Hello, my friends. Welcome to the Purpose Show podcast. If you are not watching us on video, you should go on YouTube and catch us. We are actually recording in my house for the first time. Normally, I just sit in my room and record on Zoom, but we have a whole setup today, and it’s really fun. So I’m so excited. We’re in my living room right now. OK. Today, we’re going to talk about being in the energy of being the main character in your life. And before I get into this, because I want to go pretty deep on this, I want to let you know that I have created, to go along with this episode, a worksheet. And it’s full of, like, inner prompts that are going to really help you kind of access your subconscious mind and just access like what programming you have going on in there that is making you shrink yourself. Kind of like inner child work and just the things that you really need to access to see what’s going on. Why do I make myself smaller? What are these issues really coming from? Because when you have that understanding of self and you get clarity on that, that leads to you having self-awareness and self-awareness is the first and most important foundational step to changing things. So I created that for you, and it is at the link that everything is at for everything on The Purpose Show. So if you just go to alikisaza.com slash TPS links, TPS for The Purpose Show, TPS links, the main character energy worksheet will be there for you. There’s also a link to a video on emotional freedom technique or tapping for like when you need to say no to something, but you want to say, you feel the need to say yes and you’re really struggling with setting boundaries. So EFT for like shifting the energy, like literally moving it out of your subconscious mind and out of your body and reprogramming for when you are going to be saying no to something and you normally would say yes, but you’re wanting to shift that habit. So loading you up with resources because this is really important for you and it’s really important to me for you and I want to make sure you’re set up. aliexpress.com slash TPS links and those will be there for you along with like a ton of other resources from past episodes if you want to click around in there. Okay, so are you showing up as the main character in your own life? What does that look like? What does it look like to not? I think we should maybe start with that. If you, like, leave the house and you don’t even really get dressed because you feel like it doesn’t matter, no one’s even going to see you, like, and you’re not considering, like, how you feel and, like, showing up for yourself, like, acting like If you were the main character in a movie, for example, you would be showing up. You would be feeling good. You would be taking care of yourself. So if you’re in a place, and obviously we all have our shit show days, and that’s not what I’m talking about, but if you were consistently doing things like leaving the house, not taking care of yourself, not really caring, just not really wanting anyone to look at you, not really caring about how you feel and how you look for you. Not for your spouse, not for friends, not for other people, but for yourself. Building up that relationship with yourself, for yourself, and getting to a place where you know, like, admire, and love yourself, and then getting even, I would say, a step further into a space of self-adoration, where you really do love and adore and respect yourself, you’re going to show up differently. So walking out of the house consistently and just feeling like shit, looking like hell, and not caring is such a sign of you’re not in your power. You’re not in a state of self-love. You’re not in your main character energy, to put it in more of this cliche verbiage. How do you see yourself? How do you respect yourself? How do you show up for yourself? And it’s not about makeup. It’s not about hair. It’s not about, oh, I’m just not good at that. I’m just not that kind of girl. It’s not about that. It’s purely about how you feel. So for you, if certain things make you feel good, make you feel put together, then you owe it to yourself. I want you to get to a place where you love yourself enough to care about those things and do those things just because it’s you. Another thing, if you struggle to take care of yourself and or you feel guilty when you do or maybe you feel, this is a really common one and we deal with this a lot inside of Becoming Her Collective because it comes up with almost every single masterclass and course that I create in there. if you feel guilty when you do it, or you have to earn it first. So many women feel like they have to earn the right to do self-care, or to do something that would feel good for them just for the sake of feeling good for them. Or they will only do something that they enjoy if it’s also productive. And so really, there’s so many women that are almost in this state of fight or flight all the time. And they kind of have this addiction to productivity, and doing, and going, and pushing. And the only time they’ll do something that they like is if it’s productive. So let’s say that you actually enjoy going to the grocery store. Maybe you put some headphones in, you get yourself a coffee or something, and you do your errands. That’s the only thing that you might do that you actually like because it’s also productive. And that’s great. I do that for myself. When I go to Target or I got to go to