Ep 112: Live Chat with Allie

Facebook_EP_112.png

I think social media can be such a waste of time and on those same platforms where so much time is wasted, I love creating spaces that are intentional and inspire you to be better. I have a free Facebook group that’s really big, really fun, really engaged. It's an attachment of this podcast, a place where we discuss episodes. Discuss abundant life, simplicity, and intentional living for mothers and women of all types. It's such a cool place.

Once a month in that group, I do what is called an Allie Chat where I pull somebody out from the community there and we go live together. There was an Allie Chat recently with a woman named Christina who is just a gem. She asked such amazing questions about her motherhood. I loved the conversation we had and the audience loved the answers that I gave. It was such a powerful Allie Chat and I knew that I had to use it as an episode for The Purpose Show.

 
 

In This Episode Allie + Christina Discuss:

  • encouraging creative play in toddlers without living in constant mess

  • transitioning between seasons and when you need to change up your routines

  • self-care practices with and without your kids around

  • how the Enneagram empowered Allie’s marriage and relationships

Mentioned in this Episode:


SupermomVault-Splash.jpg

The Supermom Vault is a library of inspiration I created for you.  It holds replays of my very best online workshops that aren’t available anywhere else, tons of really actionable pdf’s that are downloadable with just one click, more than 20 audio and video trainings from me, and professionally designed printables for your home to keep you focused and inspired.

Check it out!  It’s a really good simple start.


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


Don't have time to listen_.jpg

Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hello, my beautiful, beautiful friend! I've got the coolest, most unique episode ever for you today.

I have this free Facebook group. If you're already a part of it, you know, but if you're not, you've got to get over there. I will link to it in the show notes for sure, or you could just search for it.

It's a free Facebook group that's really big, really fun, really engaged. The women there are just incredible. There's this energetic current that flows through that group, and that flows through me every time I spend time in there. It's really an amazing place to be on the internet, which is awesome because that's one of my biggest goals in my business. You know, I think social media can be such a waste of time and on those same platforms where so much time is wasted, I love creating spaces that are the opposite of wasted time.

I love creating spaces that are intentional and inspire you to be better. When you're on social media with me, you are bettering yourself, not wasting yourself. I love doing that. And this Facebook group is such a picture of that. It is The Purpose Show Community with Allie Casazza on Facebook. It's an attachment of this podcast—a place where we discuss episodes, discuss abundant life, simplicity, and intentional living for mothers and women of all types. It's such a cool place.

Once a month in that group, I do what is called an Allie Chat where I pull somebody out from the community there and we go live together. She gets to ask me basically anything she wants. It's really, really cool.

There was an Allie Chat recently with a woman named Christina who is just a gem. She's so cute, so sweet, so beautiful and amazing. She asked such amazing questions about her motherhood. I loved what she chose to ask me. I loved the conversation we had and the audience loved the answers that I gave. It was such a powerful Allie Chat and I knew that I had to use it as an episode for The Purpose Show.

We discussed a lot of things, but here’s a quick surface recap. We discussed encouraging creative play in toddlers without living in constant mess. We discussed transitioning between seasons and when you need to change up your routines—which is a really frequently asked question in my community so, I'm happy that I had a chance to answer it live with Christina. We discussed self-care practices with and without your kids around. We also discussed how the Enneagram empowered my marriage and relationships.

This is not doing it justice. This is a really powerful episode, so keep playing this. Put it on while you drive, while you go do whatever it is you're doing today. I encourage you to listen.

Thank you, Christina, for being a part of my community. Thank you for asking these important questions. Guys, enjoy this conversation. It’s so, so good.

ALLIE: Hi, can you hear me? How are you today? You look beautiful.

CHRISTINA: Thank you. I'm so excited to be here! I'm such a fan of yours. I'm so emotional already. I love you so much. You changed my life in so many ways. I'm just so excited. You're like my hero, so I'm just happy to chat. I got some coffee.

ALLIE: Oh my gosh. Okay. I left my coffee upstairs and right when I got on, I was like, “How awkward, on a scale of 1 to 10, would it be if I just hung up and ran to go grab it? No, it's fine. I’ve got water, and I should drink it.”

Okay. So, I have your questions here, but I would rather you ask them since you're here. I have them just in case we have tech issues or in case you couldn't come. I love what you asked though. And I saw that you have a Bella too!

CHRISTINA: I do! I actually named her after you. Not in a stalker-kind-of-way. But I love that name. I actually named her Isabella, but we call her Bella and she's just a little light in our lives though. I just saw that name and I think I first heard it from you.

ALLIE: Yeah, I love it. Well, when we named Bella we couldn't name her—well, we could have, but we didn't want to name her—Isabella because our last name is such a mouthful. I feel like it's a lot for a 2-year-old to be Isabella Casazza. It’s just a lot. And so, we just did Bella and I was feeling super unique. It was an old Italian name and every time we said it people were like, “Wow! That's really unique.” And then Twilight came out and ruined my life and made me super mad. Everyone was like, “Oh, I like Twilight, too. Are you going to have an Edward next?” Yeah, I hated everything for three years because it wouldn't stop.

So, talk to me about what you want to talk about today.

CHRISTINA: So, I've actually been through the decluttering process. I actually did it before I found you. So, I’m really on the other side of it. I post a lot in the group—testimony to how this minimalism thing can change your life and add time with your kids. But my kids are so little still, they are 4, 3, & 1.

So my first question is: After you have completed the decluttering process, how do you keep your toddler messes to a minimum without discouraging creative play?

My 4, 3, & 1-year-olds love exploring. We've gotten rid of so many toys. We have a box of Legos and some dolls. But they are so creative, they just get into all this stuff, you know? Like my 1-year-old is taking stuff out of the dressers. The 4 & 3-year-olds are pulling out the pots and pans. They want to dress up in mommy's clothes.

And for a while I was like, “Okay, I'm putting all the clothes up. I'm not letting you guys change six times a day.” And it worked for a little while, but I want my 4 & 3-year-olds to help, and I want them to learn. I don't want to do everything for them. So, I guess what is the balance between that? I don't want to put everything up so that they can't access it. I don't want to be doing everything for them, but I don't want to be walking around all day cleaning up all these random messes.

ALLIE: Yeah, totally. For me, in my experience, you're right at the point in motherhood where you go through these tiers. You go through these stages. I remember times when I thought, “Oh, are timeouts irrelevant now? Do I need to do something different because they're so old?” It's weird. You realize like, “Oh, I think it's time for this now.” And you're right at that point where it's time for them to help.

CHRISTINA: Even though it takes twice as long.

ALLIE: Yeah, oh my gosh, but that gets way better. And some moms don't have the vision that you have for your kids. They don't mind doing everything and that's not what they want for their kids. So, if you're watching and that’s you, disregard.

But for me, I really wanted my kids to help. I believe in chores. I want them to be helpful and not entitled. And that's just important to me. It gets so much easier when they're older. Now Bella and Leland are 10 and 8 and they do the dishes after dinner. Every once in a while if they have extra schoolwork or they've just had baseball and they're just really tired, I'll do it for them. But typically, they do that. And it's because, around the ages that your older two kids are, we implemented, “You get something out, you need to pick it up.” I'll help them if they need my help.

It's basically disregarding the idea in toddlers’ heads. There's this book called Happiest Toddler On The Block and it talks about how they're like cavemen and they don't know anything. When you have toddlers you have to say sentences like, “Please get your finger out of your nose while we're at this restaurant.” You have to explain the basics. So, thinking of it like that…they just don't know.

You're basically having to untrain them to just make a mess and not care. You have to teach them like: “Okay, new thing is being introduced: When you make a mess, you need to be polite and help clean it up.”

It's just a thing you have to spend your time on for a little bit.

But I'd like to encourage you, because you're in such a cool time, but also such a hard time. This is not something that I made sure they followed through on every single time. I wasn't a psycho about it. When you want something for your kids, it comes out of you for them. So, if you want your kids to be helpful when they make a mess, you're going to be able to fight that urge to clean it up. Call them back and say, “Hey guys, this looks awesome. What did you guys do with this? Tell me what you were playing. That's so fun. That's so great! Okay, let's clean it up though. We don't want to just leave it out.”

Make it fun. I was never like, “Get over here!” You don't have to be crazy about it. But when you make it fun, you just infuse that in your day. Of course, there were times when I was like, “Screw it. I'm just gonna clean it up. It's fine.” But typically it was me saying: “Hey guys, come back. Remember? What do we do after you play with something?”

Make them learn that it's just a part of their lifestyle. You've already done that with minimalism and toys and look at how your kids are.

CHRISTINA: Yeah, they’re so creative.

ALLIE: They don’t come to you saying, “I'm bored.” They know how to create, play, be innovative, and messy because that's all they know. Eventually cleaning up after themselves will be all they know and it will just happen. It's awesome and it's so worth it. I think that you can start to do that.

Also, I don't like this idea that people have: “Oh, having toddlers, is just messy. It just is what it is.”

When you're living life and having fun, you let things go. But it doesn't have to be like, “Oh I have toddlers so this is just a total crap show. It's always messy. It's always hard and I can't wait for them to get older so I can have a clean house.”  That's not a good mindset to carry.

But to some effect, when you have creative kids, they do get things out. They think the broom is a horse and they get it out and they play with it. It is to some extent part of it, but there's no reason they can't put the broom back when they're done. There's no reason that you should be running around putting things back by yourself anymore. You have the badge of honor that you have a 4-year-old and she can help put things away. That's just what I did.

What might help you is implementing what I called: “the dinnertime pick-up alarm.” When I made dinner, I would set an alarm for 10 minutes or 5 minutes. You can gauge the amount of time your kids can handle at their ages. Again, super fun. No one's in trouble here. We're just doing our family thing and you say, “Guys, it's time for our dinnertime pick-up dance party.” We would blast Taylor Swift and dance around.

Do you know about the laundry hamper trick? Have them pick up everything in the room and dump it in. It makes it easy because the laundry hamper can be pushed around on the floor by toddlers and they're not having to go and put everything away. They’re just putting it in the hamper.

Then you can make the call. Sometimes I would just go through the house after bedtime and put everything in the laundry hamper where it goes. Sometimes I would have them help me. Definitely as they got older, like once Bella turned 6, it was her job. Go put this in whoever’s room it belongs in. If it was my flip flops she would put them on the floor in my room, which was at least more helpful than them being downstairs on the floor, under the table, or wherever. But yeah, make it fun.

I think that moms struggle because they're exhausted and they don't feel fun, so they don't make things fun and normal life things feel like a punishment. And that's when kids freak out. My son, Leland, has always been my harder one. He'd be grunting, stubborn, and saying, “I'm not going to do it.” All because I sounded like, “Guys what the heck? What is wrong with everybody? Why is it so messy? Pick up right now.”

But if you set a timer and play music, and you're helping and just dancing around, and you say, “Look, let's see who can put the stuff in the hamper the fastest.” How could they not want to? Toddlers love that.

Even if it was super fake and I was really annoyed and didn't feel it, I still made it fun. It’s like a fake-it-till-you-make-it thing, because then you do eventually feel like that and the kids catch that and they like it.

Then that solves the problem that your house feels really messy and it's all on you. If you implement that just every once in a while—having them clean up after themselves, reminding them, calling them back, and then you implement a nighttime pick-up party—then you've solved your problem.

And you can do that. It could be after every meal, you just say, “We just finished a meal. What do we do?”

CHRISTINA: That way it’s more often because I definitely need it at least three or four times a day.

ALLIE:  Yeah, you can do that whenever you want, five times a day, once a day, whatever. I think the key is to just make it fun. Infuse that into them and make them feel like, “Wow! You're such a help to me.” You know when people feel valued—it doesn’t matter if they’re 3 or if they're 90—if they feel valued, they want to show up for that.

There’s this marriage book that I read a long time ago. I think it was called For Women Only, and basically there was this section in there that changed my life and I've applied it to my marriage and everywhere else. It talked about when you want somebody to do something, telling them that they suck and they need to do better doesn't do anything.

If you told your husband, “I just want you to know I think that you're so romantic and you did this (insert small thing that wasn't really romantic, but you're just trying to praise him) and it just really made me feel loved and I felt really close to and I love you.” He's going to notice that and respond by doing another romantic thing instead of you saying, “Why can't you be romantic?” Do you see what I'm saying? Apply that to your kids. If you make them feel valued, make them feel like they’re so good at cleaning up, that’s going to make them want to be better at cleaning up instead of you nagging them.

CHRISTINA: That's awesome. I love that. I use a lot of Wendy Snyder's praises. I love her. And this morning I was asking my toddler—the second one, she's 3-years-old—“Could you please put that up? And she was like, “Nope, I'm not doing it.”

So I said, “Oh my gosh, could you do it as fast as you can? I'm going to set the timer.” Then my 4-year-old came running in and she's like, “Can I do it too, please?”

So, yeah, I need to remember to keep it fun because sometimes I'll definitely be like, “Oh my gosh, why is this room such a mess?” You know?

ALLIE: Yeah, yeah. I just did that yesterday. I freaked out and I was like, “Wait, okay guys, sorry. It doesn't matter how you've messed up today. It doesn't make it okay for me to mess up and I just messed up and I yelled, and I'm sorry. Let's just hit the reset button. Let’s clean up and then let's go downstairs.”

We have this little jar of Hershey Kisses that are for Emmett when he goes potty in the toilet. And I was like, “Let's clean up and let's go downstairs and everyone can have a Hershey Kiss because I think we all need chocolate right now.” And they just laughed. It fixed the day.

I think shifting that perspective in yourself is so powerful. And you can also solve your problem. You don't have to have “good moms don't have sticky floors and messy whatever and it’s a crap show, but at least I'm having fun with my kids” mentality. You can have both.

CHRISTINA: It's good to hear that you're on the other side of that too. That's awesome. I think one thing that they do really well now is they lay out their clothes and they get dressed in the morning. That took forever, but now they're doing it on some level.

ALLIE: Amazing. Yeah, that's amazing. It’s a little thing that trims our morning down a little bit. For me, my son Leland, has definitely been my tougher one. He’s weird about his socks and shoes. There couldn’t be any bumps. He would just take forever. So, I was thinking, ‘How can we fix this when we have to go in the morning?’ Having him try his socks on at night before bed. While I got Emmett’s teeth brushed and got Hudson in his pajamas, Leland's working out his sock issues and then he lays them out and they're ready for the next morning. He already knows that they are going to work and he's happy with them. Those are mom hacks that you don't think about because you're drowning.

So, I know that you had a question about life transitions and routines and stuff.

CHRISTINA: I can read that one. How can you tell when it is time to transition to a new season of life and change up certain routines? I don't want to stay stuck in my routines if they are not serving me.

I’m the kind of person who gets into a routine and can get a little lazy in that. For example, my baby, I'm nursing her at night and a lot of times I'll bring her in the bed and snuggle her. She’s probably at that point where I can start getting up early again. She's sleeping a little bit better, but I'm still stuck in that routine. She's in the bed in the morning, so I'll just sleep in. I'm enjoying that time with her. But I feel like a lot of times we start doing something that's working for us and boom, it changes, you know? Like for you, putting your kids in school and then taking them out. I had such respect for that when I listened to that episode where it's okay to change your mind. You know? If it's not working for your family, you don't have to follow through with it.

So just do you have any examples or tips there?

ALLIE: You like that time. You don't seem ready. I don't know if everyone has this. I talked to a few friends about it and they all agreed so, I don’t know if it’s a mom-thing for everybody, but when I was nursing, I really enjoyed it. My other two babies had issues and they wouldn't nurse. So, when Hudson and Emmett nursed, I just held onto that and it was so sweet for me. Emmett nursed for a really long time. He nursed for almost two years and Hudson nursed for nine months. And at the end of both of those journeys I started to feel different about it. My skin would kind of crawl and I would just kind of be like, “Oh. Ugh, we have to sit down and nurse.”

I feel like it's God's way of getting our bodies ready. It’s like at the end of the pregnancy you're like, look, I don't care how much it hurts, get out of me. It's like your mother's natural way of closing a season off. I think it's beautiful, and I think it's really, really beneficial when your life allows you to make decisions based on that. And you don't have to go and do something else and stop when you're not ready. So, you don't seem ready. Enjoy that. Snuggle her. Sleep in a little bit. Enjoy that sweet time and look for other ways in your life that you could fit things in. Unless you're Type A and you just love routine. I’m not, and being really rigid makes me feel super trapped.

But the fact is, spontaneous or not, the laundry has to get washed, the dishes have to get run, meals have to be cooked, things have to move forward for our houses to run smoothly and for our families to be taken care of.

So, in our family that role is split now between Brian and I. But before it wasn't. It was on me. And so, those are what should be routine. What are the things that absolutely must happen for you guys to function well? Don't put things that are an ideal in your routine right now. Just enjoy sleeping in with your baby girl. Soak up that time and then just know, okay after that I get the girls breakfast, then I put a load of laundry in,  and that's my morning routine. Whatever it is.

The way you know that it's time to switch transitions and bring in a new routine or let go of an old one is when you're like that nursing-skin-crawling-feeling, so to speak, in your life. It should serve you and you can tell when something is serving you versus when it's really inconvenient. You know that feeling when you just feel like everything is just a mess and you feel like, man I need to get my ish together... Like now...This is just not working?

But it depends on your life season where that routine goes. If you feel like that, but you love that snuggle time in the morning and you don't have to be at work at 9:00 AM or you don't have anything, you can fit in your morning routine somewhere else. Make it work for your life. It should feel good. Maybe you snuggle with your baby girl in the morning but at nap time instead of watching Netflix, you first switch the laundry and run the dishwasher, then you veg out and watch Netflix. You can fit it in wherever it works for you right now. It should make you feel like, “Oh that's good, that's really good.” It shouldn't make you feel like, “Oh man, I have to get up. I have to.” Unless you're a working mom and you've got to get up and go. That's a different story.

CHRISTINA: Yeah. Okay. That makes sense. And I think you're right. I feel to be productive, I need to get up at 5:00 AM, get all my meditation and blah, blah, blah. But I do get that stuff in. I just don't do it super early. I think you're right. It feels good right now, and I’m enjoying her.

ALLIE: I didn't even start doing a super early morning routine until I started getting up early and working on my business when Emmett was one—because that was our story. That's when the idea hit me. That's when it needed to happen. But with all my other kids, I didn't do early morning things until they were two. I think people look now and my youngest is 4 ½; That's why I get up at 5:00 and go exercise, then come home and meditate, and have a good time with my family. It seems so easy and smooth now because I have no babies. Just know your season.




Hey friend!  It’s Allie! Have you heard of the Supermom Vault yet?

The Supermom Vault is a library of inspiration I created for you.  It holds replays of my very best online workshops that aren’t available anywhere else, tons of really actionable pdf’s that are downloadable with just one click, more than 20 audio and video trainings from me, and professionally designed printables for your home to keep you focused and inspired.

The Supermom Vault is only $39.00 and is available at alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

Check it out!  It’s a really good simple start.

Want more inspiration than just the podcast? Do you wish there were more episodes?  Want more details? Do you want videos? Do you want pdf’s? Do you want to download things and get your hands on something to really get you started when it comes to minimalism and simplifying your motherhood?

This is definitely the place to go!

Check it out!  Alliecasazza.com/allcourses



CHRISTINA: Okay, now my next question is: What is your go to self-care when you're just feeling done? What's something you do that helps?

ALLIE: Do you want something that you can bring your kids to? Or something where you’re leaving and getting away?

CHRISTINA: How about one of each?

ALLIE: Okay. So, for myself, I could have no makeup on, have my hair in a topknot because it hasn’t been washed in six days, but if I have a manicure, I feel on top of the world. So, I always have my nails painted and pretty fresh because it makes me feel so good. Maybe think of something like that.

I feel like as women, if we feel good physically then it transfers. If you feel like crap (just getting real here: you've got no bra, sweaty under boob and you're feeling like you're gross), then you feel gross.

What’s the one thing that just makes you feel really, really good? I have a friend who's a little more high maintenance than me and she really loves facials. And so, she found a place to get a cheap organic facial and she goes every week on Wednesday morning. And that's her thing.

It could be like that or it could be less extreme. Going for a drive, getting yourself a chai tea latte—or whatever vice it is—and just going for a drive by yourself.

Then with the kids, I've switched back and forth between two things. We live in California, so the weather isn't really something I have to worry about. So, when we're having a day where homeschooling isn't clicking, everyone's just pissy and bickering, I'm done, I'm yelling, I'm not who I want to be, then it's time to get out of there. You need a change of scenery.

If it was raining or cold, we would take a drive. I would buckle the kids up. There's something magical about your kids being stuck in their car seats when they're driving you crazy. We would just listen to the music and just relax.

Then the other thing we would do, which was my favorite thing, which you might've heard me say before, is, I would get my headphones, get my phone, pack the kids up, get them all ready to go and take them to the park. There was this one park where there was a playground and a little sidewalk to walk around. It wasn’t really wide, but it went right around the playground so I could see them wherever I was. I would just put my headphones in and watch my kids play and listen to a podcast, something that encouraged me.

CHRISTINA: Yeah, like The Purpose Show?

ALLIE: What is the issue? Did you have a fight with your husband and you feel like you're having a crappy day? Listen to a marriage podcast. Are you struggling with one of your strong-willed kids? Listen to a parenting podcast.

Or maybe you need to exit the arena of whatever is causing stress that day, then don't listen to that. Listen to something for yourself. Get something in your head because words are powerful and when you're having a bad day and you put positive words literally in your head, you're going to leave that park different and your kids got their energy out. We would blow off nap time and just go whenever we needed to. And even if it was like 20 minutes, it changed the feel of the day.

CHRISTINA: Yeah, I love that. I do that. We have bad weather right now, but I'll just go to like Chick-fil-a if I can or an indoor playground. But yeah. I definitely use the podcast thing, but it's always you. Why are you doing one podcast a week? Please up it.

ALLIE: Good, that’s what it’s there for.

CHRISTINA: Okay. That was very helpful. Thank you.

Okay, so my last question is: What would you say has been the biggest impact of studying the Enneagram on yourself, your husband, and your kids? I am fascinated by the Enneagram. Yeah, I think I'm a 9.

ALLIE: Are you? They’re all great, but there are certain ones that I think I just kind of vibe with more because of my personality. It was funny because I'm such a dork. We were having a get-together at our house and I basically made everyone pick what they were on the Enneagram. I just wanted to know. All of my friends are like 2’s or 9’s. I think the biggest impact was marital for me.

I know I've shared about this on the podcast and it's repetitive, but I always could cry when I talk about it because I just felt so excluded all the time. I felt like I didn't belong anywhere. I didn't always fit in the mom circles. Like can we talk about something other than what Sippy Cup doesn't leak? I didn't get along with a lot of moms. I wanted to talk about marketing and blogging.

CHRISTINA: You’re passionate. You’re fiery.

ALLIE: Yeah. I'm super blunt and my sarcastic sense of humor would sometimes not go over well. I didn't fit in the business industry because they're all like, “Oh, where do you summer?” And I’m like, “I don't. I have a million kids.” I always felt my whole life, even as a kid, like I didn't belong anywhere and like I always needed to tone it down. “Relax” was basically the message that I got all the time from everyone.

And the Enneagram showed me, when I figured out that I was an 8 and I looked at what that meant, it was like my identity and who God made me to be. It was like a light was shone on it. I just cried. I felt so at peace and like, “Oh my gosh! It makes sense why I would take something basic and have to run with it and do way more than anyone else thought I would do with it because I'm passionate about it.

Especially being a woman and being an 8, when Brian and I would have friends, couple friends and stuff, the husband never liked me. They always seemed irritated or intimidated by me. I noticed that even being a teenager, and then especially after I started my business and our friends would see things online about the success of the business. Relationships changed. I never got along with my friends’ husbands; they just wouldn't like me.

And so, the Enneagram helped me see that I'm just super driven. I'm made to be an entrepreneur. I'm just powerful, confident, fiery, and blunt. That doesn't mean that it's an excuse to be rude or anything, but it's helpful to know yourself. Then knowing that and then seeing that Brian is a 2, we have always felt like we were the opposite of what we needed to be. I learned that it's not that. It's actually that we're just the opposite of tradition, and the traditional roles we were in almost split us up and they caused so much unfulfillment, drama, and just fighting.

And so, when I took the Enneagram, it really helped me step into my role and who I am. No matter who that threatens and no matter what other moms think about that. For Brian, he was like, “This is crazy. I’m literally designed to be a support. And I love supporting you, but I always felt weird about it. Like, am I nuts? Am I doing something wrong? Am I supposed to be the provider? What's going on?” So that was really liberating for us.

With my kids, I feel like I'm still figuring them out. I couldn't say that I know what all their numbers are right now. But I'm aware of the different attributes of the Enneagram and the different personality types and it's helped me see those in them and in my parents and siblings.

I have three siblings, so you know, those relationships are sometimes weird. I'm really close with one of my brothers, but my other two I'm like, “I need to figure you out. Are you being really rude or what's your problem?” The communication there, you know? And so, it's helped me see there's not somebody that's wrong and somebody that's right. There's not somebody that's annoying and somebody that's funny. It's just a personality thing. It's been really liberating in that way.

CHRISTINA: That's awesome. I think for me, my husband and I are kind of like the more traditional roles. He is a 3. Which one is the achiever? 3 or 6? I don't remember. He really works on his image and has to be very successful. It really means a lot to him. And I'm more or less like, “Just let's not fight. Everybody get along.” You know, the peacemaker. So yeah, for us it is a little bit more traditional, but I love how you embrace what you are.

It’s sad that the world hasn't come to that yet. I feel like in this age we should be at a point where we're accepting each other. I think that your accepting that about yourself is just awesome. Especially Brian, who is just so sweet. I just love him. He's so cute. I love you guys.

ALLIE: He's so funny when he does the podcast. I always say, “You don't have to be on anything. I never want you to feel like you have to.” And he's always like, “Oh no, I really want to.” He'll come to me with ideas and then we sit down to do it. I always have my hand on his knee and I can feel him tensing up, and we have to do seven takes in the beginning of the episode. He's like, “Okay, I got it now.” And then we'll just go with it and totally flow and the episode is great. But it's so funny to me because he seems so nervous and tense and I'm like, “You don't have to be on here.” He's always like, “I'm just thinking about all those people listening.” And I'm like, “Why would you think about that? I never think about that. I just do my thing.”

It's just funny that you can be so different, but you can still show up in the same way. He can still show up and serve people, it’s just different. It doesn't take him one take with no mess ups, like it does me. It's cool to learn how to be patient with each other's quirks and stuff.

CHRISTINA: Yeah. That's awesome. That's the last question I have.

ALLIE: That’s the last one on the list. I try not to look at every single thing that's typed up because I don't want to come in pre-prepped, but it's helpful in case people don't show up or whatever. But I saw the topics that you picked and I was like, “Oh! This is going to be so good!” And I was really excited.

Thank you for caring, listening to the show, and showing up with amazing questions. You are just such a light. You are. You’re just doing a great job. You're beautiful, shiny, bright, and amazing. You're inspiring to me. So just know that.

CHRISTINA: Thank you. I wish you could see how many women that your life has touched.

I mean I'm sure you see it in some aspects, but there's a lot of women where I share your message and they're constantly messaging me like, “Oh my gosh! This is changing my life. I'm actually scheduling time to get down on the floor and play with my kids.”

I'm your biggest fan. I share you all the time. Your messages are just so good. It's so good. It’s so important that this message gets out there because there are just so many moms that look at each other and they go, “Oh, that's just how life is. It just sucks. It's always a mess. Your kids are always going to be either in a pile of crap or you're going to suffer cleaning all day long.”

ALLIE: There's a lot of shame in being a total mess mom, and there's also another level of shame in not being that. Not that I have it all together. There's always something that's kind of dropped off. If I'm killing it at the business one day, then my house is a little messy. If I'm killing it at motherhood then, in the business some things didn't get done. There's always a balance, but I think there's a different level of shame that comes in when you are doing well and loving it. There's shame in that and it's awful.

CHRISTINA: It is awful. How do you respond to them? I mean I know that's your business, that's your heart. But for people who follow you, and we want to share this and want to share you. Usually I'm just like, “Okay, there's this girl named Allie…”

I'm the peacemaker and I don't want to rile people up. But when I see these people posting, a lot of times on social media, things like: “My house is a crap mess.” I hesitate to comment because I don't want to shame them. I want them to see that there's a light, but I also don't want to make myself look like I'm better than them or anything. What would you suggest if you see people posting things like that? Even if they are asking for help, what's a good way to say that this message is out there, without being rude and without shaming them?

ALLIE: Yeah, I understand that because that's my job. I love marketing so much, but it is so hard to figure out the marketing message behind what I do without coming across as preachy. I can't even tell you how many hours and hours and hours Brian and I have poured into it. Especially him being a guy, he'll say, “Why don't you just say this?” And I'm like, “Okay, if I said that—that was a guy thing to say because I would never get a follower again.”

It's very hard to say, “I can help you,” without it sounding like, “because I'm better than you.” And that is not my heart at all. What I would say and what I've been doing is thinking about it like it's a story that you're telling and you've been there. You've stood where they're standing and you came out of it. Come at it with that heart, like you're doing them a service by telling them, “Oh my gosh, yes! I could have posted a picture just like this times 10 last year. Have you ever heard of (whatever)? It's been such a lifesaver for me.”

I always try to say, “I'm not going to preach at you. I'm not gonna tell you exactly what to do, but rather just help you shift your perspective so you can figure it out yourself.” That's just how I've done it. Tell a story that started exactly in that photo: “That was my photo and now it's not, and it doesn't have to stay that way.” Rather than, “You should…” Never say “should.”

You know what really breaks my heart too, is when I get tagged in something and it's something like that. I wish there was a way to remove that tag. I do not want to be associated with: “You should look at Allie. You can be way better than this. She'll just help you.” No. That is not what I do. I hate it.

It's a problem and, especially, I think, mothers are very protective over their role and what they're doing, and it can feel convicting because of what’s within their own selves. So you can't control that. But I think if you can look at the comment and you're like, “This isn't preachy. This is funny and relatable and I’ve stood where you stood,” and it’s helpful, then it's a green light, you know?

CHRISTINA: Yeah. Awesome.

ALLIE: Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me. I'm so happy that you're here. Really. This was so good and you're just amazing. I'm really thankful for you taking the time away from your kids to talk to me and help the ladies that are going to watch this later and that are watching right now. Thank you so much.

