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Transcript BE Episode 4: Fear of Being Seen: The Witch Wound

September 26, 2024

I'm allie.

I'm an NLP, EFT and mindset certified coach, top podcaster and bestselling author. I'm here to help women transform their lives into their desired reality through self-concept work & neural energetic wiring.

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SPEAKER_01:
Hello, Amanda. Hi. Thank you so much for doing this. I’m so excited. So we’re going to just do a little bit of hot seat coaching, guys, a little bit of support for her. So before we start, just tell us what your business is.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I am an organizational coach for neurodiverse feminine identity. Amazing. I’m also a teacher in a modern mystery school. So I teach the esoteric arts, tarot, astrology.

SPEAKER_01: Wait, what’s your Instagram username? Cause I think- The Death Witch. Yes. I saw you the other day and I sent you to like my girlfriend group. And I was like, look at this girl. Like, yeah, I’m obsessed.

SPEAKER_00: I might actually cry.

SPEAKER_01: You’re so, I was like, holy shit. Cause you look familiar. Cause you had some like reels on there, I think, but I wasn’t sure. And like, when you said what you did, I’m like, Oh my God. Yeah. This obsessed with you. We got to do something.

SPEAKER_00: I might literally die.

SPEAKER_01: Okay. We’ll DM. We’ll DM. So tell me about like, what is coming up for you today? What is like an issue that you wish you could break through?

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, this literally happened to me on Monday. So I have two kids, they’re 10 and five, we’re in like a rural, I don’t wanna get too specific, because I want other people to like be able to relate to it. But we’re in like a rural setting, very Christian, very, like religiously conservative. Um, so, and I had somebody asked me about what I do. And I, and I had a for the first time in a really long time, a catch because I was like, Oh, I can’t send this person to my Instagram. It’s a witch wound. You just talked about this on the podcast. It’s literally a witch wound. And so when you asked for a topic for hot seat coaching, I was like, I don’t know if she wants to help me through this. But like, it literally just came up. And I worked really hard to get past, like, I use the word witch on purpose because I actually think it’s a word that we’ve, like, has been used to demonize women for actual millennia. Like, we just, when people are afraid of women who know their own power, they call them a witch and they burn them at the stake, either physically or metaphorically. And so, like, I use that word pretty intentionally. And then all of a sudden, I thought, oh, no, if I’m outed as a witch, in my kids school, they will become pariahs. There you go. There it is. I gave it to you.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that’s huge. So it’s like, not first of all, I relate to this so much. I actually like I know Brian, he’s on the producer line of this and he can hear it. I know he’s thinking of this. I, for a while, like years ago, when I, when we first walked away from how we were brought up and the religious upbringing and the church and everything, I had this recurring nightmare where it was like every night until I started working with someone and cleared it. But it was like, I got invited. I’m just going to share it real quick because it’s so powerful and I know.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, please do.

SPEAKER_01: I would, I was getting dressed for an event and I was standing outside my house waiting for people that I knew to come pick me up and they pull up in a limo and I’m so excited and I get in there and there’s all these women that I have known for most of my life that were very symbolic of like the church. So like we went to youth group together, we grew up together, we went to purity camp together, We were in each other’s weddings, like these women that were very like, they’re still in the church to this day. And all of those like the symbols of this entire part of my life. And I get into the limo, and we’re popping champagne and talking and having fun. And I’m like, so guys, like, where are we going? And I look up, and their faces have all turned to stone, and they’re super angry. And we pull over into this, like, industrial area with a big building inside. And they pull me out by the hair and drag me through the parking lot. My dress is ripping. My legs are bleeding. Like, I could feel the pull. It was so detailed, even. Like, I have extensions, and I could feel, like, them ripping out. Like, it was so real. When they drug me into the building, my pastor at the time was standing there with a torch and burns me. And it was every single night for at least two months. At least.

SPEAKER_00: That’s so heavy.

