With the growth of my podcast and my business, I have come to this point where I really want to make sure I can be myself. I want to let that guard down and be who I am without fear of what people will think or say about me! It's easy to accidentally misunderstand somebody and think of them as a perfect being with all these beautiful photos on Instagram. And recently, I've been feeling a lot more comfortable with being vulnerable and it's making me more authentic, which I hope is making you guys feel more connected to me.
I hope this episode just breaks it down and makes me real. I'm here with you. My kids are young. I'm still figuring this out. I'm just always reworking things and trying to be the best version of myself so that I can help you guys and connect with you. I don't want to just teach you things and make you think I'm perfect, my family has it all together, and I have it all figured it. Because that is not true! And so, cheers to a lot more connectivity, a lot more honesty, a lot more fun social media posts, fun podcast episodes that are still super helpful, but help you see me as human.
In This Episode Allie Discusses:
The standard and pressure she faces because of her message and what she teaches.
How guilty she feels for being exhausted at times when it comes to her business and having to turn things down.
Why she chooses to delegate certain responsibilities in her home and business to other people.
The reality of mom guilt and having to push through not wanting to do things with your kids.
Mentioned in this Episode:
If you feel like your house is just always out of control, it's totally crazy and you'd love to take some of the advice I give here on The Purpose Show, and my blog, but you just kind of feel like you're so frozen and overwhelmed, you can't even.
I created a new challenge. It's called the 10:10 challenge. It's super, super simplified. This whole thing is 10 minutes a day every day for 10 days.
It’s going to build a happier mom and a happier home for your family.
who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?
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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.
Hey, beautiful listeners! Welcome to another episode of The Purpose Show. I'm so glad that you're here!
I don't know how you found me - if you've been here from the get-go or if somebody shared this with you or you found it randomly, but I do believe you're here listening for a reason and whatever that reason is, I'm just really, really glad to have you and I want you to know that.
This episode could be really fun for you guys. I am getting vulnerable and messy today in this episode and I'm sharing 5 super honest things that I'm afraid to share with you.
So, let me preface this episode with something. I'm not really a person who reacts or acts out of fear at all. I am kind of a risk taker. I think that's one thing that makes me a good entrepreneur.
I don't typically care what other people think. It can be a strength and also a weakness in that I can come off as insensitive sometimes. I just don't tend to kind of worry and act a certain way, just in case, because I don't want to be perceived as something. I just tend to not really live my life that way.
But recently, just with a lot of the success and growth that's come my way, I've been kind of freaked out by just larger numbers, more people and that always leads to more comments and messages. It's not all negative. It's not that people are messaging me terrible things or anything. I mean, sure, that happens every once in a while and that's just part of the job, but it's more so that the questions that come in kind of have undertones of expectations for me.
And that's been really weird for me and hard. I don't know if that even makes any sense, if you understand what it is I mean by that, but things like, “Hey Allie, here's my situation, and I was wondering what do you do about _____? How do you stay on top of this thing?” All of those questions, while they're perfectly fine questions and I always welcome your guys' feedback, questions, messages or whatever, they have this underlying tone of “You’ve got it all together, so I wanted to know how you do this.”
And a lot of the time the question is something that I either don't really think about. I'm very, very much not a Type A person. I don't overthink. I don't plan everything. Routine and structure is something I've had to teach myself because I'm very spontaneous. I can be organized in certain ways, but I'm just not “super plan-y” and I don't analyze everything that I do, so sometimes I just don't really know an answer to that.
And it's been weird for me because I kind of subconsciously, just like automatically wanted to come up with an answer and I'd be like, “Oh my gosh, why don't I know the answer to that? That seems like something that I would have an answer to, but I don't really know.” And I've had to really learn to be okay with, “I don't know” or “Hmm, I haven’t really thought that deeply about it. Now that I'm thinking about it, I guess I usually do this or if that was my situation I might do this.”
But really, if you've ever messaged me on Instagram and you've been one to ask me one of those questions, you'll find that a lot of the time my answer is kind of like “I would maybe do this, but to be honest it's not really something that I worry about or focus on.”
I'm prefacing this episode with this before I get into the honest things because I feel like I fell backwards into this life where a lot of things that I do and say are analyzed. And sometimes it feels like I'm living in a fishbowl.
