Today we’re doing something we’ve never done before on the podcast: My kids are here to answer some common questions I get from moms who want to help their children learn how to purge their stuff. I believe that kids learn best from other kids so, call your kids over and let them listen! Let’s dive in!
In this episode Allie discuss:
- Common decluttering hurdles for kids
Mentioned in this Episode:
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We’re surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life, the no-time-for-myself life, the hard life. And while it can be hard and full of lots of showing up for others, the idea that being a mom means living a joyless, stale, or shit-show life all the time is something I am passionate about putting a stop to.
I’m Allie Casazza, and I’m about to make your life so much lighter.
I’m the best-selling author of the book, Declutter Like A Mother, and the creator of several life-changing online programs that have enrolled tens of thousands of students.
If you’ve been feeling chronically behind, if you wake up feeling exhausted for a day that hasn’t even started yet, if you constantly feel like you don’t have time for the things that really matter to you, I’ve got you.
I went from being a completely overwhelmed, depressed, struggling mom of three babies and toddlers who, I’ll be honest with you, didn’t want to be a mom anymore because I felt like I was failing so hard at it every day.
Through a lot of figuring out, searching for help, inner work, and shifting how I was doing and being, I found that the less I had in my way, the more joy, focus, and purpose I brought into my life. We have to define what is in our way and what is actually worthy of our energy.
I went from blogging about my journey to becoming the founder of a multi-million dollar online business, all based on helping women live better, lighter lives.
Join millions of listeners around the world for conversations that will lift your mood, focus your intention and raise your vibe week after week.
We talk motherhood, lifestyle, wellbeing, and simplifying everything from home to schedule to business.
Listen, this is about not just waking up and reacting to our lives and letting the day run us, but setting the intention, taking ownership of every single day, and making life work for us, making it easier.
Friend, I am so glad you’re here! I’m Allie and you’re listening to The Purpose Show.
Hey friends! Because it’s so important to me that I am able to authentically be myself and I want to speak the way that I normally speak here on my podcast, you’ll find the occasional curse word in my show. So if that bothers you or it’s not something that you want your kids to hear, grab your headphones.
In the show you’ll also find some episodes with adult themes, just things that are a little bit too mature or hard to process for young ears. So, in general, headphones might be a good idea. I love you guys. I’m glad you’re here and enjoy this episode.
Hello my friends! I am so, so, so extra freaking excited for this episode. This is something that we have never ever done before on the podcast or anywhere else in my community. We are doing a Q & A with my kids. Well, most of them. Emmett is the youngest and he didn’t want to do it. He was struggling with the idea of this and was super embarrassed, which is weird because he’s the loudest, most outgoing one. I’m here with Bella, Leland and Hudson. Bella is 12 at the time we’re recording this, Leland is 10 and Hudson is 9.
We’re going to answer some questions that we got from you guys on Instagram and in our community. We haven’t really prepared. We’re just going to wing it.
So why don’t you guys say your name? Say “Hi” so they can hear whose voice is who’s.
BELLA: Hey, Bella here.
LELAND: Hi, I’m Leland.
HUDSON: Hi! I’m Hudson.
ALLIE: Okay, cool. All right. Let’s dive into the Q & A.
First question: How often do you guys declutter?
HUDSON: Every few months?
LELAND: Yeah, every few months we start decluttering or when we feel like we have too much stuff every once in a while.
BELLA: I also declutter when I feel like I have too many things in my room and I can’t fit anything in my toy bin or wherever I keep my toys. Every few months, I’ll check on stuff to make sure that I don’t have too many things.
ALLIE: How do you feel when your friends get more Christmas gifts than you do?
LELAND: I don’t really feel upset or anything when people get more Christmas presents than me. I’m just usually grateful for what I get. It doesn’t really bother me or I haven’t thought of anything like that, like when people get more Christmas presents than me.
BELLA: I feel sometimes, sometimes I feel like I don’t really care. I am grateful for my things and I appreciate that they are getting some good stuff too so we can have fun together and feel included.
ALLIE: What is your favorite part about having a decluttered space?
