balance

Ep 109: Let's Talk About Life, Business & Motherhood with Reina Pomeroy

Facebook_EP_109.png

Reina Pomeroy is a business coach for creatives, the Founder of Reina + Co., and mama to two little boys. She is incredibly talented and successful in all she does! She has mastered being the CEO of her business AND the CEO of her home (because doing both takes strategic balance!)

This episode is a super laid back conversation between two working mamas talking all things business, motherhood, pregnancy, infertility, rhythms and routines, getting it all done, and fitting it all in. I am so excited to share this conversation with you!

 
 

In This Episode Allie + Reina Discuss:

  • What “batching” is and how you can apply this method to various areas of your life.

  • A BIG way you can simplify your meal planning and grocery shopping (seriously, this is life changing!)

  • The systems Reina has put in place so she can fully show up as the CEO of her business and her family.

  • How important Team Meetings are to their families and what those look like each week.

  • Reina’s current reading list (there are so really good books on this list!)

Mentioned in this Episode:


The_Supermom_Vault_(1).png

The Supermom Vault is a library of inspiration I created for you. It holds replays of my very best online workshops that aren’t available anywhere else, tons of really actionable pdf’s that are downloadable with just one click, more than 20 audio and video trainings from me, and professionally designed printables for your home to keep you focused and inspired.

The Supermom Vault is only $39.00 and is available at alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

Check it out!  It’s a really good simple start.

Want more inspiration than just the podcast? Do you wish there were more episodes?  Want more details? Do you want videos? Do you want pdf’s? Do you want to download things and get your hands on something to really get you started when it comes to minimalism and simplifying your motherhood?

This is definitely the place to go!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


Don't have time to listen_.jpg

Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


ALLIE: Friend, I am so ready to share this really chill, really friendly conversation with Reina Pomeroy. Reina is such a beautiful person and she actually has a really special place in my heart because she used to host this podcast, actually, it was co-hosted. It was The Creative Empire podcast. I'll share a link to my episode. It was such a really great podcast. It's not active anymore, but I did my first ever business interview on her podcast.

It was the first time that I ever got to share my business story, which if you have listened to episode six of The Purpose Show you know that's a really emotional story. I sobbed and she sobbed and her cohost, Christina, another beautiful soul, she sobbed. We all talked together about the emotions that are involved in starting a business and seeing it start to succeed and getting through the hard parts.

Reina has been somebody that I have followed for years and she's just amazing. She's a certified coach and a founder of her own business called Reina + Co. She created this really amazing program called Dreamy Client Magnet. Basically, she helps creative entrepreneurs get super laser focused so they can book more of their dream clients with a lot more ease, get paid to do what they love, and have freedom and flexibility to enjoy the life they built, which I think is super important and one reason I love following Reina because she doesn't just focus on business and marketing stuff. She focuses on life, living it well and enjoying what you built.

She's an amazing speaker, a certified coach, an educator, an author, a podcaster. I just adore her. She has been featured all kinds of cool places including top itunes podcast Entrepreneur.com, The Influencer Podcast, Entrepreneur On Fire, Brit & Co, Huffington Post, The Rising Tide Society. This girl is everywhere and for good reason.

She's an amazing teacher and like I said, a beautiful person. She is a mom to a 5-year old. She was about to have her second baby when we recorded this episode. He has been born and the family is happy and healthy. I'm so happy for them.

We really went a different way with this episode. I came into this conversation with almost no notes. I really wanted to talk with Reina about how she finds her version of balance in being a business owner, a mom and a wife. How do her and her husband connect and plan out their weeks? How’s she preparing for her baby's arrival? How does she seemingly do so much, so well? What does life look like for her right now?

This is a really, really loose-structure episode. Normally I come a lot more pre-prepped and I really didn't want to do that with Reina. I see her as a friend and I really wanted to approach this episode in that way. So, if conversations about all the things between two working moms is not your thing, then maybe this episode is not going to float your boat. But it definitely made me happy to sit and talk with my friend and just hear what she had to say about so many different things from business, motherhood, pregnancy, infertility, rhythms and routines, getting it all done, and fitting it all in. This is a great conversation that I'm happy to share with you.

There is so much that is mentioned in this episode, so many good resources. I’ll link to all of it in the show notes so you can go there if you want to see anything that Reina mentioned. She's one of those girls that’s loaded with resources, so she shared lots of helpful things. I will link to all of them in show notes and you can check all of that out.

And now let's welcome Reina and have a conversation about all the things.

ALLIE: Hi Reina, thank you for being here.

REINA: Thank you so much for having me.

ALLIE: I'm so excited to talk with you today. We just chit-chatted a little bit before we hit record, but I wanted to save all of the things for our actual talk because I feel like you're a friend even though we've never hung out in real life. You give that vibe on social media, which I think is that you’re doing your job really well. I love watching your Instagram stories. You're one of those people that I feel connected to. You're so sweet and honest and it feels like we have so much in common. I'm excited to talk with you today.

REINA: I feel the exact same way. I talk about you all the time as though we are in real life friends, and we live in California now.

ALLIE: I saw that. I was going to ask you about it, like, “When are we gonna try to squeeze something in before you squeeze your baby out in the next two weeks? Tomorrow? Yes. Oh my gosh.”

Okay. There's so much with you that I want to unpack and talk about but, first of all, you are about to have your second baby. So how are you feeling? How's it going?

REINA: I'm feeling great. You know, people assume that at 38 weeks you're just a complaining mess of stress and uncomfortableness. Rolling over in bed is like an Olympic sport. Let's just be really clear about that. But otherwise I'm feeling great.

You know, like you said, I'm a business owner so I'm getting that part ready and I'm getting my son ready, who’s five, and just kind of getting everything here ready. I actually don't know if your family is nearby but we have no family here in northern California. We are both transplants. We have no real family support system. So that's been really hard. But we're managing and we're making it work and I'm actually pretty excited about this next phase.

ALLIE: Yeah, I totally get that. I just did an interview on somebody else's podcast about when we moved out of state and we had no one. We didn't. We went from being so immersed in…we had a church that we had gone to for years and all of our family was nearby and then we moved to literally nobody. There was somebody that went to our high school, but they were two hours from us. They were so sweet and drove and met us once, but it was not the same thing and it was so hard. So yeah, I get that.

So where are you in northern California? We’re in southern California.

REINA: We're in Silicon Valley, so we're right north of San Jose.

ALLIE: Okay. That’s not too far; we can make it happen.

Since we're chatting about it a little bit already, tell me how you have been getting ready to be a mom of two. I know people will tell you, “Oh it's so hard to go from one to two,” and “Oh two to three is really hard.” I feel like everybody has these usually negative opinions about growing your family. What has that looked like for you? What are you nervous about? How have you been getting ready? What's been going on in your world in terms of mom's stuff?

REINA: I feel like we've had so much time to get ready and also no time at all. And I've heard the same thing - that going from two to three is hard, from one to two is hard. Zero to one was hard, so I have no idea. I have no sense of what to really expect here. But I think the biggest thing is paying attention and giving myself space to do whatever needs to happen.

I think the first time I was very reactive to…I had to read all the things and make sure I knew all the things, read all the blogs and stuff like that. And this time I'm just paying attention to what my family is needing. What do I need right now? And making sure that all that is in check, instead of looking outside of myself to do all that research. Obviously, listening to my doctors and stuff.

ALLIE: I know what you mean. For most people and for me, I think after your first baby you stop being like, “I need everyone to tell me how this works,” and you start being more intuitive, I guess. And for me, my second, third and fourth and thousandth babies (that’s what it feels like)…

REINA: I have so much to learn from you.

ALLIE: But you're on the right track like that. Having done this so many times, the one thing that I have learned is if you feel concerned about something or you think that you might need to prepare for something, I think there’s a reason that came to your mind. We're all different. I was chosen to be the mom of these kids, like you were chosen to be the mom of those babies. There's a reason that something is concerning you versus somebody else.

That's why I think we should stop judging each other and decide what we think is right. You know?

I think it's empowering when your intuition kicks in and you feel like, “I think I want to focus on this right now, or worry about this right now.”

REINA: Yeah, I totally agree with that.

ALLIE: Good for you.

In sharing whatever you want of this, but I know from being an Instagram friend that you guys have had a really frustrating journey to pregnancy and you've struggled with infertility in a way that's unique I think. Do you want to share a little bit about that struggle?

REINA: Yeah. So, the first time around we got married and then we waited for however long we waited and then you're like, “Oh, maybe we should start trying.” And then the next month I was pregnant. I felt lucky, it was great, and I had a really easy pregnancy. We thought we would have the same kind of experience the second time. We waited till our son was maybe 1 ½ then 2 years-old and started trying and nothing happened. Then they say, “Well it'll take about a year.” You’re not “in trouble” until about a year. And then a year passed. And then a year and a half passed. And it always felt like there was no answer.

We didn't start getting serious until we moved out to California and I was like, “You know what? My son is going to be five. That is a big gap.” We started to see infertility consults and trying to figure out what the heck was going on, and really started taking my health seriously. I was wondering what was going on with me. I assumed that it was about me, right? My husband got tested too, but neither of us had any sort of diagnosis about what was wrong.

We didn't experience loss or anything like that, thankfully. But at the same time, it was equally frustrating to not know anything. They just call it an ‘undiagnosed secondary infertility.’ What does that even mean? How can you not diagnose what's wrong?

ALLIE: And how can you try to fix it?

REINA: We were trying to figure out what was wrong and then how to make sure that we can have a second baby because we both looked healthy from the outside, and from the inside…all of the lab work, all the poking and prodding that they did to us. That was really scary and hard.

We started down the IUI path, which is the less invasive path. I think it has a 10% success rate each time you do it. Something might take; something might not take. But it's usually the precursor to the IVF path and they decided that IUI wouldn't be a good option for us. So we were like, “Okay, I guess we'll go through the IVF path,” and it's ungodly expensive. It's like $30,000 or $40,000 to go down this path.

As an entrepreneur it's a really big expense and you don't want to think about it like, “Oh my child is going to cost $40,000 to create.” That's not the mindset I wanted to go into this pregnancy with. But we were trying to figure out all those costs options and whatnot. We’re grateful because we have really great insurance and whatnot, but it's still really scary.

As soon as we signed all the papers, I had this sense of relief that it was going to get taken care of, or we had an answer and we were going to get something to happen. Because I think not knowing was the most difficult part for me. It was like all the medications, all those shots and stuff that I would have to endure…fine, I'll take care of it. But not knowing was really hard.

Once we signed the papers, I had this sense of relief. Two days later I found out I was pregnant. Once all the papers were signed and all the documents in…it was just a God thing, I think. One of those random things that I could not have anticipated, and maybe that sense of relief or whatever happened that the baby was ready to be brought into our lives. So, I feel really lucky.

ALLIE: Do you feel maybe the process of deciding to…I mean that's a lot of money, especially as an entrepreneur. I immediately went to, “that's half a launch.” Do you think you stating audibly, “Okay, we're willing to do this,” maybe got you more ready for the baby or something and maybe your body aligned with that?

REINA: That's really interesting that you bring that up. I don't know if there was a moment or whatever, and that could be one of the speculations, but one of the spheres that I had, and I had journaled about it a lot right before we couldn't figure out what was actually happening was “maybe my business is never going to be ready to have a second child.” Not that my body wasn't ready, but maybe my business wasn't going to be ready.

I had a little bit of a fear around will my business survive if I have another child. Because the first time around I took a maternity leave from a 9-5, so I had that cushion. And this time around we're taking a maternity leave and it's solely from me paying myself from my company. That was pretty scary to me. Maybe that was part of it and just being okay with the fact that I was going to be able to sustain myself.

ALLIE: There’s so there's so many terrifying things about being your own boss. So many liberating. I mean you have those moments where you're like, “Just forget this. I'm going to go back to how things were. It was way easier.” But then you think about all the freedom you're losing. I totally understand.

For me and my business, I didn't even start it until we were done with our whole family. So, I've never had that like, “Okay, time to make this transition.” It was…for a lack of not wanting to cuss on my show…a crap show from day one.  We had all four of them and everything. It was just a different story.

When you need a break, whether it's from maternity or anything, you're giving yourself that or you're not able to and it's on you. Everything is on you.

REINA: I've gotten a lot of DM’s on Instagram recently, “Wait, you're taking maternity leave? Are you paying yourself?” I'm actually glad that people are asking about these things because we should be asking about these things, right? You deserve as an entrepreneur to take time off for your baby, to recover, to bond with your child and hope to goodness that you can pay yourself in that time because it's darn hard. I feel really grateful that I have a business that has allowed me to do that. I'm planning on taking four months.

ALLIE: Good for you! That's amazing. Do you think you’re going to be like, “Oh I want to go back?”

REINA: I don't know how you felt, but I will probably feel like a Zombie for a good 2 months, and then I'll probably start trickling back in and be like, “Hey, tell me what's going on.” My team has a pretty good system of how we're going to check in and stuff like that, so I'm not completely isolated. But yeah, I think I'm going to be in the space of, “Can somebody just please talk to me? I just need some adult time.”

ALLIE: Well, we love what we do. It's refreshing to get a break. I had a burnout last year and I took eight weeks off. After four weeks I was starting to…I would imagine if I was having a baby right now, it would be very similar. “I'm actually scared of how little I want to talk about my business. I think I'm done. I'm just so annoyed with everybody and burned out.” After the third or fourth week, I never wanted to work more in my life and I wanted to go back. “Let’s launch. Let's just go all back into it.” I think it would probably be the same if I was having a baby right now. I just never did that in my business.

