EP 103: Decluttering 101: Where Do I Start?

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It’s no surprise that my favorite thing to talk about is decluttering! Clearing the clutter is simplifying your life and creating an atmosphere of less so that you can focus more on what you want to be focusing on and what actually matters to you. This comes in many forms - physical clutter and mental clutter, heart clutter, calendar clutter, physical health clutter - all of that. And in this episode, we are going back to the basics of decluttering your physical stuff. I am going to help you figure out exactly where you should start! Let’s dive in!

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • Where her journey with decluttering all started.

  • Ways to handle the people in your life who don’t want you to declutter.

  • How to determine the best place for you to start decluttering your home.

  • The freedom you will experience as you declutter your home and your life.  

Mentioned in this Episode:


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I know how overwhelming it can feel to get started with all of this stuff. It's just a lot. And I wish I could be there with you and hold your hand, breathe with you and walk you through it step by step. But I can't.

However, the next best thing is totally free and I've got it for you right now! It is the Clear The Clutter Starter Kit. It's the best place to get started with my philosophy of simple, realistic, freeing, not limiting, doable minimalism for moms. It basically explains what minimalism actually is, which is not joy-sucking and depriving yourself of everything, getting rid of everything you have.

It will help you find your ‘why’ and teach you how to journal through the process so that you have that solid foundation to stand on. Again, this is totally free and it's just a downloadable pdf. You can keep it on your phone or print it out! I cannot wait for you to dive into this!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


Don't have time to listen_.jpg

Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.

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Hey guys! This episode is a Decluttering 101.

I get super excited when I talk about this still, but only because everybody else seems to get super excited when I talk about this stuff. I talk about so many things that fall under the umbrella of simplifying your life and creating an atmosphere of less so that you can focus more on what you want to be focusing on and what actually matters to you. Clearing the clutter in so many forms - physical clutter and mental clutter, heart clutter, calendar clutter, physical health clutter - all of that.

So, whenever I talk about actual physical decluttering, like in your home, I feel like it circles me back to the beginning of where everything started because for me, it all started at home. And I think that's a lot of the stories of people that I talk to is that it all started at home. From getting really minimalistic there it spills over into the other parts of your life because how can it not when you see it working? When you see so many amazing, beautiful results, changes, and shifts happening in your life just from clearing physical clutter, you naturally wonder, “Well, what would happen if I applied these principles that I'm figuring out to the other areas of my life? Into my schedule, my relationships and all these other areas? So, I feel like we're going to just go back to the basics today.

It’s hard for me because I want to cover, “Okay, Decluttering 101, where do I start?”

Well, I want to talk to you about how do you deal with people in your life in starting to let go of things that other people feel are important for you to keep? It's so funny how other people will insert themselves in your business and say, “I think you should keep that.” And it's like, “Oh, it's not your house.” Or your spouse? It is their house and they have a problem with you getting rid of stuff.

There are so many pieces. This is a beast of an issue, which is why I have Your Uncluttered Home in the first place. That's where that online program was born from because people were asking me for it. “This is all so much. Can you condense it into one place and you just pour everything into one place that will walk me through the A to Z of becoming a more minimalist person in a way that's relative and doable for me, my personality and what I want?” And so that's why that's there.

So, it's hard for me not to go down all the different roads here, but I really want to zoom in on where do you start physically? Actually where do you start when all is said and done? When we're not talking about the other people in your life? When we're not dealing with your spouse and his or her pushback (depending on who's listening here) to the changes that you want to make? When we're not talking about your kids not getting it and them pushing back on letting go of things? We're not talking about all of that other stuff. We're just talking about the physical act of decluttering your stuff and where do you start there. So, I'm going to work really hard to hone in on this thing and answer this popular question for you.

When it comes to decluttering, I always give a couple of options because I think the world wants leaders to say, “This is the answer! This is the way you need to do this. It's cut and dry. It's super simple. This is where you need to start.” But it's hard because there's different personality types. There's different houses. There's different families.

I've done enough work, one-on-one and in a one to small group and I've had tens of thousands of people go through my online programs, and I talk to them, we survey them, we do group calls with them. I've had these conversations so many times, enough to know that giving one answer is only going to solve the problem for about half the people.

So, I have two options for when it comes to where do you start in decluttering.

The first one is an easy start. In that regard I think the easiest, best place to start with decluttering is in a bathroom. It doesn't really matter which bathroom it is. You can start in your personal bathroom. You could start in your guest bathroom. But in a bathroom it’s pretty much easy yeses and nos. Old makeup. Old hair tools and hairsprays that don't even work anymore. Why do you even have this? Old washcloths. Hair stuck to the bottom of the drawers that's been there forever. It's an easy clean out area. And what's good about that is that it gives this momentum that you need to keep going. It's an easy place to make decisions and you can just say, “Obviously no, I'm not going to keep this. Obviously, yes, I'm going to keep that because I use it every time I get ready.” Whatever the thing is, whatever the answer is, it's a place where you can very simply and easily make decisions about what to keep and what to let go of.

And there's not a lot of donations in there and most people don't keep sentimental items in their bathrooms unless you have a really interesting way of home storage. For most people, it's just easy. Yes and no. And that builds this momentum. You get in there, you get it done and you feel so good. Like you accomplished something. You started.

The hardest part of any project, whether you're writing America's next great novel or you're just decluttering your bathroom, the hardest part of any project is taking that first step in getting started. So starting in the bathroom gets that out of the way for you. It's just easy. It's simple. You get started and when you walk away with a trash bag full of old makeup and hair products, you feel pretty good. And your bathroom feels a lot cleaner.

You can work out how you want to organize things once you have what you're keeping. I like to get everything out of a person's bathroom that’s not going to be kept and then look at what is going to be kept and look at what's not working here? Do you need some little plastic trays to go in your drawers to store your hair ties and all that? We can look at drawer organization and set up after that.

Even if you don't want to do that, if you're kind of like me where I'm not a super organized person. I actually really like minimalism because it doesn't make me feel like I need to be organized. What do I need to function here? What is essential for me? What is making me happy and working for me? What do I use and I can just throw it in the drawer? I don't really need to be organized because there's not a bunch of crap everywhere that needs to be arranged in a more appealing way, in a visually appealing way.

Minimalism requires no organization because there's not a ton of extra stuff. You can just throw things in a drawer and it looks fine cause you don't have a ton of extra junk. So that's why I like this stuff. I'm not super huge into organizing. But if you are and you want to go and get little bins and trays and stuff to organize what you're going to keep, you can do that at that point. And then you feel super good.

A lot of people will send me emails after they work through that part of the course. And it's funny because they always say the same thing. “Is it weird that I totally wanted to have my morning cup of coffee in my bathroom this morning because it's the only purged part of my house so far and it just felt so good to be in there? That I want to spend time in here because it's so minimal, clean and fresh and I want to be in here?

So, I think that the bathroom is a really great place to start if you're looking for an easy starting point, if you're looking to build up some momentum because you're a little overwhelmed by the idea of decluttering your entire house.

Because it is overwhelming. It's a lot. It's a lot to think of. It's a lot to hear me talking about this and then walk into your home and see the piles of stuff that you've got shoved in closets. The stuff that's hiding under the beds and in drawers. All the paperwork. All the stuff…it's a lot.

And so, if you're feeling really burdened by that, start in the bathroom, consider starting there. It's an easy yes or no area. It'll give you that momentum you need to keep going. I think that in that regard it's a really great place to start.


Hey girl! Speaking of minimalism and simplifying your physical space, I know how overwhelming it can feel to get started with all of this stuff. It's just a lot. And I wish I could be there with you and hold your hand, breathe with you and walk you through it step by step.

But I can't.

However, the next best thing is totally free and I've got it for you right now. It is the Clear The Clutter Starter Kit. This has been downloaded over 150,000 times by moms just like you who are looking to get started in a really simple, straightforward way.

The Starter Kit is exactly what it sounds like. It's the best place to get started with my philosophy of simple, realistic, freeing, not limiting, doable minimalism for moms. It basically explains what minimalism actually is, which is not joy-sucking and depriving yourself of everything, getting rid of everything you have.

It will help you find your ‘why’ and teach you how to journal through the process so that you have that solid foundation to stand on.

We're going to talk about the basics, and the biggest time sucks, the laundry and the dishes because those are going to give you the quickest return on investment when it comes to time spent decluttering. But they are also two of the biggest difficulties for moms when it comes to clutter.

We're going to talk about those and get you started there. We're going to handle some 15-minute, quick, simple decluttering projects to really dumb this down and simplify it for you.

There's also a few other things in there that are super helpful to get you going.

Again, this is totally free and it's just a downloadable pdf. You can print it out if that's your style. You can keep it on your phone, tablet or laptop, whatever. Go to alliecasazza.com/starterkit and get it for free. Right now! Alliecasazza.com/starterkit.


Okay. Let's talk about Option 2 when it comes to where do you start? In helping people to decide which way to go, I ask them a couple of questions. It matters what kind of person we're dealing with here. So, the second option with where to start in decluttering is to tackle your big time suck first.

What I mean by that is, there something that's really stressing you out as a mom? Maybe you work, maybe you stay at home, but whatever your lifestyle is, one thing you know is that you are constantly overwhelmed by the laundry. It’s eating away at you. It's all you do. You spend your evenings and weekends trying to catch up on the laundry as your family is creating a bigger pile for you to wash every second. It's the bane of your existence. Knocking that out, cutting that down a ton is going to give you a lot of freedom. And that freedom is also going to give you the momentum that you need to keep going on your journey to a simpler home.

So, it kind of depends. Some people like to tackle their biggest time suck. Maybe it's the laundry. Maybe it's the kitchen. Maybe it's the kids' toys. Maybe it's your wardrobe, which basically falls into the laundry category. Whatever is your biggest time suck and if that was just purged and out of the way, you would feel so much better.

But some people have a personality where they want to see the biggest bang for their buck right away. Does that make sense? They need to see a big shift. They need to feel the effects of minimalism right away in order to have the drive to keep going.

Other people don't really need to see how much time I got back from doing this. They just want to get started. They just need to feel that momentum. They just need to start and see that they did something and they should start in the bathroom. But the rest of us need to start with our biggest time suck.

When I started doing this ‘minimalism’ was not a trend. I didn't even know what I was doing was called that. I was just a super overwhelmed mom, desperate to make something change. And I had this crazy idea that a lot of what I spent my time on was stuff. And what would happen if I just got rid of all the excess? Would I have more time on my hands? Would I be happier and lighter?

Of course, you guys know the story. Yes, the answer was yes. I was right and it worked out.

When I started I just thought, “Well, I'm going to start with the toys because the kids are going to bed.” And that room, that toy room is the bane of my existence. We have the first set of grandkids on both sides of the family. So everybody's just super excited. Our kids were given tons and tons of toys. We had turned our dining area into the toy room because it was downstairs. It was next to the kitchen so the kids could play while I watched them while I cooked and all that stuff. We had three kids ages 3 and under, and the toy area being the dining area was just right in the middle of everywhere.

You could see it when you walked in the door. You could see it from the kitchen. You could see it from the family room. You could see it from the living room. It was always visible. There were no doors. It was just an area and that area was loaded with plastic bins that were overflowing with toys. And the thing is, is that that area wasn't even serving us at all. It was not serving its intended purpose.

The purpose of kids' toys is to keep the kids busy and have them play with them. But my kids would just wander in there, dump out all the buckets because it's fun for toddlers to dump out buckets of stuff. They're searching for their favorite one or two toys and then they'd come out complaining that they're bored and want a snack two seconds later.

So that room just kind of made me angry. It just was not working for us. I knew it wasn't. I was constantly picking it up and reorganizing things just for the kids to come in and ruin it. It was one of those things where we'd have play dates and I'd have to like, “Oh I gotta go in and pick up the playroom so it's not a total crap show for our friends that are coming over and letting their kids play with us. But I know it’s just going to get undone in two seconds.” It wasn't working. It felt pointless. It was literally just sucking up my time for no good reason. If something is really worthwhile, you don't mind putting your time into it. That's why I think minimalism needs to be a little bit relative to each person.

Like for me, I don't mind having shelves of books in my home because I think it cozies it up a lot. I love my library of books that I've read. I love loaning books to friends. I love the look of a nice, full bookshelf and a cozy bedroom. I don't mind that I have to run the Swiffer duster over the books a couple times a week and pay a little extra for the sweet little lady that comes and helps with our housework once a week to have her dust those for me. I don't mind that. It's worth it to me. But these toys were not even serving the purpose that they were intending. You know?

So it's not about, “Oh, what's the bare minimum amount of time I could spend on my house and how can this be easier for me and I don't care what it means for my kids. I just want my life to be easier.” It's not about that. It's just that this room wasn't even serving us at all. It wasn't serving the kids. It wasn't serving our friends. It wasn't serving me. It was pointless and a giant time suck.

So, when I inadvertently started by purging the toys first. I was acting out of, “This is what I know is overwhelming me right now. I don't really know anything about this. I don't know where to start. I'm just going to dive in and see what happens.” I was just following my personality type, which if I was teaching me it would be, “Okay, where do you start? Let's figure out if you're a bathroom starter or a time suck starter.” I would see very quickly by my personality and the way I like to do things that I'm a time suck starter, so I just kind of accidentally started by purging my biggest time suck in my house, which was the kid's toy room and I, immediately, the next day was lighter.

The next day the kids played better but didn't even miss anything. You guys, kids are overwhelmed and they need us to bring this into their lives so badly. The kids didn't even miss anything. They just walked in and started playing better. It was awesome. I immediately felt a time difference. I immediately felt my load lightened. I saw the return on my investment right away. And that gave me motivation to keep going.

So to summarize, when you ask, when it comes to decluttering, where should I start? You've got to know yourself. What appeals to you more? Starting with your time suck? The laundry? The kids’ toys? The dishes? A closet that's really, really overwhelming you? Just make sure it doesn't have any sentimental stuff in it because you really shouldn't start with sentimental stuff. That's something you need to save for later when you're good at this and you've got some momentum built up.

Or do you need to just have an easy ‘yes and no’ area and just start in the bathroom?

I hope that makes sense. That's the approach that I used to take when I would do one-on-one clients and group coaching and all of that. That's the approach that I teach in my course, Your Uncluttered Home. And that is what I have found over the years to be the best proven technique - picking based on who you are and what is more appealing to you.

And you know what? Don't let yourself get stuck here. Don't spend a lot of time deciding. If you can’t decide or you don't really know where you feel overwhelmed, maybe you have a problem making decisions. Just start in the bathroom. I'm telling you right now. Decision made for you. Start in the bathroom and it's going to be that easy ‘yes or no’ that’s going to get you going.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 098: Parent-Child Disconnect After PPD: My Story

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Postpartum Depression is real. It happens to so many women and isn’t talked about enough. PPD is part of my story and it deeply impacted my relationship with Bella, my first born. But we have come a long way and because of that, I think it is time I share our journey and how we got to the healthy place we are today. And I want to give you freedom, if you are struggling with this too. You don’t have to be the victim forever. PPD is only your story if you let the pen keep writing that way. If you don’t want that anymore, write a different story. Make the choice. I did and it saved my relationship with my daughter!

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • Her story with Postpartum Depression and what it looked like in her day to day life.

  • How PPD can impact the memories you make with your kid(s).

  • Things she did to redeem her relationship with her daughter, and how you can apply them to your own situation.

Mentioned in this Episode:


Well, motherhood is hard.  I am not going to lie to you about that. While it is servitude and giving to your family from yourself, it doesn’t have to be something that we are waiting to be over.  Something that we are counting down the minutes till naptime, or bedtime, or waiting for the next day to start. If you are wanting to sort through the clutter in your mind, your heart, your home calendar, your health, routines, and relationships, I created Unburdened just for you!

It is a guide that will help you go from drowning in the sea of stress and overwhelm, to owning your time and living the best version of your motherhood. So you can live abundantly while intentionally focusing on those who matter most.

Unburdened is the overwhelmed beginner’s guide to a simpler motherhood.


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


Don't have time to listen_.jpg

Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.

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Hey, sweet friend! Welcome to The Purpose Show! I am sharing today something that is really heavy and a part of my story. I've definitely talked a little about PPD and my experience with postpartum depression and depression in the past, but I've never really gone into this deep of a dive publicly about my struggle, the story of me and my daughter Bella, what PPD did to us, what the enemy tried to do to us, and everything that we've gone through.

This always happens when I'm thinking about sharing something hard or I know eventually I will, but when the time comes that topic kind of finds its way in front of me over and over and over again. To me it's God's way of, almost in a humorous way, showing me it's time. It's an unavoidable amount of signs that He gives me.

This has been happening lately with talk about depression and misunderstandings about depression, especially postpartum depression, which is what PPD is. If you've never heard that acronym, that's what PPD stands for.

I want to open up and share this side of my story, especially because lately I've been so overwhelmingly grateful for where Bella and I are today. She's 10 now. She just turned 10 and I've been noticing so many things that have been healed almost without me realizing it. It's really, really a testament to how God works and what happens when you decide that your story is not going to be the way it's been going and you're going to change it. What I'm going to share is really raw and I know that it's really easy to judge if you've never experienced postpartum depression, especially at the level that I had it.

And it's not that one level is more of a badge of honor than another level of PPD. PPD sucks. It's just that the way that mine went really robbed me of a lot of time, a lot of memory and a lot of relational connection with my daughter. At the level that it was at, it took a lot from me. And so, to see what I've gained back is amazing.

If you never understood PPD it's so easy to judge, even if you're not meaning to. Or if you follow me and you like me, it's easy to still judge a little bit, even if it's subconscious. So just keep in mind that I'm a person and I have feelings. This is my experience and it was a panic and I've only done the best that I can do every step of the way.

And this is my story. This is my experience.

I'm sharing because I know for a fact that there's somebody out there who's listening to my voice right now who's had parent/child disconnect after depression, especially PPD. And they feel awful about it. They've probably Googled it a few different ways, trying to find some sense to make out of this situation. They are lost and confused. They're worried and they feel terrible. They feel guilty. They feel like they're a broken mom.

I'm doing this episode to tell you that you're not broken. You went through something really difficult and you can change the way your story is being written and that doesn’t have to be it. The aftereffects of postpartum depression don't have to be a period at the end of the sentence for your relationship with your child. And that's the main message that I want you to get. That’s why I'm starting this out by saying that.

First of all, let's just get a disclaimer out of the way. Postpartum depression is real. PPD, so is PPA, postpartum anxiety, and postpartum psychosis. These are real things. Just because you've never experienced it doesn't mean it's made-up, fake, or any less awful than those of us who have walked that road say it is.

This is one of those things that gets debated all the time. I really don't understand why there's even any debate because the side of the debate that saying that this is “made-up” has never gone through it. It's angers me. Like those of us who have struggled are asking for that or want a pity party or wished it upon ourselves to struggle so hard in an otherwise really sweet season of life.

Having said that, I just want to start by sharing how PPD started for me. Bella was my first born. We weren't really sure if we could have kids. I have PCOS, it's an ovary syndrome that typically comes with infertility issues. When Brian and I were newly married we thought like, “Oh well I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.” But we really weren't concerned with starting a family. I got pregnant very surprisingly about eight months into our marriage and I just was shocked.

So, I'm going through the pregnancy and we're young. We're poor, broke, just trying to figure life out and get to know each other as a married couple. Our first year of marriage was beyond rocky. And then towards the end of my pregnancy I started to just feel weird and different. For me, postpartum depression actually began at the tail end of my pregnancy.

It doesn't really matter what caused it. You can have PPD without logical reasoning and reasons behind it, but our circumstances in life at that time definitely didn't help. We couldn't afford to stay in our little apartment. I had just gotten Bella's nursery all decorated. My mom and dad helped me out and took me to the baby store to get some stuff. We thrifted a lot and I got her nursery all ready to go. Then we found out that Brian was getting laid off from his job at the time and we had to leave. And so, we moved in with my parents and that whole situation just kind of sealed the deal. It really sent me into a difficult time, which was really poorly timed for how I was struggling emotionally and mentally already.

Without knowing it, PPD was creeping in and then this happened and it just made it worse.

My birth with Bella was very, very, very traumatic. It ended in an emergency C-section. It was so awful. I had a panic attack while they had me strapped down on the operation table. I was strapped in and I couldn't move. I was telling them that I could feel the pokes where they were going to do the C-section. They were asking me if I could feel it and I said, “Yes, I feel it.” They kept giving me more anesthesia and more and more. And I kept saying, “I still feel it.” And they said, “Well, you're going to feel that we're doing something but you shouldn't feel pain.” And so I said, “Okay, I don't think I feel pain.” And they needed to get her out. So, they did the surgery and I completely felt the first slice.

It's a feeling that I have all the time in nightmares and it wakes me up in the middle of the night often, because it was so searing of a pain. It was so awful. I just felt out of control and that's when I started to have a panic attack. They couldn't calm me down. They had to put me out because I was freaking out. When I woke up, I didn't know where my baby was. I didn’t know where my husband was. I was next to some lady making notes on a chart next to me, and she told me that my baby was born, that she was healthy and fine and that my husband was giving her a bath. I just remember immediately feeling robbed of something, actually, a lot of things.

I finally got to Bella and I held her and I just remember I felt something, but I didn't feel what I imagined I would feel. I remember noticing my emotions don't fit this circumstance. What's wrong with my emotions? I remember having that thought.

We had a lot of trouble breastfeeding, lots of lactation consultants coming in and out of my room. It was just an excruciating healing time after my first C-section. It was so painful. I felt like I couldn't hold my baby and my cut hurt so bad. I had a lot of issues with the staples. Chronic, constant problems all the way through the healing process.

And postpartum depression - it felt like it took advantage of me in that difficult time of healing. Like it saw an opportunity and it just took over. That's how it felt.

