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Ep 028: A Simplified Laundry Routine

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When it comes to simplifying my laundry routine, one load a day keeps Laundry Mountain away.  Laundry is such an integral chore and a part of our role as moms. It can feel endless and overwhelming. But it doesn’t have to be! If we can really simplify core areas of our lives (like laundry!), it will make everything so much easier. Simplification should never be over-complicated. So, laundry shouldn’t be either!

 
 

In This Episode, Allie Discusses:

  • How minimalism in your wardrobe will make your laundry routine simpler, but that doesn’t mean your closet is full of clothes you don’t love.

  • What her laundry routine looks like + how she got to this simplified routine.

  • Why she chooses to do one load a day versus having a set “laundry day.”

Mentioned in this Episode:

 

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Laundry. It can be quite overwhelming! But it doesn't have to be! Do you want to simplify your laundry routine? I created a FREE guide for YOU all about simplifying your laundry + dishes routine. Don't miss out on this! 


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


I_ve_got_you_2.png

Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to.  I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days.  I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it.  Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and i know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood.  I’m Allie Casazza and this is the The Purpose Show.

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Hey sweet friends! Welcome back to another episode of The Purpose Show! This is episode 28 and I am talking about a simplified laundry routine.

 

I have been practicing what I am going to share with you today for months and months. It has been working well. So well that I haven’t felt the need to change anything up, fall off the wagon, regroup, or anything like that. A lot of the times when you try to create a new routine, that happens. You think something is going to work really well for you but then you start to actually live it out and it just doesn’t work.

This has not happened with this particular routine. With the laundry being such an integral chore and a part of our role as moms, I think this is really valuable and worth sharing. This is what worked really well for me and I wanted to share it. Because when you find something that works, you should share it, right?

First, before we get into the routine, I just want to say again that minimalism when it comes to the clothes in your routine is Step 1 when it comes to simplifying your life, simplifying your laundry routine, and making your role a whole lot lighter. I have shared before in a previous podcast episode, emails, and on my blog, that I do not have a capsule wardrobe for myself, per se. Apparently, a capsule wardrobe is 30 items or less and it follows a bunch of guidelines that just don’t work for me. I tried it for about a year and it just didn’t float my boat.

I don’t have a crazy amount of clothes, but I have what I love, what I need. I have options. I feel very set free in my wardrobe. I am not following a bunch of rules that were decided on for me.

For my kids, it is pretty much the same thing. They don’t have a ton of stuff. They definitely have extras so I don’t have so little that if I get sick, fall behind on the laundry for some reason, or life happens, that I am screwed. There is plenty.

Everyone has what they need. I am not really focused at all on the numbers of items in everyone’s closet.

I would say Brian probably has the smallest wardrobe. He is a guy. He doesn’t really care. He is super basic. That works for him.

Whenever someone asks me how many pieces of clothing someone has, I can tell you what I think is a good minimalist starting point, but I don’t know what we have. It ebbs and flows as the kids grow, as they outgrow certain things, as we add more to their wardrobe. I am not obsessed with the number side of things and I don’t think that you should be either. I don’t really talk about that.

I do think that making sure what you have in your wardrobe and what your family has in their wardrobe should be serving you and them. Everything should be in good condition, no stains or rips. There shouldn’t be anything in there that you wouldn’t want your kids taking a photo in.

I hear a lot of moms saying, “Oh, this is their play clothes,” and they are just destroyed. Those are not play clothes. Those are rags, junk. It is not serving anyone.

All of my kids’ clothes are simple, basic, kind of fashionable (cause I like to dress my kids like that). If they were to put on anything from their closet or dressers, I would be happy if we went out somewhere in that, or if I were to take a picture of them in that. That’s my guideline. If it fits really well, if it’s in season, it stays. That’s pretty much it. I am really mellow and simplistic about minimalism when it comes to my clothes. You have to find that balance too.

Having said that, less clothes equals less to wash. Period. A lot of people tell me that if they simplify their clothes they will have to wash more. That doesn’t make any sense. If you have less clothes, you will be washing less. In my opinion having gone through all different types of clothing amounts and laundry systems, washing clothes in a regular rhythm is far better than having a ton of options that you don’t even really like and having the ability to get so behind that you have a “laundry mountain” situation in your house.

Now, my laundry routine. This is what I have done and it has worked so, so well for me. I have had the base of this for almost a year now. A few months ago, Emily Ley, (who I just adore and who was one of our Purpose Society speakers) shared on her Instagram story a few months ago what her easy laundry routine was. I borrowed a few things from her, especially about the Shout Color Catchers that I am going to share in a second, and fine-tuned my laundry routine. It perfected it and made it so much easier.

Here it is: I do one load of laundry pretty much every day. There are a couple of days here and there where maybe there is a bit more work to be done that day, maybe we are behind in school, maybe someone is not feeling well, maybe we have a really busy day and we leave in the morning and we don’t come back until that evening, of course, every once in a while, there is a day where I don’t do it. I am a human being.

But 95% of the time I do a load of laundry every day. I start it in the morning. It is part of my morning routine. With the routine, at first you set an alarm on your phone to remind yourself to get into that habit. After a few weeks, probably less, you are going to remember to do it. Now my morning routine always looks the same. I do the same 5-6 things of self-care in the mornings, and then start the housework for the day. It is really, really easy.

I start a load of laundry in the morning. I have a hamper in everyone’s room. My house is two stories and my laundry is on the second story. I have a hamper downstairs in the hallway closet because sometimes people take off their socks, kitchen rags, etc. Then there is hamper in my daughter’s room, a hamper in the boys’ room, and a hamper in our room. Everyone has a hamper and everyone knows it is part of our house routine to put their dirty clothes in their hamper.

In the morning I go through the rooms in the house and I collect the dirty clothes. I put them all in one hamper. Since I am doing laundry so often there is not a mass of laundry that it won’t fit in one hamper. I collect whatever is there.

I can’t have a lot of dust in my house because my daughter has allergies, so if there is not enough to do a big load, I will take the curtains off, or the bed linens, sheets, things like that. I collect whatever needs to be washed, whatever is in the hamper, dump it in my washer/dryer.

When we moved in our new house I invested in a really large barrel washer and dryer. My machines can fit three loads. I haven’t found the need for that, but it is just nice to know that with so many kids I have room. It comes in handy when I am doing the bedding.

I collect whatever I am going to wash, dump it in there, add a few of the Tide Pods. With the Tide Pods, apparently, you are supposed to add more Pods according to the size and soil level of your load. So, if I am doing a pretty big load, I will add two Tide Pods. Then I drop in a Shout Color Catcher. This way I don’t have to sort my clothes.

It is amazing. These things work. I kid you not. Just to test it, I terrifyingly washed a bright red, brand new, never-before-worn, baseball sock with one of their brand new pairs of stark-white baseball pants. I put a Shout Color Catcher in that load. There was a bunch of other stuff in there too, but I purposefully put something that was white with something that was red. I washed it together with a Shout Color Catcher and not a lick of red leaked anywhere. It was amazing. I have used these for months and months. They are amazing. I love them.

I do a quick wash cycle that way. Whatever is dirty goes in. I do my Tide Pods (or whatever laundry detergent you use) and then a Shout Color Catcher. I shut the lid and I start the quick wash cycle. If your laundry machine doesn’t have a quick wash, just do normal or whatever. I don’t put it on scalding hot and I don’t do it on freezing cold; it is just medium warm. The quick wash cycle on my machine is 33 minutes.

It does its thing and then at some point during that same day, whether it is later that morning, that evening, or later that night before I go to bed, I dry the load, fold it and put it away.  

Typically, what happens is I do that in the morning around 7 or 8. It’s the last thing I do in my morning routine because I wait for everyone to wake up before I go into their rooms and collect laundry. Later around 9 or 10, after breakfast and everyone is settled, I will change the load into the dryer. Then that afternoon when everyone is resting and it’s naptime for Emmett, I will make sure it’s dry (run it again if it needs it), pull it out and dump it on my bed. I usually fold that same load at the end of the day before I go to bed.

Usually I will do a facial mask, sit there watching I Love Lucy and letting my mask get hardened, and fold the load and put all the clothes away. I usually have everyone put their own laundry away, so if it is late at night and they are already asleep, I will leave it out in the hallway on the cabinet top where the towels go and then have them put it away in the morning. The kids are used to that.

Basically, it is just one load every single day. Remember, one load a day keeps the “mountain” away, right?  I do a quick wash, Shout Color Catcher, Tide Pods. Wash that load. At some point by the end of that same day, the load has gone through the drying process, the folding process, and is put away.

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Do you feel like you are barely getting through your days friend? Does motherhood feel more like a hurricane of chaos that you are just surviving rather than the awesome, joy-filled season that you want it to be?

Well, motherhood is hard. I am not going to lie to you about that. While it is servitude and giving to your family from yourself, it doesn’t have to be something that we are waiting to be over.  Something that we are counting down the minutes till naptime, or bedtime, or waiting for the next day to start. If you are wanting to sort through the clutter in your mind, your heart, your home calendar, your health, routines, and relationships, I created Unburdened just for you!

It is a guide that will help you go from drowning in the sea of stress and overwhelm, to owning your time and living the best version of your motherhood. So you can live abundantly while intentionally focusing on those who matter most.

Unburdened is the overwhelmed beginner’s guide to a simpler motherhood.

In Unburdened, I will walk you through how to stop over-complicating, procrastinating, and just start making positive changes now. How to declutter, just a little bit – not super deep into it, because you can’t handle that when you are this overwhelmed – but a surface declutter that will get you real results in your house so you can clean up less.

How to declutter toxic relationships in your life and set some good boundaries. How to simplify cleaning, get healthy and feel better – finally!

How to simplify your calendar. How to start owning your time and not just managing it as life happens to you.

How to stop just setting goals and letting them sit there. Start actually defining where you want to go and getting there through reverse engineering and goal-setting.

How to create a cleaning routine that works for you and your life.

This course is a mini-course. It is small. It is straightforward. But it is everything for the mom who feels like she needs a total overhaul, but is too overwhelmed to start.

It will help you simplify the things that have you stuck and leave survival mode behind for good.

Is this resonating with you? Sound like you? Does this sound like something that would really help you right now? Go to bit.ly/getunburdened.

I really poured my heart into this little course. I created it for the mom who is really wanting to simplify, declutter, and pursue a life of less, but she is so burdened and overwhelmed with the mess of life. It’s not just her house. She wants to simplify at the surface of all the different things in her life so she can focus on her family more. So then she can focus more on really, truly purging her entire house.

If this sounds like you, I encourage you to check it out. You are probably the person I created it for. I want you in there. I want it to help you.

Check it out. bit.ly/getunburdened

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That’s pretty much it. Super simple. I don’t feel things like this should be over-complicated.

There’s a lot of people, a lot of influencers, a lot of magazine articles out there, that tell you how to simplify your life and then the routine is so over-complicated because they are adding fluff to appear like they are an expert.  

We can really simplify these core areas of our lives and make our lives so much easier. Simplification should never be over-complicated.

This is what I do. I get so many questions about how I do my laundry, how I never have “mountain laundry” even with four kids. Even when my kids were babies, I started to figure this out.

Doing one load a day is so much better than having a set laundry day. In my opinion, there is no day of the week that is worth me spending the bulk of my time washing and folding clothes. If that is what you prefer, you do you.

But for me, I would rather just have it in my daily routine. Half an hour of putting the load in, folding and putting it away, once a day. It keeps the laundry at bay and I know that it is pretty impossible for me to get super behind.

That’s my simplified laundry routine. I hope it helps you and inspires you. I will link to Emily Ley in the show notes because she is the Simplification Queen. She is amazing and you need to follow her. I have definitely adapted the quick wash cycle and the Shout Color Catcher part of my routine from her. It has really, really helped me.

That’s it!  I hope this helps and inspires you!

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This was an episode of The Purpose Show.  Thank you so much for tuning in.  If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, head to alliecasazza.com for free downloads, courses, classes and to learn more about what the next step might look like for you.  I am always rooting for you. See ya next time!

Ep 027: What Happens When You Take the Toys Away?

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A big part of what I do and talk about is toys and their effects on children. This is something that I have become really passionate about as I have evolved in doing what it is that I do. I have gone through lots of different seasons with toys with my kids. When it comes down to it, kids play much better with less options. Scientifically, their little brains can’t handle all those options. We think we are doing them a favor by giving them all these options and providing them with all the toys we didn’t have as kids, but really it is harming them. It is super difficult for their little brains to process all that and to make a choice from all of those options.

There is nothing depriving to your kids about giving them the gift of less material things. Children thrive on less. And what a gift that is for us as parents, not only financially, but also knowing that you are not going to scar your kids by removing some of this excess or getting rid of some of the stuff, the toys!

 
 

In This Episode, Allie Discusses:

  • The beautiful gift that you give your kids when they have less toys.

  • Scientific studies around less toys + boredom with kids.

  • Myths around limiting your kids’ toys.  

  • How to handle the detox period your kids’ may experience going from all the toys to less toys.

  • Boundaries that she has in her house when it comes to toys, technology, etc.

Mentioned in this Episode:

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Do you want to give your kids the gift of less? Do you want more information on how to do that? I created How to Declutter Your Kids' Toys as a FREE resource guide just for you! It is made to be the natural next step for this episode for those of you who are taking action! 


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


I_ve_got_you_2.png

Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to.  I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days.  I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it.  Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and i know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood.  I’m Allie Casazza and this is the The Purpose Show.

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Hi beautiful listeners! Welcome to Episode 27 which is all about what happens when you take the toys away from your kids.

Sounds super mean and serious, but it’s not. I promise. That’s what this and the next episode is all about. I am going to be talking about the beautiful gift of less toys for kids and going over some scientific studies that have been done on less toys, or even no toys. I will be addressing some of the myths about limiting your kids’ toys and talking about how to handle that detox period from your kids being entertained all hours of the day and then going the exact opposite and how to handle that. Also, we will be talking about some different things that Brian and I have done in our house with toys, technology and all that.

I am really excited to dive in.

DISCLAIMER: I have a terrible cold, bordering on a sinus infection, so I am a little stuffy. I am an “oils” girl, but I have been drugging myself with actual medicine, just for you guys. I also have a heater blowing next to me on my feet. In case you don’t know, my office is an extension of our garage, so it is not as insulated and taken care of as the house. It gets cold out here. At the time of recording this, California is having a weird, cold, winter blast. Usually at this time everyone is wearing shorts and flip-flops. It is almost March, so it’s weird. But I am happy to be acting like the rest of the states in the country during this time of year, and I am dealing with it. So, if you hear the buzzing of the heater or snot coming out of nose, or whatever, I apologize. But this episode is too good to skip. So, I am going to dive in despite my very serious illness.

A big part of what I do and talk about is toys and their effects on children. This is something that I have become really passionate about as I have evolved in doing what it is that I do. I have gone through lots of different seasons with toys with my kids.

“All the toys” is where we started. We have the first grandchildren on both sides of grandparents, so in the beginning and early days, our toy room was chocked full of toy bins that were overflowing with toys. We had an entire, large-sized room dedicated to toys and it was intense. It was really overwhelming. It took up a lot of my time. I wanted to keep it somewhat picked up and organized because you could see it from the entryway and the kitchen. I didn’t want it to look like a mess all of the time. It was ridiculous. I didn’t know any other way. This is just how you did things. That’s all I knew.

I had all of the toys and didn’t want to waste anything. I didn’t know if one day my kids would want to play with something that they weren’t playing with right now. I kept everything as organized as I could and had all the colorful bins and all of that. It was insane. If you have heard my story, which I am sure most of you have, the first thing that I tackled when I had my epiphany about all of this stuff in our house, was the toys.

I don’t think that was a coincidence. I was bothered by the amount of toys in our home. I saw it but I guess I didn’t consciously realize it until that day. They weren’t serving their purpose. We had all of these toys. We had a big room full of all these amazing toys that we had bought, grandparents had bought, the kids had gotten for birthdays and Christmas over the years. Honestly, the room was pointless.

I would tell the kids to go play. I would get annoyed that they were at my feet while I was trying to get the dishes done or whatever. They would go in there for five minutes, dump everything onto the floor, and then come out complaining that they were bored or hungry, although they had just eaten breakfast or whatever. It went in this pointless cycle for so long.

When I did have that epiphany moment, the first thing I did was the toys because it was just a pointless bother. A leak on my time and my focus. The kids’ time and focus too. I didn’t realize that at the time, but it was. I got rid of almost everything except for a few key constructive or imaginative play items.

After a bit of a detox period, which I will talk about a bit later in this episode, my kids never played better. They were so little at the time, so it is incredible that it had that effect on them during a very needy, clingy part of their toddlerhood.

Now, I have a 9-year-old, a 7-year-old, a 5-year-old, and a 3-year-old, and they play all day long with almost nothing. We have a decent amount of toys now, but I notice that they don’t always play with them; they only do sometimes.

Even right now as I am recording, I can hear them upstairs running around in the loft. They are being the characters from the Mario Brothers Games. Bella is Yoshi, Leland is Mario, Hudson is Luigi, and Emmett is Bowser. They are running around making up games, stories and scenarios being those characters. They have been doing that since about 8 a.m. and it is just about to turn 10 a.m.

So, after breakfast they are still playing. This is a normal day for us. It is not a rarity. It is not just because mom is recording. Brian is inside editing and working at the kitchen table. The kids have been playing for about two hours. This is totally normal. It is amazing. It is definitely what I expect on a regular basis.

We have a Nintendo Switch, a Super Nintendo system, two big screen TV’s - one in my and Brian’s room for Netflix and chill at night, and one in the living room. We are normal. We have technology. We have the latest and greatest game system because it was a Christmas gift and the kids loved Mario. We have a bin of toys in the boys’ room and a bin of toys in Bella’s room, and a bunch of Legos in the loft. It is just not excess. It is not out of control. It is very minimal. We have what the kids like and play with.

