I’m getting really practical in today’s episode. I’m telling you exactly how I got things done in the early days of my business when I had three toddlers and a baby. I get asked about this a lot so let’s dive in!
In This Episode Allie discusses:
Business Breakthrough Bootcamp (BBB)
The beginning days of her business
Changing what you can and accepting the chaos
Getting centered in the middle of the chaos
Dealing with mom guilt
Checking your work boundaries
Setting your kids up to busy themselves/setting expectations
Mentioned in this Episode:
Courses (Use the code PURPOSESHOW for 10% off!)
Mom life. We’re surrounded by the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. We’re supposed to get through it. Survive. Cling on by the last little thread. And at the same time, Carpe Diem—enjoy every moment because it’s going to go by so fast. The typical mom culture that sends us all kinds of mixed, typically negative messages: We shouldn’t take care of ourselves; it’s selfish. The more ragged you run yourself, the bigger your badge of honor. But also, ditch your mom bod and work out. Don’t yell. Make more money. Show up. Be better, but not at the expense of time with your kids. I am putting a hard stop to all of this. While being a mom, running a business, and whatever else you might have going on is hard. It is a lot and there’s lots of giving of yourself. The idea that motherhood means living a joyless, nonstop-hustle-with-zero-balance kind of life where you give and give and give and never take, needs to stop.
I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime (at least most days). Stop the mom guilt and shame game. Stop cleaning up after your kids’ childhood and start being present for it. I want to help you thrive in work, home and life. I believe in John 10:10 that we are called to living an abundant life and I know moms are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, some business and life hacks, spirituality and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.
Hey friend! We have been talking about business so much more here on The Purpose Show and it makes me so, so happy! I love that my message gets to evolve and shift as I do as a person.
Speaking of business, I have created a 3-day Online Bootcamp that’s going to be super easy and really fun for all of you online business owners that are listening. I’m calling it The Business Breakthrough Bootcamp (BBB) and we’re going to go over three days together in a livestream, so you’re going to get to be there with me. It’s a webinar-style live via zoom and you can talk to me and ask questions.
I am going to teach something every single day, something that is going to cause you to break through a wall in your business. Maybe it’s going to be limiting beliefs. Another day we’ll do some strategy. And a different day, we’ll do thought processes and breakthroughs that you need to have as the CEO.
We are going to talk about the spirit side of things and the strategy side of things making one magical combo of real breakthrough and lasting impact that you can carry with you in your business so you can go implement change and let things be better in your business.
The work that you do will feel better. You’ll feel like you have internal clarity and that’s going to show up in you because how you feel, your wellness and wholeness as a person and as a soul is directly reflected in the results you see in your business. If there is one thing I’ve learned as a business owner, it is definitely that.
This bootcamp is totally free. I was going to charge about $50 for it and I decided to make it free.
To sign up I want you to go to alliecasazza.com/bbb. It’s totally free! I’m really, really looking forward to seeing you there!
I can’t wait to talk with you and help you! Let’s break through your business hurdles together!
Hello, beautiful babes! I’m so excited to talk with you today because we’re getting really practical. We’re talking about how I got things done in my business in the beginning. This is when I had a baby who was about one-year-old and three toddlers.
All four of my kids were born within about five/five and a half years of each other. At one point, before I had my last kid, Emmett, I had three under three.
They were all in diapers at one point because my oldest regressed when my third was born and went back to diapers for a little bit because she just was freaking out that her new brother was there.
Motherhood is crazy. It’s so insane. It’s so good and so hard all at once.
At this point in my motherhood, I had the three toddlers. I had Bella, Leland and Hudson. They were toddlers. And then I had Emmett who was about one-year-old.
We were living in the Midwest. We are from Southern California, born and raised here. We live here now, but for a brief stint, we moved to the mountains of Northwest Arkansas for the job that Brian had at the time.
And it was there, without our support system, without our family around us, that I started this company. I was nursing Emmett. He was still breastfeeding.
