This episode is actually the audio from a live stream that I did a while back about the quote “The grass is greener on the other side because it’s fake.” The response I got on this was so overwhelming. A lot of people found it really raw and impactful. Most people loved it, but it ruffled a few feathers too.
This is one of those messages that needs to be shared and spread to the masses because it's so important. It’s so key, so impactful, and such a perspective shift. I’m excited for you to listen!
In This Episode Allie Discusses:
how social media can affect how we feel about ourselves and others
the role gratitude plays in self improvement
ways you can show up for your life right now regardless of your situation
the value in creating stillness in your life
Mentioned in this Episode:
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Check it out! It’s a really good simple start.
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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.
Hi, beautiful friend! Welcome to the show! So, I'm so excited for you to hear this episode. It's actually the audio from a live stream that I did a while back and the response I got on this was so overwhelming. Some people were happy; some people, not so much. People had a different perspective or push back to it. But I think that when something is really raw and I think when something makes an impact, it also can ruffle feathers.
I think it's good when there's some people that are happy about it and some people that are not happy about it. I think that's a good sign. I actually get a little worried when everybody loves something that I say because I think it means I'm playing it too safe. So, I'm super excited for you to hear this episode.
I purposely recorded myself on my microphone while I sat at my desk and did this live stream at the same time because I knew I wanted this to be an episode of the podcast. So, please enjoy! Please take a picture, take a screenshot of you listening to this episode, tag me, share with your friends. This is one of those messages that needs to be shared and spread to the masses because it's so important. It’s so key, so impactful, and such a perspective shift. And I really need you guys' help in spreading this message. Tag me. I want to see it.
Thank you so much for helping me shift the perspectives of people and women everywhere. I really appreciate you. Enjoy this discussion.
Hello beautiful friends! Welcome! I'm so glad that we're hanging out right now. I'm so glad you're here to listen to my message. I want to talk to you about some things and we're just going to jump right in.
I just got back from a gratitude walk, which I want to do an episode about these. I think they're incredibly impactful and they're changing my life so much. I got hit with this idea and I just wanted to talk with you about it. I was thinking about it and just letting it sift in my brain a little bit.
There's this quote, it says, “the grass is always greener because it's fake,” and it has been circulating in my feed a lot lately. Who has seen that? Raise your hand. Raise your digital hand. Give me some emojis if you're on this live. Comment to me if you've seen this quote, “the grass is always greener because it's fake.”
I have seen it in many different forms, different memes, straight-up used as the caption on people’s posts. In one way or another, I have seen it so much lately. Yeah, a lot of you are seeing it. Yeah, you guys are seeing it, so it's not just me. It's been everywhere lately. And so, whenever something is everywhere, it's because it's either resonating with people or it's doing something to them, right?
I've been thinking about this so much. This quote was bothering me a bit and I wasn't really sure why. Whenever I feel a little bit of resistance to something, I want to dive into that.
Why is this bothering me? Is this bothering me because it's an area that I could grow in? Is this something that I want to talk about on the podcast? Is this something that I want to deal with in myself? I am always seeking to grow, learn, and as Maya Angelou said, “know better; do better.”
So, when this quote, “the grass is always greener because it's fake,” started circulating a ton in my feed, I let it sift around. And I think what I've come to is something that I really, really want to share with you guys.
While social media has absolutely contributed to a world in which some people are fake, social media isn't to blame. Some people have always been this way. Maybe not in every era, but in eras past, there have been people like this who are fake despite the lack of social media. I think that we just see more of it (obviously that's not a monumental conclusion) because of social media.
But there have always been people who are fake, who put up a front for one reason or another. Give me some emojis again. Comment. Tell me. Raise your hand if you have known somebody who always posts about their marriage a lot and/or their husband and how amazing he is and then they split. Those are the moments where you kind of “wake up” to the fact that there is so much that is fake in this world. But it has always been that way. There have been fake people forever.
I was thinking about this a lot and I think one reason that this quote, “the grass is always greener because it's fake,” has been trending so much lately might have something deeper underneath it. Maybe you'll disagree and that's okay. But I was thinking about how there might be something further in there.
What if it's giving people comfort to think that those who have reached a higher point than they have, those who have sought abundance more than they have, those who are reaping what they've sown in a good way, aren’t really happy? What if that comforts people in some way to think “oh, it’s fake” for those who have put in the time, put in the energy, put in the work, put in the investment, put in the money, put in the conversations with their spouse to build a good marriage, put in the money in terms of date nights (I'm using marriage as an example, but it could be anything you put money into…business, health, wellness, anything).