We do a regular purge every 2-3 months. My rule is seasonal. Whenever the seasons change, we reevaluate an area of the house that needs it. It is usually the toys and clothes. We do a big purge together. We have what we need. We have what the kids like. They play all of the time. It is very simple. Technology has its limits, but it isn’t anything super harsh or hard to enforce. Everything is calm, still, and settled into this rhythm. It is really a joy.

I am telling you this because I want you to feel empowered. I want you to feel like this could happen for you. Brian and I were definitely intentional about this stuff. It didn’t happen on accident. One of my sons definitely has a tendency to get obsessive. He will play with technology all day long and stay up all night. He is the kind of kid that if there is a movie playing, he will never fall asleep. If there is something on, he is awake. He definitely gets obsessive. He asks to play with technology more than anyone, but still not more than 1-2 times a day. When the answer is, “No, not right now” it is not a big meltdown.

Even with a kid who seems to be more obsessive and technology centered, this can happen for you.

Having laid the groundwork and explained why less toys is such a good gift to give your kids, and how it looks in our day-to-day life, I want to encourage you to look up some scientific studies (link in the show notes) that have really inspired me and helped to give me clarity on kids who have less toys or even no toys at all.

When it comes down to it, kids play much better with less options. Scientifically, their little brains can’t handle all those options. They get overwhelmed; that’s why they will have tantrums or their attitudes will get really crappy. Giving them an open-ended task like “go play” and have them walking into all of those options is seriously difficult for them.

We think we are doing them a favor by giving them all these options and providing them with all the toys we didn’t have as kids, but really it is harming them. It is super difficult for their little brains to process all that and to make a choice from all of those options.

You might notice that your kids have a lot of toys and they tend to play with the same 2-3 all of the time. Or you may notice that they play with all of them over time and you can’t differentiate the toys that they play with all of the time because they play with everything at different times of the year. Both of those actions are the result of being overwhelmed.

Google this. Seriously. It is so amazing. We have a guy on our team, also named Brian, whose sole job it is to stay up-to-date for me on research surrounding children and minimalism and the idea of less toys and the effects of toys on kids. He sends me research and links to studies that are currently being done or have recently finished. I am always up-to-date on that. Brian is a great researcher and that’s why he is in charge of doing that. There is a lot of stuff out there. Again, I will link to a couple of the really good ones.

Every time there is a new study done it is always the same result. Children thrive on less. What a gift that is for us as parents, not only financially, but also knowing that you are not going to scar your kids by removing some of this excess or getting rid of some of the stuff, the toys.

I want to address some of the myths surrounding this idea. I think I have heard it all. I get a lot of emails and messages. I don’t read them all myself, but my assistant always fills me in on some things. They are always the same – it’s sad, how dare you, your poor kids, they are deprived, it’s hard for them, they are crying when I want to take their stuff away, this isn’t right, this is too hard for me as the mom to remove things because they don’t want to get rid of anything, it’s adding stress to my life. I totally understand.

But you have to understand something too. There is nothing depriving to your kids about giving them the gift of less material things. This is such a good thing for them to learn. It is such a good thing for them to see. It doesn’t have to be hard for them or you.

I think the main problem with the women who are emailing and messaging me with things like this, is they are trying to get it all done right now. They don’t want to let it unfold, let it go slow, start to implement this idea of less stuff in your family and in your home. Have less in your own self, the way you schedule your calendar, the way you do other areas in your house. Kids learn by watching you, so practice what you preach. It will happen. Things will change.

Also, around the ages of 5-6, kids naturally get very collective. Everything takes on a personality. Pieces of trash, rocks, and twigs, have life and a personality. They become obsessed. The want to keep everything and collect things. This is normal.

Know your stuff. Do your research. Know where your kids are at. Know the studies backing up the idea of less. Make decisions out of what works for your family right now. Maybe you can do a good purge session. I am not going to get into how to purge toys with your kids because I have talked about that so many times (I will link to my blog in the show notes.)

In this episode, I really want to focus on what happens when you limit the toys.

I want you to be encouraged. It is not sad. You are not depriving your kids. You don’t have to take all the toys away, shut down the TV’s, and say, “go outside and play.” That’s not what I am saying at all. Be calm. Be confident. Come at this in a way that works for you and your family. Maybe it looks slower than it did for me because my kids were so little. They didn’t really have a say; they were all under 3.

It can be in a way that works for you and only you can judge that. I am here to encourage you with what is going to happen for your family and your children if you choose to pursue this idea of less when it comes to their stuff.

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Hey friends! I put together a free resource guide all about decluttering your kids’ stuff. It is really a resource guide for the mom who wants to give their kids the gift of less, but wants a little bit more information on how to do that and where to start. To get that for free, go to alliecassa.com/shownotes/27. You will get all the links that I talk about in this episode as well as the link to download this free resource guide. It is super helpful. It is made to be the natural next step for this episode for those of you who are taking action.

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A couple of the studies show something that I definitely have experienced. Back in the day, six years ago, when I only had three kids and they were really little, there wasn’t a detox period. But over the years we have accumulated stuff and had to re-purge. It’s not like I purged it one time and then every season I purged the toys. There was a period of time after I decluttered the toys, where I didn’t know what was I doing, and I went 1 ½ years before decluttering the toys again.

You bet your bottom they reaccumulated, the pile grew and it got overwhelming again. As I went through the process of toys coming in and going out, I experienced times that it was “time to do a really big purge again.” My kids were older than the initial purge. There is definitely a detox period. If your kids are used to having a lot of stuff, used to a lot of a technology, used to having a lot of toys that light up and make noise and don’t leave much to the imagination, there is definitely going to be a detox period.

That is normal. It is OK. There are things you can do to be prepared for that. One of the things is to pick a time that will work for you. Find a time in your schedule where nothing else big is going on. Don’t pick a time when you are moving, or something sad is happening in your family, or something really big is going on. Or maybe you disagree and timing this around a move would work really well for you. You do you.

But I would imagine that timing it around a time in your life that is normal and calm is a good idea. Make sure it is a time where you can handle it as best as possible. If your kids are at home all day, prepare yourself for it. Come up with an activity. Maybe you can plan a hike or a beach day. Maybe you can take a day off from housework and sit outside with your kids and watch them play. Maybe ease them into it. Don’t shut everything down and expect them to figure it out.

You have gone this far teaching your kids that their play is laid out for them by the toys that they have, the options they have, and the technology they have. You have taught them that this is how play looks. You can’t just shut everything off and expect their natural play instincts to kick in. It’s not going to work that way.

However, kids are naturals at play. It will happen. It is just that they haven’t been in that place at all, and they have been trained to be entertained. They have that subconscious entitlement, for lack of a better word. They need their imaginations to be re-born. They are just out of commission. That makes sense. You just need to have some grace and patience.

For me, I do a tech detox. I did this several times when we were re-purging and getting back to our roots. Whenever there is a season of heavier technology or heavier toys and we hadn’t purged in a while, I would do a detox. I would say, “We are going to do no technology this week. Let’s go purge the toys.” We would make the decisions together and get rid of stuff.

My kids have each other; it’s different if you have an only child. They would play and whine, bicker, and argue a little bit more than usual. I could make a choice. I could remove them from the area and have a change of scenery, maybe go on a hike. Or I could just let them push through it and gently correct them.

You have to understand there is going to be a detox period. My best piece of advice is to plan some kind of outdoor activity for the first day. You don’t need to make your kids feel entitled to entertainment by taking them somewhere amazing like Disneyland, but just go do something out of the norm. Go for a hike. Go for a walk. Go to the beach. Go to the forest. Have a picnic. Break up the usual routine. This helps kids see that this can be fun. It also helps to break up the day and distract a bit from their being bored.

There are plenty of articles on boredom and how good it is for kids to experience boredom. This is where ideas and imagination happen. The word “bored” really gets a bad rap. It’s kids experiencing boredom for the first time. Because they are not used to it, they are whiny, cranky, and hard to be around. You have to understand that this is what detox means. This is what it looks like. You can do some things to help break it up, but it is going to be a bit harder than usual for about a week or so.

We have done a lot of different things. We have done no TV in the house at all. We actually meant to do it for about a week, and it turned into six months. It was amazing. Not even for Brian and I. No TV at all. It was one of the best times in our family. It was so fun. So many good things happened and came from it, although it was hard at first.

We have done no toys at all. When we were living in the camper, there was a big chunk of time, months, where we had no toys at all, because we didn’t have room for a lot of them. The box we had set aside to bring a few toys into the camper, got left back in storage. We didn’t get our toys back until we came back to California. It was great. The kids figured it out. Their imaginations got even stronger.

We have done no TV at all and no toys at all. Our normal is monitored TV time. I don’t really have a specific amount of time per day. There are definitely days where it is a little bit more than usual, but it is typically really little. There are a lot of days where there is no TV or technology at all. That is very normal at our house to have a no-tech day.

We don’t wake up and decide we need to have a no-tech day. It just doesn’t happen that day. Technology is definitely not a part of every day for us. The toys are definitely at a minimum. It has been at a maintained place for a solid three years. One bin of toys. All the “free” toys for the boys and Legos being separate from that. Bella has her own box of personal toys that she doesn’t want the boys to play with. That’s it. I don’t count art supplies as toys, in case you were wondering.

That’s where we have landed. We have done it all. The more you limit, the more you remove the excess, it is so much better. Your kids play so much better. Your days are smoother.

Before I wrap it up, I want to make a quick note about people who have one child. I have done some studies of my own on students in Your Uncluttered Home, who have an only child. One woman in particular, I actually gifted her the course, if she would give me a good synopsis of how it goes with her having an only child. At that time, her daughter was an only child; she is not anymore.

She did all that I am talking about. She limited things. She went through her entire home and did Your Uncluttered Home. She had the same results as me, as did the other five women that I did this with. Hers was really detailed and I appreciated what she did so I am going to focus on her.

She had the same results that I did. Her daughter played for hours alone instead of just a couple of minutes. She didn’t need her mom to play with her so much. She grew her imagination. She became very creative. She took up coloring and art. She started to really thrive.

Don’t give me the excuse that it only works for me because I have four kids and they are really close in age. This can happen for anyone. With kids that are far apart. With only children. With families of 12 kids. Whatever your situation is I would encourage you to attempt to remove the excess when it comes to your kids’ toys. See how it goes for you. Give it a month. Give it some time. Let it sit. Let it breathe. I promise you will see some positive changes.

I will link to my story. I will link to my favorite studies that have been done. I will link to my post about how to declutter the kids’ toys. I also have put together a free download for you. It is my top resources for decluttering the kids’ toys. If you want that, go to the show notes. It is totally free. It will help you with the “how to” of all of this. I will also link to the articles on boredom and how good it is for your kids to be bored every now and then.

If this is really, really speaking to you, and you are game and you so want this, I would really encourage you to dive into my blog archives. Read my old posts. Consider enrolling in Your Uncluttered Home. There is nothing else like it. It is all in one place. It is all right there. It is so full, helpful, and valuable. I promise you will love it. It will change your entire life.

Take action in some way. Whether you get the course, whether you don’t get the course, whether you do it yourself, whatever. I just want you to experience the life changing, amazing effects of decluttering and simplifying your kids’ toys. It will change your whole family dynamic for the better.

The show notes can be found at alliecassa.com/shownotes/27. Get your free download. Look at those studies and check all that out. I encourage you to take action; don’t just listen to this and do nothing. That is my worst fear for you guys.

Take action. Be a doer. Make a positive change for your family.

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This was an episode of The Purpose Show.  Thank you so much for tuning in.  If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, head to alliecasazza.com for free downloads, courses, classes and to learn more about what the next step might look like for you.  I am always rooting for you. See ya next time!

Ep 026: Coffee + Questions with Allie

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It’s time for another Q+A! In this episode I am answering two questions I get asked a lot. “How I plan my week (with homeschool, work, house stuff, date night, etc.)?” And “How I teach my kids to develop a routine?” I love opening up the floor for you guys to ask questions! You always have such great questions + I want to be able to answer them for you. I hope you enjoy this months Q+A!

 
 

In This Episode, Allie Discusses:

  • What batch-style planning is and how it has helped her build a weekly rhythm for her business, family, and home.

  • How she has taught her kids to develop a routine.

  • The importance of consistency in creating a routine for your kids.

Mentioned in this Episode:

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Well, motherhood is hard. I am not going to lie to you about that. While it is servitude and giving to your family from yourself, it doesn’t have to be something that we are waiting to be over. Something that we are counting down the minutes till naptime, or bedtime, or waiting for the next day to start. If you are wanting to sort through the clutter in your mind, your heart, your home calendar, your health, routines, and relationships, I created Unburdened just for you!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to.  I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days.  I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it.  Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and i know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood.  I’m Allie Casazza and this is the The Purpose Show.

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Hey guys! Welcome to The Purpose Show! This is our new monthly segment of Coffee & Questions.

I pick two or three frequently asked questions that I have either always gotten and want to clarify once and for all, or that I have recently been getting a lot. Sometimes I will post on Instagram and open the floor for new questions, which I did for this episode.

I want to know what you guys are needing help with, what you are hearing me talk about, or seeing me do in my own life. What is inspiring you but you are not really sure how to take action in your own life? I like to open up the floor to what you guys are needing. I think it’s really good. I don’t want to get in my own head and come up with content for the podcast just from my own self. I want to hear what you guys want to know.

This week, I have some great questions that I am excited to dive into. So, let’s just jump right in.

Question #1: The first question I received a bunch of times was centered around how I plan my week. A lot of people were asking, “How to do you plan your week with homeschooling, work, family time, home maintenance and errands, spending time with your kids? How does your week look?” That’s a really good question.

I have a lot going on. I don’t just work. I am CEO of our Incorporation, The Purpose Group. I have 9-10 different people working under us and for us. There is a lot of things to manage with that.

We are homeschooling older kids. Bella is in 3rd grade and that’s when it gets a bit more time consuming. The days are a bit longer because there is more ground to cover with her. There is definitely a lot going on.

But I do feel like we have finally struck a really good balance, and I am happy to share.

I don’t know if this is out there, or a lot of people talk about it, so forgive me if it is. But I have created this on my own for myself. There is this idea called “batching.” It is basically a productivity hack. When you are working on a type of task, for example, writing. If you are writing, you are in the “writing zone,” so you want to get all of your writing tasks done in a batch of time that is set aside for writing.

If I write ten pages of something, then I stop to check my email, have lunch, record a podcast, and then I try to come back to writing, my mind has exited “writing zone.” It has bopped around to different things. Studies show that you work much slower, and you are less productive. This idea of “batching” is tackling similar tasks in batches.

That worked really well for me when I was starting my business and doing everything. I was creating my own graphics, writing blog posts, recording audio lessons, creating courses, making videos. All of these different tasks.

Now I am the “face” and “creative brain” behind everything. I decide what we are going to do, what we are going to talk about, and where we are going to take the business. Then I physically do the things that have to be me – live streams, videos, course lessons.

On the backend, all of that stuff is now delegated to employees, which is awesome and frees me up so much. Batching helped me so much when I was in start-up mode. I have taken that idea and carried it into my week. I have this batch-style schedule for my week.

One of the reasons I hate talking about this is because it always sounds so perfect. “This is how I do my week and it is always like that.” And that is just not the case. I am a really mellow person. Our life is very flexible. It changes all of the time.

But, I do have this same “ideal day” or “ideal week” that I go off of. There are little tweaks and changes here and there as needed. I am going to share you what my “batch style” week looks like.

I have shared before on Instagram that there are different days set aside for different priorities. What I mean by that is I know that Monday is a heavier workday than other days of the week. Monday is a day where I am usually recording a podcast, if it is recording week.

I even have “batched” weeks. Every week of the month is set aside for a type of work. The first week of every month, I record the podcast and into the second week if necessary. The third week of every month is usually going over the next quarter or the next month. Looking ahead and planning. The last week of the month is always extra meetings, if they are needed. I even batch in terms of the month.

For the week, I know that Monday is a heavier workday so there are different priorities. Work, homeschooling, and home and life maintenance is how I categorize it. On Monday, work is the heavier priority. I know that I normally spend one to three (at the most) hours in my office in the morning. I definitely do block out three hours for work in the morning.

After breakfast and everyone is settled, I will go into the office and work. I check things out. I check my email only once a week. I catch up on things and take care of any tasks that are waiting for me. Asana is the platform that I use to manage work tasks.

On Monday, the heavier priority is work. That doesn’t mean that I don’t homeschool my kids on Mondays. That doesn’t mean that I don’t maintain my house and do my normal stuff on Mondays. It just means that work gets a little bit of a bigger time block on Mondays. It is my heavier priority on Mondays.

Tuesday is a heavier errands day. That’s the day I usually go to Costco. Or go get “filler” groceries, whatever we need for the week. I will usually go to Target and get house things that we need. Anything that I need to do. If I need to run to Sephora or something like that. I will probably plan that on Tuesday. It is very fluid, but typically Tuesday is a heavier errands day.

Friday is a really heavy meetings day. I always schedule all of my team and professional work meetings. When I need to have a meeting with our CFO. When I need to have a meeting with my Chief of Staff. When I need to have a meeting about press and upcoming speaking events with my PR girl. Those are always on Fridays. I plan for that. I gear up for that. It gets me in a frame of mind for each thing.

Wednesday and Thursday are definitely heavier homeschool days.

You can see how every day I am doing all of these things. Every day I homeschool. Every day I do a little work, at least think about my business and write an idea on my phone or something. I definitely don’t actually come into my office and work every day, but I am still a business owner and thinking about things all of the time. I still homeschool. I still take care of my house. I still run errands.

I do things every day, but there are certain days set aside and my week is very “batch style.”  Monday is very much a heavier work day and it’s “blocked out.”

Brian is home now. When he worked, it wasn’t able to be so simple. It was a “take it as it comes” lifestyle for me. Balancing the kids. Starting up my business. I didn’t have any employees yet, so I was doing everything.

Honestly, if you are in that season, my advice is to put your head down, focus, and take it as it comes. If there is a fire that needs to be put out with your kids, put work aside and focus on your kids. If it is a fire that needs to be put out with your business, have a higher tech day for the kids and focus on getting that business fire put out. That’s how it worked out at first.