We were living at my parent’s house. We had our own little room, but I felt like I didn't want to be there. I wanted to be a family in my own house and I couldn't understand why this was happening, why Brian had gotten laid off. It didn't make any sense. How was all of this happening?

The postpartum depression got so bad so quickly. Eventually when it really took over and it got to be the worst, it felt like I was out of control of my own self. It felt really scary, really dark, super lonely.

I had detachment from Bella and her cries. I definitely had a few normal days of talking to her, videotaping her when she was cooing and feeling like a little bit of a normal mom. But those days were way outnumbered by the hard days.

For me postpartum looked day-to-day, like watching TV, not being able to get out of my bed, physically not being able to get out of the bed, so much so that I would just hold in urine because I felt like I couldn't even get up and go to the bathroom. It just was debilitating.

It looked like just going through the motions, not being myself, ho-humming my way through events and things that I needed to be at, family birthday parties and things like that. It looked like just throwing myself into other things to avoid my motherhood issues.

I actually ended up studying for the California real estate exam and passing on the first try. I threw myself into that because I couldn't bear what I was dealing with in my relationship with my new daughter.

I was so ashamed of my struggle. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I couldn't fix it. I would lie in bed and pray for help. I felt like nobody was listening. It took a really, really long time for anyone to say, “I think there may be something wrong.” That really hurt me that my family and my husband didn’t realize and help.

There was one incident, Bella was around six months old because I was feeding her baby food. Bella was is in her little feeding seat on top of the dining table and I was standing there feeding her baby food peaches. I was standing there and she was cooing and spitting. You know how they spit the food back out at you and all, that phase. Instead of being happy, silly, talking to her, wiping her mouth, trying to feed her and enjoying the moment, I was really angry with her that she was fidgeting and spitting out her food. That’s the thing right there, what I just said, that isn't even my personality. That's not like me at all. I was just not myself. I was like a Zombie or a robot or something.

I had lost my personality. It was like my soul got sucked out and I was just my body, my anger, my sadness and that's it.

I was feeding her peaches and getting really frustrated. My mom was folding laundry on the couch right across the room from me. And Brian was there too, looking for jobs on the computer. I remember I got so fed up, I said something to Bella like, “Oh my gosh, come on! Just eat!”

I was getting more and more frustrated and my mom came over, took the peaches and spoon from me, trying to be helpful, and said, “Here you go. Just take a break. I'll feed her.” And I grabbed the peaches back from her, slammed it down on the table. They exploded, flew up and peaches got on the ceiling, on the table, on the walls and everywhere. And I yelled, “Don't you think I know how to take care of my own baby? Do you think I'm a terrible mother? Obviously, you do.” I started freaking out, again, just not like myself at all.

And that was the moment where I for sure realized something was wrong. And that night Brian and my mom came into the room where I was lying in bed, and gently suggested that I might need to go to the doctor and get some help. I was already so angry at them for not seeing my issues and helping me, especially Brian. I was so hurt that he didn't notice and think “I need to help her.”

And you know, obviously he did notice, but he was as freaked out as I was. We were new parents. We were 21. He had no idea what to do. It's not his fault, but at that time I was so angry. I was angry, but at the same time I didn't really know what was wrong with me myself, or how to articulate to anybody how I was feeling.

My brain wasn't functioning healthfully. I wasn't my direct self that I normally am. I just sort of sat there and withstood my own personal living nightmare.

It caused resentment and a wall to go up between Brian and I early on in our marriage and it was an issue that stuck that we had to spend a lot of time working on later after I was healthy.

My PPD was so bad for so long (it lasted a little more than a year) that I actually lost memory from Bella’s first year of life. So, what will happen is I'll look back and I will see myself in photos with her, but I don't recall being there at all. I can't really picture her as a baby like I can the boys.

I have one memory of Christmas morning that year (Bella would have been about 10 months old). I had refused to go on medication because there's substance abuse that runs in my family and I was really afraid. I was uneducated about how antidepressants can help. I was scared and again, my brain wasn’t functioning correctly. I didn't have the brain capacity to make that decision wisely for myself. I still wasn't on medicine and I was still just really sick and really struggling.

That Christmas during the depression, Brian gave me one of the seasons of “Friends” on DVD because I had really enjoyed watching that show. I had never seen it before. I was watching them on TBS during the day and it was making me laugh. It was one of the only things that made me laugh and he got me the next season of “Friends” on DVD. I remember opening it and expelling so much energy to try to have a normal reaction to this present, but it was so forced and I could tell and everyone in the room could tell. I could tell that they could tell that it was so forced.

All I wanted in that moment was to just be normal again and it was such a bad feeling. I'll never forget that. That is my most prominent memory of my daughter's entire first year of life.


Do you feel like you are barely getting through your days friend?  Does motherhood feel more like a hurricane of chaos that you are just surviving rather than the awesome, joy-filled season that you want it to be?

Well, motherhood is hard.  I am not going to lie to you about that. While it is servitude and giving to your family from yourself, it doesn’t have to be something that we are waiting to be over.  Something that we are counting down the minutes till naptime, or bedtime, or waiting for the next day to start. If you are wanting to sort through the clutter in your mind, your heart, your home calendar, your health, routines, and relationships, I created Unburdened just for you!

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I saw my family giving each other concerned glances after I opened the present and kind of communicating to each other about me with just their eyes, you know? I just felt so helpless. I was trying so hard to be normal and I couldn't. I was so tired of fighting and so tired of trying.

So basically, as soon as Bella was born, my relationship with her was under attack and it was strained. She was my first baby, but I was pretty sure you're supposed to feel something when your baby cries and I just didn't. And I know that this is the part where some of you are going to have a lot of judgment and that's okay. But that's not the mother that I am. That’s not natural motherhood. Something was off. Something was broken. I could feel it.

I had really hoped that things would be okay, despite my struggle, but I couldn't control the fact that I felt so little connection to my daughter. We just kind of carried on like that. And I tried. I would go to her because I felt it's my obligation to go to her…I'm the mom.

But Brian did a lot of stuff because he was there. He was laid off for a while, a really large chunk of the first year of her life. It was just really, really dark. It was really hard.

At Bella’s first birthday, I had finally gotten on medication about a month before that and I was feeling a little better. As the months went on, I got healed and weaned off my medicine and I stayed okay. And it was good. It served its purpose.

I still felt a disconnect to Bella, not even just a disconnect, but this “tension,” this push-back toward connecting with her. Something in me would fight back anytime I tried to form a deeper connection with my daughter. This was something that I thought about and tried to figure out basically 24/7 because it concerned me. I knew it was wrong. I knew that medicine couldn't fix that and I didn't know what to do about it.

Take this with a grain of salt if this isn't your thing, but I firmly believe that this was a spiritual attack. Mother/daughter relationship issues go way back on my side of the family. There's been legitimate abandonment. My mom was literally dropped off and abandoned by her birth mom. There's verbal abuse, emotional neglect, and other problems in my maternal lineage as far back as my mom and I know of. I believe in generational curses and spiritual warfare. I've seen so much, way too much, to not see that as the truth, especially when it comes to family relationships.

I believe that is a really big part of what happened with me and Bella and that there was a war raging for our relationship.

I want to say that moving forward from that things got better. Bella and I today are incredibly close. I'll get into that more in a few minutes, but I want to give freedom to anybody struggling with this too. And I also want to discuss what I did to make this relationship that we have now happen.

I have never heard anybody talk about this. Why is nobody talking about this? So, I want to do that today.

If you are listening to this and you're feeling that “freedom relief” feeling that somebody's talking to your situation…a situation that is dark, terrifying, heavy, embarrassing, horrifying, and awful…I'm so happy that you're here and I know it's not an accident.

Please know that if you're listening to this and that's you, my gosh, God loves you and He brought you here. Okay?

Secondly, this is not your fault. You are not a bad mother. You are not a broken person who is inept. You're not unable to raise your child. You are not the wrong choice. You are not a mistake. Your child is not a mistake and you can get through this. You can.

There is another side; however far away it feels, however dark it feels, there is another side and you can get there. I want you to have that hope.

I know, even as I'm saying this to you, 10 years out, it's so emotional because it so dark and I've been there. I've stood where you're standing and my gosh, it's so awful. It's just like a black hole and there's nothing. You can't see anything.

When a mother doesn't feel anything when her baby cries, something is damaged. I just want you to know it's not weakness to need to get medicine. It's not weakness to need to get healing. You're not making the wrong choice. You need help.

This example is given a lot, but I'm going to give it again anyway in case you haven't heard it. If you get diagnosed with diabetes you're a diabetic and you need insulin, are you going to feel weak for that and not take it? No, of course not. You're sick and your body needs something. You're going to take the insulin. Depression, especially postpartum depression when it gets this heavy...I do believe that there's a “blues period” for a lot of women, and you'll have to kinda just weigh it out. But for me, and if you're at that level, when it gets bad and you're not okay, it's not going away. It's not lifting. Something is off in your brain. Go and get that insulin. Go get the medicine. You need help. That's what it’s there for.

Outside of that, I want to discuss what I did to make mine and Bella's relationship stronger. After I came out of the PPD, I was maybe about a year out of the postpartum depression tunnel, when I realized our relationship is still strained. She’s so little but I know she feels that, I know she feels the pushback and I don't want to feel it. I don't want to sit and have time with my daughter and feel a resistance to closeness to her.

Over the course of years, what I did to fix things and repair things, I basically just decided that the dark wasn't going to continue to rob me anymore. This was not going to be the story of Bella and I. It just wasn't. It had been so far, but it wasn't going to be anymore

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't find books about this parent/child connection issue. I didn't know what was going to work. I didn't know where to start. But I just started. I started by deciding the dark isn't going to win anymore. I'm not going to be robbed any more, and I'm going to figure this out.

I also got real about what was going on. How exactly did I feel when Bella tried to get close to me? Or came and sat on my lap? Or I tried to get close to her? Where was the pushback and resistance really coming from? What's the source? I would feel it…I didn't know this at the time, but I was going into a little bit of a meditative state, honing into my internal self and feeling that feeling all the way.

Have you guys heard about that technique? Don't push your feelings away. Feel it more. Lean in to that feeling and ask yourself, “Where is this coming from? Why am I feeling this?” Sometimes I would hear nothing. Other times I would “feel” an answer and I would feel like, “Okay, when she touches me I just feel irritated.” That sounds awful, but things like that. Just being honest. Not pushing because it's so awful to be a mother and to feel those feelings and it’s even more awful to admit that you feel those feelings, that you're having those thoughts. But get real about it. Don't suppress it, ignore it and pretend it's not there. Lean into it. Feel it all the way because answers come out of that.

I also prayerfully walked forward trying to figure things out. I talked to God about all of this as I walked through it and I realized that He can handle our realness. Don't be afraid to let Him in on it. He already knows what you're struggling with. I used to feel like I didn't want to tell Him how I was feeling, I felt so bad about it. Here He gave me this gift. I was supposed to struggle with infertility and here's a baby, a toddler girl in front of me, and I didn't want to spend time with her, or I had a resistance to closeness with her.

But I let Him in on it. I was honest and I talked to him about it as I walked this road. I asked that He would show me what I needed to see to heal. And He did. He would show me little things like, “just go over and hold your daughter's hand. Why don't you sit and watch that movie with her instead of cleaning right now?” Things like that. He showed up in the mess and helped me walk the path one moment at a time.

As Bella got older, 6 or 7-years-old and up, I started to find things in common with her and I would take part in those things with her intentionally, even when I didn't feel like it.

For example, today we go and we get manicures together every two weeks religiously. It's our thing. It's our time away from all the boys at our house. We talk on the drive. We listen to whatever music she wants. I go into the coffee shop and I get a coffee and she gets a hot chocolate. We go get our nails done. We just kind of relax and enjoy the time. We pick our colors together and then we spend a little bit of time out together after that. And it's our regular thing every two weeks.

Ever since I was trying to intentionally heal from this parent/child disconnect, we've had things like that and it's changed as she's gotten older. When she was really little, she didn't want to go get manicures so it was different. Maybe it was playing horses with her. Maybe it was reading her stories, whatever. But I found things in common and intentionally took part in those things with her.

Another big thing that I did was I let her talk and I made sure that I actively listened to her. We have developed this thing where we take drives together. Anytime that I've needed to have an important conversation with Bella, I'll take her for a drive. It's come from when she was little and her brothers were toddlers and babies. We would get everyone in their car seats, get in the car and we would talk and the boys would fall asleep in their car seats and it formed this tradition.

When a kid is talking to you, they're usually talking about something that you don't really care about. But the thing is if you don't listen to your kids when they talk about the things that don't really matter when they're little, they're going to see that you don't listen to them and they're not going to talk to you about the things that really do matter when they get older.

So, I listened to her talk about her toys and the show that she's watching on Netflix. Now I listen to her talk about dragons (she's really into dragons) and unicorns, the story that she's writing, whatever movie that she just watched on Netflix. I listened to her talk about those things and now she'll talk to me about the hard things, the awkward things. And we have this super close relationship that I think a lot of parents who didn't struggle with parent/child disconnect don't have with their kids.

We struggled with it so much that it almost was the demise of our relationship before Bella was even old enough to realize. We have that closeness. As she's gotten older, things have gotten easier and better because I've worked so hard at this for so many years.

I want to give you that hope.

Do something. Do something. If you're struggling with postpartum depression, check in with yourself. Is this something that you need to just kind of let run for a little bit? Has it been a while and you're not getting better and you know what you need to do? Go get medicine.

Are you out of the PPD or PPA or postpartum psychosis period and you're just dealing with a parent/child disconnect? That doesn't have to be your story. You can write a new story.

Today Bella and I are so close. We have such a good relationship. I can tell her, “Sweetie, mommy really just needs a little bit of alone time right now, let’s spend time together tomorrow.” And her feelings won’t get hurt. I can share with her anything that I need to share with her. I can talk to her. She can talk to me about anything.

She's 10, so we recently had “the talk” and it went wonderfully. She felt so secure and at ease to ask me questions and it was beautiful. It was a beautiful time for us. We have talks all the time. We have our regular manicures that we get together. She wants to spend time with me and I want to spend time with her. Our relationship is so close. I can't believe that this is the relationship that we have after what we've been through.

The lesson that I have learned here is that you don't have to be the victim forever. That is only your story if you let the pen keep writing that way. If you don't want that anymore, write a different story. Make the choice.

I hope that this has given somebody out there so much hope. I hope it helps.

I don't care about the judgment that's definitely going to come from sharing this.

I just know that there's somebody out here listening that has this right now and has been super scared and worried about what it means and I just hope that this episode brought you a lot of hope and a big light to just bring you some peace.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 083: Let's Talk About Working Mom Guilt

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Working motherhood has so many different angles. And whether you work full time or part time, work outside of your home or from your home, working mom guilt is a real thing. We all struggle with it at one point or another. We don’t want to miss the first moments of our kids lives or the activities they are involved in, we don’t want them to think that all we do is sit on our computers or phones all day working, and we definitely don’t want them to resent us for working. So how do we deal with our guilt? How do we balance work and life? How do we teach our kids to value good work ethic? (Because they will grow up and enter the workforce one day!)

If there is one thing I know, it is that being a working mom doesn't mean show up, be perfect at everything, have a super clean house, be an awesome cookie baker, come to every game, be super rich, run an amazing business or do amazing at your job. It means prioritize what matters, show up where you can, and find the balance in seasons. Show your kids what a healthy work life relationship really looks like, how grateful you are, how awesome you are, and what it looks like to thrive in these two roles of worker and mother. You’re doing a great job, mama! Keep going for it!

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • The key to working mom guilt is recognizing what causes it for your specific situation.

  • The connection between how you talk about your work and how your kids will view your work. It is important that they see it as valuable and not something that takes mommy away.

  • How you can navigate technology with your kids, especially if your job requires you to be on your computer or phone most of the day.

  • Why it is ok to be tired, bring in help, and release yourself from the heavy expectations of being a working mom.  

Mentioned in this Episode:


The holiday season is almost here! Oh my gosh, it can feel super overwhelming but it doesn't have to be that way this year. What if this year the holiday season was just as fun, just as magical and just as exciting for you as a parent, as you’re trying to make it for your kids? My course, Merry Little Christmas, will do that for you! It is just $15 and I know that it will help guide you through a simple, yet fun holiday season!

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who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.

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Hi, beautiful friend! I hope you are ready to be set free today! I have been sitting on this episode for a while. I have been seeing this topic come up a lot and just wondering how to communicate what I wanted to say.

I feel like working motherhood has so many different angles. There are different types of working moms. There are different lifestyles and schedules of working moms. Everybody has their own version of guilt surrounding motherhood and so I didn't want to just come on here and blab about my experience. I really wanted to make this useful for everyone or at least as many people as possible. I don't think anything is ever useful for everyone and someone will always hate anything and everything, but I really wanted to do well with this episode.

I had a meeting with my business manager, Hayley, and we were talking about something totally different and she just randomly said, “You know, I was thinking recently that you should do an episode about working mom guilt because I keep seeing it come up everywhere and there really isn't anything that's super helpful and I just think it could be really good.”

And I do think there's plenty of things out there that are helpful. But you know, we haven't talked about that here. And I haven't talked about it on my blog. I've really never talked about it, and it's something that's been a big part of my life and my personal journey. So, as I prepared this episode, I jotted down a couple of highlights that I didn't want to forget to say that have to do with my struggle and my journey to working motherhood because it wasn't always this way for me.

And then I talked to another amazing mom on my team, Ashley. She's the one who does the show notes for episodes and she's amazing. She does my press. She's awesome. And she's an amazing working mom, and she kind of shared with me. I just kind of asked her like, “What's your experience with working mom guilt and can you talk to me about maybe a couple things that are hard for you?” She shared a few things with me and kind of helped form this episode. So, I feel good that this isn't just coming from me.

My hope is that this episode is helpful for all types of working moms, whether you work outside of the home, you work at home, you work full time or part time, or you switch between out of the home office and your home office, or you hate your job or you love your job. I hope you love your job. I just want this to be helpful in some way, even if it's small for all types of working moms. So that's my hope.

So having said that, I just want to share a little bit about my struggle as I went from a stay-at-home mom to work-at-home mom, and not even really just to work at home mom, but an entrepreneur, a business owner, and then that kind of just evolved into being a full-on CEO with a big team to run and this big company that, you know, it's just turning into this big thing that I never dreamed it would. It's really neat, but it's like every level comes with a different type of struggle, a different type of guilt. So, I just want to share a little bit about that.

When I became a mom, I was very surprised to find myself pregnant, not in the way of like, oh I'm shocked that I got pregnant, we weren't married or anything like that. We’d been married for about eight months. I was surprised because I was told that I would probably have a really difficult time having kids, if I could have them at all.

Brian and I met in junior high school and we got married a couple years after high school. We were really young and we weren't really jumping to start our family or anything. Birth control made me incredibly sick, like violently ill. I'm allergic to latex so you can figure that one out. So it kinda just felt like this struggle to prevent pregnancy. Young and dumb, and in love, and just kind of over it, I just kind of figured, you know, if birth control makes me violently puke, get hives and get nausea, and pretty much all methods of birth control make me so sick, and if I can't even really probably have kids, I'm just going to stop.

And then there was Bella, so I became a mom and I got my real estate license actually, shortly after Bella was born. You guys might know already; I've talked about this a little bit before but I had postpartum depression and I was just like a mess when Bella was a baby.

But towards her first birthday I got my real estate license and I started to work and I hated it. It was super boring for me. I just really didn't like it. I was driving to my first job. I was going to go and put a lockbox on this house. I was driving and I heard God say (one of two times that He has talked to me like almost audibly) and He just said, “This is not what I have for you. I want you to turn around and go back and be with your daughter.” And so, I did. Super dramatic story, I know.

And then I was a stay-at-home mom from then on. I stayed at home with Bella. I stayed at home with Leland. I stayed at home with Hudson. Brian got a job at a big company and he was working. He was working his butt off. We were able to make ends meet barely, but we did.

There was a lot of good seasons in that job, like where he was able to work a lot of overtime and we had the money that we needed. We were able to pay our bills. I was a stay-at-home mom and that's where we felt good for years.

Then I had Emmett and we moved to the Midwest for his job and everything just kinda started to change. And if you've listened to episode six, you already know our money story, our business-starting story, and all that. I won't get into that. But basically, God just showed up and changed our life and lead us into this place where we didn't have any family. We had very little friends and we didn't really know anyone. We were kind of just brought out away from everyone so that He could change our lives and give us this message of, “Okay, it's time for you to do this now.”

It was basically turning my little hobby blog into a business. I had had a lot of ideas for that, but really didn't feel like it was something that I needed to do, was supposed to do or really knew how to do. We just kinda got thrown into making this a big focus.

I worked my butt off and I learned. I had already kind of taught myself how to do some coding and I knew how to make websites. I knew how to blog. I'm a writer at heart, so I loved to write, and I was good at that part of it. I had a message that I was really passionate about with helping moms simplify. I just wasn't doing it as a business. My audience was asking me for that and asking me to create a course.

And so, I did. You guys know the story probably, and it all just kind of exploded. I mean I say that like it happened overnight and it didn't. I worked my butt off and it took a long time. But long story short, there I was a previously stay-at-home mom running a full-on business. Then I hired somebody to help me with email. I hired somebody to help me with images and graphics and design. Then I hired someone to take photos for me because I found that it is illegal to use other people's photos and I didn't know that before.

Then I hired a business manager and a project supervisor and CFOs because I'm not great with money, and all of these things started adding up. Now here I am, CEO of The Purpose Group, Incorporated, and it houses The Purpose Show podcast, the blog, the website, the courses and The Abundance Academy, which is the school where all my courses live. It's this big thing and it's crazy.