You have so much going on. You’re a very active businessperson. You do a lot. You're one of those people that always seems to be coming out with the new content. You do these amazing challenges and videos. You always are doing something. I know that you have a client-based business so you're always serving them in that way. I admire you for all the things you're always putting out. Your Instagram is so inspiring. I really love what you do.

I know it's an annoying question because there's really no typical, but what does the most typical day in your life look like? How do you block out your work versus your family? Is Cato at home with you? What does your day look like?

REINA: I think it's hard, like you said, with the “typical” cause there's not really a typical, but my work hours are typically 10:00 AM to 3:00 PM. I work from 10:00 to 3:00ish and I try not to work in the evenings. I really try to focus on whatever is in front of me with family and stuff like that, unless there's a launch or something like that happening. I will wake up in the morning and take care of my family, drop off Cato at preschool. He starts kindergarten in the fall, which is sad and exciting at the same time.

ALLIE: It's such a fun and cute time. You're going to love it.

REINA: Yeah, it's just really exciting. He loves school and loves his friends and stuff like that. I love sending him to school because he just really enjoys that atmosphere. During the day…in the morning I like to get brainwork done, either writing or some kind of content creation or something like that. And then I'll take client meetings in the afternoon or interviews in the afternoon when I have a little bit less energy. I'm an extrovert, so I love the connection process. The afternoon is a great time for that. I'm usually cutting off my “work” around 2:30 or 3:00, check my email one last time, wrap things up, and then I'm rolling out the door to pick up the Cato again. In the afternoon and evening we're doing homework or school things that are required.

ALLIE: It’s like you shift into that mode, right?

Like I said in the beginning before we recorded, I'm being selfish and just asking things that I want to know because we have so much in common and I never get to talk to other moms. One thing that I really struggle with as an introvert is, I run out of steam. I will run out so early in the day. That’s why it was okay that this time was okay because I was like, “Well, it's Reina. We'll just talk and it'll be awesome.” But if it was somebody that I never had any interaction with… it just takes a lot out of me. I would have been like, “I think I have to cancel. I'm dying.” My energy, it just leaves. This morning I had a creative meeting, then a decision-making meeting and then I wrote an email and I was like, “It is 11:30 and I'm done.” Do you feel that way or because you're an extrovert is there any part of you that can always keep going? I feel like I need a nap and I'm done and then I still have to do all the mom things. Do you struggle with that still?

REINA: No, I think that…well right now I definitely do. Around 2:00 I'll hit a wall because I'm pregnant. But usually when I'm not pregnant, I think that as an extrovert I feel like I need to get outside. I usually get outside around 11:00 in the morning to walk my dog. Then in the afternoon I'll walk or go do something fun a little bit like sit by the pool or something like that. I don't know what it is about being outside and the California sunshine, but it really does help me.

Maybe it's an extravert thing, but when I connect with my clients and stuff like that, it doesn't drain me. It doesn't feel like, “Uh, I don't want to do this.” But the things like the brainwork - that takes the most energy for me to sit down and concentrate. I have to get it done in the morning or I'm like, screw it.

ALLIE: Yeah, I'm the same way. And if there's one big thing that can be done per day…I know you relate…in my DM inbox, there's always like, “How do you get it all done? You're always making up new things.” And it's like, “Girl, you don't realize those were batched way long ago.” Like tomorrow on my calendar is to sit and write the emails for a launch that's coming in a month. And that's the only thing on my calendar, and I'm done after that. It's probably going to take me an hour and a half, but that's it. I'll be a Zombie.

REINA: I'm so impressed that an email series is only going to take you an hour and a half. Give me that brain of yours – that’s amazing.

Anything that’s not task-oriented where it's just me doing the work, like you're talking about…I have one thing on my list for today, which is my workshop workbook. Just complete the workbook. The workshop is already written. That's already recorded. Those were done in batches last week. And then tomorrow I have to write this other thing. So it's the same thing. What's the most important project that you've got going on and focus on that.

ALLIE: Yeah. And then the rest of the day and I'm lounging on the couch shushing the kids so I can rest for a second and then I'm cooking or doing homeschool stuff or whatever.

REINA: I’m so impressed that you homeschool. It’s really incredible.

ALLIE: Oh thanks. Well it's mostly Brian.

REINA: But it's still really cool. I mean, you guys tag team.

ALLIE: Yeah, tag team. That's the only reason that it gets done. And we only homeschool because we like the flexibility. It honestly is so hard sometimes.

REINA: Yeah. My husband has 12 weeks off for paternity leave and we were going to take six weeks of it after the baby was born and then we were going to take our family to Japan for six weeks and we realize that we can't, even though I have flexibility and my husband has flexibility because my son's going to be kindergarten. This is the first time we're ever having to deal with the public school system. You can't just up and leave for six weeks. Dang it!

ALLIE: Yeah. I know. Homeschooling is not for everybody. But it’s one of those things like we were talking about with work. You have to weigh out what you really want and if you want one thing more than the other, you make it happen. If you can only do one thing, you have to choose what it's going to be that day. It's all about balance.

REINA: I think it's interesting too, and you talk a lot about this in the mom world, I talk a lot about this in the business world and how you have to focus on what matters the most right now. It's not a matter of doing all the things, but like you say, it's prioritizing the most important thing so that you can rest easier or know that things are going to happen and be taken care of.

I think people get so overwhelmed by the image and the facade of doing it all that it’s crippling. I don't do it all and I do not try to handle everything in one day. It’s just not going to happen.

ALLIE: Yeah, absolutely. I've been thinking a lot and talking about this and just seeing what women, what their feedback is and what their take is. I've been thinking a lot about the difference between living busy and living full. To me living busy is busy for the sake of busy. You’ve just got too much going on. I look at the friends that I have that have their kids in eight different activities and then they're basically just chauffeurs and I just can't be busy like that. But then I have people that tell me all the time, “Oh, you're just so busy.” And I'm always kind of thrown because I don't feel like I'm busy. I felt like my life is just full of good.

REINA: Yeah. My friend Martha, she works for a big company and she's busy. She does a lot of things and I think she's full and busy at the same time. But she always comments about how how much I have going on. I'm like, “Not really.” I mean I do quite a bit, but it's not like I'm constantly shuffling around or at least that's now how it feels day-to-day. My days are full and my brain is full, but I don't feel like I'm pinging from thing to thing to thing, which I think that toggling and that switching effect is really harmful for our brains and it's just difficult for us to keep going.

ALLIE: Yeah, absolutely. And I think that's where batching comes in. Are you a batch worker?

REINA: Yeah, I batch work.

ALLIE: It's something that I learned in business that has translated over to motherhood with meal prepping and stuff. It's just so powerful.

We need to talk about that for a second. Because I'm thinking that my audience is like, “Oh my gosh, talk more about that.” So batching for those who are listening and don't know, batching is basically a productivity hack, right? Where you are in one brain mode working on something, so you might as well just do all the things that are like that task at one time so that you're not switching like Rana just said, toggling back and forth from task to task. So how do you do that in your business? And then let's talk about if you do that in your family, meals and stuff like that.

REINA: Yeah, so in my business we do that in a couple different ways. I have done all of my client work in one week, so I take all my client calls on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursdays on even weeks and then I'll do all of my content on Weeks 1 and Weeks 3. So anytime there's things that need to get out the door, those are the days when I have those chunks of time blocked out for me to sit down and do the work. I think that for me it helps because I need to be an extrovert mode where I'm interfacing with my clients versus I really want to get this deep work done during the content time. I try to do that as much as I can.

When we were podcasting, that was definitely something that helped because if you are in content writing mode and your brain is on, on fire and doing awesome writing and then you have to context switch to different parts of your brain, it's just really difficult. It takes me a little while to switch over.

In my personal life, I think with the meal prep specifically, I love using Plan To Eat.

Basically, anytime you see a recipe online, you can just pull that link and pull it into this library. Oh my gosh. You have to check it out. It's awesome. If you Pinterest something and you're like, “Oh my gosh, this looks so yummy. I want to check it out.” Instead of putting it on a Pinterest board, you just drag it into Plan To Eat and then you have a library of recipes that you want to check out and then you'd just say, “Oh, I want to do this on Monday. I want to do this on Tuesday. I want to do this on Thursday.” Whatever. And then it creates a shopping list for you. Oh my gosh, it's amazing.

ALLIE: So how does it know what all goes on the shopping list.

REINA: Because the recipe is already in there and so the ingredients are in the recipe and it just pulls it in. It's insane.

ALLIE: OK. That's amazing. I wrote it down.

REINA: That might be a potential sponsor for you in the future. It should be.

The cool thing about Plan To Eat…I don't want to go too far into it, but our family's favorite recipes…and you can collaborate with friends. So if you have friends who eat similar to you or whatever, you have a gluten free family or whatever, you can borrow from their menus too. What I love about this tool is that you can have family favorites and then plan in two months we're just going to do the same exact month recipe.

ALLIE: Okay. You don't even realize…I won't go on a tangent, but side note, I have been cooking more than I ever have in my entire life lately. I'm so overwhelmed. I basically just figured out all of these hormonal problems that I've been having and I'm not going to have all these surgeries and these unnecessary things and I'm like, “I'm going to heal this with food, hormone imbalance is food.” So I'm eating Paleo and it's so much food prep and I've just been dying. It is what it is. I'm going to be cooking a lot. That's just the way it is. But to know ahead of time, “Oh, these were our favorites and we’ll just eat this again.” The planning is the hardest part.

REINA: It totally is. What I've been doing is as soon as I know what I need for the week, I'll just have it delivered. Especially now that I'm pregnant, I'm not going to the grocery store, hauling that stuff, but I can log in, my husband can log in and he could go grocery shopping for me. Or if we're out and about, he can just pick something up. This app has been amazing in just being able to say Allie likes this recipe and she's going to put it two weeks from now so that you're repeating and you don't have to plan it out again. But also it's been two weeks so you're not going to remember that.

ALLIE: Exactly. Totally. And then you know what you like or what was a family favorite. Okay. That's amazing. I'm going to link to that. This sounds like such a sponsored conversation. I know.

REINA: I know. It totally is not.


Hey friend!  It’s Allie! Have you heard of the Supermom Vault yet?

The Supermom Vault is a library of inspiration I created for you. It holds replays of my very best online workshops that aren’t available anywhere else, tons of really actionable pdf’s that are downloadable with just one click, more than 20 audio and video trainings from me, and professionally designed printables for your home to keep you focused and inspired.

The Supermom Vault is only $39.00 and is available at alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

Check it out!  It’s a really good simple start.

Want more inspiration than just the podcast? Do you wish there were more episodes?  Want more details? Do you want videos? Do you want pdf’s? Do you want to download things and get your hands on something to really get you started when it comes to minimalism and simplifying your motherhood?

This is definitely the place to go!

Check it out!  Alliecasazza.com/allcourses.


ALLIE: Okay, so getting into that overly annoying term, work life, family, work, life balance and all that. I feel like you're really good at being the CEO of your business, but also you show up and you're the CEO of your home and your family and you seem to do both so well. I know that it's all Instagram or whatever, but you show up really well where you need to show up. I feel like you have really good boundaries about like, “Well I don't need to do that so I'm not going to feel like I need to that. I'm going to focus on this.” You seem really focused and that's also what you teach in your business. You’re so good at that. Having said that, do you have any systems week-to-week in your home that free you up? I'm all about rhythms and routines and those things, but sometimes I'll meet somebody who’s like, “Well those ones just didn't work for me. This is what I found.” I'm learning that everybody is different. So what are the systems in your home that have helped you do all the things?

REINA: Yeah, so I'm going to answer one simple thing first. One of the things that's really important to me as a human is that as a business owner, as a mom, I think the identity that gets lost often is the Reina identity, right? Being the person. And so, I like to think of my life as three buckets. My family and home life bucket, my Reina bucket and then the business bucket. And when I know that each of them are, maybe not equally replenished because that's not ever going to truly happen, but if I know that I'm going to be in a heavy business season and the other two are going to be a little bit depleted, to make sure that I'm communicating that with myself and with my husband.  Knowing that's what's going to happen. Or if I know that I'm physically going to be taxed, like going through labor or whatever, that the other two are going to be depleted and have that expectation and reality check.

I think that for me that's what balance is, to know that there's going to be these imbalances and to know how to accommodate for those. If I know that my family is going to be going through a tough season to lighten up on the other two things, like I'm not going be ice skating as much or maybe I'm not going to be reading as much for myself and that's okay. The adjustment of expectations. That's one way I like to think about life balance because you can't get it.

And then I think at home, I mean I'm not perfect and I have plenty to learn from you here.

I think just one of the things to think about with life stuff is just communicating. We do ‘team meeting’ with my husband and I on Sunday nights. It's a really quick check in to be like, “Okay, here's what's happening in my life. Here's what's happening with work.” It's not a romantic meeting or anything by any means, but it's our one time to check in logistically so I don't have to hassle him, I don't have to nag at him during the week. It's like, “Here are my expectations. Here's what we need. What do you need from me? How can I support you this week?” Those are basically simple questions to make sure that we know what's going on on each other's calendars at work. I found that when we weren't doing that…even though it's like, “Hey, how was your day? Fine.” You don’t really get to the core of it. In the seasons when we haven't done as many team meetings or check-ins, it's been a little bit more like we're not communicating as well or just a little bit short with each other because things are happening at work or you had a really tough conversation with somebody at work or whatever is going on. Checking in is really helpful. That's one of the things that we do.

