Hello, my friends. Welcome back to The Purpose Show. We’re just going to get right into this today because I’ve been sitting with this episode for weeks and been super excited to record it. So I’ve been doing like weekly Ask Me Anythings on my Instagram story. I love doing this because I just like connecting with you guys and being able to talk to you and kind of just help you in a really chill setting outside of the memberships. And one of the questions that came in a couple of weeks ago was this woman had asked, I know what I should be doing, like eating clean, exercising, setting goals, but I just can never seem to follow through. And my response was really short and brief. I said, this is because you don’t want to. You feel like you have to. You’re in a state of rebellion because somewhere in your life, you’re not getting enough play, pleasure, fun. And the, I just kind of like left it at that and let it go. And then later that night, I went back to just check in on the gram and there were so many DMs, like far more than I normally get about something from women just like, oh my gosh, this is me. I think that’s what I’m doing. Can you expand on this? Could you please talk more about this? Like, you just described me, like, I didn’t even know it until you said it. This is literally me. So it was very overwhelming and I knew at that point that I needed to turn this into an episode because some conversations just can’t be held on social media, which is why I love doing like the longer form content for you guys as well. So this, if you resonate with that, we’re going to get really into this. I do want to say before I forget, I created a PDF and like worksheet. It’s really more of like a workbook to help you work through this. It’s got like, I’m looking at it right now. It’s pretty transformative. It’s all about overcoming self-care rebellion. It’s based on this episode, of course, and there are like reflection questions, some deep dive exercises to really like identify the resistance triggers and why you’re getting triggered in that way. And because when we understand ourselves, we can have self-awareness and self-awareness is the first step to changing something that’s not serving us. I added some journal prompts and some like exercises and stuff. It’s really expansive. And at the same time, simple and pointed, like there’s no fluff, there’s nothing in there that’s like gonna be a waste of time. My intention was just to kind of add a next step for you. to working through this and getting out of the cycle of self-care rebellion. So you can just get that at the website, alexazza.com slash TPS links. So alexazza.com slash TPS for the purpose show. links, TPS links, okay? I’m trying really hard to just keep that really full and simple. By the time this episode comes out, that link will be activated and we’re just gonna be keeping like a resource library there. So that’ll be on there for you guys. And it’s the Overcoming Self-Care Rebellion like workbook. Okay, so this episode is gonna solve the problem for you when you know what you need to do and you consciously want to do it, but every time you try and you’re applying willpower and motivation, you don’t do it. You fall back to your old habits, your old ways. The first thing I want you to understand is this is literally just, this kind of removes some of the frustration and the emotion. And I think like any self-blame or like self-hatred from this pattern, because it can get really strong, right? When you’re just like, why is everyone else able to meet their goals? Like, why can she lose weight? Why can she work on herself? How come she’s always growing and expanding and I can’t? I think it can get to a point where you just are really like so sick of yourself that it can actually like turn into the energy of disgust with yourself. Or like I said, hatred of self is a very extreme version, but it can even just be like, you’re so frustrated with yourself that you lose some self-love. And so I want to like remove that by just giving you the facts. So some of this is going to be repetitive. Get over it. Everyone needs to know this. So the subconscious mind is actually not a mind at all. It is a computer and computers operate fully out of what is programmed into them. So if you want to get a computer to do something, you have to program that function into it. And your subconscious mind, like there’s the study of psycho cybernetics that is fascinating. And it basically is that it’s the study and the in-depth look at how the subconscious mind is not a mind. It is a computer. And this is more of a recent discovery in terms of like, you know, science and the history of what humans have been learning for a long time. And so when we understand that our subconscious mind is a computer and it is just it, it doesn’t know good or bad, helpful or unhelpful. It’s just serving you. It’s just doing what it’s programmed to do and it thinks that it’s doing a really good job. It’s here to serve you. Your subconscious mind will always work for you. It will always listen to you. It will always support the programming. So it’s literally just a machine. And yeah, it can technically be like to you in your