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Archives for October 2015

How Your Words are Creating the Husband You Can’t Stand

October 22, 2015 by Allie Casazza Leave a Comment

Today my husband and I took our kids to the park. It’s become a part of our daily routine since it tires them out and our new area is so beautiful. I set the baby down and sat on a bench with my water bottle; I thought Brian would join me but I looked up to see him jumping on the swings with the older kids. He looked so funny, being a big burly guy with a full beard, next to our chubby little three-year-old, and he was smiling just as big. I watched him jump off, fly through the air, and chase our daughter across the padded ground onto the play equipment. His laughter was hearty and genuine, and my heart skipped a beat.

My mind flashed to a recent conversation with a friend about the common problem of husband-bashing in Christian women’s groups. I remembered a “Bible study” I once joined, excited for a chance to grow and make friends. I went for three weeks, each time hoping I was wrong about the women there, each time being proven right. Every Thursday morning this group of wives and mothers would gather, leave their children with the sitter, pour themselves coffee and put donuts on napkins, then they would sit next to each other and rip their husbands apart, one at a time.

It seemed to me that each woman got more pleasure in this than the one before her- they smiled wide and they laughed loud at one another’s husbands, as if each story was a MadLib.

I felt a pain in my stomach.

I offered up a solution or alternative perspective when I could get a word in, but I was usually met with an annoyed “yeah….mmhmm” or “oh I’ve tried everything and nothing works on him”. I remember one woman in particular, whose face I’ll never forget, laughing and saying, “he’s hopeless!”.

Today I watched my husband spin on the kid carousel with our strong-willed child, seemingly erasing the difficult battle he had put us through this morning over breakfast. Both of them wore humongous smiles and laughed from their bellies.

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But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. 

Matthew 15:18

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

Proverbs 18:21

Our words can make us believe what we say about our husbands; they can make our husbands believe what we say about them, and become more like how we describe them, how we tell them they are. Imagine now, using the power of your words to tear down the man you committed to honor.

When we speak poorly of, put down, or mock our husbands, we are not only dishonoring them, pouring negativity into our marriages, and breaking our vows to honor, we are heaping judgement on ourselves. 

I tell you, on the day of judgement people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned. 

Matthew 12:36-37

If the power of life and death is in the tongue, and if you have a husband you feel the need to complain about, maybe using your words to affirm, praise, compliment, and be sweet to him, both when he is present and when he is not, would change things. Maybe it would soften a bitter heart- that could be yours or his. Maybe it would inspire him to love you better. Maybe it would show someone else what true love looks like. Maybe the God you say you serve would be glorified, which is the whole point of marriage in the first place. Maybe you should be the one to change your marriage.

Negativity is the easy way; it comes so naturally to us.

Even today, running through the playground while my husband chased me, I thought about how easy it is to see flaws over the perfections. I thought about our hard times and all the hurtful things I have thought about him. I thought about all the fleeting emotions that swallowed me up and nearly had me spewing his missteps to a friend. I thought about dark nights spent emotionally far apart, hearts hurting, disagreements that seemed insurmountable, betrayal that burned.

As Brian caught me by the swings, took me in his arms and pressed his mouth against mine, I was swallowed up by gratitude. This man is good to me, despite how I’ve used my words to hurt him, despite how I’ve been wrong, he is inspiring. And all I want is to use my words to make this life of ours even better, to make him even stronger, and to let him know just how sweetly he has touched my heart.

I pray that that is exactly what I do for the whole of our life together, in Jesus’ name.


Filed Under: marriage Tagged With: marriage

Life Lately [+ the deets on our big move]

October 6, 2015 by Allie Casazza Leave a Comment

We sold pretty much everything, and rented the smallest U-Haul trailer [it was 5’x8′] which fit our mattresses, table and chairs [taken apart], and a few other favorite items like my beloved bicycle art, and the boys’ bunk beds all taken apart. We didn’t even bring dishes or silverware, so I do mean we sold pretty much everything. We got a hitch added to our minivan and were ready to go!

We had been renting our house, and were on a month-to-month lease, so we were able to get out easily without the need to sell a house or anything, which was a huge blessing. The night before we were going to leave, we were sleeping at my parents’ house, and Hudson and Emmett were tag-teaming the destruction of our trip. They were both waking up every half hour or so, and the plan was for us to get as much sleep as possible since we were supposed to leave at 3AM. Well we had to adapt, so we slept till 5 and left then.

Bonus: Starbucks was actually open by then, so of course I made Brian stop right before we got on the freeway. He was thrilled.

And so the road trip to our new life began…

Everything was really dry and ugly for awhile.

We got In N Out one last time in Arizona. Goodbye my looooooooooooove!! *insert sobbing emoji*

The kids did beyond amazing. I really couldn’t be happier with how well they handled so many hours in their carseats. The whole two days of driving, they were seriously perfect. It had to be God because that is not what I was expecting from my kids. Not even close.

Chicken did great too.

We stayed at a hotel in Oklahoma City that night, and when we got there we realized we had landed a reeeeally nice hotel on Priceline. We had no idea. When we walked in we clearly didn’t belong, especially with how disheveled we were. But staying there was great and we all got some good sleep that night.

My great grandpa, Elum lives in Arkansas, about an hour from our new home, so of course we met up with him on our way in. It was such a treat for him to meet his great great grandchildren, and I am so thrilled I got to see him again! PS. The Waffle House? YUM.

Settling In

After much looking online, discussing, praying, and thinking about it from every angle, Brian and I decided to forego a house and rent a two-bedroom townhouse. We just didn’t feel the need to get all the space we might want right away, having to deal with shoveling snow from our property [which, since we’re both born and raised in Cali, we are so unprepared for], and collecting a bunch of stuff before another inevitable move whenever we buy. We are in a season of chaos and major change, and in this season, we have found that what we crave is simplicity.

Our townhome is perfect. It’s two stories, the kids are all in one room via a triple bunk bed and Emmett’s crib, and the hard oak flooring makes me giddy every time I come downstairs. Choosing this type of house meant no fuss, no huge empty walls or spaces begging to have money spent on decor, no room to bring in a bunch of junk… it’s somewhat close to

tiny house living

[a dream of mine], and I love it.

My mom flew in the day after we got to our new house, which was awesome because she spent six days helping with the kids while Brian and I did what we needed to do to get set up. We had four full days before Brian had to start work, so we went to IKEA [the closest one is in Kansas, eep!], and stock up on groceries, and explore the area a little before life had to start again. We got a sofa and some other things we needed to function, everything else will be slowly added in as I thrift and shop on the weekends.

I have to say, getting rid of all of our stuff was the most liberating thing I’ve ever done. We threw away so much junk that was taking up closet space and sold so much, this fresh start is like water to my thirsty soul. I am so glad we chose to go this route rather than paying to bring all our things over here with us! Also, I don’t think I was a true minimalist until the move, because I honestly didn’t realize how much random crap I still had in my hallway closet. That was humbling.

Fast forward to today, two weeks from the big move, and we now have a TV, we started our home school year yesterday [we decided to wait until after the move to begin, and more on that later], we are getting back to our normal schedule with naps and meals and errands, Bella has started horse riding lessons again out here, and we are starting to feel like we know our way around our little area. We are in love with the beauty of “the natural state”, and we both agree there’s a beautifully heavy peace over every part of our beings since we got here. God. is. so. good.

Thank you lovely readers of mine for being patient with me as I got through this big step in my life and took a blogging break. I missed you all and cannot wait to share more of our adventures with you!

Filed Under: faith Tagged With: my life

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