EP 107: Tips for Traveling with Kids

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Traveling with kids often means traveling with A LOT of stuff and A LOT of stress. But it doesn’t have to be that way and it certainly doesn’t have to be overwhelming! We travel as a family often which means we’ve “trial-ed and error-ed” many different things. From having a small suitcase for each kid to ways we keep our kids entertained on long flights or drives (and everything in between) I hope these tips help you find simplicity in traveling with your kids!

At the end of the day, family trips are FUN and are meant to bring your family closer together. You can easily make this a terrible trip or you can make it the best experience! It is up to you - you are the parent. Your kids need grace. You need grace. Relax. Breathe. And try to have fun!

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • Her pro-packing tips and how to simplify the amount of clothes you pack.

  • Ways to keep your family entertained on road trips or long flights (her family plays this fun game called, The Post It Note Goal Game!)

  • Advice for traveling with babies and toddlers - this is no easy task! But you can do it.

  • Why you should keep family trips FUN! How you roll with the punches will teach your kids how to roll with the punches.

Mentioned in this Episode:


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Want an easy step by step guide to have with you as you pack for your next family trip? I got you! I created a pdf that's free and easy to download!

This guide has all the tips on it and breaks them down so you pull it out when you're packing, you're getting ready to go on a road trip, or take a flight with your family. Whatever your travel looks like this summer, I hope this guide makes it easier for you!


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hey, beautiful friends! Before we dive into this episode, I want to let you know it is loaded with Brian and mine's top tips for traveling, especially with your kids.

We have done all different types of travel. We're going to get all into that. Because it's so loaded with tips, I figured you might want the ability to print this out and put it somewhere. We created a pdf that's free that goes along with this episode that you can download. Basically, if you print it out it's got all the tips on it so that you can print it out, put it aside, and pull it out when you're packing for your trip, you're getting ready to go on a road trip, or take a flight with your family, whatever your travel looks like this summer.

I wanted to make this as helpful as possible and I knew that having a printout is going to be a lot easier than relistening to an episode that you knew was helpful, but you can't really remember everything that I said. This way you can listen and enjoy the episode and you don't have to feel the need to take notes. But you will want to listen to the episode still because I elaborate on these tips and give you a lot of audible help with this.

The pdf is broken down and don't forget, these are the tips that make you're traveling a lot easier. To get that free pdf, go to alliecasazza.com/shownotes/107.



Hey, beautiful friends! Okay, so we are diving in today to a super, super practical episode. This isn't really the type of thing I normally discuss here on The Purpose Show, but this question has been asked over and over and over again.

I am someone who travels often for work and for fun, and most of the time I have my family with me. The six of us have taken quite a few trips, both flights and road trips, short and long, near and far, over the years. Brian and I have learned a lot about traveling with our kids at different various ages and stages of life. I'm sharing my top tips for traveling with kids from how to pack, to road-tripping, flying, how we approach traveling with our kids, where our expectations are at and all of that good stuff. So, let's dive in!

One of the questions that I get asked more than anything is how to pack when you're traveling with your kids.

For us, one super simple, straightforward answer, something that we have learned is the best way to go, is we give each of our kids their own suitcase. Our oldest is 10, so at this phase of our kids' lives, they have one of those ‘kid’ suitcases. You can get them at Target or wherever. None of them have a full-sized suitcase, just one of the little kids’ suitcases. Bella has got this one that has little owls on it from Target. The boys picked Minecraft, Mario, and Legos. They have their own themed suitcase that they've chosen. So each kid gets their own suitcase.

The reason that I like doing this versus packing one big suitcase for all the kids’ stuff is that it keeps things organized. It's cleaner, it's more organized. It's easier for each kid to know where their stuff is and not go sifting through an entire suitcase full of all their sibling’s stuff and making it super disheveled, messy and impossible to find anything. It's much easier to have them each have their own suitcase that they carry. They drag it on the wheels through the airport by themselves. They're responsible for their suitcase. Obviously, we don't want them to lose it, so we're looking backwards and watching them, but they drag their own suitcase. They've got their own stuff in their own suitcase.

If you've got super, super littles that cannot carry their own suitcase, maybe that is a better season for having one suitcase for your really, really small kids, like if they're babies or really young toddlers. Otherwise, I think it's best to have each kid get their own suitcase.

I have tried it all different ways and I think that this is the best way. It's much simpler and all the space is assigned to each kid so it's way less messy. It might seem like it's overwhelming and it's like a lot of suitcases, but that it is so much better than having one totally ripped apart, messy suitcase with everybody's stuff thrown in. As organized as it looks when you first began to pack it is not going to stay that way. It's just a fact of life. I have found that my preference is by far to have a suitcase for each kid.

In terms of packing and keeping it minimal for each kid, I think that packing is kind of overwhelming sometimes. It is just different than the way that you live at home where kids have drawers. It's just different when you're packing.

You have to prepare for certain circumstances that you wouldn't normally have to think about day-to-day because you're at your home with all of your stuff. But when you're leaving you only have what you packed. I think that's where the urge to overpack comes in. I definitely understand that, feel that and have to fight that every single time I pack.

The way that I choose to pack for my kids is I go by their age and where they're at at the time of our trips. When I was traveling with a baby or really young toddler, 2 and under, I obviously needed to pack more changes of clothes because at that age, kids have diapers that leak, they have accidents on themselves, they spill way more often, they trip and fall and get really messy and muddy way more often. It's just a different season of life.

So absolutely bring a few changes of clothes. Maybe that'll be one extra clothes outfit per day. Maybe it'll be three extra outfits for a week trip and you're guessing that some days you'll need the extra outfit and some days you won't. You can gauge that by how your kid usually is at home and how long your trip is. If are you going somewhere that you can do the laundry, use that to your packing advantage. It is always better to pack less. If there's any circumstance in your trip that will allow you to pack less stuff, take advantage of that. It is better to do a load of laundry on your vacation than to pack extra stuff and not have to do any laundry. Believe me, it is always better to pack lighter. In any way you can - pack lighter.

Now that my kids are a little bit older, I just pack according to their age. I don't really need to bring everybody an extra pair of clothes for each day because my kids don't need that. They stay in their outfit for the whole day pretty much. On the rare occasion when something happens, we'll deal with that as needed. But pretty much I just bring one outfit per day. Maybe I'll bring a spare or two if the trip is really long, or I'm unsure about the weather, or unsure about the dress code for a certain event we’re going to, but pretty much it's one outfit per day. I don't even bring multiple pairs of pants. It’s one per day.

For a week trip it's two pairs of jeans and you can rewear them and deal with that because again, my goal is always to pack the least amount possible, especially for my kids. They are simple, they just need less. Let them be your reason to have less stuff to carry, pack as little as possible. Use any single thing you can about your trip or where you're going to your advantage in terms of packing less stuff and bringing less with you in the car or on the plane.

Typically, if we are going somewhere for a week, which is usually the average length of our trip, I will pack two pairs of jeans for my kids. I will pack maybe a shirt per day if I'm not going to do laundry. If I am going to do laundry then I'll bring three or four shirts and then two pairs of shoes and socks for each day. Of course, underwear for each day. That's about what I would bring.

It totally depends on the trip. It depends on when we're going. It depends on what type of stay we're having. It depends on what I am and not be able to do while on that trip in terms of laundry. What are we doing? Is this a super active trip? What's going on? It all depends.

I hope that helps. It’s hard not to be super specific, but I don't know what size your family is and I don't know how your kids are. I don't know how you are. I don't know where you're going. I don't know for how long and all of that stuff. Make it relative to all of those things. That is what I do. I hope that having one suitcase per kid and all those specifications has helped answer some of the things you've been wondering.

Let's talk about how to keep your kids entertained on road trips. I'm a pro at this. This is where it serves you really well to limit toys, constant entertainment, your kids being entitled to being entertained all the time, and technology in your normal day-to-day at home life. Your kids will be cool to just sit and chill on drives if they're not entitled to constantly being entertained and having constant fun.

When, and if, you do bring out the technology on a road trip, it'll be such a treat that it'll actually serve its purpose and help you have a more peaceful road trip rather than that technology coming out being the norm and your kids are totally used to it when you really need it to help, but it's not going to cause your kids are going to be used to it. They're still going to complain, whine, bicker, and be less ‘all in’ in on the technology that’s in front of them.

Having said that…when we take road trips…I'm talking about really long road trips, we have road-tripped across country multiple times. We have road-tripped from the middle of the country to southern California and back multiple, multiple times. What we did was every kid got their own little bag of stuff for the trip. It's also stuff that can be used and played with while we are where we're going, where we're road-tripping to. It's not just for the drive.

Examples of some things are small little toys and activities like hot wheels, coloring books and all-in-one art activities. The kinds of things like a pad with a special pen. It’s a magnetic pen and the pen is attached to the pad and the kid can erase and draw on the same pad the entire time. It's not like consumable papers and colored pencils everywhere. Those sort of all-in-one activities are really road trip friendly and they're really great for kids who don't get carsick. Also there are car games that you can get at Target or Walmart or wherever and they are literally for road trips. But just make sure that you know that your kids don't get carsick. We have one kid who gets carsick very easily so he doesn't get those kinds of things. He just has to figure it out and look straight ahead out the window, not get dizzy or woozy, and not look down at a coloring book. But our other kids can totally handle it and it's awesome.

Obviously, music and audio books or audio stories.

If you want to take it a step further, you could get your kids each a set of headphones and an iPad or a tablet or something to use to help break up sibling rivalry. It is only natural that they get sick of each other and bicker while you drive. It's just going to happen a little bit. It's okay. But there are things that you could do if you have the means or if you have two sets of headphones and only two kids and not four kids like I do, it's much easier to do that.

Brian and I sat down and we were talking about this before when I was outlining my main points I wanted to share with you for this episode and we both agreed that one of our biggest tips is saving the good stuff until as late in the road trip as possible. The very end if at all possible.

If you have something like the Nintendo switch or a game system or you have a TV in your car, don't pull those things out, don't turn them on until as late in the game as humanly possible. If you bring it out too early, it just doesn't serve you. It's not worth it. Save the good stuff for as late as possible in the road trip.

The other tip that…we were both like, “Oh my gosh, remember that? That worked so well,” is this thing that we found out worked really well. We called it the Post-it Note Goal Game. Super lame name. I don't even know what the name is, but basically Brian and I had a small little bag of goodies. We try to stay away from candy cause we didn't want the kids to have a sugar rush. I try not to give my kids candy anyway, but just little things like an organic cracker/cookie snack, something that wasn't getting them all hopped up, but that was exciting to them. Or a little tiny, really cheap disposable toy that would keep them entertained for a few minutes. Whatever, something like that. You know those little sticky hands you can stick to the ceiling? Things like that. They're silly, cheap and easy, and just for the road trip as prizes.

We would write a time on a post-it note and would make it an hour or two ahead of time depending on our kids' ages. We would put the post-it note on the front of the radio or the rear view mirror, somewhere up front of the car where everybody could see it. And we would say, “Okay, if you guys can be super good, whoever is super, super good until the clock says this time will get a prize. If the post-it note said 11:30 then when the clock on the car matched the time on that post-it note whoever was super good would get a little prize out of the prize bag. A hot wheel or a sticky hand or a little organic treat, something like that and it worked so well. The kids did really, really well with a goal in mind.

Don't make it too far ahead. We found that 2 hours was the max for our kids. I would do one hour or so and see how that goes. You can do more or less as your kids’ age needs it. Those are just little things that really helped us.

Have a trash bag, a dedicated trash bag in the car and try to clean as you go. It's kind of like cooking. Clean as you go. Dispose of wrappers, water bottles and things like that that come up while you're driving as often as you can as you go.

Every time we stopped for gas, we would do a quick cleanup haul. We would make everybody get out and go to the bathroom. It was a must-do, so we didn't really ever have to like, “Oh my gosh, somebody has to go the bathroom, stop, pull over.” Because every time that we got gas we made everybody get out and go to the bathroom. It took an extra five minutes but it was helpful in the end. It saved us time and frustration and it kept our car cleaned out because we were in there for so long, you know, we wanted to enjoy being in there as much as possible.


Okay friends. So, I know this episode is all about traveling with your kids, but I wanted to share something with you. I just came back from a trip to the Scott Resort in Scottsdale, Arizona. This resort has been on my vision board for about six months, so it was a meaningful trip to me. It's a beautiful place. It was one of those places that exudes luxury and basically no matter what you're doing there, you feel like a queen. I went there for three days just to get a break from the norm. You guys know I'm all about self-care that's realistic and works for you and your regular typical life.

You guys know that I have all those tips about self-care that when your kids are still with you when you're at your house and you're taking care of yourself in small, little, bite-size ways, but I do think that there's something to be said for the occasional trip away, whether it's a day trip or an actual trip that's more than one day or even just a trip to the coffee shop for an afternoon or something.

I realized that I needed some space away from the noise and the normalcies of life at my house. I homeschool my kids at my house. I run my business from my house. Sometimes it just gets a little convoluted there and it helps me so much to once a year, get away alone, bring my laptop with me, go somewhere refreshing and just reflect about my business and where I'm at in my business. Where I'm at in my personal life. And just get a little distance and quiet.

And that is what I did at the Scott Resort. I chose to go there for this particular yearly getaway and it was so restorative. I loved it so much. I reached out to them and decided to do a partnership. I want to tell you if you're looking for a solo trip or a couple's trip with your spouse, or a girls’ getaway, this is the place to go. And they are so amazing. They've offered to give 10% off your stay if you use the code PURPOSESHOW at checkout.

So, go to the link in my show notes, alliecasazza.com/shownotes/107 and check it out. There's photos on there of the trip and the resort.

Their food, their restaurants are amazing. Some of you guys know I'm going through some major health stuff and their chefs were super accommodating. They were really sensitive to me and what I needed them to cook with. I was able to just relax and breathe, take a break from all the food prep, parenting, homeschooling, and working in my little office. It was a really, really great time.

I want to encourage you moms if you've been thinking that you really just need to get away for a second, that you just need a little bit of space and it's in your budget, I would encourage you to check out this resort. And Arizona is so beautiful. It’s such a quiet, inspirational place to go. I highly, highly encourage it.

Go to the show notes. Use the code the PURPOSESHOW at checkout for 10% off your stay at The Scott. They are so amazing! So accommodating. Such a refreshing space.

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Let's talk about flying with babies and toddlers because it’s super hard. Flying with kids, as they get older, it gets easier. They're just more chill, they're easier to get entertained, they just kind of talk to each other. It's much easier. But flying with babies and toddlers is much more difficult.

I found that flying during bedtime, when I had babies and really young toddlers, is helpful because they will usually sleep but obviously that's not guaranteed. I know because of doing Q & A's that that is something I get asked all the time, like, “Is that a thing? I'm thinking that might work but should I risk it and buy the flight that's a red eye flight that is during my kids' bedtime and overnight or will it just be a nightmare?” And you know, there really is no way to know. You have to just try it.

But we found that the best flights we had were overnight flights. When we did red eye, we saved money and the kids were tired. We would give them natural calming aids. When they got a little older we could give them a little bit of Melatonin. But when they were babies…calming aides that are natural, like lavender oil or if you have toddlers, you could do Calmify which you can get on Amazon, which is a natural calming, anti-anxiety aid for little kids. They would just usually go to sleep.

We had one pretty rough flight where the baby's ears were popping and he was just freaking out. Sometimes it just is what it is. I don't think that your goal should be perfection. We'll talk about that more in a minute. I don't think your goal here is to have a perfect flight. I think it is just to learn, try things and see what works for you, and to be prepared for the worst. If you're prepared for the worst, there really is no anxiety there.

With flights, the same tips as road tripping in terms of entertainment for toddlers and kids who are a little older - try to limit it so that when you actually pull it out and you give your toddler an ipad to watch Peppa Pig or whatever it is, it's exciting and it's new and it's not the norm.

If you don't live a life with less entertainment and tech normally at home and you do overdo it all the time, I would at least consider taking a break for 30 days or so before your trip because most of the time, these trips, we know we're going to be doing them. Especially with toddlers, it'll help your kids be content and busy while you travel, especially if your trip is cross country or super long. Then when you do finally bring out that technology help, it's exciting and they're more engaged with it and it's actually serving its purpose and helping you a little bit.

I would do that. We'd do a 30-day break for Bella and then we would get on the plane and I'd be giving Leland a bottle and letting Bella watch the tablet for a minute. And she was super engaged because she hadn't had any technology in so long and she was really excited. It actually served its purpose and helped me because it wasn't the norm. It wasn't boring and pointless, if that makes sense.

This is pretty common knowledge, but I do want to mention breastfeeding or bottle feeding your baby at the time of takeoff and landing to help with their ears popping and that ear pain, giving your toddlers and kids gum. Emmett freaks out when his ears pop on a plane. And it's been really embarrassing. We've had so many flights where he's just screaming. Sometimes they're just freaked out. It is what it is and you’ve just got to comfort them and be there for them.

But one time he freaked out so bad that his ears were popping. He was crying so hard, he made himself throw up. It was so embarrassing. It was so loud. I felt so bad for Emmett. It was just really hard. And so, from that trip we learned to give him a big piece or even two big pieces of Bubble Yum gum, which is terrible and loaded with sugar, but so be it when your kid has cried so hard from his ears popping that he's vomited. It’s a huge piece of gum and it makes them open up their mouths really big and wide with each chew and it really helped with his ears. We do that every time we're taking off or landing now for Emmett, specifically. Until he gets older, that's what we'll do.

And then one tip for traveling in general and making sure you've got everybody, making sure everyone has their suitcase, making sure everyone's taken care of, is divide and conquer your kids. Brian takes two. I take two. We split them up. We assign them ahead of time and then we switch groups of kids on the flight home, so it's not like one person is stuck with the youngest and most difficult flyers on the way there and the way home. We split it up. We take turns. We talk about it.

Maybe I'll take Bella and Emmett and he’ll take Hudson and Leland or maybe he'll take Leland and Bella and I'll take Hudson and Emmett. We split up the most difficult ones so that each person has a youngest or most difficult kid. We take turns and we swap. So, he's responsible for those two. He's watching them. He's keeping them happy. He's making sure they're okay. They're safe. They've got their stuff. They're buckled in. He's taking them to the bathroom if they have to go. And then I've got the other two doing all of the same things.

It helps rather than bickering, getting frustrated in your communication on a plane or a road trip. We divide and conquer. It helps so much.

I wanted to give a few quick tips for the kids' behavior when you are at the location that you've been traveling to.

So it's one of those things where…imagine you're traveling somewhere and you're going to a family reunion or you're going to a wedding or an event where these people haven't seen your family in a long time and you know that stress you feel of your kids are going to have a really bad day, their behavior is going to be terrible and they're going to choose today to have a massive meltdown or something. It causes a lot of stress and tension in you as the parent.

I'm not above bribing. I'll do it. But I have found that affirming behavior that was already good goes way further than bribing for future good behavior.

What I mean by that is…example, “Hudson, you were so polite and sweet when Grandpa was talking to you about football. I am so proud of you. Great job buddy.” It makes them want to do more of the thing you're praising them for. Notice your kids’ good behavior as you get to your location. Once you're there, affirm that and they'll want to continue that.

Little toddlers, not so much. This is a really hard phase, and I think that kids need a lot of grace. They've been traveling. They're out of their normal environment. Abnormal kids thrive on routine. And they usually don't have any when you're traveling. It’s really hard. So just be gracious and expect people to give you grace too. Don't let anyone make you feel bad or guilty that your toddler's having a meltdown when you're across the country, when you just finished traveling and they're around a bunch of people they don't know. We can't expect our kids to be amazing and perfect. We need to give them grace.

I have found that little things like that, like encouraging good behavior and being nearer to my kids, letting them know they're safe and loved even though we're somewhere new and they're seeing people that seem to really, really know them that they don't know…that would freak anybody out. So, I give them grace and I stay close to them. I'm there with them and I can listen to them. I'm focusing on what they need, but I also do expect them to cooperate, especially as they get older, and be good. “You guys need to follow the rules. The rules still apply here.” I just have a little extra grace when I know they're tired of traveling, there are strange people around, and we're doing new things and we've got to give them grace for that.

I think one huge thing…remember that you're trying to have fun, assuming that you're traveling for vacation or a family visit somewhere. This is supposed to be fun. So relax. Breathe. You can easily make this a terrible trip. You can easily make this the worst idea you've ever had and it is up to you. Just remember that. You're the parent. Take a deep breath. Our kids need grace. You need grace. Relax. Breathe. Try to have fun.

Try to remember why you're doing this and just roll with it. If you end up inside most of the family party with your toddler who's really temperamental and really struggling to not be at home in her routine, that's okay. You're a mom and you're a great one. You're doing a good job. It's okay. You have to lower your expectations a lot and then lower them even more.

Things are probably not going to go as planned. You probably won't get to do all the things you wanted to do on your trip. You probably won't get to see all the things you wanted to see and talk to all the people you wanted to talk to. It probably won't look much like the idea in your head when you were planning this trip.

Someone might get sick or throw a fit or lose their suitcase. It's okay. It's life and life is what you make it. So remember that.

And also remember that you're an example to your kids of how to handle life's curve balls and things not going your way. Remember that because it's so huge and I know that we're all on the same page that we want to raise good humans. We want to raise kids who handle things well, can roll with the punches, are good examples and they won't be that if we're not that.

I think when all is said and done, remember this is just a trip. Don't think about how much money you spent on the trip and how the kids are ruining in, their attitudes suck and you're super frustrated. Remember that it's just a trip. Remember to be a firm parent and expect a lot of your kids if they're older, but also to give them a lot of grace because kids thrive on routine. You're out of your routine.

Sometimes they just need a little bit of wiggle room and when all is said and done, you're their parent and that's your top priority and that's your job even when you're traveling.

Just remember, lower your expectations. It's not going to be perfect. The best trips that we've had are the ones where our expectations were pretty low and we were just showing up the best way we could, trying to have fun and taking advantage of every spare second, but also letting our kids take naps. If it was nap time and they were tired and we just couldn't go try that cool new restaurant we read about on Yelp, you know, sometimes it just doesn't happen that way. Especially if you do have really little kids.

So as summer comes and you guys have all these trips planned, I hope these trip tips help you take a deep breath, have a sigh of relief, change your perspective a little bit, get a little bit more realistic and a little bit more prepared all at once, and give you happy family travels.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 106: Rocking Life as a Work-Out-of-the-Home Mom with Kendra Hennessy

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The one thing I don’t talk about is being a work-out-of-the-home mom. I just never did that, so I don’t want to teach what I don’t confidently know. But! Today’s a good day because my friend Kendra Hennessy has been in that position and is about to drop some serious truth bombs for you mamas!

This episode is going to bring you a lot of hope and inspiration no matter what type of mom you are! Whether you are a mom who works from home or outside the home, get ready for really good conversation around finding the balance and harmony between work and family. 

Kendra and I talk about figuring out what fits your family best, discovering the values that are non negotiable, and finding ways to connect with each of your kids (because we all know, every kid is different and needs their mom in different ways!) There are fears, doubts, and misconceptions moms who work outside of the home face but at the end of the day we are all moms working to give our kids the best we can!

 
 

In This Episode Allie + Kendra Discuss:

  • The biggest doubts work outside the home moms face.

  • Understanding that chaos is routine out of control and how you can get it back in order.

  • How valuable quality time with your kids is (and not just quality time, but time spent doing things they love)

  • Why the “fringe moments” matter.

Mentioned in this Episode:


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Made For This Mom is a beautiful, life-changing program that I co-created with Kendra. It deals with mindset, attitude and heart shifts for moms who are ready to uplevel their mental and emotional health.

If you want to get away from the whole “oh mom, life is so hard and so messy,” and just that victim mentality. The, “I never get a moment to myself. My whole life is just such a crap show. I don't even know what selfcare is. I never get time to myself.” That whole act, that whole lifestyle and start living your life as who you are meant to be, this program is meant for you. It will change your life.

This is a mindset program that helps you identify the source of the weight you're feeling and get this aerial view of your motherhood so you can become the confident, flourishing mom that you were meant to be.

