Allie Casazza

I think it’s safe to say we’re all familiar with that “bleh” feeling we sometimes get about halfway through the day. I call it the “midday funk” where you just feel like you can’t even go on.

Maybe the morning was a total suckfest. Maybe your kids are riding the crazy train.

Maybe you don’t even know why you feel that way. But here you are. 

I think a lot of it just has to do with the repetitiveness of doing the same thing every single day. Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom or you work outside the home, most of the time we’re doing the same things over and over again. 

And it can start to feel heavy, and tiring and honestly, boring. So, you fall into this mental space of just feeling like “Ughhh! I can’t go on.”

It’s the kind of day you just want to quit. Like you’re done.

You don’t want to do the things you have to do. The thought of making dinner and getting the kids’ homework going makes you cringe. All you really want to do is eat candy, sit down and Netflix. Hard. 

And there are definitely days when you just throw in the towel, let the house go, order everyone a pizza and call it a frickin’ night. 

But most of the time, you have to suck it up and keep going. You have to make sure everything is functioning because things will fall apart if you give into those feelings. So, you’ve got to deal. 

I know it may sound cliche—and it can be really irritating to hear—but you have control over how you respond to this “midday funk.” And that’s really empowering. 

Don’t let it annoy you to hear that. It’s really powerful and encouraging. 

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Hey sweet friend, because I love you and I want to make things easier for you, I created a free checklist you can download. It’s basically a list of these tips, my go-to dance songs, my favorite Scriptures and affirmations for a bad day, and three links to funny videos if you need a laugh. The next time your day goes all $$#%@ use this checklist to get back on track!

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Maybe your child is having the meltdown of the century, maybe something in your house broke, but the fact is you can’t control those things. But you can control how you respond to them. 

You don’t have to let it upset you. You can talk yourself off of the ledge. 

I’m saying this in total solidarity and with a heart of compassion. I have worked for years to get to my version of an abundant life and everything is a lot simpler, easier and definitely happier now, but I still get in a midday funk sometimes. 

Doing the same things over and over, day after day—no matter what your situation is or the extra stressors on your plate—can just get you down. So, I totally get it.

But on the days I feel “blah,” I’ve developed some things that help me pull out of this negative mental space. And you know I’ve got yo’ back so I’m sharing them with you! 

Here are 10 ways to hit the reset button on your day when you really want to call it a day: 

10. Change Your Thoughts 

You will take a lot of power away from your feelings if you change the way you’re thinking about them. Take a moment, step back and realize that this “funk” is just how you’re feeling. It isn’t actually happening to you. 

It’s not a fact or a reality. It’s just a state of mind. And we can always change how we’re thinking, right? 

This is a really good place to start. Realizing your thoughts and changing how you’re thinking about your situation is such a powerful thing to do to help snap you out of a midday funk. 

9. Change Your Scenery 

Get out of the house or whatever space you’re in. If you’re at home, go for a walk around your neighborhood or to the park. If you’re at an office, take a 5-10 minute break and walk around the building or just stand in the sunshine. 

If you’ve got kids, pack them up in the stroller. If they’re older, let them ride their bikes or scooters or just walk in front of you. (Mom pro-tip: this is so good for getting that never-ending kid energy out). 

Sometimes we don’t even realize that we’ve been spending all week doing the same things over and over, and we just need to break the routine up a bit. 

So, forget the chores. Leave the dishes, or your to-do list, or your emails for a second and just change your scenery. 

8. Take a Drive 

Girlfriend, lemme tell you the thing I love about taking a drive…the kids are strapped into their car seats! (And all the mamas said ‘amen, amen, amen’ in the voice of Matthew McConoughey). 

They’re in their seats and that’s that. You can blast some music, roll the windows down, sing. 

You can just be out and not have to worry about your kids running crazy. *Bonus if you have a TV in the car. Turn that sucker on for them in the back and it’ll be like you’re all alone. 

7. Find the Funny 

If your day is looking like a complete and total suckfest, stop for a second and just look around. Maybe your toddler’s running through the house and he doesn’t have on pants or underwear. 

Maybe your baby woke up from his nap and got into his diaper and there’s poop smeared all over the crib. And it’s a legit crap show. (How the heck does that happen?!?)

Just stand there and crack up at the reality of your life. Motherhood is so hilarious. 

There are so many things that are just taken as “normal” because it’s “mom life” but if you really stop, stand back and look at it, it’s so frickin’ funny. 

So laugh at whatever is happening. It’s the best medicine, right? 

6. Exercise 

Go for a walk or a run. Do some yoga in your living room. 

