Ep 112: Live Chat with Allie

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I think social media can be such a waste of time and on those same platforms where so much time is wasted, I love creating spaces that are intentional and inspire you to be better. I have a free Facebook group that’s really big, really fun, really engaged. It's an attachment of this podcast, a place where we discuss episodes. Discuss abundant life, simplicity, and intentional living for mothers and women of all types. It's such a cool place.

Once a month in that group, I do what is called an Allie Chat where I pull somebody out from the community there and we go live together. There was an Allie Chat recently with a woman named Christina who is just a gem. She asked such amazing questions about her motherhood. I loved the conversation we had and the audience loved the answers that I gave. It was such a powerful Allie Chat and I knew that I had to use it as an episode for The Purpose Show.

 
 

In This Episode Allie + Christina Discuss:

  • encouraging creative play in toddlers without living in constant mess

  • transitioning between seasons and when you need to change up your routines

  • self-care practices with and without your kids around

  • how the Enneagram empowered Allie’s marriage and relationships

Mentioned in this Episode:


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The Supermom Vault is a library of inspiration I created for you.  It holds replays of my very best online workshops that aren’t available anywhere else, tons of really actionable pdf’s that are downloadable with just one click, more than 20 audio and video trainings from me, and professionally designed printables for your home to keep you focused and inspired.

Check it out!  It’s a really good simple start.


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hello, my beautiful, beautiful friend! I've got the coolest, most unique episode ever for you today.

I have this free Facebook group. If you're already a part of it, you know, but if you're not, you've got to get over there. I will link to it in the show notes for sure, or you could just search for it.

It's a free Facebook group that's really big, really fun, really engaged. The women there are just incredible. There's this energetic current that flows through that group, and that flows through me every time I spend time in there. It's really an amazing place to be on the internet, which is awesome because that's one of my biggest goals in my business. You know, I think social media can be such a waste of time and on those same platforms where so much time is wasted, I love creating spaces that are the opposite of wasted time.

I love creating spaces that are intentional and inspire you to be better. When you're on social media with me, you are bettering yourself, not wasting yourself. I love doing that. And this Facebook group is such a picture of that. It is The Purpose Show Community with Allie Casazza on Facebook. It's an attachment of this podcast—a place where we discuss episodes, discuss abundant life, simplicity, and intentional living for mothers and women of all types. It's such a cool place.

Once a month in that group, I do what is called an Allie Chat where I pull somebody out from the community there and we go live together. She gets to ask me basically anything she wants. It's really, really cool.

There was an Allie Chat recently with a woman named Christina who is just a gem. She's so cute, so sweet, so beautiful and amazing. She asked such amazing questions about her motherhood. I loved what she chose to ask me. I loved the conversation we had and the audience loved the answers that I gave. It was such a powerful Allie Chat and I knew that I had to use it as an episode for The Purpose Show.

We discussed a lot of things, but here’s a quick surface recap. We discussed encouraging creative play in toddlers without living in constant mess. We discussed transitioning between seasons and when you need to change up your routines—which is a really frequently asked question in my community so, I'm happy that I had a chance to answer it live with Christina. We discussed self-care practices with and without your kids around. We also discussed how the Enneagram empowered my marriage and relationships.

This is not doing it justice. This is a really powerful episode, so keep playing this. Put it on while you drive, while you go do whatever it is you're doing today. I encourage you to listen.

Thank you, Christina, for being a part of my community. Thank you for asking these important questions. Guys, enjoy this conversation. It’s so, so good.

ALLIE: Hi, can you hear me? How are you today? You look beautiful.

CHRISTINA: Thank you. I'm so excited to be here! I'm such a fan of yours. I'm so emotional already. I love you so much. You changed my life in so many ways. I'm just so excited. You're like my hero, so I'm just happy to chat. I got some coffee.

ALLIE: Oh my gosh. Okay. I left my coffee upstairs and right when I got on, I was like, “How awkward, on a scale of 1 to 10, would it be if I just hung up and ran to go grab it? No, it's fine. I’ve got water, and I should drink it.”

Okay. So, I have your questions here, but I would rather you ask them since you're here. I have them just in case we have tech issues or in case you couldn't come. I love what you asked though. And I saw that you have a Bella too!

CHRISTINA: I do! I actually named her after you. Not in a stalker-kind-of-way. But I love that name. I actually named her Isabella, but we call her Bella and she's just a little light in our lives though. I just saw that name and I think I first heard it from you.

ALLIE: Yeah, I love it. Well, when we named Bella we couldn't name her—well, we could have, but we didn't want to name her—Isabella because our last name is such a mouthful. I feel like it's a lot for a 2-year-old to be Isabella Casazza. It’s just a lot. And so, we just did Bella and I was feeling super unique. It was an old Italian name and every time we said it people were like, “Wow! That's really unique.” And then Twilight came out and ruined my life and made me super mad. Everyone was like, “Oh, I like Twilight, too. Are you going to have an Edward next?” Yeah, I hated everything for three years because it wouldn't stop.

So, talk to me about what you want to talk about today.

CHRISTINA: So, I've actually been through the decluttering process. I actually did it before I found you. So, I’m really on the other side of it. I post a lot in the group—testimony to how this minimalism thing can change your life and add time with your kids. But my kids are so little still, they are 4, 3, & 1.

So my first question is: After you have completed the decluttering process, how do you keep your toddler messes to a minimum without discouraging creative play?

My 4, 3, & 1-year-olds love exploring. We've gotten rid of so many toys. We have a box of Legos and some dolls. But they are so creative, they just get into all this stuff, you know? Like my 1-year-old is taking stuff out of the dressers. The 4 & 3-year-olds are pulling out the pots and pans. They want to dress up in mommy's clothes.

And for a while I was like, “Okay, I'm putting all the clothes up. I'm not letting you guys change six times a day.” And it worked for a little while, but I want my 4 & 3-year-olds to help, and I want them to learn. I don't want to do everything for them. So, I guess what is the balance between that? I don't want to put everything up so that they can't access it. I don't want to be doing everything for them, but I don't want to be walking around all day cleaning up all these random messes.

ALLIE: Yeah, totally. For me, in my experience, you're right at the point in motherhood where you go through these tiers. You go through these stages. I remember times when I thought, “Oh, are timeouts irrelevant now? Do I need to do something different because they're so old?” It's weird. You realize like, “Oh, I think it's time for this now.” And you're right at that point where it's time for them to help.

CHRISTINA: Even though it takes twice as long.

ALLIE: Yeah, oh my gosh, but that gets way better. And some moms don't have the vision that you have for your kids. They don't mind doing everything and that's not what they want for their kids. So, if you're watching and that’s you, disregard.

But for me, I really wanted my kids to help. I believe in chores. I want them to be helpful and not entitled. And that's just important to me. It gets so much easier when they're older. Now Bella and Leland are 10 and 8 and they do the dishes after dinner. Every once in a while if they have extra schoolwork or they've just had baseball and they're just really tired, I'll do it for them. But typically, they do that. And it's because, around the ages that your older two kids are, we implemented, “You get something out, you need to pick it up.” I'll help them if they need my help.

It's basically disregarding the idea in toddlers’ heads. There's this book called Happiest Toddler On The Block and it talks about how they're like cavemen and they don't know anything. When you have toddlers you have to say sentences like, “Please get your finger out of your nose while we're at this restaurant.” You have to explain the basics. So, thinking of it like that…they just don't know.

You're basically having to untrain them to just make a mess and not care. You have to teach them like: “Okay, new thing is being introduced: When you make a mess, you need to be polite and help clean it up.”

It's just a thing you have to spend your time on for a little bit.

But I'd like to encourage you, because you're in such a cool time, but also such a hard time. This is not something that I made sure they followed through on every single time. I wasn't a psycho about it. When you want something for your kids, it comes out of you for them. So, if you want your kids to be helpful when they make a mess, you're going to be able to fight that urge to clean it up. Call them back and say, “Hey guys, this looks awesome. What did you guys do with this? Tell me what you were playing. That's so fun. That's so great! Okay, let's clean it up though. We don't want to just leave it out.”

Make it fun. I was never like, “Get over here!” You don't have to be crazy about it. But when you make it fun, you just infuse that in your day. Of course, there were times when I was like, “Screw it. I'm just gonna clean it up. It's fine.” But typically it was me saying: “Hey guys, come back. Remember? What do we do after you play with something?”

Make them learn that it's just a part of their lifestyle. You've already done that with minimalism and toys and look at how your kids are.

CHRISTINA: Yeah, they’re so creative.

ALLIE: They don’t come to you saying, “I'm bored.” They know how to create, play, be innovative, and messy because that's all they know. Eventually cleaning up after themselves will be all they know and it will just happen. It's awesome and it's so worth it. I think that you can start to do that.

Also, I don't like this idea that people have: “Oh, having toddlers, is just messy. It just is what it is.”

When you're living life and having fun, you let things go. But it doesn't have to be like, “Oh I have toddlers so this is just a total crap show. It's always messy. It's always hard and I can't wait for them to get older so I can have a clean house.”  That's not a good mindset to carry.

But to some effect, when you have creative kids, they do get things out. They think the broom is a horse and they get it out and they play with it. It is to some extent part of it, but there's no reason they can't put the broom back when they're done. There's no reason that you should be running around putting things back by yourself anymore. You have the badge of honor that you have a 4-year-old and she can help put things away. That's just what I did.

What might help you is implementing what I called: “the dinnertime pick-up alarm.” When I made dinner, I would set an alarm for 10 minutes or 5 minutes. You can gauge the amount of time your kids can handle at their ages. Again, super fun. No one's in trouble here. We're just doing our family thing and you say, “Guys, it's time for our dinnertime pick-up dance party.” We would blast Taylor Swift and dance around.

Do you know about the laundry hamper trick? Have them pick up everything in the room and dump it in. It makes it easy because the laundry hamper can be pushed around on the floor by toddlers and they're not having to go and put everything away. They’re just putting it in the hamper.

Then you can make the call. Sometimes I would just go through the house after bedtime and put everything in the laundry hamper where it goes. Sometimes I would have them help me. Definitely as they got older, like once Bella turned 6, it was her job. Go put this in whoever’s room it belongs in. If it was my flip flops she would put them on the floor in my room, which was at least more helpful than them being downstairs on the floor, under the table, or wherever. But yeah, make it fun.

I think that moms struggle because they're exhausted and they don't feel fun, so they don't make things fun and normal life things feel like a punishment. And that's when kids freak out. My son, Leland, has always been my harder one. He'd be grunting, stubborn, and saying, “I'm not going to do it.” All because I sounded like, “Guys what the heck? What is wrong with everybody? Why is it so messy? Pick up right now.”

But if you set a timer and play music, and you're helping and just dancing around, and you say, “Look, let's see who can put the stuff in the hamper the fastest.” How could they not want to? Toddlers love that.

Even if it was super fake and I was really annoyed and didn't feel it, I still made it fun. It’s like a fake-it-till-you-make-it thing, because then you do eventually feel like that and the kids catch that and they like it.

Then that solves the problem that your house feels really messy and it's all on you. If you implement that just every once in a while—having them clean up after themselves, reminding them, calling them back, and then you implement a nighttime pick-up party—then you've solved your problem.

And you can do that. It could be after every meal, you just say, “We just finished a meal. What do we do?”

CHRISTINA: That way it’s more often because I definitely need it at least three or four times a day.

ALLIE:  Yeah, you can do that whenever you want, five times a day, once a day, whatever. I think the key is to just make it fun. Infuse that into them and make them feel like, “Wow! You're such a help to me.” You know when people feel valued—it doesn’t matter if they’re 3 or if they're 90—if they feel valued, they want to show up for that.

There’s this marriage book that I read a long time ago. I think it was called For Women Only, and basically there was this section in there that changed my life and I've applied it to my marriage and everywhere else. It talked about when you want somebody to do something, telling them that they suck and they need to do better doesn't do anything.

If you told your husband, “I just want you to know I think that you're so romantic and you did this (insert small thing that wasn't really romantic, but you're just trying to praise him) and it just really made me feel loved and I felt really close to and I love you.” He's going to notice that and respond by doing another romantic thing instead of you saying, “Why can't you be romantic?” Do you see what I'm saying? Apply that to your kids. If you make them feel valued, make them feel like they’re so good at cleaning up, that’s going to make them want to be better at cleaning up instead of you nagging them.

CHRISTINA: That's awesome. I love that. I use a lot of Wendy Snyder's praises. I love her. And this morning I was asking my toddler—the second one, she's 3-years-old—“Could you please put that up? And she was like, “Nope, I'm not doing it.”

So I said, “Oh my gosh, could you do it as fast as you can? I'm going to set the timer.” Then my 4-year-old came running in and she's like, “Can I do it too, please?”

So, yeah, I need to remember to keep it fun because sometimes I'll definitely be like, “Oh my gosh, why is this room such a mess?” You know?

ALLIE: Yeah, yeah. I just did that yesterday. I freaked out and I was like, “Wait, okay guys, sorry. It doesn't matter how you've messed up today. It doesn't make it okay for me to mess up and I just messed up and I yelled, and I'm sorry. Let's just hit the reset button. Let’s clean up and then let's go downstairs.”

We have this little jar of Hershey Kisses that are for Emmett when he goes potty in the toilet. And I was like, “Let's clean up and let's go downstairs and everyone can have a Hershey Kiss because I think we all need chocolate right now.” And they just laughed. It fixed the day.

I think shifting that perspective in yourself is so powerful. And you can also solve your problem. You don't have to have “good moms don't have sticky floors and messy whatever and it’s a crap show, but at least I'm having fun with my kids” mentality. You can have both.

CHRISTINA: It's good to hear that you're on the other side of that too. That's awesome. I think one thing that they do really well now is they lay out their clothes and they get dressed in the morning. That took forever, but now they're doing it on some level.

ALLIE: Amazing. Yeah, that's amazing. It’s a little thing that trims our morning down a little bit. For me, my son Leland, has definitely been my tougher one. He’s weird about his socks and shoes. There couldn’t be any bumps. He would just take forever. So, I was thinking, ‘How can we fix this when we have to go in the morning?’ Having him try his socks on at night before bed. While I got Emmett’s teeth brushed and got Hudson in his pajamas, Leland's working out his sock issues and then he lays them out and they're ready for the next morning. He already knows that they are going to work and he's happy with them. Those are mom hacks that you don't think about because you're drowning.

So, I know that you had a question about life transitions and routines and stuff.

CHRISTINA: I can read that one. How can you tell when it is time to transition to a new season of life and change up certain routines? I don't want to stay stuck in my routines if they are not serving me.

I’m the kind of person who gets into a routine and can get a little lazy in that. For example, my baby, I'm nursing her at night and a lot of times I'll bring her in the bed and snuggle her. She’s probably at that point where I can start getting up early again. She's sleeping a little bit better, but I'm still stuck in that routine. She's in the bed in the morning, so I'll just sleep in. I'm enjoying that time with her. But I feel like a lot of times we start doing something that's working for us and boom, it changes, you know? Like for you, putting your kids in school and then taking them out. I had such respect for that when I listened to that episode where it's okay to change your mind. You know? If it's not working for your family, you don't have to follow through with it.

So just do you have any examples or tips there?

ALLIE: You like that time. You don't seem ready. I don't know if everyone has this. I talked to a few friends about it and they all agreed so, I don’t know if it’s a mom-thing for everybody, but when I was nursing, I really enjoyed it. My other two babies had issues and they wouldn't nurse. So, when Hudson and Emmett nursed, I just held onto that and it was so sweet for me. Emmett nursed for a really long time. He nursed for almost two years and Hudson nursed for nine months. And at the end of both of those journeys I started to feel different about it. My skin would kind of crawl and I would just kind of be like, “Oh. Ugh, we have to sit down and nurse.”

I feel like it's God's way of getting our bodies ready. It’s like at the end of the pregnancy you're like, look, I don't care how much it hurts, get out of me. It's like your mother's natural way of closing a season off. I think it's beautiful, and I think it's really, really beneficial when your life allows you to make decisions based on that. And you don't have to go and do something else and stop when you're not ready. So, you don't seem ready. Enjoy that. Snuggle her. Sleep in a little bit. Enjoy that sweet time and look for other ways in your life that you could fit things in. Unless you're Type A and you just love routine. I’m not, and being really rigid makes me feel super trapped.

But the fact is, spontaneous or not, the laundry has to get washed, the dishes have to get run, meals have to be cooked, things have to move forward for our houses to run smoothly and for our families to be taken care of.

So, in our family that role is split now between Brian and I. But before it wasn't. It was on me. And so, those are what should be routine. What are the things that absolutely must happen for you guys to function well? Don't put things that are an ideal in your routine right now. Just enjoy sleeping in with your baby girl. Soak up that time and then just know, okay after that I get the girls breakfast, then I put a load of laundry in,  and that's my morning routine. Whatever it is.

The way you know that it's time to switch transitions and bring in a new routine or let go of an old one is when you're like that nursing-skin-crawling-feeling, so to speak, in your life. It should serve you and you can tell when something is serving you versus when it's really inconvenient. You know that feeling when you just feel like everything is just a mess and you feel like, man I need to get my ish together... Like now...This is just not working?

But it depends on your life season where that routine goes. If you feel like that, but you love that snuggle time in the morning and you don't have to be at work at 9:00 AM or you don't have anything, you can fit in your morning routine somewhere else. Make it work for your life. It should feel good. Maybe you snuggle with your baby girl in the morning but at nap time instead of watching Netflix, you first switch the laundry and run the dishwasher, then you veg out and watch Netflix. You can fit it in wherever it works for you right now. It should make you feel like, “Oh that's good, that's really good.” It shouldn't make you feel like, “Oh man, I have to get up. I have to.” Unless you're a working mom and you've got to get up and go. That's a different story.

CHRISTINA: Yeah. Okay. That makes sense. And I think you're right. I feel to be productive, I need to get up at 5:00 AM, get all my meditation and blah, blah, blah. But I do get that stuff in. I just don't do it super early. I think you're right. It feels good right now, and I’m enjoying her.

ALLIE: I didn't even start doing a super early morning routine until I started getting up early and working on my business when Emmett was one—because that was our story. That's when the idea hit me. That's when it needed to happen. But with all my other kids, I didn't do early morning things until they were two. I think people look now and my youngest is 4 ½; That's why I get up at 5:00 and go exercise, then come home and meditate, and have a good time with my family. It seems so easy and smooth now because I have no babies. Just know your season.




Hey friend!  It’s Allie! Have you heard of the Supermom Vault yet?

The Supermom Vault is a library of inspiration I created for you.  It holds replays of my very best online workshops that aren’t available anywhere else, tons of really actionable pdf’s that are downloadable with just one click, more than 20 audio and video trainings from me, and professionally designed printables for your home to keep you focused and inspired.

The Supermom Vault is only $39.00 and is available at alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

Check it out!  It’s a really good simple start.

Want more inspiration than just the podcast? Do you wish there were more episodes?  Want more details? Do you want videos? Do you want pdf’s? Do you want to download things and get your hands on something to really get you started when it comes to minimalism and simplifying your motherhood?

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CHRISTINA: Okay, now my next question is: What is your go to self-care when you're just feeling done? What's something you do that helps?

ALLIE: Do you want something that you can bring your kids to? Or something where you’re leaving and getting away?

CHRISTINA: How about one of each?

ALLIE: Okay. So, for myself, I could have no makeup on, have my hair in a topknot because it hasn’t been washed in six days, but if I have a manicure, I feel on top of the world. So, I always have my nails painted and pretty fresh because it makes me feel so good. Maybe think of something like that.

I feel like as women, if we feel good physically then it transfers. If you feel like crap (just getting real here: you've got no bra, sweaty under boob and you're feeling like you're gross), then you feel gross.

What’s the one thing that just makes you feel really, really good? I have a friend who's a little more high maintenance than me and she really loves facials. And so, she found a place to get a cheap organic facial and she goes every week on Wednesday morning. And that's her thing.

It could be like that or it could be less extreme. Going for a drive, getting yourself a chai tea latte—or whatever vice it is—and just going for a drive by yourself.

Then with the kids, I've switched back and forth between two things. We live in California, so the weather isn't really something I have to worry about. So, when we're having a day where homeschooling isn't clicking, everyone's just pissy and bickering, I'm done, I'm yelling, I'm not who I want to be, then it's time to get out of there. You need a change of scenery.

If it was raining or cold, we would take a drive. I would buckle the kids up. There's something magical about your kids being stuck in their car seats when they're driving you crazy. We would just listen to the music and just relax.

Then the other thing we would do, which was my favorite thing, which you might've heard me say before, is, I would get my headphones, get my phone, pack the kids up, get them all ready to go and take them to the park. There was this one park where there was a playground and a little sidewalk to walk around. It wasn’t really wide, but it went right around the playground so I could see them wherever I was. I would just put my headphones in and watch my kids play and listen to a podcast, something that encouraged me.

CHRISTINA: Yeah, like The Purpose Show?

ALLIE: What is the issue? Did you have a fight with your husband and you feel like you're having a crappy day? Listen to a marriage podcast. Are you struggling with one of your strong-willed kids? Listen to a parenting podcast.

Or maybe you need to exit the arena of whatever is causing stress that day, then don't listen to that. Listen to something for yourself. Get something in your head because words are powerful and when you're having a bad day and you put positive words literally in your head, you're going to leave that park different and your kids got their energy out. We would blow off nap time and just go whenever we needed to. And even if it was like 20 minutes, it changed the feel of the day.

CHRISTINA: Yeah, I love that. I do that. We have bad weather right now, but I'll just go to like Chick-fil-a if I can or an indoor playground. But yeah. I definitely use the podcast thing, but it's always you. Why are you doing one podcast a week? Please up it.

ALLIE: Good, that’s what it’s there for.

CHRISTINA: Okay. That was very helpful. Thank you.

Okay, so my last question is: What would you say has been the biggest impact of studying the Enneagram on yourself, your husband, and your kids? I am fascinated by the Enneagram. Yeah, I think I'm a 9.

ALLIE: Are you? They’re all great, but there are certain ones that I think I just kind of vibe with more because of my personality. It was funny because I'm such a dork. We were having a get-together at our house and I basically made everyone pick what they were on the Enneagram. I just wanted to know. All of my friends are like 2’s or 9’s. I think the biggest impact was marital for me.

I know I've shared about this on the podcast and it's repetitive, but I always could cry when I talk about it because I just felt so excluded all the time. I felt like I didn't belong anywhere. I didn't always fit in the mom circles. Like can we talk about something other than what Sippy Cup doesn't leak? I didn't get along with a lot of moms. I wanted to talk about marketing and blogging.

CHRISTINA: You’re passionate. You’re fiery.

