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Ep 112: Live Chat with Allie

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I think social media can be such a waste of time and on those same platforms where so much time is wasted, I love creating spaces that are intentional and inspire you to be better. I have a free Facebook group that’s really big, really fun, really engaged. It's an attachment of this podcast, a place where we discuss episodes. Discuss abundant life, simplicity, and intentional living for mothers and women of all types. It's such a cool place.

Once a month in that group, I do what is called an Allie Chat where I pull somebody out from the community there and we go live together. There was an Allie Chat recently with a woman named Christina who is just a gem. She asked such amazing questions about her motherhood. I loved the conversation we had and the audience loved the answers that I gave. It was such a powerful Allie Chat and I knew that I had to use it as an episode for The Purpose Show.

 
 

In This Episode Allie + Christina Discuss:

  • encouraging creative play in toddlers without living in constant mess

  • transitioning between seasons and when you need to change up your routines

  • self-care practices with and without your kids around

  • how the Enneagram empowered Allie’s marriage and relationships

Mentioned in this Episode:


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The Supermom Vault is a library of inspiration I created for you.  It holds replays of my very best online workshops that aren’t available anywhere else, tons of really actionable pdf’s that are downloadable with just one click, more than 20 audio and video trainings from me, and professionally designed printables for your home to keep you focused and inspired.

Check it out!  It’s a really good simple start.


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If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hello, my beautiful, beautiful friend! I've got the coolest, most unique episode ever for you today.

I have this free Facebook group. If you're already a part of it, you know, but if you're not, you've got to get over there. I will link to it in the show notes for sure, or you could just search for it.

It's a free Facebook group that's really big, really fun, really engaged. The women there are just incredible. There's this energetic current that flows through that group, and that flows through me every time I spend time in there. It's really an amazing place to be on the internet, which is awesome because that's one of my biggest goals in my business. You know, I think social media can be such a waste of time and on those same platforms where so much time is wasted, I love creating spaces that are the opposite of wasted time.

I love creating spaces that are intentional and inspire you to be better. When you're on social media with me, you are bettering yourself, not wasting yourself. I love doing that. And this Facebook group is such a picture of that. It is The Purpose Show Community with Allie Casazza on Facebook. It's an attachment of this podcast—a place where we discuss episodes, discuss abundant life, simplicity, and intentional living for mothers and women of all types. It's such a cool place.

Once a month in that group, I do what is called an Allie Chat where I pull somebody out from the community there and we go live together. She gets to ask me basically anything she wants. It's really, really cool.

There was an Allie Chat recently with a woman named Christina who is just a gem. She's so cute, so sweet, so beautiful and amazing. She asked such amazing questions about her motherhood. I loved what she chose to ask me. I loved the conversation we had and the audience loved the answers that I gave. It was such a powerful Allie Chat and I knew that I had to use it as an episode for The Purpose Show.

We discussed a lot of things, but here’s a quick surface recap. We discussed encouraging creative play in toddlers without living in constant mess. We discussed transitioning between seasons and when you need to change up your routines—which is a really frequently asked question in my community so, I'm happy that I had a chance to answer it live with Christina. We discussed self-care practices with and without your kids around. We also discussed how the Enneagram empowered my marriage and relationships.

This is not doing it justice. This is a really powerful episode, so keep playing this. Put it on while you drive, while you go do whatever it is you're doing today. I encourage you to listen.

Thank you, Christina, for being a part of my community. Thank you for asking these important questions. Guys, enjoy this conversation. It’s so, so good.

ALLIE: Hi, can you hear me? How are you today? You look beautiful.

CHRISTINA: Thank you. I'm so excited to be here! I'm such a fan of yours. I'm so emotional already. I love you so much. You changed my life in so many ways. I'm just so excited. You're like my hero, so I'm just happy to chat. I got some coffee.

ALLIE: Oh my gosh. Okay. I left my coffee upstairs and right when I got on, I was like, “How awkward, on a scale of 1 to 10, would it be if I just hung up and ran to go grab it? No, it's fine. I’ve got water, and I should drink it.”

Okay. So, I have your questions here, but I would rather you ask them since you're here. I have them just in case we have tech issues or in case you couldn't come. I love what you asked though. And I saw that you have a Bella too!

CHRISTINA: I do! I actually named her after you. Not in a stalker-kind-of-way. But I love that name. I actually named her Isabella, but we call her Bella and she's just a little light in our lives though. I just saw that name and I think I first heard it from you.

ALLIE: Yeah, I love it. Well, when we named Bella we couldn't name her—well, we could have, but we didn't want to name her—Isabella because our last name is such a mouthful. I feel like it's a lot for a 2-year-old to be Isabella Casazza. It’s just a lot. And so, we just did Bella and I was feeling super unique. It was an old Italian name and every time we said it people were like, “Wow! That's really unique.” And then Twilight came out and ruined my life and made me super mad. Everyone was like, “Oh, I like Twilight, too. Are you going to have an Edward next?” Yeah, I hated everything for three years because it wouldn't stop.

So, talk to me about what you want to talk about today.

CHRISTINA: So, I've actually been through the decluttering process. I actually did it before I found you. So, I’m really on the other side of it. I post a lot in the group—testimony to how this minimalism thing can change your life and add time with your kids. But my kids are so little still, they are 4, 3, & 1.

So my first question is: After you have completed the decluttering process, how do you keep your toddler messes to a minimum without discouraging creative play?

My 4, 3, & 1-year-olds love exploring. We've gotten rid of so many toys. We have a box of Legos and some dolls. But they are so creative, they just get into all this stuff, you know? Like my 1-year-old is taking stuff out of the dressers. The 4 & 3-year-olds are pulling out the pots and pans. They want to dress up in mommy's clothes.

And for a while I was like, “Okay, I'm putting all the clothes up. I'm not letting you guys change six times a day.” And it worked for a little while, but I want my 4 & 3-year-olds to help, and I want them to learn. I don't want to do everything for them. So, I guess what is the balance between that? I don't want to put everything up so that they can't access it. I don't want to be doing everything for them, but I don't want to be walking around all day cleaning up all these random messes.

ALLIE: Yeah, totally. For me, in my experience, you're right at the point in motherhood where you go through these tiers. You go through these stages. I remember times when I thought, “Oh, are timeouts irrelevant now? Do I need to do something different because they're so old?” It's weird. You realize like, “Oh, I think it's time for this now.” And you're right at that point where it's time for them to help.

CHRISTINA: Even though it takes twice as long.

ALLIE: Yeah, oh my gosh, but that gets way better. And some moms don't have the vision that you have for your kids. They don't mind doing everything and that's not what they want for their kids. So, if you're watching and that’s you, disregard.

But for me, I really wanted my kids to help. I believe in chores. I want them to be helpful and not entitled. And that's just important to me. It gets so much easier when they're older. Now Bella and Leland are 10 and 8 and they do the dishes after dinner. Every once in a while if they have extra schoolwork or they've just had baseball and they're just really tired, I'll do it for them. But typically, they do that. And it's because, around the ages that your older two kids are, we implemented, “You get something out, you need to pick it up.” I'll help them if they need my help.

It's basically disregarding the idea in toddlers’ heads. There's this book called Happiest Toddler On The Block and it talks about how they're like cavemen and they don't know anything. When you have toddlers you have to say sentences like, “Please get your finger out of your nose while we're at this restaurant.” You have to explain the basics. So, thinking of it like that…they just don't know.

You're basically having to untrain them to just make a mess and not care. You have to teach them like: “Okay, new thing is being introduced: When you make a mess, you need to be polite and help clean it up.”

It's just a thing you have to spend your time on for a little bit.

But I'd like to encourage you, because you're in such a cool time, but also such a hard time. This is not something that I made sure they followed through on every single time. I wasn't a psycho about it. When you want something for your kids, it comes out of you for them. So, if you want your kids to be helpful when they make a mess, you're going to be able to fight that urge to clean it up. Call them back and say, “Hey guys, this looks awesome. What did you guys do with this? Tell me what you were playing. That's so fun. That's so great! Okay, let's clean it up though. We don't want to just leave it out.”

Make it fun. I was never like, “Get over here!” You don't have to be crazy about it. But when you make it fun, you just infuse that in your day. Of course, there were times when I was like, “Screw it. I'm just gonna clean it up. It's fine.” But typically it was me saying: “Hey guys, come back. Remember? What do we do after you play with something?”

Make them learn that it's just a part of their lifestyle. You've already done that with minimalism and toys and look at how your kids are.

CHRISTINA: Yeah, they’re so creative.

ALLIE: They don’t come to you saying, “I'm bored.” They know how to create, play, be innovative, and messy because that's all they know. Eventually cleaning up after themselves will be all they know and it will just happen. It's awesome and it's so worth it. I think that you can start to do that.

Also, I don't like this idea that people have: “Oh, having toddlers, is just messy. It just is what it is.”

When you're living life and having fun, you let things go. But it doesn't have to be like, “Oh I have toddlers so this is just a total crap show. It's always messy. It's always hard and I can't wait for them to get older so I can have a clean house.”  That's not a good mindset to carry.

But to some effect, when you have creative kids, they do get things out. They think the broom is a horse and they get it out and they play with it. It is to some extent part of it, but there's no reason they can't put the broom back when they're done. There's no reason that you should be running around putting things back by yourself anymore. You have the badge of honor that you have a 4-year-old and she can help put things away. That's just what I did.

What might help you is implementing what I called: “the dinnertime pick-up alarm.” When I made dinner, I would set an alarm for 10 minutes or 5 minutes. You can gauge the amount of time your kids can handle at their ages. Again, super fun. No one's in trouble here. We're just doing our family thing and you say, “Guys, it's time for our dinnertime pick-up dance party.” We would blast Taylor Swift and dance around.

Do you know about the laundry hamper trick? Have them pick up everything in the room and dump it in. It makes it easy because the laundry hamper can be pushed around on the floor by toddlers and they're not having to go and put everything away. They’re just putting it in the hamper.

Then you can make the call. Sometimes I would just go through the house after bedtime and put everything in the laundry hamper where it goes. Sometimes I would have them help me. Definitely as they got older, like once Bella turned 6, it was her job. Go put this in whoever’s room it belongs in. If it was my flip flops she would put them on the floor in my room, which was at least more helpful than them being downstairs on the floor, under the table, or wherever. But yeah, make it fun.

I think that moms struggle because they're exhausted and they don't feel fun, so they don't make things fun and normal life things feel like a punishment. And that's when kids freak out. My son, Leland, has always been my harder one. He'd be grunting, stubborn, and saying, “I'm not going to do it.” All because I sounded like, “Guys what the heck? What is wrong with everybody? Why is it so messy? Pick up right now.”

But if you set a timer and play music, and you're helping and just dancing around, and you say, “Look, let's see who can put the stuff in the hamper the fastest.” How could they not want to? Toddlers love that.

Even if it was super fake and I was really annoyed and didn't feel it, I still made it fun. It’s like a fake-it-till-you-make-it thing, because then you do eventually feel like that and the kids catch that and they like it.

Then that solves the problem that your house feels really messy and it's all on you. If you implement that just every once in a while—having them clean up after themselves, reminding them, calling them back, and then you implement a nighttime pick-up party—then you've solved your problem.

And you can do that. It could be after every meal, you just say, “We just finished a meal. What do we do?”

CHRISTINA: That way it’s more often because I definitely need it at least three or four times a day.

ALLIE:  Yeah, you can do that whenever you want, five times a day, once a day, whatever. I think the key is to just make it fun. Infuse that into them and make them feel like, “Wow! You're such a help to me.” You know when people feel valued—it doesn’t matter if they’re 3 or if they're 90—if they feel valued, they want to show up for that.

There’s this marriage book that I read a long time ago. I think it was called For Women Only, and basically there was this section in there that changed my life and I've applied it to my marriage and everywhere else. It talked about when you want somebody to do something, telling them that they suck and they need to do better doesn't do anything.

If you told your husband, “I just want you to know I think that you're so romantic and you did this (insert small thing that wasn't really romantic, but you're just trying to praise him) and it just really made me feel loved and I felt really close to and I love you.” He's going to notice that and respond by doing another romantic thing instead of you saying, “Why can't you be romantic?” Do you see what I'm saying? Apply that to your kids. If you make them feel valued, make them feel like they’re so good at cleaning up, that’s going to make them want to be better at cleaning up instead of you nagging them.

CHRISTINA: That's awesome. I love that. I use a lot of Wendy Snyder's praises. I love her. And this morning I was asking my toddler—the second one, she's 3-years-old—“Could you please put that up? And she was like, “Nope, I'm not doing it.”

So I said, “Oh my gosh, could you do it as fast as you can? I'm going to set the timer.” Then my 4-year-old came running in and she's like, “Can I do it too, please?”

So, yeah, I need to remember to keep it fun because sometimes I'll definitely be like, “Oh my gosh, why is this room such a mess?” You know?

ALLIE: Yeah, yeah. I just did that yesterday. I freaked out and I was like, “Wait, okay guys, sorry. It doesn't matter how you've messed up today. It doesn't make it okay for me to mess up and I just messed up and I yelled, and I'm sorry. Let's just hit the reset button. Let’s clean up and then let's go downstairs.”

We have this little jar of Hershey Kisses that are for Emmett when he goes potty in the toilet. And I was like, “Let's clean up and let's go downstairs and everyone can have a Hershey Kiss because I think we all need chocolate right now.” And they just laughed. It fixed the day.

I think shifting that perspective in yourself is so powerful. And you can also solve your problem. You don't have to have “good moms don't have sticky floors and messy whatever and it’s a crap show, but at least I'm having fun with my kids” mentality. You can have both.

CHRISTINA: It's good to hear that you're on the other side of that too. That's awesome. I think one thing that they do really well now is they lay out their clothes and they get dressed in the morning. That took forever, but now they're doing it on some level.

ALLIE: Amazing. Yeah, that's amazing. It’s a little thing that trims our morning down a little bit. For me, my son Leland, has definitely been my tougher one. He’s weird about his socks and shoes. There couldn’t be any bumps. He would just take forever. So, I was thinking, ‘How can we fix this when we have to go in the morning?’ Having him try his socks on at night before bed. While I got Emmett’s teeth brushed and got Hudson in his pajamas, Leland's working out his sock issues and then he lays them out and they're ready for the next morning. He already knows that they are going to work and he's happy with them. Those are mom hacks that you don't think about because you're drowning.

So, I know that you had a question about life transitions and routines and stuff.

CHRISTINA: I can read that one. How can you tell when it is time to transition to a new season of life and change up certain routines? I don't want to stay stuck in my routines if they are not serving me.

I’m the kind of person who gets into a routine and can get a little lazy in that. For example, my baby, I'm nursing her at night and a lot of times I'll bring her in the bed and snuggle her. She’s probably at that point where I can start getting up early again. She's sleeping a little bit better, but I'm still stuck in that routine. She's in the bed in the morning, so I'll just sleep in. I'm enjoying that time with her. But I feel like a lot of times we start doing something that's working for us and boom, it changes, you know? Like for you, putting your kids in school and then taking them out. I had such respect for that when I listened to that episode where it's okay to change your mind. You know? If it's not working for your family, you don't have to follow through with it.

So just do you have any examples or tips there?

ALLIE: You like that time. You don't seem ready. I don't know if everyone has this. I talked to a few friends about it and they all agreed so, I don’t know if it’s a mom-thing for everybody, but when I was nursing, I really enjoyed it. My other two babies had issues and they wouldn't nurse. So, when Hudson and Emmett nursed, I just held onto that and it was so sweet for me. Emmett nursed for a really long time. He nursed for almost two years and Hudson nursed for nine months. And at the end of both of those journeys I started to feel different about it. My skin would kind of crawl and I would just kind of be like, “Oh. Ugh, we have to sit down and nurse.”

I feel like it's God's way of getting our bodies ready. It’s like at the end of the pregnancy you're like, look, I don't care how much it hurts, get out of me. It's like your mother's natural way of closing a season off. I think it's beautiful, and I think it's really, really beneficial when your life allows you to make decisions based on that. And you don't have to go and do something else and stop when you're not ready. So, you don't seem ready. Enjoy that. Snuggle her. Sleep in a little bit. Enjoy that sweet time and look for other ways in your life that you could fit things in. Unless you're Type A and you just love routine. I’m not, and being really rigid makes me feel super trapped.

But the fact is, spontaneous or not, the laundry has to get washed, the dishes have to get run, meals have to be cooked, things have to move forward for our houses to run smoothly and for our families to be taken care of.

So, in our family that role is split now between Brian and I. But before it wasn't. It was on me. And so, those are what should be routine. What are the things that absolutely must happen for you guys to function well? Don't put things that are an ideal in your routine right now. Just enjoy sleeping in with your baby girl. Soak up that time and then just know, okay after that I get the girls breakfast, then I put a load of laundry in,  and that's my morning routine. Whatever it is.

The way you know that it's time to switch transitions and bring in a new routine or let go of an old one is when you're like that nursing-skin-crawling-feeling, so to speak, in your life. It should serve you and you can tell when something is serving you versus when it's really inconvenient. You know that feeling when you just feel like everything is just a mess and you feel like, man I need to get my ish together... Like now...This is just not working?