What if one reason this quote is catching such fire is jealousy. There are people who are seeing this and thinking, “Yeah, yeah! The grass is greener for her because it's fake. Totally!”
But really it's those who have worked harder, who have sought that abundant life, who have sought to be bigger and better than average, they're reaping what they've sown. And those people who are seeing that quote and sharing it like crazy have also reaped what they've sown. They're getting what they put in. And that is hard. And so, they see that quote and they're just like, “Yup. It's fake.”
So yes, it makes us feel better to stay the same. Absolutely. It makes us feel better to see somebody who has the life we deep down really want and say, “Oh, it's fake. They don't really have that because I don't really either.”
I think the fact that these people might actually be living this way, that they might actually have earned this and gotten themselves to a point of living this way for real is very uncomfortable for “non-reachers,” because it shines a light on why their grass is brown, right? So there’s jealousy, blaming, and saying things like, “Oh, she's so lucky.” I hear this a lot in the business-coaching world when it comes to money and seeking wealth.
Look, money makes the world go round. You can only give your time if you cannot give your money. And so, there's nothing wrong with seeking wealth because “when good people make good money, they do great things,” as Chris Harder always says.
But, they'll say things like, “Oh well, rich people are just stealing everything from us. They are so greedy and I am not in this for the money. I just want to make ends meet.” And it's like, really? Is that really what you want?
I don't think that everybody is called to wealth, but do you see what I'm saying? These people are saying these types of things because of jealousy over someone else’s “lack and stuckness,” you know? Especially with, “She's so lucky.” That's a big one for me. It really bothers me because these are all things people say to cover the lack of joy and fulfillment that they are struggling with within themselves.
And so, rather than looking at someone who is living a life that you wish was yours and thinking, “Oh, her grass is greener because it's fake,” why not just water your grass? Why not do that in the same way, in the same places, in the same patches that she watered it? Let her be an inspiration that drives you into a new lifestyle, not something that you are filled with disdain about, that you're jealous of.
That's why I'm here. That's why I do what I do because I want to inspire women to be action-takers, problem-solvers and go-getters. I want you to not be a jealous onlooker of other people living the life that you really want. When you see other people living the life you want, I don’t want you to feel jealous, insecure, unfulfilled, and upset that you're still at Square A, you know? Who's felt like that? I know that I’ve related to that.
I really believe there are no rules in terms of what your life can look like except the ones you make for yourself. I see this so much in motherhood. Motherhood does not have to be a crap shoot mess all the time that leaves you drained and dumped on unless you choose to make it that. And I think that's a hard thing for a lot of people to hear because we've been told that good moms are servants, they don't take time for themselves, they don't spend money on themselves. Those are lies. It's BS, and I'm over it. If I don't die having changed that perspective in the world, what was the point? What was the point?
I just want to encourage you guys. I think that there are fake people out there and I think we need to watch that. I really do. The people who have beautiful Instagram feeds—which side note: I'm so tired of people that have beautiful Instagram feeds getting crapped on. I love an aesthetic. I get this with my home too because I love design. I love decorating. I love really waiting to find that beautiful piece for my home and creating a beautiful, clean ambiance in my home and in my business. I love branding. I'm obsessed with marketing. I love it. It lights me up. And I'm so sick of getting crap for that. Like, “Oh your feed’s pretty, so you’re fake.”
There is something to be said for beautiful pictures that make you stop your scroll, but read the dang caption. If this girl is just making you feel worse, if she's making you feel like you're not good enough, if she makes you walk away like, “Uh, I just feel gross, like worse.” Not because you're jealous and unfulfilled, but because she's negative, she's fake. It's like all of these fake things have no depth. Unfollow her!
If social media is such a problem for you, clean out your feed. Unfollow them. Follow people who make you stop your scroll and then enlighten you, shift your perspective, make you walk away better, lighter, convicted in a good way. Follow people who inspire you to action like, “Yeah, I need to get on this. I need to be better at this.” If you're discouraged and disheartened when you're on social media, that's your fault. Unfollow those people. You have a choice to fill your feed with people who make you want to get out of bed in the morning and be so much better.