ALLIE: Yeah. I'm super blunt and my sarcastic sense of humor would sometimes not go over well. I didn't fit in the business industry because they're all like, “Oh, where do you summer?” And I’m like, “I don't. I have a million kids.” I always felt my whole life, even as a kid, like I didn't belong anywhere and like I always needed to tone it down. “Relax” was basically the message that I got all the time from everyone.

And the Enneagram showed me, when I figured out that I was an 8 and I looked at what that meant, it was like my identity and who God made me to be. It was like a light was shone on it. I just cried. I felt so at peace and like, “Oh my gosh! It makes sense why I would take something basic and have to run with it and do way more than anyone else thought I would do with it because I'm passionate about it.

Especially being a woman and being an 8, when Brian and I would have friends, couple friends and stuff, the husband never liked me. They always seemed irritated or intimidated by me. I noticed that even being a teenager, and then especially after I started my business and our friends would see things online about the success of the business. Relationships changed. I never got along with my friends’ husbands; they just wouldn't like me.

And so, the Enneagram helped me see that I'm just super driven. I'm made to be an entrepreneur. I'm just powerful, confident, fiery, and blunt. That doesn't mean that it's an excuse to be rude or anything, but it's helpful to know yourself. Then knowing that and then seeing that Brian is a 2, we have always felt like we were the opposite of what we needed to be. I learned that it's not that. It's actually that we're just the opposite of tradition, and the traditional roles we were in almost split us up and they caused so much unfulfillment, drama, and just fighting.

And so, when I took the Enneagram, it really helped me step into my role and who I am. No matter who that threatens and no matter what other moms think about that. For Brian, he was like, “This is crazy. I’m literally designed to be a support. And I love supporting you, but I always felt weird about it. Like, am I nuts? Am I doing something wrong? Am I supposed to be the provider? What's going on?” So that was really liberating for us.

With my kids, I feel like I'm still figuring them out. I couldn't say that I know what all their numbers are right now. But I'm aware of the different attributes of the Enneagram and the different personality types and it's helped me see those in them and in my parents and siblings.

I have three siblings, so you know, those relationships are sometimes weird. I'm really close with one of my brothers, but my other two I'm like, “I need to figure you out. Are you being really rude or what's your problem?” The communication there, you know? And so, it's helped me see there's not somebody that's wrong and somebody that's right. There's not somebody that's annoying and somebody that's funny. It's just a personality thing. It's been really liberating in that way.

CHRISTINA: That's awesome. I think for me, my husband and I are kind of like the more traditional roles. He is a 3. Which one is the achiever? 3 or 6? I don't remember. He really works on his image and has to be very successful. It really means a lot to him. And I'm more or less like, “Just let's not fight. Everybody get along.” You know, the peacemaker. So yeah, for us it is a little bit more traditional, but I love how you embrace what you are.

It’s sad that the world hasn't come to that yet. I feel like in this age we should be at a point where we're accepting each other. I think that your accepting that about yourself is just awesome. Especially Brian, who is just so sweet. I just love him. He's so cute. I love you guys.

ALLIE: He's so funny when he does the podcast. I always say, “You don't have to be on anything. I never want you to feel like you have to.” And he's always like, “Oh no, I really want to.” He'll come to me with ideas and then we sit down to do it. I always have my hand on his knee and I can feel him tensing up, and we have to do seven takes in the beginning of the episode. He's like, “Okay, I got it now.” And then we'll just go with it and totally flow and the episode is great. But it's so funny to me because he seems so nervous and tense and I'm like, “You don't have to be on here.” He's always like, “I'm just thinking about all those people listening.” And I'm like, “Why would you think about that? I never think about that. I just do my thing.”

It's just funny that you can be so different, but you can still show up in the same way. He can still show up and serve people, it’s just different. It doesn't take him one take with no mess ups, like it does me. It's cool to learn how to be patient with each other's quirks and stuff.

CHRISTINA: Yeah. That's awesome. That's the last question I have.

ALLIE: That’s the last one on the list. I try not to look at every single thing that's typed up because I don't want to come in pre-prepped, but it's helpful in case people don't show up or whatever. But I saw the topics that you picked and I was like, “Oh! This is going to be so good!” And I was really excited.

Thank you for caring, listening to the show, and showing up with amazing questions. You are just such a light. You are. You’re just doing a great job. You're beautiful, shiny, bright, and amazing. You're inspiring to me. So just know that.

CHRISTINA: Thank you. I wish you could see how many women that your life has touched.

I mean I'm sure you see it in some aspects, but there's a lot of women where I share your message and they're constantly messaging me like, “Oh my gosh! This is changing my life. I'm actually scheduling time to get down on the floor and play with my kids.”

I'm your biggest fan. I share you all the time. Your messages are just so good. It's so good. It’s so important that this message gets out there because there are just so many moms that look at each other and they go, “Oh, that's just how life is. It just sucks. It's always a mess. Your kids are always going to be either in a pile of crap or you're going to suffer cleaning all day long.”

ALLIE: There's a lot of shame in being a total mess mom, and there's also another level of shame in not being that. Not that I have it all together. There's always something that's kind of dropped off. If I'm killing it at the business one day, then my house is a little messy. If I'm killing it at motherhood then, in the business some things didn't get done. There's always a balance, but I think there's a different level of shame that comes in when you are doing well and loving it. There's shame in that and it's awful.

CHRISTINA: It is awful. How do you respond to them? I mean I know that's your business, that's your heart. But for people who follow you, and we want to share this and want to share you. Usually I'm just like, “Okay, there's this girl named Allie…”

I'm the peacemaker and I don't want to rile people up. But when I see these people posting, a lot of times on social media, things like: “My house is a crap mess.” I hesitate to comment because I don't want to shame them. I want them to see that there's a light, but I also don't want to make myself look like I'm better than them or anything. What would you suggest if you see people posting things like that? Even if they are asking for help, what's a good way to say that this message is out there, without being rude and without shaming them?

ALLIE: Yeah, I understand that because that's my job. I love marketing so much, but it is so hard to figure out the marketing message behind what I do without coming across as preachy. I can't even tell you how many hours and hours and hours Brian and I have poured into it. Especially him being a guy, he'll say, “Why don't you just say this?” And I'm like, “Okay, if I said that—that was a guy thing to say because I would never get a follower again.”

It's very hard to say, “I can help you,” without it sounding like, “because I'm better than you.” And that is not my heart at all. What I would say and what I've been doing is thinking about it like it's a story that you're telling and you've been there. You've stood where they're standing and you came out of it. Come at it with that heart, like you're doing them a service by telling them, “Oh my gosh, yes! I could have posted a picture just like this times 10 last year. Have you ever heard of (whatever)? It's been such a lifesaver for me.”

I always try to say, “I'm not going to preach at you. I'm not gonna tell you exactly what to do, but rather just help you shift your perspective so you can figure it out yourself.” That's just how I've done it. Tell a story that started exactly in that photo: “That was my photo and now it's not, and it doesn't have to stay that way.” Rather than, “You should…” Never say “should.”

You know what really breaks my heart too, is when I get tagged in something and it's something like that. I wish there was a way to remove that tag. I do not want to be associated with: “You should look at Allie. You can be way better than this. She'll just help you.” No. That is not what I do. I hate it.

It's a problem and, especially, I think, mothers are very protective over their role and what they're doing, and it can feel convicting because of what’s within their own selves. So you can't control that. But I think if you can look at the comment and you're like, “This isn't preachy. This is funny and relatable and I’ve stood where you stood,” and it’s helpful, then it's a green light, you know?

CHRISTINA: Yeah. Awesome.

ALLIE: Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me. I'm so happy that you're here. Really. This was so good and you're just amazing. I'm really thankful for you taking the time away from your kids to talk to me and help the ladies that are going to watch this later and that are watching right now. Thank you so much.

CHRISTINA: Thank you so much for having me. I just want to say to anybody listening that hasn't been down the journey before, it's so, so, so worth the work. Get one of Allie’s courses. Anything she has is amazing and it changes your life. So yeah. Team Allie!

ALLIE: Thank you Christina. I just adore you. I will talk to you later.



This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 111: A Simple Practice for Daily Happiness, Mindfulness & Making Decisions with Emily P. Freeman

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Did you know that, on average, you make 35,000 decisions every single day? That is a lot and feels overwhelming! But decision making doesn’t have to be that way. If we shift our focus from putting off decisions, putting pressure on them, or ignoring them and we turn our focus to the next right thing, the whole decision making process will be more fun and less intimidating!

Emily Freeman is the founder of an incredible movement called The Next Right Thing. She has a book and a podcast around this theory of focusing on the next right thing in front of us and the power that has in our decision making. Give yourself permission to stay in the moment and take action on the next right thing! (Like listening to this episode, because it is a GOOD one!)

 
 

In This Episode Allie + Emily Discuss:

  • Advice for mama’s of teenage girls (because we all need it, right?)

  • What The Next Right Thing movement is, where it all began, and how that phrase will help you in your decision making.

  • Practical steps you can take when making decisions, even in those mundane, day to day decisions.

  • What unmade decisions do to us and the power they hold over our lives.

Mentioned in this Episode:


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This conversation is all about decision making and staying present as you focus on the next right thing and I have the perfect freebie that will support you as you shift your perspective in this direction!

Phone Settings For Our Present Life walks you through what phone settings I have set up on my phone and a less extreme alternative for those of you who might not want everything turned off. It tells you exactly what to do in your phone, and also a lot of the heart behind why you might want it like that. Why I think it's important and where technology maybe should be in our priority list.

The less distraction you have from your phone, the more present you can be to make those every day decisions. Because 35,000 decisions every day is a lot! So don’t miss out on this free PDF. I know it will help you take action, feel more present, and do the next right thing.


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hi, beautiful friend! Oh my gosh. This conversation that you are about to listen in on is life-changing. If you will really just quiet your mind and give this interview, which I can't even call that, it was a conversation, an amazing conversation. If you will give this your focus, oh my goodness, it will shift your perspective, change your life, and give you some really simple keys to simplifying your decision-making process, finding quiet in the midst of your very full life.

If you’re listening to this, you are likely a mom or a very busy woman and you need this. I needed this. It was so good. This was one of those rare podcast conversations where I was shifting around in my seat because it was so good. It was moving me and had me thinking, really thinking, and it was just so good.

Emily Freeman is my guest today. She is a beautiful soul. I was so happy to sit and talk with her. She is the author of The Next Right Thing, which is a book that's actually based on a podcast she started, which the podcast is also called The Next Right Thing. I love listening to her podcast. It's one of my favorites. It's one of the only ones I actually do listen to. Emily really has a good personality. She's very pointed when she speaks and she gets to the point, which I like. I just really liked her.

Her book, The Next Right Thing is simple, soulful practices for making life decisions. Emily talked a lot about decluttering your soul and your brain, and uncomplicating the art of making decisions day-to-day. Not big life decisions but day-to-day, because the average person makes 35,000 decisions per day. Obviously this is something we need to be talking about and looking at.

Emily is a Wall Street Journal bestselling author. She's an incredible soul and this conversation is worth giving your time to. So let's welcome her and enjoy this conversation, ladies. I know I did.

ALLIE: Hi Emily! Welcome!

EMILY:  Hi Allie! Thanks for having me here!

ALLIE: Yeah, I'm so excited to talk with you. I'm super excited to get to know more about you and introduce you to our listeners. I think that we have a lot of overlap in the things we talk about and that's always super exciting because I feel like you get me and I get you.

EMILY:  I feel that way too.

ALLIE: Yeah, I'm excited. Okay. Before we get into all the other things about the amazing book that you've written, which I read in one sitting yesterday.

EMILY: So impressed.

ALLIE: It was so good. I made space for it because it was so good. I just want to learn a little bit about you and have our listeners connect with who you are.

So tell us about, tell us about you. What's your personality type? Do you know what you are on the Enneagram and all that good stuff?

EMILY: I do. On the Enneagram, I identify with Type 4. I probably lean more towards the 3 wing, but as I get older a little bit, I'm finding more 5 tendencies in me a little bit. My sister's a 5 on the Enneagram, so I kind of get that space too.

I don't even think I identified really as maybe a creative person until maybe college or after college. I didn't see myself that way. But as I've gotten older, that part of me has come more fully alive and I think has always been there, but I never really gave it a name or gave myself credit for being creative, which I actually believe everybody's creative. Creativity expresses itself differently in different ways in each of us.

I think when people listen to my podcast and then they meet me in real life, I think they're surprised that I laugh really loud and talk pretty fast and I'm a little kind of sillier maybe than they expect. Because the podcast is a little more contemplative and slower paced because that's the purpose of that show. While that is me and that's my personality, you know there are different aspects and facets of personality that come out in different places.  

ALLIE: Different settings. If you're in a person-to-person social setting, you get an energy that's different than when you're sitting at your desk talking about your work.

EMILY: Right. Exactly. And that's kind of what it is. And I think in general, I feel most like myself when I'm writing and when I express myself through writing, but I feel most alive when I'm communicating with people or speaking or using my voice to say words, even if it's just with other people in a small group setting or even on a stage speaking at an event or something. That wouldn't be my preference to do that a whole lot. But when I do it, there is a certain sense of fulfillment I think that comes in those moments.

ALLIE: I love that. I'm the same way. I really don't like speaking when I'm planning to go speak somewhere, but once I'm on that stage, something happens where I come alive and I'm like, “I need to do this more.” And then I'm like, “Well, maybe not.”

EMILY: I've never heard anyone say it that very way. I feel the same way. The hardest part of my job is prepping to speak somewhere. But then once I get up there, it doesn't feel hard at all compared to the prep. Sometimes I’m like, “Am I doing this wrong? There's gotta be a magic way that I haven't figured out.” But I don't know if there is. I think that's just part of the job,

ALLIE: I think so. I've never heard anyone else really say that they didn't love speaking either. I think people do it because they love it and they're good at it, but not a lot of people are really willing to push themselves past their comfort zones, I think. And I am. So that is that for me. I will only take the ones that are super worth it because I don't like it very much.

EMILY: I love it. I totally resonate with that.

ALLIE: Tell us what is your absolute favorite thing to do when you are by yourself?

EMILY: Well, I love being by myself, so that's a favorite thing all alone. I can spend a lot of time just looking out the window, which sounds so boring, but I live a lot of life in my head, so having the space to actually stare out the window. A lot of times I will go back through journals that I've written in, old journals from years ago, and reflect on things I've learned or ways I've changed or the way our life has changed. That can be really life giving for me to sort of see patterns and to spend some time in reflection. Also reading when I'm alone. I'll either watch a show I love or spend some time with a book that I love. Lately I have been craving reading more fiction because I haven't been reading a lot of fiction and so I sense that itch to read a really good story.

ALLIE: I go through really long seasons of not reading it at all. fiction, when it does come into my life, it's a happy escape from the norm. Regular books, nonfiction books, they don't do that. You’re thinking about your life as you're learning this new thing. It's just when the fiction has a special place.

So, tell us about your family.

EMILY: My husband John and I have been married for almost 18 years now and it's gone by really fast. That's weird because I remember when my parents were married for 18 years, you know? That’s so weird. We have three kids. We have twin girls who are 15, they're in 9th grade. And then we have a son who is almost 13. He's in 6th grade. This was a big year for us, first time middle school for our son and then first time high school for the twins. Lots of transition, but they've made them fairly smoothly. And so, we're navigating interesting teenage waters these days with our family, which has been really a gift, but also it makes you realize, “Wow, we've been parents for 15 years. We still don't really know what we're doing a lot of the time,” because we've never been parents of these kids at this age. It's always learning and staying on your toes.

ALLIE:  Do you have any advice for those of us with girls that are…my daughter's 10, so setting the stage for those teenage years? What would you say has been helpful and that you think you did well?

EMILY: That's a great question. A lot of times it's the things that you don't realize and you might just do naturally and they don't feel like a big deal. But I had a mom tell me once that people always commented on how close she was with her teenage girls. And this mom said, “It started with the Barbies. I would play Barbies with them or play the games that they wanted to play when they were young.” So then as they grew, it was really normal for them to just let her into their world.

Though I'm not the best Barbie player…I was when I was younger and was actually playing with them, but as the girls have gotten older, one thing is they have each other. They're twins, so they do a lot of that themselves. But being around and letting them know that I was present. I think I discount the value that that has.

When I look back and I think, “Oh, I should have had more serious and intentional conversations with them about A, B, C, you know, about all these really big important issues.” And maybe that would've helped, but I don't know if they would remember, but I guarantee you what they remember is time spent and just me being around.

And I think that's sometimes a filter through which I make decisions about work or travel or whatever…there are seasons when I'm not able to be fully present because I am traveling or working. But then when I'm home, I'm trying to be all there. I think that really goes a lot further than we realize.

Maybe 10 years from now I'll look back and remember, “Oh yeah, that was important,” because when I think about my own relationship with my mom, I don't really remember specific conversations or “lessons” that she taught me. But I do remember her presence and I remember her just being there. And I think that's really important, and I think a lot of times overlooked.

ALLIE: Yeah, I love that. Your kids have always gone to school?

EMILY: Yeah, they're all three in public school. Charter School for a couple of years, but mostly they're in the public school.

ALLIE: I love that, cause we homeschool our kids and it's not out of a love for homeschooling. That is for sure. It's just the flexibility of schedule because we like to bring the kids with us when we travel for work. But a lot of the time when I talk about being intentional and making time and being present, people – mothers - will blame it, “Well you homeschool, so you're always together.” And I am always trying to get a conversation with somebody who does not homeschool and has that because I don’t think that's it.

I actually think it can make it harder because you think, “Oh we have all day. We're always together. There's lots of opportunities for that.” And it actually slips by even more. I love that you said that and that your kids go to school. It’s not a lack of the availability of time. I think it's what you do with the time you do have together.

EMILY: Right. Yeah, that's a great point.

ALLIE: Okay. So, you are the host of The Next Right Thing podcast, which I love because it's short, pointed. It's one of those shows that if I'm listening…sometimes I just want silence because my life is loud and my kids are still really little and my oldest is 10 so I've got a 4-year-old, and lots of boys, so it's very loud…but sometimes I want to listen to something while I get ready and it's perfect because the episode is done by the time I finish doing my makeup or putting my hair up or whatever. It's easy and pointed. Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like the podcast is really short and pointed and bite-size perspective shifts and the book is still not super long or anything, but just really beautiful and a little deeper.

I really love the way you wrote this book. It's amazing. And it's also called The Next Right Thing.

When I immerse myself in an author, I've been looking at your website and I followed you on Instagram and read your book in one sitting yesterday, so I have to remove myself and, “Wait, for somebody who does not know any of this, let's start from the beginning.” What is the next right thing, this movement you started? Tell us what it is about or if you want to share where it started for you. Anything that you want to give us the 101 of The Next Right Thing.

EMILY: Well, that phrase, “the next right thing,” it's certainly not one that I came up with. It's been around a long time and has been said by a lot of really smart people over the years.

The first time I remember hearing it was when I was in college. I was a transfer commuter student at a school locally here. Because I was a commuter student, we had to fight for parking. I had to get to the school an hour before my first class started just to find street parking. I also learned to be a really great parallel parker by the way, so I can whizz into a parallel parking space, no problem.

But I would get to school early and then there was nothing to do because there wasn't a smart phone back then and no podcast to listen to. So I would listen to a little radio show that was about 15 minutes. It was like one of my podcast episodes. It was called Gateway To Joy and it was hosted by author Elizabeth Elliot and she would often quote a little poem that was called, “Do The Next Thing.” It was kind of sing-songy. It stuck with me because as a 18, 19, maybe I was 20 by that time -year-old, that was really powerful for me because it's the time in your life when you're looking at the future and you're looking at all of it at once and it can be overwhelming to say the least. And so that little small encouragement to just do the next thing, do it with prayer, do it consistently, was really helpful for me. It kind of just lodged in the back of my mind all those many years ago.

But then as I've grown and started writing, I find when I look back over books I've written and blog posts I've written over the last decade, I find that phrase here and there, “just do the next thing” or “do the next right thing” in my own writing, just kind of tucked away.

It was only about two or three years ago when I had a big decision to make that I started recognizing how this unmade decision that I had to make had a lot of power. And I think that's true across the board for a lot of us that unmade decisions hold power. They hold our attention. They keep us on our toes. They can have the power to wake us up to God, to friendships, to communication or whatever. Or they can also have the power to shut us down. To procrastinate. To put the decision off. To delegate it to somebody else. That's a lot of power that unmade decisions have.

A lot of us want to go ahead and make the decision and we want to be done with it. Others of us, we'll drag our feet.

It was sort of two things happening. I had this decision to make, but then on the inside level, my inner life, I was looking at how that decision was informing my relationships and the way I related to God and to people. That’s when I started to think, “Oh, this decision-making thing. There's something to this. I want to explore this.” And I thought it would be my next book because I'm a writer and that's what I do.

So, I started taking notes on the decision-making process and how this unmade decision was causing me to question some things and solidify other things and how my own spiritual formation was becoming a real big part of this decision-making process. But as I tried to write it as a book even after I made that decision, it was so stubborn and did not want to be a book. It was the worst. I tried to force it into an outline; it would not do it. Finally, long story short, I decided maybe the medium that this idea wants to come to life in is not in written form, but in spoken form. That's when I had the idea to explore this idea of decision-making and doing the next right thing in a podcast.

What should I call it? Decision again…how about I just call it “The Next Right Thing,” because that's the phrase that has always helped me approach decisions a little bit in a more friendly way and not such an intimidating way.

If it was “just do the right thing,” I think it's like, “Well yeah.” But that's kind of intimidating and we don't always know what's right, but when we put that word “next” in it, I think that makes it a little more approachable. We can usually access the next thing that's right in front of us, even if we're not quite sure what the exact right thing is to do.

So, that's kind of some background. That phrase has stayed with me and I'm sure will continue to stay with me for the rest of my life because this “next right thing posture” has really changed not only how I make decisions, but also how I move through my day in everyday life.

ALLIE: Yeah, absolutely. So, what does that look like? Maybe give me some examples because I'm curious about the mundane stuff. You say we make 35,000 decisions a day. Is that right?

EMILY: That's what I hear. I've looked it up in many different places and that's the number that keeps coming in. Isn’t that crazy?

ALLIE: And you know, in my personal day-to-day life, I've been working through when to apply grace to myself and went to keep pushing because I've been finding myself feeling really exhausted and done for the day very early in the day. And I'm like, “Okay, I've been trying…do I need to move my exercise so it's not in the morning? What is it that I need to do?” And reading this book…I intentionally left it for right before I interviewed you so that it would be fresh…in reading this book, I'm like, “Hold on 35,000?” I know my life, I know my job, I know how many people are on my team and I know my kids are always with me, so I'm just gonna assume that I probably have more than the average person.

EMILY: I think you probably do.

