We, as mothers, set the tone for everything in our families and homes. In today’s episode I’m talking about how important this is and how you can make necessary shifts to bring peace to yourself and your family. Let’s jump in!
In This Episode Allie Discusses:
How you control the way your family feels
Why that’s empowering not burdensome
Why prioritizing yourself is important
Mentioned in this Episode:
Courses (Use the code PURPOSESHOW for 10% off!)
Mom life. We’re surrounded by the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. We’re supposed to get through it. Survive. Cling on by the last little thread. And at the same time, Carpe Diem—enjoy every moment because it’s going to go by so fast. The typical mom culture that sends us all kinds of mixed, typically negative messages. We shouldn’t take care of ourselves; it’s selfish. The more ragged you run yourself, the bigger your badge of honor. But also, ditch your mom bod and work out. Don’t yell. Make more money. Show up. Be better, but not at the expense of time with your kids. I am putting a hard stop to all of this. While being a mom, running a business, and whatever else you might have going on is hard, it is a lot and there’s lots of giving of yourself, the idea that motherhood means living a joyless, nonstop-hustle-with-zero-balance kind of life, where you give and give and give and never take, needs to stop.
I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime (at least most days). Stop the mom guilt and shame game. Stop cleaning up after your kids’ childhood and start being present for it. I want to help you thrive in work, home and life. I believe in John 10:10 that we are called to living an abundant life and I know moms are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, some business and life hacks, spirituality and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.
Hello, my love! Welcome back to The Purpose Show podcast.
It’s such a happy day! Such a happy day! Unburdened is open! Women have been enrolling. They have been saying, “Yes!” to living a more aligned version of their lives.
Clearing the clutter from their lives. Not homes. That’s not what we’re doing in this program, but from your life, your schedule, your calendar. How your days are going, how you’re feeling as you’re doing life with your family, at work, at home, or wherever it is you spend most of your time. Clearing out what is not serving you and aligning how your days and weeks go in a way that feels so good and brings incredible amounts of freedom.
I’m so, so happy to have reopened this. I went in and totally reworked this program before I relaunched it. I am so deeply, deeply proud of it.
I want every single woman who feels a sense of heaviness or unfulfillment in her life, who feels like things are just not working, or that she just needs a life coach to enroll in this program. That is what Unburdened is for. That is what I do in Unburdened. I am your life coach at your fingertips.
I’m so, so proud of it! It is open now. It closes Friday at midnight. So you’ve got about 48 hours and that’s it!
This episode that you’re about to hear is actually the audio from a live stream that I did months ago. It was last year and it’s really just stuck with me. It stuck with people who watched it when it was live. I get DM’s about it on a regular basis. I really was feeling pulled to turn it into an episode.
It’s about how we, as mothers, set the tone for our families in everything, and how important doing this work is. I’m so ready for you guys to hear this. I’m super happy that we can turn this into an episode. So, please enjoy and listen.
Don’t forget to take a screenshot, tag me, tell me what you think, and share this message with other moms if it encourages you or does anything for you at all. I would love and appreciate the share. I hope to see you on social media.
I hope to see you in Unburdened. Unburdened.life closes on Friday at midnight.
I was thinking this weekend about peace and peace for our families. We want peace for our families, right? Nobody intentionally thinks, “I don’t want my family to have peace.”
We don’t mean to, it’s just life happening, but so often (and I’m speaking from experience and mean this in a gentle, helpful way so just bear with me) we keep our families from experiencing that peace because we have a lack of it. We are the crux of our families, the crux of how the home feels where you guys are doing life together.
I always say that I don’t want that to feel like a burden. I actually want that to feel really, really freeing and liberating. It’s pretty cool that if you are the crux you can control how things are feeling.
You are so important. Your kids will react the way that you react. They will react to the way that you are feeling, speaking, and acting.
Even our spouses will a lot of the time. I mean, every marriage is different, but the people in your home will react to how you are. And that is so good because we can set the precedent, right?
And here’s the thing—If you are living from a place where you are constantly stressed out, constantly feeling internally heavy, feeling that ball of tension in your gut where it’s like, “Everything is on me. No one is helping me. I have to keep things going a certain way.” If you’re feeling like that inside it is going to come out of you.