But it depends on your life season where that routine goes. If you feel like that, but you love that snuggle time in the morning and you don't have to be at work at 9:00 AM or you don't have anything, you can fit in your morning routine somewhere else. Make it work for your life. It should feel good. Maybe you snuggle with your baby girl in the morning but at nap time instead of watching Netflix, you first switch the laundry and run the dishwasher, then you veg out and watch Netflix. You can fit it in wherever it works for you right now. It should make you feel like, “Oh that's good, that's really good.” It shouldn't make you feel like, “Oh man, I have to get up. I have to.” Unless you're a working mom and you've got to get up and go. That's a different story.

CHRISTINA: Yeah. Okay. That makes sense. And I think you're right. I feel to be productive, I need to get up at 5:00 AM, get all my meditation and blah, blah, blah. But I do get that stuff in. I just don't do it super early. I think you're right. It feels good right now, and I’m enjoying her.

ALLIE: I didn't even start doing a super early morning routine until I started getting up early and working on my business when Emmett was one—because that was our story. That's when the idea hit me. That's when it needed to happen. But with all my other kids, I didn't do early morning things until they were two. I think people look now and my youngest is 4 ½; That's why I get up at 5:00 and go exercise, then come home and meditate, and have a good time with my family. It seems so easy and smooth now because I have no babies. Just know your season.




Hey friend!  It’s Allie! Have you heard of the Supermom Vault yet?

The Supermom Vault is a library of inspiration I created for you.  It holds replays of my very best online workshops that aren’t available anywhere else, tons of really actionable pdf’s that are downloadable with just one click, more than 20 audio and video trainings from me, and professionally designed printables for your home to keep you focused and inspired.

The Supermom Vault is only $39.00 and is available at alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

Check it out!  It’s a really good simple start.

Want more inspiration than just the podcast? Do you wish there were more episodes?  Want more details? Do you want videos? Do you want pdf’s? Do you want to download things and get your hands on something to really get you started when it comes to minimalism and simplifying your motherhood?

This is definitely the place to go!

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CHRISTINA: Okay, now my next question is: What is your go to self-care when you're just feeling done? What's something you do that helps?

ALLIE: Do you want something that you can bring your kids to? Or something where you’re leaving and getting away?

CHRISTINA: How about one of each?

ALLIE: Okay. So, for myself, I could have no makeup on, have my hair in a topknot because it hasn’t been washed in six days, but if I have a manicure, I feel on top of the world. So, I always have my nails painted and pretty fresh because it makes me feel so good. Maybe think of something like that.

I feel like as women, if we feel good physically then it transfers. If you feel like crap (just getting real here: you've got no bra, sweaty under boob and you're feeling like you're gross), then you feel gross.

What’s the one thing that just makes you feel really, really good? I have a friend who's a little more high maintenance than me and she really loves facials. And so, she found a place to get a cheap organic facial and she goes every week on Wednesday morning. And that's her thing.

It could be like that or it could be less extreme. Going for a drive, getting yourself a chai tea latte—or whatever vice it is—and just going for a drive by yourself.

Then with the kids, I've switched back and forth between two things. We live in California, so the weather isn't really something I have to worry about. So, when we're having a day where homeschooling isn't clicking, everyone's just pissy and bickering, I'm done, I'm yelling, I'm not who I want to be, then it's time to get out of there. You need a change of scenery.

If it was raining or cold, we would take a drive. I would buckle the kids up. There's something magical about your kids being stuck in their car seats when they're driving you crazy. We would just listen to the music and just relax.

Then the other thing we would do, which was my favorite thing, which you might've heard me say before, is, I would get my headphones, get my phone, pack the kids up, get them all ready to go and take them to the park. There was this one park where there was a playground and a little sidewalk to walk around. It wasn’t really wide, but it went right around the playground so I could see them wherever I was. I would just put my headphones in and watch my kids play and listen to a podcast, something that encouraged me.

CHRISTINA: Yeah, like The Purpose Show?

ALLIE: What is the issue? Did you have a fight with your husband and you feel like you're having a crappy day? Listen to a marriage podcast. Are you struggling with one of your strong-willed kids? Listen to a parenting podcast.

Or maybe you need to exit the arena of whatever is causing stress that day, then don't listen to that. Listen to something for yourself. Get something in your head because words are powerful and when you're having a bad day and you put positive words literally in your head, you're going to leave that park different and your kids got their energy out. We would blow off nap time and just go whenever we needed to. And even if it was like 20 minutes, it changed the feel of the day.

CHRISTINA: Yeah, I love that. I do that. We have bad weather right now, but I'll just go to like Chick-fil-a if I can or an indoor playground. But yeah. I definitely use the podcast thing, but it's always you. Why are you doing one podcast a week? Please up it.

ALLIE: Good, that’s what it’s there for.

CHRISTINA: Okay. That was very helpful. Thank you.

Okay, so my last question is: What would you say has been the biggest impact of studying the Enneagram on yourself, your husband, and your kids? I am fascinated by the Enneagram. Yeah, I think I'm a 9.

ALLIE: Are you? They’re all great, but there are certain ones that I think I just kind of vibe with more because of my personality. It was funny because I'm such a dork. We were having a get-together at our house and I basically made everyone pick what they were on the Enneagram. I just wanted to know. All of my friends are like 2’s or 9’s. I think the biggest impact was marital for me.

I know I've shared about this on the podcast and it's repetitive, but I always could cry when I talk about it because I just felt so excluded all the time. I felt like I didn't belong anywhere. I didn't always fit in the mom circles. Like can we talk about something other than what Sippy Cup doesn't leak? I didn't get along with a lot of moms. I wanted to talk about marketing and blogging.

CHRISTINA: You’re passionate. You’re fiery.

ALLIE: Yeah. I'm super blunt and my sarcastic sense of humor would sometimes not go over well. I didn't fit in the business industry because they're all like, “Oh, where do you summer?” And I’m like, “I don't. I have a million kids.” I always felt my whole life, even as a kid, like I didn't belong anywhere and like I always needed to tone it down. “Relax” was basically the message that I got all the time from everyone.

And the Enneagram showed me, when I figured out that I was an 8 and I looked at what that meant, it was like my identity and who God made me to be. It was like a light was shone on it. I just cried. I felt so at peace and like, “Oh my gosh! It makes sense why I would take something basic and have to run with it and do way more than anyone else thought I would do with it because I'm passionate about it.

Especially being a woman and being an 8, when Brian and I would have friends, couple friends and stuff, the husband never liked me. They always seemed irritated or intimidated by me. I noticed that even being a teenager, and then especially after I started my business and our friends would see things online about the success of the business. Relationships changed. I never got along with my friends’ husbands; they just wouldn't like me.

And so, the Enneagram helped me see that I'm just super driven. I'm made to be an entrepreneur. I'm just powerful, confident, fiery, and blunt. That doesn't mean that it's an excuse to be rude or anything, but it's helpful to know yourself. Then knowing that and then seeing that Brian is a 2, we have always felt like we were the opposite of what we needed to be. I learned that it's not that. It's actually that we're just the opposite of tradition, and the traditional roles we were in almost split us up and they caused so much unfulfillment, drama, and just fighting.

And so, when I took the Enneagram, it really helped me step into my role and who I am. No matter who that threatens and no matter what other moms think about that. For Brian, he was like, “This is crazy. I’m literally designed to be a support. And I love supporting you, but I always felt weird about it. Like, am I nuts? Am I doing something wrong? Am I supposed to be the provider? What's going on?” So that was really liberating for us.

With my kids, I feel like I'm still figuring them out. I couldn't say that I know what all their numbers are right now. But I'm aware of the different attributes of the Enneagram and the different personality types and it's helped me see those in them and in my parents and siblings.

I have three siblings, so you know, those relationships are sometimes weird. I'm really close with one of my brothers, but my other two I'm like, “I need to figure you out. Are you being really rude or what's your problem?” The communication there, you know? And so, it's helped me see there's not somebody that's wrong and somebody that's right. There's not somebody that's annoying and somebody that's funny. It's just a personality thing. It's been really liberating in that way.

CHRISTINA: That's awesome. I think for me, my husband and I are kind of like the more traditional roles. He is a 3. Which one is the achiever? 3 or 6? I don't remember. He really works on his image and has to be very successful. It really means a lot to him. And I'm more or less like, “Just let's not fight. Everybody get along.” You know, the peacemaker. So yeah, for us it is a little bit more traditional, but I love how you embrace what you are.

It’s sad that the world hasn't come to that yet. I feel like in this age we should be at a point where we're accepting each other. I think that your accepting that about yourself is just awesome. Especially Brian, who is just so sweet. I just love him. He's so cute. I love you guys.

ALLIE: He's so funny when he does the podcast. I always say, “You don't have to be on anything. I never want you to feel like you have to.” And he's always like, “Oh no, I really want to.” He'll come to me with ideas and then we sit down to do it. I always have my hand on his knee and I can feel him tensing up, and we have to do seven takes in the beginning of the episode. He's like, “Okay, I got it now.” And then we'll just go with it and totally flow and the episode is great. But it's so funny to me because he seems so nervous and tense and I'm like, “You don't have to be on here.” He's always like, “I'm just thinking about all those people listening.” And I'm like, “Why would you think about that? I never think about that. I just do my thing.”

It's just funny that you can be so different, but you can still show up in the same way. He can still show up and serve people, it’s just different. It doesn't take him one take with no mess ups, like it does me. It's cool to learn how to be patient with each other's quirks and stuff.

CHRISTINA: Yeah. That's awesome. That's the last question I have.

ALLIE: That’s the last one on the list. I try not to look at every single thing that's typed up because I don't want to come in pre-prepped, but it's helpful in case people don't show up or whatever. But I saw the topics that you picked and I was like, “Oh! This is going to be so good!” And I was really excited.

Thank you for caring, listening to the show, and showing up with amazing questions. You are just such a light. You are. You’re just doing a great job. You're beautiful, shiny, bright, and amazing. You're inspiring to me. So just know that.

CHRISTINA: Thank you. I wish you could see how many women that your life has touched.

I mean I'm sure you see it in some aspects, but there's a lot of women where I share your message and they're constantly messaging me like, “Oh my gosh! This is changing my life. I'm actually scheduling time to get down on the floor and play with my kids.”

I'm your biggest fan. I share you all the time. Your messages are just so good. It's so good. It’s so important that this message gets out there because there are just so many moms that look at each other and they go, “Oh, that's just how life is. It just sucks. It's always a mess. Your kids are always going to be either in a pile of crap or you're going to suffer cleaning all day long.”

ALLIE: There's a lot of shame in being a total mess mom, and there's also another level of shame in not being that. Not that I have it all together. There's always something that's kind of dropped off. If I'm killing it at the business one day, then my house is a little messy. If I'm killing it at motherhood then, in the business some things didn't get done. There's always a balance, but I think there's a different level of shame that comes in when you are doing well and loving it. There's shame in that and it's awful.

CHRISTINA: It is awful. How do you respond to them? I mean I know that's your business, that's your heart. But for people who follow you, and we want to share this and want to share you. Usually I'm just like, “Okay, there's this girl named Allie…”

I'm the peacemaker and I don't want to rile people up. But when I see these people posting, a lot of times on social media, things like: “My house is a crap mess.” I hesitate to comment because I don't want to shame them. I want them to see that there's a light, but I also don't want to make myself look like I'm better than them or anything. What would you suggest if you see people posting things like that? Even if they are asking for help, what's a good way to say that this message is out there, without being rude and without shaming them?

ALLIE: Yeah, I understand that because that's my job. I love marketing so much, but it is so hard to figure out the marketing message behind what I do without coming across as preachy. I can't even tell you how many hours and hours and hours Brian and I have poured into it. Especially him being a guy, he'll say, “Why don't you just say this?” And I'm like, “Okay, if I said that—that was a guy thing to say because I would never get a follower again.”

It's very hard to say, “I can help you,” without it sounding like, “because I'm better than you.” And that is not my heart at all. What I would say and what I've been doing is thinking about it like it's a story that you're telling and you've been there. You've stood where they're standing and you came out of it. Come at it with that heart, like you're doing them a service by telling them, “Oh my gosh, yes! I could have posted a picture just like this times 10 last year. Have you ever heard of (whatever)? It's been such a lifesaver for me.”

I always try to say, “I'm not going to preach at you. I'm not gonna tell you exactly what to do, but rather just help you shift your perspective so you can figure it out yourself.” That's just how I've done it. Tell a story that started exactly in that photo: “That was my photo and now it's not, and it doesn't have to stay that way.” Rather than, “You should…” Never say “should.”

You know what really breaks my heart too, is when I get tagged in something and it's something like that. I wish there was a way to remove that tag. I do not want to be associated with: “You should look at Allie. You can be way better than this. She'll just help you.” No. That is not what I do. I hate it.

It's a problem and, especially, I think, mothers are very protective over their role and what they're doing, and it can feel convicting because of what’s within their own selves. So you can't control that. But I think if you can look at the comment and you're like, “This isn't preachy. This is funny and relatable and I’ve stood where you stood,” and it’s helpful, then it's a green light, you know?

CHRISTINA: Yeah. Awesome.

ALLIE: Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me. I'm so happy that you're here. Really. This was so good and you're just amazing. I'm really thankful for you taking the time away from your kids to talk to me and help the ladies that are going to watch this later and that are watching right now. Thank you so much.

CHRISTINA: Thank you so much for having me. I just want to say to anybody listening that hasn't been down the journey before, it's so, so, so worth the work. Get one of Allie’s courses. Anything she has is amazing and it changes your life. So yeah. Team Allie!

ALLIE: Thank you Christina. I just adore you. I will talk to you later.



This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 111: A Simple Practice for Daily Happiness, Mindfulness & Making Decisions with Emily P. Freeman

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Did you know that, on average, you make 35,000 decisions every single day? That is a lot and feels overwhelming! But decision making doesn’t have to be that way. If we shift our focus from putting off decisions, putting pressure on them, or ignoring them and we turn our focus to the next right thing, the whole decision making process will be more fun and less intimidating!

Emily Freeman is the founder of an incredible movement called The Next Right Thing. She has a book and a podcast around this theory of focusing on the next right thing in front of us and the power that has in our decision making. Give yourself permission to stay in the moment and take action on the next right thing! (Like listening to this episode, because it is a GOOD one!)

 
 

In This Episode Allie + Emily Discuss:

  • Advice for mama’s of teenage girls (because we all need it, right?)

  • What The Next Right Thing movement is, where it all began, and how that phrase will help you in your decision making.

  • Practical steps you can take when making decisions, even in those mundane, day to day decisions.

  • What unmade decisions do to us and the power they hold over our lives.

Mentioned in this Episode:


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This conversation is all about decision making and staying present as you focus on the next right thing and I have the perfect freebie that will support you as you shift your perspective in this direction!

Phone Settings For Our Present Life walks you through what phone settings I have set up on my phone and a less extreme alternative for those of you who might not want everything turned off. It tells you exactly what to do in your phone, and also a lot of the heart behind why you might want it like that. Why I think it's important and where technology maybe should be in our priority list.

The less distraction you have from your phone, the more present you can be to make those every day decisions. Because 35,000 decisions every day is a lot! So don’t miss out on this free PDF. I know it will help you take action, feel more present, and do the next right thing.


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hi, beautiful friend! Oh my gosh. This conversation that you are about to listen in on is life-changing. If you will really just quiet your mind and give this interview, which I can't even call that, it was a conversation, an amazing conversation. If you will give this your focus, oh my goodness, it will shift your perspective, change your life, and give you some really simple keys to simplifying your decision-making process, finding quiet in the midst of your very full life.

If you’re listening to this, you are likely a mom or a very busy woman and you need this. I needed this. It was so good. This was one of those rare podcast conversations where I was shifting around in my seat because it was so good. It was moving me and had me thinking, really thinking, and it was just so good.

Emily Freeman is my guest today. She is a beautiful soul. I was so happy to sit and talk with her. She is the author of The Next Right Thing, which is a book that's actually based on a podcast she started, which the podcast is also called The Next Right Thing. I love listening to her podcast. It's one of my favorites. It's one of the only ones I actually do listen to. Emily really has a good personality. She's very pointed when she speaks and she gets to the point, which I like. I just really liked her.

Her book, The Next Right Thing is simple, soulful practices for making life decisions. Emily talked a lot about decluttering your soul and your brain, and uncomplicating the art of making decisions day-to-day. Not big life decisions but day-to-day, because the average person makes 35,000 decisions per day. Obviously this is something we need to be talking about and looking at.

Emily is a Wall Street Journal bestselling author. She's an incredible soul and this conversation is worth giving your time to. So let's welcome her and enjoy this conversation, ladies. I know I did.

ALLIE: Hi Emily! Welcome!

EMILY:  Hi Allie! Thanks for having me here!

ALLIE: Yeah, I'm so excited to talk with you. I'm super excited to get to know more about you and introduce you to our listeners. I think that we have a lot of overlap in the things we talk about and that's always super exciting because I feel like you get me and I get you.

EMILY:  I feel that way too.

ALLIE: Yeah, I'm excited. Okay. Before we get into all the other things about the amazing book that you've written, which I read in one sitting yesterday.

EMILY: So impressed.

ALLIE: It was so good. I made space for it because it was so good. I just want to learn a little bit about you and have our listeners connect with who you are.