ALLIE: I was thinking, “You know, I think it's that.” I think it's just the constant like that. What is the New York Times article about decision fatigue?

EMILY: Yes, it's a real thing.

ALLIE: I don't really know what to do with that information, but it helped me feel like it's okay. It makes total sense. I'm constantly being talked to and some of that quiet I have control over (like with my phone) but a lot of it I don't. Like with my kids, they're here and I don't want them to feel, “Don't talk to mom. She's going to be pissed or whatever.” I want to be there, but it's just exhausting. And little things like, “Yes you can have applesauce or are you going to have slides at your presentation at this conference?” I don't know…things like that. It's just constant. So, I guess my question, messily, is what do you do with that in day-to-day? What do we do with that information? What does this next right thing look like lived out in those mundane things every day. And is there a way to avoid that exhaustion that I've been going through?

EMILY: Well first I would say to answer your question, I think that you showing grace to yourself is always the next right thing. Because it sounds to me like your personality, I can totally relate with it, probably you might never be a person who needs to totally push herself because it sounds like you naturally push yourself. You probably need to intentionally not push yourself sometimes, especially in your life stage. Man, that's so tough.

But as far as the mundane things, it's such a great question and I gotta tell you, it's in the mundane things where The Next Right Thing concept is the most helpful for me because I will literally wake up in the morning and maybe I'll have a little morning routine that I can rely on, which is really helpful, actually small, short morning routine.

But after that, sometimes I'm like, “Uhh,” and I'm literally spinning in my living room. Where should I start? What do I do first? Because everything feels like it has equal importance. When someone says, “Well, do the most important thing first,” it's like, “Well guess what? It feels like there's 20 of those.” Everybody else has their own idea of what's “important.” So, choosing one I think is helpful.

That whole idea of “the next right thing” sometimes is, “Okay, go take a shower.” And then I get out of the shower and it's like, “Okay, now what's the next right thing?” I’m going to listen to this podcast while I do my hair, okay. Giving myself permission to stay in that next right thing while I'm in it, knowing that I'm going to have the opportunity to ask the question again in 15 minutes. And that helps.

It’s like a weird mindset-magic that happens for me personally when taking a shower is my next right thing and I let that be my next right thing for 15 minutes. Then I can be in the shower and it almost feels like time expands because I'm not spinning in my mind about, “Well I'm taking a shower now, but really I should have been making the grocery list and running out to the mailbox,” rather than forcing myself into spaces where I can't be all at once because we can really only do one thing at a time, even the best multitasker among us. We might be doing many things in succession really quickly, but you can't chop an onion and peel the oranges at the same time. You can do them really quickly, but it's one at a time.

But giving those activities a little bit of bumper room in between each other by asking the question, “Okay, now what's the next right thing?” And trusting yourself to choose. If there's 10 things and you can't figure out which one's most important, then there isn't an answer there. There isn't a wrong answer. Just pick one.

I can't tell you how many times I have not done that and I've looked back on my day and been like, “Wow! I got nothing done, but I was working all day long.” Because I was frenetically switching, task switching, from half an activity to half an activity and it wore on my energy. It made me grumpy because I didn't finish anything. And I felt like a failure even though I was just as tired or maybe more tired than I would have been had I just chosen three things and finished them to completion, and then gave myself permission to say, “What is your next right thing.”

And the final thing there is let the next right thing sometimes be it's time to close the day. It's time to be done with work today or whatever the thing you're working on. That is a valid next right thing.

ALLIE: I love that so much. Yesterday, I was frustrated because I was faced again with that feeling of, “I’m feel tapped out. I feel like I will not be able to even cook dinner and deal with my…and that's when it's a trigger…when I'm thinking, “deal with my family.” That's not how I want to come to the table at the end of the day, you know? I was feeling like, “There's no way.” But there's all of my task list (Emily was like “20 things left”) and they were big things. I just reached out to Hayley. She's my right-hand man. She helps run the company and I said, “I just don't know what to do.” And she was like, “Well, none of these things are pressing right now. Why don't you just be done for the day?”

Why do we give ourselves this fake urgency? Because I assigned it to today, a long time ago when I was just putting my tasks in Asana, I was like, “Well, this task needs to be done today.” I think it was funny cause I laid on the couch, I just laid there like a Zombie vegging out for a second. And it was like how often do we do that to ourselves where it is so unnecessary and it's so urgent, but we’re are the ones that have the power to say this is not urgent anymore? It's just one of those novel concepts. It's so obvious, I think to certain personality types.

EMILY: It is and I love that you pointed out that you reached out to Hayley because number one, I think we all need a Hayley in our lives, whether we're writing or whether we are just running a household or whatever the thing is. And too, looking back, that was your next right thing, was to reach out to her and to let her be a co-listener with you to your own energy and your own life. And for her to say, “I'm going to be a “no” mentor to you right now. It’s time for you to say “no” and close the day.” What a beautiful next right thing that you did without even realizing it. I think that's so great that you have her and that you know, “Okay, when I'm at my wits end, I’m going to reach out to Hayley.”

ALLIE: I think sometimes we just get stuck in our own heads and we can't have that aerial perspective over our own life because we're just muddled. It just gets messy.


Hey sweet friend! I'm interrupting this incredible conversation that I'm having with Emily because I wanted to let you know that I know when I'm having conversations like this on the podcast, it really gets me thinking. It really gets me inspired.

This was one of those conversations that when we were recording, I just really felt alive. I felt really excited. I felt super inspired. I was thinking to myself, “I need to make sure that I come back and listen to this episode myself later on.”

Those recordings are rare, but when they happen, I feel like I'm on fire inside. I get so amped up about what we're talking about. I think that happened here with Emily because well, first of all, she's amazing and this conversation is so good, deep, and just extraordinary. And I think also because there's crossover with what I talk about, and I'm passionate about this, so it really gets me excited for you guys.

What I wanted to do is just draw attention to a freebie that I've created in the past for you guys that has become a fan favorite. People love it. It really deals with something that you wouldn't think is really deeply impacting your day, but it is. It deals with your phone settings.

I talk often about how I have my notifications basically turned off in a lot of ways. They're really turned off. I don't get my phone vibrating, making a noise, or lighting up when I get a text message. I don't have social media interrupting my day. My phone is a side note. It's extra so I'm living my days focused on what's in front of me, on my family, on my work, on whatever it is that I'm doing in real life that day. I don't think that technology should be able to tap us on the shoulder and interrupt our actual, real life whenever it wants to.

I talk a lot about that and I have this free download called Phone Settings For Our Present Life and it literally walks you through exactly what phone settings I have set up on my phone and a less extreme alternative for those of you who might not want everything turned off. It tells you exactly what to do in your phone, and also a lot of the heart behind why you might want it like that. Why I think it's important and where technology maybe should be in our priority list.

If you're interested in getting that, it's totally free. It's just something that I have on my website that I thought would be important and helpful to draw attention to while you're listening to this episode.

To get that for free, go to alliecasazza.com/shownotes/111.


ALLIE: I love something that you talk about in your book, how unmade decisions will smoke out things that we’re addicted to, like these hidden addictions. Not like addiction to alcohol and addiction to other things, but addiction to needing clarity or needing the approval of other people before you make a decision. Can you kind of unpack that for us? I just thought that was so astute and wise. I’ve noticed it in my own life when I've had to talk through things. Can you talk about that?

EMILY: It’s such an interesting thing to think about because it's very meta to think about how we make decisions, because usually we don't think about the process. We just either do it or we don't do it. When I think about decisions that that give me the hardest time or the ones that I'm procrastinating on, that's what I think our decision making and the process can begin to smoke out those addictions that we don't even realize are there.

For example, sometimes when I'm putting a decision off, the reason is because I'm afraid of the people I'll disappoint one way or the other. If I make this decision, these people are going to be disappointed. I make that one, I'm going to let these people down. Sometimes it's just perceived. I'm just afraid I'll let those people down. It might not even be real, but it's a fear of that.

And that can be an addiction to really deeply caring what people think to an unhealthy degree. Or it could be, I put something off because I am addicted to my own comfort. Even just buying a plane ticket. It's like, “Uh, I don't like the feeling I get when I'm having to make a decision that's definitive. I leave at this time and I get back at this time.” There's something in there that, though it might just be a quirky thing that we do, there could be something in there if we listened to our life that we realize could unlock a deeper issue. So, it's like these surface unmade decisions can actually inform something that might be happening beneath the surface.

And another thing, I think when we put decisions off, a lot of times and you mentioned it, it's because we are addicted to a sense of clarity. We think that until I know everything there is to know, and until I feel a perfect peace, I will not move. But in reality, a lot of times the peace and clarity come on the other side and it's once you finally make the decision and walk into the foggy future, that clarity begins to reveal itself to us over time.

Sometimes we're never sure if it was “right” or not. We just did the next thing we need to do at the time. That addiction to clarity, if we're waiting to feel clear, perfect peace, man, we might be waiting for a really long time.

Marie Forleo talks about clarity comes from engagement not from thought. Sometimes we think, “Well, if I think this through every single possible outcome that could come from this decision, then I'll have clarity.” But her point is a good one in that a lot of times it's engaging with the decision, engaging with our life, that actually brings the clarity to us as we move forward, even as we're carrying some question marks.

ALLIE: As you're talking about this, I'm just thinking about people who struggle with anxiety and I'm wondering do you have any experience with this helping ease just regular anxiety? Does that even make sense? This is not in my notes, this is an unformed question, but how does this affect people that struggle with being anxious in those little moments, unexplained anxiety?

EMILY: Well I think that's a great question and first of all I think sometimes we feel shame when we have feelings that we can't explain. Anxious feelings or fearful feelings.

And I just want to point out that feelings are always valid. They might not always tell us the truth, but they always give us information. So if we're feeling anxious, pay attention, you might not be able to explain it, but it can be a red flag of something that could be really helpful to know. But it's okay if you can't explain it. I think paying attention to those triggers when we do feel anxiety and maybe getting beneath that and asking yourself why.

Another thing in an anxious place, especially when it comes to decision making or something I'm being asked to do, try to put into English words what you are afraid of. Sometimes fear is a smoky enemy, but when you get down to it and you put it in English, it loses a lot of its power because you realize, oh, I was afraid…just general fear, but when I put it in English it’s like, “Oh no, actually, I'm afraid that I will miss my daughter's performance.” There can be really specific things. Once you have that fact or that information, you might be better equipped to deal with the thing you're actually afraid of and saying it out loud can help loosen some of the power.

One question I like to ask myself when I'm feeling stuck in a decision is am I being pushed by fear or am I being led by love in this decision? And looking for the fear and the love in decision making can be really informative. It might not always help us make the next decision, but I think it can give us a lot of information about, “Okay, oh I am afraid. Well why is that?” Asking the question beneath the question when it comes to fear.

I know sometimes even just asking that question, “Oh, am I making a decision out of fear or am I making a decision out of love,” sometimes that alone is enough to help us know maybe not the whole decision, but at least our next right thing.

ALLIE: That makes so much sense. I love that.

You talk about naming in your book and I also really loved this section. You have those two core principles about choosing the next right thing and having sole minimalism, which we will totally dive into. I might be wrong; I think this was the next section. I actually marked this section that I wanted to read so that you could expand on it. It's so good and you lead into it with saying “put into English words.”

You say in the book, “sometimes indecision is the result of a busy schedule or a hesitant personality. Other times it's because something within us remains unnamed and we simply don't have enough information or self-knowledge to move forward. Without a name we can't be specific and there's nothing fear likes more than nonspecificity.”

I just love that because it's true on so many levels. And I think you just touched on it with the anxiety question a little bit about like, well, what is it? Because it's either going to be a little ridiculous and you'll realize that, “Oh well, this thing isn't going to happen,” or it could totally happen, but you now can take steps to protect it or help it not happen.

Can you talk a little bit more about that naming? Examples that you have done or anything that you could help us see more clearly that in our day-to-day life?

EMILY: I think it's a great question and I think it is an important part of the decision-making process that's often not talked about and overlooked. We go straight from, “I have to make a decision,” and then we jump straight into whatever the decision is without taking a little time to listen to our own life. Part of that listening process is putting a name to some things.

I'm trying to think of a good example. I share the story of the Writebols in the book where Nancy Writebol, who was diagnosed with Ebola virus when she was a medical missionary. During that time, I saw a news brief where she and her husband, after she was better, were giving a news conference about her experience.

She and her husband shared a lot of the difficulties, a lot of the fear. They thought she wasn't going to make it at one point, but she pulled through and they talked about their faith. They talked about the hope that they had in God. But that there were also some hard times.

I was on the elliptical at the gym when I was watching this news conference and I was listening. At the end of it, it was so interesting because the news commentator summed up the news conference with the Writebols and she said how beautiful their story was. She said their's was “a narrative of joy.” I had to take my earbuds out and stop the elliptical because first of all, I thought that was such a beautiful way to say that, “a narrative of joy.” But it was also really counterintuitive to call that a narrative of joy because they were talking about her recovering from Ebola, this terribly life-threatening sickness.

And I thought, you know what? The “narrative” is the keyword there because each plot point in their life when she was on that bed and very sick and her husband couldn't even go in the room because it was too dangerous, that was not joyful. That was dark, filled with grief and probably a lot of fear and anxiety. But when they look at the whole narrative of her life and even of the experience, the whole thing, they could name that narrative as one of joy, even though each plot point was not joyful.

When it comes to my life, oftentimes I am tempted to look at the plot points and call that the story. And I can get stuck in a difficult day or difficult moment, an argument or relational disagreement, a work setback. And I can say. “This is hard.” And I named the narrative hard, difficult, fearful, anxious, wrong, discouraged. Rather than letting that day or that moment be a plot point in a larger story, a larger narrative. It’s an example of taking a step back at your life and seeing it for what it is on the whole. It doesn't mean that those plot points aren't to be named. They are.

Sometimes I think we rush too fast. I think we can do both. We will either wallow in the difficulty and refuse to see the narrative that's bigger, or we feel shame for feeling the difficulty. So, we will rush too quickly to the joy or to the hope. Or when we see someone around us struggling, we will be uncomfortable in their struggle, so we'll rush them to a narrative of joy, but they need to be in that plot point and name it because we cannot heal from what we do not name. And don't confront.

I think a lot of times we're walking around with a lot of woundedness and a lot of things from our past, decisions that we've made, that maybe we regret but we haven't named it regret. Instead maybe we are living under a banner of disappointment or whatever the thing is, but we didn't trace it back to a certain decision at a certain time in a certain place. Call it a plot point but don't make it the whole narrative.

Making that differentiation between a plot point and the narrative has been really life giving for me and has freed me up to let the hard things be hard, but not to let them define the whole story.

ALLIE: I love that. I love it so much. It's such a perspective shift. If you can do it now before a really hard thing happens, then you're going to be equipped with that when it does hit. I have a really dear friend that I grew up with that she was fostering a little boy and he actually ended up getting murdered by his birth mom. It's this awful thing. I'm watching everybody around in our lives try to get them where they wanted them to be faster. We're seeing these people that we all love in pain, in incredible pain, that really none of us understood because that's a very unique trauma. No one had gone through it. And naturally, you don't really know what to do. But as I went, I flew out there, and I sat with them, I noticed people were uncomfortable with their discomfort and wanted them to just feel better.

It was exactly what you're saying, rushing them to get into that narrative that makes us feel better. Like, “Oh, you're not in pain anymore. I'm so glad you got through that. God is greater.” And it's like, they're not there yet. They're really upset. I learned so much about that.

But I love that you talk about that for ourselves too. Not forcing and not rushing that clarity, and that knowing of this is what’s in my story. You don't need to know sometimes. And that's so hard for my personality, but so true.

EMILY: I so get that. I shared this story, you might have read, but I had some back pain and I went to get a massage. My mother-in-law was like, “You need a massage. I'm going to pay for that.” I'm like, “Eh, okay.” But when I went the massage therapist, she told me, she said, “Actually, which side of your back hurts?” And I was like, “It was the left side.” She said, “Well, I actually noticed more trouble in your right side.” So immediately I'm like, “What does it mean?” You know?

I was like, “Well, tell me, what does that mean that it’s the opposite side? And I kind of freaked out like, “Oh great, I have a whole back that's troubled.” She very calmly answered and she said, “Um, it doesn't mean anything. It's just information.” And I thought, oh I was trying to rush to an explanation, but she was making, forcing me to be satisfied with information.

And sometimes that's all we get. We don't have an explanation or a diagnosis. But sometimes naming it and seeing it for what it is and letting let that be enough. That might be all we ever get. And like you said, it can be super hard and frustrating, but it still can be helpful.

As we move forward, especially with people who are in trauma situations, like you mentioned, the more comfortable we get with carrying our own question marks, I think the better friends we are to those who are living in a giant question mark that none of us understand. We can more quickly and empathetically identify with where they are and let them be in that space. Which I think is where a lot of people need to be sometimes for an amount of time that we might not be comfortable with.

ALLIE: Yeah. The whole idea and the philosophy behind doing the next right thing is really a beautiful way to live in a really beautiful way to show up for others too. It’s not just about us.

I do want to talk a little bit about the soul minimalist idea that you present. I think it's in the second chapter or something. It's kind of like a crux of the whole point of what you're saying. I love that you call it soul minimalist because that's what we talk about here on The Purpose Show is minimalism in all different forms.

I saw that it was in the Table Of Contents and I was tempted to jump to it, because as a minimalist and one of the teachers of this, I'm like, “I don't know what that even means.” I feel like I'm out on some secret and I want to know.

It was so beautiful the way you talk about it, so I want you to explain what that is, what you mean by that and how you practice it.

EMILY: Well, Joshua Becker, who writes about actual minimalism in his books and on his blog, Becoming Minimalist, I heard him say once that minimalism is not that you should own nothing but that nothing should own you. I think people who practice minimalism in their homes and in their lifestyle, you want freedom. You want to not have things so much that it's overcoming you. That it becomes the boss of you rather than the other way around. And so, he talked about how we often have regular input of things into our homes, but we don't always have regular output.

And when I heard him say that, I thought, “Oh wow!” Because I'm always thinking of the inner life, I thought how that is also true on the level of my soul. When it comes to the interactions that we have everyday, deadlines that are put on us or that we put on ourselves, emails that we get, conversations with people, family members and friends, and strangers, that is constant input to our psyche, to our soul, our mind, our will and emotions. And we carry that stuff around. Especially when it's difficult. We carry that stuff around. Our souls are very sticky and all that stuff sticks to us. It’s constant input, but we don't have a regular practice, many of us, of output.

In fact, many of us don't even realize we're carrying stuff around all day, every day. And we also wouldn't even know how to get rid of it if we tried. And so, this idea of not owning nothing, not emptying your insides, but having none of that own you, can apply in the inner life as well as the outer life.

For me the way that practice can be brought into my everyday life in reality…What does it look like to become a minimalist on the soul level? The same way decluttering is to our home. For me, silence and stillness is to my soul. That really literally looks like some intentional time when I can get it, or during my morning routine, I'll sometimes set my phone for just a couple minutes, sometimes 10, usually 4 or 5 minutes, set it, hit start. And that time is just a time for me to sit in stillness and silence.

Sometimes I will name, silently, some of the things that I'm carrying. Usually for me, it's an interaction with someone that rubbed me the wrong way, or a way I felt dismissed in a conversation, an argument that maybe I had with my husband that morning, a way that I was short with my people. I will name that and then imagine releasing it into the presence of God, but doing it without an agenda.

What I’ve said so far is a lot more than I usually do during that time of silence. That's one way of releasing, but sometimes it's just silence for the sake of silence and letting that 5 minutes of silence be my next right thing. Knowing that when the timer goes off, it will go off. Sometimes it feels like it's been 20 minutes; sometimes it feels like it's been 5 seconds, but it will go off in five minutes. Problems aren't necessarily solved and the world isn't necessarily changed. But I am a little better prepared to face my problems and to enter the world because I have cleared a little bit of space on the inside.

I don't understand it fully. I don't know fully the science behind it, but I do know that when I'm able to do that I feel a little bit more like myself and a little bit more able to confront the day with some space so that those things are not owning me because I've recognized them and I've spent some time in silence to let them go.

ALLIE: I love that so much. It's so true and it's funny to me that mindfulness and meditation is this hot topic right now and it's like this is biblical. This is this idea of being quiet and not always filling your every second with noise and grabbing your phone, or whatever it is, is not new. It's just affecting us at a much deeper level because we need it so much more, I think. People are really grabbing onto it. Just being still and being quiet.

I think that for Moms, what I always hear when I talk about this is, “Well, how do you find the time when there's always somebody there?” I think that, and I want to know what you think too, but I think that sometimes silence, it doesn't have to be perfect silent, perfect stillness where you're on the floor and there's no one. Sometimes it's just a quiet moment.

I know you mentioned, I don't know if it was in the book or podcast that you mentioned but, the walk to the mailbox or you wait one extra second before you get out of the car and wake your baby up from their nap in their car seat. Little things. I mean is there anything I'm missing in terms of busy mothers trying to find that stillness?

EMILY: I think you said it so well Allie. I think that can be a great first step practice is if you can't even find 5 minutes, and sometimes we can't. I mean, I had twins, two babies at once. I remember the relentless, it was almost like there was no one big decision. It was just 10 million tiny decisions. And I didn't know if I was making any of them right. It was just so hard. And those five seconds you get alone are so sacred and sometimes you feel like, “I need to take a shower.” When you finally get that time, you want to spend it doing something that feels really life giving.

Quite honestly, silence doesn't feel life giving to all of us all the time. We don't see an immediate benefit. It's a slow work. If we don't know exactly what's going to come of it, sometimes it can feel a waste of time. So instead of maybe doing it that way, doing exactly what you said, have it be an unconventional spiritual practice of almost playing a game of finding the silence, the natural silent moments in your day that already exist in your day. You're not recreating the wheel.

It could be walking to the mailbox. It could be, like you said, sitting in the car for five more seconds. And letting it be five full seconds. That can actually go a really long way.

If someone is there and helping you with the kids, let them be there. Don’t stay in that room. Leave the room. Leave the house if you can. If you work outside the home, maybe you're able to get to work a few minutes earlier than everybody else and just take that time to be silent time.

I think that we all have silent moments in the day, but we tend to fill them with something else just because the truth is, it is a lot easier to stay moving and to stay distracted than it is to be still and to be silent. It just takes a lot of intention.

I never want to make it sound like this is easy, but I think it is worth it. It's a slow work and it is a reteaching of ourselves, of the values that silence can have in our lives. It can really begin to nurture us in ways that the distractions and the noise just aren't able to do.

ALLIE: Yeah. So, so good. I mean, gosh, so good. So, The Next Right Thing, the book is out?

EMILY: It's out. It came out April 2nd.

ALLIE: Good. Awesome. It's so good you guys! And I love the minimalistic look of it. It looks really cute on my coffee table.