ALLIE: I think also it helps us to have a meeting once a week that's not date night so that date night can be romantic. Why is it so easy for companies and CEOs to know they need to have a team meeting but nobody's thinking about that when you are a team with your husband? You're running a family, a life, and a home, which is far more important than any company. Of course you need to have a meeting. It’s funny because we implemented that a while back before I ever knew that I would have a company. It's something that everyone is always so like, “Oh wow, what a great idea.” I don't know how anyone is doing all of this without meeting. Maybe that's why the divorce rate is so high or communication….because you have all of these expectations and you have to have a time and place to communicate that. I think that's so amazing that you guys do that.

REINA: Last night it was not perfect because we didn't do it on Sunday and I had done all the meal planning and all that stuff, but we hadn't done a team meeting. So late last night right before we went to bed we're like, “Oh! Team meeting,” and we were checking in with each other because there are a couple of things that are coming up with appointments and stuff like that. It was nice to be able to know that we have a space for it and it's like a recurring calendar thing on our calendars. Do you guys do it with your kids? I feel like your kids are old enough that you could probably do this with your kiddos.

REINA: It's starting to get there. Bella is 10 and she's a girl and she's really wanting to be involved in everything. What we've been doing is we still do it on Sunday night and the kids are playing and then we'll pull them in at the end and we'll be like, “Okay guys, here's what's going on. Here's what we're doing in school.” Because on Sunday night we go over the homeschool curriculum for the next week and be like, “Okay, do we need to get any supplies on our shopping list for tomorrow?” Then we do meal planning and groceries all at the same time. Then we do what's going on with my work and the business and what press stuff is going on. Am I driving anywhere? Meeting anybody? What's going on? They're really long. They used to be really short. Now it's a couple hours of all the things, and we'll pull the kids in at the end and check-in on everybody and see how everyone's feeling. Usually they rabbit trail and talk about a show they want to watch or something. It's becoming from a couples reconnect thing to a family team meeting where “How's everybody doing?” I think it's evolving into that for sure.

REINA: Yeah, I like that a lot and I think that as my kids grow I think I’ll want to include them in these conversations. I'm pretty excited about that.

One of the things that we started doing was in meal prep before I do a lot of the thinking about food stuff. I'll ask my son, “What do you want to eat this week? What are your friends eating? What are you interested in? So that he continues to be interested in food, you know? That’s something that we've just started and he doesn't have much of an opinion right now. He's like, “I just don't want to eat this.” And I'm like, “Cool. That’s super helpful.”

ALLIE: I've never heard anybody say that. And what a cool idea. What a cool way to get around a picky eater, to twist it and make it positive. “Have you seen anything that you want to try?” I'm willing to try. What a great mom.

REINA: I don't know about that. I don't want this to be the first response. He’s a pretty adventurous eater, so it's nice to be able to include his opinion in the food.

ALLIE: Yeah, for sure. For sure. It’s his house too and you want to make food...I wouldn’t make something that Brian didn't like. You guys are making yourselves this team, this group, that we all have opinions and we will respect each other's opinions and I care what you think. We’re coming away from the whole time of parenting where it was, “Sit down. Shut up. Do what I say. You're the kid. I'm the parent.” You know what I mean? It feels like we're raising kids who could be a little more respectful because they were respected too and we cared about what they thought and we asked. “Yeah, we’re the parents but I care about what you think and I want to know how you're feeling.”

Okay, so let's shift gears a little bit and talk about your business kind of things. I know that this isn't a business podcast (sometimes I wish it was because all day I could talk about marketing and all the things) but there are so many women who listen, who message me, “I love the business talks. I want more about that”. So while there isn't a business podcast for now, let's talk a little bit here about your content.

You seem like a content creation machine. Are there any hacks that you have? You’ve been at this for a while. You've been doing your business for years and you seem to have really fine-tuned what you are good at. You have your elevator pitch and the way that you succinctly say who you serve and what you do is so fine-tuned and beautiful. Do you have any hacks for how you create content so regularly? Do you batch everything? Your Instagram and your blog content? How do you structure all of that?

REINA: At this point right now we are not creating a lot of content, but for the past 2 ½ to 3 years, we had a podcast episode going out every week, twice a week, right? And so there's a lot of content out there. The way that I've done it in the past is really thinking about who are the people that I'm serving? Who do I really want to be talking to? Making sure that I'm answering their questions before they even know that it's a question so that we can kind of tackle those.

I know you do this too, where are you have a Q & A kind of thing and we respond to those. I love your podcast episodes where you were talking about business stuff because you're just answering people's questions which is awesome. Maybe you could have a business podcast. It's just one of those things for me that whenever I ask for what people need, it's just readily there. That’s the way that I like to create content.

For me, at the very beginning I felt like no one was listening and so I didn't really know how to answer questions. Because there's just not an audience. I was so grateful when I started getting feedback. It was like, “Oh, okay, this is working or this is what people are curious about.” It's so much easier. If you're in that phase of, “I have no idea what I'm supposed to be talking about,” just keep talking because people will start to pay attention. I don't know if that's your advice, but I would probably say don't get discouraged by people who aren't listening yet. We have to win over those people one by one and your audience will grow even if it doesn't feel like immediate overnight growth.

ALLIE: Yeah and just sharing what have you learned? What have you struggled with? Start talking about that. Start talking about what was hard for you yesterday. How did you handle it? I had the funniest little random blog post topics in the beginning because it was just like yesterday I had a really crappy day and I just restarted in the middle of a day. And then I had a blog post called something like “How To Have a Monday Morning In The Middle Of A Thursday Afternoon” or something like that, “Restarting Your Day - It's Okay.” And that gained following. Everything that you are learning is valuable to somebody. Just start talking. Somebody will listen.

REINA: Yeah, I agree with that. I love that.

ALLIE: For yourself, do you have any ‘rules’ in terms of when you know that your business needs to take a back seat, you need to shift gears and focus on your family? You mentioned your buckets. I have more of a seasonal base. I'll know that I think I need to maybe bow out of that launch, push it to fall, and focus on my marriage this summer. It feels like that. Do you have any hard rules for yourself in terms of what you're focusing on most?

REINA: It's not really a hard and fast rule. I think one of the biggest things I do is, so I use Lara Casey’s Powersheets planners. I think that just looking at the full year ahead of when it's starting and actually happening, to be able to know, “These are my life things that are going to be happening. I have a wedding to attend and we have to travel across the country.” Whatever things are happening and making sure that I know don't plan anything crazy big for your business during this time, or I'm coming out of maternity leave, there's no way that I'm going to be doing anything crazy right after this. And just easing myself into it. I think that looking at life first for me, then adding on the extra layers and making sure that I'm tempering or scaling my expectations depending on those seasons.

Then whenever I have a busy work season, I try to take a little bit of time, not off necessarily, but just kind of turned down, I guess, so that I have a little bit more spaciousness in my life.

ALLIE: Yeah, absolutely. I love that. Do ever feel like one area of your life is so busy that the other area never really gets to where you want it to go? Sometimes I feel like my personal life is so full and so busy. My kids are older so they're into things, doing sports and stuff, and while we keep it toned down, I don't want to be the mom that says, “No, you can't do any. Just baseball.” It's a lot. It's three days a week. It's so busy. Sometimes I feel like I'm saying “not right now” to things in my business so much that I'm like, “Man, am I ever going to get where I want to go because it's having to grow so slowly?” Do you feel like that?

REINA: I feel like that sometimes. I think it's really funny that you're saying that because I feel like you've grown so quickly.

ALLIE: It’s always a perspective thing when you're in it.

REINA: You're like, “This is so slow” aka really fast to somebody else because you're witnessing so many other cool people who are doing amazing things.

ALLIE: And you know in your head where you want to be and you’re not there, so it's like, “Oh this is too slow.” When I look back it's like, “Yes! So many things have happened.” I think it makes you choose, or at least for me, it makes me choose what I'm going to say “yes” to is a really good yes and then the “no’s” would have helped, but it's not necessary. The growth is still there, but I think if you're a driven person, you're not ever going to be satisfied with what's happened.

REINA: I think it's really interesting. I have this inner dialogue with myself and I don't know how you experienced this, but for me, “I want to go faster, I want to go faster, I want to go faster. I want to do this other thing and continue to pursue it,” and it's tempered by, “Okay, well, I have these other responsibilities and it's not that this other thing is more important necessarily, but in this season this is the most important thing that I need to focus on.”

For example, over the summer, I want to make sure that my son is able to swim. That is a huge priority. He's 5; he needs to be able to swim. I was a water baby. I played water polo. You know, all of this stuff. And I'm not going to be able to do all of this other stuff that I had hoped for in my business. And that's okay. It's weird to think about business in the context of, “Oh well I have to balance my life against this,” because if I was in a corporate company you can't do that. You don't have the luxury of being like, “No I'm not going to do that because my son has to take swim lessons.”

ALLIE: You have to do what you were hired to do.

REINA: Right. I try to think about what would it look like in 9-5 world and also, “Thank God I don't have to do that. Thank goodness I don't have to abide by somebody else's timeline and schedule.” There's a give and take I guess.

ALLIE: Yeah. I think that's why the phrase “work life balance” irks me so much. I mean is there even really such a thing? My business is almost like another baby to me. I love it. I care about it so much. I wish I could do more, but I also feel like I wish I could do more with my kids in other areas too. It's the same thing of which thing is going to win this season.

REINA: Yeah, absolutely. I think people hate the word ‘balance’ because it feels like it has to be…

ALLIE: …perfectly even.

REINA: And it’s not, you know? It's a juggling act. I imagine standing on a yoga ball and juggling at the same time.

ALLIE: Yes! Well put!

REINA: It’s not balance; It’s like trying not to fall and drop the balls all at the same time.

ALLIE: Yeah. I think that social media is so beautiful and no matter how real you are it always looks like that's not what's happening. And it is. It’s hard. Then you show up and you serve and somebody says something rude, like it wasn't enough. You didn't do good enough. You made this grammatical error and they've got to pointed out. And then that's discouraging and you're like, “Wow!” Then you come inside your house and I made this huge elaborate meal and one of my kids is like, “This tastes like dirt.” It's like nothing is ever good enough, ever balanced enough, so all we can do in every area is just show up and, “Oh, this is what I did and I feel really good about it, so I'm going to move on.”

REINA: Yeah. That example is such a real life. I had a really a trying day a couple of weeks ago and everything I was trying was not working, and then I get to dinner and I was like, you know, sometimes it's a hot dog and they're happy and everything is Hunky Dory. And then the next day you try to make an elaborate meal where you actually served them vegetables. It was a healthy meal and you actually thought about it. Then it's like, “Mom, I don't want to eat this.” And you’re like, “Ahh, I can't even deal with you right now.”

ALLIE: Yeah. This morning I did this Instagram story where I was talking about a time in our life and I said something like, “Oh, we moved to the Midwest and it was, you know, Arkansas.” I got this message that was like, “FYI Arkansas is not the Midwest. I love you, but get your geography straight.” Literally what she said. It just bugs you. It wasn't a big deal, but I was already not super emotionally fit at that moment and it just bugged me. Then I came in and I made a giant amazing lunch – shrimp, that black rice, that Forbidden Rice or whatever that’s loaded with nutrients and it's $25 a bag. Right? I made this amazing thing and my kids were like, “I don't want…” and I just lost it. It’s okay that I'm not good enough for everybody all the time because my value can’t be in that…I don't know, this is kind of a tangent…but my point was I'm learning that it's okay.

I'm showing up. I'm doing a free Instagram story with a free podcast for you and if you don't like that I called Arkansas the Midwest, then just get out. I just showed up and I cooked this amazing meal and it nourished me and my body that’s going through healing and it was good for you guys but if you don't like that part of it then just don’t eat it. Just get out.

REINA: You cannot please everyone, Allie. Can. Not.

ALLIE: Ok, one more question about working for all of the work-at-home moms.

Your office is at your house. Do you ever struggle with the fact that it's all happening in the same place and it's distracting?

REINA: It always is distracting. I mean as you said that my dog walks into my office, right? She's like, “I want to go for a walk. I'm ready to do it.” And now that I've said it, she's going to get excited. Things are happening all the time. Thankfully my son is not at home and he has his own care. But at the same time, there's laundry to be folded, there's dishes to be clean. There's stuff that needs to happen. I try my best to have focus time for each of those things so that I know they get taken care of, but it's not perfect. It’s a matter of where do I want to put my focus on right now, and making sure that I dedicate the time that I need to, to the things that need to happen.

It sucks. It's definitely not perfect and I have lots to learn in that regard, but it's just one of those things that whenever I need to focus on work, I'm all in.

ALLIE: Yeah, and you just have to have that self-discipline that I'm working right now. It's not laundry time. That's amazing that you have that. The only reason that I even started figuring out rhythms and routines in my house stuff is because I don't have that and it's like if the other things are not rhythmatized, and I know in the morning the laundry is switched and done. Now the kids are older and chores are happening, they're actually helpful, so the kids do the dishes. But you know those things are done. Then it's like, “Okay, now I can work.”

REINA: Yeah, it’s about creating those habits and for me the rhythms are a little bit different than yours and I think that's fine. For example, this is such a silly example, but on Sundays, every single week, I have a reminder on my phone that says ears and nails. I have to clean out my son's ears and cut his nails, or else I will never remember.