I love “nighttime lives” because I love thinking about the fact that it's 8:00 p.m. for me (I'm on the west coast) so, for a lot of you guys, it's well past the kids' bedtime. So, kids are in bed, you're sitting there watching me, and I want to make you think, “Holy crap, this is amazing. My perspective is so shifted. I can't wait for my kids to wake up in the morning so I can know better, do better, be better, and show the heck up.” That's my goal. That's what I'm here to do. I want to inspire women to be action-takers and problem-solvers, not jealous onlookers of the people who are living the lives they deep-down really, truly want.
And again, there are no rules except the ones you make for yourself. So, if you believe that motherhood is just always going to be hard no matter what, if you believe that it's just give, give, give and you're not allowed to take for yourself because you should feel guilty about that. If your mom or your mother-in-law (Mothers-in-law are famous for this! Mothers-in-law, be better! I want to be an awesome mother-in-law when it's my time) make you feel guilty for taking time for yourself, get out of there! Don't hang out with them. Don't let them get control of your mind, girl. Realize that you are pouring into yourself because you have to pour out to your family on a constant basis.
So okay, let's take action, right? Because if you've been around me for a minute, you know that I do not leave you without giving you something to take action on.
Hey, sweet friend! Let's play an imagination game for a second. Imagine walking in the door at the end of the long day, setting your bag down and heading into the kitchen to make dinner. Your counters are clear. You like being in your kitchen. You're happy to be there. You have the patience you need to answer your kids’ questions and have a good evening with them. You like going to bed in your cozy haven of a bedroom. You're excited for that. You have the mental capacity to talk with your spouse and veg out together via Netflix. There's no arguing, nagging, or mentally draining to-do list adding up every time you glance around because there's stuff everywhere. Imagine that maintaining your home is just a side note in your life. It's not a stress causer or a time suck.
This is the reality of the women who go through my Your Uncluttered Home program.
This is so different from anything free, anything on this podcast, anything that you can find anywhere else because it is an all tied-together program with video, house walk-throughs, and very detailed deep-dive lessons about every single nook and cranny and area of your home.
All of this in simplicity. Everything about living a minimalist life starts at home. There is so much power in letting things go and in doing it the right way, the shortcut way, the way that I didn't have when it was my turn to do this 7/8 years ago now. This is what I created for you.
There's a reason that this is a paid program. There's a reason that it goes all the way deep and that women that listen to the podcast enroll and still see so much more of a difference in their lives because it is so different than anything else. It is such a deep dive.
It is truly, truly a game changer and a life changer. I'm so honored to sign my name to this program and invite you to join all the thousands of women who have gone before you and done this.
What do you have to lose by not enrolling? You can always just test the waters. See if it works for you. There's a 14-day refund period. No questions asked.
This was made for you. This was made by me for you.
What do you have to lose if you don't enroll? What do you have to lose?
Progress. You'll stay stuck on that hamster wheel that’s not working for you, right?
You have time to lose. You'll keep wasting these precious days of this fleeting season in your life and your kids' lives.
You’re going to lose self-care. You’ll continue to show yourself that you don't value yourself, that you don't matter, that your home and your time or not valuable.
You will lose peace. You'll keep living that same stressful, overwhelmed lifestyle that’s been making you feel awful for way too long already.
But what do you have to gain by enrolling? You gain progress. You'll finally create change. You gain time. You gain self-care. You gain peace. You gain love because your relationships are going to seriously improve.
If you don't believe me, just think about this. Less clutter equals less stress, which equals a less stressed out you. So less naggy. Less yelling. Less frustration. A better version of yourself for everybody involved with you. You also gain your kids’ childhood because we all know they grow up way too fast.
Let's stop wasting time. Prioritize what we say is truly important. Put our money where our mouths are and get you to the point of being the present person that you want to be.
I offer 10% off for podcast listeners only. Go to alliecasazza.com/getstarted and at checkout, enter the code PURPOSESHOW for 10% off. I can't wait to see you in there.
There's a whole free community that comes along with the course. It’s for students only. And I can't wait to see you posting in there that you're ready for change. You can share your before and after photos and get us to cheer you on. You can post about any problems that come up for you. I can't wait to interact with you and have you be a part of that community. Go girl. Let's do this!
Three ways to water your grass right now. Why does that sound dirty? I don't know, but it kind of does. Three ways to water the grass in your life right now.
#1: Get grateful. Get freaking grateful. There's a reason that gratitude is so overdone and over -talked about. It's the crux of every self-help movement—religious or not religious, it doesn't matter. Gratitude is always the foundation of every single thing when it comes to being a better version of yourself or showing up for your life, for growing, for getting more.