EMILY: Good. That's the goal.

ALLIE: I mean if it can't be in an Instagram photo, why do you even write it?

EMILY: Why would you even write it? I completely agree.

ALLIE: Okay, so guys, I'm going to link in the show notes to this book, and to the Emily’s podcast. It's so good. And so short. I think the average is like 10 minutes, 12 minutes per episode. So short. And just pointed and good.

Other than that, where do you show up online? Where do you want people to go and find you?

EMILY: Yeah, I love Instagram. You mentioned Instagram. I'm at Emily P. Freeman there. That's probably where I spend most of my time online.

Also at emilypfreemen.com is my website where you can find the podcast and the books there too. And then, of course, The Next Right Thing Podcast.

ALLIE: Okay. Thank you, Emily! This was so good. I really appreciate your time.

EMILY: I loved it. Thanks for having me!


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 110: Secrets For Navigating Busy Seasons Well

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Annie Dillard always says, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” That is an easy statement to hear when we are in restful seasons driven by balance and simplicity. But what about those seasons that are full, busy, and can lead to feeling overwhelmed, mentally cluttered, and a cranky attitude?

It is important that we listen to our bodies and minds, and that we take it one day, even one step at a time. And it is freeing when we allow ourselves to become intuitive and make necessary changes and shift in busier seasons. Just know that everything is figureoutable and everything can be simplified. It is ok if you have to cut out or cut back on things. Life won’t end!

So let’s dive in and talk about how you can navigate the really busy, full seasons of your life well, and really show up well in those times of life!

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • Why it is important for you to intentionally shift your perspective from negative to excited when seasons get busy.

  • How brain dumping on paper will help you problem solve and delegate.

  • Knowing when to cut back and simplify or push through and keep going.

  • Things you can do to create space to recharge and mindlessly find rest.

  • Ways you can add self care into your everyday rhythm.

Mentioned in this Episode:


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Are you in a busy season? Are you about to be in one? Maybe you want to prepare for the next one, whenever that is. I got you, friend!

I created a free downloadable pdf that's going to help you feel empowered and equipped to implement the action steps from this episode in your next busy season.

Your Busy Season Prep Guide not only is full of reminders for you to have with you every day, but it's also a workbook-style pdf where it has space for you to work through each of the steps I'm giving you in this episode.

You can braindump out what's troubling you, what your stress points are. It has suggestions and prompts for you to take action on everything we're talking about here and everything we're going to talk about in the remainder of this episode. Space for you to come up with a plan for the busy seasons of your life. It's really handy. Don’t miss out on this! I know it will serve you well!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hey, beautiful friend! Thank you for listening to The Purpose Show today! It means the world to me that I get to be a part of your day, your life, and your motherhood, if you're one of my momma listeners, which most of you are.

Today we are going to quickly dive right in and talk about some secrets for how you can navigate the really busy, full seasons of your life well, and really show up well in those times of life.

While I am all for simplicity, rest, and balance, sometimes you just have a really busy week, a really full month, or a really busy season that you're walking into and you know that it just has to be that way for whatever reason. I think it's really easy to become overwhelmed, mentally cluttered, and get negative about the business you're facing. And then you walk into it cranky and in this victim mode and it's just not good.

That's not what we want to do. That’s not how we want to end up living our lives. And we know…what do we know…what Annie Dillard always says, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” And so, if you're spending all these seasons of fullness cranky and in victim mode, you know not only is that not good for you, you're training your kids that that's how you handle life when it doesn't go the way that you want, when it's busy. It's just not good and this is not how we want to live our lives.

Sometimes life gets really full, thick, and busy and we don't want to handle it in victim mode, right? That’s not what we really want. It's just kind of what we naturally tend to choose to do and we want to not do that.

And being transparent with you guys, as always, I sometimes naturally fall into kind of a depression when I'm super overwhelmed. It's my mind's way of letting me know that it's a lot, and I need to either clear some of it out of my way or have a perspective shift and shift my mindset.

I think it's really beneficial to listen to your body, listen to your mind, take it one day at a time, one step at a time, learn to become intuitive, and make changes as needed, go with the flow in that way. As Marie Forleo, my favorite business teacher, always says, “Everything is figureoutable.” I also want to add, “Everything can be simplified.” Something can be cut, it will all be okay. It's not the end of the world if you back out of something or make a change last minute.

So having said that, I want to quickly dive into this sort of pep talk about some really simple, pointed ways you can take ownership of your life and handle the busy times of life like the action-taking, problem-solving woman that you are.

# 1: Shift your perspective. This is an intent that you can set, okay? You can set your intent to go from negative, overwhelmed, “oh my gosh, poor me, this is so hard, this is so much. How am I ever going to do this?” You can shift it from that to excited, positive, and ready to show up well. It is all in your mind.

If you are not familiar with the power of the mind and the electric current that runs through your body, whether it's a negative one or a positive one when you have a thought - research, get familiar, educate yourself on this. It is everything! For real! Shift your perspective about the busy season you're walking into.

# 2: Act like a woman who owns her life and is a go-getter. Sometimes - I don't care what anybody says - sometimes you just have to “fake it till you make it” and it just is what it is. Sometimes you have to just put a smile on your face. “No, I have to do these things. This is just a part of my life and there's not much I can do about it. I am going to choose to change my perspective about this. I'm going to be a woman who owns her life and is a go-getter. I'm going to take this on the best way that I can.”

# 3: Brain dump out onto paper, in a journal, or whatever it is, what is bothering you. What's troubling you about this upcoming season? Brainstorm possible solutions. Brainstorm some things you might delegate to someone else. Is there something you could do in this season? Maybe there's certain things that you have to handle yourself that have to be done by you, but you could bring on a housekeeper for a month to help you with the stuff that you normally do yourself. Just in this season. Maybe there's someone you could ask for help. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't be afraid to hand things off. You're not superwoman. You don't have to do that. You can delegate. You can ask for help. You can get rid of some things that are normally on your plate that just don't need to be on your plate right now in this crazy season.

Next, know when you need to cut back and simplify, and when you need to push through, regroup, come up with a better game plan and keep going. There is a difference. And you're going to have to know. No one can tell you that. I can't come on here and tell you which one you need to do because I don't know you. I don't know your life season. I don't know your situation.

You’ve got to ask yourself, “Is this something that I can cut back on? Is this something that I need to back out of or do I just need to simplify my to-do list? Give myself grace, let go of perfectionism. Realize it's not all going to get done perfectly right now and push through, regroup, come up with a better game plan and keep going.”


Hey sweet friend! I know we're only part-way through this episode, but I have to tell you because this is going to make it more actionable and doable for you. My team and I have created a free downloadable pdf that's going to be super helpful in taking action on this episode. That's what I want for you. I don't want you to just listen and leave. I want you to listen and feel empowered and equipped to implement.

I created something that's called Your Busy Season Prep Guide. It's a free downloadable pdf and it's really awesome because not only does it contain just reminders of the tips I'm giving you in this episode so that you don't have to go back and listen to this episode again, you can have it printed out somewhere, but it's also a workbook-style pdf where it has space for you to work through each of the steps I'm giving you in this episode.

You can braindump out what's troubling you, what your stress points are. It has suggestions and prompts for you to take action on everything we're talking about here and everything we're going to talk about in the remainder of this episode. Space for you to come up with a plan for the busy seasons of your life. It's really handy.

I think that I would charge maybe like 20-40 bucks for this and it's just totally free.

To snag that, go to alliecasazza.com/shownotes/110.


Next, have something to help you veg out during this busy, really full season. For me, it's a funny show that I've watched a thousand times before, like The Office, Seinfeld, Parks & Recreation. It's mindless. It's a temporary escape. It helps me calm down and unwind, either in the middle of the day or at the end of the day. It helps my brain recharge. Just veg out on a funny show that I have seen a billion times. Find something like that. What helps you veg out? What gives your brain a regroup?

Next, fit in rest in between the busyness, in the midst of all the busyness.

Here's an example. I am currently, at the time I'm recording this, I am in the middle of a launch season. When you launch or relaunch something in a business, it is go-time. It is all-hands-on-deck. I delegate a lot of it to my team, but there's large chunks of it that have to be done by me because I am The Creative in my business, and I am the face of my business. So I have to show up. I have to go ‘live’ almost every day. I'm writing emails. I'm tweaking things. Fine-tuning things. Making things better. I'm looking ahead. I'm showing up for you guys. I'm hanging out with my audience, which is both a joy and an exhausting thing for me.

In launch season there's multiple launches back-to-back. We had two launches and a webinar back-to-back-to-back in a row. And so, I knew that I was heading into a really, really full season, so I planned periods of rest and recharging and I sprinkled them everywhere.

Here's an example. I had two straight weeks of very long days prepping for the first of these launches in this launch season. Two straight weeks of constantly looking at my computer. Really long days. I normally only work a couple hours a day. Sometimes I have little spurts of four-hour days, but I normally don't work really long days. And so, it was two weeks of just straight up, super long days. Very draining, draining work. Pouring my heart into the computer.

After that I took three days. I had a three-day weekend that I intentionally planned no phone, just taking a break. Then the next Monday started the ‘live’ launch. This is when now I'm done planning the live streams. This is where I show up. I'm actually live. I'm talking with you guys, hanging out with you guys, telling you guys, “I want you in this program” and all that good stuff.

Then I had four days off for my birthday getaway and when I came back from that, I geared up for the next launch. We finished that launch and I'm going to be going on a week-long vacation with my family. Then I come back and I have a Webinar. So, you see I'm inner-spurting (not a word) rest within the busyness.

When you know that you're going into a really busy season, like if your kid is starting a sport or your work is going to be really crazy or something like that, you know ahead of time, look ahead, fit in rest in between. When are you going to have a no-phone day? When are you going to give your eyes and your head a break? Where can you head to the beach with your family and just veg out? When can you have a ‘nothing day’ where you literally just sit at home and sit on the couch in your pajamas and just relax? How can you fit in rest? Self-care and rest needs to be a part of your every day during the really, really busy seasons too.

That every day looks like getting good sleep at night. Sneaking in a nap if and when you can. Going for a drive by yourself. Getting away for a second.

It also has to be a part of your busy season. So every day rest would look like those examples. Getting good sleep, sneaking in a nap, going for a drive, sneaking in a half-hour coffee date with a friend in the middle of a really busy day.

Fitting in rest and self-care in your busy season would be more of an example that I gave like the four days away for my birthday in the middle of a crazy launch season.

So, balancing that daily and weekly rest. Does that make sense? Look ahead and ask yourself, “How can I fit in rest?” Because if you don't rest, you're not going to have the energy and focus that you need to take on all that this busy season is requiring of you.

You are not required to be superwoman. We often do this to ourselves and make our lives harder. We exhaust ourselves. We make ourselves miserable. And we are showing our family, this is what you're worth to me - me running myself ragged and then freaking out on you because I'm desperate and exhausted. What would happen if you just said, “Okay, this is a busy season we're walking into. I'm going to look ahead. I'm going to be an action-taking, problem-solving woman and I'm going to sprinkle in rest and self-care. Just little things like a drive by myself, taking a quick nap, making myself a yummy latte at home before I go sit down and do all this work.” Little things and big things whenever the season that's busy is really, really long. Ask yourself, “Where can I fit in the rest that’s going to equip me to do what I need to do?”

And you guys, self-care cannot be understated ever, but especially in these really full, busy seasons. This is when you need to get your morning ritual under control. I will link to that episode on my morning ritual and the show notes for this episode. It is a life-changing episode. It's one of the top 10 episodes ever. You've got to listen to it. This is no time to try to overwork yourself and use every minute to be productive. This is the time to mix productivity with intense self-care and inner quiet and calm so that you can handle the extra busyness.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

EP 107: Tips for Traveling with Kids

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Traveling with kids often means traveling with A LOT of stuff and A LOT of stress. But it doesn’t have to be that way and it certainly doesn’t have to be overwhelming! We travel as a family often which means we’ve “trial-ed and error-ed” many different things. From having a small suitcase for each kid to ways we keep our kids entertained on long flights or drives (and everything in between) I hope these tips help you find simplicity in traveling with your kids!

At the end of the day, family trips are FUN and are meant to bring your family closer together. You can easily make this a terrible trip or you can make it the best experience! It is up to you - you are the parent. Your kids need grace. You need grace. Relax. Breathe. And try to have fun!

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • Her pro-packing tips and how to simplify the amount of clothes you pack.

  • Ways to keep your family entertained on road trips or long flights (her family plays this fun game called, The Post It Note Goal Game!)

  • Advice for traveling with babies and toddlers - this is no easy task! But you can do it.

  • Why you should keep family trips FUN! How you roll with the punches will teach your kids how to roll with the punches.

Mentioned in this Episode:


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Want an easy step by step guide to have with you as you pack for your next family trip? I got you! I created a pdf that's free and easy to download!

This guide has all the tips on it and breaks them down so you pull it out when you're packing, you're getting ready to go on a road trip, or take a flight with your family. Whatever your travel looks like this summer, I hope this guide makes it easier for you!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hey, beautiful friends! Before we dive into this episode, I want to let you know it is loaded with Brian and mine's top tips for traveling, especially with your kids.

We have done all different types of travel. We're going to get all into that. Because it's so loaded with tips, I figured you might want the ability to print this out and put it somewhere. We created a pdf that's free that goes along with this episode that you can download. Basically, if you print it out it's got all the tips on it so that you can print it out, put it aside, and pull it out when you're packing for your trip, you're getting ready to go on a road trip, or take a flight with your family, whatever your travel looks like this summer.

I wanted to make this as helpful as possible and I knew that having a printout is going to be a lot easier than relistening to an episode that you knew was helpful, but you can't really remember everything that I said. This way you can listen and enjoy the episode and you don't have to feel the need to take notes. But you will want to listen to the episode still because I elaborate on these tips and give you a lot of audible help with this.

The pdf is broken down and don't forget, these are the tips that make you're traveling a lot easier. To get that free pdf, go to alliecasazza.com/shownotes/107.



Hey, beautiful friends! Okay, so we are diving in today to a super, super practical episode. This isn't really the type of thing I normally discuss here on The Purpose Show, but this question has been asked over and over and over again.

I am someone who travels often for work and for fun, and most of the time I have my family with me. The six of us have taken quite a few trips, both flights and road trips, short and long, near and far, over the years. Brian and I have learned a lot about traveling with our kids at different various ages and stages of life. I'm sharing my top tips for traveling with kids from how to pack, to road-tripping, flying, how we approach traveling with our kids, where our expectations are at and all of that good stuff. So, let's dive in!

One of the questions that I get asked more than anything is how to pack when you're traveling with your kids.

For us, one super simple, straightforward answer, something that we have learned is the best way to go, is we give each of our kids their own suitcase. Our oldest is 10, so at this phase of our kids' lives, they have one of those ‘kid’ suitcases. You can get them at Target or wherever. None of them have a full-sized suitcase, just one of the little kids’ suitcases. Bella has got this one that has little owls on it from Target. The boys picked Minecraft, Mario, and Legos. They have their own themed suitcase that they've chosen. So each kid gets their own suitcase.

The reason that I like doing this versus packing one big suitcase for all the kids’ stuff is that it keeps things organized. It's cleaner, it's more organized. It's easier for each kid to know where their stuff is and not go sifting through an entire suitcase full of all their sibling’s stuff and making it super disheveled, messy and impossible to find anything. It's much easier to have them each have their own suitcase that they carry. They drag it on the wheels through the airport by themselves. They're responsible for their suitcase. Obviously, we don't want them to lose it, so we're looking backwards and watching them, but they drag their own suitcase. They've got their own stuff in their own suitcase.

If you've got super, super littles that cannot carry their own suitcase, maybe that is a better season for having one suitcase for your really, really small kids, like if they're babies or really young toddlers. Otherwise, I think it's best to have each kid get their own suitcase.

I have tried it all different ways and I think that this is the best way. It's much simpler and all the space is assigned to each kid so it's way less messy. It might seem like it's overwhelming and it's like a lot of suitcases, but that it is so much better than having one totally ripped apart, messy suitcase with everybody's stuff thrown in. As organized as it looks when you first began to pack it is not going to stay that way. It's just a fact of life. I have found that my preference is by far to have a suitcase for each kid.

In terms of packing and keeping it minimal for each kid, I think that packing is kind of overwhelming sometimes. It is just different than the way that you live at home where kids have drawers. It's just different when you're packing.

You have to prepare for certain circumstances that you wouldn't normally have to think about day-to-day because you're at your home with all of your stuff. But when you're leaving you only have what you packed. I think that's where the urge to overpack comes in. I definitely understand that, feel that and have to fight that every single time I pack.

The way that I choose to pack for my kids is I go by their age and where they're at at the time of our trips. When I was traveling with a baby or really young toddler, 2 and under, I obviously needed to pack more changes of clothes because at that age, kids have diapers that leak, they have accidents on themselves, they spill way more often, they trip and fall and get really messy and muddy way more often. It's just a different season of life.

So absolutely bring a few changes of clothes. Maybe that'll be one extra clothes outfit per day. Maybe it'll be three extra outfits for a week trip and you're guessing that some days you'll need the extra outfit and some days you won't. You can gauge that by how your kid usually is at home and how long your trip is. If are you going somewhere that you can do the laundry, use that to your packing advantage. It is always better to pack less. If there's any circumstance in your trip that will allow you to pack less stuff, take advantage of that. It is better to do a load of laundry on your vacation than to pack extra stuff and not have to do any laundry. Believe me, it is always better to pack lighter. In any way you can - pack lighter.

Now that my kids are a little bit older, I just pack according to their age. I don't really need to bring everybody an extra pair of clothes for each day because my kids don't need that. They stay in their outfit for the whole day pretty much. On the rare occasion when something happens, we'll deal with that as needed. But pretty much I just bring one outfit per day. Maybe I'll bring a spare or two if the trip is really long, or I'm unsure about the weather, or unsure about the dress code for a certain event we’re going to, but pretty much it's one outfit per day. I don't even bring multiple pairs of pants. It’s one per day.

For a week trip it's two pairs of jeans and you can rewear them and deal with that because again, my goal is always to pack the least amount possible, especially for my kids. They are simple, they just need less. Let them be your reason to have less stuff to carry, pack as little as possible. Use any single thing you can about your trip or where you're going to your advantage in terms of packing less stuff and bringing less with you in the car or on the plane.

Typically, if we are going somewhere for a week, which is usually the average length of our trip, I will pack two pairs of jeans for my kids. I will pack maybe a shirt per day if I'm not going to do laundry. If I am going to do laundry then I'll bring three or four shirts and then two pairs of shoes and socks for each day. Of course, underwear for each day. That's about what I would bring.

It totally depends on the trip. It depends on when we're going. It depends on what type of stay we're having. It depends on what I am and not be able to do while on that trip in terms of laundry. What are we doing? Is this a super active trip? What's going on? It all depends.

I hope that helps. It’s hard not to be super specific, but I don't know what size your family is and I don't know how your kids are. I don't know how you are. I don't know where you're going. I don't know for how long and all of that stuff. Make it relative to all of those things. That is what I do. I hope that having one suitcase per kid and all those specifications has helped answer some of the things you've been wondering.

Let's talk about how to keep your kids entertained on road trips. I'm a pro at this. This is where it serves you really well to limit toys, constant entertainment, your kids being entitled to being entertained all the time, and technology in your normal day-to-day at home life. Your kids will be cool to just sit and chill on drives if they're not entitled to constantly being entertained and having constant fun.

When, and if, you do bring out the technology on a road trip, it'll be such a treat that it'll actually serve its purpose and help you have a more peaceful road trip rather than that technology coming out being the norm and your kids are totally used to it when you really need it to help, but it's not going to cause your kids are going to be used to it. They're still going to complain, whine, bicker, and be less ‘all in’ in on the technology that’s in front of them.

Having said that…when we take road trips…I'm talking about really long road trips, we have road-tripped across country multiple times. We have road-tripped from the middle of the country to southern California and back multiple, multiple times. What we did was every kid got their own little bag of stuff for the trip. It's also stuff that can be used and played with while we are where we're going, where we're road-tripping to. It's not just for the drive.

Examples of some things are small little toys and activities like hot wheels, coloring books and all-in-one art activities. The kinds of things like a pad with a special pen. It’s a magnetic pen and the pen is attached to the pad and the kid can erase and draw on the same pad the entire time. It's not like consumable papers and colored pencils everywhere. Those sort of all-in-one activities are really road trip friendly and they're really great for kids who don't get carsick. Also there are car games that you can get at Target or Walmart or wherever and they are literally for road trips. But just make sure that you know that your kids don't get carsick. We have one kid who gets carsick very easily so he doesn't get those kinds of things. He just has to figure it out and look straight ahead out the window, not get dizzy or woozy, and not look down at a coloring book. But our other kids can totally handle it and it's awesome.

Obviously, music and audio books or audio stories.

If you want to take it a step further, you could get your kids each a set of headphones and an iPad or a tablet or something to use to help break up sibling rivalry. It is only natural that they get sick of each other and bicker while you drive. It's just going to happen a little bit. It's okay. But there are things that you could do if you have the means or if you have two sets of headphones and only two kids and not four kids like I do, it's much easier to do that.

Brian and I sat down and we were talking about this before when I was outlining my main points I wanted to share with you for this episode and we both agreed that one of our biggest tips is saving the good stuff until as late in the road trip as possible. The very end if at all possible.

If you have something like the Nintendo switch or a game system or you have a TV in your car, don't pull those things out, don't turn them on until as late in the game as humanly possible. If you bring it out too early, it just doesn't serve you. It's not worth it. Save the good stuff for as late as possible in the road trip.

The other tip that…we were both like, “Oh my gosh, remember that? That worked so well,” is this thing that we found out worked really well. We called it the Post-it Note Goal Game. Super lame name. I don't even know what the name is, but basically Brian and I had a small little bag of goodies. We try to stay away from candy cause we didn't want the kids to have a sugar rush. I try not to give my kids candy anyway, but just little things like an organic cracker/cookie snack, something that wasn't getting them all hopped up, but that was exciting to them. Or a little tiny, really cheap disposable toy that would keep them entertained for a few minutes. Whatever, something like that. You know those little sticky hands you can stick to the ceiling? Things like that. They're silly, cheap and easy, and just for the road trip as prizes.

We would write a time on a post-it note and would make it an hour or two ahead of time depending on our kids' ages. We would put the post-it note on the front of the radio or the rear view mirror, somewhere up front of the car where everybody could see it. And we would say, “Okay, if you guys can be super good, whoever is super, super good until the clock says this time will get a prize. If the post-it note said 11:30 then when the clock on the car matched the time on that post-it note whoever was super good would get a little prize out of the prize bag. A hot wheel or a sticky hand or a little organic treat, something like that and it worked so well. The kids did really, really well with a goal in mind.

