self care

EP 105: Simple, Stellar Style: Everyday Wear Must-Haves

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Style and clothing should make you feel good, right? It should make you feel confident and put together. But so many times we say “I don’t have time to pick out my outfits” or “I’ll just throw this on.” This leads to negative thinking about how we look and ultimately impacts how we feel. It doesn’t have to be this way! One of my biggest goals in life is to put an end to the mom-frumping thing! Just because you are a mama doesn’t mean you stop caring about yourself use it as an excuse to not care how you feel about your clothes. Getting dressed can be fun, simple and you can totally have a stellar style! Let’s dive in!

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • Understanding your season of life and what that means for your wardrobe.

  • Keys for dressing your shape, with your style in mind.

  • Her everyday style must haves (and she definitely shares all of them!)

  • Why it is super important for you to get rid of the things that don’t make you feel amazing.

Mentioned in this Episode:


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All this talk about style and the core aspects of building a wardrobe that you love and that serves you cannot be done if your home is totally cluttered. Clutter gets in the way of you feeling the way you want to feel and you living the life that you want to live in all aspects. Especially when it comes to things that can feel ‘extra’ like getting dressed for the day and liking the way you look and feeling good. And that's actually not an ‘extra’ - that should be a given - and for a lot of moms it's just not.

Clutter is Step One to getting rid of all the stuff that's in your way so that you can live a life like this. So you can feel good. So you can have some white space in your brain to even be thinking style and your wardrobe!

If all this talk about your closet is making you wish you were in a place where you could focus on this, maybe it's time to declutter your home. This is the first step! Your Uncluttered Home is everything you need to get there!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Mamas! I am so excited to be recording this! I have been wanting to talk about this for a long time. I have been begged to talk about it for even longer, which of course makes me even more excited to share it because I know that it’s something that you want.

We are going to talk about style. We're going to talk about getting dressed and having simple, stellar style. Every Day Must-Haves! This is going to be a golden episode and I've got a few things I want to say before we dive in to these style must-haves.

First of all, one of my biggest goals in life is to put an end to the mom-frump thing. If you are a simple person and you don't care, that is your prerogative. You go! You do you. As long as you feel good, who cares?

But more than almost anything, I hate when I hear women, moms, talking about getting dressed like it's some extra thing. “Nobody has time for that,” or “I just threw this on.” They have this mentality of excuse making where it's somehow okay that they don't feel good.

Everybody has seasons where you're not sleeping, you've got a newborn, you're breastfeeding, whatever, and you just threw yourself together and we need to have grace for each other in those seasons. I absolutely had those times in my life. I had days where I had a nursing bra on, threw on a t-shirt that I didn't know had breast milk stains on it, threw on some concealer in the car while I drove and got to mom's group or the park day or whatever it was and just looked like a complete hot mess. And the only thing saving me being my oversized sunglasses to hide the bags under my eyes. I absolutely had those time. I am out of that season now.

But it's not about that. It is about when you are using motherhood as an excuse to not care about yourself and to not feel like your best self.

Having said that, I've got to tell you, this episode is loaded! Loaded, loaded, loaded with my secret favorites after years of spending thousands of dollars finding the best of the best in my opinion.

I am a person who likes clothes. I do not do the capsule wardrobe thing, although I do have a very intentional, minimalist for me, wardrobe. The things that I have in my closet, I actually wear. They have a purpose. They serve me and my body very well. I have found what are good investments and what are not. I have bought and had to donate or give away a lot of pieces of clothing.

And so, the things listed in this episode are not random, cheap junk. They are my true favorites after lots of searching. They are the things that I've continued to buy when the originals wear out. They are the things I have come back to over and over because they're that good. This is like Allie’s Faves.

Now let's talk about dressing for your shape and how do you even dress yourself in the first place? I think that one of the biggest keys for how I live my life and how I dress is I balance dressing for my shape and dressing how I want to dress.

Dressing for your shape means knowing what shape and style of clothing look best on where your curves are or aren’t. Dressing how you want means never saying the phrase, “I can't pull that off,” or “I wish I could pull that off,” or “I wish I could get away with wearing that,” and doing whatever you freaking want. Wear what you want!

I like to balance those two things. I don't think that either one is the end-all/be-all. I don't think that you should just wear what you want, whatever, it doesn't matter, who cares, there’s nothing else to consider. Because you want to look your best, right?

But I also don't think that you should think or say to yourself, “Okay, I need a dress for my shape and that means I can't wear that.” Or “I have bad skin so I can't wear that lip color,” or “I can't do this.” I call BS on that. I think that we need to find the balance between dressing for our shape and dressing how we want, wearing what we want to wear.

Here's an example. It actually is not a clothing example. I should have thought of a better one, but it's lip color example. I used to love, love, love when women would wear a bold pop of color on their lips. I just thought it was so cute, so beautiful, but I believed that I couldn't pull it off because I had really bad acne in the past and I have a lot of scars. And I just don't have incredible lips or anything. I just thought because of those two things I couldn't pull off a bold lip color. Total BS! I got rid of that belief. I bought a nice pop of pink lip color that went well with my skin tone and I nervously left the house the first day with it on. I could not count how many compliments were pouring in as I ran my errands, did my thing, went to mom's group that day, everything that I did that day and it taught me a valuable lesson.

Find the balance between what works for you and what you want and run with that. Run with it. Own that. Own your shape. Own what you are. Own your size. Own your skin. Own it all. And balance between dressing for what works best for that and how you want to dress. What you want to put on your face and body. What you want to wear. Okay, so that's Step 1.

Then next - I think it's important to mention before we get into the style must-haves that you need to get rid of absolutely everything that doesn't make you look and feel utterly amazing. Seriously. Just get rid of it now. Even if you can't replace it right now because why bother holding onto it if it doesn't make you feel amazing?

I hate when people are like, “Oh, I was just running out to Walmart and wearing this and it looked terrible on me. It looked so bad on my butt. I just ran out of the house in it to grab milk and of course I ran into so and so.” Why do you even have that if it makes your butt look awful and you know you don't feel good in it? Why do you even have it then? Let it go.

I say this all the time and I mean it 100%. I absolutely love every single thing that I have from my pajamas to my activewear (that being what I work out in) to my fanciest speaking engagement outfit, I love it all. I feel amazing in it. Even the things that I wear around the house for a day of cooking and working on my laptop, I feel amazing. I love it. I love every single thing and I honestly can say that. I want you to get there too.

And I felt that way before... when we were really not doing well financially, so it's not a budget thing. I mean, that definitely helps now, but I've always prioritized that and I've always felt that way. I mean, not always but since I learned these lessons in my life, you know, many years ago, I have lived this way and held that belief and stuck with it. You should love everything you own and you should feel amazing in it.

So, if something that you own doesn't make you feel amazing…If your pajamas are gross, they don't make you feel sexy, they don't make you feel like ripping them off and getting it on with your hubby, they don't make you feel super sexy, super good and ready for a great night's sleep, if your loungewear doesn't flatter you, make you feel super hot, cozy, and like a cute mom, get rid of it.

If your church clothes don't make you feel beautiful and dressed up (I say ‘church clothes’ because that's what I get dressed up for on the weekend because I don't do a ton on the weekend.) Your date night outfits…oh, date night outfits…if you don't even have date outfits – girl, no! You need to have what you need for the life you want to live that make you feel amazing. Okay? So, change that if that is not describing your life and your closet.

Okay, are you guys ready for the gold? (that’s me rubbing my hands together) Take a drink of water and we're going to get into the gold.

My everyday style must-haves. What that means is the things that I wear on my typical days in my life. I'm a mom. I've got four kids. I work at home. I homeschool at home. I'm home a lot. But I also run a lot of errands. I also need to be put together most days because part of my job is to be on camera and sharing my life and the ins and outs with you guys on social media. So, I enjoy feeling put together day-to-day. I like showing up for my life.

When I was a stay-at-home mom, I liked showing up for that. I'm the CEO of my home and my family first, my company next. I like to show up for every single part of my role in my life. It doesn't matter if you work outside the home or if you're a stay-at-home mom or whatever it is, I think you should dress for your every day and I think you should show up for your life.

So, I'm sharing my everyday style must-haves for the way that I spend most of my days, which is pretty casual.

Okay. Above all else…number one on the list is 2-3 great bras. This is above all else. You can have the cutest outfits in the world, but if the girls ain't sittin’ where they should be sittin’, it's not going to look great and you're not going to feel great. You're going to look at a photo of yourself and be like, “Why are my kneecaps perked up? Oh, those aren't my knee caps. Those are my breasts.” Get them up. Your boobs should sit in the middle of your upper arm. That's kind of the rule, so if your bra isn't keeping your boobs up that high, it's not good.

