going on. I looked at the profit and loss reports and just saw what was going on. 

But then I started to cancel those just because I knew everything was fine. I knew everything was going well, but I just didn't want to look. I just didn't want to look at money at all. For a good chunk of time there was this season where I wasn't connected to my money at all. And that disconnect led to a disconnect from my money and a drop in revenue.

I wasn't connected to the cause and effect. I wasn't connected to the fact that I'm sharing a message and that message is helping people. And people are paying me to honor the fact that I helped them and to dive deeper into what I can teach them. I'm seeing that money create jobs, create revenue, and take care of my family. I got disconnected from that and that had negative consequences for sure.

It wasn't healthy for me to delegate all the way in that area because I have had a difficult money story. I needed to be connected to it. So, I learned from that. And now, I'm in my personal bank account and our business bank accounts every single morning and I am very involved in what's going on. I check in with what we've made each day.

I listened to a podcast that my COO sent me. It was an interview that Tim Ferriss did with the CEO of Walmart and the CEO of Walmart checks in on what they made the day before every single morning. The CEO of Walmart. I think it's pretty safe to say they're making a lot of money and he checks in every single morning. And so, I realized that if the CEO of Walmart is looking at the finances, then obviously looking at the finances doesn't mean you only look if you don't have any money or if you don't have enough money.

I was lying to myself subconsciously because of my issues with money and saying, “Well I don't have to check cause we're okay. Everything's okay.” I used to have to check all the time because I needed to know if I could swipe for gas or not. But now I know that we can swipe for gas and everything's fine, so I don't need to check. Like checking your bank account equals you're poor and broke and you have nothing or you don't have enough. And so, by not checking, I was not only avoiding money and comforting myself in that way, but I was also comforting myself with this lie—this subconscious lie that I was telling myself—that if I didn't check our bank accounts, it was because I didn't need to, because we had everything that we needed.

The money is there whether I'm looking at it or not, and the disconnect that I had from the cause and effect of how I make money caused a drop in revenue, caused a lack of connection. It caused just a big disconnect. It caused a gap in my business, in my mindset, and in my energy.

I really believe that when you are a creative business owner like I am, your business and your revenue is a reflection of where you are personally. So, when I was avoiding money and pushing it away, delegating all of it, delegating too much in that area to other people, I was not connected to that flow of money into my life. And I really believe that it caused a negative drop. So, that is what I learned there.


Hey guys! Okay, so in this episode we're talking about how not everything that you will try to streamline in your life will work out. I have had multiple things that I tried to simplify in my life that didn't work out, right? That’s normal. It's just trial and error, but you've got to be flexible and try, try again.

One thing that has always been the answer for me in simplifying my life, making things easier for me to maintain, and creating more space for me to focus on what really matters to me is setting up simple rhythms for my days and my weeks. 

I have daily rhythms and weekly rhythms in my life. Rhythms are basically what happens when routines and habits have a baby, and they're perfect for people who tend to not stick with routines. You say you're going to live a certain way, stick to a routine, and then it falls away. You fall off the bandwagon and it doesn't stick. Rhythms are so much easier because they're attached to things that you're going to do anyway.

If that doesn't make any sense to you, but you know that you like me, you trust me, you want to learn from me, and typically what I say works really well for you or makes a lot of sense to you, you're going to want to check this out.

Rhythms keep things running. What has to get done always gets done. They are the secret. This is what I teach in my second course, Unburdened.

Unburdened is only available twice a year and it is currently open. I'm so excited!

Unburdened is basically Step 2. If you have simplified your home, you've simplified your stuff and decluttered a bit, and you're really wanting to simplify your life, your calendar, your schedule, get some boundaries in place, start living a healthier life, have things that need to get done just on autopilot, set up your life and your schedule to work with you just like your home works with you when you follow my process and philosophy of minimalism, then Unburdened is going to be perfect for you.

Go to alliecasazza.com/unburdenedlife. Alliecasazza.com/unburdenedlife and check it out while it's available.

It's going to go away again for over six months, so now's your chance!


Also, another time I delegated too much in order to try to simplify was in different areas of my business. I was really scrappy when I started my business. I had to be because I didn't have any money even for bills and food, let alone to hire somebody to help me with my business that I was starting.

In the beginning I learned everything about everything. I knew everything about Pinterest marketing, Instagram and Facebook marketing, and the backend of everything. I learned how to code my own website. I learned everything about creating opt-ins, web pages, lead pages, and growing your email list. I knew everything by myself and I didn’t hire until I absolutely had to because I was scared to. So, I knew everything back in the day.

That helped me a lot because I could know when somebody was screwing me over or trying to charge me too much for doing a job that I knew how many hours that would take. I knew how much effort that would take. It really helped me.

But that was years ago and as the years went by and I grew, Pinterest changed, social media changed, the rules of tech and the way things work changed. I was delegating things—which is good, you need to delegate things—but some things I delegated a bit too much and didn't check in enough.

I believe that knowledge is power. So now I'm reading books about all the different things in my business—even if somebody else does them—because I want to know the latest and greatest tips for running Pinterest, running social media, doing Facebook Ads, growing your email list, and all these things.

I don't just read about what I'm doing. I now read about everything that has to do with my business so that I have a hand on what is going on. And I do that now because I delegated too much and it led to people getting lazy and not doing their job well. Then they would be the ones that knew how things worked and I wouldn't really know how that area of my business worked, so I would feel a little trapped in the relationship with them and like I didn't have control. That lack of control, it just wasn't good for me. It caused panic and it removed peace from my life and replaced it with stress.

So, I do think that delegation is one of the things that I believe in the most for anybody, but especially a business owner. I think that it's the key, like I said, to freedom and living the life that you love while also having a business that you love. But I do think that you can delegate too much in the wrong areas and no one really talks about that.

Another thing that I've tried to simplify in my life that didn't work is my laundry routine. I actually have an episode about my laundry routine. It's awesome and it's super helpful. If you haven't listened to it, I will link to it in the shownotes so that you can listen. I had a great laundry routine but, as life does, things shifted and my season of life just kind of changed. I was looking for ways to create more peace and more time in my mornings so that I could do enjoyable things in the morning. I was moving out of this time of waking up and getting things done and really wanting to just simplify everything that I could.

I had hired a couple of girls from the youth group at our church to do some things around the house for me. They were thankful for the money and I was thankful for them saving me an hour or two a day. And so, I said, “I want you guys to start doing my laundry for me. And I was so excited. I thought I was going to simplify my life so much and it actually didn't.

They were only able to come for an hour a day, so they weren't able to wait for the load to finish, switch it and follow through on a load of laundry. So, me delegating to them and giving that to them led to the laundry sitting and it was just kind of messed up. It just wasn't going well. I don't know. It was weird.

I was also really worried that they were going to shrink my stuff. And girls, if you're listening, I love you. You're doing a great job. I know you never shrunk any of my stuff. But I was just worried. I'm thinking about my Free People tops that I use for speaking engagements that are so delicate and dainty. I was terrified they were going to shrink stuff, bleach stuff, or mess something up. This was an afterschool job that they just had an hour or two a day, so they weren't able to really complete a full load of laundry and it made things worse. It just made things harder.

So, I adjusted. I realized that this wasn't helping. I realized that it was just making things harder. I didn't even really need to get my laundry off my plate. I was just looking to up-level as a woman and as a CEO, and if there's something that you can have done for you so you don't have to do it, then why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you simplify?

But, my laundry routine was so good to me and I ended up going back to it. Go listen to that episode. I ended up going back to it. The only thing that changed is I do my laundry, but I have the girls fold it.

When they come over after school for an hour or hour and a half, they do a couple of things. They dust, pick up, and do a couple of deep cleaning things for me. And then they fold the laundry that I did the day before. That's it. They're just folding it and putting it away. And that saves a little bit of time, a little bit of effort for me. My kids put away their own laundry, but they put away mine. I have to hang up my delicate shirts so when they're dry, they come over, get them and hang them up for me. They put Brian's clothes away. They put my clothes away. They put Emmett's clothes away because he's little. But that's it for the laundry. 

What I learned from this is sometimes simplicity just needs an adjustment. Maybe the thing you simplified isn't working. That doesn't mean that it's a trash idea and you're stupid and you don't even know how to simplify. It just means sometimes it needs an adjustment.

The last thing I tried to simplify in my life that didn't work was getting my exercise out of the way first thing in the morning. 

Now this is just me talking to you guys and sharing. This isn't even fully thought through. I'm just sharing some things with you. This might be a thing that was a problem in my season of life. It might not be a “this-sucks-permanently-thing,” if that makes sense. 

For a while back in January—I think it was the end of January—I decided that I wanted to work out because I was eating really well and not feeling healthier. I was feeling really sick. I was definitely not at a weight that was healthy for my height at all. I was just not feeling good. I was not fitting into my clothes and I just didn't feel good at all.

I was having weird pains and I was just like, “You know what? Maybe I'm over 30 now and I just have to work out more.” So, I signed up with a trainer friend of mine and I started going to her in the mornings. I would get up really early in the morning (which I was already doing anyway), and I would go immediately and work out. It was good for a little while, but over a couple months’ time, after the ‘honeymoon phase,’ I started to feel really, really unhappy about it. I started feeling really resentful—not of my trainer or anything, she's amazing—but of doing this thing. It was sucking my joy away from me.

Every night when I'd be going to bed, I would start to dread the next morning and that is not where I want to be. That is the opposite of what I believe, what I teach, and what I want. That was when I knew like something was off.

Side note: I did not lose any weight from working out. I did not feel much better at all. I came to find out that my ovary syndrome that I've had since a teenager was back and flared up really bad, and I was sick. I needed to balance my hormones. That's a side note. Story for another day.

But anyway, it was so frustrating that I was doing all this work and not feeling any better, but also my mornings were ruined. I realized that I missed my mornings and my morning routine. You guys know my morning routine, my morning ritual, I missed it. And so, this wasn't serving me.

So what I did was, I switched to doing my exercise in the middle of the day or just at some point in the day. It was something that was on my to-do list, not on my schedule. Does that make sense? My schedule is like, “Hey Allie, you have to be here at this time. You have to go live with Kendra at 10:00 a.m. on Wednesday. And then, after that, you have a doctor's appointment.” There are appointments, events, things that are on my schedule, but my to-do list is things that need to be done when I sit down to work or when I decide I'm going to do them. Make sense? So, moving my body became a thing on my to-do list. 

At some point in the day, I'm going to be ready for a break. If I'm homeschooling the kids, I'm going to want to break from that at some point. If I'm working, I’m going to want to get up from my desk and take a break. Whatever it is I'm doing, I going to want to take a break. When I take that break, I grab a water bottle, I get my tennis shoes on, and I go outside. I take a long walk, or a really short brisk walk, or I'll sprint with the kids in the backyard, we'll play kickball at the park, or I'll just do some squats and pushups while I wait for my snack to be ready or whatever it is.

I moved that there instead of making it this big hour-long thing—plus the drive time, plus the waking up and getting ready time–first thing in the morning. By the time I got home, it would be 8:00 a.m. and I'd have to start to get ready for my day because my work day normally starts at 9 or 10, depending. My whole morning ritual had to get nixed because I had to get up and go exercise and it just was a joy-suck for me.

I was trying to simplify life by feeling better and getting my exercise done right away. But what happened was it backfired and it sucked. I'm glad that I did it for a little while because, first of all, I learned a lot about how to work out and work my body really well, and my trainer taught me some really great moves to do. I definitely felt empowered by getting that done for a short season of time, but then it started to drain me.

What I learned from this is that it's okay to change. That’s another podcast episode to go back to. It's okay to change. It's okay to change your mind. It's okay to need to pivot. (Pivot! If you don't get that, I'm sorry. It's a “Friends” reference).

I also learned from this that sometimes simplicity is fitting things in when it works day-by-day and not being super scheduled and rigid. And you guys, I've talked about this so much because I am generally not a super organized, scheduled, rigid person. I love being spontaneous. I love being able to do what I want as things come and go and fly by the seat of my pants.

And pretty much every time I get super rigid I get out of it because it doesn't make me happy. It just makes me feel stuck. And I think there is a way to balance the things that need to get done and having rhythms and routines that serve you without feeling super rigid and stuck.

So, those are some things that I've tried to simplify in my life that didn't end up working, and what I learned and how I adjusted.

I hope that this makes you feel super known, understood and seen. It's okay. Life is real.

Sometimes you see somebody online talking about something and you think that they're perfect in that area and in every area of their life. And that's just not the case. And if they say it is, they're lying. I'm not saying that it’s perfect. I'm being honest with you and sharing the behind-the-scenes simplicity bloopers.

I hope this helps, makes you giggle and see that you're not alone, and maybe feel a little inspired to adjust in the area of your life that hasn't been working for you.

Love you guys!


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 114: How My Morning Ritual Has Changed

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This is a sort of follow-up episode of one of the most popular episodes that I've ever done for The Purpose Show called “How My Morning Ritual Is Changing My Life.” I used to be really religious about doing my morning ritual. It was such a life-giving time for me. Then some things changed and my mornings looked different. This episode is about how some things have shifted for me, what I've learned, and what my morning ritual looks like today.

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • how and why her morning ritual has changed multiple times

  • what her mornings look like now

  • how her morning ritual affects her mindset for the day

Mentioned in this Episode:


Unburdened-Splash.jpg

Does motherhood feel more like a hurricane of chaos that you’er surviving rather than the awesome, joy-filled season you want it to be?

Unburdened lightens your load so you can live abundant, well, and intentionally focused on those who matter most! It’s the overwhelmed mom’s guide to a simpler motherhood.


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


Don't have time to listen_.jpg

Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hey guys! How's everybody doing? I am super honored that you chose to spend some time in your day with me. Thank you for being here! Also, thank you for all the positive reviews on the podcast lately.

I just want to say that I really, really, truly appreciate everybody who has taken a couple of minutes out of their day to just go onto iTunes and leave a positive review. It has really been making my day. There's been a big influx of them lately and I'm really thankful for you guys.

Reviews are everything on iTunes. They basically decide if other people see and find the podcast or not. Positive reviews can put me in the noteworthy section on iTunes, which is a huge deal, and has happened, and I am just really grateful for you guys doing that for me. It takes a lot of time, manpower, and effort to make this podcast happen. I appreciate when you guys who partake in it also give back. Thank you so much. It means the world to me.

If you have not left a review and you want to, I'd love to see how you're feeling about the podcast and what you love about it. You can go to iTunes and do that. Thank you so much.

Okay, let's dive into today's episode. This is a sort of follow-up episode of one of the most popular episodes that I've ever done for The Purpose Show. It's kind of an “accidental” follow-up because back in the day when the podcast first launched, I did an episode called, “How My Morning Ritual Is Changing My Life.” That was like a year and a half ago. This new episode is how some things have shifted for me, what I've learned, and what my morning ritual looks like today.

The Morning Ritual episode is one of the most shared episodes ever. Pretty much anytime I get tagged on Instagram that somebody’s listening to my episode, I know it's going to either be the latest episode, Episode 6, or the Morning Ritual episode. You guys love that one. It always gets shared. I want to do more of what you guys love for sure and I think you guys will love this episode.

I want to talk about how what I do before a speaking event has translated into every day for me. I think you guys will find this pretty interesting, hopefully. If not, then why are we here? But hopefully you do.

A year and a half ago when I came out with that episode about my morning ritual, I was really religious about it. I would do my morning routine or my morning ritual (I feel like routine kind of feels like “work” or sounds like there's work involved. So, I like to say morning ritual because this is really just a very slow and life-giving practice). But anyway, I would do that every single morning and it was so good for me. It was such a life-giving time for me. 

But I shared in a recent episode that my mornings shifted when I started to have health issues. I decided that I needed to prioritize exercise and that it would just simplify my life if I got it done right away in the morning. So, I kind of left my morning ritual. I told myself that I would do it in the morning after my exercise time or in the afternoon during a midday break and I just needed to give my mornings to exercise. 

I started to do that and it just drained me. It was really not helpful. It was not life-giving at all. It felt empowering to get my movement done and out of the way and to take care of my body right away in the morning, but it made my morning ritual totally slide.

I never had time to do it when I got back from my workouts because I would get up really early in the morning, make a cup of coffee, grab a quick snack, drink some water, use the restroom, and get myself ready. Then I'd have to drive 15 minutes to my trainer’s house to train in her home gym. The workout was an hour, and then I had to drive all the way back home. When I got home it would be time to make the kids breakfast and I'd have to get ready for my work day because my work day starts at 9 or 10 a.m. 

So, even though the day started early, I just wasn't doing my morning ritual anymore. I wasn't doing the life-giving, slow practice of reading and stillness and all that that I was doing before. It was just get up and go. And that wore me down so much. I think there are a lot of people out there that it works for them to get up and get their exercise done and that is a great ritual for them. That is life-giving for them. But that was not the case for me.

I worked out in the morning first thing for about six months straight, and there were good mornings, but it really started to get hard. It was just draining the life from me, making me feel like I was dreading the mornings. I'd go to bed at night and start to just feel dread for the coming morning and that is not how I want to live.

So, I realized that was not good for me and I shifted my exercise. I moved away from my trainer. I thanked her for teaching me. I definitely learned really great, helpful things about how to move my body and how to take care of myself in a physical way, but I was not going to be able to come in the morning anymore. I was going to start to get my movement in throughout the day whenever I took a midday break, when I took a break from work, or took a break from homeschooling or whatever. And that has worked really well. But I had gotten out of my morning ritual routine.

Now that I had my mornings free again, I would wake up early, make coffee, sit and read a little bit, have some prayer time. But I had lost the passion and flow of being very specific and strategic about what I was doing during my morning time. And so, I was kind of in that space for a little bit.

I was really enjoying not rushing out the door, exercising super hard, rushing back, feeding the kids, getting ready for the day. I was really enjoying not being in that space anymore. And so, I just kind of stayed there for a little while.

Well, in the midst of all this, I had a speaking event. I don't take speaking events very often, but when I do, I make sure they're really great and I'm going to reach a lot of women and get paid well to leave my family for several days.

I had a speaking event, so I went to Virginia. I was there, and I have this speaking event ritual—I guess I'm big on rituals—and I immediately fell back into it.

It had been a while since I had done a speaking event and so I was like, “Oh yeah, I have this, pre-speaking event ritual that I love to do that gets me in the right mindset to show up for people and really serve them in my talk.” And so, I started to do that ritual the morning that I was speaking. 

I woke up early, and I practiced gratitude. I prayed. I spoke life over my day and the people that I would interact with. I did positive affirmations. I sipped my coffee in my hotel room and kind of just paced back and forth while just speaking life and saying, “The day is going to go well. I am going to help people. I am going to say the words that they need to hear, not the words that I want to say.” I started to speak affirmations over my day like that. Then I took a really brisk walk outside and listened to an empowering mindset podcast and really got into this flow of being ready for my day, ready to speak.

I spoke 4 times in 24 hours. It was like a marathon. It was crazy, but it was so good. And I did that morning ritual every morning that I spoke. When I was flying home from Virginia, I thought to myself, “Why do I do this when I'm going to speak, but not for my normal day? What would happen if I not only got back to having a structured and life-giving morning ritual, but if I applied something more like this ritual—my pre-speaking events ritual—to every single day? Why would I treat the mundane days, the “everyday,” as any less important than speaking days?”

What I'm doing at home is far more important than what I'm doing when I'm speaking. I'm raising people. I'm doing live streams. I'm talking to the world. I'm writing emails that get to hundreds of thousands of people. That is a big deal. I need to show up for that better.

So, I decided to come out of this weird funk that I had been in with my morning time and be a little bit more intentional about it like I used to. I knew what my previous morning ritual was and I didn't really feel like it fit anymore. I wanted it to be different. So, I wrote out what would give me life, give me energy, and make me feel like I had connected with God, connected with myself and just really shown up for the day before it even began. And I just want to share with you guys what that morning ritual is like now.

My pre-speaking ritual has turned into my everyday ritual, and it's really life-giving. It's really beautiful and I know that it will help somebody out there, so I want to share it with you guys.


Hey beautiful friend! I’m pausing this content right now because I want to talk to you about something that is currently open and it's super temporary so I don't want you to miss out!

Do you ever feel like you are just stuck in the mud? Everyday just feels like you're sinking in quicksand and you can't get out? No matter how much effort you put in, you just sink further and further?

If life feels like it's just heavy - maybe you've decluttered, maybe you've simplified your home - but life, your calendar, and your schedule just really feel heavy and you wish that you could implement minimalism to that part of things just like you did with your house.

I am so excited if you're saying “yes” to this because Unburdened Is open! Unburdened is the second course that I created. It is basically a tool and resource for you to use to pull yourself out of that pit and to do it a whole lot faster than if you did it without help.

Basically, Unburdened will help you set boundaries for your phone, your technology, yourself, and other people, to make space for what matters.

It'll help you take ownership of your time. We're going to gut your calendar and clear the clutter in your life and your schedule, create your ideal day and set up daily and weekly rhythms. For those of you who just don't do routines and you can never make them stick, this is the answer because I'm like that, and this is literally my biggest secret. I'm so, so excited!

Step 3 in this program is you're going to implement a plan for doable self-care because you can't give your family water if your well is all dried up, right?

And then step 4, you're going to get purposeful in your day-to-day. Because how we spend our days is how we spend our lives, right? So this stuff matters.

Unburdened only opens up twice a year for enrollment. This is your chance! Go to alliecasazza.com/unburdenedlife. Alliecasazza.com/unburdenedlife.

The doors are open! It's a $99 program. 

I'm super excited to get you guys in there and help you reach success in the change that you're seeking for your schedule, your routines and how your days go, because this is the kind of stuff that's so exciting to get to work on once you've simplified your home.


The first thing I do when I wake up is I literally stay in bed. I wake up and I lie in bed. I'm not waking up super, super early like I used to anymore. For a really long time when I was starting the business, I'd get up at 4 a.m. and work. Then for a really long time I got up at 5 a.m., then it was 5:30, and then it was 6:00 for a while.

I own my business so I can start my workday whenever I want, and about six months ago I decided I'm never going to start my work day before 9  or 10 am. (90% of the time it's 10 a.m.). Every rare once in a while I need to start at 9 a.m. but it's so rare I can almost say it's never. I basically always start my work day at 10 a.m.

And that's hard because I live on the west coast, so that's like 1 p.m. for everyone on the east coast and a lot of people that I work with are on the east coast. But I just decided that this was worth it for me. That I needed to have a slower morning. That it's super life-giving for me and my family. I yell less when I'm not stressed out and rushed and I needed to have that morning space. I'm the boss and I worked really hard to be the boss, so I'm going to set that tone of the day how I want it to be. So, I shifted that.

Now I don't really get up until in between 6:30 and 7 a.m. I wake up when my body wants to wake up, but I do have an alarm set for 7 a.m. in case I do sleep late, which never happens. I always wake up before my alarm. I wake up naturally, which is really nice, really slow.

You moms who have young kids who wake you up super early, it gets better. It is coming. It's okay. Trust me.

Right when I wake up, I stay in bed. I open my eyes, I take a deep breath, and I immediately practice gratitude. And this is a super simple, juvenile, whatever comes to mind kind-of-thing like: “I'm grateful for this beautiful home that I get to live in. I'm grateful for my bed. It is so soft. I remember having a really crappy mattress for years and years because we were so broke and it was so hard. Nothing was luxurious or nice at all. So, I’m grateful for my mattress. I’m grateful for my blankets. I’m grateful for all those books on my shelf. They make my room feel cozy. They remind me of all the things I've learned and how easy it is to get knowledge today. I'm so grateful for that. I'm grateful for this man sleeping next to me. He's such a good man.” Or sometimes Brian's not next to me. He's downstairs already because he wakes up early.

I'm grateful for whatever the situation is, whatever comes to mind. “I’m grateful for my candles. I’m grateful for my flowers on the nightstand. I’m grateful for date nights. I'm grateful for my kids and grateful for cereal on the mornings that are hard. I'm grateful for…” You know, whatever it is. I'm just grateful and I practice that for a few minutes.

Then I get up and I get my slippers on. I grab a sweater. I make a cup of coffee and I go and sit on my porch. This is where I practice prayer and stillness. I just sip my coffee. I sit really still and I listen to the sound of silence out front.

