perfectionism

Ep 119: The Power of the 15 Minute Reset

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I was so excited to share this with you guys that when I recorded this episode I actually streamed it live on social media. I want to talk to you guys about the power in 15 minutes. I started doing these little 15 minute “resets” and they are total game-changers!

How many times have you been going about your day and you feel like things are just not going well? You want to hit that reset button, but you also feel like you don’t have the energy to do that because you’re tired, drained and it’s going to get undone anyway.

This 15-minute reset hack is going to pull you out of that negative spiral so you can take action and change the situation. I really think this can be applied to just about anything and everything. So, let’s jump in and talk about it! 

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • What the 15-minute reset is

  • Why using it in your marriage leads to a stronger relationship

  • How to apply it to your home—cleaning & chaos

  • How it can totally shift your mindset when it comes to exercise

  • Giving your problems 15 minutes of brainstorming power

Mentioned in this Episode:


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My Totally !@#$% Day Checklist is one of my favorite free downloads! It's basically a list of the things you can do to turn your day around. It has a list of my favorite happy dance songs, my favorite scriptures and affirmations for a bad day, links to funny videos if you need to laugh in the middle of a bad day, and more!

This is a great resource to download and save to your phone so you can pull it out when you need it!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


*If you’re listening to this podcast episode, you’ll notice that I mention my course Unburdened opening for enrollment soon. When I recorded this episode in early August 2019, I streamed it live on social media, so I was letting everyone know who was watching that the doors would be opening later in the month. This episode is going live in September 2019, and the doors are closed again, so those portions have been removed from the transcription below to avoid any confusion. You can click here to get on the waitlist to be notified as soon as it opens again!

Hi friends! How are all of you? It has been a minute since I was live. I am so excited to hang out with you and I have a surprise for you! Something cool. 

I want to talk to you guys today about the power in 15 minutes. I have been doing these little things that I'm calling 15-minute resets. They're game changers. I've been thinking so much about how this can apply to just about anything and everything. There's so much power even in 5 minutes or 10 minutes, but I think there's something really special about 15 minutes because it's just the right amount where you really can get somewhere and really make a little bit of progress in a short amount of time. And so, I just want to talk about that. 

I want to talk about the power in 15 minutes and how this idea of the 15-minute reset could really be applied to almost anything—cleaning up, brainstorming through a problem, talking through a relationship issue, exercise. Just the power of setting a 15-minute timer and going all in on one thing for a set amount of minutes, I think it's so deeply, deeply underestimated.

One of the things that I struggle with as a person is being “all-or-nothing.” This is “all-or-nothing syndrome,” and I am the epitome of it. I struggle with it so much. You know my right-hand girl, Hayley. She's the COO of my company and she knows this better than anyone. She’ll let me finish talking something out and then she'll say, “Okay, but we don't have to do it like that. You could just get it out there for everybody and then add that later.” And I'm like, “Oh yeah, you're right. It doesn't have to be perfect or completely “all or nothing” all the time.”

That’s perfectionism. “All-or-nothing” syndrome is just another way to say perfectionism. It’s a version of perfectionism and it's a struggle that I have. I think it's a struggle that a lot of us have.

But these 15-minute resets have really, really helped me. How many times have you been going about your day and you feel like things are not going well? You’re bickering with your spouse and it's just ruining your day? Or something with your kids? Or the house feels like a total crap show and you're really frustrated? Or you feel like you want to hit that reset button, but you also feel like you don't have the energy to do that because you're tired, drained and it's going to get undone anyway and you find yourself in that negative spiral? 

This “hack” is not new. I didn't make it up. I am sure if you Google it, you will see all kinds of people who have done this before me. But as a busy mom, I'm learning the power in these little 15-minute resets. It's hitting that reboot button in an area you’re tired of being “all-or-nothing” in. Where you're tired of not making progress, and you just want to hyper-focus on it for a small amount of time and make it better. 

Okay? I think I've explained it enough. So, what I want to do in this episode—in this live stream—is apply the 15-minute reset idea to different situations you might want to use it in. 

One of the first ideas that I started implementing this with was actually a relationship thing—which is funny because you would think that you would do this with other things and then be like, “Oh, I wonder if I could apply this to my relationships.” But, for whatever reason, I thought of this first. 

So, you know Brian and I are home together all day, everyday, all the time. We run our business from home. I'm at my home office right now, upstairs. One of the kids’ bedrooms is across the hall. I'm here all the time. We homeschool our kids. The school room is downstairs. We are all here, altogether, all the time. 

And while that is our dream and it is what we wanted, it can get very difficult to have a full conversation. (You guys, you don't need to have our lifestyle to know that. If you have kids and you're married, you already know that—no matter how much time you spend together). We're together and we're running our life together so much. It's not like he's at work and I'm running the business, then at the end of the day, we connect. We're doing all of that together, all day. So, there is a lot of need for conversation, working and figuring things out. And that can get really difficult. And it can sometimes cause disagreements, tension or feeling like “why can't you listen?” (Why can't he listen? Because there's a freaking kid pulling on his leg every two seconds.) 

But whatever it is, I want to be like, “Can we just get the kids settled and set a timer for 15-minutes and work this issue out? You talk and then I talk? Then we come to a conclusion?” So, the 15-minute reset totally works in relationships and talking stuff out. 

What's great about it is that you could give three minutes to your spouse and three minutes to yourself, uninterrupted. You guys get to share your side and then spend the remaining time trying to come to a conclusion, trying to come to an agreement, trying to solve the problem. And it's okay if you don't; No pressure to make this magic happen. 

But you're showing up for each other. You're giving space for each other. Reminding each other that you're on the same team. Giving it a shot that you can work this out. Setting aside set time in the day to connect. Then, even if you're not agreeing on how to get where you both want to go, you are agreeing you both want to get there, you’re just disagreeing about how. 

