Today I’m diving into how a scarcity mentality relates to our relationship with things. It can lead to hoarding at different levels, from super low key to extreme. I’m even talking about a hidden type of hoarding that I don’t think people realize is a version of hoarding. And just to be clear, this is a judgment free zone. No shame here. So, let’s dive in!
In this episode Allie discusses:
The difference between scarcity mentality and abundance mentality
Signs you’re living with a scarcity mentality
How to shift into an abundance mentality
Mentioned in this Episode:
Courses (Use the code PURPOSESHOW for 10% off!)
The Purpose Show Facebook Community
Michael Hyatt | Change Your Thinking
EP 006: How My Blog Got My Husband Out of his 9 to 5
DECLUTTER LIKE A MOTHER
Discover Allie Casazza’s powerful and proven method for clearing the clutter in your mind by first clearing the clutter in your home, the place where transformation begins.
Mom life. We’re surrounded by the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. We’re supposed to get through it. Survive. Cling on by the last little thread. And at the same time, Carpe Diem—enjoy every moment because it’s going to go by so fast. The typical mom culture that sends us all kinds of mixed, typically negative messages. We shouldn’t take care of ourselves; it’s selfish. The more ragged you run yourself, the bigger your badge of honor. But also, ditch your mom bod and work out. Don’t yell. Make more money. Show up. Be better, but not at the expense of time with your kids. I am putting a hard stop to all of this. While being a mom, running a business, and whatever else you might have going on is hard, it is a lot and there’s lots of giving of yourself, the idea that motherhood means living a joyless, nonstop-hustle-with-zero-balance kind of life, where you give and give and give and never take, needs to stop.
I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime (at least most days). Stop the mom guilt and shame game. Stop cleaning up after your kids’ childhood and start being present for it. I want to help you thrive in work, home and life. I believe in John 10:10 that we are called to living an abundant life and I know moms are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, some business and life hacks, spirituality and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.
Hello, my love! Welcome to The Purpose Show podcast. If you’re new here, I’m Allie. I’m so excited that you’re all here with me today.
I love podcasting. This is my first time back at the mic in a little while. There’s been a lot going on in my personal life and in my business. I had a bunch of episodes that I batched all at once a few months ago, so I’m back at the mic and really, really excited for this episode.
I feel like I need to say this right off the bat: there’s a lot here. We’ll see how the conversation goes and how I feel at the end, but this might be something that I do a follow-up episode on because it is such a loaded topic.
There are so many different layers to this. There are so many different perspectives. There are so many different ways this can look for different people.
It’s been a topic that I’ve wanted to have on the show for a long time but it just wasn’t naturally coming out of me, and I will never produce anything that isn’t naturally inspired. This one has been really on me for the last couple of weeks, so I’m ready to dive in.
Just in case you’re a new listener or maybe you just need a refresh, I want to cover some of the basics of things that you need to understand about me and what I do before we dive into this very loaded topic. I’ve been blogging on this topic for 10, 11 years and turned it into a business about six years ago.
This whole thing, what I do for mothers is help them remove clutter in their entire lives, beginning with their physical environment—their home. There’s physical clutter in our spaces.
There is also metaphorical clutter within your mentality. There’s clutter in your relationships. There’s clutter when you lack boundaries. When you have a bunch of obligatory things that you’re doing for other people and not taking care of yourself, or you feel really selfish for putting yourself first. All these kinds of things are metaphorical clutter.
There’s clutter in your calendar—your weeks, your days. How your life is going can get really cluttered by lots of different things.
I’ve created this method, this framework, over the past few years in my business. We start with the home. We start with the physical environment because I believe that your environment is affecting everything that you think, everything that you say, your conversations with your partner, with your kids, the way that you think and feel about your family, the way you think and feel about yourself.
Marshall Goldsmith says in his book Triggers, “If we do not create and control our environment, our environment creates and controls us.” I have found that to be so true in my own personal life and in the lives of millions of other women as I’ve reached them online.
In the method that I’ve developed, we start with the physical. We start with the physical environment since it is so foundational to literally everything else. Our homes are not supposed to be working against us. They’re supposed to be supportive of us and supportive of our families.
When you get your physical environment clear and more aligned with what it’s supposed to be doing, then you have so much more time, physical space, mental space, and energy to really start to work on the other areas of your life, like the metaphorical clutter that we were talking about a minute ago.
What I know for sure is that clutter is a thief. There’s actually a whole chapter in my book, Declutter Like A Mother, that’s coming out soon, about how clutter is a thief. It steals your time.
What takes up your space, just because it exists, takes up your time. Mothers already wish they had more time in the day, right? The last thing we need is stuff we didn’t think was a problem, that we didn’t really label as clutter stealing from us.
That may sound dramatic, but just look at some of the scientific studies. We’re figuring this out. People are figuring this out. It’s real. It matters. It is affecting us deeply.
Since clutter is a thief, my goal is to first help people get out of that place. Take their time back. Take their house back. Become owners over their things rather than their things owning them. Getting out of that place before we move on to anything else.