the grocery store or whatever, even when I’m sitting at home and I’m planning my meals and ordering from Instacart or whatever, I have a glass of wine or make some tea and put some headphones on and I’m listening to music and I’m making it like a whole… I try to make everything as enjoyable as I can because I love myself and I want that for myself. If you love someone and you’re really coming from a place of true love and care, then you’re going to take care of them. And that’s how I want you to get with yourself. It’s fine to do those things, but if that’s the only time you’re doing something that you enjoy and you’re not having this energy of enjoyment just for the sake of enjoyment, pleasure for the sake of pleasure, play for the sake of play, and it’s only when it’s productive, that’s a sign that you’re just addicted to being productive and you feel like you have to and you feel like you don’t get to relax and rest. You have to earn it first. So you might take a really nice bubble bath or something, but you don’t do it until like… And first of all, that’s fucking hygiene. It’s not even really true self-care, but you know what I mean. That’s a common one, right? If you won’t let yourself do that until the entire house is clean, everything is perfect, all the meals are planned, work is completely done, emails, inbox zero, whatever. There’s something to be said for that. There’s something going on. Being in a place where you can pause and take care of yourself and do something that you enjoy just because you enjoy it, even with and especially when things are not all done, is such a sign of like your parasympathetic nervous system being activated, like you acting out of that. That’s where you’re in a state of peace. That’s where you’re really grounded. If you are always like apologizing for everything verbally, and then also on an energetic level, like kind of just your energy is apologetic. Like you’re almost like energetically apologizing for existing, apologizing for taking up space. Maybe you are saying like, sorry, sorry, sorry all the time for no fucking reason. But there’s also beyond just like verbally saying sorry for everything, there’s also like, It’s an energy. You almost carry yourself timid, or sorry for entering a space, or sorry for making too much noise. I was recently at a women’s event, and it was maybe a couple months ago, and we were all talking and sharing, and I was talking, and I said something that somebody found really funny, and she let out this amazing laugh. And she immediately covered her mouth and was like, sorry, my laugh is really loud. And it was just so sad, because it doesn’t matter if I liked her laugh, or somebody thought she was loud, or thought it was too much, or thought it was annoying, or whatever. But the fact that she would have joy and laugh, and that made me feel good about the story I was telling, because I was trying to be funny. And that she just immediately, she physically covered her mouth with both of her hands and apologized for laughing. At some point along the way, she learned that her laugh might be too much. And she has that programming. And so she shrunk herself instead of just letting herself laugh. So does that make sense that there is an energy that we can carry into our lives that just feels very apologetic? So do you have that? Do you physically, verbally say sorry a lot? Or are you kind of energetically apologizing for just existing? All of these things, and we’re going to get a little bit deeper into what it looks like to not. Actually, let’s just shift and let’s keep going on that right now because I want to stay on. I want this topic to keep going. When you’re not in your main character energy, it feels like You are disempowered versus empowered. So main character energy feels very empowered. It doesn’t mean that you are entitled or you think you’re perfect or you carry yourself like you’re better than other people or anything that would be kind of like maybe degrading to other people or other people are less important. We are all the main characters in our own lives. But if you’re not in your main character energy and you’re really shrinking yourself and making yourself small, you are going to be in a very disempowered mental state. So you’re going to air more towards things and thoughts like, oh, I could never do that. Oh, I could never pull off that lip color. She looks so great. I could never have a body like that. I could never pull that outfit off. I could never accomplish that. I could never work so hard and do that. I could never promote myself like that. I would be too embarrassed. Oh, I could never be this successful. I could never, I could never, I could never. Whether it’s coming from, it might come in the form of judgment towards another woman, usually, where it’s like you’re judging her, you’re jealous of her, you’re thinking something negative about her, but it’s really because you are disempowered and deep down you want to do what she’s doing or you want to have the gumption that she has or something. Or it can come from another, the opposite, where it’s almost like admiration and you’re just admiring her so much. but you’re disempowered in yourself and you don’t feel like you could be the one to do that. There is something in your, basically everyone has something called the RAS, a reticular activating system. And this basically like, what you need to know is like it filters all the information that you’re