Through that process from going from stay-at-home mom to mom, business owner, work-at-home mom, (my office is at home and I typically work at home. I don't have an outside office) I have dealt with a lot of different types of mom guilt. And it was really unique for me, I feel like, because the process from actually exiting stay-at-home motherhood and getting into work-at-home motherhood was very abrupt for me.

It wasn't like, “Hey, I think we're going to talk about this. I think I am going to go to work. I think I'm going to get a job.” It was just like, okay, everything is going terribly and something needs to change and we both really feel like God's pulling us over here, so let's go.

Then one thing led to another, led to another, led to another where it was like, not only am I now work-at-home mom, but I've got this big role and a lot of hours and a lot of time going into my business, all these things happening and all these people to manage. And now I'm the breadwinner, because Brian left his job and we did this full time, and oh my gosh, it's just a lot.

And what I want you to know, first of all, is that we all deal with mom guilt and I think that's okay. It's okay that it's there. But the key might be to recognize what's causing it for you. What is the guilt circling around? I don't want this episode to become Allie’s story from stay-at-home mom to work-at-home mom, and my mom guilt, so I want to kind of exit that part. I'm just letting you know that I relate and kind of how my story went very briefly.

But I really want to get into this now and get into the mom guilt stuff. So, like I said, let's first start by, because you know me, I'm always trying to help you take action, what is the mom guilt circling around? Is there a key that you can recognize of something that's causing it?

For example, do you always have mom guilt around the fact that you sometimes miss your kid's baseball games for example? If so, how can you find a way to make it to the game? Is that even possible? Could you work out with your boss to get those nights off? Could you structure your schedule if you work at home to be done working by then?

If not, if it's not a possibility for you to make it, then can you have a conversation with your kid and just kind of talk it out with them? Be candid with them about it and explain it to them like, “This is what I'm doing, this is what's going on for me. I just wanted you to know that I love you. I care and I'm supportive. I'll always make it to your Monday night practice, I just can't make it to your Wednesday night games,” or whatever it is. Talk to them about it. I think a lot of the time our kids care much less than we assume they do.

So often we can find or create solutions about our problems, the problem here being guilt, but we just don't. We let it feel hopeless and we do nothing so it becomes this lifelong struggle. We linger and sit in this mom guilt that could have been solved.

Don't think that mom guilt is just something that you can't do anything. I think it's normal. I think it's going to be there in some amount, and it's okay. It's just being a mom. But if you chronically have guilt around something kind of stop, step back and think about it, look into it a little deeper and ask yourself, what is this guilt circling around? What's it stemming from? And get specific and like, okay, it's because I always miss my daughter's swim meets. See if you can find or create a solution to that problem and then it will cure that guilt. Okay?

I also think, I mean I know this has been said before, but I want to say it to you again. You're providing for your family. You should be so proud of that. Step into that awesome role and feel good about what you're doing. You’re doing something awesome. That is not a small deal. Try to come back to that pride place where it's like, look at what you're doing. That's so great.

I also think it's really important to note how you feel about your work, how you react to it, how you talk about it in front of your kids, how you treat it. That's how your kids are going to see it.

So, if you're coming at your work from a place of, you know, “Gosh, I'm just so sorry that I always have to do this, and oh my gosh, I just can't do it all,” and you're yelling all the time, you’re stressed, your burdened and you're treating it like that or talking about it like that, that's how your kids are going to see it and that's how they're going to see work in general especially if you have girls and they become mothers and they're working, so be grateful for it.

We'll talk about that more in a few minutes, but be grateful for your job. Be positive about it. Let your kids see how strong and amazing you are, that you have something else going on too. Not just being their mom. Not that there's anything wrong with that, like please don't message me, “I can't believe you said that.” That's not what I mean; this is a working mom episode.

You have something else that you're doing. It's a big deal. It's good. You're amazing. So be grateful. Be Positive. Use positive words. Have a positive vibe and energy around your job because how you feel about your work, how you react to it, how you talk about it, how you treat it, is how your kids are going to see it. So, they won't know that it's negative, stressful, or there should be guilt around it unless you make them feel that way.

Also, next, let's talk about taking breaks. It's okay to take a break from work and prioritize your kids for five minutes. I think a lot of us tend to get into this “all or nothing mode” where we feel like, okay, right now I'm working so I'm going to have to finish this task completely. Then I can be with you guys, be with the kids. Nothing has to be “all or nothing” unless you make that choice to have it be that way.

I think one of the definitions of, especially if you work at home, one of the definitions of work at home motherhood is that you're going to be interrupted, and you have to get really flexible and really good at coming back to things, getting interrupted and doing one thing, then doing another and then coming back to the other thing. And women are great at that, so you can do this.

Break it up. Do some work, and if your kids are coming up to you and tapping on your leg, or asking for your time…Ashley, the girl that I told you about that’s on my team, she was telling me that her son will come up and just close her laptop and it's kind of her sign of like, okay, you need me. Take five minutes and go on a walk with them, Build a castle out of blocks with your toddler. Have a dance party in the living room real quick. Get them a snack. Give them a kiss. And then get back to work. It's okay to break things up. Allow yourself to be flexible and do what you need in the moment.


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Hey friend, can you even believe it? The holiday season is almost here. It's coming! It's crazy that it's already here!

Oh my gosh, this season can so easily feel super overwhelming, not very fun, really stressful, and it just doesn't have to be that way this year. What if, imagine with me for a second, this year the holiday season was just as fun, just as magical and just as exciting for you as a parent, as you’re trying to make it for your kids?

I've put together a little mini course called A Merry Little Christmas and it does just this for you. I created this last year and it's been enrolled in by thousands of moms all over the world and they are loving it. It's coming back this year and here's what it does for you.

It basically will simplify everything about Christmas and the holiday season for you as a mom. You get an aerial view over what you want your Christmas season to look like.

We talk about what your intent is, what's important to you, what your focus will be. We talk about decorating your house with a simplicity mindset and prepping your house for the holidays.

What if your husband wants to go super overboard and doesn't want to simplify the holidays? How do you handle that? How do you transition your kids to a simpler Christmas when they're used to you just going all out? How to make new traditions. How to handle buying your kids presents in the minimalist way? What about relatives and all of their gift giving? How do you handle after Christmas? And a bonus for me is all about decluttering the toys for purposeful play.

This is a really awesome little course. It really packs a punch and it's only $15. So, head to alliecasazza.com/jolly and you can enroll for just $15 and get your holidays started off on the right foot.

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There was one issue that Ashley brought up that I thought was great and it was really specific. I want to address it. She was talking about that torn, weird feeling that you can get because a lot of us who work are on our phones, tablets or computers pretty often. I have dealt with this for sure. I think that's why Ashley brought it up. I was like, “Yes! I need to talk about that.”

My job is on my phone. In my business I have a lot of things delegated that I used to do that I don't do anymore, but my job description now is basically being a public figure. I write my emails because I love connecting with you guys and talking to you guys. I do Instagram stories and I record the podcast once a month, but day to day I'm responding to you guys on Instagram. I’m responding to your comments. I'm posting things. I'm checking in. Like it's my job to show up, and talk to you, be there and encourage you. Like that's my job, so I'm on my phone a lot.

It can kind of feel weird when you're doing that, because it's your work, and so your kids see devices and technology as normal, as almost like expected entertainment. They can throw a fit if you're on your stuff and you're trying to limit their technology, not wanting to hire Netflix to babysit them every day when you're working. They don't understand and you feel hypocritical. Like they're going to think, “Well, mommy's on her phone, why can't you be on your tablet though.” And I just want to speak truth to that. If anyone is struggling with that, especially if you have toddlers, it can be really hard to communicate to them that that's different.

I just want to let you know…let that go. That's not a thing. It doesn't have to be a thing. It doesn't have to be something that you feel weird about. It's such a blessing to be able to do your work from your phone. I'm so thankful that I can take my kids to the park, let them run crazy, have fun and play while I sit on the bench and catch up on Instagram comments. Don't feel guilty about that. Don't feel weird about that.

We live in an awesome time where work can be done from anywhere. So if you see another mom judging you for being on your phone at the park, she doesn't even know. That's happened to me before, and I'm like, “Girl, you don't even know. I'm sitting here encouraging, inspiring and equipping other moms because it's my job. Because I worked my butt off to be able to work from this park bench. Don't you raise that eyebrow at me or I will rip it off.”

But don't let that be a thing. Let that go. Of course, set boundaries and be intentional, but if you have to do your work and it's on your phone, let that be that way. Be grateful that you can do something like that on your phone so easily and it's just right there. It’s something that you can do anywhere.

Also if you do have toddlers and they just don't understand…I was telling Ashley this…I did this with Emmett because he was the only one that was really, really little when I was growing the business and stuff. So, when he would come up to me and basically be asking to play a game on the tablet or borrow my phone because I was on my computer or whatever, say things like, “Mom’s working. Emmett doesn’t work. You silly boy. No, mom’s working. You don't work. You do this.” Show them a toy and just kind of explain, “I'm working. This isn't a free-for-all tech time. I'm working.” I know that's really specific, but I know that I struggled with that and I always felt kind of weird.  

Also in my job, I talk about being intentional with your phone time. I have to text my team and make sure things are going well and answer any questions. My text time is a lot more than other people. But my text time for pointless reasons, like just texting people because they have my number and they think they can ask me something, is almost nothing.

My Instagram time is my job. My texting time with my team is my job. So it's okay. Let that go. Don't let yourself feel weird about that. If it's actually your job, don't let it be an excuse, but you guys see what I'm saying.

Another thing is to realize that it's okay to bring in some help. You absolutely cannot do it all. And if you are doing it all, you won't be doing any of it very well. So what does this look like for you? Child care, having some help with your kids? Housekeeping help? Hiring a housekeeper? A meal delivery service so you're not having to prepare so many meals? Get creative and think through that.

And if finances are a problem, I mean do what you can. I know that every single time I've been kinda like, “Man, can we afford this? I'm just going to do it and just see how it works out because I just can't do it all. I need help.” Every time I've delegated something, I have more energy and more time and I end up making more money because I feel better. I'm less stressed and I'm able to focus more on what I am doing.

So, every time I've hired a team member or every time I've delegated something like hiring my housekeeper or a personal assistant to help run errands and do returns and stuff like that for me, it's come back to me and then some because I'm less stressed, I'm more present. I spend more intentional time with my kids and my time with my kids isn't spent running around and cleaning and doing all that.

I'm delegating and exchanging for more time and energy and that always ends up being more revenue because I'm doing more of what I'm good at. I'm good at owning my business. Showing up for you guys. Inspiring you. Telling you about the courses and equipping you there. Showing up in the groups, being live and doing all those things. It always ends up being more worthwhile because I delegated the things and I was able to show up better at what I am doing.

Okay. When you're feeling mom guilt, if you feel like you just have guilty in general about working, one thing that really helped me is… and you guys. I'm sorry, this episode is kind of random. I literally just brain dumped what helped me and I'm just reading it to guys. I have bullet points, like here mention this, this, this and this, because it's just a mess. Working motherhood is messy, so I think it's kind of funny and ironic that this episode is random points too.

Anyway, when you have mom guilt about working, decide what's important to you and prioritize it. To you. Not to anyone else or everyone else, but to you. So, what breaks your heart to miss? Find a way not to miss it.

There's an example that Jessica Turner shares, which I love. She's an author. She wrote the book Stretched Too Thin. It's awesome and it's for working moms. I'll link to that for you guys. But Jessica Turner loves Halloween and every year she does themed family costumes and she puts a lot of effort, planning and time into that and that's really special to her. Like it would break her heart to miss that. So, she prioritizes it and makes it happen.

So, what's important to you? Is it important to you to throw an awesome super themed over the top Pinterest-y party for your daughter every year? Then do that. If it breaks your heart to miss that, then don't miss it. Prioritize it, but let other things go. Don't do anything out of obligation or “I just want to perform, I just want to be the best mom.” No. What really breaks your heart to miss? Don’t miss those things.

For me, around the holidays, it can be tempting for my business to get ultra busy because my business is for moms and during the holidays us moms have a lot of things going on, a lot of fun things that we're doing, and it can be really easy for me to come up with a lot of content and form my business around being really busy around the holidays.

But for me the holidays are really no fun if I am too busy. I already feel stretched way too thin. On my husband's side of the family there's some divorce and so the family is split and we're kind of like double doing family plans. It's just kind of a mess and I tend to kind of not enjoy the holidays. I've learned to really prioritize that time of year and make it enjoyable for me and my family.

So, if I were to miss going to the pumpkin patch multiple times during October, if I were to miss enjoying my family during Thanksgiving, if I were to miss baking cookies and going to see the dancing lights in our city that are famous around here, if I were to miss going to Legoland for the Christmas decorations, I would feel so sad.

Those are the things that would make me feel like, “Oh no!” But if I have to miss one of the kids' games…I'm bummed, and I feel like a crappy mom for a second. But then I think, “Wait, I'm running an awesome company. I have a purpose here. It's okay. They don't mind, I just talked to them.” Work it out and move on. Find what breaks your heart and find a way not to miss those things and prioritize them. You can't not miss everything.

And that leads me to my next point which is that you have to understand that there will be seasons. Sometimes work will be busier and you are less present with your family and you are missing a little bit more than you normally do. Sometimes your home and your personal life will be busier and you need to dial down your efforts and your hours at work. This is the only work/life balance you're going to get because perfection doesn't exist. Work/life balance is a total lie. It's such BS and I'm so glad that multiple people have been speaking out about that lately because it is just fueling the working-mom guilt fire.

And this is such, such truth. And I really only tuned into this truth this year, in 2018. As a working mom, I have decided like, “Okay, we're going to go into a busier season as a family, and we're going to go ahead and sign up for these extracurricular homeschool activities. We're going to go ahead and say “yes” to these sports for these kids. ‘No’ to this one, and ‘yes’ to this one. But we are heading into a busier family season, so work needs to take a back burner.”  

I have been working a lot less hours in the last couple months because of my personal life. If you guys follow me on Instagram stories, you've seen that we have constant sports practices and games. The kids are in Spanish, piano, theater, guitar, baseball and softball. And we love doing that in seasons because our kids are homeschooled and I feel like it really helps us find the balance between them making friends, being out and about and busy interacting with other people, but we don't do that at the same time as, you know, a giant launch in the business that can take a lot of time and energy.

I will plan a really busy season of the business at the same time as we're dialing down at home. So, there's less extracurriculars or our schedules are a little less full. Or I'll work a deal out with Brian where it's like, “Okay, I need this busier season in the business, but there's also a busyness in our family. Do you want me to wait on this busy season in the business or do you want to take 75% of the busyness with our family so I can focus on the busy season in the business?” And we've done that before too.

We have a unique situation to where we're both home and we kind of share the load of everything, but we'll kind of work it out to where he'll take over most of the homeschooling and I kind of let go and I'll just do some things with Hudson who's in first grade and needs a little bit more care and attention but requires less time each day in school. I'll kind of just take over his stuff and Brian will take over the older kids and the bulk of the homeschooling. He'll take them to practices and stuff and I'll just show up at games. I'll spend the bulk of the day working on projects.

You have to just understand that there will be seasons and it’s all give and take. If work is busier, that's okay. It's okay that you're missing more than usual. Just let it be a season. Sometimes home will be busier and you won't be killing it so much at work. And that's okay too.

I think it's also really important to focus on feeling satisfaction and joy in your work. Do you love what you do? I think this is so important for ditching mom guilt. So if you're listening to this right now and you're thinking, “No, I don't love what I do,” then bring it to the Lord. Pray about it. Figure out a way to maybe go a different route. Maybe you should look for a different job. Maybe you should start being open to that opportunity.

But if you do love what you do, don't feel bad about that. That's so amazing. Step into that and let yourself feel it completely. What a gift that is, that you get to provide for your family and go to work and have a purpose and you love it. That's awesome. I think we let so many things steal our joy and we don't let ourselves really just get still and feel the joy in what we're doing. Even if you're not like super passionate about your job, but you like the environment at work and you're making good money, let yourself feel that joy.

One other thing that steals our joy is comparison. Comparing yourself to other people.

It's so hard not to do that, especially with social media, but remember that this is your life. Your story. And you’re making yourself emotionally unhealthy if you compare yourself to other people. You are not them and you are not supposed to be them. You are you. You're living your story right now, so focus on that and understand that work is a part of that. At least for now.

I think just accepting that even can be so huge. And letting go…if you see an Instagram picture of a mom baking cookies with her toddler and you're at work sitting at your desk like, “Oh my gosh, I feel like the worst right now,” that is so emotionally unhealthy for you and mentally unhealthy. Don't let that lie sink in there. That mom is doing something awesome and so are you. You're making money. You're providing. You're showing up in that way. And that is so awesome

Another thing that I notice is that a lot of women seem to think that it's not okay to be exhausted, like they need to be full of energy. This was one thing that was big for me. Ashley and I talked about it too when we were kind of talking out the points of this episode.

This was one thing that was particularly really hard for me to get over. I actually don't work that many hours. I used to, when I was starting the business. I used to work all the time, but now I really don't work that many hours. However, I'm an introvert and the hours that I do work are spent doing things like live streams, pouring my heart into an email. Talking into my microphone (like I am right now) sharing my heart with you, encouraging you in a podcast episode. Answering questions live on Instagram, writing content for Instagram or whatever it is. It's all extroverting, so the few hours that I do work, I'm exhausted when I'm done.

It took me forever to learn that it is okay to be tired. You’re amazing. You’re working and you're being a mom. The two hardest things in the world. I mean I'm going to drop a word here, so if you have kids around watch out, but honestly, how much more badass could you even be? Don't ever let anyone make you feel “less than” for working. And work-at-home moms, don't ever let anyone make you feel “less” for working from home. Like it's less legit than working outside of the house. That's total BS. Don't you take that! Don't you take that! You're amazing and you're doing a lot. It is okay to be tired. It is okay to rinse and stack the dishes and leave them for tomorrow because you worked all day and you are just freaking exhausted. It is okay.

I think another thing that I learned is that a lot of the judgment I was worried about…becoming a working mom, I realized that I am very concerned (or at least I used to be) about judgment from other people. It's what caused me to shrink back in doing what I do in my business and being a public figure. When I see people judging me, which people always do anyway, I used to shrink back and share less or be less vulnerable. And honestly, being a working mom has taught me to overcome this so much and I hope it does the same for you.

People will say things and people will be rude and that's fine, but usually when it comes to working mom guilt, most of our judgment actually comes from ourselves. It only freaks us out when we maybe see a glimpse of it from other people because it's just solidifying what we feel about ourselves and we need to deal with that.

Have you ever really heard another mom say, “Oh my gosh, she's such a terrible mom for working outside the home?” I haven't. I think if you will realize that you have expectations of yourself and you’re the one making yourself feel judged. Deal with what you expect of yourself. Think about where it comes from, usually our childhood, and let go of it. It doesn't have to have power over you for one more day, so really think about it.

Is anyone really judging you? Maybe you're like, “Yeah, my mother-in-law or my dad is” or whatever, deal with that too. But a lot of the time, I think most of the judgment that we're feeling is actually coming from inside of ourselves.

And one last thing that I want to leave you with is this: the fact is when our kids grow up, it's very, very likely that they're going to work. Our daughters, our sons, it's really likely they're probably gonna work. So, it's so important that we model a healthy work life relationship for them and not act super guilty, stressed, burdened and victimized by our role of worker.

Remember that you're setting an example for them, that you're showing them what this life looks like. If you're a mom and you work, if you own a business or you have a job, you are their main example of that lifestyle. Whether you chose it or financially, you have to have that lifestyle, you’re that example.

So, let's change the way we're treating our work. Let's change the way we're talking about our lifestyle. Let’s change the way that we are treating our jobs and our roles. It doesn't mean show up, be perfect at everything, have a super clean house, be an awesome cookie baker, come to every game, be super rich, run an amazing business or do amazing at your job.

It means prioritize what matters. Show up well where you can show up. Find work/life balance in seasons, like taking turns with what's prioritized and what's not instead of trying to have everything prioritized perfectly balanced all the time, because that's never gonna happen.

Show them what a healthy work life relationship really looks like, how grateful you are, how awesome you are, and what it looks like to thrive in these two roles of worker and mother.


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This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 081: Love in Action with Bob Goff

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A book can teach you something new. It can inspire you to make positive changes in your life and can take you to a different level in your life. Reading is so important to me which is why I am excited for Allie Reads October here on the podcast! All month I am interviewing some amazing authors. We will talk about their books, life, and living a life of purpose and intention.

Bob Goff is the author of Love Does, Everybody Always, and Love Does for Kids. Bob is known for the way he loves people, especially the people who freak you out! Instead of avoiding those people and staying in your safe bubble, reaching out and being Jesus to them and loving them like crazy. He shares so much wisdom in this episode. So grab your coffee and get ready to listen, because I know you will walk away inspired in so many ways!

Use the hashtag #AllieReadsOctober to share with me this month. What are you reading? Did you get any of the books from the authors I’m talking to you about? Are you reading a different book? How are you taking this challenge to read more and putting it into action? I cannot wait to see what you share!

 
 

In This Episode Allie + Bob Discuss:

  • The importance of what we are speaking over the people we love most and how it shapes who we actually are.

  • Why discipline is kindness, not disapproval and how you can make sure your kids feel your kindness in the way you discipline.

  • How we are either reflections or reactions to the people closest to us.

  • Ways you can challenge yourself to be curious (which will inevitably challenge you to love other) and how you can teach your kids to do the same.

Mentioned in this Episode:


It’s giveaway time! Bob’s book, Love Does For Kids, is incredible and I am SO excited to gift it to one of you. Head over to The Purpose Show Facebook Community for your chance to win! I cannot want to connect with you this month on all things book related. #AllieReadsOctober

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who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.

