Hello, my loves. Welcome back to the Purpose Show podcast. We’re going to get right into it as usual. And today we’re talking about pursuing yourself. So this episode came from a conversation that I had with a private client. We were doing a neural energetic wiring consultation and she ended up signing up for the three month package because we uncovered just like a lot of programming that was leading her to just feel really disconnected from herself, super lost. She just kind of got lost and swept up in motherhood, which of course is like super common and just wasn’t sure what to do next. And so we had this really, really good conversation as we were kind of coming up with her plan and like her blueprint for our next, um, 12 weeks together. And it just got me thinking and this episode came out of that. So welcome. I really hope this supports you all. I’m really looking forward to sharing this with you. So basically we want to get into how to reconnect with yourself when you’re feeling lost or unsure about anything, about everything. I think on some level this will hit with many of you and that’s my hope. So first let’s talk about understanding the core issue. there’s a super common feeling, right, of being lost, um, feeling like you’re disconnected from yourself, feeling like you don’t have a sense of purpose, maybe feeling like you’re lacking a sense of fulfillment. And then also a lot of women in particular feel guilty about feeling a lack of fulfillment because especially if they’re mothers, like they should be fulfilled there, they have this and this and this, and they wanted this life. And so many women want this life and don’t have it. And they just like, feel so guilty, which is super unproductive and really like, baseless. Your feelings are valid. And what I always want to remind you guys of is that your emotions are your allies. OK, your emotions are here to cause the feelings they’re causing so that you can take action forward. Your emotions have a job. They are here to get you to do something. They’re supposed to be felt. They’re supposed to be processed and they’re supposed to urge you forward into taking an action that’s going to ultimately align you more with your higher self with happiness, with fulfillment, with where you need to be. If we didn’t have emotions, we wouldn’t take action, we wouldn’t move forward, we would always just stay the same and it would be super boring. So when you feel unfulfilled, it’s nothing to be like, oh my gosh, I should feel so guilty or I can’t believe I’m panicking that I feel this way. I’m panicking that I feel this way about this thing that I created or that I’ve spent so much time creating or building or my family. It’s nothing to panic about. It’s all just your support. It’s your support system. Your emotions are a huge piece of your support system. So I want to be moving into the perspective of being grateful for our emotions, letting ourselves feel them and not being so afraid of them, like just sitting with them and like noticing them and then asking, like, what is this here to do for me? What can I do with this? What is this here for? How is this emotion happening for me? And just listening to yourself and trusting yourself and your intuition to talk to you. So. That’s the main thing I want you to understand about like the core issue of why this is happening. The feeling of feeling lost, a feeling of lack of fulfillment and then like all the like panic and fear and guilt that can so often come with that is to help you. Now it can feel like it’s not but it truly is there to help you. So let’s move into talking about self-connection. So disconnection from self is super common. Actually, it is societally programmed in everybody, but it is even heavier for women. So the disconnection from yourself leads to really unhealthy patterns like people pleasing. We’re going to get into some examples and what that looks like in a minute, but It’s really, really common unfortunately. And really what this is, when I say you’re giving up your power or you need to take your power back, that’s so often what I’m talking about because it’s like you are giving up your power to other people because you’re not connected to yourself. You’re not in your power. You’re not connected to who you really are. You’re not connected to your source of power, your intuition. You are a goddess. You are energy. You are beautiful inside. Amazing. Like you are here for so much. And when you are disconnected from that, that leads to the patterns of, you know, giving your power away, relying on other people and people pleasing as one of the most common things in women that this situation leads to. So I’ll give you a little bit of an example, and I’ve touched on this briefly before, so I won’t get super crazy into it, because I want to get to some good points and some coaching here. But for me, when I was coming out of that really, really hard time in my life, I actually was just reading. I just started reading a new book. And in the introduction, I was like, oh, shit, this guy is speaking right to my 2022. He talks about how like when it feels like God himself is