Now, if you are wanting to get a refresh on this, if you are new to me and you want to know where to start, I’m so happy that the book is coming out in a few weeks, depending on the exact date this episode airs. It comes out on September 7, 2021.
Please start there. Pre-order the book. It is the most up-to-date version of what I have to say about the environment.
Then from there, if you feel like you really need more hands-on help, if you need videos and for me to talk in your ear, tell you what to do and how to make this happen in your space in a way that’s going to be really life-giving and not joy-sucking, legalistic minimalism, then you can join the Your Uncluttered Home program.
You can join the other things that I’ve created in the method from there, but I would highly encourage you to pre-order the book. You can pre-order it anywhere books are sold, Amazon, Target, Indiebound, wherever you want. I would suggest you start there.
I wanted to lay out that foundation about what it is exactly that I’m doing and why I’m talking about this today. Today, I’m going to dive into a very specific aspect of the conversation around your environment, your physical home, and the clutter that collects there.
I want to talk about a scarcity mentality versus an abundance mentality.
Now we’ve talked about this on the show before, but I want to dive into that from a different perspective today. I want to talk about how a scarcity mentality (and I’ll go over what that is in just a second) relates to our relationship with things. It can lead to hoarding at different levels, from super low key to extreme.
There’s even a hidden type of hoarding that a lot of you are probably going to resonate with that I don’t think people realize is a version of hoarding. And I want to just be clear: I don’t believe that hoarding, at any level, is this shameful, horrific thing.
I think the show, Hoarders, really paints this picture that it’s so awful. It’s so shameful. These people and this issue, the way that their inner issues have manifested in their physical reality in their homes is a real issue. And I think that it’s almost perpetuating it like, “Oh my God, it’s so bad. It’s entertaining. We’re going to make a show about it.”
If you listen to this episode and you identify with this scarcity mentality or any version of hoarding, it’s okay. This is a very, very normal common issue. I don’t think people realize how many people identify with some level of hoarding.
Or they don’t even realize they’re hoarding. It’s just normal. Because in our society, there are actually various levels of hoarding that are very acceptable and totally normal.
It’s very normal to have a big house that’s full of stuff. Closets and drawers that are overstuffed. A garage that’s full of junk and things that you haven’t used in a long time, or that you don’t even think is junk because you wouldn’t label it as that. A storage unit that you pay extra per month for that’s also got a bunch of stuff in it.
There are a lot of different things that are very socially acceptable. And I want you to know, there’s no shame in any of it. There is only this question: is this working for you?
Is this serving you? Is the way that things are going aligning with the life you really deep down truly want to live? If not, I’m here to help you get out of that.
I just want to be super clear: This is an absolutely judgment free zone. There is no shame. There’s no need to carry that.
If something that you’ve been doing is not serving you, shaming yourself about it or feeling like you have so much to be ashamed about because of it, is not going to serve you either. We only want to do things that are going to support us getting where we want to go. And shame never has a place there.
Let’s first dive into what I’m talking about when I say scarcity versus abundance.
My favorite visual bullet list of how scarcity-thinkers think versus how abundance-thinkers think, comes from Michael Hyatt. He has a blog post on his website that I’ve referenced several times over the years here on The Purpose Show. And I’m just going to kind of read what I pulled from Michaelhyatt.com: People who are in a scarcity mentality believe there will never be enough.
Now, keep in mind that these are not always conscious thoughts. A lot of the time these are subconscious beliefs that you might not be aware of but that are running your actions, your thoughts, your words, the way you live, because we live from our subconscious thoughts, which we’re not consciously aware of.
Scarcity thinkers believe there will never be enough. They’re stingy with their knowledge, their contacts, and their compassion. They default to suspicion and find it difficult to build rapport. They resent competition, believing it makes the pie smaller and then weaker. They ask themselves, “How can I get by with less than is expected?” They’re pessimistic about the future, believing that tough times are ahead. They think small and tend to avoid risk. They are entitled and fearful in all they do.
Now let’s shift into looking at abundance thinkers, people that tend to have a more abundant mentality.
Abundance thinkers believe there’s always more where that came from. There’s plenty for everyone. They share their knowledge, their contacts, and their compassion with others freely. They default to trust and easily build rapport. They welcome competition believing it makes the pie bigger and them better. They ask themselves, “How can I give more than is expected in every area? They are optimistic about the future, believing the best is yet to come. They think big. They embrace risk. They are thankful and confident.
I’m going to dive more into this and how it relates to the way we are at home and the way we are with our things, but I feel like that’s a really, really great, kind of generic, overarching view of scarcity mentality versus abundance mentality.
If you’ll notice a lot of people say, ”Oh, well, this list of abundance thinkers, these are the qualities of the rich. They’re like that because they’re rich.” No, they’re rich because they’re like that.
And if you don’t believe me and you want a real life personal example, please go and listen to my business story, my money story. You can find that at episode six of this podcast. Also if you just Google Allie Casazza Money Podcast, I’m sure some of the interviews that I’ve done over the years will come up and you can dive in there too.