Everyone always wants to know where the kids are and you know, sometimes they're still asleep. It depends on how early my body woke me up. Sometimes they're awake. Breakfast is at 8 a.m. so they know to just kind of hang out. If they want to make their own breakfast, they can make their own breakfast earlier. That's okay. They can go to the bathroom, get water, play, get breakfast, whatever they want. When your kids get older, it gets like this and it's nicer. We homeschool so we don't have to rush out for school. One of the biggest reasons that I love homeschooling and owning my own business is the ability to set a slow tone like this in the mornings.

So, I sit outside and I just enjoy the stillness. As I finish my coffee and I finish being still, I begin to talk to God and I just pray and I have a conversation with Him. And conversation involves listening. So I talk and I listen. Whatever comes out of me. It could be about my day. It could be about the previous day. It could be about a relationship issue. It could be about a work thing. Whatever comes out, I just talk to Him. Sometimes I just ask Him what He wants to talk to me about and I listen. Sometimes not much comes out of this and that's okay. But I practice prayer and stillness for a little while.

I have my headphones with me. I love my Airpods. I don’t know if you guys have those, but I have a pair and I love them. I put in my headphones and I listen to an abundance meditation. You can just Google it and find one that fits your beliefs, fits whatever floats your boat. There are so many out there. I just listen to an abundance meditation and I really focus on it. I breathe in, and I breathe out. I listen to the words about just creating a beautiful life, reaching your goals, succeeding in the things you want to succeed in, creating more of what you want so that you can share it with others, and just creating an abundant life.

Then I do a quiet space and visualization exercise. So just more stillness. I usually still keep my headphones in and I'll just put on some lyricless music on Spotify or something. And I just practice visualization. I really believe in the power of our minds. I believe that I am made in the image of the Creator of the universe. He is the All Powerful Creator and I'm also a powerful creator. I create what I think about.

Our minds are incredibly powerful. I believe the power of life and death is in the tongue and you say what you think. It all starts with your thoughts and it is very important to guard and protect your thoughts and also intentionally use your thoughts for good and not evil. I think that when you think that the world is awful or life is so hard or your husband's a jerk and your kids are just so difficult, then you're going to get more of that because you're thinking it, you're seeing it, you're proving to yourself that you're right.

But you can choose to switch that. Think positively and visualize joy, abundance, good in the world, and good in your life. Practice gratitude and visualize more of that. Visualize what you want.

I visualize my business going really well. I visualize specific revenue goals coming to fruition. I visualize having a good relationship with my kids now and when they're older. I visualize a happy marriage. I visualize it happening right now and into old age. I visualize a lot of different things. I don't need to share all of those things, but I visualize getting where I want to go. Reaching goals.

I visualize some big charitable giving goals that I have that I can't wait to see come to life. And I know they will. I visualize writing those checks to charities and organizations that are doing great things that I care very much about. I just use my mind to visualize big things.

Then I move into visualizing small things like my day going really well. I know what's on my calendar, I know what I'm doing that day, so I visualize those things going really well. I just go over it in my head like, “Okay, today I've got a livestream at 11 a.m. and that is going to go beautifully. If there's tech issues, we'll deal with it. But there's not going to be tech issues and it's going to go really well. I'm going to reach a lot of people with this message and they're going to find freedom in the words that I have to say.”

I invite the Holy Spirit to come and be with me and rest on me and speak through me. I visualize the whole day going well. I visualize having the time and space to do what needs to get done. I visualize being empowered to make decisions about what needs to just wait until later so that I can have time with my kids and have time to do everything that I need to do that day.

If it's date night I visualize no tension, high expectations or bickering happening that day. (Because if any of you are married and you've ever had a date night, you know that it's very easy for there to be a lot of tension on date night for some reason. That's just the way it works.) I visualize no tension before date night. I visualize a beautiful day and a great, fun romantic evening with my husband at dinner or whatever it is we're going to do that night. I just feel grateful again. I thank God for everything that He gave me and that I do have the power that He gave me in my mind and I can visualize things happening and that is His will for me.

Then I do something that's kind of specific to me in my story. If you are new here, you're going to be like, what the heck? But after that, I open up my bank accounts. I check the business bank accounts. I check my personal bank account. I check the platform account that basically tells me how much money the business made yesterday and today so far, and what's coming in. I look at the flow of money in my life and I connect with that and I practice gratitude for it. I'm connected to that. 

I shared in another recent episode that because of my PTSD diagnosis because of our money struggles, I had avoided looking at money for a very long time and it wasn't good. It wasn't good for me; it wasn't good for my business. And so, now I'm very connected to money in a healthy way. I check in every morning and I just see what the business made and what's in our account, what bills have come out, what needs to be paid, what's coming in and going out. And I just feel grateful. 

I say out loud that I'm so grateful for this money that I've been given and that I can do good things with it. When good people make good money, they do great things and I want to be one of those good people that do great things. I'm thankful for this flow of money in my life and I thank Jesus for it. That's just a personal thing that I do because of my personal story.

Then I come inside and I kiss my babies because they're definitely up, awake, and downstairs by now. I make sure that they've got breakfast going. If they don't, I help them get it started. And then I grab my flip flops or my shoes, I kiss my hubby and I take a walk. I just go. I walk around my neighborhood and sometimes I get grateful again. If I feel like I've just been kind of stuck in a negative place and I need even more gratitude, I will do that.

Sometimes I’ll listen to a podcast. Usually I listen to a podcast. I love podcasts about mindset and I try to give that to you guys here. But I also love James Wedmore's Mind Your Business Podcast. It’s definitely business-centric so if you don’t own a business you probably won't like it. But sometimes I listen to that, especially if it's a day that I'm going to be in the office. I will listen to something positive, walk around and get moving. Usually I stop and do some lunges, squats, or push-ups or something, get my body flowing a little bit. Then I come inside, eat breakfast, have another cup of coffee and spend time with my family. And then we all get dressed for the day.

That is a very specific look at my morning ritual. I've been doing this every day for a couple of months now and there's no end in sight. It's so fulfilling.

Basically, I can wake up with stress on me and just having this practice of talking to God, connecting with myself, connecting with my Creator, connecting with my day, connecting with my brain is so powerful. It's really healing. Whatever I'm going through, whatever stress there is, it really doesn't have a place to stand on when I practice this because it just falls away. I'm reminded of all of that I have to be grateful for. And I see all that I have to do in a positive light instead of with a perspective of dread like, “Oh my gosh, there's so much to do.” 

I hope this helps you guys. I hope this encourages you and inspires you to get your own morning ritual. And please tag me, share that you're listening, tell me what you're doing in your mornings—based on this episode—that is just giving you life. I'd love to see how you're partaking in this!


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 113: 3 Free, Powerful Ways To Water The Grass In Your Life Right Now

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This episode is actually the audio from a live stream that I did a while back about the quote “The grass is greener on the other side because it’s fake.” The response I got on this was so overwhelming. A lot of people found it really raw and impactful. Most people loved it, but it ruffled a few feathers too.

This is one of those messages that needs to be shared and spread to the masses because it's so important. It’s so key, so impactful, and such a perspective shift. I’m excited for you to listen!

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • how social media can affect how we feel about ourselves and others

  • the role gratitude plays in self improvement

  • ways you can show up for your life right now regardless of your situation

  • the value in creating stillness in your life

Mentioned in this Episode:


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The Supermom Vault is a library of inspiration I created for you.  It holds replays of my very best online workshops that aren’t available anywhere else, tons of really actionable pdf’s that are downloadable with just one click, more than 20 audio and video trainings from me, and professionally designed printables for your home to keep you focused and inspired.

Check it out!  It’s a really good simple start.


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hi, beautiful friend! Welcome to the show! So, I'm so excited for you to hear this episode. It's actually the audio from a live stream that I did a while back and the response I got on this was so overwhelming. Some people were happy; some people, not so much. People had a different perspective or push back to it. But I think that when something is really raw and I think when something makes an impact, it also can ruffle feathers.

I think it's good when there's some people that are happy about it and some people that are not happy about it. I think that's a good sign. I actually get a little worried when everybody loves something that I say because I think it means I'm playing it too safe. So, I'm super excited for you to hear this episode.

I purposely recorded myself on my microphone while I sat at my desk and did this live stream at the same time because I knew I wanted this to be an episode of the podcast. So, please enjoy! Please take a picture, take a screenshot of you listening to this episode, tag me, share with your friends. This is one of those messages that needs to be shared and spread to the masses because it's so important. It’s so key, so impactful, and such a perspective shift. And I really need you guys' help in spreading this message. Tag me. I want to see it.

Thank you so much for helping me shift the perspectives of people and women everywhere. I really appreciate you. Enjoy this discussion.

Hello beautiful friends! Welcome! I'm so glad that we're hanging out right now. I'm so glad you're here to listen to my message. I want to talk to you about some things and we're just going to jump right in.

I just got back from a gratitude walk, which I want to do an episode about these. I think they're incredibly impactful and they're changing my life so much. I got hit with this idea and I just wanted to talk with you about it. I was thinking about it and just letting it sift in my brain a little bit.

There's this quote, it says, “the grass is always greener because it's fake,” and it has been circulating in my feed a lot lately. Who has seen that? Raise your hand. Raise your digital hand. Give me some emojis if you're on this live. Comment to me if you've seen this quote, “the grass is always greener because it's fake.”

I have seen it in many different forms, different memes, straight-up used as the caption on people’s posts. In one way or another, I have seen it so much lately. Yeah, a lot of you are seeing it. Yeah, you guys are seeing it, so it's not just me. It's been everywhere lately. And so, whenever something is everywhere, it's because it's either resonating with people or it's doing something to them, right?

I've been thinking about this so much. This quote was bothering me a bit and I wasn't really sure why. Whenever I feel a little bit of resistance to something, I want to dive into that.

Why is this bothering me? Is this bothering me because it's an area that I could grow in? Is this something that I want to talk about on the podcast? Is this something that I want to deal with in myself? I am always seeking to grow, learn, and as Maya Angelou said, “know better; do better.”

So, when this quote, “the grass is always greener because it's fake,” started circulating a ton in my feed, I let it sift around. And I think what I've come to is something that I really, really want to share with you guys.

While social media has absolutely contributed to a world in which some people are fake, social media isn't to blame. Some people have always been this way. Maybe not in every era, but in eras past, there have been people like this who are fake despite the lack of social media. I think that we just see more of it (obviously that's not a monumental conclusion) because of social media. 

But there have always been people who are fake, who put up a front for one reason or another. Give me some emojis again. Comment. Tell me. Raise your hand if you have known somebody who always posts about their marriage a lot and/or their husband and how amazing he is and then they split. Those are the moments where you kind of “wake up” to the fact that there is so much that is fake in this world. But it has always been that way. There have been fake people forever.

I was thinking about this a lot and I think one reason that this quote, “the grass is always greener because it's fake,” has been trending so much lately might have something deeper underneath it. Maybe you'll disagree and that's okay. But I was thinking about how there might be something further in there.

What if it's giving people comfort to think that those who have reached a higher point than they have, those who have sought abundance more than they have, those who are reaping what they've sown in a good way, aren’t really happy? What if that comforts people in some way to think “oh, it’s fake” for those who have put in the time, put in the energy, put in the work, put in the investment, put in the money, put in the conversations with their spouse to build a good marriage, put in the money in terms of date nights (I'm using marriage as an example, but it could be anything you put money into…business, health, wellness, anything).

What if one reason this quote is catching such fire is jealousy. There are people who are seeing this and thinking, “Yeah, yeah! The grass is greener for her because it's fake. Totally!”

But really it's those who have worked harder, who have sought that abundant life, who have sought to be bigger and better than average, they're reaping what they've sown. And those people who are seeing that quote and sharing it like crazy have also reaped what they've sown. They're getting what they put in. And that is hard. And so, they see that quote and they're just like, “Yup. It's fake.”

So yes, it makes us feel better to stay the same. Absolutely. It makes us feel better to see somebody who has the life we deep down really want and say, “Oh, it's fake. They don't really have that because I don't really either.”

I think the fact that these people might actually be living this way, that they might actually have earned this and gotten themselves to a point of living this way for real is very uncomfortable for “non-reachers,” because it shines a light on why their grass is brown, right? So there’s jealousy, blaming, and saying things like, “Oh, she's so lucky.” I hear this a lot in the business-coaching world when it comes to money and seeking wealth.

Look, money makes the world go round. You can only give your time if you cannot give your money. And so, there's nothing wrong with seeking wealth because “when good people make good money, they do great things,” as Chris Harder always says.

But, they'll say things like, “Oh well, rich people are just stealing everything from us. They are so greedy and I am not in this for the money. I just want to make ends meet.” And it's like, really? Is that really what you want? 

I don't think that everybody is called to wealth, but do you see what I'm saying? These people are saying these types of things because of jealousy over someone else’s “lack and stuckness,” you know? Especially with, “She's so lucky.” That's a big one for me. It really bothers me because these are all things people say to cover the lack of joy and fulfillment that they are struggling with within themselves.

And so, rather than looking at someone who is living a life that you wish was yours and thinking, “Oh, her grass is greener because it's fake,” why not just water your grass? Why not do that in the same way, in the same places, in the same patches that she watered it? Let her be an inspiration that drives you into a new lifestyle, not something that you are filled with disdain about, that you're jealous of. 

That's why I'm here. That's why I do what I do because I want to inspire women to be action-takers, problem-solvers and go-getters. I want you to not be a jealous onlooker of other people living the life that you really want. When you see other people living the life you want, I don’t want you to feel jealous, insecure, unfulfilled, and upset that you're still at Square A, you know? Who's felt like that?  I know that I’ve related to that.

I really believe there are no rules in terms of what your life can look like except the ones you make for yourself. I see this so much in motherhood. Motherhood does not have to be a crap shoot mess all the time that leaves you drained and dumped on unless you choose to make it that. And I think that's a hard thing for a lot of people to hear because we've been told that good moms are servants, they don't take time for themselves, they don't spend money on themselves. Those are lies. It's BS, and I'm over it. If I don't die having changed that perspective in the world, what was the point? What was the point?

I just want to encourage you guys. I think that there are fake people out there and I think we need to watch that. I really do. The people who have beautiful Instagram feeds—which side note: I'm so tired of people that have beautiful Instagram feeds getting crapped on. I love an aesthetic. I get this with my home too because I love design. I love decorating. I love really waiting to find that beautiful piece for my home and creating a beautiful, clean ambiance in my home and in my business. I love branding. I'm obsessed with marketing. I love it. It lights me up. And I'm so sick of getting crap for that. Like, “Oh your feed’s pretty, so you’re fake.”

There is something to be said for beautiful pictures that make you stop your scroll, but read the dang caption. If this girl is just making you feel worse, if she's making you feel like you're not good enough, if she makes you walk away like, “Uh, I just feel gross, like worse.”  Not because you're jealous and unfulfilled, but because she's negative, she's fake. It's like all of these fake things have no depth. Unfollow her!

If social media is such a problem for you, clean out your feed. Unfollow them. Follow people who make you stop your scroll and then enlighten you, shift your perspective, make you walk away better, lighter, convicted in a good way. Follow people who inspire you to action like, “Yeah, I need to get on this. I need to be better at this.” If you're discouraged and disheartened when you're on social media, that's your fault. Unfollow those people. You have a choice to fill your feed with people who make you want to get out of bed in the morning and be so much better.

I love “nighttime lives” because I love thinking about the fact that it's 8:00 p.m. for me (I'm on the west coast) so, for a lot of you guys, it's well past the kids' bedtime. So, kids are in bed, you're sitting there watching me, and I want to make you think, “Holy crap, this is amazing. My perspective is so shifted. I can't wait for my kids to wake up in the morning so I can know better, do better, be better, and show the heck up.” That's my goal. That's what I'm here to do. I want to inspire women to be action-takers and problem-solvers, not jealous onlookers of the people who are living the lives they deep-down really, truly want.

And again, there are no rules except the ones you make for yourself. So, if you believe that motherhood is just always going to be hard no matter what, if you believe that it's just give, give, give and you're not allowed to take for yourself because you should feel guilty about that. If your mom or your mother-in-law (Mothers-in-law are famous for this! Mothers-in-law, be better! I want to be an awesome mother-in-law when it's my time) make you feel guilty for taking time for yourself, get out of there! Don't hang out with them. Don't let them get control of your mind, girl. Realize that you are pouring into yourself because you have to pour out to your family on a constant basis.

So okay, let's take action, right? Because if you've been around me for a minute, you know that I do not leave you without giving you something to take action on.


Hey, sweet friend! Let's play an imagination game for a second. Imagine walking in the door at the end of the long day, setting your bag down and heading into the kitchen to make dinner. Your counters are clear. You like being in your kitchen. You're happy to be there. You have the patience you need to answer your kids’ questions and have a good evening with them. You like going to bed in your cozy haven of a bedroom. You're excited for that. You have the mental capacity to talk with your spouse and veg out together via Netflix. There's no arguing, nagging, or mentally draining to-do list adding up every time you glance around because there's stuff everywhere. Imagine that maintaining your home is just a side note in your life. It's not a stress causer or a time suck.

This is the reality of the women who go through my Your Uncluttered Home program. 

This is so different from anything free, anything on this podcast, anything that you can find anywhere else because it is an all tied-together program with video, house walk-throughs, and very detailed deep-dive lessons about every single nook and cranny and area of your home.

All of this in simplicity. Everything about living a minimalist life starts at home. There is so much power in letting things go and in doing it the right way, the shortcut way, the way that I didn't have when it was my turn to do this 7/8 years ago now. This is what I created for you.

There's a reason that this is a paid program. There's a reason that it goes all the way deep and that women that listen to the podcast enroll and still see so much more of a difference in their lives because it is so different than anything else. It is such a deep dive.

It is truly, truly a game changer and a life changer. I'm so honored to sign my name to this program and invite you to join all the thousands of women who have gone before you and done this.

What do you have to lose by not enrolling? You can always just test the waters. See if it works for you. There's a 14-day refund period. No questions asked.

This was made for you. This was made by me for you.

What do you have to lose if you don't enroll? What do you have to lose? 

Progress. You'll stay stuck on that hamster wheel that’s not working for you, right?

You have time to lose. You'll keep wasting these precious days of this fleeting season in your life and your kids' lives.

You’re going to lose self-care. You’ll continue to show yourself that you don't value yourself, that you don't matter, that your home and your time or not valuable.

You will lose peace. You'll keep living that same stressful, overwhelmed lifestyle that’s been making you feel awful for way too long already.

But what do you have to gain by enrolling? You gain progress. You'll finally create change. You gain time. You gain self-care. You gain peace. You gain love because your relationships are going to seriously improve.

If you don't believe me, just think about this. Less clutter equals less stress, which equals a less stressed out you. So less naggy. Less yelling. Less frustration. A better version of yourself for everybody involved with you. You also gain your kids’ childhood because we all know they grow up way too fast.

Let's stop wasting time. Prioritize what we say is truly important. Put our money where our mouths are and get you to the point of being the present person that you want to be.

I offer 10% off for podcast listeners only. Go to alliecasazza.com/getstarted and at checkout, enter the code PURPOSESHOW for 10% off. I can't wait to see you in there.

There's a whole free community that comes along with the course. It’s for students only. And I can't wait to see you posting in there that you're ready for change. You can share your before and after photos and get us to cheer you on. You can post about any problems that come up for you. I can't wait to interact with you and have you be a part of that community. Go girl. Let's do this!


Three ways to water your grass right now. Why does that sound dirty? I don't know, but it kind of does. Three ways to water the grass in your life right now. 

#1: Get grateful. Get freaking grateful. There's a reason that gratitude is so overdone and over -talked about. It's the crux of every self-help movement—religious or not religious, it doesn't matter. Gratitude is always the foundation of every single thing when it comes to being a better version of yourself or showing up for your life, for growing, for getting more.

So, like I said in the beginning of this, I just came back from a gratitude walk and you know, it's so juvenile, it’s so simple. Look, I'm not Ann Voskamp, the woman who wrote A Thousand Gifts. I'm just not her. I'm not able to think, “I'm just open and thankful. Gratitude is flowing because of the withering leaves of the weeping willow in the back.” I can't even fake it. I'm not good at that. I'm so juvenile and basic.

I am grateful for my kids and their relationship with each other. It's awesome. I am grateful for the noise level in my house because it’s loud and I'm grateful for that because one day it's going to go away. And I am grateful for the abundance of leaves in the trees that I am walking through right now because it just reminds me that I serve an abundant living God and I live in an abundant world. Little things like that, literally just what I see. So number one, get grateful.

Side note: all of the tips I'm about to give you, the three tips I'm about to give you can be done right now. They cost no money. It takes nothing. You can do them tonight. Right now. Literally. This is good stuff, if I do say so myself.

#2: Show up right where you are right now. No matter what. No matter how broke you are. No matter how heartbroken you are. No matter how hard your day was or what’s going on. Show up right where you are. Stop waiting for the thing that you want to happen. And if you focus on being grateful, if you focus on showing up right where you are right now, that thing is way more likely to come into your life.

It's way more likely that you will be given that thing because if you can do well with what you have right now, you're going to be given so much more. This is a lesson that I've learned about money: if you don't tithe 10% or give generously, give to charity, do something good with $1 out of $100, you're not going to give $10,000 out of a million. You're just not.

So, if you don't show up right where you are, right now, who’s to say that you're going to show up when that thing you really want finally does come into your life? Because guess what? Once it comes into your life, it's great for a little bit, and then it's old news. And then there's another thing that you want, another goal you want to get to, another thing you want to reach. So show up right where you are right now.

If you are on the east coast it's late at night, right now. You're lying next to your husband and you're pissed at each other. You're fighting. You bickered today. He made you upset. Show up right now. Be the bigger person. Apologize. Start the conversation.

If your house is a total mess and you're dreading tomorrow, show up right now. Decide that you're going to invest in your haven, invest in the place where your babies are being raised, your memories are being made and you're going to get it under control tomorrow morning. Set your alarm, get up, show up. Don't be overwhelmed. Don't let the mess get the best of you. This is a mindset issue. You need to show up right where you are. Stop waiting for the next thing. 

Stop thinking, “Okay, well I'll show up then,” or “Well, if we just had more money in the bank, then...”

I've been there. I've been completely broke. I didn't even have enough cereal to feed my kids one night. Literally. I had to go to a food bank. Now I have a multiple seven-figure business. I had to show up where I was so I could prove that I could show up with what I have now. This is huge you guys!

#3: Get still. Stillness is such a key and it gets so overlooked. I think it’s overlooked and it also kind of gets over-talked about, if that makes sense. Stillness can look like a lot of different things.

As I shared in my Instagram just a little bit ago, tonight I was a mess. I was really stressed out, feeling like I needed to do all the things to fix the things that were stressing me out. And I was like, “You know what? No.” Because when you feel like you need to take action and do everything, a lot of the time the answer's actually to just stop and get still. So I did.

I forced myself. I forced myself to get still. I went upstairs. I ran a warm bath. I lit candles. I got in there, I put my noise canceling headphones on, and I just listened to an abundance meditation. I turned it off. I prayed. I talked to God, and more importantly, I listened for Him. I got still and I just let Him know that I was there. I listened for His voice and I waited for Him to speak to me.

And you know what? He dropped some ideas, some wisdom and words that I needed to hear in order to be better at pouring into other people. And I got out, rinsed off in the shower (because I can't get out of a bath and dry off. It's weird. It makes me itchy. I had to shower), then I went on my gratitude walk and just got grateful.

I think a lot of the times we talk to God, but we don't wait for Him to talk back. It's such a common problem. So, get still.

What does stillness look like for you? You know, I'm a Christian. I love Jesus, but I always have a goal of creating content and reaching out to you beauties who are not, and who've been hurt by Christians. Christians can suck. Let me tell you. So, it doesn't matter what your beliefs are or what your religion is. What is stillness for you?

Is it just sitting on your front porch and listening to the sounds? Is it getting away from your kids a little bit? Is it praying? Is it meditating? Is it sitting still and just being quiet? Is it listening to lyricless music and just closing your eyes, shutting out the distractions, taking some deep breaths?

What is it for you? Get still.

So, three ways to take action right now and water the grass in your life right friggin’ now.

  • Get grateful.