life. You’re like, well, I think my subconscious mind is malfunctioning because this everything’s fucked up. It’s not. It’s this literally that’s the programming. So when you are struggling with certain habits, you’re struggling with certain behaviors, you’re struggling with certain thoughts or emotions or patterns, like you just can’t stop being broke. You can’t stop being overweight. You can’t stop feeling a certain way about a certain type of person. It’s because you have that programming and your subconscious mind is always going to serve you. It’s always going to work for you. And it only has the programming to go off of. Programming comes from a lot of different things. There’s like societal messages that program our subconscious mind that we like hear something, see something, notice something. And it’s like, oh, this is happening a lot. And she seems to like believe this. So we’re gonna, okay, that’s programming now. Comes from our upbringing, our caretakers. It comes from our religion, our upbringing, any belief systems that were in place, especially when we were kids. It comes from experiences, and it comes from the thoughts that you think repeatedly. Those become your beliefs. When I say beliefs, that means it is a neural pathway. It is programmed into your subconscious mind, into your programming for your computer, okay? So, If we can understand that, do you see how that can kind of shift some of the blame, some of the like burden and the pressure and like, why am I, I’m broken, why can I not do these things? Like it’s literally not that babe, it’s just your programming. So if you want to get a different behavior, a different result, you just need to program out the programming that is causing the current behavior and you need to program in the programming that is going to support what you really want. So you consciously desire to be this version of yourself. We can program that in. So there’s something called neural energetic wiring. This is what I do and like consultations with clients. Um, I’ll actually add, I’ll add the link to that because it’s like 99 bucks and you can book a consult with me and they’re awesome. Like they’re so good. Um, so I will, um, add that to the TPS links for you guys. I’m just making it out. I’ll add that for you. But when we’re in there, like when we’re doing that, there are like, there are certain questions that are phrased a certain way. There are certain things like I watch on the Zoom camera, like for your eye movement, for your body language, I do like language coding. And there are certain things that I can ask that basically give me access to your subconscious programming. And we can really get a peek inside of like what’s happening. So it’s very, It’s very factual. It’s very scientific. It’s not that you’re messed up or that you’re dumb or you just don’t have enough willpower or discipline. Nobody does. The people that are consistently doing the things that you wish you could do, they just have that programming. They shifted themselves at an identity level, and they have that programming. So for some people, they’re like, I just something just clicked one day and I just, it didn’t just click one day. You had enough of the same thought and the same experience to form a new belief. You’re literally forming neural pathways like all the time. You have them already. You can form new ones that supersede the ones that suck, that aren’t serving you. So I just felt like that point was really important to make at the beginning of this because it really alleviates a lot of the like, Like I said, I just feel like it’s like self disdain and you just can, like, I know what it feels like to feel. really just done with yourself, frustrated with yourself, even the energy of like self-disgust. Like I’m the one that’s like this. Like, of course me, oh, I could never do better. Like it’s, I know what that feels like. And it’s simply not true. We can take the emotion out of it. Emotions are important and we need them. Okay, we love her, but sometimes we need to remove that and just look at the facts. So I hope that like makes sense and lightens some of the heaviness for you. So now let’s get deeper into like understanding rebellion against self-care. We have a couple of people here hanging out like live while I’m recording and Stephanie just said, I love that you can fix it. Yes, like that’s what I want. I’m glad you said that because that’s what I want you guys to feel is like, everything is fixable. We can figure it out. Like we can, it’s literally just fact. It’s just programming. And if you don’t like it, you know that now when you have that self-awareness and we can do something about it. So it’s hopeful. Okay. So the concept of rebellion, when I say like, oh, you’re in rebellion mode, you’re, you’re rebelling against things that are good for you. You’re exhibiting rebellion behavior. In this context, it’s not really about defiance against like authority, right? It is in a way, but it’s more like an internal resistance to activities that are like super beneficial for you. And you get that, you consciously want it, but it feels imposed or obligatory. So it’s like you, you have that resistance