CHRISTINA: Thank you so much for having me. I just want to say to anybody listening that hasn't been down the journey before, it's so, so, so worth the work. Get one of Allie’s courses. Anything she has is amazing and it changes your life. So yeah. Team Allie!

ALLIE: Thank you Christina. I just adore you. I will talk to you later.



This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 111: A Simple Practice for Daily Happiness, Mindfulness & Making Decisions with Emily P. Freeman

Facebook_EP_111.png

Did you know that, on average, you make 35,000 decisions every single day? That is a lot and feels overwhelming! But decision making doesn’t have to be that way. If we shift our focus from putting off decisions, putting pressure on them, or ignoring them and we turn our focus to the next right thing, the whole decision making process will be more fun and less intimidating!

Emily Freeman is the founder of an incredible movement called The Next Right Thing. She has a book and a podcast around this theory of focusing on the next right thing in front of us and the power that has in our decision making. Give yourself permission to stay in the moment and take action on the next right thing! (Like listening to this episode, because it is a GOOD one!)

 
 

In This Episode Allie + Emily Discuss:

  • Advice for mama’s of teenage girls (because we all need it, right?)

  • What The Next Right Thing movement is, where it all began, and how that phrase will help you in your decision making.

  • Practical steps you can take when making decisions, even in those mundane, day to day decisions.

  • What unmade decisions do to us and the power they hold over our lives.

Mentioned in this Episode:


Phone_Settings_Mockup.png

This conversation is all about decision making and staying present as you focus on the next right thing and I have the perfect freebie that will support you as you shift your perspective in this direction!

Phone Settings For Our Present Life walks you through what phone settings I have set up on my phone and a less extreme alternative for those of you who might not want everything turned off. It tells you exactly what to do in your phone, and also a lot of the heart behind why you might want it like that. Why I think it's important and where technology maybe should be in our priority list.

The less distraction you have from your phone, the more present you can be to make those every day decisions. Because 35,000 decisions every day is a lot! So don’t miss out on this free PDF. I know it will help you take action, feel more present, and do the next right thing.


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


Don't have time to listen_.jpg

Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hi, beautiful friend! Oh my gosh. This conversation that you are about to listen in on is life-changing. If you will really just quiet your mind and give this interview, which I can't even call that, it was a conversation, an amazing conversation. If you will give this your focus, oh my goodness, it will shift your perspective, change your life, and give you some really simple keys to simplifying your decision-making process, finding quiet in the midst of your very full life.

If you’re listening to this, you are likely a mom or a very busy woman and you need this. I needed this. It was so good. This was one of those rare podcast conversations where I was shifting around in my seat because it was so good. It was moving me and had me thinking, really thinking, and it was just so good.

Emily Freeman is my guest today. She is a beautiful soul. I was so happy to sit and talk with her. She is the author of The Next Right Thing, which is a book that's actually based on a podcast she started, which the podcast is also called The Next Right Thing. I love listening to her podcast. It's one of my favorites. It's one of the only ones I actually do listen to. Emily really has a good personality. She's very pointed when she speaks and she gets to the point, which I like. I just really liked her.

Her book, The Next Right Thing is simple, soulful practices for making life decisions. Emily talked a lot about decluttering your soul and your brain, and uncomplicating the art of making decisions day-to-day. Not big life decisions but day-to-day, because the average person makes 35,000 decisions per day. Obviously this is something we need to be talking about and looking at.

Emily is a Wall Street Journal bestselling author. She's an incredible soul and this conversation is worth giving your time to. So let's welcome her and enjoy this conversation, ladies. I know I did.

ALLIE: Hi Emily! Welcome!

EMILY:  Hi Allie! Thanks for having me here!

ALLIE: Yeah, I'm so excited to talk with you. I'm super excited to get to know more about you and introduce you to our listeners. I think that we have a lot of overlap in the things we talk about and that's always super exciting because I feel like you get me and I get you.

EMILY:  I feel that way too.

ALLIE: Yeah, I'm excited. Okay. Before we get into all the other things about the amazing book that you've written, which I read in one sitting yesterday.

EMILY: So impressed.

ALLIE: It was so good. I made space for it because it was so good. I just want to learn a little bit about you and have our listeners connect with who you are.

So tell us about, tell us about you. What's your personality type? Do you know what you are on the Enneagram and all that good stuff?

EMILY: I do. On the Enneagram, I identify with Type 4. I probably lean more towards the 3 wing, but as I get older a little bit, I'm finding more 5 tendencies in me a little bit. My sister's a 5 on the Enneagram, so I kind of get that space too.

I don't even think I identified really as maybe a creative person until maybe college or after college. I didn't see myself that way. But as I've gotten older, that part of me has come more fully alive and I think has always been there, but I never really gave it a name or gave myself credit for being creative, which I actually believe everybody's creative. Creativity expresses itself differently in different ways in each of us.

I think when people listen to my podcast and then they meet me in real life, I think they're surprised that I laugh really loud and talk pretty fast and I'm a little kind of sillier maybe than they expect. Because the podcast is a little more contemplative and slower paced because that's the purpose of that show. While that is me and that's my personality, you know there are different aspects and facets of personality that come out in different places.  

ALLIE: Different settings. If you're in a person-to-person social setting, you get an energy that's different than when you're sitting at your desk talking about your work.

EMILY: Right. Exactly. And that's kind of what it is. And I think in general, I feel most like myself when I'm writing and when I express myself through writing, but I feel most alive when I'm communicating with people or speaking or using my voice to say words, even if it's just with other people in a small group setting or even on a stage speaking at an event or something. That wouldn't be my preference to do that a whole lot. But when I do it, there is a certain sense of fulfillment I think that comes in those moments.

ALLIE: I love that. I'm the same way. I really don't like speaking when I'm planning to go speak somewhere, but once I'm on that stage, something happens where I come alive and I'm like, “I need to do this more.” And then I'm like, “Well, maybe not.”

EMILY: I've never heard anyone say it that very way. I feel the same way. The hardest part of my job is prepping to speak somewhere. But then once I get up there, it doesn't feel hard at all compared to the prep. Sometimes I’m like, “Am I doing this wrong? There's gotta be a magic way that I haven't figured out.” But I don't know if there is. I think that's just part of the job,

ALLIE: I think so. I've never heard anyone else really say that they didn't love speaking either. I think people do it because they love it and they're good at it, but not a lot of people are really willing to push themselves past their comfort zones, I think. And I am. So that is that for me. I will only take the ones that are super worth it because I don't like it very much.

EMILY: I love it. I totally resonate with that.

ALLIE: Tell us what is your absolute favorite thing to do when you are by yourself?

EMILY: Well, I love being by myself, so that's a favorite thing all alone. I can spend a lot of time just looking out the window, which sounds so boring, but I live a lot of life in my head, so having the space to actually stare out the window. A lot of times I will go back through journals that I've written in, old journals from years ago, and reflect on things I've learned or ways I've changed or the way our life has changed. That can be really life giving for me to sort of see patterns and to spend some time in reflection. Also reading when I'm alone. I'll either watch a show I love or spend some time with a book that I love. Lately I have been craving reading more fiction because I haven't been reading a lot of fiction and so I sense that itch to read a really good story.

ALLIE: I go through really long seasons of not reading it at all. fiction, when it does come into my life, it's a happy escape from the norm. Regular books, nonfiction books, they don't do that. You’re thinking about your life as you're learning this new thing. It's just when the fiction has a special place.

So, tell us about your family.

EMILY: My husband John and I have been married for almost 18 years now and it's gone by really fast. That's weird because I remember when my parents were married for 18 years, you know? That’s so weird. We have three kids. We have twin girls who are 15, they're in 9th grade. And then we have a son who is almost 13. He's in 6th grade. This was a big year for us, first time middle school for our son and then first time high school for the twins. Lots of transition, but they've made them fairly smoothly. And so, we're navigating interesting teenage waters these days with our family, which has been really a gift, but also it makes you realize, “Wow, we've been parents for 15 years. We still don't really know what we're doing a lot of the time,” because we've never been parents of these kids at this age. It's always learning and staying on your toes.

ALLIE:  Do you have any advice for those of us with girls that are…my daughter's 10, so setting the stage for those teenage years? What would you say has been helpful and that you think you did well?

EMILY: That's a great question. A lot of times it's the things that you don't realize and you might just do naturally and they don't feel like a big deal. But I had a mom tell me once that people always commented on how close she was with her teenage girls. And this mom said, “It started with the Barbies. I would play Barbies with them or play the games that they wanted to play when they were young.” So then as they grew, it was really normal for them to just let her into their world.

Though I'm not the best Barbie player…I was when I was younger and was actually playing with them, but as the girls have gotten older, one thing is they have each other. They're twins, so they do a lot of that themselves. But being around and letting them know that I was present. I think I discount the value that that has.

When I look back and I think, “Oh, I should have had more serious and intentional conversations with them about A, B, C, you know, about all these really big important issues.” And maybe that would've helped, but I don't know if they would remember, but I guarantee you what they remember is time spent and just me being around.

And I think that's sometimes a filter through which I make decisions about work or travel or whatever…there are seasons when I'm not able to be fully present because I am traveling or working. But then when I'm home, I'm trying to be all there. I think that really goes a lot further than we realize.

Maybe 10 years from now I'll look back and remember, “Oh yeah, that was important,” because when I think about my own relationship with my mom, I don't really remember specific conversations or “lessons” that she taught me. But I do remember her presence and I remember her just being there. And I think that's really important, and I think a lot of times overlooked.

ALLIE: Yeah, I love that. Your kids have always gone to school?

EMILY: Yeah, they're all three in public school. Charter School for a couple of years, but mostly they're in the public school.

ALLIE: I love that, cause we homeschool our kids and it's not out of a love for homeschooling. That is for sure. It's just the flexibility of schedule because we like to bring the kids with us when we travel for work. But a lot of the time when I talk about being intentional and making time and being present, people – mothers - will blame it, “Well you homeschool, so you're always together.” And I am always trying to get a conversation with somebody who does not homeschool and has that because I don’t think that's it.

I actually think it can make it harder because you think, “Oh we have all day. We're always together. There's lots of opportunities for that.” And it actually slips by even more. I love that you said that and that your kids go to school. It’s not a lack of the availability of time. I think it's what you do with the time you do have together.

EMILY: Right. Yeah, that's a great point.

ALLIE: Okay. So, you are the host of The Next Right Thing podcast, which I love because it's short, pointed. It's one of those shows that if I'm listening…sometimes I just want silence because my life is loud and my kids are still really little and my oldest is 10 so I've got a 4-year-old, and lots of boys, so it's very loud…but sometimes I want to listen to something while I get ready and it's perfect because the episode is done by the time I finish doing my makeup or putting my hair up or whatever. It's easy and pointed. Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like the podcast is really short and pointed and bite-size perspective shifts and the book is still not super long or anything, but just really beautiful and a little deeper.

I really love the way you wrote this book. It's amazing. And it's also called The Next Right Thing.

When I immerse myself in an author, I've been looking at your website and I followed you on Instagram and read your book in one sitting yesterday, so I have to remove myself and, “Wait, for somebody who does not know any of this, let's start from the beginning.” What is the next right thing, this movement you started? Tell us what it is about or if you want to share where it started for you. Anything that you want to give us the 101 of The Next Right Thing.

EMILY: Well, that phrase, “the next right thing,” it's certainly not one that I came up with. It's been around a long time and has been said by a lot of really smart people over the years.

The first time I remember hearing it was when I was in college. I was a transfer commuter student at a school locally here. Because I was a commuter student, we had to fight for parking. I had to get to the school an hour before my first class started just to find street parking. I also learned to be a really great parallel parker by the way, so I can whizz into a parallel parking space, no problem.

But I would get to school early and then there was nothing to do because there wasn't a smart phone back then and no podcast to listen to. So I would listen to a little radio show that was about 15 minutes. It was like one of my podcast episodes. It was called Gateway To Joy and it was hosted by author Elizabeth Elliot and she would often quote a little poem that was called, “Do The Next Thing.” It was kind of sing-songy. It stuck with me because as a 18, 19, maybe I was 20 by that time -year-old, that was really powerful for me because it's the time in your life when you're looking at the future and you're looking at all of it at once and it can be overwhelming to say the least. And so that little small encouragement to just do the next thing, do it with prayer, do it consistently, was really helpful for me. It kind of just lodged in the back of my mind all those many years ago.

But then as I've grown and started writing, I find when I look back over books I've written and blog posts I've written over the last decade, I find that phrase here and there, “just do the next thing” or “do the next right thing” in my own writing, just kind of tucked away.

It was only about two or three years ago when I had a big decision to make that I started recognizing how this unmade decision that I had to make had a lot of power. And I think that's true across the board for a lot of us that unmade decisions hold power. They hold our attention. They keep us on our toes. They can have the power to wake us up to God, to friendships, to communication or whatever. Or they can also have the power to shut us down. To procrastinate. To put the decision off. To delegate it to somebody else. That's a lot of power that unmade decisions have.

A lot of us want to go ahead and make the decision and we want to be done with it. Others of us, we'll drag our feet.

It was sort of two things happening. I had this decision to make, but then on the inside level, my inner life, I was looking at how that decision was informing my relationships and the way I related to God and to people. That’s when I started to think, “Oh, this decision-making thing. There's something to this. I want to explore this.” And I thought it would be my next book because I'm a writer and that's what I do.

So, I started taking notes on the decision-making process and how this unmade decision was causing me to question some things and solidify other things and how my own spiritual formation was becoming a real big part of this decision-making process. But as I tried to write it as a book even after I made that decision, it was so stubborn and did not want to be a book. It was the worst. I tried to force it into an outline; it would not do it. Finally, long story short, I decided maybe the medium that this idea wants to come to life in is not in written form, but in spoken form. That's when I had the idea to explore this idea of decision-making and doing the next right thing in a podcast.

What should I call it? Decision again…how about I just call it “The Next Right Thing,” because that's the phrase that has always helped me approach decisions a little bit in a more friendly way and not such an intimidating way.

If it was “just do the right thing,” I think it's like, “Well yeah.” But that's kind of intimidating and we don't always know what's right, but when we put that word “next” in it, I think that makes it a little more approachable. We can usually access the next thing that's right in front of us, even if we're not quite sure what the exact right thing is to do.

So, that's kind of some background. That phrase has stayed with me and I'm sure will continue to stay with me for the rest of my life because this “next right thing posture” has really changed not only how I make decisions, but also how I move through my day in everyday life.

ALLIE: Yeah, absolutely. So, what does that look like? Maybe give me some examples because I'm curious about the mundane stuff. You say we make 35,000 decisions a day. Is that right?

EMILY: That's what I hear. I've looked it up in many different places and that's the number that keeps coming in. Isn’t that crazy?

ALLIE: And you know, in my personal day-to-day life, I've been working through when to apply grace to myself and went to keep pushing because I've been finding myself feeling really exhausted and done for the day very early in the day. And I'm like, “Okay, I've been trying…do I need to move my exercise so it's not in the morning? What is it that I need to do?” And reading this book…I intentionally left it for right before I interviewed you so that it would be fresh…in reading this book, I'm like, “Hold on 35,000?” I know my life, I know my job, I know how many people are on my team and I know my kids are always with me, so I'm just gonna assume that I probably have more than the average person.

EMILY: I think you probably do.

ALLIE: I was thinking, “You know, I think it's that.” I think it's just the constant like that. What is the New York Times article about decision fatigue?

EMILY: Yes, it's a real thing.

ALLIE: I don't really know what to do with that information, but it helped me feel like it's okay. It makes total sense. I'm constantly being talked to and some of that quiet I have control over (like with my phone) but a lot of it I don't. Like with my kids, they're here and I don't want them to feel, “Don't talk to mom. She's going to be pissed or whatever.” I want to be there, but it's just exhausting. And little things like, “Yes you can have applesauce or are you going to have slides at your presentation at this conference?” I don't know…things like that. It's just constant. So, I guess my question, messily, is what do you do with that in day-to-day? What do we do with that information? What does this next right thing look like lived out in those mundane things every day. And is there a way to avoid that exhaustion that I've been going through?

EMILY: Well first I would say to answer your question, I think that you showing grace to yourself is always the next right thing. Because it sounds to me like your personality, I can totally relate with it, probably you might never be a person who needs to totally push herself because it sounds like you naturally push yourself. You probably need to intentionally not push yourself sometimes, especially in your life stage. Man, that's so tough.

But as far as the mundane things, it's such a great question and I gotta tell you, it's in the mundane things where The Next Right Thing concept is the most helpful for me because I will literally wake up in the morning and maybe I'll have a little morning routine that I can rely on, which is really helpful, actually small, short morning routine.

But after that, sometimes I'm like, “Uhh,” and I'm literally spinning in my living room. Where should I start? What do I do first? Because everything feels like it has equal importance. When someone says, “Well, do the most important thing first,” it's like, “Well guess what? It feels like there's 20 of those.” Everybody else has their own idea of what's “important.” So, choosing one I think is helpful.

That whole idea of “the next right thing” sometimes is, “Okay, go take a shower.” And then I get out of the shower and it's like, “Okay, now what's the next right thing?” I’m going to listen to this podcast while I do my hair, okay. Giving myself permission to stay in that next right thing while I'm in it, knowing that I'm going to have the opportunity to ask the question again in 15 minutes. And that helps.

It’s like a weird mindset-magic that happens for me personally when taking a shower is my next right thing and I let that be my next right thing for 15 minutes. Then I can be in the shower and it almost feels like time expands because I'm not spinning in my mind about, “Well I'm taking a shower now, but really I should have been making the grocery list and running out to the mailbox,” rather than forcing myself into spaces where I can't be all at once because we can really only do one thing at a time, even the best multitasker among us. We might be doing many things in succession really quickly, but you can't chop an onion and peel the oranges at the same time. You can do them really quickly, but it's one at a time.

But giving those activities a little bit of bumper room in between each other by asking the question, “Okay, now what's the next right thing?” And trusting yourself to choose. If there's 10 things and you can't figure out which one's most important, then there isn't an answer there. There isn't a wrong answer. Just pick one.

I can't tell you how many times I have not done that and I've looked back on my day and been like, “Wow! I got nothing done, but I was working all day long.” Because I was frenetically switching, task switching, from half an activity to half an activity and it wore on my energy. It made me grumpy because I didn't finish anything. And I felt like a failure even though I was just as tired or maybe more tired than I would have been had I just chosen three things and finished them to completion, and then gave myself permission to say, “What is your next right thing.”

And the final thing there is let the next right thing sometimes be it's time to close the day. It's time to be done with work today or whatever the thing you're working on. That is a valid next right thing.

ALLIE: I love that so much. Yesterday, I was frustrated because I was faced again with that feeling of, “I’m feel tapped out. I feel like I will not be able to even cook dinner and deal with my…and that's when it's a trigger…when I'm thinking, “deal with my family.” That's not how I want to come to the table at the end of the day, you know? I was feeling like, “There's no way.” But there's all of my task list (Emily was like “20 things left”) and they were big things. I just reached out to Hayley. She's my right-hand man. She helps run the company and I said, “I just don't know what to do.” And she was like, “Well, none of these things are pressing right now. Why don't you just be done for the day?”

Why do we give ourselves this fake urgency? Because I assigned it to today, a long time ago when I was just putting my tasks in Asana, I was like, “Well, this task needs to be done today.” I think it was funny cause I laid on the couch, I just laid there like a Zombie vegging out for a second. And it was like how often do we do that to ourselves where it is so unnecessary and it's so urgent, but we’re are the ones that have the power to say this is not urgent anymore? It's just one of those novel concepts. It's so obvious, I think to certain personality types.

EMILY: It is and I love that you pointed out that you reached out to Hayley because number one, I think we all need a Hayley in our lives, whether we're writing or whether we are just running a household or whatever the thing is. And too, looking back, that was your next right thing, was to reach out to her and to let her be a co-listener with you to your own energy and your own life. And for her to say, “I'm going to be a “no” mentor to you right now. It’s time for you to say “no” and close the day.” What a beautiful next right thing that you did without even realizing it. I think that's so great that you have her and that you know, “Okay, when I'm at my wits end, I’m going to reach out to Hayley.”

ALLIE: I think sometimes we just get stuck in our own heads and we can't have that aerial perspective over our own life because we're just muddled. It just gets messy.


Hey sweet friend! I'm interrupting this incredible conversation that I'm having with Emily because I wanted to let you know that I know when I'm having conversations like this on the podcast, it really gets me thinking. It really gets me inspired.

This was one of those conversations that when we were recording, I just really felt alive. I felt really excited. I felt super inspired. I was thinking to myself, “I need to make sure that I come back and listen to this episode myself later on.”

Those recordings are rare, but when they happen, I feel like I'm on fire inside. I get so amped up about what we're talking about. I think that happened here with Emily because well, first of all, she's amazing and this conversation is so good, deep, and just extraordinary. And I think also because there's crossover with what I talk about, and I'm passionate about this, so it really gets me excited for you guys.

What I wanted to do is just draw attention to a freebie that I've created in the past for you guys that has become a fan favorite. People love it. It really deals with something that you wouldn't think is really deeply impacting your day, but it is. It deals with your phone settings.

I talk often about how I have my notifications basically turned off in a lot of ways. They're really turned off. I don't get my phone vibrating, making a noise, or lighting up when I get a text message. I don't have social media interrupting my day. My phone is a side note. It's extra so I'm living my days focused on what's in front of me, on my family, on my work, on whatever it is that I'm doing in real life that day. I don't think that technology should be able to tap us on the shoulder and interrupt our actual, real life whenever it wants to.

I talk a lot about that and I have this free download called Phone Settings For Our Present Life and it literally walks you through exactly what phone settings I have set up on my phone and a less extreme alternative for those of you who might not want everything turned off. It tells you exactly what to do in your phone, and also a lot of the heart behind why you might want it like that. Why I think it's important and where technology maybe should be in our priority list.

If you're interested in getting that, it's totally free. It's just something that I have on my website that I thought would be important and helpful to draw attention to while you're listening to this episode.

To get that for free, go to alliecasazza.com/shownotes/111.


ALLIE: I love something that you talk about in your book, how unmade decisions will smoke out things that we’re addicted to, like these hidden addictions. Not like addiction to alcohol and addiction to other things, but addiction to needing clarity or needing the approval of other people before you make a decision. Can you kind of unpack that for us? I just thought that was so astute and wise. I’ve noticed it in my own life when I've had to talk through things. Can you talk about that?

EMILY: It’s such an interesting thing to think about because it's very meta to think about how we make decisions, because usually we don't think about the process. We just either do it or we don't do it. When I think about decisions that that give me the hardest time or the ones that I'm procrastinating on, that's what I think our decision making and the process can begin to smoke out those addictions that we don't even realize are there.

For example, sometimes when I'm putting a decision off, the reason is because I'm afraid of the people I'll disappoint one way or the other. If I make this decision, these people are going to be disappointed. I make that one, I'm going to let these people down. Sometimes it's just perceived. I'm just afraid I'll let those people down. It might not even be real, but it's a fear of that.

And that can be an addiction to really deeply caring what people think to an unhealthy degree. Or it could be, I put something off because I am addicted to my own comfort. Even just buying a plane ticket. It's like, “Uh, I don't like the feeling I get when I'm having to make a decision that's definitive. I leave at this time and I get back at this time.” There's something in there that, though it might just be a quirky thing that we do, there could be something in there if we listened to our life that we realize could unlock a deeper issue. So, it's like these surface unmade decisions can actually inform something that might be happening beneath the surface.

And another thing, I think when we put decisions off, a lot of times and you mentioned it, it's because we are addicted to a sense of clarity. We think that until I know everything there is to know, and until I feel a perfect peace, I will not move. But in reality, a lot of times the peace and clarity come on the other side and it's once you finally make the decision and walk into the foggy future, that clarity begins to reveal itself to us over time.

Sometimes we're never sure if it was “right” or not. We just did the next thing we need to do at the time. That addiction to clarity, if we're waiting to feel clear, perfect peace, man, we might be waiting for a really long time.

Marie Forleo talks about clarity comes from engagement not from thought. Sometimes we think, “Well, if I think this through every single possible outcome that could come from this decision, then I'll have clarity.” But her point is a good one in that a lot of times it's engaging with the decision, engaging with our life, that actually brings the clarity to us as we move forward, even as we're carrying some question marks.

ALLIE: As you're talking about this, I'm just thinking about people who struggle with anxiety and I'm wondering do you have any experience with this helping ease just regular anxiety? Does that even make sense? This is not in my notes, this is an unformed question, but how does this affect people that struggle with being anxious in those little moments, unexplained anxiety?

EMILY: Well I think that's a great question and first of all I think sometimes we feel shame when we have feelings that we can't explain. Anxious feelings or fearful feelings.

And I just want to point out that feelings are always valid. They might not always tell us the truth, but they always give us information. So if we're feeling anxious, pay attention, you might not be able to explain it, but it can be a red flag of something that could be really helpful to know. But it's okay if you can't explain it. I think paying attention to those triggers when we do feel anxiety and maybe getting beneath that and asking yourself why.

Another thing in an anxious place, especially when it comes to decision making or something I'm being asked to do, try to put into English words what you are afraid of. Sometimes fear is a smoky enemy, but when you get down to it and you put it in English, it loses a lot of its power because you realize, oh, I was afraid…just general fear, but when I put it in English it’s like, “Oh no, actually, I'm afraid that I will miss my daughter's performance.” There can be really specific things. Once you have that fact or that information, you might be better equipped to deal with the thing you're actually afraid of and saying it out loud can help loosen some of the power.

One question I like to ask myself when I'm feeling stuck in a decision is am I being pushed by fear or am I being led by love in this decision? And looking for the fear and the love in decision making can be really informative. It might not always help us make the next decision, but I think it can give us a lot of information about, “Okay, oh I am afraid. Well why is that?” Asking the question beneath the question when it comes to fear.

I know sometimes even just asking that question, “Oh, am I making a decision out of fear or am I making a decision out of love,” sometimes that alone is enough to help us know maybe not the whole decision, but at least our next right thing.

ALLIE: That makes so much sense. I love that.

You talk about naming in your book and I also really loved this section. You have those two core principles about choosing the next right thing and having sole minimalism, which we will totally dive into. I might be wrong; I think this was the next section. I actually marked this section that I wanted to read so that you could expand on it. It's so good and you lead into it with saying “put into English words.”

You say in the book, “sometimes indecision is the result of a busy schedule or a hesitant personality. Other times it's because something within us remains unnamed and we simply don't have enough information or self-knowledge to move forward. Without a name we can't be specific and there's nothing fear likes more than nonspecificity.”

I just love that because it's true on so many levels. And I think you just touched on it with the anxiety question a little bit about like, well, what is it? Because it's either going to be a little ridiculous and you'll realize that, “Oh well, this thing isn't going to happen,” or it could totally happen, but you now can take steps to protect it or help it not happen.

Can you talk a little bit more about that naming? Examples that you have done or anything that you could help us see more clearly that in our day-to-day life?

EMILY: I think it's a great question and I think it is an important part of the decision-making process that's often not talked about and overlooked. We go straight from, “I have to make a decision,” and then we jump straight into whatever the decision is without taking a little time to listen to our own life. Part of that listening process is putting a name to some things.

I'm trying to think of a good example. I share the story of the Writebols in the book where Nancy Writebol, who was diagnosed with Ebola virus when she was a medical missionary. During that time, I saw a news brief where she and her husband, after she was better, were giving a news conference about her experience.

She and her husband shared a lot of the difficulties, a lot of the fear. They thought she wasn't going to make it at one point, but she pulled through and they talked about their faith. They talked about the hope that they had in God. But that there were also some hard times.

I was on the elliptical at the gym when I was watching this news conference and I was listening. At the end of it, it was so interesting because the news commentator summed up the news conference with the Writebols and she said how beautiful their story was. She said their's was “a narrative of joy.” I had to take my earbuds out and stop the elliptical because first of all, I thought that was such a beautiful way to say that, “a narrative of joy.” But it was also really counterintuitive to call that a narrative of joy because they were talking about her recovering from Ebola, this terribly life-threatening sickness.

And I thought, you know what? The “narrative” is the keyword there because each plot point in their life when she was on that bed and very sick and her husband couldn't even go in the room because it was too dangerous, that was not joyful. That was dark, filled with grief and probably a lot of fear and anxiety. But when they look at the whole narrative of her life and even of the experience, the whole thing, they could name that narrative as one of joy, even though each plot point was not joyful.

When it comes to my life, oftentimes I am tempted to look at the plot points and call that the story. And I can get stuck in a difficult day or difficult moment, an argument or relational disagreement, a work setback. And I can say. “This is hard.” And I named the narrative hard, difficult, fearful, anxious, wrong, discouraged. Rather than letting that day or that moment be a plot point in a larger story, a larger narrative. It’s an example of taking a step back at your life and seeing it for what it is on the whole. It doesn't mean that those plot points aren't to be named. They are.

Sometimes I think we rush too fast. I think we can do both. We will either wallow in the difficulty and refuse to see the narrative that's bigger, or we feel shame for feeling the difficulty. So, we will rush too quickly to the joy or to the hope. Or when we see someone around us struggling, we will be uncomfortable in their struggle, so we'll rush them to a narrative of joy, but they need to be in that plot point and name it because we cannot heal from what we do not name. And don't confront.

I think a lot of times we're walking around with a lot of woundedness and a lot of things from our past, decisions that we've made, that maybe we regret but we haven't named it regret. Instead maybe we are living under a banner of disappointment or whatever the thing is, but we didn't trace it back to a certain decision at a certain time in a certain place. Call it a plot point but don't make it the whole narrative.

Making that differentiation between a plot point and the narrative has been really life giving for me and has freed me up to let the hard things be hard, but not to let them define the whole story.

ALLIE: I love that. I love it so much. It's such a perspective shift. If you can do it now before a really hard thing happens, then you're going to be equipped with that when it does hit. I have a really dear friend that I grew up with that she was fostering a little boy and he actually ended up getting murdered by his birth mom. It's this awful thing. I'm watching everybody around in our lives try to get them where they wanted them to be faster. We're seeing these people that we all love in pain, in incredible pain, that really none of us understood because that's a very unique trauma. No one had gone through it. And naturally, you don't really know what to do. But as I went, I flew out there, and I sat with them, I noticed people were uncomfortable with their discomfort and wanted them to just feel better.