So tell us about, tell us about you. What's your personality type? Do you know what you are on the Enneagram and all that good stuff?

EMILY: I do. On the Enneagram, I identify with Type 4. I probably lean more towards the 3 wing, but as I get older a little bit, I'm finding more 5 tendencies in me a little bit. My sister's a 5 on the Enneagram, so I kind of get that space too.

I don't even think I identified really as maybe a creative person until maybe college or after college. I didn't see myself that way. But as I've gotten older, that part of me has come more fully alive and I think has always been there, but I never really gave it a name or gave myself credit for being creative, which I actually believe everybody's creative. Creativity expresses itself differently in different ways in each of us.

I think when people listen to my podcast and then they meet me in real life, I think they're surprised that I laugh really loud and talk pretty fast and I'm a little kind of sillier maybe than they expect. Because the podcast is a little more contemplative and slower paced because that's the purpose of that show. While that is me and that's my personality, you know there are different aspects and facets of personality that come out in different places.  

ALLIE: Different settings. If you're in a person-to-person social setting, you get an energy that's different than when you're sitting at your desk talking about your work.

EMILY: Right. Exactly. And that's kind of what it is. And I think in general, I feel most like myself when I'm writing and when I express myself through writing, but I feel most alive when I'm communicating with people or speaking or using my voice to say words, even if it's just with other people in a small group setting or even on a stage speaking at an event or something. That wouldn't be my preference to do that a whole lot. But when I do it, there is a certain sense of fulfillment I think that comes in those moments.

ALLIE: I love that. I'm the same way. I really don't like speaking when I'm planning to go speak somewhere, but once I'm on that stage, something happens where I come alive and I'm like, “I need to do this more.” And then I'm like, “Well, maybe not.”

EMILY: I've never heard anyone say it that very way. I feel the same way. The hardest part of my job is prepping to speak somewhere. But then once I get up there, it doesn't feel hard at all compared to the prep. Sometimes I’m like, “Am I doing this wrong? There's gotta be a magic way that I haven't figured out.” But I don't know if there is. I think that's just part of the job,

ALLIE: I think so. I've never heard anyone else really say that they didn't love speaking either. I think people do it because they love it and they're good at it, but not a lot of people are really willing to push themselves past their comfort zones, I think. And I am. So that is that for me. I will only take the ones that are super worth it because I don't like it very much.

EMILY: I love it. I totally resonate with that.

ALLIE: Tell us what is your absolute favorite thing to do when you are by yourself?

EMILY: Well, I love being by myself, so that's a favorite thing all alone. I can spend a lot of time just looking out the window, which sounds so boring, but I live a lot of life in my head, so having the space to actually stare out the window. A lot of times I will go back through journals that I've written in, old journals from years ago, and reflect on things I've learned or ways I've changed or the way our life has changed. That can be really life giving for me to sort of see patterns and to spend some time in reflection. Also reading when I'm alone. I'll either watch a show I love or spend some time with a book that I love. Lately I have been craving reading more fiction because I haven't been reading a lot of fiction and so I sense that itch to read a really good story.

ALLIE: I go through really long seasons of not reading it at all. fiction, when it does come into my life, it's a happy escape from the norm. Regular books, nonfiction books, they don't do that. You’re thinking about your life as you're learning this new thing. It's just when the fiction has a special place.

So, tell us about your family.

EMILY: My husband John and I have been married for almost 18 years now and it's gone by really fast. That's weird because I remember when my parents were married for 18 years, you know? That’s so weird. We have three kids. We have twin girls who are 15, they're in 9th grade. And then we have a son who is almost 13. He's in 6th grade. This was a big year for us, first time middle school for our son and then first time high school for the twins. Lots of transition, but they've made them fairly smoothly. And so, we're navigating interesting teenage waters these days with our family, which has been really a gift, but also it makes you realize, “Wow, we've been parents for 15 years. We still don't really know what we're doing a lot of the time,” because we've never been parents of these kids at this age. It's always learning and staying on your toes.

ALLIE:  Do you have any advice for those of us with girls that are…my daughter's 10, so setting the stage for those teenage years? What would you say has been helpful and that you think you did well?

EMILY: That's a great question. A lot of times it's the things that you don't realize and you might just do naturally and they don't feel like a big deal. But I had a mom tell me once that people always commented on how close she was with her teenage girls. And this mom said, “It started with the Barbies. I would play Barbies with them or play the games that they wanted to play when they were young.” So then as they grew, it was really normal for them to just let her into their world.

Though I'm not the best Barbie player…I was when I was younger and was actually playing with them, but as the girls have gotten older, one thing is they have each other. They're twins, so they do a lot of that themselves. But being around and letting them know that I was present. I think I discount the value that that has.

When I look back and I think, “Oh, I should have had more serious and intentional conversations with them about A, B, C, you know, about all these really big important issues.” And maybe that would've helped, but I don't know if they would remember, but I guarantee you what they remember is time spent and just me being around.

And I think that's sometimes a filter through which I make decisions about work or travel or whatever…there are seasons when I'm not able to be fully present because I am traveling or working. But then when I'm home, I'm trying to be all there. I think that really goes a lot further than we realize.

Maybe 10 years from now I'll look back and remember, “Oh yeah, that was important,” because when I think about my own relationship with my mom, I don't really remember specific conversations or “lessons” that she taught me. But I do remember her presence and I remember her just being there. And I think that's really important, and I think a lot of times overlooked.

ALLIE: Yeah, I love that. Your kids have always gone to school?

EMILY: Yeah, they're all three in public school. Charter School for a couple of years, but mostly they're in the public school.

ALLIE: I love that, cause we homeschool our kids and it's not out of a love for homeschooling. That is for sure. It's just the flexibility of schedule because we like to bring the kids with us when we travel for work. But a lot of the time when I talk about being intentional and making time and being present, people – mothers - will blame it, “Well you homeschool, so you're always together.” And I am always trying to get a conversation with somebody who does not homeschool and has that because I don’t think that's it.

I actually think it can make it harder because you think, “Oh we have all day. We're always together. There's lots of opportunities for that.” And it actually slips by even more. I love that you said that and that your kids go to school. It’s not a lack of the availability of time. I think it's what you do with the time you do have together.

EMILY: Right. Yeah, that's a great point.

ALLIE: Okay. So, you are the host of The Next Right Thing podcast, which I love because it's short, pointed. It's one of those shows that if I'm listening…sometimes I just want silence because my life is loud and my kids are still really little and my oldest is 10 so I've got a 4-year-old, and lots of boys, so it's very loud…but sometimes I want to listen to something while I get ready and it's perfect because the episode is done by the time I finish doing my makeup or putting my hair up or whatever. It's easy and pointed. Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like the podcast is really short and pointed and bite-size perspective shifts and the book is still not super long or anything, but just really beautiful and a little deeper.

I really love the way you wrote this book. It's amazing. And it's also called The Next Right Thing.

When I immerse myself in an author, I've been looking at your website and I followed you on Instagram and read your book in one sitting yesterday, so I have to remove myself and, “Wait, for somebody who does not know any of this, let's start from the beginning.” What is the next right thing, this movement you started? Tell us what it is about or if you want to share where it started for you. Anything that you want to give us the 101 of The Next Right Thing.

EMILY: Well, that phrase, “the next right thing,” it's certainly not one that I came up with. It's been around a long time and has been said by a lot of really smart people over the years.

The first time I remember hearing it was when I was in college. I was a transfer commuter student at a school locally here. Because I was a commuter student, we had to fight for parking. I had to get to the school an hour before my first class started just to find street parking. I also learned to be a really great parallel parker by the way, so I can whizz into a parallel parking space, no problem.

But I would get to school early and then there was nothing to do because there wasn't a smart phone back then and no podcast to listen to. So I would listen to a little radio show that was about 15 minutes. It was like one of my podcast episodes. It was called Gateway To Joy and it was hosted by author Elizabeth Elliot and she would often quote a little poem that was called, “Do The Next Thing.” It was kind of sing-songy. It stuck with me because as a 18, 19, maybe I was 20 by that time -year-old, that was really powerful for me because it's the time in your life when you're looking at the future and you're looking at all of it at once and it can be overwhelming to say the least. And so that little small encouragement to just do the next thing, do it with prayer, do it consistently, was really helpful for me. It kind of just lodged in the back of my mind all those many years ago.

But then as I've grown and started writing, I find when I look back over books I've written and blog posts I've written over the last decade, I find that phrase here and there, “just do the next thing” or “do the next right thing” in my own writing, just kind of tucked away.

It was only about two or three years ago when I had a big decision to make that I started recognizing how this unmade decision that I had to make had a lot of power. And I think that's true across the board for a lot of us that unmade decisions hold power. They hold our attention. They keep us on our toes. They can have the power to wake us up to God, to friendships, to communication or whatever. Or they can also have the power to shut us down. To procrastinate. To put the decision off. To delegate it to somebody else. That's a lot of power that unmade decisions have.

A lot of us want to go ahead and make the decision and we want to be done with it. Others of us, we'll drag our feet.

It was sort of two things happening. I had this decision to make, but then on the inside level, my inner life, I was looking at how that decision was informing my relationships and the way I related to God and to people. That’s when I started to think, “Oh, this decision-making thing. There's something to this. I want to explore this.” And I thought it would be my next book because I'm a writer and that's what I do.

So, I started taking notes on the decision-making process and how this unmade decision was causing me to question some things and solidify other things and how my own spiritual formation was becoming a real big part of this decision-making process. But as I tried to write it as a book even after I made that decision, it was so stubborn and did not want to be a book. It was the worst. I tried to force it into an outline; it would not do it. Finally, long story short, I decided maybe the medium that this idea wants to come to life in is not in written form, but in spoken form. That's when I had the idea to explore this idea of decision-making and doing the next right thing in a podcast.

What should I call it? Decision again…how about I just call it “The Next Right Thing,” because that's the phrase that has always helped me approach decisions a little bit in a more friendly way and not such an intimidating way.

If it was “just do the right thing,” I think it's like, “Well yeah.” But that's kind of intimidating and we don't always know what's right, but when we put that word “next” in it, I think that makes it a little more approachable. We can usually access the next thing that's right in front of us, even if we're not quite sure what the exact right thing is to do.

So, that's kind of some background. That phrase has stayed with me and I'm sure will continue to stay with me for the rest of my life because this “next right thing posture” has really changed not only how I make decisions, but also how I move through my day in everyday life.

ALLIE: Yeah, absolutely. So, what does that look like? Maybe give me some examples because I'm curious about the mundane stuff. You say we make 35,000 decisions a day. Is that right?

EMILY: That's what I hear. I've looked it up in many different places and that's the number that keeps coming in. Isn’t that crazy?

ALLIE: And you know, in my personal day-to-day life, I've been working through when to apply grace to myself and went to keep pushing because I've been finding myself feeling really exhausted and done for the day very early in the day. And I'm like, “Okay, I've been trying…do I need to move my exercise so it's not in the morning? What is it that I need to do?” And reading this book…I intentionally left it for right before I interviewed you so that it would be fresh…in reading this book, I'm like, “Hold on 35,000?” I know my life, I know my job, I know how many people are on my team and I know my kids are always with me, so I'm just gonna assume that I probably have more than the average person.

EMILY: I think you probably do.

ALLIE: I was thinking, “You know, I think it's that.” I think it's just the constant like that. What is the New York Times article about decision fatigue?

EMILY: Yes, it's a real thing.

ALLIE: I don't really know what to do with that information, but it helped me feel like it's okay. It makes total sense. I'm constantly being talked to and some of that quiet I have control over (like with my phone) but a lot of it I don't. Like with my kids, they're here and I don't want them to feel, “Don't talk to mom. She's going to be pissed or whatever.” I want to be there, but it's just exhausting. And little things like, “Yes you can have applesauce or are you going to have slides at your presentation at this conference?” I don't know…things like that. It's just constant. So, I guess my question, messily, is what do you do with that in day-to-day? What do we do with that information? What does this next right thing look like lived out in those mundane things every day. And is there a way to avoid that exhaustion that I've been going through?

EMILY: Well first I would say to answer your question, I think that you showing grace to yourself is always the next right thing. Because it sounds to me like your personality, I can totally relate with it, probably you might never be a person who needs to totally push herself because it sounds like you naturally push yourself. You probably need to intentionally not push yourself sometimes, especially in your life stage. Man, that's so tough.

But as far as the mundane things, it's such a great question and I gotta tell you, it's in the mundane things where The Next Right Thing concept is the most helpful for me because I will literally wake up in the morning and maybe I'll have a little morning routine that I can rely on, which is really helpful, actually small, short morning routine.

But after that, sometimes I'm like, “Uhh,” and I'm literally spinning in my living room. Where should I start? What do I do first? Because everything feels like it has equal importance. When someone says, “Well, do the most important thing first,” it's like, “Well guess what? It feels like there's 20 of those.” Everybody else has their own idea of what's “important.” So, choosing one I think is helpful.

That whole idea of “the next right thing” sometimes is, “Okay, go take a shower.” And then I get out of the shower and it's like, “Okay, now what's the next right thing?” I’m going to listen to this podcast while I do my hair, okay. Giving myself permission to stay in that next right thing while I'm in it, knowing that I'm going to have the opportunity to ask the question again in 15 minutes. And that helps.

It’s like a weird mindset-magic that happens for me personally when taking a shower is my next right thing and I let that be my next right thing for 15 minutes. Then I can be in the shower and it almost feels like time expands because I'm not spinning in my mind about, “Well I'm taking a shower now, but really I should have been making the grocery list and running out to the mailbox,” rather than forcing myself into spaces where I can't be all at once because we can really only do one thing at a time, even the best multitasker among us. We might be doing many things in succession really quickly, but you can't chop an onion and peel the oranges at the same time. You can do them really quickly, but it's one at a time.

But giving those activities a little bit of bumper room in between each other by asking the question, “Okay, now what's the next right thing?” And trusting yourself to choose. If there's 10 things and you can't figure out which one's most important, then there isn't an answer there. There isn't a wrong answer. Just pick one.

I can't tell you how many times I have not done that and I've looked back on my day and been like, “Wow! I got nothing done, but I was working all day long.” Because I was frenetically switching, task switching, from half an activity to half an activity and it wore on my energy. It made me grumpy because I didn't finish anything. And I felt like a failure even though I was just as tired or maybe more tired than I would have been had I just chosen three things and finished them to completion, and then gave myself permission to say, “What is your next right thing.”

And the final thing there is let the next right thing sometimes be it's time to close the day. It's time to be done with work today or whatever the thing you're working on. That is a valid next right thing.

ALLIE: I love that so much. Yesterday, I was frustrated because I was faced again with that feeling of, “I’m feel tapped out. I feel like I will not be able to even cook dinner and deal with my…and that's when it's a trigger…when I'm thinking, “deal with my family.” That's not how I want to come to the table at the end of the day, you know? I was feeling like, “There's no way.” But there's all of my task list (Emily was like “20 things left”) and they were big things. I just reached out to Hayley. She's my right-hand man. She helps run the company and I said, “I just don't know what to do.” And she was like, “Well, none of these things are pressing right now. Why don't you just be done for the day?”

Why do we give ourselves this fake urgency? Because I assigned it to today, a long time ago when I was just putting my tasks in Asana, I was like, “Well, this task needs to be done today.” I think it was funny cause I laid on the couch, I just laid there like a Zombie vegging out for a second. And it was like how often do we do that to ourselves where it is so unnecessary and it's so urgent, but we’re are the ones that have the power to say this is not urgent anymore? It's just one of those novel concepts. It's so obvious, I think to certain personality types.

EMILY: It is and I love that you pointed out that you reached out to Hayley because number one, I think we all need a Hayley in our lives, whether we're writing or whether we are just running a household or whatever the thing is. And too, looking back, that was your next right thing, was to reach out to her and to let her be a co-listener with you to your own energy and your own life. And for her to say, “I'm going to be a “no” mentor to you right now. It’s time for you to say “no” and close the day.” What a beautiful next right thing that you did without even realizing it. I think that's so great that you have her and that you know, “Okay, when I'm at my wits end, I’m going to reach out to Hayley.”

ALLIE: I think sometimes we just get stuck in our own heads and we can't have that aerial perspective over our own life because we're just muddled. It just gets messy.


Hey sweet friend! I'm interrupting this incredible conversation that I'm having with Emily because I wanted to let you know that I know when I'm having conversations like this on the podcast, it really gets me thinking. It really gets me inspired.

This was one of those conversations that when we were recording, I just really felt alive. I felt really excited. I felt super inspired. I was thinking to myself, “I need to make sure that I come back and listen to this episode myself later on.”

Those recordings are rare, but when they happen, I feel like I'm on fire inside. I get so amped up about what we're talking about. I think that happened here with Emily because well, first of all, she's amazing and this conversation is so good, deep, and just extraordinary. And I think also because there's crossover with what I talk about, and I'm passionate about this, so it really gets me excited for you guys.

What I wanted to do is just draw attention to a freebie that I've created in the past for you guys that has become a fan favorite. People love it. It really deals with something that you wouldn't think is really deeply impacting your day, but it is. It deals with your phone settings.