  • Show up right where you are right now. Stop waiting for the next best thing and thinking, “Oh well, when we do that, then I'm going to show up better. When I lose weight...when I have more money...when we have a bigger house...”

  • Get still. Create stillness in your life and cultivate that.

These things take no money. You can literally do them right now.

And you know what? I also want to say for those of you who are ready and you're like, “I want to up level. I want to change my life. I don't want to be the mom who is stuck in this crapshoot of excuses. But it's just so hard. I have twins. We just moved. My kids are close together. We don't have any money. I don't have any time...” I want to say: Invest where you want to succeed.

This is what I was just saying to some of the women who are purchasing my business-coaching. When you invest in your business, you succeed in your business. Even if it's small; sometimes it's big. If you want to succeed in your home, if you want to create a home that you see online, you can. A lot of people message me things like this, “Well, your home, it's just so nice. It's so clean, inspiring and beautiful. It just feels like a safe haven.” Yours can too.

This has nothing to do with design. It has to do with junk. It has to do with clutter. That's why I created Your Uncluttered Home. Invest where you want to succeed.

You can do these three things to water the grass in your life right now for nothing.

But at some point you’re going to have to take it up a notch and invest in something. In your marriage. In your home. In your family. In your peace of mind.

The thing that I love about teaching people how to overcome clutter is that it does all three of those things. It does. It's you, your family, your relationship with your kids, your relationship with your home. You have a relationship with your home, whether you realize it or not. How you feel when you walk in your home at the end of a long day is a temperature-taker of how your relationship with your home is going.

Holy work happens in your home. You are raising the next generation, my friend. That matters! How you feel in that space matters! Do you think it's just a side note? Do you think it’s supposed to be messy? “Good moms have sticky floors and happy kids.” No they don't. No. Because a mom can't be a good mom if she is stressed the freak out. She just can't!

You have to feel good. You have to be filled up. You have to feel confident, happy, fulfilled, and successful to really show up for the people in your life in the way that is best for you. And that’s going to look different for everyone, but the way to get there is the same.

I just want to say this too: If you have been on the fence about investing in anything, whatever it is. Whether it’s some kind of tool that's going to make you better at taking care of your house or that’s going to make your life easier in taking care of your house. Whether it’s delegating to a housekeeper once a week or investing in good quality, healthy food (unfortunately, good quality food is the most expensive). Whether it’s investing in your business idea to create more income,  investing in your marriage, in your relationship with God, going to counseling. Whatever it looks like for you, just do it. Invest!

And if you are stressed out, if you are struggling, if you are unhappy when you walk in the door, if it always feels like you're cleaning up…know it's not normal. It's not normal. It does not have to be that way. It is a freaking lie! (It’s so hard for me not to cuss right now; I’m really amped up!) It is a freaking lie that it has to be that way! I'm living proof.

I'm living proof and so many other women that I have come into contact with are living proof because they did the work. They showed up. They watered the grass in their life and they got change. They reaped what they sowed. So, the grass is not greener because it's fake all the time. And if you like that, if that does something to you, if that fulfills you, if it's comforting to say, “Oh, it's greener because it's fake,” check yourself, girl. Check yourself.

Are you lying to yourself? Do you need to get up and do something about that? You know, heart check?

Okay guys, I love you so much. Thank you for hanging out with me.

Take action. Invest where you want to see success.

Your home is the heart of everything you do. It all starts at home. There’s a reason that I have the Your Uncluttered Home program open all the time, but Unburdened opens only twice a year because you don't always need that. You need to start at home. You need to get your ish together there. You need to create a space, a haven that you love that can be the foundation of your family and your memories. It's important. It matters. That's why studies show over and over and over again that this has a serious effect on us, especially as women.

Okay, go do your three things. Water the grass in your life. Know better; do better. If you saw this live or if you heard this message, that means you have no excuse.

Make sure you DM me on Instagram and share with me what you did with this message and how it impacted you. Show up. Share your stories. Tag me. I will see it. I will be checking. I want to hear from you. Please make sure you tag me. It keeps me going. It keeps me percolating with these messages for you guys. So, share and tag.

Love you guys!  


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 112: Live Chat with Allie

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I think social media can be such a waste of time and on those same platforms where so much time is wasted, I love creating spaces that are intentional and inspire you to be better. I have a free Facebook group that’s really big, really fun, really engaged. It's an attachment of this podcast, a place where we discuss episodes. Discuss abundant life, simplicity, and intentional living for mothers and women of all types. It's such a cool place.

Once a month in that group, I do what is called an Allie Chat where I pull somebody out from the community there and we go live together. There was an Allie Chat recently with a woman named Christina who is just a gem. She asked such amazing questions about her motherhood. I loved the conversation we had and the audience loved the answers that I gave. It was such a powerful Allie Chat and I knew that I had to use it as an episode for The Purpose Show.

 
 

In This Episode Allie + Christina Discuss:

  • encouraging creative play in toddlers without living in constant mess

  • transitioning between seasons and when you need to change up your routines

  • self-care practices with and without your kids around

  • how the Enneagram empowered Allie’s marriage and relationships

Mentioned in this Episode:


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The Supermom Vault is a library of inspiration I created for you.  It holds replays of my very best online workshops that aren’t available anywhere else, tons of really actionable pdf’s that are downloadable with just one click, more than 20 audio and video trainings from me, and professionally designed printables for your home to keep you focused and inspired.

Check it out!  It’s a really good simple start.


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hello, my beautiful, beautiful friend! I've got the coolest, most unique episode ever for you today.

I have this free Facebook group. If you're already a part of it, you know, but if you're not, you've got to get over there. I will link to it in the show notes for sure, or you could just search for it.

It's a free Facebook group that's really big, really fun, really engaged. The women there are just incredible. There's this energetic current that flows through that group, and that flows through me every time I spend time in there. It's really an amazing place to be on the internet, which is awesome because that's one of my biggest goals in my business. You know, I think social media can be such a waste of time and on those same platforms where so much time is wasted, I love creating spaces that are the opposite of wasted time.

I love creating spaces that are intentional and inspire you to be better. When you're on social media with me, you are bettering yourself, not wasting yourself. I love doing that. And this Facebook group is such a picture of that. It is The Purpose Show Community with Allie Casazza on Facebook. It's an attachment of this podcast—a place where we discuss episodes, discuss abundant life, simplicity, and intentional living for mothers and women of all types. It's such a cool place.

Once a month in that group, I do what is called an Allie Chat where I pull somebody out from the community there and we go live together. She gets to ask me basically anything she wants. It's really, really cool.

There was an Allie Chat recently with a woman named Christina who is just a gem. She's so cute, so sweet, so beautiful and amazing. She asked such amazing questions about her motherhood. I loved what she chose to ask me. I loved the conversation we had and the audience loved the answers that I gave. It was such a powerful Allie Chat and I knew that I had to use it as an episode for The Purpose Show.

We discussed a lot of things, but here’s a quick surface recap. We discussed encouraging creative play in toddlers without living in constant mess. We discussed transitioning between seasons and when you need to change up your routines—which is a really frequently asked question in my community so, I'm happy that I had a chance to answer it live with Christina. We discussed self-care practices with and without your kids around. We also discussed how the Enneagram empowered my marriage and relationships.

This is not doing it justice. This is a really powerful episode, so keep playing this. Put it on while you drive, while you go do whatever it is you're doing today. I encourage you to listen.

Thank you, Christina, for being a part of my community. Thank you for asking these important questions. Guys, enjoy this conversation. It’s so, so good.

ALLIE: Hi, can you hear me? How are you today? You look beautiful.

CHRISTINA: Thank you. I'm so excited to be here! I'm such a fan of yours. I'm so emotional already. I love you so much. You changed my life in so many ways. I'm just so excited. You're like my hero, so I'm just happy to chat. I got some coffee.

ALLIE: Oh my gosh. Okay. I left my coffee upstairs and right when I got on, I was like, “How awkward, on a scale of 1 to 10, would it be if I just hung up and ran to go grab it? No, it's fine. I’ve got water, and I should drink it.”

Okay. So, I have your questions here, but I would rather you ask them since you're here. I have them just in case we have tech issues or in case you couldn't come. I love what you asked though. And I saw that you have a Bella too!

CHRISTINA: I do! I actually named her after you. Not in a stalker-kind-of-way. But I love that name. I actually named her Isabella, but we call her Bella and she's just a little light in our lives though. I just saw that name and I think I first heard it from you.

ALLIE: Yeah, I love it. Well, when we named Bella we couldn't name her—well, we could have, but we didn't want to name her—Isabella because our last name is such a mouthful. I feel like it's a lot for a 2-year-old to be Isabella Casazza. It’s just a lot. And so, we just did Bella and I was feeling super unique. It was an old Italian name and every time we said it people were like, “Wow! That's really unique.” And then Twilight came out and ruined my life and made me super mad. Everyone was like, “Oh, I like Twilight, too. Are you going to have an Edward next?” Yeah, I hated everything for three years because it wouldn't stop.

So, talk to me about what you want to talk about today.

CHRISTINA: So, I've actually been through the decluttering process. I actually did it before I found you. So, I’m really on the other side of it. I post a lot in the group—testimony to how this minimalism thing can change your life and add time with your kids. But my kids are so little still, they are 4, 3, & 1.

So my first question is: After you have completed the decluttering process, how do you keep your toddler messes to a minimum without discouraging creative play?

My 4, 3, & 1-year-olds love exploring. We've gotten rid of so many toys. We have a box of Legos and some dolls. But they are so creative, they just get into all this stuff, you know? Like my 1-year-old is taking stuff out of the dressers. The 4 & 3-year-olds are pulling out the pots and pans. They want to dress up in mommy's clothes.

And for a while I was like, “Okay, I'm putting all the clothes up. I'm not letting you guys change six times a day.” And it worked for a little while, but I want my 4 & 3-year-olds to help, and I want them to learn. I don't want to do everything for them. So, I guess what is the balance between that? I don't want to put everything up so that they can't access it. I don't want to be doing everything for them, but I don't want to be walking around all day cleaning up all these random messes.

ALLIE: Yeah, totally. For me, in my experience, you're right at the point in motherhood where you go through these tiers. You go through these stages. I remember times when I thought, “Oh, are timeouts irrelevant now? Do I need to do something different because they're so old?” It's weird. You realize like, “Oh, I think it's time for this now.” And you're right at that point where it's time for them to help.

CHRISTINA: Even though it takes twice as long.

ALLIE: Yeah, oh my gosh, but that gets way better. And some moms don't have the vision that you have for your kids. They don't mind doing everything and that's not what they want for their kids. So, if you're watching and that’s you, disregard.

But for me, I really wanted my kids to help. I believe in chores. I want them to be helpful and not entitled. And that's just important to me. It gets so much easier when they're older. Now Bella and Leland are 10 and 8 and they do the dishes after dinner. Every once in a while if they have extra schoolwork or they've just had baseball and they're just really tired, I'll do it for them. But typically, they do that. And it's because, around the ages that your older two kids are, we implemented, “You get something out, you need to pick it up.” I'll help them if they need my help.

It's basically disregarding the idea in toddlers’ heads. There's this book called Happiest Toddler On The Block and it talks about how they're like cavemen and they don't know anything. When you have toddlers you have to say sentences like, “Please get your finger out of your nose while we're at this restaurant.” You have to explain the basics. So, thinking of it like that…they just don't know.

You're basically having to untrain them to just make a mess and not care. You have to teach them like: “Okay, new thing is being introduced: When you make a mess, you need to be polite and help clean it up.”

It's just a thing you have to spend your time on for a little bit.

But I'd like to encourage you, because you're in such a cool time, but also such a hard time. This is not something that I made sure they followed through on every single time. I wasn't a psycho about it. When you want something for your kids, it comes out of you for them. So, if you want your kids to be helpful when they make a mess, you're going to be able to fight that urge to clean it up. Call them back and say, “Hey guys, this looks awesome. What did you guys do with this? Tell me what you were playing. That's so fun. That's so great! Okay, let's clean it up though. We don't want to just leave it out.”

Make it fun. I was never like, “Get over here!” You don't have to be crazy about it. But when you make it fun, you just infuse that in your day. Of course, there were times when I was like, “Screw it. I'm just gonna clean it up. It's fine.” But typically it was me saying: “Hey guys, come back. Remember? What do we do after you play with something?”

Make them learn that it's just a part of their lifestyle. You've already done that with minimalism and toys and look at how your kids are.

CHRISTINA: Yeah, they’re so creative.

ALLIE: They don’t come to you saying, “I'm bored.” They know how to create, play, be innovative, and messy because that's all they know. Eventually cleaning up after themselves will be all they know and it will just happen. It's awesome and it's so worth it. I think that you can start to do that.

Also, I don't like this idea that people have: “Oh, having toddlers, is just messy. It just is what it is.”

When you're living life and having fun, you let things go. But it doesn't have to be like, “Oh I have toddlers so this is just a total crap show. It's always messy. It's always hard and I can't wait for them to get older so I can have a clean house.”  That's not a good mindset to carry.

But to some effect, when you have creative kids, they do get things out. They think the broom is a horse and they get it out and they play with it. It is to some extent part of it, but there's no reason they can't put the broom back when they're done. There's no reason that you should be running around putting things back by yourself anymore. You have the badge of honor that you have a 4-year-old and she can help put things away. That's just what I did.

What might help you is implementing what I called: “the dinnertime pick-up alarm.” When I made dinner, I would set an alarm for 10 minutes or 5 minutes. You can gauge the amount of time your kids can handle at their ages. Again, super fun. No one's in trouble here. We're just doing our family thing and you say, “Guys, it's time for our dinnertime pick-up dance party.” We would blast Taylor Swift and dance around.

Do you know about the laundry hamper trick? Have them pick up everything in the room and dump it in. It makes it easy because the laundry hamper can be pushed around on the floor by toddlers and they're not having to go and put everything away. They’re just putting it in the hamper.

Then you can make the call. Sometimes I would just go through the house after bedtime and put everything in the laundry hamper where it goes. Sometimes I would have them help me. Definitely as they got older, like once Bella turned 6, it was her job. Go put this in whoever’s room it belongs in. If it was my flip flops she would put them on the floor in my room, which was at least more helpful than them being downstairs on the floor, under the table, or wherever. But yeah, make it fun.

I think that moms struggle because they're exhausted and they don't feel fun, so they don't make things fun and normal life things feel like a punishment. And that's when kids freak out. My son, Leland, has always been my harder one. He'd be grunting, stubborn, and saying, “I'm not going to do it.” All because I sounded like, “Guys what the heck? What is wrong with everybody? Why is it so messy? Pick up right now.”

But if you set a timer and play music, and you're helping and just dancing around, and you say, “Look, let's see who can put the stuff in the hamper the fastest.” How could they not want to? Toddlers love that.

Even if it was super fake and I was really annoyed and didn't feel it, I still made it fun. It’s like a fake-it-till-you-make-it thing, because then you do eventually feel like that and the kids catch that and they like it.

Then that solves the problem that your house feels really messy and it's all on you. If you implement that just every once in a while—having them clean up after themselves, reminding them, calling them back, and then you implement a nighttime pick-up party—then you've solved your problem.

And you can do that. It could be after every meal, you just say, “We just finished a meal. What do we do?”

CHRISTINA: That way it’s more often because I definitely need it at least three or four times a day.

ALLIE:  Yeah, you can do that whenever you want, five times a day, once a day, whatever. I think the key is to just make it fun. Infuse that into them and make them feel like, “Wow! You're such a help to me.” You know when people feel valued—it doesn’t matter if they’re 3 or if they're 90—if they feel valued, they want to show up for that.

There’s this marriage book that I read a long time ago. I think it was called For Women Only, and basically there was this section in there that changed my life and I've applied it to my marriage and everywhere else. It talked about when you want somebody to do something, telling them that they suck and they need to do better doesn't do anything.

If you told your husband, “I just want you to know I think that you're so romantic and you did this (insert small thing that wasn't really romantic, but you're just trying to praise him) and it just really made me feel loved and I felt really close to and I love you.” He's going to notice that and respond by doing another romantic thing instead of you saying, “Why can't you be romantic?” Do you see what I'm saying? Apply that to your kids. If you make them feel valued, make them feel like they’re so good at cleaning up, that’s going to make them want to be better at cleaning up instead of you nagging them.

CHRISTINA: That's awesome. I love that. I use a lot of Wendy Snyder's praises. I love her. And this morning I was asking my toddler—the second one, she's 3-years-old—“Could you please put that up? And she was like, “Nope, I'm not doing it.”

So I said, “Oh my gosh, could you do it as fast as you can? I'm going to set the timer.” Then my 4-year-old came running in and she's like, “Can I do it too, please?”

So, yeah, I need to remember to keep it fun because sometimes I'll definitely be like, “Oh my gosh, why is this room such a mess?” You know?

ALLIE: Yeah, yeah. I just did that yesterday. I freaked out and I was like, “Wait, okay guys, sorry. It doesn't matter how you've messed up today. It doesn't make it okay for me to mess up and I just messed up and I yelled, and I'm sorry. Let's just hit the reset button. Let’s clean up and then let's go downstairs.”

We have this little jar of Hershey Kisses that are for Emmett when he goes potty in the toilet. And I was like, “Let's clean up and let's go downstairs and everyone can have a Hershey Kiss because I think we all need chocolate right now.” And they just laughed. It fixed the day.

I think shifting that perspective in yourself is so powerful. And you can also solve your problem. You don't have to have “good moms don't have sticky floors and messy whatever and it’s a crap show, but at least I'm having fun with my kids” mentality. You can have both.

CHRISTINA: It's good to hear that you're on the other side of that too. That's awesome. I think one thing that they do really well now is they lay out their clothes and they get dressed in the morning. That took forever, but now they're doing it on some level.

ALLIE: Amazing. Yeah, that's amazing. It’s a little thing that trims our morning down a little bit. For me, my son Leland, has definitely been my tougher one. He’s weird about his socks and shoes. There couldn’t be any bumps. He would just take forever. So, I was thinking, ‘How can we fix this when we have to go in the morning?’ Having him try his socks on at night before bed. While I got Emmett’s teeth brushed and got Hudson in his pajamas, Leland's working out his sock issues and then he lays them out and they're ready for the next morning. He already knows that they are going to work and he's happy with them. Those are mom hacks that you don't think about because you're drowning.

So, I know that you had a question about life transitions and routines and stuff.

CHRISTINA: I can read that one. How can you tell when it is time to transition to a new season of life and change up certain routines? I don't want to stay stuck in my routines if they are not serving me.

I’m the kind of person who gets into a routine and can get a little lazy in that. For example, my baby, I'm nursing her at night and a lot of times I'll bring her in the bed and snuggle her. She’s probably at that point where I can start getting up early again. She's sleeping a little bit better, but I'm still stuck in that routine. She's in the bed in the morning, so I'll just sleep in. I'm enjoying that time with her. But I feel like a lot of times we start doing something that's working for us and boom, it changes, you know? Like for you, putting your kids in school and then taking them out. I had such respect for that when I listened to that episode where it's okay to change your mind. You know? If it's not working for your family, you don't have to follow through with it.

So just do you have any examples or tips there?

ALLIE: You like that time. You don't seem ready. I don't know if everyone has this. I talked to a few friends about it and they all agreed so, I don’t know if it’s a mom-thing for everybody, but when I was nursing, I really enjoyed it. My other two babies had issues and they wouldn't nurse. So, when Hudson and Emmett nursed, I just held onto that and it was so sweet for me. Emmett nursed for a really long time. He nursed for almost two years and Hudson nursed for nine months. And at the end of both of those journeys I started to feel different about it. My skin would kind of crawl and I would just kind of be like, “Oh. Ugh, we have to sit down and nurse.”

I feel like it's God's way of getting our bodies ready. It’s like at the end of the pregnancy you're like, look, I don't care how much it hurts, get out of me. It's like your mother's natural way of closing a season off. I think it's beautiful, and I think it's really, really beneficial when your life allows you to make decisions based on that. And you don't have to go and do something else and stop when you're not ready. So, you don't seem ready. Enjoy that. Snuggle her. Sleep in a little bit. Enjoy that sweet time and look for other ways in your life that you could fit things in. Unless you're Type A and you just love routine. I’m not, and being really rigid makes me feel super trapped.

But the fact is, spontaneous or not, the laundry has to get washed, the dishes have to get run, meals have to be cooked, things have to move forward for our houses to run smoothly and for our families to be taken care of.

So, in our family that role is split now between Brian and I. But before it wasn't. It was on me. And so, those are what should be routine. What are the things that absolutely must happen for you guys to function well? Don't put things that are an ideal in your routine right now. Just enjoy sleeping in with your baby girl. Soak up that time and then just know, okay after that I get the girls breakfast, then I put a load of laundry in,  and that's my morning routine. Whatever it is.

The way you know that it's time to switch transitions and bring in a new routine or let go of an old one is when you're like that nursing-skin-crawling-feeling, so to speak, in your life. It should serve you and you can tell when something is serving you versus when it's really inconvenient. You know that feeling when you just feel like everything is just a mess and you feel like, man I need to get my ish together... Like now...This is just not working?

But it depends on your life season where that routine goes. If you feel like that, but you love that snuggle time in the morning and you don't have to be at work at 9:00 AM or you don't have anything, you can fit in your morning routine somewhere else. Make it work for your life. It should feel good. Maybe you snuggle with your baby girl in the morning but at nap time instead of watching Netflix, you first switch the laundry and run the dishwasher, then you veg out and watch Netflix. You can fit it in wherever it works for you right now. It should make you feel like, “Oh that's good, that's really good.” It shouldn't make you feel like, “Oh man, I have to get up. I have to.” Unless you're a working mom and you've got to get up and go. That's a different story.

CHRISTINA: Yeah. Okay. That makes sense. And I think you're right. I feel to be productive, I need to get up at 5:00 AM, get all my meditation and blah, blah, blah. But I do get that stuff in. I just don't do it super early. I think you're right. It feels good right now, and I’m enjoying her.

ALLIE: I didn't even start doing a super early morning routine until I started getting up early and working on my business when Emmett was one—because that was our story. That's when the idea hit me. That's when it needed to happen. But with all my other kids, I didn't do early morning things until they were two. I think people look now and my youngest is 4 ½; That's why I get up at 5:00 and go exercise, then come home and meditate, and have a good time with my family. It seems so easy and smooth now because I have no babies. Just know your season.




Hey friend!  It’s Allie! Have you heard of the Supermom Vault yet?

The Supermom Vault is a library of inspiration I created for you.  It holds replays of my very best online workshops that aren’t available anywhere else, tons of really actionable pdf’s that are downloadable with just one click, more than 20 audio and video trainings from me, and professionally designed printables for your home to keep you focused and inspired.

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Check it out!  It’s a really good simple start.

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CHRISTINA: Okay, now my next question is: What is your go to self-care when you're just feeling done? What's something you do that helps?

ALLIE: Do you want something that you can bring your kids to? Or something where you’re leaving and getting away?

CHRISTINA: How about one of each?

ALLIE: Okay. So, for myself, I could have no makeup on, have my hair in a topknot because it hasn’t been washed in six days, but if I have a manicure, I feel on top of the world. So, I always have my nails painted and pretty fresh because it makes me feel so good. Maybe think of something like that.

I feel like as women, if we feel good physically then it transfers. If you feel like crap (just getting real here: you've got no bra, sweaty under boob and you're feeling like you're gross), then you feel gross.

What’s the one thing that just makes you feel really, really good? I have a friend who's a little more high maintenance than me and she really loves facials. And so, she found a place to get a cheap organic facial and she goes every week on Wednesday morning. And that's her thing.

It could be like that or it could be less extreme. Going for a drive, getting yourself a chai tea latte—or whatever vice it is—and just going for a drive by yourself.

Then with the kids, I've switched back and forth between two things. We live in California, so the weather isn't really something I have to worry about. So, when we're having a day where homeschooling isn't clicking, everyone's just pissy and bickering, I'm done, I'm yelling, I'm not who I want to be, then it's time to get out of there. You need a change of scenery.

If it was raining or cold, we would take a drive. I would buckle the kids up. There's something magical about your kids being stuck in their car seats when they're driving you crazy. We would just listen to the music and just relax.

