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Archives for June 2017

Giving Your Kids the Gift of Less

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Motherhood is a crazy blur with a few quiet moments thrown in that make you realize how time is fleeting and you should quiet down and enjoy it more. 

Most people don’t though. Most people wake up the next morning to the crazy blur and let it erase the memory of that sweet, quiet moment. They let it take them away from what matters most – the hearts of the people they love. They get re-busy and don’t slow down again until the next quiet, scary moment when they realize once again that time is fleeting and they’re missing things.

None of us want to be “most people” – I sure don’t. But isn’t it so hard?

There are things that need to get done and places we have to get to… it’s just, busy. What are we supposed to do? 

I’m no expert, but I can tell you one thing for sure. Simplifying everywhere I can has transformed my entire life. 

I simplified my whole house and became a different person – one who doesn’t yell so much or feel stretched super thin every day. A person who walks into her house and feels at peace instead of overwhelmed.

I simplified, eating clean foods and moving my body more often, and quickly lost forty pounds.

I simplified my kids’ toys and the way we do childhood in our house. My kids have closer relationships with each other, and with the other people in their lives. 

They know how to imagine worlds, make up stories, create art, and explore the outdoors. They’re more in tune with their natural gifts and skills, they’re more grateful, and they’re more self-sufficient. 

I learned through experience over the past five years in my search for simple in all areas of life, that those most deeply impacted by the gift of less are the kids. 

Let me ask you, what do you want as you raise your children? And based on that, where are you currently going? 

Do you want your kids to grow up a little differently than kids today are growing up – with imaginations and the desire to get outside and play? 

Do you want to understand why less is truly more when it comes to your kids’ toys?

Do you want simple, applicable ways you can declutter the toys without scarring them?

Do you want to inspire imagination and creativity in your home?

Do you want solutions for remaining uncluttered once you’re done purging when kids seem to bring home so much STUFF all the time?

If your answer is yes, you’re in the right place, friend. I so understand those desires.

I’ve found a way to get there in this crazy modern world, oversaturated with technology and loud, distracting toys that do all the imagining for our kids. You CAN simplify here and give your kids the beautiful gift of less.

I recently hosted an online class all about minimalism, simplifying the toys, and what it all does for your kids. If you want to learn how you can move from where your family is now to actually decluttering the toys in a way that doesn’t have anyone crying, this is for you.

Just click the button below and you’ll get access to the class recording. 

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In the class, I go over why minimalism is such a gift for your kids, and even talk about scientific experiments that have been done to prove it. Then we get into the nitty gritty of HOW you can make the changes in your home, because I want you to take real action, not just sit and listen then leave feeling like you don’t know what to do.

Give your kids the gift of less clutter, of more imagination, more play. Kids were made to play – they’re naturals at it! We just have to get out of the way and clear a space for it to happen. 🙂

How Minimizing My Kids’ Baby Stuff Made Me A Better Mom

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A guest post by Lisa Avellan from Simple and Soul.

I stood in the garage, hands on my hips and my weight shifting from one leg to the other. What if, I asked myself, I just never come in here again? That might work. I’ll just forget we have a garage at all.

Eighteen months ago, at the start of this minimalism journey, I said this was the place I’d never touch. This was the forbidden area – the corner with my kids’ baby stuff. It wasn’t bothering anyone, neatly stacked with Tetris precision over there… no need to worry about it. Minimalism doesn’t need to go that far.

Yet, there I stood in the center of our garage, all other garage clutter removed, and I realized I’d reached a chasm in my compartmentalized philosophy: is partial freedom enough?

It was time to get serious. Not because minimalism is about getting rid of all the things, but because my “never-get- rid-of- stuff” was holding me hostage in my own motherhood.

If I’ve learned anything from minimalism it’s that minimalism questions everything. It’s not shy to call out the stuff I’ve refused to surrender. I had to choose: go further, deeper, and wider with my minimalism than I thought possible, or cut this trip short, pick up my chains, and go back inside.

The impossibly small onesies, the party dresses hardly worn, the first family photo outfits, and bins of all the things my babies used for every ‘first’ up to this point of their lives. Along with the cradle, the sensory toys, the high chair, swing and bouncer, and swaddling bags and blankets. Wraps and carriers, footie pajamas, and handmade summer dresses from Great Grandma.

Were these the things that my freedom teetered on?

I stood on the precipice I didn’t know if I’d ever be ready for, and yet as I neared the ledge I felt a confidence, an acquired sense of surety that came with the months of minimalism prior, that this call to go over the ledge wasn’t going to break me.

I felt safe, even, as if this was the point of the journey – travel the slow and steady road, growing confident and strong, until it arrives at the cliff of complete transformation. I was ready to go over, but how? And to what end?