Now that Brian and I are here together, he has some work tasks with his role in the business and I have mine. We both swap things out and share the load of schooling and home maintenance as needed. His heavier work day is different than my heavier work day.

We would never purposely plan our heavier work days to be the same day because then that is going to lead to arguing and stress. Who is watching the kids? Who is schooling them? We are both exhausted in the morning from working, now we both have to do homeschooling. We have it on opposite schedules so we are high-fiving and tag-teaming throughout the day. It works really well for us.

There are some weekly rhythms that I have in place to nurture my family, make sure I am feeling good, everyone is happy, we are close, and we don’t get “lost in the chaos.”  We have a weekly date night. We have a weekly family night where we will either watch something on Netflix together and order pizza or have popcorn. We have game night. Sometimes we do board games or sometimes we do video games. Sometimes we want to get out of the house.  We might take a nighttime walk, or a hike. Get out and go see a movie at the theatre.

I have things for each of my individual kids. I will usually grab one of them and take them on an errand with me, just to get that one-on-one time with each kid. If my daughter has been seeming extra emotional or in a bad mood, I will say, “Hey jump in the car. Let’s go get coffee and hot cocoa, walk around Target and get some things we need for the house.” And we can have a talk and I pour into her and give her extra attention.

If any of the kids needed that, I will pick one as I feel it’s needed and take them along with me.  Let them be with mom one-on-one. Brian does the same thing. They are getting some one-on-one time with us as we go through the week and as we live our lives, which is awesome.

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Do you feel like you are barely getting through your days friend? Does motherhood feel more like a hurricane of chaos that you are just surviving rather than the awesome, joy-filled season that you want it to be?

Well, motherhood is hard. I am not going to lie to you about that. While it is servitude and giving to your family from yourself, it doesn’t have to be something that we are waiting to be over. Something that we are counting down the minutes till naptime, or bedtime, or waiting for the next day to start. If you are wanting to sort through the clutter in your mind, your heart, your home calendar, your health, routines, and relationships, I created Unburdened just for you!

It is a guide that will help you go from drowning in the sea of stress and overwhelm, to owning your time and living the best version of your motherhood. So you can live abundantly while intentionally focusing on those who matter most.

Unburdened is the overwhelmed beginner’s guide to a simpler motherhood.

In Unburdened, I will walk you through how to stop over-complicating, procrastinating, and just start making positive changes now. How to declutter, just a little bit – not super deep into it, because you can’t handle that when you are this overwhelmed – but a surface declutter that will get you real results in your house so you can clean up less.

How to declutter toxic relationships in your life and set some good boundaries. How to simplify cleaning, get healthy and feel better – finally!

How to simplify your calendar. How to start owning your time and not just managing it as life happens to you.

How to stop just setting goals and letting them sit there. Start actually defining where you want to go and getting there through reverse engineering and goal-setting.

How to create a cleaning routine that works for you and your life.

This course is a mini-course. It is small. It is straightforward. But it is everything for the mom who feels like she needs a total overhaul, but is too overwhelmed to start.

It will help you simplify the things that have you stuck and leave survival mode behind for good.

Is this resonating with you? Sound like you? Does this sound like something that would really help you right now? Go to bit.ly/getunburdened.

I really poured my heart into this little course. I created it for the mom who is really wanting to simplify, declutter, and pursue a life of less, but she is so burdened and overwhelmed with the mess of life. It’s not just her house. She wants to simplify at the surface of all the different things in her life so she can focus on her family more. So then she can focus more on really, truly purging her entire house.

If this sounds like you, I encourage you to check it out. You are probably the person I created it for. I want you in there. I want it to help you.

Check it out.  bit.ly/getunburdened

 

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I do meal planning. I was doing that on Sunday night, but now it is more on Monday night and then Tuesday I go get the groceries. I am a once-a-week meal planner. We get some things in bulk at Costco to have some snacks and stuff, but I plan at least some general meals throughout the week. It is very fluid.

Some weeks it is totally different. If we are launching a new course that will add a bit of extra stress to our schedule. It’s “hunker down” time, where things are very abnormal. Brian will probably take on more work and more household maintenance tasks during launch week because I am overseeing and stressed. I am watching and making things are going well.

But to balance out, we always plan at least a 2-day get away as a family after I launch something new. Sometimes you have to hunker down, work extra and let other things fall away a little bit. But then you celebrate, take a break, and refresh yourself.

Sometimes work falls by the wayside and I let some tasks go. I actually just did that the last two weeks. I was supposed to be recording the podcast, catching up on tasks, writing for all these press article opportunities, and I just wasn’t feeling it. I felt like I wanted to be closer to my family. I just needed a break. I left everything. I let all of the deadlines come and go and didn’t do anything. The world didn’t end. Everything kept going because I have an awesome team behind me.

Now this week, I am super refreshed. My family is doing great. I am working a little bit more. I worked about two hours every day this week, when I normally only work 3-4 hours a week total. I feel good. I love being back here. I am more refreshed.

I have that batch-style schedule throughout the week, but it is very fluid. It changes as I need it to.

Question #2:  The next question I got quite a bit of was “How do you teach your kids to develop a routine?”

I am guessing this question was asked so much because this week I had shared on my Stories so much about the different rhythms that the kids are involved in.

Just to encourage you guys, this can totally happen for you. It’s not like I have some magic pill, or magical Unicorn kids who are special and listen really well and do whatever I want them to. I am not a crazy mean mom either, where they are scared to not obey the rules. It’s simply consistency.

I say this a lot but I am also really big on explaining to your kids what the deal is and why you want them to do something instead of just commanding they obey. I explain to them, “Things are a lot simpler when we do this. I really want you guys to wake up in the morning and make your beds. It makes our day way easier. You get to pick out what you wear. We can just jump right into breakfast.”

Knowing that helps motivate them and makes them understand, especially as they get older. Bella and Leland are 9 and 7, so they understand that logic. They want to know why we do things. If I don’t tell them, they will ask. I encourage that.  

I don’t want anyone to think that I have all these crazy rules and I am a Nazi Mom. “Do not come out of your room until 7 a.m. or you will be in trouble!” It’s not like that at all. It is understanding that this is the way our house works and it runs really smoothly. Everyone enjoys it when it runs smoothly. We are all a team working together to make that happen.

I definitely have to remind my kids and prod them for other routines. During the day, they get caught up in playing, get distracted, and they will forget to do their chores. They forget to pick up after they have played with something. I definitely have to remind them to come back and put their things away. Just normal mom stuff.

But especially with the morning routine, I don’t have to remind them very much.

This came about from being really consistent. The rule right now is 7 a.m. Bella has her own room and her own alarm clock. The boys share a room and have their own alarm clock. At 7 a.m. both of their alarm clocks will beep to let them know it’s time to get up and start the day. Usually they are already awake for a half hour or so.

They know to make their bed as best they can. Hudson’s always comes out like “did you even make it?” He is only 5 and he does his best. Leo helps make his. Bella makes hers really nice because she is 9, and a girl.

They get themselves dressed and come down for breakfast. Then they do their chores. They unload the dishwasher. They just get into their rhythm. I don’t really have to remind them or prod them for that, because it is the first thing of the day.

It really helped me to fit in the most important things that they do in the morning routine. It is the first thing they do. They are not distracted yet. They are not exhausted from the day. It is morning. They are excited to come out. They know if they hurry up, pick up their room, make their bed, get dressed and come down, then they can have breakfast and start the day. Then after breakfast, we rinse the dishes, unload the dishwasher from the night before.

It is a really great morning routine.

Put what you want your kids to help you with in their morning routine. Then just teach it to them really happily. Don’t make it a drag. Don’t make it a chore list. Don’t make it “you better do it, or else.”

It is a part of our routine. It is a part of our family and they are valued members of our family. We are a team and we all need to work together. Otherwise, things are just not going to work out.

It was consistency. Going along with them in the beginning. Showing them what to do. How to do it. Where the dishes go. How to be careful with the dishes. They know it is OK if they break something; I’m not going to freak out. They are not nervous, afraid, or dreading doing the dishes.

They know how to make their beds. They know that I can tell when they are being super lazy and not making their beds well. Then I will nicely tell them “please come back and take care of your bed. Let’s keep our things nice.”

I also know which ones are too little and can’t make the bed very well. And that’s OK. The older ones will help the younger ones make their bed, pick up, pick their outfit for the day. They know the whole routine and it’s awesome!

It was a little bit of consistency. You may need to wait for your kids to get a little older before this works really well for them.

I would say for the rest of the day, teach them routines. Then just remind them to do their routines. Instead of having to remind them to do every single individual thing in their routine.

For example, I will say, “Hey guys! Let’s do our after lunch pick up.” We have lunch and rinse the dishes (or throw them away if it’s paper plates). They know to go through the house and pick up any toys that are out. Pick up anything that needs to be put away. They pick up the back yard. Wherever they were playing, they check it out and make sure it is picked up. That’s pretty much it.

Emmett knows he needs to go and find (he calls it) his Guggle. He is saying “snuggle”, but it’s what he calls his blanket. He goes to my bed and is allowed to turn on Netflix, which he watches for two seconds before he takes his afternoon nap.

Then the other kids know it is time to play quietly. It is not a tech time; they know that. Bella will usually go by herself (she is an introvert) and have her alone time in her room to color, draw or read. The boys will usually go play Legos together. They just know that is our afternoon routine.

Yes, I am reminding them of something. But instead of reminding them “Hey, pick up the living room. Pick up the backyard. Pick up downstairs. Go pick up your room again. Go play quietly, it’s quiet time” I just say, “Hey guys, it’s time for afternoon stuff, or afternoon pick-up” and they just know what to do.

The same for after dinner and all of that. I remind them it is time for a routine instead of having to remind them to do each individual task.

I promise you, it comes with age and consistency from you. And they will get it!

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This was an episode of The Purpose Show.  Thank you so much for tuning in.  If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, head to alliecasazza.com for free downloads, courses, classes and to learn more about what the next step might look like for you.  I am always rooting for you. See ya next time!

Ep 025: How to Deal with Negativity From Other People

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If you have been on the internet for any amount of time, you have probably experienced negativity in some form. Whether it is directly toward you or you see it on someone else’s posts. There is negativity out there big time. It seems anytime you share something, someone will find a way to be offended by it or they will have something negative or irritating to say about it.

Negativity is never going to stop. It will always be there. But instead of trying to avoid it, we need to speak out truth. We need to live our best life and live how we are called to live. We need to set ourselves free from the weight of the opinions of other. Because when you stop letting negativity affect you, you’ve won.

 
 

In This Episode, Allie Discusses:

  • The reality that negativity is always there. But it is how we respond to it that matters.

  • The importance of speaking out truth + living with purpose, regardless of what people say.

  • How you are not called to carry the weight of other people's opinions.

  • What to say when someone is intrusive or puts their opinions on you.

  • What she has learned about silence, when to respond and when not to.

  • The freedom that comes from realizing that you do not have to convince people of anything. Just be you!

  • How you can protect yourself from negativity by removing yourself from unhealthy situations + people.

Mentioned in this Episode:

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Motherhood is just way too sweet a time to be spent struggling so hard and living in survival mode day in and day out. Our stuff is really the cause of that. If you want to start this lifestyle, if you want to simplify your life… I believe that it all starts at home. And Your Uncluttered Home will guide you to that freedom! 


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Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to.  I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days.  I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it.  Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and i know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood.  I’m Allie Casazza and this is the The Purpose Show.

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Hi friends! This is The Purpose Show. I am so glad you are listening. This is Episode 25 and I am talking today about how to deal with negativity from other people.

If you have been on the internet for any amount of minutes, you have probably experienced seeing a bunch of negative comments on someone’s post or page. Maybe you are an influencer yourself and have been on the brunt end of it. I have gotten negative comments on my personal Facebook page before.

There is negativity out there big time. It seems anytime you share something, someone will find a way to be offended by it or they will have something negative or irritating to say about it. No matter what it is. I have gotten so many negative comments and rude messages. I have even gotten some disturbingly negative, rude, and awful comments.

I think it’s funny. How can you even find anything like that to say about my message? I am talking about lightening your load as a mom. Living an unburdened motherhood. Helping you declutter.

It is so funny that no matter what you talk about, people will find a way to be negative. Or they will find a way to say something that grates your nerves. Or see some way where you are wrong and they feel like they have to show you the right way and put you in your place.

I have also found that if you are an influencer or you have a blog, people seem to think that you think you’re “all that.” They get weird that you even have a platform. They try to be the one to say something to show that you are wrong: “They don’t know this. I know this. I am going to leave this comment and bring them down. Make sure that they know they are wrong.”

It’s like an unspoken war. People get annoyed or upset that you have a platform, and they don’t or something. It’s just funny. It’s 2018. You can literally go and make a blog about anything in about five minutes. If you want a platform, you can go make your own platform instead of purposely bringing someone down who does.

Anyway, I don’t want to talk about this in light of what I do because I know not everyone is a blogger, an influencer, has a platform or an audience. I want to share some things that I have learned from an excessive amount of negativity. I have had blog posts go viral. I have done major media circuits like Good Morning America, The Jenny McCarthy Show, The Today Show, ABC News, and Fox News. I definitely think that when that happens and you have that virality going on, the negativity swarms you.

Negativity always stands out more than positivity. While all this negativity was coming in, there was probably 90% more positive words coming in. But, by nature, we notice the negative more often. I do want to encourage you that you can train yourself to not notice it as much. You can train yourself to focus on the positive.

I have been in a position where people are slewing negativity at me all of the time. Some of it is really hurtful. Some of it has been disturbingly negative, hurtful and awful. It has taught me how to handle negativity in real life, in day-to-day interactions, that apply to everyone.

I have gotten asked about this quite a few times lately, probably because you see the comments and wonder how I handle it. I am happy to open up and hopefully shine some light on this subject and offer some encouragement.

The negativity is never going to stop. There is always going to be negative people in the world. There is always going to be darkness versus light. Evil versus good. Rudeness versus courtesy. I think instead of trying to avoid it and be people pleasers, we need to speak our truth and live out our purpose. We need to live our best life and live how we are called to live.

Unless you are purposely hurting someone, there is nothing wrong with that. You should be unashamed of that. Unashamedly living our lives well in the way that we feel called to live it, even if others disagree. We need to know how to deal with blatantly negative comments from people.

Let’s first talk about what to say or do when someone is intrusive or puts their opinions on you. Everyone always says, “everyone is entitled to their opinion.” Yes, that’s true. But I don’t think you should be entitled to just blurt out your opinion of how someone else is doing their life.

For example, if an article is on the internet sharing about minimalism. Then saying, “what does everyone think about this?” Then letting everyone share their opinion because “everyone is entitled to their opinion.” How ever strongly worded they want their opinion to be is on them, and that reveals their character.

But here is an example, in my opinion, of a “not OK” time to share your opinion. You decide to stop homeschooling and put your kids in public school. Maybe a relative or someone says, “Well, they are definitely going to get mixed up in the wrong crowd now. It might be fine now, but when they are teenagers, you are really going to regret this.”

That’s a “not OK” time to put your opinion on someone else. That’s a complete opinion - that every kid who goes to public school turns out a certain way. That is totally untrue. It is not backed up by anything, and that’s someone’s opinion. If these were her children, she would not do that, which makes it her opinion. But these are your children and you are doing this. For someone to forge their way into your life and inflict their opinion on you is wrong and rude.

I think the best way to look at this is that this person is being a bully. They are making you listen to their opinion. They are putting you down. They are making you feel “less than.” And that’s what bullies do. The best way to handle it, unfortunately, is to “kill them with kindness.”  And it sucks. It is hard. It definitely not my normal reaction to things.

Either be silent and smile. Or maybe say, “Wow! You feel really strongly about that. OK, I am going to go check on the kids,” and then just walk away. Or say something totally kind like, “Wow! You feel really strongly about that. I am really impressed by your striking opinions about raising kids. I think it is really neat that you feel so strongly about that.” You literally turn it on its head and reverse it. You get what I am saying?

It is almost sarcastic. You are backing up and giving them the floor. Acknowledging, “That’s a lot. That’s a very forceful statement that you just said.” They wanted you to see that they feel really strongly and it’s very important to them. You can just smile and move on.

I have had a circumstance where someone was very rude and intrusive, and they really put me down with the decision that I had made. And I just said, “Wow! You really feel strongly about this. I guess it’s a good thing that I don’t feel that way. This is just what works out for us.” Then I just walked off.

You are giving them the space to share their very loud feelings. Then you are gently reminding them “this is your opinion; not mine. If I felt like that it would be really unfortunate for me because this is how life is going right now.” Just let it go and don’t try to match it with your opinion.

I have found that doing that, in person or on live streams, has really helped. You can just ignore a comment online. I also want to say there is such a strong case for silence. Almost always the answer is just to not respond, especially if it is online.

If you are on Facebook and there’s a relative who is chronically rude and negative, or has to find a loophole to a helpful article you shared, and has to say something rude about it all of the time, just don’t give it the time of day. Don’t delete it. Don’t respond to it. Just let it sit there. Just let them do their thing. Just be silent.

This is how I handle messages that are alarmingly rude, mean, annoying, not nice, or not helpful. I have had people tell me they hate the sound of my voice. They wished I would just change the way I talk so they could get the great message inside of my podcast episodes. I have had a few people tell me that I am extremely annoying. That I am ugly. That I am a terrible mother. That my kids should be taken away from me. What? OK.

I have had people tell me some really awful things. But I have also had people say things like “You have such a pretty face, you really shouldn’t hide it with those big, hipster glasses.” And I am like, “What do you want me to do? I’m blind. Those are my glasses.”

People are so mean. The best way to handle those kinds of things on both ends of the spectrum is just silence. Just silence. Don’t even give it attention.

Also give it silence in your own brain. It is not worth the space in your own brain and for you to worry about it, or let it bother you. Learn to let it go.