against you, like everything that can go wrong is going wrong. There’s some kind of trauma, some kind of loss. And for me, like I lost several things within the span of about two months of each other. And I just went through this like dark night of the soul, like this really, really hard time. I couldn’t eat. I got really physically sick. I got I had a mental breakdown. I went to the hospital like it was really, really bad. And so from there, when I came out of that, I was like barely functioning. I truly did have a mental breakdown. It was awful. And after that, I just felt like a failure. I felt like I wasn’t okay. I felt like Um, I just didn’t, I was supposed to have it all together. And that’s such a, that’s such a lie. Like just because you are a leader and just because you have influence does not mean you need to have it all together. In fact, it’s way more powerful if you talk about how you don’t and just are real and vulnerable with people. But anyway, that is how I felt. That’s how I came out of that time. And so what that led to was me people pleasing and just pretending and faking, which is ironic because that behavior is really what got me into this, like some of the mess of like everything that happened in the first place. I was resenting my business. I felt like I was being super fake. I wasn’t being myself, which in part I was, but I wasn’t really talking about the things I wanted to talk about. I wasn’t letting myself go learn about the things I wanted to learn about and expand the ways I wanted to expand. I felt like everyone wanted to keep me in the home organization minimalism niche and I was staying there. I was staying around there. I would kind of circle out a little bit but I was pretty much staying in that line of discussion and I just really wanted to branch out. I wanted to go beyond that. I didn’t want to leave it completely but I wanted to talk about much, much more than that because I was seeing so much and I suppressed that. I people pleased for so long. I acted fine. My mom pulled me aside on one trip to California and asked if I was OK and said she could just feel like something’s really wrong. And I lied right to her face like, yeah, no, I’m totally good. I’m just really tired. My hormones, my PCOS, blah. It’s not PCOS. It’s PTSD, OK? Wake the fuck up. But anyway, it was really, really hard. And so I was disconnected from myself from trauma. And so I went into people pleasing to just fake it like it was OK and pretend it was OK because I did not know who I was after these three really big traumatic changes had happened in my life. And it wasn’t until I felt my feelings and felt them all the way and processed it. And I’ve talked a lot on the pod about how I had like a literal like I had to have a funeral for my old life, for my old self. I walked away from religion. I lost a group of friends. I lost another group of friends from walking away from what I was raised in and what I used to believe. Um, I may came out public about me and Brian not being married anymore. And I experienced the, the sexual assault and everything happened within two months of each other. And so, um, that was a lot of emotion that I didn’t want to feel because it was too much for any one person. Um, I felt angry. I felt confused. I was shell shocked. I could not process. And so I, I, Handled it a really bad way at first, but when I finally did like process and feel those feelings Which is why I’m saying like your emotions are your allies That’s the biggest thing I learned from that time was like your emotions are here to help you And I processed them and was able to be in that place and sit with them then I was able to come out the other side and not have so much heaviness on me and And I was able to begin forming a new connection with myself. And the way that that happened was me really pursuing myself. And I’m going to get into that in just a few minutes. So kind of sharing that example, that was longer than I wanted it to be, but it’s okay. I want to talk about another reason like that was my example of like there was just fucking trauma like there was so much that happened in such a short time like I feel like anybody would have a mental breakdown. And so it was that was a very extreme thing but the other thing. The other thing that is so common when women get that disconnection from self and is much more common than my example is like the societal expectations and the identity shift happening. So societal pressures on women are absolutely burdensome. They are insane. So that is something that causes you to lose connection to yourself because you’re performing. Whenever you’re in a state of like performing and your energy is very performative, you are not connected to yourself because you’re trying to do a good job and look good. So you’re going into this mode of like, Like, again, it’s performative. You’re, look at me, I’m doing this, did I do a good job? Okay, I gotta do this, I have to make sure this looks good, I have to make sure I look good, and this looks good, and this is okay, and everyone’s doing good, and the kids are okay, because it reflects on me, and