I remembered a quote I heard a couple years ago.

“If you’re falling…dive.”

— Joseph Campbell

My feet neared the edge, and I had to make a choice. Will I fall over the edge, or will I dive?

Will I fall into this next leg of the journey and miss the entire adventure in the chaos of flailing limbs and closed eyes? Or, will I dive with purpose, heart first and head strong, noticing the wild and free nature-songs and the artful sediment layered beneath the surface?

Minimalism, the removal of distraction and clutter in order to fully love all that remains, is always a dive.

It’s a lump-in- your-throat surrender to be present and vulnerable and fully here, in the moment.

If you’d like to go deeper in your minimalism, I created a great resource to guide you. Click here to download your Home & Soul Declutter Kit!!

That day I dove into my kid’s baby stuff, and these are the lessons I learned about letting go:

Gratitude is the heart’s salve

My pursuit of minimalism has pivoted on gratitude. It’s my centering point and as I approached my kids’ baby stuff, my impossible to minimize stuff, I drew near to gratitude.

I knew that if I faced this impossible task unprepared I’d lose heart. My emotional attachment to the tiny hats and itty bitty skinny jeans and Mary Janes that never stayed on their chubby feet would outpace my resolve to let it go. Gratitude was my healing salve.

Gratitude eased the pain of letting go with joy – a joy for having had it and joy for the babies that once were so small. Gratitude replaced the ache of change with the comfort of provision. It reminded me that memories are not kept in things, but in the heart.

Blessing others with it keeps the love alive

After packing up the boxes of clothes and toys for donation, I bent over to rest my head against them and prayed a prayer of thanksgiving. Overwhelmed with what I was about to do, I could only pray gratitude for the opportunity to give these clothes a second life.

I still hadn’t decided where I would donate these precious things, but I knew that giving it away would keep the love alive. My hope was that my gratitude for my ‘impossible to let go of’ stuff would bless some baby girl the way it had blessed both of mine.

“Eucharisteo – thanksgiving – precedes the miracle.”

— Ann Voskamp

The miracle came a few hours and an Instagram post later – a church friend expecting her first daughter wanted it all. Just like that, the love would transfer from my mama heart to hers, from my babies to her baby girl. A blessing for this sweet family, and for me, a mother releasing the past while watching a new baby girl grow up in it all.

This is how we keep the love alive.

Holding on to our kids’ pasts distracts us from who they are becoming

Every time I thought about my kids’ stuff in the garage my heart would ache a bit. Where has time gone? Where did my babies go? I’d lament the growing up of my kids. Then I’d lament that I was lamenting because it felt ungrateful.

I don’t want my motherhood to be focused on what was; I want to be a mother who is un-doing to witness my children’s becoming.

Involving kids in minimizing their own stuff is healing and (sort of) helpful

I admit that, for sanity’s sake, far too many times I prefer to do things myself rather than involve my kids. But when it comes to minimizing their stuff, I’ve found involving them in the process heals my heart and helps me process it all.

My girls loved looking through their baby clothes, asking who wore what and if they really were that small once. Their playful laughter and running off to get a doll to put the baby booties on filled the room with a healing joy for my weary heart.

What they lacked in actual helpfulness, they helped me understand the practice of simplicity isn’t heartbreaking; it’s heart-freeing. It’s a process fueled by love.

“Now I see minimalism for what it really is. It is nothing… nothing but love, my friend.”

— Courtney Carver

Letting go creates space for hope

Kids need space and kid stuff steals space.

A flagship principal of minimalism is creating physical space in our homes. This white space becomes a refuge of restoration and hope; two things clutter manages to steal from us. Letting go makes our home a place to dream and discover our true self with freedom.

But it’s not just physical space; it’s mental and emotional space that our kids need. I believe that my kids will benefit more from my mental and emotional clarity of being a present and purposeful mom, than by the bins of baby stuff stacked in the garage. I believe their security and self-image will flourish in a home with less distraction and self-discovery.

My kids won’t remember the day we gave away all but a few of their baby items, but I have more hope than ever that the space we created that day will impact their childhood (and my motherhood) in infinite ways.

 

Everyone has their own cliff that minimalism will bring them to; it’s part of the journey to freedom. It’s a safe journey, of love and gratitude and hope. My hope is that if you are nearing yours, you will dive. It’s where the best of minimalism is found.

Click here for an awesome resource to help you dig deeper into your stuff and your soul. The Home & Soul Declutter Kit is almost 30 pages of purposeful decluttering and soul discovery tools. Minimalism isn’t about stuff, it’s about soul.