I talk often about how I have my notifications basically turned off in a lot of ways. They're really turned off. I don't get my phone vibrating, making a noise, or lighting up when I get a text message. I don't have social media interrupting my day. My phone is a side note. It's extra so I'm living my days focused on what's in front of me, on my family, on my work, on whatever it is that I'm doing in real life that day. I don't think that technology should be able to tap us on the shoulder and interrupt our actual, real life whenever it wants to.

I talk a lot about that and I have this free download called Phone Settings For Our Present Life and it literally walks you through exactly what phone settings I have set up on my phone and a less extreme alternative for those of you who might not want everything turned off. It tells you exactly what to do in your phone, and also a lot of the heart behind why you might want it like that. Why I think it's important and where technology maybe should be in our priority list.

If you're interested in getting that, it's totally free. It's just something that I have on my website that I thought would be important and helpful to draw attention to while you're listening to this episode.

To get that for free, go to alliecasazza.com/shownotes/111.


ALLIE: I love something that you talk about in your book, how unmade decisions will smoke out things that we’re addicted to, like these hidden addictions. Not like addiction to alcohol and addiction to other things, but addiction to needing clarity or needing the approval of other people before you make a decision. Can you kind of unpack that for us? I just thought that was so astute and wise. I’ve noticed it in my own life when I've had to talk through things. Can you talk about that?

EMILY: It’s such an interesting thing to think about because it's very meta to think about how we make decisions, because usually we don't think about the process. We just either do it or we don't do it. When I think about decisions that that give me the hardest time or the ones that I'm procrastinating on, that's what I think our decision making and the process can begin to smoke out those addictions that we don't even realize are there.

For example, sometimes when I'm putting a decision off, the reason is because I'm afraid of the people I'll disappoint one way or the other. If I make this decision, these people are going to be disappointed. I make that one, I'm going to let these people down. Sometimes it's just perceived. I'm just afraid I'll let those people down. It might not even be real, but it's a fear of that.

And that can be an addiction to really deeply caring what people think to an unhealthy degree. Or it could be, I put something off because I am addicted to my own comfort. Even just buying a plane ticket. It's like, “Uh, I don't like the feeling I get when I'm having to make a decision that's definitive. I leave at this time and I get back at this time.” There's something in there that, though it might just be a quirky thing that we do, there could be something in there if we listened to our life that we realize could unlock a deeper issue. So, it's like these surface unmade decisions can actually inform something that might be happening beneath the surface.

And another thing, I think when we put decisions off, a lot of times and you mentioned it, it's because we are addicted to a sense of clarity. We think that until I know everything there is to know, and until I feel a perfect peace, I will not move. But in reality, a lot of times the peace and clarity come on the other side and it's once you finally make the decision and walk into the foggy future, that clarity begins to reveal itself to us over time.

Sometimes we're never sure if it was “right” or not. We just did the next thing we need to do at the time. That addiction to clarity, if we're waiting to feel clear, perfect peace, man, we might be waiting for a really long time.

Marie Forleo talks about clarity comes from engagement not from thought. Sometimes we think, “Well, if I think this through every single possible outcome that could come from this decision, then I'll have clarity.” But her point is a good one in that a lot of times it's engaging with the decision, engaging with our life, that actually brings the clarity to us as we move forward, even as we're carrying some question marks.

ALLIE: As you're talking about this, I'm just thinking about people who struggle with anxiety and I'm wondering do you have any experience with this helping ease just regular anxiety? Does that even make sense? This is not in my notes, this is an unformed question, but how does this affect people that struggle with being anxious in those little moments, unexplained anxiety?

EMILY: Well I think that's a great question and first of all I think sometimes we feel shame when we have feelings that we can't explain. Anxious feelings or fearful feelings.

And I just want to point out that feelings are always valid. They might not always tell us the truth, but they always give us information. So if we're feeling anxious, pay attention, you might not be able to explain it, but it can be a red flag of something that could be really helpful to know. But it's okay if you can't explain it. I think paying attention to those triggers when we do feel anxiety and maybe getting beneath that and asking yourself why.

Another thing in an anxious place, especially when it comes to decision making or something I'm being asked to do, try to put into English words what you are afraid of. Sometimes fear is a smoky enemy, but when you get down to it and you put it in English, it loses a lot of its power because you realize, oh, I was afraid…just general fear, but when I put it in English it’s like, “Oh no, actually, I'm afraid that I will miss my daughter's performance.” There can be really specific things. Once you have that fact or that information, you might be better equipped to deal with the thing you're actually afraid of and saying it out loud can help loosen some of the power.

One question I like to ask myself when I'm feeling stuck in a decision is am I being pushed by fear or am I being led by love in this decision? And looking for the fear and the love in decision making can be really informative. It might not always help us make the next decision, but I think it can give us a lot of information about, “Okay, oh I am afraid. Well why is that?” Asking the question beneath the question when it comes to fear.

I know sometimes even just asking that question, “Oh, am I making a decision out of fear or am I making a decision out of love,” sometimes that alone is enough to help us know maybe not the whole decision, but at least our next right thing.

ALLIE: That makes so much sense. I love that.

You talk about naming in your book and I also really loved this section. You have those two core principles about choosing the next right thing and having sole minimalism, which we will totally dive into. I might be wrong; I think this was the next section. I actually marked this section that I wanted to read so that you could expand on it. It's so good and you lead into it with saying “put into English words.”

You say in the book, “sometimes indecision is the result of a busy schedule or a hesitant personality. Other times it's because something within us remains unnamed and we simply don't have enough information or self-knowledge to move forward. Without a name we can't be specific and there's nothing fear likes more than nonspecificity.”

I just love that because it's true on so many levels. And I think you just touched on it with the anxiety question a little bit about like, well, what is it? Because it's either going to be a little ridiculous and you'll realize that, “Oh well, this thing isn't going to happen,” or it could totally happen, but you now can take steps to protect it or help it not happen.

Can you talk a little bit more about that naming? Examples that you have done or anything that you could help us see more clearly that in our day-to-day life?

EMILY: I think it's a great question and I think it is an important part of the decision-making process that's often not talked about and overlooked. We go straight from, “I have to make a decision,” and then we jump straight into whatever the decision is without taking a little time to listen to our own life. Part of that listening process is putting a name to some things.

I'm trying to think of a good example. I share the story of the Writebols in the book where Nancy Writebol, who was diagnosed with Ebola virus when she was a medical missionary. During that time, I saw a news brief where she and her husband, after she was better, were giving a news conference about her experience.

She and her husband shared a lot of the difficulties, a lot of the fear. They thought she wasn't going to make it at one point, but she pulled through and they talked about their faith. They talked about the hope that they had in God. But that there were also some hard times.

I was on the elliptical at the gym when I was watching this news conference and I was listening. At the end of it, it was so interesting because the news commentator summed up the news conference with the Writebols and she said how beautiful their story was. She said their's was “a narrative of joy.” I had to take my earbuds out and stop the elliptical because first of all, I thought that was such a beautiful way to say that, “a narrative of joy.” But it was also really counterintuitive to call that a narrative of joy because they were talking about her recovering from Ebola, this terribly life-threatening sickness.

And I thought, you know what? The “narrative” is the keyword there because each plot point in their life when she was on that bed and very sick and her husband couldn't even go in the room because it was too dangerous, that was not joyful. That was dark, filled with grief and probably a lot of fear and anxiety. But when they look at the whole narrative of her life and even of the experience, the whole thing, they could name that narrative as one of joy, even though each plot point was not joyful.

When it comes to my life, oftentimes I am tempted to look at the plot points and call that the story. And I can get stuck in a difficult day or difficult moment, an argument or relational disagreement, a work setback. And I can say. “This is hard.” And I named the narrative hard, difficult, fearful, anxious, wrong, discouraged. Rather than letting that day or that moment be a plot point in a larger story, a larger narrative. It’s an example of taking a step back at your life and seeing it for what it is on the whole. It doesn't mean that those plot points aren't to be named. They are.

Sometimes I think we rush too fast. I think we can do both. We will either wallow in the difficulty and refuse to see the narrative that's bigger, or we feel shame for feeling the difficulty. So, we will rush too quickly to the joy or to the hope. Or when we see someone around us struggling, we will be uncomfortable in their struggle, so we'll rush them to a narrative of joy, but they need to be in that plot point and name it because we cannot heal from what we do not name. And don't confront.

I think a lot of times we're walking around with a lot of woundedness and a lot of things from our past, decisions that we've made, that maybe we regret but we haven't named it regret. Instead maybe we are living under a banner of disappointment or whatever the thing is, but we didn't trace it back to a certain decision at a certain time in a certain place. Call it a plot point but don't make it the whole narrative.

Making that differentiation between a plot point and the narrative has been really life giving for me and has freed me up to let the hard things be hard, but not to let them define the whole story.

ALLIE: I love that. I love it so much. It's such a perspective shift. If you can do it now before a really hard thing happens, then you're going to be equipped with that when it does hit. I have a really dear friend that I grew up with that she was fostering a little boy and he actually ended up getting murdered by his birth mom. It's this awful thing. I'm watching everybody around in our lives try to get them where they wanted them to be faster. We're seeing these people that we all love in pain, in incredible pain, that really none of us understood because that's a very unique trauma. No one had gone through it. And naturally, you don't really know what to do. But as I went, I flew out there, and I sat with them, I noticed people were uncomfortable with their discomfort and wanted them to just feel better.

It was exactly what you're saying, rushing them to get into that narrative that makes us feel better. Like, “Oh, you're not in pain anymore. I'm so glad you got through that. God is greater.” And it's like, they're not there yet. They're really upset. I learned so much about that.

But I love that you talk about that for ourselves too. Not forcing and not rushing that clarity, and that knowing of this is what’s in my story. You don't need to know sometimes. And that's so hard for my personality, but so true.

EMILY: I so get that. I shared this story, you might have read, but I had some back pain and I went to get a massage. My mother-in-law was like, “You need a massage. I'm going to pay for that.” I'm like, “Eh, okay.” But when I went the massage therapist, she told me, she said, “Actually, which side of your back hurts?” And I was like, “It was the left side.” She said, “Well, I actually noticed more trouble in your right side.” So immediately I'm like, “What does it mean?” You know?

I was like, “Well, tell me, what does that mean that it’s the opposite side? And I kind of freaked out like, “Oh great, I have a whole back that's troubled.” She very calmly answered and she said, “Um, it doesn't mean anything. It's just information.” And I thought, oh I was trying to rush to an explanation, but she was making, forcing me to be satisfied with information.

And sometimes that's all we get. We don't have an explanation or a diagnosis. But sometimes naming it and seeing it for what it is and letting let that be enough. That might be all we ever get. And like you said, it can be super hard and frustrating, but it still can be helpful.

As we move forward, especially with people who are in trauma situations, like you mentioned, the more comfortable we get with carrying our own question marks, I think the better friends we are to those who are living in a giant question mark that none of us understand. We can more quickly and empathetically identify with where they are and let them be in that space. Which I think is where a lot of people need to be sometimes for an amount of time that we might not be comfortable with.

ALLIE: Yeah. The whole idea and the philosophy behind doing the next right thing is really a beautiful way to live in a really beautiful way to show up for others too. It’s not just about us.

I do want to talk a little bit about the soul minimalist idea that you present. I think it's in the second chapter or something. It's kind of like a crux of the whole point of what you're saying. I love that you call it soul minimalist because that's what we talk about here on The Purpose Show is minimalism in all different forms.

I saw that it was in the Table Of Contents and I was tempted to jump to it, because as a minimalist and one of the teachers of this, I'm like, “I don't know what that even means.” I feel like I'm out on some secret and I want to know.

It was so beautiful the way you talk about it, so I want you to explain what that is, what you mean by that and how you practice it.

EMILY: Well, Joshua Becker, who writes about actual minimalism in his books and on his blog, Becoming Minimalist, I heard him say once that minimalism is not that you should own nothing but that nothing should own you. I think people who practice minimalism in their homes and in their lifestyle, you want freedom. You want to not have things so much that it's overcoming you. That it becomes the boss of you rather than the other way around. And so, he talked about how we often have regular input of things into our homes, but we don't always have regular output.

And when I heard him say that, I thought, “Oh wow!” Because I'm always thinking of the inner life, I thought how that is also true on the level of my soul. When it comes to the interactions that we have everyday, deadlines that are put on us or that we put on ourselves, emails that we get, conversations with people, family members and friends, and strangers, that is constant input to our psyche, to our soul, our mind, our will and emotions. And we carry that stuff around. Especially when it's difficult. We carry that stuff around. Our souls are very sticky and all that stuff sticks to us. It’s constant input, but we don't have a regular practice, many of us, of output.

In fact, many of us don't even realize we're carrying stuff around all day, every day. And we also wouldn't even know how to get rid of it if we tried. And so, this idea of not owning nothing, not emptying your insides, but having none of that own you, can apply in the inner life as well as the outer life.

For me the way that practice can be brought into my everyday life in reality…What does it look like to become a minimalist on the soul level? The same way decluttering is to our home. For me, silence and stillness is to my soul. That really literally looks like some intentional time when I can get it, or during my morning routine, I'll sometimes set my phone for just a couple minutes, sometimes 10, usually 4 or 5 minutes, set it, hit start. And that time is just a time for me to sit in stillness and silence.

Sometimes I will name, silently, some of the things that I'm carrying. Usually for me, it's an interaction with someone that rubbed me the wrong way, or a way I felt dismissed in a conversation, an argument that maybe I had with my husband that morning, a way that I was short with my people. I will name that and then imagine releasing it into the presence of God, but doing it without an agenda.

What I’ve said so far is a lot more than I usually do during that time of silence. That's one way of releasing, but sometimes it's just silence for the sake of silence and letting that 5 minutes of silence be my next right thing. Knowing that when the timer goes off, it will go off. Sometimes it feels like it's been 20 minutes; sometimes it feels like it's been 5 seconds, but it will go off in five minutes. Problems aren't necessarily solved and the world isn't necessarily changed. But I am a little better prepared to face my problems and to enter the world because I have cleared a little bit of space on the inside.

I don't understand it fully. I don't know fully the science behind it, but I do know that when I'm able to do that I feel a little bit more like myself and a little bit more able to confront the day with some space so that those things are not owning me because I've recognized them and I've spent some time in silence to let them go.

ALLIE: I love that so much. It's so true and it's funny to me that mindfulness and meditation is this hot topic right now and it's like this is biblical. This is this idea of being quiet and not always filling your every second with noise and grabbing your phone, or whatever it is, is not new. It's just affecting us at a much deeper level because we need it so much more, I think. People are really grabbing onto it. Just being still and being quiet.

I think that for Moms, what I always hear when I talk about this is, “Well, how do you find the time when there's always somebody there?” I think that, and I want to know what you think too, but I think that sometimes silence, it doesn't have to be perfect silent, perfect stillness where you're on the floor and there's no one. Sometimes it's just a quiet moment.

I know you mentioned, I don't know if it was in the book or podcast that you mentioned but, the walk to the mailbox or you wait one extra second before you get out of the car and wake your baby up from their nap in their car seat. Little things. I mean is there anything I'm missing in terms of busy mothers trying to find that stillness?

EMILY: I think you said it so well Allie. I think that can be a great first step practice is if you can't even find 5 minutes, and sometimes we can't. I mean, I had twins, two babies at once. I remember the relentless, it was almost like there was no one big decision. It was just 10 million tiny decisions. And I didn't know if I was making any of them right. It was just so hard. And those five seconds you get alone are so sacred and sometimes you feel like, “I need to take a shower.” When you finally get that time, you want to spend it doing something that feels really life giving.

Quite honestly, silence doesn't feel life giving to all of us all the time. We don't see an immediate benefit. It's a slow work. If we don't know exactly what's going to come of it, sometimes it can feel a waste of time. So instead of maybe doing it that way, doing exactly what you said, have it be an unconventional spiritual practice of almost playing a game of finding the silence, the natural silent moments in your day that already exist in your day. You're not recreating the wheel.

It could be walking to the mailbox. It could be, like you said, sitting in the car for five more seconds. And letting it be five full seconds. That can actually go a really long way.

If someone is there and helping you with the kids, let them be there. Don’t stay in that room. Leave the room. Leave the house if you can. If you work outside the home, maybe you're able to get to work a few minutes earlier than everybody else and just take that time to be silent time.

I think that we all have silent moments in the day, but we tend to fill them with something else just because the truth is, it is a lot easier to stay moving and to stay distracted than it is to be still and to be silent. It just takes a lot of intention.

I never want to make it sound like this is easy, but I think it is worth it. It's a slow work and it is a reteaching of ourselves, of the values that silence can have in our lives. It can really begin to nurture us in ways that the distractions and the noise just aren't able to do.

ALLIE: Yeah. So, so good. I mean, gosh, so good. So, The Next Right Thing, the book is out?

EMILY: It's out. It came out April 2nd.

ALLIE: Good. Awesome. It's so good you guys! And I love the minimalistic look of it. It looks really cute on my coffee table.

EMILY: Good. That's the goal.

ALLIE: I mean if it can't be in an Instagram photo, why do you even write it?

EMILY: Why would you even write it? I completely agree.

ALLIE: Okay, so guys, I'm going to link in the show notes to this book, and to the Emily’s podcast. It's so good. And so short. I think the average is like 10 minutes, 12 minutes per episode. So short. And just pointed and good.

Other than that, where do you show up online? Where do you want people to go and find you?