and it manifests as like procrastination, avoidance, or even like self-neglect and like important self-care routines. A lot of the time what happens especially among like mothers is they just kind of use their They use their lifestyle, they use their role, they use their kids as an excuse and almost like a shield of like, well, this is why like hot mess mom culture is so damaging because it just normalizes not doing anything for yourself and not having time. But the fact is like the unpopular opinion is that that is a choice, that is programming. This is why so many women, they become mothers and they say they’re never gonna be this way. They’re never gonna do things a certain way. They’re always gonna take care of themselves. And they fall into the stereotype because of programming. Programming says, when I become a mom, it’s going to mean this. But consciously, I really don’t want it to mean that. So I’m gonna be the mom that does this. I’m gonna be this type of person. And you can’t because your programming will always win. So sorry, it was like something weird in my throat today. So that’s what the rebellion comes from. It’s coming from your programming and it’s coming, it’s manifesting as procrastination. You’re avoiding things that you know, you need to do. You make a list, you laminate the plan, you put it on the fridge and you’re like, this is what I’m going to do every week from now on. And then like nothing. Okay. So. Here’s the other part to this that ties in. There is, okay, human beings are wired for pleasure and enjoyment. We are not wired to be like workhorses. We simply are not. Whenever I talk about this, people always come up and they’re like, well, what about like an ancient, everyone had to like, it was like survival, like, That is, first of all, there’s layers and layers of response to that. But the main ones you need to know is, first of all, we have evolved, so things are different. And also, there is wired into us collaboration. community, family, tribe, enjoyment. Humans are always working to figure things out and discover things that are gonna make life easier, better, more fun. We are wired to seek pleasure and enjoyment. So when life becomes a series of responsibilities and tasks without like a balance, a sufficient balance, of joy and relaxation. The subconscious mind will often react with rebellion behavior. This is a very natural response to the perceived imbalance. So your brain is always going to seek to have balance. That’s part of its innate programming. So there’s innate programming, and then there’s learned programming of a subconscious mind, okay? Balance is, it’s universal. It’s law. We want harmony and balance. The brain is always going to try to get you there. So if your brain is like, we are really overworked. She’s not relaxing. She’s not having fun. She’s not enjoying herself. Everything feels like a to-do list. Everything feels like a responsibility. Everything feels like an obligation. She’s tired. Then anything that you’re like, you know what, I really just want to like, work on my body and feel good. I want to feel good in my body. I’m going to work out. It’s going to feel really good, consciously, right? Your subconscious mind, because you’re so overloaded with tasks to do, is going to perceive this imbalance and see you trying to add more. And while you may have willpower and motivation temporarily to do the things, it will run out. When the willpower and the motivation runs out, you’re not gonna, you didn’t change yourself and at any level, you didn’t reprogram. So that your brain is like perceiving that imbalance and it’s going to seek to restore the balance by bringing more pleasure and more satisfaction. So what do you usually do? You end up skipping the gym and sitting and scrolling on TikTok for two hours and eating Doritos or whatever it is. And while those things are not inherently bad, they’re not what you really wanted to do. But you don’t know why you’re like this and you don’t know what this is why. It’s the programming. It’s the imbalance. So. you need to identify where the imbalance lies in your life. So you could be doing like all the right things, keeping things organized, being productive, you’ve got everything running in a system, you are taking care of your body, you have your skincare, you’re eating well, you’re whatever the fuck your list is, okay? But if these activities feel forced or like they lack pleasure, pleasure is queen, we need her, we are wired for that. So if you’re doing all the right things, but they are completely void of pleasure, then your subconscious is going to perceive them as another set of rules, another set of obligations, rather than the nourishing practices that they actually are and that you intended for them to be. So the most crucial thing is for you to identify areas in your life where you might be lacking genuine fun and joy. And the workbook that I made for you guys is gonna help you like walk through that, okay? So there’ll be like, don’t feel like, wait, I don’t know how to do that. Like I will prompt you and walk you through it. And I put some of the questions that are really helpful for identification in the workbook. So