These 15-minute resets have been amazing for Brian and I to say, “You know what? It's okay for the kids to have 15 extra minutes of technology that they normally wouldn’t have for us to get this time to hash this out.” So, we'll do it. We'll pull all the iPads and say, “Guys go play.” The kids are like, “Oh my gosh, yes!” It's great for them. They go play and we can go upstairs and just sit together and say, “Okay, three minutes for you; three minutes for me.”  Or you know, five minutes/five minutes. Whatever it is. And then the remaining time just spend like, “Okay, so now that I hear where you're coming from, and I didn't interrupt you and same for me, where are we going to go?” And getting on that same page.

Oftentimes it doesn't lead to any decisions, but it leads to camaraderie and it leads to a stronger relationship moving forward in the rest of the day. And that is huge. 

So, 15-minute reset for relationships and decisions that need to be made is magic. 

Another area that you could apply the 15-minute reset idea would be the house. 

When the house feels messy, set a timer for 15 minutes and just have at it. Clean everything that you see. Get your family involved if you can, if your kids aren't super, super little. Even if they're toddlers, they could do something, even if it's not really helpful. We're making the habits for later, right? 

I think we overthink it and we think like, “Oh my gosh, I didn't do what I needed to do today. This day is a total botch. Now I'm going to have to make it up for tomorrow. No one helps me…” And we spiral, spiral, spiral again into this negative mindset of “it's all too much,” and “I don't have any freaking help,” and “it's just too hard and now it's going to take forever,” and it doesn't need to be like that. 

You guys, magic can happen if you just pick up for 15-minutes. If you have really little kids, try to get them busy with something, and just do what you can. You just never know what you can get done. 

The other day I did this and I ended up going a little over. I did about 20 minutes in my kitchen. I had been working on a big project and Brian was “in charge” and he's just not me. He’s not able to balance the different things that I am, and the kitchen was a mess and it was left a mess and I couldn't take it anymore. So I came downstairs (I wanted a break from sitting in this desk chair) and I just decided, “You know what? Being resentful over this, being upset that he's not keeping things the way that I keep them…I'm not going to give space for that in my marriage. That's ridiculous. It doesn't have power over us and I'm not going to let that derail our day. I wanted a break from the office anyway and he's gone with the kids running an errand, so I'm just going to do this.” 

I set a timer for 15 minutes. I got the entire kitchen from really bad (we cook from scratch basically everything, so it was really messy). I got all the dishes washed, everything put away, counters wiped down. I picked up the living room, put some oils in my diffuser and got the house feeling like it had a touch of Allie in it. It felt so clean and so beautiful. The timer had gone off 5 minutes before I was done, because sometimes you set the timer and you go even longer. The point is just 15 minutes. It makes such a difference. And even if you don't get it all done, you got 15 minutes of focused energy onto a problem. 

Recently the upstairs of the house was just a mess. We had been downstairs a lot, we were planning out our curriculum for the next homeschool year, there was a guy here fixing our sink, the kids were being crazy ridiculous…it was just a mess. For two days we had stuff like that going on, so I didn't do my morning rhythms. I just let it slide and I shouldn't have. It was a mess up here. So, I just went at it for 15 minutes and it was almost all the way done. I just didn't get the beds made and things like that. But I started a load of laundry, I sorted the laundry that needed to be done, I got things picked up, and that was progress. It wasn't perfect, but it was progress. I felt so accomplished and so much better. 

Do you see how the 15-minute reset idea can get you out of that perfectionism? That all-or- nothing mode? You're doing something. It's something. It's good. Not everything needs to be done all the way. Just set a timer and do what you can. 15 minutes now and do the rest later. 

Another area where we can apply the 15-minute reset that I think is really beneficial—and not the same as cleaning—is if the house just feels really overwhelming. This is another house one, but I think the house can feel really overwhelming in a way. Not just because it's messy, but because it's chaotic, overstimulating, loud and tense. Set a timer for 15 minutes and attack that. 

Listen to your kids. Why are they whining? What's the root cause? What do they need from you? Pick up the messes that are in your way right now, right where you are in that room. Light a candle. Turn on your oil diffuser. Start playing some praise music or rap—whatever the mood is, right? Solve the problem. Come in and bring peace over your home. 

Listen to your kids for a second. Just diffuse the situation like, “Okay, you got listened to. We're not doing that right now, but I would be happy to talk about doing that a different day.” Get the vibe in the house diffused. You know what I'm saying? It’s when your house is needing you, but it's not necessarily just the mess. It’s what's going on inside, and it's just too much. There's too many people and it's loud. So, solve the problems—just for 15 minutes. 

Stop cooking dinner and just hold on. Sometimes your house just needs you. You're so good at running it and sometimes it just needs you to pause, evaluate, and diffuse certain things. The timer can help push you to go “all in” on that problem—right now—so that it just gets done. The timer is just pushing you to spend a small chunk of time on a problem. That way when it dings, you know you tried. Maybe the kids are still being jerks (because let's face it, sometimes they are) and maybe things are still chaotic, but I put what I had into my home for 15 minutes and I did something about it. Now I'm going to get back to making dinner, or whatever it was.

Let's talk about exercise with the 15-minute reset. Let's just say that you know that you need to do it but it's never happening. You set goals. You say you're going to do something. You Pinterest the plan that you're going to follow. I've done that a million times. And over and over, it just keeps not getting done. Get out of “all-or-nothing.” You don't have to follow the Pinterest-perfect plan to live healthfully, to take care of yourself, to move your body. Movement is so good for your bodies, ladies. It is so, so good and it is worth pursuing. But “all-or-nothing” syndrome so often kills what we want to do, what we need to do. You don't need to go to the gym for an hour to get what you want. You don't even need to go to the gym at all.

My friend, Robin Long, talks about this so beautifully. She's at The Balanced Life by the way. If you're not following her or subscribed to her Pilates workouts, what are you doing? Go! But you know, just set the 15-minute timer, get the kids busy, and hit it girl! Go! Do squats, pushups, tricep dips, arm circles, or just flip on that rap again and proclaim a dance party. Go hard for 15 minutes. Make your kids think, “What the heck is wrong with mom?” Just go! 