HUDSON: My favorite part about having a decluttered space is that I’m able to do things that I couldn’t when there’s so much stuff in my way. I am able to do some drawings on the floor or craft something. I couldn’t do that when there’s so much stuff, but I am able to do stuff when it’s clean.
BELLA: I feel like it’s just out of the way. I like to walk in my room a lot and I like to be busy in there, to think about stuff and draw. And I hate it when there’s something in the way, like a big box and stuff I don’t need. I just feel much more light and happy when I go in my room because everything is decluttered.
HUDSON: I usually read a lot in my room and I can’t read in there when there’s stuff around the floor.
ALLIE: Like you can’t focus? Yeah.
Okay, friends, you guys probably already know how much I absolutely love hosting challenges. I am all about getting you to not just listen to my podcast, not just read my books, not just take in my content, but actually do something with it and about it.
I want you to actually take action and not even just action, but real action that’s going to lead to lasting change that’s really going to move the needle forward for you, your family, your goals, your lifestyle and lead to you feeling so much lighter, so much better. And having the benefits and rewards of that leak into your family, your kids, your relationships, your schedule, your day and how you’re feeling, your energy.
I’ve got a brand new challenge that’s going to really specifically benefit you as it relates to your kids. It’s called Clutterfree Kids 101. It is a free four-day challenge with me starting on February 7th.
I’m going to give you the links. You can go sign up now. I’m gonna tell you a little bit more about it after that. Go to alliecasazza.com/kids101. You can sign up. Again, it’s totally free! All of my challenges so far have been free. It is my gift to you. I’m super, super excited for this one specifically.
This is the challenge for parents that’s about kid clutter, because really, it starts with you. I feel like people don’t realize what a layered issue kid clutter is, what a process it is, and how much of it is about you and your relationship to your kids’ space, your relationship to their stuff and how you are raising them.
Your kids are experiencing life so much of the time through you as their parent. That doesn’t need to be a burden. That’s actually your power. You can use that to help get your kids where you want them to go as their parent, as a guide in their life, how you want them to experience life, the burdens you want to save them from, giving them the shortcuts so they don’t have to go through some of the BS that we’ve had to go through, right?
This is a challenge for the parent that’s really going to benefit your kids.
I think as parents, we often put the blame for all the kid clutter on the kids like they’re supposed to naturally know how to let things go. We get frustrated when they won’t. We say things like, “They’re just resisting me. They don’t understand what I’m trying to do.”
It’s not easy. It doesn’t come naturally to kids. We have to teach them. It’s a skill that’s built up with practice and experience, and that is going to have to come through you, the parent.
Think about yourselves and if you’ve needed help. You probably have. It’s not easy to shift into a new way of living lighter, more minimalistic, with less clutter, less stuff. And we don’t want our kids to go through all the materialism and consumerism stuff we’ve had to go through, and start to purge and learn everything we’ve had to learn.
Let’s teach this to them now, whether they’re two years old or teenagers, right?
There are tens of thousands of women in my challenges, listening to the podcast episodes that I publish, reading my books, and the paid programs, because they need help. There’s no shame in needing help. Let me support you in this.
It would make sense if you need help, that your kids might also need help with this, right? We can’t expect them to do this easily and just get rid of your stuff as if we, as adults, don’t need help.
It’s a skill that we need to teach our kids and this is what this challenge is all about – really getting into the first steps of helping your kids lead a clutter free, less burdensome lifestyle.
Clutterfree Kids 101. It’s a 4-day challenge. Totally free! Live every day with me. I’m going to be teaching you, guiding you. It’s going to be amazing!
We start February 7th, 2022. alliecasazza.com/kids101. Go sign up! I want to see you in there!
ALLIE: Do you have any tips for a kid that’s very sentimental?
BELLA: Well, I used to be sentimental and think, “Oh my gosh, everything is worth keeping.” I used to have a friend and we would always play with little plastic figurines, like animals and do games together, imagination stuff. I kept all of them and the same with my stuffed animals. And when I used to go in my room, they were everywhere. I couldn’t put them in my toy bin and they would stick out. I was stressed. So I learned that even though I kind of felt a little sad at first, I got rid of everything. I just felt like, “Oh my God, this is so much better.”