SPEAKER_01: So heavy. Like you do not need to look up the meaning of that. It is right there. Like it was so good. And I would wake up sweating and crying and I would feel hot like from the fire and I would be having like a panic attack. And so this like, this is ancestral. Our ancestors somewhere down the line, somewhere, we at least knew someone or heard about it or experienced something that caused DNA cellular trauma of getting found out, getting caught. There is actually a really prominent woman on TikTok right now that is getting called a witch and getting drugged through the mud. And she’s like, yeah, what about it? Like, she’s just. Do you know who it is? Yeah, it’s Shira7, the Sprinkle Sprinkle lady. Oh, obsessed with her. She’s like, yeah. And but like watching that scares the shit out of me. Yeah. Um, so yeah, it’s just the the witch wound is very, very real. And if anyone is listening to this, and you’re like, what in the hell is that? I would recommend the book witch by Lisa Lister. And actually, even just having that book in my house or in my hands brought up a lot of fear for me. And like, I would like bend the cover all the way back so that I didn’t have to like, show what I was like, there’s just so much with that word. So knowing this and understanding this, like I relate, I resonate with this and there’s such a big fear about being seen. Fear that like they’re literally going to come for you. you’re literally not safe. It’s not going to be okay. So let’s, let’s play with this and figure out like what to do about the root. So let’s just say you’re doing your thing. You’re showing up, you’re doing live streams, you’re growing your audience and people in your town figure out what you do. They figure out your name, they figure out everything and they start treating you different at school, whatever. What is the big fear that that can happen? Say it again.

SPEAKER_00: that my kids will be like, treated different. Yeah, we got I got kicked out of my church. Like I like the worst thing has already happened to me. And I’m like, Okay, well, I thought I would die. And I didn’t. So exactly. I will survive. It’s my kids that I’m like, they will become pariahs like they will they will suffer because of what I what I am doing.

SPEAKER_01: Okay. And if that were to happen, what does, what do you believe that means about you, if anything?

SPEAKER_00: That I didn’t do my job to protect them.

SPEAKER_01: Even though, like, how can you see how that is not actually true?

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because the, yeah, like, like living as my most authentic self is the best way to mother my children. Like,

SPEAKER_01: Yeah. And to show them like, if anything, you may be purposely called to this because there might be a very direct link to the witch wound for you. And do you have a, you have a daughter? I have two daughters. Yeah. Girl. Yeah. For them to see that, like being broken and for you to have the opportunity to speak to them about this. So if they were treated like that at school, let’s think through like the logistics. What would happen then? What would you do then?

SPEAKER_00: Um, I mean, I don’t, I haven’t, I literally haven’t let myself go there. I guess I would, I mean, talk, we have lots of tools, we have lots of like emotional and nervous system regulation tools that we would give them, right? Like, through like self soothing and, and telling them that, like, no matter what anyone says, they’re okay. Like, mommy is who mommy is, and mommy is okay. And they who are who they are, and they are okay. And what other people say doesn’t actually matter. And that Um, I mean, I could have a conversation with the school if I had to, you know, I mean, which rabbit hole do you want me to go to?

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, I want you to get into the expansive thought process of like, and even if there’s options.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that’s true. That’s true. There are options.

SPEAKER_01: So I think the root belief is if that were to happen, it’s an almost like unnecessary pain caused by what you do. So yeah, you’re free and you’re living your truth, but that’s making your kid’s life harder.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: Okay. Yeah. That needs to shift because that’s limit. So do you see, we just talked in the other episode about scarcity. So that is limiting you and holding you in. So it’s not abundance. So it’s not yours. It’s not truth. right okay so let’s think through like what would the abundant version of this truth be um my mind immediately goes just to get you kick-started my mind immediately goes to like That whole idea that as mothers we want to protect our kids from anything ever being uncomfortable, but actually that makes them totally ill-equipped and every kid is going to have different things. I’ll share this with you as well, this just came up. For me, it’s not as specific like the word witch or anything, but I do have a platform. and my kids are getting older. And recently, somebody in Hudson’s class, like Googled me and found like our whole family and like photos and like nasty Reddit articles. And then like my website just like went and then they started making fun of him because his mom is an influencer. And he was like, he’s a Gemini. So he was like, fuck you.