hopefully that will help you kind of like tap into yourself. But if you want support, let me know, like book a session and we’ll get to the bottom of it. So when you feel told or forced or obligated to do something, your subconscious mind says, no, this is not part of my programming, it’s too imbalanced, and I am not doing this, it won’t work for me, okay? And so it feels like it’s working against you. It’s not, it’s always serving you, but only based on the programming. So you need to serve your brains the other way around by checking the programming, okay? one of the main things that we want to do like because the next the obvious next question is like well what do I do about this so we want to start integrating pleasure. And I feel like whenever I say that word, people automatically think of like sexual pleasure. And of course that can definitely be fun and part of it, but it’s really just more about like enjoyment. But I like the word pleasure more because it just brings up a different set of emotions. I feel like saying and hearing that word almost like lights up a different part of our brains and has such a more like luxurious, sexy, feel good meaning. So we’re going to use the word pleasure, but it can be fun, enjoyment way. Because some people don’t like the word pleasure, they have like a trigger attached to it. So replace it with whatever you want. But I like to go beyond like, oh, how can I make this fun? No, that’s not good enough for me. How can I make this a pleasurable experience? So let’s go into some details for like some common things that people wish they could do and be consistent in, but they turn it into a chore so their subconscious programming rejects it. Eating right. This is a super common one, right? So instead of I should, it needs to be where you have connected with your body. Like it’s not going to be a quick fix. You need to connect with your body. And there are meditations that, you know, you can walk through that I can create for you, whatever you guys need to help you do that. But you need to connect with your body and really see yourself like merging with her. Like this is your vessel. This is your ally and your friend. So really coming from a place of I see you and love instead of rejection, shame. looking down on your body, wishing it was different, being frustrated with whatever feels difficult for you about it, and really see it as, this is my vessel, this is my friend, and it’s my ally, and it’s giving me messages to help make my life better. So I think that’s the first part. From there, it can come from a place of love. But you still are going to be like, oh, I shouldn’t eat that. I should get this salad instead of the burger. Like I should. And you really just can’t do that. So we need to remove all of the rules. There needs to be no rules around food. If you know something like upsets you or whatever, that’s different. But removing all the shoulds. And like, do you actually want to have ice cream for every single meal? Like you wouldn’t, you would get sick of it. You would be over it. The only reason you want it is because you tell yourself you can’t have it. So we have to remove all the shoulds and stop making our life so heavy and so full of, I should do this, full of obligations. And then what would it look like for eating well to be pleasurable? Did you know that fruit has the highest vibration of any food in the world? That’s going to affect you. It’s literally going to feel so good. But you remove that. You steal that from yourself when you think you should or you have to. And it’s everything like eating is like the best thing about being alive. It’s I love food. I love eating. I love trying new things going out to restaurants. I love like washing fresh fruit and eating that like I would have used to never be like that. And I love it now because of the programming. So even in something that’s so amazing and so good for you and so supposed to be pleasurable, why does the fruit taste good? Why does the food taste good? Why does what grows on the earth for us taste good? Because it’s supposed to be pleasurable. So why are you robbing yourself of that and literally making one of the most fun things awful? So asking yourself that, what would this look like? What would eating well look like if it was super pleasurable? Maybe things will start to flood your mind. Maybe you think about being a little bit more like calm and like ritualistic when you’re preparing the meals. Like maybe you just need to calm the fuck down and clear some space in your day and actually make the food and put your feet on the ground and your headphones on and pour a glass of wine or make some tea and like really make it a thing. Your body will tell you like thoughts will come up when you ask yourself these questions. Maybe it’s going to be eating a certain way or having certain foods sometimes or like whatever it is. But do you see the difference in that? You feel the difference between like, Oh, I want to lose weight, so I got to do this. Versus what would eating well look like if it was super pleasurable for me? And again, bringing in that really strong word of pleasure. OK, let’s go to the next common