Even inside you can do high knees and jog around your house. Your kids will think your psychotic and get a kick out of it. It’s fine. 

Have sex! Have a “nooner” with your man if you can. Get that endorphin rush. 

Sometimes mama’s just gotta get some 😉 So get it, girl. (Also yes, I just said nooner). 

5. Take a Friggin’ Nap. 

Sometimes you just gotta lay down. A 20-minute nap is scientifically proven to really help you in the middle of your day. 

Actually, if you like coffee, drink a cup of coffee and then take a 20 minute nap. That is apparently like a powder keg of re-energizing yourself. I do it all the time and it really works! 

4. Afternoon Dance Party

I know this feels like the last thing you want to do when you’re in a midday funk, but it’s so, so good for you. It’s good for your kids. It’s good for you guys as a family. 

Gather everyone in the living room and say, “Guys, this day is not going well for us. Everyone’s attitude is just in the tank. So we’re going to turn on some vintage T-Swift and have a dance party!” 

And just go for it. I promise you’ll feel better. 

3. Take Something Off Your To-Do List 

Find something that doesn’t have to get done today and just don’t do it. Yep, I just gave you permission to say “screw it” to a task. 

Look at your list. What can you put off until another day? Put it off. 

If there’s nothing that can be put off, figure out a way to simplify your to-do list. For example, you have to have dinner. You’ve got to feed your family. 

But maybe instead of cooking you can order out. Or have a cereal night. Or go out to eat. 

Find ways to simplify the ish you just have to do. 

2. Watch a Funny Video 

If you can’t find the funny in whatever’s going on in your own life, find the funny somewhere else. YouTube is a total mood-lifter.

There are a handful of videos that I have saved on my YouTube app and I will literally go and just open it up and watch one of those. Total mood-lift. 

Watch a video that just makes you crack up every time. Everybody has videos that they think are extra, super hilarious, but nobody else really gets them. You know the ones I’m talking about.

Save the links to those videos in your Notes app on your phone for easy access. Find a way to laugh and give yourself that “happy” you need today. 

1. Read Scripture or Positive Affirmations 

If you’ve been around here for a minute you know I’m a big believer in the power of our words and thoughts. 

You can change your whole mindset and attitude by changing the things you think and the things you say.  

Read powerful Scriptures. Speak your affirmations. Speak life over yourself and your family. 

Change the story you’re telling yourself about your situation. Come up with something positive like, “Look at these precious babies around me that are making me want to go crazy and lay in the street until the bus comes by. They’re beautiful people and I love them. I’m overwhelmed right now, but this life is good.” 

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Okay, girl. The next time your day goes to hell in a handbasket, take a look at this list and know you’re not alone. This funky midday slump is so normal. 

We all feel like this sometimes. Sometimes you have to just accept that it is what it is and do what you can to respond to it better instead of wishing that you didn’t struggle with it, or beating yourself up for feeling this way when you have such a great life. 

At the end of the day, everything is temporary. Every single thing about your life right now is just a season. 

Things are always changing. Your kids will get older. Things will get easier in some ways, and harder in other ways.

I think we get so caught up in the little bubble of our current season that we can burn out. We forget that there is a much bigger picture, a much bigger world, a much bigger purpose happening. As much as today might suck, it’s totally temporary. 

There are times when it’s not just a one-day thing, and I feel kind of down for a few days or weeks at a time. I call it being in a slump, and I recorded a podcast episode that talks about what I do when I’m feeling that way.

The next time you feel like your day is heading into a complete and total crapshow. And you are .5 seconds away from being DONE, take a breath and hit that reset button, girl. Just hit the reset button. 

Let’s talk about laundry! Ughhh. I can hear your groans from here.

I feel you. It can feel endless and overwhelming.

But I promise you that it doesn’t have to be. You can simplify your laundry.

If you’re sitting there buried under a pile of towels, sending up S.O.S. signals, yelling, “Tell me more, Allie!”

Don’t worry. I’VE GOT YOU! All you need is a simple and easy laundry routine and I’m giving you all the deets on mine!

This has been my laundry routine for a good, long while. It is tried and true.

I recorded a podcast episode about my routine that you can listen to here, but just know that I have adjusted a couple of things — which I go into detail about in this blog post.

I’m always looking to simplify and sometimes that means changing things up. And that’s OK.

Always follow your gut. If something’s not working for you, figure out something that does.

All that to say, even though I made some small adjustments, the core of the routine is the same.

So, here’s my not-so-secret-secret to staying on top of the laundry: I do one load pretty much every day. In my opinion (and experience!) washing clothes in a regular rhythm is far better than having a set “laundry day.”