It was exactly what you're saying, rushing them to get into that narrative that makes us feel better. Like, “Oh, you're not in pain anymore. I'm so glad you got through that. God is greater.” And it's like, they're not there yet. They're really upset. I learned so much about that.

But I love that you talk about that for ourselves too. Not forcing and not rushing that clarity, and that knowing of this is what’s in my story. You don't need to know sometimes. And that's so hard for my personality, but so true.

EMILY: I so get that. I shared this story, you might have read, but I had some back pain and I went to get a massage. My mother-in-law was like, “You need a massage. I'm going to pay for that.” I'm like, “Eh, okay.” But when I went the massage therapist, she told me, she said, “Actually, which side of your back hurts?” And I was like, “It was the left side.” She said, “Well, I actually noticed more trouble in your right side.” So immediately I'm like, “What does it mean?” You know?

I was like, “Well, tell me, what does that mean that it’s the opposite side? And I kind of freaked out like, “Oh great, I have a whole back that's troubled.” She very calmly answered and she said, “Um, it doesn't mean anything. It's just information.” And I thought, oh I was trying to rush to an explanation, but she was making, forcing me to be satisfied with information.

And sometimes that's all we get. We don't have an explanation or a diagnosis. But sometimes naming it and seeing it for what it is and letting let that be enough. That might be all we ever get. And like you said, it can be super hard and frustrating, but it still can be helpful.

As we move forward, especially with people who are in trauma situations, like you mentioned, the more comfortable we get with carrying our own question marks, I think the better friends we are to those who are living in a giant question mark that none of us understand. We can more quickly and empathetically identify with where they are and let them be in that space. Which I think is where a lot of people need to be sometimes for an amount of time that we might not be comfortable with.

ALLIE: Yeah. The whole idea and the philosophy behind doing the next right thing is really a beautiful way to live in a really beautiful way to show up for others too. It’s not just about us.

I do want to talk a little bit about the soul minimalist idea that you present. I think it's in the second chapter or something. It's kind of like a crux of the whole point of what you're saying. I love that you call it soul minimalist because that's what we talk about here on The Purpose Show is minimalism in all different forms.

I saw that it was in the Table Of Contents and I was tempted to jump to it, because as a minimalist and one of the teachers of this, I'm like, “I don't know what that even means.” I feel like I'm out on some secret and I want to know.

It was so beautiful the way you talk about it, so I want you to explain what that is, what you mean by that and how you practice it.

EMILY: Well, Joshua Becker, who writes about actual minimalism in his books and on his blog, Becoming Minimalist, I heard him say once that minimalism is not that you should own nothing but that nothing should own you. I think people who practice minimalism in their homes and in their lifestyle, you want freedom. You want to not have things so much that it's overcoming you. That it becomes the boss of you rather than the other way around. And so, he talked about how we often have regular input of things into our homes, but we don't always have regular output.

And when I heard him say that, I thought, “Oh wow!” Because I'm always thinking of the inner life, I thought how that is also true on the level of my soul. When it comes to the interactions that we have everyday, deadlines that are put on us or that we put on ourselves, emails that we get, conversations with people, family members and friends, and strangers, that is constant input to our psyche, to our soul, our mind, our will and emotions. And we carry that stuff around. Especially when it's difficult. We carry that stuff around. Our souls are very sticky and all that stuff sticks to us. It’s constant input, but we don't have a regular practice, many of us, of output.

In fact, many of us don't even realize we're carrying stuff around all day, every day. And we also wouldn't even know how to get rid of it if we tried. And so, this idea of not owning nothing, not emptying your insides, but having none of that own you, can apply in the inner life as well as the outer life.

For me the way that practice can be brought into my everyday life in reality…What does it look like to become a minimalist on the soul level? The same way decluttering is to our home. For me, silence and stillness is to my soul. That really literally looks like some intentional time when I can get it, or during my morning routine, I'll sometimes set my phone for just a couple minutes, sometimes 10, usually 4 or 5 minutes, set it, hit start. And that time is just a time for me to sit in stillness and silence.

Sometimes I will name, silently, some of the things that I'm carrying. Usually for me, it's an interaction with someone that rubbed me the wrong way, or a way I felt dismissed in a conversation, an argument that maybe I had with my husband that morning, a way that I was short with my people. I will name that and then imagine releasing it into the presence of God, but doing it without an agenda.

What I’ve said so far is a lot more than I usually do during that time of silence. That's one way of releasing, but sometimes it's just silence for the sake of silence and letting that 5 minutes of silence be my next right thing. Knowing that when the timer goes off, it will go off. Sometimes it feels like it's been 20 minutes; sometimes it feels like it's been 5 seconds, but it will go off in five minutes. Problems aren't necessarily solved and the world isn't necessarily changed. But I am a little better prepared to face my problems and to enter the world because I have cleared a little bit of space on the inside.

I don't understand it fully. I don't know fully the science behind it, but I do know that when I'm able to do that I feel a little bit more like myself and a little bit more able to confront the day with some space so that those things are not owning me because I've recognized them and I've spent some time in silence to let them go.

ALLIE: I love that so much. It's so true and it's funny to me that mindfulness and meditation is this hot topic right now and it's like this is biblical. This is this idea of being quiet and not always filling your every second with noise and grabbing your phone, or whatever it is, is not new. It's just affecting us at a much deeper level because we need it so much more, I think. People are really grabbing onto it. Just being still and being quiet.

I think that for Moms, what I always hear when I talk about this is, “Well, how do you find the time when there's always somebody there?” I think that, and I want to know what you think too, but I think that sometimes silence, it doesn't have to be perfect silent, perfect stillness where you're on the floor and there's no one. Sometimes it's just a quiet moment.

I know you mentioned, I don't know if it was in the book or podcast that you mentioned but, the walk to the mailbox or you wait one extra second before you get out of the car and wake your baby up from their nap in their car seat. Little things. I mean is there anything I'm missing in terms of busy mothers trying to find that stillness?

EMILY: I think you said it so well Allie. I think that can be a great first step practice is if you can't even find 5 minutes, and sometimes we can't. I mean, I had twins, two babies at once. I remember the relentless, it was almost like there was no one big decision. It was just 10 million tiny decisions. And I didn't know if I was making any of them right. It was just so hard. And those five seconds you get alone are so sacred and sometimes you feel like, “I need to take a shower.” When you finally get that time, you want to spend it doing something that feels really life giving.

Quite honestly, silence doesn't feel life giving to all of us all the time. We don't see an immediate benefit. It's a slow work. If we don't know exactly what's going to come of it, sometimes it can feel a waste of time. So instead of maybe doing it that way, doing exactly what you said, have it be an unconventional spiritual practice of almost playing a game of finding the silence, the natural silent moments in your day that already exist in your day. You're not recreating the wheel.

It could be walking to the mailbox. It could be, like you said, sitting in the car for five more seconds. And letting it be five full seconds. That can actually go a really long way.

If someone is there and helping you with the kids, let them be there. Don’t stay in that room. Leave the room. Leave the house if you can. If you work outside the home, maybe you're able to get to work a few minutes earlier than everybody else and just take that time to be silent time.

I think that we all have silent moments in the day, but we tend to fill them with something else just because the truth is, it is a lot easier to stay moving and to stay distracted than it is to be still and to be silent. It just takes a lot of intention.

I never want to make it sound like this is easy, but I think it is worth it. It's a slow work and it is a reteaching of ourselves, of the values that silence can have in our lives. It can really begin to nurture us in ways that the distractions and the noise just aren't able to do.

ALLIE: Yeah. So, so good. I mean, gosh, so good. So, The Next Right Thing, the book is out?

EMILY: It's out. It came out April 2nd.

ALLIE: Good. Awesome. It's so good you guys! And I love the minimalistic look of it. It looks really cute on my coffee table.

EMILY: Good. That's the goal.

ALLIE: I mean if it can't be in an Instagram photo, why do you even write it?

EMILY: Why would you even write it? I completely agree.

ALLIE: Okay, so guys, I'm going to link in the show notes to this book, and to the Emily’s podcast. It's so good. And so short. I think the average is like 10 minutes, 12 minutes per episode. So short. And just pointed and good.

Other than that, where do you show up online? Where do you want people to go and find you?

EMILY: Yeah, I love Instagram. You mentioned Instagram. I'm at Emily P. Freeman there. That's probably where I spend most of my time online.

Also at emilypfreemen.com is my website where you can find the podcast and the books there too. And then, of course, The Next Right Thing Podcast.

ALLIE: Okay. Thank you, Emily! This was so good. I really appreciate your time.

EMILY: I loved it. Thanks for having me!


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 110: Secrets For Navigating Busy Seasons Well

Facebook_EP_110.png

Annie Dillard always says, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” That is an easy statement to hear when we are in restful seasons driven by balance and simplicity. But what about those seasons that are full, busy, and can lead to feeling overwhelmed, mentally cluttered, and a cranky attitude?

It is important that we listen to our bodies and minds, and that we take it one day, even one step at a time. And it is freeing when we allow ourselves to become intuitive and make necessary changes and shift in busier seasons. Just know that everything is figureoutable and everything can be simplified. It is ok if you have to cut out or cut back on things. Life won’t end!

So let’s dive in and talk about how you can navigate the really busy, full seasons of your life well, and really show up well in those times of life!

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • Why it is important for you to intentionally shift your perspective from negative to excited when seasons get busy.

  • How brain dumping on paper will help you problem solve and delegate.

  • Knowing when to cut back and simplify or push through and keep going.

  • Things you can do to create space to recharge and mindlessly find rest.

  • Ways you can add self care into your everyday rhythm.

Mentioned in this Episode:


BusySeasonPrepGuide-Mockup-NEWBranding.jpg

Are you in a busy season? Are you about to be in one? Maybe you want to prepare for the next one, whenever that is. I got you, friend!

I created a free downloadable pdf that's going to help you feel empowered and equipped to implement the action steps from this episode in your next busy season.

Your Busy Season Prep Guide not only is full of reminders for you to have with you every day, but it's also a workbook-style pdf where it has space for you to work through each of the steps I'm giving you in this episode.

You can braindump out what's troubling you, what your stress points are. It has suggestions and prompts for you to take action on everything we're talking about here and everything we're going to talk about in the remainder of this episode. Space for you to come up with a plan for the busy seasons of your life. It's really handy. Don’t miss out on this! I know it will serve you well!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


Don't have time to listen_.jpg

Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hey, beautiful friend! Thank you for listening to The Purpose Show today! It means the world to me that I get to be a part of your day, your life, and your motherhood, if you're one of my momma listeners, which most of you are.

Today we are going to quickly dive right in and talk about some secrets for how you can navigate the really busy, full seasons of your life well, and really show up well in those times of life.

While I am all for simplicity, rest, and balance, sometimes you just have a really busy week, a really full month, or a really busy season that you're walking into and you know that it just has to be that way for whatever reason. I think it's really easy to become overwhelmed, mentally cluttered, and get negative about the business you're facing. And then you walk into it cranky and in this victim mode and it's just not good.

That's not what we want to do. That’s not how we want to end up living our lives. And we know…what do we know…what Annie Dillard always says, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” And so, if you're spending all these seasons of fullness cranky and in victim mode, you know not only is that not good for you, you're training your kids that that's how you handle life when it doesn't go the way that you want, when it's busy. It's just not good and this is not how we want to live our lives.

Sometimes life gets really full, thick, and busy and we don't want to handle it in victim mode, right? That’s not what we really want. It's just kind of what we naturally tend to choose to do and we want to not do that.

And being transparent with you guys, as always, I sometimes naturally fall into kind of a depression when I'm super overwhelmed. It's my mind's way of letting me know that it's a lot, and I need to either clear some of it out of my way or have a perspective shift and shift my mindset.

I think it's really beneficial to listen to your body, listen to your mind, take it one day at a time, one step at a time, learn to become intuitive, and make changes as needed, go with the flow in that way. As Marie Forleo, my favorite business teacher, always says, “Everything is figureoutable.” I also want to add, “Everything can be simplified.” Something can be cut, it will all be okay. It's not the end of the world if you back out of something or make a change last minute.

So having said that, I want to quickly dive into this sort of pep talk about some really simple, pointed ways you can take ownership of your life and handle the busy times of life like the action-taking, problem-solving woman that you are.

# 1: Shift your perspective. This is an intent that you can set, okay? You can set your intent to go from negative, overwhelmed, “oh my gosh, poor me, this is so hard, this is so much. How am I ever going to do this?” You can shift it from that to excited, positive, and ready to show up well. It is all in your mind.

If you are not familiar with the power of the mind and the electric current that runs through your body, whether it's a negative one or a positive one when you have a thought - research, get familiar, educate yourself on this. It is everything! For real! Shift your perspective about the busy season you're walking into.

# 2: Act like a woman who owns her life and is a go-getter. Sometimes - I don't care what anybody says - sometimes you just have to “fake it till you make it” and it just is what it is. Sometimes you have to just put a smile on your face. “No, I have to do these things. This is just a part of my life and there's not much I can do about it. I am going to choose to change my perspective about this. I'm going to be a woman who owns her life and is a go-getter. I'm going to take this on the best way that I can.”

# 3: Brain dump out onto paper, in a journal, or whatever it is, what is bothering you. What's troubling you about this upcoming season? Brainstorm possible solutions. Brainstorm some things you might delegate to someone else. Is there something you could do in this season? Maybe there's certain things that you have to handle yourself that have to be done by you, but you could bring on a housekeeper for a month to help you with the stuff that you normally do yourself. Just in this season. Maybe there's someone you could ask for help. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't be afraid to hand things off. You're not superwoman. You don't have to do that. You can delegate. You can ask for help. You can get rid of some things that are normally on your plate that just don't need to be on your plate right now in this crazy season.

Next, know when you need to cut back and simplify, and when you need to push through, regroup, come up with a better game plan and keep going. There is a difference. And you're going to have to know. No one can tell you that. I can't come on here and tell you which one you need to do because I don't know you. I don't know your life season. I don't know your situation.

You’ve got to ask yourself, “Is this something that I can cut back on? Is this something that I need to back out of or do I just need to simplify my to-do list? Give myself grace, let go of perfectionism. Realize it's not all going to get done perfectly right now and push through, regroup, come up with a better game plan and keep going.”


Hey sweet friend! I know we're only part-way through this episode, but I have to tell you because this is going to make it more actionable and doable for you. My team and I have created a free downloadable pdf that's going to be super helpful in taking action on this episode. That's what I want for you. I don't want you to just listen and leave. I want you to listen and feel empowered and equipped to implement.

I created something that's called Your Busy Season Prep Guide. It's a free downloadable pdf and it's really awesome because not only does it contain just reminders of the tips I'm giving you in this episode so that you don't have to go back and listen to this episode again, you can have it printed out somewhere, but it's also a workbook-style pdf where it has space for you to work through each of the steps I'm giving you in this episode.

You can braindump out what's troubling you, what your stress points are. It has suggestions and prompts for you to take action on everything we're talking about here and everything we're going to talk about in the remainder of this episode. Space for you to come up with a plan for the busy seasons of your life. It's really handy.

I think that I would charge maybe like 20-40 bucks for this and it's just totally free.

To snag that, go to alliecasazza.com/shownotes/110.


Next, have something to help you veg out during this busy, really full season. For me, it's a funny show that I've watched a thousand times before, like The Office, Seinfeld, Parks & Recreation. It's mindless. It's a temporary escape. It helps me calm down and unwind, either in the middle of the day or at the end of the day. It helps my brain recharge. Just veg out on a funny show that I have seen a billion times. Find something like that. What helps you veg out? What gives your brain a regroup?

Next, fit in rest in between the busyness, in the midst of all the busyness.

Here's an example. I am currently, at the time I'm recording this, I am in the middle of a launch season. When you launch or relaunch something in a business, it is go-time. It is all-hands-on-deck. I delegate a lot of it to my team, but there's large chunks of it that have to be done by me because I am The Creative in my business, and I am the face of my business. So I have to show up. I have to go ‘live’ almost every day. I'm writing emails. I'm tweaking things. Fine-tuning things. Making things better. I'm looking ahead. I'm showing up for you guys. I'm hanging out with my audience, which is both a joy and an exhausting thing for me.

In launch season there's multiple launches back-to-back. We had two launches and a webinar back-to-back-to-back in a row. And so, I knew that I was heading into a really, really full season, so I planned periods of rest and recharging and I sprinkled them everywhere.

Here's an example. I had two straight weeks of very long days prepping for the first of these launches in this launch season. Two straight weeks of constantly looking at my computer. Really long days. I normally only work a couple hours a day. Sometimes I have little spurts of four-hour days, but I normally don't work really long days. And so, it was two weeks of just straight up, super long days. Very draining, draining work. Pouring my heart into the computer.

After that I took three days. I had a three-day weekend that I intentionally planned no phone, just taking a break. Then the next Monday started the ‘live’ launch. This is when now I'm done planning the live streams. This is where I show up. I'm actually live. I'm talking with you guys, hanging out with you guys, telling you guys, “I want you in this program” and all that good stuff.

Then I had four days off for my birthday getaway and when I came back from that, I geared up for the next launch. We finished that launch and I'm going to be going on a week-long vacation with my family. Then I come back and I have a Webinar. So, you see I'm inner-spurting (not a word) rest within the busyness.

When you know that you're going into a really busy season, like if your kid is starting a sport or your work is going to be really crazy or something like that, you know ahead of time, look ahead, fit in rest in between. When are you going to have a no-phone day? When are you going to give your eyes and your head a break? Where can you head to the beach with your family and just veg out? When can you have a ‘nothing day’ where you literally just sit at home and sit on the couch in your pajamas and just relax? How can you fit in rest? Self-care and rest needs to be a part of your every day during the really, really busy seasons too.

That every day looks like getting good sleep at night. Sneaking in a nap if and when you can. Going for a drive by yourself. Getting away for a second.

It also has to be a part of your busy season. So every day rest would look like those examples. Getting good sleep, sneaking in a nap, going for a drive, sneaking in a half-hour coffee date with a friend in the middle of a really busy day.

Fitting in rest and self-care in your busy season would be more of an example that I gave like the four days away for my birthday in the middle of a crazy launch season.

So, balancing that daily and weekly rest. Does that make sense? Look ahead and ask yourself, “How can I fit in rest?” Because if you don't rest, you're not going to have the energy and focus that you need to take on all that this busy season is requiring of you.

You are not required to be superwoman. We often do this to ourselves and make our lives harder. We exhaust ourselves. We make ourselves miserable. And we are showing our family, this is what you're worth to me - me running myself ragged and then freaking out on you because I'm desperate and exhausted. What would happen if you just said, “Okay, this is a busy season we're walking into. I'm going to look ahead. I'm going to be an action-taking, problem-solving woman and I'm going to sprinkle in rest and self-care. Just little things like a drive by myself, taking a quick nap, making myself a yummy latte at home before I go sit down and do all this work.” Little things and big things whenever the season that's busy is really, really long. Ask yourself, “Where can I fit in the rest that’s going to equip me to do what I need to do?”

And you guys, self-care cannot be understated ever, but especially in these really full, busy seasons. This is when you need to get your morning ritual under control. I will link to that episode on my morning ritual and the show notes for this episode. It is a life-changing episode. It's one of the top 10 episodes ever. You've got to listen to it. This is no time to try to overwork yourself and use every minute to be productive. This is the time to mix productivity with intense self-care and inner quiet and calm so that you can handle the extra busyness.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 109: Let's Talk About Life, Business & Motherhood with Reina Pomeroy

Facebook_EP_109.png

Reina Pomeroy is a business coach for creatives, the Founder of Reina + Co., and mama to two little boys. She is incredibly talented and successful in all she does! She has mastered being the CEO of her business AND the CEO of her home (because doing both takes strategic balance!)

This episode is a super laid back conversation between two working mamas talking all things business, motherhood, pregnancy, infertility, rhythms and routines, getting it all done, and fitting it all in. I am so excited to share this conversation with you!

 
 

In This Episode Allie + Reina Discuss:

  • What “batching” is and how you can apply this method to various areas of your life.

  • A BIG way you can simplify your meal planning and grocery shopping (seriously, this is life changing!)

  • The systems Reina has put in place so she can fully show up as the CEO of her business and her family.

  • How important Team Meetings are to their families and what those look like each week.

  • Reina’s current reading list (there are so really good books on this list!)

Mentioned in this Episode:


The_Supermom_Vault_(1).png

The Supermom Vault is a library of inspiration I created for you. It holds replays of my very best online workshops that aren’t available anywhere else, tons of really actionable pdf’s that are downloadable with just one click, more than 20 audio and video trainings from me, and professionally designed printables for your home to keep you focused and inspired.

The Supermom Vault is only $39.00 and is available at alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

Check it out!  It’s a really good simple start.

Want more inspiration than just the podcast? Do you wish there were more episodes?  Want more details? Do you want videos? Do you want pdf’s? Do you want to download things and get your hands on something to really get you started when it comes to minimalism and simplifying your motherhood?

This is definitely the place to go!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


Don't have time to listen_.jpg

Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


ALLIE: Friend, I am so ready to share this really chill, really friendly conversation with Reina Pomeroy. Reina is such a beautiful person and she actually has a really special place in my heart because she used to host this podcast, actually, it was co-hosted. It was The Creative Empire podcast. I'll share a link to my episode. It was such a really great podcast. It's not active anymore, but I did my first ever business interview on her podcast.

It was the first time that I ever got to share my business story, which if you have listened to episode six of The Purpose Show you know that's a really emotional story. I sobbed and she sobbed and her cohost, Christina, another beautiful soul, she sobbed. We all talked together about the emotions that are involved in starting a business and seeing it start to succeed and getting through the hard parts.

Reina has been somebody that I have followed for years and she's just amazing. She's a certified coach and a founder of her own business called Reina + Co. She created this really amazing program called Dreamy Client Magnet. Basically, she helps creative entrepreneurs get super laser focused so they can book more of their dream clients with a lot more ease, get paid to do what they love, and have freedom and flexibility to enjoy the life they built, which I think is super important and one reason I love following Reina because she doesn't just focus on business and marketing stuff. She focuses on life, living it well and enjoying what you built.

She's an amazing speaker, a certified coach, an educator, an author, a podcaster. I just adore her. She has been featured all kinds of cool places including top itunes podcast Entrepreneur.com, The Influencer Podcast, Entrepreneur On Fire, Brit & Co, Huffington Post, The Rising Tide Society. This girl is everywhere and for good reason.

She's an amazing teacher and like I said, a beautiful person. She is a mom to a 5-year old. She was about to have her second baby when we recorded this episode. He has been born and the family is happy and healthy. I'm so happy for them.

We really went a different way with this episode. I came into this conversation with almost no notes. I really wanted to talk with Reina about how she finds her version of balance in being a business owner, a mom and a wife. How do her and her husband connect and plan out their weeks? How’s she preparing for her baby's arrival? How does she seemingly do so much, so well? What does life look like for her right now?

This is a really, really loose-structure episode. Normally I come a lot more pre-prepped and I really didn't want to do that with Reina. I see her as a friend and I really wanted to approach this episode in that way. So, if conversations about all the things between two working moms is not your thing, then maybe this episode is not going to float your boat. But it definitely made me happy to sit and talk with my friend and just hear what she had to say about so many different things from business, motherhood, pregnancy, infertility, rhythms and routines, getting it all done, and fitting it all in. This is a great conversation that I'm happy to share with you.

There is so much that is mentioned in this episode, so many good resources. I’ll link to all of it in the show notes so you can go there if you want to see anything that Reina mentioned. She's one of those girls that’s loaded with resources, so she shared lots of helpful things. I will link to all of them in show notes and you can check all of that out.

And now let's welcome Reina and have a conversation about all the things.

ALLIE: Hi Reina, thank you for being here.

REINA: Thank you so much for having me.

ALLIE: I'm so excited to talk with you today. We just chit-chatted a little bit before we hit record, but I wanted to save all of the things for our actual talk because I feel like you're a friend even though we've never hung out in real life. You give that vibe on social media, which I think is that you’re doing your job really well. I love watching your Instagram stories. You're one of those people that I feel connected to. You're so sweet and honest and it feels like we have so much in common. I'm excited to talk with you today.

REINA: I feel the exact same way. I talk about you all the time as though we are in real life friends, and we live in California now.

ALLIE: I saw that. I was going to ask you about it, like, “When are we gonna try to squeeze something in before you squeeze your baby out in the next two weeks? Tomorrow? Yes. Oh my gosh.”

Okay. There's so much with you that I want to unpack and talk about but, first of all, you are about to have your second baby. So how are you feeling? How's it going?

REINA: I'm feeling great. You know, people assume that at 38 weeks you're just a complaining mess of stress and uncomfortableness. Rolling over in bed is like an Olympic sport. Let's just be really clear about that. But otherwise I'm feeling great.

You know, like you said, I'm a business owner so I'm getting that part ready and I'm getting my son ready, who’s five, and just kind of getting everything here ready. I actually don't know if your family is nearby but we have no family here in northern California. We are both transplants. We have no real family support system. So that's been really hard. But we're managing and we're making it work and I'm actually pretty excited about this next phase.

ALLIE: Yeah, I totally get that. I just did an interview on somebody else's podcast about when we moved out of state and we had no one. We didn't. We went from being so immersed in…we had a church that we had gone to for years and all of our family was nearby and then we moved to literally nobody. There was somebody that went to our high school, but they were two hours from us. They were so sweet and drove and met us once, but it was not the same thing and it was so hard. So yeah, I get that.

So where are you in northern California? We’re in southern California.

REINA: We're in Silicon Valley, so we're right north of San Jose.

ALLIE: Okay. That’s not too far; we can make it happen.

Since we're chatting about it a little bit already, tell me how you have been getting ready to be a mom of two. I know people will tell you, “Oh it's so hard to go from one to two,” and “Oh two to three is really hard.” I feel like everybody has these usually negative opinions about growing your family. What has that looked like for you? What are you nervous about? How have you been getting ready? What's been going on in your world in terms of mom's stuff?

REINA: I feel like we've had so much time to get ready and also no time at all. And I've heard the same thing - that going from two to three is hard, from one to two is hard. Zero to one was hard, so I have no idea. I have no sense of what to really expect here. But I think the biggest thing is paying attention and giving myself space to do whatever needs to happen.

I think the first time I was very reactive to…I had to read all the things and make sure I knew all the things, read all the blogs and stuff like that. And this time I'm just paying attention to what my family is needing. What do I need right now? And making sure that all that is in check, instead of looking outside of myself to do all that research. Obviously, listening to my doctors and stuff.

ALLIE: I know what you mean. For most people and for me, I think after your first baby you stop being like, “I need everyone to tell me how this works,” and you start being more intuitive, I guess. And for me, my second, third and fourth and thousandth babies (that’s what it feels like)…

REINA: I have so much to learn from you.

ALLIE: But you're on the right track like that. Having done this so many times, the one thing that I have learned is if you feel concerned about something or you think that you might need to prepare for something, I think there’s a reason that came to your mind. We're all different. I was chosen to be the mom of these kids, like you were chosen to be the mom of those babies. There's a reason that something is concerning you versus somebody else.

That's why I think we should stop judging each other and decide what we think is right. You know?

I think it's empowering when your intuition kicks in and you feel like, “I think I want to focus on this right now, or worry about this right now.”

REINA: Yeah, I totally agree with that.

ALLIE: Good for you.

In sharing whatever you want of this, but I know from being an Instagram friend that you guys have had a really frustrating journey to pregnancy and you've struggled with infertility in a way that's unique I think. Do you want to share a little bit about that struggle?

REINA: Yeah. So, the first time around we got married and then we waited for however long we waited and then you're like, “Oh, maybe we should start trying.” And then the next month I was pregnant. I felt lucky, it was great, and I had a really easy pregnancy. We thought we would have the same kind of experience the second time. We waited till our son was maybe 1 ½ then 2 years-old and started trying and nothing happened. Then they say, “Well it'll take about a year.” You’re not “in trouble” until about a year. And then a year passed. And then a year and a half passed. And it always felt like there was no answer.

We didn't start getting serious until we moved out to California and I was like, “You know what? My son is going to be five. That is a big gap.” We started to see infertility consults and trying to figure out what the heck was going on, and really started taking my health seriously. I was wondering what was going on with me. I assumed that it was about me, right? My husband got tested too, but neither of us had any sort of diagnosis about what was wrong.

We didn't experience loss or anything like that, thankfully. But at the same time, it was equally frustrating to not know anything. They just call it an ‘undiagnosed secondary infertility.’ What does that even mean? How can you not diagnose what's wrong?

ALLIE: And how can you try to fix it?

REINA: We were trying to figure out what was wrong and then how to make sure that we can have a second baby because we both looked healthy from the outside, and from the inside…all of the lab work, all the poking and prodding that they did to us. That was really scary and hard.

We started down the IUI path, which is the less invasive path. I think it has a 10% success rate each time you do it. Something might take; something might not take. But it's usually the precursor to the IVF path and they decided that IUI wouldn't be a good option for us. So we were like, “Okay, I guess we'll go through the IVF path,” and it's ungodly expensive. It's like $30,000 or $40,000 to go down this path.

As an entrepreneur it's a really big expense and you don't want to think about it like, “Oh my child is going to cost $40,000 to create.” That's not the mindset I wanted to go into this pregnancy with. But we were trying to figure out all those costs options and whatnot. We’re grateful because we have really great insurance and whatnot, but it's still really scary.

As soon as we signed all the papers, I had this sense of relief that it was going to get taken care of, or we had an answer and we were going to get something to happen. Because I think not knowing was the most difficult part for me. It was like all the medications, all those shots and stuff that I would have to endure…fine, I'll take care of it. But not knowing was really hard.

Once we signed the papers, I had this sense of relief. Two days later I found out I was pregnant. Once all the papers were signed and all the documents in…it was just a God thing, I think. One of those random things that I could not have anticipated, and maybe that sense of relief or whatever happened that the baby was ready to be brought into our lives. So, I feel really lucky.

ALLIE: Do you feel maybe the process of deciding to…I mean that's a lot of money, especially as an entrepreneur. I immediately went to, “that's half a launch.” Do you think you stating audibly, “Okay, we're willing to do this,” maybe got you more ready for the baby or something and maybe your body aligned with that?