No matter how much you try for it not to. It just will, because you’re a person. We’re humans. How many times have we woken up on the wrong side of bed, been in a bad mood and that spilled out onto the day, the house, the space, the family and all of this stuff?
How will our children remember their childhood? It’ll be like a blur, like ours is, right? And that blur will have a feeling.
That blur of their childhood will either feel really happy, really peaceful or not. Some adults had childhoods that felt really traumatic or really lonely. You don’t remember every single thing that ever happened, but it ends up being this blur that has a feeling and that’s how you grew up.
Our kids are going to be no different. We’re in it right now, so we have control. Even if you have teenagers, you have control.
You have a say over how this goes. You have the most say. Not their teachers. Not anyone else. You have the most say.
It’s so cool. It’s so empowering. We can choose to see it as an empowering fact and not a heavy burden or a guilt trip thing.
I want you to see this as a beautiful gift that you have the most pull in how that blur feels when your kids grow up. And a lot of what your kids experience comes through you as the mom. If a lot is coming through you, then wouldn’t you say that it’s pretty important to guard where you are internally?
If you have so much positive, empowered control over your kid’s blur and how things feel and their experience, wouldn’t you say it’s worth ruthlessly protecting where you’re at internally as a person? It seems pretty important, right?
I’m speaking to you in this way because I know this is how to get to you, because we all care about our kids so much. But the question is: Girl, when are you going to care about yourself?
Forget the kids for a second. For you, for you being a person, for you being a human being experiencing life right now, why are you not protecting this for your own self?
Things that our kids experience comes through us. They tend to see life and experience their day based on how mom was doing and feeling.
Maybe for yourself growing up you had anxiety because your mom’s mood was everything and it was a little bit unstable and you had anxiety as a kid. Maybe you still do as an adult. Maybe you’ve experienced that with your kids and you’re kind of guilty and you don’t know what to do about it.
Or you notice there’s a trend of anger in you and your kids also have that? Whatever it is, we don’t need to hide or be ashamed of these things. It’s just humans breeding humans.
It’s good. It’s beautiful. And if it’s not so good, it can change. It can shift.
I always say, nothing changes if nothing changes. We have to see how we are as the moms. As women, we’re so powerful. We’re these amazing goddesses that can control so much without even trying.
So, if we have that power, it would be so much more valuable if we would take ownership of it and decide that we’re going to use it for good. That we’re going to shift things for ourselves first. We need to change ourselves first.
And because what’s being experienced in our homes and in our families often comes through us, that change is everything. You change you inside. You lighten that load. You remove the burden. You alleviate some of the stress.
Life is going to be life. Things are going to hit the fan. Things are going to be hard. It’s going to get real.
But you’re not making it that much harder on yourself for no reason. You’re removing the extra, unnecessary heaviness. Does that make sense?
When you do that for yourself, the experience for your children shifts immediately because you’re shifting yourself and everything through you. And they experience that.
Do you really think that if you felt like your days were going the way that you want them to go no matter what your job is, how many hours you work, how much you get paid or if you’re a stay at home mom.
Do you really think that if you were to change and everything shifted and you got your days back, your weeks felt good, you were looking forward to things and weren’t dreading anything anymore.
You were not doing things out of obligation for everybody else and running yourself into the ground. You had self care. You were taking care of yourself. You felt like you knew who you were.
Your days were being run by you not the other way around. There was structure where you needed structure and freedom where you needed freedom, and even the structure that you had was bringing you freedom. There was rigidity where you needed it and flexibility where you needed it.
Do you really think that your kids would not feel that shift in you? Are you kidding? Of course they would. It’s everything.
So often we hear, “Oh, carpe diem. Just enjoy. It goes by so fast. They are only little once. Carpe diem!”
Carpe diem what when you’re stressed the eff out and you don’t even have the energy to do the day when you wake up in the morning? That’s not good advice. That’s empty and baseless.
There has to be something that shifts. There has to be somebody to come in and wake everyone up and give some strategy, some actual tactical strategy to the questions: What do I do? How can I enjoy this? How can I carpe the diem when I don’t care?