It is a next level program. Made For This Mom. Doors are open now and I really want to see you in there!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Guys! It is finally May and I'm so excited because it's Mother's Day this month. It's the month of motherhood and that means in my life that I get to do a lot of work side-by-side with my business bestie, Kendra Hennessy of Mother Like A Boss.

We co-created an online program called Made For This Mom together a few years ago and every May we open the doors to that program. I'm so excited because this is just one of the reasons that I love May so much. This time of year honestly makes me super emotional because this program is so important, so close to my heart, and so different from the other courses that I've created.

Made For This Mom is a beautiful, life-changing program that I co-created with Kendra. It deals with mindset, attitude and heart shifts for moms who are ready to uplevel their mental and emotional health.

If you want to get away from the whole “oh mom, life is so hard and so messy,” and just that victim mentality. The, “I never get a moment to myself. My whole life is just such a crap show. I don't even know what selfcare is. I never get time to myself.” That whole act, that whole lifestyle and start living your life as who you are meant to be, this program is meant for you. It will change your life.

This is a mindset program that helps you identify the source of the weight you're feeling and get this aerial view of your motherhood so you can become the confident, flourishing mom that you were meant to be.

It is a next level program. Made For This Mom. Doors are open now. Go to madeforthismom.com. Get all the deets. I really want to see you guys in there.

It comes with a student-only online community where Kendra and I regularly check in and can talk to you guys. You can ask questions and comment. It also comes with three live coaching calls with both Kendra and myself present and we literally are taking your questions, taking your specific life issues and talking with you, answering your questions, helping you, coaching you through things. So, three of those live calls plus the entire program, plus the student community. This is just invaluable.

I can't wait to see you guys in there. I'm so excited about this! Madeforthismom.com. The doors are closing super soon, so get over there.

ALLIE: Hey guys! Welcome back to The Purpose Show. I'm so happy today. Extra, extra happy because I'm sitting with my BFF and we're going to hang out and talk and you guys get to listen in. Kendra's here. She is one of my best friends in the whole world. She lives across the country, so I think that's a bummer. It's a bummer, but it says a lot about our friendship because I'm over here in sunny San Diego and you'll send me a picture with 8 ft. of snow.

KENDRA: It's the middle of January. And Allie will have an Instastory and they're gallivanting around southern California, and I just sent her a picture of us bundled up inside because we're inside the Polar Vortex, and she's like, “Oh I know! I totally feel you, friend. It was 50 degrees yesterday.” Very different.

ALLIE: Kendra and I, she's been on the show before. I'll link to her initial episode because it was really good. She’s the queen of simplifying your cleaning and your cleaning systems, your cleaning routine, how to clean. She taught me how to deal with urine, which I need to do a lot because I have a million boys.

KENDRA:  I'm really good at teaching people how to deal with urine. I want that to be on my tombstone.

ALLIE: This episode is going to be so fun. I'm so excited! Kendra is the founder of Mother Like A Boss and her website is amazing. The way she does things is really similar to the way that I have my business laid out because we've been doing stuff together for a while.

I think you can see the influence that we've had on each other whenever we come together. We have a really good energy together and I love doing stuff with you. We also made a course together, Made For This Mom.

KENDRA: Which is incredible. I'm trying to say that with the most humble sound in my voice as well. I know when we talk about it we try to be very humble, but I really do think that I can say that because it's helped so many people. And I also think that both Allie and I know that that course came out of somewhere else. It came to us in an instant and we laid out everything for that course in a day because it just came to us from another place. We just knew that this is what we were supposed to talk about and it deviated from what we normally did because it's not about decluttering or minimalism or homemaking or cleaning. It's really about motherhood. It's about your relationships with yourself and the people in your life and getting back to a really solid place in your own life.

A lot of moms in there are like, “You know, I have my systems down. I'm running my home. I've decluttered and the everything there seems great, but why do I still feel this longing? Why do I still feel this emptiness inside?” And that's where Made For This Mom really has been able to fill that void.

ALLIE: Yeah, we launch it every May for Mother's Day, so coming up. Every time we do that, I always say that I'm so proud of that course. I think I really am the most proud of it because, not that the other stuff doesn't matter, but this is so much deeper and the kind of comments that we see coming out of that course…it's just better.

It's so amazing and so powerful. I love that we did that together. It was like we were just enlightened with it. It came out of us when we were together in San Diego. That was great. I love it.

So, tell everybody about your family and, you know, be better at it than I was at saying what you do.

KENDRA: Absolutely. As she said, I founded Mother Like A Boss. We actually just celebrated our three-year anniversary for the business, which was really incredible. And I wasn't even keeping track at all because, as you know, as you get older time sort of constricts and you're like, “Oh! It's been a year? It feels like 10 minutes.”

Before that I owned a cleaning business, so that's really where my cleaning expertise comes in. I wasn't just somebody that liked to clean, I actually ran a business. I ran the numbers last year and I have about 22,000 hours of experience cleaning houses. That's not including my own, so I do have the expertise. I have learned a lot.

It was an 11-year process and I sucked at it at first. I really do tell people that for a reason because house cleaning isn't something much like anything else in motherhood. It's not something people are born with. People have tendencies towards organization or tendencies towards good habits. But at the end of the day, something like cleaning your house is not just innate. It's not like we're born knowing how to do it.

I ran that business. I loved it and I loved what I did, but I was exhausted. Cleaning people's houses every day is exhausting. From a business standpoint, I wanted something I could scale. I wanted something that would allow me to be home with my kids more. So, I went into the online space and thought there has to be a way that I can serve moms in a better way, not just with cleaning, but with home management in general.

Really what I talk about is modernizing homemaking. I sort of feel like I’m on this one-woman mission to modernize and put a fresh spin on homemaking because I think that it is one of the most important things that we can do these days and it's one of the most overlooked.

And that's really why Allie and I both not only get along so well, but have such a heart for each other is because we both have that same belief…if your home is in order, then you're going to radiate that love and joy to your children, to your husband, to the relationships in your life. And then they're going to take that and radiate it out.

I think now we live such busy, full, crazy lives that why wouldn't you want your home to be the safe haven?

I always say I want my home to be the hammock and the safety net that catches us in our lives, so that when the stresses of the outside world are crazy, I can come home and it's not another stressor. When I walk into my home I'm not like, “Oh, great, crap” and there's crap everywhere. And I have no systems. We wake up in the morning and we're run, run, run and rush, rush, rush, much the same way Allie talks about decluttering.

On the personal end, I've been married to my very tall husband, as Allie can tell you.

ALLIE: Yes! He’s so tall and so loud.

KENDRA: He's tall and loud. Bless his sweet, sweet heart. He's one of the loudest people on the face of the earth. His whole family is. They just talk loud and he doesn't even realize it. What's funny is that he's not an ostentatious person at all. He's just loud in the way he talks.

ALLIE: It’s literally his voice decibel. It's just funny. We joke about it all the time because when we were first hanging out as families…Brian…one of our pain points in our marriage is, I'm like, “What? Huh?” He's kind of a mumbler. He has a quiet voice. And Adam was like, “So how's it going?” And I was jarred. And I noticed it and Kendra was like, “Oh yeah, sorry.” He's really loud. It's just funny.

KENDRA: He has a very rich timber.

ALLIE: Well said.

KENDRA: We've been married for, it's coming up on 12 years in a couple of months. We have a 12-year-old daughter, Ava, and a 6-year-old son, Everett. They are truly the light of my life. All three of them. I love them so much. I love being a mom. I love being a wife. I love being a business owner.

I think that if you're listening to Allie, you know Allie's the same way. And again, that's something that really created our friendship is while I love my family and I would do anything for them, my business is like a third child to me. My business is super important, running my business is important. I love being successful. I love making money. I love all the things about running a business. I love being a CEO.

Also we live in upstate New York where it's cold four months out of the year. Really cold, not like southern California, 50 degree cold. Like actually cold.

ALLIE: It sucks. I'm embarrassed that I've acclimated back to here because I travel so much that if I'm gone enough I'm like, “Oh, I'm actually not that cold and I don't need this giant puffy jacket on day 15 of being here.” But then I get back and I'm like, “Oh it’s so cold and then I look at my phone and it’s like 61.”

I don't even know where to start with you because I have so many things that I want to talk about, but I want to circle back to when you had your cleaning business. You have a podcast, an amazing podcast by the way, which we will link to. My podcast and yours is coming out at the same time, so if you're listening to this one you can go back and listen to hers.

You talk about being a work-outside-of-the-home mom. I know that you know how it is when you’re audience is building and they want to know something from you and you want to help them, but there's certain things that you can figure out and help. But there's other things you just can't talk about because you've never done that. And being a work-outside-of-the-home mom is one of those things for me.

Now it's a little different. You start to travel, and speaking events, and I'm gone a lot more, but even then, my family usually comes too, so I just don't have that experience of you have a job. It's not necessarily something that you love and are super passionate about, but it pays the bills and you're working and you're gone all day and you're exhausted when you come home in the evening and you've got homework and family and cooking and all that. I've never done that.

I want to talk to you about all the things, but I really want to hone in on you blessing and speaking truth over the women that are listening that have a work-outside-of-the-home life like that. It's not their passion, it's their paycheck and they've got to do it, you know?

KENDRA: Yeah. I should start by saying I started out feeling like it was my passion. For me it was. I want to start out by saying that. I started my business when I was pregnant with Ava, so it was 13 years ago. I had gone to college and I dropped out of college in my last semester. Go me.

I had a panic attack. I did not want to do what I was going to school for. It was freaking me out that I was going to then be put into this job that I didn't want and I literally had an actual, physical panic attack and I was like, “I'm done. I'm just going to drop out. I'll figure it out later, but I'm not going to continue doing this.”

And the long story made very short is that a friend of mine had a neighbor that had just moved here from 20 or 30 minutes away. She owned a cleaning business there and was going to be running it here and needed someone to help her. So I was like, “You know what? Well I just quit school so I should probably do something during the day, so I decided to work with her, loved it and then decided to do my own business.

Well while all that was happening, while dropping out of college, which broke my family's heart because I was really the first person to go to college. I had a scholarship so they did not expect that.

ALLIE: What were you going for?

KENDRA: What I went for the first two years for was secondary math education, so I was going to be a math teacher, which could not be any different than what I want to do.

ALLIE: When she first said that, I was like, “I don't know if we're going to be friends, how can you like math? But it's so funny because she has this numbers-based memory and she'll be like, “Hey, remember on January 2nd, 2016 when we were sitting at 45-degree angle and you said this, and then we started this part of the business and we made exactly this dollars and cents amount?” She'll remember things and it's kind of amazing in a business partner because I'm the opposite.

I come up with all of the creative ideas and I'm really good at writing our emails and stuff. She's like, “Okay, but we should probably plan on making money from this.” And I'm like, “Oh yeah.”

KENDRA: Yeah, you'll give me the information. Then you're like, “Can you just run the conversions real quick on that.”

ALLIE: Yeah, we’re a good team, but I think it's so funny because your personality is so…you're so bubbly, you're such an extrovert, you're so good with people and you're so good at speaking the truth, gently, but also not so much when it's needed. And you're just so good that it's so funny that you're such a logical numbers person too. It's a weird mix.

KENDRA: Yeah, I think that's why I decided not to become a math teacher because it was like, “I just don't think that I can do that for the rest of my life.” So after two years in school of doing that, I was like, “Yeah, I don't want to do that.”

Then I thought, “You know, maybe instead of doing math, I'll just do elementary education, teach 5th grade.” I never wanted to be a kindergarten teacher. I just wanted to teach maybe fifth or sixth grade, so that's really what I went to school for. Which is interesting now because I am doing that, I'm teaching and I love to teach. I love helping people. I love the look in someone's eye when they get an “aha” or when they type it and they're like, “Oh my gosh! That just was so great!” I love helping people on a journey. I do it in a different way now.

When I dropped out of school and then was starting this new business, I also got myself pregnant. I should say I didn't get myself pregnant. Adam got me pregnant. That's really an odd thing to say. I love when people say “I got myself pregnant.” Did you? Did you really get yourself pregnant?

ALLIE: But I also hate when couples are like, “We’re pregnant!”

KENDRA: No, we're not pregnant. I was pregnant. He was not. I found out I was pregnant four months after we had gotten engaged. That was all happening at once. And to be honest, I'm glad it happened that way because it forced me to move forward. I didn't have a choice. I just kept moving forward.

Anyway, I was always a “working mom.” And I say it in quotes because I think that all of us are working, but I mean the go outside the home every day, leave at 7:00 AM, go to a job - my business - and then come home. It's funny because I don't know any different and I've never known any different. I've only been a stay-at-home-mom two different times in my life and it was only for a few months at a time. So it was just a very different way of doing things.

And I think, like many other things in parenting, it's trial by fire where you see what works and see what doesn't. For me, what helped tremendously…and I know that not everyone is blessed to have family that they live around…but if you don't have family around, finding yourself a support system. Even if you have to pay them. Even if it's just a babysitter that comes in for a couple of hours at night or on the weekends, or a nanny or a mommy's helper, that kid next door who's 12 who's looking for a few extra dollars, having somebody come in to clean your home, even if it's once a month.

Here's the thing guys, people talk all the time about like, “Oh, I can't afford this. I can't afford that.” But they'll go to Starbucks every day and get themselves a coffee. I'm like, if you just saved that money every single day, if you save that $5, you would have an extra $150 at the end of the month that you could have paid a house cleaner to come in and do a bunch of stuff for you or someone to help you with laundry once a week.

To me as a work-outside-of-the-home mom, it was about making my priorities crystal clear and nonnegotiable. Where when I was working, I was working, and when I was home, I was home and that was really difficult having a business because it wasn't like a job where I just left the job and came home. People were texting me or emailing me or whatever, so I really had to get crystal clear on what was important to me and how important it was to me to clean my house, to do my laundry, to cook for my family, to grocery shop.

Then I had to make routines around that. That's why I am so big on routines now is because routines help you to create freedom in your life so you're not coming home at 5:00 PM every night and starting from scratch every single day. And that is what a great majority of moms out there are doing. They start from scratch every day. And I know that you're big on routines too. It's exhausting. And that's why we're so big on routines because if you can make something rhythmic, make something the same every single day, even if it's just one small thing at a time, it's one less thing you have to put your mental energy into.

ALLIE: Absolutely. And I love that you described it as this is why routines are so freeing because the thing that just grates my nerves more than anything else that I hear is that, “I just can't do routines. It's too rigid for me. I’m too spontaneous.”

I am so Type B and I love being spontaneous. Let’s just take today for a quick example before we get back to the working mom thing. We're in launch mode right now in my business and you know how that goes and today, everything is done and we have a free day. I immediately was like, “Oh! I get to talk to my best friend on my podcast and then we're going to go and have a family day before baseball practice. It's going to be awesome.”

But before…I was sitting outside this morning having my coffee on the porch while the kids played and literally just thinking about before, like I would have thought, “That would have been nice. Unfortunately, I'm eight loads behind on the laundry. The dishes are all crusty. I have no food prepped for dinner.” These things are all done because it's rhythmatized and simplified. The load of laundry is finishing right now. I can hear it above me. There's food in the crock pot because I had it prepped before. Actually, Brian helped me with that, but we had the plan in place. The dishes are done. The house is picked up. Everything is running smoother because we're not, like you said, starting from scratch every day and now we're freed up to go and have that spontaneous family day. I didn't have this on my calendar. I didn't know this was going to happen. We can go because we've freed ourselves up with routine. I love that you worded it like that. Thank you because nobody that doesn't have routines thinks that it's going to be freeing; they think it's going to be rigid.

KENDRA: One of the most quoted Kendra Hennessey things, that I see people post is “chaos is a routine you've lost control of.” People think that chaos is this same thing. Like, “Oh, I would like to be able to just wake up every day and just choose what I want to do.” And I'm like, “Yeah, how's that working out for you right now? How is it working out when you wake up in the morning and it's chaos from morning until night?” That's a routine. Being chaotic every day is a routine. It's just one you lost control of. If your kids, if you and your kids can expect chaos every day, it's a routine because a routine is something that is based on expectation. Expecting something over and over, like waking up in the morning and brushing your teeth. That is something you just do because it's you have what you call anchors. I think the way you talk about anchors is genius. You're anchoring something to a time of day so you don't even have to think about it.

I said recently, I think it was in a workshop that I did, that when I worked at a pizzeria when I was a teenager, I would work on the weekends and I would ‘open.’ Well, we didn't walk in on a Saturday morning and go like, “Whoa, there's a bunch of stuff to do. Where do you want to start? What should we do today?” No, you have an opening list. You have a whole checklist of stuff to get done. Why? Because then it's done and as soon as you open those doors, you can just work the whole day, serve your customers and not have to worry about all the rest of the stuff getting done because it's already done and you know that the closing list will get done at the end of the day.

Just like Allie said, she got everything done. So now it's like, “Cool, we can go out and enjoy our day because I'll come home, dinner will be ready in the crock pot and laundry has already been done. Or maybe there'll be a load that was done in the dryer and I can come home and quickly put it away. That's what routines get you.

And it doesn't matter if you're staying home all day or working. That is a very common misconception. Your routines are just as important no matter what type of mom you are.

ALLIE: Absolutely. I love that so much and I think that it's important to say as well that like you mentioned it in the beginning, having a mommy's helper or whatever…we are not saying you're a mess. You need to get your ish together and you need to do it all. I'm the minimalist one. I have two girls that are in high school and they go to our church and they come twice a week and they fold all the laundry that I do on a rhythm in the mornings. I just put the hammer there and I'm like, “they’ll deal with that,” and they fold it and put it away. And it's amazing. You can delegate, that could be a rhythm, but you are keeping things running at least. You don't have to do every single thing.

If you don’t have the budget…we’ve both been there, but if you can simplify. If you can afford to have a little mommy's helper come. I give them I think it's like $20 or something a week. They’re so excited and they're saving it for their summer and all this stuff. But they love it. They're so happy to help. It helps me so much. That's saving me I don't know how much time, but I feel it and I feel that in my week that I don't have to do that. Find ways to delegate. Find ways to delegate to yourself. By rhythmatizing you’re delegating those brain calories somewhere else where they matter more. Delegate to another person or your kids when they get older. People's kids don't do enough to help.

KENDRA: No, and that's something that gets talked about quite a bit in my business. And I've had a few people that don't agree with me. They're like, “I don't believe that kids should have to do chores.” And I'm like, “Well, you do you. If you want to do everything for your kids and you think that that's the way that you want to run your house, I am not going to judge you for it. But I'm going to tell you right now in my house we’re a team and I'm not anyone's servant.

ALLIE: You make a mess, you help pick up.

My son is 6. He can't mow the lawn. I can't be like, “Oh, we're just going to split everything 50/50.” He’s not old enough. Can you imagine Everett mowing the lawn?

KENDRA: He is the cutest thing. He doesn't do that. Adam does that because that's Adam's job to do, but you know what Everett can do? He can help fold clothes. He can put away his toys. He can put the dishes in the dishwasher after dinner. He can help set the table. He can clean up the table. He can do things.

And my 12-year-old is now as tall as I am, so she can do a lot of stuff around the house. She's been doing her own laundry for four years because I bought back my time.

I taught her to do her laundry while I still had my cleaning business. I should make that very clear. I was working eight hours a day, outside of the home, and I still taught Ava how to do her laundry because I was like, “I don't want to be spending time doing her laundry when I have all the other things that need to be done.” At the time I had a 2-year-old; I didn't want to be also doing her laundry and I was like, “She can learn how to do it and then I will literally buy all of my time back. All of those years that I've bought back that I haven't touched her laundry.

I think we have gotten so far away from delegating to our kids. I mean that's a whole other discussion in and of itself. But your children aren't there to be served by you. You're all there to serve one another and the home. I view homemaking as a team effort. We're all here to serve our home because when we all help and we all have our own routines, we get to have days like Allie just said she gets to have where everyone goes out.

Because I know for a fact Allie’s kids are helping do stuff too. And it's like, “If we all get our stuff done, guess what we get to do guys? We get to go out. We get to go to Legoland. We get to go to the park. We get to go swimming.” I tell my kids in the summer, “Listen, if you guys want to leave, I get my work done from 9-12 in the summer. If you can get your work done from 9-12, guess what happens at 12? We go to grandma's to swim. We go to the lake. We go out to the park. But that stuff has to be done.” And so, we all have our routines. We all have our marching orders. It's not a negative. No one's being punished. It's just a part of running a home. The same way you would run a business.

ALLIE: Yeah. And what a beautiful way to prepare them for the world. A light switch isn’t going to flip on when they're 18, “Oh, I suddenly know how to fold my socks. I suddenly know how to make pancakes or oatmeal or whatever. I suddenly know how to pay bills.” You have to teach them.

I think we all have families in our head that maybe freak us out a little bit about this topic. They are having them do too much or they're so strict that it's joy-sucking, and there's just this tension in the home of the kids are scared of the parents and there's so much responsibility and it's so strict. I can picture two friends that I grew up with that it was like that. They were so rigid and scared all the time and they were doing so much for their age that they weren't able to enjoy childhood. But you know, balancing that and teaching them to not be entitled that things are just done for you and your clothes just appear. I love that. I love the way you talk about that.


Okay, friends. I know I already told you in the beginning of this episode that Made For This Mom is here. It's open. It's May. It's one of my favorite times of the year. But as a piece of Made For This Mom, coming back around every May, there's also a free masterclass that Kendra Hennessy and I do together every year.

Anyone can come and sign up for this. This is something that we have gotten such incredible feedback on. People just freak out about it every year and they want it be something that we do more often, but because we have separate lives, separate businesses, and it takes two of us, we've just really dedicated this class to be a thing that happens that’s a free event just once a year. So, this only comes around in May. Anybody can sign up, but the live spots are limited.

Go and sign up. If you are able to come to the live showtime, come a few minutes early and be ready so that you can snag your spot. If you can't come live, sign up anyway. We'll send you a replay link and you'll have a couple of days to watch it before it disappears for another year.

To sign up for this masterclass you need to go to alliecasazza.com/unstuck.

It’s called The Get Unstuck Masterclass and that's exactly what we help you do.

There's typically four big myths that Kendra and I see popping up in you women in our businesses, because we work with women and mothers all day. We're women and mothers ourselves, so we also struggle with these myths. Kendra and I address each of these four core myths about motherhood head on.

It is a truth-bomb-dropping powerful masterclass that will literally have you moving around in your seat because you can't wait to take action on these things, shift your perspective, change your mindset, and start viewing and acting on your motherhood in a different way.

If you're going to spend an hour on the internet, this is the most intentional, the most beneficial place for you to do so. I promise…and I know that is a big promise to make…but I stand by it.

Alliecasazza.com/unstuck. It's free to come to this. You're going to love it.

However, this is a temporary thing. It's happening this week. You can go to the website and get all the details for the time and place and all that, but it's happening live and then you're only gonna have about two days to watch it before it will disappear from internet land until next May when we do it live again. This is a temporary thing.

Alliecasazza.com/unstuck. Go sign up.


ALLIE: I was wondering this morning when I was thinking about this episode, what do you think are the biggest doubts that work-outside-of-the-home moms deal with in themselves about themselves? About their lifestyle? I don't know if ‘doubts’ is the right word. Maybe what are the judgments? What are they dealing with inside of themselves?

KENDRA: I've said before that I never really felt guilty for working. I never really felt guilty about the fact that my daughter went to an in-home daycare for the first three years and then she went to a preschool-based daycare because I always looked at it and thought, I'm a better person for owning my business. And because we're a 2-family working home, we have more money to do different things, and I wanted to work and whatever.

But what I did feel guilty about was that I didn't feel guilty because people would ask me, “Oh, don't you feel guilty about sending your baby to a daycare?” And then I was like, “No, I didn't until now. Now I feel bad. Maybe I'm not a good mom. Maybe all these other people guilty and I don't, maybe I'm not a good mom.” And I think the one thing that I hear work-outside-the-home moms say all the time is, “I am missing time with my children. Am I not a good mom because I'm not staying home? Are they as well taken care of where they are versus if they were at home?” I hear a lot of that.