EMILY: Yeah, I love Instagram. You mentioned Instagram. I'm at Emily P. Freeman there. That's probably where I spend most of my time online.

Also at emilypfreemen.com is my website where you can find the podcast and the books there too. And then, of course, The Next Right Thing Podcast.

ALLIE: Okay. Thank you, Emily! This was so good. I really appreciate your time.

EMILY: I loved it. Thanks for having me!


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 110: Secrets For Navigating Busy Seasons Well

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Annie Dillard always says, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” That is an easy statement to hear when we are in restful seasons driven by balance and simplicity. But what about those seasons that are full, busy, and can lead to feeling overwhelmed, mentally cluttered, and a cranky attitude?

It is important that we listen to our bodies and minds, and that we take it one day, even one step at a time. And it is freeing when we allow ourselves to become intuitive and make necessary changes and shift in busier seasons. Just know that everything is figureoutable and everything can be simplified. It is ok if you have to cut out or cut back on things. Life won’t end!

So let’s dive in and talk about how you can navigate the really busy, full seasons of your life well, and really show up well in those times of life!

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • Why it is important for you to intentionally shift your perspective from negative to excited when seasons get busy.

  • How brain dumping on paper will help you problem solve and delegate.

  • Knowing when to cut back and simplify or push through and keep going.

  • Things you can do to create space to recharge and mindlessly find rest.

  • Ways you can add self care into your everyday rhythm.

Mentioned in this Episode:


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Are you in a busy season? Are you about to be in one? Maybe you want to prepare for the next one, whenever that is. I got you, friend!

I created a free downloadable pdf that's going to help you feel empowered and equipped to implement the action steps from this episode in your next busy season.

Your Busy Season Prep Guide not only is full of reminders for you to have with you every day, but it's also a workbook-style pdf where it has space for you to work through each of the steps I'm giving you in this episode.

You can braindump out what's troubling you, what your stress points are. It has suggestions and prompts for you to take action on everything we're talking about here and everything we're going to talk about in the remainder of this episode. Space for you to come up with a plan for the busy seasons of your life. It's really handy. Don’t miss out on this! I know it will serve you well!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hey, beautiful friend! Thank you for listening to The Purpose Show today! It means the world to me that I get to be a part of your day, your life, and your motherhood, if you're one of my momma listeners, which most of you are.

Today we are going to quickly dive right in and talk about some secrets for how you can navigate the really busy, full seasons of your life well, and really show up well in those times of life.

While I am all for simplicity, rest, and balance, sometimes you just have a really busy week, a really full month, or a really busy season that you're walking into and you know that it just has to be that way for whatever reason. I think it's really easy to become overwhelmed, mentally cluttered, and get negative about the business you're facing. And then you walk into it cranky and in this victim mode and it's just not good.

That's not what we want to do. That’s not how we want to end up living our lives. And we know…what do we know…what Annie Dillard always says, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” And so, if you're spending all these seasons of fullness cranky and in victim mode, you know not only is that not good for you, you're training your kids that that's how you handle life when it doesn't go the way that you want, when it's busy. It's just not good and this is not how we want to live our lives.

Sometimes life gets really full, thick, and busy and we don't want to handle it in victim mode, right? That’s not what we really want. It's just kind of what we naturally tend to choose to do and we want to not do that.

And being transparent with you guys, as always, I sometimes naturally fall into kind of a depression when I'm super overwhelmed. It's my mind's way of letting me know that it's a lot, and I need to either clear some of it out of my way or have a perspective shift and shift my mindset.

I think it's really beneficial to listen to your body, listen to your mind, take it one day at a time, one step at a time, learn to become intuitive, and make changes as needed, go with the flow in that way. As Marie Forleo, my favorite business teacher, always says, “Everything is figureoutable.” I also want to add, “Everything can be simplified.” Something can be cut, it will all be okay. It's not the end of the world if you back out of something or make a change last minute.

So having said that, I want to quickly dive into this sort of pep talk about some really simple, pointed ways you can take ownership of your life and handle the busy times of life like the action-taking, problem-solving woman that you are.

# 1: Shift your perspective. This is an intent that you can set, okay? You can set your intent to go from negative, overwhelmed, “oh my gosh, poor me, this is so hard, this is so much. How am I ever going to do this?” You can shift it from that to excited, positive, and ready to show up well. It is all in your mind.

If you are not familiar with the power of the mind and the electric current that runs through your body, whether it's a negative one or a positive one when you have a thought - research, get familiar, educate yourself on this. It is everything! For real! Shift your perspective about the busy season you're walking into.

# 2: Act like a woman who owns her life and is a go-getter. Sometimes - I don't care what anybody says - sometimes you just have to “fake it till you make it” and it just is what it is. Sometimes you have to just put a smile on your face. “No, I have to do these things. This is just a part of my life and there's not much I can do about it. I am going to choose to change my perspective about this. I'm going to be a woman who owns her life and is a go-getter. I'm going to take this on the best way that I can.”

# 3: Brain dump out onto paper, in a journal, or whatever it is, what is bothering you. What's troubling you about this upcoming season? Brainstorm possible solutions. Brainstorm some things you might delegate to someone else. Is there something you could do in this season? Maybe there's certain things that you have to handle yourself that have to be done by you, but you could bring on a housekeeper for a month to help you with the stuff that you normally do yourself. Just in this season. Maybe there's someone you could ask for help. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't be afraid to hand things off. You're not superwoman. You don't have to do that. You can delegate. You can ask for help. You can get rid of some things that are normally on your plate that just don't need to be on your plate right now in this crazy season.

Next, know when you need to cut back and simplify, and when you need to push through, regroup, come up with a better game plan and keep going. There is a difference. And you're going to have to know. No one can tell you that. I can't come on here and tell you which one you need to do because I don't know you. I don't know your life season. I don't know your situation.

You’ve got to ask yourself, “Is this something that I can cut back on? Is this something that I need to back out of or do I just need to simplify my to-do list? Give myself grace, let go of perfectionism. Realize it's not all going to get done perfectly right now and push through, regroup, come up with a better game plan and keep going.”


Hey sweet friend! I know we're only part-way through this episode, but I have to tell you because this is going to make it more actionable and doable for you. My team and I have created a free downloadable pdf that's going to be super helpful in taking action on this episode. That's what I want for you. I don't want you to just listen and leave. I want you to listen and feel empowered and equipped to implement.

I created something that's called Your Busy Season Prep Guide. It's a free downloadable pdf and it's really awesome because not only does it contain just reminders of the tips I'm giving you in this episode so that you don't have to go back and listen to this episode again, you can have it printed out somewhere, but it's also a workbook-style pdf where it has space for you to work through each of the steps I'm giving you in this episode.

You can braindump out what's troubling you, what your stress points are. It has suggestions and prompts for you to take action on everything we're talking about here and everything we're going to talk about in the remainder of this episode. Space for you to come up with a plan for the busy seasons of your life. It's really handy.

I think that I would charge maybe like 20-40 bucks for this and it's just totally free.

To snag that, go to alliecasazza.com/shownotes/110.


Next, have something to help you veg out during this busy, really full season. For me, it's a funny show that I've watched a thousand times before, like The Office, Seinfeld, Parks & Recreation. It's mindless. It's a temporary escape. It helps me calm down and unwind, either in the middle of the day or at the end of the day. It helps my brain recharge. Just veg out on a funny show that I have seen a billion times. Find something like that. What helps you veg out? What gives your brain a regroup?

Next, fit in rest in between the busyness, in the midst of all the busyness.

Here's an example. I am currently, at the time I'm recording this, I am in the middle of a launch season. When you launch or relaunch something in a business, it is go-time. It is all-hands-on-deck. I delegate a lot of it to my team, but there's large chunks of it that have to be done by me because I am The Creative in my business, and I am the face of my business. So I have to show up. I have to go ‘live’ almost every day. I'm writing emails. I'm tweaking things. Fine-tuning things. Making things better. I'm looking ahead. I'm showing up for you guys. I'm hanging out with my audience, which is both a joy and an exhausting thing for me.

In launch season there's multiple launches back-to-back. We had two launches and a webinar back-to-back-to-back in a row. And so, I knew that I was heading into a really, really full season, so I planned periods of rest and recharging and I sprinkled them everywhere.

Here's an example. I had two straight weeks of very long days prepping for the first of these launches in this launch season. Two straight weeks of constantly looking at my computer. Really long days. I normally only work a couple hours a day. Sometimes I have little spurts of four-hour days, but I normally don't work really long days. And so, it was two weeks of just straight up, super long days. Very draining, draining work. Pouring my heart into the computer.

After that I took three days. I had a three-day weekend that I intentionally planned no phone, just taking a break. Then the next Monday started the ‘live’ launch. This is when now I'm done planning the live streams. This is where I show up. I'm actually live. I'm talking with you guys, hanging out with you guys, telling you guys, “I want you in this program” and all that good stuff.

Then I had four days off for my birthday getaway and when I came back from that, I geared up for the next launch. We finished that launch and I'm going to be going on a week-long vacation with my family. Then I come back and I have a Webinar. So, you see I'm inner-spurting (not a word) rest within the busyness.

When you know that you're going into a really busy season, like if your kid is starting a sport or your work is going to be really crazy or something like that, you know ahead of time, look ahead, fit in rest in between. When are you going to have a no-phone day? When are you going to give your eyes and your head a break? Where can you head to the beach with your family and just veg out? When can you have a ‘nothing day’ where you literally just sit at home and sit on the couch in your pajamas and just relax? How can you fit in rest? Self-care and rest needs to be a part of your every day during the really, really busy seasons too.

That every day looks like getting good sleep at night. Sneaking in a nap if and when you can. Going for a drive by yourself. Getting away for a second.

It also has to be a part of your busy season. So every day rest would look like those examples. Getting good sleep, sneaking in a nap, going for a drive, sneaking in a half-hour coffee date with a friend in the middle of a really busy day.

Fitting in rest and self-care in your busy season would be more of an example that I gave like the four days away for my birthday in the middle of a crazy launch season.

So, balancing that daily and weekly rest. Does that make sense? Look ahead and ask yourself, “How can I fit in rest?” Because if you don't rest, you're not going to have the energy and focus that you need to take on all that this busy season is requiring of you.

You are not required to be superwoman. We often do this to ourselves and make our lives harder. We exhaust ourselves. We make ourselves miserable. And we are showing our family, this is what you're worth to me - me running myself ragged and then freaking out on you because I'm desperate and exhausted. What would happen if you just said, “Okay, this is a busy season we're walking into. I'm going to look ahead. I'm going to be an action-taking, problem-solving woman and I'm going to sprinkle in rest and self-care. Just little things like a drive by myself, taking a quick nap, making myself a yummy latte at home before I go sit down and do all this work.” Little things and big things whenever the season that's busy is really, really long. Ask yourself, “Where can I fit in the rest that’s going to equip me to do what I need to do?”

And you guys, self-care cannot be understated ever, but especially in these really full, busy seasons. This is when you need to get your morning ritual under control. I will link to that episode on my morning ritual and the show notes for this episode. It is a life-changing episode. It's one of the top 10 episodes ever. You've got to listen to it. This is no time to try to overwork yourself and use every minute to be productive. This is the time to mix productivity with intense self-care and inner quiet and calm so that you can handle the extra busyness.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 102: How to Take Action On What You Learn (so you don't stay stuck!)

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I love learning and growing! It is a big part of the conversations I have here on the show. One of the biggest things I think we all struggle with is taking action on what we learn and actually following through on it. There is power in taking action on the things we are reading, learning, and hearing. If you find yourself learning things but struggling to take action on what you are learning, I got you friend! This episode is for you and I am going to help you figure out how to take action!  

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • The power behind taking action to the things you are learning.

  • Why online courses aren’t just a trend, but more effective than reading a book.

  • Steps you can take to follow through on making a change.

  • The importance of accountability when taking action.

Mentioned in this Episode:


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Unburdened is one of my online course programs that focuses on simplicity and minimalism minimalism for your life, your calendar, your schedule, and your daily structure.

Unburdened is everything for the overwhelmed mom who knows that she needs a life overhaul but is too overwhelmed to start and doesn’t know how to do that.

Unburdened is open for enrollment! Don’t miss out on this amazing course! Normally it is $160 but it is cut down to $99 and it's going away for a good long while. And I want to see you in there before the doors close. So take action and sign up now!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.

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Hey, sweet friend! Okay, we're going to jump right in to today's episode because I have a goal for you today. I want you to walk away from this episode really, really amped up about taking action on something.

I've been thinking about this episode a lot and I've had a lot of different thoughts and a lot of different post-it notes around my house about this episode. When I come up with a new episode idea or I feel something on my heart to share, I let it sit there for a while. I don't just jump on the mic and start talking cause then my episodes would be terrible. I give it some space. I let it shift around in my brain, in my heart a little bit. I pray about it. I think about it. I leave it alone a little bit and things just kind of pop up in me about it. And I know when it's time to hit record on this issue.

I've had a lot of really great post-it notes about this episode. Maybe not everybody's going to feel that way about it because I don't think any episode accomplishes that, that every single person is like, “This is amazing!” But I know that there is a good solid chunk of you out there that are struggling with taking action and feeling really defeated and feeling stuck.

And you know, when I say “you are an action-taking, problem-solving woman” which is one of my catch phrases that I love to say because it's the truth and you can be that at any point that you decide, I think sometimes when I say that some of you are like, “I want to be, but I'm not,” and you can change that.

We're going to talk about that today because this is something that I have gone through in my own personal life that I used to not be an action-taker. I used to really stay stuck. I used to struggle with that. It’s something that I've worked through in my own process and I'll talk about that more in a few minutes.

I think the things we can teach best and the things that we can make the most impact with are the things that we've learned in our personal lives. And this is one of those things for me.

First, I want to say that I'm all about learning and growing and that's where this episode is coming from. We talk about that a lot here on the show in different ways. That's why we have Allie Reads October, where every October (now it's on the podcast because that's the main form of content) we focus on different authors and books that have shaped me this year. That is coming from a place of how did I learn and grow? What affected and impacted me as a person this year? That's learning and growing.

If you go back and scroll through the past episodes, pretty much all of them have a theme of how can we learn and grow in this area? And I think that's the key to living a purposeful life. Not only just showing up where you are and showing up well, but creating a life that you can show up well in where you're not constantly distracted by your phone, clutter, an overstuffed schedule, and all these other things that get in the way of your purpose. But also like Maya Angelou said, “know better, do better.” That you're living like that. That you learn something new and you go and take action on it.

You're growing. You're not just taking in information. You're not just getting inspired by a quote, a podcast episode, a book, or a lesson that you learned somewhere and then just letting that sit there. That you're taking action on it. That you do something with it.

I think this is one of the biggest things that we all struggle with because I get tons of messages about this issue. Taking action on what you learn. And another step further - following through on that.

So, we're going to dive into being an action-taker and being someone who follows through on your goals and the things that you learn.

I think it’s something that I have personally gotten really good at and I'm excited to share that process with you all.

We're going to get really specific into what exactly do I do and how can you actually take action? How do you actually implement something that you've learned? What does that look like? What's the step? What's the process? Not just like, “Hey, you need to take what you learn and run with it.” I don't want to give you an empty, motivational speaker talk, but actually how do you do that? What does the process look like for me? What have I found that works and how can you do that?

Before we do all of that, I think it's important to talk about a couple of other things first. And one of those things is that I want to say any format of learning can work for most people. There's always different circumstances. There's always exceptions. If you have a learning disability and you know one way of learning doesn't work for you, even then we shouldn't use those things as an excuse to not learn. To not grow. To not partake in self-improvement, in bettering yourself. In “knowing better, doing better.”

But in most circumstances, any format of learning will work for most people. Whether that's listening to a speaker, listening to a podcast, reading a book, reading a magazine article or watching a video on YouTube of how to do something. Usually any formative learning can work for most people. I think that books can be life changing if we let them, but a lot of you might notice that you're constantly buying and reading books and then not taking action on what you learned from them.

This is a multifaceted issue, but I think that if you were to decide to take action, you could.

This is what I love about online learning and this new trend of online courses. This is why I've gone down this path in my business and I want to just dive into this for a second because I think that online learning is powerful.

I think that it is the new way. I think that it's the new way for a reason. The Internet has been around for a really long time and online courses are just now really coming about. And I think that that has nothing to do with, “oh well, everything's online now.” Everything's been online for a really long time.

Why are online courses kind of the new trend now? I think that the reason is because of the power and the science behind that type of learning and how effective it is. I think that online courses are something that a lot of people think are new and weird, unnecessary, overpriced. This kind of thought process just kills me because you're missing the power of online learning in general. I just want to shine a light on it for a second because this is why I do what I do.

This is why I haven't…until just now I'm starting to work on my book proposal and getting a book deal and all that. But this is why I've gone this route because this is powerful and life changing. The Internet is incredible. It's such a gift if you'll use it that way. There's so much power and science behind online courses and their effectiveness.

I think firstly it's because you get to do this on your own terms when you have a course. And how amazing is that for us Moms? We're constantly getting interrupted. You can press pause. You’re taking in information in a way that works. You can press pause, then jump right back into it anytime that you need, which is different than books. Sometimes you forget what you read. Have you ever read a page of something and then not even realize what happened on that page?