SPEAKER_00: He’s fine. He doesn’t care.

SPEAKER_01: But yeah, if it was going to happen to someone, it should happen to him. Other kids are like, they came there like, yeah, mom, that’s that’s happened to me before, too. Or like, oh, your mom’s hot or oh, your mom’s so annoying. I watched her videos like just it just is like they’re kids and they’re embarrassed. And so I’ve had that on a low scale. I’ve had that. And I’ve thought, wow, I only want to go higher. I only want to be more. Bigger.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah. So what will that do? And I’ve had to work through that. So Can you see that you expanding in love, expanding in abundance, expanding in success, and your kids dealing with the waves of like the ripple effect of that? How can that be a great strength for those girls? instead of a pain, instead of a, God, mom, did you have to be like that? Did you have to name your business that how can it be like, Oh, I’m so glad my mom was such a baddie. And she did that. Like what good.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah. I mean, they’re, they’re fire sign children. So I like their immediate responses to be like, can I swear? Yeah, of course. To be like, you guys like, like their immediate response is, um, like, uh, defiance. So I, I do think, And they’re like always more resilient than we give them credit for, right? Like we think that they’re not, not that children should have to be resilient because I, you know, anyway, that’s a whole.

SPEAKER_01: But they are when you can’t, there’s certain things we cannot control as mothers. Right. And this is one of them. You have a responsibility to do your purpose.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I tried. I tried really hard to stay small. I tried so hard to stay small and it was going to kill me. And so like, Yeah, I think you’re right. Like, it really resonates with me that the idea that like, we can’t protect our kids from from everything and doing so really, like, hamstrings them. And so letting them meet adversity while they’re still in our loving and nurturing environment is actually the best case scenario, because we can still walk them through it, walk with them through it. Mm hmm.

SPEAKER_01: Also, what’s coming through for me for you is you don’t know yet what those girls’ lives are going to lead them to, like what their purpose is. So the fact that you are who you are, that you’ve become who you’ve become, that you do what you do and you live where you live, it may not just be for you. It may be for them to see and be like, I experienced these things. And now because of that, I have such an understanding of the witch wound, of this fear of not playing small. And they’re both fire signs. Like I can see this woven plan so clearly. Yeah. And that’s beautiful.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: And if it hadn’t been like this and it wasn’t this situation, then it wouldn’t be this opportunity for them. And an opportunity for you and an opportunity for them to see you heal, grow, spread your wings, be loud, be too much, take your place. Like there’s, girl, there’s always, I don’t know, I’m just spitballing, like there’s always Things you can give them, tools you can give them, do school online. There’s always so many options. There’s always a way out. So to keep yourself small to protect them from something that’s probably going to happen anyway for another topic if it’s not your job. is like, how, what if we just spread your wings and like you just use them to be fully yourself and to protect your girls with the tools you can give them and how you can equip them to show them you’re in your power and teach them to be in theirs?

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that’s real because I, because they need to be in their power. Like this world is not getting to be an easier place to be a woman. And that’s what I’m raising. I’m raising women.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it is not getting easier. It’s getting harder, which is so fucked up.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but they they’re going to need it. Like, you know, in the, um, why can’t I think of the name of the book where she says, stay, stay angry, you will need all of your anger now stay angry little man. Why can’t I think of the name, but like, they’re going to need all of it.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it’s like this righteous fire anger that, yeah, we need. We need to have that. That is a part of the good feminine energy. Like it’s dark feminine, but it’s healthy. We need that balance of light and dark. We need that healthy, dark feminine goddess energy to just be like, I’m not tolerating this. I watched my mom go through this. I know it when I see it. Like to me, looking out, side. This is such a gift and so beautifully orchestrated by the universe of where you’re living and just everything. But I know it’s still perfectly valid that you’re like, I just don’t want to purposely willingly put them in discomfort.