Of course, there are days when I might be really busy or someone is sick, and so I don’t do it. I’m a human being. But 95% of the time, I do a load of laundry every single day.

There are a lot of influencers, a lot of magazine articles out there that tell you how to simplify your life and then the routine is so-overcomplicated. It’s ridiculous and unhelpful.

Simplification should never be complicated, and so my laundry routine isn’t. It’s really, really easy.

Here’s how you can simplify your laundry and make sure that you never have a mountain of dirty clothes ever again.

Minimize Your Clothes 

Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell you to get rid of all your clothes and only own 2 pairs of jeans for the rest of your life.

I don’t have a capsule wardrobe. I tried one for about a year and it just didn’t float my boat. It wasn’t for me.

I have what I need. I have options. And what I have I love.

My kids don’t have a ton of stuff either. They have extras so I’m not screwed if I fall behind on laundry for some reason, or ya know, life happens.

But I’m not obsessed with the number of items and I don’t think you should be either. I do think that what you and your family have in your wardrobes should be serving you.

Everything should be in good condition, no stains or rips. There shouldn’t be anything in there that you wouldn’t want to take a photo in. That’s my guideline.

I’m really mellow and simplistic about minimalism when it comes to my clothes. So, you have to find that balance too.

Having said that, less clothes equals less to wash. Period.

A lot of people tell me that if they simplify their clothes, they will have to wash more. That doesn’t make any sense.

If you have less clothes, you will be washing less. So, get in there and minimize the amount of clothes you have to the things you love, the things you feel great wearing, and the things that serve your family well.

Put Laundry Hampers Throughout Your House 

You will have to decide what works best for your family, but I have a hamper in everyone’s room. My daughter has a hamper in her room, my boys have a hamper in their room and there’s a hamper in our room.

I also have a hamper downstairs in the hallway closet for socks, kitchen rags, and things like that. Everyone knows it is a part of our house routine to put their dirty clothes in their hamper.

In the morning, I go through the rooms in the house and I collect the dirty clothes. Since I am doing laundry every day there is never so much that it won’t fit in one hamper.

Yep! You heard me. One Hamper. And mamas everywhere said, “YEEESSSS!”

Buy You Some Shout Color Catchers

These things make it possible for me to do only one load of laundry a day. I learned about them from Emily Ley, and now I never have to sort my clothes before I wash them.

I KID YOU NOT. I just dump them all in the washer together. It’s amazing.

When I tested it out, I washed bright red, brand new, never-before-worn baseball socks with a brand new pair of stark-white baseball pants. It was terrifying.

I washed it all together with a Shout Color Catcher and not a lick of red leaked anywhere. It was AH-MAZ-ING.

FYI: I don’t put it on scalding hot and I don’t do it on freezing cold. It’s just medium warm.

Also, this is not an ad for Shout Color Catchers. I just really, really like them. A lot.

Quick Wash Is Your Friend 

I learned about this from Emily Ley too! Side note: I adore her. She is a simplification queen and you should totally follow her!

My quick wash cycle is only 33 minutes. If you don’t have quick wash on your machine, just do normal or whatever, but this gets the load washed…well, quicker!

Dry, Fold, and Put Away

OK. This is the part of the routine that has changed for me. I’m going to tell you what I used to do first and then I’ll tell you what I do now.

I want you to know that I didn’t change things up because it didn’t work. There’s nothing wrong with this part of the routine. It works great.

I just decided to delegate this portion of my laundry routine. If you can do that, great! Go for it!

If you can’t, then just follow the old tried and true. I promise it works and it may just get you some “me” time in the process. That’s a perk if I’ve ever heard one, am I right?!

Old Routine: 

After breakfast and everyone was settled, I would change the load into the dryer. That afternoon when everyone was resting, I would check it to make sure it was dry.

If it wasn’t, I would run it again. If it was, I’d pull it out and dump it on my bed.

At the end of the day, I would put on a facial mask, turn on I Love Lucy, fold the load and put mine and Brian’s away.

My kids put their own laundry away, but if it was a late night and they were already asleep, I’d just leave it on the cabinet in the hallway and have them put it away in the morning.

New Routine: 

I still change the load from the washer to the dryer. And I hang up any delicate tops that can’t be put in the dryer. Then, I leave it for the next day.

I hired a couple of girls from the youth group at my church to come by after school and do some things around the house for me. So now, the girls fold the laundry I washed and dried the day before and put it away.

The kids still put away their own laundry, but the girls put away mine and Brian’s clothes and Emmett’s because he’s little. This saves me some time at the end of the day and it works for right now.