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Hey, sweet friends! I'm so happy that October is finally here! For months I have been planning and dreaming this up for you and I'm so happy to finally unveil what it is I've been working on!

This month, October, is all about reading. We're calling it “Allie Reads October,” and the purpose behind this is for me to inspire and encourage you to read more often. Reading is such a gift. We take it for granted way too often, myself included, but reading is powerful. You literally have a whole new life in your hands when you read a book.

A book can teach you something new. It can inspire you to make positive changes in your life and can take you to a different level in your life. Reading is so important. I read all the time and I wish that I would have started sooner and so I'm taking that passion of mine and turning it into Allie Reads October. Every October here on The Purpose Show, we are turning it into author central.

I'm interviewing some amazing authors this month and we're talking about their books and I want to see you use this Hashtag. I'm going to be checking it every single day on Facebook and Instagram and I want you to use it. #alliereadsoctober.

Share with me. What are you reading? Did you get any of the books from the authors I’m talking to you about? Are you reading a different book? How are you taking this challenge to read more and putting it into action?

Let's celebrate this month October! Allie Reads October. We're going to talk about authors and books and encourage each other to read more books.

I encourage you to get other people involved in this. Get your kids involved. Encourage them, read with them, next to them or to them, or have them read in their own quiet time. Share this with your friends. Let's encourage each other to get better equipped to live an intentional life by reading more.

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Hey, sweet friend. Welcome to The Purpose Show! Today's guest, what a dream to sit and talk to him. Seriously, I'm so, so excited for you to hear this. Bob Goff is a lawyer. Actually, he calls himself a recovering lawyer. He's an author. He's hilarious, amazing, real, funny and just the kind of person that you want to sit and have coffee with all day long because you have so many life questions that you're dying to ask him. He's the author of Love Does and Everybody Always.

His newest book is Love Does For Kids, written by himself and his daughter, Lindsey, who is a teacher, for kids. I was sent an advanced copy. I loved looking through it. I've given it to my kids and my daughter Bella, who's 9, is just loving it. She's asking me questions about it and loving difficult people, loving people who are different from you.

Bob is a big advocate of loving people who kind of freak you out as he talks about a lot, especially in Everybody Always. He talks about spending time with Witchdoctors and just people that are in different communities that freak you out and are so different from you. Instead of avoiding those people and staying in your safe bubble, reaching out and being Jesus to them and loving them like crazy. And I love him for that.

I'm so honored that he was on the show. I'm just really excited for you to hear this interview. So, let's welcome Bob.

ALLIE: Hi, how are you? How is your day going?

BOB: It’s going good. I did a chapel for a school that everybody just kind of getting back to school today, so there's a bunch of parents doing those big, ugly, snotty cries. I hated that. Even when my kids went to college, I hated that.

ALLIE: I bet. I actually homeschool my kids, so I haven't really dealt with that. But I think sometimes I envy that.

BOB: Yeah. Totally. It’s just kind of interesting. I met with a friend and then I did a podcast with somebody this morning, Jo Saxton. So, I'm in San Diego, which I am loving and it doesn't happen that often, so this is great.

ALLIE: Thank you so much. I'm so excited to have you here. I'm really looking forward to sharing just your insight with my listeners. My audience is mostly moms and I think it's a really neat thing, first of all, just as a person to hear you talking about loving other people. Then immediately my mind goes to how can I teach this to my kids? How can I show them…live by example? And also help them kind of navigate life and difficult circumstances with this kind of love other people/everybody always kind of in mind, so I'm just really glad that you're here.

BOB: Yeah, thanks. I just can't affirm enough, moms that are listening, the importance of the work that you're doing. I was reading something just this week. It said that young girls between ages of 7-13 lose 30% of their confidence. Isn't that crazy? Just think one of the things that we could be doing is the words that we're speaking over our kids, it isn't just saying, “You're nice.” It isn't just words of affirmation, but telling them about who they're becoming. “I see this in you. I see this happening. I see courage in you. I see bravery. I see commitment and loyalty.” To just let them know. The crazy part, moms or dads that are listening, it's like you're speaking that into your grandkids because your kids are going to tell them the same thing. They're going to say, “I remember my mom used to say this, that you saw in me this person.”

So, we do that, not to just blow sunshine at each other. Even around the office, we just let each other know what we see in each other. It's truly a beautiful thing. I hug everybody. I'm a total hugger, but I don't hug the people that work for me because it'd be creepy. So we just do like duck, duck goose. Just take a moment to just say, “Hey, this is what I see.” If we could slow down the cadence in our lives to do that with people that we love the most we’d really see some big benefits.  

ALLIE: Yeah. And I love, too, what you said about for girls, especially. I mean, that is huge. And I love focusing on who they're becoming and what you see in them versus, “You're beautiful. You have the prettiest hair.” Instead, “You're really brave. I really admire you for doing this. I really see that in you.” I love that. And I agree. I do think it comes from slowing down a little bit and just noticing things in your kids.

BOB: I spoke at a school earlier today and there's all these moms and dads dropping their kids off for school. It was just so beautiful to see moms and dads that are engaged in their kids' lives. Whether you're homeschooling or you're doing a traditional school, to just be that parent that's engaged in your kids and see who they're turning into.

My daughter, Lindsey, we wrote a book together. Lindsey is like Mary Poppins with grenades. I mean she's kind and nice, but absolutely fearless. She's a second grade teacher and the one thing that she was afraid of more than anything is getting what's called a PC. It’s called a Parental Communication. So if you don't do something right or you do something wrong, then you get a PC. Lindsey was just perfect, so she never got any PC’s.

So sweet Maria Goff and I sat her down and said, “Before this year is over, you must get one PC. I don't care what you do, you can park the principal's car on the roof if you want, but one PC. And one day we go out to the lot and she's coming out of school just weeping, and she has this PC. She forgot her homework or something. And we were like, “Yeah!” We went home that night and I got a big fat Sharpie and I wrote over the top of it, “Lindsey's a great kid.” And we sent that back to school with her the next day. Lindsay's now 30-years-old and she was telling me about how she had messed up something and her husband sent her a text message and it says, “Lindsey's a great kid.”

The things that we start speaking over the people that we love the most, it starts shaping who we actually are. And some of us have believed these lies that got spoken over us. It was an old boyfriend or girlfriend or a teacher or somebody along the way, they said something that we actually believe this lie. And so, I think one of the things we can do beautifully in each other's lives is to just say true things about that.

ALLIE: Yeah, for sure. I love the power of that. I love the power of talking to our kids and that we have that control. Even if they go to school, whether they're homeschooled or they’re away from us for the day, whatever, that we have that control and that power with our words.

I have four kids, but two of them are very sensitive. Any look, my mom glare, “uh oh, I’m in trouble” Like, so sensitive. And I think sometimes the pressure of that…as parents, you don't want to screw them up. I’m always thinking, “I just don't want to screw them up.” Do you have any advice on how to balance that? Feeling empowered to see the positive in your kids and use your words with confidence instead of feeling like you're going to say something wrong? Does that make sense?

BOB: Yeah. You kinda need to know what you're cooking with. Is this bone china or is this steel we got here? So, for some of the kids you just know that they're wiring harness is such that a sharp word from you would just take them out. And so, I'm a lawyer. I mean this is 30 years. I've never lost a case. It's not because I'm an awesome lawyer. I'm a good picker. And so you’d know if we're arguing because I'd be winning.

But one of the things is that I'm not trying to argue with people anymore. People in our faith communities, people out there. I just don't argue with people anymore. I write books and put balloons on the cover. I'm just like that guy.

We get to decide who we're going to be in the world and we get to decide who we're going to be in our family. In order to do that, we got to figure out what we got to deal with. So, are you hip to that Enneagram? Have you read any of the books about that? For those of you listening, like the Enneagram is a personality profile. You could be a 1-9 on this.

So like a 7, that's me. I'm a like a flaming 7. My arms are usually over my head waving. But my sweet Maria Goff, she's a loyalist. She's a nine. I have a son-in-law who's a perfectionist. He's a 1. So you've just got to figure out who you are. How did God wire you and how did God wire your kids. Right?

So try this with me. Go with me to Florida and we're waist deep in the water. Okay? It’s a beautiful day. And now this fin is swimming at you really fast. Tell me, is that a shark or a dolphin? And there's no wrong answer. What do you think?

ALLIE: Shark.

BOB: And you'd say a shark. Now somebody else listening, they’d go “dolphin.” I'm a seven. Even if it was a shark, I'd say dolphin with a lot of teeth. Right? So the things in your past would cause you to reach that conclusion. We're both guessing. We’re kind of guessing about life. What limiting beliefs do you have? What things have happened to you which would cause me to say “dolphin” and you to say “shark?”

And I think when we're in relationships with the people around us, whether it's people at school or people you're married to or dating, you just got to figure out how are they wired. And if we could spend a little bit of time and instead of asking the first question, which is, “How was your day,” go to the third question, which is “How did everybody make you feel today?

So, “How was your day today?” “Great, pass the potatoes.” But if you say, “Tell me a high and low point today? Tell me something you're dreaming about.” Get involved in these adventures with your kids.

When our kids were 7,9, & 11, we wrote to every leader on earth and we asked them if they wanted to come over for a sleepover and if they couldn't come over, could we come over to their house? This hasn't stopped. Our kids are big kids now. They’re ready to start having kids. But we're still writing to people.

May 14th, I knew I was going to be in London at this thing, speaking. And so in April, I wrote to the Queen. I said, “I'm going to be in London on the 14th. If you're going to be in London on the 14th, we should hang out, right? Your place or mine?”

And so I got a letter back a week later from one of her Ladies In Waiting. (I'm like, “Lady, what are you waiting for?”) But one of the beautiful things she said, “The Queen is terribly disappointed…” People, write to the Queen with your kids today. Don't put it on your list. Pick up the phone. Google it. It'll take you about 30 seconds if you stop for coffee. What's the Queen's address? Write the letter. Your kids will be rushing to the mailbox.

Write to the people you don't know. You’re a low hanging fruit because you're like super nice. I mean who wouldn’t love you? But find some people that creep you out a little bit to say I'm going to actually engage some people that I don't understand, and then just these beautiful winsome things will happen. There's something beautiful that happens in our kids' lives and in our lives when we do that. We start by getting a better hold of who we are. What's our role in this big life that we've got?

ALLIE: I absolutely love that. You're very curious and very adventurous and it's like this childlikeness that I want. I'm an eight so I'm like super driven. I think this is why maybe God gave me two sensitive kids because it is such a trial for me to reel it in, be careful and slow to speak. It’s a challenge. So, it's really interesting to watch you be so curious and childlike like that and why wouldn't you write to the Queen? I feel like my thoughts are very logical and so I just don’t go there.

And so, I think that's why I love your books too so much because you tell these stories in there and it's like this guy is like a psychopath.

BOB: {laughing} With balloons.

ALLIE: It's amazing and it's so encouraging and inspiring. I was telling my husband that before we got on the call together that I'm so grateful that you are where you're at right now, writing the books right now while my kids are little, so that I can get this inspiration and not feel like “Dang it. They’re grown.” You know, grandkids and stuff, but I want to do this while they're here and they're home with me. It's just so encouraging. I love it.

BOB: Yeah, I get easily distracted. That's one of the things that go with being a 7. It’s like that dog and squirrel thing.   

We’ve got this old Suburban and sweet Maria and I've been sharing this thing. It’s a 2000 Suburban. I went down to pick up this trailer of ours… You know when you're driving somewhere and you realize, did I shut the door? Did I turn off the oven? I'm driving down the highway and I thought to myself, I just don't remember latching the trailer to the ball. I didn't slam on the brakes. I kind of pumped the brakes and pulled off. Sure enough the trailer is hanging on the ball, but it's not latched. So I was one bump in the road away from having that thing pass me in the fast lane.

And I think if you want to really lock things down, you can look like you're going somewhere as a family. You look like your hooked up without actually being hooked up. You can look like that in your marriage without actually having a latch on it. And I think that's what you do. Each of these winsome things, it's that childlike faith. It's like putting a latch on it to say, I don't want to just feed you and clothe you. I want to do all those things certainly. But what will really be the memorable things are these ideas that you pass along to your kids.

I've got something. Why don't you just do geocache messages for your children? Put little messages in jars and just start putting them. I go all around the world and I bury stuff for my kids everywhere.

We've got schools in Iraq. We started a school in Afghanistan four months ago. The Taliban won’t let little girls learn how to read and write because they’re are girls. That just ticked me off. So we started talking to this guy on WhatsApp. I'm not kidding, we're talking to him on WhatsApp and I don't know what team he is playing for. It became evident I actually needed to fly to Kabul to meet him, and Kabul is the most dangerous city on earth right now because there's just a lot of instability there. Well, we get off the plane and there's a text message from him and he said, “Bob, I can't meet you at the airport.” I’m like sh…actually I didn't say shoot. So he said what you need to do is leave the airport grounds and start walking through Kabul and after a while you're going to find a car. The license plate has a number 7 on the back. The engine will be running. Inside there's a guy that doesn't speak English. You need to get in the car and go wherever he takes you.

So what you do? Number 8 on the Enneagram?

ALLIE: I wouldn’t have even been at the airport!

BOB: Well, I’m a 7, so I started walking. There's a car, the engine is running, we get in. It turns out this guy had security for the Islamic Republic of Afghanistan. He wanted to know if I would trust him enough to do what he told me to do, and if I would, he trusts me enough to start a school for girls.

I think sometimes as a parent you need to say, okay, so how am I wired? And I know some people don't have a relationship with ambiguity, like you're seeing other people. Ambiguity and I go everywhere together because that's my wiring harness. But find out how God wired you and then live fully into that.

If your wisdom says, “don't go” well, then certainly don't go. But I don't want fear to chase us off from being the men and women, and I don't want fear to chase our kids off, fear in our lives, that would prevent them from growing into the people that God wants them to be in. The way you tease that out is again, by asking the third question, not “How was your day?” But, “How did that make you feel?” Boy, you're going to get some real answers because people don't listen to what you and I have to say. What they listened to and what they remember is how we made them feel about what we talked about.

And so I think if we could get at that with our kids then we would really have a ball game and we'd have some really meaningful conversations? Where the woundedness is and where the joy is, and everything in between.

ALLIE: Yeah, for sure. I was talking with Nicole Nordeman on this show.

BOB: I love that girl.

ALLIE: I love her. And she brought up something that I feel like I've seen in you with the whole teaching your kids to be curious and letting them know that you are too. And you don't know it all. She talked about being okay with telling your kids “I don't know” to something, especially difficult issues like big social issues that are going on right now and you don't really know what's right and wrong or what you're supposed to say. Just the power in letting go of this facade that we tend to want to carry around of knowing everything as parents to our kids.

I wanted to know, have you had experience with that? What are your thoughts on that? That power of “I don’t know” in raising kids because I feel like I see that in you with just being curious and like, “I don't know, let's go find out.” You know what I mean?

BOB: Yes. I remember going to Africa the first time. I read up on all the how to be polite and how not to offend everybody. I get there in Uganda and I'm there for 10 minutes and I tick off the first Ugandan. Did you grow up the way that if you forgot to say “thank you” then your parents would correct you and say, “you're welcome?” These words of correction? Well that happened to me. I'm there five minutes and this guy says, “you're welcome.” And I’m like, “thank you.” I didn’t know what I had done wrong. And then it happens again. Somebody else says “you're welcome.” And I'm like, “thank you.” But I still didn't know what the deal was. And after the third time I slowed it down, and I realized he's saying “you are welcome here” and that these aren’t words of correction. They are words of invitation.

So I think if we just invite our kids into these things. Not always words of correction, constantly saying “do this, change this to this.” If you’ve ever had somebody tell you when you cleaned up your office or your room, you say “you missed a spot?” That has never warmed my heart. I’ve never thought, “Thank you so much for pointing that out.”

We got our floors redone here a little bit ago and the guy missed a spot and when he came back over he said, “oh, that's a holiday.” I’m like, “a holiday?” I'm really into entomology, the origin of words. And so I looked up “holiday.” Sure enough when they were making these big square riggers, like in Christopher Columbus’ time, the gaps in between the boards they would fill with tar. And if they missed a spot of tar, they'd say the person was “on holiday.” In other words, they just weren't looking. It was just such a kind way to say that.

So, when your kid mess up just say, “Oh, that’s a holiday.” You can find another way to express it rather than words of correction. There are words of celebration. It's like “I get it.” Finding kinder ways to express ideas.

Faith's a big deal for me. It may be for some of your listeners and not for others. There's something that some people in our faith community that says, “always be ready to make a defense for hope.” Like we're supposed to be Jesus’ lawyer. And they forget the last sentence and it's to do with kindness and gentleness. And so that's why I call things holidays. When somebody that works for me messes up, I’m like, “that’s a holiday. Paid vacation.” Just like “you missed a spot,” but it's just such a nice way.

I was talking to somebody and they asked me in the middle of the conversation, are you a friend of Bill W? I’m like “I don't understand. I don't think so.” Bill W was the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous and they thought maybe what I was talking about was kind of like a 12-step program and instead of saying, “are you an alcoholic” they said, “Bob, are you a friend of Bill W?”

That was just such a kind, kind way to communicate. It was almost like they said “if you had a holiday, if you kind of missed a spot, I just want you to know you're safe with me.” And so, as a person that makes a living choosing words, I just think we could just choose better words, kinder words like gentler words with one another. When they mess up, just find another way to say it. It's like you wrote right across it, “Lindsey’s a great kid.”


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ALLIE: So I'm curious, what did discipline look like in your house when your kids were growing up? Like when they really did something wrong that you needed to correct? How did you handle those kinds of things? You’re just such a fascinating parent.

BOB: Yeah, it would be a kindness, not disapproval to say, “oh yeah, yeah, that's just not how we roll.” But I remember when the kids were growing up my boys were like daggers for each other. They were using words I hadn't even heard and I thought I heard them all as a lawyer. And I'm like, “wow!” And then they all went away to college. Now they're all inseparable. So under my watch they were saying all kinds of rotten things to each other, and as soon as they got out from under me they did great. So I would preface this by saying I'm no authority on this.

But one of the things that we did is sweet Maria and I, we didn't have disagreements in front of the kids. We just had an atmosphere of kindness.

When Lindsay was going to high school, I wanted her to be a nun, but she liked guys. So I said, “When guys come by and want to take you to the prom, just ask them this: What's your definition of love?” And if they come back and say “It's like butterflies,” I mean you could get that from bad pizza but “love, sacrifice and commitment.” And so, if we tell our kids it's sacrifice and commitment. Right now, one of the things that we don't sacrifice are some of these values that we have. You get a holiday on this one, but one of the things I want you to return to is this

We didn't have a place for time outs; we called it the seat of knowledge.

ALLIE: That's amazing.

BOB: “You need to go to the seat of knowledge.” We didn't make them wear a hat or do anything, but it was just a better way than shame. “Go to the seat of knowledge and you’ll figure it out.” I don't know if anybody learned anything, but if they did learn something, they learned kindness. One other thing around our house, kind of a banner over our door, is “100% kindness and 0% drama. Because what makes for a great TV show will make for a lousy life.” And I think I've seen that in the kids. There's just not a lot of drama. There's not a lot of intrigue. If you need to catch your breath, you go to the seat of knowledge if you need to, but we're just not going to do a bunch of drama.

Wouldn't you agree that we're either reflections of or reactions to the people that were closest to us?

ALLIE: Absolutely. Yeah.

BOB: How are you a reflection and how are you a reaction? Tell me from the way you grew up.

ALLIE: A reaction? I went to school at a very prestigious, very legalistic Christian private school and I am a reaction to that by just going the other way and focusing on studying Jesus instead of coming out more like a Pharisee. And I would say I'm a reflection of my parents in that they counteracted that for me and they were more this way of just, “Look, we just didn't want you to go to this school. So we sent you to this one, but it’s kind of crazy over there, so just go to chapel and be good. Just love other people and follow Jesus.” I'm more reflection of them in that way.

BOB: I go to the deep south a lot to talk and when I come back, if I’ve been there for a week, I’ll say “ya’ll.” And the total of nobody in San Diego says “y'all,” and that's rounding up. So I'm a reflection of that. But I'm also a reaction.

I grew up in a family where there wasn't tons of hugs given. Right? So, I hug everybody, because I'm just a reaction to that. It’s just too good to miss. What are you reflecting? What are you reacting to?

Oh, I grew up with grandparents. My grandfather was a firefighter on the docks in San Francisco. For 40 years he worked the graveyard shift. Guess what? He never put out a fire. I don’t even know if he knew how to. But he was the kindest person. I try to be a reflection of him because I had these examples. I think your kids are dying for us to be somebody they can reflect.  

ALLIE: Is this the same grandparents as the grandmother with the bike?

BOB: Yes! Bingo!

ALLIE:  I love that story.

BOB: That’s how you do it. Find something. I don't want my kids to grow up in thinking my dad's a lawyer (and I got a piece of paper in a file cabinet somewhere that says I am) but actually that’s old Bob. Old Bob’s on the bus.

One of the things that I would say to some of the people listening is don't be limited just by your capabilities. I’m capable being a lawyer, but I am made to be fun, to be adventurous. It will lead you in different ways, in different directions. Sometimes we think people that go across an ocean are doing noble things and it actually isn’t noble at all because think of all the tens of millions of people I flew right over the top of doing nothing. What Jesus told his friends is what's a big deal, what really wows Him is when we go across the street. Go across our office place. When we go across the school yard or the PTA or we find somebody who's actually a little bit creepy and we just love them without an agenda. Because when love has an agenda, it ain’t love anymore.

And so one of the things that I think I'm a reflection of in my grandparents. They just loved people. Jesus didn't vet the guy on the cross next to him and say, “What do you think about same sex relationships? What do you think about this? What do you think about the president?” He just said, “See you in paradise.” Like literally, check it out. So, if I meet somebody really difficult, I just say, “See you in paradise.” It just reminds me of why I’m doing… If you know why you're doing what you're doing, now we got a ballgame.

