Whether her comment was just a joke or kind of mean, it really doesn’t matter to me. I don’t keep up with celebrities by any means. I usually only hear about things that “go viral” in passing via articles on Facebook, and I normally only read the titles. With Eva’s comment though, I looked into it because someone that is idolized, put on a pedestal, and watched by many women in the world said something dispiriting to real life moms.
Let me say, I am not here to harp on Eva Mendes, to talk badly about her, or shame her without her being here to defend herself. What I am here to do is shine a little light on grace from this small stage this blog has brought me, because I want to do good from here. I want to encourage mothers, not discourage them with my words. And right now, I feel like there’s a dusting of discouragement over real life moms.
So, I may be wrong, but from what I gathered while looking into this, Eve Mendes and Ryan Gosling have been dating off and on since late 2011. They have a newborn baby together and are not married. I mentioned her comment to my husband this morning and asked for his thoughts.
“The problem with her comment is, whether it was a joke or not, they aren’t married, they’re still dating, she’s been a mother all of what- a few months?- and her status and her boyfriend’s status means that she has a ton of pressure on her to be perfect. I think this is more about who she’s dating and the pressure there than it is about everyday moms, but if she can’t be comfortable around the father of her child, then there’s a problem. That isn’t real life.”
He’s right. Real life is messy and raw and hard. It doesn’t consist of personal trainers and chefs, nannies and superstar boyfriends. For us, it’s commitment to love no matter what, it’s putting your kids before yourself, it’s getting dressed for the day based on how much you’re going to be crawling around on the floor with your babies, and being comfortable in the refuge of your husband’s promise to love you.
As Brian said, “It’s one thing to completely let yourself go and not put in any effort. It’s another thing to be a beautiful person who I adore, and be comfy in sweatpants because cleaning and playing is what your day is made of. Personally, I love when you wear sweatpants. You’re cute in everything, But we’ve loved each other for a decade, we’ve created four human beings together. We aren’t still dating and we don’t have anything to prove. The two situations aren’t comparable.”
If you’ve been around this blog for a bit, you know that I have talked a lot about putting in effort to your physical health and appearance for your husband’s sake, but sweatpants are not the problem here. I’ve said before that most of my days at home with the kids are spent with hair fixed and a little makeup, a cute tee and sweatpants. The “number one cause of divorce” isn’t your cozy pants. I’d say bitterness, unhealed heartbreak, and selfishness are the top contenders for that title.
A husband’s opinion? “Take care of yourself, feel beautiful, love your husband, be a happy wife, and he won’t even notice the sweatpants.”