If you are resonating more with the scarcity thinkers (or maybe you’re not, please keep listening) I just want to empathize with you with where you’re at. I actually relate to that from living so broke for so long, even though I was living as a minimalist.
I actually figured out all of this simplicity stuff during a time of being super broke and actually living in scarcity, which is crazy because when you get into a place of real scarcity, you tend to hold on to everything because you don’t know when you’re going to be able to buy something again.
I faced all those issues, but I overcame them, worked through it, and continued my simplicity journey in that time of scarcity. So it can be done. It’s possible. We’ll talk about that a little bit later.
I just want you to know, I’m not sitting here talking about this episode from a place of, “I teach this. I’m an expert. I’ve never been there. I’m just going to help you get your shit together.”
It’s not the vibe at all. I totally understand being in a place of scarcity because of circumstances. It’s not your fault. We can only just become aware and then like Maya Angelou said, “Know better, then go do better.” We’re going to know better so we can go do better today.
And that right there, let’s just point that out, that’s an abundance mentality right there. “I’m not shaming myself. I’m not going to get down on myself for where I’ve been. I just want to learn. I want to grow. I want to understand. I’m open to a new way of thinking. I want to know better so I can do better.”
Even in scarcity, you can shift to an abundance mentality in a heartbeat. It doesn’t take much.
I also want to say that it makes sense that things can get this way where you’re really, really wrapped up in scarcity. As we start to talk about hoarding and what it looks like, it makes sense that a lot of you might be there. It’s not you, it’s not your fault. You’re not weird or crazy at all.
It’s just cause and effect. The circumstances and things that you’ve faced in your life have led you to have these deeply embedded unconscious or subconscious beliefs.
And like I said, out of your beliefs, your subconscious beliefs, that you may not be consciously aware of, that’s where you think, talk, and act from. It’s just cause and effect. The cause led to the subconscious belief and the effect is the way you live out of those beliefs.
I think, especially if you’re not actively aware of what caused you to get where you are and you’re stuck in scarcity, you could have just been blindly living like this and not fully realizing it or knowing why you were so attached to things or why you tend to have these scarcity thinker qualities.
It’s okay. Because we’re going to be aware. Awareness is power. I want to say that again. Awareness is power. So let’s become aware and move forward from there one step at a time. No panic and no shame necessary.
Let’s talk about how you can know that you have a scarcity mentality in life. Here are some things beyond the bullet list from before. I really want to dive deeper into this.
Maybe one thing that happens is your internal belief that dictates your thoughts and actions is, “There is not enough for everyone,” or “It can all go away so I better hoard what I have.” This is lack personified, right? The belief that it can all go away any second was my belief.
I didn’t really believe that there wasn’t enough for everyone. I don’t know if I really ever thought about that or that doesn’t resonate for me as one of my subconscious beliefs. My belief was that it was all going to go away, because in my life, everything that we had built had gone away so many times.
We would work really hard and Brian would get a bunch of overtime hours at the company he used to work for before I started this business. We would have a really, really good month and pay all of our bills, be able to get the food that we wanted, not just the food that we needed, which was always a huge win.
We’d be able to get some new clothes, be okay, want to keep it going and build up savings. And then a couple months later, the company would put a ban on overtime hours, make cuts, and everything would go back to extreme scarcity and lack.
So the story for me was a “It can all go away, the next shoe is about to drop” kind of vibe. And that is a scarcity mentality. That leads often to, “I better hoard what I have.”
Maybe you prioritize getting things for cheap above other important things or in some cases above literally anything else. If this is not you, maybe you know someone like this. I can think of a couple of people in my family that struggle with this.
For example, you might prioritize getting things for cheap above somebody’s value in prices. You may even tear them down because their prices don’t fit in your budget. You want the thing, but you value getting things for cheap so much that you can’t even see that somebody has a life skill, hard earned wisdom, and/or a product that they worked really hard to develop, and they decided on their price and you get angry because in your own little personal bubble of opinion, it’s not cheap.
I see this in my DM’s all the time—people’s opinions about my prices. People’s opinions that it’s not high enough. The business friends are always like, “It’s not high enough.”
Then the consumers are always like, “Oh, why is it so expensive?” And they’re not thinking that it’s really not up to you. My prices and my value have nothing to do with your budget.
This is a scarcity mentality, really getting narcissistic about it and thinking that everything should fit your budget and if it doesn’t then it’s expensive or that person is charging too much. That’s a scarcity mentality.
Another example of prioritizing getting things for cheap above everything else is maybe prioritizing above getting something that’s quality. Spending your money a little bit more wisely and getting something that’s actually going to last. Not understanding or being willing to pay for quality.
The cheaper the better, that’s the goal. That’s everything. There’s nothing else. That’s it. That’s the focus.
Maybe you prioritize getting something for cheap over your own worth. Getting yourself cheap, low quality stuff, because it costs the least.
Another way you can know that you have a scarcity mentality in life is maybe you pride yourself on not needing much. Not needing fancy things, or however you say it. Your identity might be sort of wrapped up in lack, so it’s especially hard to ditch this because you’ve literally made this who you are.
