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Archives for May 2015

How to Stop Checking Your Phone All the Time

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“Time is what we want most, but we use worst.”

— William Penn

 

We live in a day that a post with this title is completely necessary, and although that is sad to me, I’ve been a part of the problem myself.

I’ve been on both ends- sitting with a friend who is checking her phone while I’m awkwardly waiting for her to put it down and engage in conversation with me, and being the one who realizes it’s been a minute since I checked my phone and trying to fight the urge while being in the middle of real life.

Either way, the addiction to technology in today’s society makes me kind of wish I was born in a different era. I recently realized I was completely addicted to my iPhone. I kept not noticing my kids talking to me, standing in one spot of the house scrolling through social media apps, and anxiously awaiting the next time I could grab my phone and check how many Instagram alerts I had. 

Sad reality.

Something needed to change.

This is my one and only life! This is my only shot at raising these kids God entrusted to me. Every day matters and has the potential to become a memory permanently imprinted on the minds of my littles. Do I really want those memories to include me staring down at my phone?

No way. 

I knew I was going to have to face the facts and be hard on myself, to bring purpose to this area of my life, so I set some ground rules.

When you’re struggling with something, when something has become an idol in your life, you are commanded by God to put it in its place. This isn’t some silly issue that is okay because everyone struggles with it. You are called to be holy, set apart, and so am I.

“And God spoke all these words, saying, “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. “You shall have no other gods before me. “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God… ”

— Exodus 20:1-3

Here are some rules to help break the cycle of checking your phone all the time that have helped me forget about it and get on with real life.

Assign your phone to one location.

I think one of the main reasons our smart phones are so addicting is because they take what used to be stationary (the internet on a computer) and make it mobile, accessible anywhere and everywhere, with the touch of a button. That’s tempting for sure! But just because technology offers us so much doesn’t mean we have to take it. I chose the little chest of drawers in my entryway, because it’s out of the main rooms I spend my days in (kitchen and living room) but near enough that I can hear it if Brian is calling. I do allow myself to bring my phone with me to my bedroom when I nurse the baby to sleep, which means I’ve got about twenty minutes to browse Instagram and respond to text messages several times a day. That’s when I’m on my phone, otherwise, it’s pretty much just sitting in the entryway.

Delete the Facebook app from your smart phone.

Almost any time I checked my text messages or used my phone to call someone, I’d see the little blue Facebook icon I would always click on it without even thinking! Why do we really need the Facebook app on our phones? Do we really need to be able to see what our high school girlfriend is doing for lunch at a moment’s notice? No. Facebook is one thing that can be browsed during downtime on the computer, or on your phone’s browser. No need for an app to give us constant easy access.

Turn off all notifications.

I have turned off all the notifications on my phone except for calls and texts. Having the screen light up with app notifications is only distracting and harmful to the purpose of my days. Plus, when I do take a minute to check my phone, all I see are missed texts and calls, and I can get back to people who matter most without the distraction of a distant relative’s comment on my photo. If someone isn’t important enough in your life to have your phone number, they shouldn’t be able to get a hold of you any time via social media alerts on your phone. Wasted time.

Choose carefully who you spend time responding to.

I feel like one of the biggest problems with texting, as helpful as it can be, is that everyone feels like they can get a hold of you at any time, and they expect you to respond, quickly! I have four kids, so it seems to me people would get it when I don’t respond for several hours, but I have received a few texts saying things like “hello?! Are you ignoring me? Are you getting my texts??”

Seriously? Who are you to feel entitled to my time? I’m supposed to drop everything and answer your text message at a speed that seems reasonable to you? I am in the middle of raising world-shapers and managing a home!

It can wait, and it will wait.

I don’t want this to sound unkind, but I feel we should be very choosy with who we respond to with texting. Think about it… if someone that isn’t in your immediate relationship circle (your family, your husband, your closest friend) is sending you text messages, and you respond right away, you just gave them your time. You took time away from your family, your kids, your job, whatever it is you do all day, and you gave it to them. You also set a precedent, letting them know they can text you anytime and get a response. This same principle goes for the topic you’re texting about. Choose wisely how you spend your time!