Then the other thing we would do, which was my favorite thing, which you might've heard me say before, is, I would get my headphones, get my phone, pack the kids up, get them all ready to go and take them to the park. There was this one park where there was a playground and a little sidewalk to walk around. It wasn’t really wide, but it went right around the playground so I could see them wherever I was. I would just put my headphones in and watch my kids play and listen to a podcast, something that encouraged me.

CHRISTINA: Yeah, like The Purpose Show?

ALLIE: What is the issue? Did you have a fight with your husband and you feel like you're having a crappy day? Listen to a marriage podcast. Are you struggling with one of your strong-willed kids? Listen to a parenting podcast.

Or maybe you need to exit the arena of whatever is causing stress that day, then don't listen to that. Listen to something for yourself. Get something in your head because words are powerful and when you're having a bad day and you put positive words literally in your head, you're going to leave that park different and your kids got their energy out. We would blow off nap time and just go whenever we needed to. And even if it was like 20 minutes, it changed the feel of the day.

CHRISTINA: Yeah, I love that. I do that. We have bad weather right now, but I'll just go to like Chick-fil-a if I can or an indoor playground. But yeah. I definitely use the podcast thing, but it's always you. Why are you doing one podcast a week? Please up it.

ALLIE: Good, that’s what it’s there for.

CHRISTINA: Okay. That was very helpful. Thank you.

Okay, so my last question is: What would you say has been the biggest impact of studying the Enneagram on yourself, your husband, and your kids? I am fascinated by the Enneagram. Yeah, I think I'm a 9.

ALLIE: Are you? They’re all great, but there are certain ones that I think I just kind of vibe with more because of my personality. It was funny because I'm such a dork. We were having a get-together at our house and I basically made everyone pick what they were on the Enneagram. I just wanted to know. All of my friends are like 2’s or 9’s. I think the biggest impact was marital for me.

I know I've shared about this on the podcast and it's repetitive, but I always could cry when I talk about it because I just felt so excluded all the time. I felt like I didn't belong anywhere. I didn't always fit in the mom circles. Like can we talk about something other than what Sippy Cup doesn't leak? I didn't get along with a lot of moms. I wanted to talk about marketing and blogging.

CHRISTINA: You’re passionate. You’re fiery.

ALLIE: Yeah. I'm super blunt and my sarcastic sense of humor would sometimes not go over well. I didn't fit in the business industry because they're all like, “Oh, where do you summer?” And I’m like, “I don't. I have a million kids.” I always felt my whole life, even as a kid, like I didn't belong anywhere and like I always needed to tone it down. “Relax” was basically the message that I got all the time from everyone.

And the Enneagram showed me, when I figured out that I was an 8 and I looked at what that meant, it was like my identity and who God made me to be. It was like a light was shone on it. I just cried. I felt so at peace and like, “Oh my gosh! It makes sense why I would take something basic and have to run with it and do way more than anyone else thought I would do with it because I'm passionate about it.

Especially being a woman and being an 8, when Brian and I would have friends, couple friends and stuff, the husband never liked me. They always seemed irritated or intimidated by me. I noticed that even being a teenager, and then especially after I started my business and our friends would see things online about the success of the business. Relationships changed. I never got along with my friends’ husbands; they just wouldn't like me.

And so, the Enneagram helped me see that I'm just super driven. I'm made to be an entrepreneur. I'm just powerful, confident, fiery, and blunt. That doesn't mean that it's an excuse to be rude or anything, but it's helpful to know yourself. Then knowing that and then seeing that Brian is a 2, we have always felt like we were the opposite of what we needed to be. I learned that it's not that. It's actually that we're just the opposite of tradition, and the traditional roles we were in almost split us up and they caused so much unfulfillment, drama, and just fighting.

And so, when I took the Enneagram, it really helped me step into my role and who I am. No matter who that threatens and no matter what other moms think about that. For Brian, he was like, “This is crazy. I’m literally designed to be a support. And I love supporting you, but I always felt weird about it. Like, am I nuts? Am I doing something wrong? Am I supposed to be the provider? What's going on?” So that was really liberating for us.

With my kids, I feel like I'm still figuring them out. I couldn't say that I know what all their numbers are right now. But I'm aware of the different attributes of the Enneagram and the different personality types and it's helped me see those in them and in my parents and siblings.

I have three siblings, so you know, those relationships are sometimes weird. I'm really close with one of my brothers, but my other two I'm like, “I need to figure you out. Are you being really rude or what's your problem?” The communication there, you know? And so, it's helped me see there's not somebody that's wrong and somebody that's right. There's not somebody that's annoying and somebody that's funny. It's just a personality thing. It's been really liberating in that way.

CHRISTINA: That's awesome. I think for me, my husband and I are kind of like the more traditional roles. He is a 3. Which one is the achiever? 3 or 6? I don't remember. He really works on his image and has to be very successful. It really means a lot to him. And I'm more or less like, “Just let's not fight. Everybody get along.” You know, the peacemaker. So yeah, for us it is a little bit more traditional, but I love how you embrace what you are.

It’s sad that the world hasn't come to that yet. I feel like in this age we should be at a point where we're accepting each other. I think that your accepting that about yourself is just awesome. Especially Brian, who is just so sweet. I just love him. He's so cute. I love you guys.

ALLIE: He's so funny when he does the podcast. I always say, “You don't have to be on anything. I never want you to feel like you have to.” And he's always like, “Oh no, I really want to.” He'll come to me with ideas and then we sit down to do it. I always have my hand on his knee and I can feel him tensing up, and we have to do seven takes in the beginning of the episode. He's like, “Okay, I got it now.” And then we'll just go with it and totally flow and the episode is great. But it's so funny to me because he seems so nervous and tense and I'm like, “You don't have to be on here.” He's always like, “I'm just thinking about all those people listening.” And I'm like, “Why would you think about that? I never think about that. I just do my thing.”

It's just funny that you can be so different, but you can still show up in the same way. He can still show up and serve people, it’s just different. It doesn't take him one take with no mess ups, like it does me. It's cool to learn how to be patient with each other's quirks and stuff.

CHRISTINA: Yeah. That's awesome. That's the last question I have.

ALLIE: That’s the last one on the list. I try not to look at every single thing that's typed up because I don't want to come in pre-prepped, but it's helpful in case people don't show up or whatever. But I saw the topics that you picked and I was like, “Oh! This is going to be so good!” And I was really excited.

Thank you for caring, listening to the show, and showing up with amazing questions. You are just such a light. You are. You’re just doing a great job. You're beautiful, shiny, bright, and amazing. You're inspiring to me. So just know that.

CHRISTINA: Thank you. I wish you could see how many women that your life has touched.

I mean I'm sure you see it in some aspects, but there's a lot of women where I share your message and they're constantly messaging me like, “Oh my gosh! This is changing my life. I'm actually scheduling time to get down on the floor and play with my kids.”

I'm your biggest fan. I share you all the time. Your messages are just so good. It's so good. It’s so important that this message gets out there because there are just so many moms that look at each other and they go, “Oh, that's just how life is. It just sucks. It's always a mess. Your kids are always going to be either in a pile of crap or you're going to suffer cleaning all day long.”

ALLIE: There's a lot of shame in being a total mess mom, and there's also another level of shame in not being that. Not that I have it all together. There's always something that's kind of dropped off. If I'm killing it at the business one day, then my house is a little messy. If I'm killing it at motherhood then, in the business some things didn't get done. There's always a balance, but I think there's a different level of shame that comes in when you are doing well and loving it. There's shame in that and it's awful.

CHRISTINA: It is awful. How do you respond to them? I mean I know that's your business, that's your heart. But for people who follow you, and we want to share this and want to share you. Usually I'm just like, “Okay, there's this girl named Allie…”

I'm the peacemaker and I don't want to rile people up. But when I see these people posting, a lot of times on social media, things like: “My house is a crap mess.” I hesitate to comment because I don't want to shame them. I want them to see that there's a light, but I also don't want to make myself look like I'm better than them or anything. What would you suggest if you see people posting things like that? Even if they are asking for help, what's a good way to say that this message is out there, without being rude and without shaming them?

ALLIE: Yeah, I understand that because that's my job. I love marketing so much, but it is so hard to figure out the marketing message behind what I do without coming across as preachy. I can't even tell you how many hours and hours and hours Brian and I have poured into it. Especially him being a guy, he'll say, “Why don't you just say this?” And I'm like, “Okay, if I said that—that was a guy thing to say because I would never get a follower again.”

It's very hard to say, “I can help you,” without it sounding like, “because I'm better than you.” And that is not my heart at all. What I would say and what I've been doing is thinking about it like it's a story that you're telling and you've been there. You've stood where they're standing and you came out of it. Come at it with that heart, like you're doing them a service by telling them, “Oh my gosh, yes! I could have posted a picture just like this times 10 last year. Have you ever heard of (whatever)? It's been such a lifesaver for me.”

I always try to say, “I'm not going to preach at you. I'm not gonna tell you exactly what to do, but rather just help you shift your perspective so you can figure it out yourself.” That's just how I've done it. Tell a story that started exactly in that photo: “That was my photo and now it's not, and it doesn't have to stay that way.” Rather than, “You should…” Never say “should.”

You know what really breaks my heart too, is when I get tagged in something and it's something like that. I wish there was a way to remove that tag. I do not want to be associated with: “You should look at Allie. You can be way better than this. She'll just help you.” No. That is not what I do. I hate it.

It's a problem and, especially, I think, mothers are very protective over their role and what they're doing, and it can feel convicting because of what’s within their own selves. So you can't control that. But I think if you can look at the comment and you're like, “This isn't preachy. This is funny and relatable and I’ve stood where you stood,” and it’s helpful, then it's a green light, you know?

CHRISTINA: Yeah. Awesome.

ALLIE: Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me. I'm so happy that you're here. Really. This was so good and you're just amazing. I'm really thankful for you taking the time away from your kids to talk to me and help the ladies that are going to watch this later and that are watching right now. Thank you so much.

CHRISTINA: Thank you so much for having me. I just want to say to anybody listening that hasn't been down the journey before, it's so, so, so worth the work. Get one of Allie’s courses. Anything she has is amazing and it changes your life. So yeah. Team Allie!

ALLIE: Thank you Christina. I just adore you. I will talk to you later.



This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 111: A Simple Practice for Daily Happiness, Mindfulness & Making Decisions with Emily P. Freeman

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Did you know that, on average, you make 35,000 decisions every single day? That is a lot and feels overwhelming! But decision making doesn’t have to be that way. If we shift our focus from putting off decisions, putting pressure on them, or ignoring them and we turn our focus to the next right thing, the whole decision making process will be more fun and less intimidating!

Emily Freeman is the founder of an incredible movement called The Next Right Thing. She has a book and a podcast around this theory of focusing on the next right thing in front of us and the power that has in our decision making. Give yourself permission to stay in the moment and take action on the next right thing! (Like listening to this episode, because it is a GOOD one!)

 
 

In This Episode Allie + Emily Discuss:

  • Advice for mama’s of teenage girls (because we all need it, right?)

  • What The Next Right Thing movement is, where it all began, and how that phrase will help you in your decision making.

  • Practical steps you can take when making decisions, even in those mundane, day to day decisions.

  • What unmade decisions do to us and the power they hold over our lives.

Mentioned in this Episode:


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This conversation is all about decision making and staying present as you focus on the next right thing and I have the perfect freebie that will support you as you shift your perspective in this direction!

Phone Settings For Our Present Life walks you through what phone settings I have set up on my phone and a less extreme alternative for those of you who might not want everything turned off. It tells you exactly what to do in your phone, and also a lot of the heart behind why you might want it like that. Why I think it's important and where technology maybe should be in our priority list.

The less distraction you have from your phone, the more present you can be to make those every day decisions. Because 35,000 decisions every day is a lot! So don’t miss out on this free PDF. I know it will help you take action, feel more present, and do the next right thing.


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hi, beautiful friend! Oh my gosh. This conversation that you are about to listen in on is life-changing. If you will really just quiet your mind and give this interview, which I can't even call that, it was a conversation, an amazing conversation. If you will give this your focus, oh my goodness, it will shift your perspective, change your life, and give you some really simple keys to simplifying your decision-making process, finding quiet in the midst of your very full life.

If you’re listening to this, you are likely a mom or a very busy woman and you need this. I needed this. It was so good. This was one of those rare podcast conversations where I was shifting around in my seat because it was so good. It was moving me and had me thinking, really thinking, and it was just so good.

Emily Freeman is my guest today. She is a beautiful soul. I was so happy to sit and talk with her. She is the author of The Next Right Thing, which is a book that's actually based on a podcast she started, which the podcast is also called The Next Right Thing. I love listening to her podcast. It's one of my favorites. It's one of the only ones I actually do listen to. Emily really has a good personality. She's very pointed when she speaks and she gets to the point, which I like. I just really liked her.

Her book, The Next Right Thing is simple, soulful practices for making life decisions. Emily talked a lot about decluttering your soul and your brain, and uncomplicating the art of making decisions day-to-day. Not big life decisions but day-to-day, because the average person makes 35,000 decisions per day. Obviously this is something we need to be talking about and looking at.

Emily is a Wall Street Journal bestselling author. She's an incredible soul and this conversation is worth giving your time to. So let's welcome her and enjoy this conversation, ladies. I know I did.

ALLIE: Hi Emily! Welcome!

EMILY:  Hi Allie! Thanks for having me here!

ALLIE: Yeah, I'm so excited to talk with you. I'm super excited to get to know more about you and introduce you to our listeners. I think that we have a lot of overlap in the things we talk about and that's always super exciting because I feel like you get me and I get you.

EMILY:  I feel that way too.

ALLIE: Yeah, I'm excited. Okay. Before we get into all the other things about the amazing book that you've written, which I read in one sitting yesterday.

EMILY: So impressed.

ALLIE: It was so good. I made space for it because it was so good. I just want to learn a little bit about you and have our listeners connect with who you are.

So tell us about, tell us about you. What's your personality type? Do you know what you are on the Enneagram and all that good stuff?

EMILY: I do. On the Enneagram, I identify with Type 4. I probably lean more towards the 3 wing, but as I get older a little bit, I'm finding more 5 tendencies in me a little bit. My sister's a 5 on the Enneagram, so I kind of get that space too.

I don't even think I identified really as maybe a creative person until maybe college or after college. I didn't see myself that way. But as I've gotten older, that part of me has come more fully alive and I think has always been there, but I never really gave it a name or gave myself credit for being creative, which I actually believe everybody's creative. Creativity expresses itself differently in different ways in each of us.

I think when people listen to my podcast and then they meet me in real life, I think they're surprised that I laugh really loud and talk pretty fast and I'm a little kind of sillier maybe than they expect. Because the podcast is a little more contemplative and slower paced because that's the purpose of that show. While that is me and that's my personality, you know there are different aspects and facets of personality that come out in different places.  

ALLIE: Different settings. If you're in a person-to-person social setting, you get an energy that's different than when you're sitting at your desk talking about your work.

EMILY: Right. Exactly. And that's kind of what it is. And I think in general, I feel most like myself when I'm writing and when I express myself through writing, but I feel most alive when I'm communicating with people or speaking or using my voice to say words, even if it's just with other people in a small group setting or even on a stage speaking at an event or something. That wouldn't be my preference to do that a whole lot. But when I do it, there is a certain sense of fulfillment I think that comes in those moments.

ALLIE: I love that. I'm the same way. I really don't like speaking when I'm planning to go speak somewhere, but once I'm on that stage, something happens where I come alive and I'm like, “I need to do this more.” And then I'm like, “Well, maybe not.”

EMILY: I've never heard anyone say it that very way. I feel the same way. The hardest part of my job is prepping to speak somewhere. But then once I get up there, it doesn't feel hard at all compared to the prep. Sometimes I’m like, “Am I doing this wrong? There's gotta be a magic way that I haven't figured out.” But I don't know if there is. I think that's just part of the job,

ALLIE: I think so. I've never heard anyone else really say that they didn't love speaking either. I think people do it because they love it and they're good at it, but not a lot of people are really willing to push themselves past their comfort zones, I think. And I am. So that is that for me. I will only take the ones that are super worth it because I don't like it very much.

EMILY: I love it. I totally resonate with that.

ALLIE: Tell us what is your absolute favorite thing to do when you are by yourself?

EMILY: Well, I love being by myself, so that's a favorite thing all alone. I can spend a lot of time just looking out the window, which sounds so boring, but I live a lot of life in my head, so having the space to actually stare out the window. A lot of times I will go back through journals that I've written in, old journals from years ago, and reflect on things I've learned or ways I've changed or the way our life has changed. That can be really life giving for me to sort of see patterns and to spend some time in reflection. Also reading when I'm alone. I'll either watch a show I love or spend some time with a book that I love. Lately I have been craving reading more fiction because I haven't been reading a lot of fiction and so I sense that itch to read a really good story.

ALLIE: I go through really long seasons of not reading it at all. fiction, when it does come into my life, it's a happy escape from the norm. Regular books, nonfiction books, they don't do that. You’re thinking about your life as you're learning this new thing. It's just when the fiction has a special place.

So, tell us about your family.

EMILY: My husband John and I have been married for almost 18 years now and it's gone by really fast. That's weird because I remember when my parents were married for 18 years, you know? That’s so weird. We have three kids. We have twin girls who are 15, they're in 9th grade. And then we have a son who is almost 13. He's in 6th grade. This was a big year for us, first time middle school for our son and then first time high school for the twins. Lots of transition, but they've made them fairly smoothly. And so, we're navigating interesting teenage waters these days with our family, which has been really a gift, but also it makes you realize, “Wow, we've been parents for 15 years. We still don't really know what we're doing a lot of the time,” because we've never been parents of these kids at this age. It's always learning and staying on your toes.

ALLIE:  Do you have any advice for those of us with girls that are…my daughter's 10, so setting the stage for those teenage years? What would you say has been helpful and that you think you did well?

EMILY: That's a great question. A lot of times it's the things that you don't realize and you might just do naturally and they don't feel like a big deal. But I had a mom tell me once that people always commented on how close she was with her teenage girls. And this mom said, “It started with the Barbies. I would play Barbies with them or play the games that they wanted to play when they were young.” So then as they grew, it was really normal for them to just let her into their world.

Though I'm not the best Barbie player…I was when I was younger and was actually playing with them, but as the girls have gotten older, one thing is they have each other. They're twins, so they do a lot of that themselves. But being around and letting them know that I was present. I think I discount the value that that has.

When I look back and I think, “Oh, I should have had more serious and intentional conversations with them about A, B, C, you know, about all these really big important issues.” And maybe that would've helped, but I don't know if they would remember, but I guarantee you what they remember is time spent and just me being around.

And I think that's sometimes a filter through which I make decisions about work or travel or whatever…there are seasons when I'm not able to be fully present because I am traveling or working. But then when I'm home, I'm trying to be all there. I think that really goes a lot further than we realize.

Maybe 10 years from now I'll look back and remember, “Oh yeah, that was important,” because when I think about my own relationship with my mom, I don't really remember specific conversations or “lessons” that she taught me. But I do remember her presence and I remember her just being there. And I think that's really important, and I think a lot of times overlooked.

ALLIE: Yeah, I love that. Your kids have always gone to school?

EMILY: Yeah, they're all three in public school. Charter School for a couple of years, but mostly they're in the public school.

ALLIE: I love that, cause we homeschool our kids and it's not out of a love for homeschooling. That is for sure. It's just the flexibility of schedule because we like to bring the kids with us when we travel for work. But a lot of the time when I talk about being intentional and making time and being present, people – mothers - will blame it, “Well you homeschool, so you're always together.” And I am always trying to get a conversation with somebody who does not homeschool and has that because I don’t think that's it.

I actually think it can make it harder because you think, “Oh we have all day. We're always together. There's lots of opportunities for that.” And it actually slips by even more. I love that you said that and that your kids go to school. It’s not a lack of the availability of time. I think it's what you do with the time you do have together.

EMILY: Right. Yeah, that's a great point.

ALLIE: Okay. So, you are the host of The Next Right Thing podcast, which I love because it's short, pointed. It's one of those shows that if I'm listening…sometimes I just want silence because my life is loud and my kids are still really little and my oldest is 10 so I've got a 4-year-old, and lots of boys, so it's very loud…but sometimes I want to listen to something while I get ready and it's perfect because the episode is done by the time I finish doing my makeup or putting my hair up or whatever. It's easy and pointed. Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like the podcast is really short and pointed and bite-size perspective shifts and the book is still not super long or anything, but just really beautiful and a little deeper.

I really love the way you wrote this book. It's amazing. And it's also called The Next Right Thing.

When I immerse myself in an author, I've been looking at your website and I followed you on Instagram and read your book in one sitting yesterday, so I have to remove myself and, “Wait, for somebody who does not know any of this, let's start from the beginning.” What is the next right thing, this movement you started? Tell us what it is about or if you want to share where it started for you. Anything that you want to give us the 101 of The Next Right Thing.

EMILY: Well, that phrase, “the next right thing,” it's certainly not one that I came up with. It's been around a long time and has been said by a lot of really smart people over the years.

The first time I remember hearing it was when I was in college. I was a transfer commuter student at a school locally here. Because I was a commuter student, we had to fight for parking. I had to get to the school an hour before my first class started just to find street parking. I also learned to be a really great parallel parker by the way, so I can whizz into a parallel parking space, no problem.

But I would get to school early and then there was nothing to do because there wasn't a smart phone back then and no podcast to listen to. So I would listen to a little radio show that was about 15 minutes. It was like one of my podcast episodes. It was called Gateway To Joy and it was hosted by author Elizabeth Elliot and she would often quote a little poem that was called, “Do The Next Thing.” It was kind of sing-songy. It stuck with me because as a 18, 19, maybe I was 20 by that time -year-old, that was really powerful for me because it's the time in your life when you're looking at the future and you're looking at all of it at once and it can be overwhelming to say the least. And so that little small encouragement to just do the next thing, do it with prayer, do it consistently, was really helpful for me. It kind of just lodged in the back of my mind all those many years ago.

But then as I've grown and started writing, I find when I look back over books I've written and blog posts I've written over the last decade, I find that phrase here and there, “just do the next thing” or “do the next right thing” in my own writing, just kind of tucked away.

It was only about two or three years ago when I had a big decision to make that I started recognizing how this unmade decision that I had to make had a lot of power. And I think that's true across the board for a lot of us that unmade decisions hold power. They hold our attention. They keep us on our toes. They can have the power to wake us up to God, to friendships, to communication or whatever. Or they can also have the power to shut us down. To procrastinate. To put the decision off. To delegate it to somebody else. That's a lot of power that unmade decisions have.

A lot of us want to go ahead and make the decision and we want to be done with it. Others of us, we'll drag our feet.

It was sort of two things happening. I had this decision to make, but then on the inside level, my inner life, I was looking at how that decision was informing my relationships and the way I related to God and to people. That’s when I started to think, “Oh, this decision-making thing. There's something to this. I want to explore this.” And I thought it would be my next book because I'm a writer and that's what I do.

So, I started taking notes on the decision-making process and how this unmade decision was causing me to question some things and solidify other things and how my own spiritual formation was becoming a real big part of this decision-making process. But as I tried to write it as a book even after I made that decision, it was so stubborn and did not want to be a book. It was the worst. I tried to force it into an outline; it would not do it. Finally, long story short, I decided maybe the medium that this idea wants to come to life in is not in written form, but in spoken form. That's when I had the idea to explore this idea of decision-making and doing the next right thing in a podcast.

What should I call it? Decision again…how about I just call it “The Next Right Thing,” because that's the phrase that has always helped me approach decisions a little bit in a more friendly way and not such an intimidating way.

If it was “just do the right thing,” I think it's like, “Well yeah.” But that's kind of intimidating and we don't always know what's right, but when we put that word “next” in it, I think that makes it a little more approachable. We can usually access the next thing that's right in front of us, even if we're not quite sure what the exact right thing is to do.

So, that's kind of some background. That phrase has stayed with me and I'm sure will continue to stay with me for the rest of my life because this “next right thing posture” has really changed not only how I make decisions, but also how I move through my day in everyday life.

ALLIE: Yeah, absolutely. So, what does that look like? Maybe give me some examples because I'm curious about the mundane stuff. You say we make 35,000 decisions a day. Is that right?

EMILY: That's what I hear. I've looked it up in many different places and that's the number that keeps coming in. Isn’t that crazy?