It's not that there's fame or anything. I'm just a blogger with a small platform. But there are some people looking and it feels weird and it's vulnerable and difficult. And I know how mean people can be. And I don't want to let anyone down. I think that's a big issue for me. Just being a stereotype oldest child, I don't want to let anyone down, and I feel the need to carry the load. And so, I do. And I kind of try to hold it all together. But honestly, guys, sometimes I just don't know.
And that thought, and just journaling through that thought a couple months ago, has really empowered me to be more “me,” especially on social media. And it's been a really neat journey. I've just been letting down my guard and opening up and be like “this is who I am and if I rub you the wrong way or I say something that you don't believe or you don't like the way I answered something, that's okay. You don't have to stay here and I'm not here to make sure you stay.”
I'm here to serve the person that I can serve and I can't serve somebody who I rub the wrong way. I can't serve somebody who doesn't believe in some of the core things I talk about and that's okay.
So things like just being myself. The way that I parent my kids. And I love Jesus, but I cuss a little. Things like that. I can't care anymore. And just letting that guard down and being who I am has been so huge for me. And I hope it's shown up. I really do hope it's shown up lately. I've just been feeling a lot more comfortable and it's making me more authentic. And I think it's connecting me more to you guys. Those of you who are my people and are the ones that I'm supposed to serve.
So, in journaling through some of these “heart issues” a couple months ago, I started to write down some of the things that I would just struggle with sharing, that are kind of a part of the facade that I haven't really like consciously built up. Like, “Oh, I gotta be put together. I got to be fake. I got to make sure they see me as this.”
I'm not about that. I've never been about that. But it's almost just been this like automatic subconscious thing that I've built up like, “I need to have an answer to this.” I have just kind of worked it down and broken that down.
I'm going to share a few things that I noticed came up a lot when I was just kind of working through this, praying about it, journaling through it, and asking myself, “What are the things that I feel like I need to uphold that are just total B.S. and not me at all?” And so, I thought, after I made that list, that it would be a good episode and just kind of challenge me to step out even more and share with you guys with those things are.
So that's kind of the basis of this episode. That's where it came from and it's just something that I'm working through. And The Purpose Show is about a lot of things. It's about motherhood and life, trying to find balance and living an abundant, full, good, happy life, right where you're at.
Not waiting for your kids to get older and not waiting for your money to increase. Not waiting for everything to be perfect, but enjoying it right now. And so much goes into that, that it's hard to kind of put my finger on what is The Purpose Show?
And so, The Purpose Show is about what I'm going through. What I'm learning. What you guys are asking and me sharing what I know with you and just connecting with you. And so, I think The Purpose Show will ebb and flow, like the rest of my blog and my business has, as I've evolved as a person, as we all do.
I think that this is just kind of a step in a new direction. Just vulnerability (and pronouncing words correctly) and just getting real and sharing this is who I am. It's easy to accidentally misunderstand somebody and make them up to this perfect being with all the beautiful photos. I'm sharing helpful tips and tricks and I think that can easily be misconstrued as perfection and that's not what I want at all.
And so, if there's any chance that I have accidentally done that, I hope this episode just breaks it down and makes me real. I'm here with you. My kids are young. I'm still figuring this out. I'm just always reworking things and trying to be the best version of myself so that I can help you guys and connect with you. I don't want to just teach you and be above you and I'm perfect. I don't want that.
So, that's kinda where I'm at and let's dive in to 5 super honest things I'm afraid to share with you.
So, the first thing is that motherhood is hard. It's dang hard. Life is messy. It isn't perfect and I never said it was for me. But that's the standard I feel like I'm being held up to a lot of the time because of what I do, what I talk about, and the picture that social media and the internet puts in front of you guys, no matter what. I love beautiful photos but I feel like in my captions I'm pretty real and pretty honest. I share a lot of my flaws, mistakes and things that I'm learning. But even with that I feel like I kind of get put on a pedestal. And I do it. I do it with influencers that I admire for sure.