REINA: That's really interesting that you bring that up. I don't know if there was a moment or whatever, and that could be one of the speculations, but one of the spheres that I had, and I had journaled about it a lot right before we couldn't figure out what was actually happening was “maybe my business is never going to be ready to have a second child.” Not that my body wasn't ready, but maybe my business wasn't going to be ready.

I had a little bit of a fear around will my business survive if I have another child. Because the first time around I took a maternity leave from a 9-5, so I had that cushion. And this time around we're taking a maternity leave and it's solely from me paying myself from my company. That was pretty scary to me. Maybe that was part of it and just being okay with the fact that I was going to be able to sustain myself.

ALLIE: There’s so there's so many terrifying things about being your own boss. So many liberating. I mean you have those moments where you're like, “Just forget this. I'm going to go back to how things were. It was way easier.” But then you think about all the freedom you're losing. I totally understand.

For me and my business, I didn't even start it until we were done with our whole family. So, I've never had that like, “Okay, time to make this transition.” It was…for a lack of not wanting to cuss on my show…a crap show from day one.  We had all four of them and everything. It was just a different story.

When you need a break, whether it's from maternity or anything, you're giving yourself that or you're not able to and it's on you. Everything is on you.

REINA: I've gotten a lot of DM’s on Instagram recently, “Wait, you're taking maternity leave? Are you paying yourself?” I'm actually glad that people are asking about these things because we should be asking about these things, right? You deserve as an entrepreneur to take time off for your baby, to recover, to bond with your child and hope to goodness that you can pay yourself in that time because it's darn hard. I feel really grateful that I have a business that has allowed me to do that. I'm planning on taking four months.

ALLIE: Good for you! That's amazing. Do you think you’re going to be like, “Oh I want to go back?”

REINA: I don't know how you felt, but I will probably feel like a Zombie for a good 2 months, and then I'll probably start trickling back in and be like, “Hey, tell me what's going on.” My team has a pretty good system of how we're going to check in and stuff like that, so I'm not completely isolated. But yeah, I think I'm going to be in the space of, “Can somebody just please talk to me? I just need some adult time.”

ALLIE: Well, we love what we do. It's refreshing to get a break. I had a burnout last year and I took eight weeks off. After four weeks I was starting to…I would imagine if I was having a baby right now, it would be very similar. “I'm actually scared of how little I want to talk about my business. I think I'm done. I'm just so annoyed with everybody and burned out.” After the third or fourth week, I never wanted to work more in my life and I wanted to go back. “Let’s launch. Let's just go all back into it.” I think it would probably be the same if I was having a baby right now. I just never did that in my business.

You have so much going on. You’re a very active businessperson. You do a lot. You're one of those people that always seems to be coming out with the new content. You do these amazing challenges and videos. You always are doing something. I know that you have a client-based business so you're always serving them in that way. I admire you for all the things you're always putting out. Your Instagram is so inspiring. I really love what you do.

I know it's an annoying question because there's really no typical, but what does the most typical day in your life look like? How do you block out your work versus your family? Is Cato at home with you? What does your day look like?

REINA: I think it's hard, like you said, with the “typical” cause there's not really a typical, but my work hours are typically 10:00 AM to 3:00 PM. I work from 10:00 to 3:00ish and I try not to work in the evenings. I really try to focus on whatever is in front of me with family and stuff like that, unless there's a launch or something like that happening. I will wake up in the morning and take care of my family, drop off Cato at preschool. He starts kindergarten in the fall, which is sad and exciting at the same time.

ALLIE: It's such a fun and cute time. You're going to love it.

REINA: Yeah, it's just really exciting. He loves school and loves his friends and stuff like that. I love sending him to school because he just really enjoys that atmosphere. During the day…in the morning I like to get brainwork done, either writing or some kind of content creation or something like that. And then I'll take client meetings in the afternoon or interviews in the afternoon when I have a little bit less energy. I'm an extrovert, so I love the connection process. The afternoon is a great time for that. I'm usually cutting off my “work” around 2:30 or 3:00, check my email one last time, wrap things up, and then I'm rolling out the door to pick up the Cato again. In the afternoon and evening we're doing homework or school things that are required.

ALLIE: It’s like you shift into that mode, right?

Like I said in the beginning before we recorded, I'm being selfish and just asking things that I want to know because we have so much in common and I never get to talk to other moms. One thing that I really struggle with as an introvert is, I run out of steam. I will run out so early in the day. That’s why it was okay that this time was okay because I was like, “Well, it's Reina. We'll just talk and it'll be awesome.” But if it was somebody that I never had any interaction with… it just takes a lot out of me. I would have been like, “I think I have to cancel. I'm dying.” My energy, it just leaves. This morning I had a creative meeting, then a decision-making meeting and then I wrote an email and I was like, “It is 11:30 and I'm done.” Do you feel that way or because you're an extrovert is there any part of you that can always keep going? I feel like I need a nap and I'm done and then I still have to do all the mom things. Do you struggle with that still?

REINA: No, I think that…well right now I definitely do. Around 2:00 I'll hit a wall because I'm pregnant. But usually when I'm not pregnant, I think that as an extrovert I feel like I need to get outside. I usually get outside around 11:00 in the morning to walk my dog. Then in the afternoon I'll walk or go do something fun a little bit like sit by the pool or something like that. I don't know what it is about being outside and the California sunshine, but it really does help me.

Maybe it's an extravert thing, but when I connect with my clients and stuff like that, it doesn't drain me. It doesn't feel like, “Uh, I don't want to do this.” But the things like the brainwork - that takes the most energy for me to sit down and concentrate. I have to get it done in the morning or I'm like, screw it.

ALLIE: Yeah, I'm the same way. And if there's one big thing that can be done per day…I know you relate…in my DM inbox, there's always like, “How do you get it all done? You're always making up new things.” And it's like, “Girl, you don't realize those were batched way long ago.” Like tomorrow on my calendar is to sit and write the emails for a launch that's coming in a month. And that's the only thing on my calendar, and I'm done after that. It's probably going to take me an hour and a half, but that's it. I'll be a Zombie.

REINA: I'm so impressed that an email series is only going to take you an hour and a half. Give me that brain of yours – that’s amazing.

Anything that’s not task-oriented where it's just me doing the work, like you're talking about…I have one thing on my list for today, which is my workshop workbook. Just complete the workbook. The workshop is already written. That's already recorded. Those were done in batches last week. And then tomorrow I have to write this other thing. So it's the same thing. What's the most important project that you've got going on and focus on that.

ALLIE: Yeah. And then the rest of the day and I'm lounging on the couch shushing the kids so I can rest for a second and then I'm cooking or doing homeschool stuff or whatever.

REINA: I’m so impressed that you homeschool. It’s really incredible.

ALLIE: Oh thanks. Well it's mostly Brian.

REINA: But it's still really cool. I mean, you guys tag team.

ALLIE: Yeah, tag team. That's the only reason that it gets done. And we only homeschool because we like the flexibility. It honestly is so hard sometimes.

REINA: Yeah. My husband has 12 weeks off for paternity leave and we were going to take six weeks of it after the baby was born and then we were going to take our family to Japan for six weeks and we realize that we can't, even though I have flexibility and my husband has flexibility because my son's going to be kindergarten. This is the first time we're ever having to deal with the public school system. You can't just up and leave for six weeks. Dang it!

ALLIE: Yeah. I know. Homeschooling is not for everybody. But it’s one of those things like we were talking about with work. You have to weigh out what you really want and if you want one thing more than the other, you make it happen. If you can only do one thing, you have to choose what it's going to be that day. It's all about balance.

REINA: I think it's interesting too, and you talk a lot about this in the mom world, I talk a lot about this in the business world and how you have to focus on what matters the most right now. It's not a matter of doing all the things, but like you say, it's prioritizing the most important thing so that you can rest easier or know that things are going to happen and be taken care of.

I think people get so overwhelmed by the image and the facade of doing it all that it’s crippling. I don't do it all and I do not try to handle everything in one day. It’s just not going to happen.

ALLIE: Yeah, absolutely. I've been thinking a lot and talking about this and just seeing what women, what their feedback is and what their take is. I've been thinking a lot about the difference between living busy and living full. To me living busy is busy for the sake of busy. You’ve just got too much going on. I look at the friends that I have that have their kids in eight different activities and then they're basically just chauffeurs and I just can't be busy like that. But then I have people that tell me all the time, “Oh, you're just so busy.” And I'm always kind of thrown because I don't feel like I'm busy. I felt like my life is just full of good.

REINA: Yeah. My friend Martha, she works for a big company and she's busy. She does a lot of things and I think she's full and busy at the same time. But she always comments about how how much I have going on. I'm like, “Not really.” I mean I do quite a bit, but it's not like I'm constantly shuffling around or at least that's now how it feels day-to-day. My days are full and my brain is full, but I don't feel like I'm pinging from thing to thing to thing, which I think that toggling and that switching effect is really harmful for our brains and it's just difficult for us to keep going.

ALLIE: Yeah, absolutely. And I think that's where batching comes in. Are you a batch worker?

REINA: Yeah, I batch work.

ALLIE: It's something that I learned in business that has translated over to motherhood with meal prepping and stuff. It's just so powerful.

We need to talk about that for a second. Because I'm thinking that my audience is like, “Oh my gosh, talk more about that.” So batching for those who are listening and don't know, batching is basically a productivity hack, right? Where you are in one brain mode working on something, so you might as well just do all the things that are like that task at one time so that you're not switching like Rana just said, toggling back and forth from task to task. So how do you do that in your business? And then let's talk about if you do that in your family, meals and stuff like that.

REINA: Yeah, so in my business we do that in a couple different ways. I have done all of my client work in one week, so I take all my client calls on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursdays on even weeks and then I'll do all of my content on Weeks 1 and Weeks 3. So anytime there's things that need to get out the door, those are the days when I have those chunks of time blocked out for me to sit down and do the work. I think that for me it helps because I need to be an extrovert mode where I'm interfacing with my clients versus I really want to get this deep work done during the content time. I try to do that as much as I can.

When we were podcasting, that was definitely something that helped because if you are in content writing mode and your brain is on, on fire and doing awesome writing and then you have to context switch to different parts of your brain, it's just really difficult. It takes me a little while to switch over.

In my personal life, I think with the meal prep specifically, I love using Plan To Eat.

Basically, anytime you see a recipe online, you can just pull that link and pull it into this library. Oh my gosh. You have to check it out. It's awesome. If you Pinterest something and you're like, “Oh my gosh, this looks so yummy. I want to check it out.” Instead of putting it on a Pinterest board, you just drag it into Plan To Eat and then you have a library of recipes that you want to check out and then you'd just say, “Oh, I want to do this on Monday. I want to do this on Tuesday. I want to do this on Thursday.” Whatever. And then it creates a shopping list for you. Oh my gosh, it's amazing.

ALLIE: So how does it know what all goes on the shopping list.

REINA: Because the recipe is already in there and so the ingredients are in the recipe and it just pulls it in. It's insane.

ALLIE: OK. That's amazing. I wrote it down.

REINA: That might be a potential sponsor for you in the future. It should be.

The cool thing about Plan To Eat…I don't want to go too far into it, but our family's favorite recipes…and you can collaborate with friends. So if you have friends who eat similar to you or whatever, you have a gluten free family or whatever, you can borrow from their menus too. What I love about this tool is that you can have family favorites and then plan in two months we're just going to do the same exact month recipe.

ALLIE: Okay. You don't even realize…I won't go on a tangent, but side note, I have been cooking more than I ever have in my entire life lately. I'm so overwhelmed. I basically just figured out all of these hormonal problems that I've been having and I'm not going to have all these surgeries and these unnecessary things and I'm like, “I'm going to heal this with food, hormone imbalance is food.” So I'm eating Paleo and it's so much food prep and I've just been dying. It is what it is. I'm going to be cooking a lot. That's just the way it is. But to know ahead of time, “Oh, these were our favorites and we’ll just eat this again.” The planning is the hardest part.

REINA: It totally is. What I've been doing is as soon as I know what I need for the week, I'll just have it delivered. Especially now that I'm pregnant, I'm not going to the grocery store, hauling that stuff, but I can log in, my husband can log in and he could go grocery shopping for me. Or if we're out and about, he can just pick something up. This app has been amazing in just being able to say Allie likes this recipe and she's going to put it two weeks from now so that you're repeating and you don't have to plan it out again. But also it's been two weeks so you're not going to remember that.

ALLIE: Exactly. Totally. And then you know what you like or what was a family favorite. Okay. That's amazing. I'm going to link to that. This sounds like such a sponsored conversation. I know.

REINA: I know. It totally is not.


Hey friend!  It’s Allie! Have you heard of the Supermom Vault yet?

The Supermom Vault is a library of inspiration I created for you. It holds replays of my very best online workshops that aren’t available anywhere else, tons of really actionable pdf’s that are downloadable with just one click, more than 20 audio and video trainings from me, and professionally designed printables for your home to keep you focused and inspired.

The Supermom Vault is only $39.00 and is available at alliecasazza.com/allcourses.

Check it out!  It’s a really good simple start.

Want more inspiration than just the podcast? Do you wish there were more episodes?  Want more details? Do you want videos? Do you want pdf’s? Do you want to download things and get your hands on something to really get you started when it comes to minimalism and simplifying your motherhood?

This is definitely the place to go!

Check it out!  Alliecasazza.com/allcourses.


ALLIE: Okay, so getting into that overly annoying term, work life, family, work, life balance and all that. I feel like you're really good at being the CEO of your business, but also you show up and you're the CEO of your home and your family and you seem to do both so well. I know that it's all Instagram or whatever, but you show up really well where you need to show up. I feel like you have really good boundaries about like, “Well I don't need to do that so I'm not going to feel like I need to that. I'm going to focus on this.” You seem really focused and that's also what you teach in your business. You’re so good at that. Having said that, do you have any systems week-to-week in your home that free you up? I'm all about rhythms and routines and those things, but sometimes I'll meet somebody who’s like, “Well those ones just didn't work for me. This is what I found.” I'm learning that everybody is different. So what are the systems in your home that have helped you do all the things?

REINA: Yeah, so I'm going to answer one simple thing first. One of the things that's really important to me as a human is that as a business owner, as a mom, I think the identity that gets lost often is the Reina identity, right? Being the person. And so, I like to think of my life as three buckets. My family and home life bucket, my Reina bucket and then the business bucket. And when I know that each of them are, maybe not equally replenished because that's not ever going to truly happen, but if I know that I'm going to be in a heavy business season and the other two are going to be a little bit depleted, to make sure that I'm communicating that with myself and with my husband.  Knowing that's what's going to happen. Or if I know that I'm physically going to be taxed, like going through labor or whatever, that the other two are going to be depleted and have that expectation and reality check.

I think that for me that's what balance is, to know that there's going to be these imbalances and to know how to accommodate for those. If I know that my family is going to be going through a tough season to lighten up on the other two things, like I'm not going be ice skating as much or maybe I'm not going to be reading as much for myself and that's okay. The adjustment of expectations. That's one way I like to think about life balance because you can't get it.

And then I think at home, I mean I'm not perfect and I have plenty to learn from you here.

I think just one of the things to think about with life stuff is just communicating. We do ‘team meeting’ with my husband and I on Sunday nights. It's a really quick check in to be like, “Okay, here's what's happening in my life. Here's what's happening with work.” It's not a romantic meeting or anything by any means, but it's our one time to check in logistically so I don't have to hassle him, I don't have to nag at him during the week. It's like, “Here are my expectations. Here's what we need. What do you need from me? How can I support you this week?” Those are basically simple questions to make sure that we know what's going on on each other's calendars at work. I found that when we weren't doing that…even though it's like, “Hey, how was your day? Fine.” You don’t really get to the core of it. In the seasons when we haven't done as many team meetings or check-ins, it's been a little bit more like we're not communicating as well or just a little bit short with each other because things are happening at work or you had a really tough conversation with somebody at work or whatever is going on. Checking in is really helpful. That's one of the things that we do.

ALLIE: I think also it helps us to have a meeting once a week that's not date night so that date night can be romantic. Why is it so easy for companies and CEOs to know they need to have a team meeting but nobody's thinking about that when you are a team with your husband? You're running a family, a life, and a home, which is far more important than any company. Of course you need to have a meeting. It’s funny because we implemented that a while back before I ever knew that I would have a company. It's something that everyone is always so like, “Oh wow, what a great idea.” I don't know how anyone is doing all of this without meeting. Maybe that's why the divorce rate is so high or communication….because you have all of these expectations and you have to have a time and place to communicate that. I think that's so amazing that you guys do that.

REINA: Last night it was not perfect because we didn't do it on Sunday and I had done all the meal planning and all that stuff, but we hadn't done a team meeting. So late last night right before we went to bed we're like, “Oh! Team meeting,” and we were checking in with each other because there are a couple of things that are coming up with appointments and stuff like that. It was nice to be able to know that we have a space for it and it's like a recurring calendar thing on our calendars. Do you guys do it with your kids? I feel like your kids are old enough that you could probably do this with your kiddos.

REINA: It's starting to get there. Bella is 10 and she's a girl and she's really wanting to be involved in everything. What we've been doing is we still do it on Sunday night and the kids are playing and then we'll pull them in at the end and we'll be like, “Okay guys, here's what's going on. Here's what we're doing in school.” Because on Sunday night we go over the homeschool curriculum for the next week and be like, “Okay, do we need to get any supplies on our shopping list for tomorrow?” Then we do meal planning and groceries all at the same time. Then we do what's going on with my work and the business and what press stuff is going on. Am I driving anywhere? Meeting anybody? What's going on? They're really long. They used to be really short. Now it's a couple hours of all the things, and we'll pull the kids in at the end and check-in on everybody and see how everyone's feeling. Usually they rabbit trail and talk about a show they want to watch or something. It's becoming from a couples reconnect thing to a family team meeting where “How's everybody doing?” I think it's evolving into that for sure.

REINA: Yeah, I like that a lot and I think that as my kids grow I think I’ll want to include them in these conversations. I'm pretty excited about that.

One of the things that we started doing was in meal prep before I do a lot of the thinking about food stuff. I'll ask my son, “What do you want to eat this week? What are your friends eating? What are you interested in? So that he continues to be interested in food, you know? That’s something that we've just started and he doesn't have much of an opinion right now. He's like, “I just don't want to eat this.” And I'm like, “Cool. That’s super helpful.”

ALLIE: I've never heard anybody say that. And what a cool idea. What a cool way to get around a picky eater, to twist it and make it positive. “Have you seen anything that you want to try?” I'm willing to try. What a great mom.

REINA: I don't know about that. I don't want this to be the first response. He’s a pretty adventurous eater, so it's nice to be able to include his opinion in the food.

ALLIE: Yeah, for sure. For sure. It’s his house too and you want to make food...I wouldn’t make something that Brian didn't like. You guys are making yourselves this team, this group, that we all have opinions and we will respect each other's opinions and I care what you think. We’re coming away from the whole time of parenting where it was, “Sit down. Shut up. Do what I say. You're the kid. I'm the parent.” You know what I mean? It feels like we're raising kids who could be a little more respectful because they were respected too and we cared about what they thought and we asked. “Yeah, we’re the parents but I care about what you think and I want to know how you're feeling.”

Okay, so let's shift gears a little bit and talk about your business kind of things. I know that this isn't a business podcast (sometimes I wish it was because all day I could talk about marketing and all the things) but there are so many women who listen, who message me, “I love the business talks. I want more about that”. So while there isn't a business podcast for now, let's talk a little bit here about your content.

You seem like a content creation machine. Are there any hacks that you have? You’ve been at this for a while. You've been doing your business for years and you seem to have really fine-tuned what you are good at. You have your elevator pitch and the way that you succinctly say who you serve and what you do is so fine-tuned and beautiful. Do you have any hacks for how you create content so regularly? Do you batch everything? Your Instagram and your blog content? How do you structure all of that?

REINA: At this point right now we are not creating a lot of content, but for the past 2 ½ to 3 years, we had a podcast episode going out every week, twice a week, right? And so there's a lot of content out there. The way that I've done it in the past is really thinking about who are the people that I'm serving? Who do I really want to be talking to? Making sure that I'm answering their questions before they even know that it's a question so that we can kind of tackle those.

I know you do this too, where are you have a Q & A kind of thing and we respond to those. I love your podcast episodes where you were talking about business stuff because you're just answering people's questions which is awesome. Maybe you could have a business podcast. It's just one of those things for me that whenever I ask for what people need, it's just readily there. That’s the way that I like to create content.

For me, at the very beginning I felt like no one was listening and so I didn't really know how to answer questions. Because there's just not an audience. I was so grateful when I started getting feedback. It was like, “Oh, okay, this is working or this is what people are curious about.” It's so much easier. If you're in that phase of, “I have no idea what I'm supposed to be talking about,” just keep talking because people will start to pay attention. I don't know if that's your advice, but I would probably say don't get discouraged by people who aren't listening yet. We have to win over those people one by one and your audience will grow even if it doesn't feel like immediate overnight growth.

ALLIE: Yeah and just sharing what have you learned? What have you struggled with? Start talking about that. Start talking about what was hard for you yesterday. How did you handle it? I had the funniest little random blog post topics in the beginning because it was just like yesterday I had a really crappy day and I just restarted in the middle of a day. And then I had a blog post called something like “How To Have a Monday Morning In The Middle Of A Thursday Afternoon” or something like that, “Restarting Your Day - It's Okay.” And that gained following. Everything that you are learning is valuable to somebody. Just start talking. Somebody will listen.

REINA: Yeah, I agree with that. I love that.

ALLIE: For yourself, do you have any ‘rules’ in terms of when you know that your business needs to take a back seat, you need to shift gears and focus on your family? You mentioned your buckets. I have more of a seasonal base. I'll know that I think I need to maybe bow out of that launch, push it to fall, and focus on my marriage this summer. It feels like that. Do you have any hard rules for yourself in terms of what you're focusing on most?

REINA: It's not really a hard and fast rule. I think one of the biggest things I do is, so I use Lara Casey’s Powersheets planners. I think that just looking at the full year ahead of when it's starting and actually happening, to be able to know, “These are my life things that are going to be happening. I have a wedding to attend and we have to travel across the country.” Whatever things are happening and making sure that I know don't plan anything crazy big for your business during this time, or I'm coming out of maternity leave, there's no way that I'm going to be doing anything crazy right after this. And just easing myself into it. I think that looking at life first for me, then adding on the extra layers and making sure that I'm tempering or scaling my expectations depending on those seasons.

Then whenever I have a busy work season, I try to take a little bit of time, not off necessarily, but just kind of turned down, I guess, so that I have a little bit more spaciousness in my life.

ALLIE: Yeah, absolutely. I love that. Do ever feel like one area of your life is so busy that the other area never really gets to where you want it to go? Sometimes I feel like my personal life is so full and so busy. My kids are older so they're into things, doing sports and stuff, and while we keep it toned down, I don't want to be the mom that says, “No, you can't do any. Just baseball.” It's a lot. It's three days a week. It's so busy. Sometimes I feel like I'm saying “not right now” to things in my business so much that I'm like, “Man, am I ever going to get where I want to go because it's having to grow so slowly?” Do you feel like that?

REINA: I feel like that sometimes. I think it's really funny that you're saying that because I feel like you've grown so quickly.

ALLIE: It’s always a perspective thing when you're in it.

REINA: You're like, “This is so slow” aka really fast to somebody else because you're witnessing so many other cool people who are doing amazing things.

ALLIE: And you know in your head where you want to be and you’re not there, so it's like, “Oh this is too slow.” When I look back it's like, “Yes! So many things have happened.” I think it makes you choose, or at least for me, it makes me choose what I'm going to say “yes” to is a really good yes and then the “no’s” would have helped, but it's not necessary. The growth is still there, but I think if you're a driven person, you're not ever going to be satisfied with what's happened.

REINA: I think it's really interesting. I have this inner dialogue with myself and I don't know how you experienced this, but for me, “I want to go faster, I want to go faster, I want to go faster. I want to do this other thing and continue to pursue it,” and it's tempered by, “Okay, well, I have these other responsibilities and it's not that this other thing is more important necessarily, but in this season this is the most important thing that I need to focus on.”

For example, over the summer, I want to make sure that my son is able to swim. That is a huge priority. He's 5; he needs to be able to swim. I was a water baby. I played water polo. You know, all of this stuff. And I'm not going to be able to do all of this other stuff that I had hoped for in my business. And that's okay. It's weird to think about business in the context of, “Oh well I have to balance my life against this,” because if I was in a corporate company you can't do that. You don't have the luxury of being like, “No I'm not going to do that because my son has to take swim lessons.”

ALLIE: You have to do what you were hired to do.

REINA: Right. I try to think about what would it look like in 9-5 world and also, “Thank God I don't have to do that. Thank goodness I don't have to abide by somebody else's timeline and schedule.” There's a give and take I guess.

ALLIE: Yeah. I think that's why the phrase “work life balance” irks me so much. I mean is there even really such a thing? My business is almost like another baby to me. I love it. I care about it so much. I wish I could do more, but I also feel like I wish I could do more with my kids in other areas too. It's the same thing of which thing is going to win this season.

REINA: Yeah, absolutely. I think people hate the word ‘balance’ because it feels like it has to be…

ALLIE: …perfectly even.

REINA: And it’s not, you know? It's a juggling act. I imagine standing on a yoga ball and juggling at the same time.

ALLIE: Yes! Well put!

REINA: It’s not balance; It’s like trying not to fall and drop the balls all at the same time.

ALLIE: Yeah. I think that social media is so beautiful and no matter how real you are it always looks like that's not what's happening. And it is. It’s hard. Then you show up and you serve and somebody says something rude, like it wasn't enough. You didn't do good enough. You made this grammatical error and they've got to pointed out. And then that's discouraging and you're like, “Wow!” Then you come inside your house and I made this huge elaborate meal and one of my kids is like, “This tastes like dirt.” It's like nothing is ever good enough, ever balanced enough, so all we can do in every area is just show up and, “Oh, this is what I did and I feel really good about it, so I'm going to move on.”

REINA: Yeah. That example is such a real life. I had a really a trying day a couple of weeks ago and everything I was trying was not working, and then I get to dinner and I was like, you know, sometimes it's a hot dog and they're happy and everything is Hunky Dory. And then the next day you try to make an elaborate meal where you actually served them vegetables. It was a healthy meal and you actually thought about it. Then it's like, “Mom, I don't want to eat this.” And you’re like, “Ahh, I can't even deal with you right now.”

ALLIE: Yeah. This morning I did this Instagram story where I was talking about a time in our life and I said something like, “Oh, we moved to the Midwest and it was, you know, Arkansas.” I got this message that was like, “FYI Arkansas is not the Midwest. I love you, but get your geography straight.” Literally what she said. It just bugs you. It wasn't a big deal, but I was already not super emotionally fit at that moment and it just bugged me. Then I came in and I made a giant amazing lunch – shrimp, that black rice, that Forbidden Rice or whatever that’s loaded with nutrients and it's $25 a bag. Right? I made this amazing thing and my kids were like, “I don't want…” and I just lost it. It’s okay that I'm not good enough for everybody all the time because my value can’t be in that…I don't know, this is kind of a tangent…but my point was I'm learning that it's okay.

I'm showing up. I'm doing a free Instagram story with a free podcast for you and if you don't like that I called Arkansas the Midwest, then just get out. I just showed up and I cooked this amazing meal and it nourished me and my body that’s going through healing and it was good for you guys but if you don't like that part of it then just don’t eat it. Just get out.

REINA: You cannot please everyone, Allie. Can. Not.

ALLIE: Ok, one more question about working for all of the work-at-home moms.

Your office is at your house. Do you ever struggle with the fact that it's all happening in the same place and it's distracting?

REINA: It always is distracting. I mean as you said that my dog walks into my office, right? She's like, “I want to go for a walk. I'm ready to do it.” And now that I've said it, she's going to get excited. Things are happening all the time. Thankfully my son is not at home and he has his own care. But at the same time, there's laundry to be folded, there's dishes to be clean. There's stuff that needs to happen. I try my best to have focus time for each of those things so that I know they get taken care of, but it's not perfect. It’s a matter of where do I want to put my focus on right now, and making sure that I dedicate the time that I need to, to the things that need to happen.

It sucks. It's definitely not perfect and I have lots to learn in that regard, but it's just one of those things that whenever I need to focus on work, I'm all in.

ALLIE: Yeah, and you just have to have that self-discipline that I'm working right now. It's not laundry time. That's amazing that you have that. The only reason that I even started figuring out rhythms and routines in my house stuff is because I don't have that and it's like if the other things are not rhythmatized, and I know in the morning the laundry is switched and done. Now the kids are older and chores are happening, they're actually helpful, so the kids do the dishes. But you know those things are done. Then it's like, “Okay, now I can work.”

REINA: Yeah, it’s about creating those habits and for me the rhythms are a little bit different than yours and I think that's fine. For example, this is such a silly example, but on Sundays, every single week, I have a reminder on my phone that says ears and nails. I have to clean out my son's ears and cut his nails, or else I will never remember.

ALLIE: Yeah, I know. Oh my gosh, yes. I have so many random little alerts on my phone. Especially with boys, they don't care or notice. Bella would be like, “Mom, my nails look really long and dirty. Can you help me?” The boys are still being gross and playing in dirt with dirt under their nails. Eating dirt. “We don’t care.” Yeah, it’s a boy-mom problem.

REINA:  Exactly. It’s one of those things that if I have them in my phone and I know that they're going to happen, I don't have to worry about it during the rest of the week kind of thing, unless there's a problem obviously.

I like to have little homes for these little assignments for myself, so I guess that's the way that I do rhythms.

ALLIE: It’s like you’re clearing mental clutter. It's mental clutter to know that you have to do something, but you have no assigned place that you're going to remember to do it. That's totally raising your cortisol.

REINA: Yeah. No stress for me in that regard. Let's handle it. It's taken care of.

ALLIE: Yeah, totally. I love that. You easily say something so actionable and relatable.

I love it.

I know that you're like me and you love to read. I don't know if it's changing for you lately but what are you reading right now? What are you loving right now?

REINA: What am I reading right now? I am reading Kristin Hannah's Midnight Hour. I just finished The Tattooist of Auschwitz.

ALLIE: So you like to read novels.