Don't make it too far ahead. We found that 2 hours was the max for our kids. I would do one hour or so and see how that goes. You can do more or less as your kids’ age needs it. Those are just little things that really helped us.

Have a trash bag, a dedicated trash bag in the car and try to clean as you go. It's kind of like cooking. Clean as you go. Dispose of wrappers, water bottles and things like that that come up while you're driving as often as you can as you go.

Every time we stopped for gas, we would do a quick cleanup haul. We would make everybody get out and go to the bathroom. It was a must-do, so we didn't really ever have to like, “Oh my gosh, somebody has to go the bathroom, stop, pull over.” Because every time that we got gas we made everybody get out and go to the bathroom. It took an extra five minutes but it was helpful in the end. It saved us time and frustration and it kept our car cleaned out because we were in there for so long, you know, we wanted to enjoy being in there as much as possible.


Okay friends. So, I know this episode is all about traveling with your kids, but I wanted to share something with you. I just came back from a trip to the Scott Resort in Scottsdale, Arizona. This resort has been on my vision board for about six months, so it was a meaningful trip to me. It's a beautiful place. It was one of those places that exudes luxury and basically no matter what you're doing there, you feel like a queen. I went there for three days just to get a break from the norm. You guys know I'm all about self-care that's realistic and works for you and your regular typical life.

You guys know that I have all those tips about self-care that when your kids are still with you when you're at your house and you're taking care of yourself in small, little, bite-size ways, but I do think that there's something to be said for the occasional trip away, whether it's a day trip or an actual trip that's more than one day or even just a trip to the coffee shop for an afternoon or something.

I realized that I needed some space away from the noise and the normalcies of life at my house. I homeschool my kids at my house. I run my business from my house. Sometimes it just gets a little convoluted there and it helps me so much to once a year, get away alone, bring my laptop with me, go somewhere refreshing and just reflect about my business and where I'm at in my business. Where I'm at in my personal life. And just get a little distance and quiet.

And that is what I did at the Scott Resort. I chose to go there for this particular yearly getaway and it was so restorative. I loved it so much. I reached out to them and decided to do a partnership. I want to tell you if you're looking for a solo trip or a couple's trip with your spouse, or a girls’ getaway, this is the place to go. And they are so amazing. They've offered to give 10% off your stay if you use the code PURPOSESHOW at checkout.

So, go to the link in my show notes, alliecasazza.com/shownotes/107 and check it out. There's photos on there of the trip and the resort.

Their food, their restaurants are amazing. Some of you guys know I'm going through some major health stuff and their chefs were super accommodating. They were really sensitive to me and what I needed them to cook with. I was able to just relax and breathe, take a break from all the food prep, parenting, homeschooling, and working in my little office. It was a really, really great time.

I want to encourage you moms if you've been thinking that you really just need to get away for a second, that you just need a little bit of space and it's in your budget, I would encourage you to check out this resort. And Arizona is so beautiful. It’s such a quiet, inspirational place to go. I highly, highly encourage it.

Go to the show notes. Use the code the PURPOSESHOW at checkout for 10% off your stay at The Scott. They are so amazing! So accommodating. Such a refreshing space.

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Let's talk about flying with babies and toddlers because it’s super hard. Flying with kids, as they get older, it gets easier. They're just more chill, they're easier to get entertained, they just kind of talk to each other. It's much easier. But flying with babies and toddlers is much more difficult.

I found that flying during bedtime, when I had babies and really young toddlers, is helpful because they will usually sleep but obviously that's not guaranteed. I know because of doing Q & A's that that is something I get asked all the time, like, “Is that a thing? I'm thinking that might work but should I risk it and buy the flight that's a red eye flight that is during my kids' bedtime and overnight or will it just be a nightmare?” And you know, there really is no way to know. You have to just try it.

But we found that the best flights we had were overnight flights. When we did red eye, we saved money and the kids were tired. We would give them natural calming aids. When they got a little older we could give them a little bit of Melatonin. But when they were babies…calming aides that are natural, like lavender oil or if you have toddlers, you could do Calmify which you can get on Amazon, which is a natural calming, anti-anxiety aid for little kids. They would just usually go to sleep.

We had one pretty rough flight where the baby's ears were popping and he was just freaking out. Sometimes it just is what it is. I don't think that your goal should be perfection. We'll talk about that more in a minute. I don't think your goal here is to have a perfect flight. I think it is just to learn, try things and see what works for you, and to be prepared for the worst. If you're prepared for the worst, there really is no anxiety there.

With flights, the same tips as road tripping in terms of entertainment for toddlers and kids who are a little older - try to limit it so that when you actually pull it out and you give your toddler an ipad to watch Peppa Pig or whatever it is, it's exciting and it's new and it's not the norm.

If you don't live a life with less entertainment and tech normally at home and you do overdo it all the time, I would at least consider taking a break for 30 days or so before your trip because most of the time, these trips, we know we're going to be doing them. Especially with toddlers, it'll help your kids be content and busy while you travel, especially if your trip is cross country or super long. Then when you do finally bring out that technology help, it's exciting and they're more engaged with it and it's actually serving its purpose and helping you a little bit.

I would do that. We'd do a 30-day break for Bella and then we would get on the plane and I'd be giving Leland a bottle and letting Bella watch the tablet for a minute. And she was super engaged because she hadn't had any technology in so long and she was really excited. It actually served its purpose and helped me because it wasn't the norm. It wasn't boring and pointless, if that makes sense.

This is pretty common knowledge, but I do want to mention breastfeeding or bottle feeding your baby at the time of takeoff and landing to help with their ears popping and that ear pain, giving your toddlers and kids gum. Emmett freaks out when his ears pop on a plane. And it's been really embarrassing. We've had so many flights where he's just screaming. Sometimes they're just freaked out. It is what it is and you’ve just got to comfort them and be there for them.

But one time he freaked out so bad that his ears were popping. He was crying so hard, he made himself throw up. It was so embarrassing. It was so loud. I felt so bad for Emmett. It was just really hard. And so, from that trip we learned to give him a big piece or even two big pieces of Bubble Yum gum, which is terrible and loaded with sugar, but so be it when your kid has cried so hard from his ears popping that he's vomited. It’s a huge piece of gum and it makes them open up their mouths really big and wide with each chew and it really helped with his ears. We do that every time we're taking off or landing now for Emmett, specifically. Until he gets older, that's what we'll do.

And then one tip for traveling in general and making sure you've got everybody, making sure everyone has their suitcase, making sure everyone's taken care of, is divide and conquer your kids. Brian takes two. I take two. We split them up. We assign them ahead of time and then we switch groups of kids on the flight home, so it's not like one person is stuck with the youngest and most difficult flyers on the way there and the way home. We split it up. We take turns. We talk about it.

Maybe I'll take Bella and Emmett and he’ll take Hudson and Leland or maybe he'll take Leland and Bella and I'll take Hudson and Emmett. We split up the most difficult ones so that each person has a youngest or most difficult kid. We take turns and we swap. So, he's responsible for those two. He's watching them. He's keeping them happy. He's making sure they're okay. They're safe. They've got their stuff. They're buckled in. He's taking them to the bathroom if they have to go. And then I've got the other two doing all of the same things.

It helps rather than bickering, getting frustrated in your communication on a plane or a road trip. We divide and conquer. It helps so much.

I wanted to give a few quick tips for the kids' behavior when you are at the location that you've been traveling to.

So it's one of those things where…imagine you're traveling somewhere and you're going to a family reunion or you're going to a wedding or an event where these people haven't seen your family in a long time and you know that stress you feel of your kids are going to have a really bad day, their behavior is going to be terrible and they're going to choose today to have a massive meltdown or something. It causes a lot of stress and tension in you as the parent.

I'm not above bribing. I'll do it. But I have found that affirming behavior that was already good goes way further than bribing for future good behavior.

What I mean by that is…example, “Hudson, you were so polite and sweet when Grandpa was talking to you about football. I am so proud of you. Great job buddy.” It makes them want to do more of the thing you're praising them for. Notice your kids’ good behavior as you get to your location. Once you're there, affirm that and they'll want to continue that.

Little toddlers, not so much. This is a really hard phase, and I think that kids need a lot of grace. They've been traveling. They're out of their normal environment. Abnormal kids thrive on routine. And they usually don't have any when you're traveling. It’s really hard. So just be gracious and expect people to give you grace too. Don't let anyone make you feel bad or guilty that your toddler's having a meltdown when you're across the country, when you just finished traveling and they're around a bunch of people they don't know. We can't expect our kids to be amazing and perfect. We need to give them grace.

I have found that little things like that, like encouraging good behavior and being nearer to my kids, letting them know they're safe and loved even though we're somewhere new and they're seeing people that seem to really, really know them that they don't know…that would freak anybody out. So, I give them grace and I stay close to them. I'm there with them and I can listen to them. I'm focusing on what they need, but I also do expect them to cooperate, especially as they get older, and be good. “You guys need to follow the rules. The rules still apply here.” I just have a little extra grace when I know they're tired of traveling, there are strange people around, and we're doing new things and we've got to give them grace for that.

I think one huge thing…remember that you're trying to have fun, assuming that you're traveling for vacation or a family visit somewhere. This is supposed to be fun. So relax. Breathe. You can easily make this a terrible trip. You can easily make this the worst idea you've ever had and it is up to you. Just remember that. You're the parent. Take a deep breath. Our kids need grace. You need grace. Relax. Breathe. Try to have fun.

Try to remember why you're doing this and just roll with it. If you end up inside most of the family party with your toddler who's really temperamental and really struggling to not be at home in her routine, that's okay. You're a mom and you're a great one. You're doing a good job. It's okay. You have to lower your expectations a lot and then lower them even more.

Things are probably not going to go as planned. You probably won't get to do all the things you wanted to do on your trip. You probably won't get to see all the things you wanted to see and talk to all the people you wanted to talk to. It probably won't look much like the idea in your head when you were planning this trip.

Someone might get sick or throw a fit or lose their suitcase. It's okay. It's life and life is what you make it. So remember that.

And also remember that you're an example to your kids of how to handle life's curve balls and things not going your way. Remember that because it's so huge and I know that we're all on the same page that we want to raise good humans. We want to raise kids who handle things well, can roll with the punches, are good examples and they won't be that if we're not that.

I think when all is said and done, remember this is just a trip. Don't think about how much money you spent on the trip and how the kids are ruining in, their attitudes suck and you're super frustrated. Remember that it's just a trip. Remember to be a firm parent and expect a lot of your kids if they're older, but also to give them a lot of grace because kids thrive on routine. You're out of your routine.

Sometimes they just need a little bit of wiggle room and when all is said and done, you're their parent and that's your top priority and that's your job even when you're traveling.

Just remember, lower your expectations. It's not going to be perfect. The best trips that we've had are the ones where our expectations were pretty low and we were just showing up the best way we could, trying to have fun and taking advantage of every spare second, but also letting our kids take naps. If it was nap time and they were tired and we just couldn't go try that cool new restaurant we read about on Yelp, you know, sometimes it just doesn't happen that way. Especially if you do have really little kids.

So as summer comes and you guys have all these trips planned, I hope these trip tips help you take a deep breath, have a sigh of relief, change your perspective a little bit, get a little bit more realistic and a little bit more prepared all at once, and give you happy family travels.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

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EP 104: Forming Authentic Connections When Your Lifestyle is Different

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Let’s get honest for a moment … forming authentic friendships takes work! And forming those connections when your lifestyle is different takes even more work. Whether your lifestyle is different because something has happened to you in your life, like being widowed, or your lifestyle is different because you've chosen that lifestyle. I just want you to feel you're not alone. I hope you find comfort and joy in the lifestyle you have chosen. And I hope this episode helps you figure out to form real connections through it! Because I get it - It's hard to feel understood and hard to form authentic friendships because of what I do. But let’s take action together towards authentic friendships because we are in this together!

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • Her personal struggles with forming authentic friendships because of the business and lifestyle she has.

  • The power of having at least one person in your corner.

  • Why it is not ok to stay in a place where real friendships don’t exist, because we aren’t meant to do life alone.

  • The importance of being vulnerable with people and letting people in.

Mentioned in this Episode:


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The Supermom Vault is a library of inspiration I created for you.  It holds replays of my very best online workshops that aren’t available anywhere else, tons of really actionable pdf’s that are downloadable with just one click, more than 20 audio and video trainings from me, and professionally designed printables for your home to keep you focused and inspired.

The Supermom Vault is only $39.00 and is available at alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

Want more inspiration than just the podcast? Do you wish there were more episodes?  Want more details? Do you want videos? Do you want pdf’s? Do you want to download things and get your hands on something to really get you started when it comes to minimalism and simplifying your motherhood?

This is definitely the place to go!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hi, beautiful! Thank you so much for listening to my podcast today! It means the world to me that you would give me this chunk of your very valuable time. I don't take that lightly. It's one of the main reasons I am so adamant about making my podcast a little on the shorter side and to the point, and if it is longer, there is a big purpose behind that.

I love knowing that there's somebody else on the other side of my microphone. I love seeing you guys’ posts on social media, especially lately there's been so many posts about you feeling like this podcast is making an impact in your life, that it's helping you feel like you've got a friend, that it's helping you feel like there's somebody in your corner and you have a connection with someone who gets you. And that makes me so happy!

And it ties in perfectly with what we're talking about today. And that is forming authentic connections when your lifestyle is different. In one way or another your lifestyle feels different than most people. I live that. I totally relate to it and we're going to talk about it today.

My hope in this episode is that it relates to a lot of different people experiencing a lifestyle that feels different in lots of different ways. Maybe you're a military family and your life feels different in that way. Maybe you're a widow. Maybe you’re a single mom. Maybe you're not a mom at all and that is making you feel different like people are asking you why you're not starting a family (because people are nosy and they do things like that.) Maybe you're a mom and you've got a lot of kids and your life is just crazy and chaotic in a way that a lot of people don't get.

Whatever this looks like, if this episode resonates with you, I hope that you find comfort in it and I hope that you find joy in your different lifestyle. Whether your lifestyle is different because something has happened to you in your life, like being widowed, or your lifestyle is different because you've chosen that lifestyle. I just want you to feel you're not alone. And I want to help by sharing some of the simple things, the action steps that I've taken to not feel so lonely.

And that leads me into my first talking point for today, which is that sometimes my world feels lonely. I'm always really hesitant to talk about this. I know I've mentioned it before, but I never want to feel like I'm coming across as annoying, whiny, ungrateful, or like I'm trying to talk about my success from a negative standpoint. You know when you can tell that somebody is just talking to hear themselves talk about how successful they are and they talk about it like it's hard, like it's a burden, but you can tell they just want to talk about what they've succeeded at. Does that make sense? I never want to come off as that.

For those of you who have been listening for a while or follow me on Instagram, you see me online and you know my heart and can see my personality, I know that you won't think that, but you never know when somebody new to your podcast. So, I just never want to come off that way, especially if it's a first impression. And the Internet is weird like that. I can't know who's listening in when and if you've listened to before. So hopefully I don't come off that way.

Being a public figure, being an online influencer (which I'm so irritated with that term, but I don't really know what else to call it), being somebody who teaches online and is viewed as a public figure in a lot of different ways, it's lonely sometimes. I have a hard time knowing if somebody really wants to be my friend or if they just want to use me for my connections or my knowledge on certain topics, or they just want to pick my brain about my online business and how I started it.

I sometimes feel like people only invite me to things so that they can tag that they were with me and that's really hurtful and weird and hard. I just feel lonely in terms of friendships sometimes.

I live in California. I grew up here. I moved away for a few years a while back but we've since moved back. I have a lot of people in my life here, but a lot of my really good friends, my life buddies have moved away and I don't have a lot of in-person connections anymore.

I also feel loneliness in terms of “being normal” in the sense of…for example, my podcast is really loose-structured. I don't sit with a billion notes and word-for-word what to say, so that's why sometimes I stumble over my words. I want it to feel authentic, but I realize sometimes that can be frustrating. So, I apologize for my “ums and uhs” here, but one example of loneliness in a different regard is it's hard for me to answer the question, “What do you do?”

And that is a question that you get asked often. It's hard for Brian and I to answer that. Usually he gets asked, “What do you do,” because he's the guy (don't even get me started on that…like I don't have something that I do.) But it's hard for us to answer that question because what we do is so new. We're kind of trailblazing this new really cool way of living where our business is online. We've started a company from nothing. And it's not a tactical physical company; it's all Internet based and it's just kind of hard to answer that. It leads us into this fumbling over words to come up with this stuttered explanation of, “Well there's a podcast and an online business and courses and we help women lighten their loads and simplify their homes and their lives.”

And it's just this big long explanation. It's not like, “I'm a lawyer.” I mean I could come up with something like that, a one-liner, but it leaves so much to be answered, you know? It's just hard. And so sometimes I feel lonely because I don't even really know how to answer that simple question. What I do is unique.

Not a lot of people understand it and definitely not a lot of people understand that Brian and I are home together all day and that is something that we wanted. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, “Oh my gosh! I would never want to be with my husband all day,” and I don't really know what to do with that statement. What do you want me to say? What do people want me to say to that? I just kind of stand there and smile. It's weird. Am I supposed to be like, “Well I do!” It's just weird.

I think that people just don't really know what to do with us because our lifestyle is very unique in a lot of different ways. Our story is really different, kind of dramatic and people I've noticed, for a really long time, don't really know how to deal with our lifestyle change. If you don't know what I mean, I would maybe suggest going back and listening to episode six of the podcast because it kind of explains our life/business/money story. When your life changes from one extreme to the other really quickly, you lose friends, you lose connection, and you lose what was once your norm. It's weird, hard, sad and happy all at the same time.

So, I've just struggled with feeling lonely…maybe I'm not just lonely, but maybe I lack authentic connections because our lifestyle is different. We homeschool our kids. We want to homeschool our kids. It's not our most favorite thing in the world to home educate. But we love the lifestyle that homeschooling our children brings to our family and the freedom and flexibility it gives us. I love my business. I love my work. I love working. And previously when I was a stay at home mom, I personally struggled with feeling a little unfulfilled. And that's just my truth. Sometimes I feel really judged for that and that makes me feel lonely.

I love my husband. We’re friends. He's my best friend and I love being with him. And when we weren't together very often it was a big goal of ours to somehow, someday find a way to be together and do life together all day, every day. To raise our kids day-to-day together. To run our business day-to-day together. To figure out some way to make that happen.

We actually didn't know that it would be running a business together. I'm saying that now because I know that that's what ended up happening, but we just always dreamt of being together through the day and not doing our everyday life separate all the time, which is what we were previously doing. And a lot of people don't get that. I think maybe makes them feel defensive or convicted or something, and then they make me feel judged for wanting that. It's weird. I have picked up on all of these weird conversations, weird vibes, and different interactions that I've had with people over the last few years, and it's all led to this really weird, unique version of lack of connection and loneliness. It's hard to feel understood and hard to form authentic friendships because of what I do.

I’m going to give a few more examples because I want to really cement what I mean here. For example, in the homeschool circle, I never feel like I fit in because I am not a really crazy, passionate homeschooling mom. I'm not. My husband does most of the homeschooling at this point. That's new. Previously I did do all of it, and then most of it, and then some of it, and now I do about 20% of it. So, in the homeschool community, I don't fit in because I don't hate the public school system. I don't think it's terrible. I don't think it's a terrible choice that I would never, ever do. I have done the public school system with my kids and I would do it if my life led me to needing to do that. I'm just not ‘that homeschooling mom.’ So, I kind of feel like I don't belong there.

Even in the mom's circle, a lot of the time they talk about their husband's work schedule and that kind of lifestyle. What sippy cups leak and which ones don't. Breastfeeding, sleepless nights, and nap schedules and I feel like I don't fit in there either. And I never did. Even when I had babies and toddlers, I just always wanted to talk about something else too, you know? And I just always felt like I didn't belong. And at this point in my life, when I'm around other women that are in my phase of life in terms of the age of their kids and stuff, I always feel like I just don't fit in a little bit.

I try not to be so self-aware and try to join the conversation, but I'm always left with the knowledge that my life is just different than most people. I often don't feel known and I often don't feel understood. I find myself struggling with feeling like I need to make excuses for my life, dumb it down, or make it less than it is to avoid judgment. Or I'll freeze up because I'm in a completely different season or role in my life than most women in my season. A lot of the times I feel really misunderstood.

I think one of the biggest things for me is in conversations when I meet people or I'm around people that I haven't seen in a while and they're asking about what we do and our business and I will launch into my one or two sentence explanation. There's often a joke or a nudge. “Oh yeah, you're like an influencer. You take pictures in front of walls for Instagram and post about life and stuff.” It's almost like this judgmental undertone and I don't really know what to do with that because I don't really know what to say. I don't know how to explain what I do without sounding braggy or irritating and I'm very self-conscious about that. I just will admit that. I am very self-conscious about that. I don't want to come off the wrong way and what I do and how my lifestyle is intentionally very different from the norm.

Brian and I have talked openly with you guys about how we don't want to be the norm.

We want to live a life that's different than everyone else. We want to live abundantly and we are constantly in pursuit of that. You might enjoy episode 100 where Brian and I sat and talked about what abundant life means to us and what it means when we always talk about that and bring that up. That's the verse for this podcast. It's our life verse John 10:10. We're constantly in pursuit of that and that means that we're different than most people. We’re different than most couples. I'm different than most women. And while I want that, I want to be different, I want to live an intentional and purposeful life, it does sometimes lead to feeling misunderstood and left out.

While I don't think there is one solution to this feeling, I do want to share a few things that have been really helpful for me in living this way and fixing the problem, finding some solutions to it.


Hey friend! It’s Allie!  Have you heard of the Supermom Vault yet?

The Supermom Vault is a library of inspiration I created for you.  It holds replays of my very best online workshops that aren’t available anywhere else, tons of really actionable pdf’s that are downloadable with just one click, more than 20 audio and video trainings from me, and professionally designed printables for your home to keep you focused and inspired.

The Supermom Vault is only $39.00 and is available at alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

Check it out!  It’s a really good simple start.

Want more inspiration than just the podcast? Do you wish there were more episodes?  Want more details? Do you want videos? Do you want pdf’s? Do you want to download things and get your hands on something to really get you started when it comes to minimalism and simplifying your motherhood?

This is definitely the place to go!

Check it out!  Alliecasazza.com/allcourses.


Firstly I want to say that I think it's important to have at least one person in your corner who gets you. Find a friend. Find at least one person who gets you. I have this one really great friend who has been very close to me for years. We have very different lifestyles, but through it all, through all the ups and downs and changes, she has understood me. She has asked questions. She has stayed connected. She has talked to me, had coffee with me, and sought out understanding of my lifestyle, my reasoning behind the choices that Brian and I have made. We are connected. We are soul sisters and we are friends for life. We started out kind of on the same page and the same lifestyle and so much has happened to lead us on different paths and we are still close. So have at least one person in your corner who gets you. And if you don't already have that person, it's okay. We're going to cover that.