He was my only baby that had issues sleeping. All of my other babies were really good sleepers. They slept through the night really early and it was pretty good-to-go, pretty easy. But Emmett wouldn’t sleep and it was a really, really crazy time.
Definitely the worst time in my life to start a business. I feel like that’s how things go and that’s why I’m unafraid to make decisions now. Because I’ve just learned that most of the time when there’s something that is calling you, something that you really need to do to line yourself up with a purpose that God has for you, it’s usually at what feels like the worst time ever.
I want to get into that today because I get asked a lot, “How did you do it in the little years? I’m working. I’m starting a business. I’m trying to create an online presence. I’ve got little kids and it’s really hard.”
So we’re going to dive into that today.
The first thing I want to point out is that this time in my life was insane. Starting and running a business with three toddlers and a breastfeeding baby with my husband gone all the time and no money to hire a babysitter or help. It was insane.
The first thing that I did to get things done was realize that it was insane and I let it be insane. I didn’t try to lie to myself or make it not insane. Actually, I did try that for a while but I stopped because it was causing so much unnecessary frustration and so much chaos.
I stopped trying to make it not crazy. I learned I didn’t need to try to stop the chaos, try to make everything light and clear for me to sit down in quiet and focus and get work done. I learned that I needed to just let it be. It was going to be noisy and it was going to be crazy.
I didn’t have money to hire a babysitter so that I could go work at a coffee shop. I didn’t have an office. We lived in a tiny townhouse.
We were in the brokest time of our life. If you haven’t listened to Episode 6, you can go and hear our story and you’ll know exactly how bad it was. I didn’t have any options.
If I really let myself feel that frustration of, “This is insane. I’m trying to do something and they’re not helping me. They’re being so crazy”… that kind of control, that push to make things a certain way and make things perfect would lead to me being an insane mom. To being verbally abusive, yelling and freaking out because I was in that stressed out place.
Instead I didn’t try to make it not crazy. I learned to get centered in the midst of the insanity. This was really when my mindset and inner work, my spirituality work, really began.
God really began to show me how much of the time I was saying, “Oh God, help me get this done. Help me and help them to just be good today.”
Really putting it out there for help instead of realizing that there was so much power in the way I was thinking about my day. There was so much power in the way that I was thinking, in the way that I was talking, the way that I was feeling and being.
I had been given, by my Creator, so much inner control and that was where I could control things. That’s where my focus on controlling needed to go. Not on my kids, not on the noise level, and not on how the house was feeling.
There are some things that you can do to make things feel lighter and honestly that’s what I do in my business. But in terms of starting and running a business when you have three toddlers, a breastfeeding baby and no help and no money, that’s insanity.
Let it be insane. Let it be the chaos that it is because you can’t really change that. The things that I needed to do in my business were the things that were going to change that.
Now that I have a business and it’s turned into this big company, it’s employing people, it’s making money and making an impact, I can hire help. I can get silent. I can pay to set myself up to go and get silence.
But before, that wasn’t an option. So trying to control that and trying to change that was not going to do anything. But getting centered in the midst of the insanity, in the midst of the noise and the chaos, that allowed me to start a business in the middle of all that and then get the results that I needed to change my life.
Because money gives you choices. You’re able to hire. You’re able to create peace.
You’re able to go and do the things that you really need to do. But if you don’t have a choice, you don’t have a choice. And that was my situation.
So the first step of all this is learning to get centered and to get focused in the midst of the chaos. I think that doing that inner work, that spiritual mindset work is so important.
I changed what I could. I simplified my home. I simplified my life.
I let go of commitments. I let go of extra things. I really created an atmosphere where my job was to raise my kids and start this business. And I swung on the pendulum between those two things throughout the day as needed.
I changed what felt heavy that didn’t need to be heavy. There was no need for me to have a bunch of excess stuff and constantly need to be cleaning up. I had those things in order. I had things simplified so that I could focus.
You can’t control every single thing that your kids say and do. You can’t control their moods. It’s not going to feel good in your family if you’re trying to control that.
