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Archives for August 2016

The 10 Steps I Took to De-clutter My Entire House

August 30, 2016 by Allie Casazza Leave a Comment

Taking your house from cluttered and overstuffed is totally overwhelming- not gonna lie. A few years ago, when I first walked down the stairs of our over-sized house with the intent to minimize, I could feel the overwhelm forming a pit in my stomach. However, I had reached a point where I was desperate enough for change to move forward.

I was William Wallace that day- determined, adamant, and my face was painted blue with purpose.

No, it wasn’t. But I was seriously over feeling trapped by my stuff, tired of always cleaning up, and ready to get out of survival mode once and for all.

When you start to read about minimalism and simplified living, it either goes in one ear and out the other, or it clings to you, pulling at the strings of your heart and calling you. This is the solution to the chronic overwhelm mothers are battling today, so it’s not surprising to me that so many women come across the philosophy of less stuff and can’t seem to shake it.

The thing that keeps them from taking action and making this their reality, is that staggering thought of actually having to go through every little thing taking up residence in their home and making a decision about what to do with it.

The fact is though, that very little truly good things come to us. We have to go get most of it.

So do you want this? Do you want a life of less clutter, more free time in your daily routine, more breathing room? Do you want the feeling that you can have company drop by anytime and not feel embarrassed by the current state of your house?

That doesn’t come from staying on top of the housework. It comes from limiting what you own, so that it’s much more difficult for things create messes.

If you want to be separated from the dreamers and come over to the doers side of life, let me break it down into steps for you, from someone who’s been there.

1) I just started.

This is what I tell my students when they email me not knowing how to re-gain momentum in their journey, and I realize it’s an annoying tip, but hear me out.

When something is as overwhelming as de-cluttering your entire house, your brain kind of shuts down. Following through in this is going to change your entire life, and that’s not a matter of “well, maybe. It might.” It will! But you have to do it. So just start.

Choose a non-threatening area of the house- one that doesn’t mean you have to sift through sentimental things or things you’ve been avoiding for years. The bathroom is a great place to start. Just choose an easy area, walk in there, and pick something up. Anything. Just pick up the first thing you see in that room without even thinking about it, then look at the item, and make a decision about it. This leads to my next point.

2) I asked questions + made decisions about each item.

As I went through the rooms, drawers, and cupboards in my house, I asked myself a few questions about each thing I held in my hands.

  • When was the last time this was used? (if it hasn’t been used in two months or more, it’s a pretty safe bet you can do without it, unless it’s a sometimes needed item, like a Thanksgiving casserole dish)

  • Do I really, truly need this?

  • Does this bring me joy and complement my life purpose?

I answered these questions and didn’t give myself much room to re-think or dwell on them for too long, and as I answered them I would get a feeling for which pile the item belonged in: keep, trash, or donate. I sorted as I went accordingly.


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3) I didn’t set a time limit, but I had set times.

At this point in my life, there was no one really talking about this. Minimalism wasn’t a trend, I had no one writing blog posts or coaching me through the process of simplifying, so I didn’t really know what I was doing. I was simply on a mission to have more time with my babies and to relieve myself of the depressive lull I couldn’t seem to shake because all I did was clean up.

I maybe would’ve done things differently if I had had more clarity about the process, but it got done. I did not have a set time limit for how long I wanted the purging process to take. I didn’t tell myself, “I want to have the whole house finished by March.” I did however, make a purging date with myself a couple times a week.

I know myself, and I typically get amped up and start a big project, then get tired and let it go, never to return to it again. Not this time. I was determined to be a finisher (remember, William Wallace), so I set a de-cluttering date with myself for twice a week.

Every Monday and Saturday morning for three hours I would work on de-cluttering the house. No excuses, no cancelling. I actually ended up purging more often than just those two days, but having those times set meant that even on hard weeks when other days didn’t happen, I at least always did the work on Mondays and Saturdays for three hours.

4) I started with the toys.

I know I told you a minute ago to start in the bathroom, but that’s just a suggestion for the truly overwhelmed, that’s not what I actually did. For me, the kids’ toys were the most overwhelming thing in the house time-wise. We had a large area downstairs that you could see when you walked in the front door or when you stood in the kitchen, and it was the dedicated playroom.