I think a big part of dealing with negative people and negativity from other people, is learning and realizing that you do not have to convince them of anything. You do not have to convince them that you are a good homeschooler and this is going to work for your kids. You do not have to convince anyone that this move across the country is the right thing for your family. You don’t have to explain yourself. You don’t have to uphold that in yourself.

I always remind myself of that. I don’t have to convince people that minimalism works. That’s not my job. I don’t have to explain myself. I don’t have to convince them.

If someone is rude to me or tells me that what I do is a waste of time, is stupid and pointless, I don’t have to convince them of that. I don’t have to convince them of anything.

I don’t have to convince people that homeschooling is right for my family. I don’t have to convince them that I don’t need to have a capsule wardrobe. That was a good one. The podcast episode that came out in the beginning of this podcast (I don’t remember what episode it was), was about not having a capsule wardrobe. I got lots of messages saying, “Thank you! This was so freeing for me. I always feel like I should have a capsule wardrobe, but it really doesn’t work for me. I just want to thank you for sharing that you don’t have one and it doesn’t work for you either.”

Then I got a bunch of other messages saying, “You obviously don’t even know what a capsule wardrobe is. You should go check out this girl. You should really reconsider. You are totally being a hypocrite.” These negative messages – who cares if I have a capsule wardrobe? It was hard for me to do that episode because it was like, “Who cares?”

But I am glad I did because it put the message out there that I wanted. That it is not about following rules. Minimalists have capsule wardrobes. I am one of the trailblazers in the minimalist niche so I should have a capsule wardrobe. It is not about that. It is about setting yourself free and doing what works for you. Just sharing your message. That’s all I am doing – sharing my message. If you like it, great! If you don’t, that’s OK.

People have to try to convince you that you are wrong. That their way is better. When I release the approach of convincing other people that I am right, it fizzles out the argument. There is nothing else to say.

For example, when I did the episode about capsule wardrobes. All I said was that this didn’t work for me. I tried it for a long time and it totally stole my joy. So, I let it go. Now I am happier. This is what I do and it’s great.

Then people sent me messages trying to convince me. That’s what the fight usually is. Them trying to convince you. “I don’t like what you just said because it brings up something in me about the way I am doing my own life, so I want to tell you that you are wrong. Try to convince you that I am right.”

If I were to respond convincing them that my way is right, it just fuels that fire. Fans the flames. But when I am coming from a place where I know that I don’t have to convince anyone that I am right, then there is no gasoline on that fire. There is no more air. It fizzles out. It takes two people to argue.

Just respond with “I am so glad you love capsule wardrobes. I totally see the point of them. I think it is great that you have figured out something in such a troublesome area of life (the wardrobe) that works for you.” Or just don’t respond at all if they were super rude.

I give you these examples to base your real-life or social media interactions. Stop trying to convince people that you are right. That’s what most of them are doing to you. If you don’t do it back you can let go of that need to be right. That need to say the last word. That need to correct. That need to come out on top. If you do that, you won’t have a lot of controversy.

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When you buy something, you buy it with your time. With minutes from your life. Not just with your money. Studies show us that less clutter equals less stress and more time. It is really as simple as that.

This was the founding reason that I created Your Uncluttered Home. It has become my most popular, globally-praised, decluttering course that I designed for moms who want to live their lives more than they want to clean up after it.

It is truly the A-Z of minimalism. Every room. Every area. Every nook and cranny of your house totally uncluttered. This super extensive, extremely detailed course is literally everything you need to become a minimalist momma who is able to be a lot more present for what matters most.

To learn more about the course, go to alliecasazza.com/allcourses.  

This really is the short-cut version. The exact journey that I took as a mom, 5-6 years ago, that got me to this point of an uncluttered, minimalistic motherhood where I am spending the least amount of time on my house every day.

Motherhood is just way too sweet a time to be spent struggling so hard and living in survival mode day in and day out. Our stuff is really the cause of that.

If you want to start this lifestyle, if you want to simplify your life… I believe that it all starts at home.

Simplify your life. alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

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I think it is also important to set yourself free from the weight of opinions of others. You are not called to carry that. It doesn’t matter. If you let yourself hold on to other people’s opinions and it bothers you that your relatives don’t agree with how you’re raising your kids, where you’re moving, or your marriage choices, it really doesn’t matter. If you choose to carry the weight of their opinion, you are going to feel so heavy. I think it is really important to let that go.

For me and my faith, there is only a couple of opinions that matter to me: the Lord’s and if I am following His will for my life, and my husband. I care very much about what my husband thinks. We are in agreement with things that matter. That’s all I really care about. Of course, I care about the opinions of the other people who I care about and am doing life with, but in a healthy way.

If my mom didn’t agree about homeschooling and I know this is right for us, that would be OK with me. There is a difference in seeking wise counsel and caring about the opinion and carrying that weight. Set yourself free from that. You will feel so much lighter.

I also want to address removing yourself from unhealthy situations. I am going to use Facebook as an example. I like social media. I think it is really neat. I have moved across the country away from everyone that I know and love before. I have a business that thrives on social media. I keep in touch with grandparents that way. I have loved social media since it came out.

I used to use my personal Facebook account all the time. I would share things on there. I would share what was going on in our day, share videos of the kids, and use it for what it was meant for. But I found that Facebook, for some reason, was chronically negative. It really started to bring me down.

Then a couple of years ago around the time I started my business, I just found myself wanting to use it less and less. I started to dread going on there. Every time I did go on there, I would leave feeling “less good” about myself and my day. It became this war zone of opinions. I started to really not like it.

I found myself wanting to help and share. I would share a helpful article or something that happened with the kids, and I would get a comment, “Oh were you driving when you videotaped this?” Of course, I wasn’t driving. Why would I post a video of me playing with my son when I am driving?

Or I would share a helpful article and someone would say something like, “Oh, I read about this. Actually, apples are causing cancer and you shouldn’t eat apples, so this is all a lie.” It was really annoying all the time.

I actually stopped using Facebook personally. Now I don’t go on and update my personal Facebook ever. I actually posted on there a few months ago saying, “Hey friends and family! Sorry, we moved back to California, so we are here. We don’t really use Facebook anymore, so if you don’t follow us on Instagram, you probably don’t know what is going on with us.”

It had been years since I updated my Facebook page. I really go on there to interact with the ladies in my business Facebook groups. I don’t use my personal Facebook anymore for personal reasons. I needed to remove myself from an unhealthy situation.

You have to find the balance. What is your heart issue? What is something you need to get over and work through? What is a chronic negative energy in your life that you can expel?  Facebook was mine.

It might be a person, too. It might be a person that you can get away from. If it is someone that you work with and is there every time you go to work, that’s something that is different that you will have to find a way to work through.

Just because someone is related to you, doesn’t mean they have a right to drain you. To be a vampire in your life, to drain the energy from you constantly. You can set up boundaries and stop seeing that person.

However this may apply to your life, I would encourage you to look for ways to remove yourself from unhealthy situations where it chronically and constantly brings you down, like Facebook was for me.

One other thing I have been learning about the last few months is the idea of everyone being a mirror. I learned this as I have been diving into the idea of mindfulness. I would describe mindfulness as taking a deep breath in regular life situations. Of being a bit reflective as things are happening, as conversations are unfolding.  Being aware of what this other person means, is feeling, or why they are saying what they are saying, and how I am feeling and why I feel that way.

This has really helped me in family relationships that have always been kind of hard for me, always been strained, or I felt the need to defend myself, or act a certain way.  It has fallen away because I have been practicing mindfulness. I realize that this person is hurting and the reason they are saying things that frustrate me, is actually coming from a place of hurt. It helps you turn your disdain or frustration into pity and empathy.

One of the practices of mindfulness that I have really been helped by is the idea that everyone is a mirror. If someone says something that aggravates or bothers you, even if it wasn’t actually negative but triggered something in you, maybe that is something in yourself that you need to look at.

Maybe you find yourself easily offended at something someone said. Maybe every time you are around this person you feel on edge. Or they say something that really rubs you the wrong way all the time. If you tell your spouse, or talk out loud of what they said, and the other person doesn’t really understand why it bothered you so much, it’s probably your own issue.

I would encourage you to try this. Basically, the idea is everyone is a mirror. The way we react to the things they say and do, is really about what is going on in us and how that makes us feel. If you think someone is a really critical person and you just can’t stand how critical they are, you are maybe noticing that about them because you are really critical.  Maybe you are being critical and you don’t like that about yourself, so you notice it in other people.

If you ever stop to think about it, a lot of the times when you don’t like someone, they rub you the wrong way, or you don’t actually “click”, they are a lot like you. That’s why opposites attract. Usually people who are very similar won’t get along so well.

For example, I am talking to my mom. She is telling me about her week and she says something that makes me feel irritated. Why does that irritate me? It is probably something more in me than it is in her.

This practice is really helpful. I want to always be self-reflective and looking in myself first, rather than blaming everyone else and thinking everyone else is so negative, critical, or judgmental. Usually, it is something in me that needs to be looked at and can be fixed. Something that I could work on.

This has been a good practice to mature me. It has helped me with the relationships with people who are in my life. I need to not be so tense around these people. I would say 80% of the time it has been my issue, not the other person.

A lot of the times, the person does have an issue, but why does it bother me so much? Why does it bother me that this friend seems to always need my approval? Or always needs to “one up” me?  Why does that bother me? Why can’t I accept this person has to always “one up” people and just let it be? The fact that it is irritating and bothering me says something about me rather than them.

It’s like the scripture about pointing out the speck in your brother’s eye when you have a lot in your own. It has been helpful for me to practice that mindfulness.

The other day, I was talking with a friend and they asked about what was going on in my business, so I shared some exciting new things that have happened.  This person had to add, “Oh did I tell you about this?” and added something that had happened in her life recently.

It bothered me. Instead of me thinking “Oh my gosh! You can’t let me talk for two seconds and be happy that something good is going on with me?” I asked myself why it was bothering and irritating me?  Why are these emotions coming up about her issue? If her issue is that she is insecure and she has to make sure I know that good things happen for her too, why can’t that just be it? Period? That I notice that? Why are these feelings of irritation coming up in me?  There is something in me that needs to be worked on?

See what I mean? It is a helpful thing to have in your back pocket as you talk and interact with people.

We have talked about how to deal with negativity. We have talked about sometimes they are not being negative and it is your issue and not theirs. But when they are being negative, rude, or intrusive, it is their issue with themselves much more often than it is an issue with you.  

Going back to the homeschooling example, the comments have been so fun to read about homeschooling, putting them in public school, and then homeschooling again. It is not their business.

But a lot of the time, it was the other person’s issue. Maybe they feel self-conscious that I am homeschooling, and therefore I think public school is evil and anyone who sends their kids to public school is a bad mom. Maybe they are reacting defensively before the offense was even made.

By the way, that’s not true. I do not think that. I have had my kids in all types of school. I think it is about how you are raising them and not how you school them.  

Anyway, a lot of the time their negativity is more about an issue within them than it is actually an issue with what you are doing. Even if it is an issue with you or what you are doing, remember that you know you are doing what you are called to do. You know that you are not perfect at it, but you are acting out of what you feel is best for you and your family.  That’s what you need to stand in.

For me, if someone says something that really is an issue with me and they do think I am making a mistake (we shouldn’t have moved, we shouldn’t be in this house, we should not have homeschooled again), I know that I am doing what I am called to do. I know that I am following the peace of God in my life. I know that I am not perfect. I know that I do not act like I am perfect also. I have nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about.

You do you. And if someone has a problem with it, it is often their problem. Even if it is truly an issue with you and a choice you have made – even that – is their issue. It is their issue that they have a problem with something you have done. It is not their life. They have a control issue or something.

I hope this helps. There was a time in my business when everything was pretty new. Things had really picked up and there were a lot more people having eyes on me, my business, and my blog. The words that I was reading were so difficult. It really bothered me.

It took a long time and a lot of practice to let things go. Still every once in a while, there will be something that really bothers me, but it takes so much more now. It is so rare now. It used to be every time.  I would have to say something back and put them in their place.

Now it is not worth the time. I am able to let it go. It doesn’t bother me. I move on.

Let these words make you better. That’s how you’ve won. Grow from it. Practice mindfulness. Do the mirror thing, where everyone is a mirror. Work on yourself. Use their words and negativity to work on yourself. Mature yourself. Grow into the bigger person.

When you stop letting negativity affect you, you’ve won.

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This was an episode of The Purpose Show.  Thank you so much for tuning in.  If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, head to alliecasazza.com for free downloads, courses, classes and to learn more about what the next step might look like for you.  I am always rooting for you. See ya next time!

BONUS 02: Transitioning Between Home and Public School

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For our family, we take it year by year when it comes to whether we homeschool our kids or send them to public school. And I get asked a lot about how we handle the transitions. It is such an adjustment for everyone. Sometimes the adjustment is easy + other times it is a little more challenging. In this episode I want to share my experiences with the transitions but also want to give you some tips on how to make public school or homeschool easier on you + your family. And remember that no matters what decisions you make about schooling for your kids, you are an amazing mother!

 
 

In This Episode, Allie Discusses:

  • Tips for transitioning between homeschool + public school and vice versa.

  • Her experience with transitioning kids in the middle of the school year.

  • Different ways to make the most out of your schooling experience, whether it is public school or homeschool.

 

Mentioned in this Episode:

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The Developing Rhythms Workbook will help you figure out what rhythms are, how they are going to help you, what yours should be, and when you should do them. The whole shebang! If you go through this workbook you will end up with an amazing set of rhythms that will help you in your life and in your role! 


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


I_ve_got_you_2.png

Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to.  I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days.  I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it.  Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and i know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood.  I’m Allie Casazza and this is the The Purpose Show.

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Hello ladies! Welcome to another Bonus Episode of The Purpose Show! This is Bonus Episode 2 and I am really excited to dive into this one. I am going to be talking about transitioning between homeschool and public school.

Whether that’s from public to homeschool or from homeschool to public. We are going to cover all the things that I think are most important about that. We have done both. I get asked about it all of the time and I want to lend a hand.

In case you are not sure (maybe you haven’t listened to one yet), Bonus Episodes are really neat. They are episodes that are so exciting for me, and so full of good stuff for you, that I can’t wait to release the content. As you probably know, the podcast is planned out pretty far in advance. Sometimes I get a good idea and I don’t want to wait until three months from now to release that episode, so I will make a bonus episode. Or if I get asked about something so often I will make it a bonus episode.

This one is the latter. You guys have asked about this so much because I have been somewhat open about sharing our journey between home and public school and back again over the last year or so. I am going to talk about that.

First, let’s discuss going from homeschool to public school. I first want to say to those of you who have been homeschooling and have decided to put your kids in public school that I am not here to help you make that decision. I am not going to be addressing that.

For me and my husband, we have followed the peace of God each year. We take it year by year. We never say, “O, we are always going to homeschool”, or “this is how we are going to do things in our family when it comes to the kid’s school.”

It’s a lot to homeschool. It’s a lot to have the kids in public school for different reasons. There is a lot that goes into it. There have been a lot of different things that have led to us homeschooling, putting a pause on that, putting the kids in public school. We always knew that it would be temporary, but we weren’t really sure. We thought it would be for a whole school year, but it ended up being much shorter, and was just for one semester.

We do our best to be spirit-led parents. We prayerfully make our decisions. I will not be addressing that – that’s all your decision. But I will be talking about if you have already made the decision to switch from one to the other. I will help in all the ways that I can think of.

So, going from homeschool to public school: The first thing I want to say is the whole point of homeschooling is to go slow and lean towards child-led learning in order to give your kids a passion for knowledge and learning. This is not the way the public school system in most states is set up.

Nothing negative about them. Nothing against the public school system. I am definitely not one of those homeschool moms who has terribly hard feelings about the public school system. I really think that it is a lot to handle over there. And I think they do a great job on a lot of things. I think teachers are some of the most amazing human beings on the planet. I am very grateful for them. I don’t homeschool because I am trying to keep my kids from something.

Having said that, giving your kids a passion for learning, going really slow, leaning into each kids individual needs and what they want to learn about, and doing that child-led learning is not the way the public school system is set up. Homeschooling generally is.

You are probably going to encounter some push back from the way you did things as a homeschooling mom as you transition your child or children into public school, and that’s OK.  You were doing what you believed was best for your child during that homeschooling time. That’s the best thing you could have done.

Now here you are with life happening and things changing, shifting, and again you are doing what you believe to be the best thing for your child and your family in a different school year, or half way through the school year. It is just an adjustment for everyone, and it’s OK if it is a little hard. It is OK if people let out a sigh, or make a passive aggressive comment, or make a face. Maybe they aren’t rude, but they don’t seem like they really get it when it comes to you homeschooling, where you are at, what they learned and how you taught them.

I think it is important to remember that it is your teacher’s job to help your child. She works for you and for your child, so don’t let anyone put you down or make you feel badly. You are an excellent mother.

I feel like some of you need to hear me say that to you. I feel that with my whole heart. If you’ve even listened to this podcast. If you have even attempted to homeschool your kids. If you’ve even taken your kids to public school, kissed them on the cheek and bid them goodbye, you are an excellent mother. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.

I think it is really important to be as available as possible for your kids after school, especially if you are worrying about how this is going to go. Maybe you are used to spending all of your day with your kids, but now this (afternoon's) is now your time together. I know it is near the end of the day and you are all exhausted, but this is a crucial time for creating a safe space for your kids to talk with you and for them to connect with you after a day spent apart.

Set up a system for all the things that come with going to public school. There is going to be more paperwork than you could ever imagine. Set up a system for that. For me, I had a wooden paper sorter, that I got at Target, right by the door. When the kids walked in the door, they had a job. They had to hang their backpacks on the hooks and get out any paperwork that the teacher put in their backpacks and put it in their file.

You will have a lot of paperwork; come up with a system that works for that. You will have backpacks, shoes, jackets, and just stuff. When the kids get home, the first thing they are going to want to do is strip it all off and dump it. That will be their habit unless you set up a system beforehand. Get a system for paperwork. I highly recommend that you keep it by the door where the kids come in, even if it is not super pretty.