one, which is exercise. I’ve talked about this before, so I’ll keep it brief. But I used to be so resistant to exercise. I used to be an athlete. I used to be a dancer and I just like stopped all of that to go like start working and like grow up. And I just had so much resistance to my body. I just was mad at her for gaining weight and being difficult and all of these things. So I just like resisted it. And again, because it felt like work. Um, so the shift there is again, if exercising and moving my body was really pleasurable, what would that look like for me? So for me, I genuinely enjoy dancing. So when I like go a little bit of time without moving my body, like deliberately, I really try not to do that. But if it happens, what I’ll do is I’ll schedule literally like. Not the gym, not anything. I was just a dance class, like a legitimate dance class. I might bring a friend or bring my man, but I’m going to a dance class. And it jolts me into a feel good rhythm, literally feel good. Okay. I’m back. I’m moving again. And then I want to go back. I want to go to the gym. I want to get, I want to get back into it. Hiking is really great. Getting grounded in nature, being outside. Maybe it’s a sport that you love. Maybe you join an adult league or sometimes when I’m stressed, I go to the batting cages. It’s such a good relief because that’s how I grew up is just going there with my dad. Plus you’re smacking the shit out of, you know, balls. Which we love. And so it’s like, just little, like it doesn’t have to be going to the gym every day at five. In fact, that’s going to spike your cortisol and it’s really not good for you. So do you want to get a walking pad and do that? Do you want to just have a dance party after dinner with your toddlers every night? Like what would it look like if this just felt really good for you to move your body? I don’t think that like getting in our steps and doing these things is really helpful. I think it should be really pleasurable, not a goal, not a chore. Um, same thing with the next one, getting enough sleep. So often people know, like, I know I need better sleep. I know I need to have more quality sleep and I need to go to bed earlier. But when I get to the point of like it’s bedtime, I just am so excited that I’m getting quiet. I’m getting peace. I’m getting alone time. I resist going to bed and I do what I know is not good for me. So this is another thing where if you’re bringing more balance into your life, you’re not going to feel that way anymore. You need to have more fun. You need to have more relaxation. You need to have more rest. Rest and relaxation are so pleasurable, but you need to like get to the place where you’re seeing it that way because you have relaxation and pleasure in other parts of your life as well. So what would it look like if getting enough, like if let’s just say you have it balanced, okay? You have it balanced and stuff. and you’re bringing in more pleasure, more relaxation, you’re good and you’re ready to like get enough sleep and you’re really wanting to move past this resistance to bedtime. What would it look like if getting good sleep was super pleasurable? This was the question I asked myself like, Oh my God, over a year and a half ago for sure. Because I was in, this is like one of my last patterns was like, I’m really resisting going to bed on time. I feel like I’m missing out on something. I feel like I’m gonna go to sleep and then I’m gonna wake up and do it again. And I was needing more balance. Um, and so when I implemented the balance and when I asked myself this question, what came up for me is like, this is how I got really into like my like Korean skincare and like actually started like really taking care of my skin because that feels really good to me. It feels luxurious as hell to, to get out the day off and like wash everything off of me and then put on all these like yummy balms and like these creams and like, just like slowing down. I dim the lights, like touching my sit, my skin and like, like speaking affirmations over myself and just relaxing, like hearing the water in the sink and everything, like, or sometimes I do it in the shower, which is even more cozy. And then, like, I got myself this, like, really cute little silk eye mask. I got silk pillowcases. It’s better for your skin and better for your hair. Like just little things like I wasn’t a lot like my silk pillowcase is like 20 bucks on Amazon. I think my eye mask was less like doesn’t have to be a lot. It’s just like little things little upgrades. I bought like sheet refresher spray and like just little things that make my room feel like Luxurious. It’s small. And so what would that cozy bedtime routine that’s really pleasurable for you, what would that look like? How would it feel good? And then another thing is like reading good books. So many people like want to read more, but they just make it such a chore. Um, what excites you? What feels good? Is it novels? It doesn’t have to be something that’s like pushing you forward and improving you, like give yourself a frigging break, you know? So I hope that this is making these examples are helping. Like that’s kind of the process of