Lisa Avellan believes minimalism isn’t about stuff, it’s about the soul. She writes at Simple & Soul, a blog to help you simplify life and discover your best self. She is a stay at home wife and mom of two in California.

You can find Lisa on Facebook and Instagram.

When Minimalism Becomes Ingratitude

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Minimalism is sweeping the world in a refreshing wave of less. It’s an idea that’s very close to my heart. Five years ago, before I knew it was called ‘minimalism’, before there was a documentary and a thousand other blogs on the subject, getting rid of the excess in my home saved my motherhood.

Minimalism is basically a lifestyle of purposely choosing to live with less stuff in your home so that there’s less to maintain and more time and space to focus on what really matters.

For moms, this is everything, which is why I started a movement for mothers based on this idea. I spend my days encouraging hundreds of thousands of my fellow women to ditch the clutter and the chaos and get intentional about how they’re spending their mom lives. And it’s incredible!

In doing what I do, there are a few things I see on a regular basis that make my heart ache. One of them is when a desire for minimalism takes over and becomes ingratitude.

In a world saturated with materialism, we have to fight to live with less, and it’s dang hard. I get it.

But sometimes, in our fierce attempt to simplify and be more aware of what’s coming into our homes, we become ungrateful guardians of our domains that make other people feel like we don’t appreciate their gifts. And maybe that we don’t appreciate them.

I know where the passion for less comes from. It’s like an inner uprising- a deep desire for a simpler way of living when you figure out what works and you’ve been living in the clutter and chaos for so long… you just want out. You found a way and you see the light and you’re not stopping for anything.

If you find yourself in this place, sister, let me encourage you to press pause.

Why are you doing this?
What brought you to this place of desiring simplicity?
What is the root reason for you seeking out minimalism in your life?

The root for most of us is relationships. Our relationships began to suffer because we were doing all the things, cleaning up constantly, running on a treadmill fueled by an endless cycle of stuff.

We want to be closer to our children, we want to stop being nagging, stressed out wives. We want time to be better friends with the other women in our lives, we want to have the time, space, and focus to love others and be present for them.

Let’s not get so caught up in being the editors of our homes that we hurt those around us.

Obviously, there’s a huge difference between someone giving a gift to you or your kids and someone who is blatantly against the way you’re choosing to live and continuously brings things over when you’ve kindly asked them not to. But what we’re talking about here is making minimalism into some legalistic law you follow to the death, no matter who you take down in the process.

It’s easy to do as we fight for the motherhood we want, so I encourage you to take a scoopful of grace if you’re feeling like you’ve gone down this path.

When it’s your child’s birthday, have a grateful heart.

Be honest when people ask what he’d like as a gift, but don’t keep other people in your life from blessing your kids. Ask for an experience gift over a material gift, tell them how much he loves *insert child’s favorite activity*, but don’t be upset when the day comes and he receives toys you know he doesn’t need.

Minimalism, the way I teach it and the way I believe in it, isn’t about only having what you need. Where’s the joy in that anyway?

When you get a basket of lotions and candles from your mother-in-law, give her an authentic hug. She cares about you! It doesn’t matter if the gift was totally obligatory or truly heartfelt- it’s a gift, and gifts are exclamations of love. Value your relationships over the state of your home- that’s what you came into this for in the first place, right?

Plus, I can tell you having spent years on the “other side” of minimalism with four kids… if you simplify your home and live this out day to day, gifts can’t set you back!

You don’t have to fret over the little things or stress out about how many presents your kids get for Christmas. When everything else is truly simplified, there’s room for holidays and birthdays and tokens of love from the people in your life. It’s okay.

My advice to anyone looking to implement minimalism is this: walk away from the legalism of it.

Don’t count your things, don’t guard your home from gifts like a lioness guarding her cubs. Just focus on simplifying what you can control and remember what matters most in this life- loving the people in it.

Are you struggling to become a minimalist mama? It’s hard! But like any labor, so worth it. When you say “no more” to the cycle of clutter and chaos, you get your life back.

You can be the mom who sits down and plays with her kids, the mom who isn’t stretched so thin all the time.

My course, Your Uncluttered Home,  is the A to Z of realistic, doable minimalism for mothers. In it, I walk you through the issues you’ll face during this lifestyle change (what if your husband isn’t on board, what if your kids aren’t, do you sell or donate your things, etc) as well as the decluttering process for each and every room in your home.

There’s a section just for your kids, taught by my daughter Bella. There are checklists and worksheets and interviews and videos for you to make this happen in your life. There’s a reason this course has earned me global attention and interviews on multiple national news networks and websites- it works!

If you’re ready to dive in and make a forever impact in your home, yourself, and your family, I’ve got your back, mama. Let’s make it happen!

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