my family, and my husband, and all the, like, there’s so many societal pressures, whether you’re a mother or not. And then the other thing is the identity shifts, like I mentioned. So one of the biggest, most harsh, and most common identity shifts that lead to crisis in women is becoming a mother. Or even entering a different stage of motherhood can cause a major identity shift, identity crisis. And that can lead to losing yourself. There’s also like a massive mental and emotional burden on women along with like time and energy constraints that it just significantly impacts women’s ability to connect with themselves, take space for themselves, and prioritize themselves. And then most of us are balancing multiple roles, right? We might be caregivers. We’re managing our homes. We’re working. We’re trying to start a side business. You know, just life leaves very little room for personal pursuits for pretty much everybody. But we’re focusing on the gals here, right? So, excuse me, the constant mental load basically just overshadows the personal needs and it leads to burnout. It leads to self neglect. And over time in a relationship, what happens if you’re neglecting your person for like a long time, they’re going to shut down from you. They’re going to be disconnected from you. You’re not like, I mean, I think if you’re like, if you’ve been in a longterm relationship, I’m sure you and your partner have had seasons where it’s like, Maybe like your intimacy feels kind of broken up and you have to do work to like get that back because you’re not connected to each other. And that happens with us. You have a relationship with yourself. There is an active, ongoing relationship between you and you. And that is the same as any other relationship. It needs time. It needs care. It takes effort. There’s like so much that goes into it and so when you’re in a state of self-neglect over time and you’re burnt out and you’re forcing yourself to keep going, then what’s going to happen is you are basically just disconnecting from yourself because you’re harming yourself. You’re neglecting yourself, right? And then the other thing I want to touch on and why women lose themselves is the self-sacrifice culture. So self-sacrifice culture is so prominent and so very real. And it has a massive negative effect on women’s well-being. So self-sacrifice is like, oh, I’m just going to be selfless. Oh, everyone before me, it goes, this is like what I was taught. God, others, me. And I remember the day like my mom a few years ago because my mom was raised super like oppressively religious as well and is like more recently kind of like coming out of that as well and she I remember the day she like had the realization of like how toxic that is and she like I was over at her house and we had this big discussion and I was like so happy for her and proud of her and like it just reminded me of like when I was figuring that out and it puts it into such good words like that teaching that like God others me is so toxic so there’s this culture not just in like religious circles but I mean really in the world especially for women right like there’s so much that’s like give up of yourself, don’t be selfish, and there’s just all these like stigmas around really protecting yourself, really prioritizing yourself. And so with all of this, the identity shifts, the societal pressures, the mental and emotional lack of support, the mental load on women, the self-sacrifice culture, there is a big need for pursuing yourself for self pursuit. So I wanted to share that example of like me and like my situation and how extreme it was and what led to like my actual mental breakdown. And because that’s real shit and people struggle with that. And I want you to see that. And I want to be real with you. But then on the other side where that might not be your situation, it might be. And I’ve got you. But on the other side where it’s way more common, all of those other things I just listed, the mental load, the mom stuff, all of that. OK. So either way, if you identify as like, okay, I think I am disconnected from myself. I feel a little lost. I don’t really know what’s next. I have a hard time making decisions. I don’t really feel connected to my intuition. Then you need to go through a season of pursuing yourself. So how do you do that? What does that look like practically? You guys know I’m about to get super practical and give you action steps. The first thing is creating space and opportunity for pursuing yourself. Now not everyone has a partner or family who does not help them and just never pitches in and doesn’t help them enough. Some women avoid self-connection even if they have the opportunity, even if they have a really supportive partner or spouse. but they’ll do something else. They’ll numb out, they’ll drink, overeat, watch TV, scroll social, anything to avoid spending time alone or knowing themselves. So that’s a whole thing. We did a whole course on dating yourself, connecting with yourself, pursuing yourself inside, becoming her collective. So if you’re a member, go do that. If you have never done it, you have to do it. We