But with courses it's really interactive and it's really amazing. If you're buying from a reputable person in the industry of interest and you're not buying a course from a random weirdo (because now that it's more popular there are definitely people who are very unqualified creating and selling online courses, but that's the same for books and magazines and anything else) but the courses are basically like going to college online for the topic that you need help with.

Studies show that we retain things better in 10 to 25-minute chunks. And that's how the lessons in my courses are (at least as often as possible) in that amount, so that you’re retaining this and you can actually go and do something with what you just learned and you can run with it.

If you are one of the people that has felt like you’re reading books and then you kind of do nothing about it, maybe you need a different format. Maybe you just need to ‘suck it up buttercup’ and be an action taker and outline a plan to follow through on something, which we'll cover in a second.

Maybe a different format would work for you. Maybe you need to take it a step further. Studies are showing that more action is taken when you enroll in an online course than when you read a book, and that's, like what I was mentioning, the whole reason that I have this business model.

I've had multiple book deal offers for years. I think a lot of people think that, oh, I don't have that. I'm not big enough for that yet, so I'm just making courses. No. I've had multiple books deal offers, but once I discovered courses, I didn't want to go that route until I had set up the messages that I felt needed to get out into the world in course form. Because I'm in charge of that content. I'm in charge of saying, “This is what this girl needs to learn next in order for her to have a lighter motherhood, a more simplified home that is set up for memories and not constant maintenance.”

And now in my career I'm ready to reach the masses with my messaging and books do that better than courses in terms of reaching people because people read books more than anything else and it's probably going to be that way for a really long time. But I'm still hoping that that leads to people getting into the courses and making real change happen.

I think a book is more like a guide that you can read to understand why you need to change something or know something. But a course, being more interactive, is more like having a coach in your ear guiding you through the actual change process and showing you the way. You're having the teacher be right there with you audibly. You're hearing their voice and they are explaining the core things they know, on whatever topic, to you directly.

And that sensory experience of listening to a voice, seeing on a video what needs to be shown to you, a visual example, that's invaluable. That's huge. I know that courses run higher on the price scale, like most courses are $800 -1,000+. Mine are in the $100 range because I purposely price them as low as humanly possible for your guys' sake. But the investment is bigger. It's bigger than a book and there's more at stake. And what happens is people show the heck up when they invest in a course. They've got skin in the game. And I think there's something really big to be said for that.

So maybe you need to revisit the format of learning. Maybe you need to show up better. Maybe you need to put your money where your mouth is. Maybe you need to put some skin in the game and find a way to show up better to actually have something at stake. More than a $10 book or whatever is. To show up and own what you need to work on.

Show up, buy the thing that's going to give you the keys to make those changes and then have enough at stake to where you’ve got to take action. You made room in your budget for this investment. You've got to show up and take action. It's not a book you order on Amazon Prime for $8.97. It's something that you really had to talk to your husband about. You had to create space in your budget. You had to invest in and show up in that way and that increases your actionability so much more.

The only people who invest in courses (that I see) and then don't really take action are the ones that when we do the survey they make over $250,000 a year. Their money is not an issue for them, so it wasn't really enough of a stake for them.

But typically, you're showing up in a different way. You're showing up with your money, which makes the world go round, which feeds your family, which is everything. You can take action on anything if you really wanted to, but I do think there's something to be said for setting ourselves up for success from the very beginning, in terms of changing up the format, changing up the investment we're making, changing up what we've been doing in terms of what we're actually buying and where our time and money and investment is going.

If you’ve bought a billion books, get a course, do something different, go on different path. Your action is different from the get-go. You're doing something new and that is going to increase your likelihood of success.

That was just a note that I wanted to say. I think that it's really important to shine a light on the purpose that goes into what I'm doing for you guys. It's not just a random choice that there's online courses and that the book is just now happening. It's been very deliberate. Very thought and prayed through. Very intentional. I will always believe in the power of an online course over a book.


Hey, sweet friend! In case you haven't already heard I’ve been talking about Unburdened a lot in my world lately because the doors are open and it's going away and I want you to hear about it before it does.

Unburdened is one of my online course programs. It's the second one that I created. Basically, the first one is minimalism, simplicity and intentional living for your home and your physical space. This one, Unburdened, is that for your life, your calendar, your schedule, your day’s structure.

How do you structure your days and make sure you get the important things done, but not be tied down to a rigid schedule because not everyone wants that. And that freaks some of us out. Me included.

Unburdened is everything for the overwhelmed mom who knows that she needs a life overhaul but is too overwhelmed to start and doesn't know how to do that. Unburdened lightens your load by taking you through a four-step framework that I have refined over the last three years.

Step 1: Set boundaries for your phone and tech, for yourself and for others, to make space in your life for what really matters.

Step 2: Take ownership of your time. Clear the calendar clutter. Create your ideal day. Set up daily and weekly rhythms, so the important stuff gets done on autopilot and you're not having to constantly make sure you're thinking of it and remembering everything.

Step 3: Implement a plan for doable self-care because you cannot give your family water if your well is dry.

And finally, Step 4: Get purposeful in your day-to-day life. Because how we spend our days is how we spend our lives.

If you're into this and you're like, “Oh my gosh! I need that,” guys, the door’s open!

Unburdened is normally $160 but it's cut down to $99 and it's going away for a good long while.

The doors are open. They close really soon.

Go to alliecasazza.com/unburdenedlife. Alliecasazza.com/unburdenedlife. Get all the details to get all the info and enroll. I want to see you in there before the doors close.


Let's discuss how to follow through on making a change, no matter what format. Let's talk about how to follow through in making that change.

First, I think we need to just say a little bit of a disclaimer here. You need to know when to change your mind about something versus when you're giving up or losing motivation.

There's an episode that I did (I don't remember what number it is, but I'll link to it in the show notes for you guys) that is literally called “It's Okay To Change Your Mind” and it's one of the most popular episodes of The Purpose Show, because I think people need that freedom from performing for the sake of others. Maybe not every personality type will relate to this, but I know that I do, and a lot of you guys do because that episode is so popular.

I think we say we're going to do something…say we're gonna pursue something or make a change or do something in our lives…and then it doesn't fit. Maybe you realize, “This is not something that I want to do. This is not something that's good for me. This is not something that I have space for right now and I want to change my mind.” But you feel bad. You feel guilty. You feel like a failure. You feel embarrassed to tell people, “Actually, we're not homeschooling anymore.” It feels like this sheepish, bow-out from success. Like “yeah, I failed at that.” Why? You can change your mind.

Maybe you thought you were going to go somewhere and you just didn't. It just wasn't where you were supposed to land. And you figured that out by walking forward, praying and just looking for what the next best thing was for you and you realized on the way there that that wasn't it and you turned around and made a different choice. Who cares?

I think there's a difference between not following through, giving up and losing motivation where you need to push through and reach your goals versus this wasn't right for you after all and you need to just change your mind. And that's okay.

Having said that, I think the next thing to do is to look at the thing you’re trying to do. The thing you're trying to change. The thing you're trying to get better at. Whether it's creating more structured days and figuring out your life as a whole. Whether it's making a shift in something you're doing, like the way you school your kids, the way you discipline, the way you're going to grow your family, whatever it is. If you're going to move or not. If you're going to lose weight and get healthy. Whatever it is. Why do you want to make the change you're setting out to make?

If it's coming from a place of performing for someone else in any way, not only will it probably not stick, but it's not how you want to be living your life and it's not worth your time and effort at all. Growth and change should be coming from your own inner desire to know better, do better. To show up for yourself and your family. To leave a better legacy behind. To follow a pull that God has put on your heart. Not to finally prove something to your parents. Not to finally get approval from someone else. Not to impress a friend that you feel ‘less than’ around. Not to make someone else happier with you.

So why do you want to make the change that you're setting out to make? Write it down. Get a tangible feel of why you want to do this and why you want to change this thing in your life.

The next step is visualize what your life will look like with this new change in place. This is huge. Don't skip this. It requires sitting down and getting quiet, which is hard sometimes, but you need to make this happen. This is why I have you guys do this so often and I even have had livestreams dedicated to walking you through the process of pausing and visualizing you having something that you want to get to because visualization is huge.

God created us as living energetic, flowing beings with minds that are super powerful because we're made in His image. Your brain is incredible and it can work for you or against you, and whether you realize it or not, that's your choice. There is so much power in picturing your future self benefiting from making an important change that you've been thinking about.

Visualizing it makes you grasp onto it temporarily. You want it enough to put in the effort despite how busy your life already is because you imagined what it would feel like to have that change happen. And you've lived out a day or two mentally visualizing you being finished with this change and it makes you want it so much more.

Or you might realize it made you detach from it a little bit and you don't think that that's right for you

Either way you're getting on the right track from visualizing and using your brain power for you, not against you. And if you visualize the change, you can feel reasons for it rather than just think about them.

Let's use getting healthy as an example. Let's say that you're not feeling well. You're having hormonal issues. Maybe you're overweight. You're just not feeling good. You know that a health change needs to happen. And remember, it shouldn't be about your body and how you look, (go back and listen to Episode 2, I believe it is. I'll link to that in show notes as well about losing weight by loving your body) but you know that healthwise something needs to shift, and you visualize how it would feel to walk into a room confident, knowing you are your curvy, beautiful, healthy self. Your hormones are balanced, which means that your skin is cleared up, your moods are even, you're feeling better. Your cycle is normal. Your sex drive is healthy and higher and you feel better in your relationship. You are treating people differently because you feel differently.

How would it feel to live a day in the life of yourself having already accomplished this change that you want to make? What does it feel like? What does it look like to actually live a day after you're done? That's what you visualize and it'll help you feel those reasons for change rather than just think about them and think, “I just want that because I want to be in a smaller size jean and I want to feel better.” So much more powerful to visualize.

Next, how are you going to make this change happen? And you're going to use the power of reverse engineering. You're going to reverse engineer. How are you going to make this happen? Reverse engineering starts with the end goal being met and then you work backwards. So you say, “This is the goal that I want to meet. This is the thing I want to make happen.” What are the steps that would need to happen for that to be met, for you to get to that place. You will reverse engineer it.

Reverse engineering is so much better than starting from ground one and being like, “Okay, this is where I'm at right now. How do I get over there? But rather backwards - I'm already here. I accomplished this goal. How did I get there? What are the steps that needed to happen for me to get to this place?” This gets your brain in gear and helps you more effectively figure it out. So, figuring out how are you going to make this change happen and reverse engineering that process. I can't get too much more detailed into this because I don't know what your goal is or what your thing is, but that's what I do.

The next step for me after visualizing and getting really tangible and excited about where I want to go and what I want to change is to think about how am I going to make this happen? What are the steps that need to be taken, the things that need to happen for me to get to that finish line? I start with the finish line and I work backwards, reverse engineering my steps in my process so I know exactly what needs to happen.

Then I can take those things and put them on deadlines and goals. And I can think like, “Okay, I want to have Step 2 done by April 19th or whatever it is.

Next, when are you going to make this happen? Now that you’ve reverse engineered and you know the steps it’s going to take for you to get somewhere new, when are you going to make that happen? And I think it's important to say - Calendar This! Put it on your calendar! This matters! We decide we're going to have coffee with a friend and we put that on our calendar, but we decide we want to change who we are and make a big goal happen and we don't put it on our calendar? That doesn't make any sense.

Break it down. Put it on your calendar. Put deadlines on your calendar. Put reminders in your calendar. We allow our phones to beep and go off for so many stupid things that are really distracting us from our actual life, but then we don't make this technology work for us by setting it up to beep when we need it to beep. You need this to beep to remind you to change your life and do something purposeful. Use it for your advantage. When are you going to make this happen? Put it on your calendar.

The next thing about this is accountability. Guys, accountability is king! You are changing the way you're living. You're going down a different path. You've been living a certain way, being a certain way, looking, feeling, acting, living - whatever it is - a certain way for however long. It could be a few months and you want to break this habit.

It could be you've never done anything different. You've always lived this way. And now you want to change it? If you're listening to this, you're likely a mother. You have a lot going on. You need accountability for that.

I think there's something really powerful in having a very close relationship, like a friendship-based relationship with your husband. Brian and I have talked about that a lot and that's how we operate. But I do think there's something to be said for it not being your spouse being the only person that you tell. As much as I do that with Brian and Brian knows basically every thought that I have and everything that I'm working on, but I think it's important to tell somebody else.

Tell a friend and ask her to check in with you. Let her know how serious you are about making this change and make sure she knows the importance of checking in on you. Get serious about it. Maybe you guys have a thing where every Friday morning you jump on a Facetime call, or you text each other and you have an alert in your calendar about that too and she has one in her phone.

Get serious about accountability. There is something so powerful about accountability. It doesn't matter if this is one of the things that's a big deal for you to show up for something. If you'll do things without accountability, that's great. But it's still helpful. When somebody else knows you're more likely to do the thing.

Those are the core pillars of me being an action-taking, problem-solving woman. I ask myself, “Why do I want to make this change that I'm setting out to make? Where is this coming from? Is it coming from my desire to be the best version of myself? To know better and do better? To leave a stronger legacy? Or is this coming from a place of performing for somebody else? To impress somebody else? To get approval that I've always needed? Because that can't come from there. It's not going to stick and it’s not how I want to live my life.”

Next, visualizing what a day in my life will look like after I'm done implementing this change.

Next, how am I going to make this change happen? Reverse engineering the steps that it'll take.

Next, when am I going to make this happen? How often am I going to work on going to the next step? Putting it on my calendar like it matters.

Next, accountability. Setting up accountability. Talking to my husband. Talking to a friend. Asking her to check in. Setting a time. Every Thursday evening we're going to text each other and check in. Putting that on my calendar and acting like it matters.

These are the steps, the pillars, the core things that get me to take action. Try it. Write it down. See how you do with these steps and actually doing them.

And guys, I just want to say, you know, every single thing that I do for you is on purpose. If I make a mistake, I come out about it and I apologize and I say, “You know what? I said this, but actually I thought about it a lot and I don't think it was right. I'm going to redact that and here's what I actually think. Or here's what I meant if I miscommunicated something.”

Every single thing that I do for you guys, I'm doing for a purpose. I've thought about it. I have let it sit for a while. I know that it's the best possible thing I could do for you guys - not for me, for you guys - because my business is built on this idea of serving and showing up for people in a helpful way. I believe that money follows that. That is why I've got courses. That's why I have online trainings. That's why I have an online academy full of digital downloads, video courses, audible courses, different types of digital training because it is a place where I have a say. There is not an editor telling me, “No, this isn't really what we want. We want you to change this.” It is what I know in the depths of my heart will change your life for the better. It's the best of the best.

Free will only get you so far. At some point you have to decide that you're worth investing in and you've got to show up for yourself. That's what my online academy is for. That's why I create courses because it is the best, the very best way that I can serve you and encourage you to make a change and that you can show up for yourself and get the most out of it. The most likely for you to succeed is in these online courses.

I just you to know this is not just like a business where it's like, “Oh, I made this. I want to project this money. I want to make sure that we make this money for this.” No. Everything is built on serving you the best way possible. That is why I have emailed back for three and a half years, “No thank you. I am not doing a book right now. Thank you for your book deal offer.” That is why.

And you need to understand that there's a lot of teachers out there that will claim that they care about you, and you know a lot of them do, but I want you to know, I want you to hear it straight from my lips on this podcast that that is why I'm here doing what I do.

I truly believe ‘show up and serve.’ Give the best that you can. Encouraging you guys to put some skin in the game and invest in yourselves because that's where true change can happen. When you've got something at stake. When you've put your money where your mouth is.

And then I show up for you and make sure that I give you what I know can change your life. And then by showing up and serving in that way, the money that I need for my business, to run things, to pay people will follow that. And I've had that model for years and it's worked and I'm not veering from that - ever.

So, I just want you guys to know there's a reason behind everything. When you show up for yourself and you invest and you say, “Yes! I want Allie to coach me in this course. I want her in my head. I want her walking me through these changes that I need to make in my motherhood to help me show up better.” Then it happens.

I want to encourage you, if you want to make a change, if you want to be a person that follows through, if you want to be an action-taking, problem-solving woman, you can be.

You just have to decide and show up and do the work.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 100: What Living An Abundant Life Means to Us (+ How to Do it!) with Brian Casazza

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Can you believe it? 100 episodes! I am sending a big thank you with digital confetti to each of you for listening to The Purpose Show each week. It is because of you guys that I do this - because I believe in living with purpose, intentionality and in abundance for you!

For the 100th episode of this show, I really wanted to get back to the root of why The Purpose Show exists - to live an abundant life. I want to dive deeper into what living abundantly actually means to Brian and I and what it looks like day-to-day for our family. The Purpose Show is built on John 10:10, which is our family verse, life verse, and business verse. It is all about the abundant life! It is a life that is void of needless excess and void of fluff. You can have this life too!

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • Why they do not pursue the “American Dream”

  • The power of living simpler so you can focus on the things that actually matter in your life.

  • How they are focusing on their health in the context of abundant living (and not in the get fit for the beach kind of way).

  • Ways they choose to focus on abundant living in the day-to-day so they can be ready for whatever comes their way.

Mentioned in this Episode:


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The Hassle to Harmony video series is open for enrollment right now! This is a FREEBIE I have been working on just for you! If you feel like your days are full of hassle, like the things that need to get done are not getting done, and that is causing you a lot of stress and chaos, I want to help you find harmony. This 5 day video series will help you structure your life, calendar, and daily rhythms and routines.