You have to shift something. Something has to be moved around so that you are feeling different. That there are different ways that you’re doing things. That you have rhythms. Not having rhythms is killing us.
You have to move things into the places that you need them to go rather than just living life reacting as it comes. You’re living in a reactive mode by taking it day by day.
I’m a person that doesn’t really love crazy structure. I really like to fly by the seat of my pants. I like to feel into my decisions and how I feel that day.
There is a difference between doing that and literally just living life reacting. Living a life of reacting is fairly empty because you’re always reacting, running the clock, and running yourself into the ground.
There has got to be some kind of shift. That’s why I opened Unburdened now, because I think we all need that shift extra. It actually wasn’t scheduled to open until later this year. It’s now.
The kids are kind of going back to school. Well, some are. Some aren’t. Everything is so weird. Things are not really changing the way that I think we all hoped they would.
Motherhood is a reactive culture. For those of you who are thinking, “Oh my gosh, I’m such a reactor.” Let me just tell you that you’re not bad at this. I am always going to point you back to that.
You’re not bad at this. You’re just overwhelmed. You just need to create more space.
And this particular program is not really about the home, although we do touch on that. It’s about life. It’s about the schedule. It’s about your days, your weeks, how things are going, and how you’re doing internally.
We’re going to work on you, the mom. You’re investing in yourself with both the financial investment of Unburdened and the time of the program. Then that investment is cycling through your children, through your home, through your other relationships, even distant relationships.
You’re going to learn how to set some really good boundaries. I’m super good at that. And I can’t wait to teach you that.
You’re going to learn so much. From your mindset to the strategy of your days and your schedule. We cover so much. It’s all the main areas of life you need to cover as a woman and as a mom. It’s all covered.
Motherhood is way, way, way too sweet of a time to spend in survival mode. It’s way too sweet of a time to spend getting through. And unfortunately that is the standard. That is normal. That’s what other people do.
That’s how motherhood is talked about. And it’s not serving anyone. It’s not serving us. It’s not serving our kids. It’s not helping us show up. It’s literally not helping anyone.
I believe that our kids deserve moms who love their lives. Who are feeling good. Who are not adding extra, unnecessary stress.
Who are the owners of their day and their time. Who are the owners of their space and themselves. Who know who they are. Who are confident.
Who confidently move through life and can say yes or no to decisions and opportunities, remove obligations and live aligned with their purpose because they know what it is.
Their mindset is clear. They are not in their own way. And no one else is in their way either because they know who they are.
They know where they’re going. They have vision for their life. They’re feeling super grounded and supported by themselves.
When you show up for yourself you can show up for your family in a different way than you ever have before. Plain and simple.
Everything you do for yourself gets recycled into your home and your family. And that is big work. That is holy work.
We have to pay attention to this. We have to decide that things are going to go a different way. We have to decide.
And that’s all it takes. You have to decide, “I’m done with the chaos, the overwhelm, the stress, the yelling, the nagging, the freaking out, the meltdowns, the weekend spent catching up on cleaning I thought I did all week, the stress, the doing more when I get home from work when I should be done.”
All of it. All of it. You’re done. Decide that you’re done and implement some strategy.
Let somebody come in and help you out. You don’t need to have all the answers. You don’t need to put that pressure on yourself.
I was saying at the Hassle to Harmony class last week, we so easily will have a kid that wants to play a sport, take dance, play tennis or baseball, whatever, and we totally support them. We spend hundreds of dollars on equipment, gear, a coach, and everything they need for their team, everything they need for this activity they want to do.
And this is such a tiny piece of life—your kid’s extracurricular activities. But we’ll spend hundreds of dollars to just support them in this small thing.
But then I see these women who see this program and they think, “Oh, well, I just can’t afford that. It’s not a really good time.”
When are we going to wake up and realize that we need a coach too? That sometimes motherhood is really freaking hard and we need to put our priorities in a list order that makes some sense for where we want to go in life. Because I’m pretty sure your motherhood is more important than baseball.