And then also there's the home aspect, “I feel like I can't maintain my home as well as somebody that stays home.” Just to let you all know, I have just as many stay-at-home moms as I do working moms in my course. It is not a stay-at-home mom issue or a working mom issue. I think we all need to realize that.

ALLIE: It’s a task list issue.

KENDRA: It’s funny because we all have the ‘grass is greener thing’ but it's not; the grass isn't greener on the other side. I think those issues really come up quite a bit for work-outside-the-home moms.

We were just talking beforehand about one of the big issues that comes up is not being able to spend enough time with your children. Feeling like you don't have that quality time. The typical thing I hear is, “We don't get home until 5:00 PM, and then I have to start dinner, there’s homework to do, and then it's bath time/shower time. And then I also want to spend time with my husband.” And you're trying to squeeze a lifetime's worth of stuff into four hours after you get home.

I try now to fit my quality time in with the other stuff I'm doing. There's a book on that about The Fringe Hours. Noticing those fringe moments. Those moments when I'm cooking dinner, having Everett sit down at the kitchen table and do his homework there, or color a picture, or help me cook dinner. Having Ava come with me to the grocery store or when I need to run an errand, saying, “Ava, you want to come with me?” And then talking about the insane dragon books that she won't ever stop talking about.

ALLIE: That’s why she and Bella are cross-country besties and they love each other because they talk about dragons. Kendra and I check in on their texts. The apple ID is the same, so I can open up my phone check their texts and I do often. As a mom, you’re like, what are they talking about? It’s weird when your kids ‘have a life.’ I'm always a little ‘bated breath.’ And then I go on there and it's like, “Dragons are so awesome!” And Ava’s like, “I know! Especially purple dragons. And ice wings,” from the book they read or whenever. And Bella is like, “yeah, ice wings are like the best.” And I'm just sitting there…like they're both dorks and it's amazing. I'm so glad.

KENDRA: It’s amazing. So, I don't care at all about dragons, but I do care about my daughter, so I will listen to her drone on about dragons because that's what she loves.

So, finding that time to spend with them that's not just carved-out time. I think all of us are trying to fit the lives that we see other people living into our own life. And your routines should fit into your life, not the other way around. You don't need cookie cutter routines that then you try to squeeze your unique life into. So, we've really tried in our home now to do the quality time together in those ‘fringe moments.’

Even my husband…he takes Everett to school every morning. Now our school is three minutes down the road. He leaves 15 minutes early because he drives him there and then they sit in the car together and they talk. I could just as easily drive him. I work at home. I just sit at home and I say goodbye to them. But that's their time together. It's their time to go to school and spend that time.

Someone else, they may be like, “It's only 15 minutes.” Well yeah, but that's 15 solid minutes that they are only concentrating on each other. They don't have anything else to do. And to me it's all about quality over quantity. Find those moments that you can fit in there.

Another popular one which I know comes up I'm sure in your audience a lot is wanting to have a nighttime routine where they're getting cleaning done, but also wanting to spend time with their husband.

ALLIE: Why are these your choices?

KENDRA: Exactly. I don't understand. Why can't you do stuff together? Why can't you have your routines be like, okay, for 10 minutes we're just going to clean up the kitchen together and get that done, because many hands make less work. Do it together. Then you can go enjoy time together. Or I say split it down the middle and say like, okay, a few nights a week I'm going to really go all in and make sure there's a load of laundry in and get my evening routine done and then the other nights of the week I'm going to say, “I don't care. I'm going to sit down with my husband, watch a movie, talk, do whatever I want to do.” It doesn't have to be all or nothing. We don't have to have this all or nothing mentality about everything we do in our lives.

ALLIE: I think that we also over analyze how much time things are going to take us.

In business we listen to a lot of the same podcasts. Our businesses are about our real life, our mom life. So a lot of the times I'll learn something about business and be thinking more about applying that to my mom life. And it was like that. There was this episode where this woman was talking about however much time you mentally give yourself for a task, that’s how long it's going to take. If you give yourself an hour to write this email, guess what? It's gonna take you the full hour. But if you're like, alright, 20-minute timer and I’m writing this email, it's gonna take you 20 minutes.

And we do that with our tasks. “Oh well it's either time with my husband or cleaning up the kitchen.” If you just both worked together for 10 minutes it would be done.

KENDRA: Yeah. It’s called Parkinson's law and it is for real. I have done the same thing. How many times have you gone, “Oh, I'm just going to give myself until the end of the month to get this thing done?” If you just give yourself two days, it would have gotten done in two days.

ALLIE: I have seen that so much in my life. You know with the book stuff right now ? They're like, “Okay, how much time do you want for writing your book? We'll stretch it, we'll give you 18 months if you need it. You just seem really busy.” And I'm like, “That is the opposite of what I like. Give me what's the bare minimum? Can I get this done in a month? Give me a three-month deadline.” I know that however much I'm given, that's how much I'm going to take.

I think that's really powerful for us as mothers because we just over overthink. We overcomplicate. We give ourselves too much time. We make it seem way harder than it is. Just get in there make it fun, put in your Airpods and blast music and just get it done. It'll take you five minutes if you give yourself five minutes.

KENDRA: Yeah. Also, if you have children that are old enough to be eating their own food, they're also old enough to be cleaning up after themselves. I say this in my community all the time. When people ask about the after dinner, they're like, “It just sticks me. It seems like it's an hour to clean up after dinner.” And I'm like, “Then you're doing something wrong because it does not need to be taking you that long.” It probably means that you're the only one doing it and you're probably trying to multitask by doing other things at the same time. Trying to answer questions from your children, trying to get somebody in a bath and then coming back downstairs. Tag team that stuff. “Hey, guess what? You're going to do the dishes and you're going to do this and you're going to put the leftovers away.” Everybody has a job.

Believe me in our home, we are not perfect. There are some days where I'm like, “This is not working out. Nothing's working out here.” But when we sit down and have dinner together, cleanup takes no more than 10 minutes because everyone has a job and that's just the way it is. Adam will put the dishes in and I'll clean up the table. Ava will put stuff in…the leftovers or something. If four people were eating, why shouldn't four people be cleaning up. Obviously if you have small children, you know tiny children, I get that that’s the season of your life.

But if you're in the season…I hear people say, “I have a four, a six and an eight-year-old.” That's three extra people to be helping. It’s going to take a little bit of time in the beginning to teach them how to do it, but again, you're buying back your time later because the time you invest right now into them helping is time you're getting yourself back in the future for the future. You could spend 10 minutes every night for three months doing it and you're going to net yourself back every single night for the rest of your life. It seems like a really good investment to me.

ALLIE: Yeah, for sure. I want to ask you when you get to a place in your family relationships, I'm thinking not so much with Adam, but with your kids, maybe in particular Ava, since she's a little older. When you get to a place where you feel like…I always describe it for lack of a better phrase, like when you just don't have their heart. Nothing really happened, nothing’s really, really wrong, but you don't feel like if there was something bothering her that she wouldn’t come to you. Maybe you've gotten a little too busy and you know that connection, there's a gap. What's your favorite thing to do with your kids when you feel that you've gotten to that point so you bridge that gap and fix it.

KENDRA: First of all, I love the way you say that because you have talked about Leland like that. Correct? Meeting his heart? Leland's my favorite kid. He's the best. He could care less about me at all. He literally could, that kid could not care less about my existence. And I think that's why I love him so much. He's just his own person.

ALLIE: That’s the thing, he makes you want his love and attention. He's just so indifferent and then the most random things…I’m like…why do you care about that and not about me? He’s hard to get.

KENDRA: He is. He is going to be really hard for some woman…that's going to be a hard nut to crack, for sure, but in a good way. Because when he finds someone, that’s going to be the person.

But I love the way that you say that because it's so true. Sometimes you just feel like there's a ‘block’ up. Like there's a barricade. I do sometimes feel that way with Ava, one, because of her age. She’s a little more independent now, which I love and hate at the same time. And two, because she is very introverted and always has been. She was never my super cuddly kid. She was never the kid that was like, “mommy, mommy, mommy. I need mommy all the time.” She just wasn't like that.

And now it seems even more extreme because Everett would climb back up inside my uterus if he could. That kid is attached to my life. He just wants to be with me 24/7, like just all the time. So, now it seems even more extreme. I never have to get Everett’s heart, ever. His heart is usually right in front of my face all the time, but Ava's…I feel like I do, now more than ever.

What I've noticed helps with me is getting out of the house because in the house she has her room that she can go to and I feel like it's almost like a retreat. I get it. I was 12 at one point too. I was the same way. “Leave me alone. I'm the oldest. I don't want to be around my siblings or my parents.” But I feel like now getting out of the house really helps because for a lack of a better term, she has nowhere to go.

It's easier for us to relate to one another if I can take her to Chipotle, for a drive, or we can go somewhere. Meeting up with the girl scouts, even that 20-minute trip just together, it's so much easier for us to turn on music. We love that. We share that love for music and then it'll open her up because she’s like, “Oh, do you know what this song is about? I looked it up and this is what they meant,” and it gets a conversation going. But in the house, I noticed, I’ll say, “Ava come downstairs and sit next to me.” I'll talk to her. And she's like, “Umm hmm, can I go back upstairs?” For me getting out of the house has helped so much with our relationship because it's just one on one, it's just the two of us.

And also, she has a little brother and her little brother annoys her. And so, when she's downstairs, she just like, “Everett go away.” And when we're not in the house I feel like she's more open to not be annoyed.

ALLIE: Yeah, I love that. That was a good answer.

Hudson is like Everett for me. I feel like you've seen this in action. I don't know if you guys have a dynamic like this, but Brian is Hudson in giant man form. He gets so irritated with Hudson and I'm like, “Do you realize that this is because he's you? You're irritated at your own self.” Because Brian's love language is touch and mine is not. I don't want to be touched. It’s so hard. We've had to come to the realization in our marriage that when we are having a disagreement and we're working through it, I have to put my hand on Brian’s knee or at some point he just feels unloved and far from me and it's the worst thing. It’s the worst thing. I’m like, “Ugg, fine!”

And Hudson is so touchy and it's irritating. The other day me and Brian were snuggling in the kitchen and he gave me a kiss and I'm in his arms and all-of-a-sudden I feel someone on my thigh and it’s Hudson joining in. Then yesterday Bella came over and, she was like, “Thanks for taking me to lunch, mom. I had a really nice time.” And she gave me a really long hug. All-of-a-sudden Hudson joins the group. If there's physical touch or love happening, Hudson's like, “Oh, I need in on this.”

KENDRA: That is our exact dynamic. I just have two less children. It's the exact same dynamic.

ALLIE: It’s easy to get to his heart. I know where he is at. He's very emotional and he always wants to be close to me. But the other kids all pretty much are a little more distant.

KENDRA: It is funny because all four of your kids…it's funny because I feel like I have the best relationship with Emmett. Emmett and I really bonded. We really bonded, and Emmett and Ava bonded so much. They had a great time. They had so much fun.

But it's the same with us. Adam’s love language is touch as well and so is Everett's and it's really difficult sometimes to feel like I'm being smothered because I'm just like, “Oh my God, can you people stop touching me?” But I love that you said that about Brian because I've noticed the same thing where I need to recognize that just a gesture of an extra kiss, a hug, a back rub or something, means so much in the same way since I'm ‘words of affirmation’ in the same way that an extra, “Hey, I just want to let you know thank you for everything you do for us.” I will live off that for the whole day. I'll be like, “Oh my God. Thank you!” Because that's how I receive love. It's the same with my kids, you know?

ALLIE: Yeah, I love that.

Okay, so what is going on in Mother Like A Boss world that you want to share with everybody. I know we've got our stuff going on this month, but I want to hear from you. What are you super excited about? Is there a behind-the-scenes you can give us or is there something already out that you want to share? What is getting you really excited about all the mom things you do?

KENDRA: I would say that because this is sort of ‘the May” (if you're listening to it live) in May. June…I can't give too much information, but I will say that we’re really going to be focusing on goals again. And I talk about goals in a very different way. I'm not all about, “Set your goal and then achieve it.” That's boring and no one ever does it.

We're going to be really focusing on how can you make the rest of the year your best year ever and how can you start over. I love fresh starts, but I'm also a big believer that a fresh start can be this very moment. You don't have to wait until Monday. You don't have to wait for the New Year or the New Moon or whatever. A fresh start can be the moment you decide you’re making a fresh start.

Instead of taking the summer off, we're really going to be diving in, in Mother Like A Boss, into how to really finish off the year strong. How to have a great summer and enjoy yourself while also not neglecting everything in your home and in your life and stuff like that.

ALLIE: I love that. Oh my gosh, you're going to have to share the link with me because last summer…June to me because we homeschool…break, right? Last summer on the podcast I did an episode called basically How To Revisit Your New Year Resolutions  and check-in. Nobody does that. It was so good because nobody does that. But that's what I do in my personal life. Check in. Where am I at? I'm six months, I'm halfway through…I don't want to get to January again and be like, “Shoot, well here we go again, back to the same goal.”

I think that you're taking that and really breaking it down and putting that into action for them. And that's amazing. I love that you shared that. I definitely want to share that and help get people in there. It's so helpful.

KENDRA: Yeah. Thank you. It's true. I think a lot of us we sort of “phone it in” at the second half of the year. I really do think that’s a perfectionist thing. It's like, “Well, if I haven't gotten stuff done by now, we'll just wait until next year.” As if those six months don't matter. It's really crazy.

I love that we can dive in and everyday figure out a new way to have a fresh start and start over again.

ALLIE: I love everything about you. I love everything that you talk about. I love the way you talk about it. I love that it's so different than the way that I talk about things.

Kendra will come to me guys and be like, “I just want you to know this idea that I just saw your post about is amazing and I like kind of hate you because it wasn't my idea. But I love it.” And I'll be like, “What are you talking about? You just put out this video series. It’s so amazing!” I just love that we can cheer each other on. Also we help each other out. We brainstorm together. We'll talk things out. “I've got this problem. Have you ever had this?” We just did that with webinars.

I just love you. You're so dear to me and I'm so excited that we got to do another episode on here together.

KENDRA: Thank you. I love you friend. Not to toot our own horns and say we're great or anything, but I also think that it warrants saying that the friendship that we have is the type of friendship that you guys can have with other moms. Even if you don't own a business, we don't compete with each other. We're not looking at it like, well look what she's doing and I can't have that. I look at everything that Allie does in her home and her life and I look at it from the lens if she can do it, so can I. If she can make this look easy, then that means that I can do it.

I think we need to bridge that gap in female friendships and you don't need to compete with your female friends. And if you have friends that are constantly competing with you in a negative way, it's probably time to find a new friend.

ALLIE: Yeah. And not being withholding either. If Kendra texts me or I text her like, “Hey, I saw this. How did you do that? How did you get that many people? Or how did you do that in your home?” Whatever it is. I'm not withholding, she's not withholding. We share with each other.

And that's what's so crazy to me about when we're doing… like the masterclass that we're going to do or I have a new challenge or video series or something and people are not sharing with their friends almost like they're embarrassed to say that they needed help with this. We all need help with this at different seasons.

There's other moms that are on your Facebook feed. Just because you're not an “influencer” doesn't mean you don't have influence. Share what you were finding. Share what you're learning and help other people rise up too and be better versions of themselves too. We're all trying to be better. There's no secrets there.

KENDRA: There was a woman in my group yesterday who posted this genius idea for dealing with kids cups and stuff throughout the day. And I was like, “Can I steal that and give you credit for it in my course because that's the most genius idea ever.” Share with each other. That's how we grow is by sharing and not being judgmental of others, but instead saying, “Hey, this worked for me. I hope that it works for you.”

ALLIE: Since we're sharing, can you share what the idea was?

KENDRA: Yes, it's a great idea and I'll have to go back and find her name because she was not somebody that I'm friends with. She was just in my free group. But she basically took a placemat from Walmart. She bought this big placemat and she made it into quadrants. She has four kids and she put their name and then she puts it on the counter and that's where their cup goes throughout the day so that it stays in one spot.

ALLIE: You’re like, “Where's your cup?” And there's rotten milk in a sippy cup.

KENDA: Yeah. So that's where it stays and then when it's washed it goes there and it just sits there so that they know where their cup is. They get one cup throughout the day and then they can wash it out. And I was like, “That's such a genius idea. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for not just being, “Oh this is stupid. No one's going to care about this.” Share with your friends. Share what’s working for you.

ALLIE: I love that. Well thank you so much for sharing. We're going to link to everything but Motherlikeaboss.com you guys, it's so good. And she's got the setup where you can choose your own adventure. She has this vault with all these free goodies in there.

Made For This Mom is opening this month for enrollment. It only opens once a year. And we really want to see you in there.

We'll be talking about that and we'll see you guys at our masterclass. We're hanging out every May, Kendra and I, we really hang out and I love it.

KENDRA: Thank you. Love you friend!

ALLIE: Love you too. Thanks for being here!


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

EP 105: Simple, Stellar Style: Everyday Wear Must-Have's

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Style and clothing should make you feel good, right? It should make you feel confident and put together. But so many times we say “I don’t have time to pick out my outfits” or “I’ll just throw this on.” This leads to negative thinking about how we look and ultimately impacts how we feel. It doesn’t have to be this way! One of my biggest goals in life is to put an end to the mom-frumping thing! Just because you are a mama doesn’t mean you stop caring about yourself use it as an excuse to not care how you feel about your clothes. Getting dressed can be fun, simple and you can totally have a stellar style! Let’s dive in!

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • Understanding your season of life and what that means for your wardrobe.

  • Keys for dressing your shape, with your style in mind.

  • Her everyday style must haves (and she definitely shares all of them!)

  • Why it is super important for you to get rid of the things that don’t make you feel amazing.

Mentioned in this Episode:


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All this talk about style and the core aspects of building a wardrobe that you love and that serves you cannot be done if your home is totally cluttered. Clutter gets in the way of you feeling the way you want to feel and you living the life that you want to live in all aspects. Especially when it comes to things that can feel ‘extra’ like getting dressed for the day and liking the way you look and feeling good. And that's actually not an ‘extra’ - that should be a given - and for a lot of moms it's just not.

Clutter is Step One to getting rid of all the stuff that's in your way so that you can live a life like this. So you can feel good. So you can have some white space in your brain to even be thinking style and your wardrobe!

If all this talk about your closet is making you wish you were in a place where you could focus on this, maybe it's time to declutter your home. This is the first step! Your Uncluttered Home is everything you need to get there!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Mamas! I am so excited to be recording this! I have been wanting to talk about this for a long time. I have been begged to talk about it for even longer, which of course makes me even more excited to share it because I know that it’s something that you want.

We are going to talk about style. We're going to talk about getting dressed and having simple, stellar style. Every Day Must-Haves! This is going to be a golden episode and I've got a few things I want to say before we dive in to these style must-haves.

First of all, one of my biggest goals in life is to put an end to the mom-frump thing. If you are a simple person and you don't care, that is your prerogative. You go! You do you. As long as you feel good, who cares?

But more than almost anything, I hate when I hear women, moms, talking about getting dressed like it's some extra thing. “Nobody has time for that,” or “I just threw this on.” They have this mentality of excuse making where it's somehow okay that they don't feel good.

Everybody has seasons where you're not sleeping, you've got a newborn, you're breastfeeding, whatever, and you just threw yourself together and we need to have grace for each other in those seasons. I absolutely had those times in my life. I had days where I had a nursing bra on, threw on a t-shirt that I didn't know had breast milk stains on it, threw on some concealer in the car while I drove and got to mom's group or the park day or whatever it was and just looked like a complete hot mess. And the only thing saving me being my oversized sunglasses to hide the bags under my eyes. I absolutely had those time. I am out of that season now.

But it's not about that. It is about when you are using motherhood as an excuse to not care about yourself and to not feel like your best self.

Having said that, I've got to tell you, this episode is loaded! Loaded, loaded, loaded with my secret favorites after years of spending thousands of dollars finding the best of the best in my opinion.

I am a person who likes clothes. I do not do the capsule wardrobe thing, although I do have a very intentional, minimalist for me, wardrobe. The things that I have in my closet, I actually wear. They have a purpose. They serve me and my body very well. I have found what are good investments and what are not. I have bought and had to donate or give away a lot of pieces of clothing.

And so, the things listed in this episode are not random, cheap junk. They are my true favorites after lots of searching. They are the things that I've continued to buy when the originals wear out. They are the things I have come back to over and over because they're that good. This is like Allie’s Faves.

Now let's talk about dressing for your shape and how do you even dress yourself in the first place? I think that one of the biggest keys for how I live my life and how I dress is I balance dressing for my shape and dressing how I want to dress.

Dressing for your shape means knowing what shape and style of clothing look best on where your curves are or aren’t. Dressing how you want means never saying the phrase, “I can't pull that off,” or “I wish I could pull that off,” or “I wish I could get away with wearing that,” and doing whatever you freaking want. Wear what you want!

I like to balance those two things. I don't think that either one is the end-all/be-all. I don't think that you should just wear what you want, whatever, it doesn't matter, who cares, there’s nothing else to consider. Because you want to look your best, right?

But I also don't think that you should think or say to yourself, “Okay, I need a dress for my shape and that means I can't wear that.” Or “I have bad skin so I can't wear that lip color,” or “I can't do this.” I call BS on that. I think that we need to find the balance between dressing for our shape and dressing how we want, wearing what we want to wear.

Here's an example. It actually is not a clothing example. I should have thought of a better one, but it's lip color example. I used to love, love, love when women would wear a bold pop of color on their lips. I just thought it was so cute, so beautiful, but I believed that I couldn't pull it off because I had really bad acne in the past and I have a lot of scars. And I just don't have incredible lips or anything. I just thought because of those two things I couldn't pull off a bold lip color. Total BS! I got rid of that belief. I bought a nice pop of pink lip color that went well with my skin tone and I nervously left the house the first day with it on. I could not count how many compliments were pouring in as I ran my errands, did my thing, went to mom's group that day, everything that I did that day and it taught me a valuable lesson.

Find the balance between what works for you and what you want and run with that. Run with it. Own that. Own your shape. Own what you are. Own your size. Own your skin. Own it all. And balance between dressing for what works best for that and how you want to dress. What you want to put on your face and body. What you want to wear. Okay, so that's Step 1.

Then next - I think it's important to mention before we get into the style must-haves that you need to get rid of absolutely everything that doesn't make you look and feel utterly amazing. Seriously. Just get rid of it now. Even if you can't replace it right now because why bother holding onto it if it doesn't make you feel amazing?

I hate when people are like, “Oh, I was just running out to Walmart and wearing this and it looked terrible on me. It looked so bad on my butt. I just ran out of the house in it to grab milk and of course I ran into so and so.” Why do you even have that if it makes your butt look awful and you know you don't feel good in it? Why do you even have it then? Let it go.

I say this all the time and I mean it 100%. I absolutely love every single thing that I have from my pajamas to my activewear (that being what I work out in) to my fanciest speaking engagement outfit, I love it all. I feel amazing in it. Even the things that I wear around the house for a day of cooking and working on my laptop, I feel amazing. I love it. I love every single thing and I honestly can say that. I want you to get there too.

And I felt that way before... when we were really not doing well financially, so it's not a budget thing. I mean, that definitely helps now, but I've always prioritized that and I've always felt that way. I mean, not always but since I learned these lessons in my life, you know, many years ago, I have lived this way and held that belief and stuck with it. You should love everything you own and you should feel amazing in it.

So, if something that you own doesn't make you feel amazing…If your pajamas are gross, they don't make you feel sexy, they don't make you feel like ripping them off and getting it on with your hubby, they don't make you feel super sexy, super good and ready for a great night's sleep, if your loungewear doesn't flatter you, make you feel super hot, cozy, and like a cute mom, get rid of it.

If your church clothes don't make you feel beautiful and dressed up (I say ‘church clothes’ because that's what I get dressed up for on the weekend because I don't do a ton on the weekend.) Your date night outfits…oh, date night outfits…if you don't even have date outfits – girl, no! You need to have what you need for the life you want to live that make you feel amazing. Okay? So, change that if that is not describing your life and your closet.