You’ve said it so many times and cemented it so many times, who would you even be without that identity? If you started to get things for yourself that made you really happy, like really good quality clothes. Or if you started to level up and treat yourself a little bit better and invest in things instead of just not needing fancy things? Does that make sense?
It’s not about consumerism. It’s about this: in life there are things that we need to buy for ourselves and in life there are some things that we just want to get for ourselves, and that’s fine! Things are not inherently bad. It’s the greed and the obsession of always having to shop, always having to get that hit of shopping, filling a void in our lives with things that is where it gets unhealthy.
But if you’re in a place where you are priding yourself on, “I just don’t need much. Me and my $6 Walmart T-shirt. I’ve never shopped anywhere else. I’m just not like that. I just don’t need fancy things,” you’re wrapping your identity up in lack. You’re really just cementing yourself into a hole.
That’s not serving you, ultimately, because you’re really just cementing the idea that you’re not worthy of anything else. You’re not worthy of prioritization, of spending money on yourself, or any of those things.
Another sign of someone that lives in a scarcity mentality in their life is that they’re very reserved in their giving. I think that tipping shows this more than anything.
Just a couple of weeks ago, I had lunch with someone. It was a whole group of us. And this person literally talked for five minutes, had the calculator out, and was trying to figure out the cheapest tip they could leave that was acceptable.
They were talking about, “Well, the waitress didn’t come and fill my water for 10 minutes after I finished it. She brought you the wrong wine and then had to fix it. She had a lot of tables. They’re really busy today and it’s only Tuesday. It’s not like we’re here on a Saturday.”
And they tipped $10 for a $120 bill. They were sitting there thinking about the least they could do. It’s not even about your budget or what you’re available to do, it’s the idea of being cheap, spending the least you possibly could.
And someone is working. you could change someone’s life by just tipping them well. You can change their day. Maybe not change their entire life, that’s dramatic, but you can really change their day.
I’ve told the story about when I was working through my own limiting beliefs and my own scarcity mentality that I had from our days of poverty, I tipped 100% once. I left the restaurant and walked across the street to go into a shop with my daughter and when I looked back, I saw the waitress come to clean the table.
We had sat outside on the patio and I saw her see the tip and I saw her face. I’ll never forget that. I could cry, but I won’t. I will never ever forget that.
A lot of the time I tip 100% just because of how it can change someone’s day. I’ve seen it happen. And if I have the ability to do that, I want to do that.
I want to be in abundance. I didn’t want to break the bank or anything, but I started doing those kinds of things in little ways.
It’s not the rich that can be abundant because they can. It’s the people that are abundant with little that end up opening the door for more abundance to come in that get more abundance financially. Does that make sense?
So how do you tip? Are you always looking to be cheap? Are you always looking to be as scarce as possible? That’s not serving you and it’s really not serving the world.
Money is just a neutral tool and it’s the people that have it, that put energy into it, and decide if it’s good or bad. So what are you putting into your money?
Okay, friends. My first book, Declutter Like A Mother is officially available for pre-order. It releases on September 7th! I am so excited to call you in and ask you to be a part of this journey with me, to really join in, celebrate, and let’s have a friggin party!
Let’s declutter your spaces and get your environment to align with the version of yourself you really want to call out, because as Marshall Goldsmith says in his book, Triggers, if you do not control and create your environment, it creates and controls you. So let’s get that aligned. Let’s get this area of your life fully supporting you. You’re paying for the space you live in, right? Let’s get it aligned and supporting you.
Declutter Like A Mother is written for the mom who really has unconsciously subscribed to the way that our culture describes motherhood to us. She thinks that this is just the way it is. It’s always going to be kind of a mess. It’s just always going to be a struggle and there’s just really no other way to do things. You can try to get organized and you can try to create more balance, but really it’s always going to be really hard. It’s always going to mean you are just serving everyone else and you’re kind of running breathlessly through life.
I can’t wait to get this book to every single mom that resonates with that, into their hands and show them, no, there is another way! There is another reality you can subscribe to that’s better and lighter. It’s not perfect, but it is so much better for you as a human.
Then you can show up as your best self – as a mom, as a wife, as a friend, as a sister, as all the different roles that you’re in.
This book is huge! It’s way beyond clutter. This is a book about life. This is a book about how to do motherhood a different way. And yes, we are going to start at Step One, which is shifting your environment.
So please, go pre-order it. When you do pre-order a copy, you get some really amazing gifts for free from me.
The first and possibly best (I’m very excited about this!) is the Mom Life Reset. This is a brand new crash course, designed by me, to help you uncomplicate things. This is literally unheard before, brand new content that I recorded just a couple of weeks ago that is only for those who pre-order the Declutter Like A Mother book.
You also get five lock screens, professionally designed by my designer, for your phone with affirmations on them, because your phone is a part of your environment and I really want to help you align that in a way that’s going to encourage you, lift you up, and support you every time you tap your screen.
The other thing you get is a sneak peek at a chapter from the book that I handpicked for you.
So go to DeclutterLikeAMother.com. Pre-order your book. Save that confirmation page. Share your confirmation number with me, so I know you pre-ordered and you can unlock the crash course, the lock screens, the free chapter.