SPEAKER_00: No, it’s really helpful for you to hear. Like, you don’t know anything about this. You’re hearing about this for the first time. And for you to be like, do you see, though, do you see the like. The map from above of like why this is This has the potential for like beauty and power instead of because I’ve been feeling really disempowered up in the situation, which is like lack mindset, right? Feeling like, well, they have. they have the power, which means my power is diminished, and that’s lack, that’s scarcity.

SPEAKER_01: And there’s more of that. There’s just me here. There’s no one else like me, which you don’t even know the for a fact. There could be other people.

SPEAKER_00: Well, that’s the thing. I do keep discovering secret witches out here. And I’m like, yo, we’re not hurting anybody. We’re not doing anything to anybody. It’s just living our little lives out here.

SPEAKER_01: Because we understand how powerful we are. And we want to use all these tools and mortalities. Whether you agree with them or not is fine. We’re just doing our thing. Um, I wonder if you could, the people that you’ve met, I wonder if you could like either open up your home or go meet somewhere. I would even say like meeting somewhere would be more, more healing to just sit and talk and just get together. You don’t even have to talk about those things, but just support each other. and talk about like what you’re learning and what you’re going through and just support each other. I feel like that would be really healing for you and for the witch wound and so good for them. And like you are I just see you as such a leader. Like at the second that we started talking, I like I don’t know, I channel things. It’s like pictures or like videos. And I could just see you being such a leader and leading women and having this uprising and there’s a reason that you are where you are. So maybe, like, okay, if the scarcity action is to hide, to shrink, to be really, like, small and quiet and careful and scared, then let’s do the opposite of that. I keep seeing, like, just fucking, like, monarch, like, wings opening up. And you just like, I’m going to find those other women. I’m going to reach out to them. We’re going to meet regularly. Like we’re going to talk and support each other. I’m not only going to show up, I’m going to show up more bigger and harder. I’m going to have these open conversations with my daughters. This is going to be a theme in their childhood that they look back and it’s the big lesson that I gave them.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that’s really good, Ali.

SPEAKER_01: I love you so much. This is so good. I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_00: I love you so much. I appreciate you so much.

SPEAKER_01: Um, I feel like I also want to tell you to do EFT on this. Have you done that?

SPEAKER_00: No. Okay. Listen, I have your EFT, my teacher, who is also my best friend and partner. Um, she also did an EFT class for us that I just had like never dived into. Um, and I think that it’s time for me to figure out EFT. Like I think it’s time.

SPEAKER_01: Let’s just, let’s take five minutes and do a little now.

SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah. OK. I haven’t done it before. So you don’t you’ve given me so much of your time already. You really don’t have to. OK.

SPEAKER_01: Because it’s going to help other people, too. OK. So when we do EFT, we’re touching on the acupressure points on the body. And we’re saying like it’s almost like if you’re a really big affirmations person, it can feel scary because you’re expressing the negative emotions. But it’s not sealing that in. It’s releasing it and processing it because you’re tapping on the body. So we’re coming on the hot spots. So we start with the karate chop points and we do a head up statement. And then once we’re done with that, you’ll just tap where I tap and repeat after me. So the points are the start of the eyebrow, the side of the eye, under the eye, upper lip, under the nose, upper lip, chin, kind of like right below your collarbone. You can, it’s okay to put the shirt there, you just tap. Underneath your armpit, kind of where your bra strap lands.

SPEAKER_00: Oh, weird. Okay.

SPEAKER_01: And then the top of the head. And this one, I can always feel where I’m like, I almost can feel like, Oh, I’ve got it.

SPEAKER_00: Is it right where my, my crown chakra is? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: I know where that sucker is. So you just tap where I tap and repeat after me. And I’m going to wing this, just trust intuition because I don’t have a script for you. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: You’re no, but you’re like, I can sense the channel. I don’t want to be like too weird with you, but like, no, you don’t.