ALLIE: Yeah, I know. Oh my gosh, yes. I have so many random little alerts on my phone. Especially with boys, they don't care or notice. Bella would be like, “Mom, my nails look really long and dirty. Can you help me?” The boys are still being gross and playing in dirt with dirt under their nails. Eating dirt. “We don’t care.” Yeah, it’s a boy-mom problem.

REINA:  Exactly. It’s one of those things that if I have them in my phone and I know that they're going to happen, I don't have to worry about it during the rest of the week kind of thing, unless there's a problem obviously.

I like to have little homes for these little assignments for myself, so I guess that's the way that I do rhythms.

ALLIE: It’s like you’re clearing mental clutter. It's mental clutter to know that you have to do something, but you have no assigned place that you're going to remember to do it. That's totally raising your cortisol.

REINA: Yeah. No stress for me in that regard. Let's handle it. It's taken care of.

ALLIE: Yeah, totally. I love that. You easily say something so actionable and relatable.

I love it.

I know that you're like me and you love to read. I don't know if it's changing for you lately but what are you reading right now? What are you loving right now?

REINA: What am I reading right now? I am reading Kristin Hannah's Midnight Hour. I just finished The Tattooist of Auschwitz.

ALLIE: So you like to read novels.

REINA: I like to read novels at night and then during the day I like to read business stuff or other fiction stuff, I guess. I'm reading Shoe Dog by Phil Knight. He founded Nike. I'm obsessed with this story.

ALLIE: Me too. It's so crazy to see the beginning of something so huge and so inspiring. It’s such a humble start.

REINA: It really is. He's talking about a $1,000 shoe order like, “What? That’s amazing!” And now it's a multibajillion dollar company. It’s really remarkable.

ALLIE: Yeah, it is. I love that too.

In conclusion, just a random question. I didn’t give you a warning so it's okay if you're like, “I dunno,” but what is one life lesson or something that's been resting on you lately that you have been learning lately?

REINA: I think coming back to journaling a lot recently. I've been trying a lot of different formats of journaling recently. This is not a word obviously, but I got to the season of being a little bit too busy for daily journaling and I wanted to figure out what was happening and what I could try. And so, I've been trying a lot of different formats and I really like the simplicity of the Start Today Journal. I think it's 5 pieces of gratitude in the morning and then 10 things you made happen. It's Rachel Hollis’ Start Today Journal. She talks about it in her new book Girl, Stop Apologizing. I devoured that on Audible. I think she has an actual physical journal that she sells. I just made my own. The second part is really interesting because it's all about the dreams that you made happen and so the things that you want to have happen, but in the, “I've already done it” tense.

It's really cool stuff. If you look up the ‘Start Today Journal’ Hashtag on Instagram, you see all kinds of stuff, like hers is “I'm a New York Times bestseller author” before she was. And some people are like, “I lost 10 pounds.” It can be really different types of goals.

ALLIE: I love that. It's the whole idea that I have seen over and over again in my life - speaking it out before it happens and saying, “This is mine and I'm going to make this happen.” I love that.

This was such a good conversation. Thank you so much.

I know that this isn't your normal interview. Normally you are all business. Some people will want to go and chase after what you’ve got and some people won't really have it be relative, but where can people find you? Because I know if people know what you do, you serve amazing entrepreneurs and I love when you share your clients' stories and their wins and stuff. It's so cool to see who you're working with. But if people want to do that with you and work with you and find you, where can they find you?

REINA: You can find me over at Reina + Co. I am always hanging out over on Instagram at @reinaandcompany and I respond to my DM’s. That's really the only place I'm hanging out during my maternity leave. It's going to be a fun little transition time. Who knows what'll happen.

Even though this conversation was more life stuff, I think it's important that we talk about this and just because I'm an entrepreneur doesn't mean that I can't talk about mom stuff, you know?

ALLIE: It's all woven together. Are you going to be sharing baby staff on Instagram?

REINA: Oh, for sure.

ALLIE: Yay! I'm so excited for you. Oh my gosh. Having brothers, too, in your home is one of the glories of my life and one of the things that I am so proud to be a part of. It's so cool. I didn't really have that in my house. My siblings are really far apart, so while we have two girls and two boys, we didn't grow up together. It's really cool to have the boys growing up together and don't worry about that age gap. The ones that are the closest in my house are the farthest apart so it doesn't matter. They're going to be  little friends. Especially when the baby gets to be 1, they're going to start to play. It's so magical. So fun. You're going to love it. I'm so happy for you.

REINA: Yay. Thank you so much for that encouragement. I'm just looking forward to this sweet season.

ALLIE: We'll link to all the good things that you shared, the journal and the powersheets, all of that good stuff, but thank you so much for having this conversation with me.

REINA: Thank you so much for having me.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 106: Rocking Life as a Work-Out-of-the-Home Mom with Kendra Hennessy

Facebook_EP_106.png

The one thing I don’t talk about is being a work-out-of-the-home mom. I just never did that, so I don’t want to teach what I don’t confidently know. But! Today’s a good day because my friend Kendra Hennessy has been in that position and is about to drop some serious truth bombs for you mamas!

This episode is going to bring you a lot of hope and inspiration no matter what type of mom you are! Whether you are a mom who works from home or outside the home, get ready for really good conversation around finding the balance and harmony between work and family. 

Kendra and I talk about figuring out what fits your family best, discovering the values that are non negotiable, and finding ways to connect with each of your kids (because we all know, every kid is different and needs their mom in different ways!) There are fears, doubts, and misconceptions moms who work outside of the home face but at the end of the day we are all moms working to give our kids the best we can!

 
 

In This Episode Allie + Kendra Discuss:

  • The biggest doubts work outside the home moms face.

  • Understanding that chaos is routine out of control and how you can get it back in order.

  • How valuable quality time with your kids is (and not just quality time, but time spent doing things they love)

  • Why the “fringe moments” matter.

Mentioned in this Episode:


MFTM-FB-3.png

Made For This Mom is a beautiful, life-changing program that I co-created with Kendra. It deals with mindset, attitude and heart shifts for moms who are ready to uplevel their mental and emotional health.

If you want to get away from the whole “oh mom, life is so hard and so messy,” and just that victim mentality. The, “I never get a moment to myself. My whole life is just such a crap show. I don't even know what selfcare is. I never get time to myself.” That whole act, that whole lifestyle and start living your life as who you are meant to be, this program is meant for you. It will change your life.

This is a mindset program that helps you identify the source of the weight you're feeling and get this aerial view of your motherhood so you can become the confident, flourishing mom that you were meant to be.

It is a next level program. Made For This Mom. Doors are open now and I really want to see you in there!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


Don't have time to listen_.jpg

Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Guys! It is finally May and I'm so excited because it's Mother's Day this month. It's the month of motherhood and that means in my life that I get to do a lot of work side-by-side with my business bestie, Kendra Hennessy of Mother Like A Boss.

We co-created an online program called Made For This Mom together a few years ago and every May we open the doors to that program. I'm so excited because this is just one of the reasons that I love May so much. This time of year honestly makes me super emotional because this program is so important, so close to my heart, and so different from the other courses that I've created.

Made For This Mom is a beautiful, life-changing program that I co-created with Kendra. It deals with mindset, attitude and heart shifts for moms who are ready to uplevel their mental and emotional health.

If you want to get away from the whole “oh mom, life is so hard and so messy,” and just that victim mentality. The, “I never get a moment to myself. My whole life is just such a crap show. I don't even know what selfcare is. I never get time to myself.” That whole act, that whole lifestyle and start living your life as who you are meant to be, this program is meant for you. It will change your life.

This is a mindset program that helps you identify the source of the weight you're feeling and get this aerial view of your motherhood so you can become the confident, flourishing mom that you were meant to be.

It is a next level program. Made For This Mom. Doors are open now. Go to madeforthismom.com. Get all the deets. I really want to see you guys in there.

It comes with a student-only online community where Kendra and I regularly check in and can talk to you guys. You can ask questions and comment. It also comes with three live coaching calls with both Kendra and myself present and we literally are taking your questions, taking your specific life issues and talking with you, answering your questions, helping you, coaching you through things. So, three of those live calls plus the entire program, plus the student community. This is just invaluable.

I can't wait to see you guys in there. I'm so excited about this! Madeforthismom.com. The doors are closing super soon, so get over there.

ALLIE: Hey guys! Welcome back to The Purpose Show. I'm so happy today. Extra, extra happy because I'm sitting with my BFF and we're going to hang out and talk and you guys get to listen in. Kendra's here. She is one of my best friends in the whole world. She lives across the country, so I think that's a bummer. It's a bummer, but it says a lot about our friendship because I'm over here in sunny San Diego and you'll send me a picture with 8 ft. of snow.

KENDRA: It's the middle of January. And Allie will have an Instastory and they're gallivanting around southern California, and I just sent her a picture of us bundled up inside because we're inside the Polar Vortex, and she's like, “Oh I know! I totally feel you, friend. It was 50 degrees yesterday.” Very different.

ALLIE: Kendra and I, she's been on the show before. I'll link to her initial episode because it was really good. She’s the queen of simplifying your cleaning and your cleaning systems, your cleaning routine, how to clean. She taught me how to deal with urine, which I need to do a lot because I have a million boys.

KENDRA:  I'm really good at teaching people how to deal with urine. I want that to be on my tombstone.

ALLIE: This episode is going to be so fun. I'm so excited! Kendra is the founder of Mother Like A Boss and her website is amazing. The way she does things is really similar to the way that I have my business laid out because we've been doing stuff together for a while.

I think you can see the influence that we've had on each other whenever we come together. We have a really good energy together and I love doing stuff with you. We also made a course together, Made For This Mom.

KENDRA: Which is incredible. I'm trying to say that with the most humble sound in my voice as well. I know when we talk about it we try to be very humble, but I really do think that I can say that because it's helped so many people. And I also think that both Allie and I know that that course came out of somewhere else. It came to us in an instant and we laid out everything for that course in a day because it just came to us from another place. We just knew that this is what we were supposed to talk about and it deviated from what we normally did because it's not about decluttering or minimalism or homemaking or cleaning. It's really about motherhood. It's about your relationships with yourself and the people in your life and getting back to a really solid place in your own life.

A lot of moms in there are like, “You know, I have my systems down. I'm running my home. I've decluttered and the everything there seems great, but why do I still feel this longing? Why do I still feel this emptiness inside?” And that's where Made For This Mom really has been able to fill that void.

ALLIE: Yeah, we launch it every May for Mother's Day, so coming up. Every time we do that, I always say that I'm so proud of that course. I think I really am the most proud of it because, not that the other stuff doesn't matter, but this is so much deeper and the kind of comments that we see coming out of that course…it's just better.

It's so amazing and so powerful. I love that we did that together. It was like we were just enlightened with it. It came out of us when we were together in San Diego. That was great. I love it.

So, tell everybody about your family and, you know, be better at it than I was at saying what you do.

KENDRA: Absolutely. As she said, I founded Mother Like A Boss. We actually just celebrated our three-year anniversary for the business, which was really incredible. And I wasn't even keeping track at all because, as you know, as you get older time sort of constricts and you're like, “Oh! It's been a year? It feels like 10 minutes.”

Before that I owned a cleaning business, so that's really where my cleaning expertise comes in. I wasn't just somebody that liked to clean, I actually ran a business. I ran the numbers last year and I have about 22,000 hours of experience cleaning houses. That's not including my own, so I do have the expertise. I have learned a lot.

It was an 11-year process and I sucked at it at first. I really do tell people that for a reason because house cleaning isn't something much like anything else in motherhood. It's not something people are born with. People have tendencies towards organization or tendencies towards good habits. But at the end of the day, something like cleaning your house is not just innate. It's not like we're born knowing how to do it.

I ran that business. I loved it and I loved what I did, but I was exhausted. Cleaning people's houses every day is exhausting. From a business standpoint, I wanted something I could scale. I wanted something that would allow me to be home with my kids more. So, I went into the online space and thought there has to be a way that I can serve moms in a better way, not just with cleaning, but with home management in general.

Really what I talk about is modernizing homemaking. I sort of feel like I’m on this one-woman mission to modernize and put a fresh spin on homemaking because I think that it is one of the most important things that we can do these days and it's one of the most overlooked.

And that's really why Allie and I both not only get along so well, but have such a heart for each other is because we both have that same belief…if your home is in order, then you're going to radiate that love and joy to your children, to your husband, to the relationships in your life. And then they're going to take that and radiate it out.

I think now we live such busy, full, crazy lives that why wouldn't you want your home to be the safe haven?

I always say I want my home to be the hammock and the safety net that catches us in our lives, so that when the stresses of the outside world are crazy, I can come home and it's not another stressor. When I walk into my home I'm not like, “Oh, great, crap” and there's crap everywhere. And I have no systems. We wake up in the morning and we're run, run, run and rush, rush, rush, much the same way Allie talks about decluttering.

On the personal end, I've been married to my very tall husband, as Allie can tell you.

ALLIE: Yes! He’s so tall and so loud.

KENDRA: He's tall and loud. Bless his sweet, sweet heart. He's one of the loudest people on the face of the earth. His whole family is. They just talk loud and he doesn't even realize it. What's funny is that he's not an ostentatious person at all. He's just loud in the way he talks.

ALLIE: It’s literally his voice decibel. It's just funny. We joke about it all the time because when we were first hanging out as families…Brian…one of our pain points in our marriage is, I'm like, “What? Huh?” He's kind of a mumbler. He has a quiet voice. And Adam was like, “So how's it going?” And I was jarred. And I noticed it and Kendra was like, “Oh yeah, sorry.” He's really loud. It's just funny.