Okay, are you guys ready for the gold? (that’s me rubbing my hands together) Take a drink of water and we're going to get into the gold.

My everyday style must-haves. What that means is the things that I wear on my typical days in my life. I'm a mom. I've got four kids. I work at home. I homeschool at home. I'm home a lot. But I also run a lot of errands. I also need to be put together most days because part of my job is to be on camera and sharing my life and the ins and outs with you guys on social media. So, I enjoy feeling put together day-to-day. I like showing up for my life.

When I was a stay-at-home mom, I liked showing up for that. I'm the CEO of my home and my family first, my company next. I like to show up for every single part of my role in my life. It doesn't matter if you work outside the home or if you're a stay-at-home mom or whatever it is, I think you should dress for your every day and I think you should show up for your life.

So, I'm sharing my everyday style must-haves for the way that I spend most of my days, which is pretty casual.

Okay. Above all else…number one on the list is 2-3 great bras. This is above all else. You can have the cutest outfits in the world, but if the girls ain't sittin’ where they should be sittin’, it's not going to look great and you're not going to feel great. You're going to look at a photo of yourself and be like, “Why are my kneecaps perked up? Oh, those aren't my knee caps. Those are my breasts.” Get them up. Your boobs should sit in the middle of your upper arm. That's kind of the rule, so if your bra isn't keeping your boobs up that high, it's not good.

I have had the worst experiences with bras ever. I have paid good money for a crappy bra. I have paid no money for a crappy bra. I have really experienced it all.

I was super, super skeptical to try…Have you guys heard of that company, Third Love? It's like an online bra shopping. I was so skeptical because I was like, “How can I get the right bra size if I can't try it on?” I just was really skeptical but I was so desperate and sick of Victoria Secret, sick of going to Nordstrom, going to Target. I've tried everything – higher end and lower end - and I just always had the back fat digging in, crappy bras. They would stretch out really fast. They just weren't good quality. They just weren't made well at all. So, I tried Third Love out of desperation because I kept seeing the ads in my Instagram feed and I was just really intrigued.

So, I tried them. And I will admit I had to try them and send them back several times. But once I found my size…you guys, you guys…so good! I love their bras. Once I found my size, I ordered three more different styles for the types of shirts that I wear and the types of colors that I want underneath. So…nude, white, black, strapless, criss-cross back, t-shirt bras. I got 2-3 more of the size that I found that I was and this is going to sound so dumb but seriously, it makes my days better. I look forward to getting dressed because I'm telling you their bras have made that much of a difference. I did not put this on the top of the list for no reason. I absolutely love Third Love bras!

It is worth having the irritation of kind of ordering the size that you think you are, trying them on and it not being quite right, trying half a size down because they have half sizes too and it's so cool about them because I'm a half size.  It was worth that. It was totally, totally worth it.

Then once I got the one that was my size, I ordered all the styles that I know I need for my wardrobe in that size and I have never been happier with my bras ever! I am sold. I am hooked - pun intended and planned. You're welcome. I love Third Love! Like love. I highly recommend them.

So, a few good bras above all else for your wardrobe everyday style must-haves. Okay?

Next, a good sports bra with divided cups. What I mean by that is I'm very anti-uniboob.

You know the sports bras that are like a tube top and it looks like one long rectangular shaped breast. Nope! We say “no” to that.

Get a great sports bra with the divided cup. A lot of them will either have an indention in the middle of your boobs and they give you a regular bra look. You can see you have two breasts, but it's a sports bra. Or the ones I like by Calia, which is Carrie Underwood's activewear line. I've been really impressed with them. I really like them. They have a zipper in the middle so it opens in the front, super easy to get on, very secure, very high intensity sports bra. It feels a little weird sometimes to put that on when I'm just hanging around the house or cleaning, but I'm wearing sporty clothes and I just feel weird wearing a regular bra.

A good sports bra with divided cups, maybe get 2 or 3 of those as well, depending on your lifestyle. I work out three days a week and I wear sports bras a lot of the time when I'm just at home or just running errands. I really only wear regular bras when I'm dressed in jeans and a top and going somewhere.

I have three of the good sports bras with divided cups. Two of them are from Calia. I do have one from Nike, but I prefer the Calia ones. I would highly recommend those.

The next thing is (and my podcast editor is a dude. So Daniel, I'm so sorry for all the boob talk) the next thing that I would say is I don't really know what to call them, but laced under things for cleavage covering.

I am a bigger-chested lady (again, so sorry Daniel) and I just am not a fan of my cleavage hanging out everywhere. I have learned that it's kind of unavoidable and I'm going to have some sometimes and people can just get over it and deal with it, but for me to feel good, comfortable, and relaxed, I do like to have a little bit of a lace covering underneath shirts that go a little bit lower. I really like it when they are lace. I really don't like wearing two shirts, like having a camisole underneath my shirt. So, I have found that lace tube-top-style under things are the best option.

It's like a little bit of lace sticking out from whatever top you're wearing and Freepeople actually makes these tube top style lace things you just put over your bra. They're so cute and they have a bunch of different colors. Some are neutral, some are bright. I have a cream one, a white one, a black one, a brown one. And then I have a couple of happier colors. I have a green one and a pink one so I can mix and match depending on what I'm wearing.

I wear them almost every single day. Anytime I wear a top that goes a little bit lower, I have that on underneath. And that's how I get that lace little peek out, peekaboo top, without having to wear two shirts because once summer comes here in southern California and it gets to be like 120+ degrees, I'm not wearing two shirts. Okay? That's not happening. So, I love those. Love them. And I'm linking to all of this stuff in the show notes, okay? So that will be there and I'll give you guys the link at the end of the episode. So, lace under things for cleavage coverage. That's my favorite.

Okay, let's talk about denim cause I'm a jeans wearing girl. Here are the basic types of jeans that I like to have. You guys, remember, these are my must-haves. This isn't all I have, but these are if I was rebuilding my wardrobe again from scratch, knowing what I know now, these are the must haves. Okay. Distressed jeans for sure.

I prefer a boyfriend style but that might not work for your shape or you might not prefer that for your shape. It doesn’t matter. You can do skinny jean whatever, but distressed jeans, which means they have rips and tears and they look lived in and cozy.

My favorite is from Brooklyn Denim Co. They're a really light wash and they've got random rips and tears on the knees and a couple on the thighs. They're boyfriend style, super easy. I can wear them with heels. I can wear them with tennis shoes. I can wear them with my clogs. I can wear them with anything, dress them up or down. They're a very good basic distressed jean. So, a distressed pair of denim is for sure one of the things I would put at the top of my list in my everyday must-have style list.

Next is a pair of basic denim skinny jeans. So basic denim, meaning it's a medium shade of denim. It's not too dark, not too light, and there's no rips or tears, just regular denim, skinny jeans. I prefer some with some stretch.

I wear these with tennis shoes. I can dress them up or down, same as the other jeans, I can do whatever. But they're just basic and skinny style. I can pair them with different t-shirts, blouses, sweaters, or whatever.

My favorite pair of skinny jeans ever…I have bought these twice and they last forever. As I have lost a little bit of weight and they have more than a little bit of hole in the thigh from wearing them for years, I bought them again, the same ones. And I think that says a lot because I didn't feel the need to go and look for something better or try something different. They are from Madewell. I will link to them. They're amazing.

So, distressed jeans and a basic denim skinny jean.

Next would be a black high-waisted pair of skinny jeans. I would prefer high-waisted because I have an hourglass figure and my waist is smaller so I want to highlight that whenever I can. I love the look of high-waisted skinny jeans with a flowy blouse tucked in kind of coming out the top a little bit. You know what I mean? I dress like that a lot. If you guys follow me online, you will probably know exactly what I'm talking about. I would say that black, high waisted skinny jeans are the most flattering for me and would absolutely be on my everyday style must-have list if I had to rebuild my wardrobe from scratch.

The ones that I love the most are also from Madewell. There are two that I have loved. One is a distressed blackwash. There's no rips in the jean. It's just a distressed color of black, you know what I mean? Where there’s like gray parts of it? It's a very faded black.

The other pair is stark black.

These are excellent for dressing up. My stark black, high-waisted skinny jeans from Madewell are my go-to for speaking engagements and for photo shoots because they're super flattering.

Those are the three pieces of denim I would start with, if I had to start over. Distressed jeans, basic denim skinny and black, high-waisted skinny jeans. There are more that I think are great, but those are the ones that are my must-haves.


Hey, beautiful friend! I know right now we're talking about style and the core aspects of building a wardrobe that you love and that serves you, but I also know that there's no way I would've ever been able to even begin to wrap my brain around this and definitely not start to do this if my home was totally cluttered. If I was always cleaning, but the house was never clean. If my closet was super overrun with clothes that weren't fitting me anymore and serving me.

Clutter gets in the way of you feeling the way you want to feel and you living the life that you want to live in all aspects. Especially when it comes to things that can feel ‘extra’ like getting dressed for the day and liking the way you look and feeling good. And that's actually not an ‘extra’ - that should be a given - and for a lot of moms it's just not.

Clutter is Step One to getting rid of all the stuff that's in your way so that you can live a life like this. So you can feel good. So you can have some white space in your brain to even be thinking about stuff like that.

And I want you to feel better. I want you to live a full, good, abundant life that's not just barely getting by and not feeling good about yourself.

So if all this talk about your closet, your wardrobe, and style is making you wish you were in a place where you could focus on this, maybe it's time to get the clutter out of your way so that you can. My online program, Your Uncluttered Home, is exactly why I created that. It's everything that you need to get started. It's everything that you need to go all the way, not just get started.

This course is my signature program. It is what I'm most known for. It is a deep, deep dive into the stuff that is clogging your life, clogging your home, clogging your brain and causing you more stress. It's not good. Studies show us that clutter has a serious effect on us.

Your Uncluttered Home will take you through every single thing that has to do with you becoming a more minimalist mom.

And we're not talking about unrealistic, perfect minimalism that's not going to serve you. That's going to take up all your time. That’s going to take you months and months to work through. That's going to have you analyzing every single thing in your home and doing things that you're not comfortable with to try to decide whether you should keep it or not.

No. This is by a mom, for moms. That's what's given me the fame that surrounds how I speak about minimalism. Because it's realistic. It's doable. It's actionable. It's simplified. And it's going to work for you. It's relative to you, who you are and what is important to you, not what somebody else says is important for you.

To learn more about this amazing program, why it's awesome, what's in it, all the details about that and how you can enroll, go to alliecasazza.com/nomoreclutter. And do not forget - everyone who listens to The Purpose Show can use the code at checkout PURPOSESHOW and get 10% off of this program at any time.

Go check it out. I want to see you in there. I want to help you make a difference.


Okay, next on the must-have list is V-neck t-shirts. I would do black, white, and gray in the Whisper t-shirt from Madewell. Madewell makes a very light, easy to tuck in the front t-shirt that comes in V-neck shape. I believe they also come in scoop neck, but with the way my shoulders are, being bigger breasted, and the way my shape is, V-neck is the best choice for me. It's just much more flattering. I love regular scoop neck t-shirts and you will see me wear them, but I know that a V-neck t-shirt is my best everyday look.

I do have black, white and gray in the Madewell Whisper t-shirt. I will, of course, like I said, link to that in show notes. That is what I would get for my basic t-shirt must-haves if I was going to do it over again.

Next on my must-have list are loose-fit graphic tees. Loose fit meaning these are not form fitting. They are a little bit looser. I could tuck them in the front to highlight my waist.  Maybe there's some that are a little bit longer and I could wear them with leggings. These are just loose fit, graphic tees.

I really like “band” tees, although, I won't wear any from a band that I don't actually love. So, I have a couple of Def Leppard tees cause if you know me really well you know that I love Def Leopard and I've been to like four concerts with my mom and that's a piece of me. So, loose-fit graphic and “band” tees like that. I think they're super cool, super relaxed, very casual, very cute, easy to dress up or down.

I have worn a graphic tee tucked into skinny jeans with high heels for date night and I have worn them with a shirt tied around my waist and leggings and tennis shoes. You can do whatever you want.

Those are my favorite types of clothing - the ones you can do whatever you want with.

I also really love loose-fit tees in general, especially loose-fit tees that have purpose, like they have words or a message behind them or they're from a company that I believe in.

I'm going to link to all my favorite companies, but I really love Ascot and Heart. I love Three Bird Nest. I love Nellie Taft. I love All Good Things Co. And I love Bando. Those are my top places to get my t-shirts.

The next on the must-have style list are loose-fit tank tops. You noticing a theme and loose fit? So, while I do have a small waist, I don't always want to highlight that and have everything clinging to me. It's not comfortable. I want to be comfortable. So, I compliment that by tucking in my t-shirts, tucking in my loose fit tops in the front to highlight my waist. Even if you don't have a small waist you can do what’s called The French Tuck. You tuck in just the front of your shirt and it is flattering, so flattering.

So, loose fit tank tops for layering under oversized cardigans (which is one of my favorite things to do in the fall and winter) and sweaters or a jacket. What I love about doing that is that because it's a tank top, it won't leave a line on your arm, because if you layer a t-shirt with a cardigan the shirt sleeve bunches up and leaves the line and it's super annoying. It's a pet peeve of mine. I hate it.

I like to have several basic colors of loose fit tank tops for layering under oversized cardigans. This is the only cheap, like really cheap, kind of like everywhere option that I think I have on my list, but I do love the Luxe tank tops from Old Navy. You can get them online. I have them in cream, olive and black and I wear them often, so I will link to those as well.

Next is let's talk about blouses real quick. I do think that it's important to talk about blouses and that is something that I of course would rebuy if I was rebuilding my wardrobe. But I don't have any specific ‘this blouse’ or ‘this brand’ but I'm more focused on what are the features that I need in a good blouse. And when I say ‘blouse’ I'm talking about shirts that I would wear on date night, to church, when I'm speaking, when I'm dressed and going and doing something for the day, having brunch with a friend, you know, whatever it is. So, when I'm not super casual and wearing a t-shirt.

The features that I look for in a blouse, being an hourglass shape, are I normally want it to be a little flowy in the sleeve and a little more form fitting in the waist. That's my favorite look. You'll see in my photo shoots often I have a form fitting shirt in my waist, but the sleeves are either puffy or flowy, are a little loose. Or sometimes they're not. Sometimes they are just tight all the way around, but they're just flattering tight. They're not like sucking me in, line from my bra, hanging out in the back really bad (sometimes that’s unavoidable), but it's not unflattering.

Sometimes there's exceptions to those rules, but typically my favorite features in a blouse are flowy sleeves, fitted around the waist. And when I pair that with skinny jeans or flares, whatever it is, it's just a win for my body type. So that's where you have to come in and know your body type, know what looks and works best for you.

If you're not sure, research that. You can find that out online by looking at other people and other fashion bloggers and then know what your go-to is. This will also help with online shopping because if I know what my size is in my favorite stores and I know what my favorite, most flattering type of blouse is, it can enable me to shop online more confidently.

I know that a medium of that style blouse from Madewell is going to fit me perfectly where I'm at right now so I can get that online confidently and know that unless there's something really strange about that top, it's going to fit and I'm not going to have to return it. It just takes time and experience to build that up to where you can do that.

Next on the style must-have list is clogs. I love clogs. I wear them basically every day. I love them. I have several pairs that are very basics in neutral and different styles that go with different types of outfits that I wear on a regular basis. There are a ton of other pairs of clogs that I would love to get, but I don't because I know that I'm not going to wear them very often. And clogs are a little pricey. They're an investment. They are good quality, they are comfortable. I have worn clogs when I was in New York City and I knew I was going to be walking a lot. They worked great for me. I love clogs.

My favorite brand and the only brand that I buy is Lottas from Stockholm. Again, I will link to them. Lottas are incredible. They are so well made. I do have a bit of a wider foot and they fit me great. They're never too narrow. They're comfortable. They are good. They seem weird if you've never worn clogs before. It feels weird that they are wood; they’re clogs. But they're super cute, super trendy right now. They're very comfortable, especially once you wear them a couple of times and break them in. They have real leather tops, Lottas do at least. They're just really beautiful, really well made. So cute. You can wear them with skinny jeans, boyfriend jeans, flare jeans, dresses, whatever.

They are the perfect option for adding a little bit of style and a little bit of something to a plain outfit. I really, really love clogs. I am a huge clogs girl. I wear them basically every weekend. Definitely at least three times a week. I love, love, love clogs.

For me the style must-haves would be a pair of brown leather clogs and a pair of black clogs. If I was going to just get one, I would get brown like the cognac brown color. You can get whatever style you prefer, the Mary Jane Style or they have a slip-on style. Whatever that is for you. I have several pairs now, but I would start with the brown cognac in one of the styles if I was rebuilding.

The next thing on the style must-have list is flattering flats. I don't really like ballet flats. It just doesn’t really fit my style, but I do like flats that have a little bit of an edge and are flattering. Believe it or not, your shoes can be flattering. I have these pair of cognac brown faux leather flats that I got on Amazon. They were like $25 or $35, I forget which one and I will try to find them and link them for you. Hopefully they still have them. I checked a while back for a friend and they didn't. But if they don't, I will find similar ones for you. And they kind of have this slit down one side.

You might know what I'm talking about if you follow me on Instagram. I wear them all the time. They are a little bit edgy. They have a little bit more of my personality in them to me and they're super flattering on my legs and ankle. That is important to me because I have very muscular legs and very muscular calves, so it's easy for my calves to look really big, especially in photos. And part of my job is to do photos all the time, so it's important to me that when I wear flat shoes that don't have a heel that they're still flattering and these just get the job done. I love them.

Even if I were to get other styles and types of flats, I would still look for some that had those features, maybe a little pointed toe, a space between where my jeans hit my ankle and the top of my foot. When you show skin there, it is more flattering. That's a little tip for you guys. I will link to my favorite flattering flats, but that is something that I would absolutely get as part of rebuilding my wardrobe.

Next since we're still on shoes are tennis shoes. I'm a big Nike girl. I Love Phil Knight and his story in founding Nike and what he went through in building that company. It’s a heart thing. I love them. I love Nikes. I really like the Tanjun. They're a soft mesh tennis shoe, but they don't look like it. They look really cute, sporty, stylish and you can wear them with skinny jeans or leggings, whatever. You could work out with them. They're just a really nice active lifestyle shoe for busy people.

But I also love New Balance. New Balance has this one tennis shoe, I actually don't know what the name is, but I will link to it. What I love about these shoes is that they're black on the top and white on the bottom, which is my favorite colors for tennis shoes. But they added this detail of faux leather at the front of the tongue of the shoe and the same color of rubber at the front of the toe of the shoe, giving it this very cool, trendy lifestyle look in a tennis shoe. Those are the shoes that I wear when I'm out running errands, when I want to be super cute and look put together, but also sporty and just having a normal day.

Those are my two favorite tennis shoes and I will link to both of them so that you can go in and look at those. And there's a couple other Nikes that I have and love and highly recommend. I will just link to all of those for you guys.

Next on the style must have list would be leggings. I have gone through so much with leggings. I am a bootylicious person. I'm very curvy. I don't have small thighs and I definitely don't have a small butt so leggings have been hard for me, but I was determined to figure it out because I love that look of leggings, a loose tee and a flannel shirt wrapped around my waist. I love that. That's my go-to outfit. Basically every week it's my go-to.

The leggings that I have found that work the best are Spanx. Spanx makes fashion leggings, they make activewear leggings. I have their faux leather leggings and I have their full leather moto style leggings and I love them both. I hate when they're in the wash. I wash them immediately, almost every time that they get dirty because I want to wear them all the time. Every time I posted a picture wearing my faux leather Spanx, I get a bunch of comments asking what I'm wearing because they are so flattering. They have the Spanx shapewear technology or whatever and it makes a difference. Spanx is one of the only companies that I have found that makes good quality stuff and they don't have that seam down the front of the crotch area (giving you awkward issues that I won't name.) I love, love, love my Spanx leggings. If you can make the investment, do it. They're amazing.

The next brand that is incredibly cheap that you can get on Amazon, I read so many raving reviews about these leggings, but they were so cheap, I was really skeptical. The brand is called Oalka. I will link to the ones that I have cause there's different ones. The ones that I have are the best ones. I will link to them in show notes. I use these to workout, but I also will wear the black and charcoal ones day-to-day running errands and being a normal mom person. They are the highest quality, the best, most flattering leggings that I have found that are cheap. I own the Spanx ones and I still bought several pairs of the Oalka ones because I do work out multiple times a week, so I need to have some leggings in my rotation. I also wear leggings day-to-day instead of jeans a lot of the time, so I needed to have some good quality flattering leggings that will work well for what I'm doing that day.

So, Spanx and Oalka are my favorite ones. I love them both. I can't say enough. I feel like I'm going to be annoying and go on and on about these leggings and I won't do that. But there are a lot of types of leggings. I have Lululemon leggings that I have had for a while and I would prefer the cheap Oalka ones to those. I honestly would. Oalka is cheap and they are amazing. Spanx are worth the investment. And they give a little bit more of a stylish edge because they are like faux leather and stuff.

The other thing that I will say about being a curvy girl and loving to wear leggings is that there is something to having your shirt that you wear with your leggings work well with what you've got going on. I don't want to have a short t-shirt and my bottom area totally exposed when I'm wearing leggings, even if they're super flattering and the Spanx cover cellulite and all that. I just don't want that because they're so tight, it's just not comfortable for me. I like to pair leggings with a really loose, a little bit longer shirt and I often will wrap a chambray or flannel shirt around my waist, which brings me to my next style must-have… a flannel shirt to wrap around your waist.

If you have a shape like mine, tie it up higher where the smaller part of your waist is. Loosely tie the flannel shirt there. I tie it once and then I tie it into a knot and I let the sleeves hang down in my front, like in front of my crotch. It's so flattering. It’s super easy, super relaxed, really trendy right now and flattering on your bottom and your front when you're wearing leggings.

Right there, what I just described, my tennis shoes, my leggings, my flannel wrapped around and a loose white tee and a baseball cap, that’s go-to Allie almost every day outfit. And if you follow me, you know that.

So, a flannel wrap-around. You can get those anywhere. I don't have a favorite. I have a couple of them just from Target. Just a flannel shirt that will work to wrap around your waist. I like to get them in my size so that if I get cold and I want to put it on like a light jacket, then I could. It would fit me and I won’t look ridiculous and it's still long enough in the back to still cover my bottom if I'd take it from off my waist. Does that make sense? That's kind of how I think and what I do.

The next thing on my style must-haves is loose lounge pants. These are not really sweat pants. They don't have that sweat material inside, but they're not linen either. They're just regular, hanging out pants. I'm wearing them right now. My favorite brand is by Calia, so again that's Carrie Underwood's activewear line. I love them because they're high waisted and they're flattering. I have a charcoal gray one and a light gray pair and I wear them both every single week. I love them so much. I'll wear them to bed. I'll wear them around the house.

Today, for example, all I did was prep food and work on my laptop and then do a little bit of language arts with the kids, so I was very much at home today and I wore them with a Nike tank top tucked in. I love them. They're amazing. I cannot say enough about these pants.

Here's my story with these pants. I was at Dick's Sporting Goods and I was waiting for Brian to get the boys something for baseball. And I was like, “I'm going to go and look and see if I can find some regular lounge pants that don't suck.” I went over to that Calia section at Dick's Sporting Goods and I found these pants and I was like, “These look pretty good. I'm going to just try them.” Go them home, put them on and basically didn't take them off ever again because they were amazing, super flattering. I could throw on some flip flops and wear them out of the house to run errands or tennis shoes, whatever.

I love these pants, love them so much. I went online and ordered a second pair. They were about $49. They're worth every penny. And then some. I love these pants. I'm going to link to them in the show notes.

The last two things are hats. I didn't want to get into accessories, jewelry, purses and all that, but I do want to mention hats because baseball caps are part of my regular life. I love Nike’s baseball hats. They're really good quality. I also love the 9Forty style caps by New Era. New Era is the company that makes sports logo hats. There are a really popular brand. They make the LA and New York Yankee hats.