taking in all the time. There’s like two or three million, billions, I don’t know, lots of piece of information, bits of information coming at you all the time and your subconscious mind is taking it all in. But your reticular activating system basically filters it based on what’s important to you and what is familiar to you. So if you notice something in another person, you literally have what it takes to do that. You wouldn’t recognize it if you didn’t because your RAS would not let that piece of information come through the filter and be noticed by you. So if you notice that somebody is just gorgeous and just has this most beautiful makeup or has the bombest outfits or is so successful and so magnetic, you are only noticing that because you have it. Maybe it would show up differently for you, but you do have it. It’s literally impossible for you to notice something about another person that you do not possess because of your reticular activating system. So that is empowering on its own. But to not be in your main character energy is very disempowered. So if you’re typically down on yourself, you tend to have a lot of self-doubt, or you’re carrying yourself in a way that’s very disempowered, That’s a huge sign. Another sign, which we covered a little bit ago, is just being apologetic. Entering a space in an apologetic energy, like timid, like, I don’t want to be too, oh, I don’t want to be too loud. I don’t want to like, own the fucking room. This is something that I have worked on so specifically over the past probably year or two. I would say maybe more to two years, was I was just so damn sorry for everywhere I went and everything I did. And I just, anytime there’s a tension on me, I would just feel, it’s weird because I’m good at my job and I can do this, no problem. But it’s almost like a mode turns on. I’m made to be doing this, and I know that. So I activate something else. But when I’m in my personal life, I’m showing up somewhere, or going to an event, or walking into a restaurant, I would just be so small and want no one to look at me. And it was something that I really, really have worked on. Now, I have a fucking presence. I own the room. And again, it’s not from a heady space or an ego space. It is just that I am in my own power. And that doesn’t mean anything about anyone else’s. It’s about me. And so if you’re not in your main character energy, you’re going to really be carrying yourself in an apologetic way. You’re going to lack confidence. You’re going to be very flighty and anxious. Instead of being here, you’re almost going to be just like, Very flighty, anxious, nervous, overthinking about what you do and say, playing it back in your head. You don’t have groundedness and you don’t have confidence in who you are and how you show up. You’re just very unsure of yourself. This also comes from a massive disconnection from self. Another sign that somebody’s not really stepping into their power and embodying the main character in their own life is thinking things or saying things a lot like, oh, of course that would happen to me. Oh, of course, you know me. I never want to be the one to do this. Or, oh, yeah, you know, I would never do that. Oh, you know how I am. I would never do like, you’re always having to like, Either put yourself down, or over explain, or make sure that you’re saying things that label you in a certain way to other people. You’re trying to control the narrative, and you’re also speaking self-fulfilling prophecies. So there’s two parts to this. Saying, oh, of course that would happen to me. You’re not the main character. You’re the fool. You’re the jester. And then the other side of that is like the other example that I gave of like, oh, you know, you know me, you know how I am. I would never do that. You’re controlling the narrative because you want to make sure people see you a certain way instead of just embodying it and being it and letting them filter through their own filters, whatever that’s going to look like. Letting them like the whole let them theory, let them think about you, what they’re going to think. Let them assume, let them assume that you’re a bitch. Who cares? Are you? Do you feel that? That’s what matters. Truly. So there’s just, you’re not being the main character. You’re not owning your own damn life when you are like trying to control that. And it’s also really uncomfortable and not fun to be around somebody who’s doing that. It just feels like I get exhausted for them because it is exhausting to be constantly holding what everyone thinks about you and trying to control that narrative and then like, putting yourself down, making sure you’re staying chill, be like, oh, of course that awful thing would happen to me. Of course that happened today of all the days. No, it’s not of course. If you’re the main character, it’s almost like the lucky girl syndrome. Good things happen to me. And when things are hard, I own it. I take the lesson. I’m living my life. I love it. I’m grounded. I’m learning. I’m growing. I have my shit days, and then I come back. That’s main character energy. Also speaking or acting in a way that’s like you owe people something. Like it’s not just apologetic energy. It’s like acting like you owe people shit. You owe people everything. Like you don’t owe people an explanation. You don’t owe them. You don’t need to come to your defense. Again, like let them. You don’t owe people. your energy. You don’t owe people your