KENDRA: He has a very rich timber.

ALLIE: Well said.

KENDRA: We've been married for, it's coming up on 12 years in a couple of months. We have a 12-year-old daughter, Ava, and a 6-year-old son, Everett. They are truly the light of my life. All three of them. I love them so much. I love being a mom. I love being a wife. I love being a business owner.

I think that if you're listening to Allie, you know Allie's the same way. And again, that's something that really created our friendship is while I love my family and I would do anything for them, my business is like a third child to me. My business is super important, running my business is important. I love being successful. I love making money. I love all the things about running a business. I love being a CEO.

Also we live in upstate New York where it's cold four months out of the year. Really cold, not like southern California, 50 degree cold. Like actually cold.

ALLIE: It sucks. I'm embarrassed that I've acclimated back to here because I travel so much that if I'm gone enough I'm like, “Oh, I'm actually not that cold and I don't need this giant puffy jacket on day 15 of being here.” But then I get back and I'm like, “Oh it’s so cold and then I look at my phone and it’s like 61.”

I don't even know where to start with you because I have so many things that I want to talk about, but I want to circle back to when you had your cleaning business. You have a podcast, an amazing podcast by the way, which we will link to. My podcast and yours is coming out at the same time, so if you're listening to this one you can go back and listen to hers.

You talk about being a work-outside-of-the-home mom. I know that you know how it is when you’re audience is building and they want to know something from you and you want to help them, but there's certain things that you can figure out and help. But there's other things you just can't talk about because you've never done that. And being a work-outside-of-the-home mom is one of those things for me.

Now it's a little different. You start to travel, and speaking events, and I'm gone a lot more, but even then, my family usually comes too, so I just don't have that experience of you have a job. It's not necessarily something that you love and are super passionate about, but it pays the bills and you're working and you're gone all day and you're exhausted when you come home in the evening and you've got homework and family and cooking and all that. I've never done that.

I want to talk to you about all the things, but I really want to hone in on you blessing and speaking truth over the women that are listening that have a work-outside-of-the-home life like that. It's not their passion, it's their paycheck and they've got to do it, you know?

KENDRA: Yeah. I should start by saying I started out feeling like it was my passion. For me it was. I want to start out by saying that. I started my business when I was pregnant with Ava, so it was 13 years ago. I had gone to college and I dropped out of college in my last semester. Go me.

I had a panic attack. I did not want to do what I was going to school for. It was freaking me out that I was going to then be put into this job that I didn't want and I literally had an actual, physical panic attack and I was like, “I'm done. I'm just going to drop out. I'll figure it out later, but I'm not going to continue doing this.”

And the long story made very short is that a friend of mine had a neighbor that had just moved here from 20 or 30 minutes away. She owned a cleaning business there and was going to be running it here and needed someone to help her. So I was like, “You know what? Well I just quit school so I should probably do something during the day, so I decided to work with her, loved it and then decided to do my own business.

Well while all that was happening, while dropping out of college, which broke my family's heart because I was really the first person to go to college. I had a scholarship so they did not expect that.

ALLIE: What were you going for?

KENDRA: What I went for the first two years for was secondary math education, so I was going to be a math teacher, which could not be any different than what I want to do.

ALLIE: When she first said that, I was like, “I don't know if we're going to be friends, how can you like math? But it's so funny because she has this numbers-based memory and she'll be like, “Hey, remember on January 2nd, 2016 when we were sitting at 45-degree angle and you said this, and then we started this part of the business and we made exactly this dollars and cents amount?” She'll remember things and it's kind of amazing in a business partner because I'm the opposite.

I come up with all of the creative ideas and I'm really good at writing our emails and stuff. She's like, “Okay, but we should probably plan on making money from this.” And I'm like, “Oh yeah.”

KENDRA: Yeah, you'll give me the information. Then you're like, “Can you just run the conversions real quick on that.”

ALLIE: Yeah, we’re a good team, but I think it's so funny because your personality is so…you're so bubbly, you're such an extrovert, you're so good with people and you're so good at speaking the truth, gently, but also not so much when it's needed. And you're just so good that it's so funny that you're such a logical numbers person too. It's a weird mix.

KENDRA: Yeah, I think that's why I decided not to become a math teacher because it was like, “I just don't think that I can do that for the rest of my life.” So after two years in school of doing that, I was like, “Yeah, I don't want to do that.”

Then I thought, “You know, maybe instead of doing math, I'll just do elementary education, teach 5th grade.” I never wanted to be a kindergarten teacher. I just wanted to teach maybe fifth or sixth grade, so that's really what I went to school for. Which is interesting now because I am doing that, I'm teaching and I love to teach. I love helping people. I love the look in someone's eye when they get an “aha” or when they type it and they're like, “Oh my gosh! That just was so great!” I love helping people on a journey. I do it in a different way now.

When I dropped out of school and then was starting this new business, I also got myself pregnant. I should say I didn't get myself pregnant. Adam got me pregnant. That's really an odd thing to say. I love when people say “I got myself pregnant.” Did you? Did you really get yourself pregnant?

ALLIE: But I also hate when couples are like, “We’re pregnant!”

KENDRA: No, we're not pregnant. I was pregnant. He was not. I found out I was pregnant four months after we had gotten engaged. That was all happening at once. And to be honest, I'm glad it happened that way because it forced me to move forward. I didn't have a choice. I just kept moving forward.

Anyway, I was always a “working mom.” And I say it in quotes because I think that all of us are working, but I mean the go outside the home every day, leave at 7:00 AM, go to a job - my business - and then come home. It's funny because I don't know any different and I've never known any different. I've only been a stay-at-home-mom two different times in my life and it was only for a few months at a time. So it was just a very different way of doing things.

And I think, like many other things in parenting, it's trial by fire where you see what works and see what doesn't. For me, what helped tremendously…and I know that not everyone is blessed to have family that they live around…but if you don't have family around, finding yourself a support system. Even if you have to pay them. Even if it's just a babysitter that comes in for a couple of hours at night or on the weekends, or a nanny or a mommy's helper, that kid next door who's 12 who's looking for a few extra dollars, having somebody come in to clean your home, even if it's once a month.

Here's the thing guys, people talk all the time about like, “Oh, I can't afford this. I can't afford that.” But they'll go to Starbucks every day and get themselves a coffee. I'm like, if you just saved that money every single day, if you save that $5, you would have an extra $150 at the end of the month that you could have paid a house cleaner to come in and do a bunch of stuff for you or someone to help you with laundry once a week.

To me as a work-outside-of-the-home mom, it was about making my priorities crystal clear and nonnegotiable. Where when I was working, I was working, and when I was home, I was home and that was really difficult having a business because it wasn't like a job where I just left the job and came home. People were texting me or emailing me or whatever, so I really had to get crystal clear on what was important to me and how important it was to me to clean my house, to do my laundry, to cook for my family, to grocery shop.

Then I had to make routines around that. That's why I am so big on routines now is because routines help you to create freedom in your life so you're not coming home at 5:00 PM every night and starting from scratch every single day. And that is what a great majority of moms out there are doing. They start from scratch every day. And I know that you're big on routines too. It's exhausting. And that's why we're so big on routines because if you can make something rhythmic, make something the same every single day, even if it's just one small thing at a time, it's one less thing you have to put your mental energy into.

ALLIE: Absolutely. And I love that you described it as this is why routines are so freeing because the thing that just grates my nerves more than anything else that I hear is that, “I just can't do routines. It's too rigid for me. I’m too spontaneous.”

I am so Type B and I love being spontaneous. Let’s just take today for a quick example before we get back to the working mom thing. We're in launch mode right now in my business and you know how that goes and today, everything is done and we have a free day. I immediately was like, “Oh! I get to talk to my best friend on my podcast and then we're going to go and have a family day before baseball practice. It's going to be awesome.”

But before…I was sitting outside this morning having my coffee on the porch while the kids played and literally just thinking about before, like I would have thought, “That would have been nice. Unfortunately, I'm eight loads behind on the laundry. The dishes are all crusty. I have no food prepped for dinner.” These things are all done because it's rhythmatized and simplified. The load of laundry is finishing right now. I can hear it above me. There's food in the crock pot because I had it prepped before. Actually, Brian helped me with that, but we had the plan in place. The dishes are done. The house is picked up. Everything is running smoother because we're not, like you said, starting from scratch every day and now we're freed up to go and have that spontaneous family day. I didn't have this on my calendar. I didn't know this was going to happen. We can go because we've freed ourselves up with routine. I love that you worded it like that. Thank you because nobody that doesn't have routines thinks that it's going to be freeing; they think it's going to be rigid.

KENDRA: One of the most quoted Kendra Hennessey things, that I see people post is “chaos is a routine you've lost control of.” People think that chaos is this same thing. Like, “Oh, I would like to be able to just wake up every day and just choose what I want to do.” And I'm like, “Yeah, how's that working out for you right now? How is it working out when you wake up in the morning and it's chaos from morning until night?” That's a routine. Being chaotic every day is a routine. It's just one you lost control of. If your kids, if you and your kids can expect chaos every day, it's a routine because a routine is something that is based on expectation. Expecting something over and over, like waking up in the morning and brushing your teeth. That is something you just do because it's you have what you call anchors. I think the way you talk about anchors is genius. You're anchoring something to a time of day so you don't even have to think about it.

I said recently, I think it was in a workshop that I did, that when I worked at a pizzeria when I was a teenager, I would work on the weekends and I would ‘open.’ Well, we didn't walk in on a Saturday morning and go like, “Whoa, there's a bunch of stuff to do. Where do you want to start? What should we do today?” No, you have an opening list. You have a whole checklist of stuff to get done. Why? Because then it's done and as soon as you open those doors, you can just work the whole day, serve your customers and not have to worry about all the rest of the stuff getting done because it's already done and you know that the closing list will get done at the end of the day.

Just like Allie said, she got everything done. So now it's like, “Cool, we can go out and enjoy our day because I'll come home, dinner will be ready in the crock pot and laundry has already been done. Or maybe there'll be a load that was done in the dryer and I can come home and quickly put it away. That's what routines get you.

And it doesn't matter if you're staying home all day or working. That is a very common misconception. Your routines are just as important no matter what type of mom you are.

ALLIE: Absolutely. I love that so much and I think that it's important to say as well that like you mentioned it in the beginning, having a mommy's helper or whatever…we are not saying you're a mess. You need to get your ish together and you need to do it all. I'm the minimalist one. I have two girls that are in high school and they go to our church and they come twice a week and they fold all the laundry that I do on a rhythm in the mornings. I just put the hammer there and I'm like, “they’ll deal with that,” and they fold it and put it away. And it's amazing. You can delegate, that could be a rhythm, but you are keeping things running at least. You don't have to do every single thing.

If you don’t have the budget…we’ve both been there, but if you can simplify. If you can afford to have a little mommy's helper come. I give them I think it's like $20 or something a week. They’re so excited and they're saving it for their summer and all this stuff. But they love it. They're so happy to help. It helps me so much. That's saving me I don't know how much time, but I feel it and I feel that in my week that I don't have to do that. Find ways to delegate. Find ways to delegate to yourself. By rhythmatizing you’re delegating those brain calories somewhere else where they matter more. Delegate to another person or your kids when they get older. People's kids don't do enough to help.

KENDRA: No, and that's something that gets talked about quite a bit in my business. And I've had a few people that don't agree with me. They're like, “I don't believe that kids should have to do chores.” And I'm like, “Well, you do you. If you want to do everything for your kids and you think that that's the way that you want to run your house, I am not going to judge you for it. But I'm going to tell you right now in my house we’re a team and I'm not anyone's servant.

ALLIE: You make a mess, you help pick up.

My son is 6. He can't mow the lawn. I can't be like, “Oh, we're just going to split everything 50/50.” He’s not old enough. Can you imagine Everett mowing the lawn?

KENDRA: He is the cutest thing. He doesn't do that. Adam does that because that's Adam's job to do, but you know what Everett can do? He can help fold clothes. He can put away his toys. He can put the dishes in the dishwasher after dinner. He can help set the table. He can clean up the table. He can do things.

And my 12-year-old is now as tall as I am, so she can do a lot of stuff around the house. She's been doing her own laundry for four years because I bought back my time.

I taught her to do her laundry while I still had my cleaning business. I should make that very clear. I was working eight hours a day, outside of the home, and I still taught Ava how to do her laundry because I was like, “I don't want to be spending time doing her laundry when I have all the other things that need to be done.” At the time I had a 2-year-old; I didn't want to be also doing her laundry and I was like, “She can learn how to do it and then I will literally buy all of my time back. All of those years that I've bought back that I haven't touched her laundry.

I think we have gotten so far away from delegating to our kids. I mean that's a whole other discussion in and of itself. But your children aren't there to be served by you. You're all there to serve one another and the home. I view homemaking as a team effort. We're all here to serve our home because when we all help and we all have our own routines, we get to have days like Allie just said she gets to have where everyone goes out.

Because I know for a fact Allie’s kids are helping do stuff too. And it's like, “If we all get our stuff done, guess what we get to do guys? We get to go out. We get to go to Legoland. We get to go to the park. We get to go swimming.” I tell my kids in the summer, “Listen, if you guys want to leave, I get my work done from 9-12 in the summer. If you can get your work done from 9-12, guess what happens at 12? We go to grandma's to swim. We go to the lake. We go out to the park. But that stuff has to be done.” And so, we all have our routines. We all have our marching orders. It's not a negative. No one's being punished. It's just a part of running a home. The same way you would run a business.