This easy routine has saved me so much time and energy. It has become such a part of my every day that I really don’t ever have to think about laundry anymore. It’s just second nature.

And who doesn’t want that??

Now, obviously your day may look different than mine. But whether you work outside or inside the home, this routine can be tweaked and adjusted to work for you.

So, be intentional. Find your rhythm. Adjust until you get it right.

Then say, “buh bye!” to Laundry Mountain cause it don’t live in your house no’ mo’! 

Sooo…I don’t know if you’ve noticed but there’s this really awkward tension in our culture where we feel like we have to choose between being a minimalist and being someone who enjoys shopping.  

Raise your digital hand if you know what I’m talking about ✋ 

There are a lot of minimalist teachers who will tell you that you can’t have any more than what you already have or you’re not really a minimalist. 

And I’m calling B.S. on that.  

I just don’t vibe with that mindset at all. I don’t like anything that feels legalistic or limiting, and to me, that’s all that is. 

I don’t want to say “no” to something that totally brings me joy just because I’m a minimalist.

And shopping brings me joy. Browsing the aisles of a store is how I find inspiration. It’s how I get refreshed. Frankly, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. 

And I think it sucks when other minimalists tell me that there is. Like that’s fine, you do you. But I like to shop, so leave me alone. 

I know there’s gotta be a good many of you who are like me and you like to shop. Maybe you’ve felt like that excludes you from the minimalism club. NOT TRUE. 

You can be a minimalist and love shopping. These two things aren’t mutually exclusive. 

So, as a little bit of encouragement and guidance for you, I put together a list of ways you can find freedom from legalistic rules while still maintaining your minimalist home and lifestyle. 

CHECK YOUR MOTIVATION

There is [usually] one of two motivations at the core of a person’s heart when they say they love to shop. 

Either they’re addicted to the “high” that comes with shopping and they’re just filling a void, or they just like browsing, going out alone without the kids (can I get an amen🙌), getting inspired, and occasionally finding that perfect item they’ve been looking for.  

So, what’s your motivation? What’s your heart behind shopping?

If you’re shopping just to get a high then you might need to check yo’self. Check yo’self before you wreck yo’self, right? 

But if you’re shopping because it’s something you enjoy doing and you feel refreshed and inspired, or it’s a form of self care, or you’re looking for something you need, then I say, “Shop on, mama!” 

STOP FEELING GUILTY

If you’re like me and you just enjoy the process of shopping, don’t you dare feel guilty about that. And if someone makes you feel guilty, that’s ridiculous and that’s their problem. 

My favorite thing to do in the whole world—seriously, no joke—is to go to Target, order a coffee, pop in my headphones, and just browse. Sometimes I don’t even have anything that I need to get. 

I’m just walking and browsing. It gives me space to breathe. 

I hate it when super strict minimalists ask me, “Well, why don’t you just walk around outside instead? Why do you have to walk around Target?” 

Uhh…because I don’t want to walk around outside. I want to walk around Target. My gosh. Leave me alone. 

HAVE SELF-DISCIPLINE

I don’t buy everything I like. I don’t even buy everything that inspires me. I get great ideas just by looking at things. 

You can enjoy and appreciate something and not buy it. 

Now, of course, there are times when I go shopping and I’ll see a book I want to read and I’ll buy it. Or I’ll see a really pretty pencil holder for my desk and I might remember that my pencil holder fell off and broke, so I’ll buy it. 

But I’m not just shopping for the sake of shopping. I’m not just buying crap I don’t need.

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I created a free checklist of questions you can ask yourself before you buy something.

This is just a way to check your heart and your intentions before making a purchase you don’t really need to make. I use it myself!

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ENJOY SHOPPING FOR NECESSITIES

I might make a quick run to Target because I need paper towels, but I’ll take my headphones, grab a coffee and turn it into some alone time. I can be there for an hour and leave with just the paper towels. 

Or sometimes Brian and the kids will go with me and we’ll have family time at Target. We’ll let the kids get a little snack. Brian and I will grab a coffee. And we’ll just enjoy being together. It’s a really nice experience. If you love to shop but don’t want or need to buy anything, then just enjoy the experience of browsing. 

Like I said, you’ve gotta know your motivation. If you look inside yourself and you recognize that you’re shopping just to shop and you’re trying to fill a void in your life, that’s a problem. I want to help you get to a place where you can stop. 

I want you to pursue a purposeful life of less stuff so you can have more joy. Here’s how you can quit buying stuff you don’t need: 

UNDERSTAND THE PSYCHOLOGY BEHIND IT

Stores and marketers know what makes us tick. They know what colors catch our eyes the most (red & yellow), how to phrase their sales tags, and exactly what prices take us from “hmm…” to “mine!” 🙋

These places are designed by professionals to make you buy what you don’t even need. You can get suckered in without even knowing it, which is why you need to be aware. 