It was full of bins, toy chests, and boxes, and those bins, chests, and boxes were all overflowing with toys. It was totally out of control, and it felt like all I did was go in there before someone came over and clean it up, only for the kids to dump everything out again. I realized my kids weren’t even actually playing very often when they were in there– they would go in there having been told to “go play”, bicker with each other, and wander back out at my feet ten minutes later complaining of boredom. This wasn’t even worth it.

So the first thing I did was gut that playroom. I eliminated the biggest time-sucker right off the bat, and this left me feeling amazing! I instantly had more time on my hands and felt lighter as a person. I saw changes in my kids too almost immediately, so doing this first created a snowball effect and kept me going. If you want to read more about how I purged the kids’ rooms and toys, click here.

5) I tackled things in order of how much time they took up.

After I purged the playroom and immediately saw a difference in my time, I decided to purge my home in order of how much time all the areas took up in my week. The toys were done, so the next biggest time-suck for me was the laundry. I was always washing clothes and never really able to catch up. This simply meant we owned too many clothes. There’s no need for things to be that way, even with six people in the house, so I purged.

The next thing that took up most of my time was the dishes. I would try to keep them rinsed and the counters wiped as I went about my day, but somehow, no matter what I did, at the end of a long day I always had to stand at the sink for an hour. I was over it. Knocking these two big areas out changed the structure of my day probably the most out of anything else I did.

>> Note: When I finished purging the laundry and dishes, the biggest chunk of my time was freed up. I put together a free guide to help you de-clutter your laundry and dishes in the same way I did.

6) I did it in waves.

Something I noticed about my own journey and that I see in my students again and again, is that purging never seems to happen all at once. When you do your first purge of the clothes, you usually end up going back later and doing another clothing purge because you didn’t get rid of enough.

I think this happens because we’re afraid to get rid of things when we first start, and because you learn as you go. When I first went through all our dishes, I only got rid of the things I didn’t even like or use (ugly mugs, a broken hand mixer, chipped bowls, etc). I noticed I was saving time by having a few less things to wash and sort through when I was cooking dinner, but later I realized I could do a lot more to free myself up, so  I did another wave in the kitchen.

Just be aware that this might happen to you, and if it does it’s okay! You could also learn from those who have gone before you, and use this information to take a shortcut through the purging process by making sure you get everything purged your first time through. #bossbabe

7) I got strict with some rules.

I noticed really quickly that there were certain hurdles in the purging process that could make or break me. One of the main ones was after I’d purge a room, my husband and kids would meander over to the donation pile and start to say things like, “hey! Cool! I haven’t seen this in forever!” Then they’d take those items out of the pile and i was taking two steps backward. Ugh.

So I made a rule for myself. Immediately after a purge sesh, I would bag up all the trash and donation stuff and take it where it needed to go. This meant the trash went straight out to the trash cans, and the donations went straight to the trunk of my car to be taken to Goodwill later. I even set alarms in my phone for three days after each purge, and that alarm was my deadline- I had to take the stuff to Goodwill by that date or it had to be thrown away. Creating a “no excuses” setup for myself helped me follow through and increased my success for sure.

8) I removed my crutch.

I think we all have a room, a closet, or at least a cupboard where we throw all the junk we’ll “get to later” and shut the door when company comes over. I had an entire room that was a clutter catch-all, and when I wasn’t finished cleaning and a friend was dropping by or when I didn’t know what to do with something that was in the room I was de-cluttering, I’d throw it in that room and shut the door, telling myself I’d deal with it later.

But later kept being pushed out later and later, and I found myself using this room as a crutch. I knew I could procrastinate making decisions about the hard stuff by putting it in this room “for later”. I noticed my pattern and saw that if I didn’t man up, I was never really going to deal with it. I wanted to purge my home, not purge certain things and transfer the hard stuff from one room to another.

I made a note on my calendar that on my next two purging dates, I was going to tackle that room. Once I did it (it was exhausting because it held all the sentimental, hard things I’d been avoiding) I felt like a new person. A weight was lifted and I could breathe in big, deep sighs. So worth it! After I did this, my de-cluttering started to go much quicker, and I found making decisions about my items to be much easier.

9) I tackled the little things.

Once I’d done the playroom, dishes, laundry, and my clutter catch-all room, I felt like the biggest areas were done and I started focusing on the smaller things. Kitchen utensils, jewelry, shoes, the things in my laundry room, lingerie, the kids’ artwork, photos, the pile of mail I’d been avoiding, etc.