REINA: I like to read novels at night and then during the day I like to read business stuff or other fiction stuff, I guess. I'm reading Shoe Dog by Phil Knight. He founded Nike. I'm obsessed with this story.

ALLIE: Me too. It's so crazy to see the beginning of something so huge and so inspiring. It’s such a humble start.

REINA: It really is. He's talking about a $1,000 shoe order like, “What? That’s amazing!” And now it's a multibajillion dollar company. It’s really remarkable.

ALLIE: Yeah, it is. I love that too.

In conclusion, just a random question. I didn’t give you a warning so it's okay if you're like, “I dunno,” but what is one life lesson or something that's been resting on you lately that you have been learning lately?

REINA: I think coming back to journaling a lot recently. I've been trying a lot of different formats of journaling recently. This is not a word obviously, but I got to the season of being a little bit too busy for daily journaling and I wanted to figure out what was happening and what I could try. And so, I've been trying a lot of different formats and I really like the simplicity of the Start Today Journal. I think it's 5 pieces of gratitude in the morning and then 10 things you made happen. It's Rachel Hollis’ Start Today Journal. She talks about it in her new book Girl, Stop Apologizing. I devoured that on Audible. I think she has an actual physical journal that she sells. I just made my own. The second part is really interesting because it's all about the dreams that you made happen and so the things that you want to have happen, but in the, “I've already done it” tense.

It's really cool stuff. If you look up the ‘Start Today Journal’ Hashtag on Instagram, you see all kinds of stuff, like hers is “I'm a New York Times bestseller author” before she was. And some people are like, “I lost 10 pounds.” It can be really different types of goals.

ALLIE: I love that. It's the whole idea that I have seen over and over again in my life - speaking it out before it happens and saying, “This is mine and I'm going to make this happen.” I love that.

This was such a good conversation. Thank you so much.

I know that this isn't your normal interview. Normally you are all business. Some people will want to go and chase after what you’ve got and some people won't really have it be relative, but where can people find you? Because I know if people know what you do, you serve amazing entrepreneurs and I love when you share your clients' stories and their wins and stuff. It's so cool to see who you're working with. But if people want to do that with you and work with you and find you, where can they find you?

REINA: You can find me over at Reina + Co. I am always hanging out over on Instagram at @reinaandcompany and I respond to my DM’s. That's really the only place I'm hanging out during my maternity leave. It's going to be a fun little transition time. Who knows what'll happen.

Even though this conversation was more life stuff, I think it's important that we talk about this and just because I'm an entrepreneur doesn't mean that I can't talk about mom stuff, you know?

ALLIE: It's all woven together. Are you going to be sharing baby staff on Instagram?

REINA: Oh, for sure.

ALLIE: Yay! I'm so excited for you. Oh my gosh. Having brothers, too, in your home is one of the glories of my life and one of the things that I am so proud to be a part of. It's so cool. I didn't really have that in my house. My siblings are really far apart, so while we have two girls and two boys, we didn't grow up together. It's really cool to have the boys growing up together and don't worry about that age gap. The ones that are the closest in my house are the farthest apart so it doesn't matter. They're going to be  little friends. Especially when the baby gets to be 1, they're going to start to play. It's so magical. So fun. You're going to love it. I'm so happy for you.

REINA: Yay. Thank you so much for that encouragement. I'm just looking forward to this sweet season.

ALLIE: We'll link to all the good things that you shared, the journal and the powersheets, all of that good stuff, but thank you so much for having this conversation with me.

REINA: Thank you so much for having me.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

EP 108: I Had "The Talk" with My Kid. Here's What I Learned.

Facebook_EP_108.png

The talk. It isn’t just one talk, it is an ongoing conversation. It is an important conversation, a personal one, and one that will come as your kids start asking questions. My 10 year old started asking so we dove right into it. I knew the time was right and I felt confident to lead this conversation well based off the conversation Brian and I had as we prepared for this.  

There's so much negativity out there about talking to your kids about sex, so I wanted to add positivity to that pool and just say it doesn't have to be that way. It can absolutely be good, positive, constructive, helpful, sweet, silly and relaxed.

I hope that this episode empowers you to do this well and to have a successful ongoing conversation with your child about sex, kissing, love and all that stuff.

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • How to approach this topic with positivity and not negativity (like culture puts on it!)

  • The way she approaches her relationship with her daughter and how that impacted this conversation.

  • Why this specific conversation isn’t a one time thing but more of an ongoing dialogue we have with your kids.

  • Navigating when the time is right to have the talk and how to start it out on the right foot.

Mentioned in this Episode:


MacBook-C-5.jpg

Did you know I have an entire online academy full of things I created just for YOU?

There are so many different things in there. It's all together in my store or what I like to call the Allie Academy, so if you want to check that out, you should. There's lots of good resources that have helped a lot of women - tens of thousands of women - get their lives in order. Because when you invest, that's the first step to succeeding. Free will only get you so far.

So if you're ready to put some skin in the game, show up, and really invest in the deep dive content that I have to offer, that's where the online programs come in.

Plus don't forget, just for Purpose Show listeners only because I love you guys so much, you can use the coupon code PURPOSESHOW at checkout on any of my online programs and take 10% off.


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


Don't have time to listen_.jpg

Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hi, beautiful! Welcome to The Purpose Show! Let's dive into today's episode.

It's kind of intense, kind of personal, and I'm really hoping that it demystifies talking to your kids about sex and giving them that important talk, and also changes your perspective on how it is “one talk” and shifting it to it's an ongoing conversation. And here's what Brian and I have done so far. Here's what I did when I actually sat and talked with our child about it because our oldest is our daughter and it just felt right that I would sit and give her this conversation. How we handled it. What I liked and didn't like and what I learned afterward. So, ready? Let's talk about this.

This is definitely an episode that needs to be for mamas’ ears only. So, pop those headphones in or come back to this after bedtime. But it's going to be good. Let's do it.

Before we get into the nitty gritty about talking to your kids about sex, I just want to say a few things. First of all, this is something that I have done with only our daughter. Bella is 10 years old. She is one of those kids who is wise beyond her years, but also still very childlike. She loves playing with her brothers, even though they're younger than her. She's really creative and kind of a whimsical person but also incredibly smart. She's like a little entrepreneur. The ideas and business thoughts that she has blow my mind for how young she is. She is a unique kid, an anomaly. I used to feel really intimidated about raising her and now I just feel so honored, thankful and excited to raise her.

I think that in parenting things need to look different for each of your kids. You know, my other kids are boys and that doesn't mean that their “talk” will look the same. Even though they're all the same gender, they will still have different conversations with Brian and I than each other because I really think that these big parenting moments need to be tailored to who it is you're parenting. I really do think it matters and it's different for each kid.

Having said that, I want to also preface with how I want my relationship with my daughter to be. I really want Bella to know that she can come to me with the little things and the big things because if she can't feel like she can come to me with the little things then she's not going to feel like she can come to me with the big things as she gets older.

She has shown me that she feels like she can come to me with the big and the little things.

She'll come to me regularly, daily or throughout the week, and say, “Mom is it okay if I sit here with you and we just talk for a few minutes. I feel like talking,” and she'll talk to me about what's going on in the latest book she's reading, or how she wishes that her friends down the street would come back from vacation so they could play outside. Sometimes she’ll say, “I need to talk to you about something,” and she'll ask me a really big question about how life works or who God is or why people do scary things to other people. So, I think that it's going well and I really want my relationship with my daughter to feel that way. I really want to continue that. I want to get even better at that. I want that to continue as she gets into her teen years.

What I think I'm doing right here is creating a space in our home, creating an atmosphere in our family that Bella feels she can come to me and she feels free to ask if she can talk to me. What I feel I need to improve here is Bella has the amazing gift of choosing to come and ask if she can sit and talk with me at the worst possible time. I'll be sitting on the couch just because I needed to get out of my office.

I have a home office but it is kind of outside of the house. It's an extension of the garage and it's got its own walls and doors and stuff, but it is technically a part of my house. So, I'll get sick of being out there and come in and sit on my bed for a second or sit on the couch for a second and be wanting to unwind and breathe for a moment before I jump into making dinner and doing family things. and Bella will choose that time to come and find me and touch me (which my love language is not touch so it's irritating sometimes) and just sit with me and want to talk about all the things. And it is so hard not to make her feel like she has irritated me with her terrible timing. I'm just being honest with you guys, I do sometimes, “Oh, what is it sweetie?” She picks up on those vibes obviously.

I really want to work on finding a way around that. Even if I can't stop and if I want to have that boundary for myself and I just need that space, it doesn't mean that I have to give her that space every time just because she wants to talk. But even if I can't stop and talk now, I want to check and make sure that this isn't something urgent that needs to be talked about right now. And then make time later to sit and talk with her. And then even if I need that space right now, that I make her feel loved, I make her feel valued and I give her a set time later on that I can sit and talk with her or invite her to join me later when I'm making dinner and she can talk to me then while I cook, but right now I just need a minute. I just want to work on that.

I think that's powerful. Asking what am I doing right here? What do I need to improve here? And just being honest with yourself. I try to do that regularly. I'll think about if I have a conversation that I felt maybe I hurt her feelings or I just didn't make her feel valued, it didn't align with what I want my relationship with Bella to be, then I'll think about it for a minute afterward and think, “Okay, well why didn't that feel like it was good? Why did she get her feelings hurt from that? What could I do better? What needs to just be let go, I can't control every single emotion that she feels. What actually does land on me and my responsibility that I could make better.

Having said all of that, let's get into the talk. So, I felt so good about mine and Bella's sex talk. I felt so good about it. It's something that I had been thinking about for a long time as she started to inch closer and closer to being ready for the talk. I was 10 years old when my mom sat and talked with me and I felt like it was a good time for me. I had that age in the back of my mind, but I was also very ready and willing to adapt.

If Bella had learned things at school at an earlier age than me, then I was prepared to talk to her earlier. It was important to me that I let her know how things work before she learned too much from her peers. But because we do homeschool, that was on my side and I had a lot more time than I think a lot of other moms do. That was a pro for me and my lifestyle.

The kids did go to public school a few years ago for a brief period of time. We didn't know if that was going to be brief or it was going to be ongoing. We take our school plans year-by-year, so you never know if things will shift and the kids will end up going to school. So, I always have it in the back of my mind “do we need to adjust this?” I don't think, “10 years old...once they turn 10 I want to talk to them about this.” It might even be later for another one of the kids. It might be sooner. It just depends.

I pray about it. I follow my gut. I am aware of the different circumstances per kid, per year, per age. I'm trying to live “led by the Holy Spirit motherhood” and asking God to be with me in the day and asking Him to give me a knowing and just following that as I make decisions and not having a set age where this is when we talk about this, this is when you get to do that, this is when you get to know this, and letting that motherly/parenthood instinct between Brian and I lead our decisions in these big things.

I ended up feeling so good about our talk. It was a really beautiful conversation. It was a really sweet time. I couldn't have been happier with how it went. So I wanted to share with you guys why I felt that way about it, what exactly we talked about, how it went, what I used as a guide and why I think it went so well because I think that this is something that people get really freaked out about.

I almost didn't do this episode because there are so many people who are professionals at this and they share what to do and what not to do. That information is very freely given out there and you can absolutely look those things up. But I really didn't look anything up about this. I didn't read books about talking to your kids about sex. I really just went with my instinct and went with what I know of my daughter because I'm her mom. I'm her mom for a reason and I know her better than anyone else. I felt really confident to go with my gut on this, with what to share and what not to share, and how to approach it.

I knew it was time to talk to Bella based on the questions that she had begun to ask me. I knew that she was starting to get curious about how people make babies and she knows that parents make babies. But she was starting to get really curious about how exactly. She was starting to get really curious about things about boys. Not boy crazy or anything at all, but just little things like she let me know that she had a little crush on somebody and she was thinking a lot about and wondering about why do people kiss. Just little things.

This was over about a year's time where she was asking more and more questions. I knew that it was going to be time soon. She hadn't come to me directly and said, “How are babies made,” but she was asking little things that were leading into that. She was 9, soon to be 10. I knew like, “Okay, I think 10 will be good and once she turns 10 I'd like to pencil in that time with her and have this conversation.” That's how I decided that it was time to start thinking about this.

One big perspective shift that I made and that I think is important that we all make as parents is I did not think of this as a one-time conversation that I check off the list (even though I do kind of see how that happens because this was more of “the talk” than any of our other conversations).

Because I had carved out time for it, Bella knew that it was going to happen. We sat down, we closed the door in my room and we just talked. I had a book to kind of guide me, which I'll share a little bit more about in a second. We were intentionally talking about this. In that sense it was a one-time talk, but I still don't think it's a one-time conversation that we check off our list.

I think this needs to be an ongoing conversation. I think it's incredibly crucial that we create space in our lives and that our kids know we've created that space for them to talk whenever they need to talk about something. To answer their questions as they pop into their heads because they're probably not going to remember them later on when you're available. I think it's important to be available at least as much as you can and to have your kids know they can come to you and say, “Mom, I heard this at school today and I was just wondering what this meant,” and give them the answers. If they can ask us, we need to give them some form of the answer. We can water it down for their age and what we feel is appropriate or not, but I do think that it's important to have an ongoing conversation because your kids are not going to suddenly remember every single thing they've been wondering when you’re ready to sit down and talk to them. It's gotta be an ongoing thing.

I also think that “the talk” is going to get peeled back for Bella and I in layers. I did not sit her down and tell her every single thing that can possibly happen. I didn't talk to her about hard things in detail, like all the different types and styles and ways of intercourse. I didn't talk to her about all the details of rape and things like that.

This is an ongoing thing that needs to be talked about as she gets older, as she's ready, as things come up, as she sees and hears things by accident by being a person alive in our world today.

I think that this talk was more of a start to an ongoing, lifetime conversation. More than just a one-time thing, like a band-aid I rip off where I just spilled the beans and that was it.


Hey friend! I'm interrupting this amazing conversation that we're having because I wanted to let you know that there's a whole online academy that I've created for all things, overwhelming-mom life. And I don't know if you knew that.

There are online programs that I have created and refined over the last several years that are world renowned and I'm honored to be able to say that. The content in these online programs are what has landed me on television multiple times and gotten me acclaimed in the world of motherhood, minimalism and simplicity.

There is a course all about decluttering your home and it's realistic, doable decluttering that is going to make you feel lighter and help you feel like you can actually do this.

There is a program for your life, your schedule, lightening your load, simplifying your days and how those are going and getting some rhythms and routines set in stone.

There's also a vault with a library of inspiration and pdfs, workbooks, and online workshops that you can replay and watch. Lots of good stuff.

There is a Time Blocking Mom Workbook that's like $9.

There are so many different things in there. It's all together in my store or what I like to call the Allie Academy, so if you want to check that out, you should. There's lots of good resources that have helped a lot of women - tens of thousands of women - get their lives in order. Because when you invest, that's the first step to succeeding. Free will only get you so far.

So if you're ready to put some skin in the game, show up, and really invest in the deep dive content that I have to offer, that's where the online programs come in.

Visit alliecasazza.com/store and check out your options.

Plus don't forget, just for Purpose Show listeners only because I love you guys so much, you can use the coupon code PURPOSESHOW at checkout on any of my online programs and take 10% off.


I would like Bella to look back and remember multiple conversations, multiple times that we made tea and sat together on my bed and just talked about these kind of awkward things that she was wondering about. I want her to remember multiple talks, not just one talk.

Let's talk about how to start this conversation. The biggest takeaway that I had for me and how I did this with Bella was I started the conversation ahead of time, not right before I do “the talk.”

I let her know that there was something that I think is important that we talk about soon and we should make that happen together. So, whenever she would ask me something that had to do with this and I knew that it was a question that would lead into our eventual talk about sex, love, romance and all these things, I would say, “You know, I think there's something that is important that we talk about. I think you are getting older. I think you're ready for that special knowledge and I think we should make a girl date soon to talk about that.”

What I wish I would have done is I wish I would have made a set date for girl time and put it on the calendar. I think it would've made it seem even more valuable to her. I think it would have given her a clear-cut date. Because I would say that a couple times in conversations in the car with Bella and then she would check back in and be like, “Hey mom, when are we going to have that special talk?” And it was like, “Oh crap, I kind of forgot we need to do that.” So, I wish that I would've said that and sat down and made an actual set date for this girl talk. If I was doing it over again, that's what I would do differently.

But I would kind of answer the question like, “Kissing kind of does this…” or whatever the question was that she was asking me. And then I would say, “I think that there's an important conversation that you're ready to have with me and we need to make that happen.” I wish I would've actually penciled it in and given her a set date instead of making it an open-ended thing that she kept having to remind me about until I finally made it happen.

To recap, one of the biggest takeaways that I had in this conversation with my daughter was I started the conversation ahead of time. I didn't just say, “I need to talk to you. Let’s go,” and then start the conversation about, “There's something that you're ready to know” right before I did the talk. This was an ongoing thing. I started the conversation ahead of time. And I think that set the precedent for how I want my relationship with Bella to be moving forward. This is something we talk about often throughout life. It's on-going. It's not a one-time thing.

Then the next thing that I want to say is that I think it's really important to not be afraid of this conversation or to not be weird about it, awkward, stiff, or timid because let me tell you kids pick up on that stuff. You're basically teaching them how to feel about sex and how to feel about having big discussions with you as well, so I think it's really important to be calm, loving and confident. Even if your stomach is turning and you do feel weird and awkward, don't let them know that because I think it sends a message.

I felt really at peace. I had thought about this a lot. I had prayed about it. I had been talking to Brian about it. We knew how this was going to go. That I was going to have the main conversation with her and that Brian would come in at the end and sit with us for a moment and ask Bella if she had any questions. Because it's important to us that our kids that are the opposite sex of us feel comfortable to talk to us about sex, intimacy, marriage, intercourse and difficult things with each other.

I didn't want to set it up where the boys talked to Brian and Bella talks to me because I just don't think that's healthy. What if something happens to one of us, you know, and now we've set a precedent to where it's awkward for Bella to talk to Brian about things and what if I'm not here anymore. It was really important to us that it goes both ways. But I do see the value in Bella and I sitting alone together and talking about this, and then Brian came in at the end and it was perfect. It was beautiful and really good. She did ask him a couple of questions and he handled it great. He was really calm and loving to her and gave her enough information that fit her age. He was totally in on this conversation and it was really great. So that's another thing that we did.

But going back, the biggest thing was not being weird, timid, or awkward. Full disclosure, it's really hard for Brian not to get weird, timid and uncomfortable because this is his little girl, this is his baby girl and it's really hard for him that she's growing up. It’s really hard for him that we had to go get a starter bra for her the other day. It's really hard for him. It's just weird, new and different, and it's out of our element and that's okay.

But I think the key is to not make it seem like you're super uncomfortable and so timid and afraid of this conversation because you're teaching your kids how to feel about having these discussions with you. You're setting a tone that is going to decide if they want to have these conversations with you again in the future or not.

You're teaching them how to feel about sex. And I want Bella to realize sex is created by God. It's beautiful. It's comfortable. It's normal. It's okay. We can talk about these things and then I can teach her the other things I want her to know about sex and the boundaries around sex as I talk with her about it. So, don't be afraid or timid or stiff. Your kids will pick up on that.

Another thing that I think was really helpful for me is that I had a book to guide me. I actually am not going to share what book I got just because I had looked and looked and wasn't really happy with my options. The Christian books…some of them I found were really stiff and actually had undertones of shame, and I went to a private Christian school growing up and I got plenty of that tone and it did not serve me well at all. I really didn't want Bella to pick up on that tone. I just wasn't happy with what I found.

I had gotten some really great recommendations but I didn't want to order the book online. I wanted to look at it in person. The options at Barnes & Nobles were just so-so. What I ended up doing is I got a book that had drawings, not actual pictures, which I liked. It was a really sweet book where it had drawings of butts, boobs, “pee-pees” and “wee-wees” and all of that silly stuff that kids just think are hilarious.

They were drawn and they were all different shapes and sizes. It gave a picture of, “these are our bodies and God made our bodies and it is what it is and we can talk about this.” It made it silly because they were drawn and they were sketched kind of funny. It brought humor to the conversation. It wasn't like pictures of bodies, which I would feel was inappropriate. I really liked that.

And there were some things in the book that are not what I believe about gender and people and sex, so I looked through the book beforehand and dog-eared the sections that I wanted to skip over when I sat with Bella. And I think that's the most important part.

I loved having a book to guide me, but I think it's less important to freak out about exactly what book it is, how perfect it is, and research, research, research when you're putting off this conversation that needs to happen. Don't overthink the book. It's more important to look at every page on your own before you talk with your kid so that you can edit out anything that you don't want to talk to your child about just yet. Eventually I will talk to Bella about all of these extra additives about sex and gender and all of that, but I just didn't feel like it was time for all of that yet. I just wanted to talk to her about how reproduction works, how sex works and what it is.

So, I personally, like I said, liked the drawn pictures. I let her giggle at the boobs and butts and the wieners, and all of that and we giggled together, but it also opened the floor to questions and she asked them freely and it was really good.

By letting her take those reins and letting her ask the questions that came to her mind, it let me know where she was at and what information she was and wasn't ready for. So I almost live, right then and there in our talk, was able to decide, “Okay, she's asking this but not that, so I think she's ready for this and not that.” I answered the questions she asked, and the way that she asked them and the questions that she did and didn’t ask, let me know what she was and was not ready to learn.

I didn't lay every single thing out and say too much. I let her guide how far the conversation went and we will talk again later when the time is right for her to know more.

So that's how I did it. That's how it went. Those are the key takeaways. I hope that this episode empowers you to do this well and to have a successful conversation, a successful ongoing conversation with your child about sex, kissing, love and all that stuff.

It went so well. It was a really sweet time. I will always remember it. It has opened the floor for Bella to talk to me about anything and everything. It was a gift and it went so well.

I think there's so much out there about grown parents remembering their talk with their parents and how terrible it was and how awkward it was. There's so much negativity out there about talking to your kids about sex, so I wanted to add positivity to that pool and just say it doesn't have to be that way.

It can absolutely be good, positive, constructive, helpful, sweet, silly and relaxed. And I want to encourage you in that.

So, go and be empowered! Pray and follow your parental gut instinct. Talk to your spouse. Talk and decide what do we want here? What do we want them to know? How do we want this to feel? Let it be an ongoing thing that you are empowered to talk about with your kids.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

EP 107: Tips for Traveling with Kids

Facebook_EP_107.png

Traveling with kids often means traveling with A LOT of stuff and A LOT of stress. But it doesn’t have to be that way and it certainly doesn’t have to be overwhelming! We travel as a family often which means we’ve “trial-ed and error-ed” many different things. From having a small suitcase for each kid to ways we keep our kids entertained on long flights or drives (and everything in between) I hope these tips help you find simplicity in traveling with your kids!

At the end of the day, family trips are FUN and are meant to bring your family closer together. You can easily make this a terrible trip or you can make it the best experience! It is up to you - you are the parent. Your kids need grace. You need grace. Relax. Breathe. And try to have fun!

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • Her pro-packing tips and how to simplify the amount of clothes you pack.

  • Ways to keep your family entertained on road trips or long flights (her family plays this fun game called, The Post It Note Goal Game!)

  • Advice for traveling with babies and toddlers - this is no easy task! But you can do it.

  • Why you should keep family trips FUN! How you roll with the punches will teach your kids how to roll with the punches.

Mentioned in this Episode:


TravelingWithKids-OptIn-Mockup-iPad.png

Want an easy step by step guide to have with you as you pack for your next family trip? I got you! I created a pdf that's free and easy to download!

This guide has all the tips on it and breaks them down so you pull it out when you're packing, you're getting ready to go on a road trip, or take a flight with your family. Whatever your travel looks like this summer, I hope this guide makes it easier for you!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


Don't have time to listen_.jpg

Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hey, beautiful friends! Before we dive into this episode, I want to let you know it is loaded with Brian and mine's top tips for traveling, especially with your kids.

We have done all different types of travel. We're going to get all into that. Because it's so loaded with tips, I figured you might want the ability to print this out and put it somewhere. We created a pdf that's free that goes along with this episode that you can download. Basically, if you print it out it's got all the tips on it so that you can print it out, put it aside, and pull it out when you're packing for your trip, you're getting ready to go on a road trip, or take a flight with your family, whatever your travel looks like this summer.

I wanted to make this as helpful as possible and I knew that having a printout is going to be a lot easier than relistening to an episode that you knew was helpful, but you can't really remember everything that I said. This way you can listen and enjoy the episode and you don't have to feel the need to take notes. But you will want to listen to the episode still because I elaborate on these tips and give you a lot of audible help with this.

The pdf is broken down and don't forget, these are the tips that make you're traveling a lot easier. To get that free pdf, go to alliecasazza.com/shownotes/107.



Hey, beautiful friends! Okay, so we are diving in today to a super, super practical episode. This isn't really the type of thing I normally discuss here on The Purpose Show, but this question has been asked over and over and over again.

I am someone who travels often for work and for fun, and most of the time I have my family with me. The six of us have taken quite a few trips, both flights and road trips, short and long, near and far, over the years. Brian and I have learned a lot about traveling with our kids at different various ages and stages of life. I'm sharing my top tips for traveling with kids from how to pack, to road-tripping, flying, how we approach traveling with our kids, where our expectations are at and all of that good stuff. So, let's dive in!

One of the questions that I get asked more than anything is how to pack when you're traveling with your kids.

For us, one super simple, straightforward answer, something that we have learned is the best way to go, is we give each of our kids their own suitcase. Our oldest is 10, so at this phase of our kids' lives, they have one of those ‘kid’ suitcases. You can get them at Target or wherever. None of them have a full-sized suitcase, just one of the little kids’ suitcases. Bella has got this one that has little owls on it from Target. The boys picked Minecraft, Mario, and Legos. They have their own themed suitcase that they've chosen. So each kid gets their own suitcase.

The reason that I like doing this versus packing one big suitcase for all the kids’ stuff is that it keeps things organized. It's cleaner, it's more organized. It's easier for each kid to know where their stuff is and not go sifting through an entire suitcase full of all their sibling’s stuff and making it super disheveled, messy and impossible to find anything. It's much easier to have them each have their own suitcase that they carry. They drag it on the wheels through the airport by themselves. They're responsible for their suitcase. Obviously, we don't want them to lose it, so we're looking backwards and watching them, but they drag their own suitcase. They've got their own stuff in their own suitcase.

If you've got super, super littles that cannot carry their own suitcase, maybe that is a better season for having one suitcase for your really, really small kids, like if they're babies or really young toddlers. Otherwise, I think it's best to have each kid get their own suitcase.

I have tried it all different ways and I think that this is the best way. It's much simpler and all the space is assigned to each kid so it's way less messy. It might seem like it's overwhelming and it's like a lot of suitcases, but that it is so much better than having one totally ripped apart, messy suitcase with everybody's stuff thrown in. As organized as it looks when you first began to pack it is not going to stay that way. It's just a fact of life. I have found that my preference is by far to have a suitcase for each kid.

In terms of packing and keeping it minimal for each kid, I think that packing is kind of overwhelming sometimes. It is just different than the way that you live at home where kids have drawers. It's just different when you're packing.

You have to prepare for certain circumstances that you wouldn't normally have to think about day-to-day because you're at your home with all of your stuff. But when you're leaving you only have what you packed. I think that's where the urge to overpack comes in. I definitely understand that, feel that and have to fight that every single time I pack.

The way that I choose to pack for my kids is I go by their age and where they're at at the time of our trips. When I was traveling with a baby or really young toddler, 2 and under, I obviously needed to pack more changes of clothes because at that age, kids have diapers that leak, they have accidents on themselves, they spill way more often, they trip and fall and get really messy and muddy way more often. It's just a different season of life.

So absolutely bring a few changes of clothes. Maybe that'll be one extra clothes outfit per day. Maybe it'll be three extra outfits for a week trip and you're guessing that some days you'll need the extra outfit and some days you won't. You can gauge that by how your kid usually is at home and how long your trip is. If are you going somewhere that you can do the laundry, use that to your packing advantage. It is always better to pack less. If there's any circumstance in your trip that will allow you to pack less stuff, take advantage of that. It is better to do a load of laundry on your vacation than to pack extra stuff and not have to do any laundry. Believe me, it is always better to pack lighter. In any way you can - pack lighter.

Now that my kids are a little bit older, I just pack according to their age. I don't really need to bring everybody an extra pair of clothes for each day because my kids don't need that. They stay in their outfit for the whole day pretty much. On the rare occasion when something happens, we'll deal with that as needed. But pretty much I just bring one outfit per day. Maybe I'll bring a spare or two if the trip is really long, or I'm unsure about the weather, or unsure about the dress code for a certain event we’re going to, but pretty much it's one outfit per day. I don't even bring multiple pairs of pants. It’s one per day.

For a week trip it's two pairs of jeans and you can rewear them and deal with that because again, my goal is always to pack the least amount possible, especially for my kids. They are simple, they just need less. Let them be your reason to have less stuff to carry, pack as little as possible. Use any single thing you can about your trip or where you're going to your advantage in terms of packing less stuff and bringing less with you in the car or on the plane.

Typically, if we are going somewhere for a week, which is usually the average length of our trip, I will pack two pairs of jeans for my kids. I will pack maybe a shirt per day if I'm not going to do laundry. If I am going to do laundry then I'll bring three or four shirts and then two pairs of shoes and socks for each day. Of course, underwear for each day. That's about what I would bring.

It totally depends on the trip. It depends on when we're going. It depends on what type of stay we're having. It depends on what I am and not be able to do while on that trip in terms of laundry. What are we doing? Is this a super active trip? What's going on? It all depends.

I hope that helps. It’s hard not to be super specific, but I don't know what size your family is and I don't know how your kids are. I don't know how you are. I don't know where you're going. I don't know for how long and all of that stuff. Make it relative to all of those things. That is what I do. I hope that having one suitcase per kid and all those specifications has helped answer some of the things you've been wondering.

Let's talk about how to keep your kids entertained on road trips. I'm a pro at this. This is where it serves you really well to limit toys, constant entertainment, your kids being entitled to being entertained all the time, and technology in your normal day-to-day at home life. Your kids will be cool to just sit and chill on drives if they're not entitled to constantly being entertained and having constant fun.

