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Archives for March 2015

How I Stopped Waiting for Naptime and Started Enjoying My Kids

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I had taken the kids to Starbucks to have breakfast outside on the patio. They asked a lot of questions and I answered them, mostly while skimming through apps on my phone.

After that we headed to the park. They played hard, as they always do, and I kept the baby happy in the grass. We left for home once lunch time came around. I turned the music up in the car to discourage more question-asking.

I served lunch and let them play with toys in the living room while waiting for naptime to come. Actually, if I’m honest, I was kind of begging for naptime in my head. For no particular reason, other than I’ve formed the habit of eagerly waiting for naptime, and bedtime…basically all the times my children are quiet and away from me.

Five minutes before it was time to lie them down, Leland, jumping up and down and accompanied by his little brother, brings me a white piece of paper and excitedly asks me to make them paper airplanes.

“No, honey. I don’t know how to make one that will fly, and besides, it’s naptime.”

His little face dropped a little and a disappointed moan made me feel a little guilty. I brushed it off and got up from the computer, where I was browsing Facebook, killing the time before naptime.

I don’t know where it came from or what caused it, but I suddenly stopped and thought about everything, the whole day, their whole lives in one sad flash… Mom on the phone, Mom on the computer, Mom saying no again and again and again.

Maybe later…

Just be quiet…

Stop…

No…

Not right now…

I realized in one very quick but powerful moment that I rarely say yes, and I’ve been wasting these precious years with my children waiting around for the next time they’re asleep. 

I felt like something was pressing down on my chest. The realization was just so very heavy.

The boys were walking down the hallway to their bedroom with their little heads hanging low when I told them to come back. I typed in “How to Make A Paper Airplane” on YouTube and made two of the most perfect paper flying machines ever constructed.

They were so happy!

We spent the better part of an hour playing with those little paper planes. Kids are so simple, so easy to please. They don’t need iPads and Netflix on a constant reel; they don’t want more things or more toys to keep them occupied.

Kids want you to give them YOU. 

Kids grow up, fast, so I hear. They become adults with jobs and to do lists and responsibilities and a past. That past is written by a pen that’s in your hand. What are you writing?

 

 

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The Problem With Eva Mendes’ Sweatpants Comment

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made a comment that’s gone viral, and has moms everywhere upset, and maybe some feeling a little demoralized. While yesterday, she came back with an apology statement (read: brushing it off as “just a bad joke”), I find it hard to believe because of how shamelessly her initial comment was said.

Whether her comment was just a joke or kind of mean, it really doesn’t matter to me. I don’t keep up with celebrities by any means. I usually only hear about things that “go viral” in passing via articles on Facebook, and I normally only read the titles. With Eva’s comment though, I looked into it because someone that is idolized, put on a pedestal, and watched by many women in the world said something dispiriting to real life moms.

Let me say, I am not here to harp on Eva Mendes, to talk badly about her, or shame her without her being here to defend herself. What I am here to do is shine a little light on grace from this small stage this blog has brought me, because I want to do good from here. I want to encourage mothers, not discourage them with my words. And right now, I feel like there’s a dusting of discouragement over real life moms.

So, I may be wrong, but from what I gathered while looking into this, Eve Mendes and Ryan Gosling have been dating off and on since late 2011. They have a newborn baby together and are not married. I mentioned her comment to my husband this morning and asked for his thoughts.

“The problem with her comment is, whether it was a joke or not, they aren’t married, they’re still dating, she’s been a mother all of what- a few months?- and her status and her boyfriend’s status means that she has a ton of pressure on her to be perfect. I think this is more about who she’s dating and the pressure there than it is about everyday moms, but if she can’t be comfortable around the father of her child, then there’s a problem. That isn’t real life.”

He’s right. Real life is messy and raw and hard. It doesn’t consist of personal trainers and chefs, nannies and superstar boyfriends. For us, it’s commitment to love no matter what, it’s putting your kids before yourself, it’s getting dressed for the day based on how much you’re going to be crawling around on the floor with your babies, and being comfortable in the refuge of your husband’s promise to love you.

As Brian said, “It’s one thing to completely let yourself go and not put in any effort. It’s another thing to be a beautiful person who I adore, and be comfy in sweatpants because cleaning and playing is what your day is made of. Personally, I love when you wear sweatpants. You’re cute in everything, But we’ve loved each other for a decade, we’ve created four human beings together. We aren’t still dating and we don’t have anything to prove. The two situations aren’t comparable.”

If you’ve been around this blog for a bit, you know that I have talked a lot about putting in effort to your physical health and appearance for your husband’s sake, but sweatpants are not the problem here. I’ve said before that most of my days at home with the kids are spent with hair fixed and a little makeup, a cute tee and sweatpants. The “number one cause of divorce” isn’t your cozy pants. I’d say bitterness, unhealed heartbreak, and selfishness are the top contenders for that title.

A husband’s opinion? “Take care of yourself, feel beautiful, love your husband, be a happy wife, and he won’t even notice the sweatpants.”

The Waiting Room

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Our family has a major change on the horizon. We are seeing something we’ve always talked about coming into fruition, but the process is slow, and patiently waiting for something to happen isn’t one of my strengths.

Things were going along smoothly, and then one day, we were following God’s leading and He led us into the waiting room, said He would be back, and left us there.

Oh please no. The dreaded waiting room…

I DESPISE WAITING!