I have had the worst experiences with bras ever. I have paid good money for a crappy bra. I have paid no money for a crappy bra. I have really experienced it all.

I was super, super skeptical to try…Have you guys heard of that company, Third Love? It's like an online bra shopping. I was so skeptical because I was like, “How can I get the right bra size if I can't try it on?” I just was really skeptical but I was so desperate and sick of Victoria Secret, sick of going to Nordstrom, going to Target. I've tried everything – higher end and lower end - and I just always had the back fat digging in, crappy bras. They would stretch out really fast. They just weren't good quality. They just weren't made well at all. So, I tried Third Love out of desperation because I kept seeing the ads in my Instagram feed and I was just really intrigued.

So, I tried them. And I will admit I had to try them and send them back several times. But once I found my size…you guys, you guys…so good! I love their bras. Once I found my size, I ordered three more different styles for the types of shirts that I wear and the types of colors that I want underneath. So…nude, white, black, strapless, criss-cross back, t-shirt bras. I got 2-3 more of the size that I found that I was and this is going to sound so dumb but seriously, it makes my days better. I look forward to getting dressed because I'm telling you their bras have made that much of a difference. I did not put this on the top of the list for no reason. I absolutely love Third Love bras!

It is worth having the irritation of kind of ordering the size that you think you are, trying them on and it not being quite right, trying half a size down because they have half sizes too and it's so cool about them because I'm a half size.  It was worth that. It was totally, totally worth it.

Then once I got the one that was my size, I ordered all the styles that I know I need for my wardrobe in that size and I have never been happier with my bras ever! I am sold. I am hooked - pun intended and planned. You're welcome. I love Third Love! Like love. I highly recommend them.

So, a few good bras above all else for your wardrobe everyday style must-haves. Okay?

Next, a good sports bra with divided cups. What I mean by that is I'm very anti-uniboob.

You know the sports bras that are like a tube top and it looks like one long rectangular shaped breast. Nope! We say “no” to that.

Get a great sports bra with the divided cup. A lot of them will either have an indention in the middle of your boobs and they give you a regular bra look. You can see you have two breasts, but it's a sports bra. Or the ones I like by Calia, which is Carrie Underwood's activewear line. I've been really impressed with them. I really like them. They have a zipper in the middle so it opens in the front, super easy to get on, very secure, very high intensity sports bra. It feels a little weird sometimes to put that on when I'm just hanging around the house or cleaning, but I'm wearing sporty clothes and I just feel weird wearing a regular bra.

A good sports bra with divided cups, maybe get 2 or 3 of those as well, depending on your lifestyle. I work out three days a week and I wear sports bras a lot of the time when I'm just at home or just running errands. I really only wear regular bras when I'm dressed in jeans and a top and going somewhere.

I have three of the good sports bras with divided cups. Two of them are from Calia. I do have one from Nike, but I prefer the Calia ones. I would highly recommend those.

The next thing is (and my podcast editor is a dude. So Daniel, I'm so sorry for all the boob talk) the next thing that I would say is I don't really know what to call them, but laced under things for cleavage covering.

I am a bigger-chested lady (again, so sorry Daniel) and I just am not a fan of my cleavage hanging out everywhere. I have learned that it's kind of unavoidable and I'm going to have some sometimes and people can just get over it and deal with it, but for me to feel good, comfortable, and relaxed, I do like to have a little bit of a lace covering underneath shirts that go a little bit lower. I really like it when they are lace. I really don't like wearing two shirts, like having a camisole underneath my shirt. So, I have found that lace tube-top-style under things are the best option.

It's like a little bit of lace sticking out from whatever top you're wearing and Freepeople actually makes these tube top style lace things you just put over your bra. They're so cute and they have a bunch of different colors. Some are neutral, some are bright. I have a cream one, a white one, a black one, a brown one. And then I have a couple of happier colors. I have a green one and a pink one so I can mix and match depending on what I'm wearing.

I wear them almost every single day. Anytime I wear a top that goes a little bit lower, I have that on underneath. And that's how I get that lace little peek out, peekaboo top, without having to wear two shirts because once summer comes here in southern California and it gets to be like 120+ degrees, I'm not wearing two shirts. Okay? That's not happening. So, I love those. Love them. And I'm linking to all of this stuff in the show notes, okay? So that will be there and I'll give you guys the link at the end of the episode. So, lace under things for cleavage coverage. That's my favorite.

Okay, let's talk about denim cause I'm a jeans wearing girl. Here are the basic types of jeans that I like to have. You guys, remember, these are my must-haves. This isn't all I have, but these are if I was rebuilding my wardrobe again from scratch, knowing what I know now, these are the must haves. Okay. Distressed jeans for sure.

I prefer a boyfriend style but that might not work for your shape or you might not prefer that for your shape. It doesn’t matter. You can do skinny jean whatever, but distressed jeans, which means they have rips and tears and they look lived in and cozy.

My favorite is from Brooklyn Denim Co. They're a really light wash and they've got random rips and tears on the knees and a couple on the thighs. They're boyfriend style, super easy. I can wear them with heels. I can wear them with tennis shoes. I can wear them with my clogs. I can wear them with anything, dress them up or down. They're a very good basic distressed jean. So, a distressed pair of denim is for sure one of the things I would put at the top of my list in my everyday must-have style list.

Next is a pair of basic denim skinny jeans. So basic denim, meaning it's a medium shade of denim. It's not too dark, not too light, and there's no rips or tears, just regular denim, skinny jeans. I prefer some with some stretch.

I wear these with tennis shoes. I can dress them up or down, same as the other jeans, I can do whatever. But they're just basic and skinny style. I can pair them with different t-shirts, blouses, sweaters, or whatever.

My favorite pair of skinny jeans ever…I have bought these twice and they last forever. As I have lost a little bit of weight and they have more than a little bit of hole in the thigh from wearing them for years, I bought them again, the same ones. And I think that says a lot because I didn't feel the need to go and look for something better or try something different. They are from Madewell. I will link to them. They're amazing.

So, distressed jeans and a basic denim skinny jean.

Next would be a black high-waisted pair of skinny jeans. I would prefer high-waisted because I have an hourglass figure and my waist is smaller so I want to highlight that whenever I can. I love the look of high-waisted skinny jeans with a flowy blouse tucked in kind of coming out the top a little bit. You know what I mean? I dress like that a lot. If you guys follow me online, you will probably know exactly what I'm talking about. I would say that black, high waisted skinny jeans are the most flattering for me and would absolutely be on my everyday style must-have list if I had to rebuild my wardrobe from scratch.

The ones that I love the most are also from Madewell. There are two that I have loved. One is a distressed blackwash. There's no rips in the jean. It's just a distressed color of black, you know what I mean? Where there’s like gray parts of it? It's a very faded black.

The other pair is stark black.

These are excellent for dressing up. My stark black, high-waisted skinny jeans from Madewell are my go-to for speaking engagements and for photo shoots because they're super flattering.

Those are the three pieces of denim I would start with, if I had to start over. Distressed jeans, basic denim skinny and black, high-waisted skinny jeans. There are more that I think are great, but those are the ones that are my must-haves.


Hey, beautiful friend! I know right now we're talking about style and the core aspects of building a wardrobe that you love and that serves you, but I also know that there's no way I would've ever been able to even begin to wrap my brain around this and definitely not start to do this if my home was totally cluttered. If I was always cleaning, but the house was never clean. If my closet was super overrun with clothes that weren't fitting me anymore and serving me.

Clutter gets in the way of you feeling the way you want to feel and you living the life that you want to live in all aspects. Especially when it comes to things that can feel ‘extra’ like getting dressed for the day and liking the way you look and feeling good. And that's actually not an ‘extra’ - that should be a given - and for a lot of moms it's just not.

Clutter is Step One to getting rid of all the stuff that's in your way so that you can live a life like this. So you can feel good. So you can have some white space in your brain to even be thinking about stuff like that.

And I want you to feel better. I want you to live a full, good, abundant life that's not just barely getting by and not feeling good about yourself.

So if all this talk about your closet, your wardrobe, and style is making you wish you were in a place where you could focus on this, maybe it's time to get the clutter out of your way so that you can. My online program, Your Uncluttered Home, is exactly why I created that. It's everything that you need to get started. It's everything that you need to go all the way, not just get started.

This course is my signature program. It is what I'm most known for. It is a deep, deep dive into the stuff that is clogging your life, clogging your home, clogging your brain and causing you more stress. It's not good. Studies show us that clutter has a serious effect on us.

Your Uncluttered Home will take you through every single thing that has to do with you becoming a more minimalist mom.