When, and if, you do bring out the technology on a road trip, it'll be such a treat that it'll actually serve its purpose and help you have a more peaceful road trip rather than that technology coming out being the norm and your kids are totally used to it when you really need it to help, but it's not going to cause your kids are going to be used to it. They're still going to complain, whine, bicker, and be less ‘all in’ in on the technology that’s in front of them.

Having said that…when we take road trips…I'm talking about really long road trips, we have road-tripped across country multiple times. We have road-tripped from the middle of the country to southern California and back multiple, multiple times. What we did was every kid got their own little bag of stuff for the trip. It's also stuff that can be used and played with while we are where we're going, where we're road-tripping to. It's not just for the drive.

Examples of some things are small little toys and activities like hot wheels, coloring books and all-in-one art activities. The kinds of things like a pad with a special pen. It’s a magnetic pen and the pen is attached to the pad and the kid can erase and draw on the same pad the entire time. It's not like consumable papers and colored pencils everywhere. Those sort of all-in-one activities are really road trip friendly and they're really great for kids who don't get carsick. Also there are car games that you can get at Target or Walmart or wherever and they are literally for road trips. But just make sure that you know that your kids don't get carsick. We have one kid who gets carsick very easily so he doesn't get those kinds of things. He just has to figure it out and look straight ahead out the window, not get dizzy or woozy, and not look down at a coloring book. But our other kids can totally handle it and it's awesome.

Obviously, music and audio books or audio stories.

If you want to take it a step further, you could get your kids each a set of headphones and an iPad or a tablet or something to use to help break up sibling rivalry. It is only natural that they get sick of each other and bicker while you drive. It's just going to happen a little bit. It's okay. But there are things that you could do if you have the means or if you have two sets of headphones and only two kids and not four kids like I do, it's much easier to do that.

Brian and I sat down and we were talking about this before when I was outlining my main points I wanted to share with you for this episode and we both agreed that one of our biggest tips is saving the good stuff until as late in the road trip as possible. The very end if at all possible.

If you have something like the Nintendo switch or a game system or you have a TV in your car, don't pull those things out, don't turn them on until as late in the game as humanly possible. If you bring it out too early, it just doesn't serve you. It's not worth it. Save the good stuff for as late as possible in the road trip.

The other tip that…we were both like, “Oh my gosh, remember that? That worked so well,” is this thing that we found out worked really well. We called it the Post-it Note Goal Game. Super lame name. I don't even know what the name is, but basically Brian and I had a small little bag of goodies. We try to stay away from candy cause we didn't want the kids to have a sugar rush. I try not to give my kids candy anyway, but just little things like an organic cracker/cookie snack, something that wasn't getting them all hopped up, but that was exciting to them. Or a little tiny, really cheap disposable toy that would keep them entertained for a few minutes. Whatever, something like that. You know those little sticky hands you can stick to the ceiling? Things like that. They're silly, cheap and easy, and just for the road trip as prizes.

We would write a time on a post-it note and would make it an hour or two ahead of time depending on our kids' ages. We would put the post-it note on the front of the radio or the rear view mirror, somewhere up front of the car where everybody could see it. And we would say, “Okay, if you guys can be super good, whoever is super, super good until the clock says this time will get a prize. If the post-it note said 11:30 then when the clock on the car matched the time on that post-it note whoever was super good would get a little prize out of the prize bag. A hot wheel or a sticky hand or a little organic treat, something like that and it worked so well. The kids did really, really well with a goal in mind.

Don't make it too far ahead. We found that 2 hours was the max for our kids. I would do one hour or so and see how that goes. You can do more or less as your kids’ age needs it. Those are just little things that really helped us.

Have a trash bag, a dedicated trash bag in the car and try to clean as you go. It's kind of like cooking. Clean as you go. Dispose of wrappers, water bottles and things like that that come up while you're driving as often as you can as you go.

Every time we stopped for gas, we would do a quick cleanup haul. We would make everybody get out and go to the bathroom. It was a must-do, so we didn't really ever have to like, “Oh my gosh, somebody has to go the bathroom, stop, pull over.” Because every time that we got gas we made everybody get out and go to the bathroom. It took an extra five minutes but it was helpful in the end. It saved us time and frustration and it kept our car cleaned out because we were in there for so long, you know, we wanted to enjoy being in there as much as possible.


Okay friends. So, I know this episode is all about traveling with your kids, but I wanted to share something with you. I just came back from a trip to the Scott Resort in Scottsdale, Arizona. This resort has been on my vision board for about six months, so it was a meaningful trip to me. It's a beautiful place. It was one of those places that exudes luxury and basically no matter what you're doing there, you feel like a queen. I went there for three days just to get a break from the norm. You guys know I'm all about self-care that's realistic and works for you and your regular typical life.

You guys know that I have all those tips about self-care that when your kids are still with you when you're at your house and you're taking care of yourself in small, little, bite-size ways, but I do think that there's something to be said for the occasional trip away, whether it's a day trip or an actual trip that's more than one day or even just a trip to the coffee shop for an afternoon or something.

I realized that I needed some space away from the noise and the normalcies of life at my house. I homeschool my kids at my house. I run my business from my house. Sometimes it just gets a little convoluted there and it helps me so much to once a year, get away alone, bring my laptop with me, go somewhere refreshing and just reflect about my business and where I'm at in my business. Where I'm at in my personal life. And just get a little distance and quiet.

And that is what I did at the Scott Resort. I chose to go there for this particular yearly getaway and it was so restorative. I loved it so much. I reached out to them and decided to do a partnership. I want to tell you if you're looking for a solo trip or a couple's trip with your spouse, or a girls’ getaway, this is the place to go. And they are so amazing. They've offered to give 10% off your stay if you use the code PURPOSESHOW at checkout.

So, go to the link in my show notes, alliecasazza.com/shownotes/107 and check it out. There's photos on there of the trip and the resort.

Their food, their restaurants are amazing. Some of you guys know I'm going through some major health stuff and their chefs were super accommodating. They were really sensitive to me and what I needed them to cook with. I was able to just relax and breathe, take a break from all the food prep, parenting, homeschooling, and working in my little office. It was a really, really great time.

I want to encourage you moms if you've been thinking that you really just need to get away for a second, that you just need a little bit of space and it's in your budget, I would encourage you to check out this resort. And Arizona is so beautiful. It’s such a quiet, inspirational place to go. I highly, highly encourage it.

Go to the show notes. Use the code the PURPOSESHOW at checkout for 10% off your stay at The Scott. They are so amazing! So accommodating. Such a refreshing space.

IMG_1201.jpeg
IMG_1111.jpeg
IMG_1116.jpeg

Let's talk about flying with babies and toddlers because it’s super hard. Flying with kids, as they get older, it gets easier. They're just more chill, they're easier to get entertained, they just kind of talk to each other. It's much easier. But flying with babies and toddlers is much more difficult.

I found that flying during bedtime, when I had babies and really young toddlers, is helpful because they will usually sleep but obviously that's not guaranteed. I know because of doing Q & A's that that is something I get asked all the time, like, “Is that a thing? I'm thinking that might work but should I risk it and buy the flight that's a red eye flight that is during my kids' bedtime and overnight or will it just be a nightmare?” And you know, there really is no way to know. You have to just try it.

But we found that the best flights we had were overnight flights. When we did red eye, we saved money and the kids were tired. We would give them natural calming aids. When they got a little older we could give them a little bit of Melatonin. But when they were babies…calming aides that are natural, like lavender oil or if you have toddlers, you could do Calmify which you can get on Amazon, which is a natural calming, anti-anxiety aid for little kids. They would just usually go to sleep.

We had one pretty rough flight where the baby's ears were popping and he was just freaking out. Sometimes it just is what it is. I don't think that your goal should be perfection. We'll talk about that more in a minute. I don't think your goal here is to have a perfect flight. I think it is just to learn, try things and see what works for you, and to be prepared for the worst. If you're prepared for the worst, there really is no anxiety there.

With flights, the same tips as road tripping in terms of entertainment for toddlers and kids who are a little older - try to limit it so that when you actually pull it out and you give your toddler an ipad to watch Peppa Pig or whatever it is, it's exciting and it's new and it's not the norm.

If you don't live a life with less entertainment and tech normally at home and you do overdo it all the time, I would at least consider taking a break for 30 days or so before your trip because most of the time, these trips, we know we're going to be doing them. Especially with toddlers, it'll help your kids be content and busy while you travel, especially if your trip is cross country or super long. Then when you do finally bring out that technology help, it's exciting and they're more engaged with it and it's actually serving its purpose and helping you a little bit.

I would do that. We'd do a 30-day break for Bella and then we would get on the plane and I'd be giving Leland a bottle and letting Bella watch the tablet for a minute. And she was super engaged because she hadn't had any technology in so long and she was really excited. It actually served its purpose and helped me because it wasn't the norm. It wasn't boring and pointless, if that makes sense.

This is pretty common knowledge, but I do want to mention breastfeeding or bottle feeding your baby at the time of takeoff and landing to help with their ears popping and that ear pain, giving your toddlers and kids gum. Emmett freaks out when his ears pop on a plane. And it's been really embarrassing. We've had so many flights where he's just screaming. Sometimes they're just freaked out. It is what it is and you’ve just got to comfort them and be there for them.

But one time he freaked out so bad that his ears were popping. He was crying so hard, he made himself throw up. It was so embarrassing. It was so loud. I felt so bad for Emmett. It was just really hard. And so, from that trip we learned to give him a big piece or even two big pieces of Bubble Yum gum, which is terrible and loaded with sugar, but so be it when your kid has cried so hard from his ears popping that he's vomited. It’s a huge piece of gum and it makes them open up their mouths really big and wide with each chew and it really helped with his ears. We do that every time we're taking off or landing now for Emmett, specifically. Until he gets older, that's what we'll do.

And then one tip for traveling in general and making sure you've got everybody, making sure everyone has their suitcase, making sure everyone's taken care of, is divide and conquer your kids. Brian takes two. I take two. We split them up. We assign them ahead of time and then we switch groups of kids on the flight home, so it's not like one person is stuck with the youngest and most difficult flyers on the way there and the way home. We split it up. We take turns. We talk about it.

Maybe I'll take Bella and Emmett and he’ll take Hudson and Leland or maybe he'll take Leland and Bella and I'll take Hudson and Emmett. We split up the most difficult ones so that each person has a youngest or most difficult kid. We take turns and we swap. So, he's responsible for those two. He's watching them. He's keeping them happy. He's making sure they're okay. They're safe. They've got their stuff. They're buckled in. He's taking them to the bathroom if they have to go. And then I've got the other two doing all of the same things.

It helps rather than bickering, getting frustrated in your communication on a plane or a road trip. We divide and conquer. It helps so much.

I wanted to give a few quick tips for the kids' behavior when you are at the location that you've been traveling to.

So it's one of those things where…imagine you're traveling somewhere and you're going to a family reunion or you're going to a wedding or an event where these people haven't seen your family in a long time and you know that stress you feel of your kids are going to have a really bad day, their behavior is going to be terrible and they're going to choose today to have a massive meltdown or something. It causes a lot of stress and tension in you as the parent.

I'm not above bribing. I'll do it. But I have found that affirming behavior that was already good goes way further than bribing for future good behavior.

What I mean by that is…example, “Hudson, you were so polite and sweet when Grandpa was talking to you about football. I am so proud of you. Great job buddy.” It makes them want to do more of the thing you're praising them for. Notice your kids’ good behavior as you get to your location. Once you're there, affirm that and they'll want to continue that.

Little toddlers, not so much. This is a really hard phase, and I think that kids need a lot of grace. They've been traveling. They're out of their normal environment. Abnormal kids thrive on routine. And they usually don't have any when you're traveling. It’s really hard. So just be gracious and expect people to give you grace too. Don't let anyone make you feel bad or guilty that your toddler's having a meltdown when you're across the country, when you just finished traveling and they're around a bunch of people they don't know. We can't expect our kids to be amazing and perfect. We need to give them grace.

I have found that little things like that, like encouraging good behavior and being nearer to my kids, letting them know they're safe and loved even though we're somewhere new and they're seeing people that seem to really, really know them that they don't know…that would freak anybody out. So, I give them grace and I stay close to them. I'm there with them and I can listen to them. I'm focusing on what they need, but I also do expect them to cooperate, especially as they get older, and be good. “You guys need to follow the rules. The rules still apply here.” I just have a little extra grace when I know they're tired of traveling, there are strange people around, and we're doing new things and we've got to give them grace for that.

I think one huge thing…remember that you're trying to have fun, assuming that you're traveling for vacation or a family visit somewhere. This is supposed to be fun. So relax. Breathe. You can easily make this a terrible trip. You can easily make this the worst idea you've ever had and it is up to you. Just remember that. You're the parent. Take a deep breath. Our kids need grace. You need grace. Relax. Breathe. Try to have fun.

Try to remember why you're doing this and just roll with it. If you end up inside most of the family party with your toddler who's really temperamental and really struggling to not be at home in her routine, that's okay. You're a mom and you're a great one. You're doing a good job. It's okay. You have to lower your expectations a lot and then lower them even more.

Things are probably not going to go as planned. You probably won't get to do all the things you wanted to do on your trip. You probably won't get to see all the things you wanted to see and talk to all the people you wanted to talk to. It probably won't look much like the idea in your head when you were planning this trip.

Someone might get sick or throw a fit or lose their suitcase. It's okay. It's life and life is what you make it. So remember that.

And also remember that you're an example to your kids of how to handle life's curve balls and things not going your way. Remember that because it's so huge and I know that we're all on the same page that we want to raise good humans. We want to raise kids who handle things well, can roll with the punches, are good examples and they won't be that if we're not that.

I think when all is said and done, remember this is just a trip. Don't think about how much money you spent on the trip and how the kids are ruining in, their attitudes suck and you're super frustrated. Remember that it's just a trip. Remember to be a firm parent and expect a lot of your kids if they're older, but also to give them a lot of grace because kids thrive on routine. You're out of your routine.

Sometimes they just need a little bit of wiggle room and when all is said and done, you're their parent and that's your top priority and that's your job even when you're traveling.

Just remember, lower your expectations. It's not going to be perfect. The best trips that we've had are the ones where our expectations were pretty low and we were just showing up the best way we could, trying to have fun and taking advantage of every spare second, but also letting our kids take naps. If it was nap time and they were tired and we just couldn't go try that cool new restaurant we read about on Yelp, you know, sometimes it just doesn't happen that way. Especially if you do have really little kids.

So as summer comes and you guys have all these trips planned, I hope these trip tips help you take a deep breath, have a sigh of relief, change your perspective a little bit, get a little bit more realistic and a little bit more prepared all at once, and give you happy family travels.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

Ep 106: Rocking Life as a Work-Out-of-the-Home Mom with Kendra Hennessy

Facebook_EP_106.png

The one thing I don’t talk about is being a work-out-of-the-home mom. I just never did that, so I don’t want to teach what I don’t confidently know. But! Today’s a good day because my friend Kendra Hennessy has been in that position and is about to drop some serious truth bombs for you mamas!

This episode is going to bring you a lot of hope and inspiration no matter what type of mom you are! Whether you are a mom who works from home or outside the home, get ready for really good conversation around finding the balance and harmony between work and family. 

Kendra and I talk about figuring out what fits your family best, discovering the values that are non negotiable, and finding ways to connect with each of your kids (because we all know, every kid is different and needs their mom in different ways!) There are fears, doubts, and misconceptions moms who work outside of the home face but at the end of the day we are all moms working to give our kids the best we can!

 
 

In This Episode Allie + Kendra Discuss:

  • The biggest doubts work outside the home moms face.

  • Understanding that chaos is routine out of control and how you can get it back in order.

  • How valuable quality time with your kids is (and not just quality time, but time spent doing things they love)

  • Why the “fringe moments” matter.

Mentioned in this Episode:


MFTM-FB-3.png

Made For This Mom is a beautiful, life-changing program that I co-created with Kendra. It deals with mindset, attitude and heart shifts for moms who are ready to uplevel their mental and emotional health.

If you want to get away from the whole “oh mom, life is so hard and so messy,” and just that victim mentality. The, “I never get a moment to myself. My whole life is just such a crap show. I don't even know what selfcare is. I never get time to myself.” That whole act, that whole lifestyle and start living your life as who you are meant to be, this program is meant for you. It will change your life.

This is a mindset program that helps you identify the source of the weight you're feeling and get this aerial view of your motherhood so you can become the confident, flourishing mom that you were meant to be.

It is a next level program. Made For This Mom. Doors are open now and I really want to see you in there!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


Don't have time to listen_.jpg

Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Guys! It is finally May and I'm so excited because it's Mother's Day this month. It's the month of motherhood and that means in my life that I get to do a lot of work side-by-side with my business bestie, Kendra Hennessy of Mother Like A Boss.

We co-created an online program called Made For This Mom together a few years ago and every May we open the doors to that program. I'm so excited because this is just one of the reasons that I love May so much. This time of year honestly makes me super emotional because this program is so important, so close to my heart, and so different from the other courses that I've created.

Made For This Mom is a beautiful, life-changing program that I co-created with Kendra. It deals with mindset, attitude and heart shifts for moms who are ready to uplevel their mental and emotional health.

If you want to get away from the whole “oh mom, life is so hard and so messy,” and just that victim mentality. The, “I never get a moment to myself. My whole life is just such a crap show. I don't even know what selfcare is. I never get time to myself.” That whole act, that whole lifestyle and start living your life as who you are meant to be, this program is meant for you. It will change your life.

This is a mindset program that helps you identify the source of the weight you're feeling and get this aerial view of your motherhood so you can become the confident, flourishing mom that you were meant to be.

It is a next level program. Made For This Mom. Doors are open now. Go to madeforthismom.com. Get all the deets. I really want to see you guys in there.

It comes with a student-only online community where Kendra and I regularly check in and can talk to you guys. You can ask questions and comment. It also comes with three live coaching calls with both Kendra and myself present and we literally are taking your questions, taking your specific life issues and talking with you, answering your questions, helping you, coaching you through things. So, three of those live calls plus the entire program, plus the student community. This is just invaluable.

I can't wait to see you guys in there. I'm so excited about this! Madeforthismom.com. The doors are closing super soon, so get over there.

ALLIE: Hey guys! Welcome back to The Purpose Show. I'm so happy today. Extra, extra happy because I'm sitting with my BFF and we're going to hang out and talk and you guys get to listen in. Kendra's here. She is one of my best friends in the whole world. She lives across the country, so I think that's a bummer. It's a bummer, but it says a lot about our friendship because I'm over here in sunny San Diego and you'll send me a picture with 8 ft. of snow.

KENDRA: It's the middle of January. And Allie will have an Instastory and they're gallivanting around southern California, and I just sent her a picture of us bundled up inside because we're inside the Polar Vortex, and she's like, “Oh I know! I totally feel you, friend. It was 50 degrees yesterday.” Very different.

ALLIE: Kendra and I, she's been on the show before. I'll link to her initial episode because it was really good. She’s the queen of simplifying your cleaning and your cleaning systems, your cleaning routine, how to clean. She taught me how to deal with urine, which I need to do a lot because I have a million boys.

KENDRA:  I'm really good at teaching people how to deal with urine. I want that to be on my tombstone.

ALLIE: This episode is going to be so fun. I'm so excited! Kendra is the founder of Mother Like A Boss and her website is amazing. The way she does things is really similar to the way that I have my business laid out because we've been doing stuff together for a while.

I think you can see the influence that we've had on each other whenever we come together. We have a really good energy together and I love doing stuff with you. We also made a course together, Made For This Mom.

KENDRA: Which is incredible. I'm trying to say that with the most humble sound in my voice as well. I know when we talk about it we try to be very humble, but I really do think that I can say that because it's helped so many people. And I also think that both Allie and I know that that course came out of somewhere else. It came to us in an instant and we laid out everything for that course in a day because it just came to us from another place. We just knew that this is what we were supposed to talk about and it deviated from what we normally did because it's not about decluttering or minimalism or homemaking or cleaning. It's really about motherhood. It's about your relationships with yourself and the people in your life and getting back to a really solid place in your own life.

A lot of moms in there are like, “You know, I have my systems down. I'm running my home. I've decluttered and the everything there seems great, but why do I still feel this longing? Why do I still feel this emptiness inside?” And that's where Made For This Mom really has been able to fill that void.

ALLIE: Yeah, we launch it every May for Mother's Day, so coming up. Every time we do that, I always say that I'm so proud of that course. I think I really am the most proud of it because, not that the other stuff doesn't matter, but this is so much deeper and the kind of comments that we see coming out of that course…it's just better.

It's so amazing and so powerful. I love that we did that together. It was like we were just enlightened with it. It came out of us when we were together in San Diego. That was great. I love it.

So, tell everybody about your family and, you know, be better at it than I was at saying what you do.

KENDRA: Absolutely. As she said, I founded Mother Like A Boss. We actually just celebrated our three-year anniversary for the business, which was really incredible. And I wasn't even keeping track at all because, as you know, as you get older time sort of constricts and you're like, “Oh! It's been a year? It feels like 10 minutes.”

Before that I owned a cleaning business, so that's really where my cleaning expertise comes in. I wasn't just somebody that liked to clean, I actually ran a business. I ran the numbers last year and I have about 22,000 hours of experience cleaning houses. That's not including my own, so I do have the expertise. I have learned a lot.

It was an 11-year process and I sucked at it at first. I really do tell people that for a reason because house cleaning isn't something much like anything else in motherhood. It's not something people are born with. People have tendencies towards organization or tendencies towards good habits. But at the end of the day, something like cleaning your house is not just innate. It's not like we're born knowing how to do it.

I ran that business. I loved it and I loved what I did, but I was exhausted. Cleaning people's houses every day is exhausting. From a business standpoint, I wanted something I could scale. I wanted something that would allow me to be home with my kids more. So, I went into the online space and thought there has to be a way that I can serve moms in a better way, not just with cleaning, but with home management in general.

Really what I talk about is modernizing homemaking. I sort of feel like I’m on this one-woman mission to modernize and put a fresh spin on homemaking because I think that it is one of the most important things that we can do these days and it's one of the most overlooked.

And that's really why Allie and I both not only get along so well, but have such a heart for each other is because we both have that same belief…if your home is in order, then you're going to radiate that love and joy to your children, to your husband, to the relationships in your life. And then they're going to take that and radiate it out.

I think now we live such busy, full, crazy lives that why wouldn't you want your home to be the safe haven?

I always say I want my home to be the hammock and the safety net that catches us in our lives, so that when the stresses of the outside world are crazy, I can come home and it's not another stressor. When I walk into my home I'm not like, “Oh, great, crap” and there's crap everywhere. And I have no systems. We wake up in the morning and we're run, run, run and rush, rush, rush, much the same way Allie talks about decluttering.

On the personal end, I've been married to my very tall husband, as Allie can tell you.

ALLIE: Yes! He’s so tall and so loud.

KENDRA: He's tall and loud. Bless his sweet, sweet heart. He's one of the loudest people on the face of the earth. His whole family is. They just talk loud and he doesn't even realize it. What's funny is that he's not an ostentatious person at all. He's just loud in the way he talks.

ALLIE: It’s literally his voice decibel. It's just funny. We joke about it all the time because when we were first hanging out as families…Brian…one of our pain points in our marriage is, I'm like, “What? Huh?” He's kind of a mumbler. He has a quiet voice. And Adam was like, “So how's it going?” And I was jarred. And I noticed it and Kendra was like, “Oh yeah, sorry.” He's really loud. It's just funny.

KENDRA: He has a very rich timber.

ALLIE: Well said.

KENDRA: We've been married for, it's coming up on 12 years in a couple of months. We have a 12-year-old daughter, Ava, and a 6-year-old son, Everett. They are truly the light of my life. All three of them. I love them so much. I love being a mom. I love being a wife. I love being a business owner.

I think that if you're listening to Allie, you know Allie's the same way. And again, that's something that really created our friendship is while I love my family and I would do anything for them, my business is like a third child to me. My business is super important, running my business is important. I love being successful. I love making money. I love all the things about running a business. I love being a CEO.

Also we live in upstate New York where it's cold four months out of the year. Really cold, not like southern California, 50 degree cold. Like actually cold.

ALLIE: It sucks. I'm embarrassed that I've acclimated back to here because I travel so much that if I'm gone enough I'm like, “Oh, I'm actually not that cold and I don't need this giant puffy jacket on day 15 of being here.” But then I get back and I'm like, “Oh it’s so cold and then I look at my phone and it’s like 61.”

I don't even know where to start with you because I have so many things that I want to talk about, but I want to circle back to when you had your cleaning business. You have a podcast, an amazing podcast by the way, which we will link to. My podcast and yours is coming out at the same time, so if you're listening to this one you can go back and listen to hers.

You talk about being a work-outside-of-the-home mom. I know that you know how it is when you’re audience is building and they want to know something from you and you want to help them, but there's certain things that you can figure out and help. But there's other things you just can't talk about because you've never done that. And being a work-outside-of-the-home mom is one of those things for me.

Now it's a little different. You start to travel, and speaking events, and I'm gone a lot more, but even then, my family usually comes too, so I just don't have that experience of you have a job. It's not necessarily something that you love and are super passionate about, but it pays the bills and you're working and you're gone all day and you're exhausted when you come home in the evening and you've got homework and family and cooking and all that. I've never done that.

I want to talk to you about all the things, but I really want to hone in on you blessing and speaking truth over the women that are listening that have a work-outside-of-the-home life like that. It's not their passion, it's their paycheck and they've got to do it, you know?

KENDRA: Yeah. I should start by saying I started out feeling like it was my passion. For me it was. I want to start out by saying that. I started my business when I was pregnant with Ava, so it was 13 years ago. I had gone to college and I dropped out of college in my last semester. Go me.

I had a panic attack. I did not want to do what I was going to school for. It was freaking me out that I was going to then be put into this job that I didn't want and I literally had an actual, physical panic attack and I was like, “I'm done. I'm just going to drop out. I'll figure it out later, but I'm not going to continue doing this.”

And the long story made very short is that a friend of mine had a neighbor that had just moved here from 20 or 30 minutes away. She owned a cleaning business there and was going to be running it here and needed someone to help her. So I was like, “You know what? Well I just quit school so I should probably do something during the day, so I decided to work with her, loved it and then decided to do my own business.

Well while all that was happening, while dropping out of college, which broke my family's heart because I was really the first person to go to college. I had a scholarship so they did not expect that.

ALLIE: What were you going for?

KENDRA: What I went for the first two years for was secondary math education, so I was going to be a math teacher, which could not be any different than what I want to do.

ALLIE: When she first said that, I was like, “I don't know if we're going to be friends, how can you like math? But it's so funny because she has this numbers-based memory and she'll be like, “Hey, remember on January 2nd, 2016 when we were sitting at 45-degree angle and you said this, and then we started this part of the business and we made exactly this dollars and cents amount?” She'll remember things and it's kind of amazing in a business partner because I'm the opposite.

I come up with all of the creative ideas and I'm really good at writing our emails and stuff. She's like, “Okay, but we should probably plan on making money from this.” And I'm like, “Oh yeah.”

KENDRA: Yeah, you'll give me the information. Then you're like, “Can you just run the conversions real quick on that.”

ALLIE: Yeah, we’re a good team, but I think it's so funny because your personality is so…you're so bubbly, you're such an extrovert, you're so good with people and you're so good at speaking the truth, gently, but also not so much when it's needed. And you're just so good that it's so funny that you're such a logical numbers person too. It's a weird mix.

KENDRA: Yeah, I think that's why I decided not to become a math teacher because it was like, “I just don't think that I can do that for the rest of my life.” So after two years in school of doing that, I was like, “Yeah, I don't want to do that.”

Then I thought, “You know, maybe instead of doing math, I'll just do elementary education, teach 5th grade.” I never wanted to be a kindergarten teacher. I just wanted to teach maybe fifth or sixth grade, so that's really what I went to school for. Which is interesting now because I am doing that, I'm teaching and I love to teach. I love helping people. I love the look in someone's eye when they get an “aha” or when they type it and they're like, “Oh my gosh! That just was so great!” I love helping people on a journey. I do it in a different way now.

When I dropped out of school and then was starting this new business, I also got myself pregnant. I should say I didn't get myself pregnant. Adam got me pregnant. That's really an odd thing to say. I love when people say “I got myself pregnant.” Did you? Did you really get yourself pregnant?

ALLIE: But I also hate when couples are like, “We’re pregnant!”

KENDRA: No, we're not pregnant. I was pregnant. He was not. I found out I was pregnant four months after we had gotten engaged. That was all happening at once. And to be honest, I'm glad it happened that way because it forced me to move forward. I didn't have a choice. I just kept moving forward.

Anyway, I was always a “working mom.” And I say it in quotes because I think that all of us are working, but I mean the go outside the home every day, leave at 7:00 AM, go to a job - my business - and then come home. It's funny because I don't know any different and I've never known any different. I've only been a stay-at-home-mom two different times in my life and it was only for a few months at a time. So it was just a very different way of doing things.

And I think, like many other things in parenting, it's trial by fire where you see what works and see what doesn't. For me, what helped tremendously…and I know that not everyone is blessed to have family that they live around…but if you don't have family around, finding yourself a support system. Even if you have to pay them. Even if it's just a babysitter that comes in for a couple of hours at night or on the weekends, or a nanny or a mommy's helper, that kid next door who's 12 who's looking for a few extra dollars, having somebody come in to clean your home, even if it's once a month.

Here's the thing guys, people talk all the time about like, “Oh, I can't afford this. I can't afford that.” But they'll go to Starbucks every day and get themselves a coffee. I'm like, if you just saved that money every single day, if you save that $5, you would have an extra $150 at the end of the month that you could have paid a house cleaner to come in and do a bunch of stuff for you or someone to help you with laundry once a week.

To me as a work-outside-of-the-home mom, it was about making my priorities crystal clear and nonnegotiable. Where when I was working, I was working, and when I was home, I was home and that was really difficult having a business because it wasn't like a job where I just left the job and came home. People were texting me or emailing me or whatever, so I really had to get crystal clear on what was important to me and how important it was to me to clean my house, to do my laundry, to cook for my family, to grocery shop.

Then I had to make routines around that. That's why I am so big on routines now is because routines help you to create freedom in your life so you're not coming home at 5:00 PM every night and starting from scratch every single day. And that is what a great majority of moms out there are doing. They start from scratch every day. And I know that you're big on routines too. It's exhausting. And that's why we're so big on routines because if you can make something rhythmic, make something the same every single day, even if it's just one small thing at a time, it's one less thing you have to put your mental energy into.