I love baseball. I grew up watching baseball. I like three different teams. I like the Yankees, the Dodgers and the Cincinnati Reds. I know it's weird, but I have a different connection to each of those teams. I grew up watching baseball with my dad. My Dad was obsessed with the Reds, but I also loved the Yankees because they have all the most famed players that I would read about and just fell in love with from the 1940s and 50s. And I love the Dodgers because I'm from LA and I've been to so many games with my Dad. Good, good memories with baseball in general. So, I'm weird and I have multiple teams.

But New Era makes your regular, good quality baseball caps of teams' logos on them. And the 9Forty style is the most flattering style for my face shape. They're really good for women to wear. So, look up the 9Forty caps by New Era. Those are the baseball caps that I get. I have about five of them, different colors, different teams. I kind of switch between those. I love a good quality baseball cap.

The last thing on the everyday style must-have list are wide brim hats. Guys, these make you look like you are so fashionable and really all you're doing is covering up really dirty hair and it's amazing. Unfortunately, most cheap wide brim hats like from Target and stuff, they don't stay on your freaking head and they are not durable. So, when you are driving in your car and you want to take your hat off and you throw it in the backseat, and your kid steps on it, it's totally smashed and it won't get its shape back. So, it is important to invest in a good quality wide brim hat.

My favorite brand is called Brixton. That brand stays on your head, stays in place, they're super cute, they have good colors and they are durable. I can throw that hat all around my car. I can throw it in my house on the couch. I can hang it up on the hook in my closet and it can fall down and get stepped on. It doesn't matter. It's going to retain its shape as soon as I pick it up and fix it. It's durable, great quality. I love the Brixton brand and they stay on your head and they are totally worth the money. I will link to those as well.

I never thought I would do an episode this long about clothes, but you guys asked for it.  I wanted to deliver, so I went all in on my everyday style must-haves. To get the links to all of this, go to allie-casazza.com/shownotes/105. That will get you all of these links.

I have them super, super organized for you. Everything that I talked about is laid out. So easy for you to skim through. So easy for you to find, click, and buy what you choose to buy. Again, these are the things that I would buy, that I would have to have, to have a solid, stellar wardrobe if I was rebuilding from scratch.

Hope this was helpful for you guys! Let me know what you think. Tag me on Instagram. Share on Facebook. I want to see you listening to this. I want to see what you think.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

EP 104: Forming Authentic Connections When Your Lifestyle is Different

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Let’s get honest for a moment … forming authentic friendships takes work! And forming those connections when your lifestyle is different takes even more work. Whether your lifestyle is different because something has happened to you in your life, like being widowed, or your lifestyle is different because you've chosen that lifestyle. I just want you to feel you're not alone. I hope you find comfort and joy in the lifestyle you have chosen. And I hope this episode helps you figure out to form real connections through it! Because I get it - It's hard to feel understood and hard to form authentic friendships because of what I do. But let’s take action together towards authentic friendships because we are in this together!

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • Her personal struggles with forming authentic friendships because of the business and lifestyle she has.

  • The power of having at least one person in your corner.

  • Why it is not ok to stay in a place where real friendships don’t exist, because we aren’t meant to do life alone.

  • The importance of being vulnerable with people and letting people in.

Mentioned in this Episode:


The_Supermom_Vault.png

The Supermom Vault is a library of inspiration I created for you.  It holds replays of my very best online workshops that aren’t available anywhere else, tons of really actionable pdf’s that are downloadable with just one click, more than 20 audio and video trainings from me, and professionally designed printables for your home to keep you focused and inspired.

The Supermom Vault is only $39.00 and is available at alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

Want more inspiration than just the podcast? Do you wish there were more episodes?  Want more details? Do you want videos? Do you want pdf’s? Do you want to download things and get your hands on something to really get you started when it comes to minimalism and simplifying your motherhood?

This is definitely the place to go!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hi, beautiful! Thank you so much for listening to my podcast today! It means the world to me that you would give me this chunk of your very valuable time. I don't take that lightly. It's one of the main reasons I am so adamant about making my podcast a little on the shorter side and to the point, and if it is longer, there is a big purpose behind that.

I love knowing that there's somebody else on the other side of my microphone. I love seeing you guys’ posts on social media, especially lately there's been so many posts about you feeling like this podcast is making an impact in your life, that it's helping you feel like you've got a friend, that it's helping you feel like there's somebody in your corner and you have a connection with someone who gets you. And that makes me so happy!

And it ties in perfectly with what we're talking about today. And that is forming authentic connections when your lifestyle is different. In one way or another your lifestyle feels different than most people. I live that. I totally relate to it and we're going to talk about it today.

My hope in this episode is that it relates to a lot of different people experiencing a lifestyle that feels different in lots of different ways. Maybe you're a military family and your life feels different in that way. Maybe you're a widow. Maybe you’re a single mom. Maybe you're not a mom at all and that is making you feel different like people are asking you why you're not starting a family (because people are nosy and they do things like that.) Maybe you're a mom and you've got a lot of kids and your life is just crazy and chaotic in a way that a lot of people don't get.

Whatever this looks like, if this episode resonates with you, I hope that you find comfort in it and I hope that you find joy in your different lifestyle. Whether your lifestyle is different because something has happened to you in your life, like being widowed, or your lifestyle is different because you've chosen that lifestyle. I just want you to feel you're not alone. And I want to help by sharing some of the simple things, the action steps that I've taken to not feel so lonely.

And that leads me into my first talking point for today, which is that sometimes my world feels lonely. I'm always really hesitant to talk about this. I know I've mentioned it before, but I never want to feel like I'm coming across as annoying, whiny, ungrateful, or like I'm trying to talk about my success from a negative standpoint. You know when you can tell that somebody is just talking to hear themselves talk about how successful they are and they talk about it like it's hard, like it's a burden, but you can tell they just want to talk about what they've succeeded at. Does that make sense? I never want to come off as that.

For those of you who have been listening for a while or follow me on Instagram, you see me online and you know my heart and can see my personality, I know that you won't think that, but you never know when somebody new to your podcast. So, I just never want to come off that way, especially if it's a first impression. And the Internet is weird like that. I can't know who's listening in when and if you've listened to before. So hopefully I don't come off that way.

Being a public figure, being an online influencer (which I'm so irritated with that term, but I don't really know what else to call it), being somebody who teaches online and is viewed as a public figure in a lot of different ways, it's lonely sometimes. I have a hard time knowing if somebody really wants to be my friend or if they just want to use me for my connections or my knowledge on certain topics, or they just want to pick my brain about my online business and how I started it.

I sometimes feel like people only invite me to things so that they can tag that they were with me and that's really hurtful and weird and hard. I just feel lonely in terms of friendships sometimes.

I live in California. I grew up here. I moved away for a few years a while back but we've since moved back. I have a lot of people in my life here, but a lot of my really good friends, my life buddies have moved away and I don't have a lot of in-person connections anymore.

I also feel loneliness in terms of “being normal” in the sense of…for example, my podcast is really loose-structured. I don't sit with a billion notes and word-for-word what to say, so that's why sometimes I stumble over my words. I want it to feel authentic, but I realize sometimes that can be frustrating. So, I apologize for my “ums and uhs” here, but one example of loneliness in a different regard is it's hard for me to answer the question, “What do you do?”

And that is a question that you get asked often. It's hard for Brian and I to answer that. Usually he gets asked, “What do you do,” because he's the guy (don't even get me started on that…like I don't have something that I do.) But it's hard for us to answer that question because what we do is so new. We're kind of trailblazing this new really cool way of living where our business is online. We've started a company from nothing. And it's not a tactical physical company; it's all Internet based and it's just kind of hard to answer that. It leads us into this fumbling over words to come up with this stuttered explanation of, “Well there's a podcast and an online business and courses and we help women lighten their loads and simplify their homes and their lives.”

And it's just this big long explanation. It's not like, “I'm a lawyer.” I mean I could come up with something like that, a one-liner, but it leaves so much to be answered, you know? It's just hard. And so sometimes I feel lonely because I don't even really know how to answer that simple question. What I do is unique.

Not a lot of people understand it and definitely not a lot of people understand that Brian and I are home together all day and that is something that we wanted. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, “Oh my gosh! I would never want to be with my husband all day,” and I don't really know what to do with that statement. What do you want me to say? What do people want me to say to that? I just kind of stand there and smile. It's weird. Am I supposed to be like, “Well I do!” It's just weird.

I think that people just don't really know what to do with us because our lifestyle is very unique in a lot of different ways. Our story is really different, kind of dramatic and people I've noticed, for a really long time, don't really know how to deal with our lifestyle change. If you don't know what I mean, I would maybe suggest going back and listening to episode six of the podcast because it kind of explains our life/business/money story. When your life changes from one extreme to the other really quickly, you lose friends, you lose connection, and you lose what was once your norm. It's weird, hard, sad and happy all at the same time.

So, I've just struggled with feeling lonely…maybe I'm not just lonely, but maybe I lack authentic connections because our lifestyle is different. We homeschool our kids. We want to homeschool our kids. It's not our most favorite thing in the world to home educate. But we love the lifestyle that homeschooling our children brings to our family and the freedom and flexibility it gives us. I love my business. I love my work. I love working. And previously when I was a stay at home mom, I personally struggled with feeling a little unfulfilled. And that's just my truth. Sometimes I feel really judged for that and that makes me feel lonely.

I love my husband. We’re friends. He's my best friend and I love being with him. And when we weren't together very often it was a big goal of ours to somehow, someday find a way to be together and do life together all day, every day. To raise our kids day-to-day together. To run our business day-to-day together. To figure out some way to make that happen.

We actually didn't know that it would be running a business together. I'm saying that now because I know that that's what ended up happening, but we just always dreamt of being together through the day and not doing our everyday life separate all the time, which is what we were previously doing. And a lot of people don't get that. I think maybe makes them feel defensive or convicted or something, and then they make me feel judged for wanting that. It's weird. I have picked up on all of these weird conversations, weird vibes, and different interactions that I've had with people over the last few years, and it's all led to this really weird, unique version of lack of connection and loneliness. It's hard to feel understood and hard to form authentic friendships because of what I do.

I’m going to give a few more examples because I want to really cement what I mean here. For example, in the homeschool circle, I never feel like I fit in because I am not a really crazy, passionate homeschooling mom. I'm not. My husband does most of the homeschooling at this point. That's new. Previously I did do all of it, and then most of it, and then some of it, and now I do about 20% of it. So, in the homeschool community, I don't fit in because I don't hate the public school system. I don't think it's terrible. I don't think it's a terrible choice that I would never, ever do. I have done the public school system with my kids and I would do it if my life led me to needing to do that. I'm just not ‘that homeschooling mom.’ So, I kind of feel like I don't belong there.

Even in the mom's circle, a lot of the time they talk about their husband's work schedule and that kind of lifestyle. What sippy cups leak and which ones don't. Breastfeeding, sleepless nights, and nap schedules and I feel like I don't fit in there either. And I never did. Even when I had babies and toddlers, I just always wanted to talk about something else too, you know? And I just always felt like I didn't belong. And at this point in my life, when I'm around other women that are in my phase of life in terms of the age of their kids and stuff, I always feel like I just don't fit in a little bit.

I try not to be so self-aware and try to join the conversation, but I'm always left with the knowledge that my life is just different than most people. I often don't feel known and I often don't feel understood. I find myself struggling with feeling like I need to make excuses for my life, dumb it down, or make it less than it is to avoid judgment. Or I'll freeze up because I'm in a completely different season or role in my life than most women in my season. A lot of the times I feel really misunderstood.

I think one of the biggest things for me is in conversations when I meet people or I'm around people that I haven't seen in a while and they're asking about what we do and our business and I will launch into my one or two sentence explanation. There's often a joke or a nudge. “Oh yeah, you're like an influencer. You take pictures in front of walls for Instagram and post about life and stuff.” It's almost like this judgmental undertone and I don't really know what to do with that because I don't really know what to say. I don't know how to explain what I do without sounding braggy or irritating and I'm very self-conscious about that. I just will admit that. I am very self-conscious about that. I don't want to come off the wrong way and what I do and how my lifestyle is intentionally very different from the norm.

Brian and I have talked openly with you guys about how we don't want to be the norm.

We want to live a life that's different than everyone else. We want to live abundantly and we are constantly in pursuit of that. You might enjoy episode 100 where Brian and I sat and talked about what abundant life means to us and what it means when we always talk about that and bring that up. That's the verse for this podcast. It's our life verse John 10:10. We're constantly in pursuit of that and that means that we're different than most people. We’re different than most couples. I'm different than most women. And while I want that, I want to be different, I want to live an intentional and purposeful life, it does sometimes lead to feeling misunderstood and left out.

While I don't think there is one solution to this feeling, I do want to share a few things that have been really helpful for me in living this way and fixing the problem, finding some solutions to it.


Hey friend! It’s Allie!  Have you heard of the Supermom Vault yet?

The Supermom Vault is a library of inspiration I created for you.  It holds replays of my very best online workshops that aren’t available anywhere else, tons of really actionable pdf’s that are downloadable with just one click, more than 20 audio and video trainings from me, and professionally designed printables for your home to keep you focused and inspired.

The Supermom Vault is only $39.00 and is available at alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

Check it out!  It’s a really good simple start.

Want more inspiration than just the podcast? Do you wish there were more episodes?  Want more details? Do you want videos? Do you want pdf’s? Do you want to download things and get your hands on something to really get you started when it comes to minimalism and simplifying your motherhood?

This is definitely the place to go!

Check it out!  Alliecasazza.com/allcourses.


Firstly I want to say that I think it's important to have at least one person in your corner who gets you. Find a friend. Find at least one person who gets you. I have this one really great friend who has been very close to me for years. We have very different lifestyles, but through it all, through all the ups and downs and changes, she has understood me. She has asked questions. She has stayed connected. She has talked to me, had coffee with me, and sought out understanding of my lifestyle, my reasoning behind the choices that Brian and I have made. We are connected. We are soul sisters and we are friends for life. We started out kind of on the same page and the same lifestyle and so much has happened to lead us on different paths and we are still close. So have at least one person in your corner who gets you. And if you don't already have that person, it's okay. We're going to cover that.

The next thing that I would say is that if you are married, I think it's really important when you're feeling this way to build a stronger connection with your husband. Create a friendship/passion with him that you feel super supported, super loved, and very deeply known and understood by him. Having that with Brian has been a game changer for me as a woman, as a person, just as a human going through life. It's been so huge. The lack of connection and lack of feeling understood in my social circles, and in the other areas of my life has brought Brian and I closer together and done wonders for our marriage.

If you relate to this way and you are married, then use this negative thing that you kind of feel misunderstood, unknown, and like you lack connection, use that to catapult your marriage into the most passionate season that it's had to date. That's what we did and it's been amazing, just absolutely tremendous growth in our marriage over the last few years. And it's given us this friendship, respect, mutual understanding and passion for one another that I really believe is going to lay an even stronger foundation for our future and for future hardships that we will without a doubt face. Building a stronger connection to your husband if you are married is huge to have you feeling supported, loved, known and understood.

I think the next thing I want to say is (I was really passionate about making sure I wrote this down so I didn't forget to say this) I think that you need to not be okay staying in this place. I think that not having authentic connections and living a different lifestyle and not feeling really connected and known needs to be a season of your life, and not a way of life. Don't stay there.

I think it is so important. This is so key. If you don't take anything else from this, take this. Don't be okay staying in that place. It needs to be a season of life, not a way of doing life for good. Seek out other people who get you, who live similarly to you, who are passionate about the same things as you. Pray for those connections to come into your life and seek them out. Manifest them into your life.

One example for me is I very intentionally did this. I started to pray about getting these people, people who got me, people who do what I do, who understand me and Brian and our dynamic. And I just started to pray for them to come into my life. And one great example of this is my friend Joe Sanok. Joe Sanok runs Practice of the Practice, which is a podcast and an online business like mine for therapists who want to take their practices online.

We met because his wife is a student in Your Uncluttered Home. She took my course and shared me with him and we connected and got to talking. I went on his podcast and talked about business, and it was just this friendship/love connection between me and Joe and Christina Sanok, he and his wife, and we just connected. We started texting, talking and just getting on the phone and talking about business. And then Christina and I are texting and we're really close. And then Joe and his family ended up intentionally making a stop in our city on their family vacation to southern California. It was more than an hour away from us, but they came intentionally out to our city because they wanted to spend time with us because of this random online connection. They came to our house. We had lunch. We went to the park. We talked. Joe and I did side-by-side live streams on each other’s platform. We had a great day.

Christina and I had a really, really good talk about being mothers and women of faith. And it was amazing. We had such a good time. The guys went and got pizza for everybody while me and Christina sat at the house and just chatted. It was so good and life giving.

Out of that connection has come other connections. Joe has connected me with other entrepreneurs who are at my level of success and at the same point I’m at in my business. More connections and more friendships have formed from that one. If you put it out there, if you pray about it, if you say you want it and you begin to just be open to seeking out others who get you, then that's what you'll get.

You get what you think about. Start to think about it. Start to pray about it and start to ask for that. Bring those connections into your life and it will happen. Don't be okay staying in a place of isolation. It's so unhealthy and that is not how God created us to live -isolated - not at all.

The next thing that I want to say is I think it's really key to be open and vulnerable with others. Let people in. Don't live jaded and super guarded out of fear or because of things that have happened in your past. Guys, I have been robbed literally financially. I have been robbed by a friend that I hired. It sucked. I have been hurt. I have been stabbed in the back so much that it's begun to feel physical, like a physical stabbing because it was so much, so often.

I have been used so many times. I have been gossiped about by people in my lifelong inner circle because they're jealous. I don't know. They're weird. They can't handle what I've done in my life and in my business and online. And they just love to say negative things that usually aren't even true about me.

I think that it's so easy to act out of that and to begin to be really guarded and continue to isolate yourself. But we can't do that because the only people we’re hurting is ourselves.

So be open. Be vulnerable. Don't live jaded and guarded. Let people in. Show up and serve others. Love on other people. I think if you're doing that, then you become the type of person that other people want to have authentic relationships with. And it's just helping you as you manifest that into your life.

So while you're seeking out other people who get you, while you're praying for connections with people who live similarly to you and understand you, while also being vulnerable and loving on people, not being afraid, showing up for people and inviting them over for coffee, just serving people and seeing where it leads, that's a great combo. That's the magic combo to get some seriously authentic connections in your life.

I think the next thing I would say in terms of action steps is to lean into your faith. Talk to God. Know Him. Trust Him. Talk with Him about what’s weighing on you. Tell Him what you need. He knows the desires of your heart and He wants to give those to you, but you got to talk it out with Him. That can help alleviate the frustration and any pain you're experiencing right now, in the moment, while you wait for those authentic connections.

And one more thing that I want to say…I've had this conversation with people on my team multiple times. When we had our team retreat back in February in Nashville, we all talked about this extensively. So if nothing else, I get it. I and Team Allie. We get it. We understand what you're going through. We all have that same type of lifestyle where we're entrepreneurs, we work for ourselves, we're home a lot. It's crazy. People don't respect our boundaries because they think if you work at home then you don't work at all, you can do whatever you want and you never have to actually work.

People see my interviews online that my business has made seven figures and they just think that I somehow pocketed all that money and I’m a billionaire and don't have to worry about anything, which is not true at all. They assume things, judge me, gossip about me, and don't want to be friends with me or opposite - super want to be friends with me for all the wrong reasons, for selfish reasons, hurtful reasons.

So if nothing else, know that I get it. Know that Team Allie gets it. We understand what you're going through and these few simple action steps I laid out for you guys in this episode, are the things that have helped me get over it, through it, and use it to my advantage, which I think is such a powerful thing to do. To not just get through stuff, but to use your hardships in life to your advantage to make you stronger. To force your marriage closer together. To force stronger vulnerability. To better relationships in the end. I mean what a powerful woman you would be if you could learn to use your hardships to your advantage, right?

I hope this episode has been encouraging for you. I hope it's made you feel like you're not alone. I know that some of you out there are going to totally know what I'm saying. Totally vibe with it and be like, “I know exactly what you mean. Thank you for this.” And you my friend…you're the one that I recorded this for. So, tag me on Instagram. Share on Facebook. Let me know that this is you, that this was for you, that you loved it. I want to hear from you.

I love you guys so much. You are not alone. Go pursue those authentic connections even if your lifestyle is different. Those people that get you are out there and they're waiting for you as much as you're waiting for them.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

EP 103: Decluttering 101: Where Do I Start?

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It’s no surprise that my favorite thing to talk about is decluttering! Clearing the clutter is simplifying your life and creating an atmosphere of less so that you can focus more on what you want to be focusing on and what actually matters to you. This comes in many forms - physical clutter and mental clutter, heart clutter, calendar clutter, physical health clutter - all of that. And in this episode, we are going back to the basics of decluttering your physical stuff. I am going to help you figure out exactly where you should start! Let’s dive in!

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • Where her journey with decluttering all started.

  • Ways to handle the people in your life who don’t want you to declutter.

  • How to determine the best place for you to start decluttering your home.

  • The freedom you will experience as you declutter your home and your life.  

Mentioned in this Episode:


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I know how overwhelming it can feel to get started with all of this stuff. It's just a lot. And I wish I could be there with you and hold your hand, breathe with you and walk you through it step by step. But I can't.

However, the next best thing is totally free and I've got it for you right now! It is the Clear The Clutter Starter Kit. It's the best place to get started with my philosophy of simple, realistic, freeing, not limiting, doable minimalism for moms. It basically explains what minimalism actually is, which is not joy-sucking and depriving yourself of everything, getting rid of everything you have.

It will help you find your ‘why’ and teach you how to journal through the process so that you have that solid foundation to stand on. Again, this is totally free and it's just a downloadable pdf. You can keep it on your phone or print it out! I cannot wait for you to dive into this!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.

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Hey guys! This episode is a Decluttering 101.

I get super excited when I talk about this still, but only because everybody else seems to get super excited when I talk about this stuff. I talk about so many things that fall under the umbrella of simplifying your life and creating an atmosphere of less so that you can focus more on what you want to be focusing on and what actually matters to you. Clearing the clutter in so many forms - physical clutter and mental clutter, heart clutter, calendar clutter, physical health clutter - all of that.

So, whenever I talk about actual physical decluttering, like in your home, I feel like it circles me back to the beginning of where everything started because for me, it all started at home. And I think that's a lot of the stories of people that I talk to is that it all started at home. From getting really minimalistic there it spills over into the other parts of your life because how can it not when you see it working? When you see so many amazing, beautiful results, changes, and shifts happening in your life just from clearing physical clutter, you naturally wonder, “Well, what would happen if I applied these principles that I'm figuring out to the other areas of my life? Into my schedule, my relationships and all these other areas? So, I feel like we're going to just go back to the basics today.

It’s hard for me because I want to cover, “Okay, Decluttering 101, where do I start?”

Well, I want to talk to you about how do you deal with people in your life in starting to let go of things that other people feel are important for you to keep? It's so funny how other people will insert themselves in your business and say, “I think you should keep that.” And it's like, “Oh, it's not your house.” Or your spouse? It is their house and they have a problem with you getting rid of stuff.

There are so many pieces. This is a beast of an issue, which is why I have Your Uncluttered Home in the first place. That's where that online program was born from because people were asking me for it. “This is all so much. Can you condense it into one place and you just pour everything into one place that will walk me through the A to Z of becoming a more minimalist person in a way that's relative and doable for me, my personality and what I want?” And so that's why that's there.

So, it's hard for me not to go down all the different roads here, but I really want to zoom in on where do you start physically? Actually where do you start when all is said and done? When we're not talking about the other people in your life? When we're not dealing with your spouse and his or her pushback (depending on who's listening here) to the changes that you want to make? When we're not talking about your kids not getting it and them pushing back on letting go of things? We're not talking about all of that other stuff. We're just talking about the physical act of decluttering your stuff and where do you start there. So, I'm going to work really hard to hone in on this thing and answer this popular question for you.

When it comes to decluttering, I always give a couple of options because I think the world wants leaders to say, “This is the answer! This is the way you need to do this. It's cut and dry. It's super simple. This is where you need to start.” But it's hard because there's different personality types. There's different houses. There's different families.