The next thing that I would say is that if you are married, I think it's really important when you're feeling this way to build a stronger connection with your husband. Create a friendship/passion with him that you feel super supported, super loved, and very deeply known and understood by him. Having that with Brian has been a game changer for me as a woman, as a person, just as a human going through life. It's been so huge. The lack of connection and lack of feeling understood in my social circles, and in the other areas of my life has brought Brian and I closer together and done wonders for our marriage.

If you relate to this way and you are married, then use this negative thing that you kind of feel misunderstood, unknown, and like you lack connection, use that to catapult your marriage into the most passionate season that it's had to date. That's what we did and it's been amazing, just absolutely tremendous growth in our marriage over the last few years. And it's given us this friendship, respect, mutual understanding and passion for one another that I really believe is going to lay an even stronger foundation for our future and for future hardships that we will without a doubt face. Building a stronger connection to your husband if you are married is huge to have you feeling supported, loved, known and understood.

I think the next thing I want to say is (I was really passionate about making sure I wrote this down so I didn't forget to say this) I think that you need to not be okay staying in this place. I think that not having authentic connections and living a different lifestyle and not feeling really connected and known needs to be a season of your life, and not a way of life. Don't stay there.

I think it is so important. This is so key. If you don't take anything else from this, take this. Don't be okay staying in that place. It needs to be a season of life, not a way of doing life for good. Seek out other people who get you, who live similarly to you, who are passionate about the same things as you. Pray for those connections to come into your life and seek them out. Manifest them into your life.

One example for me is I very intentionally did this. I started to pray about getting these people, people who got me, people who do what I do, who understand me and Brian and our dynamic. And I just started to pray for them to come into my life. And one great example of this is my friend Joe Sanok. Joe Sanok runs Practice of the Practice, which is a podcast and an online business like mine for therapists who want to take their practices online.

We met because his wife is a student in Your Uncluttered Home. She took my course and shared me with him and we connected and got to talking. I went on his podcast and talked about business, and it was just this friendship/love connection between me and Joe and Christina Sanok, he and his wife, and we just connected. We started texting, talking and just getting on the phone and talking about business. And then Christina and I are texting and we're really close. And then Joe and his family ended up intentionally making a stop in our city on their family vacation to southern California. It was more than an hour away from us, but they came intentionally out to our city because they wanted to spend time with us because of this random online connection. They came to our house. We had lunch. We went to the park. We talked. Joe and I did side-by-side live streams on each other’s platform. We had a great day.

Christina and I had a really, really good talk about being mothers and women of faith. And it was amazing. We had such a good time. The guys went and got pizza for everybody while me and Christina sat at the house and just chatted. It was so good and life giving.

Out of that connection has come other connections. Joe has connected me with other entrepreneurs who are at my level of success and at the same point I’m at in my business. More connections and more friendships have formed from that one. If you put it out there, if you pray about it, if you say you want it and you begin to just be open to seeking out others who get you, then that's what you'll get.

You get what you think about. Start to think about it. Start to pray about it and start to ask for that. Bring those connections into your life and it will happen. Don't be okay staying in a place of isolation. It's so unhealthy and that is not how God created us to live -isolated - not at all.

The next thing that I want to say is I think it's really key to be open and vulnerable with others. Let people in. Don't live jaded and super guarded out of fear or because of things that have happened in your past. Guys, I have been robbed literally financially. I have been robbed by a friend that I hired. It sucked. I have been hurt. I have been stabbed in the back so much that it's begun to feel physical, like a physical stabbing because it was so much, so often.

I have been used so many times. I have been gossiped about by people in my lifelong inner circle because they're jealous. I don't know. They're weird. They can't handle what I've done in my life and in my business and online. And they just love to say negative things that usually aren't even true about me.

I think that it's so easy to act out of that and to begin to be really guarded and continue to isolate yourself. But we can't do that because the only people we’re hurting is ourselves.

So be open. Be vulnerable. Don't live jaded and guarded. Let people in. Show up and serve others. Love on other people. I think if you're doing that, then you become the type of person that other people want to have authentic relationships with. And it's just helping you as you manifest that into your life.

So while you're seeking out other people who get you, while you're praying for connections with people who live similarly to you and understand you, while also being vulnerable and loving on people, not being afraid, showing up for people and inviting them over for coffee, just serving people and seeing where it leads, that's a great combo. That's the magic combo to get some seriously authentic connections in your life.

I think the next thing I would say in terms of action steps is to lean into your faith. Talk to God. Know Him. Trust Him. Talk with Him about what’s weighing on you. Tell Him what you need. He knows the desires of your heart and He wants to give those to you, but you got to talk it out with Him. That can help alleviate the frustration and any pain you're experiencing right now, in the moment, while you wait for those authentic connections.

And one more thing that I want to say…I've had this conversation with people on my team multiple times. When we had our team retreat back in February in Nashville, we all talked about this extensively. So if nothing else, I get it. I and Team Allie. We get it. We understand what you're going through. We all have that same type of lifestyle where we're entrepreneurs, we work for ourselves, we're home a lot. It's crazy. People don't respect our boundaries because they think if you work at home then you don't work at all, you can do whatever you want and you never have to actually work.

People see my interviews online that my business has made seven figures and they just think that I somehow pocketed all that money and I’m a billionaire and don't have to worry about anything, which is not true at all. They assume things, judge me, gossip about me, and don't want to be friends with me or opposite - super want to be friends with me for all the wrong reasons, for selfish reasons, hurtful reasons.

So if nothing else, know that I get it. Know that Team Allie gets it. We understand what you're going through and these few simple action steps I laid out for you guys in this episode, are the things that have helped me get over it, through it, and use it to my advantage, which I think is such a powerful thing to do. To not just get through stuff, but to use your hardships in life to your advantage to make you stronger. To force your marriage closer together. To force stronger vulnerability. To better relationships in the end. I mean what a powerful woman you would be if you could learn to use your hardships to your advantage, right?

I hope this episode has been encouraging for you. I hope it's made you feel like you're not alone. I know that some of you out there are going to totally know what I'm saying. Totally vibe with it and be like, “I know exactly what you mean. Thank you for this.” And you my friend…you're the one that I recorded this for. So, tag me on Instagram. Share on Facebook. Let me know that this is you, that this was for you, that you loved it. I want to hear from you.

I love you guys so much. You are not alone. Go pursue those authentic connections even if your lifestyle is different. Those people that get you are out there and they're waiting for you as much as you're waiting for them.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 102: How to Take Action On What You Learn (so you don't stay stuck!)

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I love learning and growing! It is a big part of the conversations I have here on the show. One of the biggest things I think we all struggle with is taking action on what we learn and actually following through on it. There is power in taking action on the things we are reading, learning, and hearing. If you find yourself learning things but struggling to take action on what you are learning, I got you friend! This episode is for you and I am going to help you figure out how to take action!  

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • The power behind taking action to the things you are learning.

  • Why online courses aren’t just a trend, but more effective than reading a book.

  • Steps you can take to follow through on making a change.

  • The importance of accountability when taking action.

Mentioned in this Episode:


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Unburdened is one of my online course programs that focuses on simplicity and minimalism minimalism for your life, your calendar, your schedule, and your daily structure.

Unburdened is everything for the overwhelmed mom who knows that she needs a life overhaul but is too overwhelmed to start and doesn’t know how to do that.

Unburdened is open for enrollment! Don’t miss out on this amazing course! Normally it is $160 but it is cut down to $99 and it's going away for a good long while. And I want to see you in there before the doors close. So take action and sign up now!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.

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Hey, sweet friend! Okay, we're going to jump right in to today's episode because I have a goal for you today. I want you to walk away from this episode really, really amped up about taking action on something.

I've been thinking about this episode a lot and I've had a lot of different thoughts and a lot of different post-it notes around my house about this episode. When I come up with a new episode idea or I feel something on my heart to share, I let it sit there for a while. I don't just jump on the mic and start talking cause then my episodes would be terrible. I give it some space. I let it shift around in my brain, in my heart a little bit. I pray about it. I think about it. I leave it alone a little bit and things just kind of pop up in me about it. And I know when it's time to hit record on this issue.

I've had a lot of really great post-it notes about this episode. Maybe not everybody's going to feel that way about it because I don't think any episode accomplishes that, that every single person is like, “This is amazing!” But I know that there is a good solid chunk of you out there that are struggling with taking action and feeling really defeated and feeling stuck.

And you know, when I say “you are an action-taking, problem-solving woman” which is one of my catch phrases that I love to say because it's the truth and you can be that at any point that you decide, I think sometimes when I say that some of you are like, “I want to be, but I'm not,” and you can change that.

We're going to talk about that today because this is something that I have gone through in my own personal life that I used to not be an action-taker. I used to really stay stuck. I used to struggle with that. It’s something that I've worked through in my own process and I'll talk about that more in a few minutes.

I think the things we can teach best and the things that we can make the most impact with are the things that we've learned in our personal lives. And this is one of those things for me.

First, I want to say that I'm all about learning and growing and that's where this episode is coming from. We talk about that a lot here on the show in different ways. That's why we have Allie Reads October, where every October (now it's on the podcast because that's the main form of content) we focus on different authors and books that have shaped me this year. That is coming from a place of how did I learn and grow? What affected and impacted me as a person this year? That's learning and growing.

If you go back and scroll through the past episodes, pretty much all of them have a theme of how can we learn and grow in this area? And I think that's the key to living a purposeful life. Not only just showing up where you are and showing up well, but creating a life that you can show up well in where you're not constantly distracted by your phone, clutter, an overstuffed schedule, and all these other things that get in the way of your purpose. But also like Maya Angelou said, “know better, do better.” That you're living like that. That you learn something new and you go and take action on it.

You're growing. You're not just taking in information. You're not just getting inspired by a quote, a podcast episode, a book, or a lesson that you learned somewhere and then just letting that sit there. That you're taking action on it. That you do something with it.

I think this is one of the biggest things that we all struggle with because I get tons of messages about this issue. Taking action on what you learn. And another step further - following through on that.

So, we're going to dive into being an action-taker and being someone who follows through on your goals and the things that you learn.

I think it’s something that I have personally gotten really good at and I'm excited to share that process with you all.

We're going to get really specific into what exactly do I do and how can you actually take action? How do you actually implement something that you've learned? What does that look like? What's the step? What's the process? Not just like, “Hey, you need to take what you learn and run with it.” I don't want to give you an empty, motivational speaker talk, but actually how do you do that? What does the process look like for me? What have I found that works and how can you do that?

Before we do all of that, I think it's important to talk about a couple of other things first. And one of those things is that I want to say any format of learning can work for most people. There's always different circumstances. There's always exceptions. If you have a learning disability and you know one way of learning doesn't work for you, even then we shouldn't use those things as an excuse to not learn. To not grow. To not partake in self-improvement, in bettering yourself. In “knowing better, doing better.”

But in most circumstances, any format of learning will work for most people. Whether that's listening to a speaker, listening to a podcast, reading a book, reading a magazine article or watching a video on YouTube of how to do something. Usually any formative learning can work for most people. I think that books can be life changing if we let them, but a lot of you might notice that you're constantly buying and reading books and then not taking action on what you learned from them.

This is a multifaceted issue, but I think that if you were to decide to take action, you could.

This is what I love about online learning and this new trend of online courses. This is why I've gone down this path in my business and I want to just dive into this for a second because I think that online learning is powerful.

I think that it is the new way. I think that it's the new way for a reason. The Internet has been around for a really long time and online courses are just now really coming about. And I think that that has nothing to do with, “oh well, everything's online now.” Everything's been online for a really long time.

Why are online courses kind of the new trend now? I think that the reason is because of the power and the science behind that type of learning and how effective it is. I think that online courses are something that a lot of people think are new and weird, unnecessary, overpriced. This kind of thought process just kills me because you're missing the power of online learning in general. I just want to shine a light on it for a second because this is why I do what I do.

This is why I haven't…until just now I'm starting to work on my book proposal and getting a book deal and all that. But this is why I've gone this route because this is powerful and life changing. The Internet is incredible. It's such a gift if you'll use it that way. There's so much power and science behind online courses and their effectiveness.

I think firstly it's because you get to do this on your own terms when you have a course. And how amazing is that for us Moms? We're constantly getting interrupted. You can press pause. You’re taking in information in a way that works. You can press pause, then jump right back into it anytime that you need, which is different than books. Sometimes you forget what you read. Have you ever read a page of something and then not even realize what happened on that page?

But with courses it's really interactive and it's really amazing. If you're buying from a reputable person in the industry of interest and you're not buying a course from a random weirdo (because now that it's more popular there are definitely people who are very unqualified creating and selling online courses, but that's the same for books and magazines and anything else) but the courses are basically like going to college online for the topic that you need help with.

Studies show that we retain things better in 10 to 25-minute chunks. And that's how the lessons in my courses are (at least as often as possible) in that amount, so that you’re retaining this and you can actually go and do something with what you just learned and you can run with it.

If you are one of the people that has felt like you’re reading books and then you kind of do nothing about it, maybe you need a different format. Maybe you just need to ‘suck it up buttercup’ and be an action taker and outline a plan to follow through on something, which we'll cover in a second.

Maybe a different format would work for you. Maybe you need to take it a step further. Studies are showing that more action is taken when you enroll in an online course than when you read a book, and that's, like what I was mentioning, the whole reason that I have this business model.

I've had multiple book deal offers for years. I think a lot of people think that, oh, I don't have that. I'm not big enough for that yet, so I'm just making courses. No. I've had multiple books deal offers, but once I discovered courses, I didn't want to go that route until I had set up the messages that I felt needed to get out into the world in course form. Because I'm in charge of that content. I'm in charge of saying, “This is what this girl needs to learn next in order for her to have a lighter motherhood, a more simplified home that is set up for memories and not constant maintenance.”

And now in my career I'm ready to reach the masses with my messaging and books do that better than courses in terms of reaching people because people read books more than anything else and it's probably going to be that way for a really long time. But I'm still hoping that that leads to people getting into the courses and making real change happen.

I think a book is more like a guide that you can read to understand why you need to change something or know something. But a course, being more interactive, is more like having a coach in your ear guiding you through the actual change process and showing you the way. You're having the teacher be right there with you audibly. You're hearing their voice and they are explaining the core things they know, on whatever topic, to you directly.

And that sensory experience of listening to a voice, seeing on a video what needs to be shown to you, a visual example, that's invaluable. That's huge. I know that courses run higher on the price scale, like most courses are $800 -1,000+. Mine are in the $100 range because I purposely price them as low as humanly possible for your guys' sake. But the investment is bigger. It's bigger than a book and there's more at stake. And what happens is people show the heck up when they invest in a course. They've got skin in the game. And I think there's something really big to be said for that.

So maybe you need to revisit the format of learning. Maybe you need to show up better. Maybe you need to put your money where your mouth is. Maybe you need to put some skin in the game and find a way to show up better to actually have something at stake. More than a $10 book or whatever is. To show up and own what you need to work on.

Show up, buy the thing that's going to give you the keys to make those changes and then have enough at stake to where you’ve got to take action. You made room in your budget for this investment. You've got to show up and take action. It's not a book you order on Amazon Prime for $8.97. It's something that you really had to talk to your husband about. You had to create space in your budget. You had to invest in and show up in that way and that increases your actionability so much more.

The only people who invest in courses (that I see) and then don't really take action are the ones that when we do the survey they make over $250,000 a year. Their money is not an issue for them, so it wasn't really enough of a stake for them.

But typically, you're showing up in a different way. You're showing up with your money, which makes the world go round, which feeds your family, which is everything. You can take action on anything if you really wanted to, but I do think there's something to be said for setting ourselves up for success from the very beginning, in terms of changing up the format, changing up the investment we're making, changing up what we've been doing in terms of what we're actually buying and where our time and money and investment is going.

If you’ve bought a billion books, get a course, do something different, go on different path. Your action is different from the get-go. You're doing something new and that is going to increase your likelihood of success.

That was just a note that I wanted to say. I think that it's really important to shine a light on the purpose that goes into what I'm doing for you guys. It's not just a random choice that there's online courses and that the book is just now happening. It's been very deliberate. Very thought and prayed through. Very intentional. I will always believe in the power of an online course over a book.


Hey, sweet friend! In case you haven't already heard I’ve been talking about Unburdened a lot in my world lately because the doors are open and it's going away and I want you to hear about it before it does.

Unburdened is one of my online course programs. It's the second one that I created. Basically, the first one is minimalism, simplicity and intentional living for your home and your physical space. This one, Unburdened, is that for your life, your calendar, your schedule, your day’s structure.

How do you structure your days and make sure you get the important things done, but not be tied down to a rigid schedule because not everyone wants that. And that freaks some of us out. Me included.

Unburdened is everything for the overwhelmed mom who knows that she needs a life overhaul but is too overwhelmed to start and doesn't know how to do that. Unburdened lightens your load by taking you through a four-step framework that I have refined over the last three years.

Step 1: Set boundaries for your phone and tech, for yourself and for others, to make space in your life for what really matters.

Step 2: Take ownership of your time. Clear the calendar clutter. Create your ideal day. Set up daily and weekly rhythms, so the important stuff gets done on autopilot and you're not having to constantly make sure you're thinking of it and remembering everything.

Step 3: Implement a plan for doable self-care because you cannot give your family water if your well is dry.

And finally, Step 4: Get purposeful in your day-to-day life. Because how we spend our days is how we spend our lives.

If you're into this and you're like, “Oh my gosh! I need that,” guys, the door’s open!

Unburdened is normally $160 but it's cut down to $99 and it's going away for a good long while.

The doors are open. They close really soon.

Go to alliecasazza.com/unburdenedlife. Alliecasazza.com/unburdenedlife. Get all the details to get all the info and enroll. I want to see you in there before the doors close.


Let's discuss how to follow through on making a change, no matter what format. Let's talk about how to follow through in making that change.

First, I think we need to just say a little bit of a disclaimer here. You need to know when to change your mind about something versus when you're giving up or losing motivation.

There's an episode that I did (I don't remember what number it is, but I'll link to it in the show notes for you guys) that is literally called “It's Okay To Change Your Mind” and it's one of the most popular episodes of The Purpose Show, because I think people need that freedom from performing for the sake of others. Maybe not every personality type will relate to this, but I know that I do, and a lot of you guys do because that episode is so popular.

I think we say we're going to do something…say we're gonna pursue something or make a change or do something in our lives…and then it doesn't fit. Maybe you realize, “This is not something that I want to do. This is not something that's good for me. This is not something that I have space for right now and I want to change my mind.” But you feel bad. You feel guilty. You feel like a failure. You feel embarrassed to tell people, “Actually, we're not homeschooling anymore.” It feels like this sheepish, bow-out from success. Like “yeah, I failed at that.” Why? You can change your mind.

Maybe you thought you were going to go somewhere and you just didn't. It just wasn't where you were supposed to land. And you figured that out by walking forward, praying and just looking for what the next best thing was for you and you realized on the way there that that wasn't it and you turned around and made a different choice. Who cares?

I think there's a difference between not following through, giving up and losing motivation where you need to push through and reach your goals versus this wasn't right for you after all and you need to just change your mind. And that's okay.

Having said that, I think the next thing to do is to look at the thing you’re trying to do. The thing you're trying to change. The thing you're trying to get better at. Whether it's creating more structured days and figuring out your life as a whole. Whether it's making a shift in something you're doing, like the way you school your kids, the way you discipline, the way you're going to grow your family, whatever it is. If you're going to move or not. If you're going to lose weight and get healthy. Whatever it is. Why do you want to make the change you're setting out to make?

If it's coming from a place of performing for someone else in any way, not only will it probably not stick, but it's not how you want to be living your life and it's not worth your time and effort at all. Growth and change should be coming from your own inner desire to know better, do better. To show up for yourself and your family. To leave a better legacy behind. To follow a pull that God has put on your heart. Not to finally prove something to your parents. Not to finally get approval from someone else. Not to impress a friend that you feel ‘less than’ around. Not to make someone else happier with you.

So why do you want to make the change that you're setting out to make? Write it down. Get a tangible feel of why you want to do this and why you want to change this thing in your life.

The next step is visualize what your life will look like with this new change in place. This is huge. Don't skip this. It requires sitting down and getting quiet, which is hard sometimes, but you need to make this happen. This is why I have you guys do this so often and I even have had livestreams dedicated to walking you through the process of pausing and visualizing you having something that you want to get to because visualization is huge.

God created us as living energetic, flowing beings with minds that are super powerful because we're made in His image. Your brain is incredible and it can work for you or against you, and whether you realize it or not, that's your choice. There is so much power in picturing your future self benefiting from making an important change that you've been thinking about.

Visualizing it makes you grasp onto it temporarily. You want it enough to put in the effort despite how busy your life already is because you imagined what it would feel like to have that change happen. And you've lived out a day or two mentally visualizing you being finished with this change and it makes you want it so much more.

Or you might realize it made you detach from it a little bit and you don't think that that's right for you

Either way you're getting on the right track from visualizing and using your brain power for you, not against you. And if you visualize the change, you can feel reasons for it rather than just think about them.

Let's use getting healthy as an example. Let's say that you're not feeling well. You're having hormonal issues. Maybe you're overweight. You're just not feeling good. You know that a health change needs to happen. And remember, it shouldn't be about your body and how you look, (go back and listen to Episode 2, I believe it is. I'll link to that in show notes as well about losing weight by loving your body) but you know that healthwise something needs to shift, and you visualize how it would feel to walk into a room confident, knowing you are your curvy, beautiful, healthy self. Your hormones are balanced, which means that your skin is cleared up, your moods are even, you're feeling better. Your cycle is normal. Your sex drive is healthy and higher and you feel better in your relationship. You are treating people differently because you feel differently.

How would it feel to live a day in the life of yourself having already accomplished this change that you want to make? What does it feel like? What does it look like to actually live a day after you're done? That's what you visualize and it'll help you feel those reasons for change rather than just think about them and think, “I just want that because I want to be in a smaller size jean and I want to feel better.” So much more powerful to visualize.

Next, how are you going to make this change happen? And you're going to use the power of reverse engineering. You're going to reverse engineer. How are you going to make this happen? Reverse engineering starts with the end goal being met and then you work backwards. So you say, “This is the goal that I want to meet. This is the thing I want to make happen.” What are the steps that would need to happen for that to be met, for you to get to that place. You will reverse engineer it.