Oh, you will not see me without wearing a Boston Red Sox hat. I've never gone to a Red Sox game. I'm not even a baseball guy. But my neighbor, Carol, was a huge Red Sox fan and so she ended up getting cancer. We knew she'd start this eternity long dance with Jesus by the end of the week. So we made a deal. I said, “I'll wear your Red Sox hat for the rest of my life and represent the Sox here, but every time Jesus walks by you, you need to mention my name.”

ALLIE: Hey, that’s a pretty good deal.

BOB: I know. I’m keeping my end of the deal up.

One of the things is if you know why you're doing what you're doing when it comes to your kids, and you go like forget this whole count to ten thing, ask the third question. How did that make you feel? Ask them to ask you, “Will you ask me how that made me feel?”

Give them the language to ask questions that they wouldn't think to ask, because we've been around the sun a couple more times and we say, “I’m going to ask you this question, then will you ask me this question?” You just de-escalated that whole thing. I'm going to ask you how I made you feel, then you ask me how I feel.

And then if you could have the presence of mind to say, “It made me grateful that you're my daughter.” I'll tell you, you just replaced 30% of her confidence. You just blocked all those statistics. Because then she's like, “You know what? I made my mom feel like a boss even when I felt like I was at my worst.” There's something beautiful, like kind people, they just have this impact that just can't be calculated.

Oh, I live down on the bay with sweet Maria Goff and people now know where we live.

It’s so awkward. They come by on their boats and they talk about me and it's so awkward because I can hear what they're saying. Their voices carry over the water. What I'm learning is that humble voices carry the furthest in this world. To carry far, continue to do your podcast, have a humble voice and say things that are true.  

ALLIE: Oh my gosh. I love that. I have two questions for you that I am obligated to ask because we did Everybody Always in the book club that I host. I never say that I'm going to interview anybody if we happen to pick their book in the book club because I just feel like it sounds annoying. Like, “Oh, I'm actually going to be on the phone with him.” Nobody wants to be friends with that girl. So, I didn't say anything but at the end I said, “If you guys could talk to Bob, you know, what questions would you have?” And I didn't say a word. They don't even know this is happening.

And so I got two questions that were actually really good that I just have to ask you that came up. The first one is how do you connect to God enough to have this much that you have to pour into others? I know that God is probably blessing your heart and your efforts like crazy, but we were wondering like, are you just crazy extroverted? Like how do you have this much energy? Like you raised a family and you have a marriage and you're a busy guy and the Uganda Ambassador thing, how do you have this much to pour into other people?

BOB: I think I'm just curious about everything. I think I'm a reflection of my grandparents, so we're just curious.

Did you know a banana is a berry and a strawberry isn’t? Mind blown. Yeah, really true.

You can pet a bee on his back when he’s drinking water, and it won’t sting you.

ALLIE: I am going to tell my boys that and I will email you if somebody gets stung.

BOB: Oh, and don't do the whole Mentos and Diet Coke thing. That's for sissies. Go get dry ice and put it in a one-liter bottle, add a little water. Run! Because that will blow up.

ALLIE: I’m writing this down because they love that kind of stuff.

BOB: If we're curious about the things around us, the world around us, you’ll actually be curious about your faith and whether the people that are listening will feel like you've been hanging out with Jesus for 20 years or 20 minutes or not interested. Just stay curious about everything.

I was driving here from the North County and there’s a guy with a pickup truck and there's this beautiful dining room table in the back, like claw feet and all that. Every time he went on a bump, it moved six inches closer to the end. I'm like honking the horn. Every time it's another six inches, another six inches. And sure enough, it goes right out the back of the truck into a hundred pieces. Well, because I'm a 7, I'm thinking I can fix it. But I took a picture of that and I just am trying to capture images along the way, not to put them up on social media but I want to capture that and remember that and make sense of it later.

So, I will write down, maybe send myself a hundred emails a day. I've written down everything I think about, everything in one place. I have a document that's 1.6 million words long. I’ve been at for 20 years. I just write down everything. I think about everything. Some people in our faith communities have what are called “quiet times” in the morning. I've never had one. 20 years. I'm clean and sober on those. Mine are super loud. I take everything I thought of the day before and I say, I know it sounds right, but is it actually true? What can I learn from this? What can I pass on? How can I be curious about this and talk to my kids. I'm not looking for talking points. I just want to be so engaged in life that I'm actually curious about my life. I'm curious about my kids.

When people ask me, “Bob, how you doing?” I could say “fine,” but what I do now is I go through this little checklist. How’s sweet Maria? How's Lindsey? How’s Richard? How’s Adam? Because like you, if they're okay, I am okay. If they're not okay, I'm not okay.

And so I'll literally think if Lindsay's okay, Richard's okay, Adam. And if I don't know the answer because I haven't called Lindsay in a little bit, I'll literally call her up and I'll say, “Lindsey, somebody asked me if I'm okay. And I don't know if I'm okay till I know if you are okay?” It slows it down a little bit, but wonderfully so. And it hasn't happened yet, but wouldn't it be great if she said, “Dad, you know what, let me call my husband John and see if he's okay. If he's okay, I'm okay. And if I'm okay, I know you’re okay.”

So if you ask me, “Bob, how are you doing,” I’d be like, “This is gonna take a second.” But again, if you know why you’re doing what you’re doing. Because I literally don't want one of my kids to go for very long without me knowing how they’re doing. The third question…not “How are you doing?” But, “How are feeling about what you doing?”   

ALLIE: I love that. Oh my goodness. Okay. The last question, we'll wrap up with this. We had this big conversation about this and I'm getting a little vulnerable just sharing something that I struggle with and just wanting to know how you do this?

So, I'm really good at setting boundaries. Maybe it's something that I'm a reflection of or reaction to. I haven't thought about it before. I've got four little kids that I homeschool. I love my husband and I love our time together. So, I'm a fierce protector of that. I love my business and my mission and I kind of worry that there's so much on my plate that if I don't carefully guard my time, you know it's not going to get done. And I'm not going to have my stuff done. And so when reading your books I really began to feel like maybe sometimes I use healthy boundaries as kind of an excuse to maybe shut people out a little bit or not reach out and help them, not really serve. And I’m like, “Man that’s such an “8 thing” to say, right?  Head down, focused.

You also have a ton going on, so how do you handle that? Where is the line for you between…You’re so available and you're loving and you're serving other people? Do you have boundaries? How do you balance that?

BOB: Yeah, sometimes people talk about balance and I felt like there was a period of time in my life that I spent so much time trying to find balance that I tipped over. You need to chase this, chase this. And I felt like at some point I was kind of tilting at windmills. So I just, hey, I'd make some rules that kind of like actually worked internally for me.

For instance, I don't make appointments with people, so somebody says, “Can we go out for coffee next Tuesday at 3? I'm like, “Oh, heck no, but we're actually talking right now so we could have coffee or tea, whatever you want.” But I just don't make appointments. It’s been 3½ years since I made an appointment with somebody. What I'll do is I'll tell them the trajectory. I'll say, I'm in North County, I’m in San Diego, I’m in Point Loma, and if somebody wants to intersect that, then that's terrific.

I put my cell phone number in the back of 1½ million books. It’s been terrific. For me, living a life of constant interruptions kinda reminds me of the way that Jesus lived His life. He was constantly interrupted and He didn't give off this vibe like, “I'm too busy.” I can't think of one time where somebody said like, “You're really busy.”

So if somebody says, “Hey Bob, I know you're really busy, but…,” it makes me pause to say, “Am I doing something that's giving off the vibe that I'm self-important, or busy or something?” Because I'm just the opposite. So, tomorrow is Wednesday; I will be at Disneyland. You know why? Because I go to Disneyland every Wednesday. From 10 to 2, I'll be sitting on Tom Sawyer Island. I promise there'll be 10 people waiting for me because there's always 10 people waiting for me and it's just so beautiful.

So, if anybody wants to meet or have that, like let's hang out. I say Tom Sawyer Island, Wednesday, I'll be there.

And then I drive up to Pepperdine and teach a class at their law school. It's a class on failure. It’s awesome! All my friends who screwed up, bring your biggest screw up sometime.

Do you know why you're doing what you're doing? This idea of availability?

But now let me speak to your 8. This beautiful, precious, wonderful God-created 8 that needs order in their life and that needs to have a sense of purpose. Just live into that girl. Just continue to be just full blown, the healthiest version of that. The humblest version of that

So what I do, and tell me if this would be helpful to you, I'm 59 so I spend most of my time talking to 69-year-old Bob, like 10 years, me plus 10. So if there's something that's stressing me out, I say to 69-year-old Bob, “How do you feel about that?” He’s not stressed out at all. He can barely remember his name. And I also have the 10-year-old version of Bob, like little Bobby Goth. He is full of hope. He's not distracted by that stuff.

So, I would say for your listeners, add 10 to your age. Take wonderful you, where you are right now. Take that person as 10 years older and take the 8-year-old version, the 10-year-old version of you and all three of you make one really well-adjusted person, and you make decisions together and let those other two out vote you.

ALLIE:  I love that! That is so amazing! Thank you!

BOB: Thanks so much for making some time and talking. I’ve got a new friend.  

Did you know if you get a handful of sand, it has 400,000 grains of sand in it? I haven't counted it but Wikileaks wouldn't lie to you. So, Wikipedia. Wikileaks is actually trade secrets.

So, if you meet 12 people a day and live for 92 years, that's what 400,000 is? So that's what I'm telling you to do. 12 actual authentic conversations every day. If you can have your listeners just do that, 12 conversations a day, it will blow your mind what will happen to your life and the people around you. And make your kids, your spouse, the people that you love among them. Have a couple of conversations. You gotta to go to question number 3, not just the easy one. Just say, “How do you feel about that?”

Now, here's the primer. If you're married to a male, you say, “Now is the time where you ask me how I feel about this. So go!”

ALLIE: Yes! We do date night once a week, every week. We'll be on the drive, and I always start the conversation and then I'll ask my questions and it's just like comfortable silence. And I'm like, um, “I'm good too. My day…” Like he just doesn't…

BOB: Prompt him. Just say, “It warms my heart when you ask these questions of me. You don’t know that because you’re a guy, but it warms my heart. It actually makes me feel accepted, engaged, loved and appreciated, when you ask questions about not just where did you go.”

Maria drops me off every morning at 5:45 in the morning and I fly somewhere to go talk and then I fly home. But we never talk about geography. When people ask her, where's Bob, she always says he's on his way home. Because that's a way to honor her. I just get home.

And so if we can continue to run home to each other, but don’t just be in proximity to each other. Once you're there, (I'm speaking to the guys now and to the women to prompt the guys to say), “Ask me how I feel about the day” and I'll tell ya, I'll feel so good because you cared that much.

ALLIE: That's amazing. Thank you for this conversation and all this amazing advice. I can't tell you how excited I am for this to air. I really am!  

BOB: It was so great talking to.

ALLIE: Yeah! Maybe I'll see you one time at Disneyland because I live right there.

BOB: 10 to 2! I’ll be the guy wearing the Red Sox hat.

ALLIE: Perfect! Thank you so much.


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This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

EP 076: Reviving Creativity in Yourself + Your Kids with Jenny Randle

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A book can teach you something new. It can inspire you to make positive changes in your life and can take you to a different level in your life. Reading is so important to me which is why I am excited for Allie Reads October here on the podcast! All month I am interviewing some amazing authors. We will talk about their books, life, and living a life of purpose and intention.

Jenny Randle, author of Courageous Creative, is on the show to chat all things creative. From embracing your own creativity to cultivating and encouraging creativity in your kids. Because when we are walking in a healthy creative identity, we're able to influence others!

Use the hashtag #AllieReadsOctober to share with me this month. What are you reading? Did you get any of the books from the authors I’m talking to you about? Are you reading a different book? How are you taking this challenge to read more and putting it into action? I cannot wait to see what you share!

 
 

In This Episode Allie + Jenny Discuss:

  • What creative identity is and what it looks like to fully understand it, in yourself and your kids.  

  • Ways you can cultivate your kids creativity and help them find their own creative identity.

  • Things that will help you overcome the fear of walking in your creativity.

  • Why it is important that you speak life into your kids creativity, even if it seems crazy.

Mentioned in this Episode:


It’s giveaway time! Jenny’s book, Courageous Creative, is incredible and I am SO excited to gift it to one of you. Head over to The Purpose Show Facebook Community for your chance to win! I cannot want to connect with you this month on all things book related. #AllieReadsOctober

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who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.

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Hey, sweet friends! I'm so happy that October is finally here! For months I have been planning and dreaming this up for you and I'm so happy to finally unveil what it is I've been working on!

This month, October, is all about reading. We're calling it “Allie Reads October,” and the purpose behind this is for me to inspire and encourage you to read more often. Reading is such a gift. We take it for granted way too often, myself included, but reading is powerful. You literally have a whole new life in your hands when you read a book.

A book can teach you something new. It can inspire you to make positive changes in your life and can take you to a different level in your life. Reading is so important. I read all the time and I wish that I would have started sooner and so I'm taking that passion of mine and turning it into Allie Reads October. Every October here on The Purpose Show, we are turning it into author central.

I'm interviewing some amazing authors this month and we're talking about their books and I want to see you use this Hashtag. I'm going to be checking it every single day on Facebook and Instagram and I want you to use it. #alliereadsoctober.

Share with me. What are you reading? Did you get any of the books from the authors I’m talking to you about? Are you reading a different book? How are you taking this challenge to read more and putting it into action?

Let's celebrate this month October! Allie Reads October. We're going to talk about authors and books and encourage each other to read more books.

I encourage you to get other people involved in this. Get your kids involved. Encourage them, read with them, next to them or to them, or have them read in their own quiet time. Share this with your friends. Let's encourage each other to get better equipped to live an intentional life by reading more.

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Hi, beautiful friends! I am so looking forward to bringing today's guest onto the show. Before she comes on, I just wanted to give an intro to her. Jenny Randle is one of my favorite people in my life. I just adore her. She's so hilarious. We laugh so much together, which you’ll be seeing that in the interview. She's just an amazing human being. She really inspires me. She's a mom and a wife. She's an author. She's an Emmy Award winning video editor. She works with me. She's on my team and she handles all the Facebook, Pinterest, Facebook Ads, analytics and all of this backend stuff that is so over my head and so overwhelming for me. She's one of the best workers I've ever come in contact with. I love her and she and her husband Matt both do work with me and for me and I just love them so much.

Jenny is an amazing author as well. She is the author of Courageous Creative and that's what I am having her on the show to talk about. She really teaches how to be creative, how to come into your own creativity in a beautiful way. I think a lot of the time in our lives we lose the creative spirit that we were born with and we are all designed to be creative in some way or another.

Jenny and I are going to talk about the stereotypical ways of being creative, like being an artist, being a singer or being a writer are only one small aspect of creativity. There are millions of other ways to be creative that you're just not seeing and how to cultivate your own creativity.

We're also going to be talking about how to cultivate creativity in your kids and how to make them different and not raise them to be like the average person who's creativity totally kind of fizzles out after age 10, which is so sad to me.

We're having lots of good discussions. I ask Jenny some pretty raw questions about my own kids and my own self. I'm sharing some things that were said to me, things that happened to me that kind of just stifled my own creativity and how I'm overcoming that. I've been really inspired to come back into that in different ways. It's just a really good inspiring conversation. So, I'm so excited to welcome Jenny to the show. Let's dive in.

ALLIE: Hey guys! Welcome! I'm here with Jenny Randall. Say Hi Jenny.

JENNY: Hey!

ALLIE: Jenny is many things. She is an Emmy winning video editor, which I feel like we should talk about that for a second and she's also... How do I describe you? You are my social media, Facebook Ads, Facebook everything extraordinary. You're amazing.

JENNY: I'll take that. That's a good description.

ALLIE: Yes. So how's it going?

JENNY: It's going good. I feel like we're just two gals chit-chatting away.

ALLIE: Yeah, totally. And it's weird to be not talking about Facebook ads with you.

JENNY: I know. I'm like, “There's so many things I need to discuss with you.” I'm kidding. Let's discuss creativity.

ALLIE: Let's do this. So yeah, that's what we're here to talk about today. I want to talk with you about being creative as a woman, being creative with your kids, encouraging your kids to be creative and I feel like a great place to start is this page that I dog-eared in your book which comes out today.

JENNY: Yeah. I'm so excited!

ALLIE: Comes out today, at the time people are listening. This is really awkward because it's May right now.

JENNY: Yeah. So yeah, I can't wait. It's weird to think about that this is going to be launching the same day the book launches.

ALLIE: So. Yeah. And the thing that you're working on so much is actually going to come out and be in people's hands. It's exciting.

So in your book, Courageous Creative, you basically talk about the premise being that when you're a child you're uninhibited, your creative naturally, we're all born really creative in one way or another, or lots of ways. Then as you grow up (I want to say the chart that you showed in your book said around age 10), it significantly drops, which makes me so sad. I mean really it breaks my heart because it's true. And then as an adult it goes down to 2%. The average adult is 2% creative or something like that. Most people are not working in something that aligns with how they're creative, so the bulk of their time is not being spent really doing something that they were made to do.

How did you come across being passionate about that and what made you want to write this book?

JENNY: When I saw that study it said 4 & 5-year-olds are 98 percentile, genius-level creatives. My kids were that age when I discovered the study and I could see that in them. Then to see that it went down to 2%. Like you're saying, it broke my heart. As I was studying creativity and praying through it and figuring out what is that gap, I figured out that it's things like sin, shame, guilt, pain, fear, comparison, people-pleasing, all these different things, rules and regulations in school. All these different things stifle that creative nature that we're supposed to be walking out. So, it's now my mission to help people get that back so they can let their light shine.

Because I think when we're walking in healthy creative identity, we're able to influence others in whatever sphere of influence we're in. I think that's one of the most important things we can really get a grasp on is understanding our creative identity. So that's why I'm here.

ALLIE: Yeah, for sure. And you do such a great job. The book is divided into all these different sections, breaking it down how God created us and He is creative. I like how you say God basically makes stuff. We're made in His image and He created us to be that way as well. Everybody's good at something. I like how you bring it all in. There's different sections for different types of creativity, but you're not segmenting it to, “Oh, if you're an artist, here's an assignment, work on your creativity. If you're a writer, here's your assignment.” You encourage the reader to do all of them.

And I even noticed that some of them are intertwined. I jumped to the writing section even though I think in the beginning you said not to – sorry! I jumped to the writing section and there was something about drawing. Just kind of express yourself. What are you feeling? What's going on and draw it out. Doodle. Go ahead and just start writing words, whatever it is. And that is what this book does. It opens up your mind to just the creative flow and stepping outside of yourself and what it normally looks like.

So can you give us a little bit of an idea of what that looks like for you? How do you express your creativity? How do you get outside of that box for yourself and do your thing?

JENNY: Yeah. Well this past weekend I spoke at a retreat called Camp Create. It was like you go and you make crafts and you do painting and you do things with your hands, which I am so not. I'm in the computer. Let me design something or let me write something. I left being so fueled and filled up by just being intentional to paint and do something that I'm horrible at. It sparked something inside of me that made me want to even do it more and cultivate that. I'm not saying I'm going to be the next expert painter, but when you work on the different areas, even the ones that you think you're horrible at, I think it spills over and it can inspire you to kind of take on something else.

ALLIE: When I was looking at your book and reading, especially certain parts…I always enjoyed expressing myself through writing the most out of everything. But I used to want to sketch and draw in my free time as a kid. And along the way I got the impression that I wasn't very good at it from other people and I stopped. It was just dumb little things. I would just sketch Ariel or something, whatever movie I was into. I was super little. I still have those sketchbooks and when I look back at them I get really sad. Kids pick up on stuff. No one was ever like, “You’re the worst!”

JENNY: This is the moment and we are going to go there. That makes me really sad for you because you had a passion, you had a gifting. You felt comfortable doing it and someone basically spoke death to your dream. That makes me so sad. I met this actor dude who wanted to be an actor and his dad's like, “Why would you act? Actors are a dime-a-dozen.” He said that to him. And a lot of times people are parents. We have to be so intentional not to speak death to our kids’ dreams or anybody. So how are we going to get through that Allie?

ALLIE: Well, that's why I wanted to bring up. This was such a God thing because, before I knew that you were coming out with this new book, this new version of it, I had purchased a painting from Lindsey Letters. I saw it online and I remember feeling something. Not to sound dramatic or super hipster, but I instantly connected with it and loved it. I purchased it. It sits on my mantle, and every day I see it in the main room of the house. Every day I think “I really want to do that. I wish I could do that.” But then I remember…

Side Note: The same thing happened to me with singing. I used to sing on the Worship Team and one time this co-singer said something to me that I wasn't as good. Because I'm competitive and have a need to be the best, it really affected me.

I felt the same way with the painting thing and just art in general. My daughter, Bella, is incredibly creative, artistic and very good at art. So I feel like this is for other people, not for me.

I was thinking about it the other day since I've been looking through your book again and just thinking like that is so dumb. I'm done. I don't want to do it anymore. And so, I put it on my to do list for the next time I'm by Hobby Lobby to get a canvas and some paints and just have at it.

JENNY: Yeah. That's so good. Yeah. I always like to teach people whatever makes your soul come alive. Like you're saying, you were connecting to those things. Whatever speaks to you, I think we have to pursue that. I always like to ask people, “What did you love doing as a child?” Because a lot of the times you'll still love doing it. You just have to be intentional to cultivate it, keep after it, and pray. Ask God, “Okay, is there anything that's holding me back in this area?”  

And Allie, you don't have to be the best at it. You can do it and bring God glory and just have fun and embrace that child-like wonder of just creating and going in that space. Which makes me want to ask you, do you want to sing us a song?