Knowledge is power. 

SHOP AFTER YOU DECLUTTER

You are way less likely to pick up something new on your run to the store if you’ve just spent four hours purging the hallway closet.

I know I’m not going to work my butt off getting rid of junk I don’t need, only to buy more junk I don’t need two hours later. You’re probably not going to either. 

TAKE INVENTORY OF THE STUFF YOU DECLUTTERED

Separate your things into four categories: 

1) Need — these are the items you use daily or weekly; 

2) Sometimes need — you only need these items from time to time. Think hammer and screwdriver; 

3) Want — you bought this just because you wanted it, not because you needed it; 

4) Crap — this is totally pointless for your life, and you don’t even have a good reason for purchasing it. 

Once you have your piles, get a pen and paper and calculate about how much money you spent on the items in the “want” and “crap” piles. Add it up. 

Lesson.Learned.The.Painful.Way.  

TAKE SOME TIME AWAY

Getting away from our usual chaos helps immensely when you’re trying to gain perspective and make changes.

Go for a day trip with your family. Spend the day outdoors. 

My family is BIG on collecting experiences instead of material possessions. Not that we never buy anything but our priority is experiencing things together. 

Remind yourself what a good life you have without material things, and that you don’t need to buy things in order to enjoy life. 

FOCUS ON THE MONEY

Pay attention to your finances after implementing these changes. You will suddenly have more money. 

Minimalism can cure the paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle, help you pay off debt, and—once you see positive results—it’s a snowball effect. It’ll just keep rolling into other areas of your finances. What a great perk! 

So, ditch the “rules.” Minimalism isn’t a one-size-fits-all. Find your motivation and then, either shop or don’t. 

But don’t listen to anyone who tells you that you can’t be a minimalist because you don’t look or act like they do. I’m sure as heck not going to!

If you’ve been alive on this earth for more than five minutes you might have noticed that there are some pretty negative people out there—especially on social media. These are the people who just drain the joy from you. They’re like vampires—just sucking the life out of everything. 

It’s so annoying and so rude and uncalled for.

There was a time in my business when everything was pretty new, but things had really picked up and a lot more people had eyes on me, my business, and my blog. 

I would get so many negative comments and rude messages and I still get them!

I think to myself, How can you even find anything negative so say about my message? I’m literally talking about lightening your load so you can live an unburdened, abundant life. I’m just trying to help!

It took a long time and a lot of practice to let things go. And I still have times when something will really bother me and I’ll want to respond, but it takes so much more now.

I used to feel like I had say something just to put the vampires in their place, but I’ve realized that I don’t have to give my energy to life-draining people. 

I don’t have to let people pull me into their negativity bubble. And you don’t either. We can say no.  

We can set ourselves free from the weight of the opinions of others. And when we stop letting negativity affect us, then we’ve won. 

So, how do we silence the vampires in our lives?

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IGNORE UNWANTED OPINIONS

I always hear, “Well, everyone is entitled to their opinion.”

While yes, that’s true, sometimes vampires force their way into your life and inflict their opinions on you, and that’s wrong and rude.

Honestly, vampires can be bullies. They put you down to make themselves feel better. And you don’t have to put up with it. 

Of course, I believe there’s a difference in seeking wise counsel and carrying the weight of other people’s opinions. But if you let yourself hold on to other people’s opinions and let what they think bother you, you are going to feel so heavy. I think it’s really important to let that go. 

So, say no to that. Set yourself free. You’ll feel so much lighter. 

KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS 

This sounds so cheesy, but the best way to handle negative people is to just kill them with kindness.

Note: This is definitely not my natural reaction. It sucks, and it’s hard, but it works. 

Once, when someone was very rude and intrusive and really put me down because of a decision that I made, I decided to just say, “Wow! You really feel strongly about this. I guess it’s a good thing that I don’t feel that way because this is just what works for us.” 

My reaction was almost sarcastic. But my intent was to basically back up and give the other person the floor. That’s all they really wanted, anyway.

Your negative person might just want you to see that they feel really strongly about whatever it is.

So, just acknowledge it, smile and move on. 

IGNORE THEM

Another option would be to just ignore them. Especially online. Just don’t even give them the time of day. 

Don’t delete it. Don’t respond to it. Just let it sit there. Let them do their thing and just be silent. 

This is how I handle messages that are alarmingly rude. Just silence. I don’t even give them attention. 