Reverse engineering is so much better than starting from ground one and being like, “Okay, this is where I'm at right now. How do I get over there? But rather backwards - I'm already here. I accomplished this goal. How did I get there? What are the steps that needed to happen for me to get to this place?” This gets your brain in gear and helps you more effectively figure it out. So, figuring out how are you going to make this change happen and reverse engineering that process. I can't get too much more detailed into this because I don't know what your goal is or what your thing is, but that's what I do.

The next step for me after visualizing and getting really tangible and excited about where I want to go and what I want to change is to think about how am I going to make this happen? What are the steps that need to be taken, the things that need to happen for me to get to that finish line? I start with the finish line and I work backwards, reverse engineering my steps in my process so I know exactly what needs to happen.

Then I can take those things and put them on deadlines and goals. And I can think like, “Okay, I want to have Step 2 done by April 19th or whatever it is.

Next, when are you going to make this happen? Now that you’ve reverse engineered and you know the steps it’s going to take for you to get somewhere new, when are you going to make that happen? And I think it's important to say - Calendar This! Put it on your calendar! This matters! We decide we're going to have coffee with a friend and we put that on our calendar, but we decide we want to change who we are and make a big goal happen and we don't put it on our calendar? That doesn't make any sense.

Break it down. Put it on your calendar. Put deadlines on your calendar. Put reminders in your calendar. We allow our phones to beep and go off for so many stupid things that are really distracting us from our actual life, but then we don't make this technology work for us by setting it up to beep when we need it to beep. You need this to beep to remind you to change your life and do something purposeful. Use it for your advantage. When are you going to make this happen? Put it on your calendar.

The next thing about this is accountability. Guys, accountability is king! You are changing the way you're living. You're going down a different path. You've been living a certain way, being a certain way, looking, feeling, acting, living - whatever it is - a certain way for however long. It could be a few months and you want to break this habit.

It could be you've never done anything different. You've always lived this way. And now you want to change it? If you're listening to this, you're likely a mother. You have a lot going on. You need accountability for that.

I think there's something really powerful in having a very close relationship, like a friendship-based relationship with your husband. Brian and I have talked about that a lot and that's how we operate. But I do think there's something to be said for it not being your spouse being the only person that you tell. As much as I do that with Brian and Brian knows basically every thought that I have and everything that I'm working on, but I think it's important to tell somebody else.

Tell a friend and ask her to check in with you. Let her know how serious you are about making this change and make sure she knows the importance of checking in on you. Get serious about it. Maybe you guys have a thing where every Friday morning you jump on a Facetime call, or you text each other and you have an alert in your calendar about that too and she has one in her phone.

Get serious about accountability. There is something so powerful about accountability. It doesn't matter if this is one of the things that's a big deal for you to show up for something. If you'll do things without accountability, that's great. But it's still helpful. When somebody else knows you're more likely to do the thing.

Those are the core pillars of me being an action-taking, problem-solving woman. I ask myself, “Why do I want to make this change that I'm setting out to make? Where is this coming from? Is it coming from my desire to be the best version of myself? To know better and do better? To leave a stronger legacy? Or is this coming from a place of performing for somebody else? To impress somebody else? To get approval that I've always needed? Because that can't come from there. It's not going to stick and it’s not how I want to live my life.”

Next, visualizing what a day in my life will look like after I'm done implementing this change.

Next, how am I going to make this change happen? Reverse engineering the steps that it'll take.

Next, when am I going to make this happen? How often am I going to work on going to the next step? Putting it on my calendar like it matters.

Next, accountability. Setting up accountability. Talking to my husband. Talking to a friend. Asking her to check in. Setting a time. Every Thursday evening we're going to text each other and check in. Putting that on my calendar and acting like it matters.

These are the steps, the pillars, the core things that get me to take action. Try it. Write it down. See how you do with these steps and actually doing them.

And guys, I just want to say, you know, every single thing that I do for you is on purpose. If I make a mistake, I come out about it and I apologize and I say, “You know what? I said this, but actually I thought about it a lot and I don't think it was right. I'm going to redact that and here's what I actually think. Or here's what I meant if I miscommunicated something.”

Every single thing that I do for you guys, I'm doing for a purpose. I've thought about it. I have let it sit for a while. I know that it's the best possible thing I could do for you guys - not for me, for you guys - because my business is built on this idea of serving and showing up for people in a helpful way. I believe that money follows that. That is why I've got courses. That's why I have online trainings. That's why I have an online academy full of digital downloads, video courses, audible courses, different types of digital training because it is a place where I have a say. There is not an editor telling me, “No, this isn't really what we want. We want you to change this.” It is what I know in the depths of my heart will change your life for the better. It's the best of the best.

Free will only get you so far. At some point you have to decide that you're worth investing in and you've got to show up for yourself. That's what my online academy is for. That's why I create courses because it is the best, the very best way that I can serve you and encourage you to make a change and that you can show up for yourself and get the most out of it. The most likely for you to succeed is in these online courses.

I just you to know this is not just like a business where it's like, “Oh, I made this. I want to project this money. I want to make sure that we make this money for this.” No. Everything is built on serving you the best way possible. That is why I have emailed back for three and a half years, “No thank you. I am not doing a book right now. Thank you for your book deal offer.” That is why.

And you need to understand that there's a lot of teachers out there that will claim that they care about you, and you know a lot of them do, but I want you to know, I want you to hear it straight from my lips on this podcast that that is why I'm here doing what I do.

I truly believe ‘show up and serve.’ Give the best that you can. Encouraging you guys to put some skin in the game and invest in yourselves because that's where true change can happen. When you've got something at stake. When you've put your money where your mouth is.

And then I show up for you and make sure that I give you what I know can change your life. And then by showing up and serving in that way, the money that I need for my business, to run things, to pay people will follow that. And I've had that model for years and it's worked and I'm not veering from that - ever.

So, I just want you guys to know there's a reason behind everything. When you show up for yourself and you invest and you say, “Yes! I want Allie to coach me in this course. I want her in my head. I want her walking me through these changes that I need to make in my motherhood to help me show up better.” Then it happens.

I want to encourage you, if you want to make a change, if you want to be a person that follows through, if you want to be an action-taking, problem-solving woman, you can be.

You just have to decide and show up and do the work.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

BONUS: How to Stop Multitasking & Practice Mindfulness Day-to-Day

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Multitasking may feel like you are getting a lot done, but when you really think about it, are you? Because, truthfully, we can’t show up in multiple places at once. We can’t show up for a workout, plan our calendar, and think about dinner at the same time. Maybe we can, but are we doing it well? Probably not. Multitasking can create this inner noise and feeling of things getting done in a rushed or hurried way. We need to show up well and be fully present in life instead of just letting it pass us by. This is something I am totally learning right now and I am excited to share the journey with you!

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • Why multitasking creates inner noise and causes feelings of being rushed.

  • The value of showing up to one thing, not multiple things.

  • How to set up a rhythm for all the things that need to be done so you can avoid multitasking.

  • Action steps you can take to practice mindfulness during your day.

Mentioned in this Episode:


Unburdened_Pinterest(1).png

Unburdened is one of my online course programs that focuses on simplicity and minimalism minimalism for your life, your calendar, your schedule, and your daily structure.

Unburdened is everything for the overwhelmed mom who knows that she needs a life overhaul but is too overwhelmed to start and doesn’t know how to do that.

Unburdened is open for enrollment! Don’t miss out on this amazing course! Normally it is $160 but it is cut down to $99 and it's going away for a good long while. And I want to see you in there before the doors close. So take action and sign up now!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hi, beautiful friend! Oh my gosh, I feel like I just need to take a moment right now and take a deep breath. Feel free to join me if that's how you're feeling right now. I am about to record this episode with you and I just had to start over, which I never have to do. I really never have to stop and do another take when I start recording an episode. I pretty much just hit record and talk realness with you. There's not a lot of editing that goes into my words, just putting in the intro, the music and stuff.

But I had to stop and restart this episode two or three times because I was in this mentally rushed state. I quickly helped Brian get the kids, the boys, ready for baseball, get the other two kids ready to go with him so that I could have the house to myself for an hour to record this episode and get a little bit of writing done.

I just was rushing around getting everyone's shoes together, helping everyone get out of the house. I grabbed a snack. I grabbed a coffee. I’m trying to hurry up and finish the coffee cause I'm tired today and I need it, so I'm quickly drinking the coffee. I'm responding to a text message from someone on my team and troubleshooting a problem all while sitting in my desk chair, barely breathing and about to quickly hit record on this episode. And it's like, “No! What is this episode about?”

It goes to show that this is something that always needs to be worked on. This isn't about me coming on here, sitting in front of my microphone and preaching at you how I've learned to be amazing at things and you can too. Barf!

It's about us sharing what we're learning, sharing inspiration, encouraging each other, rooting for each other, which is something that sadly women don't do a whole lot. Coming together and trying to know better and do better one day at a time. And soak life up instead of passing it by.

I just had to take a second, restart this episode a couple of times, take a deep breath and invite God to come and sit with me so that I can practice what I'm about to talk about.

It's something that I have been learning more and more every day and really, really feeling like this episode is just where I am at lately. And so, just being truthful with that before we dive in.

Having said all of that and giving you that honest disclaimer, I've got an iced coffee here with me. Can you hear it? We're just going to sit together, take a beat, and we're going to have coffee and talk about multitasking and the importance of mindfulness in your day-to-day life and what I have been learning lately about this. Not what I have been doing perfectly, not what I've gotten down and I just have to tell you how to do it, but what I have been thinking about lately. What I've been noticing. What I’ve been working on in myself.

I've got a phone background that reminds me to take one thing at a time and be mindful. It's something that I think about in the morning when I wake up and at night when I look ahead at my day and look at my calendar and see what's going on in the next day, thinking how can I take each thing one at a time and really show up there where I'm going to be and not be doing a bunch of other things mentally at the same time.

So, let's talk about this.

This episode was really born out of, like I said, just what I've been learning, what I've been thinking about lately in my own personal real life. I love those episodes because I feel like even though it's one-sided, obviously you're not here with me, it feels like you are. It feels like we're just having a conversation and it's my turn to share. Do ever have a friend like that where you go out to coffee and she has her time to share what's been going on with her? You talk about that together for a little bit and you pour into her and then it's kind of like, well what's going on with you? What have you been learning? And then it's your turn to share. It kind of feels like that. Like it's my turn to share with you what I have been thinking about and that's what this is to me. That's where I'm at with this stuff.

This conversation actually started in one of my therapy sessions. I've shared a little before that I go to a therapist once every-other-week and it's just like self-care. It's just so good. Sometimes we have a lot to talk about and other times I don't really know why I'm going except that it's good for me. I believe in the power of taking care of yourself. I believe in therapy - if you have a good therapist - I believe in that. I've seen so much good come out of it. I'm so against those stereotypes of if somebody goes to therapy they’re really in the thick of a hard time, or they're really going through something or they're struggling with something, or they must be super depressed or on meds or something. I think that every single one of us could benefit from having a really, really good therapist. I've got a really good therapist and she's just a gem.

We were having a conversation and talking about this, and so this episode came out of a conversation with her and what I have seen in my own life lately. We were talking back and forth. We're both working moms and seeing in her life how she’s seen multitasking rob her of productivity and sweet moments and me sharing in my own life.

So, we had this conversation and I just really started to become aware of when do I find myself multitasking? Is it something that seems involuntary? Do I naturally tend to multitask because it's something that I choose to try to do in order to get more done?

How is this showing up?

After I had that conversation with Ann (Ann is my therapist) I started to be really aware and I noticed that it was both. I would find myself looking at my giant to-do list and thinking, “Okay, I can get this done while I go to this place. I can get that done while Brian drives our family to this thing. Then I can get this done while I'm going to the bathroom. I could think about this and make a decision about that while I take a shower.” I would ‘plan’ to multitask and I would also involuntarily fall into multitasking. Sitting in a moment, sitting in at one task and being present and showing up in just that task was really hard for me.

I started to get unsettled about that. I don’t like that. I want to live a little bit of a slower life. I like having a full life. I enjoy having a lot going on. I always have, it's just my preference in life. When I was having babies. I liked a very, very simple slow life for sure. But when I'm not in a specific season like that…this thing is a little bit harder…like for me having babies and really tiny toddlers, it's harder for me than having older kids. I know a lot of people feel the opposite, but for me, that was just my truth.

Normally when I'm in a season that’s not super difficult or anything for me, I like being busy. I like having a full schedule. I like having a lot going on. I really thrive in that. That doesn't mean that I have to multitask. It doesn't mean that I have to cram things in where they don't belong.

One example that I noticed this in was in my workouts. A few months ago, I hit a wall. I was making healthy choices, exercising and eating well but was just having hormonal issues. And a part of that was hitting a wall with weight loss. I had a goal to lose weight and just feel better. I just wasn't feeling good and I wasn't seeing the effects of my workout.

So, I decided, “You know, if this is my peak, if I'm going to have to kill myself physically in my workouts to lose more weight, I don't want to do that. I want to feel good. I want to do workouts that I enjoy, that work up a sweat, are good and difficult for me, and challenging for me, but don't make me hate getting up in the morning to exercise.” So, what I'm going to do is I'm going to level up and hire a personal trainer. Somebody who knows her stuff. And I'm going to really show up there and tell her what I'm struggling with, show up and work out and take care of my body. And if I lose the rest of the weight that I want to lose, great. If I don't, okay, well we'll figure that out. Cross that bridge when we come to it.

So, I took this step in my life and I started to go to this trainer and I found that after the the ‘honeymoon phase’ of exercising with her and having this trainer wore off, I started to just get irritated that I had made this choice. I started to feel like, oh great, now I have to get up early, go and do this and I don't want to. I have so many other things to do this morning.

You guys know that I'm usually a pretty early riser and so I would think, “I want to get up at five in the morning and I want to get my work done. I want to get this stuff out of the way. I have so many better things to do than work out. I'm over it. I'm not even there anymore. I don't even care anymore. This is so dumb.” But because of my personality type, how I show up and perform with accountability, I didn't want to feel like a quitter. I knew that I couldn't just back out because Carrie, my trainer, would ask me about it and check in with me. I knew that I needed to do this and I couldn't just back out and stop it. I could, but it's not how I wanted to live. You know?

You know what I'm talking about? You know when you feel like, “oh dang it, why did I have to get my ish together? Now you have to go to the stupid thing that's good for me and I don't even care anymore. I'm over it.” You know? Like that ‘honeymoon phase’ of “I'm going to get this together. I'm going to really level up. I'm going to really improve this part of my life.” And then you're just like, “Nevermind. I'm over it. I hate this.” That's kind of where I was at.

But I started to show up like that. I would drag myself out of bed and get ready for my workout. I would be multitasking on the drive to my workout. I would be voice texting and sending voice emails while I drove. Starting my work day. I would get to the workout and mentally be somewhere else. I would be planning my day, thinking about what I was going to do when I got home. I wasn't really showing up in my workouts and I was having little to no results.

And I started to think, “This is dumb. It’s money to have a personal trainer. It's time. It's a lot of effort. It sucks.” You guys, working out is probably one of my least favorite things to do ever. I'm not a person who enjoys exercise. But I am a person who thrives on accountability. So, it works for me, but not if I don't show up.

And so, after I was having this mindfulness conversation, this multitasking conversation with Ann, at therapy, I was like, “Okay, I wonder what would happen if I just showed up at my workout? Let's test this. Let's see.”

I did a little research and I encourage you to do the same, but science is pretty clear. Multitasking doesn't work. We are disheveled and scattered and we don't really do anything very well when we're doing things multiple things at the same time. There's even been studies that show that multitasking mentally makes you not have results in things that you're trying to do.

I wanted to see if this was true with my workouts. I decided for a couple of weeks I'm not going to work in any way, even mentally on the drives to my early morning workouts. I'm going to listen to worship music and just be in the moment, pray over my day, or sit in stillness and listen to the music. Get woke up and be thinking about my workout.

And when I get there I'm going to turn my phone off, put it in my bag. I would go to get a water break in between my workouts and tap on my phone screen to see if any of my emails had been responded to. Guys, I was just not there. I don't like working out. I was totally unpresent. I would check the time, like how many more minutes do I have to be here? I was just mentally not there. I was physically there because I had to be and that was it.

And so, I stopped that. I turned my phone off. I put it away. When it's time to stop the workout, the workout will be over and that's it. It was just me, my trainer, my water bottle, and me fully being there. I would focus on every movement, every squat, every bicep curl, every punch on the kickboxing bag, everything.

I would show up for it and I would notice I was way more sore. I was doing better. I was doing more. It felt like the things I was showing up and doing were actually having an effect on me. I noticed that I mentally felt so good when I would leave my workouts and it started to reawaken my excitement about why I did this whole thing in the first place. Why I got a trainer and decided to show up in this area of my life in the first place. It reinvigorated that fire in me and I would leave my workouts super amped up for the day. I would be so excited. I would have more energy. I felt mentally clear. That's the only word I can think of to describe it. I felt clear headed and focused.


Hey sweet friend, in case you haven't already heard, I've been talking about Unburdened a lot in my world lately because the doors are open and it's going away and I want you to hear about it before it does.

Unburdened is one of my online course programs. It's the second one that I created. The first one is minimalism and simplicity and intentional living for your home and your physical space. This one, Unburdened, is that for your life, your calendar, your schedule, your day structure. How do you structure your days and make sure you get the important things done, but not be tied down to a rigid schedule? Because not everyone wants that and that freaks some of us out, me included. Unburdened is everything for the overwhelmed mom who knows that she needs a life overhaul but is too overwhelmed to start and doesn’t know how to do that.

Unburdened lightens your load by taking you through a four-step framework that I have refined over the last three years.

Step 1: set boundaries for your phone and tech, for yourself and for others, to make space in your life for what really matters.

Step 2: take ownership of your time. Clear the calendar clutter. Create your ideal day. Set up daily and weekly rhythms so the important stuff gets done on autopilot and you're not having to constantly make sure you're thinking of it and remembering everything.

Step 3: implement a plan for doable self-care because you cannot give your family water if your well is dry.

And finally, step 4: get purposeful in your day-to-day life. Because how we spend our days is how we spend our lives.

If you're into this and you're like, “Oh my gosh, I need that,” guy's, the door's open!

Unburdened is normally $160. It's cut down to $99 and it's going away for a good long while.

So, the doors are open! They close really soon!  Go to alliecasazza.com/unburdenedlife.

Get all the details to get all the info and enroll.

I want to see you in there before the doors close.


I stopped needing to catch a little bit of a nap midday. I have said a lot of the time I'll wake up early and I'll just catch a little catnap in the middle of the day. I stopped needing that. I stopped needing that afternoon cup of coffee. Sometimes I would have it because it's a joy to me but I didn't need it. I didn't feel like, Ugg! I need coffee! Will you go get me one babe or can you put the coffee pot on for me? I really need coffee so I can finish doing this with the kids or whatever it was. I felt awake in my life.

Then I tried it with work. I’m always tempted to check my email while I'm in a meeting because it still looks like I'm looking at the screen when I'm in a meeting in a zoom room. I would check my email, multitask, respond to text messages, catch up on my phone, catch up on my email, catch up on Instagram comments. You know, I would do two things at once. I decided I'm not going to do that. When I'm writing, I am writing. My phone is off. I am focused.

When I'm in a meeting, I'm looking at that person. I'm looking in their eyes like we're in real time, like I do when I'm really with somebody, because I don't do that it in real life. I love showing up and using my body language and my facial expressions to make people feel valued, so I started to do that in my work. And of course, I felt like I knew exactly what was going on. I never got caught off guard in a conversation like I wasn't paying attention. My work started to be more productive. I would spend less time doing things and get more done because I wasn't allowing distractions and I wasn't distracting myself.

I have my life set up pretty well for not being too distracting. My phone doesn't really make noise or light up for really anything except phone calls or texts from Brian. My text message alerts are off. All of my apps are off. I only have Instagram on my phone. All the alerts for that are off. I have to open the app to see what's going on.

I realized that I was allowing myself to get distracted. I would pick up my phone and open it and look at stuff. I would open Instagram and decide to respond to comments in the middle of a writing session instead of focusing in and plowing through. “No, I'm writing until 11:30 and it's only 11:01. Why am I picking up my phone, letting myself take a break and get distracted?”  It's not good for the way that our brains work.

I stopped doing those things and my work improved. I was spending less time doing work, getting more done and the work was really good quality work. The writing was better. I was writing more powerful subject lines for the emails that I send to you guys. They were getting opened more because they were more enticing and exciting and I was focusing on that.

My Instagram started to blow up. I was just showing up better when I was writing the message I want to give you guys in my captions. They were captivating. They were getting more engagement. Everywhere that I showed up was increased just because I stopped multitasking and started focusing in on being mindful and present in each task.

Then I started doing it, (which I should have started here, but I didn't cause you know, I'm a human being, whatever) I started doing this in my motherhood. Putting my phone away out of sight, and sitting down on the floor.

Do you know how hard this is? Have you guys tried this? Sitting on the floor with your kids? I mean, real talk, you immediately start to think, “There's a billion things I could be getting done right now. I'd rather be doing a lot of things but this,” and that's just real talk. I'm sorry. I think a lot of us would agree.

Maybe some of you are like, “I would never feel that. Oh my gosh, I'm so shocked by this!” Unsubscribe. That's fine. You do you, it's okay. It was fun while it lasted. Maybe not, I don't know.

But I think most of us would get that and be like, “Yeah, that is how I feel. And I feel a little guilty about that.” Just throw that away, girl. Most of us feel that way. I feel that way. It's fine.

The last thing on this frigging earth I want to do with a giant task list, with a house to run, with a business to run, with social media that’s constantly blowing up, is sit on the floor and talk about Ninjas. That's the last thing I want to do. But I started to just try. And you know what? The world can wait. This moment is fleeting. These babies are growing up so fast, so dang fast. I'm just going to sit for a minute. And you know what happens when you sit on the floor? Your kids flock to you.

I sat on the floor and I took a deep breath and I made myself just be there and it was great. I was on the floor for a couple minutes and the kids came up, Emmett sat on my lap, snuggled me and started talking to me. The kids flocked over to where I was and started taking turns talking to me. It made me see how rarely I pause, sit and be mindful with them and that's not what I want.

I don't want it to be a rarity. It taught me a lesson and so now I try (key word…try). I am trying to make this a nightly thing, at least once at night when we're getting ready for bed or after we get ready for bed, to just sit on the ground. Maybe I have a cup of tea or a glass of wine or whatever, but at the end of the day just sit and be. Sit on the floor, be available, let Emmett sit in my lap and just take a deep breath and listen to my kids talk to me about their day.

This has basically replaced story time which was getting pushed out anyway. Let's just face it. I always say we have story time at bedtime but it would often be like, “no story time tonight. Go to bed.” I'm just being real with you guys.