I've done enough work, one-on-one and in a one to small group and I've had tens of thousands of people go through my online programs, and I talk to them, we survey them, we do group calls with them. I've had these conversations so many times, enough to know that giving one answer is only going to solve the problem for about half the people.

So, I have two options for when it comes to where do you start in decluttering.

The first one is an easy start. In that regard I think the easiest, best place to start with decluttering is in a bathroom. It doesn't really matter which bathroom it is. You can start in your personal bathroom. You could start in your guest bathroom. But in a bathroom it’s pretty much easy yeses and nos. Old makeup. Old hair tools and hairsprays that don't even work anymore. Why do you even have this? Old washcloths. Hair stuck to the bottom of the drawers that's been there forever. It's an easy clean out area. And what's good about that is that it gives this momentum that you need to keep going. It's an easy place to make decisions and you can just say, “Obviously no, I'm not going to keep this. Obviously, yes, I'm going to keep that because I use it every time I get ready.” Whatever the thing is, whatever the answer is, it's a place where you can very simply and easily make decisions about what to keep and what to let go of.

And there's not a lot of donations in there and most people don't keep sentimental items in their bathrooms unless you have a really interesting way of home storage. For most people, it's just easy. Yes and no. And that builds this momentum. You get in there, you get it done and you feel so good. Like you accomplished something. You started.

The hardest part of any project, whether you're writing America's next great novel or you're just decluttering your bathroom, the hardest part of any project is taking that first step in getting started. So starting in the bathroom gets that out of the way for you. It's just easy. It's simple. You get started and when you walk away with a trash bag full of old makeup and hair products, you feel pretty good. And your bathroom feels a lot cleaner.

You can work out how you want to organize things once you have what you're keeping. I like to get everything out of a person's bathroom that’s not going to be kept and then look at what is going to be kept and look at what's not working here? Do you need some little plastic trays to go in your drawers to store your hair ties and all that? We can look at drawer organization and set up after that.

Even if you don't want to do that, if you're kind of like me where I'm not a super organized person. I actually really like minimalism because it doesn't make me feel like I need to be organized. What do I need to function here? What is essential for me? What is making me happy and working for me? What do I use and I can just throw it in the drawer? I don't really need to be organized because there's not a bunch of crap everywhere that needs to be arranged in a more appealing way, in a visually appealing way.

Minimalism requires no organization because there's not a ton of extra stuff. You can just throw things in a drawer and it looks fine cause you don't have a ton of extra junk. So that's why I like this stuff. I'm not super huge into organizing. But if you are and you want to go and get little bins and trays and stuff to organize what you're going to keep, you can do that at that point. And then you feel super good.

A lot of people will send me emails after they work through that part of the course. And it's funny because they always say the same thing. “Is it weird that I totally wanted to have my morning cup of coffee in my bathroom this morning because it's the only purged part of my house so far and it just felt so good to be in there? That I want to spend time in here because it's so minimal, clean and fresh and I want to be in here?

So, I think that the bathroom is a really great place to start if you're looking for an easy starting point, if you're looking to build up some momentum because you're a little overwhelmed by the idea of decluttering your entire house.

Because it is overwhelming. It's a lot. It's a lot to think of. It's a lot to hear me talking about this and then walk into your home and see the piles of stuff that you've got shoved in closets. The stuff that's hiding under the beds and in drawers. All the paperwork. All the stuff…it's a lot.

And so, if you're feeling really burdened by that, start in the bathroom, consider starting there. It's an easy yes or no area. It'll give you that momentum you need to keep going. I think that in that regard it's a really great place to start.


Hey girl! Speaking of minimalism and simplifying your physical space, I know how overwhelming it can feel to get started with all of this stuff. It's just a lot. And I wish I could be there with you and hold your hand, breathe with you and walk you through it step by step.

But I can't.

However, the next best thing is totally free and I've got it for you right now. It is the Clear The Clutter Starter Kit. This has been downloaded over 150,000 times by moms just like you who are looking to get started in a really simple, straightforward way.

The Starter Kit is exactly what it sounds like. It's the best place to get started with my philosophy of simple, realistic, freeing, not limiting, doable minimalism for moms. It basically explains what minimalism actually is, which is not joy-sucking and depriving yourself of everything, getting rid of everything you have.

It will help you find your ‘why’ and teach you how to journal through the process so that you have that solid foundation to stand on.

We're going to talk about the basics, and the biggest time sucks, the laundry and the dishes because those are going to give you the quickest return on investment when it comes to time spent decluttering. But they are also two of the biggest difficulties for moms when it comes to clutter.

We're going to talk about those and get you started there. We're going to handle some 15-minute, quick, simple decluttering projects to really dumb this down and simplify it for you.

There's also a few other things in there that are super helpful to get you going.

Again, this is totally free and it's just a downloadable pdf. You can print it out if that's your style. You can keep it on your phone, tablet or laptop, whatever. Go to alliecasazza.com/starterkit and get it for free. Right now! Alliecasazza.com/starterkit.


Okay. Let's talk about Option 2 when it comes to where do you start? In helping people to decide which way to go, I ask them a couple of questions. It matters what kind of person we're dealing with here. So, the second option with where to start in decluttering is to tackle your big time suck first.

What I mean by that is, there something that's really stressing you out as a mom? Maybe you work, maybe you stay at home, but whatever your lifestyle is, one thing you know is that you are constantly overwhelmed by the laundry. It’s eating away at you. It's all you do. You spend your evenings and weekends trying to catch up on the laundry as your family is creating a bigger pile for you to wash every second. It's the bane of your existence. Knocking that out, cutting that down a ton is going to give you a lot of freedom. And that freedom is also going to give you the momentum that you need to keep going on your journey to a simpler home.

So, it kind of depends. Some people like to tackle their biggest time suck. Maybe it's the laundry. Maybe it's the kitchen. Maybe it's the kids' toys. Maybe it's your wardrobe, which basically falls into the laundry category. Whatever is your biggest time suck and if that was just purged and out of the way, you would feel so much better.

But some people have a personality where they want to see the biggest bang for their buck right away. Does that make sense? They need to see a big shift. They need to feel the effects of minimalism right away in order to have the drive to keep going.

Other people don't really need to see how much time I got back from doing this. They just want to get started. They just need to feel that momentum. They just need to start and see that they did something and they should start in the bathroom. But the rest of us need to start with our biggest time suck.

When I started doing this ‘minimalism’ was not a trend. I didn't even know what I was doing was called that. I was just a super overwhelmed mom, desperate to make something change. And I had this crazy idea that a lot of what I spent my time on was stuff. And what would happen if I just got rid of all the excess? Would I have more time on my hands? Would I be happier and lighter?

Of course, you guys know the story. Yes, the answer was yes. I was right and it worked out.

When I started I just thought, “Well, I'm going to start with the toys because the kids are going to bed.” And that room, that toy room is the bane of my existence. We have the first set of grandkids on both sides of the family. So everybody's just super excited. Our kids were given tons and tons of toys. We had turned our dining area into the toy room because it was downstairs. It was next to the kitchen so the kids could play while I watched them while I cooked and all that stuff. We had three kids ages 3 and under, and the toy area being the dining area was just right in the middle of everywhere.

You could see it when you walked in the door. You could see it from the kitchen. You could see it from the family room. You could see it from the living room. It was always visible. There were no doors. It was just an area and that area was loaded with plastic bins that were overflowing with toys. And the thing is, is that that area wasn't even serving us at all. It was not serving its intended purpose.

The purpose of kids' toys is to keep the kids busy and have them play with them. But my kids would just wander in there, dump out all the buckets because it's fun for toddlers to dump out buckets of stuff. They're searching for their favorite one or two toys and then they'd come out complaining that they're bored and want a snack two seconds later.

So that room just kind of made me angry. It just was not working for us. I knew it wasn't. I was constantly picking it up and reorganizing things just for the kids to come in and ruin it. It was one of those things where we'd have play dates and I'd have to like, “Oh I gotta go in and pick up the playroom so it's not a total crap show for our friends that are coming over and letting their kids play with us. But I know it’s just going to get undone in two seconds.” It wasn't working. It felt pointless. It was literally just sucking up my time for no good reason. If something is really worthwhile, you don't mind putting your time into it. That's why I think minimalism needs to be a little bit relative to each person.

Like for me, I don't mind having shelves of books in my home because I think it cozies it up a lot. I love my library of books that I've read. I love loaning books to friends. I love the look of a nice, full bookshelf and a cozy bedroom. I don't mind that I have to run the Swiffer duster over the books a couple times a week and pay a little extra for the sweet little lady that comes and helps with our housework once a week to have her dust those for me. I don't mind that. It's worth it to me. But these toys were not even serving the purpose that they were intending. You know?

So it's not about, “Oh, what's the bare minimum amount of time I could spend on my house and how can this be easier for me and I don't care what it means for my kids. I just want my life to be easier.” It's not about that. It's just that this room wasn't even serving us at all. It wasn't serving the kids. It wasn't serving our friends. It wasn't serving me. It was pointless and a giant time suck.

So, when I inadvertently started by purging the toys first. I was acting out of, “This is what I know is overwhelming me right now. I don't really know anything about this. I don't know where to start. I'm just going to dive in and see what happens.” I was just following my personality type, which if I was teaching me it would be, “Okay, where do you start? Let's figure out if you're a bathroom starter or a time suck starter.” I would see very quickly by my personality and the way I like to do things that I'm a time suck starter, so I just kind of accidentally started by purging my biggest time suck in my house, which was the kid's toy room and I, immediately, the next day was lighter.

The next day the kids played better but didn't even miss anything. You guys, kids are overwhelmed and they need us to bring this into their lives so badly. The kids didn't even miss anything. They just walked in and started playing better. It was awesome. I immediately felt a time difference. I immediately felt my load lightened. I saw the return on my investment right away. And that gave me motivation to keep going.

So to summarize, when you ask, when it comes to decluttering, where should I start? You've got to know yourself. What appeals to you more? Starting with your time suck? The laundry? The kids’ toys? The dishes? A closet that's really, really overwhelming you? Just make sure it doesn't have any sentimental stuff in it because you really shouldn't start with sentimental stuff. That's something you need to save for later when you're good at this and you've got some momentum built up.

Or do you need to just have an easy ‘yes and no’ area and just start in the bathroom?

I hope that makes sense. That's the approach that I used to take when I would do one-on-one clients and group coaching and all of that. That's the approach that I teach in my course, Your Uncluttered Home. And that is what I have found over the years to be the best proven technique - picking based on who you are and what is more appealing to you.

And you know what? Don't let yourself get stuck here. Don't spend a lot of time deciding. If you can’t decide or you don't really know where you feel overwhelmed, maybe you have a problem making decisions. Just start in the bathroom. I'm telling you right now. Decision made for you. Start in the bathroom and it's going to be that easy ‘yes or no’ that’s going to get you going.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 102: How to Take Action On What You Learn (so you don't stay stuck!)

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I love learning and growing! It is a big part of the conversations I have here on the show. One of the biggest things I think we all struggle with is taking action on what we learn and actually following through on it. There is power in taking action on the things we are reading, learning, and hearing. If you find yourself learning things but struggling to take action on what you are learning, I got you friend! This episode is for you and I am going to help you figure out how to take action!  

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • The power behind taking action to the things you are learning.

  • Why online courses aren’t just a trend, but more effective than reading a book.

  • Steps you can take to follow through on making a change.

  • The importance of accountability when taking action.

Mentioned in this Episode:


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Unburdened is one of my online course programs that focuses on simplicity and minimalism minimalism for your life, your calendar, your schedule, and your daily structure.

Unburdened is everything for the overwhelmed mom who knows that she needs a life overhaul but is too overwhelmed to start and doesn’t know how to do that.

Unburdened is open for enrollment! Don’t miss out on this amazing course! Normally it is $160 but it is cut down to $99 and it's going away for a good long while. And I want to see you in there before the doors close. So take action and sign up now!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


Don't have time to listen_.jpg

Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.

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Hey, sweet friend! Okay, we're going to jump right in to today's episode because I have a goal for you today. I want you to walk away from this episode really, really amped up about taking action on something.

I've been thinking about this episode a lot and I've had a lot of different thoughts and a lot of different post-it notes around my house about this episode. When I come up with a new episode idea or I feel something on my heart to share, I let it sit there for a while. I don't just jump on the mic and start talking cause then my episodes would be terrible. I give it some space. I let it shift around in my brain, in my heart a little bit. I pray about it. I think about it. I leave it alone a little bit and things just kind of pop up in me about it. And I know when it's time to hit record on this issue.

I've had a lot of really great post-it notes about this episode. Maybe not everybody's going to feel that way about it because I don't think any episode accomplishes that, that every single person is like, “This is amazing!” But I know that there is a good solid chunk of you out there that are struggling with taking action and feeling really defeated and feeling stuck.

And you know, when I say “you are an action-taking, problem-solving woman” which is one of my catch phrases that I love to say because it's the truth and you can be that at any point that you decide, I think sometimes when I say that some of you are like, “I want to be, but I'm not,” and you can change that.

We're going to talk about that today because this is something that I have gone through in my own personal life that I used to not be an action-taker. I used to really stay stuck. I used to struggle with that. It’s something that I've worked through in my own process and I'll talk about that more in a few minutes.

I think the things we can teach best and the things that we can make the most impact with are the things that we've learned in our personal lives. And this is one of those things for me.

First, I want to say that I'm all about learning and growing and that's where this episode is coming from. We talk about that a lot here on the show in different ways. That's why we have Allie Reads October, where every October (now it's on the podcast because that's the main form of content) we focus on different authors and books that have shaped me this year. That is coming from a place of how did I learn and grow? What affected and impacted me as a person this year? That's learning and growing.

If you go back and scroll through the past episodes, pretty much all of them have a theme of how can we learn and grow in this area? And I think that's the key to living a purposeful life. Not only just showing up where you are and showing up well, but creating a life that you can show up well in where you're not constantly distracted by your phone, clutter, an overstuffed schedule, and all these other things that get in the way of your purpose. But also like Maya Angelou said, “know better, do better.” That you're living like that. That you learn something new and you go and take action on it.

You're growing. You're not just taking in information. You're not just getting inspired by a quote, a podcast episode, a book, or a lesson that you learned somewhere and then just letting that sit there. That you're taking action on it. That you do something with it.

I think this is one of the biggest things that we all struggle with because I get tons of messages about this issue. Taking action on what you learn. And another step further - following through on that.

So, we're going to dive into being an action-taker and being someone who follows through on your goals and the things that you learn.

I think it’s something that I have personally gotten really good at and I'm excited to share that process with you all.

We're going to get really specific into what exactly do I do and how can you actually take action? How do you actually implement something that you've learned? What does that look like? What's the step? What's the process? Not just like, “Hey, you need to take what you learn and run with it.” I don't want to give you an empty, motivational speaker talk, but actually how do you do that? What does the process look like for me? What have I found that works and how can you do that?

Before we do all of that, I think it's important to talk about a couple of other things first. And one of those things is that I want to say any format of learning can work for most people. There's always different circumstances. There's always exceptions. If you have a learning disability and you know one way of learning doesn't work for you, even then we shouldn't use those things as an excuse to not learn. To not grow. To not partake in self-improvement, in bettering yourself. In “knowing better, doing better.”

But in most circumstances, any format of learning will work for most people. Whether that's listening to a speaker, listening to a podcast, reading a book, reading a magazine article or watching a video on YouTube of how to do something. Usually any formative learning can work for most people. I think that books can be life changing if we let them, but a lot of you might notice that you're constantly buying and reading books and then not taking action on what you learned from them.

This is a multifaceted issue, but I think that if you were to decide to take action, you could.

This is what I love about online learning and this new trend of online courses. This is why I've gone down this path in my business and I want to just dive into this for a second because I think that online learning is powerful.

I think that it is the new way. I think that it's the new way for a reason. The Internet has been around for a really long time and online courses are just now really coming about. And I think that that has nothing to do with, “oh well, everything's online now.” Everything's been online for a really long time.

Why are online courses kind of the new trend now? I think that the reason is because of the power and the science behind that type of learning and how effective it is. I think that online courses are something that a lot of people think are new and weird, unnecessary, overpriced. This kind of thought process just kills me because you're missing the power of online learning in general. I just want to shine a light on it for a second because this is why I do what I do.

This is why I haven't…until just now I'm starting to work on my book proposal and getting a book deal and all that. But this is why I've gone this route because this is powerful and life changing. The Internet is incredible. It's such a gift if you'll use it that way. There's so much power and science behind online courses and their effectiveness.

I think firstly it's because you get to do this on your own terms when you have a course. And how amazing is that for us Moms? We're constantly getting interrupted. You can press pause. You’re taking in information in a way that works. You can press pause, then jump right back into it anytime that you need, which is different than books. Sometimes you forget what you read. Have you ever read a page of something and then not even realize what happened on that page?

But with courses it's really interactive and it's really amazing. If you're buying from a reputable person in the industry of interest and you're not buying a course from a random weirdo (because now that it's more popular there are definitely people who are very unqualified creating and selling online courses, but that's the same for books and magazines and anything else) but the courses are basically like going to college online for the topic that you need help with.

Studies show that we retain things better in 10 to 25-minute chunks. And that's how the lessons in my courses are (at least as often as possible) in that amount, so that you’re retaining this and you can actually go and do something with what you just learned and you can run with it.

If you are one of the people that has felt like you’re reading books and then you kind of do nothing about it, maybe you need a different format. Maybe you just need to ‘suck it up buttercup’ and be an action taker and outline a plan to follow through on something, which we'll cover in a second.

Maybe a different format would work for you. Maybe you need to take it a step further. Studies are showing that more action is taken when you enroll in an online course than when you read a book, and that's, like what I was mentioning, the whole reason that I have this business model.

I've had multiple book deal offers for years. I think a lot of people think that, oh, I don't have that. I'm not big enough for that yet, so I'm just making courses. No. I've had multiple books deal offers, but once I discovered courses, I didn't want to go that route until I had set up the messages that I felt needed to get out into the world in course form. Because I'm in charge of that content. I'm in charge of saying, “This is what this girl needs to learn next in order for her to have a lighter motherhood, a more simplified home that is set up for memories and not constant maintenance.”

And now in my career I'm ready to reach the masses with my messaging and books do that better than courses in terms of reaching people because people read books more than anything else and it's probably going to be that way for a really long time. But I'm still hoping that that leads to people getting into the courses and making real change happen.

I think a book is more like a guide that you can read to understand why you need to change something or know something. But a course, being more interactive, is more like having a coach in your ear guiding you through the actual change process and showing you the way. You're having the teacher be right there with you audibly. You're hearing their voice and they are explaining the core things they know, on whatever topic, to you directly.

And that sensory experience of listening to a voice, seeing on a video what needs to be shown to you, a visual example, that's invaluable. That's huge. I know that courses run higher on the price scale, like most courses are $800 -1,000+. Mine are in the $100 range because I purposely price them as low as humanly possible for your guys' sake. But the investment is bigger. It's bigger than a book and there's more at stake. And what happens is people show the heck up when they invest in a course. They've got skin in the game. And I think there's something really big to be said for that.

So maybe you need to revisit the format of learning. Maybe you need to show up better. Maybe you need to put your money where your mouth is. Maybe you need to put some skin in the game and find a way to show up better to actually have something at stake. More than a $10 book or whatever is. To show up and own what you need to work on.

Show up, buy the thing that's going to give you the keys to make those changes and then have enough at stake to where you’ve got to take action. You made room in your budget for this investment. You've got to show up and take action. It's not a book you order on Amazon Prime for $8.97. It's something that you really had to talk to your husband about. You had to create space in your budget. You had to invest in and show up in that way and that increases your actionability so much more.

The only people who invest in courses (that I see) and then don't really take action are the ones that when we do the survey they make over $250,000 a year. Their money is not an issue for them, so it wasn't really enough of a stake for them.

But typically, you're showing up in a different way. You're showing up with your money, which makes the world go round, which feeds your family, which is everything. You can take action on anything if you really wanted to, but I do think there's something to be said for setting ourselves up for success from the very beginning, in terms of changing up the format, changing up the investment we're making, changing up what we've been doing in terms of what we're actually buying and where our time and money and investment is going.

If you’ve bought a billion books, get a course, do something different, go on different path. Your action is different from the get-go. You're doing something new and that is going to increase your likelihood of success.

That was just a note that I wanted to say. I think that it's really important to shine a light on the purpose that goes into what I'm doing for you guys. It's not just a random choice that there's online courses and that the book is just now happening. It's been very deliberate. Very thought and prayed through. Very intentional. I will always believe in the power of an online course over a book.


Hey, sweet friend! In case you haven't already heard I’ve been talking about Unburdened a lot in my world lately because the doors are open and it's going away and I want you to hear about it before it does.

Unburdened is one of my online course programs. It's the second one that I created. Basically, the first one is minimalism, simplicity and intentional living for your home and your physical space. This one, Unburdened, is that for your life, your calendar, your schedule, your day’s structure.

How do you structure your days and make sure you get the important things done, but not be tied down to a rigid schedule because not everyone wants that. And that freaks some of us out. Me included.

Unburdened is everything for the overwhelmed mom who knows that she needs a life overhaul but is too overwhelmed to start and doesn't know how to do that. Unburdened lightens your load by taking you through a four-step framework that I have refined over the last three years.

Step 1: Set boundaries for your phone and tech, for yourself and for others, to make space in your life for what really matters.

Step 2: Take ownership of your time. Clear the calendar clutter. Create your ideal day. Set up daily and weekly rhythms, so the important stuff gets done on autopilot and you're not having to constantly make sure you're thinking of it and remembering everything.

Step 3: Implement a plan for doable self-care because you cannot give your family water if your well is dry.

And finally, Step 4: Get purposeful in your day-to-day life. Because how we spend our days is how we spend our lives.

If you're into this and you're like, “Oh my gosh! I need that,” guys, the door’s open!

Unburdened is normally $160 but it's cut down to $99 and it's going away for a good long while.

The doors are open. They close really soon.

Go to alliecasazza.com/unburdenedlife. Alliecasazza.com/unburdenedlife. Get all the details to get all the info and enroll. I want to see you in there before the doors close.


Let's discuss how to follow through on making a change, no matter what format. Let's talk about how to follow through in making that change.

First, I think we need to just say a little bit of a disclaimer here. You need to know when to change your mind about something versus when you're giving up or losing motivation.

There's an episode that I did (I don't remember what number it is, but I'll link to it in the show notes for you guys) that is literally called “It's Okay To Change Your Mind” and it's one of the most popular episodes of The Purpose Show, because I think people need that freedom from performing for the sake of others. Maybe not every personality type will relate to this, but I know that I do, and a lot of you guys do because that episode is so popular.

I think we say we're going to do something…say we're gonna pursue something or make a change or do something in our lives…and then it doesn't fit. Maybe you realize, “This is not something that I want to do. This is not something that's good for me. This is not something that I have space for right now and I want to change my mind.” But you feel bad. You feel guilty. You feel like a failure. You feel embarrassed to tell people, “Actually, we're not homeschooling anymore.” It feels like this sheepish, bow-out from success. Like “yeah, I failed at that.” Why? You can change your mind.

Maybe you thought you were going to go somewhere and you just didn't. It just wasn't where you were supposed to land. And you figured that out by walking forward, praying and just looking for what the next best thing was for you and you realized on the way there that that wasn't it and you turned around and made a different choice. Who cares?

I think there's a difference between not following through, giving up and losing motivation where you need to push through and reach your goals versus this wasn't right for you after all and you need to just change your mind. And that's okay.

Having said that, I think the next thing to do is to look at the thing you’re trying to do. The thing you're trying to change. The thing you're trying to get better at. Whether it's creating more structured days and figuring out your life as a whole. Whether it's making a shift in something you're doing, like the way you school your kids, the way you discipline, the way you're going to grow your family, whatever it is. If you're going to move or not. If you're going to lose weight and get healthy. Whatever it is. Why do you want to make the change you're setting out to make?