If them being in a bad mood or having a temper tantrum totally derails your day and you’re treating them like that, that’s not going to feel good to anybody. That’s not going to make you the mom that I know you really want to be.
All of that is going to get ruined and in the end you’re not even going to have the result that you want, which was peace and quiet to get your work done. You really just need to get centered and really learn to thrive in the noise and chaos.
I wrote a book in the middle of all that noise. I self-published a book in the middle of all of that. I wrote so many blog posts in such noise and chaos.
Change what you can; let go of the rest. Let it be chaos. Learn to center yourself. Don’t put the control on your family; put the control on yourself.
So much important self-development that has served me for the rest of my life and will continue to serve me as long as I live happened in those days. In that townhouse with me trying to start this business in the middle of so much noise with toddlers and a baby.
The second thing that helped me get things done in the beginning was I dealt with the mom guilt. I’ve had some friends that have told me that they just don’t really struggle with mom guilt and working. They don’t really know what it’s like.
They don’t resonate with that. But that’s not been my experience at all. I deeply, deeply struggled with mom guilt. It still is a part of my life.
In the beginning I was working a lot, starting this business and getting things done. And my struggle was I had gone from being a full-time stay-at-home mom to starting a business. I had never been a working mom.
This really felt like the opposite of all the motherhood that I had lived up to that point. Some moms are stay-at-home moms and then they go to a full time job outside of the home. And that’s really the opposite kind of motherhood.
But my focus was pulled. I had something else that I was cultivating. I had something else that I was working on and it was taking a lot of hours. I really felt that pull and I felt guilty for that.
It also felt like my business wasn’t legit for a while. I felt like, “Who am I to be spending time away from these babies focused on something else for so many hours a week when it’s not even making any money yet?”
There was a lot of turmoil and guilt around that. But here’s the thing that I’ve learned that I really want to pass on to you if this is where you are—you’re not just a mom.
I feel like so many of you, so many of us as women, we become mothers and then we think, “Well, that’s it. Now I’m a mom.”
You’re still a woman. You’re still a person. And in terms of what is hopefully going to be a very long and happy life that you’re going to live, the time that you’re spending with your kids living in your home, raising them is actually very short.
You’re so much more than just a mom. You have a purpose. You have passions. You have hobbies.
You have things that you enjoy doing and things that you don’t enjoy doing. You might have business ideas. There’s so much in you.
You’re not “just a mom.” It doesn’t make a lot of sense to allow ourselves to continue to feel guilty over having something else. We don’t do this with anything else.
Let’s say I’m a lawyer. That’s my identity. I am a lawyer.
I’m pouring everything into my job, into my work, into being a lawyer. I’m all the time pouring over everything. I’m constantly working.
I’m constantly learning, growing, expanding, and taking on new clients. I’m in the courtroom. I’m working in my office all the time. That would actually be considered a bad thing, right?
This only happens with being a mom. You become a mom and it’s like if your every waking moment isn’t spent pouring out of yourself into your children then there’s guilt. It’s ridiculous because you’re not just a mom.
You are a person. It’s ridiculous that we would feel bad about not spending every second with our kids. One thing that I learned that I got really good at was realizing that my mom guilt may not go away. I feel like there’s kind of a theme here.
Not trying to change the chaos and just understand that the chaos is going to be a part of my day. Learning how to get really centered and working in the midst of the chaos. Not trying to change all the mom guilt, get rid of it, and feel no mom guilt.
Realizing that the mom guilt might still hang around. It might be a part of me. It still might hang out with me throughout the day.
It’s kind of like anxiety for me. It’s still there. It doesn’t always just go away, but I’m not freaking out about it.
I’m not trying to change it. I just acknowledge that the mom guilt is there and I don’t try to pretend that it’s not. I move on with my day. I acknowledge that I’m feeling guilty and I go forward.
And sometimes mom guilt goes with me all day and sometimes it just stops. It leaves. It’s just getting okay with the fact that you feel guilty.