ALLIE: I don't. I had to go to the dentist really early this morning and there was a spider in my office - I don’t like spiders. Spider in my office and the dentist. I cannot. I was so anxious, so I put on that one song by Keane, Somewhere Only We Know. He really belts it out at the end. But I sang at the top of my lungs and totally soothed myself, because I am super creative. We all are, but I am aware of it and kind of tapped into it at least a little bit but I only stick to what I know or at least I feel confident that I'm really good at it or one of the best.

I feel confident with writing and expressing. Getting a point across really powerfully. That's what I do. That's it. But why can't I sing? Why can't I paint? Why can't I draw? Why can't I learn and express myself? It's silly.

I think even if you're not competitive and you're not coming from the same heart issues, for lack of a better term, that I am with competition, I think we all feel like we can't do something creative that we used to do in some ways.

JENNY: I think in that insecurity though, we're giving God space to show up and find our security in Him. I know it might be dumb, but being like, “Okay, God, help me paint and be able to fully express myself. The other day at church there was a girl that was twirling down the aisle during worship and just so free. When we have that moment of freely expressing ourselves and not feeling shame over who's watching me or who's judging me, when you can come to that moment of fully expressing yourself and feeling comfortable in it, I think that's huge.

ALLIE: Yeah. I love that. And I think what a form of worship, too, to be fully expressing and it doesn't matter. No one has to really see it if you don't want them to, but just expressing yourself to your creator I think is really powerful and that's the thing that I see in your book.

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Most people know I'm a blogger and a podcaster, but that's really just where the inspiration happens. I can only scrape the surface of equipping you to bring positive change to your life here. That's why I create online courses on my Private Students-Only Platform.

I don't spend months creating courses for no reason. This is where the action is. My courses are for the serious doers out there. If you want to see focused, real change happen in your life - change that lasts - this is what my courses are for.

This is where I dive all the way into actually implementing minimalism in your home and simplification to the cluttered parts of your life as a mom. We get legit detailed in these courses. My students have incredible success rates that they share in our Private Students’ Community and you can see some of their testimonials on my website.

I work really hard to keep my courses priced as low as I can, but you guys know I totally get being on a crazy tight budget, which is why I also have payment plans available

My courses are different from each other. They each serve different purposes and will take you to different places in your life. Don't overthink which one to start with. Just go to the website and pick one that's resonating with you and enroll.

For Purpose Show listeners only, you can take 10% off any course you choose with the code PURPOSESHOW.  Visit alliecasazza.com/nextlevel for the breakdown of all the different courses I have to offer, how they're different from each other and which one might be best for you.

I cannot wait to cheer you on and take you onward and upward. Motherhood is much too sweet a time to be spent in survival mode.

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ALLIE: So talk to me about with your kids, because one feeling that I felt when going through your book was this excited panic, I guess, of just they're so little and Bella's 9, so she's kind of close to that age. She's so creative. I think with homeschooling especially we have time to cultivate that a lot, but I don't know…what about the kids that don't really seem to stand out as super creative in one way or another? What would you say to that?

JENNY: Well I think it's how you view creativity. The most simple definition, we kind of touched on it earlier, is just the act of making stuff. So, if you view creativity like that, maybe your kids are really good at making decisions and you can cultivate that in them. Or they're more engineer, tech-minded, cultivating that. I think it's finding where they are thriving and being super intentional not to stifle it.

ALLIE: Yeah, I love that. And that's really straightforward and simple. It's not complicated to do that.

JENNY:  There was this one lady at preschool pickup who was like, “Oh, I hear you teach on creativity?” “Yeah,” I said.  And then she’s like, “I'm just not creative.” I just wanted to punch her in the face because it's like, “Okay, well…lesson one. Yes, you are.” And then we started talking. She has her own business. She coaches people on fitness. I'm just sitting here thinking, “You don't know what creativity is.” I think it's having that broader view of understanding how we can express ourselves.

ALLIE: Yeah, because when I think about what creativity looks like, I immediately think of Bella and her painting, writing, being super artsy, wearing slightly off-the-shoulder loose tunics with tattoos and being in your house with your succulents - just expressing yourself.

That was a really good description. That is detailed and I want to say that I'm really proud of how I described a creative person.

JENNY: That was amazing. That's awesome. And that's how it is.

ALLIE: But you think those types of expressive creativity only. But really, being business savvy is expressed as creative and is an expression. Marketing - that's something that I love and feel like I'm really good at and I love expressing my heart for my business through that. There's other things that are not stereotypically creative, I guess.

JENNY: Right. Creativity to me isn't just painting. It could be how are you parenting your kids in a creative way? When you need to discipline them, “Okay, this isn't working, what else can I do?” You know? I think it's viewing it like that and asking God for wisdom.

There's so many stories in the Bible when God would be like, “Do it this way!” Speaking wisdom and being open to that creative correction is huge.

ALLIE: Yeah, for sure. And also, that's another huge weight off of us as parents - to know that there's room to be creative. You don't have to read the parenting books and do it exactly that way. If it's not working for your kids and there's something wrong with them or with you that you can take a step back. Be creative and find a way that works just for you guys.

JENNY: Yeah. Yeah. I went through a season of finding myself because I was so exhausted saying “no” to a lot of the things my kids wanted to do. Then one day they were like, “Will you get the fan down. And I'm like, “No, I'm not going to get the fan down.” And then I walked into the playroom and they had created this massive zoo truck, a truck that was going to go to the zoo. They rearranged all the furniture and because I did not get the fan down, they did not have an engine. I saw it and I'm in the midst of writing my book on creativity. And I was like, “Oh my gosh, I am putting regulations on you like no one's business.” So, I said I was sorry. I got the fan down and they kept playing.

Seeing that process of me saying “no, no, no” just because I was tired, it was so dumb. I was so mad at myself. I think it's always being self-aware and asking God like, “Okay, what's holding me back from my creativity and how can I change that? And then obviously looking to Him for strength and doing that.

ALLIE: Yeah, for sure. I didn't want to have prepared questions for this because I just wanted the conversation to flow and be creative, so I am bouncing back and forth a bit.

What happened with me and the art thing and the singing thing, I am sure that story mirrors everybody listening in some way, big or small. So, coming out of that fear of “I'm just not good at this, so I don't want to do it,”what are maybe some inner scripts or something that you could give to overcome that and walk ourselves through getting started with what that thing is for us again?

JENNY: That's a good question. Do you know the story of Moses when he's called? There's a burning bush and God said, “Go free the people!” and then he makes five excuses. Basically he says, “I'm not good enough. I'm not talented enough. Who am I?” All these different things. And God says, “I am who I am.” And He's not being like, “Moses, you're so amazing!” He just turns it back on him. I think when we can flip those lies that we’re holding onto, turn it back to God and be like, “Okay, well God's put this desire on my heart. I might as well go after it and see what happens.” Because honestly it's not really about you pursuing that thing, it's more just finding freedom. If you look at the bigger picture, obviously there's wounds there if there's something holding you back from doing something you feel passionate about. It's really pressing in and seeking Christ in that and learning how to overcome it and then just doing it. Just take a risk and do it and if it's so uncomfortable then just do it a little less and work your way up, you know?

ALLIE: Yeah, for sure. I'm really going to take action on what was happening with the painting thing and really push myself to do that, but I think it wouldn't be super difficult or painful or anything. It would be freeing to put to rest that inner voice and just be like, “Who cares? I'm going to do this.”

JENNY: I bet you'll surprise yourself with how great you can do at it.

ALLIE: I'm going to be the best painter.

JENNY: You are going to be the best painter. Let's just sell your artwork. Make a new shop, new business. But I think too, there's a reason you're passionate about that and who knows what else that would unleash in you, you know? It's just being faithful to what God calls you to right now in this moment. And if you feel like, “Okay, I want to try painting” just do that and see what happens. It's going to be fun.

ALLIE: Yeah, for sure. And it's one of those things that has always come up. It will always come back to me my whole life and I just always thought like, “Sucks that I suck at that” and it's so dumb. It's just so dumb.

I think too as parents, it really shows what awaits those kinds of…like nobody “said” that to me. It was body language, a facial expression. I was seemingly annoying to want to be putting my time into that. It just seemed like okay, I'm getting a vibe here.

And it's so crazy how that is the power that we have, flipping it around to my kids now and I totally relate to your fan story. I did this on purpose. That's the whole thing behind having less toys, minimalism, an intentional space that cultivates their imaginations and constructive play. Bella is extremely imaginative, very creative and Leland is very strategic, has that engineering mind like you said earlier. And the other two are just there because they’re just really young. They make up these big things. And they ask me for something and I'm like, “I guess.” I cultivated this and then you just get so irritated and that is the kind of stuff that gives the message I think that creativity is immature and there's no place for it as you get older.

JENNY: I look back at growing up and my parents provided me with resources and tools and video cameras and I'm like “I'm moving to Hollywood!” I was in New York and they never were like, “No, I don't think you should do that.” As crazy as that dream sounded, they always spoke life into it. That's the type of parent I want to be. I'm getting emotional talking about it because their ability to empower me to do that changed my whole world, you know? Our job as parents is to disciple and foster our kids in the areas that they feel called to do and speak life over them.

ALLIE: Yeah, for sure. I love that. As parents, how can we seek out what our kids are good at, especially if it's not an obvious creative like art or building or whatever? And I don't mind saying this on the show, but specifically Hudson, he's 5 (6 at the time this comes out) and he is like Brian. He is very sweet and always putting everyone else ahead.

For example, for his birthday, his favorite cake is lemon and he said “I don't really want lemon though because not a lot of people like lemon, so I'm going to get chocolate because everybody seems to like chocolate.” He is very pleasing and he is a “prop” in his siblings’ play like all the time. It's hard for me to find what is your thing? What is going to be your thing so I can cultivate that? There really is no middle child right now, but he falls into that stereotypical role, being tossed back and forth, and he's happy to play with them.

But how can we, for anyone listening that kind of relates to that or has a kid like this that’s not so obvious like Bella’s painting things and all of this stuff, how do you exactly seek that out? How can you take a step back and watch for that and cultivate the little things if you do see something?

JENNY: Well I always say we can be self-aware through prayer. So I think it's asking God to reveal to you or to highlight things to you when you notice him playing in a certain way. You can already tell he's really compassionate so maybe it's even serving your community and taking him with you to a homeless shelter or doing something to cultivate that in him. My son's the same way and that is something that I really want to cultivate, especially in a male. I don't want that to go away. So being intentional in that and praying about it.

But also exposing him to a bunch of different things and then seeing what he connects to. I think it'll come when he finds it, right? Like my Zoe loves dancing, but we signed her up for dance at 2 and she had a breakdown every time. Now she's 4 and she's awesome.

It just takes time to feel comfortable in that space for them to express themselves. So he'll show it soon.

ALLIE: Yeah, yeah, for sure. And I think it is just kind of the way it goes a little bit for a middle child. They want to be with their siblings so they go and do what they're doing and they're not really thinking about, well what is my thing? He's 5.

JENNY: Yeah. Well my daughter will copy everything her older brother says to the point where she'll be like “Is Max eating his lollipop right now?” And I'm like, “I don't know, use your brain, you have freedom my child.”

ALLIE: I love that though. That was really practical. Yeah. Very actionable. Which is helpful when it feels like a big weight. I don't want to mess them up. I don't want to mess up their creativity. I don't want to stifle it. I want to encourage it. That’s a big thing to say and it's hard to do.

JENNY: Yeah. It’s just noticing it. Like the one character trait you mentioned, you can foster that. You’ve noticed that he's compassionate and kind. So figuring out ways to strengthen that in him and then maybe from that other things will come out. Maybe he'll like writing a story for a certain type of person or…

ALLIE: Yeah, totally. You give a lot of easy action steps and hope even just the way you talk about it and it's very relaxing, I guess.

JENNY: Welcome to The Spa! Spa Jenny!

I do want to say the goal of the book is to help people cultivate their creativity. Whenever I do speaking or talking, the whole goal is to have people take action, so that is what is in the book, so I'm really going to put you on the spot right now because this is fun, but will you cultivate your creativity live on your podcast? I feel it happening. Will you just freestyle rap for us please? I feel like this is your moment and you're going to be so good at it. I'm going to give you a topic…

ALLIE: Do not make me rap. I’m not going to rap. I do not feel creatively inspired to rap.

JENNY: What if I gave you a beat? That'll inspire you!

ALLIE:  I am going to freak out. {laughing}

JENNY: Listen, I did this at a church event and I accidentally called it a freestyle battle, which is totally different and people were like, “Am I supposed to do ‘your mama’ jokes and make fun of people?” And then I had to be like, “No, no. Keep it clean.” And then it was fine. Well, why don't you do that? That’ll really set people free.

ALLIE: I just feel really creatively inspired when I'm making people feel terrible about this. {laughing}

What I am going to do is I'm going to go today and get stuff to paint and I will send it to you.

JENNY: Okay, that's fine. That's fine. I mean, if any of the listeners want to do a freestyle rap, just send them to Allie. She's gonna love it.

ALLIE: Send them to me on my Instagram DM and I will open them all.

JENNY: Maybe that'll inspire you, their freedom of expression.

ALLIE: Oh my gosh. Okay. So Courageous Creative is out as of the date of this episode. And so where can people find you and connect with you more about that?

JENNY: I love going on Instagram. I'm on Facebook. My website, jennyrandle.com.

ALLIE: And you can get the book anywhere books are sold, right?

JENNY: Oh my gosh. I've been so excited to say that. Yeah. Anywhere books are sold!

ALLIE: I should've let you say it.

Okay. Well guys, if you want to be encouraged as a creative, even if you think you're not creative and also have a great handbook for (there's like so many highlighted things in my mind) raising creative kids, encouraging your kids to be creative, especially from a biblical perspective. It's really about how God created us to be this way. It's empowering, I think. It is biblical, but it's really empowering to see that that's biblical, if that makes sense, and this is how we're created. It makes you come alive and get excited about it.

It's a really good book. Definitely something that I want to have on hand to raise my kids to just be expressive, be creative and be who they were made to be. So, we'll link to Jenny's Instagram and all that good stuff in the show notes as well as the link to the book.

Thank you so much for chatting with us today. This is an important subject and I really liked talking with you.

JENNY: Thanks for having me on!


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This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

EP 069: The Benefits of Early Mornings For Parents with Lindsay McCarthy

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I wasn’t always a morning person. In fact, it wasn’t until I discovered The Miracle Morning that I decided to ditch my night owl tendencies and start to wake up earlier. Morning routines really just set the tone for the rest of the day. If you wake up and you're already feeling hurried, that energy takes you throughout the whole day and you never really feel like you catch up. But if you start the day intentionally and say, “these are the six things that I'm going to do to start my day” and get those done, you already feel so accomplished. You feel like you can take on anything for the whole rest of the day.

Lindsay McCarthy wrote her book, Miracle Morning For Parents and Families because once she really started implementing a morning routine, she saw how much it worked and all the benefits that came from it. And she has just really taken charge of her mornings for her family, not just for herself. After speaking with her, I think I'm going to start some “miracle morning” stuff with my kids as well and not keep it just for myself. I hope you take action to do the same for your family too!

 
 

In This Episode Allie and Lindsay Discuss:

  • The importance of morning routines and the benefits of taking advantage of your mornings.

  • How following the S.A.V.E.R.S routine will benefit your mornings.

  • Ways you can include your kids in your morning routine and ways they can stay occupied while you go through your routine.

  • The power in teaching your kids about morning routines and how to help them form their own.

Mentioned in this Episode:

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Do you feel like you are barely getting through your days friend? Does motherhood feel more like a hurricane of chaos that you are just surviving rather than the awesome, joy-filled season that you want it to be?

Well, motherhood is hard. I am not going to lie to you about that. While it is servitude and giving to your family from yourself, it doesn’t have to be something that we are waiting to be over.  Something that we are counting down the minutes till naptime, or bedtime, or waiting for the next day to start. If you are wanting to sort through the clutter in your mind, your heart, your home calendar, your health, routines, and relationships, I created Unburdened just for you

 

It is a guide that will help you go from drowning in the sea of stress and overwhelm, to owning your time and living the best version of your motherhood. So you can live abundantly while intentionally focusing on those who matter most.


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.

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Hey, beautiful Mama's! I am really looking forward to sharing today's interview with you!

I sat down and spoke with Lindsey McCarthy. She is the author of The Miracle Morning for Parents and Families and this book is sort of a branch off of the original book that was written by Hal Elrod called The Miracle Morning. And that book is really special to me. It was the start of early mornings for me probably about three years ago when we had just moved to Arkansas. It was during a time in my life when I was such a night owl, had a lot of stress and anxiety and just changes coming. It was at a point where I could feel God just pulling me to start the business, get more serious about blogging and turning it into something bigger. I didn't know how I was going to get all that done with Brian working at his “then” job and with the kids, homeschooling, and being away from all of our friends and family. I was kind of lost and wondering why the Lord had brought us out there and what for and The Miracle Morning plopped right into my lap, as I was listening to a podcast where the author, Hal, was interviewed. And so, I ordered the book. My mom had said, “Yeah, I read that book. It's great; you should get it.” I ordered the book on Amazon and dove in and it just really changed everything. It really inspired me.

So, The Miracle Morning is kind of what started me on my passion for ditching my night owl tendencies and waking up earlier. And by “night owl,” I mean I was staying up till 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning, often. I was the legit night owl and it was really unhealthy. While I still have nighttime tendencies and I like to stay up, it's more like 10:30 and not like 1:30.

So anyway, I just want to encourage you guys. Lindsey is awesome. She wrote this book for parents and families because she was practicing The Miracle Morning and having her children practice it as well. She has just really taken charge of her mornings for her family, not just herself, which I find fascinating. So, I wanted to have her on and share her take on this with you guys in case you wanted to start doing that as well.

And after speaking with her, I think I'm going to start some “miracle morning” stuff with my kids as well and not keep it just for myself.

So, I just want to encourage you to listen, to take action, because waking up early is life changing. I always say, and I will always say if you want to change your entire life in one small change, wake up earlier.

And again, as always in my disclaimer when I'm talking about this, if you're in a season of pregnancy, newborns or breastfeeding sleepless nights, I want to encourage you and just have you know that this is not your time, girl. Your time will come. Those babies will grow up. The pregnancy will be over and things will shift. You will know when it is your time to start getting your ish together and kind of systemizing your day better. And if you're in a season like that, it is just not your time. And that's okay. Soak it up. I know it's cliche, but I remember being in that season and I wanted it to end so badly and I wish that I would have just soaked it up.

So, I want you guys to know that there's a thing called “S.A.V.E.R.S.” in The Miracle Morning book as well as The Miracle Morning For Parents And Families. It's basically an acronym for what makes up your morning routine. Each letter stands for something. Lindsey goes over it. She mentions it a couple of times in the beginning in passing, and then I have her go over it in detail for you all.

I just want to encourage you. My morning ritual has changed and progressed over the years as I needed it to. It started out with just straight up hustle. I woke up at 4:00 in the morning for almost a year and I worked for a few hours before Brian would go to his job so that I can be present with the kids during the day because I didn't have any babysitters or help. Now it's the opposite. It's very much about self-care and quieting my soul and focusing on where I want to go and what I want my life and my day to look like before the day even starts. I like it better now, but there definitely was a season where it needed to be work.

So, it's about making it work for you and where you're at right now in your life and who you are as a person, but I love the idea of S.A.V.E.R.S. and I love the idea of the specific things that it stands for.

So, listen with an open mind. I encourage you to do some journaling, maybe after you listen to this episode. Jot down what you liked about it, what you don't think would work for you, what you're thinking of doing, and take action on this. So, let's dive in.

ALLIE: Hi Lindsay! Thank you for being here with us!

LINDSAY: Thanks for having me on today, Allie!

ALLIE: Of course. Okay, so The Miracle Morning is a book that was originally written by Hal Elrod and you actually met Hal in person, right?

LINDSAY: Yeah. We first heard him speak in 2014 and then we actually met him in 2015.

ALLIE: Okay. And then so through that meeting you kind of build a connection and that's how you came to author the parents and families’ version of Miracle Morning, right?

LINDSAY: Yeah. So, when we met him in 2015, I kinda just went up to him and said, “Hey Hal, I want to thank you for writing The Miracle Morning. We've been doing it as a family for the past year and it's really made a big impact on our lives. And he was like, “Whoa, your kids do this? My kids don't do it. This is cool. Tell me more.”

And so, we got into a conversation about how we've been teaching our kids pieces of the S.A.V.E.R.S. and what they've done over the last year. And I was like, “Actually, my son is here if you want to meet him.” And he's like, “Yeah, bring him to breakfast.” So, we brought our son, Tyler, to breakfast and he's saying his affirmations to Hal Elrod. He has this little homemade book that we made. Hal is mind blown. He's like, “Can I take pictures of this? I want to feature you guys on something.” And I said, “Yeah. Totally. Whatever.”

ALLIE: Yeah. It’s impressive and sweet that you guys brought your kids into it. The Miracle Morning is the book that kind of started me. I read it when we had moved to the Midwest and I was starting my business. Before that I had just been a stay-at-home mom and I got up before my kids but it wasn't so intentional. I didn’t have a bunch of stuff to get done as much as I do now with the business. And so, it was the answer for me.

I'm like okay, this is how I can add length to my day. And I didn't think to bring my kids into it at all. Actually, I wouldn't have wanted to at that point because it's like you just do your thing and I'll do mine. But yeah, I think it's great.

Tell us a little bit, and this might be a little vague, but tell us in your words why mornings matter so much, why it's important to show up for them.