ALLIE: And you know, in my personal day-to-day life, I've been working through when to apply grace to myself and went to keep pushing because I've been finding myself feeling really exhausted and done for the day very early in the day. And I'm like, “Okay, I've been trying…do I need to move my exercise so it's not in the morning? What is it that I need to do?” And reading this book…I intentionally left it for right before I interviewed you so that it would be fresh…in reading this book, I'm like, “Hold on 35,000?” I know my life, I know my job, I know how many people are on my team and I know my kids are always with me, so I'm just gonna assume that I probably have more than the average person.

EMILY: I think you probably do.

ALLIE: I was thinking, “You know, I think it's that.” I think it's just the constant like that. What is the New York Times article about decision fatigue?

EMILY: Yes, it's a real thing.

ALLIE: I don't really know what to do with that information, but it helped me feel like it's okay. It makes total sense. I'm constantly being talked to and some of that quiet I have control over (like with my phone) but a lot of it I don't. Like with my kids, they're here and I don't want them to feel, “Don't talk to mom. She's going to be pissed or whatever.” I want to be there, but it's just exhausting. And little things like, “Yes you can have applesauce or are you going to have slides at your presentation at this conference?” I don't know…things like that. It's just constant. So, I guess my question, messily, is what do you do with that in day-to-day? What do we do with that information? What does this next right thing look like lived out in those mundane things every day. And is there a way to avoid that exhaustion that I've been going through?

EMILY: Well first I would say to answer your question, I think that you showing grace to yourself is always the next right thing. Because it sounds to me like your personality, I can totally relate with it, probably you might never be a person who needs to totally push herself because it sounds like you naturally push yourself. You probably need to intentionally not push yourself sometimes, especially in your life stage. Man, that's so tough.

But as far as the mundane things, it's such a great question and I gotta tell you, it's in the mundane things where The Next Right Thing concept is the most helpful for me because I will literally wake up in the morning and maybe I'll have a little morning routine that I can rely on, which is really helpful, actually small, short morning routine.

But after that, sometimes I'm like, “Uhh,” and I'm literally spinning in my living room. Where should I start? What do I do first? Because everything feels like it has equal importance. When someone says, “Well, do the most important thing first,” it's like, “Well guess what? It feels like there's 20 of those.” Everybody else has their own idea of what's “important.” So, choosing one I think is helpful.

That whole idea of “the next right thing” sometimes is, “Okay, go take a shower.” And then I get out of the shower and it's like, “Okay, now what's the next right thing?” I’m going to listen to this podcast while I do my hair, okay. Giving myself permission to stay in that next right thing while I'm in it, knowing that I'm going to have the opportunity to ask the question again in 15 minutes. And that helps.

It’s like a weird mindset-magic that happens for me personally when taking a shower is my next right thing and I let that be my next right thing for 15 minutes. Then I can be in the shower and it almost feels like time expands because I'm not spinning in my mind about, “Well I'm taking a shower now, but really I should have been making the grocery list and running out to the mailbox,” rather than forcing myself into spaces where I can't be all at once because we can really only do one thing at a time, even the best multitasker among us. We might be doing many things in succession really quickly, but you can't chop an onion and peel the oranges at the same time. You can do them really quickly, but it's one at a time.

But giving those activities a little bit of bumper room in between each other by asking the question, “Okay, now what's the next right thing?” And trusting yourself to choose. If there's 10 things and you can't figure out which one's most important, then there isn't an answer there. There isn't a wrong answer. Just pick one.

I can't tell you how many times I have not done that and I've looked back on my day and been like, “Wow! I got nothing done, but I was working all day long.” Because I was frenetically switching, task switching, from half an activity to half an activity and it wore on my energy. It made me grumpy because I didn't finish anything. And I felt like a failure even though I was just as tired or maybe more tired than I would have been had I just chosen three things and finished them to completion, and then gave myself permission to say, “What is your next right thing.”

And the final thing there is let the next right thing sometimes be it's time to close the day. It's time to be done with work today or whatever the thing you're working on. That is a valid next right thing.

ALLIE: I love that so much. Yesterday, I was frustrated because I was faced again with that feeling of, “I’m feel tapped out. I feel like I will not be able to even cook dinner and deal with my…and that's when it's a trigger…when I'm thinking, “deal with my family.” That's not how I want to come to the table at the end of the day, you know? I was feeling like, “There's no way.” But there's all of my task list (Emily was like “20 things left”) and they were big things. I just reached out to Hayley. She's my right-hand man. She helps run the company and I said, “I just don't know what to do.” And she was like, “Well, none of these things are pressing right now. Why don't you just be done for the day?”

Why do we give ourselves this fake urgency? Because I assigned it to today, a long time ago when I was just putting my tasks in Asana, I was like, “Well, this task needs to be done today.” I think it was funny cause I laid on the couch, I just laid there like a Zombie vegging out for a second. And it was like how often do we do that to ourselves where it is so unnecessary and it's so urgent, but we’re are the ones that have the power to say this is not urgent anymore? It's just one of those novel concepts. It's so obvious, I think to certain personality types.

EMILY: It is and I love that you pointed out that you reached out to Hayley because number one, I think we all need a Hayley in our lives, whether we're writing or whether we are just running a household or whatever the thing is. And too, looking back, that was your next right thing, was to reach out to her and to let her be a co-listener with you to your own energy and your own life. And for her to say, “I'm going to be a “no” mentor to you right now. It’s time for you to say “no” and close the day.” What a beautiful next right thing that you did without even realizing it. I think that's so great that you have her and that you know, “Okay, when I'm at my wits end, I’m going to reach out to Hayley.”

ALLIE: I think sometimes we just get stuck in our own heads and we can't have that aerial perspective over our own life because we're just muddled. It just gets messy.


Hey sweet friend! I'm interrupting this incredible conversation that I'm having with Emily because I wanted to let you know that I know when I'm having conversations like this on the podcast, it really gets me thinking. It really gets me inspired.

This was one of those conversations that when we were recording, I just really felt alive. I felt really excited. I felt super inspired. I was thinking to myself, “I need to make sure that I come back and listen to this episode myself later on.”

Those recordings are rare, but when they happen, I feel like I'm on fire inside. I get so amped up about what we're talking about. I think that happened here with Emily because well, first of all, she's amazing and this conversation is so good, deep, and just extraordinary. And I think also because there's crossover with what I talk about, and I'm passionate about this, so it really gets me excited for you guys.

What I wanted to do is just draw attention to a freebie that I've created in the past for you guys that has become a fan favorite. People love it. It really deals with something that you wouldn't think is really deeply impacting your day, but it is. It deals with your phone settings.

I talk often about how I have my notifications basically turned off in a lot of ways. They're really turned off. I don't get my phone vibrating, making a noise, or lighting up when I get a text message. I don't have social media interrupting my day. My phone is a side note. It's extra so I'm living my days focused on what's in front of me, on my family, on my work, on whatever it is that I'm doing in real life that day. I don't think that technology should be able to tap us on the shoulder and interrupt our actual, real life whenever it wants to.

I talk a lot about that and I have this free download called Phone Settings For Our Present Life and it literally walks you through exactly what phone settings I have set up on my phone and a less extreme alternative for those of you who might not want everything turned off. It tells you exactly what to do in your phone, and also a lot of the heart behind why you might want it like that. Why I think it's important and where technology maybe should be in our priority list.

If you're interested in getting that, it's totally free. It's just something that I have on my website that I thought would be important and helpful to draw attention to while you're listening to this episode.

To get that for free, go to alliecasazza.com/shownotes/111.


ALLIE: I love something that you talk about in your book, how unmade decisions will smoke out things that we’re addicted to, like these hidden addictions. Not like addiction to alcohol and addiction to other things, but addiction to needing clarity or needing the approval of other people before you make a decision. Can you kind of unpack that for us? I just thought that was so astute and wise. I’ve noticed it in my own life when I've had to talk through things. Can you talk about that?

EMILY: It’s such an interesting thing to think about because it's very meta to think about how we make decisions, because usually we don't think about the process. We just either do it or we don't do it. When I think about decisions that that give me the hardest time or the ones that I'm procrastinating on, that's what I think our decision making and the process can begin to smoke out those addictions that we don't even realize are there.

For example, sometimes when I'm putting a decision off, the reason is because I'm afraid of the people I'll disappoint one way or the other. If I make this decision, these people are going to be disappointed. I make that one, I'm going to let these people down. Sometimes it's just perceived. I'm just afraid I'll let those people down. It might not even be real, but it's a fear of that.

And that can be an addiction to really deeply caring what people think to an unhealthy degree. Or it could be, I put something off because I am addicted to my own comfort. Even just buying a plane ticket. It's like, “Uh, I don't like the feeling I get when I'm having to make a decision that's definitive. I leave at this time and I get back at this time.” There's something in there that, though it might just be a quirky thing that we do, there could be something in there if we listened to our life that we realize could unlock a deeper issue. So, it's like these surface unmade decisions can actually inform something that might be happening beneath the surface.

And another thing, I think when we put decisions off, a lot of times and you mentioned it, it's because we are addicted to a sense of clarity. We think that until I know everything there is to know, and until I feel a perfect peace, I will not move. But in reality, a lot of times the peace and clarity come on the other side and it's once you finally make the decision and walk into the foggy future, that clarity begins to reveal itself to us over time.

Sometimes we're never sure if it was “right” or not. We just did the next thing we need to do at the time. That addiction to clarity, if we're waiting to feel clear, perfect peace, man, we might be waiting for a really long time.

Marie Forleo talks about clarity comes from engagement not from thought. Sometimes we think, “Well, if I think this through every single possible outcome that could come from this decision, then I'll have clarity.” But her point is a good one in that a lot of times it's engaging with the decision, engaging with our life, that actually brings the clarity to us as we move forward, even as we're carrying some question marks.

ALLIE: As you're talking about this, I'm just thinking about people who struggle with anxiety and I'm wondering do you have any experience with this helping ease just regular anxiety? Does that even make sense? This is not in my notes, this is an unformed question, but how does this affect people that struggle with being anxious in those little moments, unexplained anxiety?

EMILY: Well I think that's a great question and first of all I think sometimes we feel shame when we have feelings that we can't explain. Anxious feelings or fearful feelings.

And I just want to point out that feelings are always valid. They might not always tell us the truth, but they always give us information. So if we're feeling anxious, pay attention, you might not be able to explain it, but it can be a red flag of something that could be really helpful to know. But it's okay if you can't explain it. I think paying attention to those triggers when we do feel anxiety and maybe getting beneath that and asking yourself why.

Another thing in an anxious place, especially when it comes to decision making or something I'm being asked to do, try to put into English words what you are afraid of. Sometimes fear is a smoky enemy, but when you get down to it and you put it in English, it loses a lot of its power because you realize, oh, I was afraid…just general fear, but when I put it in English it’s like, “Oh no, actually, I'm afraid that I will miss my daughter's performance.” There can be really specific things. Once you have that fact or that information, you might be better equipped to deal with the thing you're actually afraid of and saying it out loud can help loosen some of the power.

One question I like to ask myself when I'm feeling stuck in a decision is am I being pushed by fear or am I being led by love in this decision? And looking for the fear and the love in decision making can be really informative. It might not always help us make the next decision, but I think it can give us a lot of information about, “Okay, oh I am afraid. Well why is that?” Asking the question beneath the question when it comes to fear.

I know sometimes even just asking that question, “Oh, am I making a decision out of fear or am I making a decision out of love,” sometimes that alone is enough to help us know maybe not the whole decision, but at least our next right thing.

ALLIE: That makes so much sense. I love that.

You talk about naming in your book and I also really loved this section. You have those two core principles about choosing the next right thing and having sole minimalism, which we will totally dive into. I might be wrong; I think this was the next section. I actually marked this section that I wanted to read so that you could expand on it. It's so good and you lead into it with saying “put into English words.”

You say in the book, “sometimes indecision is the result of a busy schedule or a hesitant personality. Other times it's because something within us remains unnamed and we simply don't have enough information or self-knowledge to move forward. Without a name we can't be specific and there's nothing fear likes more than nonspecificity.”

I just love that because it's true on so many levels. And I think you just touched on it with the anxiety question a little bit about like, well, what is it? Because it's either going to be a little ridiculous and you'll realize that, “Oh well, this thing isn't going to happen,” or it could totally happen, but you now can take steps to protect it or help it not happen.

Can you talk a little bit more about that naming? Examples that you have done or anything that you could help us see more clearly that in our day-to-day life?

EMILY: I think it's a great question and I think it is an important part of the decision-making process that's often not talked about and overlooked. We go straight from, “I have to make a decision,” and then we jump straight into whatever the decision is without taking a little time to listen to our own life. Part of that listening process is putting a name to some things.

I'm trying to think of a good example. I share the story of the Writebols in the book where Nancy Writebol, who was diagnosed with Ebola virus when she was a medical missionary. During that time, I saw a news brief where she and her husband, after she was better, were giving a news conference about her experience.

She and her husband shared a lot of the difficulties, a lot of the fear. They thought she wasn't going to make it at one point, but she pulled through and they talked about their faith. They talked about the hope that they had in God. But that there were also some hard times.

I was on the elliptical at the gym when I was watching this news conference and I was listening. At the end of it, it was so interesting because the news commentator summed up the news conference with the Writebols and she said how beautiful their story was. She said their's was “a narrative of joy.” I had to take my earbuds out and stop the elliptical because first of all, I thought that was such a beautiful way to say that, “a narrative of joy.” But it was also really counterintuitive to call that a narrative of joy because they were talking about her recovering from Ebola, this terribly life-threatening sickness.

And I thought, you know what? The “narrative” is the keyword there because each plot point in their life when she was on that bed and very sick and her husband couldn't even go in the room because it was too dangerous, that was not joyful. That was dark, filled with grief and probably a lot of fear and anxiety. But when they look at the whole narrative of her life and even of the experience, the whole thing, they could name that narrative as one of joy, even though each plot point was not joyful.

When it comes to my life, oftentimes I am tempted to look at the plot points and call that the story. And I can get stuck in a difficult day or difficult moment, an argument or relational disagreement, a work setback. And I can say. “This is hard.” And I named the narrative hard, difficult, fearful, anxious, wrong, discouraged. Rather than letting that day or that moment be a plot point in a larger story, a larger narrative. It’s an example of taking a step back at your life and seeing it for what it is on the whole. It doesn't mean that those plot points aren't to be named. They are.

Sometimes I think we rush too fast. I think we can do both. We will either wallow in the difficulty and refuse to see the narrative that's bigger, or we feel shame for feeling the difficulty. So, we will rush too quickly to the joy or to the hope. Or when we see someone around us struggling, we will be uncomfortable in their struggle, so we'll rush them to a narrative of joy, but they need to be in that plot point and name it because we cannot heal from what we do not name. And don't confront.

I think a lot of times we're walking around with a lot of woundedness and a lot of things from our past, decisions that we've made, that maybe we regret but we haven't named it regret. Instead maybe we are living under a banner of disappointment or whatever the thing is, but we didn't trace it back to a certain decision at a certain time in a certain place. Call it a plot point but don't make it the whole narrative.

Making that differentiation between a plot point and the narrative has been really life giving for me and has freed me up to let the hard things be hard, but not to let them define the whole story.

ALLIE: I love that. I love it so much. It's such a perspective shift. If you can do it now before a really hard thing happens, then you're going to be equipped with that when it does hit. I have a really dear friend that I grew up with that she was fostering a little boy and he actually ended up getting murdered by his birth mom. It's this awful thing. I'm watching everybody around in our lives try to get them where they wanted them to be faster. We're seeing these people that we all love in pain, in incredible pain, that really none of us understood because that's a very unique trauma. No one had gone through it. And naturally, you don't really know what to do. But as I went, I flew out there, and I sat with them, I noticed people were uncomfortable with their discomfort and wanted them to just feel better.

It was exactly what you're saying, rushing them to get into that narrative that makes us feel better. Like, “Oh, you're not in pain anymore. I'm so glad you got through that. God is greater.” And it's like, they're not there yet. They're really upset. I learned so much about that.

But I love that you talk about that for ourselves too. Not forcing and not rushing that clarity, and that knowing of this is what’s in my story. You don't need to know sometimes. And that's so hard for my personality, but so true.

EMILY: I so get that. I shared this story, you might have read, but I had some back pain and I went to get a massage. My mother-in-law was like, “You need a massage. I'm going to pay for that.” I'm like, “Eh, okay.” But when I went the massage therapist, she told me, she said, “Actually, which side of your back hurts?” And I was like, “It was the left side.” She said, “Well, I actually noticed more trouble in your right side.” So immediately I'm like, “What does it mean?” You know?

I was like, “Well, tell me, what does that mean that it’s the opposite side? And I kind of freaked out like, “Oh great, I have a whole back that's troubled.” She very calmly answered and she said, “Um, it doesn't mean anything. It's just information.” And I thought, oh I was trying to rush to an explanation, but she was making, forcing me to be satisfied with information.

And sometimes that's all we get. We don't have an explanation or a diagnosis. But sometimes naming it and seeing it for what it is and letting let that be enough. That might be all we ever get. And like you said, it can be super hard and frustrating, but it still can be helpful.

As we move forward, especially with people who are in trauma situations, like you mentioned, the more comfortable we get with carrying our own question marks, I think the better friends we are to those who are living in a giant question mark that none of us understand. We can more quickly and empathetically identify with where they are and let them be in that space. Which I think is where a lot of people need to be sometimes for an amount of time that we might not be comfortable with.

ALLIE: Yeah. The whole idea and the philosophy behind doing the next right thing is really a beautiful way to live in a really beautiful way to show up for others too. It’s not just about us.

I do want to talk a little bit about the soul minimalist idea that you present. I think it's in the second chapter or something. It's kind of like a crux of the whole point of what you're saying. I love that you call it soul minimalist because that's what we talk about here on The Purpose Show is minimalism in all different forms.

I saw that it was in the Table Of Contents and I was tempted to jump to it, because as a minimalist and one of the teachers of this, I'm like, “I don't know what that even means.” I feel like I'm out on some secret and I want to know.

It was so beautiful the way you talk about it, so I want you to explain what that is, what you mean by that and how you practice it.

EMILY: Well, Joshua Becker, who writes about actual minimalism in his books and on his blog, Becoming Minimalist, I heard him say once that minimalism is not that you should own nothing but that nothing should own you. I think people who practice minimalism in their homes and in their lifestyle, you want freedom. You want to not have things so much that it's overcoming you. That it becomes the boss of you rather than the other way around. And so, he talked about how we often have regular input of things into our homes, but we don't always have regular output.

And when I heard him say that, I thought, “Oh wow!” Because I'm always thinking of the inner life, I thought how that is also true on the level of my soul. When it comes to the interactions that we have everyday, deadlines that are put on us or that we put on ourselves, emails that we get, conversations with people, family members and friends, and strangers, that is constant input to our psyche, to our soul, our mind, our will and emotions. And we carry that stuff around. Especially when it's difficult. We carry that stuff around. Our souls are very sticky and all that stuff sticks to us. It’s constant input, but we don't have a regular practice, many of us, of output.

In fact, many of us don't even realize we're carrying stuff around all day, every day. And we also wouldn't even know how to get rid of it if we tried. And so, this idea of not owning nothing, not emptying your insides, but having none of that own you, can apply in the inner life as well as the outer life.

For me the way that practice can be brought into my everyday life in reality…What does it look like to become a minimalist on the soul level? The same way decluttering is to our home. For me, silence and stillness is to my soul. That really literally looks like some intentional time when I can get it, or during my morning routine, I'll sometimes set my phone for just a couple minutes, sometimes 10, usually 4 or 5 minutes, set it, hit start. And that time is just a time for me to sit in stillness and silence.

Sometimes I will name, silently, some of the things that I'm carrying. Usually for me, it's an interaction with someone that rubbed me the wrong way, or a way I felt dismissed in a conversation, an argument that maybe I had with my husband that morning, a way that I was short with my people. I will name that and then imagine releasing it into the presence of God, but doing it without an agenda.

What I’ve said so far is a lot more than I usually do during that time of silence. That's one way of releasing, but sometimes it's just silence for the sake of silence and letting that 5 minutes of silence be my next right thing. Knowing that when the timer goes off, it will go off. Sometimes it feels like it's been 20 minutes; sometimes it feels like it's been 5 seconds, but it will go off in five minutes. Problems aren't necessarily solved and the world isn't necessarily changed. But I am a little better prepared to face my problems and to enter the world because I have cleared a little bit of space on the inside.

I don't understand it fully. I don't know fully the science behind it, but I do know that when I'm able to do that I feel a little bit more like myself and a little bit more able to confront the day with some space so that those things are not owning me because I've recognized them and I've spent some time in silence to let them go.

ALLIE: I love that so much. It's so true and it's funny to me that mindfulness and meditation is this hot topic right now and it's like this is biblical. This is this idea of being quiet and not always filling your every second with noise and grabbing your phone, or whatever it is, is not new. It's just affecting us at a much deeper level because we need it so much more, I think. People are really grabbing onto it. Just being still and being quiet.

I think that for Moms, what I always hear when I talk about this is, “Well, how do you find the time when there's always somebody there?” I think that, and I want to know what you think too, but I think that sometimes silence, it doesn't have to be perfect silent, perfect stillness where you're on the floor and there's no one. Sometimes it's just a quiet moment.

I know you mentioned, I don't know if it was in the book or podcast that you mentioned but, the walk to the mailbox or you wait one extra second before you get out of the car and wake your baby up from their nap in their car seat. Little things. I mean is there anything I'm missing in terms of busy mothers trying to find that stillness?

EMILY: I think you said it so well Allie. I think that can be a great first step practice is if you can't even find 5 minutes, and sometimes we can't. I mean, I had twins, two babies at once. I remember the relentless, it was almost like there was no one big decision. It was just 10 million tiny decisions. And I didn't know if I was making any of them right. It was just so hard. And those five seconds you get alone are so sacred and sometimes you feel like, “I need to take a shower.” When you finally get that time, you want to spend it doing something that feels really life giving.

Quite honestly, silence doesn't feel life giving to all of us all the time. We don't see an immediate benefit. It's a slow work. If we don't know exactly what's going to come of it, sometimes it can feel a waste of time. So instead of maybe doing it that way, doing exactly what you said, have it be an unconventional spiritual practice of almost playing a game of finding the silence, the natural silent moments in your day that already exist in your day. You're not recreating the wheel.

It could be walking to the mailbox. It could be, like you said, sitting in the car for five more seconds. And letting it be five full seconds. That can actually go a really long way.

If someone is there and helping you with the kids, let them be there. Don’t stay in that room. Leave the room. Leave the house if you can. If you work outside the home, maybe you're able to get to work a few minutes earlier than everybody else and just take that time to be silent time.

I think that we all have silent moments in the day, but we tend to fill them with something else just because the truth is, it is a lot easier to stay moving and to stay distracted than it is to be still and to be silent. It just takes a lot of intention.

I never want to make it sound like this is easy, but I think it is worth it. It's a slow work and it is a reteaching of ourselves, of the values that silence can have in our lives. It can really begin to nurture us in ways that the distractions and the noise just aren't able to do.

ALLIE: Yeah. So, so good. I mean, gosh, so good. So, The Next Right Thing, the book is out?

EMILY: It's out. It came out April 2nd.

ALLIE: Good. Awesome. It's so good you guys! And I love the minimalistic look of it. It looks really cute on my coffee table.

EMILY: Good. That's the goal.

ALLIE: I mean if it can't be in an Instagram photo, why do you even write it?

EMILY: Why would you even write it? I completely agree.

ALLIE: Okay, so guys, I'm going to link in the show notes to this book, and to the Emily’s podcast. It's so good. And so short. I think the average is like 10 minutes, 12 minutes per episode. So short. And just pointed and good.

Other than that, where do you show up online? Where do you want people to go and find you?

EMILY: Yeah, I love Instagram. You mentioned Instagram. I'm at Emily P. Freeman there. That's probably where I spend most of my time online.

Also at emilypfreemen.com is my website where you can find the podcast and the books there too. And then, of course, The Next Right Thing Podcast.

ALLIE: Okay. Thank you, Emily! This was so good. I really appreciate your time.

EMILY: I loved it. Thanks for having me!


