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How I Stopped Waiting for Naptime and Started Enjoying My Kids

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I had taken the kids to Starbucks to have breakfast outside on the patio. They asked a lot of questions and I answered them, mostly while skimming through apps on my phone.

After that we headed to the park. They played hard, as they always do, and I kept the baby happy in the grass. We left for home once lunch time came around. I turned the music up in the car to discourage more question-asking.

I served lunch and let them play with toys in the living room while waiting for naptime to come. Actually, if I’m honest, I was kind of begging for naptime in my head. For no particular reason, other than I’ve formed the habit of eagerly waiting for naptime, and bedtime…basically all the times my children are quiet and away from me.

Five minutes before it was time to lie them down, Leland, jumping up and down and accompanied by his little brother, brings me a white piece of paper and excitedly asks me to make them paper airplanes.

“No, honey. I don’t know how to make one that will fly, and besides, it’s naptime.”

His little face dropped a little and a disappointed moan made me feel a little guilty. I brushed it off and got up from the computer, where I was browsing Facebook, killing the time before naptime.

I don’t know where it came from or what caused it, but I suddenly stopped and thought about everything, the whole day, their whole lives in one sad flash… Mom on the phone, Mom on the computer, Mom saying no again and again and again.

Maybe later…

Just be quiet…

Stop…

No…

Not right now…

I realized in one very quick but powerful moment that I rarely say yes, and I’ve been wasting these precious years with my children waiting around for the next time they’re asleep. 

I felt like something was pressing down on my chest. The realization was just so very heavy.

The boys were walking down the hallway to their bedroom with their little heads hanging low when I told them to come back. I typed in “How to Make A Paper Airplane” on YouTube and made two of the most perfect paper flying machines ever constructed.

They were so happy!

We spent the better part of an hour playing with those little paper planes. Kids are so simple, so easy to please. They don’t need iPads and Netflix on a constant reel; they don’t want more things or more toys to keep them occupied.

Kids want you to give them YOU. 

Kids grow up, fast, so I hear. They become adults with jobs and to do lists and responsibilities and a past. That past is written by a pen that’s in your hand. What are you writing?

 

 

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How I Stay Home When We Can Hardly Afford It

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Burlington Coat Factory online has been a huge help with saving on maternity clothes as well. I also joined local exchanges on Facebook where people post items they are selling for super cheap in my area. Craigslist has been great for bulk toys like Thomas the Tank Engine and building blocks (sanitize, sanitize, sanitize!) as well as big ticket purchases like furniture and outdoor play things for the kids.

the things that are actually cheaper there and that we use in bulk (diapers, wipes, toilet paper, meat). 

Hubby works extra.

This is the hard one (for me). Brian has the option to take on overtime at work- lots of overtime. It’s such a blessing! It’s a difficult thing to do though, for sure. He can work twelve hour days if we need him to. In order to make ends meet and live our lives as usual, he works two twelve hour days a week. When we need to save money (since we don’t live on credit) or have a large purchase coming up, he will work more. For example, right now is crazy. We are building up a large amount of savings and making some big plans for early next year, but we don’t want to put in all the overtime after the baby is born (beginning of November), so Brian is working six twelve-hour days for about two months and we are saving our money now. It’s crazy hard! But God provided a way for us to have the money we need and control our income according to our needs, which helps me stay home. I am so thankful!

I plan out our meals.

This is where all of our money used to go out the window- eating. A few months ago I signed up for Emeals. (I saved money there too by paying for a year ahead rather than more money monthly). Emeals is incredibly helpful! We are on the Paleo family dinner plan, and I just choose 3-4 of the suggested meals each week, then stretch them into the remaining nights by doing leftovers, breakfast for dinner sometimes, or just a snack-around night if Brian is working late. We pretty much never go out to dinner as a family- it’s just too expensive (and too chaotic to enjoy it anyway)! I also avoid the drive-thru on the days we spend out of the house. I cut up fruits and veggies, pack sandwiches, kettle corn and sippies full of water rather than stopping for cheeseburgers if at all possible. If we’ll be out all day long, I bring a cooler with ice and keep it in the trunk. Anything is better than stopping for fast food if it’s avoidable, and not just for health reasons but for budget reasons! I will say though, there are times that I am out much longer than expected or life happens and we have to grab a quick bite. But I plan when I can and as much as I can, and it saves us a ton of money. However, let the record show that I do have a Starbucks problem (if you follow me on Instagram, you may have noticed how often I have a cup in my hand). I keep that under {some} control with my Gold card, by loading a small amount on it each paycheck and when it’s gone, no more coffee out. Plus with the card, I get points toward a free coffee with each purchase 🙂

I make my own…everything.