Also give it silence in your own brain. You’ll be a lot happier. It’s not worth the space in your brain for you to let it bother you. 

LET IT GO

I think another big way of dealing with negativity from other people is just realizing that you don’t have to convince them of anything. You don’t have to explain yourself. 

I always remind myself of that. If someone is rude to me or tells me that what I do is a waste of time, I don’t have to convince them they’re wrong. I don’t have to convince them of anything. 

People want to try to convince you that you’re wrong and that their way is better. But when I release myself from the belief that I have to convince other people that I’m right, it fizzles out the argument. There’s nothing else to say. 

Besides, their need to fight is usually because what you’re doing triggers them in some way. So they want to tell you that you’re wrong. 

Trying to convince your negative person that your way is right sometimes just fuels the fire. But if you ignore it, there’s no gasoline on that fire. It takes two people to argue. 

CHECK YOURSELF

If you find yourself easily offended by something someone else says, I think it’s important to make sure that it’s not your own personal issue. 

If every time you’re around someone you feel on edge. Or if you’re offended every time they say anything, it might be something going on with you that you need to fix. 

The way we react to things is really about what’s going on in us. If you can’t stand how critical someone is, maybe you’re really critical, and you don’t like that about yourself. So, maybe you notice it in other people. 

Try to be self-reflective and look at yourself first, rather than blaming everyone else and thinking everyone else is so negative, critical, or judgmental. 

REMOVE YOURSELF

Look for ways to remove yourself from unhealthy situations where the negativity chronically and constantly brings you down. 

It might mean putting distance between you and another person. If it’s someone you work with, you’ll have to find another way to work through it, maybe by ignoring them or by just being super nice to them. 

If your unhealthy environment is online, it might mean putting limits on your social media presence. Or you may have to take a step back from those platforms altogether. 

However this applies to you, I just encourage you to look for ways to remove yourself from unhealthy situations that chronically and constantly bring you down. 

You don’t deserve that. Don’t put yourself through it. Don’t even let it be an issue in your life.

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I hope these words cause you to see that as long as you’re fulfilling your purpose for your life, then it doesn’t matter what other people think. Don’t let these negative vampire-people suck the joy and confidence out of your soul. 

We need to live our best lives. We need to live how we individually are called to live. 

And we can live unashamed knowing that we have a purpose and there’s nothing wrong with living out our purpose in whatever way we think best—even if others disagree.

I believe confidence is key to living out your truth and your calling. And I believe in speaking life and truth over ourselves each day.

If you want to start speaking life and affirmations over yourself but you don’t know what that means or you just need some inspiration, look no further, I’ve got you! 

I created a guide full of affirmations for every area of your life.

So, you do you, girl. You own your life. You own your decisions. You stand up to the bullies and the vampires of this world. Cause you’re friggin’ Wonder Woman.

I want to answer a question that I get asked a lot: How do Brian and I pursue friendship in our marriage?

First off, I want to start out by saying that Brian and I are not “marriage experts.” We have discussions and disagreements all the time. I never want to come across like we have it all together or we never have problems. 

We got married young and it was really hard. We’ve had totally awful fights and, in the beginning of our marriage, we had a lot of BIG problems caused by immature things. We’ve come a long way, but it still feels weird to talk about something that I know we’re not the best at. 

Having a good marriage has been a struggle and something we’ve really worked for. We have a very REAL marriage. We are not perfect. But we do really love each other and we are friends. 

And I just want to speak to that because I believe that any couple can cultivate a friendship with a little work. I mean marriage is already work so why not focus on working to be friends with your spouse? 

There have been times when Brian and I have really had to work on our friendship. There have been times when we’ve had to recreate it because it was ruined by words, situations, or us just growing apart.

So, be encouraged if you’re in a distant place in your relationship. You can make it back. You can be friends. 

To give you guys a little inspiration, Brian and I sat down together and jotted down a few things that we believe have helped us create an air of friendship in our marriage.

This isn’t an exhaustive list. But I hope what we share will inspire and encourage you to start pursuing a healthy friendship with your spouse. 

#1 We Search for Common Ground 

When we were younger, we liked a lot of the same things. We liked the same music, we had the same friend group, we had a lot in common. 

Over the years, those commonalities have changed. We don’t like the same music anymore. We actually have really different tastes in music now (among other things). 

We’ve just changed since we were teenagers. So, we’ve needed to revisit what we have in common. What do we enjoy doing together? 

For example, we are both “dinner and conversation daters.” We don’t really like “adventure dating.” 

We would rather go to the same restaurant every week and just talk and catch up. That is something we have in common now and it is something that contributes to our marriage and friendship. 