I have totally done this. If you have followed me for a while, you might remember when I posted a slow mode dance video in the living room. I'm going crazy and one of my kids is with me. We do that all the time. It's like, “I can't make it to spin class. I am not going to go to the gym. It's just too much. I'm frustrated. I need to move today, and this is just how it's going to get done.” 

It can be so fun. Bring the fun back to life. Stop with the to-do lists, the checklist, the perfect workouts from Pinterest, the pressure that you need to get toned, and all these ridiculous things. It's good for you to move. It makes you a better mom. It makes you more fun. It makes you feel beautiful. It gets those endorphins flowing. It's not for your abs or your shape. It's for you. It's for your family, for you to move and feel good. So just get it done. 

The 15-minute reset can just make things happen that you keep not doing, and for me exercise is a big one. 

I think also doing some kind of movement for 15 minutes every day is such a fantastic way to boost your mood midday. I'll say this gently, because I know some of you guys have kids and stuff around, but this is also a really great way to get “in the mood” for an intimate night with your spouse. To be slow, calm, and present for romance with your husband because a lot of the time, even though we love them, we're just not feeling it. And sometimes, if you were to just move your body, put your headphones in, listen to some peaceful music and just stretch, take a shower, go for a walk by yourself. Say, “I just need a minute. It’s been a day.” Move your body by walking and getting those endorphins going, by stretching, by taking a deep breath, taking a bath, taking a shower, breathing and unwinding for 15 minutes. Think about all the positive things about your husband, and just move, stretch, flow is such a perspective shift. It will work. Trust me. I don't mean that to be TMI; I'm just trying to give you life-hacks because that's what I do when I need to—and it works. It's a marriage saver. It saves me. I want to be with my husband, but sometimes it's just hard to transition into that slow mood when it's just been like write an email, go live, post this video, do this, talk to this person, business coaching, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, cooking, kids, kids, kids, kids. And then you’re like, “Oh, well, yeah, you. I forgot.” So, this can be a great transition. It can really help you honor your body and honor yourself. Just 15 minutes of movement. It's so good for you.

Throw away all the other things. You look amazing. It's not about that. It's just about pressing pause, doing what your body needs, and creating space for that. 


Okay friends, we want to take action, right? I don't want you to just listen and walk away. I want to do everything that I can to help you take real action. So, on top of giving you these ideas, hopefully giving you some inspiration about the 15-minute reset, I also want to give you something that you could have tangibly in front of you or downloaded and saved to your phone to help shift your perspective and reset your day when you need it. 

I have a free download called The Totally Crap Day Checklist and that's exactly what it is. When you're just having a bad day on top of all these ideas with the power of the 15-minute reset, The Totally Crap Day Checklist has a list of the types of things that you know it, but you're not thinking that way in the moment when you're negative, everything seems to be going wrong and you know something needs to shift, but you're not really sure what. 

 It's got ideas like how to get a change of scenery and get out of your house for a second, find the humor in situations, remember what you can and can't control, and these detailed little perspective shifts and ideas. 

Do you realize how powerful that would be to have saved on your phone that you could pull up at any time, have printed on your fridge as a constant reminder, or taped inside the inside of your pantry so you see it every time you're going to get a snack. You have it there; it's a resource. 

This is totally free. There's really no reason not to go and download it, print it out or save it to your phone, your laptop or wherever you need it. 

These types of reminders…these are the small stepping stones that we can set ourselves up with that can help us walk into a better life. They are constant reminders of who you really want to be when things are good. 

But then when things turn and get hard or negative, what are you going to do? Are you going to go back on the hamster wheel of the cycle of anger, resentment, nagging, yelling and negativity that hasn't been working for you? Or are you going to pull out that stepping stone that you saved before when things were good and use it to turn your day around and have a better day? 

I want you to get this Freebie. Alliecasazza.com/shownotes/119 that's where you can grab it.


The last thing that I wanted to share with you guys about how we can use the 15-minute reset is brainstorming through a problem. Oh my gosh, I think I might do this almost every day. I'm such an external processor. Lori Harder says, “As an entrepreneur your job is to solve problems and put out fires constantly. If you're not putting out fires and you're not solving problems, you don't have a job anymore.” And it's so, so true. So, basically I'm always brainstorming, thinking, finding a way around a problem. I don't take “no” for an answer and that's just my personality. If something isn't working, I need to find a way. 

There's just a lot of brainstorming in my life. There’s brainstorming also in my personal life to come up with these life-hacks for you guys. So, when I notice, “Man, it is really hard to work at home, homeschool your kids, and have a clean house, but I'm not okay with that. I believe we can have all of those things functioning well together.” And so, I will find a way and I do find a way, and that's my courses. I'm always brainstorming. 

The 15-minute reset applied to this. Guys, it's just been absolutely mind blowing and such a game changer. First of all with this, you need to know if you're an internal or an external processor. 

The way you know this is, if you are an external processor, you come to conclusions by talking about it to somebody. For example, if you go to coffee with a friend and you're like, “Man, I'm really stressed out about this,” and she's asking you about it and you're talking through it. But as you're talking through it, you say things like, “I think I just solved the problem for myself,” or “I think that's what I need to do. I don't know why I didn't think of that before.” It's because you're an external processor and the way your brain works isn’t to come to conclusions and solve problems internally. 

Now, Brian is an internal processor. Amy—you guys might know Amy, she's on Team Allie and she does so many things for us. She's the one who has therapy experience who’s working with me to make The Uncluttered Kid’s course. She is an internal processor. So, when they need to figure something out, they have to be quiet and think about it. 

We use Voxer, which is a walkie-talkie app for your phone. Amy and I use Voxer to communicate to each other. I'll talk something out to her and then I'll be like, “What do you think?” And she will respond and say, “Let me think about it and get back to you.” And at first it was so weird to me because I'm like, “How?” And it's because she's an internal processor and Brian is the same way. He needs to sit there and stew over it for a little bit. 