LINDSAY: I think it just sets the tone for the whole rest of the day. If you wake up and you're already feeling hurried, that energy takes you throughout the whole day and you never really feel like you catch up. But if you start the day intentionally and say, “these are the six things that I'm going to do to start my day” and get those done, you already feel so accomplished. You feel like you can take on anything for the whole rest of the day.

ALLIE: Yeah, for sure. In The Miracle Morning For Parents And Families book, you talk a lot, I think it might even be a full chapter, about the benefits of taking advantage of your mornings, what it does for your psych benefits, and health benefits. Can you talk to us about that?

LINDSAY: Some of the practices in The Miracle Morning include the acronym is S.A.V.E.R.S., so silence, affirmations, visualization, exercise, reading and scribing. So like I could go through all six of those and tell you all the benefits, but one other thing that Hal suggests is the very first thing you do when you wake up in the morning is drink a big glass of water. Just the benefits of that alone are staggering. It helps your skin. It hydrates your whole body. You have this energy boost from drinking that water. And then if you add exercise to that you get that serotonin going and you get your adrenaline pumping. If you add mindfulness or meditation that slows your heart rate down and the health benefits of that alone are incredible. Once you start adding all these little pieces together, it's this compound effect where you're just ready for the day.

ALLIE: Yeah, for sure. That was my next question about the S.A.V.E.R.S., the acronym of S.A.V.E.R.S. for what you're doing in your morning routine. One of the things that I'm sure you get asked a lot is “Well if I get up early, what do I do though? What should I do with that time?” And it is a problem because there's so much to do and you woke up early, like a lot of the times, especially because of how early I get up and my kids are still asleep, it's almost a timer of pressure, like this is precious time. What do I do with it?

And the S.A.V.E.R.S. really just gives us a little bit of each thing to where at the end of an hour you feel like a different person. You feel ready for your day.

So can you go with us one more time through what S.A.V.E.R.S. stands for, kind of like an explanation of each thing and what is the whole deal with S.A.V.E.R.S. for people who haven't read the book?

LINDSAY: Yeah. S.A.V.E.R.S. stands for silence, affirmations, visualization, exercise, reading and scribing. I always encourage people to play with those and find what order works for you. So, my personal morning, I wake up before my kids a little bit and I usually try to get my meditation in, so silence or reading. We encourage read something that's not like a romance novel, but maybe something more for personal development or something about history that you're really interested in. Make it a learning time, not just like, “Oh, I'm just going to read.”

ALLIE: Yeah. It's like bettering your mind or bettering your growth, not just for the sake of reading something.

LINDSAY: Right. After I read I like to journal or scribe. For our kids we've kind of adapted the scribing piece to just be anything creative, so they will draw, paint, play with play dough, make up a skit, or create an obstacle course. That one's really wide open for them. If you play music, if you do something creative, or you like to paint, have that be your journaling time. There's no rules.

ALLIE: Yeah, I like that. As a parent, you're encouraging them to be their own person. Not everybody likes to journal. Sometimes I find that it stresses people out a little bit to feel the need to journal. But yeah, it can be anything. Paint or draw something. Yeah, I love that. Especially for little kids. I think it's so expressive for them and what a great way for them to start their day.

LINDSAY: Affirmations. You know, a lot of people get hung up on affirmations, especially adults, because they feel like they're lying to themselves. So Hal has this formula of how to create an affirmation so you don't feel like you're lying to yourself. It's really important, the words that you use to put it in the “I am” form – “I am willing to” or “I'm capable of.” You can put these “starter” words in there so you don't feel like you're lying to yourself because if you're dirt poor right now and you're like, “I'm a money magnet…”

ALLIE: And I think it’s about changing it to be positive because so often our story, whether conscious or subconscious is negative and focusing on what's going wrong. I got over that for myself and I would just do typical affirmations that weren't really true right now, but I was visualizing that happening for me. And so, I was okay with it. But I know a lot of people are like, “I just feel so weird. It's not doing what it's supposed to do.” Changing it to be positive.

I don’t know where I read this, but somebody once said I am the type of person who (just changing mindset about yourself) who makes healthy food choices or whatever it is. I really liked that kind of stuff.

LINDSAY: Yeah. Actually, my coach just taught me another way to do it too. Instead of saying “I'm interested in being a great mom,” instead say, “I'm interested in being the type of mom that is always there for their kids to celebrate their wins and that they can come to me with any challenge that they have.”

ALLIE: Yeah. And that's more specific and helpful. I love that. So are there any S.A.V.E.R.S. left?

LINDSAY: Visualization. Personally, I love vision boards so I have a whole big section in the book about how to create your own vision board. For me there's not a lot of material things on my personal vision board. It's more about what you said, like the affirmations, who I want to be as a person, not the material things that I want.

ALLIE: Yeah, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I think the point of the visualization part is that our minds are so powerful and what we think about we tend to get, and so let's use that even just for five minutes a day. What kind of person do I want to become? What kind of kids do I want to raise? What kind of marriage do I want to have? What legacy do I want to leave behind? Just focusing on that.

When you start every day, really thinking about that every day doing that, that's going to have some kind of positive effect. That's really powerful.

LINDSAY: Totally. Because then you're not just on autopilot like, “Oh my gosh, here's my to do list. I have a million things to do.” It's like, “No, what am I really trying to create in this life?”

ALLIE: I think too, it can help those mundane day-to-day things fall underneath this umbrella of is this aligning with where I want to go? Does this really matter? It can help the little things like being late to baseball practice, or missing it altogether one practice a week or something like that. It's okay because in the end this is what I'm trying to go for and meeting all of these check marks on my list doesn't really matter in the long run. It's kind of a graceful relief from the stress of the day.

LINDSAY: The last one was just exercise. I save that one for last. Some people like to do that first thing in the morning to get their blood pumping. There's a million ways you could exercise. I like to try to include our kids in our exercise portion because by that time they're usually awake. We just do the 7 Minute App. That's another thing - it doesn't have to be this huge long workout, especially first thing in the morning. I look at it as the goal is just to get our heart rates up, to get our blood pumping to start releasing those endorphins.

ALLIE: Yeah. You're not doing like P90X or anything.

LINDSAY: Especially with the kids, no.

ALLIE: And again that's such a relief to think like that. Because when I first was reading The (original) Miracle Morning and going over the S.A.V.E.R.S. thing, I was thinking (because I hadn't read the rest of it) “What the heck? This is going to be five hours.” Because I'm so all or nothing, I think exercise is a two-mile run, weights, squats. But it can just be a five-minute yoga video or just taking a walk. So yeah, I love that. It's very freeing to let go of those expectations that we often have in ourselves and just say, “Well I could just do seven minutes of something to just get my heart rate up and just get my endorphins flowing and to start the day off positive in this physical way.” It's so much less than “I’ve got to meet my weight goals” and stressing yourself out.

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Do you feel like you are barely getting through your days friend? Does motherhood feel more like a hurricane of chaos that you are just surviving rather than the awesome, joy-filled season that you want it to be?

Well, motherhood is hard. I am not going to lie to you about that. While it is servitude and giving to your family from yourself, it doesn’t have to be something that we are waiting to be over.  Something that we are counting down the minutes till naptime, or bedtime, or waiting for the next day to start. If you are wanting to sort through the clutter in your mind, your heart, your home calendar, your health, routines, and relationships, I created Unburdened just for you!

It is a guide that will help you go from drowning in the sea of stress and overwhelm, to owning your time and living the best version of your motherhood. So you can live abundantly while intentionally focusing on those who matter most.

Unburdened is the overwhelmed beginner’s guide to a simpler motherhood.

In Unburdened, I will walk you through how to stop over-complicating, procrastinating, and just start making positive changes now. How to declutter, just a little bit – not super deep into it, because you can’t handle that when you are this overwhelmed – but a surface declutter that will get you real results in your house so you can clean up less.

How to declutter toxic relationships in your life and set some good boundaries. How to simplify cleaning, get healthy and feel better – finally!

How to simplify your calendar. How to start owning your time and not just managing it as life happens to you.

How to stop just setting goals and letting them sit there. Start actually defining where you want to go and getting there through reverse engineering and goal-setting.

How to create a cleaning routine that works for you and your life.

This course is a mini-course. It is small. It is straightforward. But it is everything for the mom who feels like she needs a total overhaul, but is too overwhelmed to start.

It will help you simplify the things that have you stuck and leave survival mode behind for good.

Is this resonating with you? Sound like you? Does this sound like something that would really help you right now? Go to bit.ly/getunburdened.

I really poured my heart into this little course. I created it for the mom who is really wanting to simplify, declutter, and pursue a life of less, but she is so burdened and overwhelmed with the mess of life. It’s not just her house. She wants to simplify at the surface of all the different things in her life so she can focus on her family more. So then she can focus more on really, truly purging her entire house.

If this sounds like you, I encourage you to check it out. You are probably the person I created it for. I want you in there. I want it to help you.

Check it out.  bit.ly/getunburdened

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ALLIE: I disliked getting this question because the days are different in our house and even the mornings are different and the order is different, but typically what does it look like for you? What time are you waking up? What part of the S.A.V.E.R.S. do you do by yourself and what part of it are the kids doing? How do you get them to do it separately? What does it look like in your house?

LINDSAY: Right. My kids are 9 and 5, just so people are clear. Tyler, our 9-year-old is very independent. He has a little checklist of C.H.A.R.M.S. tracker that you can actually download online. It's a miraclemorning.com/parents and you can get a free tracker. We've laminated ours, so then he just uses a dry erase marker and he wipes it clean at the beginning of each week to start over. So, he's fully independent on his at 9. We have been doing this for three years now, so he understands these are the things we do in the morning.

Our 5-year-old, on the other hand, she still needs a little encouragement and help with hers. She's great on creativity. We have a little section in our kitchen that's their craft area. There's little drawers with all the stuff that they might need or want for that.

So typically, when she gets up in the morning, she'll come into my room. I'm usually still in bed actually. I wake up at 6:45, and I start my miracle morning in bed. I meditate in bed. I read in bed and I'll start to journal. Then when she comes in, that's when we go downstairs. I'll bring my journal with us and then we might start with story time. If she's super hungry, I'll make her breakfast or she might start with creativity while I finish up my journaling. Then we all eat breakfast together.  

So something I didn't say, too, is the kids actually have a different acronym, so theirs is slightly different. For adults it’s S.A.V.E.R.S. But for kids it's C.H.A.R.M.S., which stands for creativity, health, affirmations, reading, meditation and service.

She'll be doing creativity while I'm journaling and then we all exercise together after breakfast. It might be a dance party in the kitchen, it might be Simon says, it might be a 7-minute app, it might be cosmic kids yoga, it runs the gamut. If it's nice outside, I might just send them outside to exercise and I'll exercise later on my own. We have a big swing set in the backyard and they'll go play swings. So like I said, it isn't really a typical morning.

ALLIE: I totally understand. Yeah. But I mean it's kinda like one of those things where you have a guideline in your head of like, this would be great, but we're flexible. More often than not, for me at least, it doesn't go that way. My morning is pretty much the same every morning. But once the kids wake up, sometimes we'll have morning like that and other times we need to get homeschooling done because we got to go.

But yeah, I like that you're so flexible. It's inspiring and kind of discouraging at the same time when somebody comes here and they're like, oh, this is exactly what…

LINDSAY: Give me the formula.  

ALLIE: So yeah, it's encouraging.

LINDSAY: And were homeschoolers too. So, I kind of follow this thing of structure plus flexibility. And I think that’s why I attached so strongly to The Miracle Morning because the S.A.V.E.R.S. and the C.H.A.R.M.S., they're just these loose frameworks. But then you get to make it your own.

ALLIE: Yeah, absolutely. And I love in The Miracle Morning community how people will totally change it and they step outside of the S.A.V.E.R.S. exact thing. Hal Elrod even says it's not supposed to be this terrible rigid thing that makes your mornings awful. It's supposed to be helpful.

I remember seeing one woman that said, “I actually find that I do really well getting some work done in the morning so that I'm not worried about it.” I used to do that because I had to, but it makes me not want to wake up. And I love how you say that the way to get up in the morning is to want to do the thing that you're going to get up for and set yourself up for that success.

Go to bed thinking I'm going to get up at 6:00 and I'm going to do a meditation and it really works. And so, when I stopped getting stuff done, let that be on my task list for the day, focused on self-care in the morning and doing the S.A.V.E.R.S. stuff, it totally changed. I started to wake up at 5:00 and I was totally good and ready to jump out of bed ready to go. And that's very unlike me. So, I love that you can make it your own.

And speaking of that, that was another thing I wanted to cover because not everybody has read the book and I'll link to it so hopefully they will. But can you talk to us about people who maybe they work and they want to get this stuff done before they go to work and they have to get up really early and right now they are a night owl. What would you say about getting up early and how to make that happen for yourself?

LINDSAY: Yeah. I would say start small and just wake up 10 minutes earlier tomorrow and implement whichever of the S.A.V.E.R.S. you're most attracted to. Start with that one.

And then the next week wake up 20 minutes earlier and add two of them. I think once people get into the rhythm they start to see some changes in their life, like “Wow! Meditation is really powerful. I had no idea.” or “I actually loved journaling and I didn't know that.” When you start to see these little changes in your life, you'll want to do more and you'll want to wake up earlier. And so that's my advice is just start small and start with the one that you liked the most.

ALLIE: Yeah, that makes sense, especially with what we were just talking about to make you want to get up.

So my last question for you is do you notice anything different about your kids and your family dynamic from having this intentional time in the morning, most mornings?

LINDSAY: Yeah. I think the biggest change that I've seen in our household is the conversations that we have in the morning. It used to be “Where are your shoes? Why are we so late? Hurry up!” But now it's calm in the morning and the questions are different. It's, “Hey, what did you do for creativity today? Hey, is that a healthy choice? What can we affirm in your sister that you see or yourself? How can we encourage those behaviors?” My favorite question is “What did you do for service today?”

ALLIE: So what does that look like? What is the service?

LINDSAY: Basically, we wanted to instill in our kids that it's not all about you. We are here on this earth to help other people. So we have built that into their miracle morning.  A lot of times it looks like chores, but in our family we've reworded it to call them “family contributions,” which I think Amy McCready first coined that term.

So it's like, how can you contribute to the family today? Hey, let's look outside of our house. How can you contribute at your homeschool program today? How can you contribute to the community? Wherever you're going, how can you be of service there?

And it just kind of gets their wheels turning and you're like, “Oh right. It's not all about me.”

ALLIE: Yeah. I really liked that because it's so easy. It's just so easy for us as adults to divide and get caught up in our own calendar and to do list. You have your boundaries and you protect your time and your own stuff and it's easy to get sucked up in just that and forget we're here to serve. We're here to help and be a light and lend a hand when it's needed. I see it in my kids, because kids just naturally are self-centered, that's how we are. And so, you have to kind of like, “Okay, I see that you're very concerned about your horse lesson this week because you're planning your whole week around it, but we have other things going on. There’s other people in the house.” So it's funny to see to see that and not punish it, but just how can I redirect it? How can I show you that there's other things too? Let's be servants in this life. I love that.

I think for me the miracle morning stuff, and the C.H.A.R.M.S., I love that whole idea. I think it's about taking these big things that we want to end up being when all is said and done and breaking them down in a tiny bite size pieces that happen every single day, which is how you end up with this life aligned with your intent. Instead of saying, “Oh, when I'm 80, I want to have a close relationship with my kids. I still want to be married to my husband.” I want all these big goals, but we do nothing towards them. So yeah, I love that.

Thank you so much for spending time talking with us about this. I am sure that this episode is going to bring a lot of questions, more questions about morning stuff, so I will send everybody to your book. We'll link to it in the show notes and do you have anywhere that you want to send people to find more about you or social media or anything?

Yeah, well I have a Facebook group. It's the same name as the book, The Miracle Morning For Parents And Families. I'm literally in there every single day, so it's probably the best place. We have a website too called gratefulparent.com and there's a bunch of resources on there like books that we love, coaches we've worked with in the past, or friends.

ALLIE: Awesome. I love that. You were really inspiring and it was really helpful and tactical advice. People like that and they're gonna want to find more about you.

Thank you so much. This was great. We'll link to everything in show notes for you guys.

Thank you, Lindsey, so much for your time and we will talk to you maybe again someday.


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This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Bonus 004: How I Planned + Organized Our Homeschool This Year

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Our homeschool year has officially started! Since it is the beginning of the school year, I wanted to share this bonus episode to help any of your homeschoolers who are trying to figure it out. Maybe this is your first year; maybe it's not, and this will still help you. But I have been really wanting to share a couple of things about how I'm organizing our homeschool year this year because a couple of the things are new and they seem to be really helping me so far.

Over the last few months, I have been figuring out how to make my homeschool work better and more streamlined, more fun, and more enjoyable. I am excited to share all kinds of things with you in this episode! From the homeschool schedule we built to the curriculum we are using, and tips on how to make your homeschool schedule feel lighter so you and your kids can breathe a bit. I'm really excited about what our homeschool year looks like this year and really hope this helps you get excited about yours too!

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • Why she is trying year-round schooling and how she hopes it will help her overall family schedule.

  • The platforms and curriculum she uses to plan out and facilitate homeschool.

  • What a typical homeschool day looks like for her kids.

  • How rotating a few subjects each day creates breathing room in the school load and routine.

Mentioned in this Episode:

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If you feel like your house is just always out of control, it's totally crazy and you'd love to take some of the advice I give here on The Purpose Show, and my blog, but you just kind of feel like you're so frozen and overwhelmed, you can't even. I created a new challenge. It's called the 10:10 challenge. It's super, super simplified (and totally FREE by the way!). 

This is designed for the really overwhelmed mom who wants to kickstart her house and build some momentum, because as I always talk about - momentum is where it's at to making progress, actually taking action, and having that longevity of action that's going to change your life in the long run.

So the 10:10 challenge. This whole thing is 10 minutes a day every day for 10 days. It’s going to build a happier mom and a happier home for your family! 


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.

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Hey friend! Oh my gosh, I am so drained. It's 9:00 at night right now. I did a webinar today. We had a full day of homeschooling. I recorded three other podcast episodes today. I'm super tapped out. Brian is too. The kids are in bed but they're not all asleep yet and Brian's like, “I'm just going to put my headphones in and listen to a podcast because I'm so done.” He's inside folding a load of laundry for me and we're both just super tapped out.

But I'm out here in my office/studio recording this little bonus episode for you because I've just really wanted to share this with you since it’s the beginning of the school year and get this out to you to help any of you homeschoolers who are trying to figure it out

Maybe this is your first year; maybe it's not, and this will still help you. But I have been really wanting to share a couple of things about how I'm organizing our homeschool year this year because a couple of the things are new and they seem to be really helping me so far. I'm really excited about them

I think the podcast, in this way, is a lot like a blog and I like to share whatever I'm learning, whatever I'm doing right now. That will change and evolve as I do and as life goes on. Right now, I'm figuring out how to make my homeschool work better and be more streamlined, more fun and enjoyable, and I think I've made a couple of changes this year versus last year that are going to accomplish that. So, I'm going to share them with you

I'm going to go over all kinds of things. I'm going to go over the homeschool schedule we're on this year, which is different than usual. I'm going to share a couple of changes that I've made to the way we're formatting our year.

I'm going to show you a picture of the online program that I use to organize our homeschool, and kind of use it as our homeschool schedule. It's called Trello and it's a free platform. I've talked about it quite a bit. I also have a blog post and a video tutorial where I show you how to use it to organize your life and I can link to that in the show notes of this episode for you.

I'm gonna show you a picture of our homeschool board and kind of talk you through it. And then I'm going to talk about the curricula that we're using and share our schedule, kind of like a typical homeschool day for us this new year.

We have already started our year. We pulled out a couple of things a little bit early because it was like 120 degrees here in southern California in the summer and the kids were just getting super antsy. Too much technology. They weren't able to play outside. And so, we pulled out some things and created a little bit of routine and order early. So, our new school year has officially started for us.

We actually homeschool through a charter school and they don't start quite yet. They have another week, but we have started officially. We've been going strong and doing good so I'm ready to share what we're doing.

One new thing that we're trying this year is hopefully going to help us with our year- round scheduling. So far, we've really been fans of the year-round school schedule. Year-round schooling can look a lot of different ways. But basically, you don't start and end when everyone else does. This year we are starting when most schools do. But we're going to school through the summer and we'll be wrapping up our last semester when everyone else is on summer break just because we keep finding that we want to do school in the summer at least a little bit.

So, if we're wrapping up a couple of the core subjects and we could have a little bit of a lighter schedule in July, I think it will actually really help my kids because like I said, it's really hot. They can't really go outside. They can't swim all day, every day. When they play games and we let them have a video game summer, it’s all fine until it's been too much and they're freaking out and their moods are terrible.

So I think that having some time in the summer to do a little bit of school will be really helpful for everybody and keep us structured. I can honestly say that parts of the summer were pretty miserable because we lacked routine completely. So, I'm definitely wanting to really follow the year round schedule this year. We kind of did last year but it was just really lax and we didn't totally do school over the summer even though we probably should have. So this year I'm planning to really stick with it.

We're trying a schedule that I actually saw online on a different blog. I think it's pretty common. It's six weeks on with school and then one week off and you stay in that pattern. I actually found it last year before we started last year, but I just wasn't sure. I didn't commit and I didn't do it.

I'm going to do it this year because I noticed that we seem to desire a lot of breaks. As a family, we travel a lot. That's one of the biggest perks for us of homeschooling and owning our own business, that we can do things, have family trips, and take breaks whenever we want, not when we're told to. And I think that six weeks on/one week off will also help with the burnout that typically comes around the month of February. I think that would help to have a lot of breaks coming up, knowing we've always got a break around the corner, and we can plan little family vacations, trips, and things like that.

We've got friends and family sprinkled all over the country and we would love to go and visit them and six weeks on/one week off gives us plenty of opportunities to do that. So I'm really excited to try that schedule out this year.