did a book club with that. We had the author come be our guest speaker. It was incredible. One of my favorite themes courses that we ever made in there. So it’s not just like, oh, my partner doesn’t help. It’s sometimes like you have help. You’re just not creating the space because you’re avoiding yourself. And then sometimes we do have an unsupportive family. We do have an unsupportive partner. We have no partner. It’s just us. And and that’s a whole other that’s a whole other beast. But there is always a way to pursue yourself. It doesn’t take a bunch of money. It doesn’t take a bunch of time. And I don’t care like what the situation is. I know that you have some ability to create some space and opportunity for connecting with yourself because it’s an inside game. So having said that, if needed, change the dynamics in your home. Communicate to your partner, your kids, whoever, your mom, your mother-in-law, whoever is in your house, whoever you live with. Communicate clearly. This is not working. I’m not OK. And keep in mind that you do not need to be communicating in an energy of trying to seek their validation that, yes, you are working too hard. Yes, you do need this. No. It’s decided. Because you exist, you say you need this. Then it is done. And so it is. So you’re telling, not asking. So clear communication, kind, and whatever. But you are not going to ask for permission. You’re not getting validation for this need. You are just communicating that it is there and that it is real. Maybe there needs to be a revisitation of chore schedules, setting boundaries, whatever, delegation. But do what you need to do, girl, to create the space and opportunity for you to have some freaking time with yourself. Ask for help, set that up, and then create non-negotiable self-time. This can look however you want it to look. I’ve already shared in past episodes some little things that I do. One of them, I’ll go through them briefly in case you need a refresh. One of them is once a week I take myself out to dinner and I get dressed up. It really bothered me when I was single getting dressed up to go on dates with men that I didn’t even know. And it was like, what the hell? I want to do this for me, not for a man. And so I started getting really dressed up and taking myself on solo dates once a week. And that was in 2023, the beginning of 2023. And I’ve been doing it ever since. It’s one of my favorite traditions with myself. I rarely miss it. I love it. And sometimes I don’t want to get dressed up. I just want to say and read or go somewhere quiet, and that’s fine. But most of the time, because I love makeup, I love playing, I love fashion, I love getting dressed up. And so I’ll do that, and it’s really nice. And then I don’t sit on my phone the whole time. I be with myself. I think. I people watch. I might have a conversation while I’m out somewhere. And I’m just like being alive. I’m just being a person. When I’m driving home I turn off the music and I just feel. Maybe I have the windows down and I’m just enjoying my own company. There doesn’t need to be this big agenda where you’re like diving into your inner child and your trauma and all this. You’re just being with yourself. If being with yourself feels like work, it’s going to be like this huge chore and you’re just going to resist it subconsciously even more, right? So where are you going to take care of yourself? Where can you spend time with yourself? It goes back to the example of like any other relationship. You would be spending time with the person that you wanted to get to know. You would be spending time with that person and asking them questions about themselves and just sitting in their energy and holding their hand and being close to them. So be in that vibe with yourself. That’s a huge part of pursuing yourself and getting out of a confused, disconnected space. The next thing I want to talk about is breaking free from people-pleasing. I feel like this needs to be a whole other episode, and I actually have it on my idea board. I need to get to work on that. But I do want to mention it here because pursuing yourself means breaking free of people-pleasing. Pursuing yourself always means that you’re going to have to let go of trying to make everyone happy because it’s usually going to come at your expense and not in a sustainable way, right? So let me give you like a little bit of an example. I’m the kind of person like I, generosity is one of my three core values. I really believe in abundance. I love being generous. I’m generous with my time. I’m generous with my skills. I’m generous with my finances and my money. I’m generous with my resources. I’m always like recommending, sharing. I’m recommending Amber and Laken to people, the girls that are on Team Ali and Kenna. I’m always wanting to give and the kids and I have some really fun traditions with leaving money in random places and envelopes. It’s just a big part of our family. It’s a big part of who I am. I don’t say that to be annoying. I’m just using an example. And I’m generous with my time. I like to help women start businesses. And sometimes I do that in a scholarship