Don’t feel like, “Oh my gosh, I have to do something about this. Oh my gosh, I just can’t believe I feel so guilty. I just can’t go on with the day.”
That’s where I’m at right now. I regularly struggle with mom guilt.
This will probably change whenever we move, but for now I have moved my office out of my home because we needed that room for the kids. I rented an apartment and use it as an office. The apartment is right outside of the neighborhood that we live in, so now I actually physically leave and go to work some days of the week.
Sometimes I just work at home because it’s fine. I like it. But some days, when I really need to record and focus and have quiet, I leave.
I struggle with that and have been learning to understand that maybe the mom guilt is just going to hang out with me today. It’s still okay. I just acknowledge that it’s there and I don’t try to pretend that it’s not.
I move on. I go on about my day. I record my episodes. I write my emails. I get my work done. Sometimes it leaves and sometimes it stays.
Hey business babes, listen closely! This is huge!
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This morning, my daughter was just really not feeling well. She woke up and said, “Mom, I feel weird. I have a weird headache. I feel like I might throw up or something. I don’t know.”
When I was getting ready for work, I said, “Okay, go lay down and I’ll come check on you.”
Brian gave her a bowl just in case she was going to throw up. He gave her some water and was watching her and we left her in there. I got ready for my day and when I had my bag and was about to leave for the office, I went to check on her.
She was better. She said, “I’m not going to throw up. I just don’t feel good.”
I kissed her on the head and left. And I had these thoughts of, “Oh my gosh, what would people think if they knew that I just went to work on something that could have been pushed till next week when my daughter’s not feeling well?”
Then I thought, “Wait, what am I even going to do? She’s going to go to sleep. I have things that do need to get done. Yeah, they could wait until next week because I’m the boss, but that’s going to cause so much stress. That means next week I’m going to have to work even more on these projects that are up in the air right now. It’s not going to do anything for me to just stay here and there’s other things that need to get done. I’m a person, not just a mom. So in this case, letting her be there, knowing that Brian’s going to be there with her and going ahead and going to my office for about five hours, that’s the best thing to do.”
Other times when my kids have been really ill and they really needed their mom, I have canceled things. It’s just about feeling into yourself and knowing as the mom that you have that gut instinct. You know what to do, you can feel if it’s a stay home situation or if it’s a push through situation.
And it’s okay to push through. No one should feel guilty for that.
My friend Jessica and I did an episode together about mom guilt. She says when you experience mom guilt, ask if there’s anything in that feeling you could use to be productive. Does anything need to happen because of this mom guilt?
Are you feeling guilty for a reason? Where is it coming from? Do you feel like you need to maybe take Fridays off or do something on the weekend together as a family instead of just vegging out?
Is there anything productive that could come from the mom guilt? If not, let it go.
I want to send you guys to Episode 83 and 122. They are both about mom guilt and you need to go listen if you struggle with this. I’ll link to them in the show notes. They dive way deeper into mom guilt.
Dealing with my mom guilt definitely helped me get more things done in the beginning of my business.
With the next two things I want to get a little bit more practical. One thing that I did to get things done in the beginning was I empowered my kids to busy themselves. I feel like we take on this need as moms to keep our kids so busy, especially when they’re toddlers and little.
They have just come out of the baby stage and needed us for everything, so we just take on this need to constantly keep them entertained, make sure they’re so happy and there’s zero negativity in their day, and they’re completely entertained and busy. But even toddlers can learn to busy themselves.
When Emmett was a baby and I was starting the business and really working a lot he was either in his playpen with some toys, I was wearing him, he was napping, or he was crawling around in an area where I could see him and not worry about him getting hurt on something.
At this time in my life, we definitely had so many less decorations, no plants, nothing. If you follow me on Instagram, you know how much I love decorating and I love having a beautifully decorated house. But at this point in my life we really didn’t.
I took a hit there because the more stuff that I had decorating my home, the more things that Emmett could get into while I was working. So it was just about balance. I put up everything.