But I feel like what I want to say to you is I change my mind all the time. I'm a normal human being and what works for me in one season doesn't work as well in the next. For example, waking up at 5:00 a.m. I haven't been doing that for a couple months. I did that for maybe two years solid. And at one point (I've shared this before) I woke up at 4:00 a.m. when I was starting my business while Brian still worked at his job.
So, I've changed a lot. Now, I've been waking up a little bit later, maybe around 6:45-7:00 a.m. and just letting my body wake me up. Having a different type of productive morning because my kids are older and they don't wake up at 5:00 a.m. and need me. I don't have to quick, jump up and be ahead of them. I can send them down for breakfast and have my daughter pour cereal. They do the dishes and they start their busy work for school on their own without me. I can come down and get my coffee, check that everyone's good and then come upstairs, shut my door and have my quiet morning time without it being dark outside still.
And it's funny because people talk to me like I never change anything. Like I'm a robot who always does the same thing that I shared before and never, ever changes. It's a really weird pressure. And then when I openly share, “Oh actually I don't do that in this season, but when I did, here's how I handled it,” people act like I just shredded a Bible or something. Like I shocked and offended them and I have betrayed their trust.
It's funny and also really terrible. It's kind of an awful pressure to feel. But what I've realized is that I don't need to live by that pressure. That pressure doesn’t need to be on me. If somebody else is putting that on me, that's their issue, not mine. It's okay to change and to go with the ebb and flow of your life. We're made for seasons. God created the seasons on the earth and there are so symbolic of us as human beings. We're created for seasons. We need seasons. We’re made to not stay in the same thing for very long. Things change. Kids grow up. Schedules shifts. You get busy and then you get less busy. I talk about that all the time too. We just are leaving a really calm, fun season of no calendar commitments, lots of fun day trips and travel, and kind of coming into, okay, we've got baseball, softball, piano lessons, Spanish class. Homeschooling is back on. Theater class on Thursday nights. We're doing all these things. It's busy and full and very regimented.
So, you know, maybe as we head into this season, I might start to wake up a little bit earlier again. I don't know. But I haven't been in that season. And if I still was, if I was forcing myself to be a robot and just keep waking up super, super early because I said I would and everyone expects me to – man, what a joyless life. And in a weird way I’d actually be being really hypocritical and not living my abundant life in this specific season because I feel like I have to be upheld to what I once said worked for me.
So, I feel like it's a weird situation. It's definitely specific to what I do in my job, but it's so funny. Anytime I say like, “Oh, I don't really do that anymore,” people just act shocked and it's just put a weird pressure on me. And so, one of the things that I'm super honest with you about today is that I'm not perfect. Motherhood is hard. Things ebb and flow. I'm always changing and always looking for what's going to work next and I feel like it's like a weird thing that I'm not allowed to do that.
If you feel like your house is just always out of control, it's totally crazy and you'd love to take some of the advice I give here on The Purpose Show, and my blog, but you just kind of feel like you're so frozen and overwhelmed, you can't even. I created a new challenge. It's called the 10:10 challenge. It's super, super simplified.
It's email based so you can open the emails and take it at your own pace. And even the emails are a few sentences. It's really, really simplified.
This is designed for the really overwhelmed mom who wants to kickstart her house and build some momentum, because as I always talk about - momentum is where it's at to making progress, actually taking action, and having that longevity of action that's going to change your life in the long run.
So the 10:10 challenge. This whole thing is 10 minutes a day every day for 10 days.
It’s going to build a happier mom and a happier home for your family.
To take this challenge, (it's totally free by the way) go to alliecasazza.com/1010.
The second thing is I want to share that what I do is friggin’ exhausting and I struggle with feeling guilty that I'm exhausted by it because it's a huge blessing.
So, things like being an introvert and hosting a podcast. Hosting my podcast entails coming up with content ideas, outlining what I'm going to say, thinking of, okay, I want to make sure I don't miss this point, and really focusing - even meditating - on a topic to make sure that I don't leave anything out that could come out of me that would serve you really well for this particular topic.
It involves talking to celebrity guests, people that I admire and deeply look up to. That's a lot of stress and pressure. That involves reading their books. Researching them. Getting to know them. Making sure I've got down how many kids they have. If they're married, who they're married to. What are some of their likes and dislikes? What's a way that I can connect with them when they first get on the call and we're recording? Prepping for those interviews is completely nerve wracking and just don't even count the anxiety leading up to that interview. I think about it every day. It's a lot of pressure.