ALLIE: Yeah. And what a beautiful way to prepare them for the world. A light switch isn’t going to flip on when they're 18, “Oh, I suddenly know how to fold my socks. I suddenly know how to make pancakes or oatmeal or whatever. I suddenly know how to pay bills.” You have to teach them.

I think we all have families in our head that maybe freak us out a little bit about this topic. They are having them do too much or they're so strict that it's joy-sucking, and there's just this tension in the home of the kids are scared of the parents and there's so much responsibility and it's so strict. I can picture two friends that I grew up with that it was like that. They were so rigid and scared all the time and they were doing so much for their age that they weren't able to enjoy childhood. But you know, balancing that and teaching them to not be entitled that things are just done for you and your clothes just appear. I love that. I love the way you talk about that.


Okay, friends. I know I already told you in the beginning of this episode that Made For This Mom is here. It's open. It's May. It's one of my favorite times of the year. But as a piece of Made For This Mom, coming back around every May, there's also a free masterclass that Kendra Hennessy and I do together every year.

Anyone can come and sign up for this. This is something that we have gotten such incredible feedback on. People just freak out about it every year and they want it be something that we do more often, but because we have separate lives, separate businesses, and it takes two of us, we've just really dedicated this class to be a thing that happens that’s a free event just once a year. So, this only comes around in May. Anybody can sign up, but the live spots are limited.

Go and sign up. If you are able to come to the live showtime, come a few minutes early and be ready so that you can snag your spot. If you can't come live, sign up anyway. We'll send you a replay link and you'll have a couple of days to watch it before it disappears for another year.

To sign up for this masterclass you need to go to alliecasazza.com/unstuck.

It’s called The Get Unstuck Masterclass and that's exactly what we help you do.

There's typically four big myths that Kendra and I see popping up in you women in our businesses, because we work with women and mothers all day. We're women and mothers ourselves, so we also struggle with these myths. Kendra and I address each of these four core myths about motherhood head on.

It is a truth-bomb-dropping powerful masterclass that will literally have you moving around in your seat because you can't wait to take action on these things, shift your perspective, change your mindset, and start viewing and acting on your motherhood in a different way.

If you're going to spend an hour on the internet, this is the most intentional, the most beneficial place for you to do so. I promise…and I know that is a big promise to make…but I stand by it.

Alliecasazza.com/unstuck. It's free to come to this. You're going to love it.

However, this is a temporary thing. It's happening this week. You can go to the website and get all the details for the time and place and all that, but it's happening live and then you're only gonna have about two days to watch it before it will disappear from internet land until next May when we do it live again. This is a temporary thing.

Alliecasazza.com/unstuck. Go sign up.


ALLIE: I was wondering this morning when I was thinking about this episode, what do you think are the biggest doubts that work-outside-of-the-home moms deal with in themselves about themselves? About their lifestyle? I don't know if ‘doubts’ is the right word. Maybe what are the judgments? What are they dealing with inside of themselves?

KENDRA: I've said before that I never really felt guilty for working. I never really felt guilty about the fact that my daughter went to an in-home daycare for the first three years and then she went to a preschool-based daycare because I always looked at it and thought, I'm a better person for owning my business. And because we're a 2-family working home, we have more money to do different things, and I wanted to work and whatever.

But what I did feel guilty about was that I didn't feel guilty because people would ask me, “Oh, don't you feel guilty about sending your baby to a daycare?” And then I was like, “No, I didn't until now. Now I feel bad. Maybe I'm not a good mom. Maybe all these other people guilty and I don't, maybe I'm not a good mom.” And I think the one thing that I hear work-outside-the-home moms say all the time is, “I am missing time with my children. Am I not a good mom because I'm not staying home? Are they as well taken care of where they are versus if they were at home?” I hear a lot of that.

And then also there's the home aspect, “I feel like I can't maintain my home as well as somebody that stays home.” Just to let you all know, I have just as many stay-at-home moms as I do working moms in my course. It is not a stay-at-home mom issue or a working mom issue. I think we all need to realize that.

ALLIE: It’s a task list issue.

KENDRA: It’s funny because we all have the ‘grass is greener thing’ but it's not; the grass isn't greener on the other side. I think those issues really come up quite a bit for work-outside-the-home moms.

We were just talking beforehand about one of the big issues that comes up is not being able to spend enough time with your children. Feeling like you don't have that quality time. The typical thing I hear is, “We don't get home until 5:00 PM, and then I have to start dinner, there’s homework to do, and then it's bath time/shower time. And then I also want to spend time with my husband.” And you're trying to squeeze a lifetime's worth of stuff into four hours after you get home.

I try now to fit my quality time in with the other stuff I'm doing. There's a book on that about The Fringe Hours. Noticing those fringe moments. Those moments when I'm cooking dinner, having Everett sit down at the kitchen table and do his homework there, or color a picture, or help me cook dinner. Having Ava come with me to the grocery store or when I need to run an errand, saying, “Ava, you want to come with me?” And then talking about the insane dragon books that she won't ever stop talking about.

ALLIE: That’s why she and Bella are cross-country besties and they love each other because they talk about dragons. Kendra and I check in on their texts. The apple ID is the same, so I can open up my phone check their texts and I do often. As a mom, you’re like, what are they talking about? It’s weird when your kids ‘have a life.’ I'm always a little ‘bated breath.’ And then I go on there and it's like, “Dragons are so awesome!” And Ava’s like, “I know! Especially purple dragons. And ice wings,” from the book they read or whenever. And Bella is like, “yeah, ice wings are like the best.” And I'm just sitting there…like they're both dorks and it's amazing. I'm so glad.

KENDRA: It’s amazing. So, I don't care at all about dragons, but I do care about my daughter, so I will listen to her drone on about dragons because that's what she loves.

So, finding that time to spend with them that's not just carved-out time. I think all of us are trying to fit the lives that we see other people living into our own life. And your routines should fit into your life, not the other way around. You don't need cookie cutter routines that then you try to squeeze your unique life into. So, we've really tried in our home now to do the quality time together in those ‘fringe moments.’

Even my husband…he takes Everett to school every morning. Now our school is three minutes down the road. He leaves 15 minutes early because he drives him there and then they sit in the car together and they talk. I could just as easily drive him. I work at home. I just sit at home and I say goodbye to them. But that's their time together. It's their time to go to school and spend that time.

Someone else, they may be like, “It's only 15 minutes.” Well yeah, but that's 15 solid minutes that they are only concentrating on each other. They don't have anything else to do. And to me it's all about quality over quantity. Find those moments that you can fit in there.

Another popular one which I know comes up I'm sure in your audience a lot is wanting to have a nighttime routine where they're getting cleaning done, but also wanting to spend time with their husband.

ALLIE: Why are these your choices?

KENDRA: Exactly. I don't understand. Why can't you do stuff together? Why can't you have your routines be like, okay, for 10 minutes we're just going to clean up the kitchen together and get that done, because many hands make less work. Do it together. Then you can go enjoy time together. Or I say split it down the middle and say like, okay, a few nights a week I'm going to really go all in and make sure there's a load of laundry in and get my evening routine done and then the other nights of the week I'm going to say, “I don't care. I'm going to sit down with my husband, watch a movie, talk, do whatever I want to do.” It doesn't have to be all or nothing. We don't have to have this all or nothing mentality about everything we do in our lives.

ALLIE: I think that we also over analyze how much time things are going to take us.

In business we listen to a lot of the same podcasts. Our businesses are about our real life, our mom life. So a lot of the times I'll learn something about business and be thinking more about applying that to my mom life. And it was like that. There was this episode where this woman was talking about however much time you mentally give yourself for a task, that’s how long it's going to take. If you give yourself an hour to write this email, guess what? It's gonna take you the full hour. But if you're like, alright, 20-minute timer and I’m writing this email, it's gonna take you 20 minutes.

And we do that with our tasks. “Oh well it's either time with my husband or cleaning up the kitchen.” If you just both worked together for 10 minutes it would be done.

KENDRA: Yeah. It’s called Parkinson's law and it is for real. I have done the same thing. How many times have you gone, “Oh, I'm just going to give myself until the end of the month to get this thing done?” If you just give yourself two days, it would have gotten done in two days.

ALLIE: I have seen that so much in my life. You know with the book stuff right now ? They're like, “Okay, how much time do you want for writing your book? We'll stretch it, we'll give you 18 months if you need it. You just seem really busy.” And I'm like, “That is the opposite of what I like. Give me what's the bare minimum? Can I get this done in a month? Give me a three-month deadline.” I know that however much I'm given, that's how much I'm going to take.

I think that's really powerful for us as mothers because we just over overthink. We overcomplicate. We give ourselves too much time. We make it seem way harder than it is. Just get in there make it fun, put in your Airpods and blast music and just get it done. It'll take you five minutes if you give yourself five minutes.

KENDRA: Yeah. Also, if you have children that are old enough to be eating their own food, they're also old enough to be cleaning up after themselves. I say this in my community all the time. When people ask about the after dinner, they're like, “It just sticks me. It seems like it's an hour to clean up after dinner.” And I'm like, “Then you're doing something wrong because it does not need to be taking you that long.” It probably means that you're the only one doing it and you're probably trying to multitask by doing other things at the same time. Trying to answer questions from your children, trying to get somebody in a bath and then coming back downstairs. Tag team that stuff. “Hey, guess what? You're going to do the dishes and you're going to do this and you're going to put the leftovers away.” Everybody has a job.

Believe me in our home, we are not perfect. There are some days where I'm like, “This is not working out. Nothing's working out here.” But when we sit down and have dinner together, cleanup takes no more than 10 minutes because everyone has a job and that's just the way it is. Adam will put the dishes in and I'll clean up the table. Ava will put stuff in…the leftovers or something. If four people were eating, why shouldn't four people be cleaning up. Obviously if you have small children, you know tiny children, I get that that’s the season of your life.

But if you're in the season…I hear people say, “I have a four, a six and an eight-year-old.” That's three extra people to be helping. It’s going to take a little bit of time in the beginning to teach them how to do it, but again, you're buying back your time later because the time you invest right now into them helping is time you're getting yourself back in the future for the future. You could spend 10 minutes every night for three months doing it and you're going to net yourself back every single night for the rest of your life. It seems like a really good investment to me.

ALLIE: Yeah, for sure. I want to ask you when you get to a place in your family relationships, I'm thinking not so much with Adam, but with your kids, maybe in particular Ava, since she's a little older. When you get to a place where you feel like…I always describe it for lack of a better phrase, like when you just don't have their heart. Nothing really happened, nothing’s really, really wrong, but you don't feel like if there was something bothering her that she wouldn’t come to you. Maybe you've gotten a little too busy and you know that connection, there's a gap. What's your favorite thing to do with your kids when you feel that you've gotten to that point so you bridge that gap and fix it.

KENDRA: First of all, I love the way you say that because you have talked about Leland like that. Correct? Meeting his heart? Leland's my favorite kid. He's the best. He could care less about me at all. He literally could, that kid could not care less about my existence. And I think that's why I love him so much. He's just his own person.

ALLIE: That’s the thing, he makes you want his love and attention. He's just so indifferent and then the most random things…I’m like…why do you care about that and not about me? He’s hard to get.

KENDRA: He is. He is going to be really hard for some woman…that's going to be a hard nut to crack, for sure, but in a good way. Because when he finds someone, that’s going to be the person.

But I love the way that you say that because it's so true. Sometimes you just feel like there's a ‘block’ up. Like there's a barricade. I do sometimes feel that way with Ava, one, because of her age. She’s a little more independent now, which I love and hate at the same time. And two, because she is very introverted and always has been. She was never my super cuddly kid. She was never the kid that was like, “mommy, mommy, mommy. I need mommy all the time.” She just wasn't like that.

And now it seems even more extreme because Everett would climb back up inside my uterus if he could. That kid is attached to my life. He just wants to be with me 24/7, like just all the time. So, now it seems even more extreme. I never have to get Everett’s heart, ever. His heart is usually right in front of my face all the time, but Ava's…I feel like I do, now more than ever.

What I've noticed helps with me is getting out of the house because in the house she has her room that she can go to and I feel like it's almost like a retreat. I get it. I was 12 at one point too. I was the same way. “Leave me alone. I'm the oldest. I don't want to be around my siblings or my parents.” But I feel like now getting out of the house really helps because for a lack of a better term, she has nowhere to go.

It's easier for us to relate to one another if I can take her to Chipotle, for a drive, or we can go somewhere. Meeting up with the girl scouts, even that 20-minute trip just together, it's so much easier for us to turn on music. We love that. We share that love for music and then it'll open her up because she’s like, “Oh, do you know what this song is about? I looked it up and this is what they meant,” and it gets a conversation going. But in the house, I noticed, I’ll say, “Ava come downstairs and sit next to me.” I'll talk to her. And she's like, “Umm hmm, can I go back upstairs?” For me getting out of the house has helped so much with our relationship because it's just one on one, it's just the two of us.

And also, she has a little brother and her little brother annoys her. And so, when she's downstairs, she just like, “Everett go away.” And when we're not in the house I feel like she's more open to not be annoyed.

ALLIE: Yeah, I love that. That was a good answer.