This just kept the snowball rolling and had my house looking noticeably uncluttered. This is when people really started to take notice of how my house had changed and how I had transformed as a person. I just felt so much better about everything and it leaked through my smile.

10) I purged as I went about my day.

Once the big things and small details were under control, I found the rest of the house to be really easy and began purging things as I went about my normal cleaning routine (which was much smaller and lighter now. yay!). I would go through the house in ten-minute chunks and pick up, purging things we no longer needed as I went.

For example, when I would do my normal living room pick up before we sat down for dinner, I would grab an empty hamper (one of my fave little tricks!) and put anything I saw that we didn’t need in it. Then I’d dump the items in a trash bag to be donated later that week. The great thing about getting to this point is that you’re in a rhythm. Purging is no longer a soul-sucking, time-consuming, dreaded task you have to push through. It’s second nature and just a way of life for you.

My kids even got used to it and started saying things like, “Hey Mom, I never play with these cars anymore. Can we give them to someone else?” It was awesome.

>> Note: don’t let go of your weekly purging dates with yourself yet though! You still need to make those happen so you don’t lose steam and slowly get back to where you were.

Those are the main steps that took me from Point A to Point B in my de-cluttering process, but a lot of other things have helped me maintain this lifestyle.

Purging is like getting healthy. If you do it like a diet, you’ll just gain back all the clutter and end up totally discouraged, having wasted your valuable time on something you didn’t keep up. If you treat it as a mindset, as a lifestyle change you’re implementing for good, you’re going to stick to your guns and keep the weight off. 😉

You have to learn to be intentional about what you allow in your home. Everything that takes up your space takes away some amount of your time, and you’ll really see that once you start getting uncluttered. When we are intentional, we give or throw away the things that find their way into our space that aren’t needed or loved, we work with our families to create a clean space we can make memories and be present in, and we go against the grain by asking “why?” about everything we consider bringing home.

If you’re wanting to really dive in and make this happen in your life, I’m excited for you! It’s so worth it, it changed the course of my entire life and led to more time, more adventures, and more focus on my family. I’m very grateful for and passionate about minimalism.

I hope you found this post helpful. If you want a full guide that will show you exactly how to de-clutter every room, every area of your home and end up at Point B, check out my course and coaching program! I’d be happy to have you as a student and help get you all the way through this.

Filed Under: intentional living, minimalism

Stop Saying You Don’t Have Time + Start Owning Your Life

August 25, 2016 by Allie Casazza Leave a Comment

“I don’t have time for that.”

This is more than a sentence we say pretty often, it’s a boundary we’re putting up.

Sometimes it’s a healthy boundary, sometimes it’s unhealthy, even harmful.

Sometimes we use this sentence to excuse ourselves from bettering our lives.

What We’re Really Doing to Ourselves

We raise it up high for all to see “look at me! I know how to manage my time! I am just like so busy.”, but what we’re really holding up is an excuse not to embrace our fullest potential.

As a mom of four small kids, I’ve done this more times than I can recall. I’ve said no to things that would have changed my life, but I was afraid to go there. I’ve used my kids and my life as a reason not to partake in something life-changing.

A Bible study that I knew would shake things up, but I was in a season of bitterness, and I didn’t want to be shaken up yet. “I don’t have time for that.”

A program or book that was designed to help me escape the chronic chaos and overwhelm I was struggling with, but if I stopped struggling I’d have no excuse to remain in my depression and keep watching Netflix. “I don’t have time for that.”

Think about this for yourself.

Have you ever done this?

Maybe your marriage was on the rocks and a helpful website suggested creating a special night of alone time and discussion for you and your husband. You know exactly what that would mean- no more excuses, you’d have to deal with the mess you helped create and it might not be all his fault- so you block it. “I don’t have time for that right now. Things are too crazy this week.”

Maybe you’ve been complaining about your life- how busy you are, how much work is on your plate, how overwhelming it all is- and sort of using that to get recognized as a badass. So when someone suggests you train someone to assist you at work, or find a Mommy’s Day Out program to help you with the kids once a week, you brush it off with, “I don’t have time for that.” Because you know that by actually solving the problem, you no longer have a reason to complain, a reason to feel validated or seen as a martyr.