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 110: Secrets For Navigating Busy Seasons Well

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Annie Dillard always says, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” That is an easy statement to hear when we are in restful seasons driven by balance and simplicity. But what about those seasons that are full, busy, and can lead to feeling overwhelmed, mentally cluttered, and a cranky attitude?

It is important that we listen to our bodies and minds, and that we take it one day, even one step at a time. And it is freeing when we allow ourselves to become intuitive and make necessary changes and shift in busier seasons. Just know that everything is figureoutable and everything can be simplified. It is ok if you have to cut out or cut back on things. Life won’t end!

So let’s dive in and talk about how you can navigate the really busy, full seasons of your life well, and really show up well in those times of life!

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • Why it is important for you to intentionally shift your perspective from negative to excited when seasons get busy.

  • How brain dumping on paper will help you problem solve and delegate.

  • Knowing when to cut back and simplify or push through and keep going.

  • Things you can do to create space to recharge and mindlessly find rest.

  • Ways you can add self care into your everyday rhythm.

Mentioned in this Episode:


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Are you in a busy season? Are you about to be in one? Maybe you want to prepare for the next one, whenever that is. I got you, friend!

I created a free downloadable pdf that's going to help you feel empowered and equipped to implement the action steps from this episode in your next busy season.

Your Busy Season Prep Guide not only is full of reminders for you to have with you every day, but it's also a workbook-style pdf where it has space for you to work through each of the steps I'm giving you in this episode.

You can braindump out what's troubling you, what your stress points are. It has suggestions and prompts for you to take action on everything we're talking about here and everything we're going to talk about in the remainder of this episode. Space for you to come up with a plan for the busy seasons of your life. It's really handy. Don’t miss out on this! I know it will serve you well!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hey, beautiful friend! Thank you for listening to The Purpose Show today! It means the world to me that I get to be a part of your day, your life, and your motherhood, if you're one of my momma listeners, which most of you are.

Today we are going to quickly dive right in and talk about some secrets for how you can navigate the really busy, full seasons of your life well, and really show up well in those times of life.

While I am all for simplicity, rest, and balance, sometimes you just have a really busy week, a really full month, or a really busy season that you're walking into and you know that it just has to be that way for whatever reason. I think it's really easy to become overwhelmed, mentally cluttered, and get negative about the business you're facing. And then you walk into it cranky and in this victim mode and it's just not good.

That's not what we want to do. That’s not how we want to end up living our lives. And we know…what do we know…what Annie Dillard always says, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” And so, if you're spending all these seasons of fullness cranky and in victim mode, you know not only is that not good for you, you're training your kids that that's how you handle life when it doesn't go the way that you want, when it's busy. It's just not good and this is not how we want to live our lives.

Sometimes life gets really full, thick, and busy and we don't want to handle it in victim mode, right? That’s not what we really want. It's just kind of what we naturally tend to choose to do and we want to not do that.

And being transparent with you guys, as always, I sometimes naturally fall into kind of a depression when I'm super overwhelmed. It's my mind's way of letting me know that it's a lot, and I need to either clear some of it out of my way or have a perspective shift and shift my mindset.

I think it's really beneficial to listen to your body, listen to your mind, take it one day at a time, one step at a time, learn to become intuitive, and make changes as needed, go with the flow in that way. As Marie Forleo, my favorite business teacher, always says, “Everything is figureoutable.” I also want to add, “Everything can be simplified.” Something can be cut, it will all be okay. It's not the end of the world if you back out of something or make a change last minute.

So having said that, I want to quickly dive into this sort of pep talk about some really simple, pointed ways you can take ownership of your life and handle the busy times of life like the action-taking, problem-solving woman that you are.

# 1: Shift your perspective. This is an intent that you can set, okay? You can set your intent to go from negative, overwhelmed, “oh my gosh, poor me, this is so hard, this is so much. How am I ever going to do this?” You can shift it from that to excited, positive, and ready to show up well. It is all in your mind.

If you are not familiar with the power of the mind and the electric current that runs through your body, whether it's a negative one or a positive one when you have a thought - research, get familiar, educate yourself on this. It is everything! For real! Shift your perspective about the busy season you're walking into.

# 2: Act like a woman who owns her life and is a go-getter. Sometimes - I don't care what anybody says - sometimes you just have to “fake it till you make it” and it just is what it is. Sometimes you have to just put a smile on your face. “No, I have to do these things. This is just a part of my life and there's not much I can do about it. I am going to choose to change my perspective about this. I'm going to be a woman who owns her life and is a go-getter. I'm going to take this on the best way that I can.”

# 3: Brain dump out onto paper, in a journal, or whatever it is, what is bothering you. What's troubling you about this upcoming season? Brainstorm possible solutions. Brainstorm some things you might delegate to someone else. Is there something you could do in this season? Maybe there's certain things that you have to handle yourself that have to be done by you, but you could bring on a housekeeper for a month to help you with the stuff that you normally do yourself. Just in this season. Maybe there's someone you could ask for help. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't be afraid to hand things off. You're not superwoman. You don't have to do that. You can delegate. You can ask for help. You can get rid of some things that are normally on your plate that just don't need to be on your plate right now in this crazy season.

Next, know when you need to cut back and simplify, and when you need to push through, regroup, come up with a better game plan and keep going. There is a difference. And you're going to have to know. No one can tell you that. I can't come on here and tell you which one you need to do because I don't know you. I don't know your life season. I don't know your situation.

You’ve got to ask yourself, “Is this something that I can cut back on? Is this something that I need to back out of or do I just need to simplify my to-do list? Give myself grace, let go of perfectionism. Realize it's not all going to get done perfectly right now and push through, regroup, come up with a better game plan and keep going.”


Hey sweet friend! I know we're only part-way through this episode, but I have to tell you because this is going to make it more actionable and doable for you. My team and I have created a free downloadable pdf that's going to be super helpful in taking action on this episode. That's what I want for you. I don't want you to just listen and leave. I want you to listen and feel empowered and equipped to implement.

I created something that's called Your Busy Season Prep Guide. It's a free downloadable pdf and it's really awesome because not only does it contain just reminders of the tips I'm giving you in this episode so that you don't have to go back and listen to this episode again, you can have it printed out somewhere, but it's also a workbook-style pdf where it has space for you to work through each of the steps I'm giving you in this episode.

You can braindump out what's troubling you, what your stress points are. It has suggestions and prompts for you to take action on everything we're talking about here and everything we're going to talk about in the remainder of this episode. Space for you to come up with a plan for the busy seasons of your life. It's really handy.

I think that I would charge maybe like 20-40 bucks for this and it's just totally free.

To snag that, go to alliecasazza.com/shownotes/110.


Next, have something to help you veg out during this busy, really full season. For me, it's a funny show that I've watched a thousand times before, like The Office, Seinfeld, Parks & Recreation. It's mindless. It's a temporary escape. It helps me calm down and unwind, either in the middle of the day or at the end of the day. It helps my brain recharge. Just veg out on a funny show that I have seen a billion times. Find something like that. What helps you veg out? What gives your brain a regroup?

Next, fit in rest in between the busyness, in the midst of all the busyness.

Here's an example. I am currently, at the time I'm recording this, I am in the middle of a launch season. When you launch or relaunch something in a business, it is go-time. It is all-hands-on-deck. I delegate a lot of it to my team, but there's large chunks of it that have to be done by me because I am The Creative in my business, and I am the face of my business. So I have to show up. I have to go ‘live’ almost every day. I'm writing emails. I'm tweaking things. Fine-tuning things. Making things better. I'm looking ahead. I'm showing up for you guys. I'm hanging out with my audience, which is both a joy and an exhausting thing for me.

In launch season there's multiple launches back-to-back. We had two launches and a webinar back-to-back-to-back in a row. And so, I knew that I was heading into a really, really full season, so I planned periods of rest and recharging and I sprinkled them everywhere.

Here's an example. I had two straight weeks of very long days prepping for the first of these launches in this launch season. Two straight weeks of constantly looking at my computer. Really long days. I normally only work a couple hours a day. Sometimes I have little spurts of four-hour days, but I normally don't work really long days. And so, it was two weeks of just straight up, super long days. Very draining, draining work. Pouring my heart into the computer.

After that I took three days. I had a three-day weekend that I intentionally planned no phone, just taking a break. Then the next Monday started the ‘live’ launch. This is when now I'm done planning the live streams. This is where I show up. I'm actually live. I'm talking with you guys, hanging out with you guys, telling you guys, “I want you in this program” and all that good stuff.

Then I had four days off for my birthday getaway and when I came back from that, I geared up for the next launch. We finished that launch and I'm going to be going on a week-long vacation with my family. Then I come back and I have a Webinar. So, you see I'm inner-spurting (not a word) rest within the busyness.

When you know that you're going into a really busy season, like if your kid is starting a sport or your work is going to be really crazy or something like that, you know ahead of time, look ahead, fit in rest in between. When are you going to have a no-phone day? When are you going to give your eyes and your head a break? Where can you head to the beach with your family and just veg out? When can you have a ‘nothing day’ where you literally just sit at home and sit on the couch in your pajamas and just relax? How can you fit in rest? Self-care and rest needs to be a part of your every day during the really, really busy seasons too.

That every day looks like getting good sleep at night. Sneaking in a nap if and when you can. Going for a drive by yourself. Getting away for a second.

It also has to be a part of your busy season. So every day rest would look like those examples. Getting good sleep, sneaking in a nap, going for a drive, sneaking in a half-hour coffee date with a friend in the middle of a really busy day.

Fitting in rest and self-care in your busy season would be more of an example that I gave like the four days away for my birthday in the middle of a crazy launch season.

So, balancing that daily and weekly rest. Does that make sense? Look ahead and ask yourself, “How can I fit in rest?” Because if you don't rest, you're not going to have the energy and focus that you need to take on all that this busy season is requiring of you.

You are not required to be superwoman. We often do this to ourselves and make our lives harder. We exhaust ourselves. We make ourselves miserable. And we are showing our family, this is what you're worth to me - me running myself ragged and then freaking out on you because I'm desperate and exhausted. What would happen if you just said, “Okay, this is a busy season we're walking into. I'm going to look ahead. I'm going to be an action-taking, problem-solving woman and I'm going to sprinkle in rest and self-care. Just little things like a drive by myself, taking a quick nap, making myself a yummy latte at home before I go sit down and do all this work.” Little things and big things whenever the season that's busy is really, really long. Ask yourself, “Where can I fit in the rest that’s going to equip me to do what I need to do?”

And you guys, self-care cannot be understated ever, but especially in these really full, busy seasons. This is when you need to get your morning ritual under control. I will link to that episode on my morning ritual and the show notes for this episode. It is a life-changing episode. It's one of the top 10 episodes ever. You've got to listen to it. This is no time to try to overwork yourself and use every minute to be productive. This is the time to mix productivity with intense self-care and inner quiet and calm so that you can handle the extra busyness.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 109: Let's Talk About Life, Business & Motherhood with Reina Pomeroy

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Reina Pomeroy is a business coach for creatives, the Founder of Reina + Co., and mama to two little boys. She is incredibly talented and successful in all she does! She has mastered being the CEO of her business AND the CEO of her home (because doing both takes strategic balance!)

This episode is a super laid back conversation between two working mamas talking all things business, motherhood, pregnancy, infertility, rhythms and routines, getting it all done, and fitting it all in. I am so excited to share this conversation with you!

 
 

In This Episode Allie + Reina Discuss:

  • What “batching” is and how you can apply this method to various areas of your life.

  • A BIG way you can simplify your meal planning and grocery shopping (seriously, this is life changing!)

  • The systems Reina has put in place so she can fully show up as the CEO of her business and her family.

  • How important Team Meetings are to their families and what those look like each week.

  • Reina’s current reading list (there are so really good books on this list!)

Mentioned in this Episode:


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The Supermom Vault is a library of inspiration I created for you. It holds replays of my very best online workshops that aren’t available anywhere else, tons of really actionable pdf’s that are downloadable with just one click, more than 20 audio and video trainings from me, and professionally designed printables for your home to keep you focused and inspired.

The Supermom Vault is only $39.00 and is available at alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

Check it out!  It’s a really good simple start.

Want more inspiration than just the podcast? Do you wish there were more episodes?  Want more details? Do you want videos? Do you want pdf’s? Do you want to download things and get your hands on something to really get you started when it comes to minimalism and simplifying your motherhood?

This is definitely the place to go!


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If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


ALLIE: Friend, I am so ready to share this really chill, really friendly conversation with Reina Pomeroy. Reina is such a beautiful person and she actually has a really special place in my heart because she used to host this podcast, actually, it was co-hosted. It was The Creative Empire podcast. I'll share a link to my episode. It was such a really great podcast. It's not active anymore, but I did my first ever business interview on her podcast.

It was the first time that I ever got to share my business story, which if you have listened to episode six of The Purpose Show you know that's a really emotional story. I sobbed and she sobbed and her cohost, Christina, another beautiful soul, she sobbed. We all talked together about the emotions that are involved in starting a business and seeing it start to succeed and getting through the hard parts.

Reina has been somebody that I have followed for years and she's just amazing. She's a certified coach and a founder of her own business called Reina + Co. She created this really amazing program called Dreamy Client Magnet. Basically, she helps creative entrepreneurs get super laser focused so they can book more of their dream clients with a lot more ease, get paid to do what they love, and have freedom and flexibility to enjoy the life they built, which I think is super important and one reason I love following Reina because she doesn't just focus on business and marketing stuff. She focuses on life, living it well and enjoying what you built.

She's an amazing speaker, a certified coach, an educator, an author, a podcaster. I just adore her. She has been featured all kinds of cool places including top itunes podcast Entrepreneur.com, The Influencer Podcast, Entrepreneur On Fire, Brit & Co, Huffington Post, The Rising Tide Society. This girl is everywhere and for good reason.

She's an amazing teacher and like I said, a beautiful person. She is a mom to a 5-year old. She was about to have her second baby when we recorded this episode. He has been born and the family is happy and healthy. I'm so happy for them.

We really went a different way with this episode. I came into this conversation with almost no notes. I really wanted to talk with Reina about how she finds her version of balance in being a business owner, a mom and a wife. How do her and her husband connect and plan out their weeks? How’s she preparing for her baby's arrival? How does she seemingly do so much, so well? What does life look like for her right now?

This is a really, really loose-structure episode. Normally I come a lot more pre-prepped and I really didn't want to do that with Reina. I see her as a friend and I really wanted to approach this episode in that way. So, if conversations about all the things between two working moms is not your thing, then maybe this episode is not going to float your boat. But it definitely made me happy to sit and talk with my friend and just hear what she had to say about so many different things from business, motherhood, pregnancy, infertility, rhythms and routines, getting it all done, and fitting it all in. This is a great conversation that I'm happy to share with you.

There is so much that is mentioned in this episode, so many good resources. I’ll link to all of it in the show notes so you can go there if you want to see anything that Reina mentioned. She's one of those girls that’s loaded with resources, so she shared lots of helpful things. I will link to all of them in show notes and you can check all of that out.

And now let's welcome Reina and have a conversation about all the things.

ALLIE: Hi Reina, thank you for being here.

REINA: Thank you so much for having me.

ALLIE: I'm so excited to talk with you today. We just chit-chatted a little bit before we hit record, but I wanted to save all of the things for our actual talk because I feel like you're a friend even though we've never hung out in real life. You give that vibe on social media, which I think is that you’re doing your job really well. I love watching your Instagram stories. You're one of those people that I feel connected to. You're so sweet and honest and it feels like we have so much in common. I'm excited to talk with you today.

REINA: I feel the exact same way. I talk about you all the time as though we are in real life friends, and we live in California now.

ALLIE: I saw that. I was going to ask you about it, like, “When are we gonna try to squeeze something in before you squeeze your baby out in the next two weeks? Tomorrow? Yes. Oh my gosh.”

Okay. There's so much with you that I want to unpack and talk about but, first of all, you are about to have your second baby. So how are you feeling? How's it going?

REINA: I'm feeling great. You know, people assume that at 38 weeks you're just a complaining mess of stress and uncomfortableness. Rolling over in bed is like an Olympic sport. Let's just be really clear about that. But otherwise I'm feeling great.

You know, like you said, I'm a business owner so I'm getting that part ready and I'm getting my son ready, who’s five, and just kind of getting everything here ready. I actually don't know if your family is nearby but we have no family here in northern California. We are both transplants. We have no real family support system. So that's been really hard. But we're managing and we're making it work and I'm actually pretty excited about this next phase.

ALLIE: Yeah, I totally get that. I just did an interview on somebody else's podcast about when we moved out of state and we had no one. We didn't. We went from being so immersed in…we had a church that we had gone to for years and all of our family was nearby and then we moved to literally nobody. There was somebody that went to our high school, but they were two hours from us. They were so sweet and drove and met us once, but it was not the same thing and it was so hard. So yeah, I get that.

So where are you in northern California? We’re in southern California.

REINA: We're in Silicon Valley, so we're right north of San Jose.

ALLIE: Okay. That’s not too far; we can make it happen.

Since we're chatting about it a little bit already, tell me how you have been getting ready to be a mom of two. I know people will tell you, “Oh it's so hard to go from one to two,” and “Oh two to three is really hard.” I feel like everybody has these usually negative opinions about growing your family. What has that looked like for you? What are you nervous about? How have you been getting ready? What's been going on in your world in terms of mom's stuff?

REINA: I feel like we've had so much time to get ready and also no time at all. And I've heard the same thing - that going from two to three is hard, from one to two is hard. Zero to one was hard, so I have no idea. I have no sense of what to really expect here. But I think the biggest thing is paying attention and giving myself space to do whatever needs to happen.

I think the first time I was very reactive to…I had to read all the things and make sure I knew all the things, read all the blogs and stuff like that. And this time I'm just paying attention to what my family is needing. What do I need right now? And making sure that all that is in check, instead of looking outside of myself to do all that research. Obviously, listening to my doctors and stuff.

ALLIE: I know what you mean. For most people and for me, I think after your first baby you stop being like, “I need everyone to tell me how this works,” and you start being more intuitive, I guess. And for me, my second, third and fourth and thousandth babies (that’s what it feels like)…

REINA: I have so much to learn from you.

ALLIE: But you're on the right track like that. Having done this so many times, the one thing that I have learned is if you feel concerned about something or you think that you might need to prepare for something, I think there’s a reason that came to your mind. We're all different. I was chosen to be the mom of these kids, like you were chosen to be the mom of those babies. There's a reason that something is concerning you versus somebody else.

That's why I think we should stop judging each other and decide what we think is right. You know?

I think it's empowering when your intuition kicks in and you feel like, “I think I want to focus on this right now, or worry about this right now.”

REINA: Yeah, I totally agree with that.

ALLIE: Good for you.

In sharing whatever you want of this, but I know from being an Instagram friend that you guys have had a really frustrating journey to pregnancy and you've struggled with infertility in a way that's unique I think. Do you want to share a little bit about that struggle?

REINA: Yeah. So, the first time around we got married and then we waited for however long we waited and then you're like, “Oh, maybe we should start trying.” And then the next month I was pregnant. I felt lucky, it was great, and I had a really easy pregnancy. We thought we would have the same kind of experience the second time. We waited till our son was maybe 1 ½ then 2 years-old and started trying and nothing happened. Then they say, “Well it'll take about a year.” You’re not “in trouble” until about a year. And then a year passed. And then a year and a half passed. And it always felt like there was no answer.

We didn't start getting serious until we moved out to California and I was like, “You know what? My son is going to be five. That is a big gap.” We started to see infertility consults and trying to figure out what the heck was going on, and really started taking my health seriously. I was wondering what was going on with me. I assumed that it was about me, right? My husband got tested too, but neither of us had any sort of diagnosis about what was wrong.

We didn't experience loss or anything like that, thankfully. But at the same time, it was equally frustrating to not know anything. They just call it an ‘undiagnosed secondary infertility.’ What does that even mean? How can you not diagnose what's wrong?

ALLIE: And how can you try to fix it?

REINA: We were trying to figure out what was wrong and then how to make sure that we can have a second baby because we both looked healthy from the outside, and from the inside…all of the lab work, all the poking and prodding that they did to us. That was really scary and hard.

We started down the IUI path, which is the less invasive path. I think it has a 10% success rate each time you do it. Something might take; something might not take. But it's usually the precursor to the IVF path and they decided that IUI wouldn't be a good option for us. So we were like, “Okay, I guess we'll go through the IVF path,” and it's ungodly expensive. It's like $30,000 or $40,000 to go down this path.

As an entrepreneur it's a really big expense and you don't want to think about it like, “Oh my child is going to cost $40,000 to create.” That's not the mindset I wanted to go into this pregnancy with. But we were trying to figure out all those costs options and whatnot. We’re grateful because we have really great insurance and whatnot, but it's still really scary.

As soon as we signed all the papers, I had this sense of relief that it was going to get taken care of, or we had an answer and we were going to get something to happen. Because I think not knowing was the most difficult part for me. It was like all the medications, all those shots and stuff that I would have to endure…fine, I'll take care of it. But not knowing was really hard.

Once we signed the papers, I had this sense of relief. Two days later I found out I was pregnant. Once all the papers were signed and all the documents in…it was just a God thing, I think. One of those random things that I could not have anticipated, and maybe that sense of relief or whatever happened that the baby was ready to be brought into our lives. So, I feel really lucky.

ALLIE: Do you feel maybe the process of deciding to…I mean that's a lot of money, especially as an entrepreneur. I immediately went to, “that's half a launch.” Do you think you stating audibly, “Okay, we're willing to do this,” maybe got you more ready for the baby or something and maybe your body aligned with that?

REINA: That's really interesting that you bring that up. I don't know if there was a moment or whatever, and that could be one of the speculations, but one of the spheres that I had, and I had journaled about it a lot right before we couldn't figure out what was actually happening was “maybe my business is never going to be ready to have a second child.” Not that my body wasn't ready, but maybe my business wasn't going to be ready.

I had a little bit of a fear around will my business survive if I have another child. Because the first time around I took a maternity leave from a 9-5, so I had that cushion. And this time around we're taking a maternity leave and it's solely from me paying myself from my company. That was pretty scary to me. Maybe that was part of it and just being okay with the fact that I was going to be able to sustain myself.

ALLIE: There’s so there's so many terrifying things about being your own boss. So many liberating. I mean you have those moments where you're like, “Just forget this. I'm going to go back to how things were. It was way easier.” But then you think about all the freedom you're losing. I totally understand.

For me and my business, I didn't even start it until we were done with our whole family. So, I've never had that like, “Okay, time to make this transition.” It was…for a lack of not wanting to cuss on my show…a crap show from day one.  We had all four of them and everything. It was just a different story.

When you need a break, whether it's from maternity or anything, you're giving yourself that or you're not able to and it's on you. Everything is on you.

REINA: I've gotten a lot of DM’s on Instagram recently, “Wait, you're taking maternity leave? Are you paying yourself?” I'm actually glad that people are asking about these things because we should be asking about these things, right? You deserve as an entrepreneur to take time off for your baby, to recover, to bond with your child and hope to goodness that you can pay yourself in that time because it's darn hard. I feel really grateful that I have a business that has allowed me to do that. I'm planning on taking four months.

ALLIE: Good for you! That's amazing. Do you think you’re going to be like, “Oh I want to go back?”

REINA: I don't know how you felt, but I will probably feel like a Zombie for a good 2 months, and then I'll probably start trickling back in and be like, “Hey, tell me what's going on.” My team has a pretty good system of how we're going to check in and stuff like that, so I'm not completely isolated. But yeah, I think I'm going to be in the space of, “Can somebody just please talk to me? I just need some adult time.”

ALLIE: Well, we love what we do. It's refreshing to get a break. I had a burnout last year and I took eight weeks off. After four weeks I was starting to…I would imagine if I was having a baby right now, it would be very similar. “I'm actually scared of how little I want to talk about my business. I think I'm done. I'm just so annoyed with everybody and burned out.” After the third or fourth week, I never wanted to work more in my life and I wanted to go back. “Let’s launch. Let's just go all back into it.” I think it would probably be the same if I was having a baby right now. I just never did that in my business.

You have so much going on. You’re a very active businessperson. You do a lot. You're one of those people that always seems to be coming out with the new content. You do these amazing challenges and videos. You always are doing something. I know that you have a client-based business so you're always serving them in that way. I admire you for all the things you're always putting out. Your Instagram is so inspiring. I really love what you do.