SPEAKER_01: It’s not weird.

SPEAKER_00: You didn’t invite me into that, but like you, you do have a channel, like I can pick it up. And so that’s interesting to me that your crown chakra is also really open. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: So, okay. Ready? Yep. I’m ready on the karate chop point and just keep tapping and just repeat after me.

SPEAKER_00: Okay.

SPEAKER_01: Even though I have this fear of being seen,

SPEAKER_00: Even though I have this fear of being seen.

SPEAKER_01: I love and accept myself.

SPEAKER_00: I love and accept myself.

SPEAKER_01: Even though I have this huge fear of being found out.

SPEAKER_00: Even though I have this huge fear of being found out.

SPEAKER_01: I choose to deeply and completely.

SPEAKER_00: I choose to deeply and completely.

SPEAKER_01: Love, honor, and accept myself.

SPEAKER_00: Love, honor, and accept myself.

SPEAKER_01: Even though I’m afraid to be seen for who I really am.

SPEAKER_00: Even though I’m afraid to be seen for who I really am.

SPEAKER_01: I fully love and accept myself.

SPEAKER_00: I fully love and accept myself.

SPEAKER_01: All right, we’re going to start tapping through the points. This fear of being seen.

SPEAKER_00: This fear of being seen.

SPEAKER_01: They’re going to find me.

SPEAKER_00: They’re going to find me.

SPEAKER_01: They’re going to come for me and my kids.

SPEAKER_00: They’re going to come for me and my kids.

SPEAKER_01: They’re going to make their lives miserable.

SPEAKER_00: They’re going to make their lives miserable.

SPEAKER_01: And that’s so scary.

SPEAKER_00: That’s so scary.

SPEAKER_01: I feel so trapped by this fear.

SPEAKER_00: I feel so trapped by this fear.

SPEAKER_01: It feels like they have all the power.

SPEAKER_00: It feels like they have all the power.

SPEAKER_01: It’s them against me.

SPEAKER_00: It’s them against me.

SPEAKER_01: There are so many of them and they all agree with each other.

SPEAKER_00: There’s so many of them and they all agree with each other.

SPEAKER_01: And there’s only one of me.

SPEAKER_00: And there’s only one of me.

SPEAKER_01: I’m scared.

SPEAKER_00: I’m scared.

SPEAKER_01: I don’t feel safe.

SPEAKER_00: I don’t feel safe.

SPEAKER_01: I don’t feel safe to be in my power.

SPEAKER_00: I don’t feel safe to be in my power.

SPEAKER_01: And that’s okay.

SPEAKER_00: And that’s okay.

SPEAKER_01: I’m letting these emotions flow.

SPEAKER_00: I’m letting these emotions flow.

SPEAKER_01: Letting it all come out.

SPEAKER_00: Letting it all come out.

SPEAKER_01: And I’m ready to release these fears.

SPEAKER_00: And I’m ready to release these fears.

SPEAKER_01: Ready to release these fears that are not serving me.

SPEAKER_00: Ready to release these fears that are not serving me.

SPEAKER_01: Ready to release these limits and scarcity.

SPEAKER_00: Ready to release these limits and scarcity.

SPEAKER_01: Choosing more ease and flow in my life.

SPEAKER_00: Choosing more ease and flow in my life.

SPEAKER_01: I choose to step into my power today.

SPEAKER_00: I choose to step into my power today.

SPEAKER_01: I choose to be my true self from this day forward.

SPEAKER_00: I choose to be my true self from this day forward.

SPEAKER_01: I trust the process.

SPEAKER_00: I trust the process.

SPEAKER_01: I trust the universe.

SPEAKER_00: I trust the universe.

SPEAKER_01: And I trust myself with my kids.

SPEAKER_00: And I trust myself with my kids.

SPEAKER_01: They are safe because I keep them safe.

SPEAKER_00: They are safe because I keep them safe.