You don’t have to keep everything if you’re not actually playing with it or if it’s just taking up your space. Because your space matters more than what people have told you to keep.
LELAND: Also, I think if you have so much stuff you can’t find anything that you’re looking for, like if you have a toy that you want to use. It’s so hard because you have so much stuff. If you just get rid of a lot of stuff, then you’ll be able to find the things you need and not have so much stuff.
ALLIE: I think too, we’ve had a lot of conversations about how if you treat everything like it’s special, then what you’re really losing is what’s actually special, which is your room, your space feeling good.
ALLIE: How did you learn to let go of what you don’t use?
LELAND: Well my mom was the one that taught me a lot and now I know how to do it myself.
BELLA: I agree. My mom did help me, but I also kind of did it on my own. I used to take some of the advice from my mom. She would say, “Imagine yourself playing with this. Would it really make you happy? Would it really be worth your space? Would it make you so happy when you’re just playing by yourself with your siblings?”
I got rid of most of my stuff because my brothers play Legos more and I don’t have any friends now.
ALLIE: Because we moved?
BELLA: Yeah, we moved. It’s just hard to make friends and I don’t usually play by myself. I play more video games and do Procreate and just draw. I got rid of everything because I couldn’t imagine myself playing with anything.
ALLIE: You kind of went through an up level recently because you are older now and playing less with little toys and more creating with your mind I feel like.
BELLA: Yeah.
ALLIE: What’s the hardest part about decluttering for you?
HUDSON: I think the hardest part about decluttering for me is decluttering the things that have memories, but I just don’t use it anymore.
ALLIE: Yeah, that can be hard.
LELAND: And even if you love something so much, but if you never use it, it’s always just good to let it go and declutter it, because if you keep something that has a memory, but you never ever touch it or use it then what’s the point?
BELLA: I also feel like there’s no point of keeping things that you don’t play with because they are just sitting on the shelf or where you keep your stuff. It’s like, “Why do I even have that right now?” And you’re nervous. Your grandma or a special member of your family gave you this item and you’re nervous about, “What if they find out that I got rid of this and they are really sad? I don’t want to make them sad.” But just think, is it really worth your space?
ALLIE: All right, next question: If your parent got rid of a toy that you didn’t play with without you knowing, would you be sad?
LELAND: First of all, you should never ever get rid of a toy from a kid that didn’t know because that’s sad and it’s the kid’s choice to declutter things they want. If they want to keep something, then they can keep it. But if it’s dumb and they don’t use it then, yeah.
ALLIE: Dang! Advocating for your friends!
BELLA: I also think that what if that was the kid’s favorite toy and they came home and they couldn’t find it, and you either kept it from them and then they found out, or you just told them and they probably would feel like their decisions don’t matter to you. They would probably feel so sad because what if that was a toy you couldn’t get anywhere else or something? It was your favorite toy and it felt special to you because it’s a one of a kind or you couldn’t get it again because you wouldn’t have enough money, like your own money.
ALLIE: What’s the solution then? If the kid has so many toys and the parent wants them to declutter, but they’re not decluttering, what could the parent do with their kid to get them to understand?
BELLA: They could probably make it fun. Kind of make it a game a little bit if it’s a younger kid. If they’re older, just explain to them, “Just think about if you’re actually going to play with this.” Because when I thought about that, my whole room was so clear and clean and I felt way better about that. I just thought, “Am I really gonna play with these things?”
If you feel like you’re not gonna play with anything, then you can just totally get rid of it. What everybody says about it doesn’t matter; your space matters most.
ALLIE: That’s really good, Bella! Guys, I’m freaking out. You’re so smart.
This is why the kids’ book is going to be so helpful for your kids, because part of it is written by my kids. They helped me write the entire thing and in the audiobook, they are talking like this. There’s a whole chapter with them talking like this, and they’re talking throughout the book. Letting your kids take this in from them I really think is going to be a game changer.
Mamas! I have amazing news. My second book is officially available for pre-order!
It’s actually not for you; it’s for your kids! It’s called Be The Boss Of Your Stuff. It was written by me with input from my own kids. It was written for kids ages 8 to 13, or really anywhere around there.