If it's coming from a place of performing for someone else in any way, not only will it probably not stick, but it's not how you want to be living your life and it's not worth your time and effort at all. Growth and change should be coming from your own inner desire to know better, do better. To show up for yourself and your family. To leave a better legacy behind. To follow a pull that God has put on your heart. Not to finally prove something to your parents. Not to finally get approval from someone else. Not to impress a friend that you feel ‘less than’ around. Not to make someone else happier with you.

So why do you want to make the change that you're setting out to make? Write it down. Get a tangible feel of why you want to do this and why you want to change this thing in your life.

The next step is visualize what your life will look like with this new change in place. This is huge. Don't skip this. It requires sitting down and getting quiet, which is hard sometimes, but you need to make this happen. This is why I have you guys do this so often and I even have had livestreams dedicated to walking you through the process of pausing and visualizing you having something that you want to get to because visualization is huge.

God created us as living energetic, flowing beings with minds that are super powerful because we're made in His image. Your brain is incredible and it can work for you or against you, and whether you realize it or not, that's your choice. There is so much power in picturing your future self benefiting from making an important change that you've been thinking about.

Visualizing it makes you grasp onto it temporarily. You want it enough to put in the effort despite how busy your life already is because you imagined what it would feel like to have that change happen. And you've lived out a day or two mentally visualizing you being finished with this change and it makes you want it so much more.

Or you might realize it made you detach from it a little bit and you don't think that that's right for you

Either way you're getting on the right track from visualizing and using your brain power for you, not against you. And if you visualize the change, you can feel reasons for it rather than just think about them.

Let's use getting healthy as an example. Let's say that you're not feeling well. You're having hormonal issues. Maybe you're overweight. You're just not feeling good. You know that a health change needs to happen. And remember, it shouldn't be about your body and how you look, (go back and listen to Episode 2, I believe it is. I'll link to that in show notes as well about losing weight by loving your body) but you know that healthwise something needs to shift, and you visualize how it would feel to walk into a room confident, knowing you are your curvy, beautiful, healthy self. Your hormones are balanced, which means that your skin is cleared up, your moods are even, you're feeling better. Your cycle is normal. Your sex drive is healthy and higher and you feel better in your relationship. You are treating people differently because you feel differently.

How would it feel to live a day in the life of yourself having already accomplished this change that you want to make? What does it feel like? What does it look like to actually live a day after you're done? That's what you visualize and it'll help you feel those reasons for change rather than just think about them and think, “I just want that because I want to be in a smaller size jean and I want to feel better.” So much more powerful to visualize.

Next, how are you going to make this change happen? And you're going to use the power of reverse engineering. You're going to reverse engineer. How are you going to make this happen? Reverse engineering starts with the end goal being met and then you work backwards. So you say, “This is the goal that I want to meet. This is the thing I want to make happen.” What are the steps that would need to happen for that to be met, for you to get to that place. You will reverse engineer it.

Reverse engineering is so much better than starting from ground one and being like, “Okay, this is where I'm at right now. How do I get over there? But rather backwards - I'm already here. I accomplished this goal. How did I get there? What are the steps that needed to happen for me to get to this place?” This gets your brain in gear and helps you more effectively figure it out. So, figuring out how are you going to make this change happen and reverse engineering that process. I can't get too much more detailed into this because I don't know what your goal is or what your thing is, but that's what I do.

The next step for me after visualizing and getting really tangible and excited about where I want to go and what I want to change is to think about how am I going to make this happen? What are the steps that need to be taken, the things that need to happen for me to get to that finish line? I start with the finish line and I work backwards, reverse engineering my steps in my process so I know exactly what needs to happen.

Then I can take those things and put them on deadlines and goals. And I can think like, “Okay, I want to have Step 2 done by April 19th or whatever it is.

Next, when are you going to make this happen? Now that you’ve reverse engineered and you know the steps it’s going to take for you to get somewhere new, when are you going to make that happen? And I think it's important to say - Calendar This! Put it on your calendar! This matters! We decide we're going to have coffee with a friend and we put that on our calendar, but we decide we want to change who we are and make a big goal happen and we don't put it on our calendar? That doesn't make any sense.

Break it down. Put it on your calendar. Put deadlines on your calendar. Put reminders in your calendar. We allow our phones to beep and go off for so many stupid things that are really distracting us from our actual life, but then we don't make this technology work for us by setting it up to beep when we need it to beep. You need this to beep to remind you to change your life and do something purposeful. Use it for your advantage. When are you going to make this happen? Put it on your calendar.

The next thing about this is accountability. Guys, accountability is king! You are changing the way you're living. You're going down a different path. You've been living a certain way, being a certain way, looking, feeling, acting, living - whatever it is - a certain way for however long. It could be a few months and you want to break this habit.

It could be you've never done anything different. You've always lived this way. And now you want to change it? If you're listening to this, you're likely a mother. You have a lot going on. You need accountability for that.

I think there's something really powerful in having a very close relationship, like a friendship-based relationship with your husband. Brian and I have talked about that a lot and that's how we operate. But I do think there's something to be said for it not being your spouse being the only person that you tell. As much as I do that with Brian and Brian knows basically every thought that I have and everything that I'm working on, but I think it's important to tell somebody else.

Tell a friend and ask her to check in with you. Let her know how serious you are about making this change and make sure she knows the importance of checking in on you. Get serious about it. Maybe you guys have a thing where every Friday morning you jump on a Facetime call, or you text each other and you have an alert in your calendar about that too and she has one in her phone.

Get serious about accountability. There is something so powerful about accountability. It doesn't matter if this is one of the things that's a big deal for you to show up for something. If you'll do things without accountability, that's great. But it's still helpful. When somebody else knows you're more likely to do the thing.

Those are the core pillars of me being an action-taking, problem-solving woman. I ask myself, “Why do I want to make this change that I'm setting out to make? Where is this coming from? Is it coming from my desire to be the best version of myself? To know better and do better? To leave a stronger legacy? Or is this coming from a place of performing for somebody else? To impress somebody else? To get approval that I've always needed? Because that can't come from there. It's not going to stick and it’s not how I want to live my life.”

Next, visualizing what a day in my life will look like after I'm done implementing this change.

Next, how am I going to make this change happen? Reverse engineering the steps that it'll take.

Next, when am I going to make this happen? How often am I going to work on going to the next step? Putting it on my calendar like it matters.

Next, accountability. Setting up accountability. Talking to my husband. Talking to a friend. Asking her to check in. Setting a time. Every Thursday evening we're going to text each other and check in. Putting that on my calendar and acting like it matters.

These are the steps, the pillars, the core things that get me to take action. Try it. Write it down. See how you do with these steps and actually doing them.

And guys, I just want to say, you know, every single thing that I do for you is on purpose. If I make a mistake, I come out about it and I apologize and I say, “You know what? I said this, but actually I thought about it a lot and I don't think it was right. I'm going to redact that and here's what I actually think. Or here's what I meant if I miscommunicated something.”

Every single thing that I do for you guys, I'm doing for a purpose. I've thought about it. I have let it sit for a while. I know that it's the best possible thing I could do for you guys - not for me, for you guys - because my business is built on this idea of serving and showing up for people in a helpful way. I believe that money follows that. That is why I've got courses. That's why I have online trainings. That's why I have an online academy full of digital downloads, video courses, audible courses, different types of digital training because it is a place where I have a say. There is not an editor telling me, “No, this isn't really what we want. We want you to change this.” It is what I know in the depths of my heart will change your life for the better. It's the best of the best.

Free will only get you so far. At some point you have to decide that you're worth investing in and you've got to show up for yourself. That's what my online academy is for. That's why I create courses because it is the best, the very best way that I can serve you and encourage you to make a change and that you can show up for yourself and get the most out of it. The most likely for you to succeed is in these online courses.

I just you to know this is not just like a business where it's like, “Oh, I made this. I want to project this money. I want to make sure that we make this money for this.” No. Everything is built on serving you the best way possible. That is why I have emailed back for three and a half years, “No thank you. I am not doing a book right now. Thank you for your book deal offer.” That is why.

And you need to understand that there's a lot of teachers out there that will claim that they care about you, and you know a lot of them do, but I want you to know, I want you to hear it straight from my lips on this podcast that that is why I'm here doing what I do.

I truly believe ‘show up and serve.’ Give the best that you can. Encouraging you guys to put some skin in the game and invest in yourselves because that's where true change can happen. When you've got something at stake. When you've put your money where your mouth is.

And then I show up for you and make sure that I give you what I know can change your life. And then by showing up and serving in that way, the money that I need for my business, to run things, to pay people will follow that. And I've had that model for years and it's worked and I'm not veering from that - ever.

So, I just want you guys to know there's a reason behind everything. When you show up for yourself and you invest and you say, “Yes! I want Allie to coach me in this course. I want her in my head. I want her walking me through these changes that I need to make in my motherhood to help me show up better.” Then it happens.

I want to encourage you, if you want to make a change, if you want to be a person that follows through, if you want to be an action-taking, problem-solving woman, you can be.

You just have to decide and show up and do the work.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

BONUS: How to Stop Multitasking & Practice Mindfulness Day-to-Day

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Multitasking may feel like you are getting a lot done, but when you really think about it, are you? Because, truthfully, we can’t show up in multiple places at once. We can’t show up for a workout, plan our calendar, and think about dinner at the same time. Maybe we can, but are we doing it well? Probably not. Multitasking can create this inner noise and feeling of things getting done in a rushed or hurried way. We need to show up well and be fully present in life instead of just letting it pass us by. This is something I am totally learning right now and I am excited to share the journey with you!

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • Why multitasking creates inner noise and causes feelings of being rushed.

  • The value of showing up to one thing, not multiple things.

  • How to set up a rhythm for all the things that need to be done so you can avoid multitasking.

  • Action steps you can take to practice mindfulness during your day.

Mentioned in this Episode:


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Unburdened is one of my online course programs that focuses on simplicity and minimalism minimalism for your life, your calendar, your schedule, and your daily structure.

Unburdened is everything for the overwhelmed mom who knows that she needs a life overhaul but is too overwhelmed to start and doesn’t know how to do that.

Unburdened is open for enrollment! Don’t miss out on this amazing course! Normally it is $160 but it is cut down to $99 and it's going away for a good long while. And I want to see you in there before the doors close. So take action and sign up now!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hi, beautiful friend! Oh my gosh, I feel like I just need to take a moment right now and take a deep breath. Feel free to join me if that's how you're feeling right now. I am about to record this episode with you and I just had to start over, which I never have to do. I really never have to stop and do another take when I start recording an episode. I pretty much just hit record and talk realness with you. There's not a lot of editing that goes into my words, just putting in the intro, the music and stuff.

But I had to stop and restart this episode two or three times because I was in this mentally rushed state. I quickly helped Brian get the kids, the boys, ready for baseball, get the other two kids ready to go with him so that I could have the house to myself for an hour to record this episode and get a little bit of writing done.

I just was rushing around getting everyone's shoes together, helping everyone get out of the house. I grabbed a snack. I grabbed a coffee. I’m trying to hurry up and finish the coffee cause I'm tired today and I need it, so I'm quickly drinking the coffee. I'm responding to a text message from someone on my team and troubleshooting a problem all while sitting in my desk chair, barely breathing and about to quickly hit record on this episode. And it's like, “No! What is this episode about?”

It goes to show that this is something that always needs to be worked on. This isn't about me coming on here, sitting in front of my microphone and preaching at you how I've learned to be amazing at things and you can too. Barf!

It's about us sharing what we're learning, sharing inspiration, encouraging each other, rooting for each other, which is something that sadly women don't do a whole lot. Coming together and trying to know better and do better one day at a time. And soak life up instead of passing it by.

I just had to take a second, restart this episode a couple of times, take a deep breath and invite God to come and sit with me so that I can practice what I'm about to talk about.

It's something that I have been learning more and more every day and really, really feeling like this episode is just where I am at lately. And so, just being truthful with that before we dive in.

Having said all of that and giving you that honest disclaimer, I've got an iced coffee here with me. Can you hear it? We're just going to sit together, take a beat, and we're going to have coffee and talk about multitasking and the importance of mindfulness in your day-to-day life and what I have been learning lately about this. Not what I have been doing perfectly, not what I've gotten down and I just have to tell you how to do it, but what I have been thinking about lately. What I've been noticing. What I’ve been working on in myself.

I've got a phone background that reminds me to take one thing at a time and be mindful. It's something that I think about in the morning when I wake up and at night when I look ahead at my day and look at my calendar and see what's going on in the next day, thinking how can I take each thing one at a time and really show up there where I'm going to be and not be doing a bunch of other things mentally at the same time.

So, let's talk about this.

This episode was really born out of, like I said, just what I've been learning, what I've been thinking about lately in my own personal real life. I love those episodes because I feel like even though it's one-sided, obviously you're not here with me, it feels like you are. It feels like we're just having a conversation and it's my turn to share. Do ever have a friend like that where you go out to coffee and she has her time to share what's been going on with her? You talk about that together for a little bit and you pour into her and then it's kind of like, well what's going on with you? What have you been learning? And then it's your turn to share. It kind of feels like that. Like it's my turn to share with you what I have been thinking about and that's what this is to me. That's where I'm at with this stuff.

This conversation actually started in one of my therapy sessions. I've shared a little before that I go to a therapist once every-other-week and it's just like self-care. It's just so good. Sometimes we have a lot to talk about and other times I don't really know why I'm going except that it's good for me. I believe in the power of taking care of yourself. I believe in therapy - if you have a good therapist - I believe in that. I've seen so much good come out of it. I'm so against those stereotypes of if somebody goes to therapy they’re really in the thick of a hard time, or they're really going through something or they're struggling with something, or they must be super depressed or on meds or something. I think that every single one of us could benefit from having a really, really good therapist. I've got a really good therapist and she's just a gem.

We were having a conversation and talking about this, and so this episode came out of a conversation with her and what I have seen in my own life lately. We were talking back and forth. We're both working moms and seeing in her life how she’s seen multitasking rob her of productivity and sweet moments and me sharing in my own life.

So, we had this conversation and I just really started to become aware of when do I find myself multitasking? Is it something that seems involuntary? Do I naturally tend to multitask because it's something that I choose to try to do in order to get more done?

How is this showing up?

After I had that conversation with Ann (Ann is my therapist) I started to be really aware and I noticed that it was both. I would find myself looking at my giant to-do list and thinking, “Okay, I can get this done while I go to this place. I can get that done while Brian drives our family to this thing. Then I can get this done while I'm going to the bathroom. I could think about this and make a decision about that while I take a shower.” I would ‘plan’ to multitask and I would also involuntarily fall into multitasking. Sitting in a moment, sitting in at one task and being present and showing up in just that task was really hard for me.

I started to get unsettled about that. I don’t like that. I want to live a little bit of a slower life. I like having a full life. I enjoy having a lot going on. I always have, it's just my preference in life. When I was having babies. I liked a very, very simple slow life for sure. But when I'm not in a specific season like that…this thing is a little bit harder…like for me having babies and really tiny toddlers, it's harder for me than having older kids. I know a lot of people feel the opposite, but for me, that was just my truth.

Normally when I'm in a season that’s not super difficult or anything for me, I like being busy. I like having a full schedule. I like having a lot going on. I really thrive in that. That doesn't mean that I have to multitask. It doesn't mean that I have to cram things in where they don't belong.

One example that I noticed this in was in my workouts. A few months ago, I hit a wall. I was making healthy choices, exercising and eating well but was just having hormonal issues. And a part of that was hitting a wall with weight loss. I had a goal to lose weight and just feel better. I just wasn't feeling good and I wasn't seeing the effects of my workout.

So, I decided, “You know, if this is my peak, if I'm going to have to kill myself physically in my workouts to lose more weight, I don't want to do that. I want to feel good. I want to do workouts that I enjoy, that work up a sweat, are good and difficult for me, and challenging for me, but don't make me hate getting up in the morning to exercise.” So, what I'm going to do is I'm going to level up and hire a personal trainer. Somebody who knows her stuff. And I'm going to really show up there and tell her what I'm struggling with, show up and work out and take care of my body. And if I lose the rest of the weight that I want to lose, great. If I don't, okay, well we'll figure that out. Cross that bridge when we come to it.

So, I took this step in my life and I started to go to this trainer and I found that after the the ‘honeymoon phase’ of exercising with her and having this trainer wore off, I started to just get irritated that I had made this choice. I started to feel like, oh great, now I have to get up early, go and do this and I don't want to. I have so many other things to do this morning.

You guys know that I'm usually a pretty early riser and so I would think, “I want to get up at five in the morning and I want to get my work done. I want to get this stuff out of the way. I have so many better things to do than work out. I'm over it. I'm not even there anymore. I don't even care anymore. This is so dumb.” But because of my personality type, how I show up and perform with accountability, I didn't want to feel like a quitter. I knew that I couldn't just back out because Carrie, my trainer, would ask me about it and check in with me. I knew that I needed to do this and I couldn't just back out and stop it. I could, but it's not how I wanted to live. You know?

You know what I'm talking about? You know when you feel like, “oh dang it, why did I have to get my ish together? Now you have to go to the stupid thing that's good for me and I don't even care anymore. I'm over it.” You know? Like that ‘honeymoon phase’ of “I'm going to get this together. I'm going to really level up. I'm going to really improve this part of my life.” And then you're just like, “Nevermind. I'm over it. I hate this.” That's kind of where I was at.

But I started to show up like that. I would drag myself out of bed and get ready for my workout. I would be multitasking on the drive to my workout. I would be voice texting and sending voice emails while I drove. Starting my work day. I would get to the workout and mentally be somewhere else. I would be planning my day, thinking about what I was going to do when I got home. I wasn't really showing up in my workouts and I was having little to no results.

And I started to think, “This is dumb. It’s money to have a personal trainer. It's time. It's a lot of effort. It sucks.” You guys, working out is probably one of my least favorite things to do ever. I'm not a person who enjoys exercise. But I am a person who thrives on accountability. So, it works for me, but not if I don't show up.

And so, after I was having this mindfulness conversation, this multitasking conversation with Ann, at therapy, I was like, “Okay, I wonder what would happen if I just showed up at my workout? Let's test this. Let's see.”

I did a little research and I encourage you to do the same, but science is pretty clear. Multitasking doesn't work. We are disheveled and scattered and we don't really do anything very well when we're doing things multiple things at the same time. There's even been studies that show that multitasking mentally makes you not have results in things that you're trying to do.

I wanted to see if this was true with my workouts. I decided for a couple of weeks I'm not going to work in any way, even mentally on the drives to my early morning workouts. I'm going to listen to worship music and just be in the moment, pray over my day, or sit in stillness and listen to the music. Get woke up and be thinking about my workout.

And when I get there I'm going to turn my phone off, put it in my bag. I would go to get a water break in between my workouts and tap on my phone screen to see if any of my emails had been responded to. Guys, I was just not there. I don't like working out. I was totally unpresent. I would check the time, like how many more minutes do I have to be here? I was just mentally not there. I was physically there because I had to be and that was it.

And so, I stopped that. I turned my phone off. I put it away. When it's time to stop the workout, the workout will be over and that's it. It was just me, my trainer, my water bottle, and me fully being there. I would focus on every movement, every squat, every bicep curl, every punch on the kickboxing bag, everything.

I would show up for it and I would notice I was way more sore. I was doing better. I was doing more. It felt like the things I was showing up and doing were actually having an effect on me. I noticed that I mentally felt so good when I would leave my workouts and it started to reawaken my excitement about why I did this whole thing in the first place. Why I got a trainer and decided to show up in this area of my life in the first place. It reinvigorated that fire in me and I would leave my workouts super amped up for the day. I would be so excited. I would have more energy. I felt mentally clear. That's the only word I can think of to describe it. I felt clear headed and focused.


Hey sweet friend, in case you haven't already heard, I've been talking about Unburdened a lot in my world lately because the doors are open and it's going away and I want you to hear about it before it does.

Unburdened is one of my online course programs. It's the second one that I created. The first one is minimalism and simplicity and intentional living for your home and your physical space. This one, Unburdened, is that for your life, your calendar, your schedule, your day structure. How do you structure your days and make sure you get the important things done, but not be tied down to a rigid schedule? Because not everyone wants that and that freaks some of us out, me included. Unburdened is everything for the overwhelmed mom who knows that she needs a life overhaul but is too overwhelmed to start and doesn’t know how to do that.

Unburdened lightens your load by taking you through a four-step framework that I have refined over the last three years.

Step 1: set boundaries for your phone and tech, for yourself and for others, to make space in your life for what really matters.

Step 2: take ownership of your time. Clear the calendar clutter. Create your ideal day. Set up daily and weekly rhythms so the important stuff gets done on autopilot and you're not having to constantly make sure you're thinking of it and remembering everything.

Step 3: implement a plan for doable self-care because you cannot give your family water if your well is dry.

And finally, step 4: get purposeful in your day-to-day life. Because how we spend our days is how we spend our lives.

If you're into this and you're like, “Oh my gosh, I need that,” guy's, the door's open!

Unburdened is normally $160. It's cut down to $99 and it's going away for a good long while.

So, the doors are open! They close really soon!  Go to alliecasazza.com/unburdenedlife.

Get all the details to get all the info and enroll.

I want to see you in there before the doors close.


I stopped needing to catch a little bit of a nap midday. I have said a lot of the time I'll wake up early and I'll just catch a little catnap in the middle of the day. I stopped needing that. I stopped needing that afternoon cup of coffee. Sometimes I would have it because it's a joy to me but I didn't need it. I didn't feel like, Ugg! I need coffee! Will you go get me one babe or can you put the coffee pot on for me? I really need coffee so I can finish doing this with the kids or whatever it was. I felt awake in my life.

Then I tried it with work. I’m always tempted to check my email while I'm in a meeting because it still looks like I'm looking at the screen when I'm in a meeting in a zoom room. I would check my email, multitask, respond to text messages, catch up on my phone, catch up on my email, catch up on Instagram comments. You know, I would do two things at once. I decided I'm not going to do that. When I'm writing, I am writing. My phone is off. I am focused.

When I'm in a meeting, I'm looking at that person. I'm looking in their eyes like we're in real time, like I do when I'm really with somebody, because I don't do that it in real life. I love showing up and using my body language and my facial expressions to make people feel valued, so I started to do that in my work. And of course, I felt like I knew exactly what was going on. I never got caught off guard in a conversation like I wasn't paying attention. My work started to be more productive. I would spend less time doing things and get more done because I wasn't allowing distractions and I wasn't distracting myself.

I have my life set up pretty well for not being too distracting. My phone doesn't really make noise or light up for really anything except phone calls or texts from Brian. My text message alerts are off. All of my apps are off. I only have Instagram on my phone. All the alerts for that are off. I have to open the app to see what's going on.

I realized that I was allowing myself to get distracted. I would pick up my phone and open it and look at stuff. I would open Instagram and decide to respond to comments in the middle of a writing session instead of focusing in and plowing through. “No, I'm writing until 11:30 and it's only 11:01. Why am I picking up my phone, letting myself take a break and get distracted?”  It's not good for the way that our brains work.

I stopped doing those things and my work improved. I was spending less time doing work, getting more done and the work was really good quality work. The writing was better. I was writing more powerful subject lines for the emails that I send to you guys. They were getting opened more because they were more enticing and exciting and I was focusing on that.

My Instagram started to blow up. I was just showing up better when I was writing the message I want to give you guys in my captions. They were captivating. They were getting more engagement. Everywhere that I showed up was increased just because I stopped multitasking and started focusing in on being mindful and present in each task.

Then I started doing it, (which I should have started here, but I didn't cause you know, I'm a human being, whatever) I started doing this in my motherhood. Putting my phone away out of sight, and sitting down on the floor.

Do you know how hard this is? Have you guys tried this? Sitting on the floor with your kids? I mean, real talk, you immediately start to think, “There's a billion things I could be getting done right now. I'd rather be doing a lot of things but this,” and that's just real talk. I'm sorry. I think a lot of us would agree.

Maybe some of you are like, “I would never feel that. Oh my gosh, I'm so shocked by this!” Unsubscribe. That's fine. You do you, it's okay. It was fun while it lasted. Maybe not, I don't know.

But I think most of us would get that and be like, “Yeah, that is how I feel. And I feel a little guilty about that.” Just throw that away, girl. Most of us feel that way. I feel that way. It's fine.

