“I know what to do, I just don’t do it.”

Almost everyone in my community has said that sentence. People say it in my DMs every week. I used to say it on a monthly basis. It’s become such a normal explanation for why we stay stuck that we even joke about it.

Free class: If you keep starting over, come to Stop Starting Over: 5 Steps to Becoming the Woman Who Follows Through.

But it isn’t the full explanation. It’s pointing us toward a much better question.

Why doesn’t knowing create change?

You already know so much. You know drinking water is good for you. You know moving your body helps. You know scrolling until midnight isn’t helping anything. You know spending less than you make is a good idea.

So why doesn’t knowing create change?

Because we’re expecting the conscious mind to overpower something much stronger than it: what’s familiar to the subconscious. The conscious mind is only responsible for a small part of what you do. The subconscious runs the rest.

Most of us think deciding should be enough. “I decided I’m going to work out.” “I decided I’m done people pleasing.” “This time is different.” And when we don’t follow through, we make it mean we lack discipline, or motivation, or willpower. That’s not what’s happening.

Your conscious mind makes promises. Your subconscious keeps patterns.

I wrote this down and couldn’t stop thinking about it: the conscious mind makes promises. The subconscious mind keeps patterns. It’s even more than that. The subconscious is loyal to patterns, even when they suck and aren’t getting you any closer to where you want to be.

Your conscious mind can decide and commit and create a vision in an instant. “I want this body, this bank account, this business with time and location freedom.” But your subconscious doesn’t care. It’s busy protecting what’s already familiar.

Your conscious mind chooses your destination. Your subconscious chooses your default over the destination you desire. That’s why so many people feel like they’re constantly fighting themselves.

What your defaults look like

Defaults are the things your brain reaches for automatically. Not because you consciously chose them, but because you repeated them enough that they became wiring.

• Stress shows up, and you automatically reach for your phone and numb out.
• You feel overwhelmed, so you avoid the exact task that would get you out of overwhelm.
• You have a hard day, so you order DoorDash, knowing it doesn’t line up with your money or eating goals.
• You feel uncomfortable, so you scroll to get out of the feeling.

Those aren’t really conscious decisions. They’re familiar choices made so many times that your brain knows: when I feel X, I do Y.

Your brain isn’t constantly asking, “What’s the healthiest choice? What’s going to create the life she wants?” It’s asking something way simpler and way less helpful: what do we normally do here?

If your brain has answered that question the same way hundreds of times, it’s going to keep choosing that pathway.

Why it falls apart in the middle of the week

At the start, your conscious mind is running the show. The vision, the fresh start, the new notebook, the healthy grocery haul, the habit trackers. It’s making all kinds of promises.

Then life happens. You’re tired, stressed, the kids need you, work gets busy. Your conscious mind gets quieter and the familiar gets louder. Your conscious mind gets tired. Familiar doesn’t.

And choosing what’s familiar brings relief. When you’re overworked and overwhelmed, your brain will take relief from anywhere. So it’s not just following the pattern. It almost gets hooked on choosing it.

A better question to ask yourself

Where in your life are you asking your conscious mind to overpower years of subconscious programming? Your body, your money, your business, your marriage, your home, your parenting?

Then ask: what are my defaults? Not what are my goals. Not what do I know I should do. What do I default to when life gets hard?

This is one of the most freeing things I’ve ever realized. You don’t wake up every morning as a blank slate making brand new decisions. You wake up with a brain that’s been practicing certain pathways for years. That doesn’t mean you’re broken. And it definitely doesn’t mean you can’t change. Neuroplasticity is real. It just means one motivated decision from your conscious mind was never going to overpower years of subconscious familiarity on its own.

Try this

The next time you catch yourself saying, “I know what to do, I just don’t do it,” replace it with this:

My conscious mind knows where I want to go, but my subconscious is still choosing what’s familiar.

Those are two completely different problems, and you address them in completely different ways. Once you know which problem you’re solving, everything starts to make sense.

You don’t need to be a neuroscientist. You just need to be open to the fact that the root issue hasn’t been dealt with, and the root issue is subconscious programming. It’s not easy, but it is simple.

Want to go deeper? Come to my free class, Stop Starting Over: 5 Steps to Becoming the Woman Who Follows Through.

Watch the full episode of The Purpose Show here.