And we're not talking about unrealistic, perfect minimalism that's not going to serve you. That's going to take up all your time. That’s going to take you months and months to work through. That's going to have you analyzing every single thing in your home and doing things that you're not comfortable with to try to decide whether you should keep it or not.

No. This is by a mom, for moms. That's what's given me the fame that surrounds how I speak about minimalism. Because it's realistic. It's doable. It's actionable. It's simplified. And it's going to work for you. It's relative to you, who you are and what is important to you, not what somebody else says is important for you.

To learn more about this amazing program, why it's awesome, what's in it, all the details about that and how you can enroll, go to alliecasazza.com/nomoreclutter. And do not forget - everyone who listens to The Purpose Show can use the code at checkout PURPOSESHOW and get 10% off of this program at any time.

Go check it out. I want to see you in there. I want to help you make a difference.


Okay, next on the must-have list is V-neck t-shirts. I would do black, white, and gray in the Whisper t-shirt from Madewell. Madewell makes a very light, easy to tuck in the front t-shirt that comes in V-neck shape. I believe they also come in scoop neck, but with the way my shoulders are, being bigger breasted, and the way my shape is, V-neck is the best choice for me. It's just much more flattering. I love regular scoop neck t-shirts and you will see me wear them, but I know that a V-neck t-shirt is my best everyday look.

I do have black, white and gray in the Madewell Whisper t-shirt. I will, of course, like I said, link to that in show notes. That is what I would get for my basic t-shirt must-haves if I was going to do it over again.

Next on my must-have list are loose-fit graphic tees. Loose fit meaning these are not form fitting. They are a little bit looser. I could tuck them in the front to highlight my waist.  Maybe there's some that are a little bit longer and I could wear them with leggings. These are just loose fit, graphic tees.

I really like “band” tees, although, I won't wear any from a band that I don't actually love. So, I have a couple of Def Leppard tees cause if you know me really well you know that I love Def Leopard and I've been to like four concerts with my mom and that's a piece of me. So, loose-fit graphic and “band” tees like that. I think they're super cool, super relaxed, very casual, very cute, easy to dress up or down.

I have worn a graphic tee tucked into skinny jeans with high heels for date night and I have worn them with a shirt tied around my waist and leggings and tennis shoes. You can do whatever you want.

Those are my favorite types of clothing - the ones you can do whatever you want with.

I also really love loose-fit tees in general, especially loose-fit tees that have purpose, like they have words or a message behind them or they're from a company that I believe in.

I'm going to link to all my favorite companies, but I really love Ascot and Heart. I love Three Bird Nest. I love Nellie Taft. I love All Good Things Co. And I love Bando. Those are my top places to get my t-shirts.

The next on the must-have style list are loose-fit tank tops. You noticing a theme and loose fit? So, while I do have a small waist, I don't always want to highlight that and have everything clinging to me. It's not comfortable. I want to be comfortable. So, I compliment that by tucking in my t-shirts, tucking in my loose fit tops in the front to highlight my waist. Even if you don't have a small waist you can do what’s called The French Tuck. You tuck in just the front of your shirt and it is flattering, so flattering.

So, loose fit tank tops for layering under oversized cardigans (which is one of my favorite things to do in the fall and winter) and sweaters or a jacket. What I love about doing that is that because it's a tank top, it won't leave a line on your arm, because if you layer a t-shirt with a cardigan the shirt sleeve bunches up and leaves the line and it's super annoying. It's a pet peeve of mine. I hate it.

I like to have several basic colors of loose fit tank tops for layering under oversized cardigans. This is the only cheap, like really cheap, kind of like everywhere option that I think I have on my list, but I do love the Luxe tank tops from Old Navy. You can get them online. I have them in cream, olive and black and I wear them often, so I will link to those as well.

Next is let's talk about blouses real quick. I do think that it's important to talk about blouses and that is something that I of course would rebuy if I was rebuilding my wardrobe. But I don't have any specific ‘this blouse’ or ‘this brand’ but I'm more focused on what are the features that I need in a good blouse. And when I say ‘blouse’ I'm talking about shirts that I would wear on date night, to church, when I'm speaking, when I'm dressed and going and doing something for the day, having brunch with a friend, you know, whatever it is. So, when I'm not super casual and wearing a t-shirt.

The features that I look for in a blouse, being an hourglass shape, are I normally want it to be a little flowy in the sleeve and a little more form fitting in the waist. That's my favorite look. You'll see in my photo shoots often I have a form fitting shirt in my waist, but the sleeves are either puffy or flowy, are a little loose. Or sometimes they're not. Sometimes they are just tight all the way around, but they're just flattering tight. They're not like sucking me in, line from my bra, hanging out in the back really bad (sometimes that’s unavoidable), but it's not unflattering.

Sometimes there's exceptions to those rules, but typically my favorite features in a blouse are flowy sleeves, fitted around the waist. And when I pair that with skinny jeans or flares, whatever it is, it's just a win for my body type. So that's where you have to come in and know your body type, know what looks and works best for you.

If you're not sure, research that. You can find that out online by looking at other people and other fashion bloggers and then know what your go-to is. This will also help with online shopping because if I know what my size is in my favorite stores and I know what my favorite, most flattering type of blouse is, it can enable me to shop online more confidently.

I know that a medium of that style blouse from Madewell is going to fit me perfectly where I'm at right now so I can get that online confidently and know that unless there's something really strange about that top, it's going to fit and I'm not going to have to return it. It just takes time and experience to build that up to where you can do that.

Next on the style must-have list is clogs. I love clogs. I wear them basically every day. I love them. I have several pairs that are very basics in neutral and different styles that go with different types of outfits that I wear on a regular basis. There are a ton of other pairs of clogs that I would love to get, but I don't because I know that I'm not going to wear them very often. And clogs are a little pricey. They're an investment. They are good quality, they are comfortable. I have worn clogs when I was in New York City and I knew I was going to be walking a lot. They worked great for me. I love clogs.

My favorite brand and the only brand that I buy is Lottas from Stockholm. Again, I will link to them. Lottas are incredible. They are so well made. I do have a bit of a wider foot and they fit me great. They're never too narrow. They're comfortable. They are good. They seem weird if you've never worn clogs before. It feels weird that they are wood; they’re clogs. But they're super cute, super trendy right now. They're very comfortable, especially once you wear them a couple of times and break them in. They have real leather tops, Lottas do at least. They're just really beautiful, really well made. So cute. You can wear them with skinny jeans, boyfriend jeans, flare jeans, dresses, whatever.

They are the perfect option for adding a little bit of style and a little bit of something to a plain outfit. I really, really love clogs. I am a huge clogs girl. I wear them basically every weekend. Definitely at least three times a week. I love, love, love clogs.

For me the style must-haves would be a pair of brown leather clogs and a pair of black clogs. If I was going to just get one, I would get brown like the cognac brown color. You can get whatever style you prefer, the Mary Jane Style or they have a slip-on style. Whatever that is for you. I have several pairs now, but I would start with the brown cognac in one of the styles if I was rebuilding.

The next thing on the style must-have list is flattering flats. I don't really like ballet flats. It just doesn’t really fit my style, but I do like flats that have a little bit of an edge and are flattering. Believe it or not, your shoes can be flattering. I have these pair of cognac brown faux leather flats that I got on Amazon. They were like $25 or $35, I forget which one and I will try to find them and link them for you. Hopefully they still have them. I checked a while back for a friend and they didn't. But if they don't, I will find similar ones for you. And they kind of have this slit down one side.

You might know what I'm talking about if you follow me on Instagram. I wear them all the time. They are a little bit edgy. They have a little bit more of my personality in them to me and they're super flattering on my legs and ankle. That is important to me because I have very muscular legs and very muscular calves, so it's easy for my calves to look really big, especially in photos. And part of my job is to do photos all the time, so it's important to me that when I wear flat shoes that don't have a heel that they're still flattering and these just get the job done. I love them.

Even if I were to get other styles and types of flats, I would still look for some that had those features, maybe a little pointed toe, a space between where my jeans hit my ankle and the top of my foot. When you show skin there, it is more flattering. That's a little tip for you guys. I will link to my favorite flattering flats, but that is something that I would absolutely get as part of rebuilding my wardrobe.

Next since we're still on shoes are tennis shoes. I'm a big Nike girl. I Love Phil Knight and his story in founding Nike and what he went through in building that company. It’s a heart thing. I love them. I love Nikes. I really like the Tanjun. They're a soft mesh tennis shoe, but they don't look like it. They look really cute, sporty, stylish and you can wear them with skinny jeans or leggings, whatever. You could work out with them. They're just a really nice active lifestyle shoe for busy people.