term or for free. It’s just something that I enjoy. There’s plenty of money coming from CEO Club and The Collective and courses. And I like to give. I always want to grow my business, but I like to give. And I trust that financial abundance will come back to me because of that. Now, that is not coming from a people-pleasing place. Some of it used to. But now, it’s not coming from that place. It’s coming from desire. It’s coming from my values, because generosity is one of my core values. And if you don’t know what your core values is, I really think you should. I will just point you to the internet. Go look up core values test. It’s really fascinating. There’s lots of different ones online. So pick the one that floats your boat and take it. It’s coming from my values. It’s coming from my personality. It’s coming from something that I love. And I’ve said no a lot. I get people that reach out to me asking for favors all the time. And I just follow my gut. I follow my intuition. And I also follow my availability. When I was writing my books, I did not do any time generosity. I couldn’t. It took up every spare minute. And it was exhausting and a lot. But I’m not writing a book right now. So I do little meetings with other women to help them. I do scholarship stuff and I coach a certain amount of people for free and I do these things based on what feels right to me, not based on them asking, based on what feels right to me and where I feel like they were put in my life and I want to help. So that is the difference between that and the values and the generosity versus people pleasing. People pleasing looks like, hey Allie, can you just like, can I pick your brain, can you do this, can I just like, sit with you for an hour and just like ask you about business and me knowing that I don’t want to do that, that I don’t feel led to help this person, which doesn’t mean anything bad about them. Just whatever we feel led to is right for us and what we don’t feel led to is wrong for us. overwhelmed, I’m feeling really burdened and yet I don’t want this person to think that I’m mean or selfish or a bad person so I say yes anyway. That is people pleasing. Now did you feel the difference in the way I described those two situations and the way even I talked about it like the energy just feels so like empty and like I’m resistant even to to the way I was describing the people-pleasing part. But the other way, and if you’re watching the video, I was lit up. I was smiling. I’m thinking about it, and I talked about it for much longer because I like it. It lights me up. And I didn’t even realize that fully until right now. What a difference in those two descriptions. So that’s the difference. I get that question a lot. How do I know if I’m people-pleasing or just being nice? First of all, don’t do anything to just be nice. Do it because it feels like it’s lighting you up. You’re super excited. You want to do this. That’s the feeling that I’m moving forward with when I’m doing like generous things. So not people pleasing doesn’t mean you’re not generous. It means you’re not doing things. It means you’re not setting yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Okay, that’s what it means. If you have a huge struggle with saying no, you’re stuck in people-pleasing. If you’re constantly seeking validation from others, you’re struggling with people-pleasing, and you’re probably also really disconnected from yourself. When you’re disconnected from yourself, we seek connection from others instead. So getting connection is like, oh, let me earn being liked. Let me earn love. Let me earn approval. Let me earn validation, because we don’t have a strong connection to ourself or any connection with ourselves at all. Common signs that you’re in that cycle. Because see how there’s so many different angles to being disconnected from yourself? It can come, like my story, it can come from trauma and an awful time. It can come from society. It can come from identity shifts. It can come from people. It can come from all of these things. But common signs that you’re in this particular clusterfuck cycle. Number one, constantly asking for others opinions before you make decisions. I used to do this so much back in the day when my team was like really, really big. I used to have like a huge team and then like now it’s like super small. But when I had a really big team, I would literally like, I don’t know what. It’s happening with my nose. I would literally go through each person and ask for their opinion on a new business idea, especially my core two. I would go to each of them and be like, what do you think? What do you think? Now, if I need to brainstorm or I’m an external processor, so if I need to talk something out, I’ll do it on my calls with Lakin. I used to need validation and I noticed it about myself and I hated it. Number two is needing reassurance or approval for choices and actions. So asking opinions before you make decisions is one thing, then needing reassurance and needing somebody to give you like a gold star for the choice or action that you took after. is another version of that. Changing