A bunch of moms in my community have been messaging me that they’re buying it to read to their younger kids. I have the book in my hands right now and flipping through it, that is going to work perfectly. This book is for any kid!
This book is going to empower your kids to take on a lifestyle of simplicity, less clutter, and teach them all the amazing things that I’ve been teaching you that have helped you so much and spare them the hard journey.
It’s going to help them move away from corporate consumerism in a way that will serve them greatly their whole lives.
Be The Boss Of Your Stuff will also help your kids clean out their rooms and make decisions about all their stuff with confidence by themselves. This means the pressure and micromanaging is off of you completely, which is my whole goal with this book.
It’s also going to help them work through tough emotions that might come up as they make decisions about their things. It will help them deal with what to do if they feel guilty because somebody gave them something. What to do if grandma or grandpa or Aunt Sally is continuously giving them things and they’re trying to stay decluttered.
It’s going to help them take charge of their space, figure out their design style, bring it into their newly decluttered room and live a lifestyle of freedom for life.
Honestly, getting this book for your kids is a huge, huge gift.
Be The Boss Of Your Stuff releases March 1st, but I want you to preorder it now, not only because preorders are life-changing for an author, but because if you preorder you get something that those who buy it once it’s actually out will not be getting – and that is a free brand new course! My kids and I created:- Be The Boss Of Your Stuff – The Crash Course Just For Kids.
It is brand new and has not been accessed by anyone or sold anywhere. It features my oldest two kids, Bella and Leland, they’re 12 and 10. It’s them talking to your kids and teaching them about minimalism, decluttering, how to keep their rooms non-disastrous.
It’s very, very simple, really easy to watch, easy to take in. And of course we know because I say it all the time, kids retain information so much better when it’s delivered to them through other kids.
This is a really cool thing. A tool that you can have in your mom tool belt, have access to, put it on the iPad, show it to your kids and let other kids talk to them about this. Again, it’s about removing that burden from you as the parent.
None of this content is anywhere. It is brand new. It is only for those that preorder the Be The Boss Of Your Stuff book.
It is fun for kids of all ages to watch!
The course is valued at $129 and you will be getting it for free when you preorder!
Another bonus with this is that the course will be delivered to your email right away, right after you preorder and submit your confirmation number. You can have your kids start taking in this content and thinking about this topic while you wait for the book to arrive and that can then take them deeper.
To pre-order and do all of this, go to bethebossofyourstuff.com. Pre-order the book now. And on that same webpage, you’ll see the place to submit your confirmation number from your order to get you your free course access.
Bethebossofyourstuff.com. Preorder now! Tag me on Instagram and Facebook! Tell all your mom friends! Let’s make this a whole movement for the next generation!
ALLIE: What is something you would tell another kid who is 10 years old who’s just about to start decluttering their things for the first time?
HUDSON: If it’s your first time decluttering you might feel worried that you might have to get rid of all of your stuff, but it doesn’t mean that.
ALLIE: It doesn’t mean that? You can make choices. Good answer.
LELAND: Also you don’t have to feel worried about anything, like he said, because you can get rid of anything you want or keep anything you want, as long as you get rid of the stuff you don’t use.
BELLA: Yeah. I agree with Leo. You should not feel like, “Oh my gosh, this means I have to get rid of all of my things.” You can keep what you feel like you play with and what you really love.
But if there’s something just sitting there and you haven’t touched it in a few months or years, just get rid of it, if you don’t play with it and you don’t feel happy with it in your space.
ALLIE: Bella, my daughter has a hard time donating her stuffies. Any advice to her?
BELLA: Okay, so I kind of went through that. Some girls like me, they get a little older and there’s some stuff, like there’s stuffies and these cute squishmallows that are fun to collect and you want to keep them because you have this feeling like I should keep this because it’s collectible and it’s fun to squish, but it’s not a really playable toy.