I'm not gonna lie, it annoys me sometimes because I want to be external. I want everyone to be external and I want to talk through things. But it's just not the way he works. It's not the way Amy works. It's the way I work. We're all different. I think knowing which one you tend to be, that knowledge is power. 

Once you know, set up a 15-minute timer and brainstorm the problem in the way that you brainstorm it. A lot of internal processors like to journal through things. I'm an external and I still will journal through things sometimes. It's almost like I just need to get it out in one form or another, whether it's talking or writing, but usually it's talking. 

As an external processor, one way that I use the 15-minute reset in brainstorming through a problem is I will set a 15-minute timer and go for a walk around my neighborhood. I will open up my voice memo app and talk to myself like I'm talking to a friend.

I got this idea from Hilary Rushford. She's a stylist and a business guru. She's amazing. I'm in her mastermind class and I adore her. She gave me this idea. You're talking it out, but you're not having to have a physical other person with you because sometimes that’s just not doable. And so, I will talk out the problem as if I'm talking to a person. No one knows I'm not on the phone so it's fine. I feel a little crazy, but it's okay. It gets the job done. Just talk it out. If you need to phone a friend. Bring your husband and go for a walk. Whatever. But talk it out for 15 minutes. Usually you only need a few minutes. 

If you're an internal processor, go for a walk and just be quiet. Just process. Just think. Whatever you need to do. Grab a journal. Make yourself a cup of tea, sit down and just journal through the problem. 

Do you guys remember the episode of The Purpose Show where I did How To Be An Action-taking, Problem-solving Woman? In that episode you could do that process, just writing out here's the problem and here's the brain dump of possible solutions on the other side of the paper. Even if they're stupid and I can't believe I just wrote that down, you're getting your brain going and you're being an action-taker. You're solving problems. 

You know the stereotype of women who just complain, nag, go to brunch with Mimosas and whine to their friends about how their husbands suck, everything's so hard, and they can't remember the last time they showered…? Say, “no” to that. We don't live there. We don't go there. We don't stay there for sure. We are action-taking, problem-solving women. If we don't like something, we take action. We shut our mouths and we do the work. We show up and we fix it. 

And the 15-minute reset for this kind of brainstorming through something that's bothering you is everything. It could be a business problem. It could be a relationship problem. It could be something as simple as why is the house so dang tense every day from 3:00 – 4:30? It's called the witching hour for a reason. Why is our house so tense? I'm going to brainstorm through this problem. Okay, what can I do? 

Maybe I need to have more crockpot meals so I'm not also having to cook dinner during this stressful time. Maybe we a drop an extracurricular activity. Maybe I need to have a better system in place for when the kids get home from school and create a peaceful atmosphere. Maybe I need more rhythms and routines that serve me, my family and our timeline better. 

Brainstorming through, getting your brain going and solving problems instead of whining, complaining, staying in the same place, being so tired and giving in to that to where you're living in the same day over and over again. That's not where you belong, girl. It's just not, so let's climb out of that. All it takes is 15-minutes and just focusing on the problem. 

As moms especially, there's so much going on all the time. Everybody's talking to us. Pulling at us. Asking things of us. The PTA, extracurriculars, the kids, school—whether homeschool or public school, marriage, grocery list, to-do list, and all of the things. It's just so much. We need to dedicate a small amount of time to say, “Look, I am not happy with this, so I'm going to dedicate a tiny chunk of my time and I'm going to work through it and brainstorm through it. Maybe one time isn't going to be enough and it's going to take a couple of times, but I'm going to start because I don't want to lie down and take things. I want to come at things and be better. I want to be beyond average and this is how I'm going to do that.” 

The 15-minute reset is magic, magic, magic. Try it. 

Also, I know there's so many other ways we could do this. I want to know from you guys. Please tag me on Instagram. Send me a DM. Whatever it is, I want to hear from you. 

How are you taking the 15-minute reset and applying it to other things? Your meal planning, a different perspective shift on applying it to a relationship issue? I want to hear from you guys. How did this inspire you? What is it that you're using it for? How are you making this actionable for you? 

TARA: Will you speak on affirmations? 

ALLIE: Yeah, absolutely. The 15-minute reset for affirmations. That's a lot of minutes. I don't even do 15 minutes of affirmation. That's amazing. 

So, okay, let’s just say you are having a bad day and you're like, “You know what, I am caught in the negative speak cycle.” Because it is a cycle; it's a cycle of lies. It's a cycle of negativity. You get stuck there and it's hard to get out. It's like quicksand. 

We were learning about quicksand for homeschooling the other day and I was just really emotional. I was thinking about clutter and negativity simultaneously and how it truly is quicksand. That's so cheesy and I'm aware of it, but it's where my mind went. I think this cycle of negativity is exactly like quicksand and we need to deliberately pull ourselves up and out, and stop it before it gets worse. 

Affirmations could absolutely be a part of that. They're a part of that for me. I think 15 minutes is a lot. If you want to do that, great. I would just ask, “What's the opposite of what you're feeling?” Locate what you're feeling. Like, “I'm feeling really negative about my husband.” Okay, great. That's okay. It's normal. What exactly? “Well I just feel like he doesn't help enough.” Well, is that the truth? Really? That’s such an opinion. Really is that it? And start saying truths like, “What is good about him? What is good about your relationship? What does he do? Where can you be more of a team player in this?” Start to speak truth. 

Let's talk about body for a second. If you are looking at yourself and you're like, “I need to change this. I need to lose that. I need to be better here. I need to be fitter there.” Stop. What is the truth? The truth is: “I am wonderfully made. I am beautiful. I am strong. My body has done amazing things for me.”

This was really, really huge for me, you guys, when I had C-section after C-section after C-section. Trying to have a baby naturally and just feeling so broken. Having hormonal disorders. My body can't even regulate itself? What's wrong with me? Having issues with my leg muscles where I had to stop being a dancer when I was in high school and it broke my heart. My body was just so broken. And I told myself that over and over again. Stopping that negativity and just speaking life totally changed the game for me. 