time. You don’t owe anybody shit. So stop speaking and acting and carrying yourself like you owe everybody everything. That doesn’t mean you’re not a nice person. It doesn’t mean you’re not a good person. It doesn’t mean you’re not a generous person. I have mad boundaries. And I truly, truly can say, I believe I am one of the most generous people I’ve ever known. And I’m really proud of that about myself. But I also know that to be generous, I have to be careful and choosy. And I have to edit who gets my energy, who gets my time, what I do with my money, what I do with my work, who I help, and who I just, I can’t. It’s not my responsibility. I don’t owe anybody anything. And when I feel led, I will be there. And I need to reserve my energy, because I have a big mission in this life. And I have a family. So I hope that’s making sense. But stop speaking, acting, caring yourself like you owe people everything, and you have to be a good person. And you’re just giving, giving, giving, and exhausting yourself, and not ever doing anything that’s fulfilling. And then finally, a huge sign that you are not in your main character and you are just totally not in your power is giving up your peace to make others happy. And this kind of piggybacks on the last point, but when you do something that’s absolutely going to disrupt your peace because you want someone else to have peace. There is a huge, like I will die on this hill if need be, there is such a huge misconception and I feel like this happens a lot in religions and religious circles where it’s like, You need to put yourself last. It’s others and then you. And that is so incredibly damaging. You are almost useless when you’re doing that. Because where do you think the energy to do for others is coming from? It’s coming from you. So if you don’t have anything to give, it goes back to that stupid overstated analogy, like you can’t pour from an empty cup. But it’s so true. So if you are in a state of giving up your peace to make sure others have peace, if you’re setting yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm, if you’re giving up your peace to make someone else happy, it’s not helping anybody. You are causing hurt. You’re causing hurt to yourself, and you’re causing hurt to really ultimately your family, the people you love, the world, the people that you’re actually trying to help, because you’re in a state of people-pleasing. And I think also like being in your, so let’s shift to like, okay, being in your main character energy, stepping into your main character energy, stepping into your power. What does that look like exactly? Stepping into your power and getting into the main character energy has to do with a lot. But I’m calling it main character energy because that’s the main thing. The main thing really is simply your energy. And I feel like that word is thrown around so much. But what that means is like, you know when you walk into a room and you’re just like, ooh, the energy is really good in here? Or the opposite. You walk in and you’re like, the vibe is just really off in here. Or I didn’t like that guy’s vibe. I just felt something really weird. It’s the energy. Everything is putting out. an energy. And so what is yours? Main character energy is exactly that. So we talked about what it feels like to not be the main character. But what does it feel like when you are, and how do we get there? So I think it also has a lot to do with the little things. And I think the little things, like how you dress, how you do your day, even how you are with your kids, these are all symptomatic. These are all symptoms of where you’re really at. So if you’re getting deep in, which we’re going to do in a minute together in this episode, If you’re really getting deep into it and you’re really getting into like, I’m working on my energy, I’m working on my personal energetics. This is like what I’ve been saying a lot on TikTok is like, I want to help you master your personal energetics because when you do that, you’re not faking it till you make it. You don’t have to rely on willpower or motivation for anything. You are really, truly shifting yourself at an identity, at an energetic level. So all of these other things, like how you eat, how you hydrate, how you take care of yourself, take care of your body, take care of your mind, parent your kids, show up in your relationships, dress, walk, how you enter a room, these are all symptoms that come from that energetic mastery. Realize, number one, the first energetic shift that needs to happen is you need to realize and wake up to the fact that, like, this is your life. This is literally your life. I mean, like, really, like, can we sit for a second and just feel that? This is your life. You don’t need to be walking around selfish as hell, but you are not here to live for other people. You are not. You are here to have the human experience and to experience. You are an abundant being. We live in an abundant universe. There’s an abundance of trees providing an abundance of oxygen. There is literally money everywhere circulating around us all the time, getting handed around and passed off all the time, constantly. There is a stream of abundant everything. There’s an abundance of friends in the world for you to make. There’s an abundance of love for you to experience. There’s an abundance of places for you to travel. There’s an abundance of ideas for you to start that business. There’s an abundance