I’ve had this big pillow shaped like a Shiba Inu dog. Me and my friend went to Round One and we won it there and I felt like that was such a fun time and I want to keep this. And over all the months I had it, I just felt like, “Oh my gosh, I don’t need this. I tried to make room for it because I wanted an excuse to keep it by putting it on my bed, but it just didn’t look good on there and I just didn’t play with it, so I got rid of it. And I just felt better. I felt a little sad that I got rid of something that was special to me, but I just didn’t play with it at all, so I just felt better about it.
ALLIE: So if she’s having a hard time making those decisions, what advice would you have? Would you tell her to start small? See if you can get rid of one? Or ask yourself any questions? Anything specific like that?
BELLA: I was just thinking, like advice for me, is this worth your space? Do you just want to have it because it’s squishy and it’s just fun, and it’s just like a pillow or something? Or do you really play with it? Is it really, really special to you? Just think about that.
And if you have a bunch of them, like a million, just go through. You can start by just getting a few like five or four and just see how you feel. And if you want to get rid of more, go ahead. Or if you feel like you’re good, then just slowly move on.
ALLIE: That’s good, Bella.
What if you feel scared that you’re going to miss something if you get rid of it?
LELAND: That doesn’t really happen to me at all because I declutter things that I don’t need and I never really miss it because it’s stuff that I got and I don’t even need. There’s no point why I ever got it.
ALLIE: Or if you get rid of stuff that you used to play with, but it’s been a while since you played with it.
LELAND: I usually get things and then play with it, but then I get bored of it when I get older and I declutter it.
ALLIE: So you feel like it’s easy for you to make decisions?
LELAND: Yeah.
BELLA: Oh, can I add something? I feel like I used to be sad for a few things because I sometimes go through some changes in interest. So if you were into that thing and you got rid of it at a certain time and you miss it, just think about do you really miss it? If you do, you could figure out how to maybe get it again. You could ask for it for your birthday to get something related from that again. Or if you really just have it because you liked this thing and you don’t even touch it, it’s not worth your space and just get rid of it. And you could probably feel sad for it, but think, “Is it really worth your space?”
ALLIE: I think if that happened, you guys are resourceful enough to figure out, “Oh, I’m just going to do extra work around the house and save money to get it or put it on my birthday list.” It’s not the end of the world. It’s not gone forever.
LELAND: Sometimes I’ll get rid of things when I feel like it’s too much.
ALLIE: Last question: What is your favorite thing about your home?
HUDSON: My favorite thing about our home is our backyard because it’s a huge forest. We get to go explore out there and it’s just really awesome and wide open.
LELAND: I kind of agree with Hudson. That’s one of my favorites. But my favorite favorite is my room because I have all the Legos in there and I have super cool posters and things that are super fun. And if I’m ever hot at night or something I have stuff that can keep me cool and fun things.
ALLIE: What kind of posters do you have in your room?
LELAND: It’s all Star Wars and one says “bro” and they’re all my favorite. They’re amazing.
ALLIE: You like your room? Yeah.
BELLA: I agree with Leo. I love my room the most because I feel like that’s my space. I can do whatever in it. I can snuggle my cat. I can read for as long as I want. I can draw whatever I want. Nobody’s there. If you don’t like being watched doing your favorite subject, nobody’s there watching you. You have your own space alone and nobody’s allowed in there if you don’t want them to be. It’s your own space and you feel so comfy in there because you know it’s yours and it’s so great.
ALLIE: You do really well with a lot of space in your room, which is ironic because you were the one that struggled the most to get rid of stuff when you were younger. I’m so proud of you.
LELAND: Yeah, Bella’s really good at doing that.
If you would like a more behind-the-scenes view into my life, this lifestyle, regular life hacks, tips and more content that’s really going to create lightness in your social media feed, follow me on Instagram @allie_that’sme, or you can search Allie Casazza and it’s the one with the blue check mark.
If this episode or any episode was helpful for you, please consider leaving me a review on Apple Podcast. It is literally the lifeblood for a podcaster, and it helps me so much.
Thank you for tuning in. If you would like to learn more from me, how I can help you, how you can implement the things we talk about here on The Purpose Show, leaning more into making life simpler, better and more abundant in the best ways, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, online programs and other resources to help you create the life you really want in a very deep dive style.
I am always rooting for you, friend. I will see you next time. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.
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