ALLIE: Absolutely. And I love that you described it as this is why routines are so freeing because the thing that just grates my nerves more than anything else that I hear is that, “I just can't do routines. It's too rigid for me. I’m too spontaneous.”

I am so Type B and I love being spontaneous. Let’s just take today for a quick example before we get back to the working mom thing. We're in launch mode right now in my business and you know how that goes and today, everything is done and we have a free day. I immediately was like, “Oh! I get to talk to my best friend on my podcast and then we're going to go and have a family day before baseball practice. It's going to be awesome.”

But before…I was sitting outside this morning having my coffee on the porch while the kids played and literally just thinking about before, like I would have thought, “That would have been nice. Unfortunately, I'm eight loads behind on the laundry. The dishes are all crusty. I have no food prepped for dinner.” These things are all done because it's rhythmatized and simplified. The load of laundry is finishing right now. I can hear it above me. There's food in the crock pot because I had it prepped before. Actually, Brian helped me with that, but we had the plan in place. The dishes are done. The house is picked up. Everything is running smoother because we're not, like you said, starting from scratch every day and now we're freed up to go and have that spontaneous family day. I didn't have this on my calendar. I didn't know this was going to happen. We can go because we've freed ourselves up with routine. I love that you worded it like that. Thank you because nobody that doesn't have routines thinks that it's going to be freeing; they think it's going to be rigid.

KENDRA: One of the most quoted Kendra Hennessey things, that I see people post is “chaos is a routine you've lost control of.” People think that chaos is this same thing. Like, “Oh, I would like to be able to just wake up every day and just choose what I want to do.” And I'm like, “Yeah, how's that working out for you right now? How is it working out when you wake up in the morning and it's chaos from morning until night?” That's a routine. Being chaotic every day is a routine. It's just one you lost control of. If your kids, if you and your kids can expect chaos every day, it's a routine because a routine is something that is based on expectation. Expecting something over and over, like waking up in the morning and brushing your teeth. That is something you just do because it's you have what you call anchors. I think the way you talk about anchors is genius. You're anchoring something to a time of day so you don't even have to think about it.

I said recently, I think it was in a workshop that I did, that when I worked at a pizzeria when I was a teenager, I would work on the weekends and I would ‘open.’ Well, we didn't walk in on a Saturday morning and go like, “Whoa, there's a bunch of stuff to do. Where do you want to start? What should we do today?” No, you have an opening list. You have a whole checklist of stuff to get done. Why? Because then it's done and as soon as you open those doors, you can just work the whole day, serve your customers and not have to worry about all the rest of the stuff getting done because it's already done and you know that the closing list will get done at the end of the day.

Just like Allie said, she got everything done. So now it's like, “Cool, we can go out and enjoy our day because I'll come home, dinner will be ready in the crock pot and laundry has already been done. Or maybe there'll be a load that was done in the dryer and I can come home and quickly put it away. That's what routines get you.

And it doesn't matter if you're staying home all day or working. That is a very common misconception. Your routines are just as important no matter what type of mom you are.

ALLIE: Absolutely. I love that so much and I think that it's important to say as well that like you mentioned it in the beginning, having a mommy's helper or whatever…we are not saying you're a mess. You need to get your ish together and you need to do it all. I'm the minimalist one. I have two girls that are in high school and they go to our church and they come twice a week and they fold all the laundry that I do on a rhythm in the mornings. I just put the hammer there and I'm like, “they’ll deal with that,” and they fold it and put it away. And it's amazing. You can delegate, that could be a rhythm, but you are keeping things running at least. You don't have to do every single thing.

If you don’t have the budget…we’ve both been there, but if you can simplify. If you can afford to have a little mommy's helper come. I give them I think it's like $20 or something a week. They’re so excited and they're saving it for their summer and all this stuff. But they love it. They're so happy to help. It helps me so much. That's saving me I don't know how much time, but I feel it and I feel that in my week that I don't have to do that. Find ways to delegate. Find ways to delegate to yourself. By rhythmatizing you’re delegating those brain calories somewhere else where they matter more. Delegate to another person or your kids when they get older. People's kids don't do enough to help.

KENDRA: No, and that's something that gets talked about quite a bit in my business. And I've had a few people that don't agree with me. They're like, “I don't believe that kids should have to do chores.” And I'm like, “Well, you do you. If you want to do everything for your kids and you think that that's the way that you want to run your house, I am not going to judge you for it. But I'm going to tell you right now in my house we’re a team and I'm not anyone's servant.

ALLIE: You make a mess, you help pick up.

My son is 6. He can't mow the lawn. I can't be like, “Oh, we're just going to split everything 50/50.” He’s not old enough. Can you imagine Everett mowing the lawn?

KENDRA: He is the cutest thing. He doesn't do that. Adam does that because that's Adam's job to do, but you know what Everett can do? He can help fold clothes. He can put away his toys. He can put the dishes in the dishwasher after dinner. He can help set the table. He can clean up the table. He can do things.

And my 12-year-old is now as tall as I am, so she can do a lot of stuff around the house. She's been doing her own laundry for four years because I bought back my time.

I taught her to do her laundry while I still had my cleaning business. I should make that very clear. I was working eight hours a day, outside of the home, and I still taught Ava how to do her laundry because I was like, “I don't want to be spending time doing her laundry when I have all the other things that need to be done.” At the time I had a 2-year-old; I didn't want to be also doing her laundry and I was like, “She can learn how to do it and then I will literally buy all of my time back. All of those years that I've bought back that I haven't touched her laundry.

I think we have gotten so far away from delegating to our kids. I mean that's a whole other discussion in and of itself. But your children aren't there to be served by you. You're all there to serve one another and the home. I view homemaking as a team effort. We're all here to serve our home because when we all help and we all have our own routines, we get to have days like Allie just said she gets to have where everyone goes out.

Because I know for a fact Allie’s kids are helping do stuff too. And it's like, “If we all get our stuff done, guess what we get to do guys? We get to go out. We get to go to Legoland. We get to go to the park. We get to go swimming.” I tell my kids in the summer, “Listen, if you guys want to leave, I get my work done from 9-12 in the summer. If you can get your work done from 9-12, guess what happens at 12? We go to grandma's to swim. We go to the lake. We go out to the park. But that stuff has to be done.” And so, we all have our routines. We all have our marching orders. It's not a negative. No one's being punished. It's just a part of running a home. The same way you would run a business.

ALLIE: Yeah. And what a beautiful way to prepare them for the world. A light switch isn’t going to flip on when they're 18, “Oh, I suddenly know how to fold my socks. I suddenly know how to make pancakes or oatmeal or whatever. I suddenly know how to pay bills.” You have to teach them.

I think we all have families in our head that maybe freak us out a little bit about this topic. They are having them do too much or they're so strict that it's joy-sucking, and there's just this tension in the home of the kids are scared of the parents and there's so much responsibility and it's so strict. I can picture two friends that I grew up with that it was like that. They were so rigid and scared all the time and they were doing so much for their age that they weren't able to enjoy childhood. But you know, balancing that and teaching them to not be entitled that things are just done for you and your clothes just appear. I love that. I love the way you talk about that.


Okay, friends. I know I already told you in the beginning of this episode that Made For This Mom is here. It's open. It's May. It's one of my favorite times of the year. But as a piece of Made For This Mom, coming back around every May, there's also a free masterclass that Kendra Hennessy and I do together every year.

Anyone can come and sign up for this. This is something that we have gotten such incredible feedback on. People just freak out about it every year and they want it be something that we do more often, but because we have separate lives, separate businesses, and it takes two of us, we've just really dedicated this class to be a thing that happens that’s a free event just once a year. So, this only comes around in May. Anybody can sign up, but the live spots are limited.

Go and sign up. If you are able to come to the live showtime, come a few minutes early and be ready so that you can snag your spot. If you can't come live, sign up anyway. We'll send you a replay link and you'll have a couple of days to watch it before it disappears for another year.

To sign up for this masterclass you need to go to alliecasazza.com/unstuck.

It’s called The Get Unstuck Masterclass and that's exactly what we help you do.

There's typically four big myths that Kendra and I see popping up in you women in our businesses, because we work with women and mothers all day. We're women and mothers ourselves, so we also struggle with these myths. Kendra and I address each of these four core myths about motherhood head on.

It is a truth-bomb-dropping powerful masterclass that will literally have you moving around in your seat because you can't wait to take action on these things, shift your perspective, change your mindset, and start viewing and acting on your motherhood in a different way.

If you're going to spend an hour on the internet, this is the most intentional, the most beneficial place for you to do so. I promise…and I know that is a big promise to make…but I stand by it.

Alliecasazza.com/unstuck. It's free to come to this. You're going to love it.

However, this is a temporary thing. It's happening this week. You can go to the website and get all the details for the time and place and all that, but it's happening live and then you're only gonna have about two days to watch it before it will disappear from internet land until next May when we do it live again. This is a temporary thing.

Alliecasazza.com/unstuck. Go sign up.


ALLIE: I was wondering this morning when I was thinking about this episode, what do you think are the biggest doubts that work-outside-of-the-home moms deal with in themselves about themselves? About their lifestyle? I don't know if ‘doubts’ is the right word. Maybe what are the judgments? What are they dealing with inside of themselves?

KENDRA: I've said before that I never really felt guilty for working. I never really felt guilty about the fact that my daughter went to an in-home daycare for the first three years and then she went to a preschool-based daycare because I always looked at it and thought, I'm a better person for owning my business. And because we're a 2-family working home, we have more money to do different things, and I wanted to work and whatever.

But what I did feel guilty about was that I didn't feel guilty because people would ask me, “Oh, don't you feel guilty about sending your baby to a daycare?” And then I was like, “No, I didn't until now. Now I feel bad. Maybe I'm not a good mom. Maybe all these other people guilty and I don't, maybe I'm not a good mom.” And I think the one thing that I hear work-outside-the-home moms say all the time is, “I am missing time with my children. Am I not a good mom because I'm not staying home? Are they as well taken care of where they are versus if they were at home?” I hear a lot of that.

And then also there's the home aspect, “I feel like I can't maintain my home as well as somebody that stays home.” Just to let you all know, I have just as many stay-at-home moms as I do working moms in my course. It is not a stay-at-home mom issue or a working mom issue. I think we all need to realize that.

ALLIE: It’s a task list issue.

KENDRA: It’s funny because we all have the ‘grass is greener thing’ but it's not; the grass isn't greener on the other side. I think those issues really come up quite a bit for work-outside-the-home moms.

We were just talking beforehand about one of the big issues that comes up is not being able to spend enough time with your children. Feeling like you don't have that quality time. The typical thing I hear is, “We don't get home until 5:00 PM, and then I have to start dinner, there’s homework to do, and then it's bath time/shower time. And then I also want to spend time with my husband.” And you're trying to squeeze a lifetime's worth of stuff into four hours after you get home.

I try now to fit my quality time in with the other stuff I'm doing. There's a book on that about The Fringe Hours. Noticing those fringe moments. Those moments when I'm cooking dinner, having Everett sit down at the kitchen table and do his homework there, or color a picture, or help me cook dinner. Having Ava come with me to the grocery store or when I need to run an errand, saying, “Ava, you want to come with me?” And then talking about the insane dragon books that she won't ever stop talking about.

ALLIE: That’s why she and Bella are cross-country besties and they love each other because they talk about dragons. Kendra and I check in on their texts. The apple ID is the same, so I can open up my phone check their texts and I do often. As a mom, you’re like, what are they talking about? It’s weird when your kids ‘have a life.’ I'm always a little ‘bated breath.’ And then I go on there and it's like, “Dragons are so awesome!” And Ava’s like, “I know! Especially purple dragons. And ice wings,” from the book they read or whenever. And Bella is like, “yeah, ice wings are like the best.” And I'm just sitting there…like they're both dorks and it's amazing. I'm so glad.

KENDRA: It’s amazing. So, I don't care at all about dragons, but I do care about my daughter, so I will listen to her drone on about dragons because that's what she loves.

So, finding that time to spend with them that's not just carved-out time. I think all of us are trying to fit the lives that we see other people living into our own life. And your routines should fit into your life, not the other way around. You don't need cookie cutter routines that then you try to squeeze your unique life into. So, we've really tried in our home now to do the quality time together in those ‘fringe moments.’

Even my husband…he takes Everett to school every morning. Now our school is three minutes down the road. He leaves 15 minutes early because he drives him there and then they sit in the car together and they talk. I could just as easily drive him. I work at home. I just sit at home and I say goodbye to them. But that's their time together. It's their time to go to school and spend that time.

Someone else, they may be like, “It's only 15 minutes.” Well yeah, but that's 15 solid minutes that they are only concentrating on each other. They don't have anything else to do. And to me it's all about quality over quantity. Find those moments that you can fit in there.

Another popular one which I know comes up I'm sure in your audience a lot is wanting to have a nighttime routine where they're getting cleaning done, but also wanting to spend time with their husband.

ALLIE: Why are these your choices?

KENDRA: Exactly. I don't understand. Why can't you do stuff together? Why can't you have your routines be like, okay, for 10 minutes we're just going to clean up the kitchen together and get that done, because many hands make less work. Do it together. Then you can go enjoy time together. Or I say split it down the middle and say like, okay, a few nights a week I'm going to really go all in and make sure there's a load of laundry in and get my evening routine done and then the other nights of the week I'm going to say, “I don't care. I'm going to sit down with my husband, watch a movie, talk, do whatever I want to do.” It doesn't have to be all or nothing. We don't have to have this all or nothing mentality about everything we do in our lives.

ALLIE: I think that we also over analyze how much time things are going to take us.

In business we listen to a lot of the same podcasts. Our businesses are about our real life, our mom life. So a lot of the times I'll learn something about business and be thinking more about applying that to my mom life. And it was like that. There was this episode where this woman was talking about however much time you mentally give yourself for a task, that’s how long it's going to take. If you give yourself an hour to write this email, guess what? It's gonna take you the full hour. But if you're like, alright, 20-minute timer and I’m writing this email, it's gonna take you 20 minutes.

And we do that with our tasks. “Oh well it's either time with my husband or cleaning up the kitchen.” If you just both worked together for 10 minutes it would be done.

KENDRA: Yeah. It’s called Parkinson's law and it is for real. I have done the same thing. How many times have you gone, “Oh, I'm just going to give myself until the end of the month to get this thing done?” If you just give yourself two days, it would have gotten done in two days.

ALLIE: I have seen that so much in my life. You know with the book stuff right now ? They're like, “Okay, how much time do you want for writing your book? We'll stretch it, we'll give you 18 months if you need it. You just seem really busy.” And I'm like, “That is the opposite of what I like. Give me what's the bare minimum? Can I get this done in a month? Give me a three-month deadline.” I know that however much I'm given, that's how much I'm going to take.

I think that's really powerful for us as mothers because we just over overthink. We overcomplicate. We give ourselves too much time. We make it seem way harder than it is. Just get in there make it fun, put in your Airpods and blast music and just get it done. It'll take you five minutes if you give yourself five minutes.

KENDRA: Yeah. Also, if you have children that are old enough to be eating their own food, they're also old enough to be cleaning up after themselves. I say this in my community all the time. When people ask about the after dinner, they're like, “It just sticks me. It seems like it's an hour to clean up after dinner.” And I'm like, “Then you're doing something wrong because it does not need to be taking you that long.” It probably means that you're the only one doing it and you're probably trying to multitask by doing other things at the same time. Trying to answer questions from your children, trying to get somebody in a bath and then coming back downstairs. Tag team that stuff. “Hey, guess what? You're going to do the dishes and you're going to do this and you're going to put the leftovers away.” Everybody has a job.

Believe me in our home, we are not perfect. There are some days where I'm like, “This is not working out. Nothing's working out here.” But when we sit down and have dinner together, cleanup takes no more than 10 minutes because everyone has a job and that's just the way it is. Adam will put the dishes in and I'll clean up the table. Ava will put stuff in…the leftovers or something. If four people were eating, why shouldn't four people be cleaning up. Obviously if you have small children, you know tiny children, I get that that’s the season of your life.

But if you're in the season…I hear people say, “I have a four, a six and an eight-year-old.” That's three extra people to be helping. It’s going to take a little bit of time in the beginning to teach them how to do it, but again, you're buying back your time later because the time you invest right now into them helping is time you're getting yourself back in the future for the future. You could spend 10 minutes every night for three months doing it and you're going to net yourself back every single night for the rest of your life. It seems like a really good investment to me.

ALLIE: Yeah, for sure. I want to ask you when you get to a place in your family relationships, I'm thinking not so much with Adam, but with your kids, maybe in particular Ava, since she's a little older. When you get to a place where you feel like…I always describe it for lack of a better phrase, like when you just don't have their heart. Nothing really happened, nothing’s really, really wrong, but you don't feel like if there was something bothering her that she wouldn’t come to you. Maybe you've gotten a little too busy and you know that connection, there's a gap. What's your favorite thing to do with your kids when you feel that you've gotten to that point so you bridge that gap and fix it.

KENDRA: First of all, I love the way you say that because you have talked about Leland like that. Correct? Meeting his heart? Leland's my favorite kid. He's the best. He could care less about me at all. He literally could, that kid could not care less about my existence. And I think that's why I love him so much. He's just his own person.

ALLIE: That’s the thing, he makes you want his love and attention. He's just so indifferent and then the most random things…I’m like…why do you care about that and not about me? He’s hard to get.

KENDRA: He is. He is going to be really hard for some woman…that's going to be a hard nut to crack, for sure, but in a good way. Because when he finds someone, that’s going to be the person.

But I love the way that you say that because it's so true. Sometimes you just feel like there's a ‘block’ up. Like there's a barricade. I do sometimes feel that way with Ava, one, because of her age. She’s a little more independent now, which I love and hate at the same time. And two, because she is very introverted and always has been. She was never my super cuddly kid. She was never the kid that was like, “mommy, mommy, mommy. I need mommy all the time.” She just wasn't like that.

And now it seems even more extreme because Everett would climb back up inside my uterus if he could. That kid is attached to my life. He just wants to be with me 24/7, like just all the time. So, now it seems even more extreme. I never have to get Everett’s heart, ever. His heart is usually right in front of my face all the time, but Ava's…I feel like I do, now more than ever.

What I've noticed helps with me is getting out of the house because in the house she has her room that she can go to and I feel like it's almost like a retreat. I get it. I was 12 at one point too. I was the same way. “Leave me alone. I'm the oldest. I don't want to be around my siblings or my parents.” But I feel like now getting out of the house really helps because for a lack of a better term, she has nowhere to go.

It's easier for us to relate to one another if I can take her to Chipotle, for a drive, or we can go somewhere. Meeting up with the girl scouts, even that 20-minute trip just together, it's so much easier for us to turn on music. We love that. We share that love for music and then it'll open her up because she’s like, “Oh, do you know what this song is about? I looked it up and this is what they meant,” and it gets a conversation going. But in the house, I noticed, I’ll say, “Ava come downstairs and sit next to me.” I'll talk to her. And she's like, “Umm hmm, can I go back upstairs?” For me getting out of the house has helped so much with our relationship because it's just one on one, it's just the two of us.

And also, she has a little brother and her little brother annoys her. And so, when she's downstairs, she just like, “Everett go away.” And when we're not in the house I feel like she's more open to not be annoyed.

ALLIE: Yeah, I love that. That was a good answer.

Hudson is like Everett for me. I feel like you've seen this in action. I don't know if you guys have a dynamic like this, but Brian is Hudson in giant man form. He gets so irritated with Hudson and I'm like, “Do you realize that this is because he's you? You're irritated at your own self.” Because Brian's love language is touch and mine is not. I don't want to be touched. It’s so hard. We've had to come to the realization in our marriage that when we are having a disagreement and we're working through it, I have to put my hand on Brian’s knee or at some point he just feels unloved and far from me and it's the worst thing. It’s the worst thing. I’m like, “Ugg, fine!”

And Hudson is so touchy and it's irritating. The other day me and Brian were snuggling in the kitchen and he gave me a kiss and I'm in his arms and all-of-a-sudden I feel someone on my thigh and it’s Hudson joining in. Then yesterday Bella came over and, she was like, “Thanks for taking me to lunch, mom. I had a really nice time.” And she gave me a really long hug. All-of-a-sudden Hudson joins the group. If there's physical touch or love happening, Hudson's like, “Oh, I need in on this.”

KENDRA: That is our exact dynamic. I just have two less children. It's the exact same dynamic.

ALLIE: It’s easy to get to his heart. I know where he is at. He's very emotional and he always wants to be close to me. But the other kids all pretty much are a little more distant.

KENDRA: It is funny because all four of your kids…it's funny because I feel like I have the best relationship with Emmett. Emmett and I really bonded. We really bonded, and Emmett and Ava bonded so much. They had a great time. They had so much fun.

But it's the same with us. Adam’s love language is touch as well and so is Everett's and it's really difficult sometimes to feel like I'm being smothered because I'm just like, “Oh my God, can you people stop touching me?” But I love that you said that about Brian because I've noticed the same thing where I need to recognize that just a gesture of an extra kiss, a hug, a back rub or something, means so much in the same way since I'm ‘words of affirmation’ in the same way that an extra, “Hey, I just want to let you know thank you for everything you do for us.” I will live off that for the whole day. I'll be like, “Oh my God. Thank you!” Because that's how I receive love. It's the same with my kids, you know?

ALLIE: Yeah, I love that.

Okay, so what is going on in Mother Like A Boss world that you want to share with everybody. I know we've got our stuff going on this month, but I want to hear from you. What are you super excited about? Is there a behind-the-scenes you can give us or is there something already out that you want to share? What is getting you really excited about all the mom things you do?

KENDRA: I would say that because this is sort of ‘the May” (if you're listening to it live) in May. June…I can't give too much information, but I will say that we’re really going to be focusing on goals again. And I talk about goals in a very different way. I'm not all about, “Set your goal and then achieve it.” That's boring and no one ever does it.

We're going to be really focusing on how can you make the rest of the year your best year ever and how can you start over. I love fresh starts, but I'm also a big believer that a fresh start can be this very moment. You don't have to wait until Monday. You don't have to wait for the New Year or the New Moon or whatever. A fresh start can be the moment you decide you’re making a fresh start.

Instead of taking the summer off, we're really going to be diving in, in Mother Like A Boss, into how to really finish off the year strong. How to have a great summer and enjoy yourself while also not neglecting everything in your home and in your life and stuff like that.

ALLIE: I love that. Oh my gosh, you're going to have to share the link with me because last summer…June to me because we homeschool…break, right? Last summer on the podcast I did an episode called basically How To Revisit Your New Year Resolutions  and check-in. Nobody does that. It was so good because nobody does that. But that's what I do in my personal life. Check in. Where am I at? I'm six months, I'm halfway through…I don't want to get to January again and be like, “Shoot, well here we go again, back to the same goal.”

I think that you're taking that and really breaking it down and putting that into action for them. And that's amazing. I love that you shared that. I definitely want to share that and help get people in there. It's so helpful.

KENDRA: Yeah. Thank you. It's true. I think a lot of us we sort of “phone it in” at the second half of the year. I really do think that’s a perfectionist thing. It's like, “Well, if I haven't gotten stuff done by now, we'll just wait until next year.” As if those six months don't matter. It's really crazy.

I love that we can dive in and everyday figure out a new way to have a fresh start and start over again.

ALLIE: I love everything about you. I love everything that you talk about. I love the way you talk about it. I love that it's so different than the way that I talk about things.

Kendra will come to me guys and be like, “I just want you to know this idea that I just saw your post about is amazing and I like kind of hate you because it wasn't my idea. But I love it.” And I'll be like, “What are you talking about? You just put out this video series. It’s so amazing!” I just love that we can cheer each other on. Also we help each other out. We brainstorm together. We'll talk things out. “I've got this problem. Have you ever had this?” We just did that with webinars.

I just love you. You're so dear to me and I'm so excited that we got to do another episode on here together.

KENDRA: Thank you. I love you friend. Not to toot our own horns and say we're great or anything, but I also think that it warrants saying that the friendship that we have is the type of friendship that you guys can have with other moms. Even if you don't own a business, we don't compete with each other. We're not looking at it like, well look what she's doing and I can't have that. I look at everything that Allie does in her home and her life and I look at it from the lens if she can do it, so can I. If she can make this look easy, then that means that I can do it.

I think we need to bridge that gap in female friendships and you don't need to compete with your female friends. And if you have friends that are constantly competing with you in a negative way, it's probably time to find a new friend.

ALLIE: Yeah. And not being withholding either. If Kendra texts me or I text her like, “Hey, I saw this. How did you do that? How did you get that many people? Or how did you do that in your home?” Whatever it is. I'm not withholding, she's not withholding. We share with each other.

And that's what's so crazy to me about when we're doing… like the masterclass that we're going to do or I have a new challenge or video series or something and people are not sharing with their friends almost like they're embarrassed to say that they needed help with this. We all need help with this at different seasons.

There's other moms that are on your Facebook feed. Just because you're not an “influencer” doesn't mean you don't have influence. Share what you were finding. Share what you're learning and help other people rise up too and be better versions of themselves too. We're all trying to be better. There's no secrets there.

KENDRA: There was a woman in my group yesterday who posted this genius idea for dealing with kids cups and stuff throughout the day. And I was like, “Can I steal that and give you credit for it in my course because that's the most genius idea ever.” Share with each other. That's how we grow is by sharing and not being judgmental of others, but instead saying, “Hey, this worked for me. I hope that it works for you.”

ALLIE: Since we're sharing, can you share what the idea was?

KENDRA: Yes, it's a great idea and I'll have to go back and find her name because she was not somebody that I'm friends with. She was just in my free group. But she basically took a placemat from Walmart. She bought this big placemat and she made it into quadrants. She has four kids and she put their name and then she puts it on the counter and that's where their cup goes throughout the day so that it stays in one spot.

ALLIE: You’re like, “Where's your cup?” And there's rotten milk in a sippy cup.

KENDA: Yeah. So that's where it stays and then when it's washed it goes there and it just sits there so that they know where their cup is. They get one cup throughout the day and then they can wash it out. And I was like, “That's such a genius idea. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for not just being, “Oh this is stupid. No one's going to care about this.” Share with your friends. Share what’s working for you.

ALLIE: I love that. Well thank you so much for sharing. We're going to link to everything but Motherlikeaboss.com you guys, it's so good. And she's got the setup where you can choose your own adventure. She has this vault with all these free goodies in there.

Made For This Mom is opening this month for enrollment. It only opens once a year. And we really want to see you in there.

We'll be talking about that and we'll see you guys at our masterclass. We're hanging out every May, Kendra and I, we really hang out and I love it.

KENDRA: Thank you. Love you friend!

ALLIE: Love you too. Thanks for being here!


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.

EP 105: Simple, Stellar Style: Everyday Wear Must-Haves

Facebook_EP_105.png

Style and clothing should make you feel good, right? It should make you feel confident and put together. But so many times we say “I don’t have time to pick out my outfits” or “I’ll just throw this on.” This leads to negative thinking about how we look and ultimately impacts how we feel. It doesn’t have to be this way! One of my biggest goals in life is to put an end to the mom-frumping thing! Just because you are a mama doesn’t mean you stop caring about yourself use it as an excuse to not care how you feel about your clothes. Getting dressed can be fun, simple and you can totally have a stellar style! Let’s dive in!

 
 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • Understanding your season of life and what that means for your wardrobe.

  • Keys for dressing your shape, with your style in mind.

  • Her everyday style must haves (and she definitely shares all of them!)

  • Why it is super important for you to get rid of the things that don’t make you feel amazing.

Mentioned in this Episode:


YUH_Pinterest_Promo.png

All this talk about style and the core aspects of building a wardrobe that you love and that serves you cannot be done if your home is totally cluttered. Clutter gets in the way of you feeling the way you want to feel and you living the life that you want to live in all aspects. Especially when it comes to things that can feel ‘extra’ like getting dressed for the day and liking the way you look and feeling good. And that's actually not an ‘extra’ - that should be a given - and for a lot of moms it's just not.

Clutter is Step One to getting rid of all the stuff that's in your way so that you can live a life like this. So you can feel good. So you can have some white space in your brain to even be thinking style and your wardrobe!

If all this talk about your closet is making you wish you were in a place where you could focus on this, maybe it's time to declutter your home. This is the first step! Your Uncluttered Home is everything you need to get there!


who doesn't love a GIVEAWAY?

Reviews are everything on iTunes! Would you take a minute and click here to leave a review? Email hello@alliecasazza.com with a screenshot of your review on iTunes. You'll be entered to win one of Allie's amazing courses for FREE!  

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


Don't have time to listen_.jpg

Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Mamas! I am so excited to be recording this! I have been wanting to talk about this for a long time. I have been begged to talk about it for even longer, which of course makes me even more excited to share it because I know that it’s something that you want.

We are going to talk about style. We're going to talk about getting dressed and having simple, stellar style. Every Day Must-Haves! This is going to be a golden episode and I've got a few things I want to say before we dive in to these style must-haves.

First of all, one of my biggest goals in life is to put an end to the mom-frump thing. If you are a simple person and you don't care, that is your prerogative. You go! You do you. As long as you feel good, who cares?

But more than almost anything, I hate when I hear women, moms, talking about getting dressed like it's some extra thing. “Nobody has time for that,” or “I just threw this on.” They have this mentality of excuse making where it's somehow okay that they don't feel good.

Everybody has seasons where you're not sleeping, you've got a newborn, you're breastfeeding, whatever, and you just threw yourself together and we need to have grace for each other in those seasons. I absolutely had those times in my life. I had days where I had a nursing bra on, threw on a t-shirt that I didn't know had breast milk stains on it, threw on some concealer in the car while I drove and got to mom's group or the park day or whatever it was and just looked like a complete hot mess. And the only thing saving me being my oversized sunglasses to hide the bags under my eyes. I absolutely had those time. I am out of that season now.

But it's not about that. It is about when you are using motherhood as an excuse to not care about yourself and to not feel like your best self.

Having said that, I've got to tell you, this episode is loaded! Loaded, loaded, loaded with my secret favorites after years of spending thousands of dollars finding the best of the best in my opinion.