The last thing on this frigging earth I want to do with a giant task list, with a house to run, with a business to run, with social media that’s constantly blowing up, is sit on the floor and talk about Ninjas. That's the last thing I want to do. But I started to just try. And you know what? The world can wait. This moment is fleeting. These babies are growing up so fast, so dang fast. I'm just going to sit for a minute. And you know what happens when you sit on the floor? Your kids flock to you.

I sat on the floor and I took a deep breath and I made myself just be there and it was great. I was on the floor for a couple minutes and the kids came up, Emmett sat on my lap, snuggled me and started talking to me. The kids flocked over to where I was and started taking turns talking to me. It made me see how rarely I pause, sit and be mindful with them and that's not what I want.

I don't want it to be a rarity. It taught me a lesson and so now I try (key word…try). I am trying to make this a nightly thing, at least once at night when we're getting ready for bed or after we get ready for bed, to just sit on the ground. Maybe I have a cup of tea or a glass of wine or whatever, but at the end of the day just sit and be. Sit on the floor, be available, let Emmett sit in my lap and just take a deep breath and listen to my kids talk to me about their day.

This has basically replaced story time which was getting pushed out anyway. Let's just face it. I always say we have story time at bedtime but it would often be like, “no story time tonight. Go to bed.” I'm just being real with you guys.

I make myself do it. I don't want to do it. I rarely want to do that, but I'm making myself do it. And once I am sitting and I'm hearing about their day, even if I'm exhausted, it feels so good to be present and not be multitasking.

I'm learning that multitasking, it feels like you're getting a lot done. It feels like, “oh, I'm a woman. I can multitask.” Like you're getting a ton done and you’re making the most out of every moment, but actually you're making the worst out of every moment.

Multitasking totally creates this inner noise and this feeling of constantly being rushed and hurried. Because the truth is we can't show up at 2-5 places at once. We can't show up for a workout and mentally be at our desk two hours from now thinking about what we're going to be working on, or what we're going to make for dinner. You don’t get things done well.

You're doing these things, but they're not getting done well. Yeah, they're getting done. I'm not saying that multitasking is impossible. I'm just saying it's not effective and it's not the way that any of us truly want to live.

I'm learning to practice mindfulness in day-to-day tasks. It's so hard to do that, especially when you're a mom, but it is possible to slow down. It is possible to do it.

I'm going to give you guys a few action steps that I put in my phone for myself that I'm really working on doing and I'm inviting you to join me.

The first action step is bookend your day with stillness. And if you can't bookend your day, do what I'm doing and do it once a day, whether it's in the morning in the beginning of your day, or at the end of your day. Put some stillness in your day and be intentional about that.

Decide. Put an alert on your phone that goes off like, hey, it's time for some stillness and just sit on the ground. Be with your family.

I like to be with my family in the stillness because it connects me to them and reminds me that these people are here and they love me and I love them and I want to have memories with them. I want them to remember me sitting with them and talking to them. I care about what's going on in my kids’ day.

If I don't intentionally pause and ask about it, I'm never going to know and I'm going to miss out on a lot.

Bookend your day with stillness if possible. If not, pick one of the bookends, the beginning or the end of your day, and just create some stillness intentionally.

Next, find yourself multitasking? Stop. Just stop. I do it all the time.

You guys remember when I did my 30-days-no-yelling challenge with myself? This was years ago when we still lived in the Midwest and those of you who have been around a while might remember that. It was like that.  I had to put a rubberband around my wrist and snap myself whenever I started to yell. It wasn't a matter of like, oh, I stopped yelling and it's hard to remember to not yell. I would yell and I would have to stop myself. For a long time, out of those 30 days, it was almost impossible to not yell. I would start yelling and then stop, and then that turned into no longer yelling, and this is the same way.

I find myself multitasking almost constantly. It's a mental multitasking. That's what's killing me. You have to decide, “stop multitasking,” when you catch yourself doing it.

If you're doing something, don't let yourself, “okay, I'm going to respond to this text and down this cup of tea. I'm going to quickly respond to that email while the water's warming up so that I can do the dishes, and then I'm gonna do the dishes and I'm going to run and do this.” Just stop.

Are you going to do the dishes right now? Then do the dishes right now.

Side note: Let's say you're doing the dishes and you usually have some prayer time while you're doing the dishes. That's great. I'm not saying that. That's productive. You're good.

I'm saying that rushed, hurried feeling that you have to be doing everything at once. That you feel like you've got to respond to that email. Answer that phone call. Wash the dishes. Have the laundry going. Get the kids ready for baseball. All at the same time.

No. Pause. Stop multitasking. Be Present.

What needs to be done right now? Do you need a break? Do you need to drink a cup of coffee and take a breath? Do that. The dishes can wait a second.

Do you need to get the kids ready for baseball and get them fed? Okay. Help them find their baseball gear. Make some quick sandwiches. Just show up in that, in getting ready to get out the door. The dishes can wait there too.

Do you see what I'm saying?

The multitasking that makes you feel rushed, pushed, hurried and creates that inner noise, that inner loudness, that stress you feel in your gut. Stop that multitasking.

The next step that I'm working on is leaving room in my schedule for showing up fully in the thing that I'm at. So, not scheduling something immediately after something else. Giving myself some more white space. I used to be really good at this a couple of years ago and things just got so full of good things with the business growth, career success, the kids getting older and having different activities and sports and things they were into, and it just got so much, you know? I am trying to be good at this again.

Leave room in your schedule that allows you to show up fully in the thing that you're going to.

If you're going to have lunch with a friend, try to create a day that allows you to show up for your friend at lunch that you're not checking your phone, freaking out, and realizing that you have to go to a meeting after and you don't have notes ready for that meeting. Now you'll have to be thinking about what you're going to say at the meeting while your friend’s trying to talk to you about her marriage.

How can you show up fully for the thing that you are at?

Like I did with my workouts. How can I show up fully for where I'm going to be so that I'm really there? I'm showing up. I'm getting the most out of it. I'm being intentional with that thing.

This way we're not wasting time and money, right? We're not wasting anything. We're showing up fully where we say we're going to be at.

The other thing is just turn off your phone. Your phone begs you to multitask. I am seeing that so much.

I would encourage you, step one, get your phone settings set up the way I always talk about. This is the way that I have my phone set up. There's a free download that walks you through setting your phone up better.

That's step one, but sometimes you have to take it a step further and just turn the dang thing off and put it away. Put it in a drawer. Just get it out. It doesn't need to be a part of every moment of your day. This is something that I dive really deep into in my course Unburdened, which side note, is open right now for enrollment and it's going away for months.

But this is why we kind of start there when we get to the part about your schedule and you're structuring your days because the phone steals so much of your time.

And for some of us, the phone is our job. Like for me, the phone is my job. So, my screen time…on the iphone you can see your screen time…it's way higher than most of you, I bet. Because it's part of my job and that's okay. I'm good with that.

But I know when I'm getting something done and I'm enjoying the freedom of working when I'm on the go and not having to be tied to a desk versus when I'm allowing something to steal mindfulness from me, steal moments for me, when I'm allowing it to take over. And you know that too. You can feel it.

That's why this is something that we touch on major and dive deep into an Unburdened because it matters.

You've got to get your phone in its place. That's a huge part of mindfulness.

And the other thing, the other action step for you guys, and for me, is when things need to be done, like they have to be done for things to run smoothly, set them into a rhythm so you don't have to worry about it, and you don't have to constantly think about it. It's not pulling brain calories from you because you only get so many per day.

You don't even feel the need to multitask because the things that must get done - like the laundry so your family has clean underwear to wear, the dishes so your family has clean dishes to eat off of, the meal prep so your family has food to eat - those things that must get done for a successful smooth day are set into rhythms. They’re automated to different parts of your day that work for you, so you don't have to think about it.

It is just a part of your day. You quickly get it done and the rest of your day is open to your appointments, stuff on your calendar, the people in your life, whatever is going on in your specific day. Does that make sense?

Speaking of Unburdened, this is the core, the chunk of what this course does. Most people know me for teaching simplicity and minimalism in your home, Unburdened does that for your life, for your schedule, your calendar. To create a non-multitasking life. To create a mindful, focused life. Focused on the people. Focused on what matters to you so that you're not running around like crazy. You're not trying to find a pair of clean underwear while you're 30 minutes late to preschool drop-off. Because you've got the things that must get done set into simplified rhythms in your mornings and your evenings and your day is freed up for work or for whatever it is you fill your day with.

So, join me in just being better at not multitasking.

Let's work together to practice mindfulness in our day-to-day lives. And to show up fully wherever it is that you are.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 101: Stop Over-Complicating Decision Making

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We all do it. We all over-complicate decision making because sometimes it is easier to not make a decision than to take action on a decision. But unmade decisions carry unnecessary weight and unwanted stress that shouldn’t have to carry. Some decisions cannot be made right away and need time, but whenever they can be made right away, just do it. Just get it done. Do what you have to do to come to a decision as quickly as possible - then you won’t have to carry that load any more! On the flip side, if you have a big decision to make, I hope you find this episode helpful as I share how I process making decisions (and avoid over-complicating them!)

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • The weight unmade decisions carry.

  • Understanding the difference between decisions you can make now and decisions you have to process through before you can take action.

  • Various ways she processes through decisions.

  • The power of taking action even while you wait to make a decision (and what that actually looks like!)

Mentioned in this Episode:


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The Hassle to Harmony video series is open for enrollment right now! This is a FREEBIE I have been working on just for you! If you feel like your days are full of hassle, like the things that need to get done are not getting done, and that is causing you a lot of stress and chaos, I want to help you find harmony. This 5 day video series will help you structure your life, calendar, and daily rhythms and routines.

We are going to talk about boundaries for your phone and other people so that you are focused on what matters and not letting obligations, phone sounds, and beeps, buzes, and alerts constantly pull your attention from where it needs to be day to day. We are going to talk about rhythms and routines. We are going to talk about owning your time and shifting your mindset. We are going to talk about living with intent.

This is a LIVE thing so if you are listening to this episode when it first came out, hear me … this is happening right now! It is a totally free, 5 day video series. So it takes place over 5 days, 1 video each day. The videos are short and pointed! This series is designed by me to help you focus, prioritize, and clear the surface of your life. Don’t miss out of this FREE video series! Enrollment is open now!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.

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Hey friend! I want to quickly tell you about a free 5 day video series that I have been working super hard on creating just for you for the past couple of months. It is finally ready and free enrollment is open! This video series is called Hassle to Harmony and that is exactly what it is going to take you from and to. Basically, each day there is one short video that is going to redirect your perspective and get you refocused.

So, Day 1 is called “Quiet the Noise” and we talk all about your phone settings and setting yourself up to not be constantly distracted from what is right in front of you. Day 2 and Day 3 are about rhythms; Day 2 is for daily rhythms and routines, Day 3 is for weekly rhythms and routines. Day 4 is all about owning your time and shifting your mindset out of victim mode when it comes to time and how much time we have. Day 5 is all about how to live with intent, because you don’t get to where you want to go by accident, only on purpose. I really want you in here! It is going to be so good!

This is not something that is going to be open for forever, this is a live freebie sort of thing. Enrollment is open now and it is free! The videos will go live on April 8th and only be available for a few days. So after Day 5 is over, they will be gone and off the internet. This is something you will want to partake in while we are going through it together. To get this free video series go to Hassle to Harmony. I can’t wait for you to see this!


Hey beauties! Welcome back to The Purpose Show, or welcome if this is your first time listening! I'm so excited because today we've got another stop-over-complicating pep talk episode. I love these!

We've been doing them for a little while. There are several if you wanted to go back and find them. Basically, what this is…I guess it’s like a personal philosophy that I have in my own life. I try to simplify everything that I can. It stems from minimalism, my story, and my own personal motherhood of how my life was before and then how I came to figure out that my problem and why I was struggling with depression, overwhelm, I was yelling at my kids and snapping at my husband, nagging, and just not the person that I wanted to be in any of my close relationships because everything was overstuffed and over complicated.

As I purged that physical clutter, it taught me something philosophical about the internal stuff too. I found that we overcomplicate things so much of the time from healthy eating, housework, marriage, relationships, and things like making decisions.

So, the stop-over-complicating series is just kind of an ongoing thing that I do when inspiration strikes.

I was going through my Instagram messages, as I do sometimes, and looking for the types of things that make episodes that you guys need, and this came up a lot. Then I had a conversation with a friend over lunch that lined up with this and I was just like, “It's happening. This is showing up in my path over and over again. We're going to do a stop-over-complicating episode about making decisions.”

First, what you need to know is that unmade decisions weigh you down. When you know that something needs to be decided, you've got to decide something that you're going to do, big/small/whatever, unmade decisions wear you down. It's like a mental clutter. It affects us. It makes us feel stressed.

Some decisions, I realize, cannot be made right away and need time, but whenever they can be made right away, just do it. Just get it done. Do what you have to do to come to a decision as quickly as possible.

For example, today I was going about my day. I've got my schedule. I've got my to-do list. I'm just getting stuff done. And something small came up. My COO got in touch with me and she was like, “Hey, I just need you to look over the two emails that I sent you. Could you do that?” And I said, “Sure.” I started to add it to my to-do list and I stopped myself and thought, “This is adding length to my to-do list. I'm sitting at my computer right now and I'm not in the middle of anything. I could just check them right now.” So, I checked them right away and got it done. Then the decision was made. Everything was out of the way and my to-do list didn't get any longer. It only took me a couple minutes.

Try to avoid adding things to your to-do list and just get it done whenever possible. Don't interrupt important work, but whenever possible, just get it out of the way. Because when things linger and they're not finished, unmade decisions are lingering, it weighs us down and it causes stress. It literally causes your cortisol to rise.

We need to get decisions off of our plate whenever we can. So, call whoever is involved and talk through it real quick, go for a walk and pray about it, ask God to show up and He totally will, for those smaller decisions like are we going to do this trip? Are we going to send that email? Are we going to have dinner with your parents? Whatever it is, just get it off your plate whenever you can.

But sometimes decisions are bigger and you need more time, or some other circumstances outside of the dry decision need to fall into place for you to know what to do.

I want to share with you guys my mental process on making decisions. The reason is I get asked a lot how we seem to make so many really big decisions so often, and so confidently.

First of all, I want to say that that is just the outsider's view on the inside. On the inside obviously I'm not live streaming on Instagram me and Brian fretting over a decision or arguing because we think we should do something different than the other person thinks. You're not seeing all of that. But I will say that our life is really full and really intense.

There's a lot of things that are a byproduct of our business and the fact that we're seen that bring up a lot of big decisions. We've made a lot of big decisions. We've made them very publicly and we've even gone back on them very publicly. Both of those are decisions…like making the initial decision and then making the decision to not move forward anymore with the original decision, to change our minds. We do make those decisions very confidently because of the process in making decisions that we have in place.

I'm going to just share my personal decision making process.

First of all, I'm an external processor, so I need to talk things out. I will grab my husband and we will go for a walk around the block and just talk through something. I will literally just go up to him and say, “Hey, I really need to talk something out.”

Ashley, she's on my team. She runs the podcast and my schedule. She and her husband were hanging out with me and Brian in Nashville and I saw her doing the same thing. And I know she has the same personality type as I do, or the same number on the Enneagram, and I know that she's also an external processor, which is one of the reasons that we work so great together because we can talk things out and come to decisions very quickly and effectively.

I saw her do the same thing to her husband, Billy. She said, “Hey babe, will you pause real quick? I need to talk something out with you.” She said a few sentences and came to her own decision without Billy really even doing anything. And that's exactly how it works for me.

Brian is an internal processor. We talked about this in our marriage episode. I don't remember which episode it was, but I'll find it and link to it for you guys in the show notes. We talked about our difference in personalities and how it can cause conflict, but how we work through it and make it work for us instead of against us.

One of the things that is a part of that is the fact that he processes internally, so it'll seem like he's not listening because he's just quiet and still because he's thinking, and I have to talk it out.

When I need to make a decision, I've got to talk it out. So, if I need to call Hayley (that's the COO that I mentioned earlier) and talk something out with her for a business decision, or if I need to go for a walk with Brian, if I need to just pace downstairs while Brian sits and does nothing and just talk it out, but there's gotta be another person there and I've got to be talking it out to that person.

Even if they just sit and do nothing and they don't contribute to the conversation, I've got to talk it out. It's weird. I wish I could change it because it's unfortunate when I am running a business. I wish I could just sit and think about something and come to a decision, but I can't. I have to process it out loud. There has got to be another living body there.

So that is one of the things that I do. There's no shame in that if you're resonating with that and you're like, “Oh, I think I'm an external processor.” To learn to talk it out, get your people in your corner and talk it out. Offer to take your mom to lunch and just talk it out with her or get the kids in the car and go for a little drive and just talk things out with your husband.

Figure out a way for you to be able to do that because as you talk it out you work through the problems. 95% of the time you come to your own conclusion without the other person even doing anything, or doing much of anything. You just needed to start your brain flow. The way that external processors start their brain flow and get it flowing is by talking it out.


Hey girl! Ok, I am interrupting what I was talking about because I want to tell you about this one more time. I feel like when you are listening to a podcast, they are talking about stuff and most people have ads and sponsorships from other companies and stuff like that. But this is important and I don’t want you to tune it out!

The Hassle to Harmony video series is open for enrollment right now! This is a LIVE thing so if you are listening to this episode when it first came out, hear me … this is happening right now! It is a totally free, 5 day video series. So it takes place over 5 days, 1 video each day. The videos are short and pointed! This series is designed by me to help you focus, prioritize, and clear the surface of your life.

I help a lot of women in my course, Your Uncluttered Home, clear the surfaces in their homes, declutter, and implement minimalism but this is for your life, calendar, and structure of your days. I am going to help you set up a few rhythms that are going to help you function really well. It is called Hassle to Harmony for that very reason: because if your days are feeling really hassled, the things that need to get done are not getting done, there is a lot of stress and chaos.

We can help harmonize that, and sync it up to where it needs to be.

We are going to talk about boundaries for your phone and other people so that you are focused on what matters and not letting obligations, phone sounds, and beeps, buzes, and alerts constantly pull your attention from where it needs to be day to day. We are going to talk about rhythms and routines. We are going to talk about owning your time and shifting your mindset. We are going to talk about living with intent. This is legit stuff! We are dealing with big issues here! I really want you in there.

Again, this is something that is happening LIVE. So you can’t listen to this episode in the future and go back and get this. It is happening live right now! The opening for free enrollment is right now - again, totally free! You can go to Hassle to Harmony and sign up for free! You will get 1 video for each. After Day 5, these videos are going to be removed. So you want to not only sign up live, take part in the videos, open those emails, watch the videos when they come to you so that you can take in this content while it is here. Once again, that link to sign up for FREE is Hassle to Harmony.


Another idea, especially for those who might be more internal processors, is to journal through it or do a pros/cons lists. Something with pen to paper. There's power in that. Just start journaling. Just start writing. Open up your journal and just write, “I'm in the middle of making a decision about whether or not to take this job” or “I'm in the middle of making a decision about how to handle this disciplinary issue with this child.” Whatever it is, just start writing.

It doesn’t have to make sense. It doesn’t need to be pretty or perfect. Just start writing a sentence. When your pen starts to flow, your brain starts to flow and you will have no more issues journaling through this problem. And pros/cons lists…old school, but it’s amazing. They work. Try it.

I also want to talk about another part of my mental process of making decisions is just sleeping on it.

Studies show that our subconscious actually works things out for us while we sleep, and that's an amazing, amazing gift that our bodies and our brains give us. So, give your decisions some time to air out. Give it some space and watch what happens while you sleep.

So many times I will go to bed not really knowing what to do about something, just kind of sifting it around in my brain a little bit. I'll talk it out with Brian and go through the evening like that, and not really come to anything exactly. But I'll go to sleep and I'll wake up and I'll know what to do.

This also happens when I need an idea for something, like a business idea or a way to communicate something to the kids for homeschooling, and I just can't really figure it out. I'll go to sleep and just ask myself, “What could I do to teach them this important topic in an effective way? What's going to work for my kids?” And I go to sleep with that, and wake up in the morning and have the answer. Try it. Sleep on it. See what happens.

Another piece of the process for me is imagining the details of each choice, each option. Take a second and imagine that I chose option A and walk down that path of my life with that choice. Visualize the details.

Let's say that you're trying to decide if you're going to homeschool or send your kids to school. That's a big decision. So, imagine the details. Imagine yourself homeschooling your kids. Imagine the hard days, the frustrations, what conversations might be had, how you might feel, how they might feel. How will your child's personality show up as a homeschooled kid? How will your personality show up as a homeschooling parent?

Imagine the days. Imagine them being there when you wake up. What would you guys do in the morning? What time of day would you start school? Imagine, feel yourself walking through your life (not your life, cause that's overwhelming) but a couple of days as this decision has been made, we are homeschooling. Let yourself feel what it feels like to live in that decision.

Then option B, sending them to school. Imagine the details of getting them a backpack. Packing them up each day, having to wake them up early. Imagine the pros and the cons of each choice. The con of homeschooling...it's hard having your kids there all the time. Imagine yourself doing that.

But that's also a pro. How does it feel to enjoy every moment with them?

Sending them to school…con…they don't get to rest in the morning until they're ready to wake up. They've got to get up super early and jump on it and get ready for school. Pro…you have time in your day where you are a little bit separate so it makes being together all that much sweeter.

Let yourself live out each option. Imagine yourself living in it. Sometimes you get a gut feeling…one feels really great even though it's a little scary and feels hard and you're not sure but still you know that it's right.

That's mostly my process for making decisions. I hope that was helpful.

Just going over it before I move on…talking it out because I'm an external processor. Journaling through it or making a pros/cons list. This is helpful for internal processors. Sleeping on it. Giving decisions time and space and just seeing what happens in the morning. Imagining the details of each choice option. See how I feel living in each decision in my head.

I also want to talk about something that I see happening all the time. I think it's important. Obviously, it's important for me that I pray about my decisions. That's something that I do for pretty much everything, like ridiculously small things and huge things.

But I think it's also really important to walk forward while you pray and think about what to do. Don't just stand still until you know everything for every step of the way.

One example is for when we were buying a house. We didn't really know what we were supposed to do, where we were supposed to live. A house came up in front of us and we just walked forward and moved forward with buying it. We had just started to like, “Okay, we're going to pray about this, we’re going to move forward feeling pretty good about this. We are just going to move forward until the door closes.”

There's power in doing something while you wait until you know what you should do. And there's power in that type of faith in action because lots of people wait to “hear from God” before they do anything. But God so often shows us what He wants for us by opening and closing doors as we walk up to them. So, praying, “God, show us. If you don't want this house for us, let it not work out. Just give us a hard ‘no,’ give us peace about walking away and canceling this deal. Don't let it work out in some way.” And God did that for us with the house.

And He'll do that for you with whatever your decision is.

One quick thing to note…sometimes living this way makes you look silly. It makes you look fickle. It makes you look like you don't have your ‘you know what’ together. You know, like, “Oh, we're moving across the country.” Actually, no we're not, but who cares?

This is your life. The one and only. Live boldly. Walk forward. Prayerfully move on. Stop feeling bad about changing your mind.

Also go listen to episode 17. It's called, “it's okay to change your mind.” It's amazing and powerful. It's another pep talk and I think you might need it if you're listening to this one and vibing with what I'm saying.

I just think there's something to be said about not sitting still and waiting for God to tell you, “This is exactly what I want you to do. This is exactly how it's going to feel. This is exactly what's going to happen.” So often that’s not how He works.

So, pray and move forward. Start walking. Start going towards something that you feel good about. Ask God to align your heart with His. Ask Him to align what you're doing with His will, but move forward as you walk and pray and seek out what is right.

Sure, you might look silly and people might think, “Hey, I thought you were taking that job,” or “I thought you were going to homeschool,” or “I thought you were moving.” And you're going to be like, “No, that ended up not working out.”

Who cares? It's okay to change your mind and it's okay to just walk forward.

Stop over-complicating decision making. It's stressing you out. It's not worth it.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

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