Have a system for the paperwork. Hooks for backpacks. A bin for shoes. Where do you want your kids to put their things when they come home? What system do you want to set in place so that your house isn’t overwhelmed with the things that the teacher sends home?

The other thing I would say is set alarms for pick up times. I know it might seem silly and obvious to pick up your kids from school, but when they are gone and you get into your own quiet-time headspace, or you get caught up in a younger child, it is amazing how easily you can get busy and almost miss leaving in time for pick up. Or totally miss it like I did once for Hudson. Poor little guy was sitting in the office with his little feet dangling from the chair because I was ten minutes late to get him.

Set up alarms for pick up times. Set a really annoying ringtone. Make it a repeat alarm every day, if even it gets annoying. There will come a day you will be thankful you set that alarm.

Speaking of pick up times, make use of them if you can. These were some of my favorite moments when my kids were in public school. I would leave early so I could get a great parking spot. I would use that time waiting for my kids to read a book, or listen to a podcast, and have some amazing self-care and personal growth time. It was a great in-between-the-day time for me.

It would have been easy to work and leave at the last minute to get the kids. Or send my husband and keep doing the housework. But it was a really great anchor for me in the day for self-care. It was a great time to hit the reset button for the rest of my day.

Establish open communication with your kid’s teacher. Be pleasant and friendly, not harsh and judgmental. Not every teacher, but some teachers have reservations about homeschooled kids.  It has become a kind of “war zone”.

I think being really sweet, kind, and establishing a good relationship with your child’s teacher from the beginning is incredibly helpful. It will serve you and your child well throughout the year for your teacher to like you, and to have open communication.

With each of the kid’s teachers, I sent an email after the first day to thank them for being there, ask if they had any questions. I included a little note about each child that I thought would be helpful for the teacher. I made myself available and that really helped to establish a good relationship for us.

Also, establish a set time every day that you help your kid with their homework, especially in the beginning of this transition from homeschooling. Maybe your child will be further ahead than the school, or maybe the school will be further ahead than your child. This is a transition. You are used to doing school together.

One mistake that I made was thinking all the school stuff would be off of me, and I wouldn’t have to do anything. Maybe that sounds self-centered but that’s what I thought.

Being available to help your kids with this transition during the time that you are with them, is really important because they are going to have questions. They may not be used to the different curriculum, especially if it is common core and you haven’t been using that. They may feel really dumb and feel like the school is way ahead of them. They may feel incredibly bored and unchallenged because you were further ahead than the public school system is.

I wish that I had scheduled time in my afternoon. I wish I had done more crockpot meals so I had nothing else to do when the kids got home from school but just sit with them. Be with them. Help them with their homework. Everyone was in a different level. Each child, in different ways, struggled with this transition.

Block out some time and don’t schedule any other things. Create a couple hours of space to be available to help with their homework.

Also, figure out what you want to do with your weekends. Homeschoolers are used to being together more than public schoolers are. You might find that during the weekend you are excited for some awesome, much-needed family time. You might find that your kids are bogged down with a giant load of homework that the teacher has sent home for the weekend. Set up a system for doing homework on Friday nights so that your weekends are free. Or you can have a fun family night on Friday and dedication a portion of your weekend to homework, like maybe Sunday evening.

Either way, plan ahead. Realize what you are dealing with. Maybe there will be a weekend where they won’t have any homework and that would be great. But more often than not, they will have homework. Decide and plan ahead of time so you are not feeling disappointed. That negativity and negative emotions about your kid’s school, teachers, and their homework will rub off on your kids.

Also, Bento Boxes for your kids lunches. I am going to share my affiliate link in the show notes for these because they are AMAZING. I cannot say enough about them. I shared them on my Instagram story when my kids were in school. I still have them and we use them a lot for park days.

They are basically metal boxes that have dividers in them. There’s a sandwich area, fruit area, crackers, etc. They are just awesome. They slip right inside basically any lunch box that you can get at Target, or anywhere.

They are a little pricey but we really love them. I found them from Robin Long of A Balanced Life. I saw her making her kids’ lunches in them and thought, “that’s super handy!”  They are worth the money and are so helpful. I love that my kids aren’t eating out of plastic every day. I love that they are divided. My son, Leland, hates when his food touches. I am like, so I totally get it. They keep his food separated. They are just really, really handy.

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When you buy something, you buy it with your time. With minutes from your life. Not just with your money. Studies show us that less clutter equals less stress and more time. It is really as simple as that.

This was the founding reason that I created Your Uncluttered Home. It has become my most popular, globally-praised, decluttering course that I designed for moms who want to live their lives more than they want to clean up after it.

It is truly the A-Z of minimalism.  Every room. Every area. Every nook and cranny of your house totally uncluttered.  This super extensive, extremely detailed course is literally everything you need to become a minimalist momma who is able to be a lot more present for what matters most.

To learn more about the course, go to alliecasazza.com/allcourses.  

This really is the short-cut version. The exact journey that I took as a mom, 5-6 years ago, that got me to this point of an uncluttered, minimalistic motherhood where I am spending the least amount of time on my house every day.

Motherhood is just way too sweet a time to be spent struggling so hard and living in survival mode day in and day out.  Our stuff is really the cause of that.

If you want to start this lifestyle, if you want to simplify your life… I believe that it all starts at home.

Simplify your life.  alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

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Enjoy your new-found time without your kids. I just want to give you permission. It is OK to enjoy it. It is OK to be sad that they are gone. Trust me. I balled my eyes out for the first day the kids went to school. I didn’t know for sure if there was an end in sight. I didn’t really have a strong desire to send my kids to public school. I have always had homeschooling on my heart.

But I couldn’t do everything and the business was very overwhelming. Brian and I had both made that decision that we needed something to give so we could focus and not be stretched so thin. It was very sad. It is OK to be sad. It is also OK to be happier. To enjoy the quiet time. To love it. To have some time for yourself. Time to be caught up on the housework and other things in your life. It’s OK to have a job. It’s OK to have something other than your children and enjoy this time away from them.

So now, let’s talk about going from public school to homeschooling. The first thing that I always say is to encourage you before you make the switch to research the different types of homeschooling. There are so many different styles. Find the one or two that really appeals to you. The one you feel would go with your personality and your family style.

What do I mean by that? There’s Charlotte Mason homeschool. There’s unschooling. There’s traditional homeschooling where you are basically bringing the classroom into your home. Find what works for you.

I would say you naturally gravitate towards things. For example, at first, I shied away from the traditional homeschool of bringing the school into the home. I really felt a pull towards Charlotte Mason, and unschooling. That really appealed to me.

My next point is to keep in mind that your homeschool style may change as you evolve as a homeschool mom and you get more comfortable. This happened to me. I was so drawn to the idea of unschooling. We did that for a couple of years and struggled through it.

That may sound funny, especially if you research what unschooling is. But what I ended up finding is that it just didn’t work for us. I love it. I think it is a great idea. I know a lot of people what it works well for. It just wasn’t working for us at all. I wasn’t happy. The kids weren’t happy. It just wasn’t working.

We moved away from unschooling. We kind of kept the Charlotte Mason style and I threw myself more into that. It is OK for you to change, shift, evolve. You don’t have to know it all right now.

Also, do not get sucked into the lie that you have to spend a billion dollars and have everything in the world right now. You don’t have to have everything figured out right now. I encourage you to have minimal school supplies. A minimal curriculum.

Stay away from homeschool conventions for now. I know they may seem really helpful. When we decided to pull the kids, there was a very popular homeschool convention really close to my house. I was so tempted to go.  You know what? I just got this feeling in my gut not to go.

I already knew what I was doing. I was simplifying this process for myself. If I went, I was afraid I would get falsely inspired by the wrong things. I was afraid I would be pulled to buy all this curriculum and spend money on things that are just going to overcomplicate this for me.  That was my problem in the past – that I tended to overcomplicate things, which made me overwhelmed.

I will link to a book that has been integral in shaping my homeschooling experience and philosophy since we pulled the kids out of public school and brought them back home. It is called Minimalist Homeschooling. It is by a doctor who is amazing. It is such a good book. I encourage you to read it.

The curriculum that I found had a couple of things that drew me to it. A friend, whom I really admire and I respect the way she homeschools her two boys, recommended The Good and The Beautiful by Jenny Phillips. If you go to their website you will see how homeschooling moms went from these massive piles of curriculum down to this one stack of books. It was basically a minimalist homeschool curriculum.

Of course, that drew me to it. When I researched it, I saw that, yes, it was a minimalist curriculum. They are getting a rich curriculum with amazing photos, beautiful stories and pictures. It is very Charlotte Mason inspired.

You can get digital products or paper products. I do well with paper so I ordered the physical curriculum, actual books. When I got it in the mail, it truly is as minimal as I think you can get.  I definitely have the least amount of books and stuff that I have ever had with homeschooling my kids. Bella is in third grade and we are getting to the levels where there tends to be more stuff, and there just isn’t. I have been extremely pleased with this curriculum.

Don’t get sucked into the lie that you need to spend all this money and have this “stuff.” (Check out my blog post How to Bring Minimalism into your Homeschool).

I want to talk about pulling your kids out mid-year. Perhaps you are feeling led, feeling that something just isn’t right. “I want my kids at home, but I feel like they should just finish out the school year.” Weigh that out.

It was really hard for me. It was in December. Winter break was coming.  We had put our kids into public school so we could take a year off. We didn’t want to try to be like Jesus and do it all perfectly.  We were both stretched really thin with work and schooling the kids. Tensions were really high at our house and it wasn’t working. We knew we needed to make a choice.

We took a year off of homeschooling to grow the business, delegate, and hire a bunch of new people to lessen our workload. We thought it would take us all school year but it ended up only taking us a few months. By December we were pretty much done. We had hired 6-7 new people. We were both working just a few hours a week and it was great.

We really wanted our kids home. We were torn between finishing out the school year or not. We prayerfully decided to let them get to winter break and then pull them out. They wouldn’t go back after winter break. That’s what we did and it has been the best decision that we had made so far.  I was so nervous about it. I didn’t want to damage the kids or hurt them. I didn’t want to hurt their teacher’s feelings. It was really hard.

Follow that peace. What’s going to work for you? Does it feel better to finish the year? To give yourself time and space to plan things out? Does it feel better to get them home and then figure it out? You have to prayerfully make that call.

I do want to say that I have pulled my kids out mid-year. If that is what is feeling best for you, I want to give you that empowerment/permission. You’re their mom. You know what’s best.

I would encourage you to talk to your kids openly about this transition and encourage them to be open with you in return. I think being really easy to talk to about the hard parts and not taking things personally is huge.

For example, if your kids say something like, “I miss my friends from school” or “I don’t like this homeschooling day” in the middle of a frustrating math class session, don’t take that personally. Don’t snap back at them. Don’t make them regret being open with you.

Encourage openness. Be easy to talk to. Take it as constructive criticism. Take a deep breath. Make appropriate changes. You guys are in this together. You are not perfect. You are not going to be perfect ever. You are going to make mistakes.

Everything is “figureoutable” as Marie Forleo says. This is “figureoutable” too. Take a break. Stop teaching if it gets tense. Listen to your child. Look them in the eye. Get down to their level. Talk to them. You can make changes as necessary together. You are not going to be perfect and have it all figured out right off the bat.

Also, let the kids’ previous teachers know that you are thankful for them. Whether you are pulling them out mid-year or not, I think it is important to keep that peace. Let them know that your decision to homeschool them doesn’t have anything to do with them failing or not taking care of your kids. Let them know that you are thankful for what they did for your child.

Allow time for “de-schooling” if your kids were in public school for a year or longer. Your kids get into rhythms. Kids respond really well to rhythms for homeschooling.

The schools are set up in a way that really does a good job of highlighting the fact that kids thrive under routine. It is very routine – you start school at a certain time of day, then circle time, language arts, break, then math, science, lunch, playtime. It is very regimented and scheduled and never changes.

Also group learning is totally different learning than homeschooling, even if you have a lot of siblings. It is a lot more one-on-one than a classroom setting is. You have to allow some time for your kids to adjust. That’s called “de-schooling” in the homeschooling community.

Let them get un-used to public school. Research. Look up the word “de-schooling” and find different ways you can do that. For us, it was an extended period of winter break. My kids were only in school for one semester, but I did feel like they needed a period of de-schooling, especially my son, Leland.

We had a 3 ½ winter break. It was great. We slowly eased in to homeschooling. I also have a blog post about “Why We Chose to “Soft Start’ Our Homeschool + How It Works  which I will link to. It talks about how you don’t have to hid it hard. Ease into this.

Find ways to bring those routines that worked well for your kids in public school into homeschooling without it being too regimented to where everyone is miserable.

On that note, I encourage you guys to come up with a flexible school schedule. We do a 5-day schedule. We school 5 days a week. If we skip a day here or there, it doesn’t make us fall behind in where we are supposed to be with the curriculum. It gives us some cushion.

We do homeschool through a charter school because I do really well with accountability. I like the idea that somebody is keeping records for me. That someone is watching me, making sure I do what I am supposed to do.

One of the problems with homeschooling was that I tend to get a little bit too lax, a little too focused on other things. I need that accountability. I need that checklist. “You guys need to be here by this date.” That is how I thrive in anything, but especially with homeschooling my kids. We have guidelines and deadlines. “You should be at this lesson and this subject by this date.”

We have a 5-day schedule but we don’t always do 5 days of school. Most weeks we do, but there are plenty of weeks where we do 3 or 4 days. That’s fine. It ends up all working out to where we are supposed to be when we are supposed to be there.

Decide if you want to do a 4-day school week every week. Or do you want to do a 5-day school week and be able to have some cushion. Look up different types of homeschool schedules. There are a lot of ideas. Six weeks on and one week off. Ten months on and two months off. Year-round or traditional schedule.

We do 5-days a week and year- round because we have seen our kids get completely out of the loop with a summer break. Also, we believe that learning should be happening all of the time and be child-led. It feels weird to us, as parents and teachers, to teach during the school year and then just stop during the summer.

We do a lot of unit studies, beach-themed studies during the summer, but technically we are doing school year-round, although our charter school is not.

To wrap up, let’s talk about rhythms. Rhythms will help you tremendously no matter where your kids go to school, but things can get chaotic in a difficult way when you homeschool. You need rhythms set up for basically everything. Your housework. Your work schedule, whether you work at home or outside of the home. Your laundry. Your schooling. Everything that has to do with you and your role.

Rhythms are going to cut your to-do list more than in half. Because it is no longer a to-do list.  You have rhythms set up for things that just need to happen for your life to flow smoothly. It is no longer a to-do list; it is just habit. That is mentally freeing.

I want you to get my free Developing Rhythms Workbook. It is one of my Fan Favorite free downloads from me. It is a workbook that will help you figure out what rhythms are. How they are going to help you. What yours should be. When you should do them. The whole shebang.  If you go through this Free Rhythms Workbook, you will end up with an amazing set of rhythms that will help you in your life and in your role.

Go get that!

I am excited for you guys! No matter why you are listening to this. If there is a transition possibly coming. If you are in a transition. If you just did a transition and it went terribly or it went amazing. I am praying for you guys. I know how hard this can be.

Remember, no matter what’s going on, what decisions you have made so far, or what decisions you are thinking about making, YOU ARE AN AMAZING MOTHER!!

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This was an episode of The Purpose Show.  Thank you so much for tuning in.  If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, head to alliecasazza.com for free downloads, courses, classes and to learn more about what the next step might look like for you.  I am always rooting for you. See ya next time!

EP 24: Phone Settings For A Present Life

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I absolutely love technology. I have a business that is ran through technology. I can capture memories with my family through the camera on my phone. I can connect with people all around the world whenever I want. But it can get out of hand. It can become a distraction from what really matters and from what is actually going on. Our phones are playing a huge role in absent-minded motherhood (you know, where you get lost in the scrolling on Instagram and Facebook instead of playing with your kids). There are so many excuses to not be paying much attention to what’s going on around us in real life. The phone is a distraction from real life, plain and simple. And we are raising a generation that will joke around about whose mom was staring at the square in her hand more often. That’s not what I want. I know it’s not what you want either.

 

I want to empower you when it comes to setting boundaries with your phone so you can live a present life. You are the only one that can make this choice. You can make the choice to be different from everyone else. To go against the grain. To swim upstream. Protect your time. Choose to focus on what matters.

 
 

In This Episode, Allie Discusses:

  • The role our phones play in how we “mom” today.

  • Tips for setting boundaries with your phone + social media.

  • Different phone settings you can utilize to help break interruptions from your phone always going off.

  • The benefits from doing a phone detox.

  • How looking at why you feel you need your phone attached to you, will help set you free from actually needing it attached to you.

Mentioned in this Episode:

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I have created a FREE + easy guide for you that lays out different phone settings that I use to help me stay present in my life + with my family. I encourage you to download it and change your settings. It has changed my life so much!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to.  I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days.  I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it.  Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and i know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood.  I’m Allie Casazza and this is the The Purpose Show.

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Welcome back friends to The Purpose Show! This is episode 24. I am talking today all about having a present life when it comes to your phone, how you can handle time spent on your phone on social media, and what kind of permanent phone settings you can set up to have a present life and a present motherhood.

The fact is phones are a distraction from life. Our phones are absolutely playing a huge role in absent-minded motherhood, where you get lost in the scrolling on Instagram and Facebook.  There are all kinds of new apps popping up all the time. There are so many excuses to not be paying much attention to what’s going on around us in real life. The phone is a distraction from real life, plain and simple.

All of the sudden, today, anyone who has your number – anyone who has ever had your phone number – can get hold of you at any time of any day. And what really gets me is that these people not only can get hold of you any time they want, but most people actually expect a fairly quick response. That’s because of expectations laid out by society. I think it is completely ridiculous.

In my group of friends, my inner circle, I am known as the one who doesn’t text back, doesn’t respond back to everything. It’s kind of the running joke. Honestly, it makes me really happy because this has been a problem for me. I have been sucked into my phone. It’s a big part of my job.