But I also love New Balance. New Balance has this one tennis shoe, I actually don't know what the name is, but I will link to it. What I love about these shoes is that they're black on the top and white on the bottom, which is my favorite colors for tennis shoes. But they added this detail of faux leather at the front of the tongue of the shoe and the same color of rubber at the front of the toe of the shoe, giving it this very cool, trendy lifestyle look in a tennis shoe. Those are the shoes that I wear when I'm out running errands, when I want to be super cute and look put together, but also sporty and just having a normal day.

Those are my two favorite tennis shoes and I will link to both of them so that you can go in and look at those. And there's a couple other Nikes that I have and love and highly recommend. I will just link to all of those for you guys.

Next on the style must have list would be leggings. I have gone through so much with leggings. I am a bootylicious person. I'm very curvy. I don't have small thighs and I definitely don't have a small butt so leggings have been hard for me, but I was determined to figure it out because I love that look of leggings, a loose tee and a flannel shirt wrapped around my waist. I love that. That's my go-to outfit. Basically every week it's my go-to.

The leggings that I have found that work the best are Spanx. Spanx makes fashion leggings, they make activewear leggings. I have their faux leather leggings and I have their full leather moto style leggings and I love them both. I hate when they're in the wash. I wash them immediately, almost every time that they get dirty because I want to wear them all the time. Every time I posted a picture wearing my faux leather Spanx, I get a bunch of comments asking what I'm wearing because they are so flattering. They have the Spanx shapewear technology or whatever and it makes a difference. Spanx is one of the only companies that I have found that makes good quality stuff and they don't have that seam down the front of the crotch area (giving you awkward issues that I won't name.) I love, love, love my Spanx leggings. If you can make the investment, do it. They're amazing.

The next brand that is incredibly cheap that you can get on Amazon, I read so many raving reviews about these leggings, but they were so cheap, I was really skeptical. The brand is called Oalka. I will link to the ones that I have cause there's different ones. The ones that I have are the best ones. I will link to them in show notes. I use these to workout, but I also will wear the black and charcoal ones day-to-day running errands and being a normal mom person. They are the highest quality, the best, most flattering leggings that I have found that are cheap. I own the Spanx ones and I still bought several pairs of the Oalka ones because I do work out multiple times a week, so I need to have some leggings in my rotation. I also wear leggings day-to-day instead of jeans a lot of the time, so I needed to have some good quality flattering leggings that will work well for what I'm doing that day.

So, Spanx and Oalka are my favorite ones. I love them both. I can't say enough. I feel like I'm going to be annoying and go on and on about these leggings and I won't do that. But there are a lot of types of leggings. I have Lululemon leggings that I have had for a while and I would prefer the cheap Oalka ones to those. I honestly would. Oalka is cheap and they are amazing. Spanx are worth the investment. And they give a little bit more of a stylish edge because they are like faux leather and stuff.

The other thing that I will say about being a curvy girl and loving to wear leggings is that there is something to having your shirt that you wear with your leggings work well with what you've got going on. I don't want to have a short t-shirt and my bottom area totally exposed when I'm wearing leggings, even if they're super flattering and the Spanx cover cellulite and all that. I just don't want that because they're so tight, it's just not comfortable for me. I like to pair leggings with a really loose, a little bit longer shirt and I often will wrap a chambray or flannel shirt around my waist, which brings me to my next style must-have… a flannel shirt to wrap around your waist.

If you have a shape like mine, tie it up higher where the smaller part of your waist is. Loosely tie the flannel shirt there. I tie it once and then I tie it into a knot and I let the sleeves hang down in my front, like in front of my crotch. It's so flattering. It’s super easy, super relaxed, really trendy right now and flattering on your bottom and your front when you're wearing leggings.

Right there, what I just described, my tennis shoes, my leggings, my flannel wrapped around and a loose white tee and a baseball cap, that’s go-to Allie almost every day outfit. And if you follow me, you know that.

So, a flannel wrap-around. You can get those anywhere. I don't have a favorite. I have a couple of them just from Target. Just a flannel shirt that will work to wrap around your waist. I like to get them in my size so that if I get cold and I want to put it on like a light jacket, then I could. It would fit me and I won’t look ridiculous and it's still long enough in the back to still cover my bottom if I'd take it from off my waist. Does that make sense? That's kind of how I think and what I do.

The next thing on my style must-haves is loose lounge pants. These are not really sweat pants. They don't have that sweat material inside, but they're not linen either. They're just regular, hanging out pants. I'm wearing them right now. My favorite brand is by Calia, so again that's Carrie Underwood's activewear line. I love them because they're high waisted and they're flattering. I have a charcoal gray one and a light gray pair and I wear them both every single week. I love them so much. I'll wear them to bed. I'll wear them around the house.

Today, for example, all I did was prep food and work on my laptop and then do a little bit of language arts with the kids, so I was very much at home today and I wore them with a Nike tank top tucked in. I love them. They're amazing. I cannot say enough about these pants.

Here's my story with these pants. I was at Dick's Sporting Goods and I was waiting for Brian to get the boys something for baseball. And I was like, “I'm going to go and look and see if I can find some regular lounge pants that don't suck.” I went over to that Calia section at Dick's Sporting Goods and I found these pants and I was like, “These look pretty good. I'm going to just try them.” Go them home, put them on and basically didn't take them off ever again because they were amazing, super flattering. I could throw on some flip flops and wear them out of the house to run errands or tennis shoes, whatever.

I love these pants, love them so much. I went online and ordered a second pair. They were about $49. They're worth every penny. And then some. I love these pants. I'm going to link to them in the show notes.

The last two things are hats. I didn't want to get into accessories, jewelry, purses and all that, but I do want to mention hats because baseball caps are part of my regular life. I love Nike’s baseball hats. They're really good quality. I also love the 9Forty style caps by New Era. New Era is the company that makes sports logo hats. There are a really popular brand. They make the LA and New York Yankee hats.

I love baseball. I grew up watching baseball. I like three different teams. I like the Yankees, the Dodgers and the Cincinnati Reds. I know it's weird, but I have a different connection to each of those teams. I grew up watching baseball with my dad. My Dad was obsessed with the Reds, but I also loved the Yankees because they have all the most famed players that I would read about and just fell in love with from the 1940s and 50s. And I love the Dodgers because I'm from LA and I've been to so many games with my Dad. Good, good memories with baseball in general. So, I'm weird and I have multiple teams.

But New Era makes your regular, good quality baseball caps of teams' logos on them. And the 9Forty style is the most flattering style for my face shape. They're really good for women to wear. So, look up the 9Forty caps by New Era. Those are the baseball caps that I get. I have about five of them, different colors, different teams. I kind of switch between those. I love a good quality baseball cap.

The last thing on the everyday style must-have list are wide brim hats. Guys, these make you look like you are so fashionable and really all you're doing is covering up really dirty hair and it's amazing. Unfortunately, most cheap wide brim hats like from Target and stuff, they don't stay on your freaking head and they are not durable. So, when you are driving in your car and you want to take your hat off and you throw it in the backseat, and your kid steps on it, it's totally smashed and it won't get its shape back. So, it is important to invest in a good quality wide brim hat.

My favorite brand is called Brixton. That brand stays on your head, stays in place, they're super cute, they have good colors and they are durable. I can throw that hat all around my car. I can throw it in my house on the couch. I can hang it up on the hook in my closet and it can fall down and get stepped on. It doesn't matter. It's going to retain its shape as soon as I pick it up and fix it. It's durable, great quality. I love the Brixton brand and they stay on your head and they are totally worth the money. I will link to those as well.

I never thought I would do an episode this long about clothes, but you guys asked for it.  I wanted to deliver, so I went all in on my everyday style must-haves. To get the links to all of this, go to allie-casazza.com/shownotes/105. That will get you all of these links.

I have them super, super organized for you. Everything that I talked about is laid out. So easy for you to skim through. So easy for you to find, click, and buy what you choose to buy. Again, these are the things that I would buy, that I would have to have, to have a solid, stellar wardrobe if I was rebuilding from scratch.

Hope this was helpful for you guys! Let me know what you think. Tag me on Instagram. Share on Facebook. I want to see you listening to this. I want to see what you think.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

EP 029: Overcoming Debilitating Perfectionism ft. Jordan Dooley

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Perfectionism is something we all face at one time or another. As women, we take on this pressure to be the best at whatever do. We want to be the best at cleaning or cooking. We want to be the best athlete or entrepreneur. We want to be the best mom. We simply want to be the best and become perfectionists in the process. Jordan Dooley is a recovering perfectionist who is passionate about sharing her story of redemption. She is a full of wisdom when it comes to overcoming perfectionism and I hope you are encouraged by all she has to share on this episode.