Dishwasher detergent,

laundry soap

, dandruff shampoo, baby soap, rash cream… you name it, I make it. There are a few things that, for me, aren’t worth the extra effort- hand soap, dish soap, body wash, regular shampoo and conditioner- those are a few things that I have found to be complicated (or the recipes I found didn’t work well enough), and it’s just better to spend the few bucks. The biggest savings comes from making my own laundry detergent. Seriously, it is so expensive at the store! I can make a huge batch for a few bucks and it’ll last me six months. Also, there are some seriously scary and harmful, cancer-causing chemicals in soaps (yes, even baby and kids soaps), so that’s another reason I prefer to make my own stuff or at least buy natural on the stuff I don’t make myself.

We homeschool through a charter school.

There are so many reasons why many homeschoolers refuse to involve the state in their homeschooling. I have read up on this so much, and I know all the why’s and why not’s. For us, the why not’s do not outweigh the benefits. I feel many of the reasons to homeschool solo, which is more expensive, are based on fear, and we do not make decisions out of fear, but out of obedience to the Lord. Through the charter school in our area, we get $1,000 of funding per student per school year, and it can go towards curriculum, enrichment activites (like the American Girl history class Bella will be going to this year), sports, ballet, music classes… you name it. It’s awesome! Our particular charter school is very parent-led, and I get to choose whatever curriculum I want, and don’t have to lie or hide the Bible portion of our school days like some other parents do. I am also free to lead my children through a Charlotte Mason curriculum without any complaints from my ES (education specialist) about not having enough structure.

There is so much that goes into living on one income, making it very difficult to concentrate it into one blog post. If you have any questions or can think of something I didn’t cover here, please share with me in the comments and I will try to cover it in the next portion of this series!

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On Staying Home// No Luck in this Sacrifice

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It’s one of the questions I get asked among all the other common ones…

“How far apart are they?”

“You sure have your hands full, don’t you?”

“Do you stay home or work?”

And when my answer to that last one comes with a smile and personal pride, “I stay home with them”, I get the same response nearly every time.

“You are so lucky.”

It’s not that this response bothers me necessarily, but there’s something about it that just doesn’t sit right with me.

Lucky.

Why lucky? I’m not one of those people that’s adamant about people using the word blessed instead… it isn’t that. I thought about this a lot the other day as I drove home from a kid’s birthday party where the above conversation had taken place yet again. Am I lucky to stay home with my children?

No. 

I am not lucky at all. Five years ago, my husband and I sat down and made a choice after I heard from God Himself the call to be home. I tucked away my fresh real estate license and pencil skirts and traded them in for sweat pants and Veggietales.

Staying home was a choice we made, and it comes with sacrifices not everyone is willing to make.

We are following a leading of the Holy Spirit- a calling on our lives and the lives of our children- to live this one life I get at home with them- being there for every step, breath, boo boo, and giggle.

Sometimes there are just a few dollars in the bank, seriously. That’s because of a choice we felt led to make, and it’s a big leap of faith and a sacrifice. It means we are saying “no” to credit cards and debt, “no” to more money and better things and worldly stability. It means we are saying “yes” to a one-income lifestyle so that our children will always remember their mom being there for every little thing, having no work to take up any of her days. It means less of everything material in exchange for more of everything emotional and spiritual. It means making difficult decisions based around a small budget and doing what is best for our family- which is for me to be at home with our kids.

I know people mean well and aren’t thinking their comments all the way through, and I mean no rudeness to them, but I am not lucky to stay home. I am a Spirit-led parent who made a hard choice, and continues to make that hard choice every week when there is less where there could be more. But you know… the exchange is a pretty sweet deal- less in my wallet than others but a thousand times more tiny moments and memories in my heart.

A Dirty Kitchen

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social media. It’s so anti-Instagram right now. Most of what I see being popular online is perfection- perfect hair, stylish clothes, moms with perfect bodies, neat and perfectly decorated homes. I appreciate beauty and a great photograph, but there’s something wrong when we stop being real with one another. Sometimes life gets messy, and I have no problem sharing that with my followers. 

Once the kitchen was clean, I got the kids down for naps and sat down to check my Facebook page, where I saw a negative comment (something I’m learning to get used to). 

“I would never let my kitchen get that bad. Yikes.”

I’ll spare you my knee-jerk reaction (I’m sure you can imagine), but I ended up doing what has proven to be the best method over the course of my time as a blogger– silence and a prayer. As much as I wanted to respond (and I certainly didn’t lack the words), I knew it wasn’t what this woman needed. Whoever she was- a wife, a stay-at-home mom, working mom, whatever- I prayed that she would learn grace. Grace for others, so that she would no longer attempt to shame others with comments like this one, and grace for herself, that she would learn what’s really important; and it certainly isn’t a clean kitchen. 

What she didn’t know is why my kitchen was so messy. She didn’t know that the day before had been one of baking cookies, playing in the backyard, reading endless stacks of books, and driving with the windows down. It had been a day of playing with my children rather than sending them to play while I cleaned up the kitchen. I (normally)  rinse the dishes and pick up my house as I go through the day, and load the dishwasher before I head to bed every night. But that day? That day I saw an opportunity to say “no” to mundane and “yes” to joy and childhood memories.