I’m pretty sure that in the grand scheme of things your kids are not going to look back and think, “My mom ran herself into the ground. She freaked out. She yelled. She was so stressed out. I just feel like being a mom means all of that. It was crazy, but hey, at least I had baseball.”
No. You are the most important thing to your family. When are you going to be important to yourself? When are you going to switch that and prioritize yourself? When are you going to show up?
When are you going to make the step that is finally that pivot you needed to make for life to go the way that you say you want it to go? But then when the opportunity is handed to you you walk away from it and excuse it off?
Instead of taking it you say, “I don’t have money for that. I don’t have time for that. I can’t do that. I have to do this.”
It’s cultural conditioning. We shouldn’t need help. And it’s such BS.
Motherhood is a lot. It is hard. I have help in my motherhood. You bet I do.
And when I see women who are back where I used to be and they need to start this process of getting help but they won’t do it because of cultural conditioning, it makes me crazy because you deserve this. You are worthy of this help.
Yes, help is seen as a weakness. You guys know this. Look at you, you know this.
And so, we have to say, “Okay, I’m done just knowing this. And I’m ready to move into action in this place in my life. I’m ready to take action, get up, get out of the muck and make this happen for myself.”
Because here’s the thing—and I don’t mean this to sound harsh; it’s just the facts—Nobody is coming to get you.
I had to realize that in my life. I had to say, “Oh my gosh, nobody’s coming to get me. If I don’t make a change then nothing will change.”
You can pray and do all these things, and that’s so good, but you also have to take action. You have to go and get what you want. No one is coming to get you. No one is going to drop it in your lap.
Or you know what? Maybe it has been dropped in your lap via this live and you’re still refusing to see what’s right in front of you. The help that you need is right in front of you.
It’s only open a couple of times a year. The time is now. It’s here.
This program works. There is a reason that I have been on Fox news. That I have been on morning shows, talk shows, and top podcasts. It’s because this works!
You don’t get that from being a slime ball and tricking everybody. This isn’t a weird secret. This is a program that is time tested, tried and true.
It works. It works. It works. It works.
It is simple. There’s strategy. There’s mentality stuff. There’s emotional/mental stuff. There’s everything that you need.
I broke it down for you in a five-week program. You can join live. You can sit back and wait a little bit and do it at your own pace and just enjoy the extra coaching calls that come with the live version. Whatever you want.
Yes, when you have skin in the game and you put the money in, you will do the work. I’m looking for people who are ready to change. I am not here to convince a single one of you. I don’t want anyone that needs convincing.
I want the ones who know this is for them. The ones who have maybe just been avoiding it or kidding themselves, because you’re allowed to do that. You’re a human being. You’re allowed to do that.
But let’s stop the cycle and make the step forward that’s going to bring the change.
I want women who are so done being in the quicksand. And they’re finally going to grab hold of that rope and get lifted straight up and out and go on the path to change.
I want women who are ready to put skin in the game, who are ready to make these shifts and this change, who are ready to show up for their kids’ childhoods instead of cleaning up after it. I want women who are ready to show up for themselves and live their lives instead of reacting constantly.
If that’s you, if you’re watching this and that is you, please know this is open now. It’s open for you. And I don’t want you to miss the window. Unburdened.life.
No more being tired. No more being sick and tired. Why? For what? Why are you suffering? Why are you letting yourself struggle?
Do you feel like it’s like a badge of honor that your life is so hard and it’s a crutch you lean on? Do you feel like you don’t know who you are without the struggle? Let’s find out, whatever it is.
Decide that you’re not going to let this make your decisions for you anymore. You’ll figure it out. We’ll figure it out together.
Thanks so much for hanging out with me! In case you didn’t know, there’s actually an exclusive community that’s been created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions around The Purpose Show episodes. It’s designed to get you to actually take action and make the positive changes that we talk about here. I want you to go and be a part of it. To do that, go to alliecasazza.com/facebookgroup.
Thank you so much for tuning in! If you’d like to learn more about me, how I can help you, how you can implement all these things and more into your life to make it simpler, better, and more abundant, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, online courses, programs, and other resources to help you create the life you really want.
I am always rooting for you, friend! See you next time! I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.
Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.