So, like I said in the beginning of this, I just came back from a gratitude walk and you know, it's so juvenile, it’s so simple. Look, I'm not Ann Voskamp, the woman who wrote A Thousand Gifts. I'm just not her. I'm not able to think, “I'm just open and thankful. Gratitude is flowing because of the withering leaves of the weeping willow in the back.” I can't even fake it. I'm not good at that. I'm so juvenile and basic.
I am grateful for my kids and their relationship with each other. It's awesome. I am grateful for the noise level in my house because it’s loud and I'm grateful for that because one day it's going to go away. And I am grateful for the abundance of leaves in the trees that I am walking through right now because it just reminds me that I serve an abundant living God and I live in an abundant world. Little things like that, literally just what I see. So number one, get grateful.
Side note: all of the tips I'm about to give you, the three tips I'm about to give you can be done right now. They cost no money. It takes nothing. You can do them tonight. Right now. Literally. This is good stuff, if I do say so myself.
#2: Show up right where you are right now. No matter what. No matter how broke you are. No matter how heartbroken you are. No matter how hard your day was or what’s going on. Show up right where you are. Stop waiting for the thing that you want to happen. And if you focus on being grateful, if you focus on showing up right where you are right now, that thing is way more likely to come into your life.
It's way more likely that you will be given that thing because if you can do well with what you have right now, you're going to be given so much more. This is a lesson that I've learned about money: if you don't tithe 10% or give generously, give to charity, do something good with $1 out of $100, you're not going to give $10,000 out of a million. You're just not.
So, if you don't show up right where you are, right now, who’s to say that you're going to show up when that thing you really want finally does come into your life? Because guess what? Once it comes into your life, it's great for a little bit, and then it's old news. And then there's another thing that you want, another goal you want to get to, another thing you want to reach. So show up right where you are right now.
If you are on the east coast it's late at night, right now. You're lying next to your husband and you're pissed at each other. You're fighting. You bickered today. He made you upset. Show up right now. Be the bigger person. Apologize. Start the conversation.
If your house is a total mess and you're dreading tomorrow, show up right now. Decide that you're going to invest in your haven, invest in the place where your babies are being raised, your memories are being made and you're going to get it under control tomorrow morning. Set your alarm, get up, show up. Don't be overwhelmed. Don't let the mess get the best of you. This is a mindset issue. You need to show up right where you are. Stop waiting for the next thing.
Stop thinking, “Okay, well I'll show up then,” or “Well, if we just had more money in the bank, then...”
I've been there. I've been completely broke. I didn't even have enough cereal to feed my kids one night. Literally. I had to go to a food bank. Now I have a multiple seven-figure business. I had to show up where I was so I could prove that I could show up with what I have now. This is huge you guys!
#3: Get still. Stillness is such a key and it gets so overlooked. I think it’s overlooked and it also kind of gets over-talked about, if that makes sense. Stillness can look like a lot of different things.
As I shared in my Instagram just a little bit ago, tonight I was a mess. I was really stressed out, feeling like I needed to do all the things to fix the things that were stressing me out. And I was like, “You know what? No.” Because when you feel like you need to take action and do everything, a lot of the time the answer's actually to just stop and get still. So I did.
I forced myself. I forced myself to get still. I went upstairs. I ran a warm bath. I lit candles. I got in there, I put my noise canceling headphones on, and I just listened to an abundance meditation. I turned it off. I prayed. I talked to God, and more importantly, I listened for Him. I got still and I just let Him know that I was there. I listened for His voice and I waited for Him to speak to me.
And you know what? He dropped some ideas, some wisdom and words that I needed to hear in order to be better at pouring into other people. And I got out, rinsed off in the shower (because I can't get out of a bath and dry off. It's weird. It makes me itchy. I had to shower), then I went on my gratitude walk and just got grateful.
I think a lot of the times we talk to God, but we don't wait for Him to talk back. It's such a common problem. So, get still.
What does stillness look like for you? You know, I'm a Christian. I love Jesus, but I always have a goal of creating content and reaching out to you beauties who are not, and who've been hurt by Christians. Christians can suck. Let me tell you. So, it doesn't matter what your beliefs are or what your religion is. What is stillness for you?