Hudson is like Everett for me. I feel like you've seen this in action. I don't know if you guys have a dynamic like this, but Brian is Hudson in giant man form. He gets so irritated with Hudson and I'm like, “Do you realize that this is because he's you? You're irritated at your own self.” Because Brian's love language is touch and mine is not. I don't want to be touched. It’s so hard. We've had to come to the realization in our marriage that when we are having a disagreement and we're working through it, I have to put my hand on Brian’s knee or at some point he just feels unloved and far from me and it's the worst thing. It’s the worst thing. I’m like, “Ugg, fine!”

And Hudson is so touchy and it's irritating. The other day me and Brian were snuggling in the kitchen and he gave me a kiss and I'm in his arms and all-of-a-sudden I feel someone on my thigh and it’s Hudson joining in. Then yesterday Bella came over and, she was like, “Thanks for taking me to lunch, mom. I had a really nice time.” And she gave me a really long hug. All-of-a-sudden Hudson joins the group. If there's physical touch or love happening, Hudson's like, “Oh, I need in on this.”

KENDRA: That is our exact dynamic. I just have two less children. It's the exact same dynamic.

ALLIE: It’s easy to get to his heart. I know where he is at. He's very emotional and he always wants to be close to me. But the other kids all pretty much are a little more distant.

KENDRA: It is funny because all four of your kids…it's funny because I feel like I have the best relationship with Emmett. Emmett and I really bonded. We really bonded, and Emmett and Ava bonded so much. They had a great time. They had so much fun.

But it's the same with us. Adam’s love language is touch as well and so is Everett's and it's really difficult sometimes to feel like I'm being smothered because I'm just like, “Oh my God, can you people stop touching me?” But I love that you said that about Brian because I've noticed the same thing where I need to recognize that just a gesture of an extra kiss, a hug, a back rub or something, means so much in the same way since I'm ‘words of affirmation’ in the same way that an extra, “Hey, I just want to let you know thank you for everything you do for us.” I will live off that for the whole day. I'll be like, “Oh my God. Thank you!” Because that's how I receive love. It's the same with my kids, you know?

ALLIE: Yeah, I love that.

Okay, so what is going on in Mother Like A Boss world that you want to share with everybody. I know we've got our stuff going on this month, but I want to hear from you. What are you super excited about? Is there a behind-the-scenes you can give us or is there something already out that you want to share? What is getting you really excited about all the mom things you do?

KENDRA: I would say that because this is sort of ‘the May” (if you're listening to it live) in May. June…I can't give too much information, but I will say that we’re really going to be focusing on goals again. And I talk about goals in a very different way. I'm not all about, “Set your goal and then achieve it.” That's boring and no one ever does it.

We're going to be really focusing on how can you make the rest of the year your best year ever and how can you start over. I love fresh starts, but I'm also a big believer that a fresh start can be this very moment. You don't have to wait until Monday. You don't have to wait for the New Year or the New Moon or whatever. A fresh start can be the moment you decide you’re making a fresh start.

Instead of taking the summer off, we're really going to be diving in, in Mother Like A Boss, into how to really finish off the year strong. How to have a great summer and enjoy yourself while also not neglecting everything in your home and in your life and stuff like that.

ALLIE: I love that. Oh my gosh, you're going to have to share the link with me because last summer…June to me because we homeschool…break, right? Last summer on the podcast I did an episode called basically How To Revisit Your New Year Resolutions  and check-in. Nobody does that. It was so good because nobody does that. But that's what I do in my personal life. Check in. Where am I at? I'm six months, I'm halfway through…I don't want to get to January again and be like, “Shoot, well here we go again, back to the same goal.”

I think that you're taking that and really breaking it down and putting that into action for them. And that's amazing. I love that you shared that. I definitely want to share that and help get people in there. It's so helpful.

KENDRA: Yeah. Thank you. It's true. I think a lot of us we sort of “phone it in” at the second half of the year. I really do think that’s a perfectionist thing. It's like, “Well, if I haven't gotten stuff done by now, we'll just wait until next year.” As if those six months don't matter. It's really crazy.

I love that we can dive in and everyday figure out a new way to have a fresh start and start over again.

ALLIE: I love everything about you. I love everything that you talk about. I love the way you talk about it. I love that it's so different than the way that I talk about things.

Kendra will come to me guys and be like, “I just want you to know this idea that I just saw your post about is amazing and I like kind of hate you because it wasn't my idea. But I love it.” And I'll be like, “What are you talking about? You just put out this video series. It’s so amazing!” I just love that we can cheer each other on. Also we help each other out. We brainstorm together. We'll talk things out. “I've got this problem. Have you ever had this?” We just did that with webinars.

I just love you. You're so dear to me and I'm so excited that we got to do another episode on here together.

KENDRA: Thank you. I love you friend. Not to toot our own horns and say we're great or anything, but I also think that it warrants saying that the friendship that we have is the type of friendship that you guys can have with other moms. Even if you don't own a business, we don't compete with each other. We're not looking at it like, well look what she's doing and I can't have that. I look at everything that Allie does in her home and her life and I look at it from the lens if she can do it, so can I. If she can make this look easy, then that means that I can do it.

I think we need to bridge that gap in female friendships and you don't need to compete with your female friends. And if you have friends that are constantly competing with you in a negative way, it's probably time to find a new friend.

ALLIE: Yeah. And not being withholding either. If Kendra texts me or I text her like, “Hey, I saw this. How did you do that? How did you get that many people? Or how did you do that in your home?” Whatever it is. I'm not withholding, she's not withholding. We share with each other.

And that's what's so crazy to me about when we're doing… like the masterclass that we're going to do or I have a new challenge or video series or something and people are not sharing with their friends almost like they're embarrassed to say that they needed help with this. We all need help with this at different seasons.

There's other moms that are on your Facebook feed. Just because you're not an “influencer” doesn't mean you don't have influence. Share what you were finding. Share what you're learning and help other people rise up too and be better versions of themselves too. We're all trying to be better. There's no secrets there.

KENDRA: There was a woman in my group yesterday who posted this genius idea for dealing with kids cups and stuff throughout the day. And I was like, “Can I steal that and give you credit for it in my course because that's the most genius idea ever.” Share with each other. That's how we grow is by sharing and not being judgmental of others, but instead saying, “Hey, this worked for me. I hope that it works for you.”

ALLIE: Since we're sharing, can you share what the idea was?

KENDRA: Yes, it's a great idea and I'll have to go back and find her name because she was not somebody that I'm friends with. She was just in my free group. But she basically took a placemat from Walmart. She bought this big placemat and she made it into quadrants. She has four kids and she put their name and then she puts it on the counter and that's where their cup goes throughout the day so that it stays in one spot.

ALLIE: You’re like, “Where's your cup?” And there's rotten milk in a sippy cup.

KENDA: Yeah. So that's where it stays and then when it's washed it goes there and it just sits there so that they know where their cup is. They get one cup throughout the day and then they can wash it out. And I was like, “That's such a genius idea. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for not just being, “Oh this is stupid. No one's going to care about this.” Share with your friends. Share what’s working for you.

ALLIE: I love that. Well thank you so much for sharing. We're going to link to everything but Motherlikeaboss.com you guys, it's so good. And she's got the setup where you can choose your own adventure. She has this vault with all these free goodies in there.

Made For This Mom is opening this month for enrollment. It only opens once a year. And we really want to see you in there.

We'll be talking about that and we'll see you guys at our masterclass. We're hanging out every May, Kendra and I, we really hang out and I love it.

KENDRA: Thank you. Love you friend!

ALLIE: Love you too. Thanks for being here!


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 020: Balance & Simplicity For the Busy Family

Facebook_Podcast_Template.png

 

Being busy is either a badge of honor or something that is seen as really negative in our culture today. Like if you don’t have a ton of whitespace on your calendar you are focused on the wrong things and you are too busy to really enjoy your life. Or some people won’t even say the word busy or I hear them say they don’t really like the word busy. I think that both ends of the spectrum and both views are pretty incorrect. I think there is a middle ground. The key is finding systems and rhythms that will help you in whatever place you are at and whatever season you are in. It is finding balance and simplifying your rhythms so you can enjoy the people in your home and run your life well so that it’s not running you!

 
 

In This Episode, Allie Discusses:

  • The difference between being overwhelmed by busy and staying balanced in the busy.

  • How creating rhythms creates will bring enjoyment back into your home.

  • The value of systems + rhythms in a busy life.

Mentioned in this Episode:

Developing Rhythms Workbook Mockup.png

If you are loving the idea of systemizing the things that you do on a regular basis, falling into some simple household lifestyle rhythms that will help you clear your headspace and get things that you do all of the time into a normal rhythm so you are less stressed and more productive, then the Developing Rhythms Workbook is going to help you so much! 


Help_A_Girl_Out!.png

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com and let us know you left an iTunes review. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's mini courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


I_ve_got_you_2.png

Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to.  I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days.  I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it.  Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and i know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood.  I’m Allie Casazza and this is the The Purpose Show.

_______________________________________________________________

Hey sweet friends! Welcome to Episode 20 of The Purpose Show! In this episode, I am going to have a real casual discussion. I really want this to be a relaxed, casual discussion about balance and simplicity when you are a busy family.

Busyness is something that I have thought a lot about in the last year or so. It has been a part of my thinking process. I have noticed how people use the word and react to the word. I see a couple of different things with the word busy.

First of all, I see that people use it as this badge of honor. People say that they are busy in a way and with a tone that says, “I am just so busy!” It’s this thing that we say as an excuse or reason that we can’t do something. Or maybe that we are justifying not doing something. I noticed it used as “they’re not busy, I am busy so that is why I am not doing this” or “yeah, I would do that too if I weren’t so busy.”

I also notice that there has become this trend of real negativity around the word busy. On the one hand, it is this badge of honor and valor as a mom that you are so busy and then swinging on the other side, I also notice that it is very negative. Some people won’t even say the word busy or I hear them say they don’t really like the word busy. They don’t like to use it.  But what else are you going to use?

I kind of get it. I always like to say, “ours is a very full life” because busy kind of implies that you’re not aware of other things that are maybe more important than your schedule, running around with your head cut off.

But there’s this other way where it is very negative. I see it a lot in my niche. The minimalist community. It’s a very negative word.  “You shouldn’t be so busy.” “Relax, calm down, stop filling your schedule.” I think that I maybe bought into that a couple of years ago. Maybe I would buy into it if my kids were younger or if my life was a bit different?

Really, in the last year or so, I have shifted my perspective with busyness. Because I am busy. My life became very busy. It is busy in different ways, which I will dive into in regards to the contrast between our old life, which was busy but definitely more “free” busy and up-to-us busy, and the transition that we made last year that had us more traditionally busy with school, sports and things like that. Where we have landed now with our family, which seems to be the “sweet spot” for our family.

I will share some things that helped me find balance and simplicity in the midst of those different seasons.

Right now, our kids are still pretty little – our oldest just turned nine at the time of this recording. We own our own business. I am CEO and I run everything. We have an amazing team in place that handles most of the back end work for me. I really only do the things that I am passionate about, that I love doing, and that need to be done by me like recording this podcast, recording live streams, and connecting with the women in my audience. Things that need to be from me.

Things are pretty relaxed, but they are busy. I have four kids. They are getting a bit older to where they have interest in things. There’s art classes. Baseball practice. Guitar lessons.  Everyone is finding their footing and discovering who they are. It has just become busier.

We are now homeschooling. Homeschooling a 3rd grader is a lot different than homeschooling a 1st grader. It’s just fuller. There’s a lot more teach. It is more important that they get a bit more on track with things. Everything gets a little bit more “legit”.

Things just get busy. I feel like what else can I do? Tell my kids, “that’s great that you are interested in baseball, but it puts something else on our schedule so we are not going to do it because we don’t believe in being busy”? My sons love baseball so much. I love baseball. It’s my favorite sport. I played my entire life. Brian played for a really big chunk too. We just love it. It’s something that we love. The kids are interested in it.

We are happy to sign them up, although the baseball league maybe has different priorities than we do. They are little psycho and it’s a crazy schedule. But that’s OK. We make it a part of our life and we enjoy this season.

I don’t think that busy-ness needs to be either a badge of honor or something that is seen as really negative. Like if you don’t have a ton of whitespace on your calendar you are focused on the wrong things and you are too busy to really enjoy your life. I think that both ends of the spectrum and both views are pretty incorrect.

I think that there is a middle spot. Maybe you have a really full schedule and you are a really busy person, or if you’re not busy and you are in a “sweet, quiet” season. Maybe you listen to church on the podcast from your living room because you are exhausted from being up all night with a nursing baby. Maybe you just moved and you don’t really have any friends in your new area and you don’t really go out and do anything. Maybe you homeschool and you aren’t really a social homeschooler, and you are home a lot.

It just depends on who you are in your season whether you see yourself as busy or not.  I think there is a middle ground no matter what your schedule looks like. Being present, mindful, enjoying your family and life. That’s what my focus has become the last year or so as our season and our family has so changed so rapidly.

Lots of friends who follow me on Instagram have messaged me saying things like, “wow, you guys have come full circle. You’ve changed so much. You guys are always on the move. Something is always on the horizon. How do you manage always so being so busy?” It has been a whirlwind. There have been some hard days, but it was all fun, good things. Positive changes.

Buying a camper, renovating it, and touring the United States with my family. That was a dream. It was hard, for sure. But it was a dream. It was so great. I just wanted to be present and enjoy it, even in the hard parts. Stopping homeschooling for a season and putting the kids in public school. Doing baseball.

