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An Open Letter to My Loved Ones About Gift Giving

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Every week, I work with women to simplify their homes and their lives. I love what I do and the freedom it brings to families! 

Over the years, I’ve seen a gap during the holidays. Women are afraid the influx of gifts will re-clutter their homes and they don’t want to lose their newfound spare time and joy, but they also don’t know exactly what to say to their well-meaning relatives about their over-giving. 

I don’t think Christmas, birthdays or other times of giving should be tightly monitored (talk about losing out on joy!), but I understand that some of you have people in your lives who just give way too much, and it’s really overwhelming. It can feel like an impediment on your boundaries, and it can actually be that too.

This blog post was written by me for you to use as your voice if you can’t find the words. Share it to your socials, post it to your Facebook wall, send it in an email… whatever you want. Borrow my words, friend. I got you.

I also included the option to get an editable, more personalized version of this letter you can fill in with your relative’s name and more details about what your kids might like as gifts. You can snag that at the bottom of this post at no cost to you 🙂

If you want me to help you simplify your life, I’m here and I’m ready to lighten your load!

xo Allie

DEAR LOVED ONE, 

I’m writing this to you with a mix of appreciation and apprehension.  Appreciation for you and how much you love my family, apprehension because I don’t want you to view me as ungrateful or unkind, and I have no desire to offend or upset you.

You have gone so above and beyond with my kids – I love that you love so big! It’s beautiful. I look at that and feel so honored that my kids get to have someone like you in their lives. What I want to say has nothing to do with your love… it’s about my own limits. 

Over the past few months, I’ve been on a really important journey that’s involved a lot of learning. It started with the Google search bar – I was looking for some help because I was feeling so overwhelmed at home and in life. 

It felt like all I did was maintain our physical space. I was constantly cleaning up and it was constantly being undone behind me; it was never-ending and sort of depressing! All I want is to run a home I enjoy being in and spend quality time with my family. It felt like I was always choosing between those two things rather than living them out in any sort of balance.

I found some interesting things in my research… did you know that a study done at Princeton found that you could cut down on housework by at least 40% if you just didn’t have clutter in your home? 40%! That’s so much weight removed from a busy mom’s week.

I also found a study done at UCLA, which found a distinct link in women between the amount of clutter in their homes and their cortisol levels. More stuff, higher levels of stress, automatically. 

This study also found that women relate how they feel when they walk into their home to how they feel about their family. That’s intense because of what clutter makes us feel (stress). So to willingly create an environment that makes me feel that way about my family? That didn’t sit well with me. 

I found multiple studies showing the effect of too many toys and options on children – it’s honestly alarming and sad! I want the kids to grow up knowing how to play… really play. I want them to use their imaginations, go outside, thrive! 

As I was reading this research and more like it, it all started to hit me. It made so much sense that I’d been feeling so heavy and burdened in day-to-day life… we had so much excess in our home. It was a lot to maintain – too much! I made a decision to clear physical clutter in hopes of lightening things up a bit.

What happened was so much more than that! It was like we literally created more time in our days, just by removing some excess. We got rid of some dishes, clothing, and toys that were simply not being used, plus the random “stuff” hiding in our closets and drawers, and that was all it took for things to get better. 

I found that I had more energy, more time, more space for things I actually like and use. I noticed an improvement in my marriage and the way I spoke to my family (must be the decrease in stress!). I also felt like I looked forward to my days a little more. This process was doing so much good for us!

Here we are now, at this time of giving gifts, and I know you want to give so big and love on the kids and I so much. Can I be honest and just say that I’m anxious about it? I’m hoping I can be transparent because I want that relationship with you. I have no desire to offend you or take any joy from you!

It’s just that, I feel so much lighter these days, and I’ve seen how “stuff” takes a toll on our home, our kids, on mental health and happiness. I know you love our family and your giving comes from a place of expressing that love, so I want to be honest about where I’m at and ask if we can find another way to do this moving forward. I would love for you to feel like you get to love the socks off all of us, and for me to not feel anxiety about this happy time of year. I’d love your help in raising the kids to know how to play, how to create, how to imagine and be present in the sweetness of childhood.

I’m really excited about the possibilities with this new way of giving and celebrating… I feel like experiences and really amazing gifts can come from this.

There are experiences the kids would love a membership to, there are a few toys they really want and would actually play with I can tell you about, there are interests and hobbies they’re interested in that you could buy supplies for… there are so many gifts that would be not only worth your financial while, but great for our family and aligned with my vision in raising the kids.

I love you, and I want us to both enjoy this time of year. I am happy to hear your thoughts as well, and to help you purchase things that will be good for the kids and actually get loved and played with. I want us to be on the same team! Thank you for hearing me out and for being the kind of person I’m glad to have in my family. 

If you want to customize this letter to fit your family, I’ll send you a more personalized, editable version so you can make it your own.

SEND IT TO ME!

An Intentional Christmas: How to give your kids a humble holiday

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I remember three years ago at this time of year, I felt like I was standing still while the world and my loved ones spun around me. The buying, the driving in crazy traffic, the overspending, the baking of every cookie, the hosting of all the parties, the yelling and the cleaning, the gotta get that one perfect present, the credit card maxing, the feeling of obligation- that was Christmas all around me. My once favorite time of year was turning into a very stressful, very heavy burden. I had kids old enough to get it, I had to be an adult now- one of the stressed out ones who yelled and drove and spent all the money to make sure my kids had a wonderful Christmas morning.

But did I? Did I really?