Is it just sitting on your front porch and listening to the sounds? Is it getting away from your kids a little bit? Is it praying? Is it meditating? Is it sitting still and just being quiet? Is it listening to lyricless music and just closing your eyes, shutting out the distractions, taking some deep breaths?
What is it for you? Get still.
So, three ways to take action right now and water the grass in your life right friggin’ now.
Show up right where you are right now. Stop waiting for the next best thing and thinking, “Oh well, when we do that, then I'm going to show up better. When I lose weight...when I have more money...when we have a bigger house...”
Get still. Create stillness in your life and cultivate that.
These things take no money. You can literally do them right now.
And you know what? I also want to say for those of you who are ready and you're like, “I want to up level. I want to change my life. I don't want to be the mom who is stuck in this crapshoot of excuses. But it's just so hard. I have twins. We just moved. My kids are close together. We don't have any money. I don't have any time...” I want to say: Invest where you want to succeed.
This is what I was just saying to some of the women who are purchasing my business-coaching. When you invest in your business, you succeed in your business. Even if it's small; sometimes it's big. If you want to succeed in your home, if you want to create a home that you see online, you can. A lot of people message me things like this, “Well, your home, it's just so nice. It's so clean, inspiring and beautiful. It just feels like a safe haven.” Yours can too.
This has nothing to do with design. It has to do with junk. It has to do with clutter. That's why I created Your Uncluttered Home. Invest where you want to succeed.
You can do these three things to water the grass in your life right now for nothing.
But at some point you’re going to have to take it up a notch and invest in something. In your marriage. In your home. In your family. In your peace of mind.
The thing that I love about teaching people how to overcome clutter is that it does all three of those things. It does. It's you, your family, your relationship with your kids, your relationship with your home. You have a relationship with your home, whether you realize it or not. How you feel when you walk in your home at the end of a long day is a temperature-taker of how your relationship with your home is going.
Holy work happens in your home. You are raising the next generation, my friend. That matters! How you feel in that space matters! Do you think it's just a side note? Do you think it’s supposed to be messy? “Good moms have sticky floors and happy kids.” No they don't. No. Because a mom can't be a good mom if she is stressed the freak out. She just can't!
You have to feel good. You have to be filled up. You have to feel confident, happy, fulfilled, and successful to really show up for the people in your life in the way that is best for you. And that’s going to look different for everyone, but the way to get there is the same.
I just want to say this too: If you have been on the fence about investing in anything, whatever it is. Whether it’s some kind of tool that's going to make you better at taking care of your house or that’s going to make your life easier in taking care of your house. Whether it’s delegating to a housekeeper once a week or investing in good quality, healthy food (unfortunately, good quality food is the most expensive). Whether it’s investing in your business idea to create more income, investing in your marriage, in your relationship with God, going to counseling. Whatever it looks like for you, just do it. Invest!
And if you are stressed out, if you are struggling, if you are unhappy when you walk in the door, if it always feels like you're cleaning up…know it's not normal. It's not normal. It does not have to be that way. It is a freaking lie! (It’s so hard for me not to cuss right now; I’m really amped up!) It is a freaking lie that it has to be that way! I'm living proof.
I'm living proof and so many other women that I have come into contact with are living proof because they did the work. They showed up. They watered the grass in their life and they got change. They reaped what they sowed. So, the grass is not greener because it's fake all the time. And if you like that, if that does something to you, if that fulfills you, if it's comforting to say, “Oh, it's greener because it's fake,” check yourself, girl. Check yourself.
Are you lying to yourself? Do you need to get up and do something about that? You know, heart check?
Okay guys, I love you so much. Thank you for hanging out with me.
Take action. Invest where you want to see success.
Your home is the heart of everything you do. It all starts at home. There’s a reason that I have the Your Uncluttered Home program open all the time, but Unburdened opens only twice a year because you don't always need that. You need to start at home. You need to get your ish together there. You need to create a space, a haven that you love that can be the foundation of your family and your memories. It's important. It matters. That's why studies show over and over and over again that this has a serious effect on us, especially as women.
Okay, go do your three things. Water the grass in your life. Know better; do better. If you saw this live or if you heard this message, that means you have no excuse.
Make sure you DM me on Instagram and share with me what you did with this message and how it impacted you. Show up. Share your stories. Tag me. I will see it. I will be checking. I want to hear from you. Please make sure you tag me. It keeps me going. It keeps me percolating with these messages for you guys. So, share and tag.
Love you guys!
This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.
Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.
I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!