I don't remember exactly how it breaks down, but basically instead of our school year ending in May or June, it would end in July. And then we'd be ready to start up again in September. You can do whatever you want. A lot of people their new school year starts in January and it goes until December and they have a lot of breaks within that. You can make it work however you want.

But for us, we’re starting our year at the same time as everyone else does and we're just not really taking the full summer off because it doesn't seem to serve our kids very well. I hope that makes sense. So, six weeks of school and then one week off.

And then we're also doing the same thing that we did last year, which is four school days per week instead of five. Monday through Thursday is our normal full school days and then Friday is a really light day for reviewing anything that was difficult for anyone that week. And also to give us a little wiggle room to catch up. So if we maybe didn't get to finish all of our history that week, we can finish it on Friday. It's just nice to have some cushion.

That's also what I like about the six weeks on/one week off schedule is that it ends up giving you a decent cushion. So if you guys get sick or you just need to have a big break that was unplanned, you have the wiggle room to do that. And I feel like the four school days per week schedule gives us that wiggle room as well.

Friday mornings are the mornings that I always have all my team meetings. So I'm usually in meetings from about 8:00 a.m. to 10:30 or 11:00 a.m. So Brian can go over and review anything that the kids need to be reviewed or catch up on anything that didn't get finished. I can come in if he needs me to and help after my meetings. But pretty much the rest of Friday after my meetings are done are open and we can do whatever we want to do and our weekend starts early, which is great.

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If you feel like your house is just always out of control, it's totally crazy and you'd love to take some of the advice I give here on The Purpose Show, and my blog, but you just kind of feel like you're so frozen and overwhelmed, you can't even. I created a new challenge. It's called the 10:10 challenge. It's super, super simplified.

It's email based so you can open the emails and take it at your own pace. And even the emails are a few sentences. It's really, really simplified.

This is designed for the really overwhelmed mom who wants to kickstart her house and build some momentum, because as I always talk about - momentum is where it's at to making progress, actually taking action, and having that longevity of action that's going to change your life in the long run.

So the 10:10 challenge. This whole thing is 10 minutes a day every day for 10 days.

It’s going to build a happier mom and a happier home for your family.

To take this challenge, (it's totally free by the way) go to alliecasazza.com/1010.

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Another thing that we're trying is we're rotating History and Science to create more breathing room in each school day. We find that it's really hard to get everything done each day without school taking forever. And Science and History are two things that are time consuming for the curricula that we use, which I'll share in a second.

History takes about 90 minutes most days, sometimes just an hour. And then Science is pretty much the same. There's a lot of hands-on stuff, a lot of experiments and really taking time to explain everything to the kids and answer their questions. And when we're doing that every day for both subjects, or even just a couple times a week for both subjects, it just becomes too much. And then the kids get antsy and the day is too long.  It's just not how we roll. So, we're rotating History and Science.

So, what that means is instead of doing History a couple times a week and Science a couple times a week and trying to squeeze those both in, or I think it ended up being a few times a week that it was needed. So, at some point they both landed on the same day and that day was always really stressful. So instead we're doing a few rounds of the six weeks on/one week off school schedule and we're just focusing on History and just busting out that curriculum. Getting through the whole year's worth curriculum because we're doing it all four school days.

And then when we're done and we go into the second round of six weeks on/one week off, we're gonna focus on Science and do Science four school days a week and then be totally done with Science. So, we're going to try that out. I'm not sure if we'll like it or not, but I'll keep you posted and we'll see how that goes. I know quite a few people who do that and they've said good things about it. So, we'll see.

So basically, we're working on every core subject, every full school day of the week. And the kids have signed up for a couple of elective classes through the homeschool campus that we have, so they actually go to a homeschool campus in our town. And actually, it's perfect. I didn't even do this on purpose. It just worked out that way. I wish I was this savvy. Hudson goes to piano, the same location, the same day and the same time as Bella and Leland go to Spanish. So, on Mondays at 1:00 we will just all go to the homeschool campus. Emmett can run around and play at the park. For an hour Hudson's in piano and the older two kids are taking Spanish. That's something that they're learning that we're not having to teach them. It kind of breaks up the week and it's electives that I feel are going to be really, really good for them.

I'll show you a picture of our homeschool board. I use a platform called Trello. Trello is free and it's an online platform. It's also an APP. We use it in my business, my team and I use it for communication to keep up on different projects. You can share Trello boards with different team members. So, the homeschool schedule board is shared between Brian and I.

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I'll link to the video tutorial I've made for this and the blog posts that I wrote about how I use Trello for everything and all that good stuff. But basically, if you go to the show notes for this episode, which I will link to (alliecasazza.com/shownotes/bonus04) you'll be able to see a screenshot of my homeschool Trello board with our schedule on it.

Basically, what I've done is I've decided to ditch the paper homeschool planner. I just found it really irritating, and time consuming too, to have to fill out each student's name, the subject, what we're going to be doing that week over and over again every single week, for every kid. It was just really time consuming. It didn't seem worth it to me.

So with Trello and the way I've laid out our schedule to where we're doing all the core subjects every school day, it's pretty cut and dry. It really, really simplified me looking at like, “Okay, what are we supposed to do today?” Now we do all the core subjects every day and I just look at the Trello board and see like what are we supposed to do next?

Instead of spending time organizing on paper what everyone's doing every week, I spent time really, really thinking through what is going to be the best format for our day. Now we've been homeschooling for a while, and last year we did it. The kids are a little older so I was able to get familiar with what's working and what's not working and I noticed if we started with something that's really interactive and makes everybody feel positively or there's really no wrong answers and everyone can just kind of talk and be involved, then that would be really good.

So, we do our Bible lesson while we have breakfast. Then everybody cleans up and does their chores and gets ready for the day. So chores are out of the way. The house is clean. Everybody's ready, everyone's fed. We started with Bible which puts everybody in a good mood. Then school starts around 9:00 and then we go into History, which is similar to Bible in the way that it's really like a conversation. They call it a “couch subject.” So everybody does History together at the same time. There's no grade differences for History with our curriculum, and again, I'll share all that with you in a second. So we all sit on the couch and just go through our History lesson. Then the kids go to the table and they do any of the worksheets that go with the lesson for that day and it's just a really good start to our day.

And then we do a split-up time and that's with Math and Reading. So, what that means is Bella and Leland are actually doing the same math even though they are two years apart. Bellah is in fourth grade and she's actually doing third grade Math because that's just where she's at. And Leland is doing a year ahead. He's advanced in Math. So that worked out to where they're doing the same Math and it's much simpler.

So, Bella and Leland do Math together and Hudson sits and has this quiet reading time for 30 minutes. And then we switch. The older kids go and they have their reading time and I sit and do Math with Hudson. Then we do read aloud time. Then we have lunch, clean up, and then we do another split up session with Language Arts and Handwriting.

So same thing. I do Language Arts with Hudson; Bella and Leland work on their Handwriting books, and then we switch. Hudson does Handwriting and I do Language Arts with Bella and Leland. Bella and Leland are in different Language Arts, but they are more independent workers so I can help and oversee them both at the same time. Bella's doing her fourth grade one and Leland's doing his second grade one.

Next, we do Vocabulary. I just help Hudson. The older kids don't really need help with that. And then at the end of the day, if we have time and everything's going well, we'll do Music and Art practice.

The boys are musical and Bella's artistic, so Bella will do an Art lesson or just have free draw time, free painting, whatever, and the boys will practice piano and guitar. Sometimes we don't do that though, and that's okay. I don't require them to do it every single day, but usually they do it.

That's Monday through Thursday. Friday is a lighter day and we'll just have review in the morning or catch up on anything that we didn't get done in the morning. And then they're done and our weekend feels like three days, which is awesome.

And then I've also used the labels that come with Trello to mark, like what's a core subject, what's a group subject that we can all do together, what needs to be done individually, what are their electives to keep everything really organized. It's really, really helpful to have a clean, simplified area where I can see this all in one place. I love Trello for that. And because I do use it for my business, I'm really used to it.

And then what I do is I use Trello in place of a paper planner for what everyone is doing every day. I just put a post-it note on the lesson that we're on in their curriculum books. I open it up to that day and we do the next lesson. And when we're done I write in a normal, basic journal that I got from Target, and every day I would put the date at the top and then I put Bella, LA for Language Arts, Lesson 31, and just keep track of what we did get done.

That helps me with the school records and it just helps me know what are we behind on and what we need to do still. And also in the thick of it, in that day, sometimes I'll forget what we actually did and what we still have left to do, so I can look at that and know.

But it's better and less time consuming than me sitting down once a week and planning ahead and going over every day - “Okay, this Tuesday we're going to do Lesson 29…” Then what if something changes? What if we don't do it? Then I have to erase and the whole plan is shot, so I find that this just works better for me.

The curriculum that we're using is called The Good and the Beautiful. We used it last year. So far it is the only homeschool curriculum that we have reused. I've always wanted to try something else after I have purchased something but not with this. It's beautiful. Very, very image heavy, which my kids really love. I absolutely love it.

It's definitely a Christian curriculum so if that doesn't float your boat this won't be for you. But it’s not in an annoying way and I mean that in the best way possible. I just really, really like it.

And then for Math we're actually using Saxon this year and so far I like it.

So yeah, that's pretty much it. That's how I've organized our homeschool year this year. If you're not a homeschooler, I don't even know why you listened because it's a super snooze fest and it's kinda boring anyway, so thanks for listening if you got to this point.

Again, if you want the links to anything that I shared and all the Trello stuff, just go to alliecasazza.com/shownotes/bonus04 and you'll get it all there.


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This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 066: How To Raise Minimalist Kids

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Minimalist kids are kids who are content. Kids who know how to play, kids who know how to talk and have relationships. They’re not glued to screens all day. They spend a lot of time playing outside using their  imaginations, conversing with their friends or siblings if they have them. And honestly, they enjoy more of a 1970’s sort of childhood than a 2018 one. If we are going to choose to live a minimalist lifestyle, then we are raising our kids to do the same. That means we are shaping the next generation and how amazing is it that we have a chance to break the over-consumeristic cycle? I love that I get to do that for my kids and hope that you find encouragement to do the same from this episode!

 
 

In This Episode, Allie Discusses:

  • Why your kids will naturally adapt to what becomes normal and how you can create a new normal of minimalism for them.

  • How to avoid becoming super legalistic about minimalism, especially when it comes to your kids.

  • The positive impact and benefits that boredom can have on your kids.

  • The value of investing in things that bring your kids together and how it benefits them and your family.

Mentioned in this Episode:

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Hey friend! I'm so excited to tell you about my upcoming free online class: 3 Weeks To Minimalist Motherhood.

In this class, you are going to learn the secret to not living your life in a state of constant overwhelm. It's minimalism and it's going to have you cleaning, yelling, stressing, and nagging a whole lot less. I'm also going to show you how you can take a bite out of this secret process and start right away.

We're going to go over the three biggest time and energy sucking areas of your home and I'm going to show you how to get started in those areas – Now!

In 3 weeks, you will have a much more minimal motherhood and you'll be feeling a lot lighter.

I'm also going to give you an exclusive discount on my course, Your Uncluttered Home, and show you the next step after you get started so you can go all the way and change your home and your life for good.


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is                   The Purpose Show.

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Hey, beautiful friends! Welcome to another episode of The Purpose Show! Whether you’re brand new here or you're an old buddy of mine who's been listening since day one, I want you to know that I don't think you're here on accident. I really do believe you're here for a reason and I'm so glad that you are! Welcome to my show!

Today's episode is all about how to raise minimalist kids. This topic, this piece of the topic of the minimalist lifestyle, I think is my favorite just because it's so important. It's a part of the future. It's such a big deal that we're raising kids, that we’re shaping the next generation. Man, how amazing is it that we have a chance to break the over-consumeristic cycle? (I don't even know if consumeristic as a word, but it is now because I said it was. This is my show. I say what I want!)

Anyway, how to raise minimalist kids. There's a lot that goes into this, so I'll probably end up doing like a Part 2 and maybe even 3 to this episode at some point just because it's a lot. I have a feeling that this topic is something that you're going to see on a somewhat regular basis on the show. Like I said, there's just a lot that goes into it. I'm kind of always learning and things change and shift and different topics and questions come up. So, let’s just start here.

I'm going to get into a few of the biggest things that go into raising minimalist kids. What I mean by minimalist kids is kids who are content. Kids who know how to play, kids who know how to talk and have relationships. They're not glued to screens all day. They spend a lot of time playing outside using their imaginations, conversing with their friends or siblings if they have them. They enjoy more of a 1970’s sort of childhood than a 2018 one.

So okay, let's get into raising minimalist kids. The first thing I want you to know about doing this is that your kids are going to adapt to what becomes your normal. So, I know when you have your normal, your family is the way they are, your home is the way it is, you guys kind of live the way that you're living and you're focused on the things are normally focused on, it can feel really daunting to change that and your kids can push back. It’s human nature to push against any change, even if it's positive change. Human beings just resist change in general by nature. It's so true.

But if you adapt your normal and you just kind of stay consistent, practice what you preach and you're making it your new normal, your kids are going to adapt eventually. That’s not to say that we want to force them into anything or make things miserable and just kinda say, “Suck it up. This is your life now.”

But if we're just patient and calm and consistent with these positive changes we're bringing into our family, they're are going to adapt and that's going to become normal one day. You got to your current normal, you know at some point. So, we're going to just switch up and people will adapt.

If you make changes and you stick with it and like I said, you're consistent, your kids are going to see that this is the way things are day in and day out, and over time it's going to become their normal too.

So, don't stress out if it feels like there isn't too much for kids to do or if during the initial lifestyle shift they're kind of whiny and they just kind of seem to not know what to do with themselves. That's totally normal and it will go away, I promise. But you've got to stay consistent and you've gotta make this a positive thing. Don't make it feel like a punishment.

You should just gradually shift into the minimalist lifestyle. Start to limit things. Things that you buy. Talk with your kids. Why aren't you buying that toy? Why aren't you going to go and get this expensive thing? Why aren't you spending money the same way you were before? Why are you purging your home of clutter? Let them be a part of the process.

This is why I always, always, always preach to you guys to make your kids a part of the process when you are decluttering their toys. If they're super small, it might not be doable and it probably wouldn't even do anything. But other than that, once they hit age 3, make them a part of it. Even if you don't think they understand, explain to them what you're doing and why. Let them see the good they're doing by donating things they're not using anymore to kids who are more in need than they are.

Make them a part of the process. Make them a part of your process. Tell them you want they’re help as mommy clears out her wardrobe. Make them a part of the process. Make this your new normal. Talk to them. Be normal about it, and it is going to be their normal too.

The next thing I want to say is stop making things the center of your kids' world. So, kids naturally gravitate to toys and new things just like any other human. Think about it. We do this too. It's not just with toys. They are kids; we are adults and it's the same thing. We do it all the time.

You might maybe be out and see a black blouse and you’re just so drawn to this blouse. It's beautiful. You have to have it. You buy it and you get it home and you realize I actually already have this blouse. It's just from a different store. But that one was amazing to you and you kind of forgot about the other one because it's new.

So as human beings we just naturally gravitate towards shiny new things and we're greedy. We want things. There's nothing wrong with that and you shouldn't make your kids feel like there's anything wrong with that, but it's just kind of raising them up in a way that just shows them there's a better way than this.

So just realize it's okay that your kids are naturally gravitating to toys and new things. That will change as they grow and mature and as you make this the normal like we talked about. And just so you guys know, my kids, they are drawn to things just like we are. I mean it's just not the norm to get them. It's not normal to, “Sure! You can buy that. Sure, we’ll order this on Amazon.” It's just not normal.

We question things. And my kids will say things like, “Man, I really love that black horse that I saw at Target but I just really don't need that toy because I already have a black horse and I already have a lot of other horses.” They're learning to appreciate that something is cool and not necessarily need to have it or make a goal to get it.

And speaking of Amazon, my kids, one of the things that they love to do more than anything is to go on my phone and look on the Amazon App for the next Minecraft toy or whatever they're into currently that they're gonna save their money for and buy with the money they earn. I don't discourage them from thinking about things.

To me, and this might be an offensive example, but I'm going to go here anyway. To me, that's kind of the equivalent of being legalistic about your faith and kind of forcing rules down your kids’ throat. What happens when parents do that. Remember when we did the interview with the author of Why I Didn’t Rebel? They go the other way. They rebel. They push against it eventually because it's legalistic and it's just a bunch of rules that they don't understand.

And so, if we do that with minimalism and kind of take on that legalistic approach of, “Oh, we're not going to look on Amazon for toys. No way! We're not even going to talk about toys. You don't need anything. You shouldn't be focused on things,” it just kind of pushes them away. It doesn't make any sense.

We’re human beings. Everybody likes new things. It's okay. It's just a matter of asking why. Why is this worth my space? Why am I going to pursue this thing? Showing your kids that and not expecting them to get it down perfectly when they're little kids. It's just that you're raising them in this lifestyle and teaching them like you do other things to question what takes up their space.

The point is that things are not the heart of our physical space. Your home is minimal. You're showing them that that's not what you use your space for, and you're showing them that experiences are better than things by setting that example. But also not discouraging them from being normal people and wanting to think about things.

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Hey friend! I'm so excited to tell you about my upcoming free online class: 3 Weeks To Minimalist Motherhood.

In this class, you are going to learn the secret to not living your life in a state of constant overwhelm. It's minimalism and it's going to have you cleaning, yelling, stressing, and nagging a whole lot less. I'm also going to show you how you can take a bite out of this secret process and start right away.

We're going to go over the three biggest time and energy sucking areas of your home and I'm going to show you how to get started in those areas – Now!

In 3 weeks, you will have a much more minimal motherhood and you'll be feeling a lot lighter.

I'm also going to give you an exclusive discount on my course, Your Uncluttered Home, and show you the next step after you get started so you can go all the way and change your home and your life for good.

These online classes are always in serious demand and they don't come around too often, so I want you to snag a spot. Make sure you get one and sign up.

You can go to alliecasazza.com/freeclass. It's totally free!

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The next thing I want to say about raising minimalist kids is that you don't have to go way against the grain with this if you don't want to. To the point where you're weird and you never allow things to take up space at all and your kids are getting the vibe that “toys are forbidden.” You'll just get the opposite of what you're going for, like we just talked about.

In my opinion, just relax. Live a minimal life yourself. Listen to your kids when they talk about toys they saw or want. You're there for them. Encourage them to earn and save their own money and understand the value of a dollar. You get them toys they truly want for birthdays and holidays and you just live your life. You don't obsess over forcing them to become minimalist adults who don't ever think about toys or things. You know, they’re kids. You're still the parent. You're still setting that tone and putting boundaries in your home, just not in a pushy way.

Also invest in things that bring them outside and together. This is kind of like the rule of thumb for us. We do spend money on our kids and for our kids to have things to play with, but it's things that bring them, like I said, outside or together.

This includes technology and toys. The Nintendo Switch is something that brings them all together. Brian and I went back and forth for a year about whether or not to get the kids the Nintendo Switch system. We had the old school Super Nintendo, and we really liked that, but it was starting to break and just get kind of glitchy and weird. We found that you could get all the old games on The Switch, and the new games, and my kids just really liked playing video games together. They rarely argue and bicker when they're playing video games. It's just something that brings them together. And Brian and I actually liked to play with them too on game night. So that was a positive thing.

We were just worried that it would be a burden to limit the time they spend on there, but we decided, you know what? No, we're the parents. We can enforce these time boundaries as it kind of feels good to us. The Switch is something that brings them all together, so we're going to get it for them.

My kids' birthdays are all pretty close together and so we got it as a family gift for one of the birthdays and it's been great. Totally brings them together. They play with it together. They love playing together. Actually, I don't think they ever play like one person at a time. They only play games you can play together or they take turns really well. It's just the way that they are. If they ever do bicker, we turn it off and it's put away for a day or two, maybe even longer. They know that and I think that helps.

And of course, this includes some toys. Toys that bring your kids outside – great! That's a good investment. Get them outside more.

Toys that your kids can play with together, that’s great too. Board games, laser tag, Lego's, “team toys.” These are the things that are a good investment. If you're going to get gifts, if you're going to spend money on your kids, these are the types of things that Brian and I have chosen to say like, “Yes, we're going to get these types of things.”

And I also think that realizing that boredom is actually really good for your kids is huge.

A lot of moms message me things like “I'm trying to just limit toys and we've gotten rid of so much and my kids are getting on board. This whole week is our first week and they've just been like, I'm bored. I'm bored.” That's good. I would encourage you, I will link to a few articles in the show notes for this episode, but I would encourage you to do your own research as well on the effects of boredom on kids and how good boredom is for kids. Science shows us that this is where kids develop imaginations and grow their imaginations and creativity. Let their minds wander and they realize things about themselves. They find themselves. They develop who they are.

So just realize that boredom is not a bad thing. It's actually really good for your kids. They’re going to learn more about themselves. They're going to develop more. They're going to know how to play. They're going to learn to entertain themselves, make up games and make up things to play. It'll force them outside to make new friends. It's really, really good.

So, I would say these are the top few main key points about raising minimalist kids. I really hope that this encourages you to make some positive changes in your family and answers a few of the questions. I know there's so much more we could get into and we'll have to do in later episodes, but these are sort of the keys that Brian and I have implemented in our home.

Realizing that what's normal to us will become our kids’ normal too. We don't make things the center of their world. Realizing that we don't have to go way against the grain and be super weird and legalistic about it. We can invest in toys, technology and things that get our kids playing outside more, get them playing together more. But also not too much because it's good for kids to have very little and to create their own entertainment. And boredom is good for your kids.

So, I hope that is a great starting point for those of you who are interested in creating a life of less for your family.


_______________________________________________________________

This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.