I make myself do it. I don't want to do it. I rarely want to do that, but I'm making myself do it. And once I am sitting and I'm hearing about their day, even if I'm exhausted, it feels so good to be present and not be multitasking.

I'm learning that multitasking, it feels like you're getting a lot done. It feels like, “oh, I'm a woman. I can multitask.” Like you're getting a ton done and you’re making the most out of every moment, but actually you're making the worst out of every moment.

Multitasking totally creates this inner noise and this feeling of constantly being rushed and hurried. Because the truth is we can't show up at 2-5 places at once. We can't show up for a workout and mentally be at our desk two hours from now thinking about what we're going to be working on, or what we're going to make for dinner. You don’t get things done well.

You're doing these things, but they're not getting done well. Yeah, they're getting done. I'm not saying that multitasking is impossible. I'm just saying it's not effective and it's not the way that any of us truly want to live.

I'm learning to practice mindfulness in day-to-day tasks. It's so hard to do that, especially when you're a mom, but it is possible to slow down. It is possible to do it.

I'm going to give you guys a few action steps that I put in my phone for myself that I'm really working on doing and I'm inviting you to join me.

The first action step is bookend your day with stillness. And if you can't bookend your day, do what I'm doing and do it once a day, whether it's in the morning in the beginning of your day, or at the end of your day. Put some stillness in your day and be intentional about that.

Decide. Put an alert on your phone that goes off like, hey, it's time for some stillness and just sit on the ground. Be with your family.

I like to be with my family in the stillness because it connects me to them and reminds me that these people are here and they love me and I love them and I want to have memories with them. I want them to remember me sitting with them and talking to them. I care about what's going on in my kids’ day.

If I don't intentionally pause and ask about it, I'm never going to know and I'm going to miss out on a lot.

Bookend your day with stillness if possible. If not, pick one of the bookends, the beginning or the end of your day, and just create some stillness intentionally.

Next, find yourself multitasking? Stop. Just stop. I do it all the time.

You guys remember when I did my 30-days-no-yelling challenge with myself? This was years ago when we still lived in the Midwest and those of you who have been around a while might remember that. It was like that.  I had to put a rubberband around my wrist and snap myself whenever I started to yell. It wasn't a matter of like, oh, I stopped yelling and it's hard to remember to not yell. I would yell and I would have to stop myself. For a long time, out of those 30 days, it was almost impossible to not yell. I would start yelling and then stop, and then that turned into no longer yelling, and this is the same way.

I find myself multitasking almost constantly. It's a mental multitasking. That's what's killing me. You have to decide, “stop multitasking,” when you catch yourself doing it.

If you're doing something, don't let yourself, “okay, I'm going to respond to this text and down this cup of tea. I'm going to quickly respond to that email while the water's warming up so that I can do the dishes, and then I'm gonna do the dishes and I'm going to run and do this.” Just stop.

Are you going to do the dishes right now? Then do the dishes right now.

Side note: Let's say you're doing the dishes and you usually have some prayer time while you're doing the dishes. That's great. I'm not saying that. That's productive. You're good.

I'm saying that rushed, hurried feeling that you have to be doing everything at once. That you feel like you've got to respond to that email. Answer that phone call. Wash the dishes. Have the laundry going. Get the kids ready for baseball. All at the same time.

No. Pause. Stop multitasking. Be Present.

What needs to be done right now? Do you need a break? Do you need to drink a cup of coffee and take a breath? Do that. The dishes can wait a second.

Do you need to get the kids ready for baseball and get them fed? Okay. Help them find their baseball gear. Make some quick sandwiches. Just show up in that, in getting ready to get out the door. The dishes can wait there too.

Do you see what I'm saying?

The multitasking that makes you feel rushed, pushed, hurried and creates that inner noise, that inner loudness, that stress you feel in your gut. Stop that multitasking.

The next step that I'm working on is leaving room in my schedule for showing up fully in the thing that I'm at. So, not scheduling something immediately after something else. Giving myself some more white space. I used to be really good at this a couple of years ago and things just got so full of good things with the business growth, career success, the kids getting older and having different activities and sports and things they were into, and it just got so much, you know? I am trying to be good at this again.

Leave room in your schedule that allows you to show up fully in the thing that you're going to.

If you're going to have lunch with a friend, try to create a day that allows you to show up for your friend at lunch that you're not checking your phone, freaking out, and realizing that you have to go to a meeting after and you don't have notes ready for that meeting. Now you'll have to be thinking about what you're going to say at the meeting while your friend’s trying to talk to you about her marriage.

How can you show up fully for the thing that you are at?

Like I did with my workouts. How can I show up fully for where I'm going to be so that I'm really there? I'm showing up. I'm getting the most out of it. I'm being intentional with that thing.

This way we're not wasting time and money, right? We're not wasting anything. We're showing up fully where we say we're going to be at.

The other thing is just turn off your phone. Your phone begs you to multitask. I am seeing that so much.

I would encourage you, step one, get your phone settings set up the way I always talk about. This is the way that I have my phone set up. There's a free download that walks you through setting your phone up better.

That's step one, but sometimes you have to take it a step further and just turn the dang thing off and put it away. Put it in a drawer. Just get it out. It doesn't need to be a part of every moment of your day. This is something that I dive really deep into in my course Unburdened, which side note, is open right now for enrollment and it's going away for months.

But this is why we kind of start there when we get to the part about your schedule and you're structuring your days because the phone steals so much of your time.

And for some of us, the phone is our job. Like for me, the phone is my job. So, my screen time…on the iphone you can see your screen time…it's way higher than most of you, I bet. Because it's part of my job and that's okay. I'm good with that.

But I know when I'm getting something done and I'm enjoying the freedom of working when I'm on the go and not having to be tied to a desk versus when I'm allowing something to steal mindfulness from me, steal moments for me, when I'm allowing it to take over. And you know that too. You can feel it.

That's why this is something that we touch on major and dive deep into an Unburdened because it matters.

You've got to get your phone in its place. That's a huge part of mindfulness.

And the other thing, the other action step for you guys, and for me, is when things need to be done, like they have to be done for things to run smoothly, set them into a rhythm so you don't have to worry about it, and you don't have to constantly think about it. It's not pulling brain calories from you because you only get so many per day.

You don't even feel the need to multitask because the things that must get done - like the laundry so your family has clean underwear to wear, the dishes so your family has clean dishes to eat off of, the meal prep so your family has food to eat - those things that must get done for a successful smooth day are set into rhythms. They’re automated to different parts of your day that work for you, so you don't have to think about it.

It is just a part of your day. You quickly get it done and the rest of your day is open to your appointments, stuff on your calendar, the people in your life, whatever is going on in your specific day. Does that make sense?

Speaking of Unburdened, this is the core, the chunk of what this course does. Most people know me for teaching simplicity and minimalism in your home, Unburdened does that for your life, for your schedule, your calendar. To create a non-multitasking life. To create a mindful, focused life. Focused on the people. Focused on what matters to you so that you're not running around like crazy. You're not trying to find a pair of clean underwear while you're 30 minutes late to preschool drop-off. Because you've got the things that must get done set into simplified rhythms in your mornings and your evenings and your day is freed up for work or for whatever it is you fill your day with.

So, join me in just being better at not multitasking.

Let's work together to practice mindfulness in our day-to-day lives. And to show up fully wherever it is that you are.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 101: Stop Over-Complicating Decision Making

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We all do it. We all over-complicate decision making because sometimes it is easier to not make a decision than to take action on a decision. But unmade decisions carry unnecessary weight and unwanted stress that shouldn’t have to carry. Some decisions cannot be made right away and need time, but whenever they can be made right away, just do it. Just get it done. Do what you have to do to come to a decision as quickly as possible - then you won’t have to carry that load any more! On the flip side, if you have a big decision to make, I hope you find this episode helpful as I share how I process making decisions (and avoid over-complicating them!)

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • The weight unmade decisions carry.

  • Understanding the difference between decisions you can make now and decisions you have to process through before you can take action.

  • Various ways she processes through decisions.

  • The power of taking action even while you wait to make a decision (and what that actually looks like!)

Mentioned in this Episode:


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The Hassle to Harmony video series is open for enrollment right now! This is a FREEBIE I have been working on just for you! If you feel like your days are full of hassle, like the things that need to get done are not getting done, and that is causing you a lot of stress and chaos, I want to help you find harmony. This 5 day video series will help you structure your life, calendar, and daily rhythms and routines.

We are going to talk about boundaries for your phone and other people so that you are focused on what matters and not letting obligations, phone sounds, and beeps, buzes, and alerts constantly pull your attention from where it needs to be day to day. We are going to talk about rhythms and routines. We are going to talk about owning your time and shifting your mindset. We are going to talk about living with intent.

This is a LIVE thing so if you are listening to this episode when it first came out, hear me … this is happening right now! It is a totally free, 5 day video series. So it takes place over 5 days, 1 video each day. The videos are short and pointed! This series is designed by me to help you focus, prioritize, and clear the surface of your life. Don’t miss out of this FREE video series! Enrollment is open now!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.

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Hey friend! I want to quickly tell you about a free 5 day video series that I have been working super hard on creating just for you for the past couple of months. It is finally ready and free enrollment is open! This video series is called Hassle to Harmony and that is exactly what it is going to take you from and to. Basically, each day there is one short video that is going to redirect your perspective and get you refocused.

So, Day 1 is called “Quiet the Noise” and we talk all about your phone settings and setting yourself up to not be constantly distracted from what is right in front of you. Day 2 and Day 3 are about rhythms; Day 2 is for daily rhythms and routines, Day 3 is for weekly rhythms and routines. Day 4 is all about owning your time and shifting your mindset out of victim mode when it comes to time and how much time we have. Day 5 is all about how to live with intent, because you don’t get to where you want to go by accident, only on purpose. I really want you in here! It is going to be so good!

This is not something that is going to be open for forever, this is a live freebie sort of thing. Enrollment is open now and it is free! The videos will go live on April 8th and only be available for a few days. So after Day 5 is over, they will be gone and off the internet. This is something you will want to partake in while we are going through it together. To get this free video series go to Hassle to Harmony. I can’t wait for you to see this!


Hey beauties! Welcome back to The Purpose Show, or welcome if this is your first time listening! I'm so excited because today we've got another stop-over-complicating pep talk episode. I love these!

We've been doing them for a little while. There are several if you wanted to go back and find them. Basically, what this is…I guess it’s like a personal philosophy that I have in my own life. I try to simplify everything that I can. It stems from minimalism, my story, and my own personal motherhood of how my life was before and then how I came to figure out that my problem and why I was struggling with depression, overwhelm, I was yelling at my kids and snapping at my husband, nagging, and just not the person that I wanted to be in any of my close relationships because everything was overstuffed and over complicated.

As I purged that physical clutter, it taught me something philosophical about the internal stuff too. I found that we overcomplicate things so much of the time from healthy eating, housework, marriage, relationships, and things like making decisions.

So, the stop-over-complicating series is just kind of an ongoing thing that I do when inspiration strikes.

I was going through my Instagram messages, as I do sometimes, and looking for the types of things that make episodes that you guys need, and this came up a lot. Then I had a conversation with a friend over lunch that lined up with this and I was just like, “It's happening. This is showing up in my path over and over again. We're going to do a stop-over-complicating episode about making decisions.”

First, what you need to know is that unmade decisions weigh you down. When you know that something needs to be decided, you've got to decide something that you're going to do, big/small/whatever, unmade decisions wear you down. It's like a mental clutter. It affects us. It makes us feel stressed.

Some decisions, I realize, cannot be made right away and need time, but whenever they can be made right away, just do it. Just get it done. Do what you have to do to come to a decision as quickly as possible.

For example, today I was going about my day. I've got my schedule. I've got my to-do list. I'm just getting stuff done. And something small came up. My COO got in touch with me and she was like, “Hey, I just need you to look over the two emails that I sent you. Could you do that?” And I said, “Sure.” I started to add it to my to-do list and I stopped myself and thought, “This is adding length to my to-do list. I'm sitting at my computer right now and I'm not in the middle of anything. I could just check them right now.” So, I checked them right away and got it done. Then the decision was made. Everything was out of the way and my to-do list didn't get any longer. It only took me a couple minutes.

Try to avoid adding things to your to-do list and just get it done whenever possible. Don't interrupt important work, but whenever possible, just get it out of the way. Because when things linger and they're not finished, unmade decisions are lingering, it weighs us down and it causes stress. It literally causes your cortisol to rise.

We need to get decisions off of our plate whenever we can. So, call whoever is involved and talk through it real quick, go for a walk and pray about it, ask God to show up and He totally will, for those smaller decisions like are we going to do this trip? Are we going to send that email? Are we going to have dinner with your parents? Whatever it is, just get it off your plate whenever you can.

But sometimes decisions are bigger and you need more time, or some other circumstances outside of the dry decision need to fall into place for you to know what to do.

I want to share with you guys my mental process on making decisions. The reason is I get asked a lot how we seem to make so many really big decisions so often, and so confidently.

First of all, I want to say that that is just the outsider's view on the inside. On the inside obviously I'm not live streaming on Instagram me and Brian fretting over a decision or arguing because we think we should do something different than the other person thinks. You're not seeing all of that. But I will say that our life is really full and really intense.

There's a lot of things that are a byproduct of our business and the fact that we're seen that bring up a lot of big decisions. We've made a lot of big decisions. We've made them very publicly and we've even gone back on them very publicly. Both of those are decisions…like making the initial decision and then making the decision to not move forward anymore with the original decision, to change our minds. We do make those decisions very confidently because of the process in making decisions that we have in place.

I'm going to just share my personal decision making process.

First of all, I'm an external processor, so I need to talk things out. I will grab my husband and we will go for a walk around the block and just talk through something. I will literally just go up to him and say, “Hey, I really need to talk something out.”

Ashley, she's on my team. She runs the podcast and my schedule. She and her husband were hanging out with me and Brian in Nashville and I saw her doing the same thing. And I know she has the same personality type as I do, or the same number on the Enneagram, and I know that she's also an external processor, which is one of the reasons that we work so great together because we can talk things out and come to decisions very quickly and effectively.

I saw her do the same thing to her husband, Billy. She said, “Hey babe, will you pause real quick? I need to talk something out with you.” She said a few sentences and came to her own decision without Billy really even doing anything. And that's exactly how it works for me.

Brian is an internal processor. We talked about this in our marriage episode. I don't remember which episode it was, but I'll find it and link to it for you guys in the show notes. We talked about our difference in personalities and how it can cause conflict, but how we work through it and make it work for us instead of against us.

One of the things that is a part of that is the fact that he processes internally, so it'll seem like he's not listening because he's just quiet and still because he's thinking, and I have to talk it out.

When I need to make a decision, I've got to talk it out. So, if I need to call Hayley (that's the COO that I mentioned earlier) and talk something out with her for a business decision, or if I need to go for a walk with Brian, if I need to just pace downstairs while Brian sits and does nothing and just talk it out, but there's gotta be another person there and I've got to be talking it out to that person.

Even if they just sit and do nothing and they don't contribute to the conversation, I've got to talk it out. It's weird. I wish I could change it because it's unfortunate when I am running a business. I wish I could just sit and think about something and come to a decision, but I can't. I have to process it out loud. There has got to be another living body there.

So that is one of the things that I do. There's no shame in that if you're resonating with that and you're like, “Oh, I think I'm an external processor.” To learn to talk it out, get your people in your corner and talk it out. Offer to take your mom to lunch and just talk it out with her or get the kids in the car and go for a little drive and just talk things out with your husband.

Figure out a way for you to be able to do that because as you talk it out you work through the problems. 95% of the time you come to your own conclusion without the other person even doing anything, or doing much of anything. You just needed to start your brain flow. The way that external processors start their brain flow and get it flowing is by talking it out.


Hey girl! Ok, I am interrupting what I was talking about because I want to tell you about this one more time. I feel like when you are listening to a podcast, they are talking about stuff and most people have ads and sponsorships from other companies and stuff like that. But this is important and I don’t want you to tune it out!

The Hassle to Harmony video series is open for enrollment right now! This is a LIVE thing so if you are listening to this episode when it first came out, hear me … this is happening right now! It is a totally free, 5 day video series. So it takes place over 5 days, 1 video each day. The videos are short and pointed! This series is designed by me to help you focus, prioritize, and clear the surface of your life.

I help a lot of women in my course, Your Uncluttered Home, clear the surfaces in their homes, declutter, and implement minimalism but this is for your life, calendar, and structure of your days. I am going to help you set up a few rhythms that are going to help you function really well. It is called Hassle to Harmony for that very reason: because if your days are feeling really hassled, the things that need to get done are not getting done, there is a lot of stress and chaos.

We can help harmonize that, and sync it up to where it needs to be.

We are going to talk about boundaries for your phone and other people so that you are focused on what matters and not letting obligations, phone sounds, and beeps, buzes, and alerts constantly pull your attention from where it needs to be day to day. We are going to talk about rhythms and routines. We are going to talk about owning your time and shifting your mindset. We are going to talk about living with intent. This is legit stuff! We are dealing with big issues here! I really want you in there.

Again, this is something that is happening LIVE. So you can’t listen to this episode in the future and go back and get this. It is happening live right now! The opening for free enrollment is right now - again, totally free! You can go to Hassle to Harmony and sign up for free! You will get 1 video for each. After Day 5, these videos are going to be removed. So you want to not only sign up live, take part in the videos, open those emails, watch the videos when they come to you so that you can take in this content while it is here. Once again, that link to sign up for FREE is Hassle to Harmony.


Another idea, especially for those who might be more internal processors, is to journal through it or do a pros/cons lists. Something with pen to paper. There's power in that. Just start journaling. Just start writing. Open up your journal and just write, “I'm in the middle of making a decision about whether or not to take this job” or “I'm in the middle of making a decision about how to handle this disciplinary issue with this child.” Whatever it is, just start writing.

It doesn’t have to make sense. It doesn’t need to be pretty or perfect. Just start writing a sentence. When your pen starts to flow, your brain starts to flow and you will have no more issues journaling through this problem. And pros/cons lists…old school, but it’s amazing. They work. Try it.

I also want to talk about another part of my mental process of making decisions is just sleeping on it.

Studies show that our subconscious actually works things out for us while we sleep, and that's an amazing, amazing gift that our bodies and our brains give us. So, give your decisions some time to air out. Give it some space and watch what happens while you sleep.

So many times I will go to bed not really knowing what to do about something, just kind of sifting it around in my brain a little bit. I'll talk it out with Brian and go through the evening like that, and not really come to anything exactly. But I'll go to sleep and I'll wake up and I'll know what to do.

This also happens when I need an idea for something, like a business idea or a way to communicate something to the kids for homeschooling, and I just can't really figure it out. I'll go to sleep and just ask myself, “What could I do to teach them this important topic in an effective way? What's going to work for my kids?” And I go to sleep with that, and wake up in the morning and have the answer. Try it. Sleep on it. See what happens.

Another piece of the process for me is imagining the details of each choice, each option. Take a second and imagine that I chose option A and walk down that path of my life with that choice. Visualize the details.

Let's say that you're trying to decide if you're going to homeschool or send your kids to school. That's a big decision. So, imagine the details. Imagine yourself homeschooling your kids. Imagine the hard days, the frustrations, what conversations might be had, how you might feel, how they might feel. How will your child's personality show up as a homeschooled kid? How will your personality show up as a homeschooling parent?

Imagine the days. Imagine them being there when you wake up. What would you guys do in the morning? What time of day would you start school? Imagine, feel yourself walking through your life (not your life, cause that's overwhelming) but a couple of days as this decision has been made, we are homeschooling. Let yourself feel what it feels like to live in that decision.

Then option B, sending them to school. Imagine the details of getting them a backpack. Packing them up each day, having to wake them up early. Imagine the pros and the cons of each choice. The con of homeschooling...it's hard having your kids there all the time. Imagine yourself doing that.

But that's also a pro. How does it feel to enjoy every moment with them?

Sending them to school…con…they don't get to rest in the morning until they're ready to wake up. They've got to get up super early and jump on it and get ready for school. Pro…you have time in your day where you are a little bit separate so it makes being together all that much sweeter.

Let yourself live out each option. Imagine yourself living in it. Sometimes you get a gut feeling…one feels really great even though it's a little scary and feels hard and you're not sure but still you know that it's right.

That's mostly my process for making decisions. I hope that was helpful.

Just going over it before I move on…talking it out because I'm an external processor. Journaling through it or making a pros/cons list. This is helpful for internal processors. Sleeping on it. Giving decisions time and space and just seeing what happens in the morning. Imagining the details of each choice option. See how I feel living in each decision in my head.

I also want to talk about something that I see happening all the time. I think it's important. Obviously, it's important for me that I pray about my decisions. That's something that I do for pretty much everything, like ridiculously small things and huge things.

But I think it's also really important to walk forward while you pray and think about what to do. Don't just stand still until you know everything for every step of the way.

One example is for when we were buying a house. We didn't really know what we were supposed to do, where we were supposed to live. A house came up in front of us and we just walked forward and moved forward with buying it. We had just started to like, “Okay, we're going to pray about this, we’re going to move forward feeling pretty good about this. We are just going to move forward until the door closes.”

There's power in doing something while you wait until you know what you should do. And there's power in that type of faith in action because lots of people wait to “hear from God” before they do anything. But God so often shows us what He wants for us by opening and closing doors as we walk up to them. So, praying, “God, show us. If you don't want this house for us, let it not work out. Just give us a hard ‘no,’ give us peace about walking away and canceling this deal. Don't let it work out in some way.” And God did that for us with the house.

And He'll do that for you with whatever your decision is.

One quick thing to note…sometimes living this way makes you look silly. It makes you look fickle. It makes you look like you don't have your ‘you know what’ together. You know, like, “Oh, we're moving across the country.” Actually, no we're not, but who cares?

This is your life. The one and only. Live boldly. Walk forward. Prayerfully move on. Stop feeling bad about changing your mind.

Also go listen to episode 17. It's called, “it's okay to change your mind.” It's amazing and powerful. It's another pep talk and I think you might need it if you're listening to this one and vibing with what I'm saying.

I just think there's something to be said about not sitting still and waiting for God to tell you, “This is exactly what I want you to do. This is exactly how it's going to feel. This is exactly what's going to happen.” So often that’s not how He works.

So, pray and move forward. Start walking. Start going towards something that you feel good about. Ask God to align your heart with His. Ask Him to align what you're doing with His will, but move forward as you walk and pray and seek out what is right.

Sure, you might look silly and people might think, “Hey, I thought you were taking that job,” or “I thought you were going to homeschool,” or “I thought you were moving.” And you're going to be like, “No, that ended up not working out.”

Who cares? It's okay to change your mind and it's okay to just walk forward.

Stop over-complicating decision making. It's stressing you out. It's not worth it.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.