“Ordinary people think merely of spending time. Great people think of using it.”

— Author Unknown

Maybe this sounds ridiculous to you, and if so I’d say that’s a good thing because maybe you don’t have a smart phone addiction! Maybe you don’t have a smart phone but you’re on the computer all the time? Most of us have been addicted to technology in one way or another, and do have a problem and need crazy rules to put the phones down, keep them down, and live life. Set some rules and be strict with yourself. Don’t let something as meaningless as Facebook rob you of precious time.

“Determine never to be idle. No person will have occasion to complain of the want of time who never loses any. It is wonderful how much can be done if we are always doing.”

— Thomas Jefferson

 

I HAVE CREATED A FREE + EASY GUIDE FOR YOU THAT LAYS OUT DIFFERENT PHONE SETTINGS THAT I USE TO HELP ME STAY PRESENT IN MY LIFE + WITH MY FAMILY. I ENCOURAGE YOU TO DOWNLOAD IT AND CHANGE YOUR SETTINGS. IT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE SO MUCH!

SEND ME THE FREE GUIDE!

For the Mom Who Feels Like A Failure, On Mother’s Day

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I’ve felt how you do before, friend. You’re tired, burnt out, defeated, unsure how you’re going to get out of this rut.

. Maybe you find yourself yelling way more than you’d like to admit. Maybe you just aren’t really joyful in your role as Mom right now. Maybe you’re surviving rather than thriving, and you can’t see a light at the end of this lonely tunnel.

I know.

We go through seasons, and I will surely find myself in a darker place again one day, but right now I’m writing this for you from the other side, from the light you hope is there but can’t see. I have come through the pit of depression and been through the drudge of the mundane.

There was a time when it seemed like every step I took was wrong, every time I chose joy and tried to be the good mom, the happy mom, I would make mistake after mistake after mistake. I just wanted the days to pass by so that I could sleep, so that I could see my husband and hear the quiet of nighttime. Mother’s Day came, and I didn’t feel very worthy of being celebrated. It didn’t seem right to spend a whole day celebrating what I was doing.

I didn’t feel any purpose in my motherhood.

To be honest, most days I felt like all I was doing right was making my kids some food and making sure they stayed alive.

Bare. Minimum. 

Let me tell you something, friend…

The reason you feel so tired and defeated is because of what you are giving of yourself for your family- and that deserves honoring.

You are serving your family.

You are loving your kids unconditionally as only a mom can do.

You are the heart of your home.

And whether you feel like you’re at your best or not doesn’t matter. You’re here, you’re trying.

You need to believe that there is grace for you, that God can bridge the gaps caused by your humanity. You need to believe that you deserve to be fussed over, to be served breakfast, to be given sweet handmade trinkets and cards, to be taken to lunch and hugged and kissed. You deserve celebration just as much as the mom who is in her best season of motherhood. You deserve to have a day dedicated to what you do… don’t rob yourself of that. Let this Mother’s Day bring you joy, be a deep breath for you, and remind you why you do what you do. Your weariness makes perfect sense, and this day is well-deserved. Let go of the shame in your life and embrace the love waiting for you today.

Happy Mother’s Day, sweet mama. Today is for you.

Minimalism + Motherhood: A Day in the Life of No TV and Less Toys

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With no TV on most days, and very little toys in the house, my kids have had to get creative, which is exactly what Brian and I want them to do. We feel strongly about not catering to or entertaining our kids on a daily basis, and want them to have loads of free time for imaginative and creative play. Bringing a minimalist sort of lifestyle into our home has proven to have so many benefits. Our kids’ bond is stronger and closer, I have less of a burden to keep them busy throughout our days at home, I have seen their imaginations blossom, and a spirit of gratitude is being cultivated.

TV used to be sort of a crutch for me as a mom, and it was just a background noise that was on pretty much all the time. My kids weren’t even watching it, I found myself constantly irritable and frustrated because the house was never peaceful. Once I decided to shut it off, it was an adjustment for all of us, but things got better.

We got better as a family. I started playing quiet music in the house while we went about our days and the atmosphere was just so much more peaceful and productive. I was a much calmer, happier mom, too.