The toys our kids had were taking over the entire house. I was spending hours once a week reorganizing all the dolls and trucks and train tracks, only for all of it to get dumped out again. The kids weren’t even benefiting from it. They’d just get overwhelmed looking for that one favorite toy, or better yet they’d get bored and wander out to whine at my feet.

The last thing my children needed was more toys, more stuff. 

I realized we didn’t have to do this. We could do something different. We could live the Christmas season with true joy instead of putting up pretty signs that read the word while over-spending, over-obligating, and over-stressing ourselves to the point of begging for January. We decided we weren’t going to be like everybody else, and that’s when we discovered minimalism.

To me, minimalism is about asking why before bringing a new item into my home. It’s about saying no to the American way of all the things, all the money, the most expensive, the best, the newest, the biggest. It’s about quieting our flesh and living in gratitude with what we need, what brings us joy, adds to our life, and teaching our children to live the same way.

We’ve brought minimalism into our toys, clothes, belongings, and daily life, and I’ve talked about it quite a bit here on my blog, but today I’m sharing how we do our merry little minimalist Christmas. 

A woman at church once told me about the idea of following the example of the wise men in giving our children gifts for Christmas. I looked into it and something clicked. This is what we should be doing, this is how we can create true joy at Christmas time and say no to stressing out. 

The idea is, Jesus got three gifts at Christmas, one from each wise man. We take that and copy it- three gifts for each child. 

Maybe you think this is insane, or unfair to my kids, or sad, too extreme, or nontraditional. To that I say, we’ve been doing this for three years now, and my children have had some beautiful Christmas mornings. The joy on their faces proves they aren’t missing a thing. And honestly, the holiday traditions in our country are extremely materialistic and self-centered, so I hope to God that our Christmas is nontraditional.

Why would I teach my kids to be grateful, to give, that Jesus is the reason, and then overload them with a ridiculous amount of things they don’t need?

I feel compelled to practice what I preach, and if Jesus is truly the reason for the season, our Christmas and how we spend these precious weeks should reflect that.

Here’s why we love the wisemen practice…

1. It cultivates gratitude, and discourages a sense of entitlement and greed in a materialistic time of year.

We don’t feel like we’re missing anything, because who would miss stress? We get all the benefits of Christmas morning- presents, a beautiful tree, love, excitement, anticipation- there’s just no stress attached to it.

2. Three gifts per kid allows us to give quality presents.

We are able to afford some pretty awesome gifts for our kids because we know we are only buying them three each. Bella wants a bike? Sure! Because we don’t also have to get her twelve other things.

The holiday season is almost here! Oh my gosh, it can feel super overwhelming but it doesn’t have to be that way this year.

What if this year the holiday season was just as fun, just as magical and just as exciting for you as a parent, as you’re trying to make it for your kids?

My course, Merry Little Christmas, will do that for you! It is just $15 and I know that it will help guide you through a simple, yet fun holiday season!

I WANT A MORE JOY FILLED CHRISTMAS!

3. The bar is set at realistic.

Our kids don’t expect a tree spewing wrapped boxes on Christmas morning. There is no previous precedent of an elaborate morning spent opening loads of presents. My dad told me that one of his biggest regrets as a parent is overdoing it on Christmas morning. He said if he could tell me to do one thing, it would be to keep Christmas about Jesus and go easy on the gifts, because the bar is set high for him, and my siblings (who are twelve and fourteen years younger than me) are greedy. It’s pretty heavy that, of all the things he could have said he’d change as a parent, it was that. It matters.

4. No stress for the parents.

Brian and I love Christmas time. We don’t have to save a bunch of money or max out a credit card or go shopping every weekend in the crazy mall traffic. We feel like we get a new version of the Christmas joy we experienced as kids. We get to give to our kids and see their faces light up and not carry a financial burden. Christmas should be joyous, and if it isn’t, maybe it’s time to try something different.

5. More money and time for fun holiday activities. 

Since we aren’t spending every available penny and minute on shopping for our kids, we have money to do all the fun things and events that come with this season. Weekend trips are a possibility because we aren’t broke from shopping. Brian and I like to spend our money on getting out and experiencing things rather than buying material items. You make more memories that way!

6. More money and time for the whole point- giving back.

Everybody says that Christmas is a time for giving and blessing others and spreading joy, but I haven’t seen many people actually doing that except within their own families. Do our children really need to be given all we’ve got at Christmas? There are so many strangers who are hurting and needing some love, some Jesus, and there are so many ways to give! Just Google it and you’ll see how easy it is to get involved. If you don’t know where to start, start by contacting your local food bank. Seeing your kids smile and feel the joy of giving to strangers is one of the greatest gifts in the world. It’s a gift you’re giving to them too- character.

I know some of you have asked me about how grandparents factor into the minimalism lifestyle and I want to address that here, because we all know Christmas is a prime example of our kids receiving extra from family.

Honestly, I’m still learning, but what has worked for me so far is saying what would actually be great for Christmas if I’m asked. Books are always welcome, so are arts and craft supplies, outdoor toys, audio-stories, etc. But our kids always end up getting lots of toys from relatives, and I just have a grateful heart that they are loved so much. Sure there’s some extra stuff in my house after Christmas, but it takes even more pressure off of Brian and I when relatives give to our kids. Also, toys break and kids get sick of them quickly, so we donate what isn’t being used as soon as it’s hit its peak in our house. 😉

I always try to cover all the bases in my posts, but if you still have a question I will always see it and I am happy to respond! Just leave a comment. Thank you for reading, friend! Have a very merry Christmas, and take true joy this year. Leave the stress in the dirt.

A Merry Little Christmas

A short video course to help you get intentional, simplify, and pursue LESS this Christmas. 

So… are you in?

I want to enjoy this christmas!