It wasn’t out of laziness that the crusty dishes gathered, but out of a Spirit-led choice to live this blessed, fleeting day I had been given as a gift. 

As the fun and laughter turned to yawns and snuggling, the day came to a slow, and I tucked my littles into their beds just as my tired husband walked in the door. As I warmed up his dinner and listened to him summarize his work day, I saw another opportunity to love and serve in my home. Again the Spirit led me away from my chores to my hard-working husband who had had a bad day at work. Rather than let him eat dinner at the table while I cleaned up from a day spent outside with my kids, I sat and listened and encouraged him. Through our dinner conversation I saw that he needed his wife- he missed me. What a huge honor and blessing that is- for him to actually miss me after ten years of togetherness and three kids! We added his dishes to the mess and enjoyed a movie on the couch, exchanging glances, laughs, and kisses until I fell asleep in his arms.

You can bet your last dollar that I will “let my kitchen get that bad” when there is an opportunity to enjoy and to breathe life into my family. I don’t stay home to keep a clean house. I stay home to cultivate love and grace and Jesus in my family, and serving them through homemaking is a part of that, but not the top priority. Look how many precious memories would never have come into existence if my kitchen had been cleaned.

That would have been an absolute pity, and the poorest use of my time I can think of. 

For the Wife Whose Husband Works Long Hours: How To Thrive and Not Just Survive At Home

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When Brian was signed on at his previous job, we were told the hours were 8AM-4:30PM. Once he started working, we quickly realized {through lots of arguments and cancelled plans} that overtime was just a part of his job. We made the decision that as long as his job could support our family, it was better for him to be at work for long periods of time so that I could stay home with our babies, than it was for us both to be gone from 8-5 every day. 

The hard truth was that moping and complaining about it or trying to change things out of anger wouldn’t do anything good. It did a lot more good when I chose joy in my life, and no good at all when I gave in to my flesh by griping and allowing depression in.

I continually reminded myself of these truths:

  • It pleases God when I choose to praise when circumstances do not make it easy.

  • It pleases my husband when I choose joy and am happy with him and his job.

  • It pleases God when I please my husband.

So how do you handle life with small children and being a stay-at-home mom with a husband who is mostly gone? Here are my key choices that make a big difference. 

Your husband’s days off call for some major family time! 

Turn off the world and tune into what our purpose is- family. Depending on what you’re feeling is best for your family that day, you can either hang out at home or spend the entire day out, bypassing naps and soaking up every hour. Involve the kids in everything, even if it takes a little longer to move through the day.

Take advantage of technology when your husband is working.

If possible, make it a point to let the kids FaceTime with their daddy a couple work days per week. Be careful not to tell the kids about it until it is actually happening, just in case it doesn’t work out. It is also a great idea to send him tons of pictures and videos of whatever we are doing that day. That way he is brought a little joy in his day and feels like he missed less special moments.

Let go of expectations. 

I have to let go of all my expectations about when he will be home, if he could maybe get home early and help me with the bedtime routine, if we could maybe make it to a social event we were invited to, etc. When I hold onto these expectations {because sometimes, they do happen} I am always completely let down if it doesn’t end up happening how I wanted. Then I’m in a terrible mood and can’t love on and serve my hard-working hubby when he gets home. 

Try to go out for coffee with a friend once a week, every week, no matter what.

You have to take care of yourself, and you have to make sure your well is full so that you can continuously and constantly pour into your family. Get out of the house, sip a delicious cup of coffee that you didn’t have to make, and talk to another adult. Perfection! 

 

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Plan a monthly date night out, and some date nights in, on the weeks in between. 

It is extra important for a couple with crazy schedules to have alone time! Go out to one of your favorite restaurants and enjoy the benefits of your husband’s working so much with a delicious meal that you didn’t have to cook. Sit close to one another, hold hands, touch, kiss, and act like a dating couple. When you stay in, cozy up on the couch and act the same way together. As long as you are without kids and enjoying one another’s company, the goal is met, and the marriage is strengthened. 

Plan for the occasional nap during the week. 

Try to let go of the chores and lay down on your couch a couple times a week during the kids’ naps. It is so refreshing and will really help you get through that second half of the day.

Have a routine to use as a guideline. 

Create a list of daily and weekly must do’s- the things that keep your family functioning smoothly. When you don’t have your hubby home to wrestle with the kids while you catch up, a routine is a lifesaver!

Don’t let the work schedule become a “pause” button for your family. 

Take the kids to do fun things by yourself; don’t wait for hubby’s day off. Know that you will do something else fun on his day off, but his schedule can not have you waiting around at home constantly. I know my limits and where I can and can’t handle them on my own, and I live my life as their mom.

Try to keep yourself busy.

Whether that means making an effort to get out of the house at least once a day, or just being productive at home, it’s important to have some form of motivation to get going. Stay busy and don’t let yourself just hang around getting depressive about your husband’s schedule. 

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