Archives for July 2019

If you’ve been alive on this earth for more than five minutes you might have noticed that there are some pretty negative people out there—especially on social media. These are the people who just drain the joy from you. They’re like vampires—just sucking the life out of everything. 

It’s so annoying and so rude and uncalled for.

There was a time in my business when everything was pretty new, but things had really picked up and a lot more people had eyes on me, my business, and my blog. 

I would get so many negative comments and rude messages and I still get them!

I think to myself, How can you even find anything negative so say about my message? I’m literally talking about lightening your load so you can live an unburdened, abundant life. I’m just trying to help!

It took a long time and a lot of practice to let things go. And I still have times when something will really bother me and I’ll want to respond, but it takes so much more now.

I used to feel like I had say something just to put the vampires in their place, but I’ve realized that I don’t have to give my energy to life-draining people. 

I don’t have to let people pull me into their negativity bubble. And you don’t either. We can say no.  

We can set ourselves free from the weight of the opinions of others. And when we stop letting negativity affect us, then we’ve won. 

So, how do we silence the vampires in our lives?

IGNORE UNWANTED OPINIONS

I always hear, “Well, everyone is entitled to their opinion.”

While yes, that’s true, sometimes vampires force their way into your life and inflict their opinions on you, and that’s wrong and rude.

Honestly, vampires can be bullies. They put you down to make themselves feel better. And you don’t have to put up with it. 

Of course, I believe there’s a difference in seeking wise counsel and carrying the weight of other people’s opinions. But if you let yourself hold on to other people’s opinions and let what they think bother you, you are going to feel so heavy. I think it’s really important to let that go. 

So, say no to that. Set yourself free. You’ll feel so much lighter. 

KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS 

This sounds so cheesy, but the best way to handle negative people is to just kill them with kindness.

Note: This is definitely not my natural reaction. It sucks, and it’s hard, but it works. 

Once, when someone was very rude and intrusive and really put me down because of a decision that I made, I decided to just say, “Wow! You really feel strongly about this. I guess it’s a good thing that I don’t feel that way because this is just what works for us.” 

My reaction was almost sarcastic. But my intent was to basically back up and give the other person the floor. That’s all they really wanted, anyway.

Your negative person might just want you to see that they feel really strongly about whatever it is.

So, just acknowledge it, smile and move on. 

IGNORE THEM

Another option would be to just ignore them. Especially online. Just don’t even give them the time of day. 

Don’t delete it. Don’t respond to it. Just let it sit there. Let them do their thing and just be silent. 

This is how I handle messages that are alarmingly rude. Just silence. I don’t even give them attention. 

Also give it silence in your own brain. You’ll be a lot happier. It’s not worth the space in your brain for you to let it bother you. 

LET IT GO

I think another big way of dealing with negativity from other people is just realizing that you don’t have to convince them of anything. You don’t have to explain yourself. 

I always remind myself of that. If someone is rude to me or tells me that what I do is a waste of time, I don’t have to convince them they’re wrong. I don’t have to convince them of anything. 

People want to try to convince you that you’re wrong and that their way is better. But when I release myself from the belief that I have to convince other people that I’m right, it fizzles out the argument. There’s nothing else to say. 

Besides, their need to fight is usually because what you’re doing triggers them in some way. So they want to tell you that you’re wrong. 

Trying to convince your negative person that your way is right sometimes just fuels the fire. But if you ignore it, there’s no gasoline on that fire. It takes two people to argue. 

CHECK YOURSELF

If you find yourself easily offended by something someone else says, I think it’s important to make sure that it’s not your own personal issue. 

If every time you’re around someone you feel on edge. Or if you’re offended every time they say anything, it might be something going on with you that you need to fix. 

The way we react to things is really about what’s going on in us. If you can’t stand how critical someone is, maybe you’re really critical, and you don’t like that about yourself. So, maybe you notice it in other people. 

Try to be self-reflective and look at yourself first, rather than blaming everyone else and thinking everyone else is so negative, critical, or judgmental. 

REMOVE YOURSELF

Look for ways to remove yourself from unhealthy situations where the negativity chronically and constantly brings you down. 

It might mean putting distance between you and another person. If it’s someone you work with, you’ll have to find another way to work through it, maybe by ignoring them or by just being super nice to them. 

If your unhealthy environment is online, it might mean putting limits on your social media presence. Or you may have to take a step back from those platforms altogether. 

However this applies to you, I just encourage you to look for ways to remove yourself from unhealthy situations that chronically and constantly bring you down. 

You don’t deserve that. Don’t put yourself through it. Don’t even let it be an issue in your life.

I hope these words cause you to see that as long as you’re fulfilling your purpose for your life, then it doesn’t matter what other people think. Don’t let these negative vampire-people suck the joy and confidence out of your soul. 

We need to live our best lives. We need to live how we individually are called to live. 

And we can live unashamed knowing that we have a purpose and there’s nothing wrong with living out our purpose in whatever way we think best—even if others disagree.

I believe confidence is key to living out your truth and your calling. And I believe in speaking life and truth over ourselves each day.

If you want to start speaking life and affirmations over yourself but you don’t know what that means or you just need some inspiration, look no further, I’ve got you! 

I created a guide full of affirmations for every area of your life.

So, you do you, girl. You own your life. You own your decisions. You stand up to the bullies and the vampires of this world. Cause you’re friggin’ Wonder Woman.

I want to answer a question that I get asked a lot: How do Brian and I pursue friendship in our marriage?