My job also involves live streaming and being very “on” and vulnerable. That's my calling. I know it's my calling. I know it's what I'm supposed to be, but it takes a lot out of me. Sometimes I feel guilty, based on some of the looks and responses I've gotten expressing how exhausting my job is. I feel guilty sometimes that I'm exhausted by it because I'm really blessed. I get to do what I love. I get to help other moms. I get to sit behind my desk and write from my passion, about my passion.
I get to talk to authors that everybody looks up to. And it's all good. But it is exhausting. I work so hard. I'm constantly coming from a place of servitude for you guys because I love you so crazy much. You would be weirded out by how much I love you. You specifically listening. I adore you and I am here to serve you. That's why I create my courses. That's why I do this podcast. That's why I go out on a ledge and make myself a nervous wreck to interview these amazing guests to bring on the show for you guys. I adore you and that is freaking exhausting.
There was a situation recently where I was around some people that I know and I had to take a phone call from Ashley, who does my podcast work for me, and she had texted me like, “Hey, I know you're busy, but I really have some time sensitive things that I need to go over with you. Just two seconds. Can I call you?” I said, “Yes.”
We got on the phone and I stepped away from the group of people that I was near. I was on the phone and I was just trying to deal with the issue, talk to Ashley. I had said the sentence, “Yes, that's fine. Just make sure that you don't schedule a guest interview on the same day as I have a webinar because that would be completely exhausting.” I overheard somebody in the group of people that I was near… I know these people. I was related to them and they are friends. I heard one of them say, “Oh my God, that does sound exhausting. Doesn't it?” And the other person was like, “Yeah, super exhausting! Oh my God, I’m just so exhausted even just hearing about it.”
I overheard that and I'll never forget it. It just wrecked me. It really, really deeply hurt my feelings because that's one of my biggest fears, that I would come off as annoying, ungrateful, I don't know, unrelatable I guess.
These points that I'm going through, they really don't have any wrap up. I'm just sharing. There's no end-all, be-all point to this episode. Just complete vulnerability and sharing with you that I'm a human being and these things happen. They’re big fears of mine.
So that is the second thing, that what I do is exhausting and I struggle with feeling guilty that I'm exhausted by such a huge blessing that I get to do for you guys. It's one of those things like runners in the marathon. They bleed. They hurt their legs. They bust their knees. They wreck their bodies for it. They don't have to do it, but they do it because they love it and the pain is part of the thrill and the passion. That's how I feel about what I do. I'm not going to ever stop because of these things, because it's exhausting, because I get anxious before I talk to a guest, because I have to be “on” all the time and I'm an introvert.
I know that I am right where God's called me to be and I am fulfilling my passion and my purpose and I get to do that and I get to get paid for that. That's incredible. I believe that's abundant life. That's where the sweet spot is for all of us. But I get exhausted from that and that's okay.
The next thing that I want to share with you is I don't want to do a lot of things and I feel guilty about not wanting to do those things. Do you see how these things, a lot of them are centering around guilt? I think we all struggle with guilt in some way and this is one way where it's just really been hitting me hard lately. What I mean by that is I don't want to do a lot of things. Playing with my kids, cooking for my family, homeschooling my kids.
These are all things that I do that I talk about all the time and I don't really want to do any of those things. I don't really like cooking. I have ways that I can create an atmosphere that I enjoy more, like putting some music on, lighting a candle, cooking a meal that’s not going to take me more than 30-40 minutes, maybe having a glass of wine while I cook, but I really don't like cooking.
I really don't want to play with my kids. Unless it's Super Mario brothers, I don't want to play with my kids. And I talk a lot about being a present mom who's able to sit and play with her kids instead of showing them a way to go play so she can clean. I'm trying to make a point about your time, your life and your joy, but I think because of that, people think that I want to play with my kids all the time and they're like, “What happens if you don't really want to play with your kids though?”
I don't either, but I want more for them to have memories of me being with them, so I do it. I don't really love homeschooling my kids. I shared this on Instagram recently. I really don't like homeschooling. I really don't. But I love the benefits of the lifestyle of homeschooling. The flexibility. The freedom. The time that I get to pour into my kids. It's seven hours more per weekday that they're with me instead of away from me, and I think that's really huge for my kids specifically.