SPEAKER_01: I trust the deliberate intention of the universe.

SPEAKER_00: I trust the deliberate intention of the universe.

SPEAKER_01: I trust there’s a reason I live here.

SPEAKER_00: I trust there’s a reason I live here.

SPEAKER_01: I trust there’s a reason I have this passion.

SPEAKER_00: I trust there’s a reason I have this passion.

SPEAKER_01: And I trust there’s a reason I have these girls.

SPEAKER_00: And I trust there’s a reason I have these girls.

SPEAKER_01: I’m ready to break chains.

SPEAKER_00: I’m ready to break chains.

SPEAKER_01: I’m ready to heal trauma.

SPEAKER_00: I’m ready to heal trauma.

SPEAKER_01: Knowing that when I heal this trauma.

SPEAKER_00: Knowing that when I heal this trauma.

SPEAKER_01: It heals it for all women and all generations.

SPEAKER_00: It heals it for all women and all generations.

SPEAKER_01: Because we are connected.

SPEAKER_00: Because we are connected.

SPEAKER_01: I choose to release these limits.

SPEAKER_00: I choose to release these limits.

SPEAKER_01: Releasing them now.

SPEAKER_00: Releasing them now.

SPEAKER_01: Clearing this fear at a cellular level.

SPEAKER_00: Clearing this fear at a cellular level.

SPEAKER_01: Shifting into abundance and peace now.

SPEAKER_00: Shifting into abundance and peace now.

SPEAKER_01: In body, mind, and spirit.

SPEAKER_00: In body, mind, and spirit.

SPEAKER_01: Stop tapping and just take a deep inhale. And exhale any remaining negative energy. And keep your eyes closed. And I just want you to imagine a big ball of light at the top of your head, right above your crown chakra, just bright and warm like the sun. And I want you to see that light just going bigger and brighter and slowly moving its way down into your crown. into your mind and as this light just begins to slowly move through you, it is just burning out any fear, any evil eye, any negativity, any self-judgment that was going to attract external judgment and it’s just slowly moving through you, burning through, burning out anything not serving you, clearing your mind of fear, clearing your throat chakra so you can speak freely, clearing your heart center now, warming everything up. It’s almost like I can see in your heart center the light is in and the curtains are being opened and the cobwebs are getting vacuumed out and everything is clear and you’re ready for a fresh start, moving through your solar plexus, clearing out your stomach from anxiety, clearing your hips from trauma and holding stress, releasing the high cortisol, balancing hormones, balancing your physical body, moving down through your hips, clearing your root chakra, your safety hub. You are so safe. You get to choose to be safe. There is always options for you. Moving through your legs and out the bottoms of your feet, grounding you into the earth. You are safe. You are so beloved. You are right where you are supposed to be. And you can come back here to this practice anytime it feels scary again. How do you feel?

SPEAKER_00: Physically lighter.

SPEAKER_01: That’s why I love EFT.

SPEAKER_00: I’m really mad I’ve never done it before.

SPEAKER_01: You’ll start to do it, like, every day. I do it, like, literally every day. I do it before and after I’m live, like, just a few minutes.

SPEAKER_00: Can I teach it to my kids? Is it fine? Is it a modality for kids? Yeah. Amazing.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it’s just the same thing. Like, you just get them to express, and I kind of write it down. I do this a lot with Hudson, because he’s unhinged, a little Gemini. He’s a Gemini. I’ll do it with him and my husband, my husband. Yeah, yeah. So is my man. So I’m like, Oh, yeah. But my bad. So helpful. It is so helpful. And he just phenomenal.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah. Like I literally feel like I woke up in a new day. That’s banana. That’s amazing.

SPEAKER_01: Good. Oh my god. I love you. Thank you for being here and doing this with me.

SPEAKER_00: Thank you for making the time and the space for me. I appreciate this so much.

SPEAKER_01: I’m gonna also link to all your stuff. I love you. Thank you so much. Oh my gosh. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Making me emotional. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: No, stop it.

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