There's an episode of Positive Words Over Your Children. This changed my son, our relationship and the way that he behaved…literally. Words are so powerful. 

What an incredible way to use the 15-minute reset on your words and literally just flip the story. I absolutely love it. 

ALLIE: Crystal says, “I need sibling reset tips.”  Okay, let me think through this while I talk it out because I'm an external processor. 

Okay, so sibling reset. I think it's so funny because so many of my followers act like my kids don't ever fight or something. I think it's because I talk a lot about minimalism and how it's brought so much peace, so much togetherness and it absolutely has. But of course, they bicker and it's the most annoying sound of all time. You know how it is. I can't. Like cannot. 

The 15-minute reset could totally be applied here, but if I was going to do it that way, I would say, “Okay guys, 15 minutes: 10 minutes apart, 5 minutes talking it out. Apologize if you need to apologize.” 

I try really hard not to do the thing where you make your kids apologize. I try really hard to just say, “You know what, if you feel you need to apologize, this is your time to do that.” Or, “Go ahead and take some space and then come back when the timer goes off.” I have the timer on my iPhone set to the dog barking sound, so I'll say, “When you hear the dog bark, come downstairs and if you feel that you owe Leland an apology, you can apologize to him” (or whoever it is). That's how I would do it. 10 minutes apart, when the dog barks come back, and if you feel the need to apologize you can apologize and usually they will. 

Sometimes they won't and I'll make a note to remember and during bedtime later I'll sit on that kid's bed and be like, “Hey, how come you didn't apologize? What did you feel about that? What do you feel? What happened? Where are you at?” And that works. 

15-minute reset would be great for sibling rivalry.

Okay guys, we're wrapping this up. Those of you who are watching this episode live…so fun! I love you all so much! Thanks for listening with me! So fun! I love, love, love the surprise episode, doing live with you guys. So fun! 

Thank you guys! I love you! 

Alright guys, thank you so much for listening in to this episode. If you feel like you had “Aha!” moments, if it's helped you at all, I would love for you to share it on social media. I would love for you to consider leaving a review. Reviews are everything on iTunes. They are everything for this podcast. I work so hard to not have ads and sponsorships from other companies and I would love your help to just maintain this content, maintain this powerful show. 

Thank you so much for listening! I'm so, so glad you're here! I appreciate you more than you even know. Thank you so much for being here. 


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 021: Food, Exercise & Perfectionism (feat. Robin Long)

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Robin Long is the founder of The Balanced Life, which started as an online platform for her to teach Pilates but has grown to much more than that. She is a well of wisdom when it comes to living in the balance of food + exercise. We often get into the mindset that “exercise equals all of these hard things, so I can’t exercise” or “well, if I licked a donut, then I might as well just eat burgers, fries and a milkshake for lunch, and also have pizza for dinner, and two beers.” But it doesn’t have to be that way. Having exercise fit into your life is the key to actually getting something done and making progress. My goal for this episode is to get you to actually do something. Anyone can listen, get inspired, and think they are going to do that. But I really want you to do it!

Disclaimer: In this episode, we discuss some things that you may not want your kids to hear, especially if you have a little girl who might be receptive to some of the things we are discussing. I encourage you to pop those headphones in and enjoy this episode. Robin is amazing and I am so excited for you to hear what she has to share!

 
 

In This Episode, Allie + Robin Discuss:

  • What “whole health” really means.

  • How to overcome the “all or nothing” mentality when it comes to food + exercise.

  • Practical ways you can implement small workouts into your daily routine.

  • How to get back on track after things fall off track (from vacations or busyness).  

  • Meal planning + tips for healthier choices (especially with kids!)

Mentioned in this Episode:

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A library of inspiration

Want more inspiration than just the podcast? Do you want videos? Do you want pdf’s? Do you want to download things and get your hands on something to really get you started when it comes to minimalism and simplifying your motherhood?

The Supermom Vault is for you! 


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Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com and let us know you left an iTunes review. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's mini courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to.  I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days.  I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it.  Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and i know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood.  I’m Allie Casazza and this is the The Purpose Show.

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Hey friends! I wanted to pop in and talk a bit with you before I bring Robin on. Robin Long runs The Balanced Life.  She is really special to me and holds a really close space in my heart. Robin had said “yes” when I asked to write a guest post for her. She was just so sweet and so excited about my message before everything took off.

My post actually ended up going viral.  It was the one that was really crazy and was trending over the first Presidential Debate in 2016.  It was such a big deal and it was so fun to watch it unfold. That guest post was on Robin’s website and we rode that wave together.  It was really a neat experience.

She is so dear to me. She is such a sweet person, one of those people that you wished you live near so you could be really good friends and have coffee all of the time. Her philosophy of ditching diet culture, taking good care of yourself because you deserve to feel great, is something that I really love about her.

This conversation is really, really good. I encourage you to create the time and space you need to listen to it. We do discuss some things that you may not want your kids to hear, especially if you have a little girl who might be receptive to some of the things we are discussing. I encourage you to pop those headphones in and enjoy this episode. Robin is amazing and I am so excited to have her on!

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ALLIE:  Hey ladies!  Welcome back to another episode of The Purpose Show! I am here with Robin Long, my friend who runs The Balanced Life. Hey Robin!

ROBIN:  Hello! I am really excited to be here!

ALLIE: I have some real practical questions to ask you. I am looking forward to getting your expertise on exercise, healthy eating, and balancing all of that with motherhood.

Guys, The Balanced Life is really the perfect name for Robin’s business, your blog, and everything that you do. That’s your whole thing! It’s not “eat whatever, who cares?” And not working out, sweating an hour every day. Not “if this is what you want, you have to work hard, and sweat it out.” And also not “running so you can eat tacos”. It is a lot of hope, grace, and realistic advice.  It is so real. I really appreciate your voice, especially as a busy mom. It is very grace-laced.

ROBIN: Thank you! That is exactly I was hoping people would experience, so thank you!

ALLIE:  Robin runs The Balanced Life, which is a Pilates- based blog. Tell us what you do and a little bit about you.