 
 

In This Episode, Allie + Jordan Discuss:

  • How to live from a place of purpose instead of perfectionism.

  • The importance of focusing on the purpose behind what you do instead of placing unrealistic expectations on what you do.  

  • Ways to realize when you are acting out of fear instead of purpose.  

  • 3 practical steps to putting perfectionism to rest.

Mentioned in this Episode:

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Does motherhood feel more like a hurricane of chaos that you're surviving rather than the awesome, joy-filled season you want it to be?

Unburdened is exactly what you need. 

If you're wanting to sort through the clutter in your mind, home, calendar, health, routines, and relationships, this guide will help you go from drowning in a sea of stress and overwhelm to owning your time and living the best version of your life.


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Hi friends! There is no transcription for this episode. The audio made it tricky! But don’t worry, transcriptions will resume with the next episode! Feel free to listen to the audio button at the top of this page.

Ep 025: How to Deal with Negativity From Other People

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If you have been on the internet for any amount of time, you have probably experienced negativity in some form. Whether it is directly toward you or you see it on someone else’s posts. There is negativity out there big time. It seems anytime you share something, someone will find a way to be offended by it or they will have something negative or irritating to say about it.

Negativity is never going to stop. It will always be there. But instead of trying to avoid it, we need to speak out truth. We need to live our best life and live how we are called to live. We need to set ourselves free from the weight of the opinions of other. Because when you stop letting negativity affect you, you’ve won.

 
 

In This Episode, Allie Discusses:

  • The reality that negativity is always there. But it is how we respond to it that matters.

  • The importance of speaking out truth + living with purpose, regardless of what people say.

  • How you are not called to carry the weight of other people's opinions.

  • What to say when someone is intrusive or puts their opinions on you.

  • What she has learned about silence, when to respond and when not to.

  • The freedom that comes from realizing that you do not have to convince people of anything. Just be you!

  • How you can protect yourself from negativity by removing yourself from unhealthy situations + people.

Mentioned in this Episode:

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Motherhood is just way too sweet a time to be spent struggling so hard and living in survival mode day in and day out. Our stuff is really the cause of that. If you want to start this lifestyle, if you want to simplify your life… I believe that it all starts at home. And Your Uncluttered Home will guide you to that freedom! 


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to.  I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days.  I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it.  Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and i know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood.  I’m Allie Casazza and this is the The Purpose Show.

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Hi friends! This is The Purpose Show. I am so glad you are listening. This is Episode 25 and I am talking today about how to deal with negativity from other people.

If you have been on the internet for any amount of minutes, you have probably experienced seeing a bunch of negative comments on someone’s post or page. Maybe you are an influencer yourself and have been on the brunt end of it. I have gotten negative comments on my personal Facebook page before.

There is negativity out there big time. It seems anytime you share something, someone will find a way to be offended by it or they will have something negative or irritating to say about it. No matter what it is. I have gotten so many negative comments and rude messages. I have even gotten some disturbingly negative, rude, and awful comments.

I think it’s funny. How can you even find anything like that to say about my message? I am talking about lightening your load as a mom. Living an unburdened motherhood. Helping you declutter.

It is so funny that no matter what you talk about, people will find a way to be negative. Or they will find a way to say something that grates your nerves. Or see some way where you are wrong and they feel like they have to show you the right way and put you in your place.

I have also found that if you are an influencer or you have a blog, people seem to think that you think you’re “all that.” They get weird that you even have a platform. They try to be the one to say something to show that you are wrong: “They don’t know this. I know this. I am going to leave this comment and bring them down. Make sure that they know they are wrong.”

It’s like an unspoken war. People get annoyed or upset that you have a platform, and they don’t or something. It’s just funny. It’s 2018. You can literally go and make a blog about anything in about five minutes. If you want a platform, you can go make your own platform instead of purposely bringing someone down who does.

Anyway, I don’t want to talk about this in light of what I do because I know not everyone is a blogger, an influencer, has a platform or an audience. I want to share some things that I have learned from an excessive amount of negativity. I have had blog posts go viral. I have done major media circuits like Good Morning America, The Jenny McCarthy Show, The Today Show, ABC News, and Fox News. I definitely think that when that happens and you have that virality going on, the negativity swarms you.

Negativity always stands out more than positivity. While all this negativity was coming in, there was probably 90% more positive words coming in. But, by nature, we notice the negative more often. I do want to encourage you that you can train yourself to not notice it as much. You can train yourself to focus on the positive.

I have been in a position where people are slewing negativity at me all of the time. Some of it is really hurtful. Some of it has been disturbingly negative, hurtful and awful. It has taught me how to handle negativity in real life, in day-to-day interactions, that apply to everyone.

I have gotten asked about this quite a few times lately, probably because you see the comments and wonder how I handle it. I am happy to open up and hopefully shine some light on this subject and offer some encouragement.

The negativity is never going to stop. There is always going to be negative people in the world. There is always going to be darkness versus light. Evil versus good. Rudeness versus courtesy. I think instead of trying to avoid it and be people pleasers, we need to speak our truth and live out our purpose. We need to live our best life and live how we are called to live.

Unless you are purposely hurting someone, there is nothing wrong with that. You should be unashamed of that. Unashamedly living our lives well in the way that we feel called to live it, even if others disagree. We need to know how to deal with blatantly negative comments from people.

Let’s first talk about what to say or do when someone is intrusive or puts their opinions on you. Everyone always says, “everyone is entitled to their opinion.” Yes, that’s true. But I don’t think you should be entitled to just blurt out your opinion of how someone else is doing their life.

For example, if an article is on the internet sharing about minimalism. Then saying, “what does everyone think about this?” Then letting everyone share their opinion because “everyone is entitled to their opinion.” How ever strongly worded they want their opinion to be is on them, and that reveals their character.

But here is an example, in my opinion, of a “not OK” time to share your opinion. You decide to stop homeschooling and put your kids in public school. Maybe a relative or someone says, “Well, they are definitely going to get mixed up in the wrong crowd now. It might be fine now, but when they are teenagers, you are really going to regret this.”

That’s a “not OK” time to put your opinion on someone else. That’s a complete opinion - that every kid who goes to public school turns out a certain way. That is totally untrue. It is not backed up by anything, and that’s someone’s opinion. If these were her children, she would not do that, which makes it her opinion. But these are your children and you are doing this. For someone to forge their way into your life and inflict their opinion on you is wrong and rude.

I think the best way to look at this is that this person is being a bully. They are making you listen to their opinion. They are putting you down. They are making you feel “less than.” And that’s what bullies do. The best way to handle it, unfortunately, is to “kill them with kindness.”  And it sucks. It is hard. It definitely not my normal reaction to things.

Either be silent and smile. Or maybe say, “Wow! You feel really strongly about that. OK, I am going to go check on the kids,” and then just walk away. Or say something totally kind like, “Wow! You feel really strongly about that. I am really impressed by your striking opinions about raising kids. I think it is really neat that you feel so strongly about that.” You literally turn it on its head and reverse it. You get what I am saying?

It is almost sarcastic. You are backing up and giving them the floor. Acknowledging, “That’s a lot. That’s a very forceful statement that you just said.” They wanted you to see that they feel really strongly and it’s very important to them. You can just smile and move on.

I have had a circumstance where someone was very rude and intrusive, and they really put me down with the decision that I had made. And I just said, “Wow! You really feel strongly about this. I guess it’s a good thing that I don’t feel that way. This is just what works out for us.” Then I just walked off.

You are giving them the space to share their very loud feelings. Then you are gently reminding them “this is your opinion; not mine. If I felt like that it would be really unfortunate for me because this is how life is going right now.” Just let it go and don’t try to match it with your opinion.

I have found that doing that, in person or on live streams, has really helped. You can just ignore a comment online. I also want to say there is such a strong case for silence. Almost always the answer is just to not respond, especially if it is online.

If you are on Facebook and there’s a relative who is chronically rude and negative, or has to find a loophole to a helpful article you shared, and has to say something rude about it all of the time, just don’t give it the time of day. Don’t delete it. Don’t respond to it. Just let it sit there. Just let them do their thing. Just be silent.

This is how I handle messages that are alarmingly rude, mean, annoying, not nice, or not helpful. I have had people tell me they hate the sound of my voice. They wished I would just change the way I talk so they could get the great message inside of my podcast episodes. I have had a few people tell me that I am extremely annoying. That I am ugly. That I am a terrible mother. That my kids should be taken away from me. What? OK.

I have had people tell me some really awful things. But I have also had people say things like “You have such a pretty face, you really shouldn’t hide it with those big, hipster glasses.” And I am like, “What do you want me to do? I’m blind. Those are my glasses.”

People are so mean. The best way to handle those kinds of things on both ends of the spectrum is just silence. Just silence. Don’t even give it attention.