So, there's a lot of things that I talk about that I do that I don't want to do. I have no passion for sitting on the floor and building Legos, that's for sure. And sometimes I feel guilty about that, but I'm throwing that out and calling it total B.S. Nobody wants to play with their kids all the time, but it's something that I work towards, that I do and that I talk about because I think it's important, and I want the results of that more than I want the thing.
So, anyone who's ever heard me talking about playing with your kids or saying, “let's play” instead of “go play,” I'm talking about having a life that allows that for you, and doing it every once in a while because you love your kids and you want them to have memories of you being present with them, not constantly cleaning and maintaining a life that you didn't get to live. I don't want to play with my kids, so don't feel guilty if that's you too.
The next thing is I want you to know and just be super honest, that I don't do it all. I am such a huge believer in delegating you guys. I think because I help other moms simplify their lives and streamline their roles so that they can do it all easier and enjoy the process more, I think because of that, everyone assumes that I do everything in my own life myself and I don't.
I've shared about this before, but I have a housekeeping team that comes every week and I would gladly sign up for three times a week if I could. I order predetermined meals from a food service and then I cook from what they send me and half the time Brian's the one that cooks them. I have a personal assistant who makes returns and runs basic errands for me. They even went to the DMV for me the other day and I signed a form that gave them the right to make decisions about my vehicle for me. I have a team of people, there's like 9 or 10 of them now, that are full time contractors who help me run the business. I don't do it all.
So, if you've been believing that… I've haven't been afraid to tell you that one. I feel like I'm pretty open about it, but I always want to take the opportunity to say again I do not do it all. I believe in delegating.
If I did it all, I wouldn't be able to be here talking with you. There is absolutely no way that I could homeschool my kids, run this business, keep a perfectly clean house, be caught up on the laundry, run all my errands, make sure my target list is always checked off, make sure that I've got all the cleaning supplies that I need, make sure that the groceries are shopped for and everything is stocked. Make sure my husband is happy and we're good. Our relationship is good. That I could show up and be present for our once a week date nights. There is no freaking way.
If that is your life and you're trying to do at all, please stop. Find something to delegate. Just something. Get a VA, get a personal assistant. You don't have to work to have one. Hire a college kid and have them run your errands for you. Do something. I don't do it all.
The last thing that I want to share with you is that I'm a businesswoman and I love that side of what I do. I don't want to talk about mom stuff all the time. I am so passionate about my mission to help other moms lighten their load, but I am also super passionate about entrepreneurship and running a business.
I would rather talk about marketing than motherhood most of the time. That's something that's been really heavy on me lately, and just feeling like the stress and guilt of, man, what is this gonna look like? How am I going to transition this? I feel less joy when I'm in my business talking about motherhood things. How would I bring in entrepreneurship and what I do? I don't know how it's gonna shake out you guys, but that's just one of those things that I always feel weird about. It’s starting to come up in me as I evolve as a person.
Again, just like waking up early in some seasons and not in others, I'm evolving as a person. And the fact that I would mostly like to talk about marketing, branding, blogging and creating courses, creating a life that you love and crazy amazing revenue in a business that you could start from home with almost no overhead. That is amazing to me. That is something that I am very passionate about and I really never get to talk about it. I do some like private coaching with friends just because I love it, for free, which usually when you're doing something like that, it means that you should start doing that as a business and charge for it. We'll see what happens there, but that's just one of those little secrets about me that I always feel weird about and I just felt like I wanted to share it.
So, there you have it. 5 super honest things that I'm afraid to share with you. I hope that this episode was just fun for you to hear. I hope it humanized me a lot because I'm pretty sick and tired of not feeling that that's how you guys see me. I love you guys and I want to connect with you for real. Cheers. I'm holding my Starbucks coffee up right now because my coffee machine broke this morning and I've got Starbucks. Cheers to a lot more connectivity, a lot more honesty, a lot more fun social media posts, fun podcast episodes that are still super, super helpful, but help you see me as human.
This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.
Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.
I am always rooting for you, friend!
See ya next time!