I can’t wait to see what you think! I can’t wait for you to get this book in your hands. I can’t wait for this to be out in the world!
Thank you so much for your pre-order. It changes my world when you pre-order my book. Pre-orders are everything for authors, especially a first-time author like myself. So thank you!
I appreciate you. I can’t wait for you to pre-order it. I can’t wait for you to get the book. And I can’t wait for you to get your hands on these amazing gifts that I’ve curated just for you as a thank you for pre-ordering.
I love you so much. I can’t wait to keep supporting you. Thank you for being here!
This is where I really want to dive into clutter and the house. There are physical signs that may also be in your reality to show that you’ve been living in a scarcity mentality, especially if you’ve lived this way for a long time.
The biggest area affected by a scarcity mentality other than money is stuff. Here are some things to look for. Lots of stuff in your house that you may not even label as clutter because you see it as potentially useful to you or special, even if it’s junk to someone else.
Listen, clutter is stuff you’re not using that you don’t need and that isn’t special. When someone sees everything as special, it becomes very difficult for them to let go of anything. We have to understand that there are some people, and maybe it’s you listening or someone in your life that you know, to whom you can’t just say, “Oh my God, you have so much clutter.”
To them it’s not clutter. They don’t have a healthy definition of clutter. They don’t have a healthy relationship with things.
A lot of us, some of you that are listening, can go into your house and think, “I listened to Allie’s podcast today. And oh man, I’m just realizing how much clutter we have.”
That’s already a huge leg up on so many other people. It’s already huge that you can recognize that you have clutter and label it clutter. There are so many people who have literally a house full of things to where they can barely walk on the floor because there are just piles and boxes and things. And to them, it’s not clutter. They have a really hard time even coming to the conclusion that it is clutter.
We have to be full of grace for others, full of grace for ourselves, and realize that there has to be internal work. Internal beliefs have to shift, which I’ll help you guys with near the end of this episode. I have some things that I want to mention to help you, some resources, if that’s what you need help with.
Another physical sign in the home and with stuff about a scarcity mentality is collecting a lot of things that could possibly be used, like gift bags, wrapping paper, screws and nails. Little tiny things that maybe someone else or a lot of other people would throw out, but you don’t because you could see them as potentially useful.
Maybe you have a lot of things like that in your house. Or maybe your home is full of things that you might use one day, but haven’t.
When I was working on this episode, I shared on Instagram that I was working on it and someone messaged me about this. And I just thought it was such a brilliant point. I’m so glad that she messaged me and that I happened to see it because this is huge: Another big sign is wanting to keep things perfect.
Now this is really a version of hoarding. I’m going to say that. I thought about it a lot. I was doing some research, thinking about it, thinking about different clients that I’ve worked with in the past, people that I’ve come across in my online communities, and this is totally, totally common.
It’s something that I struggled with after we came out of complete poverty and it is absolutely a low key version of hoarding. Wanting to keep things perfect and struggling to use your things for fear that they might get ruined. This one is huge. It is so deeply rooted in lack.
And it’s the fear that once something is damaged or even just used, that’s it, because you won’t be able to get another one, even if you logically know that you could technically afford to get another one. You have gone through something in your life, or maybe even you haven’t, it’s just the messaging around money that you received when you were growing up as a kid that gave you the subconscious belief in this lack, this fear.
This is it. I better keep this really nice. Freaking out at your kids for playing on the sofa, not mistreating it or being disrespectful to it, just playing on it. Or somebody accidentally spilling something.
Getting yourself a really new set of headphones and not even wanting to use them because they might break. Or having new shoes and not even wanting to wear them because they might get a mark or a scuff on them and they might get ruined.
Things are supposed to support us. Things are meant to be supportive and to be used. That’s their purpose. And when that purpose is done, it’s okay and necessary to move on and get another one. Or, “I guess I’m done with that. I want to not get another one. I want to try something else.”
This is why when you’re ready and you’re at that point in the journey, it’s important to try to get some sustainable things in your home so that when you do move on from it, you’re not just in this cycle of damaging planet earth. All of this matters so much. There are layers and levels to it. And if you’re not there, it’s okay. Again, this is no judgment, no shame.
Wanting to keep everything perfect, not wanting it to get ruined, being in that type of fear and lack is totally scarcity. It is absolutely a low key version of that kind of hoarding tense panic, freaking out, letting your things own you in a different way.
All of these things have that in common. Your things are now in ownership over you, because you’re fearful, because you’re afraid, because you’re in lack, because you’re living out of scarcity and not having a healthy realization that they’re just things.
Guys, the other night, my car was stolen. I’m going to tell this story because I think it will make a point. Maybe take it and apply it to a relative issue or situation that you have with things.
My car was stolen out of the driveway of our Airbnb the other night. As I’m recording this, we’re in a time of real transition. We just roadtripped and moved across the country from San Diego to South Carolina.
We’ve been staying in Airbnbs and hotels while our home is getting worked on. Our furniture and our things are being shipped from California and it’s been delayed. It’s taking forever.