There are so many articles floating around in Internet Land about learning to say no, not feeling obligated to say yes to everything asked of us, but I see the flip side being a chronic problem. I struggled with it myself for years, and I recognize it in loved ones and new acquaintances and bloggers and strangers overheard in coffee houses all. the. time.

Maybe not everyone is saying “I don’t have time” for the same reason.

Maybe some of them truly don’t have the time for something that would benefit their lives.

Let’s look at that angle.

You have the time you choose to have. You have the time you make.

Time does not own us, we own time. We all have the same amount of hours in our day as Maya Angelou and Oprah and *insert some extremely successful person you admire*. I think we need to stop using a lack of time as an excuse and start using our control of time as a launch pad for all we want in life.

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. ”

— Annie Dillard

We have to stop letting the daily grind, the chaos, the kids, the messes, the clutter, the stresses, the bills, the TV, the everything get in the way of us accomplishing the end-goals of our lives.

If how you spend every mundane day is going to add up to equal the sum of how you spent your life, what are you waiting for? How much longer are you going to use the “I don’t have time for that” excuse?

Get Real. 

Let’s understand the difference between chaos, the need to be flexible and straight up not wanting to do hard work and bring about change. Do you or do you not want to live with intention?

There will always be seasons during which we need nothing but grace for ourselves. Pregnancy, going through fostering or adopting a child, moving, going through a divorce or some other life change, but I think most of us need to get real with ourselves about this mystical lack of time.

Those who are happy, successful moms, entrepreneurs, ministry organizers, spouses, workers, etc are the ones who don’t let excuses keep them from embracing a better version of themselves.

Is there something out there you’ve been avoiding, that you know will help you and change your life, but you’ve been saying “I don’t have time” or “I don’t have the money for that”?

Reevaluate.

Tell your time and your resources where to go. If you need something, take it. Make it happen.

Don’t stay stuck where you’re at. There’s not a single admirable person in history who lived that way, and it’s not good enough for you.

You’re called to abundant life! Go take it.


The doors to my course, Purge Your Entire Home are now open, but only until next week. By design, this course will take you through every step of simplifying your home, de-cluttering what’s taking up all your time, and get you to a place of freedom and spare time and intentionality in your life as a mom. If you’re ready to dive in and make some changes happen, click here. Time is ticking!

i want to know more about the course

Filed Under: intentional living, life management

Why We Chose to ‘Soft Start’ Our Homeschool & How It Works

August 18, 2016 by Allie Casazza Leave a Comment

 Doing school at the park next to our house. 
Doing school at the park next to our house. 

Homeschooling has been a somewhat-constant part of our lives since our oldest hit pre-school age four years ago. I’ve learned that my style is very relaxed, and I’ve schooled my daughter as it fit our family. She’s been placed in public school for half of the year two times now (because, life) and now that we’re moved into our new state and settled into work-at-home life, we’re getting back to it after finishing the last five months of first grade at the sweet little elementary school across the street.

I’ve been pulled back to my original reason for homeschooling, and since the older boys are now school-age and Brian is no longer working a normal 9-5, we’re going all in, and we’re pretty excited about it.

We’re not diving straight in though, even as my social media feeds are full of back-to-school photos and Target is pushing pencils and notebooks on us and the season is starting to slowly cool down. Normally, I’m an all-or-nothing kind of person, but in this season of our family’s life, it just hasn’t felt right. However, it also didn’t feel right to do no school yet. The kids are getting antsy and Brian and I have work to do during the day, so some structured school tasks would help everyone out. That’s why we decided to do what we’re calling a soft start.

What a soft start is

Rather than diving into all our curriculum like we normally would, we’re only bringing reading, writing, and art into our days. We’re doing this until the first week of October, at which point we’ll get into the other subjects.

How it works day-to-day

We’re doing a four-day school week (Thursdays and Sundays are our days off both work and school), and we start the school day with a family devotion and prayer time over breakfast.

Afterward, the kids do art class while Brian and I get some work done. They only need to do one twenty-minute lesson, but they end up going through three or four lessons. They LOVE art, and it’s the reason we included it in our soft start. Nonnegotiable for our little herd!

After we all get together at the table for lunch (the goal for each day is to eat all three meals as a family), we spend about 30-45 minutes reading aloud to the kids. One of my main goals in homeschooling is to give the kids a love of books, stories, and adventure. Sometimes we read aloud again in the evenings.