Also give it silence in your own brain. It is not worth the space in your own brain and for you to worry about it, or let it bother you. Learn to let it go.

I think a big part of dealing with negative people and negativity from other people, is learning and realizing that you do not have to convince them of anything. You do not have to convince them that you are a good homeschooler and this is going to work for your kids. You do not have to convince anyone that this move across the country is the right thing for your family. You don’t have to explain yourself. You don’t have to uphold that in yourself.

I always remind myself of that. I don’t have to convince people that minimalism works. That’s not my job. I don’t have to explain myself. I don’t have to convince them.

If someone is rude to me or tells me that what I do is a waste of time, is stupid and pointless, I don’t have to convince them of that. I don’t have to convince them of anything.

I don’t have to convince people that homeschooling is right for my family. I don’t have to convince them that I don’t need to have a capsule wardrobe. That was a good one. The podcast episode that came out in the beginning of this podcast (I don’t remember what episode it was), was about not having a capsule wardrobe. I got lots of messages saying, “Thank you! This was so freeing for me. I always feel like I should have a capsule wardrobe, but it really doesn’t work for me. I just want to thank you for sharing that you don’t have one and it doesn’t work for you either.”

Then I got a bunch of other messages saying, “You obviously don’t even know what a capsule wardrobe is. You should go check out this girl. You should really reconsider. You are totally being a hypocrite.” These negative messages – who cares if I have a capsule wardrobe? It was hard for me to do that episode because it was like, “Who cares?”

But I am glad I did because it put the message out there that I wanted. That it is not about following rules. Minimalists have capsule wardrobes. I am one of the trailblazers in the minimalist niche so I should have a capsule wardrobe. It is not about that. It is about setting yourself free and doing what works for you. Just sharing your message. That’s all I am doing – sharing my message. If you like it, great! If you don’t, that’s OK.

People have to try to convince you that you are wrong. That their way is better. When I release the approach of convincing other people that I am right, it fizzles out the argument. There is nothing else to say.

For example, when I did the episode about capsule wardrobes. All I said was that this didn’t work for me. I tried it for a long time and it totally stole my joy. So, I let it go. Now I am happier. This is what I do and it’s great.

Then people sent me messages trying to convince me. That’s what the fight usually is. Them trying to convince you. “I don’t like what you just said because it brings up something in me about the way I am doing my own life, so I want to tell you that you are wrong. Try to convince you that I am right.”

If I were to respond convincing them that my way is right, it just fuels that fire. Fans the flames. But when I am coming from a place where I know that I don’t have to convince anyone that I am right, then there is no gasoline on that fire. There is no more air. It fizzles out. It takes two people to argue.

Just respond with “I am so glad you love capsule wardrobes. I totally see the point of them. I think it is great that you have figured out something in such a troublesome area of life (the wardrobe) that works for you.” Or just don’t respond at all if they were super rude.

I give you these examples to base your real-life or social media interactions. Stop trying to convince people that you are right. That’s what most of them are doing to you. If you don’t do it back you can let go of that need to be right. That need to say the last word. That need to correct. That need to come out on top. If you do that, you won’t have a lot of controversy.

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When you buy something, you buy it with your time. With minutes from your life. Not just with your money. Studies show us that less clutter equals less stress and more time. It is really as simple as that.

This was the founding reason that I created Your Uncluttered Home. It has become my most popular, globally-praised, decluttering course that I designed for moms who want to live their lives more than they want to clean up after it.

It is truly the A-Z of minimalism. Every room. Every area. Every nook and cranny of your house totally uncluttered. This super extensive, extremely detailed course is literally everything you need to become a minimalist momma who is able to be a lot more present for what matters most.

To learn more about the course, go to alliecasazza.com/allcourses.  

This really is the short-cut version. The exact journey that I took as a mom, 5-6 years ago, that got me to this point of an uncluttered, minimalistic motherhood where I am spending the least amount of time on my house every day.

Motherhood is just way too sweet a time to be spent struggling so hard and living in survival mode day in and day out. Our stuff is really the cause of that.

If you want to start this lifestyle, if you want to simplify your life… I believe that it all starts at home.

Simplify your life. alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

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I think it is also important to set yourself free from the weight of opinions of others. You are not called to carry that. It doesn’t matter. If you let yourself hold on to other people’s opinions and it bothers you that your relatives don’t agree with how you’re raising your kids, where you’re moving, or your marriage choices, it really doesn’t matter. If you choose to carry the weight of their opinion, you are going to feel so heavy. I think it is really important to let that go.

For me and my faith, there is only a couple of opinions that matter to me: the Lord’s and if I am following His will for my life, and my husband. I care very much about what my husband thinks. We are in agreement with things that matter. That’s all I really care about. Of course, I care about the opinions of the other people who I care about and am doing life with, but in a healthy way.

If my mom didn’t agree about homeschooling and I know this is right for us, that would be OK with me. There is a difference in seeking wise counsel and caring about the opinion and carrying that weight. Set yourself free from that. You will feel so much lighter.

I also want to address removing yourself from unhealthy situations. I am going to use Facebook as an example. I like social media. I think it is really neat. I have moved across the country away from everyone that I know and love before. I have a business that thrives on social media. I keep in touch with grandparents that way. I have loved social media since it came out.

I used to use my personal Facebook account all the time. I would share things on there. I would share what was going on in our day, share videos of the kids, and use it for what it was meant for. But I found that Facebook, for some reason, was chronically negative. It really started to bring me down.

Then a couple of years ago around the time I started my business, I just found myself wanting to use it less and less. I started to dread going on there. Every time I did go on there, I would leave feeling “less good” about myself and my day. It became this war zone of opinions. I started to really not like it.

I found myself wanting to help and share. I would share a helpful article or something that happened with the kids, and I would get a comment, “Oh were you driving when you videotaped this?” Of course, I wasn’t driving. Why would I post a video of me playing with my son when I am driving?

Or I would share a helpful article and someone would say something like, “Oh, I read about this. Actually, apples are causing cancer and you shouldn’t eat apples, so this is all a lie.” It was really annoying all the time.

I actually stopped using Facebook personally. Now I don’t go on and update my personal Facebook ever. I actually posted on there a few months ago saying, “Hey friends and family! Sorry, we moved back to California, so we are here. We don’t really use Facebook anymore, so if you don’t follow us on Instagram, you probably don’t know what is going on with us.”

It had been years since I updated my Facebook page. I really go on there to interact with the ladies in my business Facebook groups. I don’t use my personal Facebook anymore for personal reasons. I needed to remove myself from an unhealthy situation.

You have to find the balance. What is your heart issue? What is something you need to get over and work through? What is a chronic negative energy in your life that you can expel?  Facebook was mine.

It might be a person, too. It might be a person that you can get away from. If it is someone that you work with and is there every time you go to work, that’s something that is different that you will have to find a way to work through.

Just because someone is related to you, doesn’t mean they have a right to drain you. To be a vampire in your life, to drain the energy from you constantly. You can set up boundaries and stop seeing that person.

However this may apply to your life, I would encourage you to look for ways to remove yourself from unhealthy situations where it chronically and constantly brings you down, like Facebook was for me.

One other thing I have been learning about the last few months is the idea of everyone being a mirror. I learned this as I have been diving into the idea of mindfulness. I would describe mindfulness as taking a deep breath in regular life situations. Of being a bit reflective as things are happening, as conversations are unfolding.  Being aware of what this other person means, is feeling, or why they are saying what they are saying, and how I am feeling and why I feel that way.

This has really helped me in family relationships that have always been kind of hard for me, always been strained, or I felt the need to defend myself, or act a certain way.  It has fallen away because I have been practicing mindfulness. I realize that this person is hurting and the reason they are saying things that frustrate me, is actually coming from a place of hurt. It helps you turn your disdain or frustration into pity and empathy.

One of the practices of mindfulness that I have really been helped by is the idea that everyone is a mirror. If someone says something that aggravates or bothers you, even if it wasn’t actually negative but triggered something in you, maybe that is something in yourself that you need to look at.

Maybe you find yourself easily offended at something someone said. Maybe every time you are around this person you feel on edge. Or they say something that really rubs you the wrong way all the time. If you tell your spouse, or talk out loud of what they said, and the other person doesn’t really understand why it bothered you so much, it’s probably your own issue.

I would encourage you to try this. Basically, the idea is everyone is a mirror. The way we react to the things they say and do, is really about what is going on in us and how that makes us feel. If you think someone is a really critical person and you just can’t stand how critical they are, you are maybe noticing that about them because you are really critical.  Maybe you are being critical and you don’t like that about yourself, so you notice it in other people.