First off, I want to start out by saying that Brian and I are not “marriage experts.” We have discussions and disagreements all the time. I never want to come across like we have it all together or we never have problems. 

We got married young and it was really hard. We’ve had totally awful fights and, in the beginning of our marriage, we had a lot of BIG problems caused by immature things. We’ve come a long way, but it still feels weird to talk about something that I know we’re not the best at. 

Having a good marriage has been a struggle and something we’ve really worked for. We have a very REAL marriage. We are not perfect. But we do really love each other and we are friends. 

And I just want to speak to that because I believe that any couple can cultivate a friendship with a little work. I mean marriage is already work so why not focus on working to be friends with your spouse? 

There have been times when Brian and I have really had to work on our friendship. There have been times when we’ve had to recreate it because it was ruined by words, situations, or us just growing apart.

So, be encouraged if you’re in a distant place in your relationship. You can make it back. You can be friends. 

To give you guys a little inspiration, Brian and I sat down together and jotted down a few things that we believe have helped us create an air of friendship in our marriage.

This isn’t an exhaustive list. But I hope what we share will inspire and encourage you to start pursuing a healthy friendship with your spouse. 

#1 We Search for Common Ground 

When we were younger, we liked a lot of the same things. We liked the same music, we had the same friend group, we had a lot in common. 

Over the years, those commonalities have changed. We don’t like the same music anymore. We actually have really different tastes in music now (among other things). 

We’ve just changed since we were teenagers. So, we’ve needed to revisit what we have in common. What do we enjoy doing together? 

For example, we are both “dinner and conversation daters.” We don’t really like “adventure dating.” 

We would rather go to the same restaurant every week and just talk and catch up. That is something we have in common now and it is something that contributes to our marriage and friendship. 

#2 We Compromise

We’re both pretty good at compromising. Sometimes that looks like trying to find movies we both like and watching those together. Sometimes it looks like Brian watching the chick flick with me or me watching a movie he picked with him. It’s about doing something just because the other person likes it. 

Listen, it’s OK to hate something the other person likes, but find some common ground. Be willing to compromise. Find compromises in each other’s favorite things and do those together. 

#3 We Keep Learning About Each Other

This sounds a bit cheesy but Brian and I sometimes do those fun quizzes where you ask each other things about yourselves. It’s so fun and refreshing to go over those things again…especially when it feels like you’ve known each other for so long and you probably know everything. 

A lot of the time we learn new things about each other because spoiler: people change! 

So, even though I know what Brian’s answers would have been six years ago, they have more than likely changed since then. 

There is always growth and change, and you want to constantly be learning about the other person. 

For example, I might ask Brian, “What’s one thing you really thought you would have done by now but you haven’t yet?” Learning little things like that can be intriguing and fun.

#4 We Create A Lot of Alone Time Together

We are really religious about having date nights outside the house. But even at the end of the day, we’ll sit down with each other, away from the kids, and talk. 

This is actually where we started quizzing each other and asking each other questions. We create the space to have conversations and spend time together—just the two of us. 

#5 We Connect Even When We’re Apart 

We used to spend a lot of time apart because of Brian’s job. We didn’t see each other much because he worked 12–14 hour days, 6 days a week. But we were always communicating. 

We were texting each other, sharing jokes, sharing little bits of our days, just constantly talking and connecting. 

We still do that, even though it’s not quite so hard now since we work together and spend our days together. 

But take whatever your day looks like and apply this. It could even be something small. Email. Text. Leave a voicemail. Write a note. Just connect in some way. 

Need some ideas for fun, sweet, flirty texts to send your hubby?

I’ve put together a FREE list of 20 Text Messages to Send Your Husband.

Copy word for word or use it as inspiration to create your own messages!

Either way, pull that phone out and send your man a text YOU KNOW will put a big smile on his face 😉

#6 We Treat Each Other Like Friends

How do friends act? What do they do for each other? How are they with each other? Well, friends have coffee, they check in with each other, and they talk about issues with tact and respect. 

It is so easy to get comfortable and let anything and everything fly out of your mouth. But in a healthy friendship you would talk about what’s bothering you in a healthy way.

This has been one of the hardest lessons for us as a couple. I’m very sensitive. If Brian says anything, even if it’s in love, I just feel smashed. 

On the opposite end, I’m also really blunt and have a hard time guarding my words. I’m just really honest. It physically bothers me to not say what I’m thinking, especially with Brian because we are so close. 

And I’m not saying you don’t talk about issues. We are very open with each other. 

But we try to be careful in the way we bring up an issue. Handling things like we would with a good friend—with tact and respect, saying things in love, maybe even waiting for a better time. 

Those are the main ways that Brian and I have pursued friendship in our marriage. These are the ones that stood out to us the most when we were thinking of how we have grown and nourished a healthy friendship.

We feel like having that piece of friendship is a really important part of our marriage. And we believe it’s something that every couple can have. 

It’s such a relief to know you have your best friend by your side for the worst situations, scariest nights, and most stressful days. I want that for you because I know how awesome and good it is. 

So, grab a sitter and schedule a date night. Or put the kids to bed early (they can handle it, ignore the whines) and carve out some space for you and your hubby to really connect. 

Maybe print this blog post out and use it for reference. Have a conversation. Express that you want to be friends. And then roll up your sleeves and work at it. 

It doesn’t come easy. But what does? I promise you it’s worth it.

Wanna know how to REALLY transform your marriage? Minimalism did that for us.

Sign up for our free class, where we talk about creating more space for what matters in your family.