At this point in the day Hudson and the baby take naps, and the older kids have quiet time while Brian and I get some more work done.

We wrap up the afternoon with some copy work to practice writing, and we have the rest of the day (it’s usually only about 3:00 at this point) to run errands, hang out, or go explore.

We do school outside sometimes to change it up, and that keeps the kids really busy. I bring my laptop with me on those days and get work done on-the-go, so I’m not getting behind for the sake of a change in scenery. 

Our soft start curriculum

Family devotion/Bible

Book/Plan  – Leading Little Ones to God

Reading

We’re currently reading Little House in the Big Woods, but we’re following the book list from Ambleside Online (Year 1 & Year 2)

Art

Art Hub for Kids & The Doodle Academy

Writing

We have the younger kids practice their letters and basic words, and Bella writes out Scripture/poetry/positive quotes that we choose randomly.

How we’re liking it

I am so happy with our decision to start this school year out “soft”. It’s provided so much peace to our family. We’ve had a crazy year moving cross-country, moving from our temporary condo to a house, the start of our businesses and the transition out of Brian’s job… I could go on but I’m stopping there so you don’t think we’re insane!

It’s just been a very intense year of change for our family. The last thing we needed was any more extreme changes. This just fit us for this year.

Another perk is that we got into a rhythm immediately. Normally it takes a couple weeks (or more) to get out of summer mode and into school mode. I think because the school load wasn’t overwhelming, we found our rhythm right away. When October comes and it’s time to take on the other subjects, we’ll be well-rested and prepared – both the adults and the kids.

Do you homeschool? Have you ever done a soft start?

Stay tuned for more details on how we spend our homeschool days, how we run two businesses from home and homeschool, and the rest of our curriculum for this year! Subscribe to stay in the know. 

 

 

Filed Under: homeschooling, motherhood

Why We Chose to ‘Soft Start’ Our Homeschool & How It Works

August 18, 2016 by alliecasazza Leave a Comment

 Doing school at the park next to our house. 
Doing school at the park next to our house. 

Homeschooling has been a somewhat-constant part of our lives since our oldest hit pre-school age four years ago. I’ve learned that my style is very relaxed, and I’ve schooled my daughter as it fit our family. She’s been placed in public school for half of the year two times now (because, life) and now that we’re moved into our new state and settled into work-at-home life, we’re getting back to it after finishing the last five months of first grade at the sweet little elementary school across the street.

I’ve been pulled back to my original reason for homeschooling, and since the older boys are now school-age and Brian is no longer working a normal 9-5, we’re going all in, and we’re pretty excited about it.

We’re not diving straight in though, even as my social media feeds are full of back-to-school photos and Target is pushing pencils and notebooks on us and the season is starting to slowly cool down. Normally, I’m an all-or-nothing kind of person, but in this season of our family’s life, it just hasn’t felt right. However, it also didn’t feel right to do no school yet. The kids are getting antsy and Brian and I have work to do during the day, so some structured school tasks would help everyone out. That’s why we decided to do what we’re calling a soft start.

What a soft start is

Rather than diving into all our curriculum like we normally would, we’re only bringing reading, writing, and art into our days. We’re doing this until the first week of October, at which point we’ll get into the other subjects.

How it works day-to-day

We’re doing a four-day school week (Thursdays and Sundays are our days off both work and school), and we start the school day with a family devotion and prayer time over breakfast.

Afterward, the kids do art class while Brian and I get some work done. They only need to do one twenty-minute lesson, but they end up going through three or four lessons. They LOVE art, and it’s the reason we included it in our soft start. Nonnegotiable for our little herd!

After we all get together at the table for lunch (the goal for each day is to eat all three meals as a family), we spend about 30-45 minutes reading aloud to the kids. One of my main goals in homeschooling is to give the kids a love of books, stories, and adventure. Sometimes we read aloud again in the evenings.

At this point in the day Hudson and the baby take naps, and the older kids have quiet time while Brian and I get some more work done.

We wrap up the afternoon with some copy work to practice writing, and we have the rest of the day (it’s usually only about 3:00 at this point) to run errands, hang out, or go explore.

We do school outside sometimes to change it up, and that keeps the kids really busy. I bring my laptop with me on those days and get work done on-the-go, so I’m not getting behind for the sake of a change in scenery. 