If you ever stop to think about it, a lot of the times when you don’t like someone, they rub you the wrong way, or you don’t actually “click”, they are a lot like you. That’s why opposites attract. Usually people who are very similar won’t get along so well.

For example, I am talking to my mom. She is telling me about her week and she says something that makes me feel irritated. Why does that irritate me? It is probably something more in me than it is in her.

This practice is really helpful. I want to always be self-reflective and looking in myself first, rather than blaming everyone else and thinking everyone else is so negative, critical, or judgmental. Usually, it is something in me that needs to be looked at and can be fixed. Something that I could work on.

This has been a good practice to mature me. It has helped me with the relationships with people who are in my life. I need to not be so tense around these people. I would say 80% of the time it has been my issue, not the other person.

A lot of the times, the person does have an issue, but why does it bother me so much? Why does it bother me that this friend seems to always need my approval? Or always needs to “one up” me?  Why does that bother me? Why can’t I accept this person has to always “one up” people and just let it be? The fact that it is irritating and bothering me says something about me rather than them.

It’s like the scripture about pointing out the speck in your brother’s eye when you have a lot in your own. It has been helpful for me to practice that mindfulness.

The other day, I was talking with a friend and they asked about what was going on in my business, so I shared some exciting new things that have happened.  This person had to add, “Oh did I tell you about this?” and added something that had happened in her life recently.

It bothered me. Instead of me thinking “Oh my gosh! You can’t let me talk for two seconds and be happy that something good is going on with me?” I asked myself why it was bothering and irritating me?  Why are these emotions coming up about her issue? If her issue is that she is insecure and she has to make sure I know that good things happen for her too, why can’t that just be it? Period? That I notice that? Why are these feelings of irritation coming up in me?  There is something in me that needs to be worked on?

See what I mean? It is a helpful thing to have in your back pocket as you talk and interact with people.

We have talked about how to deal with negativity. We have talked about sometimes they are not being negative and it is your issue and not theirs. But when they are being negative, rude, or intrusive, it is their issue with themselves much more often than it is an issue with you.  

Going back to the homeschooling example, the comments have been so fun to read about homeschooling, putting them in public school, and then homeschooling again. It is not their business.

But a lot of the time, it was the other person’s issue. Maybe they feel self-conscious that I am homeschooling, and therefore I think public school is evil and anyone who sends their kids to public school is a bad mom. Maybe they are reacting defensively before the offense was even made.

By the way, that’s not true. I do not think that. I have had my kids in all types of school. I think it is about how you are raising them and not how you school them.  

Anyway, a lot of the time their negativity is more about an issue within them than it is actually an issue with what you are doing. Even if it is an issue with you or what you are doing, remember that you know you are doing what you are called to do. You know that you are not perfect at it, but you are acting out of what you feel is best for you and your family.  That’s what you need to stand in.

For me, if someone says something that really is an issue with me and they do think I am making a mistake (we shouldn’t have moved, we shouldn’t be in this house, we should not have homeschooled again), I know that I am doing what I am called to do. I know that I am following the peace of God in my life. I know that I am not perfect. I know that I do not act like I am perfect also. I have nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about.

You do you. And if someone has a problem with it, it is often their problem. Even if it is truly an issue with you and a choice you have made – even that – is their issue. It is their issue that they have a problem with something you have done. It is not their life. They have a control issue or something.

I hope this helps. There was a time in my business when everything was pretty new. Things had really picked up and there were a lot more people having eyes on me, my business, and my blog. The words that I was reading were so difficult. It really bothered me.

It took a long time and a lot of practice to let things go. Still every once in a while, there will be something that really bothers me, but it takes so much more now. It is so rare now. It used to be every time.  I would have to say something back and put them in their place.

Now it is not worth the time. I am able to let it go. It doesn’t bother me. I move on.

Let these words make you better. That’s how you’ve won. Grow from it. Practice mindfulness. Do the mirror thing, where everyone is a mirror. Work on yourself. Use their words and negativity to work on yourself. Mature yourself. Grow into the bigger person.

When you stop letting negativity affect you, you’ve won.

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This was an episode of The Purpose Show.  Thank you so much for tuning in.  If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, head to alliecasazza.com for free downloads, courses, classes and to learn more about what the next step might look like for you.  I am always rooting for you. See ya next time!

Ep 017: It's Okay to Change Your Mind!

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There’s this perfectionism that Pinterest and Instagram have brought into our society. And from that, there is this idea that if you change your mind, it looks like you are a mess. But, life is so crazy. Things are so stressful. Things change and flow all of the time. Seasons ebb and flow which means how you operate in those seasons sometimes changes. It is about saying “no” to what isn’t working and saying “yes” to what is. Do what works for you. Pursue what your version of less and your version of joy is in this season. It’s OK to change your mind!

 
 

In This Episode, Allie Discusses:

  • The weight of perfectionism on our culture + how that translates to when things change.

  • How saying “no” to what isn’t working means you are saying “yes” to more joy, time, family, and what matters.

  • The value of letting go of the idea that you have to stick to your guns in everything you say and do.

  • Why going back to homeschooling in this season has impacted her family (in a good way!)

Mentioned in this Episode:

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Does motherhood feel more like a hurricane of chaos that you're surviving rather than the awesome, joy-filled season you want it to be?

If you're wanting to sort through the clutter in your mind, home, calendar, health, routines, and relationships, this guide will help you go from drowning in a sea of stress and overwhelm to owning your time and living the best version of your life. 

The Unburdened mini-course is exactly what you need.


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Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com and let us know you left an iTunes review. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's mini courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to.  I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days.  I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it.  Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and i know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood.  I’m Allie Casazza and this is the The Purpose Show.

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Hey everyone!  Welcome to Episode 17 of The Purpose Show!  This episode is entitled “It’s Okay To Change Your Mind.”   And that is exactly what I am going to be talking about.

This episode is the product of several conversations I have had recently.  I had a conversation recently with a good friend at a coffee shop.  It centered around this issue of judgement surrounding you when you change your mind, especially on big things.

It’s something that I have struggled with, just as an influencer. A lot of the things that I do are shared publicly.  People message me and say things that make me feel like “not a great mom” or “I don’t know what I am doing”. Honestly, sometimes I don’t and that’s OK.  It’s called being a human being.

That’s my point. It’s like this weird thing that’s happening with social media – sharing a lot of what you’re doing, or things that happen in your life being shared publicly – whether you are an influencer or not.  Just social media.  Everything is just public.

It’s almost this idea that if you change your mind, it looks like you are a mess. I just wanted to shine a light on it.

There’s this perfectionism that Pinterest and Instagram have brought into our society. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy those things very much.  Pinterest has helped me become a better cook, a better decorator, a better organizer.  It is so helpful.  I appreciate a beautiful Instagram feed.  I think I have one myself. I love taking photos and editing them.  It is a hobby of mine. I love it.

I think that sometimes people take it a step too far and bring this perfect vision into everything.  Oh my gosh, life is so tumultuous. Things ebb and flow.  They change. They are supposed to. I change my mind, or make a mistake, or I do something for a little while and then I leave it.

I have received messages: “Wow! You are already doing that?  Whoa! You went back to this? Wow! You’re moving back already?”  It’s like an undertone of judgmentalness.  It’s really not cool.

I think it stems from this perfectionism in our society.  I just want to address it. I feel a really strong conviction to use my platform to shine the light on important things.  To infuse everything with purpose that I can. God really brings episodes to my brain based on that concept. I just want to talk about that a little bit today.

I am a doer.  If I have an idea it’s hard for me not to do something about it.  At the very least, I will get my laptop out, open Trello, and dump an idea or goal setting process into a Trello board.  To map out or hammer out an idea.  It is just not natural for me to have an idea and keep going about my day.  I will totally stop and jot a note in my journal, grab my phone or laptop, call a friend to talk about it – just do something about it.  It’s just the way that I am.   With that, comes a lot of change.

Life happens. Things change. Seasons ebb and flow.  Because of being a bit more in the public eye, I am pretty transparent.  There are things that I feel don’t need to be shared; they are just for me.  Even some really important life lessons that have deeply impacted me – those are just for me and they are not something I feel I need to share publicly.

Typically, I am really transparent. I enjoy sharing things with you guys.  Instagram is my main hub.  It is where I am.  I will never hire that out.  I have people that help keep my other social media platforms active, but on Instagram it is always me.  While I don’t get to every single message, I am very present there. I share on my Instagram Stories things about my day, my life, little tips and tricks, little lessons that I have learned here and there.

For example, when we moved from Southern California, which is where we were both born and raised, to the Midwest.  We moved for about 18 or 19 months.  When we moved back, people wanted to know, “Why are you moving back? Why are you moving back so fast?”  People are just nosy, I think.