ROBIN:  Sure! I started as a Pilates instructor. I took that online originally as a blog and it has evolved into a membership site for Pilates’ workouts, specifically for busy women. That is the “meat and potatoes” of it. There are lots of great, efficient, work-at-home Pilates workouts.

In addition to that, my heart, passion, and what I have learned is that it is not just about the workouts in terms of what “whole health” is. There is a much bigger approach and picture that we incorporate into everything, a balanced approach, and what that practically looks like. It is one thing to say, “life balance” but what does that actually look like when it comes to how you feel about food, your workouts, how you talk to yourself. That’s what the Balanced Life site is about. My membership is called the Balanced Life Sisterhood. That’s where the majority of all of this takes place.

ALLIE:  I am in the Sisterhood. It is such an encouraging space. Even from a business standpoint, I have often wanted to ask you how you keep it so positive. I feel like you are dealing with a niche that is very, maybe not controversial, but opinionated. You are talking about bodies and health.

What is organic. What is OK and not OK. It is just a really amazing space. Everyone is so supportive and encouraging and they are all at different levels. Some of these women have been doing Pilates with you for years.  I saw one girl that was in there for 4-5 years! It is really neat. When they come, it seems like they just stay. They love it there because it is such a supportive community. It is really a neat place to spend time.

ROBIN: Thank you! We work really, really hard to keep it that way. It is helpful whether you are Vegan or Paleo. Whether you believe cardio is or isn’t essential. On top of that, it is related to spirituality for a lot of people. Emotion, relationships. It is definitely a challenge in terms of that but we are so dedicated to making sure that it is a safe place. It is something that I am really grateful for and proud of. We have great people.

ALLIE: You should be proud. It is such an amazing space. I recently took a trip to Santa Monica and it was nice in the hotel room to do even a 5-minute workout. It calms you down, and relieves your stress. You just feel like you got something done. Something is better than nothing which is a huge part of what you teach.

We would love to know, in general, how you fit in exercise in the midst of such a busy life?

ROBIN:  I get this question a lot. It is funny how it has shifted over the years. As a Pilates instructor people assume you just do Pilates all day. The reality is even when I was teaching 8 hours of Pilates all day in the studio, once I started actually turning this into my career it became a lot harder for me to fit in my workouts.

Just like anything, you spend eight hours at the gym training other people, the last thing you want to do is spend another hour at the gym; you just want to go home. That challenge for me has increased in a lot of ways since this has become my career, adding children to the picture, and working from home.

For me, I really practice what I preach, which is small, short, effective workouts and really having to embrace that mentality that something is better than nothing. I still have to remind myself of that on a regular basis.

What does that looks like practically for me? Sunday, I spent most of the day thinking “I have got to do something today.”  “I have got to work out somehow.” I was thinking that it was just not going to happen. We had church, lunch and then it was bath time. I gave the kids a bath around 3 in the afternoon, I propped up my phone, and told myself, “ten minutes at a time.”  You know with kids you can barely get ten minutes before they are fighting in the bath. But you can at least try and I think that is the main thing.

I did ten minutes and they were still playing, so I did another ten minutes. Before I knew it, I had 30 minutes literally in the bathroom while they were doing their bath.  It was a mixture of Pilates, triceps dips on the edge of the bathtub, bar, and then some light weights. And I felt so good when I was done. When I could have spent that time on Instagram thinking, “I really need to workout today.” It’s just that. It’s always about getting started.

Realistically again, Tuesday night I hadn’t done anything and it was 8 o’clock. So, I went in the bedroom, opened my laptop, and told myself 30 minutes of Pilates. I ended up doing 45 because it felt so good. Went to bed.

Yesterday, I sat my timer on my phone. My son was waking up from his nap. I didn’t think I would have time since he was already crying. We went out in the backyard so he could play quietly and I got my whole 20 minutes in.

For me, it is just that - sneaking it in. Obviously, I try to go to the studio when I can, when it works with my husband’s schedule, but that’s definitely not what I can rely on in this season of my life.

ALLIE:  It feels good to hear you saying that because I respect you so much for the way you incorporate fitness into your life. You turned your livelihood into your business and you can’t even find the time to get dressed, leave the house, childcare, the whole thing. And it’s also really expensive.

You get the kids at the gym with the childcare. We did that for a while. And honestly, my kids have never been so sick! They were sick all of the time. You feel like “this is not worth it.”  And you fall off the wagon.

You get into that mindset of “exercise equals all of these hard things, so I can’t exercise.” Then I would get into this phase, “well I will just eat in a way where I don’t need to move my body at all”, which is eating nothing. That sucks and takes away your joy. It is just this cycle of trying all of these different things, getting motivated, and trying something else.

The only thing that I have found that works is being in the Sisterhood. Sometimes I just put my headphones in sitting in the living room, with the kids going psycho around me. Whatever works and just fitting it in right where I am at, before I start the day or in the middle of the day.  It’s not every day. Having it fit into my life is the key to actually getting something done and making progress.

ROBIN:  Two things to mention really quick. Season of life matters so much. When the kids were little, I could throw them in the stroller and go for a walk or a long run. I am in the season right now where they just won’t sit in the stroller, so that is out.  Unless I have someone to watch them, I have to be here at the house. Childcare is hard to come by. To use 1 ½ to 2 hours to get to a studio or a gym is time I could have spent working or getting things done, so that’s not an option right now either. But do something.

ALLIE:  And feeling that your season of life won’t always be forever. Motherhood seasons are pretty brief. Your kids change and things ebb and flow all of the time.

I would like to know how you overcome that “all or nothing” mentality that comes after you eat something that you shouldn’t have, or you miss a workout?  That “well, if I licked a donut, then I might as well just eat burgers, fries and a milkshake for lunch, and also have pizza for dinner, and two beers.” You get into that mode of “well, I already messed up.”  How would you overcome that, because that’s a struggle for me.