Our soft start curriculum

Family devotion/Bible

Book/Plan  – Leading Little Ones to God

Reading

We’re currently reading Little House in the Big Woods, but we’re following the book list from Ambleside Online (Year 1 & Year 2)

Art

Art Hub for Kids & The Doodle Academy

Writing

We have the younger kids practice their letters and basic words, and Bella writes out Scripture/poetry/positive quotes that we choose randomly.

How we’re liking it

I am so happy with our decision to start this school year out “soft”. It’s provided so much peace to our family. We’ve had a crazy year moving cross-country, moving from our temporary condo to a house, the start of our businesses and the transition out of Brian’s job… I could go on but I’m stopping there so you don’t think we’re insane!

It’s just been a very intense year of change for our family. The last thing we needed was any more extreme changes. This just fit us for this year.

Another perk is that we got into a rhythm immediately. Normally it takes a couple weeks (or more) to get out of summer mode and into school mode. I think because the school load wasn’t overwhelming, we found our rhythm right away. When October comes and it’s time to take on the other subjects, we’ll be well-rested and prepared – both the adults and the kids.

Do you homeschool? Have you ever done a soft start?

Stay tuned for more details on how we spend our homeschool days, how we run two businesses from home and homeschool, and the rest of our curriculum for this year! Subscribe to stay in the know. 

 

 

Filed Under: homeschooling, motherhood

4 Inspiring Podcasts for Moms

August 11, 2016 by Allie Casazza Leave a Comment

I love podcasts. One of my very favorite things to do on a hard day is to pack the kids up, go to the park, and watch them play while my headphones deliver some fresh inspiration. Podcasts are amazing, and they can make chores a lot more fun too. I get asked pretty often which ones are my favorite, so today I’m sharing what my top four are and why I love them.

Inspired to Action. Kat Lee is one of the most inspirational moms out there, in my opinion. She will motivate you to wake up earlier, be better, learn more, and pour love into your kids. She always has awesome guest speakers, too, which I appreciate.

This is Your Life with Michael Hyatt. Michael Hyatt is probably the person I’d like to meet most of everyone alive on earth. I think he’s such a sweetheart, such a leader, such an inspiration. His podcast works for anyone in any stage of life, but as an momtrepreneur, he has taught me the most about running a godly, successful business and becoming a good leader. He’s also taught me the most profound lessons on becoming a better conversationalist around the dinner table with my family, handling gossips, and what to do when you just feel like giving up on everything. I absolutely adore him and his podcast.

 Pin it so you don't forget it and your peeps can share it :)
Pin it so you don’t forget it and your peeps can share it 🙂

The 5AM Miracle with Jeff Sanders. This podcast is all about being the best version of yourself and tackling your day. It’s what motivated me to wake up at 4:30AM for 30 days back in February. Jeff has an energy that is contagious and inspiring. He talks about everything and his podcast is great for when you feel like you kind of just need a kick in the butt. 

God Centered Mom. Heather’s voice is great, for starters. I think she’s the cutest! She’s also incredibly kind, and wise, and has the best guest speakers on her show. This podcast is perfect to listen to on a hard day of motherhood.

Next time you have a tough day, hit up Starbucks for an iced coffee, take your kids to the park, and listen to a podcast while you watch them play. It’ll do your mama soul some serious good, I promise.

What podcasts do you listen to?

 

Filed Under: motherhood

The 5 Rules of Modern Motherhood You Can Totally Break

August 4, 2016 by Allie Casazza Leave a Comment

There are very few safe places for moms to go to escape the heavy, leering eyes of judgement in today’s society. I don’t believe being a mom has ever been harder in this sense! While so much in our world is getting easier and improving, thanks to technology, our role is only getting tougher.

It’s impossible to be a good mom today.

Don’t use sunscreen…

Formula is devil juice…

The public school system leads to suicide and second grade sex romps…

Sleep with your baby or she’ll never have a good relationship with you…

Don’t let your baby sleep with you or he’ll never know how to self-soothe and he’ll live with you till he’s 49… 

Basically, no matter what decision we make, there’s always another side shouting at us “YOU’RE RUINING YOUR KID’S LIFE AND YOU ARE THE WORST!” We can’t win.