I got rid of plants, knickknacks, and things that he could grab. I needed to know that he could crawl around the living room floor and not eat anything, knock anything over, drop something on himself, or get hurt. I would sit on the couch with my headphones in and be watching him crawl around and play—with the baby gates blocking off the stairs in the kitchen—and just let him be.
He loved that freedom. He would crawl or walk around, toddle around, and climb up on me while I was typing an email or whatever needed to be done. Toddlers can busy themselves and that just takes training.
You have to teach your kids how to be in your home, and a lot of the time we have taught them to need constant entertainment. So, take my friend Tonya Dalton’s advice and give your kids a list of things that they can do. Make them pictures if they can’t read yet and tell them that when it’s time for mommy to work they get to choose something to do from the list.
Then you just get them set up and you get to work. Make a list of things like: you get to play with these special toys that are only toys that come out when mommy’s going to work. Or you get to go in the backyard and do this activity or paint on this canvas.
Pick things that they are excited about and that are only on the list for when mommy is working and then tell them that when the timer goes off, they can interrupt you. But until the timer goes off, no interrupting mom. Set those expectations and boundaries with your kids.
Even if they’re little, even if they’re toddlers, it’s so good for them. You’re teaching them that they’re not the center of the universe. That you have other things. It’s healthy, it’s good.
Obviously, you’re a mom of little kids and flexibility is key. There are going to be interruptions. But you can seriously limit interruptions if you think outside the box, do things a different way, set those expectations with your kids, and teach them that this is the way your family works.
At this point, I’ll say, “I’m going to go get some work done, but after this let’s play Mario together.”
And they’re okay with that. It’s just normal.
I’m their mom, yeah. But I also have a business and my business is a really big priority for me as well. I talk about it a lot.
It comes up in conversation in our family a lot. They know about it. They know the successes that I’ve had.
We talk about it. When I’m stressed, I’m working on a project, or I have a deadline, they know they’re a part of it. And I think that’s really important.
The final thing I wanted to talk about when it comes to how I got things done in the beginning was I changed my work boundaries to work with me, not against me. And this is huge.
Some people swear by their work boundaries. They say, “These are my work hours. These are the hours that I work. And that’s it.”
And that’s great if that works for you. And if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. But for me, I had to change that.
I had set really strict work hours and really strict work boundaries because I thought that was going to be the key to me “balancing” (I hate that word) my family, my kids, and running a business without my husband home, without any hired help, and without my family as a support system.
But having strict work hours actually cramped my creativity and it really didn’t make me happy. I really didn’t like it. Sometimes I just wanted to work. Typically I work at this time in the morning or whatever, but if I need to, I’ll change that. If there’s a park day I want to take the kids to, I’m going to change that and work later.
I liked to have things that would support me in getting my work done. Like the idea of keeping the kids busy with this list of things they can do only when I’m working. I could pull out that list to set myself up for a work session anytime of the day rather than saying I always work from 10 to 1 because it just left no room for flexibility.
And honestly, when you have little kids you need so much flexibility. It’s the key to everything. It’s so helpful.
For me, I have boundaries around where other people are involved. Right now I have a team. I didn’t have a team then, but I have a team now. I need to have boundaries in place when it comes to my team and they need to be strict.
For example, saying, “These are the days that I am tuned off to Team Allie. Don’t reach out to me. I’ll let you know if I am working and it’s okay when I normally don’t. But typically Friday afternoon, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday do not reach out to me. Those are the days that I am typically off.”
And if I want to work, I will, but that doesn’t mean that I want Team Allie reaching out to me asking questions. Those are boundaries that I set and those are helpful boundaries because they give me space to be with my family or work on my business quietly without interruption from my team. There are places where boundaries work really well.
But sometimes I want to let the kids have dinner without me and I’m going to duck into my room with my laptop and outline a new episode instead of sitting and having dinner with them. And sorry, I just don’t feel guilty because inspiration hit. I’m not just a mom, I’m a person and there’s nothing wrong with me working on something when inspiration hits and it feels right.