of ways you can do that business. There’s an abundance of jobs you can get promoted into. There’s an abundance of everything for you. We live in an abundant universe. Think about how many galaxies there are that we don’t even know about. Think about the massiveness of a black hole in space. Really get out of your own fucking way and out of your own head and step back and look at how abundant everything is. Even you, you are literally abundance personified. Your heart is beating and you don’t even have to try. And it’s pumping all this blood through you and keeping you alive. You have an abundance of breaths that you can take right now. You can just take a deep breath and it’s right there for you. I mean, it’s really beautiful. You are here to be abundant and experience abundance. You’re not here to give and give and drain yourself. And like I said before, light yourself on fire to keep other people warm. You’re not. And if you really believe that you are, you have programming. Like I said, this comes a lot from religious beliefs and religious circles. Then ask yourself, Is this what I believe is true? And if it is, then you’re good. This probably isn’t a space you’re going to like very much. But I don’t believe that. I really don’t. So OK, what we want to do, the next step in the energetic of this, mastering our personal energetics when it comes to main character vibes, is tapping into the next level version of yourself and really being her now. And of course, this is the whole foundation of my entire messaging, my brand, and everything. So I’m not going to get all repetitive. But can you really picture, if you were the main character in your own damn life, Can you get that picture of yourself, that next level version of you, and can you really tap into her? And can you imagine what it would be like, even today as you’re listening to this, what do you have going on the rest of the day? What’s going on tomorrow if it’s the end of the day? What would it look like for you to do all those things as that version of yourself? How would you change? What would you be wearing? How would you be eating? What shit would you get together? Because that version of me does not fuck with this. We do not do this. What would that be? Is there a mess you would clean up? Is there a plan you would make? And not where everything is already perfect, but getting yourself there. What would that shift for you? And really, mentally, your imagination is so powerful. I say this all the time, and it’s really becoming common knowledge, which is great. It needs to be. But your subconscious mind loves visuals. It’s why you have dreams, and there are pictures and movies. It loves imagery, and it doesn’t know the difference between reality and imagination, which is why it’s so important for you to protect the movie you’re playing in your head, the story you’re telling, and to protect our kids, and the video games, and what they’re taking in, because the subconscious mind does not know the difference. And so, if you were to imagine that you’re going through the rest of your day as this next level version of yourself, Do that. Walk through it. Look at your day, and you’re like, OK, I need to finish working. I need to do a couple hours of housework. I need to go to the grocery store and get the stuff for dinner. I need to, OK, what would it look like if I were doing this as the next level version of myself, as the main character in my own life? What would I do? And really let yourself go there. Push through any resistance, and let yourself mentally go there and play that imagination game. It’s very powerful to do that. All right, let’s get into some of the root causes and inner dialogue of why do we even get out of main character energy? If what I’m saying is true, that you’re an abundant being living in an abundant universe, supposed to be experiencing an abundance of good. Because just because something is difficult or life happens and shit hits the fan doesn’t mean it’s not good. It is good because we’re here for lessons. We’re here to evolve. We’re here to experience the human experience. So it’s not that everything’s going to be perfect, but you are here to experience an abundance of good even when it’s something that is maybe a trial and you’re really like, okay, how do I navigate this? How do I come out of this abundant? So if that’s true, then that would mean that that’s our natural state. Abundance is your natural state of being. Coming out of that is learned. You learn that from society, from your upbringing, from programming, from all kinds of different things, right? Let’s get into exploring why. And again, the worksheet that I’m putting at the link for you guys is going to walk you through some of this. But I want to just audibly kind of hold your hand through part of this. Why do you shrink yourself? I don’t want to just talk. I really want to sit here with you and let’s coach through this for a little bit. Why do you shrink yourself? I’m going to do this with you. for me, when I do notice that I am shrinking myself, which is so fewer and far between now, but when I do notice that or I did do that a lot in the past, it was because I really believed that I was too much. Always. I remember being really little. And look at what I’m doing right now. I literally have three cameras on me. This is my purpose. And when I was little, if the video camera would come out, I would get so excited. And I would get really happy. And