Having a more traditional American mom life where we are picking up and dropping off from school every day. Running the errands, the business, household tasks. Grabbing the kids, throwing dinner together and running out the door for baseball practice. That was a neat season too. I felt like I learned to be mindful and present. Enjoy it and be fulfilled in that season in a different way than I was when we had a relaxed schedule.

We were really free and did un-schooling a lot for homeschooling. We traveled the U.S. visiting friends. It was very relaxed and busy in a different way. Now we have settled somewhere in between.

Baseball has started back. We have guitar lessons a couple of times a week. We are doing homeschooling. Running the business. We have hired a bunch of new team members to help us run the business without us actually having to do everything. It is a pretty decent balance.

I think the key is finding systems and rhythms that will help you in whatever place you are at – whatever kind of busy or not busy that you are. Whatever your lifestyle is, however or wherever you are raising your family, I think the key is to just create systems and rhythms that help you automate the things in your life and your day that you are always having to do on repeat. You can clear your headspace and be mindful in the midst of whatever kind of busyness that you are dealing with. Right where you are at. However old your kids are. However young they are.

I think each season is so sweet, even the really hard ones. I look back on our life (if you listen to episode 6 of the podcast you will understand this more fully) and even the seasons of poverty, difficulty, depression, and struggle, living in this desert place in our life, that season had so many sweet things about it. There are some that I noticed that were sweet and there are some that I wish I had, but did not. Now looking back I see that about that time.

For me my focus is to try to find balance. Simplify every single thing that I can in our current season. Creating rhythms. Regular things that automate my tasks and my roll as a wife, mom, homemaker, and CEO, so that I can get it off of my plate and out of my way.  Even if it is something that I am doing, there are rhythms in place that help me not to think about it so much.

For example, my laundry rhythm is waking up in morning, get settled with a cup of coffee.  One of the first things I do is go upstairs and start a load of laundry. Every morning. I know at some point, whether it is before lunch or after dinner, that load of laundry will be switched, dried, folded, and put away completely so that there is one full load of laundry happening every single day. What this does is form a habit that I don’t have to think about. It makes it impossible for me to get to that place where you have “laundry mountain” just looming over you. Where it is really overwhelming, you’re totally behind and burdened by the laundry.  It’s just something that I have to do.

As minimal as I am, I have people in my house. And those people wear clothes…mostly. As long as there are people in my house that are wearing clothes I am going to have laundry to do. That’s just something that is a part of my roll. A part of my life. A part of my family. It’s always going to be there. That is something that can be rhythmatized or automated. I have to do the laundry. I don’t have someone who comes every day and does the laundry for me… it’s me. So I have automated it.

Yes, I am still physically doing it. It is taking up my time. But I have made it fit into my life in a way that is very habitual so I don’t have to think about it so much. I don’t have to think, “O crap, when was the last time I did laundry? I should probably do a load.” It’s just a part of my normal day.

Sure there are days where things get thrown off. Maybe I am in a rush. I might have to skip it. That’s fine, the next day maybe I will do two loads. Doing one load a day and you happen to miss one here or there, doesn’t really matter. You are still good to go. Because it is really hard to get behind on the laundry if you do one every day.

See what I mean now?  The laundry is something that is a big deal and stresses a lot of people out. It is off of my brain and out of that headspace for me. I never think about it. It is almost never a stressor for me. It is just rhythmic and habitual. Finding ways that I could do that with everything, or as much as I possibly could, really helped me.

In a business sense, that meant hiring people as soon as I could. Even sometimes before I could really financially afford it. Just delegating tasks to them and freeing myself up to focus on revenue-generating tasks. I wasn’t having to do graphic design anymore. I could focus on creating a new course. Writing a new book. Doing a new video series. Delegating helps you to focus on other things.

Making laundry a habit. Sweeping up after meals. Rinsing the dishes every time after we eat. Wiping down the counters every time I walk into the kitchen to get something to drink, which is a lot between coffee and water. Taking a baby wipe and just doing a quick wipe down of the counter and toilet every time I go to use the restroom. Little things like that just add up. This is why that although my house is lived in and there are probably things in the floor or on the table, that when someone drops by I don’t feel super embarrassed because my house is a  mess. It is always pretty much ready for company. It’s picked up and clean and functioning. I don’t have to worry about the bathroom being super embarrassing if someone drops by. I was in there in the last couple of hours and I did a quick wipe down.

See what I mean? Rhythmatizing the regular things so that it is easier for you no matter how busy you are. If your kids go to school and you are doing pick up and drop off every day and you only have a few minutes in between to work, get dinners started, and take care of your house. Doing little things. Maybe wake up a bit earlier and develop some solid household rhythms. Something every day adds up. It gets things done and taken care of so you are not stressing about it all of the time.

_______________________________________________________________

Do you feel like you are barely getting through your days friend?  Does motherhood feel more like a hurricane of chaos that you are just surviving rather than the awesome, joy-filled season that you want it to be?

Well, motherhood is hard.  I am not going to lie to you about that. While it is servitude and giving to your family from yourself, it doesn’t have to be something that we are waiting to be over.  Something that we are counting down the minutes till naptime, or bedtime, or waiting for the next day to start. If you are wanting to sort through the clutter in your mind, your heart, your home calendar, your health, routines, and relationships, I created Unburdened just for you!

It is a guide that will help you go from drowning in the sea of stress and overwhelm, to owning your time and living the best version of your motherhood.  So you can live abundantly while intentionally focusing on those who matter most.

Unburdened is the overwhelmed beginner’s guide to a simpler motherhood.

In Unburdened, I will walk you through how to stop over-complicating, procrastinating, and just start making positive changes now.  How to declutter, just a little bit – not super deep into it, because you can’t handle that when you are this overwhelmed – but a surface declutter that will get you real results in your house so you can clean up less.

How to declutter toxic relationships in your life and set some good boundaries.  How to simplify cleaning, get healthy and feel better – finally!

How to simplify your calendar.  How to start owning your time and not just managing it as life happens to you.

How to stop just setting goals and letting them sit there. Start actually defining where you want to go and getting there through reverse engineering and goal-setting.

How to create a cleaning routine that works for you and your life.

This course is a mini-course.  It is small. It is straightforward. But it is everything for the mom who feels like she needs a total overhaul, but is too overwhelmed to start.

It will help you simplify the things that have you stuck and leave survival mode behind for good.

Is this resonating with you? Sound like you?  Does this sound like something that would really help you right now?  Go to bit.ly/getunburdened.

I really poured my heart into this little course.  I created it for the mom who is really wanting to simplify, declutter, and pursue a life of less, but she is so burdened and overwhelmed with the mess of life.  It’s not just her house. She wants to simplify at the surface of all the different things in her life so she can focus on her family more. So then she can focus more on really, truly purging her entire house.

If this sounds like you, I encourage you to check it out.  You are probably the person I created it for. I want you in there. I want it to help you.

Check it out.  bit.ly/getunburdened.

_______________________________________________________________

When my kids were going to school a few of the systems and rhythms that really helped me had to do with when the kids got home from school. When they got home from school, it was always pretty crazy and that was hard for me to adjust to because we had never really done that before. It was really overwhelming. I felt like the day was really long and my kids weren’t used to going to school. They would come home super cranky and exhausted.

I would get them from school and we would come inside the house. There was a shoe bin, hooks, and a wooden box that was for school paperwork. They would come in, put their shoes in the bin, hang up their backpacks, and then put any school paperwork in the slot for me to go through. That was a rhythm.

They would do 30 minutes of just being separated. It simplified our afternoon. It simplified “cranky syndrome” in our house. They would split up and go for 30 minutes and just “veg out.”  They could play technology, color, read, play with toys, take a nap, sit in their room quietly, talk to me – whatever they wanted. But it was a time to separate and introvert.

I am an introvert. Bella is an introvert. Leland is an introvert too, I think. The kids just really needed to be alone for a second before they just jumped into doing homework or getting ready for baseball. Those things really worked for me

Crockpot dinners were huge when the kids were in school and we had baseball right after. I did crockpot dinners four nights a week. We eat at home for six nights a week, so I was really only “cooking” two nights a week. The rest were done in the morning as part of my morning rhythm. After the kids went to school, I would put dinner in the crockpot.

It helped during that time. It got dinner done, people fed. Sometimes we would even have to put our dinner in glass Tupperware, take it in a bag to the baseball field and eat “picnic style” while we watched the boys play. They would eat in between breaks. That was our family at that point in time. It was so busy and so crazy, but it was also super fun. I met my family where we were at in that season. We tried something different and we did what we had to do.

The kids went to school mainly because I felt like, “I am not Jesus. I am not perfect and I can’t do it all.” I was really, really struggling with homeschooling the kids.  Even with Brian here helping so much with running the business, and I had only a couple of employees. Now we have 9 or 10 in place. There were a lot of things that I was doing that didn’t need to be done by me. I hadn’t delegated those things yet.

We put them in school thinking we would need a year to get the business running more on its own without needing so much of me. But we ended up doing that in just a few months. When winter break came we just said goodbye to the kids’ teachers and ended up not sending them back. It was great. It was good news because my heart is for homeschooling. We were able to get back to it a bit sooner.

Doing the public school thing really taught me how important rhythms really are. I have always known that but it really taught me how much it can help you guys, my audience, those who don’t homeschool, who do have their kids in school. It is a lot crazier. Maybe there is a lot less on you to do during the day, but it definitely makes you busier and your schedules a lot crazier. Rhythms and systems are everything.

I also learned about food-prepping versus meal-prepping during this public school time. I still do this and it really helps me. Food prepping is where once a week you get basics.  Potatoes grilled with butter and garlic and put them in the fridge. Cook some chicken with some basic seasoning that would go with any recipe. Not just go to the store and put everything away.  Wash and chop the strawberries. Chop the bell peppers. “Prep” things.

This allowed me to make little food and dinner plates for everyone as meals. The reason that I loved it instead of meal prepping is because you might make a meal for that night, but when night comes you don’t feel like having any of those meals that you made. It sucks.

I am an emotional decision maker, so I decide what I am wearing that day, what I want to eat for lunch and dinner based on my mood, how I feel, and what sounds good. So that meal planning was really hard for me.

Food prepping totally solved that. I just make a bunch of basic things.  Ground beef sauteed with onions and garlic then drain it really well and store it. Just basic foods prepared so I could put together things for a recipe or just make little plates of snacks, protein, veggies, and fruits.  It was super easy. It simplified meals so much, especially lunches for me and Brian when we were working and the kids were at school. It still helps me now that we are homeschooling again.

Now the kids are all at home. The mornings are slower. Around 8 or 8:30, 2-3 days a week, I will go to my office. My office is in a bump-out in my garage. I will work for 2-3 hours in the morning a couple of days a week. Sometimes it’s more, but usually that’s normal. Then we will hang out, run some errands, get some house stuff done.

We do our homeschooling in the afternoon. It was the funniest, simple little tweak, but just accepting that not everything has to be done in the morning when everyone is at their best.  We don’t have to do school when everyone else is doing school. I just thought out of the box and asked myself, “what works best for me right now?” Right now it works best for me to get some work done in the morning and let the kids just relax, play outside, and get some energy out. Then we have lunch and Emmett goes down for a rest, and we can do school. It just simplified it thinking that it was OK to do school in the afternoon. Now we don’t even start school until 1 or 2, then we go till dinnertime and we are done for the day. That works really, really well for us.

I have my laundry rhythm. I have my household rhythms that I told you guys about and they work really, really well. Those are the kinds of things that have helped me find balance and simplify the chaos for me and my busy family. We have baseball a couple of days a week.  The league practices on Saturdays and that will soon get swapped out for games. Then Monday night we have practice and we always do a crockpot meal that night.

I think the key and maybe an action step for you would be to look at your normal routine. What do you have going on? What are the things that you go to, have on your calendar, or have to get done in your house? All of that. Everything that is “you” driven during your normal week.

Circle the things that you do on a regular, rhythmic basis without fail – laundry, dishes, business calls, answering emails – how can you automate that? How can you make that a rhythm? Look for ways to simplify your life so you can enjoy your family, even if you are busy family.

I don’t think that needs to be a badge of honor that you wave around and everyone sees  how busy you are. I don’t think that it needs to be this negative thing, “Oh, you are always so busy! You’re always running around and going somewhere!”

Yeah, I have kids and a business and I homeschool. It’s crazy and it’s awesome. You can enjoy it. I think the goal should be making sure you are pursuing purpose and that you are living in God’s will for your life.

That you are mindfully focused on your family. That you are not having to clean up all of the time. That all of your time is not going to the stuff in your house and the things in your schedule. Even though you are busy and you are running around with your family, that you are calm, at peace, content, and rhythmic. You can enjoy the people in your home and run your life well so that it’s not running you!

_______________________________________________________________

Hey friends!  I have developed a workbook called the Developing Rhythms Workbook.  It’s just for you and it goes great with this episode. If you are loving the idea of systemizing the things that you do on a regular basis, falling into some simple household lifestyle rhythms that will help you clear your headspace and get things that you do all of the time into a normal rhythm so you are less stressed and more productive, then this is going to help you so much.

Head to alliecasazza.com/shownotes/20 to download it for free.  It is awesome. It is one of my fans favorite downloads.  I think you will love it!

Go get it for free!

_______________________________________________________________

This was an episode of The Purpose Show.  Thank you so much for tuning in.  If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, head to alliecasazza.com for free downloads, courses, classes and to learn more about what the next step might look like for you.  I am always rooting for you. See ya next time!