How to Deal When You’re Annoyed with Your Spouse

June 13, 2014

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Marriage is the closest two people can possibly get physically, emotionally, and mentally. Not only are you sexually super close, but you’re living together and seeing a lot of each other, and seeing pretty much everything of one another. You can predict each other’s thoughts, words, and actions most of the time after a few years in this relationship. With all of this, someone is bound to get annoyed with somebody at some point, even in the strongest marriages. It’s just natural when you live in such close proximity with another human. Especially when that other human is constantly leaving his work pants and socks strewn about the house. I’m not talking about my husband…. not at all…

*Ahem* Aaaanywaaaay…

Brian works a lot, so I am usually dying to see him and looking forward to his days off. I am however, pregnant right now. His usual schedule gives him two days off in a row, and this week, our time as a family was kind of dampened by the fact that I was really irritated with him and everything he said and did. I hate that! It’s almost like I just can’t even control it or explain why I feel that way- it’s like it just happens and that’s that. Every joke he made, every tap on the steering wheel while the music played, every drag of his feet while we walked, even the very sound of his voice grated my nerves like a block of cheese being shredded for taco Tuesday. I found myself rolling my eyes so much I got a headache, and that was just his first day off.

That night as I thought about what to do, I realized it wasn’t really him, it was me and my hormones and the fact that I was done from a long week alone with the kids and the housework. But the next morning, I awoke with the same lack of tolerance and irritability that had done me in the day before. I was not about to let my mood ruin a perfectly good family day! I resolved to try out different things throughout the day until something worked. After all, I’m only four months pregnant and I’ve got PMS once a month when I’m “normal” anyway, so I basically have my whole marriage to have annoyance to deal with, pregnant or not… might as well get a handle on it. I think God really came and met me where I was at, because I actually feel like I found some things that helped! Next time my husband is home, I know what to do to clear my head and not ruin our weekend. Here’s what seemed to help me…

Getting away from him.

This sounds sort of hilarious and incredibly mean, but when I removed myself from the situation and went for a drive, grabbed a coffee, and listened to some Ingrid Michaelson, I felt much better!

Thinking happy thoughts.

In the car, I turned on some music so I wouldn’t have to talk for a minute, and I just started to think about all the good things about my husband. It might sound kind of silly, but it worked! I thought about how much I missed him all week and what a good man he is and how handsome he is, and I felt better. I also felt pretty bad for being irritable with him in the first place.

Just telling him.

At one point, at the end of the day, I suddenly felt like I could cry because I was so irritated with everything that everyone did all day long. I felt like the day was ruined by my hormones and I just wanted to start sobbing. I told Brian, “Look… I am feeling really pregnant and emotional and crappy. Every sound and touch is annoying me. It’s not you, it’s all me, and I’m sorry, but could I just have as much quiet and space as possible?” He was totally sweet and understanding and became really helpful with the kids and their loudness. He also gave me space and just let me calm down. Seeing this took away my irritation and helped so much! I ended up popping my headphones in for a few minutes and listening to Jim Gaffigan comedy. Weird, but it also helped! I don’t think Brian even knew I had headphones in, ha.

Praying for a change.

This is last on the list not because it’s the least important, not because it’s the last thing I tried (it was actually the first), but because it didn’t work like I wished it would. Just being honest! I sort of felt like God allowed me to work through my irritability and figure out that it was me, not Brian that was the problem. If He had taken it away, I would have been robbed of that lesson, and of the opportunity to learn how to manage my moods in pregnancy and on bad days. However, there have been other times, in different situations than this, that I have come to the Lord exasperated by my emotions ,and received relief and grace from Him. So this option is still valid!

I hope I don’t sound like a complete jerk in this post, and that you can relate and even find this helpful. It really is just a part of pregnancy, marriage, and life for me. If you can’t relate then just extend a little grace to me today 🙂

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