We have our big van that we bought, that we roadtripped in. And then I had my car, my Range Rover shipped, and it got here a couple of weeks ago. I drive that during the day. Brian has the kids in the van. In case we ever need two cars, we have it.
This car was something that was on my vision board for a really long time. I always thought it would be so nice to have that car. And I manifested it. I was so excited, so happy, so proud that I built something for my family, that we have all of our needs met, and I could do something like get myself a car that I really, really wanted.
So, it’s really special to me. It’s really close to my heart. Every time I get into it, I feel elevated, upleveled, and so proud. It’s really special to me.
And that car got stolen out of my driveway the other night. Now, spoiler alert, they found it. It was undamaged. I have it back and everything’s fine now, but that car was gone for a couple of days.
I went through this process of freaking out, getting angry that somebody would steal something that was mine. Just the anger over, “You actually did that? Who do you think you are?” That kind of situation.
Then I started to get really upset and sad that my car was gone. Then, within an hour of processing, I got to this place where I thought, “It’s just a thing. It is literally just a thing. I have insurance. I bought this car to support myself. And if it’s time for it to go, then it’s time for it to go. It’s just a car.”
In the back of the car I had the dress that I was planning to wear to my book launch party. We’ve been moving around. Our house is getting painted and I didn’t want to put it anywhere where it could get paint on it or get damaged, so I had it hanging nicely in the back of my car.
It was a designer dress that I had splurged on and it was gone. And I just was like, “It’s just a thing. It’s just a dress. It’s just a car. It means nothing. It was a symbol of triumph for me. It was a symbol of the success of something that I built with my own two hands, that I was so proud of, but it’s just a thing.”
So, we have to realize that these are just things. And that doesn’t mean, “You’re being crazy. It’s just things. Stop.”
It just means that remembering that they’re just things can help you begin to shift your perspective and start to do the work to have a healthy relationship with money. To have a healthy relationship with things. To have a healthy relationship with the coming and going of physical items.
What life is really about, what you really want to be focused on, and what actually is important, what actually matters. Right? Does that make sense?
Everything can burn tomorrow. Guys, your house could catch on fire and everything could burn. You know how many times I’ve gotten a message like that? This is in the realm of possibility for every single one of us, right? I mean, God forbid that happens to you, but it could and happens every day, right?
It’s just things. When we allow our things to take over, to take ownership over us in a way where we are so worried about them getting used or ruined, where we have way too much of it because we might need it one day, we are thinking we’re being safe because we’re in fear.
But really the thing that we’re most afraid of deep down is actually happening right in front of us because of our fear, lack, and scarcity around things.
What takes up your space takes up your time, right? Your things are robbing you blind. They’re taking up your space. They are giving you more to maintain. They’re giving you more to clean. They’re taking up more of your time because of that. They’re taking up your physical space.
You’re paying money every month for the house you live in and it’s cluttered. It is. Even if you don’t see it as that. If it’s not really working for you, then it’s cluttered and stealing from you. And it’s keeping you from really being free. Your life is going by. Your kids are growing up. Motherhood is happening. And is it really what you want? Are you really able to take a step back, be the mom you want to be, be the person you want to be for yourself?
Is your home working for you?
A lot of the time we let our things just take over, take ownership, and we’re not even realizing it’s happening because we’re so stuck in scarcity. We’re so afraid. We don’t see that the biggest fear of all is happening right before our eyes.
So, what do you do? If you feel like you’ve identified with any of this, even on a very small scale or maybe on a huge scale, what do you do?
First of all, I have to mention therapy. Therapy must be normalized. I’ve been in therapy for years. Brian goes to therapy. We’ve invested in life coaches, therapists, energy healers. We are always doing the inner work.
Do the inner work. If you notice a pattern, if you notice something, if you notice you’re rooted in fear, go support yourself.
Get help by whatever means feels good to you. Whether it’s homeopathic, whether it’s a psychologist, a therapist, an energy worker, whatever floats your boat, go and support yourself. Do the inner work.
And don’t come at me with, “That’s not the same thing. Don’t compare therapy to energy work.” Your version of society is not anyone else’s version. Your opinion is your opinion. And you are entitled to that. But other people have other stories. Some people are triggered by things that you’re not triggered by. So don’t come at me.
The next thing you do is heal your relationship with money, because it is most often the source of these issues. This is not an episode about money, but your relationship with money absolutely affects the environment you’re living in and your relationship with stuff.
Read books, journal, get still, and really look at what your current beliefs are about money, what beliefs were instilled in you as a child about money, all of it. Do the work. Take a look at that. Become aware.
The next thing is to heal your relationship with things. Notice your habits and emotions around things. Again, keep a journal. Spend the time—spend the evenings, the mornings, or time in the car during school pick-up—sorting through what you are noticing about your relationship with things. Be present with your thoughts and emotions.
Have you begun to notice that you have a really bad day or have a fight with your partner and you immediately go to an online app store to shop? Bam! That’s a ping. I call it ‘pings’ because you’re getting an awareness hit of something that could help take you to the next level in life.