ROBIN:  I was thinking about that this morning because that was a huge struggle for me. I was always doing good or bad. Either doing good with my workouts or food. Usually it was never both at the same time. I can definitely relate to that.  I was thinking, “why don’t I struggle with that anymore?” It’s what I teach, but I was thinking what practically happened that I don’t struggle with that anymore?”

I think in a lot of ways it is just literally putting the “ditching the all or nothing idea” into practice. The idea of doing a 10-minute workout every day. I am still tempted to not do it. Until I finish that 10 or 15-minute workout and I am reminded every time of the shift in the way I feel.  After that workout, my energy is up. I felt proud of myself. There is a shift every single time.

I honestly believe that shift does help reframe your mind each time. Each time you do that it is like reinforced behavior. It does reinforce the belief that it does have a positive effect. It does overwrite those old beliefs and patterns that it has to be a killer long workout. I think a lot of times it is rewiring the story we have been telling ourselves for so long.

What that looks like is really just changing the story each day, over and over. I think its first the awareness of that conversation you are  having and realizing that it doesn’t have to be your story. It’s continuing to change that conversation each time. It’s making it always about how you are going to feel after. After that 10-minute workout. After you decide, “instead I am going to drink some water, go for a walk, and see if I can overcome that ice cream.”

ALLIE: Sure. You can have things in moderation and live your life. I don’t subscribe to the whole diet way of doing things. It doesn’t work, at least not for me or anyone else I have ever talked to.  Also, if you want to feel good, and you want to be happy with the way you look and feel, then you can’t just keep getting in that cycle.

What do you do, especially with things like traveling or moving?  When we were moving it sent me into this 2-3 week spiral. I couldn’t get my house set up to get groceries and get back into it. That was really hard. Then coming out of that I felt myself almost feeling addicted to junk food. Getting back to how I used to be is hard.

ROBIN:  You learn to trust that you will get back to your meal planning. For a long time I never had that trust in myself. Maybe I was just young and couldn’t see the whole picture. Maybe I hadn’t lived through enough seasons yet.  You can get that belief back in yourself that this isn’t forever, then you can trust that and then follow through with that.

ALLIE:  Going back to the workout part, I wanted to know why Pilates?  What is that your main thing? What are the benefits of that? Maybe it is just me, but before finding you, Pilates is one thing I didn’t know a lot about. I always knew the benefits of Yoga. To me, Yoga is definitely less of a workout than Pilates. I just didn’t know much about Pilates until I found you. Can you maybe talk a little about the benefits of Pilates and why you are such an advocate of it?

ROBIN: Absolutely. Pilates doesn’t get as much “air time.” I can’t even tell you how many people, even that are close to me, still call me a Yoga instructor.  A lot of the reasons for that is that it is not very accessible to take Pilates classes. Pilates classes, especially when you incorporate the equipment, is very expensive.

For a long time, it has been reserved for celebrities, people with a lot of money, people that can spend that money because they are in need of it for an injury or whatever. I think that’s one reason it hasn’t been as mainstream as Yoga.

What I love about Pilates, is it teaches you how to use your muscles, essentially to get the most bang for your buck. Every exercise focuses on alignment and proper muscle engagement. You are not just powering through doing exercises and 100 crunches. Instead you are doing 10 repetitions of one exercise.  You are striving for proper form, proper muscle engagement.

But you are never really there. You can always lengthen your legs a bit more. You can always lift your chest a little higher. That’s what I love about it. You are always working and challenging those muscles.  I fell in love with it because I saw results so fast because of that. You are actually using the proper muscles with proper timing and engagement.

You can get an hour of forced exercise in 10 minutes of intentional, precise, Pilates movement.  In addition to that it is a mind to muscle connection. Because you are thinking about your form, your breath, what muscle, you are constantly thinking about what you are doing.

Essentially, you get the benefits of meditation while working out because you are focused.  You are not doing Pilates right if you are just going through the motions and thinking about your to-do list. Instead you are thinking about your breath and your movements so when you are done, you feel surprisingly rejuvenated and energized every time.  You literally get a high because you have trained your body and your mind at the same time.

ALLIE: That makes total sense. Thank you for clarifying that. I have always wondered about that.

What’s a way that you would say we could be active throughout our normal day routine.  I know you said just focusing on the 10-minutes. Are there certain exercises that you will do anywhere?  I started to do squats while I am waiting for my espresso machine to make the coffee because it takes forever. Unfortunately, I found that I can get in 45 good squats, so now every morning I am dying.  We both work from home on a computer and we sit often. Is there anything that you would suggest like that. Maybe if you are not even in workout clothes.

ROBIN: First of all, I workout in non-workout clothes all of the time. I work out in dresses all of the time.  We just have to overcome those excuses. We can’t be Pinterest people all of the time.

ALLIE:  That was such a hard shift for me, but that’s how it needs to be so we can actually fit it in.

ROBIN:  The big thing is that you don’t sweat that much with Pilates. When my kids were little and we would hang out on the floor, I would sneak in some ab exercises that I know from Pilates, or a few planks. I used to do that all of the time. Also, take the kids out to ride their bike or their tricycle, and I would get a walk in. And I do a lot during bath time.  Bath time is gold.

ALLIE:  Well, they’re contained. Any time the kids are contained is great.

One of my goals with this podcast is to get women to actually do things. Anyone can listen, get inspired, and think they are going to do that, but I really want them to do it.  I think that was really helpful.

ROBIN:  In a season of life where you are having trouble just getting those workouts in, I just commit to do pushups and maybe a plank every night before bed.  Then if nothing else, that consistency adds up. You would be so surprised. Sometimes it’s just that simple.

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Hey friend!  It’s Allie! Have you heard of the Supermom Vault yet?

The Supermom Vault is a library of inspiration I created for you.  It holds replays of my very best online workshops that aren’t available anywhere else, tons of really actionable pdf’s that are downloadable with just one click, more than 20 audio and video trainings from me, and professionally designed printables for your home to keep you focused and inspired.

The Supermom Vault is only $39.00 and is available at alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

Check it out!  It’s a really good simple start.

