Today I’m bringing you a really simple question that will help reveal to you what it is you really want. This is a really good one. You’re going to feel so inspired. Let’s jump in!
In This Episode Allie Discusses:
How to find out what you want
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Mom life. We’re surrounded by the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. We’re supposed to get through it. Survive. Cling on by the last little thread. And at the same time, Carpe Diem—enjoy every moment because it’s going to go by so fast. The typical mom culture that sends us all kinds of mixed, typically negative messages. We shouldn’t take care of ourselves; it’s selfish. The more ragged you run yourself, the bigger your badge of honor. But also, ditch your mom bod and work out. Don’t yell. Make more money. Show up. Be better, but not at the expense of time with your kids. I am putting a hard stop to all of this. While being a mom, running a business, and whatever else you might have going on is hard, it is a lot and there’s lots of giving of yourself, the idea that motherhood means living a joyless, nonstop-hustle-with-zero-balance kind of life, where you give and give and give and never take, needs to stop.
I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime (at least most days). Stop the mom guilt and shame game. Stop cleaning up after your kids’ childhood and start being present for it. I want to help you thrive in work, home and life. I believe in John 10:10 that we are called to living an abundant life and I know moms are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, some business and life hacks, spirituality and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.
Hello, my friends! Welcome to another episode of The Purpose Show podcast.
It has been a minute since I recorded an episode and it feels really good to be feeling inspired and to feel like my voice wants to carry, that it wants to say things. I went through a period of time where I was really feeling uninspired and heavy with things happening in our world.
Those times are necessary and good, but it doesn’t make for great creativity in my case. I am coming back to it and I really felt inspired to record tonight.
I want to bring something to you guys that I come back to, that Brian and I come back to a lot together. It’s a really simple question that I think can open up so much good stuff and help us reveal what it is that we really want.
Help us maybe notice where we’re settling. Notice where we are identifying with ways that we’re living, things that we’re doing, words we’re speaking.
Notice relationships we’re labeling as OK when they’re not okay. Relationships where there needs to be better boundaries, or it needs to be a more mutual exchange of love, or whatever the issue is.
Or even just how you want to feel or what you want to be when you grow up, as silly as that sounds on a podcast for grown women, for moms. But notice what your dreams are.
I don’t mean that to sound weird, overly cliche, overly positive or silly. To reveal what your dream is when you are raising humans is so antitypical mom culture, and I freaking love it. I’m all about it.
So, the question that I want to bring to you today is: Wouldn’t it be cool if…?
You can change the word to whatever you want. Wouldn’t it be amazing if…? Wouldn’t it be whatever you want if…? I like to just keep it simple and talk the way I talk and say, “Wouldn’t it be cool if…?”
Then just finish the sentence.
This is the best conversation starter with your partner. Brian and I take a lot of walks with the kids. We let them bring a lightsaber, a plastic dinosaur, or something to occupy them, and we just let them run ahead of us, while we walk side-by-side.
Starting a conversation in that setting with this question and then just kind of playing with it and dreaming a little bit together has opened up so many good conversations. It has actually, in the most casual and organic way, led to a lot of really big decisions.
This is actually the way, or part of the way, that we ended up moving to San Diego County. We’ve lived in southern California pretty much our whole relationship, minus our brief stint in the Midwest.
We always went to San Diego County. We always loved it. We always talked about living there, but it just was never really on the table.
I guess before the business was successful it didn’t really feel like a financial option. Then I think we went through a period of time where we felt like we would be disappointing people in our family if we moved a drive away from them instead of right next to them.
One day we said, “Wouldn’t it be cool if we just moved to Carlsbad? Why don’t we just go? We can. Let’s just do it.”
This one little question, whether you’re speaking it out to somebody in your life or just thinking to yourself while you get some work done.
Wouldn’t it be cool if…what?
What has been sitting in your mind? What has been coming up for you here or there when you’re in those brief quiet moments, in the fringe moments? When you’re in the shower?
When you’re driving to pick the kids up and they’re not in the car yet? When you’re sitting in the driveway with a sleeping baby in the car seat and you’re just sitting for a second? What comes up for you? What little desires are trying to peek through the cracks of your life?
What if you gave those things a little bit of space and you just asked, “Wouldn’t it be cool if I had my own business? Wouldn’t it be cool if we had two incomes but I was still able to stay home with the kids? Wouldn’t it be cool if we found a way to send the kids to this school that we really want them to go to, but feel like we can’t afford?
Wouldn’t it be cool if we didn’t live here anymore and we lived here? If we lived somewhere else? Wouldn’t it be cool if we finally made that crazy transition, made that crazy move we’ve talked about, did this crazy thing? Wouldn’t it be cool if we actually adopted a child? Whatever it is.