When we decided we were going to buy a camper and renovate it and travel the country, we didn’t really know how long we were going to do that.  We said for one year. We ended up doing it for about 6-7 months.  We were done with it and didn’t want to continue with it.  We moved back home.  We couldn’t find a house so we moved into an apartment temporarily.  When the time in the apartment was up and we found a house, we moved again.  People sent messages: “Wow, you guys change your minds a lot. Why are you moving again?  Moving again? Oh my gosh!”  Those are big examples.

Changing your mind about homeschooling – not homeschooling and then homeschooling again.  Starting a juice cleanse and then deciding that my body likes food.  Starting Whole30 and not finishing.  There’s a difference between laziness, having trouble following through, sticking to your guns, but there’s also a difference in just changing your mind.  Being a person.  It’s OK to change your mind.

I wanted to dive into one of those examples in detail. I got a lot of response from women feeling the same way.  They had changed their minds about the same topic and gotten a lot of flack from friends and family about doing so.  And that is homeschooling.

I have always said that we homeschool not year by year but season by season.  I am always at the feet of God, praying, “what do you want us to do in this season?”

Last year, our business just exploded. I went from running a little blog with one person to help with emails to incorporating and hiring about nine new people.  Needing to hire each of them desperately because things were so busy.

We were running an empire all of the sudden. There was so many moving parts to that. It was very overwhelming. It was all good, but it was just a lot.  I found myself thrown into this new life that God had given us, but it was just a lot.

I found that homeschooling had totally gone to the back burner.  It wasn’t even really happening.  I have always liked the idea of unschooling.   I thought we would just do that. Unschooling is “learning happens as you go.”  It just did not work for me. I won’t get into the details of it but it absolutely did not work for our family. At all.  It was like trying to mix oil and water. It just didn’t work.

It’s funny, because with homeschooling I am so laid back and mellow. I don’t like bringing school into the home and being rigid.  I really thought that was going to be fine and it just wasn’t.   It was very stressful.   It just didn’t work at all. I tried it every different way.  Homeschooling was such a source of stress.  There was yelling and meltdowns.  Just stress.

The business was requiring full time from both Brian and myself.  We were balancing working with the kids all of the time.  Last summer we wrapped up our camper living, moved back home to Southern California, started looking for a house.  We started to pray and feel really good about sending the kids to public school for the year.  Going into it I felt this was just temporary.  At least one full school year.  

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Do you feel like you are barely getting through your days friend?  Does motherhood feel more like a hurricane of chaos that you are just surviving rather than the awesome, joy-filled season that you want it to be?

Well, motherhood is hard.  I am not going to lie to you about that. While it is servitude and giving to your family from yourself, it doesn’t have to be something that we are waiting to be over.  Something that we are counting down the minutes till naptime, or bedtime, or waiting for the next day to start.  If you are wanting to sort through the clutter in your mind, your heart, your home calendar, your health, routines, and relationships, I created Unburdened just for you!

It is a guide that will help you go from drowning in the sea of stress and overwhelm, to owning your time and living the best version of your motherhood.  So you can live abundantly while intentionally focusing on those who matter most.

Unburdened is the overwhelmed beginner’s guide to a simpler motherhood.

In Unburdened, I will walk you through how to stop over-complicating, procrastinating, and just start making positive changes now.  How to declutter, just a little bit – not super deep into it, because you can’t handle that when you are this overwhelmed – but a surface declutter that will get you real results in your house so you can clean up less.

How to declutter toxic relationships in your life and set some good boundaries.  How to simplify cleaning, get healthy and feel better – finally!

How to simplify your calendar.  How to start owning your time and not just managing it as life happens to you.

How to stop just setting goals and letting them sit there. Start actually defining where you want to go and getting there through reverse engineering and goal-setting.

How to create a cleaning routine that works for you and your life.

This course is a mini-course.  It is small.  It is straightforward. But it is everything for the mom who feels like she needs a total overhaul, but is too overwhelmed to start.

It will help you simplify the things that have you stuck and leave survival mode behind for good.

Is this resonating with you? Sound like you?  Does this sound like something that would really help you right now?  Go to bit.ly/getunburdened.

I really poured my heart into this little course.  I created it for the mom who is really wanting to simplify, declutter, and pursue a life of less, but she is so burdened and overwhelmed with the mess of life.  It’s not just her house. She wants to simplify at the surface of all the different things in her life so she can focus on her family more. So then she can focus more on really, truly purging her entire house.

If this sounds like you, I encourage you to check it out.  You are probably the person I created it for.  I want you in there. I want it to help you.

Check it out.  bit.ly/getunburdened

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They started school in August.  November, December came around. We found a house. We moved in and were settled.  We had never really done homeschooling while being settled in a house, and not for a temporary few months, an apartment in between houses, traveling the country.  Brian and I hadn’t really done homeschooling together, settled in a normal house.   

We fell into this really great season. We were feeling calm.  A bunch of new people had been hired.  My workload went from beyond full time to just a few hours a week.  Brian’s matched mine.  We were playing ping pong with our work hours.  It got very simple.

That was our goal, but it was funny to have reached it.  And feel like “wow, things are really light.”

Then we noticed that we were still doing the drive-the-kids-to-school thing.  Doing drop off and pick up two and three times a day because everyone is at different ages and grades.  Even if they were at the same school, it was different times.  It was just a lot.

Now this thing that had just saved us and helped us so much as far as the business, had actually become a point of stress.  Now it is really inconvenient.  The kids are asking every week to be homeschooled again.  We loved our rhythm.  We loved our friends we had when we were homeschooling. We loved our lifestyle.  We loved being together as a family.

Also, Brain and I had worked really, really hard to remove ourselves from the 9 to 5 of normal jobs.  To have the freedom of traveling whenever we want. Doing whatever we want, whenever we want with having our business. Putting the kids into public school plopped us right back into that category where you are off when everyone else is off.  Your breaks are when everyone else’s breaks are.

We felt like this had turned into this huge inconvenience. We knew we were definitely going to pull them out when this year was over.  As the weeks went by, God just really showed up and changed our hearts.  He had us feeling like we didn’t really want them going back after winter break.

We prayerfully made the decision to let them finish through until winter break.  They had school all the way up to the Friday before Christmas.  They went and that was their last day.

At the time of this recording we are starting our first day of school this coming week.  But by the time you guys are listening to this, we will be in full swing with homeschooling.   We transferred them to a Charter School and we are homeschooling again.

It is so funny to say things that I am sharing my day or sharing how exciting I am.  Some people’s comments are just so nasty and rude.  For example, “I can’t believe... wow!  They didn’t even finish the year?”

Guys, I just want to empower you.  Life is so crazy.  Things are so stressful.  Things change and flow all of the time.  For me, the minimalist lifestyle is about saying “no” to what isn’t working and saying “yes” to less. Less stress. More joy. More time. More family. More of what matters. And less of just what isn’t fitting in my life.

Why does that have to line up with the school year? Why does that have to line up with summer’s arrival?  The end of spring? The last day of school because the state says it is the last day school?  Why does our last day of school have to be the same as everyone else’s?  Why is that how it works?

That doesn’t make sense.  How many months are left of the school year, 4-5 months?  Why would I put my family through going almost a half year more of something that we know just is not working, something that has become so inconvenient, just because this is when everyone else says this is the last day of school is?

Our kids have so much stability in our family, our marriage, our home, the way that our family functions.  I know what’s best for my family.  You know what’s best for your family.

It is OK to change your mind!  It is OK to change your mind about homeschooling. It’s OK to hate it and send your kids to school midway through the year.  It is OK to do the opposite of that.

It is OK to start a juice cleanse, go 12 hours and hate it, and then stop.  It’s OK to change your mind about what you thought was a good marriage.  It’s OK to change your mind about what you thought was best for your kids.  It’s OK to change your mind about discipline tactics.

It’s OK to change your mind about your style and your outfits.  It’s OK to change and grow.  It’s OK to go to a family function and be a different person. Have a different career. Be making a change. Not be the person who does the things you used to do anymore. Not be the person who struggles with the same things you used to struggle with. To grow. To mature. To become a better version of yourself.

If that makes people uncomfortable, if that makes people feel the need to share their opinion on that, that has everything to do with them and their issues and nothing to do with you and yours.

I just wanted to give you that little pep talk.  Be really open and honest and say it is OK to change your mind. Do what works for you.  Pursue what your version of less and your version of joy is in this season.

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This was an episode of The Purpose Show.  Thank you so much for tuning in.  If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, head to alliecasazza.com for free downloads, courses, classes and to learn more about what the next step might look like for you.  I am always rooting for you. See ya next time!