Don’t just go through with the old bad habit. Pause, notice it, grab your journal and write it down. Write down what happened so you can begin to sort through it. Give yourself some space to feel. Give yourself some space to process and start to become aware of your habits.
Maybe you started to declutter a little bit one afternoon and you started to have a lot of emotions come up, or a lot of panic, “But what if I need this?” Even though it’s a sweater that you haven’t worn for years.
Notice that. Write it down. Begin to become aware as you begin to heal your relationship with things.
I would also suggest using EFT for both any healing and any inner work that you need to do. EFT is my favorite thing. I use it every single day in my life.
I use it to combat anxiety, any emotions, any transition, things that I’m going through where emotions get stuck. EFT helps move that energy and those emotions through your body so it doesn’t get all pent up. It’s so healthy, so helpful, and it really just removes the negative emotional charge around things.
If you are feeling really panicked about getting rid of things, start to use EFT or tapping and tap on it. You can look it up online. There are scripts and videos that can help you know how to do that. You can get books about it.
I want to suggest that as a resource that has been absolutely life changing for me. I use it with the kids. Brian uses it all the time now. I have led really close friends and family through tapping when they’re having a lot of emotions or need to heal from something. It’s amazing.
Another thing is to begin sorting through your things with care and with grace. This is important because this is how you’re going to become aware of what beliefs you have about scarcity and what beliefs you have about your relationship with stuff.
You’re going to go slow and that’s okay. Thoughts are going to surface as you go to remove things from your space. And that is how you’ll know what to work with.
Go slow. Start in the bathroom if that helps you get going. It’s usually a pretty easy “yes/no” slow start space.
Try taking what you’re considering getting rid of and putting it in a box in the garage or the attic for a month, rather than actually getting rid of it. Especially if you identify with some of the hoarding things I’ve gone over in this episode.
Set a reminder in your phone for 30 days. See if you really did need anything from the box within that 30 days. And then you can say, “Okay, I decluttered, got rid of the stuff, put it in the garage, and the 30 days are up and I didn’t need anything from those boxes.” It can help give you that confidence to get rid of things.
I want you guys to understand that in the minimalist community, there’s this big gap where there’s not a lot of grace at all. It is okay to go slow like this. It is absolutely okay for you to not just declutter the stuff and just get rid of it.
So many teachers are just teaching people to, “Just get rid of it. Get it out of the house right away. Just go.” If you have issues, if you’re struggling, that’s not going to work. You’re going to harm yourself even more. And that’s not the point.
It’s okay to find a slower version of something so that it can work for you. Because if it’s not working for you, then it’s not going to serve you.
Also a note on this, because you might really struggle with this so be aware. If you find yourself purposely trying to need something from the boxes that you’ve set aside for 30 days so that you don’t have to get rid of it, remember awareness is power. Be aware if you’re really, really struggling.
This is where therapy comes in. Just being aware, knowing what to work through and then doing that work through what you’re noticing. Does that make sense? I hope that makes sense.
Lastly, just wrapping this up, you want to begin to shift your mentality. You want to shift out of scarcity into abundance as you’re working through all this.
You’ve been rooted in fear. That’s where scarcity comes from. Fear of something. Fear of losing something or not having something. It isn’t natural. It’s learned.
Abundance is your natural state of being. We want to shift you back into that positive, natural state where you are no longer operating out of fear and lack. That’s the goal. That’s what you’re working on.
If you sign up for therapy, if you sign up to work with someone, if you get a journal and you want to know what to write on the first page, that’s it. That’s what your goal is: to shift out of fear and scarcity and into your natural God-given state of abundance.
I want to address this too. What about when there really is scarcity energy in your life and your bank account? Your reality really is scarce.
Maybe you’re working several jobs. Maybe ends are almost never met. Maybe you’re in a place where Brian and I used to be where you’re literally having to choose which bills get paid.
Things are getting shut off and you’ll have to live with that until your next paycheck. We once went six months with no hot water. There are times where it really is scarce. Your reality is actually scarcity.
I’ve been there. This was actually where I was when I started my minimalism journey. It can be done. You can still have a healthy relationship with stuff and begin to shift out of scarcity, even when your physical reality is loaded with it.
That’s what I was saying earlier, when that happens your external reality will begin to shift because we’re creating out of our subconscious beliefs, right? This philosophy can bring you so much freedom, even in the midst of a really hard time.
If you’re in that place where your actual reality is scarcity, don’t kid yourself. This isn’t like Pollyanna, “Toxic positivity no matter the cost. I just like being in abundance.”
When your bills are not paid, things are getting shut off, your car’s getting repossessed, and you have to eat rice and beans for a year straight. Those are all things that we had to do and even worse things, right? It is what it is.
That is where I was when I started my business, when I started pursuing minimalism. We were there for a large chunk of years. Even in that place, I still had ownership over the way I was thinking about things.