Want more inspiration than just the podcast? Do you wish there were more episodes?  Want more details? Do you want videos? Do you want pdf’s? Do you want to download things and get your hands on something to really get you started when it comes to minimalism and simplifying your motherhood?

This is definitely the place to go!

Check it out!  Alliecasazza.com/allcourses

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ALLIE:  Ok, so let’s circle back to food before we wrap up. What is it like feeding your family healthy? What is your rule of thumb or go to? How do you handle healthy with kids and yourself?

ROBIN:  We have always had an extra challenge because we are trying to work through some food allergies. For that reason, we have been forced to be really intentional. We can’t wing it that much because we always have to have something on hand for my son. He is off gluten, dairy, and all nuts. That’s pretty much everything.

At some point since I have been breastfeeding for the last five years, we have been on some kind of restrictive diet. That has really forced me to be a planner, to plan ahead. To make sure that we always have the kitchen stocked with options for everyone.

Pretty much every time we leave the house, I have a snack and waters. If we go to restaurants with my son, we have to have something for him because he can’t eat anything there. I would say in that way, just getting in that habit of always having a stocked kitchen with your healthy go-tos that your kids love. Always think one step ahead with what you might want to have on hand. That has been huge and helpful with keeping the kids fairly healthy.  We are getting to the point with my daughter of trying to balance healthy food and not healthy food.

ALLIE:  I can relate to that. My daughter has realized we have a scale now in the bathroom.  She got on it one day and said, “Oh, 60, is that normal? Should I eat less?” We ended up having a really good conversation about food not being good or bad, but everything in moderation. It is such a hard balance with girls. Bella just turned 9 yesterday and it is so hard. I think what you just said is a good way to come at it.  I feel like we could do a separate episode about girls and food.

ROBIN:  You’re ahead of me in that. Your daughter has more of an awareness of that than mine.

One of the things we are doing (I honestly think this is from Sesame Street) we talk about what are the “all the time foods” and what are the “sometime foods.” If you follow me on Instagram you might think my kids eat all healthy, all of the time. That is not true. To me, I don’t want them growing up totally restricted in their life.  We eat like normal kids sometimes. We use that “all of the time foods” and “sometime foods.” For example, apples are an “all the time food.” The gummy fruit snacks are a “sometime foods”. We are using that and trying to get away from that good/bad.

ALLIE:  How do you do meal planning in your house?

ROBIN:  Our routine is I will typically do it Sunday mornings. I write out Sunday through Thursday, breakfasts, lunches, and snacks. I pick a meal for each day. I figure after Thursday, we will figure it out. We will either eat leftovers or do take out because by Friday night I am ready for a break. Then I write down what I need to get and go to the grocery store on Sunday and stock up the house. Then ideally, if I can, I will come home and wash all the fruits and veggies, prep a meal or two and something that I can use for lunches. Something that I can grab and go – chicken salad, Lentil salad, egg salad.

In my four-week programs, this is the stuff that I really teach, what this looks like practically.  We all do it together. I will do live videos from my kitchen. This is definitely something I have perfected over the years.  It has become my world.

ALLIE: It is so helpful to talk with you about this.  What do you do for breakfast? Any ideas?

ROBIN:  I do a lot of eggs because they are healthy.  It literally takes 3 minutes. With breakfast, I think “how can I throw in some nutrients?”  Eggs are a great way. I throw in some spinach or peppers. Smoothies, because you can sneak in all kinds of things – greens,  protein powder, chia seeds. Both are quick and packed with nutrients. And both put you in a great frame of mind. Rather than having a bowl of cereal while you are running out the door.

ALLIE:  That’s the thing - you take in so many bad things but you never really get full.

ROBIN:  That is the chemistry in our body.  That’s something that I also teach in my programs.  When you start your day with something that is more protein, fat, and good carbs heavy, you will stay more stable the rest of the day. I know when I have cereal in the morning that I will be more hungry the rest of the day.  That’s just our bodies responding to what we eat. Having that protein and fat in the morning, less sugar, is going to help me all the way until bedtime.

ALLIE:  What’s your take on coffee and caffeine?

ROBIN:  I am a decaffeinated coffee drinker. I went through a season in my life where I really struggled with anxiety. It’s pretty paralyzing.  When I went through that, I made some dietary changes and one of them was trying to eat more proteins and fats to keep my blood sugar and my mood stable. That had a huge impact to make sure I didn’t get that “sugar drop” during the day. I also cut out caffeine.  I never really thought I was affected by caffeine because I wasn’t jittery or anything like that. But I noticed a huge difference in my ability to handle my anxiety and stress when I took out caffeine. I think that and being pregnant and breastfeeding, I never went back.  But I don’t think caffeine is bad in moderation. Your coffee in the morning is not going to make or break your health or your weight unless you are doing the frappuccino with whip every morning.

Have your coffee. That’s not going to make or break you.

ALLIE:  I used to have coffee with cream and sweetener. I would go and get the pumps at Starbucks and buy them for the house, but I got myself all the way down to eventually having black coffee.  But then the acidity started to mess with my teeth and my stomach. Now I do a dot of raw cream and it’s fine. But I enjoy having something in the morning and in the middle of the day.

ROBIN:  I think we all have our things like that.  You just have to know what things in our lives we hold onto and balance that out in other ways.

ALLIE:  Thank you so much!  Where can people connect with you deeper?

ROBIN:  My website it thebalancedlifeonline.com.  There you will find my blog which has links to Youtube workouts, resources, articles.  Then I am on Instagram quite a bit. @thebalancedlife.  I run three Pilates challenges throughout the year.  It’s a good way to give it a try. There is always a way to give it a try and get involved.  Then you can decide if the membership feels like a good fit and something you would like to try.

ALLIE:  We will link to everything that Robin mentioned and her Sisterhood.

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This was an episode of The Purpose Show.  Thank you so much for tuning in.  If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, head to alliecasazza.com for free downloads, courses, classes and to learn more about what the next step might look like for you.  I am always rooting for you. See ya next time!