your behavior or appearance to gain approval, be liked, fit in, or avoid conflict, over apologizing even when you’re not at fault, feeling guilty for prioritizing your personal needs over others’ expectations. Those are all common signs that you’re in this cycle of people pleasing and that you’re forming disconnection from yourself because of that, from that angle, okay? So how do we shift this pattern? It sucks, it sucks, but you have to let yourself sit in the discomfort of knowing that someone wants you to do something or say something, but you’re not going to do or say it because you’re done with self-betrayal and you’re done putting yourself last and you’re done, again, setting yourself on fire to keep other people warm. And even if it doesn’t feel that serious, it is. It is. You have this habit, this pattern of self-betrayal and self-suppression. And really, if you really want to break it down, that’s a form of self-harm. It is. It’s emotional, mental self-harm and it’s not okay. So to shift the pattern, you know how I’m always saying nothing changes if you don’t change anything? To change the cycle, to change the self-disconnection, to change this pattern, you have to change. You have to sit in the super awkward, uncomfortable feeling, and maybe even the lashing out from another person who’s used to you people pleasing, that they want you to do something, they want you to say something, and you are just not. And it’s so awkward when it’s new, right? So it’s awkward now, shit, but it’s really awkward when it’s new. So you have to sit in that. And then the other thing I would give you, the other action step, which we’re gonna get into more action steps after this section, but I do wanna give you an action step for shifting the pattern of people pleasing. I actually just recently recorded an EFT video for saying no. If you’re watching live, the link won’t be ready yet, but when this episode comes out, and I think it’s coming out, we’re kinda behind right now, so it’ll come out like next week if you’re watching on Instagram live right now. It’ll be ready for you then. I recorded an EFT session on saying no. So that’ll be at the TPS links that I’m always sending you guys to. It’s just aliecasaza.com slash TPS links. TPS stands for The Purpose Show. All of the links I mentioned on the show are there. It’s actually a really cool page. There’s tons of good shit on there. But there’s an EFT video for saying no. When you know you need to say no to something, you feel like you want to people please, but you’re just done with the cycle. This EFT is going to clear the anxiety of disappointing someone or even just responding in a different way than you normally would. Again, EFT literally clears the emotions and the energy, so you quite literally feel physically different. And so that’s really impactful. If you have to have an awkward conversation, or you get a text message, or someone’s going to ask you something, you’re about to go into a situation where there’s somebody there that always does ask you to do something, do that EFT. I think it’s like just a few minutes long. I want to say it’s less than 10 minutes if I remember correctly. So go to thealexassa.com slash tpslinks and get that video. It’s not something you have to be a member for. You can just get it. Okay, the final like segment of this episode I want to guide us through is actionable tips for pursuing yourself. And so I touched on it a little bit, but the first one is just spending time with yourself, right? Going back to that like taking myself out to dinner, sometimes like It’s not even that serious. Sometimes I’ll just go and take myself out for a cup of coffee. It doesn’t have to be nighttime. It doesn’t have to be expensive. It doesn’t have to be anything. Also, one of my favorite things to do is to go get a matcha latte and walk around the shops in Old Town or something. I’m just super chill. I don’t have to buy anything. I’m just enjoying. I don’t know if this is just me because I do have ADHD and so I like a lot of stimulation and noise and I always have music on or the TV on or something. But one of the things that really helped me a lot when I was learning to just sit with myself and pursue myself was not having noise on. Like the absence of a podcast, the absence of an audio book or music, Spotify, the TV on. I still do that a lot. It actually helps me be more productive when I’m working. It’s kind of weird, but whatever. But when I’m actually like, I’m going to spend time with myself, I try to do it in silence and it’s weird. It just like magnifies the connection with myself. I kind of feel like it’s the same as, you know, if like you’re in a relationship and you’re like, laying in bed with your partner and the TV is not on and you’re just like talking or like maybe you’re holding hands and just sharing about your day or maybe you’re having a really good conversation and they’re opening up to you like you know how good that feels. It’s like that with yourself like just there’s no TV there’s no sound like you’re just sitting in the presence of yourself with yourself and you’re not feeling so afraid of