Now that you have a short summary of why we are raising our kids this way, I think an hourly outline of our typical day will answer most questions. Keep in mind that this is how our typical days at home are spent. I normally run errands one day a week, occasionally I’ll spend one day out of the house, and we have Sundays and Mondays as our weekends with Brian home. We are not currently homeschooling Bella- she goes to school on the “PM schedule” for kindergarten, which is 10:00-1:45 every day of the week.

5:30-6:30AM Emmett’s morning feeding. I’m still half-asleep.

6:45-7:00 I get out of bed, make my coffee, Brian’s Bulletproof coffee, and spend a little time reading a devotional. The kids are usually awake, but they know not to come out of their rooms until 8:00, so they’re usually playing quietly in the boys’ room. Brian is normally getting dressed for his day while I put his lunch together and drink my coffee. Three times a week I go for a 25 minute run.

8:00 Kids come out of their rooms and I serve them breakfast. Brian is leaving for work by now if he didn’t leave earlier. I make my breakfast smoothie, and clean up the kitchen.

8:30 Kids get dressed. If they’re dressed and put together, I feel on top of my day, even if I look horrid.

9:00 Send kids outside to play. I start the laundry, get dressed (most days this is just a little powder and deodorant), and feed Emmett his breakfast solids.

10:00 Bella goes to school.

10:30 Kids get a small snack, then play (train tracks, wooden blocks, Legos, or puzzle) while I nurse the baby down for his morning nap and do some housework. We always have music playing and the windows open 🙂

12:00 Lunch time. We eat together, then everybody helps clean up and we do something together (walk to the park, or we’ll eat our lunch outside picnic-style and linger for an hour or so while the kids climb the tree or run around). I might finish some chores, and I feed the baby.

1:45 Pick up Bella.

2:00 Nap time/quiet time. This involves everybody, no matter how old. I cannot be a happy mom for my kids without a little break in the middle of my long days! Bella will color or play quietly in her room, every once in awhile I let her watch a movie and rest on the couch, both boys take an actual nap, and I’ll nurse the baby down, then either nap with him or catch up on housework if needed. Sometimes I just veg out with a book or an episode of Grey’s or New Girl. This is my time, an oasis for me in the middle of the mundane. I do whatever will make me feel refreshed or caught up.

4:00-4:30 Kids wake up and have a small snack. Then they get a choice: play outside or have some constructive/creative play time. They’ll go out back on the swing set, or make up a scenario to play in the living room (usually they’re animals in the jungle or something silly like that), or they all do arts/crafts together, or they build a fort and bring a bunch of books into it…whatever they decide, they almost always choose to play together, and they always keep themselves very entertained. I am normally nursing the baby or folding laundry.

5:00 I start dinner.

5:30 Dinner time. Everyone helps set the table, Bella normally helps me prepare the meal, and everyone cleans up the kitchen/table afterward. I try to eat with the kids whenever possible, but most of the time I’m sitting with them and feeding Emmett his solids.

6:30 Baths, get ready for bed, nightly pick up. The kids pick up whatever is out of place- toys, blankets, books, trash, sippy cups- and they pick up their rooms.

7:30 Bedtime. Bella is usually allowed 30 minutes of quiet time with her light on before she’s required to actually go to sleep. Sometimes I’ll talk with her for a little bit or read to her extra.

8:00 I wrap up any of my chores that were left undone (usually just putting laundry away) and this is when I do my blogging. Sometimes I’m just brain dead and will veg out until Brian gets home, which is normally around 9:30.

We are normally asleep by 10:30-11.

I hope this helps and inspires you and isn’t a totally useless post, ha! One thing I keep hearing is that other moms don’t think their kids can play on their own like mine do, or they think my kids are just different and they can’t get rid of TV or purge the toys.

Yes you can! We used to have the TV on all the time, and our kids’ rooms were constantly a disaster- full of crap and toys everywhere- but the kids were constantly bored! Once we turned the TV off and got rid of the noise and the junk, it took a little bit, but our kids transformed, and so did our days. You can do it!

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