What is it for you? What comes up for you?
Do you want to start an Etsy shop? Do you want to have another baby? Do you want to take a crazy trip? Do you want to sell everything, buy an RV, renovate it, and then live in it like we did?
These crazy things we do in life. These beautiful, crazy things, these leaps we take, they make our life colorful. I think the question, “Wouldn’t it be cool if…?” can open that up for us.
Without asking a question like that every now and again aren’t we kind of just existing? Aren’t we just settling into the patterns? Aren’t we just reacting?
I don’t know about you, but I am not here to live a reactive life. I am here to live a think-outside-the-box, go bigger, get the message out wider, be louder, be bolder, a colorful, beautiful, eccentric, busy, full, purposeful, amazing, how-the-eff-did-she-do-that kind of life.
That is what I’m here to do. That’s what I’m aiming for. That is what I have always wanted. I finally admitted it to myself a few years ago and then started going out and getting it.
If we create our lives, if we create our reality with our thoughts, our words, and where we put our attention and set our intention, then let’s ask questions that raise it higher. Let’s ask questions that set the intention higher.
Let’s ask questions of ourselves that cause us to open up our brains a little bit, open up the box a little bit, dream a little bit more, and dream a little bit bigger. And again, this isn’t some cheesy cliche, overly positive, “you can do it!” but literally you can.
What do you want? What do you want?
You can be an epic present mom who is living this beautiful, simple, nonchaotic, nonreactive life and while you’re doing the dishes just ask yourself, “What do I want? What else?”
We’re meant to expand. Asking for more is not selfish. It is to be human. Settling is depression. It’s not being fully alive.
See what comes up for you. What have you been thinking of here or there in the fringe moments? What if you gave it space? What if you gave those little fringe moment thoughts some space in your life and you sat with it while you were in the bubble bath, jumping in for a quick rinse off in the shower, or going for a quick walk to the mailbox?
What if you went for a nighttime drive and just thought, “Wouldn’t it be cool if…?’” and you let those dreams and thoughts have some space to see how they go and where they take you? See how it feels?
What’s the worst that can happen if you give space to those things? You feel inspired to do something that might change your life and require work and effort? You’re hella inspired, so who cares?
Or you start to talk it out and realize, “Oh, actually, I really don’t want that.” Then you have clarity and the idea can stop bugging you.
Let’s turn the TV off and just sit and think for a second. Dream for a second.
Wouldn’t it be cool if I tried for this promotion? Or you applied for a different job? What would happen if we just didn’t do things this way anymore?
I just want to encourage you. Even when you’re experiencing great things, if you’re experiencing success, if you’re experiencing joy, it is still good to expand.
Brian and I are in this really beautiful season of the business and our life and things are good. They are full. They are purposeful. They’re really good.
We were getting ready in our bathroom together the other day. Our sinks are across the room from each other. He’s at his sink getting ready and I’m at my sink getting ready, and our backs are facing each other.
We could see each other in our mirrors and I said, “Wouldn’t it be cool if when our lease is done on this house we just got another RV and went everywhere with the kids?”
He said, “Yeah, I do miss that sometimes. That was so fun.”
“But this time we need more space. We need a really big motor home or something,” I said.
And he said, “Yeah, I saw this one the other day.”
Then we were talking about how would it work with the foster adoption? What would the timing be like? We started dreaming and it just kind of petered out.
We ended up talking about it while we got ready for the day. I went downstairs and had meetings for work. And that was it.
But it got the idea out. It got it in my head and we’ve just been kind of sitting with that. We’ve brought it up a couple more times since then.
It’s just there. It’s fun. It’s fun to have something like that there. It’s fun to see what will shake out.
It’s fun to dream. It’s fun to expand. It’s fun to not settle. It’s fun to just ask wild questions together or alone.
If you have a non-adventurous partner, who cares? Dream by yourself. You get yourself. You’re awesome with yourself.
Dream with yourself. Ask yourself the crazy questions. What would happen if… Wouldn’t it be cool if I could… What? What do you want?
Women have been suppressing what they want and not just doing the dang thing for far too long. Ask the question. Play with it and see how it feels.
Thanks so much for hanging out with me! In case you didn’t know, there’s actually an exclusive community that’s been created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions around The Purpose Show episodes. It’s designed to get you to actually take action and make the positive changes that we talk about here. I want you to go and be a part of it. To do that, go to alliecasazza.com/facebookgroup.
Thank you so much for tuning in! If you’d like to learn more about me, how I can help you, how you can implement all these things and more into your life to make it simpler, better, and more abundant, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, online courses, programs, and other resources to help you create the life you really want.
I am always rooting for you, friend! See you next time! I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.
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