like your thoughts You’re not feeling like you’re so afraid of feeling your feelings, and you’re not afraid to be with yourself. And if you do feel afraid and you do feel uncomfortable, you’re just letting it be, knowing that it’s temporary and it’s going to pass. And this is what you do now. You love and honor yourself, and you spend time with yourself. So take yourself for a walk. Take yourself for a drive. That’s one of my favorite things to do. I just take myself for a drive. It doesn’t cost much. You know, you spend a little gas. You’re not going and doing anything pricey. You’re just sitting in your car. If you want to cry, you can cry. If you want to just drive, you can drive. But you’re just being with yourself. So can you get into the practice of spending time with yourself? Another little hack with this is I spend time with myself when I’m doing other things. So this is actually how I learned to like cooking, because I hated cooking before. And I talked about that a lot on the old episodes of the show. I started to like cooking because I got myself the noise canceling headphones, the one that’s like go over your ears. Like every mother needs a pair of these, like the really good ones. Um, and so I would put those on and just listen to like music. Um, maybe it would be instrumental. Maybe it would be like, you know, whatever I was feeling. And I would just cook and I would enjoy like lately I’ve been drinking, I’ve been like not drinking alcohol lately. And so I’ve been doing like green tea, like a caffeine free green tea. um, at night while I’m cooking dinner. But before that, like, and you know, whenever I get back to, cause I love, I love red wine, but I would like maybe have a glass of red wine while I’m cooking and like, just enjoy like listening to the music and like sipping on something yummy. And like the art of like preparing my meals was just so different. And that’s time with myself. Like the kids are doing something, you know, they’re playing games or they’re fighting in the living room, whatever. But I’ve got my headphones on, I can see that they’re good. And I’m just like, preparing dinner. Like it’s nice. So maybe it’s like that for you with the shower or dishes or even like cleaning. When I’m cleaning my house, I’m in the zone. Like I love spending time with myself when I’m cleaning the house. So it’s almost more of an energy than the act itself, if that makes sense. But think about what that would look like for you and how you can start to bring that into your days. And then again, the second action step is beginning to allow yourself to feel. Allow yourself to feel your emotions and validate them for yourself, not needing to seek validation from other people, not needing to call your friend and vent and for her to be like, well, yeah, of course you’re frustrated, he’s being awful, but you feel frustrated and that’s enough, you feel it, so you’re gonna feel it and process it and let it lead you to the next Remember, your emotions have a job. It’s trying to get you to do something different. So what is this here for? Process it. Feel it. Use EFT if you want to, need to, whatever. But what is this emotion here for? And I’m going to learn from it. And I’m open to hearing what I need from this. So allowing yourself to feel is pursuing yourself 101. That is magic when it comes to pursuing yourself when you’re disconnected. And then the third thing that came to mind when I was writing this episode is ask yourself what is one small thing that you want to accomplish and begin creating that for yourself. So it’s like respecting and loving yourself enough to honor your desires and begin creating the life you want. And what I mean by this is maybe it’s just like Like okay, I’ll give you a small example from my own life. When I was a kid, I like loved coloring. I was a coloring maniac. I wanted to color Disney princess coloring books all the time. I can’t even tell you how many dozens and possibly hundreds of Disney princess coloring books I went through and I would always skip to the pages that had like just like a pretty picture of the princes. I didn’t want to do Aladdin or the genie or Flounder, Triton, although Triton’s low-key like Dilf, like he’s super hot. But anyway, ADHD moment. I loved coloring those coloring books and so when I was working through my disconnection with myself, I thought about this for myself. What is one small thing that I want to create for myself that would feel really good? And it wasn’t even about accomplishing something or being performative or productive, and I think that’s why this came to mind for me, because I tend to overproduce and overpush myself. But coloring came to mind. So I got, actually have it right here. I got myself a Disney coloring book at Target, and I keep it in my bag. nightstand, and I color in it, like, all the time. I’m super good at it, too. Like, are you, like, please. Jasmine’s basically in the room with us. Step aside, famous artist, I can’t think of anyone. But anyway, and so I started coloring and like it it is not productive. It is like silly and light and playful and childish. And that was the point