#2 We Compromise

We’re both pretty good at compromising. Sometimes that looks like trying to find movies we both like and watching those together. Sometimes it looks like Brian watching the chick flick with me or me watching a movie he picked with him. It’s about doing something just because the other person likes it. 

Listen, it’s OK to hate something the other person likes, but find some common ground. Be willing to compromise. Find compromises in each other’s favorite things and do those together. 

#3 We Keep Learning About Each Other

This sounds a bit cheesy but Brian and I sometimes do those fun quizzes where you ask each other things about yourselves. It’s so fun and refreshing to go over those things again…especially when it feels like you’ve known each other for so long and you probably know everything. 

A lot of the time we learn new things about each other because spoiler: people change! 

So, even though I know what Brian’s answers would have been six years ago, they have more than likely changed since then. 

There is always growth and change, and you want to constantly be learning about the other person. 

For example, I might ask Brian, “What’s one thing you really thought you would have done by now but you haven’t yet?” Learning little things like that can be intriguing and fun.

#4 We Create A Lot of Alone Time Together

We are really religious about having date nights outside the house. But even at the end of the day, we’ll sit down with each other, away from the kids, and talk. 

This is actually where we started quizzing each other and asking each other questions. We create the space to have conversations and spend time together—just the two of us. 

#5 We Connect Even When We’re Apart 

We used to spend a lot of time apart because of Brian’s job. We didn’t see each other much because he worked 12–14 hour days, 6 days a week. But we were always communicating. 

We were texting each other, sharing jokes, sharing little bits of our days, just constantly talking and connecting. 

We still do that, even though it’s not quite so hard now since we work together and spend our days together. 

But take whatever your day looks like and apply this. It could even be something small. Email. Text. Leave a voicemail. Write a note. Just connect in some way. 

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#6 We Treat Each Other Like Friends

How do friends act? What do they do for each other? How are they with each other? Well, friends have coffee, they check in with each other, and they talk about issues with tact and respect. 

It is so easy to get comfortable and let anything and everything fly out of your mouth. But in a healthy friendship you would talk about what’s bothering you in a healthy way.

This has been one of the hardest lessons for us as a couple. I’m very sensitive. If Brian says anything, even if it’s in love, I just feel smashed. 

On the opposite end, I’m also really blunt and have a hard time guarding my words. I’m just really honest. It physically bothers me to not say what I’m thinking, especially with Brian because we are so close. 

And I’m not saying you don’t talk about issues. We are very open with each other. 

But we try to be careful in the way we bring up an issue. Handling things like we would with a good friend—with tact and respect, saying things in love, maybe even waiting for a better time. 

Those are the main ways that Brian and I have pursued friendship in our marriage. These are the ones that stood out to us the most when we were thinking of how we have grown and nourished a healthy friendship.

We feel like having that piece of friendship is a really important part of our marriage. And we believe it’s something that every couple can have. 

It’s such a relief to know you have your best friend by your side for the worst situations, scariest nights, and most stressful days. I want that for you because I know how awesome and good it is. 

So, grab a sitter and schedule a date night. Or put the kids to bed early (they can handle it, ignore the whines) and carve out some space for you and your hubby to really connect. 

Maybe print this blog post out and use it for reference. Have a conversation. Express that you want to be friends. And then roll up your sleeves and work at it. 

It doesn’t come easy. But what does? I promise you it’s worth it.

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I cannot stress enough how much routines and rhythms matter. I feel like I say this all the time but I am a big believer in routines—especially morning and evening routines.

If you’ve been around here for any amount of time you know (or I hope you know, at least) that I’m not about having this super rigid, controlled life. I’m about making sure that our lives have purpose and we’re setting ourselves up for success. Having routines and rhythms in place help you structure your days so that they work for you.

 Your days don’t have to just happen to you.

To be clear, it’s important to make sure all your routines work for you and your life. What works for me may not work for you. But, I hope that by sharing with you the different elements of my (very flexible) evening routine, you’ll find inspiration to create your own routine that works for you and the season of life you’re in.

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This doesn’t have to be rigid. It doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. Play around with it. If something isn’t working, tweak it or throw it out. It may take time to figure out what works for you. That’s okay!

My evening routine ebbs and flows. It’s not as structured as my morning routine because of the season of life I’m in. So, just listen to yourself and find what works for you.

The 5 Elements of  My Evening Routine

#1 End of Day Pickup

Our evening routine starts with cleanup and everybody pitches in, even the young kids. We make sure the sink is clean and the kitchen is shiny for the next day because walking into a dirty kitchen first thing in the morning can really set the mood for your whole day.