I am a person who likes clothes. I do not do the capsule wardrobe thing, although I do have a very intentional, minimalist for me, wardrobe. The things that I have in my closet, I actually wear. They have a purpose. They serve me and my body very well. I have found what are good investments and what are not. I have bought and had to donate or give away a lot of pieces of clothing.

And so, the things listed in this episode are not random, cheap junk. They are my true favorites after lots of searching. They are the things that I've continued to buy when the originals wear out. They are the things I have come back to over and over because they're that good. This is like Allie’s Faves.

Now let's talk about dressing for your shape and how do you even dress yourself in the first place? I think that one of the biggest keys for how I live my life and how I dress is I balance dressing for my shape and dressing how I want to dress.

Dressing for your shape means knowing what shape and style of clothing look best on where your curves are or aren’t. Dressing how you want means never saying the phrase, “I can't pull that off,” or “I wish I could pull that off,” or “I wish I could get away with wearing that,” and doing whatever you freaking want. Wear what you want!

I like to balance those two things. I don't think that either one is the end-all/be-all. I don't think that you should just wear what you want, whatever, it doesn't matter, who cares, there’s nothing else to consider. Because you want to look your best, right?

But I also don't think that you should think or say to yourself, “Okay, I need a dress for my shape and that means I can't wear that.” Or “I have bad skin so I can't wear that lip color,” or “I can't do this.” I call BS on that. I think that we need to find the balance between dressing for our shape and dressing how we want, wearing what we want to wear.

Here's an example. It actually is not a clothing example. I should have thought of a better one, but it's lip color example. I used to love, love, love when women would wear a bold pop of color on their lips. I just thought it was so cute, so beautiful, but I believed that I couldn't pull it off because I had really bad acne in the past and I have a lot of scars. And I just don't have incredible lips or anything. I just thought because of those two things I couldn't pull off a bold lip color. Total BS! I got rid of that belief. I bought a nice pop of pink lip color that went well with my skin tone and I nervously left the house the first day with it on. I could not count how many compliments were pouring in as I ran my errands, did my thing, went to mom's group that day, everything that I did that day and it taught me a valuable lesson.

Find the balance between what works for you and what you want and run with that. Run with it. Own that. Own your shape. Own what you are. Own your size. Own your skin. Own it all. And balance between dressing for what works best for that and how you want to dress. What you want to put on your face and body. What you want to wear. Okay, so that's Step 1.

Then next - I think it's important to mention before we get into the style must-haves that you need to get rid of absolutely everything that doesn't make you look and feel utterly amazing. Seriously. Just get rid of it now. Even if you can't replace it right now because why bother holding onto it if it doesn't make you feel amazing?

I hate when people are like, “Oh, I was just running out to Walmart and wearing this and it looked terrible on me. It looked so bad on my butt. I just ran out of the house in it to grab milk and of course I ran into so and so.” Why do you even have that if it makes your butt look awful and you know you don't feel good in it? Why do you even have it then? Let it go.

I say this all the time and I mean it 100%. I absolutely love every single thing that I have from my pajamas to my activewear (that being what I work out in) to my fanciest speaking engagement outfit, I love it all. I feel amazing in it. Even the things that I wear around the house for a day of cooking and working on my laptop, I feel amazing. I love it. I love every single thing and I honestly can say that. I want you to get there too.

And I felt that way before... when we were really not doing well financially, so it's not a budget thing. I mean, that definitely helps now, but I've always prioritized that and I've always felt that way. I mean, not always but since I learned these lessons in my life, you know, many years ago, I have lived this way and held that belief and stuck with it. You should love everything you own and you should feel amazing in it.

So, if something that you own doesn't make you feel amazing…If your pajamas are gross, they don't make you feel sexy, they don't make you feel like ripping them off and getting it on with your hubby, they don't make you feel super sexy, super good and ready for a great night's sleep, if your loungewear doesn't flatter you, make you feel super hot, cozy, and like a cute mom, get rid of it.

If your church clothes don't make you feel beautiful and dressed up (I say ‘church clothes’ because that's what I get dressed up for on the weekend because I don't do a ton on the weekend.) Your date night outfits…oh, date night outfits…if you don't even have date outfits – girl, no! You need to have what you need for the life you want to live that make you feel amazing. Okay? So, change that if that is not describing your life and your closet.

Okay, are you guys ready for the gold? (that’s me rubbing my hands together) Take a drink of water and we're going to get into the gold.

My everyday style must-haves. What that means is the things that I wear on my typical days in my life. I'm a mom. I've got four kids. I work at home. I homeschool at home. I'm home a lot. But I also run a lot of errands. I also need to be put together most days because part of my job is to be on camera and sharing my life and the ins and outs with you guys on social media. So, I enjoy feeling put together day-to-day. I like showing up for my life.

When I was a stay-at-home mom, I liked showing up for that. I'm the CEO of my home and my family first, my company next. I like to show up for every single part of my role in my life. It doesn't matter if you work outside the home or if you're a stay-at-home mom or whatever it is, I think you should dress for your every day and I think you should show up for your life.

So, I'm sharing my everyday style must-haves for the way that I spend most of my days, which is pretty casual.

Okay. Above all else…number one on the list is 2-3 great bras. This is above all else. You can have the cutest outfits in the world, but if the girls ain't sittin’ where they should be sittin’, it's not going to look great and you're not going to feel great. You're going to look at a photo of yourself and be like, “Why are my kneecaps perked up? Oh, those aren't my knee caps. Those are my breasts.” Get them up. Your boobs should sit in the middle of your upper arm. That's kind of the rule, so if your bra isn't keeping your boobs up that high, it's not good.

I have had the worst experiences with bras ever. I have paid good money for a crappy bra. I have paid no money for a crappy bra. I have really experienced it all.

I was super, super skeptical to try…Have you guys heard of that company, Third Love? It's like an online bra shopping. I was so skeptical because I was like, “How can I get the right bra size if I can't try it on?” I just was really skeptical but I was so desperate and sick of Victoria Secret, sick of going to Nordstrom, going to Target. I've tried everything – higher end and lower end - and I just always had the back fat digging in, crappy bras. They would stretch out really fast. They just weren't good quality. They just weren't made well at all. So, I tried Third Love out of desperation because I kept seeing the ads in my Instagram feed and I was just really intrigued.

So, I tried them. And I will admit I had to try them and send them back several times. But once I found my size…you guys, you guys…so good! I love their bras. Once I found my size, I ordered three more different styles for the types of shirts that I wear and the types of colors that I want underneath. So…nude, white, black, strapless, criss-cross back, t-shirt bras. I got 2-3 more of the size that I found that I was and this is going to sound so dumb but seriously, it makes my days better. I look forward to getting dressed because I'm telling you their bras have made that much of a difference. I did not put this on the top of the list for no reason. I absolutely love Third Love bras!

It is worth having the irritation of kind of ordering the size that you think you are, trying them on and it not being quite right, trying half a size down because they have half sizes too and it's so cool about them because I'm a half size.  It was worth that. It was totally, totally worth it.

Then once I got the one that was my size, I ordered all the styles that I know I need for my wardrobe in that size and I have never been happier with my bras ever! I am sold. I am hooked - pun intended and planned. You're welcome. I love Third Love! Like love. I highly recommend them.

So, a few good bras above all else for your wardrobe everyday style must-haves. Okay?

Next, a good sports bra with divided cups. What I mean by that is I'm very anti-uniboob.

You know the sports bras that are like a tube top and it looks like one long rectangular shaped breast. Nope! We say “no” to that.

Get a great sports bra with the divided cup. A lot of them will either have an indention in the middle of your boobs and they give you a regular bra look. You can see you have two breasts, but it's a sports bra. Or the ones I like by Calia, which is Carrie Underwood's activewear line. I've been really impressed with them. I really like them. They have a zipper in the middle so it opens in the front, super easy to get on, very secure, very high intensity sports bra. It feels a little weird sometimes to put that on when I'm just hanging around the house or cleaning, but I'm wearing sporty clothes and I just feel weird wearing a regular bra.

A good sports bra with divided cups, maybe get 2 or 3 of those as well, depending on your lifestyle. I work out three days a week and I wear sports bras a lot of the time when I'm just at home or just running errands. I really only wear regular bras when I'm dressed in jeans and a top and going somewhere.

I have three of the good sports bras with divided cups. Two of them are from Calia. I do have one from Nike, but I prefer the Calia ones. I would highly recommend those.

The next thing is (and my podcast editor is a dude. So Daniel, I'm so sorry for all the boob talk) the next thing that I would say is I don't really know what to call them, but laced under things for cleavage covering.

I am a bigger-chested lady (again, so sorry Daniel) and I just am not a fan of my cleavage hanging out everywhere. I have learned that it's kind of unavoidable and I'm going to have some sometimes and people can just get over it and deal with it, but for me to feel good, comfortable, and relaxed, I do like to have a little bit of a lace covering underneath shirts that go a little bit lower. I really like it when they are lace. I really don't like wearing two shirts, like having a camisole underneath my shirt. So, I have found that lace tube-top-style under things are the best option.

It's like a little bit of lace sticking out from whatever top you're wearing and Freepeople actually makes these tube top style lace things you just put over your bra. They're so cute and they have a bunch of different colors. Some are neutral, some are bright. I have a cream one, a white one, a black one, a brown one. And then I have a couple of happier colors. I have a green one and a pink one so I can mix and match depending on what I'm wearing.

I wear them almost every single day. Anytime I wear a top that goes a little bit lower, I have that on underneath. And that's how I get that lace little peek out, peekaboo top, without having to wear two shirts because once summer comes here in southern California and it gets to be like 120+ degrees, I'm not wearing two shirts. Okay? That's not happening. So, I love those. Love them. And I'm linking to all of this stuff in the show notes, okay? So that will be there and I'll give you guys the link at the end of the episode. So, lace under things for cleavage coverage. That's my favorite.

Okay, let's talk about denim cause I'm a jeans wearing girl. Here are the basic types of jeans that I like to have. You guys, remember, these are my must-haves. This isn't all I have, but these are if I was rebuilding my wardrobe again from scratch, knowing what I know now, these are the must haves. Okay. Distressed jeans for sure.

I prefer a boyfriend style but that might not work for your shape or you might not prefer that for your shape. It doesn’t matter. You can do skinny jean whatever, but distressed jeans, which means they have rips and tears and they look lived in and cozy.

My favorite is from Brooklyn Denim Co. They're a really light wash and they've got random rips and tears on the knees and a couple on the thighs. They're boyfriend style, super easy. I can wear them with heels. I can wear them with tennis shoes. I can wear them with my clogs. I can wear them with anything, dress them up or down. They're a very good basic distressed jean. So, a distressed pair of denim is for sure one of the things I would put at the top of my list in my everyday must-have style list.

Next is a pair of basic denim skinny jeans. So basic denim, meaning it's a medium shade of denim. It's not too dark, not too light, and there's no rips or tears, just regular denim, skinny jeans. I prefer some with some stretch.

I wear these with tennis shoes. I can dress them up or down, same as the other jeans, I can do whatever. But they're just basic and skinny style. I can pair them with different t-shirts, blouses, sweaters, or whatever.

My favorite pair of skinny jeans ever…I have bought these twice and they last forever. As I have lost a little bit of weight and they have more than a little bit of hole in the thigh from wearing them for years, I bought them again, the same ones. And I think that says a lot because I didn't feel the need to go and look for something better or try something different. They are from Madewell. I will link to them. They're amazing.

So, distressed jeans and a basic denim skinny jean.

Next would be a black high-waisted pair of skinny jeans. I would prefer high-waisted because I have an hourglass figure and my waist is smaller so I want to highlight that whenever I can. I love the look of high-waisted skinny jeans with a flowy blouse tucked in kind of coming out the top a little bit. You know what I mean? I dress like that a lot. If you guys follow me online, you will probably know exactly what I'm talking about. I would say that black, high waisted skinny jeans are the most flattering for me and would absolutely be on my everyday style must-have list if I had to rebuild my wardrobe from scratch.

The ones that I love the most are also from Madewell. There are two that I have loved. One is a distressed blackwash. There's no rips in the jean. It's just a distressed color of black, you know what I mean? Where there’s like gray parts of it? It's a very faded black.

The other pair is stark black.

These are excellent for dressing up. My stark black, high-waisted skinny jeans from Madewell are my go-to for speaking engagements and for photo shoots because they're super flattering.

Those are the three pieces of denim I would start with, if I had to start over. Distressed jeans, basic denim skinny and black, high-waisted skinny jeans. There are more that I think are great, but those are the ones that are my must-haves.


Hey, beautiful friend! I know right now we're talking about style and the core aspects of building a wardrobe that you love and that serves you, but I also know that there's no way I would've ever been able to even begin to wrap my brain around this and definitely not start to do this if my home was totally cluttered. If I was always cleaning, but the house was never clean. If my closet was super overrun with clothes that weren't fitting me anymore and serving me.

Clutter gets in the way of you feeling the way you want to feel and you living the life that you want to live in all aspects. Especially when it comes to things that can feel ‘extra’ like getting dressed for the day and liking the way you look and feeling good. And that's actually not an ‘extra’ - that should be a given - and for a lot of moms it's just not.

Clutter is Step One to getting rid of all the stuff that's in your way so that you can live a life like this. So you can feel good. So you can have some white space in your brain to even be thinking about stuff like that.

And I want you to feel better. I want you to live a full, good, abundant life that's not just barely getting by and not feeling good about yourself.

So if all this talk about your closet, your wardrobe, and style is making you wish you were in a place where you could focus on this, maybe it's time to get the clutter out of your way so that you can. My online program, Your Uncluttered Home, is exactly why I created that. It's everything that you need to get started. It's everything that you need to go all the way, not just get started.

This course is my signature program. It is what I'm most known for. It is a deep, deep dive into the stuff that is clogging your life, clogging your home, clogging your brain and causing you more stress. It's not good. Studies show us that clutter has a serious effect on us.

Your Uncluttered Home will take you through every single thing that has to do with you becoming a more minimalist mom.

And we're not talking about unrealistic, perfect minimalism that's not going to serve you. That's going to take up all your time. That’s going to take you months and months to work through. That's going to have you analyzing every single thing in your home and doing things that you're not comfortable with to try to decide whether you should keep it or not.

No. This is by a mom, for moms. That's what's given me the fame that surrounds how I speak about minimalism. Because it's realistic. It's doable. It's actionable. It's simplified. And it's going to work for you. It's relative to you, who you are and what is important to you, not what somebody else says is important for you.

To learn more about this amazing program, why it's awesome, what's in it, all the details about that and how you can enroll, go to alliecasazza.com/nomoreclutter. And do not forget - everyone who listens to The Purpose Show can use the code at checkout PURPOSESHOW and get 10% off of this program at any time.

Go check it out. I want to see you in there. I want to help you make a difference.


Okay, next on the must-have list is V-neck t-shirts. I would do black, white, and gray in the Whisper t-shirt from Madewell. Madewell makes a very light, easy to tuck in the front t-shirt that comes in V-neck shape. I believe they also come in scoop neck, but with the way my shoulders are, being bigger breasted, and the way my shape is, V-neck is the best choice for me. It's just much more flattering. I love regular scoop neck t-shirts and you will see me wear them, but I know that a V-neck t-shirt is my best everyday look.

I do have black, white and gray in the Madewell Whisper t-shirt. I will, of course, like I said, link to that in show notes. That is what I would get for my basic t-shirt must-haves if I was going to do it over again.

Next on my must-have list are loose-fit graphic tees. Loose fit meaning these are not form fitting. They are a little bit looser. I could tuck them in the front to highlight my waist.  Maybe there's some that are a little bit longer and I could wear them with leggings. These are just loose fit, graphic tees.

I really like “band” tees, although, I won't wear any from a band that I don't actually love. So, I have a couple of Def Leppard tees cause if you know me really well you know that I love Def Leopard and I've been to like four concerts with my mom and that's a piece of me. So, loose-fit graphic and “band” tees like that. I think they're super cool, super relaxed, very casual, very cute, easy to dress up or down.

I have worn a graphic tee tucked into skinny jeans with high heels for date night and I have worn them with a shirt tied around my waist and leggings and tennis shoes. You can do whatever you want.

Those are my favorite types of clothing - the ones you can do whatever you want with.

I also really love loose-fit tees in general, especially loose-fit tees that have purpose, like they have words or a message behind them or they're from a company that I believe in.

I'm going to link to all my favorite companies, but I really love Ascot and Heart. I love Three Bird Nest. I love Nellie Taft. I love All Good Things Co. And I love Bando. Those are my top places to get my t-shirts.

The next on the must-have style list are loose-fit tank tops. You noticing a theme and loose fit? So, while I do have a small waist, I don't always want to highlight that and have everything clinging to me. It's not comfortable. I want to be comfortable. So, I compliment that by tucking in my t-shirts, tucking in my loose fit tops in the front to highlight my waist. Even if you don't have a small waist you can do what’s called The French Tuck. You tuck in just the front of your shirt and it is flattering, so flattering.

So, loose fit tank tops for layering under oversized cardigans (which is one of my favorite things to do in the fall and winter) and sweaters or a jacket. What I love about doing that is that because it's a tank top, it won't leave a line on your arm, because if you layer a t-shirt with a cardigan the shirt sleeve bunches up and leaves the line and it's super annoying. It's a pet peeve of mine. I hate it.

I like to have several basic colors of loose fit tank tops for layering under oversized cardigans. This is the only cheap, like really cheap, kind of like everywhere option that I think I have on my list, but I do love the Luxe tank tops from Old Navy. You can get them online. I have them in cream, olive and black and I wear them often, so I will link to those as well.

Next is let's talk about blouses real quick. I do think that it's important to talk about blouses and that is something that I of course would rebuy if I was rebuilding my wardrobe. But I don't have any specific ‘this blouse’ or ‘this brand’ but I'm more focused on what are the features that I need in a good blouse. And when I say ‘blouse’ I'm talking about shirts that I would wear on date night, to church, when I'm speaking, when I'm dressed and going and doing something for the day, having brunch with a friend, you know, whatever it is. So, when I'm not super casual and wearing a t-shirt.

The features that I look for in a blouse, being an hourglass shape, are I normally want it to be a little flowy in the sleeve and a little more form fitting in the waist. That's my favorite look. You'll see in my photo shoots often I have a form fitting shirt in my waist, but the sleeves are either puffy or flowy, are a little loose. Or sometimes they're not. Sometimes they are just tight all the way around, but they're just flattering tight. They're not like sucking me in, line from my bra, hanging out in the back really bad (sometimes that’s unavoidable), but it's not unflattering.

Sometimes there's exceptions to those rules, but typically my favorite features in a blouse are flowy sleeves, fitted around the waist. And when I pair that with skinny jeans or flares, whatever it is, it's just a win for my body type. So that's where you have to come in and know your body type, know what looks and works best for you.

If you're not sure, research that. You can find that out online by looking at other people and other fashion bloggers and then know what your go-to is. This will also help with online shopping because if I know what my size is in my favorite stores and I know what my favorite, most flattering type of blouse is, it can enable me to shop online more confidently.

I know that a medium of that style blouse from Madewell is going to fit me perfectly where I'm at right now so I can get that online confidently and know that unless there's something really strange about that top, it's going to fit and I'm not going to have to return it. It just takes time and experience to build that up to where you can do that.

Next on the style must-have list is clogs. I love clogs. I wear them basically every day. I love them. I have several pairs that are very basics in neutral and different styles that go with different types of outfits that I wear on a regular basis. There are a ton of other pairs of clogs that I would love to get, but I don't because I know that I'm not going to wear them very often. And clogs are a little pricey. They're an investment. They are good quality, they are comfortable. I have worn clogs when I was in New York City and I knew I was going to be walking a lot. They worked great for me. I love clogs.

My favorite brand and the only brand that I buy is Lottas from Stockholm. Again, I will link to them. Lottas are incredible. They are so well made. I do have a bit of a wider foot and they fit me great. They're never too narrow. They're comfortable. They are good. They seem weird if you've never worn clogs before. It feels weird that they are wood; they’re clogs. But they're super cute, super trendy right now. They're very comfortable, especially once you wear them a couple of times and break them in. They have real leather tops, Lottas do at least. They're just really beautiful, really well made. So cute. You can wear them with skinny jeans, boyfriend jeans, flare jeans, dresses, whatever.

They are the perfect option for adding a little bit of style and a little bit of something to a plain outfit. I really, really love clogs. I am a huge clogs girl. I wear them basically every weekend. Definitely at least three times a week. I love, love, love clogs.

For me the style must-haves would be a pair of brown leather clogs and a pair of black clogs. If I was going to just get one, I would get brown like the cognac brown color. You can get whatever style you prefer, the Mary Jane Style or they have a slip-on style. Whatever that is for you. I have several pairs now, but I would start with the brown cognac in one of the styles if I was rebuilding.

The next thing on the style must-have list is flattering flats. I don't really like ballet flats. It just doesn’t really fit my style, but I do like flats that have a little bit of an edge and are flattering. Believe it or not, your shoes can be flattering. I have these pair of cognac brown faux leather flats that I got on Amazon. They were like $25 or $35, I forget which one and I will try to find them and link them for you. Hopefully they still have them. I checked a while back for a friend and they didn't. But if they don't, I will find similar ones for you. And they kind of have this slit down one side.

You might know what I'm talking about if you follow me on Instagram. I wear them all the time. They are a little bit edgy. They have a little bit more of my personality in them to me and they're super flattering on my legs and ankle. That is important to me because I have very muscular legs and very muscular calves, so it's easy for my calves to look really big, especially in photos. And part of my job is to do photos all the time, so it's important to me that when I wear flat shoes that don't have a heel that they're still flattering and these just get the job done. I love them.

Even if I were to get other styles and types of flats, I would still look for some that had those features, maybe a little pointed toe, a space between where my jeans hit my ankle and the top of my foot. When you show skin there, it is more flattering. That's a little tip for you guys. I will link to my favorite flattering flats, but that is something that I would absolutely get as part of rebuilding my wardrobe.

Next since we're still on shoes are tennis shoes. I'm a big Nike girl. I Love Phil Knight and his story in founding Nike and what he went through in building that company. It’s a heart thing. I love them. I love Nikes. I really like the Tanjun. They're a soft mesh tennis shoe, but they don't look like it. They look really cute, sporty, stylish and you can wear them with skinny jeans or leggings, whatever. You could work out with them. They're just a really nice active lifestyle shoe for busy people.

But I also love New Balance. New Balance has this one tennis shoe, I actually don't know what the name is, but I will link to it. What I love about these shoes is that they're black on the top and white on the bottom, which is my favorite colors for tennis shoes. But they added this detail of faux leather at the front of the tongue of the shoe and the same color of rubber at the front of the toe of the shoe, giving it this very cool, trendy lifestyle look in a tennis shoe. Those are the shoes that I wear when I'm out running errands, when I want to be super cute and look put together, but also sporty and just having a normal day.

Those are my two favorite tennis shoes and I will link to both of them so that you can go in and look at those. And there's a couple other Nikes that I have and love and highly recommend. I will just link to all of those for you guys.

Next on the style must have list would be leggings. I have gone through so much with leggings. I am a bootylicious person. I'm very curvy. I don't have small thighs and I definitely don't have a small butt so leggings have been hard for me, but I was determined to figure it out because I love that look of leggings, a loose tee and a flannel shirt wrapped around my waist. I love that. That's my go-to outfit. Basically every week it's my go-to.

The leggings that I have found that work the best are Spanx. Spanx makes fashion leggings, they make activewear leggings. I have their faux leather leggings and I have their full leather moto style leggings and I love them both. I hate when they're in the wash. I wash them immediately, almost every time that they get dirty because I want to wear them all the time. Every time I posted a picture wearing my faux leather Spanx, I get a bunch of comments asking what I'm wearing because they are so flattering. They have the Spanx shapewear technology or whatever and it makes a difference. Spanx is one of the only companies that I have found that makes good quality stuff and they don't have that seam down the front of the crotch area (giving you awkward issues that I won't name.) I love, love, love my Spanx leggings. If you can make the investment, do it. They're amazing.

The next brand that is incredibly cheap that you can get on Amazon, I read so many raving reviews about these leggings, but they were so cheap, I was really skeptical. The brand is called Oalka. I will link to the ones that I have cause there's different ones. The ones that I have are the best ones. I will link to them in show notes. I use these to workout, but I also will wear the black and charcoal ones day-to-day running errands and being a normal mom person. They are the highest quality, the best, most flattering leggings that I have found that are cheap. I own the Spanx ones and I still bought several pairs of the Oalka ones because I do work out multiple times a week, so I need to have some leggings in my rotation. I also wear leggings day-to-day instead of jeans a lot of the time, so I needed to have some good quality flattering leggings that will work well for what I'm doing that day.

So, Spanx and Oalka are my favorite ones. I love them both. I can't say enough. I feel like I'm going to be annoying and go on and on about these leggings and I won't do that. But there are a lot of types of leggings. I have Lululemon leggings that I have had for a while and I would prefer the cheap Oalka ones to those. I honestly would. Oalka is cheap and they are amazing. Spanx are worth the investment. And they give a little bit more of a stylish edge because they are like faux leather and stuff.

The other thing that I will say about being a curvy girl and loving to wear leggings is that there is something to having your shirt that you wear with your leggings work well with what you've got going on. I don't want to have a short t-shirt and my bottom area totally exposed when I'm wearing leggings, even if they're super flattering and the Spanx cover cellulite and all that. I just don't want that because they're so tight, it's just not comfortable for me. I like to pair leggings with a really loose, a little bit longer shirt and I often will wrap a chambray or flannel shirt around my waist, which brings me to my next style must-have… a flannel shirt to wrap around your waist.

If you have a shape like mine, tie it up higher where the smaller part of your waist is. Loosely tie the flannel shirt there. I tie it once and then I tie it into a knot and I let the sleeves hang down in my front, like in front of my crotch. It's so flattering. It’s super easy, super relaxed, really trendy right now and flattering on your bottom and your front when you're wearing leggings.

Right there, what I just described, my tennis shoes, my leggings, my flannel wrapped around and a loose white tee and a baseball cap, that’s go-to Allie almost every day outfit. And if you follow me, you know that.

So, a flannel wrap-around. You can get those anywhere. I don't have a favorite. I have a couple of them just from Target. Just a flannel shirt that will work to wrap around your waist. I like to get them in my size so that if I get cold and I want to put it on like a light jacket, then I could. It would fit me and I won’t look ridiculous and it's still long enough in the back to still cover my bottom if I'd take it from off my waist. Does that make sense? That's kind of how I think and what I do.

The next thing on my style must-haves is loose lounge pants. These are not really sweat pants. They don't have that sweat material inside, but they're not linen either. They're just regular, hanging out pants. I'm wearing them right now. My favorite brand is by Calia, so again that's Carrie Underwood's activewear line. I love them because they're high waisted and they're flattering. I have a charcoal gray one and a light gray pair and I wear them both every single week. I love them so much. I'll wear them to bed. I'll wear them around the house.

Today, for example, all I did was prep food and work on my laptop and then do a little bit of language arts with the kids, so I was very much at home today and I wore them with a Nike tank top tucked in. I love them. They're amazing. I cannot say enough about these pants.

Here's my story with these pants. I was at Dick's Sporting Goods and I was waiting for Brian to get the boys something for baseball. And I was like, “I'm going to go and look and see if I can find some regular lounge pants that don't suck.” I went over to that Calia section at Dick's Sporting Goods and I found these pants and I was like, “These look pretty good. I'm going to just try them.” Go them home, put them on and basically didn't take them off ever again because they were amazing, super flattering. I could throw on some flip flops and wear them out of the house to run errands or tennis shoes, whatever.

I love these pants, love them so much. I went online and ordered a second pair. They were about $49. They're worth every penny. And then some. I love these pants. I'm going to link to them in the show notes.

The last two things are hats. I didn't want to get into accessories, jewelry, purses and all that, but I do want to mention hats because baseball caps are part of my regular life. I love Nike’s baseball hats. They're really good quality. I also love the 9Forty style caps by New Era. New Era is the company that makes sports logo hats. There are a really popular brand. They make the LA and New York Yankee hats.

I love baseball. I grew up watching baseball. I like three different teams. I like the Yankees, the Dodgers and the Cincinnati Reds. I know it's weird, but I have a different connection to each of those teams. I grew up watching baseball with my dad. My Dad was obsessed with the Reds, but I also loved the Yankees because they have all the most famed players that I would read about and just fell in love with from the 1940s and 50s. And I love the Dodgers because I'm from LA and I've been to so many games with my Dad. Good, good memories with baseball in general. So, I'm weird and I have multiple teams.

But New Era makes your regular, good quality baseball caps of teams' logos on them. And the 9Forty style is the most flattering style for my face shape. They're really good for women to wear. So, look up the 9Forty caps by New Era. Those are the baseball caps that I get. I have about five of them, different colors, different teams. I kind of switch between those. I love a good quality baseball cap.

The last thing on the everyday style must-have list are wide brim hats. Guys, these make you look like you are so fashionable and really all you're doing is covering up really dirty hair and it's amazing. Unfortunately, most cheap wide brim hats like from Target and stuff, they don't stay on your freaking head and they are not durable. So, when you are driving in your car and you want to take your hat off and you throw it in the backseat, and your kid steps on it, it's totally smashed and it won't get its shape back. So, it is important to invest in a good quality wide brim hat.

My favorite brand is called Brixton. That brand stays on your head, stays in place, they're super cute, they have good colors and they are durable. I can throw that hat all around my car. I can throw it in my house on the couch. I can hang it up on the hook in my closet and it can fall down and get stepped on. It doesn't matter. It's going to retain its shape as soon as I pick it up and fix it. It's durable, great quality. I love the Brixton brand and they stay on your head and they are totally worth the money. I will link to those as well.

I never thought I would do an episode this long about clothes, but you guys asked for it.  I wanted to deliver, so I went all in on my everyday style must-haves. To get the links to all of this, go to allie-casazza.com/shownotes/105. That will get you all of these links.

I have them super, super organized for you. Everything that I talked about is laid out. So easy for you to skim through. So easy for you to find, click, and buy what you choose to buy. Again, these are the things that I would buy, that I would have to have, to have a solid, stellar wardrobe if I was rebuilding from scratch.

Hope this was helpful for you guys! Let me know what you think. Tag me on Instagram. Share on Facebook. I want to see you listening to this. I want to see what you think.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend!

See ya next time!

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.