bringing in more pleasure so that you are creating that balance for your subconscious mind. And it’s not super imbalanced and then taking everything that’s actually going to help it and turning it into like, no, I reject that because it’s more work. The other thing that you really need to start doing is creating space for play. So how can you like allocate time regularly for activities that you’re just doing to bring you joy and to play? It can be hobbies, socializing, something creative, anything that feels like a break, like a relief. Um, I’ll give you some of mine coloring, like literally like Disney princess coloring books. So therapeutic, so good for your inner child. So relaxing. Um, playing super Nintendo by myself and sometimes with the kids is like nostalgic as hell. And so fine. It’s so relaxing to me. Um, reading is big for me. Um, going out to dinner by myself is something I really enjoy. Like I, I feel very playful when I do that. Cause I get to play with makeup and I do my hair and I get really dressed up just for myself. And then it feels very playful to like be out and there’s people everywhere and you get to like sit at the bar and like have a cocktail and like, it’s just so playful to me, but it has to be for you though. So you need to find those things. Um, And then we really want to move into, again, bringing in that balance. So remember, if your subconscious mind has that imbalance, it’s going to seek balance. So taking care of yourself does not need to be a discipline and a duty. It gets to be this harmonious balance that it feels good, and it’s fun, and it’s pleasurable, and you look forward to it truly. Responsibility in life coexists with pleasure. And if it doesn’t, you’re gonna have that imbalance and your brain is gonna try to even it out and it’s not gonna do it in ways that are really helpful for you because it doesn’t know that it’s just operating on programming and you probably have programming that’s like doing things that are good for me is selfish. So it’s mixing all together and fucking up what you really wanna do. So practical steps before you go and get the workbook. You need to do like a self-assessment. What’s going on with you? What are the activities that you’re currently doing to take care of yourself? And how much of a chore does it feel like? Maybe rate it on the scale of one to 10, 10 being like, I dread it. I only do it when I have a surge of motivation and willpower. OK. And really like look at what genuinely brings you joy and how can those elements be brought into your self-care routine? Because, yeah, there are things that you kind of need to do to be a healthy, happy person. But what would it look like if it was pleasurable? Remember that section that we talked about? What would this look like if it was really pleasurable for me? And then I think the other practical piece of this is a mindset shift, like really shifting to look at self-care, like not as a series of tasks, like stop telling yourself that, stop viewing it that way and see it as opportunities to nurture and enjoy yourself. So really replacing those negative chore push associations with more positive associations is automatically gonna reduce the rebellion behavior. I think another point to make is that this is about play and experimentation. Experimentation is the best form of play. You get to be curious about yourself. You get to realize that you’re heading into a different season of life and you’re learning about yourself. You’re figuring things out. You’re not sure. What you really love doing and and that’s exciting because it means you get to try a bunch of stuff you get to go try a painting class you get to go try pottery you get to go try dancing at Fred Astaire Academy like just random you get to be you you get to just try stuff um. But yeah, and I think it goes without saying, you do need some support. So if you are married to somebody that is not going to support this or is going to give you a hard time about it and not really love you for this journey, then you need to bring in someone else. If you’re in the collective, talk to us there. We’ll obviously support you and give you ideas of things you can try. And you can even get a buddy for accountability and support. But you do need to be supported in this. It can’t just be in your head, because when you have a hard day before you’re reprogrammed, you’re just going to slip back into the old ways and forget or get busy. basically, we’re addressing the lack of fun, we’re addressing the lack of pleasure and play in our lives. And then we’re bringing balance, because that is just the way we are wired. And that is how our brains work. And that’s what we need. And that’s what you deserve is that balance, that feel good, the will, the desire, the happy, expansive pull forward to do things that are really good for you, and to just be a more balanced, happy person. So I hope that explains it deeper than I could on social media. Again, go to aliexpress.com slash TPS links, and we’ll link everything there. The workbook will be there. I got you guys. All right, thank you so much. Make sure you take a screenshot, share on social, and I will talk to you guys next time.