My kids do the dishes now (which is amazing and I give all the praise hands). I want to encourage those of you with really little ones, it  does get better. You’re not always going to be the only one doing everything. When my kids were babies and toddlers they couldn’t help. We were living in survival mode then. So, don’t give up if you’re still in the survival stage. It gets better. I promise.

After we clean the kitchen, we do a general pickup of the house. We clean the floors, the bathrooms, and we put away anything that was left out during the day, like the kids’ toys.

This isn’t a deep clean. We don’t have the cleaning supplies out, we’re not wiping down baseboards or detailing the bathrooms. This is just a general pickup. We’re just straightening things up so we start the next day with a clean slate.

#2 Kids’ Bedtime Routine

Once we’re finished with our family pickup, we head upstairs and the kids get ready for bed. They use my bathroom because our tub is amazing and huge. So, while the kids are in the bath, I clean our bathroom.

It doesn’t usually need very much, but I’ll run the Swiffer Vac and pick up any hairs that fall on the floor (that’s one of my pet peeves, I think it’s so gross when there’s hair on the floor). I’ll wipe down the counters. Sometimes I’ll get into the cabinets and do a little purge. It’s just something productive to do while the kids are getting clean.

Once the kids are out of the bath, they brush their teeth and pick out their clothes for the next day. Then we get ready to get tucked in. We have story time, prayers, a little conversation to catch up on the day and then it’s “goodnight” and lights out.

The younger kids do have an earlier bedtime than the older kids, but at this point in the evening everyone is in their rooms. The younger kids are asleep and the older kids play quietly or read together for another 45 mins to an hour and then they go to sleep.

#3 Finish Up Any Lingering Work/Tasks

This is the time when Brian and I will finish anything that’s lingering on the to-do list.

If we’re in a season where the workload is really heavy, sometimes the house just gets a little extra behind during those times so, we’ll need to finish up some things in the house.

Or if the to-do list business related, we’ll pull out our laptops, sit on the couch together with a glass of wine, we’ll talk things through, play music, and wrap up any work.

#4 Spend Time Together

If we don’t have any tasks to finish up (which is usually the case) Brian and I will just sit and spend time together. We’ll watch Netflix or just hang out with each other.

On Sunday nights, we have our weekly meeting where we go over and plan for the upcoming week. So, it depends on what night it is and what’s going on in our lives during that month.

#5 Plan Ahead

Before I go to bed, I pick out what I’m going to wear the next day and lay it out on my dresser. I’ll put my exercise clothes in the bathroom so when I’m roll out of bed, I can go ahead and slip them on.

This means in the morning I’m not fumbling around trying to find my workout shoes. I’m not having to make all these decisions right when I wake up. I already know what I’m going to wear, what I’m going to do with my hair, that I’m going to workout this morning.

I try to make as many decisions as I can the night before so that I start out the morning really well and not overwhelmed and experiencing decision fatigue before my day even really starts.

I’ll also set out my mug and set it next to my coffee machine. I put a fresh coffee pod in there as well so all I have to do is push the button in the morning. I make sure my Bible, my journal, a pen, and whatever I’m currently reading is laid out for me downstairs in the area where I have my quiet time.

I usually go to bed around 10 p.m. If it’s that time of the month and I’m having PMS, I might be extra tired and go to bed earlier. I really try to listen to my body during those times.

I still enjoy my quiet time when the kids are in bed, I still get time with Brian. I can still watch Netflix, or be alone, or get things done if I need to. I don’t feel like I’m cutting myself off by going to bed at 10.

When you’re creating an evening routine the most important thing is to think about what’s going to set you up for a successful morning.

What do you need to get done before your day gets going? Is there anything you could do at night instead of using your morning time to get it done? What is going to make you excited to get up in the morning?

What motivates me to stick to my morning routine is knowing that I’m going to have quiet time—by myself—when the kids are still asleep (and all the mamas say ‘amen’)! And I get to have that quiet time largely because I set myself up for it the night before.

So, just write it all out. What would you love to do in the morning? What do you need to get done at night to give yourself that gift of a great morning?

Listen my beautiful friend, this really matters. This isn’t about shame. It isn’t about a rigid schedule with no room for spontaneity. It isn’t about being Type A because I am fo’ sho’ Type B.

This is about setting yourself up for success,…for joy. It’s about giving yourself the gift of a good solid start to the day so you can handle whatever the rest of the day throws at you.

You have the ability to live a purposeful, abundant life. You have the ability to give your family the gift of functioning effectively.

This isn’t a one-size-fits-all. This is your family, this is your life, and this is your routine. 

You are a total boss babe. You have the power to own your evenings so that you can own your days. 

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