I know it's an annoying question because there's really no typical, but what does the most typical day in your life look like? How do you block out your work versus your family? Is Cato at home with you? What does your day look like?

REINA: I think it's hard, like you said, with the “typical” cause there's not really a typical, but my work hours are typically 10:00 AM to 3:00 PM. I work from 10:00 to 3:00ish and I try not to work in the evenings. I really try to focus on whatever is in front of me with family and stuff like that, unless there's a launch or something like that happening. I will wake up in the morning and take care of my family, drop off Cato at preschool. He starts kindergarten in the fall, which is sad and exciting at the same time.

ALLIE: It's such a fun and cute time. You're going to love it.

REINA: Yeah, it's just really exciting. He loves school and loves his friends and stuff like that. I love sending him to school because he just really enjoys that atmosphere. During the day…in the morning I like to get brainwork done, either writing or some kind of content creation or something like that. And then I'll take client meetings in the afternoon or interviews in the afternoon when I have a little bit less energy. I'm an extrovert, so I love the connection process. The afternoon is a great time for that. I'm usually cutting off my “work” around 2:30 or 3:00, check my email one last time, wrap things up, and then I'm rolling out the door to pick up the Cato again. In the afternoon and evening we're doing homework or school things that are required.

ALLIE: It’s like you shift into that mode, right?

Like I said in the beginning before we recorded, I'm being selfish and just asking things that I want to know because we have so much in common and I never get to talk to other moms. One thing that I really struggle with as an introvert is, I run out of steam. I will run out so early in the day. That’s why it was okay that this time was okay because I was like, “Well, it's Reina. We'll just talk and it'll be awesome.” But if it was somebody that I never had any interaction with… it just takes a lot out of me. I would have been like, “I think I have to cancel. I'm dying.” My energy, it just leaves. This morning I had a creative meeting, then a decision-making meeting and then I wrote an email and I was like, “It is 11:30 and I'm done.” Do you feel that way or because you're an extrovert is there any part of you that can always keep going? I feel like I need a nap and I'm done and then I still have to do all the mom things. Do you struggle with that still?

REINA: No, I think that…well right now I definitely do. Around 2:00 I'll hit a wall because I'm pregnant. But usually when I'm not pregnant, I think that as an extrovert I feel like I need to get outside. I usually get outside around 11:00 in the morning to walk my dog. Then in the afternoon I'll walk or go do something fun a little bit like sit by the pool or something like that. I don't know what it is about being outside and the California sunshine, but it really does help me.

Maybe it's an extravert thing, but when I connect with my clients and stuff like that, it doesn't drain me. It doesn't feel like, “Uh, I don't want to do this.” But the things like the brainwork - that takes the most energy for me to sit down and concentrate. I have to get it done in the morning or I'm like, screw it.

ALLIE: Yeah, I'm the same way. And if there's one big thing that can be done per day…I know you relate…in my DM inbox, there's always like, “How do you get it all done? You're always making up new things.” And it's like, “Girl, you don't realize those were batched way long ago.” Like tomorrow on my calendar is to sit and write the emails for a launch that's coming in a month. And that's the only thing on my calendar, and I'm done after that. It's probably going to take me an hour and a half, but that's it. I'll be a Zombie.

REINA: I'm so impressed that an email series is only going to take you an hour and a half. Give me that brain of yours – that’s amazing.

Anything that’s not task-oriented where it's just me doing the work, like you're talking about…I have one thing on my list for today, which is my workshop workbook. Just complete the workbook. The workshop is already written. That's already recorded. Those were done in batches last week. And then tomorrow I have to write this other thing. So it's the same thing. What's the most important project that you've got going on and focus on that.

ALLIE: Yeah. And then the rest of the day and I'm lounging on the couch shushing the kids so I can rest for a second and then I'm cooking or doing homeschool stuff or whatever.

REINA: I’m so impressed that you homeschool. It’s really incredible.

ALLIE: Oh thanks. Well it's mostly Brian.

REINA: But it's still really cool. I mean, you guys tag team.

ALLIE: Yeah, tag team. That's the only reason that it gets done. And we only homeschool because we like the flexibility. It honestly is so hard sometimes.

REINA: Yeah. My husband has 12 weeks off for paternity leave and we were going to take six weeks of it after the baby was born and then we were going to take our family to Japan for six weeks and we realize that we can't, even though I have flexibility and my husband has flexibility because my son's going to be kindergarten. This is the first time we're ever having to deal with the public school system. You can't just up and leave for six weeks. Dang it!

ALLIE: Yeah. I know. Homeschooling is not for everybody. But it’s one of those things like we were talking about with work. You have to weigh out what you really want and if you want one thing more than the other, you make it happen. If you can only do one thing, you have to choose what it's going to be that day. It's all about balance.

REINA: I think it's interesting too, and you talk a lot about this in the mom world, I talk a lot about this in the business world and how you have to focus on what matters the most right now. It's not a matter of doing all the things, but like you say, it's prioritizing the most important thing so that you can rest easier or know that things are going to happen and be taken care of.

I think people get so overwhelmed by the image and the facade of doing it all that it’s crippling. I don't do it all and I do not try to handle everything in one day. It’s just not going to happen.

ALLIE: Yeah, absolutely. I've been thinking a lot and talking about this and just seeing what women, what their feedback is and what their take is. I've been thinking a lot about the difference between living busy and living full. To me living busy is busy for the sake of busy. You’ve just got too much going on. I look at the friends that I have that have their kids in eight different activities and then they're basically just chauffeurs and I just can't be busy like that. But then I have people that tell me all the time, “Oh, you're just so busy.” And I'm always kind of thrown because I don't feel like I'm busy. I felt like my life is just full of good.

REINA: Yeah. My friend Martha, she works for a big company and she's busy. She does a lot of things and I think she's full and busy at the same time. But she always comments about how how much I have going on. I'm like, “Not really.” I mean I do quite a bit, but it's not like I'm constantly shuffling around or at least that's now how it feels day-to-day. My days are full and my brain is full, but I don't feel like I'm pinging from thing to thing to thing, which I think that toggling and that switching effect is really harmful for our brains and it's just difficult for us to keep going.

ALLIE: Yeah, absolutely. And I think that's where batching comes in. Are you a batch worker?

REINA: Yeah, I batch work.

ALLIE: It's something that I learned in business that has translated over to motherhood with meal prepping and stuff. It's just so powerful.

We need to talk about that for a second. Because I'm thinking that my audience is like, “Oh my gosh, talk more about that.” So batching for those who are listening and don't know, batching is basically a productivity hack, right? Where you are in one brain mode working on something, so you might as well just do all the things that are like that task at one time so that you're not switching like Rana just said, toggling back and forth from task to task. So how do you do that in your business? And then let's talk about if you do that in your family, meals and stuff like that.

REINA: Yeah, so in my business we do that in a couple different ways. I have done all of my client work in one week, so I take all my client calls on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursdays on even weeks and then I'll do all of my content on Weeks 1 and Weeks 3. So anytime there's things that need to get out the door, those are the days when I have those chunks of time blocked out for me to sit down and do the work. I think that for me it helps because I need to be an extrovert mode where I'm interfacing with my clients versus I really want to get this deep work done during the content time. I try to do that as much as I can.

When we were podcasting, that was definitely something that helped because if you are in content writing mode and your brain is on, on fire and doing awesome writing and then you have to context switch to different parts of your brain, it's just really difficult. It takes me a little while to switch over.

In my personal life, I think with the meal prep specifically, I love using Plan To Eat.

Basically, anytime you see a recipe online, you can just pull that link and pull it into this library. Oh my gosh. You have to check it out. It's awesome. If you Pinterest something and you're like, “Oh my gosh, this looks so yummy. I want to check it out.” Instead of putting it on a Pinterest board, you just drag it into Plan To Eat and then you have a library of recipes that you want to check out and then you'd just say, “Oh, I want to do this on Monday. I want to do this on Tuesday. I want to do this on Thursday.” Whatever. And then it creates a shopping list for you. Oh my gosh, it's amazing.

ALLIE: So how does it know what all goes on the shopping list.

REINA: Because the recipe is already in there and so the ingredients are in the recipe and it just pulls it in. It's insane.

ALLIE: OK. That's amazing. I wrote it down.

REINA: That might be a potential sponsor for you in the future. It should be.

The cool thing about Plan To Eat…I don't want to go too far into it, but our family's favorite recipes…and you can collaborate with friends. So if you have friends who eat similar to you or whatever, you have a gluten free family or whatever, you can borrow from their menus too. What I love about this tool is that you can have family favorites and then plan in two months we're just going to do the same exact month recipe.

ALLIE: Okay. You don't even realize…I won't go on a tangent, but side note, I have been cooking more than I ever have in my entire life lately. I'm so overwhelmed. I basically just figured out all of these hormonal problems that I've been having and I'm not going to have all these surgeries and these unnecessary things and I'm like, “I'm going to heal this with food, hormone imbalance is food.” So I'm eating Paleo and it's so much food prep and I've just been dying. It is what it is. I'm going to be cooking a lot. That's just the way it is. But to know ahead of time, “Oh, these were our favorites and we’ll just eat this again.” The planning is the hardest part.

REINA: It totally is. What I've been doing is as soon as I know what I need for the week, I'll just have it delivered. Especially now that I'm pregnant, I'm not going to the grocery store, hauling that stuff, but I can log in, my husband can log in and he could go grocery shopping for me. Or if we're out and about, he can just pick something up. This app has been amazing in just being able to say Allie likes this recipe and she's going to put it two weeks from now so that you're repeating and you don't have to plan it out again. But also it's been two weeks so you're not going to remember that.

ALLIE: Exactly. Totally. And then you know what you like or what was a family favorite. Okay. That's amazing. I'm going to link to that. This sounds like such a sponsored conversation. I know.

REINA: I know. It totally is not.


Hey friend!  It’s Allie! Have you heard of the Supermom Vault yet?

The Supermom Vault is a library of inspiration I created for you. It holds replays of my very best online workshops that aren’t available anywhere else, tons of really actionable pdf’s that are downloadable with just one click, more than 20 audio and video trainings from me, and professionally designed printables for your home to keep you focused and inspired.

The Supermom Vault is only $39.00 and is available at alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

Check it out!  It’s a really good simple start.

Want more inspiration than just the podcast? Do you wish there were more episodes?  Want more details? Do you want videos? Do you want pdf’s? Do you want to download things and get your hands on something to really get you started when it comes to minimalism and simplifying your motherhood?

This is definitely the place to go!

Check it out!  Alliecasazza.com/allcourses.


ALLIE: Okay, so getting into that overly annoying term, work life, family, work, life balance and all that. I feel like you're really good at being the CEO of your business, but also you show up and you're the CEO of your home and your family and you seem to do both so well. I know that it's all Instagram or whatever, but you show up really well where you need to show up. I feel like you have really good boundaries about like, “Well I don't need to do that so I'm not going to feel like I need to that. I'm going to focus on this.” You seem really focused and that's also what you teach in your business. You’re so good at that. Having said that, do you have any systems week-to-week in your home that free you up? I'm all about rhythms and routines and those things, but sometimes I'll meet somebody who’s like, “Well those ones just didn't work for me. This is what I found.” I'm learning that everybody is different. So what are the systems in your home that have helped you do all the things?

REINA: Yeah, so I'm going to answer one simple thing first. One of the things that's really important to me as a human is that as a business owner, as a mom, I think the identity that gets lost often is the Reina identity, right? Being the person. And so, I like to think of my life as three buckets. My family and home life bucket, my Reina bucket and then the business bucket. And when I know that each of them are, maybe not equally replenished because that's not ever going to truly happen, but if I know that I'm going to be in a heavy business season and the other two are going to be a little bit depleted, to make sure that I'm communicating that with myself and with my husband.  Knowing that's what's going to happen. Or if I know that I'm physically going to be taxed, like going through labor or whatever, that the other two are going to be depleted and have that expectation and reality check.

I think that for me that's what balance is, to know that there's going to be these imbalances and to know how to accommodate for those. If I know that my family is going to be going through a tough season to lighten up on the other two things, like I'm not going be ice skating as much or maybe I'm not going to be reading as much for myself and that's okay. The adjustment of expectations. That's one way I like to think about life balance because you can't get it.

And then I think at home, I mean I'm not perfect and I have plenty to learn from you here.

I think just one of the things to think about with life stuff is just communicating. We do ‘team meeting’ with my husband and I on Sunday nights. It's a really quick check in to be like, “Okay, here's what's happening in my life. Here's what's happening with work.” It's not a romantic meeting or anything by any means, but it's our one time to check in logistically so I don't have to hassle him, I don't have to nag at him during the week. It's like, “Here are my expectations. Here's what we need. What do you need from me? How can I support you this week?” Those are basically simple questions to make sure that we know what's going on on each other's calendars at work. I found that when we weren't doing that…even though it's like, “Hey, how was your day? Fine.” You don’t really get to the core of it. In the seasons when we haven't done as many team meetings or check-ins, it's been a little bit more like we're not communicating as well or just a little bit short with each other because things are happening at work or you had a really tough conversation with somebody at work or whatever is going on. Checking in is really helpful. That's one of the things that we do.

ALLIE: I think also it helps us to have a meeting once a week that's not date night so that date night can be romantic. Why is it so easy for companies and CEOs to know they need to have a team meeting but nobody's thinking about that when you are a team with your husband? You're running a family, a life, and a home, which is far more important than any company. Of course you need to have a meeting. It’s funny because we implemented that a while back before I ever knew that I would have a company. It's something that everyone is always so like, “Oh wow, what a great idea.” I don't know how anyone is doing all of this without meeting. Maybe that's why the divorce rate is so high or communication….because you have all of these expectations and you have to have a time and place to communicate that. I think that's so amazing that you guys do that.

REINA: Last night it was not perfect because we didn't do it on Sunday and I had done all the meal planning and all that stuff, but we hadn't done a team meeting. So late last night right before we went to bed we're like, “Oh! Team meeting,” and we were checking in with each other because there are a couple of things that are coming up with appointments and stuff like that. It was nice to be able to know that we have a space for it and it's like a recurring calendar thing on our calendars. Do you guys do it with your kids? I feel like your kids are old enough that you could probably do this with your kiddos.

REINA: It's starting to get there. Bella is 10 and she's a girl and she's really wanting to be involved in everything. What we've been doing is we still do it on Sunday night and the kids are playing and then we'll pull them in at the end and we'll be like, “Okay guys, here's what's going on. Here's what we're doing in school.” Because on Sunday night we go over the homeschool curriculum for the next week and be like, “Okay, do we need to get any supplies on our shopping list for tomorrow?” Then we do meal planning and groceries all at the same time. Then we do what's going on with my work and the business and what press stuff is going on. Am I driving anywhere? Meeting anybody? What's going on? They're really long. They used to be really short. Now it's a couple hours of all the things, and we'll pull the kids in at the end and check-in on everybody and see how everyone's feeling. Usually they rabbit trail and talk about a show they want to watch or something. It's becoming from a couples reconnect thing to a family team meeting where “How's everybody doing?” I think it's evolving into that for sure.

REINA: Yeah, I like that a lot and I think that as my kids grow I think I’ll want to include them in these conversations. I'm pretty excited about that.

One of the things that we started doing was in meal prep before I do a lot of the thinking about food stuff. I'll ask my son, “What do you want to eat this week? What are your friends eating? What are you interested in? So that he continues to be interested in food, you know? That’s something that we've just started and he doesn't have much of an opinion right now. He's like, “I just don't want to eat this.” And I'm like, “Cool. That’s super helpful.”

ALLIE: I've never heard anybody say that. And what a cool idea. What a cool way to get around a picky eater, to twist it and make it positive. “Have you seen anything that you want to try?” I'm willing to try. What a great mom.

REINA: I don't know about that. I don't want this to be the first response. He’s a pretty adventurous eater, so it's nice to be able to include his opinion in the food.

ALLIE: Yeah, for sure. For sure. It’s his house too and you want to make food...I wouldn’t make something that Brian didn't like. You guys are making yourselves this team, this group, that we all have opinions and we will respect each other's opinions and I care what you think. We’re coming away from the whole time of parenting where it was, “Sit down. Shut up. Do what I say. You're the kid. I'm the parent.” You know what I mean? It feels like we're raising kids who could be a little more respectful because they were respected too and we cared about what they thought and we asked. “Yeah, we’re the parents but I care about what you think and I want to know how you're feeling.”

Okay, so let's shift gears a little bit and talk about your business kind of things. I know that this isn't a business podcast (sometimes I wish it was because all day I could talk about marketing and all the things) but there are so many women who listen, who message me, “I love the business talks. I want more about that”. So while there isn't a business podcast for now, let's talk a little bit here about your content.

You seem like a content creation machine. Are there any hacks that you have? You’ve been at this for a while. You've been doing your business for years and you seem to have really fine-tuned what you are good at. You have your elevator pitch and the way that you succinctly say who you serve and what you do is so fine-tuned and beautiful. Do you have any hacks for how you create content so regularly? Do you batch everything? Your Instagram and your blog content? How do you structure all of that?

REINA: At this point right now we are not creating a lot of content, but for the past 2 ½ to 3 years, we had a podcast episode going out every week, twice a week, right? And so there's a lot of content out there. The way that I've done it in the past is really thinking about who are the people that I'm serving? Who do I really want to be talking to? Making sure that I'm answering their questions before they even know that it's a question so that we can kind of tackle those.

I know you do this too, where are you have a Q & A kind of thing and we respond to those. I love your podcast episodes where you were talking about business stuff because you're just answering people's questions which is awesome. Maybe you could have a business podcast. It's just one of those things for me that whenever I ask for what people need, it's just readily there. That’s the way that I like to create content.

For me, at the very beginning I felt like no one was listening and so I didn't really know how to answer questions. Because there's just not an audience. I was so grateful when I started getting feedback. It was like, “Oh, okay, this is working or this is what people are curious about.” It's so much easier. If you're in that phase of, “I have no idea what I'm supposed to be talking about,” just keep talking because people will start to pay attention. I don't know if that's your advice, but I would probably say don't get discouraged by people who aren't listening yet. We have to win over those people one by one and your audience will grow even if it doesn't feel like immediate overnight growth.

ALLIE: Yeah and just sharing what have you learned? What have you struggled with? Start talking about that. Start talking about what was hard for you yesterday. How did you handle it? I had the funniest little random blog post topics in the beginning because it was just like yesterday I had a really crappy day and I just restarted in the middle of a day. And then I had a blog post called something like “How To Have a Monday Morning In The Middle Of A Thursday Afternoon” or something like that, “Restarting Your Day - It's Okay.” And that gained following. Everything that you are learning is valuable to somebody. Just start talking. Somebody will listen.

REINA: Yeah, I agree with that. I love that.

ALLIE: For yourself, do you have any ‘rules’ in terms of when you know that your business needs to take a back seat, you need to shift gears and focus on your family? You mentioned your buckets. I have more of a seasonal base. I'll know that I think I need to maybe bow out of that launch, push it to fall, and focus on my marriage this summer. It feels like that. Do you have any hard rules for yourself in terms of what you're focusing on most?

REINA: It's not really a hard and fast rule. I think one of the biggest things I do is, so I use Lara Casey’s Powersheets planners. I think that just looking at the full year ahead of when it's starting and actually happening, to be able to know, “These are my life things that are going to be happening. I have a wedding to attend and we have to travel across the country.” Whatever things are happening and making sure that I know don't plan anything crazy big for your business during this time, or I'm coming out of maternity leave, there's no way that I'm going to be doing anything crazy right after this. And just easing myself into it. I think that looking at life first for me, then adding on the extra layers and making sure that I'm tempering or scaling my expectations depending on those seasons.

Then whenever I have a busy work season, I try to take a little bit of time, not off necessarily, but just kind of turned down, I guess, so that I have a little bit more spaciousness in my life.

ALLIE: Yeah, absolutely. I love that. Do ever feel like one area of your life is so busy that the other area never really gets to where you want it to go? Sometimes I feel like my personal life is so full and so busy. My kids are older so they're into things, doing sports and stuff, and while we keep it toned down, I don't want to be the mom that says, “No, you can't do any. Just baseball.” It's a lot. It's three days a week. It's so busy. Sometimes I feel like I'm saying “not right now” to things in my business so much that I'm like, “Man, am I ever going to get where I want to go because it's having to grow so slowly?” Do you feel like that?

REINA: I feel like that sometimes. I think it's really funny that you're saying that because I feel like you've grown so quickly.

ALLIE: It’s always a perspective thing when you're in it.

REINA: You're like, “This is so slow” aka really fast to somebody else because you're witnessing so many other cool people who are doing amazing things.

ALLIE: And you know in your head where you want to be and you’re not there, so it's like, “Oh this is too slow.” When I look back it's like, “Yes! So many things have happened.” I think it makes you choose, or at least for me, it makes me choose what I'm going to say “yes” to is a really good yes and then the “no’s” would have helped, but it's not necessary. The growth is still there, but I think if you're a driven person, you're not ever going to be satisfied with what's happened.

REINA: I think it's really interesting. I have this inner dialogue with myself and I don't know how you experienced this, but for me, “I want to go faster, I want to go faster, I want to go faster. I want to do this other thing and continue to pursue it,” and it's tempered by, “Okay, well, I have these other responsibilities and it's not that this other thing is more important necessarily, but in this season this is the most important thing that I need to focus on.”

For example, over the summer, I want to make sure that my son is able to swim. That is a huge priority. He's 5; he needs to be able to swim. I was a water baby. I played water polo. You know, all of this stuff. And I'm not going to be able to do all of this other stuff that I had hoped for in my business. And that's okay. It's weird to think about business in the context of, “Oh well I have to balance my life against this,” because if I was in a corporate company you can't do that. You don't have the luxury of being like, “No I'm not going to do that because my son has to take swim lessons.”

ALLIE: You have to do what you were hired to do.

REINA: Right. I try to think about what would it look like in 9-5 world and also, “Thank God I don't have to do that. Thank goodness I don't have to abide by somebody else's timeline and schedule.” There's a give and take I guess.

ALLIE: Yeah. I think that's why the phrase “work life balance” irks me so much. I mean is there even really such a thing? My business is almost like another baby to me. I love it. I care about it so much. I wish I could do more, but I also feel like I wish I could do more with my kids in other areas too. It's the same thing of which thing is going to win this season.

REINA: Yeah, absolutely. I think people hate the word ‘balance’ because it feels like it has to be…

ALLIE: …perfectly even.

REINA: And it’s not, you know? It's a juggling act. I imagine standing on a yoga ball and juggling at the same time.

ALLIE: Yes! Well put!

REINA: It’s not balance; It’s like trying not to fall and drop the balls all at the same time.

ALLIE: Yeah. I think that social media is so beautiful and no matter how real you are it always looks like that's not what's happening. And it is. It’s hard. Then you show up and you serve and somebody says something rude, like it wasn't enough. You didn't do good enough. You made this grammatical error and they've got to pointed out. And then that's discouraging and you're like, “Wow!” Then you come inside your house and I made this huge elaborate meal and one of my kids is like, “This tastes like dirt.” It's like nothing is ever good enough, ever balanced enough, so all we can do in every area is just show up and, “Oh, this is what I did and I feel really good about it, so I'm going to move on.”

REINA: Yeah. That example is such a real life. I had a really a trying day a couple of weeks ago and everything I was trying was not working, and then I get to dinner and I was like, you know, sometimes it's a hot dog and they're happy and everything is Hunky Dory. And then the next day you try to make an elaborate meal where you actually served them vegetables. It was a healthy meal and you actually thought about it. Then it's like, “Mom, I don't want to eat this.” And you’re like, “Ahh, I can't even deal with you right now.”

ALLIE: Yeah. This morning I did this Instagram story where I was talking about a time in our life and I said something like, “Oh, we moved to the Midwest and it was, you know, Arkansas.” I got this message that was like, “FYI Arkansas is not the Midwest. I love you, but get your geography straight.” Literally what she said. It just bugs you. It wasn't a big deal, but I was already not super emotionally fit at that moment and it just bugged me. Then I came in and I made a giant amazing lunch – shrimp, that black rice, that Forbidden Rice or whatever that’s loaded with nutrients and it's $25 a bag. Right? I made this amazing thing and my kids were like, “I don't want…” and I just lost it. It’s okay that I'm not good enough for everybody all the time because my value can’t be in that…I don't know, this is kind of a tangent…but my point was I'm learning that it's okay.