Let me drop some freedom in your lap, girl. You don’t have to follow the rules. In fact, I’m gonna step right up and point out five rules (there are WAY more, but let’s start here) you can just go ahead and throw right out the window right now. Like don’t even worry about it. Cause I think we could all use a lighter load these days.

5 Rules of Modern Motherhood You Can Totally Break

1. You have to have it all together, all the time. 

BAHAHAHAHAHA! Who even made this one up?? This is a joke, yet I see this rule being held over our heads by OTHER moms all the time! I mean what gives?

The thing about motherhood is it’s insanity- it’s loud, it’s wishy washy and back and forth and completely unpredictable, making it impossible to have it all together. You’re better than this mama. Shake that right off and move on.

2. Carpe Diem every freaking moment. 

Somewhere along the way, we started to believe that we moms have to “seize the day” not only every day, but every moment. Umm, no.

Call me what you will, but when the baby’s diaper has exploded up to his neckline, the boys are shouting wiener and buttcrack jokes at each other while jumping on the freshly-folded pile of laundry, and my daughter is “expressing herself” with paints whilst standing over the white carpet, the last thing I’m going to be doing is carpe-ing this never-ending diem. Mmkay?

The philosophy that we moms need to hold onto every fleeting moment and treat it like a baby seal is ridiculous and only leads to mom guilt. Like we need another ounce of that in our lives! Shake it off, mommers. 

3. If something is convenient for you on any level, you are the worst. 

There’s this crazy idea that we moms are supposed to be constantly miserable for our kids’ sake. Gotta poop? You better find a way to do it with the baby strapped to you because if you set him down and let him fuss while you do any type of nature-induced activities, he will become a murderer.

We aren’t allowed to take a nap, get some sleep, eat a meal, or sip a cup of coffee without feeling guilty about it. The idea of putting ourselves first for even two minutes is horrible. When did this start??

Oh mama, take a deep breath, stop reading those guilt-building articles floating around on Facebook, stop making decisions out of guilt and fear, and just do your day the way YOU would do it if you didn’t feel so completely judged! 

 Pin it! Share the love. 
Pin it! Share the love. 

4. Respond to every need your child has or they will become 1) a psycho murderer, 2) stupid, or 3) unhappy. *GAAAAAASSSP!!!!*

Listen to me, yo. Your child’s happiness is not your burden to bear. I know that goes against everything you see out there in cyber article land, but it’s true.

I’m not saying to do this thing like the mom in A Child Called It, I’m just saying why are we all acting like it’s our job to make our kids happy? Our job is to be a fierce protector against evil, and to show our kids how to be good humans; it is not to make sure every heart desire is met because they might feel unloved and become promiscuous or horrible evildoers. Puh-lease. 

I think one of the best things we can do for our kids is teach them to deal with reality. Real life isn’t everything you wanted all the time at no cost to you, it’s not constant happiness and no bad days. You don’t have to slap yourself and jump out of bed to get your kids breakfast at 5AM. You can tell them to get their booties back in bed until a normal hour that other homosapiens get up. And guess what? Doing something good for you and hard for them isn’t going to make anyone the next Ted Bundy.

5. Consistency is key.

No it’s not. I mean in discipline and house rules, sure, I think it is. But somehow we all started to believe that we need to give our kids a solid, consistent life to give them stability and confidence. We started to tell ourselves that we have to have all the answers and know what we’re doing in order to be good parents.

You know what? I think one of the greatest gifts I’ve given my kids is inconsistency. We’ve moved eight times in seven years, and one of those moves was cross-country. We’ve left for Disneyland at 9PM and stayed till midnight. We’ve gotten in the car to go get donuts and ended up staying out all day long in our pajamas, just driving around and listening to indie rock. We’ve made plans and broken them because of financial setbacks. We’ve put our daughter in public school and pulled her out mid-year to homeschool her, then put her back in public school again the next year.

Sometimes life happens and it’s good for kids to roll with the waves and learn to be cool with it. I see a quiet confidence in my kids when life gets crazy that I don’t see in other kids, and I love that it’s a result of living life as a family and not shielding them from the normal ups and downs.

Bottom line, mama… you do you. Don’t do what anyone else calls good motherhood. You were chosen out of every woman in the entire world, of every generation that ever existed to be the mom of your kids. You’ve got what it takes to rock this.

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xoxo Allie


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Filed Under: motherhood

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