I would surely rather shoot my own foot off than be in the waiting room.

I’ve been here before. It’s the waiting that always gets me. I am faithful, I am prayerful, I am walking in step with the Lord, then He brings me into this room, the waiting sets in, and I panic. Once the door to the waiting room closes and there’s stillness, my faith loses the battle with my flesh and I start desperately trying to make something happen.

I need something to happen right now.

The waiting makes me cringe.

I like to be in control. I like to be able to see what’s happening, what’s next. I’ve discovered this week, between panic outbursts in the waiting room, something crucial about myself. Something debilitating to my walk with God…

I want to be in control more than I want God’s will.

And that’s what this all boils down to. A heart issue.

Surprise, surprise. 

When I take an honest look at myself, I can see that I would rather have control and take action right now than be waiting for what God has in store, unsure of His timing.

But faith is hoping and believing in things not yet seen.

It’s in the waiting room that faith forms. The waiting room is like an incubator for faith.

I want to be faithful. I want my kids to look back at my life and see a calm, patient, faith-filled woman of God, not a control freak who only had faith until stillness was required. I want to grow, to be better, to be stronger, to be exemplary. But without the waiting room, I won’t grow into any of these things. I’ll continue to be mediocre, impatient, self-centered, and a slave to my need for control.

And so I’ll stop clawing at the walls of this room that I hate. I’ll stop complaining and kicking and screaming. I’ll stop whining for God to hurry up and come back with what He promised us. I’ll wait, because He is who He says He is. His ways are not my ways, and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. I’m tired of being in control, it’s gotten me nowhere good. I am humbled, quiet, and willing. Grow my faith, Lord… I’m yours.

From Failing to Flourishing: How Praying for My Husband Changed His Work Life

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I’ve been thinking a lot recently about prayer, and about the power of a praying wife.

 Prayer is about faith, and faith is something God has been inking on my heart lately. It’s like when God is showing you just how incredible something mundane is- something cliche that you’ve always known about (like faith) and He just makes it new and shows it to you in a whole new light. I love when He does that!

I get my encouragement from hearing the stories of other women and sharing experiences, so I wanted to share another recent experience of mine with the power of prayer.

My husband works for a very large company where his job performance is monitored and judged by “the numbers system”. The company expects only the best from its employees, and they don’t make it easy for their technicians to meet their numbers. Without meeting these numbers, you will be fine and your job is safe, but you won’t be able to move up in the company or make any transfers or get any perks of the job that they offer to the techs who do well.

Brian has had sort of a cloud over him at work for the last two years. He’s been cursed with the most complicated and difficult jobs every single day, and they affect his numbers in ways out of his control. He’s been unable to meet his numbers or his manager’s goals for him and it had him feeling very defeated and worthless at his job. As any wife knows, if a husband feels useless and defeated, he is not a happy man by any means, and his whole life is affected by these feelings.

I’m embarrassed to say that it took me two years to get my head out of the ground and realize I could do something (not just a small something, but something powerful) to help my husband. A little over a month ago, God laid it heavy on my heart to start praying over Brian and his job. I decided to make a list of the issues Brian was having at work, including the cloud that seemed to be hovering and keeping him from meeting his numbers no matter how hard he worked, and pray over them specifically.

I have four kids, and Emmett is only a few months old, so I knew I wouldn’t find spare time lying around… I had to determine to make time to pray. I chose the time between 2:30 and 3:30, when the older kids nap and Emmett needs to be put to sleep. I started wrapping the baby in my arms and pacing the living room while going down the list of Brian’s work-related issues, covering each one and Brian himself in Spirit-filled prayer and Scripture.

Among other things, some of my prayers were…

1. That Brian would not meet, but exceed the expectations put on him at work. That his numbers would go beyond the bare minimum.

2. That the work of his hands would be blessed (like Joseph’s in Egypt), and that he would find favor from those above him in the workplace.

3. That he would feel useful and valued at work, and hear praise from his manager.

Things don’t always happen this way, but in this instance, results came immediately. Brian told me about what a good afternoon he had at work when he got home the first night I prayed. After a week of daily time spent in prayer, his numbers were higher. Finally the end of February came around, and his numbers were so high, they exceeded the expectations of his managers. He got noticed by upper-level managers because of the positive reports coming in about him. After the last day of the month, his direct manager called him to praise him for how well he did and what an amazing, drastic change he’d made in his numbers.

He went from the lowest performance bracket to the highest in less than 30 days. 

My husband is a very hard worker, dedicated, and loves his job, but the demands there were high, and I believe the enemy was using his work to bring him down and make him feel defeated. It was leaking into every area of his life. I listened to the leading of the Spirit and submitted myself to prayer for my husband. And through my submission, God was able to break chains and do an awesome thing. My husband is like a new man.

We wives have so much power.

I thank God for that because I tend to be more spiritually aware of things, and can cover my husband in prayer when he doesn’t even realize he needs it. Let’s stomp on any footholds the enemy may have in any area of our husband’s lives and use our power for good. Let’s start praying over them and being their helpers as they go out and conquer the world for their families.

Their calling is to look ahead, work, and be warriors at the front of the battlefield, protecting and providing for their families. Our calling is to be the heart- dedicated to standing behind them with prayer spilling from our lips. And what a beautiful calling it is.

And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.

Matthew 21:22