It’s really easy for me to justify time on my phone. A lot of the time, I do need to be on my phone. I am not saying to never be on your phone.

I absolutely love technology. It has given me my business. It has given me freedom. It has given me so much. When we moved away from friends and family, I was never more grateful for technology and my iphone as I was then. It is an amazing, beautiful thing for sure.

But it can get out of hand. It can become a distraction from what really matters and from what is actually going on.

If you just take a minute to purposefully decide that the next time you are out and about with your family, notice how many people are on their phones. I did this the other day when we were at Legoland. I was preparing to record this episode. I decided I was going to mindful of two things: (1) how often I felt the need to reach for my phone, and (2) how many people were on their phones at Legoland. If you are going to Legoland, you are probably there to have some family time and enjoy some time with your kids, right?

It was really, really saddening. I noticed that I was reaching for my phone a lot. Immediately after that, I decided to do another social media detox and phone breakups, which we will talk about later in this episode.

While I was there, I also noticed that everywhere there was a bench, there was someone or a cluster of someone’s, sitting there on their phones. More than half the time, those people had kids sitting right next to them, who were trying to talk to them, or trying to get their attention.  Everyone was just on their phones.

It’s hard because I don’t want to be judgmental. There was a blog post that was floating around that went viral a few years ago. Basically, someone had written a letter to a mom who was on her phone the whole time.

Now, I have been that mom at the park. The mom at the park who started a business and is home with her kids only because of that business. And she needs to work. She needs to get her work done. You don’t what that mom was going through. And that was me. It could have been me.

I would take my kids to the park so they could get their energy out and play. I would bring my phone, fully charged, and sit on that bench responding to emails, or going through the applications for a new assistant to hire so I could be more present with my kids. Writing a blog post on my phone at the park in the middle of the day – that was me. You just don’t know and you can’t judge other people.

I think we can agree that our phones have become such a distraction from real life. And that there are expectations by other people for a fairly quick response time. That responding to a text a day or two later is really out of the norm. It can even be considered rude.

I have really gotten that vibe myself. It has taken over a lot in my life. People say things all the time. It is discouraging to me that just because someone has your phone number, which is a lot of people, and that someone reaches out and asks if they can “pick my brain” about blogging or starting a business, that I am expected to give that request time and space in my life as soon as my phone lights up. It flabbergasts me how often people are “entitled” to my time away from my family.

Let’s face it. If I am holding a “square” in my hands and using it to type a message to this other person, I am not present with my family.

They know that I have a business. They know that I homeschool. They know that I have four kids and a husband. And yet they feel entitled enough to send me a text that would require a pretty lengthy response, or any response at all. And they feel like I am the rude one for not responding fairly quickly or ever.

That, again, flabbergasts me. That’s ridiculous to me.

Basically, what it comes down to is this realization of, “OK, this is the way society works today.” I do know that some people have chosen not to do the “smartphone thing” at all.  And hats off to them. If that’s you – good job! That’s awesome!

That is not for me. I am a modern mama. I have an online business. I have stuff to do. My phone is a tremendous help to me when I am out and about, doing things with my family. Or if I want to let the kids get some energy out and I need to respond to a couple emails. Or jump on a Facetime call with my PR girl, spur of the moment. I need that. It is phenomenal to me. It is so worthwhile.

However, I don’t want to let the convenience of today’s technology be a foothold in my life and a reason that I missed moments with my family by this distracting little rectangle.

I realize that you might be “yes, that’s me! I need to get this under control in my life.” I have totally been there.

I love Instagram, in particular. If you follow me, you notice that is where I am the most. It’s personable. I am there a lot. I like to share my day. I have always wanted to have a vlog – video blog. It doesn’t work out for our family. It is way too high maintenance and we don’t want to be “movie stars”, where we are filming everything about our life all of the time with a “real” camera.

Instagram Stories was introduced last year (or whenever). For me, it has been so fun. I feel like I can be really personable and share little 15 second blips of my day. I treat Instagram Stories as a little vlog of my life. I love sharing that with you guys. I love sharing quick tips of decluttering, time management and such. I absolutely love it. It is such a breath of fresh air for me.

But it can totally get to a point where it is a little out of hand, taking up a lot of time. When you are sharing like that, people respond back with messages. It has can be time consuming when you are responding to strangers and giving them your time, when your family is what really needs that.

I want to empower you: you are the only one that can make this choice. You can make the choice to be different. To go against the grain. To swim upstream. Protect your time. Choose to focus on what matters.

It can be done. About 3 – 3 ½ years ago, I hit a point that I realized this was taking up way too much of my time. I really wanted to put it in its place, and I did. I have been doing detoxes.  Figuring out some phone settings, some tips and tricks, that can really help you put your phone in its place in your life, which is on the back burner. With your family up front. The phone should not be such a distraction. It can be done. I just want you to be empowered.

It is OK to not respond to every text message. Or at all. It is OK to just not respond. We all know that feeling where we get a text and it burdens us, “O crap! Now I am going to have to respond. I don’t know what to say to that.” Maybe there is someone that wants to hang out and you really don’t want to hang out with them. Or someone is asking you something and you just haven’t made a decision about it yet. You have allowed your phone lighting up to distract you, to burden you, in the middle of your busy day with your kids, at work, or wherever you are.

I want to empower you and let you know that it does not have to be that way. You can make a choice to live a different way. And everyone else can just deal with it. I promise you it will be OK. It is not as big a deal as you may be thinking it is.

When your phone lights up, dings, or vibrates, that is you giving other people a priority in your day. It is. It is you giving them priority over your family and your day. Even without responding.  The fact that it made a noise distracted you. You hear the noise and you are thinking, “I wonder who that is?” That’s a distraction.

I think that we need to accept that harsh reality, that harsh truth and let it sink in, so that we have a drive to make a change. You are the only one who can set boundaries with that. Who can realize that is the truth of what this is.  And then set the boundaries according to how you want to live your life.

We can’t get upset with other people for texting us. That’s just a given in today’s world. Only we can draw the line where we want it to be. And only we can keep it there.  And live our lives with the priorities and boundaries that we have set showing the other people in our life how strictly or not strictly we live by this. Right? Only we can set that boundary line.

And the way you set it may be a little awkward at first and a little hard. You may realize that you have a major phone addiction. That’s OK. It’s normal in today’s world. But there is something that we can do about it. Right?

Let’s dive into the specifics of setting boundaries with your phone and the people that have the number to your phone.

These are my suggestions for what helped me. I feel like I have a pretty great relationship with the other people in my life. It may take me awhile to text people back. I have set times that I do that. But I also feel like my phone does not run my life at all. It doesn’t have a priority in my life over my kids, my husband, my life. I feel like I have struck a pretty good balance and I am sharing what I have done.

One of the first things I want to say is it is important to stop carrying your phone around with you all the time. That’s the first thing I did when I realized I had a really bad habit and wanted to break it. Assigning your phone to one location for when you are at home is huge.

For me personally, I picked the entryway because it is downstairs, by the front door.  It is not in the kitchen, where I spend most of my time. I didn’t want the phone near me all of the time because just seeing it can be a distraction. It is in a central-ish location, but it is also out of the way. It is not with me all of the time.

Full disclosure, of course, I bring my phone with me throughout the day. You can tell that in two seconds if you follow me on Instagram. But, having a location for your phone is somewhere you can put it on days that you get “exhausted” from responding to things. Don’t you ever feel worn down by text messages, especially if anyone does what I do for a living?  Just texting other people can be exhausting.

On those days, give yourself a break. Put your phone in its assigned location. Get away from it for a day. Don’t even look at it. Don’t even pick it up and carry it with you. You don’t need to capture yourself folding laundry on Instagram Stories for the thousandth time. You don’t need to capture every cup of coffee. Every homeschooling lesson. Every time you are in the school pick up line with your kids. You don’t need to capture everything. We are “capture happy” in today’s society.

Take a break and let it go. Give your phone an assigned general location. Stop carrying it around with you all of the time.

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Do you feel like you are barely getting through your days friend? Does motherhood feel more like a hurricane of chaos that you are just surviving rather than the awesome, joy-filled season that you want it to be?

Well, motherhood is hard. I am not going to lie to you about that. While it is servitude and giving to your family from yourself, it doesn’t have to be something that we are waiting to be over. Something that we are counting down the minutes till naptime, or bedtime, or waiting for the next day to start. If you are wanting to sort through the clutter in your mind, your heart, your home calendar, your health, routines, and relationships, I created Unburdened just for you!

It is a guide that will help you go from drowning in the sea of stress and overwhelm, to owning your time and living the best version of your motherhood, so you can live abundantly while intentionally focusing on those who matter most.

Unburdened is the overwhelmed beginner’s guide to a simpler motherhood.

In Unburdened, I will walk you through how to stop over-complicating, procrastinating, and just start making positive changes now.  How to declutter, just a little bit – not super deep into it, because you can’t handle that when you are this overwhelmed – but a surface declutter that will get you real results in your house so you can clean up less.

How to declutter toxic relationships in your life and set some good boundaries.  How to simplify cleaning, get healthy and feel better – finally!

How to simplify your calendar.  How to start owning your time and not just managing it as life happens to you.

How to stop just setting goals and letting them sit there. Start actually defining where you want to go and getting there through reverse engineering and goal-setting.

How to create a cleaning routine that works for you and your life.

This course is a mini-course.  It is small. It is straightforward. But it is everything for the mom who feels like she needs a total overhaul, but is too overwhelmed to start.

It will help you simplify the things that have you stuck and leave survival mode behind for good.

Is this resonating with you? Sound like you?  Does this sound like something that would really help you right now?  Go to bit.ly/getunburdened.

I really poured my heart into this little course.  I created it for the mom who is really wanting to simplify, declutter, and pursue a life of less, but she is so burdened and overwhelmed with the mess of life.  It’s not just her house. She wants to simplify at the surface of all the different things in her life so she can focus on her family more. So then she can focus more on really, truly purging her entire house.

If this sounds like you, I encourage you to check it out.  You are probably the person I created it for. I want you in there. I want it to help you.

Check it out.  bit.ly/getunburdened

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The next thing is turn off all of your notifications. I know this sounds crazy but, hear me out.  This is how I have my phone set up.

If someone calls me, it will ring or vibrate. If someone calls me, they can get hold of me. If someone texts me, I don’t know it unless I look at my phone and go to the text message icon.  Then I see that I have text messages. Everything is turned off.

I go through seasons where I will undo the text thing. I always have it set where text will not make a sound. But I will sometimes go and change the settings to where it will go on my “lock screen” if someone texts me. Right now, if I turn my phone screen on, there will not be any notifications on there. All I see is the picture of me and Brian in the background, the time and the date. That is great! It is so minimalistic, simplified and freeing.

But sometimes I might be waiting for someone to text me.  Maybe there is something going on. For example, a group text because my family is all planning Easter. Then I will change settings to where it shows on my “lock screen” but it won’t make a sound or vibrate. If my husband sends me a text message, I hear the sound. It will vibrate. It is a special sound so I know that Brian has texted me. Then I answer it.

You can set it to where everything is off all of the time except for certain people. For example, when Brian was gone, I had it set where nothing made a sound unless Brian texted me. Even his phone call ringer is different than everyone else’s ringer.

Turn off Instagram alerts. Turn off social media notifications. You don’t need to be everywhere all of the time. I think we have FOMO – Fear Of Missing Out – about everything. We are afraid we will miss something. What if someone messages me on Facebook? OK? What if they do? Why can’t you see it later when you log into Facebook on your computer. Why does it have to be all the time? Right now? Always?

I would encourage you to turn off all of your notifications. As of this moment, I don’t get any notifications on my phone except for one special app that I have where only my assistant, Hayley, can get hold of me because she is awesome. She doesn’t bug me at all unless she absolutely has to. She can get hold of me on there or she can call me.

Even if I have it set to where I get notifications on my “lock screen”, it doesn’t make a sound.  It doesn’t vibrate. It is there when I go to look at my phone.

Give yourself boundaries with your phone. There should be times where you will look at your phone. Sure, I want to see if there are texts. I want to see if I missed a call and somehow didn’t hear it. If I want to go on Instagram, I will look and see if there is anything I need to see there.

It’s set times that you are boxing it out instead of having it ding every two seconds. Having the screen light up because someone just followed you on Instagram. Having it light up and alert you for every single thing all of the time. You are literally saying, “this is more important and this has space in my life to distract me from what matters most.”

Also, the Do Not Disturb setting is your best friend. It is an extra-thick boundary for things like family movie night, date night with your husband, times where you are trying to focus on work.  Times when you are basically saying, “nothing is more important for this.” Even if your mom calls to see how your day went.

In a true emergency, which let’s face it – it’s rare, if someone calls 2-3 times in a row, it will come through. But other than that, no alerts.

We tend to think “Oh, what if someone needs me? Oh, the business! Oh, What if this? What if there is a family emergency?” How often does that really happen? If something is a true emergency, what is 911 for? Again, if they call three times in a row, it will come through.

Block that time out and give yourself boundaries with this or it will take over your whole life. Your kid’s memories will be you looking at your phone. That is my biggest fear. I think about it all of the time. It reminds me and motivates me to have these boundaries in place, which is so easy to do.

If you are wondering how to do all of these settings, the Content Upgrade will walk you through all of that. The link for that is in the show notes.

Delete the Facebook App. You can delete other social apps if you want to, but specifically Facebook. Do we really need to be able to get an alert, or to open it up and see what our high school girlfriend is doing for lunch at a moment’s notice? No, I don’t think so. If you are listening to this, you are probably a mom. You really don’t need to know that. You have a lot going on.

Facebook is one thing that can be browsed on the computer during down time or on your phone’s browser. There is no need for an app to give us constant access to what everyone is doing today. I do not have Facebook Messenger on my phone. I do not have the Facebook app on my phone. Honestly, I almost never go on there on the computer.

The only thing that I use Facebook for is doing my live streams for my community because everyone else uses Facebook. A lot of my community groups are on Facebook, but I can run those through separate platforms, 3rd party apps, which I honestly like better.

You do not need Facebook on your phone no matter who you are or what you use it for. When you delete the Facebook app, you are deleting that ease of access. You are making it so you have to go onto your computer or your phone’s browser and actually log in to check it. It is an extra barrier that’s good for boundaries.

Have set social media and phone “break-ups” or “detoxes”. I just did one. I do this pretty often. I used to have them set in my calendar, which I highly suggest you do if you are trying to break a phone habit or addiction. Every three months I would set one for three days. I would detox. I wouldn’t go on any social media.

I wouldn’t go on Instagram. Not do an Instagram Story. Nothing. I wouldn’t capture anything. I would just live in the moment. Put my phone in its dedicated space and only bring it with me when I was leaving the house. I just live my life in the moment and enjoy my family. It always reaffirms these boundaries. It reaffirms this drive in me to be present. Put my phone in its place and not give it time in my life.

I love Instagram. I think it is amazing. I think it is generally a very positive atmosphere. It is very image heavy and I love taking pictures. I take my own photos. I love photography. I love capturing my babies. I love, love Instagram. I love the community that I have built there. I generally get very positive messages there. I have instant, immediate messaging and response to my Instagram Story turned off to protect my time. But people can still message me from my feed. I love, love it there. I love sharing my story. I love treating it like a vlog. I love it there.

BUT, everyone needs a break sometimes. When I am going to get ready for a social media or phone “break up,” I will completely delete the Instagram (and any other social media apps).  It’s not even on my phone. It is a reminder for me when I turn on my phone to check Instagram, that “Oh, it’s not there. Oh, I am doing a detox.” Delete it completely. You can’t just decide, “I am going to do a detox.” It’s not enough. Remove it from your phone completely. Then when you are done you can re-load it. Do this for a set amount of time.

I usually do 2-3 days. There have been times when I was going to do a detox for 2 days and it turned in to two weeks, because I am just burnt out and I am enjoying the break. That’s so good for you. You need to have these times. I would suggest 2-3 days.

Take a break. Use that assigned phone location we talked about. Keep your phone there. Don’t carry it around the house. Don’t do any social media for a few days. Don’t check to see what everyone else is doing. Don’t update what you are doing.

Then I would challenge you, as you do that a few times and you grow in that, start to do it when you are doing something amazing. We have this problem with capturing every single thing that we do, especially if it is something really cool. Going to Disneyland. Wine tasting with your husband. Taking a trip to Hawaii. Start to challenge yourself to do these social media break-ups when you are doing something you would normally capture and share.

Ask yourself… Why do I feel like I need to share this? What is my heart issue here? Why do I feel like I need everyone to see this about my life? What am I trying to prove here? Really dig deep and face this problem that we all have.

Choose really carefully who you respond to. I feel that one of the biggest problems with texting, as helpful and convenient as it can be, is that everyone feels like they can get hold of you anytime and they expect you to respond pretty quickly. You have life going on.

I have four kids. I homeschool. I have the business. It seems to me that people would “get it” when I don’t respond for several hours or even in a day or two. But I have received a few texts, at some point, saying things like, “Hello? Oh my gosh, are you mad at me? Are you getting my texts?”

And my response is “Are you serious?”  Who are you? Do you feel entitled to my time? I am supposed to drop everything and answer your text message at the speed that seems reasonable to you and your expectations?

I am in the middle of raising world shapers. Home educating them. I am managing my home. Uh, it can and will wait.

That is my mantra for this kind of thing. It can wait. It is OK for it to wait. It is not the end of the world, or the end of anything. And it will wait because I am busy focusing on what really matters. I don’t want this to sound unkind, but I feel like we should be really choosy with who we should respond to regarding texting.

If you really think about it, it makes sense. If someone who isn’t in your immediate relationship circle – your family, your husband, your closest friend – is sending you a text message and you responded right way, you just gave them your time. You took time away from your family, kids, work, and you gave it to them. That’s the fact. You also just set a precedent letting them know they can text you anytime and get a response.