I would want to sing or dance or do something for the camera. And I remember so many times getting told by so many different adults in my life, can you just not, can you get out of the way, I’m trying to do something, I’m trying to film the baby, or can you just, okay, that’s enough, like, okay, like, she’s being so annoying right now, like, I remember. And so I got the programming that, like, I’m too much. For me to shine is annoying and inconvenient for other people, and it obviously doesn’t feel good to feel that way around people, especially adults. You’re safe, you’re guardians, you’re caretakers when you’re a kid, so, it’s not safe for me to shine. That’s the programming. So, I would shrink myself all the time. So, really sit with that. Why? Why do you shrink yourself? Well, because I feel like I’m too much. Okay. Well, why do you feel like you’re too much? There’s a process. Somebody actually just in a live stream recently told me that this is called the five whys and it’s actually like a process. So I’ve done this just with myself, and I’ve been walked through it in therapy before, but I didn’t actually know it’s actually a thing. The five whys, like asking yourself why five times to help you get to the root of something. So why do you shrink yourself? Because I feel like I’m too much. Well, why do you feel like you’re too much? Well, because I was told that when I was little. Well, why? Well, because I was playing, and I was taking up attention, and I was enjoying that. Well, why were you doing that? Because I enjoy it. Like you see what I’m saying? You’re getting to the root of like, Oh, so the root for me is I enjoy being myself. I enjoy shining. I enjoy making people happy. And again, look, now I’m 37 years old as we’re recording this, and I literally have cameras on me, and I’m shining, and I’m helping people, and I make them laugh, and I make them see things about themselves and I expand them. As I expand in my own state of abundance, I help others do the same. It’s what I’m meant to do. So when that got programmed in to shut that down, that’s literally not good for the world. I could have been doing this much longer if that had been encouraged instead of shushed. So getting into that, why do you shrink yourself? If you’re listening to this, feel free to pause and come back and continue, but asking that, the five whys, why? Then another powerful question is when. When did I learn that this is what I needed to do? When did I learn that this was for my survival, or this is how I get love, this is how I’m liked, is to shrink myself down and stop being the main character. Another thing you can do, and I would really encourage you guys to look at, is your self-talk. Remember when I said at the beginning, near the beginning of the episode, do you overthink everything you say and do, and you’re just always overthinking everything? That’s your self-talk. It’s like, oh, I shouldn’t have said that. Oh, I wonder if she thought I meant this. Oh, I wonder if he thinks I’m too much because of that. I wonder if they think that that was really selfish. Or they didn’t laugh, so they must not get my personality. I shouldn’t have said that. Oh, I wonder if I still, this, I still struggle with. And I have good reason to struggle with it. There’s my job and there’s things that have happened where I am just very blunt and not everyone is made to be able to swallow that. But I really am, and this is going to sound harsh, but I really am learning to just let them choke. It’s not my fault. I’m learning to be in my power and say what I want to say. And I’m kind, and I’m generous, and I love people. I want to help people. And I’m sarcastic, and I’m witty, and this is how I am. So as long as my intention is pure and I’m just being, if somebody has so many filters that counteract who I am, maybe they’re not meant to like me. Can I get comfortable with them not liking me? Because I know I’m not out here spewing hate. I know I’m not out here intentionally causing harm or doing things to hurt people and trying to gain off of other people’s pain. I know that about myself. If I’m not being malicious, if my intent is good and I’m always willing to apologize and make things right, then if somebody just really has a problem with me, can I just let them have the problem and let them go find less? If I’m too much, go find less. So finding that balance and shifting the self-talk to really loving yourself and really being humble and being in a state of like always learning and always growing and always willing to know better, do better, speak better, carry yourself better, be kinder, all of these things. But also like stop being so fucking apologetic and overthinking and everything you say and do to the point where like you just, your self-talk is so negative and you’re assuming that you did something wrong most of the time. Check that, run that back, shift that. Okay, my loves, this episode is feeling really good, but it’s just going longer than I expected. So I’m splitting this into two parts. We have episodes three times a week, Monday, Wednesday, Friday. So part two will be the next episode and I’ll see you there. make sure you go to alexazza.com slash TPS links, get your worksheet, start to do the inner work, and then part two is gonna get into a lot more of like the action steps and like what to do, how to embody this, and I think that’s my favorite part of this conversation, so can’t wait to show that to you.