We are going to talk about boundaries for your phone and other people so that you are focused on what matters and not letting obligations, phone sounds, and beeps, buzes, and alerts constantly pull your attention from where it needs to be day to day. We are going to talk about rhythms and routines. We are going to talk about owning your time and shifting your mindset. We are going to talk about living with intent.

This is a LIVE thing so if you are listening to this episode when it first came out, hear me … this is happening right now! It is a totally free, 5 day video series. So it takes place over 5 days, 1 video each day. The videos are short and pointed! This series is designed by me to help you focus, prioritize, and clear the surface of your life. Don’t miss out of this FREE video series! Enrollment is open now!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.

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Hey friend! I want to quickly tell you about a free 5 day video series that I have been working super hard on creating just for you for the past couple of months. It is finally ready and free enrollment is open! This video series is called Hassle to Harmony and that is exactly what it is going to take you from and to. Basically, each day there is one short video that is going to redirect your perspective and get you refocused.

So, Day 1 is called “Quiet the Noise” and we talk all about your phone settings and setting yourself up to not be constantly distracted from what is right in front of you. Day 2 and Day 3 are about rhythms; Day 2 is for daily rhythms and routines, Day 3 is for weekly rhythms and routines. Day 4 is all about owning your time and shifting your mindset out of victim mode when it comes to time and how much time we have. Day 5 is all about how to live with intent, because you don’t get to where you want to go by accident, only on purpose. I really want you in here! It is going to be so good!

This is not something that is going to be open for forever, this is a live freebie sort of thing. Enrollment is open now and it is free! The videos will go live on April 8th and only be available for a few days. So after Day 5 is over, they will be gone and off the internet. This is something you will want to partake in while we are going through it together. To get this free video series go to Hassle to Harmony . I can’t wait for you to see this!


Hey guys! Welcome back to The Purpose Show or a welcome here if this is your first time listening. Honestly, if it is the first episode you've ever listened to, what a good one to choose. This is our 100th episode.

I want to start this episode off by saying that my husband is here with me. And this podcast, our life, our business, the way we raise our kids, everything that we live and breathe and do is all built on John 10:10, which is a verse that talks about how Jesus came not only to give us life, but that we would live that life abundantly and well.

For the 100th episode of this show, I really wanted to get back to that root and dive deeper into what living abundantly actually means to Brian and I, what it looks like day-to-day. I felt it was fitting for him to be here with me for this one.

ALLIE: Thanks for being here, babe.

BRIAN: No problem.

ALLIE: Okay. So, we want to say that abundant life is something that I think gets misconstrued a lot. People have different opinions and thoughts about what that is and there's lots of different translations to that scripture even. It's not about having the scripture translated perfectly accurately. If you're a theologian and you're like, “that's not what this verse is saying,” that's fine.

But there's something powerful in taking a scriptural truth and  doing amazing things with it. Letting it transform you. Thinking on it. Living with it in your heart and seeing what comes out of it. And that's what Brian and I have done with John 10:10.

It's really like our family verse, our life verse, our business verse. And we want to say that the abundant life is not something that we claim to have mastered or perfected by any means. But it is something that we're always talking about. We're always coming back to it. Working towards, praying about. It’s a forever project.  

BRIAN: I want to spend the rest of my life knowing until the day I die that I'm living an abundant life. I don't stop doing something one day or retire and then never do anything again. Even if I'm old, and I can't even move because I'm old, I'll find a way to live an abundant life with what I can do.

ALLIE: Right. And that is a relative term and it changes from season to season. One thing we really want to say too, that we talked about before we hit record, was that abundant life is not about creating a fluffy, easy life that's good for us. It's about creating a simplified atmosphere that gives you room to focus on serving other people, showing up well everywhere you're called to, and living out your God-given purpose.

BRIAN: I’ve got to say for a long time we were living in survival mode (financially and otherwise) so there were a lot of these things that I just could not even think about because I was trying so hard just to basically survive. So, by simplifying like you're saying and changing our life this way, I'm able to live more abundantly than I would have, you know?

ALLIE:  Absolutely. I think it's about creating a life that's void of just needless excessiveness. It's void of excess and it's actually void of fluff.

A lot of times I've gotten messages from people that just don't understand what I'm saying and what I mean. And they misunderstand me to be saying that we're looking to create a fluffy, easy life. I think especially in our society, a lot of people, unfortunately a lot of Christians, are doing that. They don't want to step into a storm on purpose because they're afraid. They don't want to step into the foster care system, outreach, ministry, helping other people, reaching out to a neighbor who's in need, because they're afraid. They don't know if it will mess up their family. It'll mess up their perfect little bubble world.

And I don't mean that out of judgment, but honestly out of truthfulness of the thoughts that have crossed my own mind before we've stepped out into a storm.

Abundant life is not about creating a fluffy, perfect, easy life. It's actually a life that's void of that. It's void of fluff and excess so that we're spending our minutes on our purpose, not on things that distract from it and we're able to show up and step into those storms and step into our calling. I hope that's making sense. Anything to add to that part?

BRIAN: When I think about it, I’m living for a purpose. God made me…I want to serve Him and worship Him and do things this way. That's why I feel I was created.

So, to spend my life trying to make things easier for myself forever…setting myself up for crazy retirement, or just buying things that only make me happy, and focus on things just for myself and maybe my family or whatever…I just don't feel I'm called to live that way.

ALLIE: The whole point of this episode and what you're saying right now is that it's not about setting up a fluffy, easy life for ourselves and making sure we're secure without looking outside of our bubble and looking at other people. Our purpose, whether you believe in God or not, I think we can all agree that no matter what religion or background you're from, that it's important to look outside of ourselves and be generous and help others.

This is one big reason that you and I have talked so often about how we don't pursue ‘the American dream’ and we're not teaching our kids to pursue that either.

When Brian and I are saying that…‘the American dream’ is the old standard of you do good in school, you go to a good college, you get a good job, you work hard, you collect student debt (because you went to a good college,) you buy a house. If you rent, you're doing it wrong. Just buy a house, invest in property. That’s just what you do. You save all your money for your retirement and when you live this way, when you do those steps, people are getting in debt just because they want to check things off the list.

BRIAN: I feel like you're just skipping so much of your life to set up your life to be better later that you've missed all this time and possibly all of these opportunities that God could have used you in so many ways, yet you were living with your head down just working and being gone all the time.

And honestly, I was doing that for a little bit. I mean we were barely making it. I was gone all day. I was working so much that I missed kid opportunities I made. I missed my family stuff. There were so many opportunities that I wasn't able to meet with people or have relationships.

ALLIE: There was no white space for living.

BRIAN: I was burning my days. I know a lot of people that do that…older people, my family or friends that have done that…and now they're retired and they are so much older and there's so much that they can't do now because they're older. I don't want to live that way.

ALLIE: I think the biggest thing for anybody who's listening that's like, “Oh my gosh! That's where I'm at,” we had that realization as well when we were in that place. We couldn't take any time off because we had to make ends meet and we were trying so hard and working so hard, burning our candles at both ends to provide for our family.

Brian was working so much and I was at home with the babies just struggling. And it's not that there's anything wrong with being there, but maybe this episode could open up your eyes to the reality of the life you're living, and just realize that that's not sustainable. That’s not a way to live a sustainable, joyful, abundant life, where you are focused on your relationships. Where you can really, truly connect with people and be available for bigger work.

Maybe create a 3-year plan to advance in the company you work for or get a different job or start your own business. Get out of that barely making it, bottlenecking place in life.

BRIAN: We talked about this from when we were first married, I always saw our life being abundant and used in a certain way and that ‘American dream’ kind of way of life I just felt like didn't fit with what our purpose or our calling was. And it can look so much different for so many other people, but I felt like this kind of situation wasn't for me.

I feel like so many things to pursuing to have an abundant life, all these things can help you so much…the simplifying…

ALLIE: Going against the flow, letting go of what everyone else thinks is ‘normal.’

And you're going to get flack for that.

Going back to the ‘American dream,’ the whole cycle of you go to college, you get a good job, you work hard, you buy a house, renting is bad, you save all your money for your retirement. You're basically saving up and storing all your possessions and money for this later period of life when you're not really able to live now. We understand that saving money for when you're physically unable to work in the future...sure.

BRIAN: Yeah, we’re not saying “don’t do that,” but don't spend your whole life only working for that time and never doing anything else now because you're trying so hard to make that point better. It's like, why can't I do that? Why can't I do that now? Why can't I set myself up to live more freely.

Way back I prayed that I just didn't have to struggle so hard or that I just wouldn't be in this place so much so that I was just in a place where things were good enough to where I didn't have to think about it so much that I could focus on blessing other people, spending time with other people. You know, I love doing things for other people, having people over at our house, and I can't do that if I'm not freed up in that sense.

ALLIE: Yes, and if you're acting out of scarcity. If you're working all the time and money is scarce and it's to be saved for later…it's missed opportunities to give and to help and to show up for people.

BRIAN: And on that point, I also do feel that abundant life, living that way, the not being scarce about it, also has a lot to do with trusting in God, having faith, have giving hearts that we want to give and trust that God is going to bless us and the ends will meet.

ALLIE: Again, not confusing this for not preparing for later at all. It's not that. We actually talk quite a bit about the future and we have things saved and we're preparing and we're doing all that, but it's just that that isn't supposed to be our only focus.

I think it's important not to let preparing for later take away from right now. Live your purpose now. Set your life up so that you can live focused on what your purpose is, not worrying or stressing about small things like money. And this doesn't mean that you have to be wealthy. You know, we showed up and we lived on purpose when we were broke as a joke. We’ll share a story about that in a few minutes. It's not about that.

Live your life in a way where you know you're where you're supposed to be. You know that you’re showing up and living on purpose where you're at, and you're not letting small things like worries about the future just suck up your brain, your mental energy, your emotional health and you're just not even able to live today.

That's where we were for a long time and that is a place that you absolutely can get out of without any physical circumstances changing, just by creating a 3-year plan to change your circumstances, having that hope, giving that to God, just praying about it and asking Him to help you get there.

BRIAN: I feel like a lot of the hard times…in me…God used those to work on me, change my heart, and have me see things in a certain way that I would have never seen or done if I didn't go through those things. I feel like God uses hard things for that purpose, you know?

But I also feel like why wouldn't God want me to live an abundant life now and be able to share, bless people, and do so much for Him now? Why wouldn't He, you know?

ALLIE: Right, exactly.

It's a fine line. You talk about having an abundance in finances and people think that you're preaching the ‘Prosperity Gospel’ and that you're saying that wealth is God and that's not it at all. Some people just will never have that. They don't really care for it. It's not a part of their purpose. It's not a part of their calling.

But if you’re strapped so much that you can't even breathe, you can't even think clearly, you can't even enjoy your family, enjoy the present…that is not God's will for you. It’s just not. It's not abundant life. It's not peace and He is a God of peace.

So for us, we were in that really stuck place. We were in a place where, you guys, we had cars repossessed. We lost homes. We had to move not by our choice but because we had to get out. We had embarrassing things happen. If you haven't listened to episode six of that whole story, I’ll link to it in the show notes for you guys.

But one of the reasons that we even started to pursue what we have today, this business, this powerhouse of an online empire that has been built not by us, but by the Lord, this is His business, not ours, but we knew that we were stuck. We knew we were in a place where we could not help, give and contribute in the way that we felt God calling us to give, help and contribute because our finances took up every bit of our energy, every bit of our thought. And we were stuck.

And that's why we worked so hard. We studied. We prayed. We googled. We talked. We stayed up late and dreamt together about how to run a business in a way that was passive revenue because that's what was really important to us.

And so we learned. We found a way. We asked God, “Does this align with Your will for us?” And it sure did. And He led us here to where now we work hard and we learned how to run our business well so that we're not stressing about how to make ends meet every day.

Our mental and emotional energy is focused on serving and showing up for other people, using our financial, mental, emotional, and physical resources to be Jesus for people who need him.

That is what's so incredible about our story, and about for us, online business, and passive revenue. Passive revenue is such an annoying term.

It is not exchanging time for money. That’s what we’re saying. That's what's given us the financial freedom, freedom to use our resources - money, time and otherwise - to live on purpose.

My point in all of this is, you know, four years ago we were stuck. We were trying to stretch one bowl of cereal into four for our kids. We didn't know how we were going to make dinner that night. We didn't know how we were going to make rent. And now we employ 12+ people and families are leaving their 9-5’s and coming to work for us. We're together and we're running this company.

And that is because we asked God to use us. We asked Him to show us how can we live more on purpose, how can we get out of this place? Not because we want money and things but because we want to have a home that is nice and we can invite people in for dinner, minister, have Bible studies here. Talk to people, open our home for people. Can you help us get to a place where we can help better?

BRIAN: Or even like where we were at one point. There are people that are in those places that need help, and I always wanted to be someone to help because I've been through that and it's so hard. I remember that. I wanted one day to be able to help someone in that place who needs it.

ALLIE: Now I feel like our energy and our prayers used to go to, “please help us figure out how to get $20 so we can finish paying this bill or get dinner.” It sounds super sad, but that's where we were at. Now it's more, “Hey, you know, God, as I'm finishing up at the grocery store, if there's somebody who needs help with their groceries, make sure I get in line behind them so I can help them.” What a powerful shift. That could not have happened without this shift from scarcity survival mode into a more abundant life.

For us specifically, yes, that involved a money shift, but that's not everybody's story.

BRIAN: No. And I feel like going through a lot of those hard lessons and the path that He had us on going through all that stuff really helped me see money in a different way, and learning how to be a good steward of God's money. I feel like that's a whole separate other thing. But that was huge as far as God using me, using me with His money and the way that we should live our life.

That goes together with living on purpose, living abundantly. That's just what I wanted for my life and for our family. And we both wanted that so bad. And I can say that God's using us in that way now and it just feels like this is where I'm supposed to be. I could say that I'm living my purpose, you know? I feel with the way that we're living is the purpose and the place that God has us.

ALLIE: For sure. And none of this would have happened if we hadn't made ourselves available and said, “We're willing to do crazy things. We just need help. And we want to be in a different place where we're not having to just focus on ourselves and focus on how to make ends meet for ourselves. But our brains can be freed from that, so that we can use that mental energy to help others and do bigger things than figuring out how to pay bills.”

I want to shift gears a little bit and just talk with you about how from day 1, way before the business happened, way before we even had Emmett, our youngest, that minimalism ties into this story so perfectly and how if you're not bogged down with overspending, cleaning all the time, and the overwhelm in your day is kept at bay, you know, what you can control of it, that helps you live a purposeful life focused on what matters, even if you don't have wealth per se.

This is where our story in terms of John 10:10 and abundant life really started was that verse was preached from the pulpit one Sunday. I was like, “Abundant life? I don't even want to get out of bed in the morning. I'm exhausted. I barely made it to church today because I didn't have enough money for gas. What a joke.” God showed up for me there and said, “I have something for you in this if you'll listen.” It’s so crazy, I cry.

This is so important, you guys. Not everyone has money to make themselves okay and financially help others. That’s not what we're saying. But if your home, your spending, and your lifestyle is simple and just less, it's streamlined, you'll have more mental and emotional space, and freedom to be more available to show up for people and help others in being Jesus to them. And you can use minimalism to be intentional about your spending and your stuff and get out of survival mode without a financial shift.

BRIAN: Going back to that ‘American dream’ thing, you're stuck in this place where you're constantly working, saving for the next trip or the next thing, and every day working and paying bills, and you're not doing anything else but just surviving, existing. I feel like God has a purpose for everyone. He didn't mean for us to just go to work and just make enough to live, pay the bills, eat and never do anything else.

I feel like a lot of us grow up that way and we go through our life that way. I feel like God has so much more for everyone and these things helped us see that, find that and be able to do that.

ALLIE: Yeah, absolutely. Without getting super specific, we have somebody in our family that we love very much that is struggling right now because he did that whole routine…go to school, get a good job, get married, have kids, save for retirement…and you know, he's struggling. He's struggling with depression and weight gain, this bogged-down lifestyle because he feels listless and lifeless, just pointless. Like what was it all for? His marriage has collapsed, his family is torn apart. And it's like, what was it all for?

He spent so much time, energy and focus saving for this time in his life that the relationship has failed and he didn't show up for the people in his life. It's a tragedy and that is anything but the American dream.

No, the American dream is what is God's dream. For us to live. Focus on what matters. Showing up for people. Going out on a limb, loving others well, listening for His voice, telling us, “Hey, that person over there needs a little love. Go say ‘hi,’ go buy them dinner, invite them over. Host this thing.” Showing up for people.

BRIAN: I would hate to spend all my time just making money and be saving everything and never doing anything because I'm working so hard to save for later that I were to die and then I never even got to that point. Then my life wasn't used.

ALLIE: The point you were saving for never came.

BRIAN: Yeah, cause that can even happen.

ALLIE: And again, it's a balancing act. “Don’t save,” we're not saying that. We love learning about balancing our money well and it is something that we've struggled with, coming from such a scarce place, but we're always reading, learning, talking to financial advisors. It's something that you need to do, but not putting all of your eggs in that basket.