for me that I would love and honor myself enough to do something like that. And so now like I color all the time at night. I’m like drinking my tea, coloring, listening to music. Sometimes I’ll have like a guided meditation on. Um, sometimes I will do it even if I’m watching TV, but like that was something for me. And then the other thing is sometimes, and this might resonate more with some of you, but sometimes it actually is, you actually do need more of the like doing something, creating something, doing something like building something like more productive because you haven’t been productive for yourself. You’ve been doing things for everyone else. You’ve been performing where it gets you praise and approval, where it makes you look good to other people, where you think you have to, your home, your family, whatever. But maybe the one small thing is to finally buy the domain name and start your business. Or open the Instagram account and write your bio. Maybe you go ahead and sign up for volunteering at that thing you care about a lot. Like maybe it actually is something productive. It just depends on where your struggle has been. My struggle was that I was like hyper productive and hyper performative. and doing things that I like and wanted to do but I wasn’t doing anything that was just playful and fun just for me and I was really working on healing my inner child so that’s where we got the coloring book. But for you it might be the opposite. It might be like you’re not creating enough, your creative energy. Your creative energy is in your sacral chakra. This is your feminine center. Your sexual and creative energy comes from the same place. So you will literally not be able to climax during intimacy. You will not be able to feel really good. You will not be able to receive pleasure and you will not, because you’re not like having ideas and being creative and expressing yourself from the feminine center. So it’s actually really serious. So it will literally help. It will literally be orgasmic for you to finally start that business and start creating content. Like it’s all so connected. So everyone is going to be different, but what does that look like for you? Like what comes up for you when I say that? Which side are you on? Um, I actually same thing. If you guys are listening live, this won’t be live for you yet, but when this episode comes out, if you’re listening to it, then it will be. Um, I actually spent half a frigging day creating this like self-development plan and it’s like your. your self-development plan. I outlined the whole thing. It’s really pretty. It’s ready to go for you. So go get that. It’s totally free. It’s just something that I wanted to make for you guys as a part of this episode. So if you’re like, okay, yes, I want to connect to myself. I want to pursue myself. I want to create this plan that helps me develop my sense of self, develop that connection to myself. go and get this like it’s free so what do you have to lose and I’ll put it at the TPS link so alex.com slash TPS links again that is where all the links for The Purpose Show go it’s an amazing page you can always find anything I mention on there. So Let’s recap what we talked about today, okay? To remind you, the solution to feeling lost and disconnected and confused and unsure in your life is most often in self-discovery. There’s a disconnection from self that is incredibly normalized for all people, but especially women. Women often lose themselves from societal expectations, identity shifts, the mental load, self-sacrifice culture, right? And so we want to step into our era of pursuing ourselves, creating space for that, breaking free from people-pleasing, shifting that pattern of performing and doing things for other people, lighting ourselves on fire to keep others warm, remember. And then the action steps are spending time with yourself. allowing yourself to feel your emotions and validating them, and then doing something that feels good for you, creating something, using that feminine center and activating that feminine energy and creating something, whether it’s a new business or a piece of art or the coloring book, like it can be small or big or both. And then action step, go get the self-development plan that I made for you guys and fill it out, aliexpress.com slash TPS links. I love you guys so much. Do me a favor, and if this helped you, take a screenshot of this episode, post it on social media, give me a tag. I will happily reshare it to you. If you’re a business baddie, do this from your business account. And if I see it, I will reshare it and give you a little social surge. But I really want, my goal is to just get the podcast so much bigger. I really feel like these messages are just so important for women. And it’s because of you that the show even got this big. And I want to blow it up. I want to make it even bigger and get women listening, creating this freedom, feeling supported and really getting these like counter culture ideas in their head so that they can create the lives they want on their terms without guilt. So I love you guys. I’ll see you at the next one.