The same principle goes for the topic that you are texting about. Is this really worth your time?  I think we all need to wake up, myself included. Choose wisely how we spend our time, who we are spending our time with and on. Really get intentional in this area of our life.

We are raising a generation that will joke around about whose mom was staring at the square in her hand more often. That’s not what I want. I know it’s not what you want either.

That’s what intentionality is. Realizing, mindfully, what other people are not realizing. Seeing the problems and reacting, responding, by changing the way we are doing things. Even if it means being totally different than everybody else. That’s what this is about.

I encourage you. We have to change our phone settings. We have to put these amazing rectangles in their place. Let it be a gift and not a burden. Boundaries will help you do that. Setting the boundaries of time and space. Putting the phone where it belongs in your life.

If you would like to see the actual settings of my iphone, I have shared them in the checklist with this episode. It is completely free to download it. I would encourage you to download it and change your settings. It has changed my life so much.

Whenever I feel like I am burnt out or I am struggling with Instagram again, I detox. You can totally do this! I hope this makes you feel empowered and inspired.

Go download that free checklist. It will help you put “pedal to the medal.” Put action to this episode. Change your phone settings for a present life.

That link is alliecassaza.com/shownotes/24.

Go get your free checklist. Be encouraged! You guys can do this!

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This was an episode of The Purpose Show.  Thank you so much for tuning in.  If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, head to alliecasazza.com for free downloads, courses, classes and to learn more about what the next step might look like for you.  I am always rooting for you. See ya next time!

Ep 023: Tips for When Your Kids Are Sharing A Room

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Our family has gone through all kinds of seasons when it comes to room sharing. From putting all the boys together to turning our master bedroom into a room shared with 4 kids … we experienced it all! Room sharing fosters closeness. And you will find joy in watching them grow closer. One of my favorite things is listening to the kids giggle every night before bed. No matter how much they bickered during the day, they come together at the end of the day for bedtime. Sure, there are some challenges with room sharing! But I hope this episode helps you get creative with those challenges. The goal is to make your life simpler and easier, and to find what works for you!

 
 

In This Episode, Allie Discusses:

  • The different types of room sharing situations her family has gone through.

  • How using vertical space over horizontal space is key for shared bedrooms.

  • Tips for utilizing closets to their full capacity in shared spaces.

  • The importance of thinking minimalistically when it comes to clothing between kids who share a room.

  • How you save space in shared rooms by storing things in other areas of the house.

  • How to deal with the challenges of room sharing.

Mentioned in this Episode:

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Motherhood is hard. I am not going to lie to you about that. While it is servitude and giving to your family from yourself, it doesn’t have to be something that we are waiting to be over, something that we are counting down the minutes till naptime, or bedtime, or waiting for the next day to start. If you are wanting to sort through the clutter in your mind, your heart, your home calendar, your health, routines, and relationships, I created Unburdened just for you!

It is a guide that will help you go from drowning in the sea of stress and overwhelm, to owning your time and living the best version of your motherhood, so you can live abundantly while intentionally focusing on those who matter most. Unburdened is the overwhelmed beginner’s guide to a simpler motherhood.


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Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's mini courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to.  I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days.  I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it.  Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and i know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood.  I’m Allie Casazza and this is the The Purpose Show.

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Hey friends! Welcome to Episode 23 of The Purpose Show! I am excited about this episode because I received a surge of questions about this topic right after I put it on my editorial calendar.

I am going to talk today about when your kids share a room. This can work if you have two kids sharing a room, or if you are a psycho who has changed their master bedroom into a room for four kids. Yes, we have totally done that and loved it! We have done all different kinds of “kids sharing a room.”

There are a lot of reasons that you might have to or want to fit multiple kids into one bedroom.  We have done that in pretty much every house that we lived in. We have never had a house with every person having their own room. Before it was out of necessity because smaller houses are cheaper. Now, it is not out of necessity but we actually really intentionally looked for a house that didn’t have more than four bedrooms because we have grown to love our kids sharing a room. They love it. We like what we see in families who have kids who share rooms even as they get older.

I do think kids need their own space. Especially for us, Bella is our only girl. I think that there are also other ways to get your own space. It is good for kids to learn how to do that. I just really love the benefits of kids sharing rooms. As of right now, we have no plans to ever have our kids have their own room. We love that they share. It fosters a lot of closeness.

Another reason that we ditched our previous ideals of wanting to have a large house is because having less space forces you to be together all of the time. You are never that far from each other.  

Of course, that can get a little frustrating sometimes, but all in all, it has really brought our family closer together. You always know where everybody is. The kids come together at the end of the day and go to sleep in the same room. It is really great. It is really fun. They have a lot of fun conversations at night. We loved when all the kids were together.

As you guys might know, we bought a camper, we lived in it and traveled the U.S. for about seven months. The kids were incredibly squished together in that little camper. But those are some of our best memories. It was super fun.

We also are minimalists who like to spend our money on experiences over square footage.  There have been lots of different seasons and different points in our family where kids were sharing a room for one reason or another, so I have some things to say about this. I hope it helps and inspires you to put your kids in one room if you haven’t already. Or helps if you have to have your kids in the same room and are having a hard time with it.

We have four kids. Bella is our oldest and our only girl. We have the three boys in one room.  For the most part, I would say it has typically been that way. We have had Bella sharing a room with Leland, and Emmett sharing with Hudson. We have had the baby in our room for a long time. We have just moved things around as needed. We have done it all.

Right now, Bella is nine. She is definitely getting older. Being the only girl, it has worked well with her having her own space. Although I have to say, because of all the times that we have changed things around and utilized small space to make it feel bigger and work so well, it kind of kills me that she is by herself in her room because it is huge. It is like another master room. It is a really big room. The boys are bunked up in the smaller room altogether. It is really funny.

When we lived in the Midwest, we ended up taking the smaller bedroom for ourselves and making the 3rd bedroom into an office. It was at the time when we were starting the business. We gave the master bedroom with the attached bathroom to the kids and did double bunk beds in there. That was really cool. They really like it and it worked super well.

I think, whether you rent or own, be creative. I feel like people get stuck in what the room is supposed to be for, and you can do whatever you want. Make things work in a way that works for you.

One thing that I have found to be super helpful is if the room feels too small for the number of people, use vertical space whenever you can. It is the best, most impactful tip that I have. Using vertical space over horizontal space is huge for shared bedrooms and small spaces.

This came in so handy when we lived in the camper. It was a very small camper. We wanted to test out the “tiny living” thing because it was fun, a challenge, and it’s what I do for a living. It was cool to show my followers that we could live in this tiny little space and travel all over, so you guys can do anything.

You can use vertical space in a lot of different ways. I encourage you to go on Pinterest and search “vertical space storage ideas”, or “vertical space decorating” for inspiration.

The perfect example of vertical space is bunk beds. You can fit two kids on a half wall because the kids go “up.”  You can also do a bunk bed with a trundle underneath it so you have three kids in two bunk beds.

Do hooks vertically instead of horizontally.  Shelves that go all the way up the wall. You can put things at the top that you don’t want kids into. Simply turning shelving units on their side, making them vertical rather than horizontal, is huge.

Get outside of the normal box in your head and think vertically when you are trying to make the most use out of a smaller space.

My second tip is utilizing the closet in a way that suits your needs best. Kids clothes are typically shorter, because kids are shorter, which gives you a lot of floor and wall space underneath the hanging rod.

Most houses (and our current house) just have the normal fixed shelf and rod below it. The rod is pretty high up and the kids can’t reach their clothes. I will either get it down for them or leave a stepstool there so they can get it. But what I am seeing is that the higher-up rod leaves a lot of wall and floor space underneath, because their clothes are not long like adults.

We fit an extra dresser under the hanging clothes in the closet. We have also used that area to store toy bins, shoe bins. We have hung hooks under there to store backpacks and hats.

Get creative. Ask yourself, “What can I do with this space that will help me?”  Think about what you need in that room. What are you keeping in that room that you are having a hard time fitting? Maybe you can attach some hooks for dress-up clothes, or hats, or sports stuff.

In the boys’ room, we have their clothes hanging on the regular, higher-up rod, which leaves a lot of space underneath. On the left wall in the closet, we have one of those plastic bins that is like a dresser you get at Walmart or Target. I think people use them in the garage a lot. This holds all of the kids’ shoes. There are three drawers which is one for each kid’s shoes. Then on the right wall, there is a really cute white dresser that is Emmett’s dresser. Leland and Hudson share the main dresser that is in the room. It has six drawers, so they each get three drawers.

Also, most closets have shelving above the hanging rod.  Utilize that. What can you store there without it looking messy? What works for you and looks great?  Really get creative and utilize that space.

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Do you feel like you are barely getting through your days friend? Does motherhood feel more like a hurricane of chaos that you are just surviving rather than the awesome, joy-filled season that you want it to be?

Well, motherhood is hard. I am not going to lie to you about that. While it is servitude and giving to your family from yourself, it doesn’t have to be something that we are waiting to be over. Something that we are counting down the minutes till naptime, or bedtime, or waiting for the next day to start. If you are wanting to sort through the clutter in your mind, your heart, your home calendar, your health, routines, and relationships, I created Unburdened just for you!

It is a guide that will help you go from drowning in the sea of stress and overwhelm, to owning your time and living the best version of your motherhood, so you can live abundantly while intentionally focusing on those who matter most.

Unburdened is the overwhelmed beginner’s guide to a simpler motherhood.

In Unburdened, I will walk you through how to stop over-complicating, procrastinating, and just start making positive changes now.  How to declutter, just a little bit – not super deep into it, because you can’t handle that when you are this overwhelmed – but a surface declutter that will get you real results in your house so you can clean up less.

How to declutter toxic relationships in your life and set some good boundaries.  How to simplify cleaning, get healthy and feel better – finally!

How to simplify your calendar.  How to start owning your time and not just managing it as life happens to you.

How to stop just setting goals and letting them sit there. Start actually defining where you want to go and getting there through reverse engineering and goal-setting.

How to create a cleaning routine that works for you and your life.

This course is a mini-course.  It is small. It is straightforward. But it is everything for the mom who feels like she needs a total overhaul, but is too overwhelmed to start.

It will help you simplify the things that have you stuck and leave survival mode behind for good.

Is this resonating with you? Sound like you?  Does this sound like something that would really help you right now?  Go to bit.ly/getunburdened.

I really poured my heart into this little course.  I created it for the mom who is really wanting to simplify, declutter, and pursue a life of less, but she is so burdened and overwhelmed with the mess of life.  It’s not just her house. She wants to simplify at the surface of all the different things in her life so she can focus on her family more. So then she can focus more on really, truly purging her entire house.

If this sounds like you, I encourage you to check it out.  You are probably the person I created it for. I want you in there. I want it to help you.

Check it out.  bit.ly/getunburdened

 

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What’s great about that top shelf is it is obviously too high for the kids to use because of climbing, and a lot of the times it goes unused because of it. But I think it is a great space for that reason. Use it to store things that you don’t want your kids to have free reign with -  Legos, art supplies, puzzles. Things that are theirs and make sense to store in their room, but you don’t want them to be able to grab and go whenever they want.

The next tip is to apply minimalism when it comes to clothing when you are trying to fit your kids in one room. Minimalism is seriously beneficial when it comes to clothing in a shared space.

Our boys used to share one large Ikea dresser, all three of them. They have the clothes they currently need and wear. I never feel like we have too little clothing. I actually feel like we could get rid of a few things. It was an 8-drawer dresser. It worked really well for us. We got rid of that dresser when we moved because it was really heavy and not worth the move.

Now Emmett has his little dresser in the closet. The older boys each have three drawers in one shared black dresser in their room. I don’t think you ever, ever need more than three drawers per kid. If you feel like you do, you probably have too many clothes.

Share dressers. Find a dresser that works. Don’t be afraid to put your kid’s stuff in one dresser and find a way to make it work. You can put pajamas with pants. You can put shirts on the right side and underwear on the left side. Get creative and make it work. If you can’t make three drawers per kid work, you have too many clothes. They do not need that many clothes.

My next tip is to save space by storing things in other areas of the house. A lot of people say that they keep their kids’ toys in their room. For the first time ever, right now we are keeping their toys in their rooms. Toys can be stored in a bin that goes in the hallway closet or is tucked behind the sofa in the living room. Maybe you have a dedicated playroom. Get the toys out of the bedroom if you don’t have space for them to be in there.

What are bedrooms for? Getting ready for the day and sleeping. Coats, backpacks and school stuff can all be moved out to the entryway, mudroom, or the downstairs closet. Hooks can serve a wonderful purpose there.

You can opt for something with a bit of a statement like we did. We had a set of four vintage lockers that we painted a bright white. Each of our kids had an assigned locker by the front door for all of their daily stuff. Their shoes for the day, their coat, their backpack all went in the locker. Their bedrooms were just used for sleeping and clothes storage. They would make their bed and then come out of the room and be out of the room all day until bedtime. That saves a lot of space in shared bedrooms.

What can you get out of there and move somewhere else so that the room is really just for sleeping and getting dressed for the day? Then you are not really in there much. You don’t have to have a shared bedroom where every kid has their own desk, and their toys and everything is in there. When you are sharing a space you really need to apply minimalism and think “real.” What can you remove from this space?

I hope that makes sense. That really, really helped us.

Now, we don’t really need to do that. The boys are in a shared room. Leland and Hudson have the bunk beds. Emmett has his own free-standing bed on the opposite wall. Then there is a shared dresser on another wall. At the foot of Emmett’s bed, we have a really cute Ikea toy bin that I love. I will link to it in the show notes. All the boys’ toys (except for the Legos) go in there. Bella has a few horses that she keeps in her room. It works really well.

Next tip: use wheels to make room sharing with young kids easier and quieter. This is something that really helped me when we had small kids and we were in the having babies stage. We had siblings napping and they were sharing a room with an older kid.

Put things that your kids like to use in bins with casters on them so they can roll it out of the room when siblings are napping. Make things movable. Put the Legos in a cart with wheels so they can be played with somewhere else. Make things transferable.

For example, the way things are in their room right now would not work if Emmett were a baby. The toys are all in the one room and he would wake up if the boys were to go in there and get something.

If it is on wheels, and the baby needs to take a nap, the older boys could wheel out their activity cart before he goes down (or while he is down) and use it in the living room.  We used to have two activity carts that we got from Ikea (link in show notes). It worked really well. I would tell the boys that Emmett was going down for his nap and they needed to get whatever activity cart they wanted. They would wheel it out, down the hall to the living room and play quietly. That’s one of my favorite tips.

Another thing I want to address is the problem of chaotic, early morning wake ups. When one kid wakes up, they all wake up. They wake each other up. It is so annoying. I had my kids sharing a room and I was forced to come up with a solution, because it was hard for me.

So here is what I did when my kids were little, sharing a room and waking each other up really, really early. Get a giant digital clock for a few bucks. Hang it up, put it on the table, whatever. Explain what time it has to say for them to be able to use loud voices or come out of their room. Get ready for a week or two of being annoyingly consistent with this rule. After that, all of the sudden, it works.

The kids will decide that it is not worth waking up if they can’t be loud, come out to play, and get breakfast right away, and they start to sleep longer, which is amazing. Or they will catch on to the rules and stay in their room somewhat quietly and play until the magic time appears on the clock. Stick with it and it gets awesome. I promise!

This is also how I have quite morning time with all the kids waking up.  You know kids wake up way earlier than we ever want them too. This is a good solution. I hope these tips can help you with babies sharing with older siblings, naptime, and things like that.

If you have two kids in the room that need to nap but they don’t nap when they’re together, I would always put Bella in my bed to nap and let Leland nap in their room.

Be creative. Just because it is not “ideal” or “perfect”, it’s OK. The goal is to make your life simpler and easier. Shake things up. Use the rooms in your house in a way that maybe it wasn’t designed for, but that works better for you.

Have a rhythm where the oldest goes down for a nap in your room, while the baby goes down in his room. If your baby goes to sleep earlier than your toddlers do, find a way to make it work for you. Maybe you could put the baby down in the pack-n-play in another room and when they are super asleep, transfer them.

Have a routine where the kids hang out with you until they are really tired and then help them make it a game, “let’s quietly sneak and go to bed.” It doesn’t have to be awful.

I hope these tips help you fit the things into the rooms that you need to fit. I hope it makes you feel encouraged. I hope it inspires you to enjoy the joys of having your kids share rooms. It really is an honor and joy. I love having the kids sharing a room, seeing their relationships grow.

There are nights where one of the boys will want to have a sleepover in Bella’s room, because she doesn’t always want to sleep alone. They just love being together.

I love that all the boys are in the same room. I love that they have that memory of brotherhood. Every single night, no matter if there was bickering during the day or it was a hard, busy day, they all come together at the end of the day for bedtime. They always talk to each other, giggle, and joke around before they fall asleep. I love that. It is really a gift.

It doesn’t have to be as complicated as we sometimes make it.

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This was an episode of The Purpose Show.  Thank you so much for tuning in.  If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, head to alliecasazza.com for free downloads, courses, classes and to learn more about what the next step might look like for you.  I am always rooting for you. See ya next time!

Ep 022: Working with My Husband: Lessons Learned & Q+A

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Running a business with your spouse is like an amped up version of being married. You are together all the time. You are having business meetings together, eating 3 meals a day together, watching the kids together, planning new content together. You do all of it together. And when you are used to being on your own it is weird to, all of the sudden, be doing it together.

We are getting ready to celebrate 2 years since Brian quit his 9 to 5 job and have learned a few things. But my favorite part is that I get to run my passion project with my best friend. I don’t have to “fill him in” on things because he is here doing it with me. Maybe you + your husband work together. Maybe you guys are thinking about it. Or maybe you’re just curious about we do it! Whatever the reason, I hope that you find some encouragement in this episode.

 
 

In This Episode, Allie Discusses:

  • How to transition from “you’re always gone” to “you’re in my space all the time.”

  • The importance of support when running a business together.

  • How it’s not about who is the breadwinner, but about discovering who you are and the value you bring to the business.

  • Boundaries when it comes to running a business with your husband.