And again, this is not about being toxically positive when things are not okay, but really looking at, “Okay, what can I do to not stay here? I don’t want my external circumstances to have any say over the rest of my life. I don’t want to stay here. This isn’t working. So what are my options? I can control my thoughts. I can work on my beliefs. I can look and see where there is scarcity, where there is lack. I can look at where I’ve been contributing and perpetuating my reality, making it worse and feeling like this is what I’m worthy of.”
Because I had big worthiness issues. I believed that I was worthy of a broken life. I believed I was worthy of not being able to pay all my bills and having lack.
I can control that. In that awful reality, I was still doing that inner work and shifting those inner things. Then, from there, the reality shifted. I’ve talked about that on the show so much, so I won’t refer too much on that, but I did just want to leave that note for you all.
One of the best ways to do this, to shift your mentality, other than doing the internal work I’ve been talking about, is affirming yourself. Now, again, you could very easily take this and go the wrong direction. I keep saying ‘toxic positivity.’
Toxic positivity is basically when you’re forcing yourself to be so positive rather than feeling your feelings. Guys, you’ve got to feel your feelings and not judge them or try to change them. This is why I mentioned EFT and tapping.
You have to tap through the emotions. Really feel them all the way. Let them run their course.
Your emotions are tools. They’re helpful. They are natural. So do not take what I’m about to say and think, “I’m just going to say affirmations, pretend this isn’t happening, and expect it to change.”
You’ve got to feel all the things. You’ve got to work through all the things. You’ve got to let the emotions run their course.
And then, as you’re working through all those, when you remove the emotional charge, you’ve been doing the work, you’re supporting yourself and really becoming aware in journaling through things, seeing things for what they actually are to support yourself in shifting into a mental space that’s actually going to help you change your reality, help you with your relationship with things, help you with hoarding, help you with your environment, help you with your relationship with money and all of it, you can use affirming words because words are powerful.
They’re so powerful. I’ve also had episodes on that. If you need more support, then you can use that to support yourself in shifting. I’m not saying to affirm yourself and nothing else because that’s toxic positivity.
One thing that I’ve talked a lot with a good friend of mine about is using a specific affirmation when you’re shifting from hoarding and having an unhealthy relationship with stuff, being afraid to use anything, feeling like you’ll never be able to buy it again if you get rid of it. And that affirmation is this: I am resourceful enough to get this item again if I really needed to. I’m going to let it go now to make space for things more important to me than this.
Go back and listen to that again, write it down, whatever you need to. That statement is so powerful and so loaded with abundance. It’s a reminder.
It’s something that you could take. You could create your own version. You could create a whole bunch of affirmations based on this to help you through what you’re working through.
But affirming yourself and reminding yourself (as you’re going through this process, as you’re healing your relationship with things, as you’re removing your tendency to hoard) of what it is that you’ve set out to do, why you’re doing it, where you’re headed, and what you really want helps you feel safe.
Saying to yourself, “Hey, this feels scary because I’ve trained my brain through my experiences and the way I’ve lived my life that it is not safe to release things. That there is not enough to go around. That if I get rid of something I’m never going to get it again. That if I use something it’s ruined and I’m probably not going to get it again. The experiences that I’ve had, the things I was taught, the programming I received as a child has all contributed to this scarcity mentality and I am healing.”
It’s reminding you that you are safe. You are resourceful. You are brilliant. You can absolutely get yourself what you need.
You don’t want to be purposefully dumb and getting rid of things that you know you might need. You want to use wisdom. And I can help support you in that in the Declutter Like A Mother book and in the Your Uncluttered Home program.
That’s literally what I do. That’s what the first part of my method does. You’re supported. There are plenty of options for you.
Remind yourself that you are resourceful. That it’s all okay. That there is abundance and you’re shifting out of that scarcity place.
There’s so much more I could say. I feel like this episode is already so long, but I just really wanted to start to address this. I’m just going to leave you guys with this. Please, if this helped you, take a screenshot and share on Instagram. Tag me so I can see. I would love for you to share this message.
You guys don’t realize how many people are silently suffering in their homes. They hate it there. They know it’s hard to maintain. They know they have a problem, but they can’t pinpoint what it is.
And they’re afraid to make a move because they’re stuck in scarcity and they don’t realize it. They just live like that. Their motherhood is going by, their lives are going by, their purpose is going by.
This is why this stuff is big and it matters. So, please share this episode, spread the word, tell your friends why it’s important. Give those key words for those that might be having an ah-ha moment when they see it and they’ll be encouraged to listen.
Thank you so much. I love you guys so much. You’re so important. You’re so supported. You’re doing a great job.
Remember: no shame and no judgment for yourself. Just freedom, new information, and new awareness so you can know better and do better.
Thanks so much for hanging out with me! In case you didn’t know, there’s actually an exclusive community that’s been created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions around The Purpose Show episodes. It’s designed to get you to actually take action and make the positive changes that we talk about here. I want you to go and be a part of it. To do that, go to alliecasazza.com/facebookgroup.
Thank you so much for tuning in! If you’d like to learn more about me, how I can help you, how you can implement all these things and more into your life to make it simpler, better, and more abundant, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, online courses, programs, and other resources to help you create the life you really want.
I am always rooting for you, friend! See you next time! I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.
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