I'm showing up. I'm doing a free Instagram story with a free podcast for you and if you don't like that I called Arkansas the Midwest, then just get out. I just showed up and I cooked this amazing meal and it nourished me and my body that’s going through healing and it was good for you guys but if you don't like that part of it then just don’t eat it. Just get out.

REINA: You cannot please everyone, Allie. Can. Not.

ALLIE: Ok, one more question about working for all of the work-at-home moms.

Your office is at your house. Do you ever struggle with the fact that it's all happening in the same place and it's distracting?

REINA: It always is distracting. I mean as you said that my dog walks into my office, right? She's like, “I want to go for a walk. I'm ready to do it.” And now that I've said it, she's going to get excited. Things are happening all the time. Thankfully my son is not at home and he has his own care. But at the same time, there's laundry to be folded, there's dishes to be clean. There's stuff that needs to happen. I try my best to have focus time for each of those things so that I know they get taken care of, but it's not perfect. It’s a matter of where do I want to put my focus on right now, and making sure that I dedicate the time that I need to, to the things that need to happen.

It sucks. It's definitely not perfect and I have lots to learn in that regard, but it's just one of those things that whenever I need to focus on work, I'm all in.

ALLIE: Yeah, and you just have to have that self-discipline that I'm working right now. It's not laundry time. That's amazing that you have that. The only reason that I even started figuring out rhythms and routines in my house stuff is because I don't have that and it's like if the other things are not rhythmatized, and I know in the morning the laundry is switched and done. Now the kids are older and chores are happening, they're actually helpful, so the kids do the dishes. But you know those things are done. Then it's like, “Okay, now I can work.”

REINA: Yeah, it’s about creating those habits and for me the rhythms are a little bit different than yours and I think that's fine. For example, this is such a silly example, but on Sundays, every single week, I have a reminder on my phone that says ears and nails. I have to clean out my son's ears and cut his nails, or else I will never remember.

ALLIE: Yeah, I know. Oh my gosh, yes. I have so many random little alerts on my phone. Especially with boys, they don't care or notice. Bella would be like, “Mom, my nails look really long and dirty. Can you help me?” The boys are still being gross and playing in dirt with dirt under their nails. Eating dirt. “We don’t care.” Yeah, it’s a boy-mom problem.

REINA:  Exactly. It’s one of those things that if I have them in my phone and I know that they're going to happen, I don't have to worry about it during the rest of the week kind of thing, unless there's a problem obviously.

I like to have little homes for these little assignments for myself, so I guess that's the way that I do rhythms.

ALLIE: It’s like you’re clearing mental clutter. It's mental clutter to know that you have to do something, but you have no assigned place that you're going to remember to do it. That's totally raising your cortisol.

REINA: Yeah. No stress for me in that regard. Let's handle it. It's taken care of.

ALLIE: Yeah, totally. I love that. You easily say something so actionable and relatable.

I love it.

I know that you're like me and you love to read. I don't know if it's changing for you lately but what are you reading right now? What are you loving right now?

REINA: What am I reading right now? I am reading Kristin Hannah's Midnight Hour. I just finished The Tattooist of Auschwitz.

ALLIE: So you like to read novels.

REINA: I like to read novels at night and then during the day I like to read business stuff or other fiction stuff, I guess. I'm reading Shoe Dog by Phil Knight. He founded Nike. I'm obsessed with this story.

ALLIE: Me too. It's so crazy to see the beginning of something so huge and so inspiring. It’s such a humble start.

REINA: It really is. He's talking about a $1,000 shoe order like, “What? That’s amazing!” And now it's a multibajillion dollar company. It’s really remarkable.

ALLIE: Yeah, it is. I love that too.

In conclusion, just a random question. I didn’t give you a warning so it's okay if you're like, “I dunno,” but what is one life lesson or something that's been resting on you lately that you have been learning lately?

REINA: I think coming back to journaling a lot recently. I've been trying a lot of different formats of journaling recently. This is not a word obviously, but I got to the season of being a little bit too busy for daily journaling and I wanted to figure out what was happening and what I could try. And so, I've been trying a lot of different formats and I really like the simplicity of the Start Today Journal. I think it's 5 pieces of gratitude in the morning and then 10 things you made happen. It's Rachel Hollis’ Start Today Journal. She talks about it in her new book Girl, Stop Apologizing. I devoured that on Audible. I think she has an actual physical journal that she sells. I just made my own. The second part is really interesting because it's all about the dreams that you made happen and so the things that you want to have happen, but in the, “I've already done it” tense.

It's really cool stuff. If you look up the ‘Start Today Journal’ Hashtag on Instagram, you see all kinds of stuff, like hers is “I'm a New York Times bestseller author” before she was. And some people are like, “I lost 10 pounds.” It can be really different types of goals.

ALLIE: I love that. It's the whole idea that I have seen over and over again in my life - speaking it out before it happens and saying, “This is mine and I'm going to make this happen.” I love that.

This was such a good conversation. Thank you so much.

I know that this isn't your normal interview. Normally you are all business. Some people will want to go and chase after what you’ve got and some people won't really have it be relative, but where can people find you? Because I know if people know what you do, you serve amazing entrepreneurs and I love when you share your clients' stories and their wins and stuff. It's so cool to see who you're working with. But if people want to do that with you and work with you and find you, where can they find you?

REINA: You can find me over at Reina + Co. I am always hanging out over on Instagram at @reinaandcompany and I respond to my DM’s. That's really the only place I'm hanging out during my maternity leave. It's going to be a fun little transition time. Who knows what'll happen.

Even though this conversation was more life stuff, I think it's important that we talk about this and just because I'm an entrepreneur doesn't mean that I can't talk about mom stuff, you know?

ALLIE: It's all woven together. Are you going to be sharing baby staff on Instagram?

REINA: Oh, for sure.

ALLIE: Yay! I'm so excited for you. Oh my gosh. Having brothers, too, in your home is one of the glories of my life and one of the things that I am so proud to be a part of. It's so cool. I didn't really have that in my house. My siblings are really far apart, so while we have two girls and two boys, we didn't grow up together. It's really cool to have the boys growing up together and don't worry about that age gap. The ones that are the closest in my house are the farthest apart so it doesn't matter. They're going to be  little friends. Especially when the baby gets to be 1, they're going to start to play. It's so magical. So fun. You're going to love it. I'm so happy for you.

REINA: Yay. Thank you so much for that encouragement. I'm just looking forward to this sweet season.

ALLIE: We'll link to all the good things that you shared, the journal and the powersheets, all of that good stuff, but thank you so much for having this conversation with me.

REINA: Thank you so much for having me.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

EP 108: I Had "The Talk" with My Kid. Here's What I Learned.

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The talk. It isn’t just one talk, it is an ongoing conversation. It is an important conversation, a personal one, and one that will come as your kids start asking questions. My 10 year old started asking so we dove right into it. I knew the time was right and I felt confident to lead this conversation well based off the conversation Brian and I had as we prepared for this.  

There's so much negativity out there about talking to your kids about sex, so I wanted to add positivity to that pool and just say it doesn't have to be that way. It can absolutely be good, positive, constructive, helpful, sweet, silly and relaxed.

I hope that this episode empowers you to do this well and to have a successful ongoing conversation with your child about sex, kissing, love and all that stuff.

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • How to approach this topic with positivity and not negativity (like culture puts on it!)

  • The way she approaches her relationship with her daughter and how that impacted this conversation.

  • Why this specific conversation isn’t a one time thing but more of an ongoing dialogue we have with your kids.

  • Navigating when the time is right to have the talk and how to start it out on the right foot.

Mentioned in this Episode:


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Did you know I have an entire online academy full of things I created just for YOU?

There are so many different things in there. It's all together in my store or what I like to call the Allie Academy, so if you want to check that out, you should. There's lots of good resources that have helped a lot of women - tens of thousands of women - get their lives in order. Because when you invest, that's the first step to succeeding. Free will only get you so far.

So if you're ready to put some skin in the game, show up, and really invest in the deep dive content that I have to offer, that's where the online programs come in.

Plus don't forget, just for Purpose Show listeners only because I love you guys so much, you can use the coupon code PURPOSESHOW at checkout on any of my online programs and take 10% off.


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hi, beautiful! Welcome to The Purpose Show! Let's dive into today's episode.

It's kind of intense, kind of personal, and I'm really hoping that it demystifies talking to your kids about sex and giving them that important talk, and also changes your perspective on how it is “one talk” and shifting it to it's an ongoing conversation. And here's what Brian and I have done so far. Here's what I did when I actually sat and talked with our child about it because our oldest is our daughter and it just felt right that I would sit and give her this conversation. How we handled it. What I liked and didn't like and what I learned afterward. So, ready? Let's talk about this.

This is definitely an episode that needs to be for mamas’ ears only. So, pop those headphones in or come back to this after bedtime. But it's going to be good. Let's do it.

Before we get into the nitty gritty about talking to your kids about sex, I just want to say a few things. First of all, this is something that I have done with only our daughter. Bella is 10 years old. She is one of those kids who is wise beyond her years, but also still very childlike. She loves playing with her brothers, even though they're younger than her. She's really creative and kind of a whimsical person but also incredibly smart. She's like a little entrepreneur. The ideas and business thoughts that she has blow my mind for how young she is. She is a unique kid, an anomaly. I used to feel really intimidated about raising her and now I just feel so honored, thankful and excited to raise her.

I think that in parenting things need to look different for each of your kids. You know, my other kids are boys and that doesn't mean that their “talk” will look the same. Even though they're all the same gender, they will still have different conversations with Brian and I than each other because I really think that these big parenting moments need to be tailored to who it is you're parenting. I really do think it matters and it's different for each kid.

Having said that, I want to also preface with how I want my relationship with my daughter to be. I really want Bella to know that she can come to me with the little things and the big things because if she can't feel like she can come to me with the little things then she's not going to feel like she can come to me with the big things as she gets older.

She has shown me that she feels like she can come to me with the big and the little things.

She'll come to me regularly, daily or throughout the week, and say, “Mom is it okay if I sit here with you and we just talk for a few minutes. I feel like talking,” and she'll talk to me about what's going on in the latest book she's reading, or how she wishes that her friends down the street would come back from vacation so they could play outside. Sometimes she’ll say, “I need to talk to you about something,” and she'll ask me a really big question about how life works or who God is or why people do scary things to other people. So, I think that it's going well and I really want my relationship with my daughter to feel that way. I really want to continue that. I want to get even better at that. I want that to continue as she gets into her teen years.

What I think I'm doing right here is creating a space in our home, creating an atmosphere in our family that Bella feels she can come to me and she feels free to ask if she can talk to me. What I feel I need to improve here is Bella has the amazing gift of choosing to come and ask if she can sit and talk with me at the worst possible time. I'll be sitting on the couch just because I needed to get out of my office.

I have a home office but it is kind of outside of the house. It's an extension of the garage and it's got its own walls and doors and stuff, but it is technically a part of my house. So, I'll get sick of being out there and come in and sit on my bed for a second or sit on the couch for a second and be wanting to unwind and breathe for a moment before I jump into making dinner and doing family things. and Bella will choose that time to come and find me and touch me (which my love language is not touch so it's irritating sometimes) and just sit with me and want to talk about all the things. And it is so hard not to make her feel like she has irritated me with her terrible timing. I'm just being honest with you guys, I do sometimes, “Oh, what is it sweetie?” She picks up on those vibes obviously.

I really want to work on finding a way around that. Even if I can't stop and if I want to have that boundary for myself and I just need that space, it doesn't mean that I have to give her that space every time just because she wants to talk. But even if I can't stop and talk now, I want to check and make sure that this isn't something urgent that needs to be talked about right now. And then make time later to sit and talk with her. And then even if I need that space right now, that I make her feel loved, I make her feel valued and I give her a set time later on that I can sit and talk with her or invite her to join me later when I'm making dinner and she can talk to me then while I cook, but right now I just need a minute. I just want to work on that.

I think that's powerful. Asking what am I doing right here? What do I need to improve here? And just being honest with yourself. I try to do that regularly. I'll think about if I have a conversation that I felt maybe I hurt her feelings or I just didn't make her feel valued, it didn't align with what I want my relationship with Bella to be, then I'll think about it for a minute afterward and think, “Okay, well why didn't that feel like it was good? Why did she get her feelings hurt from that? What could I do better? What needs to just be let go, I can't control every single emotion that she feels. What actually does land on me and my responsibility that I could make better.

Having said all of that, let's get into the talk. So, I felt so good about mine and Bella's sex talk. I felt so good about it. It's something that I had been thinking about for a long time as she started to inch closer and closer to being ready for the talk. I was 10 years old when my mom sat and talked with me and I felt like it was a good time for me. I had that age in the back of my mind, but I was also very ready and willing to adapt.

If Bella had learned things at school at an earlier age than me, then I was prepared to talk to her earlier. It was important to me that I let her know how things work before she learned too much from her peers. But because we do homeschool, that was on my side and I had a lot more time than I think a lot of other moms do. That was a pro for me and my lifestyle.

The kids did go to public school a few years ago for a brief period of time. We didn't know if that was going to be brief or it was going to be ongoing. We take our school plans year-by-year, so you never know if things will shift and the kids will end up going to school. So, I always have it in the back of my mind “do we need to adjust this?” I don't think, “10 years old...once they turn 10 I want to talk to them about this.” It might even be later for another one of the kids. It might be sooner. It just depends.

I pray about it. I follow my gut. I am aware of the different circumstances per kid, per year, per age. I'm trying to live “led by the Holy Spirit motherhood” and asking God to be with me in the day and asking Him to give me a knowing and just following that as I make decisions and not having a set age where this is when we talk about this, this is when you get to do that, this is when you get to know this, and letting that motherly/parenthood instinct between Brian and I lead our decisions in these big things.

I ended up feeling so good about our talk. It was a really beautiful conversation. It was a really sweet time. I couldn't have been happier with how it went. So I wanted to share with you guys why I felt that way about it, what exactly we talked about, how it went, what I used as a guide and why I think it went so well because I think that this is something that people get really freaked out about.

I almost didn't do this episode because there are so many people who are professionals at this and they share what to do and what not to do. That information is very freely given out there and you can absolutely look those things up. But I really didn't look anything up about this. I didn't read books about talking to your kids about sex. I really just went with my instinct and went with what I know of my daughter because I'm her mom. I'm her mom for a reason and I know her better than anyone else. I felt really confident to go with my gut on this, with what to share and what not to share, and how to approach it.

I knew it was time to talk to Bella based on the questions that she had begun to ask me. I knew that she was starting to get curious about how people make babies and she knows that parents make babies. But she was starting to get really curious about how exactly. She was starting to get really curious about things about boys. Not boy crazy or anything at all, but just little things like she let me know that she had a little crush on somebody and she was thinking a lot about and wondering about why do people kiss. Just little things.

This was over about a year's time where she was asking more and more questions. I knew that it was going to be time soon. She hadn't come to me directly and said, “How are babies made,” but she was asking little things that were leading into that. She was 9, soon to be 10. I knew like, “Okay, I think 10 will be good and once she turns 10 I'd like to pencil in that time with her and have this conversation.” That's how I decided that it was time to start thinking about this.

One big perspective shift that I made and that I think is important that we all make as parents is I did not think of this as a one-time conversation that I check off the list (even though I do kind of see how that happens because this was more of “the talk” than any of our other conversations).

Because I had carved out time for it, Bella knew that it was going to happen. We sat down, we closed the door in my room and we just talked. I had a book to kind of guide me, which I'll share a little bit more about in a second. We were intentionally talking about this. In that sense it was a one-time talk, but I still don't think it's a one-time conversation that we check off our list.

I think this needs to be an ongoing conversation. I think it's incredibly crucial that we create space in our lives and that our kids know we've created that space for them to talk whenever they need to talk about something. To answer their questions as they pop into their heads because they're probably not going to remember them later on when you're available. I think it's important to be available at least as much as you can and to have your kids know they can come to you and say, “Mom, I heard this at school today and I was just wondering what this meant,” and give them the answers. If they can ask us, we need to give them some form of the answer. We can water it down for their age and what we feel is appropriate or not, but I do think that it's important to have an ongoing conversation because your kids are not going to suddenly remember every single thing they've been wondering when you’re ready to sit down and talk to them. It's gotta be an ongoing thing.

I also think that “the talk” is going to get peeled back for Bella and I in layers. I did not sit her down and tell her every single thing that can possibly happen. I didn't talk to her about hard things in detail, like all the different types and styles and ways of intercourse. I didn't talk to her about all the details of rape and things like that.

This is an ongoing thing that needs to be talked about as she gets older, as she's ready, as things come up, as she sees and hears things by accident by being a person alive in our world today.

I think that this talk was more of a start to an ongoing, lifetime conversation. More than just a one-time thing, like a band-aid I rip off where I just spilled the beans and that was it.


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I would like Bella to look back and remember multiple conversations, multiple times that we made tea and sat together on my bed and just talked about these kind of awkward things that she was wondering about. I want her to remember multiple talks, not just one talk.

Let's talk about how to start this conversation. The biggest takeaway that I had for me and how I did this with Bella was I started the conversation ahead of time, not right before I do “the talk.”

I let her know that there was something that I think is important that we talk about soon and we should make that happen together. So, whenever she would ask me something that had to do with this and I knew that it was a question that would lead into our eventual talk about sex, love, romance and all these things, I would say, “You know, I think there's something that is important that we talk about. I think you are getting older. I think you're ready for that special knowledge and I think we should make a girl date soon to talk about that.”

What I wish I would have done is I wish I would have made a set date for girl time and put it on the calendar. I think it would've made it seem even more valuable to her. I think it would have given her a clear-cut date. Because I would say that a couple times in conversations in the car with Bella and then she would check back in and be like, “Hey mom, when are we going to have that special talk?” And it was like, “Oh crap, I kind of forgot we need to do that.” So, I wish that I would've said that and sat down and made an actual set date for this girl talk. If I was doing it over again, that's what I would do differently.

But I would kind of answer the question like, “Kissing kind of does this…” or whatever the question was that she was asking me. And then I would say, “I think that there's an important conversation that you're ready to have with me and we need to make that happen.” I wish I would've actually penciled it in and given her a set date instead of making it an open-ended thing that she kept having to remind me about until I finally made it happen.

To recap, one of the biggest takeaways that I had in this conversation with my daughter was I started the conversation ahead of time. I didn't just say, “I need to talk to you. Let’s go,” and then start the conversation about, “There's something that you're ready to know” right before I did the talk. This was an ongoing thing. I started the conversation ahead of time. And I think that set the precedent for how I want my relationship with Bella to be moving forward. This is something we talk about often throughout life. It's on-going. It's not a one-time thing.

Then the next thing that I want to say is that I think it's really important to not be afraid of this conversation or to not be weird about it, awkward, stiff, or timid because let me tell you kids pick up on that stuff. You're basically teaching them how to feel about sex and how to feel about having big discussions with you as well, so I think it's really important to be calm, loving and confident. Even if your stomach is turning and you do feel weird and awkward, don't let them know that because I think it sends a message.

I felt really at peace. I had thought about this a lot. I had prayed about it. I had been talking to Brian about it. We knew how this was going to go. That I was going to have the main conversation with her and that Brian would come in at the end and sit with us for a moment and ask Bella if she had any questions. Because it's important to us that our kids that are the opposite sex of us feel comfortable to talk to us about sex, intimacy, marriage, intercourse and difficult things with each other.

I didn't want to set it up where the boys talked to Brian and Bella talks to me because I just don't think that's healthy. What if something happens to one of us, you know, and now we've set a precedent to where it's awkward for Bella to talk to Brian about things and what if I'm not here anymore. It was really important to us that it goes both ways. But I do see the value in Bella and I sitting alone together and talking about this, and then Brian came in at the end and it was perfect. It was beautiful and really good. She did ask him a couple of questions and he handled it great. He was really calm and loving to her and gave her enough information that fit her age. He was totally in on this conversation and it was really great. So that's another thing that we did.

But going back, the biggest thing was not being weird, timid, or awkward. Full disclosure, it's really hard for Brian not to get weird, timid and uncomfortable because this is his little girl, this is his baby girl and it's really hard for him that she's growing up. It’s really hard for him that we had to go get a starter bra for her the other day. It's really hard for him. It's just weird, new and different, and it's out of our element and that's okay.

But I think the key is to not make it seem like you're super uncomfortable and so timid and afraid of this conversation because you're teaching your kids how to feel about having these discussions with you. You're setting a tone that is going to decide if they want to have these conversations with you again in the future or not.

You're teaching them how to feel about sex. And I want Bella to realize sex is created by God. It's beautiful. It's comfortable. It's normal. It's okay. We can talk about these things and then I can teach her the other things I want her to know about sex and the boundaries around sex as I talk with her about it. So, don't be afraid or timid or stiff. Your kids will pick up on that.

Another thing that I think was really helpful for me is that I had a book to guide me. I actually am not going to share what book I got just because I had looked and looked and wasn't really happy with my options. The Christian books…some of them I found were really stiff and actually had undertones of shame, and I went to a private Christian school growing up and I got plenty of that tone and it did not serve me well at all. I really didn't want Bella to pick up on that tone. I just wasn't happy with what I found.

I had gotten some really great recommendations but I didn't want to order the book online. I wanted to look at it in person. The options at Barnes & Nobles were just so-so. What I ended up doing is I got a book that had drawings, not actual pictures, which I liked. It was a really sweet book where it had drawings of butts, boobs, “pee-pees” and “wee-wees” and all of that silly stuff that kids just think are hilarious.

They were drawn and they were all different shapes and sizes. It gave a picture of, “these are our bodies and God made our bodies and it is what it is and we can talk about this.” It made it silly because they were drawn and they were sketched kind of funny. It brought humor to the conversation. It wasn't like pictures of bodies, which I would feel was inappropriate. I really liked that.

And there were some things in the book that are not what I believe about gender and people and sex, so I looked through the book beforehand and dog-eared the sections that I wanted to skip over when I sat with Bella. And I think that's the most important part.

I loved having a book to guide me, but I think it's less important to freak out about exactly what book it is, how perfect it is, and research, research, research when you're putting off this conversation that needs to happen. Don't overthink the book. It's more important to look at every page on your own before you talk with your kid so that you can edit out anything that you don't want to talk to your child about just yet. Eventually I will talk to Bella about all of these extra additives about sex and gender and all of that, but I just didn't feel like it was time for all of that yet. I just wanted to talk to her about how reproduction works, how sex works and what it is.

So, I personally, like I said, liked the drawn pictures. I let her giggle at the boobs and butts and the wieners, and all of that and we giggled together, but it also opened the floor to questions and she asked them freely and it was really good.

By letting her take those reins and letting her ask the questions that came to her mind, it let me know where she was at and what information she was and wasn't ready for. So I almost live, right then and there in our talk, was able to decide, “Okay, she's asking this but not that, so I think she's ready for this and not that.” I answered the questions she asked, and the way that she asked them and the questions that she did and didn’t ask, let me know what she was and was not ready to learn.

I didn't lay every single thing out and say too much. I let her guide how far the conversation went and we will talk again later when the time is right for her to know more.

So that's how I did it. That's how it went. Those are the key takeaways. I hope that this episode empowers you to do this well and to have a successful conversation, a successful ongoing conversation with your child about sex, kissing, love and all that stuff.

It went so well. It was a really sweet time. I will always remember it. It has opened the floor for Bella to talk to me about anything and everything. It was a gift and it went so well.

I think there's so much out there about grown parents remembering their talk with their parents and how terrible it was and how awkward it was. There's so much negativity out there about talking to your kids about sex, so I wanted to add positivity to that pool and just say it doesn't have to be that way.

It can absolutely be good, positive, constructive, helpful, sweet, silly and relaxed. And I want to encourage you in that.

So, go and be empowered! Pray and follow your parental gut instinct. Talk to your spouse. Talk and decide what do we want here? What do we want them to know? How do we want this to feel? Let it be an ongoing thing that you are empowered to talk about with your kids.


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