  • The pros + cons of working with your husband.

Mentioned in this Episode:

 

 

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Want more inspiration than just the podcast? Do you want videos? Do you want pdf’s? Do you want to download things and get your hands on something to really get you started when it comes to minimalism and simplifying your motherhood?

The Supermom Vault is for you! 


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to.  I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days.  I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it.  Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and i know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood.  I’m Allie Casazza and this is the The Purpose Show.

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Hey friends! Welcome to Episode 22 of The Purpose Show. In today’s episode I am going to be talking to you about working with my husband, Brian.

Most of you probably know that we run our business together. We have an S Corp and my blog, my courses, and what we do in my business are all underneath our incorporation. We run that together and there is a lot that goes into that.

Because we have a different dynamic in our relationship and lifestyle of running our business, I get a lot of questions, email, and messages about how this works. What is it like working with your husband? Do you like working with your husband? Does it cause any strain in your relationship? How do you balance the different areas of your life that you run together? Do you have boundaries?

I am just going to talk about this for a bit and answer a couple of the more common questions.  I would encourage you guys to find me on Instagram and send me questions if I don’t cover them in this episode.

Brian and I really love talking about it. We are passionate about it. We love what we do and we love our lifestyle together, although it was definitely a difficult transition. We have learned a lot along the way.

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At the time this episode airs, we will be a couple of weeks away from celebrating two years since Brian quit his 9 to 5 job, which was more like a 7 AM to midnight job. It was a lot of hours. He worked six days a week most of the time, 12-14 hour days all the time.

If you want to hear more about our story in terms of starting the business and how my blog got him away from that job, I would encourage you to listen to episode 6. It’s all about our story from complete poverty all the way to the other side through my blog and this business.  Go check that out. I will link it in the show notes.

It has been almost 2 years since Brian quit. I wrote in my notes to discuss the transition from “you’re always gone” to “you’re in my space all the time.” That’s really what it was.

That transition was really extreme. It was literally like “you’re always gone.” Brian would come home late at night, way after the kids’ bedtime, and a lot of the time after I was asleep. He would eat dinner really, really late. Then he would get up early in the morning, before the kids even woke up.

It was really, really hard. It felt like he was always gone. I did everything from dawn to dusk, bedtime and beyond, by myself. It felt like single parenthood. Making decisions. Running errands. Dealing with difficult toddlerhood issues. Raising the kids without Brian.

We went from that to the opposite. He quit. He was home. We were together all the time. For the first few months the focus was getting my business up and running in a way that would fully replace his income, and then exceed it. And it did exceed it, more than we ever could have imagined.

In the beginning he had to quit because it was necessary. It was, “either you quit or I do because I can’t keep doing it all.” I had the kids here, running our home life, cooking, taking care of the house, homeschooling, and trying to get a business to become a thriving thing all by myself.

We prayed and decided that he would quit and we would take a leap of faith. We had seen that it was a viable idea but we just hadn’t gotten to that point yet.

The first few months were fine because it was all about getting the business up and running and we did that together. Once it happened, we found ourselves in a different position. The business was doing pretty good. It was a lot but we were doing it together. It was great, but it was definitely strange for both of us in different ways.

For Brian it was like, “who am I if I don’t get up and go to work every day?” I had rhythms and routines in place, that I didn’t even realize that I had. A way of doing my day with the kids. A way of doing “house” that I didn’t realize was so important to me. I quickly realized that it was so important when Brian came into the mix and was “around” all the time. “Messing up” my house, my system and my day. When you are on your own, doing life, all of the time, it is weird to all of the sudden be together all of the time.

We had lots of different things that happened. We both worked on the business together – a lot – but Brian wasn’t leaving the house, going to a 9 to 5 job, clocking in, earning hourly wages, and then coming home. It was this never-ending thing where we were always working on the business, always talking about it. We were taking turns sharing the load of the house, the kids, meal preparation, and all of those things.

He started to plummet into this depressiveness from being “shell shocked.” He was grateful, but also kind of ungrateful because he felt like he didn’t know who he was without going to work every day. And I was struggling with just being “annoyed” all of the time because he was just kind of “there” all of the time. It was just hard for us. It was also weird. We were both so grateful and this was what we wanted. To be honest, we felt weird to be having a hard time with it.

We didn’t have any role models of people who had done this before us. My parents are entrepreneurs and they owned two businesses together since I was born, but it was just different. My mom ran more of a secretarial role in the business and my dad ran the physical “going and getting the job done” part of the business.  It wasn’t like ours. Our business is online, at home. We were making decisions and running it together.

There were really good things about it. We had awesome brainstorming sessions. We fell into this routine of doing that together every couple of days. We would get the kids in bed or lay them down for naps and then go into the office and shut the door. We had a wall full of white boards. We would have lunch together and come up with all these new content ideas.

It was so fun. It was so nice to have him there for that because I was trying to do that myself.  I am a very external processor, so it helped me greatly to fall into that routine of doing those audible, verbal brainstorming sessions with my husband, who is also my best friend. I trusted him. We had that really great dynamic together. It was really good.

It wasn’t like he left work and it was just awful. There are some really difficult parts of it that I want to be honest about. I feel like in today’s day and age, it is easy to make everything look super fluffy. While I am always really real, I can only share so much on social media. This is more of a platform where I can dive a bit deeper, and be honest. I want to share some of the things that we struggled with for some of you who may be in the same place, or may be considering getting into this lifestyle.

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Hey friend!  It’s Allie! Have you heard of the Supermom Vault yet?

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The Supermom Vault is only $39.00 and is available at alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

Check it out!  It’s a really good simple start.

Want more inspiration than just the podcast? Do you wish there were more episodes?  Want more details? Do you want videos? Do you want pdf’s? Do you want to download things and get your hands on something to really get you started when it comes to minimalism and simplifying your motherhood?

This is definitely the place to go!

Check it out!  Alliecasazza.com/allcourses

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I see it like this: Marriage already brings out your flaws. Everybody knows that. Anyone who has been married will tell you that. In wedding ceremonies, the pastor always makes a joke about that, or comments on that. Marriage will really bring out any flaws. Anything you think is quirky or comical about a person, will soon become an annoyance and a major flaw once you are married and settled in. That’s just what marriage does. It brings out the flaws of the other person to you. And it brings out your own flaws to them and to yourself.

But being married and running a business with your spouse, will not only bring out your flaws, but it will shine a five billion lumen floodlight on them. And bring out a thousand others that you may not have known you had. Or that the other person had.

It is very vulnerable. It is very unique. It definitely will show you everything that is wrong with you. It will show you everything you don’t like about the other person.  It will show you every difference that you have.

I found the key to navigating it is to decide that you are going to work through things. That you are going to work through the differences and problems instead of ignoring it, sweeping it under the rug. Ignoring it because you are too busy and you need to focus on the business. Or just calling it out and saying that you don’t like and demanding the person to change it.

Running a business with your spouse is like being married on crack. It is a really amped-up version of being married.

Having said that, I wanted to dive into the things that I have learned in the past two years of Brian being home with me and us running the business together. These are a few simple things that came to my mind when I was thinking about this episode.

The first thing I learned is that his support is so crucial. In our relationship, I am definitely more of the self-centered one. I am more of a “taker” and Brian is more of a “giver.” I am more of the classic entrepreneur. The “don’t stop until you make it” type. I come up with a lot of ideas. I just have an entrepreneurial spirit.

I tended to think that I could do things myself and didn’t need any help. It is why I had a hard time hiring people in the beginning of my business. I thought “nobody can do this like I can” or “I can do this myself” or I don’t need anybody else.”

It’s not like I walked around saying that to myself all of the time. It was just an inner attitude.  I very quickly learned that Brian’s support is so crucial to my success and the success of my business. I definitely could not have him be indifferent or not thrilled about what I am doing. I will fully admit that I need him.

I need him in my life. I need him in the house. I need him in my business. I need his support. I need his brainstorming sessions. I need his input. I need his calm, steady presence when I have to fire someone, or have a difficult discussion with someone. I absolutely would do this so much worse without him. He is crucial. His support of the business, my passion, my mission, and what I am doing, is so, so crucial.

The second thing I have learned is that being the breadwinner is inconsequential. It doesn’t really matter. We learned together that Brian’s value does not lie in being the breadwinner, which he was. We had always been in agreement that I would be home with the kids. I never really imagined doing anything else. It’s not like I was a stay-at-home mom who was always bored. One who couldn’t wait for her kids to get older so she could do her own thing. I had a lot of friends who had that mindset, but I never related to that. I was very, very content to be a stay-at-home mom.

When things got really difficult and super tight, I would always think about getting a part-time job or find a way to help. Brain would always say, “If that’s what you really want to do, I will support you, but I do not want you to do that for money. I love having you here and I know you love being here.” That’s the page we both landed on for forever.

It’s so funny. I can’t even tell you how surprised I am that this is where we have landed. That, not only do I have something else that I am doing, but that it is our livelihood.

We quickly learned that Brian’s value does not lie in being the breadwinner. And neither does mine. My value doesn’t lie in being the breadwinner. Brian found who he truly is during this change in our lifestyle. We have both discovered what really makes a man and what makes a man a good man through this process. It really has nothing to do with “bringing home the bacon.”

Without Brian, this business would fall apart because I would not have that support, encouragement, and brainstorm sessions that I desperately need to keep this thing going.  And to keep myself going so that I can do these things.

I am such an introvert. I love what I do. I love it. But at the end of a day of recording, interviews, speaking to a group of women, I am just so drained. And he knows exactly how to refill that well for me. How to help me refresh my spirit and find rest. He knows when I need to talk and when I need him to not talk at all. He is so supportive and encouraging. I just couldn’t do this without him.

It’s not about either of us being the breadwinner. It’s become an identity in our culture. We quickly saw that. We quickly saw how much Brian was depending on that for himself as a man. Finding his identity in what he did.

He didn’t find purpose in what he did (installing cable), but he found purpose in supporting his family, being the breadwinner and providing. Outside of that, he didn’t really know who he was. Who can blame him? With those hours it’s not like he had time to go on a soul-searching expedition or anything.

We see it as, “Could I find someone else to take photos and create videos for me?”  Of course I could. Without me the business would keep going, just without any new content straight from Allie Casazza. Neither of us is “all important.” Neither of us is the “breadwinner.” We are both replaceable.

However, we are both a reason this thing has taken off.  We are both looking up, praying, as we seek God’s guidance in managing His business. It’s His; not ours. We are both working hard to spread this message of hope and light further and further for mothers everywhere. We are both passionate about that. Brian’s passion comes from mine. We are connected. We are one. I am so passionate about this that it has made him passionate too. This is our business and our thing.    

We purposely built the business up to a point where the team is managing the backend so much that if something traumatic happens in our family and we need to fall off the face of the planet for a year, the business will keep going. Keep making money without us. It is good. It is something that give us peace. We are both totally replaceable. Neither is more important than the other.

Just because it’s alliecasazza.com, and it’s my voice in your earphone right now, has nothing to do with it. Because I wouldn’t be here, talking, if it hadn’t been for Brian. Truly. I wish there were more words in the English language for me to express how valuable and precious his support is to me.

The next thing that I learned is that boundaries are good. When you are married, you have kids, and a business – boundaries are good. But sometimes we don’t feel like we need them.

I guess what I mean by that is when do you talk about business? When do you talk about homeschooling? When do you talk about you? When do you discuss your life on date night?

I have heard the rule, “don’t talk about the kids or business on date night.” I understand why people say that. I don’t know if maybe Brian and I have something different than other couples. Everyone seems to give that advice. Business can get touchy; it’s related to money. That can be a hot button issue for sure.

But, Brian and I are really passionate about what we do, what our business is for and we like talking about it. When we go on date night, we always talk about our kids. About homeschooling. About what we want to do about business. Talk about work. Talk about our team members. Talk about what goals we are reaching. We also talk about other things, like what books we are currently reading. What we feel like we are learning in our relationship with the Lord. We also talk about us.

I guess I would say that boundaries are good and they have a place, but it’s OK to feel like you don’t really need them. You just love what you do. You love your life together. Your business is a part of that life. Your kids are a part of that life. Your work is a part of that life.

We definitely make sure that there is a balance in our talks together. I will say, “how do you feel about us and where our relationship is at right now?” Then we can steer the conversation away from the kids and business, and just talk about us.

We talk really openly with each other. We are so open with each other. We will talk about our relationship. What problems we think we have had lately. Brian might flat out say, “I feel like we need to spend a little more time alone together and not with the kids.”  “I really feel like we need to up our date nights.” A few months ago we really amped up our date nights. We go every week, religiously. And we love it.

We have that balance. What needs our attention right now? This is our life together. The kids. Money. It’s all a part of it. If it is date night and there is something that needs our attention, but we are pretty good, we will talk about it. We don’t have those hard boundaries. It would make me so stressed to not talk about something that we need to talk about.  

I am an external processor. Brian is such a good listener and he loves talking about our life together. He always wants to ask me questions and find out what I need help with. Is there anything I want to talk about? Is there anything new going on? More often than I, he will have things to talk about. We like talking about our life together when we are together.

I have found having those tight boundaries doesn’t work for us. We definitely do have some boundaries and times where we need to focus more on us, but we kind of go with what we need. What we need to talk about. What needs our attention and we both enjoy doing that together.

I wanted to talk about that famous saying, “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” There is truth in that. We definitely felt that from our previous lifestyle of always being separated and really missing each other. When we were planning this big change in our life, I was definitely worried how that would affect us.

It has been so much better this way. If you choose to openly discuss and work through the hard parts, the awkward parts, the annoyed parts, I would say “presence makes the heart grow fonder.”

Absence makes the heart grow fonder because reality fades away. When you are together all day, every day, you are in it together. You are doing life and all the mundane parts of it, side-by-side, hand-in-hand, together. And in that, presence makes the heart grow fonder.

I do not feel like sobbing through another episode (referencing episode 6 again) but I do want to communicate that I just don’t know where we would be if we didn’t make this transition.  Things were so hard and our relationship was always strong, close, and open. I was always so proud of our relationship despite our hardships. But being together – all day, every day, sharing the load, doing life together, really truly, in day-to-day situations that you can’t have if you are not together – has grown us closer than I ever thought possible.

I don’t want anyone to be really annoyed, turn this off, find me, and slap the crap out of me in an alleyway somewhere because they were so annoyed by what I am about to say, but I have just have to say it. Sometimes I just stop and think about us and I just can’t believe this. I can’t believe how close and sweet our marriage has grown from making this change and actually doing our days together. It has really made a difference.

I want to encourage you guys that if this is something you want and you’re worried about it. Yeah, it’s going to make you work on stuff. But it is going to make you work on things that you would get out of working on if you weren’t together all day, every day.

To wrap things up, I wanted to touch on what I like about this lifestyle and what I don’t like about it. Keep it super honest.

What I like about this lifestyle is the freedom. Instead of having “work hours”, I have more of a “running task list” that I can fit in whenever it works for me. If we want to ditch everything for the day and go to Disneyland with the kids, we can – because of homeschooling, running our own business and being the CEO’s. It’s really nice. It works really well for being such a busy family. It definitely helps me remain pretty mellow because things can ebb and flow and switch around when they need to. It makes it unpressured and easy.

Another thing that I life about this lifestyle is the constant help from each other. If Brian needs help, needs a break, or really wants to make it to a Crossfit class, I can take over and just do everything.  Actually, by the time this comes out he will have returned, but in a couple of weeks Brian is going on a guys’ trip to Nevada for a full week. That’s something that he really, really needs. It is going to be so good for him. I am so happy that he gets that time.

I will be taking over. I have cleared my work schedule. I will handle all the homeschooling and the house. Go back to how things used to be for a week. I have his back. And I can make sure he has a great time. I am holding down the fort.

I can’t even tell you how many times it has been reversed. I am in a Mastermind and we did a retreat in L.A. I was gone for 3 ½ days and Brian took over and handled everything. I don’t come home to a disastrous house. I don’t come home to everything undone and the kids haven’t showered. We have each other’s back.

When I needed to visit my friend in Florida, he was here. When we lived out of state, and I wanted to come home to California and visit family to do some test runs for the creation of my course, he held down the fort for five days. We take turns. We have each other’s back. That’s neat that we have the freedom to do that.

I also think that doing day-to-day life together is pretty uncommon because of jobs. It’s really beautiful. It gives us something that others don’t have. I see that a lot. I am really grateful for it.

My favorite thing is being able to run my passion project with my best friend and not having to “fill him in” on things because he is here doing it with me.

I have a couple of things that I don’t like but I don’t want to focus too much on them.  Honestly, we have worked through them during this process (like I was talking about before).  But, of course, there are pros and cons to everything.

What I don’t like is those “blurred lines.” Are you the co-owner of the business? Are you my co-teacher with kids? Are you my husband? It definitely blurs the lines and that can be difficult sometimes.

Of course, there is a heightened chance of arguments. It was really bad at first for sure. We really struggled. We went through about six months of constant bickering because we were just not used to being together all day. We were balancing a lot of new things. It was a stressful time. It was very new. It was super, super hard.

There is more that we are doing together, which makes more to argue about. But I can tell you from the other side now that you can work through that. You can totally fix that. It is not like that at all anymore.  It is in the past. We are so far removed from that. But you need to be on guard. You need to remain kind and respectful of each other. You have more against you in terms of arguments.

I think it is important to always choose gratitude. At some point in your life, all your hopes and dreams, can happen. They can turn sour if you choose to focus on the negative or you don’t work on the hard parts. The grass is always greener on the other side. When you get there, you are going to have problems, just different ones. You have to choose to stay grateful, focus on the positive, and work on the negative. Don’t just accept it as what it is. Don’t be annoyed about it. Don’t let it make you resentful. Choose gratitude. Work on things. And your life can totally turn around from that.

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This was an episode of The Purpose Show.  Thank you so much for tuning in.  If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, head to alliecasazza.com for free downloads, courses, classes and to learn more about what the next step might look like for you.  I am always rooting for you. See ya next time!