If strict work hours and time boundaries are your thing, you do you. But if they’re making you feel stressed or like you can’t get stuff done in a creative mode because of them, then reconsider and do what works with you not against you.
When my kids were really little and I didn’t have any help, I didn’t have a team, and I was starting this business, in the very beginning I got up at 4:00 AM. There were times where we were in a crisis. We needed to make more money.
With my husband’s job, our lifestyle was not sustainable. It was a crisis mode. I got into Wonder Woman mode and I made you know what happen.
I got it done. I made it happen. I did what I had to do because I am a woman.
I am strong. I am powerful. And I am going to save this family and support us in the way that we need.
My husband was on board. He supported me in this. I was supporting him by doing what I was doing.
We were a team. I made it happen. I feel like a hero with what I accomplished and I’m not ashamed to say that.
But after, when I was running the business and things had picked up and it was not 4:00 AM time anymore (I did that for about a year), when I was working in my business without a team, managing little kids and all that, and not getting up at 4:00 AM anymore because I didn’t want to give myself some kind of terminal illness from not sleeping, the best thing that I did was just to feel into the ease and flow of the day.
I’d ask myself when is it going to work for me to get some work done? If it was 9:30 AM and the kids had had breakfast and they were just kind of hanging out and that seemed like a good time, great. I’d tell the kids, “Hey guys, pick something off the list of busy work for you to do. I’m going to set a timer for one hour and when it goes off, we’ll have lunch together or you can interrupt me if the timer goes off. But until then you can do this or this or this. What are you going to choose to do?”
Then I’d give them a little snack cup and some sippy cups and get into work. Sometimes that would be 10:00 AM. Sometimes that would be 10:00 PM.
Sometimes it would be during dinner. Give the kids cereal for dinner and let them watch a show while I work on my laptop with my headphones on the couch. If you need to ease and flow, ease and flow. If you need to have set boundaries and that’s helping you get things done, have set boundaries.
I have had seasons where I’ve had really strict boundaries in my business and that’s what worked. And I have had seasons in my business where there was a lot of flow, a lot of whatever works, and that’s what helped me get things done.
So, here are the action steps for you if you are running a business and you have little kids:
Number 1: Change what you can change to support yourself to make things easier. Let the rest go. Accept that it will be chaotic.
Number 2: Get centered in the middle of the chaos. Learn to control your inner self, not trying to control your outer circumstances and your family.
Number 3: Deal with your mom guilt. Deal with it in a way that helps you move past it even if it means it’s still kind of hanging around but you just move on.
Number 4: Check your work boundaries. Are they working with you or against you?
Number 5: Set your kids up to busy themselves. Create expectations for while you are working.
This is all easier said than done. This all needs to be made very flexible for each of you. You all have different kids, different lifestyles.
Some of you have special needs kids. Some of you are at different phases in your business. But wherever you’re at, I am here to support you.
If you’re not already a part of The Purpose Show community on Facebook, head over there, get approved and ask your questions. Let’s start a conversation. We have discussions being posted about this episode.
Go join the conversation and let’s help each other. I want to support you!
I’m really excited for you too! If you have little kids and you’re starting a business, you are doing something that’s going to be so amazing and really better your family. Not just because of money but because you’ve stepped into your purpose.
You’re not afraid to do both at the same time. You’re not waiting for the kids to grow. You’re pursuing your purpose now and you’re believing that you can find a balance that feels good for you.
I believe that for you too and I’m so proud of you!
Thanks so much for hanging out with me! In case you didn’t know, there’s actually an exclusive community that’s been created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions around The Purpose Show episodes. It’s designed to get you to actually take action and make the positive changes that we talk about here. I want you to go and be a part of it. To do that, go to alliecasazza.com/facebookgroup.
Thank you so much for tuning in! If you’d like to learn more about me, how I can help you, how you can implement all these things and more into your life to make it simpler, better, and more abundant, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, online courses, programs, and other resources to help you create the life you really want.
I am always rooting for you, friend! See you next time! I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.