Going back to minimalism, you can use minimalism and being intentional about your stuff and your spending to get out of survival mode and change your financial reality.

I think it's important to focus on how you might be able to do that because how are you going to live your purpose if you're constantly worried about maintaining your house or paying that bill?


Hey girl! Ok, I am interrupting what I was talking about because I want to tell you about this one more time. I feel like when you are listening to a podcast, they are talking about stuff and most people have ads and sponsorships from other companies and stuff like that. But this is important and I don’t want you to tune it out!

The Hassle to Harmony video series is open for enrollment right now! This is a LIVE thing so if you are listening to this episode when it first came out, hear me … this is happening right now! It is a totally free, 5 day video series. So it takes place over 5 days, 1 video each day. The videos are short and pointed! This series is designed by me to help you focus, prioritize, and clear the surface of your life.

I help a lot of women in my course, Your Uncluttered Home, clear the surfaces in their homes, declutter, and implement minimalism but this is for your life, calendar, and structure of your days. I am going to help you set up a few rhythms that are going to help you function really well. It is called Hassle to Harmony for that very reason: because if your days are feeling really hassled, the things that need to get done are not getting done, there is a lot of stress and chaos.

We can help harmonize that, and sync it up to where it needs to be.

We are going to talk about boundaries for your phone and other people so that you are focused on what matters and not letting obligations, phone sounds, and beeps, buzes, and alerts constantly pull your attention from where it needs to be day to day. We are going to talk about rhythms and routines. We are going to talk about owning your time and shifting your mindset. We are going to talk about living with intent. This is legit stuff! We are dealing with big issues here! I really want you in there.

Again, this is something that is happening LIVE. So you can’t listen to this episode in the future and go back and get this. It is happening live right now! The opening for free enrollment is right now - again, totally free! You can go to Hassle to Harmony and sign up for free! You will get 1 video for each. After Day 5, these videos are going to be removed. So you want to not only sign up live, take part in the videos, open those emails, watch the videos when they come to you so that you can take in this content while it is here. Once again, that link to sign up for FREE is Hassle to Harmony .


ALLIE: If you live simpler, you can focus on what actually matters. And that's what this is all about. And that's my problem with a lot of other ‘minimalist teachers’ is while they mention that this is what it's really about, what they're actually doing is giving you a list of rules on how to be a good minimalist, and how many items they have is a goal for you to try to attain. And it's just all BS. It's baseless and lifeless.

It's about getting out of survival mode. We were so stuck in survival mode in our life years ago before minimalism, before the business, before all of this, that we couldn't even…I remember somebody said to me once, “Hey, this is going on in my life. Could you pray for me?” I remember being so annoyed, like you just asked me to pray for you in this small problem. You don't even know that I'm afraid to go home because I'm afraid there's going to be an eviction notice on my door. I'm not okay. I feel like I can't talk to anybody. I'm really scared and really stressed. It's taking up all my mental energy and you're asking me to pray for this small, ridiculous-to-me problem. I couldn't even pray for people and be a good friend. I couldn't show up for people at all because we were constantly having to figure out how to get enough gas money to get Brian to work and how to eat dinner that night.

The point is not putting yourself in that position so that you're living on purpose. Again, this word ‘purpose’ is showing up a lot, but you're never going to be able to do that if you're stuck in survival mode, constantly thinking, “How am I going to survive today?” You just can't show up in that place.

Let’s shift gears a little bit and talk a little bit more about a specific part of that American dream we’ve been talking about. I want to address this because it's so funny to me. We move a lot. Up until recently, we've enjoyed moving a lot. We've moved to different states. We moved to different houses. We like to live ‘tiny’, so we've literally lived in a camper for a year almost. It was a 27-foot camper with no slide outs. It was so small. It was like a hallway, and it was awesome and terrible at the same time. We've lived in tiny houses, larger houses.

Every time we have moved, especially this last house, I think, because it was more of what we wanted, and we were like, you know, we plan on settling here for a while. But I think people saw it and they were like, “Oh, did you buy or rent?” People were asking, the questions were flooding in. And it was funny to me because these people were strangers to me, like their followers, I don't know them in real life. And it's like, why does it matter? What? Who Cares? It was asked in a way...you know when you can tell the undertone is if somebody's asking you something? You're not just asking cause it's like, “Oh, I was just wanting to know?” It means something to you. It defines me in some way to you if I buy or rent.

We have never been worried about buying a house. It's been very recently, in the last few months, something that we've talked about like, “Hmm, I think that we might…” We have different, various reasons that are just between us that we're like, “Okay, I think that this makes sense now.

But before that, not just because we used to be super poor, but even when after the business was successful, we never even had a desire to buy a house. I wanted to dive into that a little bit because I think it's this big misconception that buying a house is the end-all, be-all and people are going into crazy debt to get ownership of property and it's not for any other reason a lot of the time than to reach this ‘status symbol’ and it's insane because it's breaking people.

Let's just talk a little bit about why we haven't been worried about buying a house, what we love about renting and the simplicity thing.

BRIAN: It's funny how, first of all, God used us and had us go through all these things and had us go in different places like to Arkansas and traveling and whatever. Honestly, we wouldn't have been able to do those things as easily if we had owned the house we lived in before.

ALLIE: He’s called us to pick up and go so many times, and not in a way where it's like we're doing something wrong or inconveniencing anybody, breaking leases, but just like, oh, we rent and we can do this, so let's talk to the landlord and work it out and let's go. We've moved. We've taken opportunities.

Living in the camper was really cool because it taught us the beauty in nonpermanent living. I think it's a stability thing and people, especially certain personality types, they crave that stability and it equals success to them. But for us, we've just never felt that way. And living in the camper was so cool because one of my best friends went through a really difficult time and we were able to pick up, get the camper ready and drive across the country to Florida and stay with them for a month.

BRIAN: Well the funny thing too is we really had to cut back. We could only have what we absolutely needed. What can I not live without, pretty much. And we lived for a good while with four kids with hardly anything and realized you can do that. You can live great without all of this stuff. You know, it works. And it was kind of fun to not have to have all that stuff for a chunk of time.

ALLIE: It put everything underneath a certain light of simple really is the best way. And we lived a very minimalist life before that. I remember after we did the camper, that's when we came back and we lived in an apartment while we looked for a house. Then we found this house and when we were moving in it was like, okay, everything goes under a different light. Do we need this? Everything we bought, the furniture we bought, we thought, okay, wait, what's like the most intentional piece of furniture? We had learned so much. We had seen the beauty in being temporary and how we could show up for people when we weren't tied down. It was such a beautiful time.

But it was funny because we came out of that and then all of a sudden everybody was like, “Oh, you have to buy a house. Congrats on your business going so well. When are you going to buy a house? When are you going to settle down? When are you gonna buy a house?”

And it's so funny because who cares if we rent our whole lives? There's loads of benefits to renting. We won't get into all of those now, but there's so many even financial benefits to renting and not owning a house. It's not the end-all, be-all. If it makes sense for you, great. But oh my gosh guys, there's nothing wrong with owning a house, but what's the motive? If you're going for a status or to impress a parent or something, hold up and question it because there's so much beauty in not being tied down in that way.

We’ve learned so much about that. It's a ridiculous status symbol that people want to attain.

I’ve felt that pull too. I felt like a ‘little bit less than’ in certain conversations with certain successful people that have asked, “Oh, did you buy that house?” And I want to lie and be like, “Yup.” Because it's a success symbol. But I'm always like, “You know what? No, we didn't. We didn't. We waited because we wanted to rent a house again and we wanted to rent that house.” And now we may buy soon and we're talking about that with different reasons and plans. And it makes sense for us now, so we're looking at that. But I just think it's funny that it's all part of the ‘American dream’ and this ‘scam’ I feel like we've all bought into, that's just empty for a lot of people. Not everyone, but a lot of people because it's under the wrong motives.

ALLIE: Okay. Let's shift gears a little bit and talk about abundant life when it comes to physical health because you and I have both been really honest and open on the podcast about…or I have, I have an episode about my emotional eating and weight issues, body issues.

BRIAN: Yeah, I have that stuff too.

ALLIE: Yeah, that's a big part of your personal testimony and your story.

But I want to talk about why we've focused so much in the last year or so on our health and how it has nothing to do with how we look. This is where you shine.

BRIAN: Sure, well I feel like part of this purpose and part of this abundant life is me being able to do anything that I possibly can and do it at my best. At one point I felt like physically I know I can be better than this. I wasn't at my best. I want God to be able to use me in any way that He can ask because I'm able. I want to be able.

I know God will use you in so many ways, no matter what, because there's people that don't have legs or have disabilities or certain things physically to where they're not like everyone else in that way.

But I know that this is something I did to myself and I have really had an addiction. And it was causing me to be not my best, not as physical and strong as I could be. And you know, I honestly want to be able to do things with my kids and not have physical limitations because of my bad habits and my weight.

ALLIE: Yeah. I want to interject real quick and say something about that physical limitations. This is again talking about things that you do to yourself. For me and a brief thing about my story with this, it's like we both felt so sick all the time from eating junk and it came from being broke. Eating convenience food that was cheap.

BRIAN: I used food as a way to cope. Eating because it felt good and that's what I could do when things were so stressful and so crazy.

ALLIE:  Food became like this pacifier. And for me, even after we could afford better food, I just used it to cope and I emotionally ate and I became addicted to food. The problem with a food addiction is that it's unlike basically every other addiction where you can't just cut it off cold turkey and stop smoking and stop drinking, stop going to bars, stop looking at pornography. You have to eat multiple times a day and your addiction is put in front of you multiple times a day and you have a choice to make. And it's so hard to overcome that.

But for me, I did this to myself, like you said, and my physical limitations were that I was eating junk food and I was getting stomach issues from that. Then my stomach ruled my life. It got so bad that I would get sick. Anytime I ate, I would have diarrhea or feel like I was going to throw up and get stomach cramps, feel like I swallowed a brick and then that gave me anxiety. And again, I got anxiety around eating.

I didn't want to leave the house. I was just feeling sick and nervous and anxious all the time.

So then when my business did take off, I was turning down speaking engagements because I was afraid. I was afraid to leave. I was afraid to get sick. I made myself sick all the time. I had adrenal fatigue. I had leaky gut syndrome, which is super awful to live with. God showed me that I was giving my life over to my food and that the enemy was using that to hold me back from His purpose for me.

BRIAN: Subconsciously.

ALLIE: Yeah. I didn't even realize how serious it was. We want to have the energy we need to do the things that we're called to do. And that can be done a lot easier when we're not purposely handicapping ourselves. When we feel good enough to actually get up and go out and do God's work. “You do it.” We have a calling and we need to show up for that.

For me, a big lesson I learned is that abundant life looks like showing up in the area of health and making choices. Of course, we'll have pizza and beer every once in a while. We'll go out. We're normal people. But in general, checking myself, putting my food under the light of what is good here? What's the motive?

Same with the American dream and the financial thing. What's the motive behind me eating this? Am I binge eating? Am I pacifying my emotions in some way?

Abundant life often looks like showing up well in each area. Even in what you're putting in your mouth, what you're putting in your body, what you're eating and how you're exercising, how you're moving. If we can fuel ourselves and do something to make what we have to do easier, feeling energized and feeling good then I think we have a responsibility to do it and I think abundant life has a lot to do with that.

So. Okay. Talk about a little bit about…we don't have to talk specifically about Crossfit, that's just what has inspired you, but just talk about like in Crossfit, not even Crossfit, forget that…even in the exercise industry it's all about the ‘beach body’ and this ‘six-pack’ and the ‘tight butt’ and all of these surface things that are really just a side note benefit to that.

We were just talking yesterday about if we were told, “Oh, you have a thyroid issue. You have this health issue. You're never going to lose a pound again.” We would still show up, work out, show up for that because of how it makes us feel.

So, I just wanted you to talk a little about what you've come to terms with, about why you exercise, and why you've learned to grow in that area when you used to be like, “I'm never going to exercise. Who cares?” Like, you know, how you came to this place.

BRIAN: I honestly had some situations where there were things that I physically couldn't do that were normal life things. Lifting things. Moving things. Being able to stretch for this or do this, reach for this or do that, or I wasn't strong enough to do certain things and I hated that. I just hated that.

I knew I could be better than this. God physically made one’s body to be able to do things. And I kind of messed that up for myself. I found that Crossfit gave me…I just really, I really do it. I do it because all of these things are all functional movements and they're all things that I'm working out to do because I'm doing this for my life. I want to be able to move, be strong, protect my family, take care of my kids, and do things for them. I don't want to be limited in what I can do physically.

ALLIE: We've talked a lot about how we have a lot going on and it requires a lot of energy frankly. Four kids that are all young, homeschooling, running the business, running errands, running our house. All we do all day is ‘talk it out’ and make decisions and put out fires. Our life is crazy. Exercising, no matter what form it is…we simply won't have what it takes if we don't take good care of ourselves.

I feel like that kind of forced us into exercise because neither of us were exercisers before or people that were passionate about that at all. And now it's like I can't show up well, I don't have the energy, if I don’t fuel my body.

BRIAN: Yeah, because we have four kids and we are busy and doing all these things. I want to be able to wake up and do anything, any task that comes up in my day and have the energy to live this and do this abundant life. I don't want to have this opportunity to have an abundant life, but I'm sick or exhausted. I was sick at one point from the way I was eating. I don't want to be sick and not be able to live that abundant life.

I feel like all of these things go together.

ALLIE: Absolutely. And showing up for what God tells you to do.

BRIAN: God can have me do so many different things. And you know, what if, I don't know, He asked me to travel through the desert and save girls from sex trafficking and I couldn't even walk on a hiking trail or through the desert for more than a mile, you know?

ALLIE: If you're 350 pounds and you're worried about paying your electric bill, you can't focus on that. You want to show up for what God's calling you to do.

BRIAN: Right. I don't want to physically limit my life or the things that God can use me for.

ALLIE: Yeah, exactly. It's not that like, “Oh, I'm just going to be ready for anything. And your psycho making sure that you have no responsibilities, no stress, no extra baggage physically or financially and you're just waiting.

But if you can do something to make yourself more available to grow the kingdom and live on purpose, why wouldn't you?

And just like you said, what if God called you to that? What if He literally was like, “I want you to travel through this region and rescue girls from sex trafficking.” That's amazing. And like you said, if you're overweight, tired, addicted to sugar, out of shape and worried about how you're going to make an extra 20 bucks to pay your bill, you are not going to be able to do that.

It's about getting that perspective and putting yourself in a position of readiness. And I think that's amazing. What a cool perspective. I love that about you so much. You have taken that on. You apply that in every area. It's so amazing and inspiring to me that you see the world in that way. I want to be like you in that way, that you're ready. It's still a journey. You still struggle with your weight and we're still working through this and it's a long journey, but you're doing it because you want to be the most ready, the most helpful and the most available for what matters.

BRIAN: Exactly. Because you know, at one point I remember I had the motive of wanting to do this just so that I can make it to the Crossfit games or be the best Crossfit athlete. I want to be the best at everything that I do. I want to do that and live my life that way, but that's not what I'm going to make my only focus on with health. I want to be ready for any circumstance in my life. If I can be ready with my health, I want to do that. I'm pursuing that and trying to be better every day. And that's why I love Crossfit.

ALLIE: That’s the abundant life when it comes to the area of health. Yeah, I love that.

Okay, so to wrap this episode up, I wanted to go over a couple of things that God has called us to and put in our paths ever since we made ourselves ready and able and that has nothing to do with the success of the business and that has nothing to do with money. It had to do with our hearts being ready.

The message that I want you guys to take from this is what can you do to set yourself up to live a more abundant life? If you're not right now, can you come up with a 3-year plan? Can you bring it to God and ask Him to help you come up with that? Can you put your life under that light of John 10:10 and ask God, what can I do differently here and get ready and able? How can I get ready?

BRIAN: If you're willing, God will use you.

ALLIE: Yes! He does not just use the rich and fit. That's not what we're saying. He'll use the broke, the poor, the chubby.

BRIAN: It’s not, “You only have to get to this point, and then God can use you.” This was just our story. This is the stuff that with the way that I am, the way that you are, I had to go through this stuff to learn these lessons, to be set up in this place where I could be abundant in the way that God wanted to use me, and it can look so different for so many people.

It doesn't have to look just like this. It doesn't have to be until you’ve made millions and millions and millions of dollars and then you’re in a ready position.

ALLIE: We were used way before this. When we were at our brokest, we offered to adopt a friend's baby. We opened up our home and let her stay with us. We gave money we didn't have to people. We also hoarded money and acted out of scarcity and made huge mistakes.

But when we have shown up for God, when we were broke, when we were struggling with obesity and food addiction, when we were doing really well and thriving financially…at all the different seasons, when we've shown up, God has shown up and used us. He just needs you to be ready and willing.

If you put your life under the light of John 10:10 and look at it in terms of abundant life, how much more can you do when you're focused on using your money, your energy, your time to be ready to take action on God's Kingdom building, and you have a lot more of both of those things?

So, I think what we are trying to say and what the point of this is, is that it's not about how much more usable you are if you're loaded or you're fit, but about how much more usable you are if your heart is open and you're ready and willing.

By being ready and willing, God shows up and pours His resources out on you and that leads to great change, powerful Kingdom work and abundant life and that's what it's all about.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

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