Taking Care of Yourself is talked about a lot in our culture today, but I don’t think we are truly taking action on it. I think it is hard for us to do that. We are taking care of so many other people all the time that we forget that we matter. Our tanks get low, close to empty. We get snarky, cranky, fussy. It’s because your well is empty. You can not pull up fresh, hydrating water that your family needs from you if that well is bone dry. You have to take care of yourself and restore yourself.
Instead of always working on yourself in a way that has you focusing on your flaws and mistakes and what you need to change or be better at, shift your focus to what you are good at. In focusing on that, you will discover who you are and what restores your energy. Once you know those things, you can compile a list of ways that you can begin taking care of yourself.
Need help forming that list? I got you! You can download my Self-Care Ideas for Busy Moms for FREE!
In This Episode, Allie discusses:
The importance of self-care, especially as it relates to being a mom.
Ways that she restores and refreshes her energy.
Ideas for busy moms to take care of themselves.
Mentioned in this Episode:
Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and i know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is the The Purpose Show.
Hi beauties! Welcome to The Purpose Show, Episode 11. In this episode I am talking all about taking care of you. Giving yourself a little love during the month of love.
Everywhere we look everything is about love, romance, your relationship and the podcast is going to follow that for the rest of the month of February.
I want to kick February off with talking about taking care of ourselves. It is talked about a lot but I don’t think we take action on it much. I think it is hard for us to do that.
I have gotten to a point where self-care is not difficult for me. I can feel when I need it. Sometimes I will procrastinate about it and that is my biggest problem in this area. But I have really developed a good sense of when I need to take care of myself and I will pretty much go and do it.
Although, I must say that last month I was needing self-care really badly and I ended up having a really good long day out running errands and just being alone. It was really great. I had been needing a day or just a bit of time alone for three months. I had really procrastinated.
I will say that I am much better than I used to be about it. I would go all year with no alone time and it was just terrible for me, especially being an introvert mom.
Self-care is super important. I thought it would be a really great way to kick off the month of talking about love. Talking about taking good care of yourself first.
Here’s a bit of real-life disclaimer. Those of you who follow me on Instagram and have seen some progress know that my office is technically in my garage. Our garage is a 3-car garage, but the 2-car portion is pushed towards the back of the house, which makes it a big, long rectangle room. It has a window and is really great. We have painted it a really beautiful color, and made this a really fun, cool, modern office space. But, unfortunately, we don’t have doors blocking off the separate room yet, so my microphone will pick up sound in the street.
Brian packed up the kids, got them all dressed, kissed me goodbye and was like, “go get your recording done, I have got the kids” and took them out of the house. And literally, two seconds after they left the neighbor kids across the street came out with their hockey sticks and pucks and started playing really, really loud, right outside my house.
I almost didn’t record. But hey, it’s real life. It’s a real life podcast. It’s a motherhood podcast. We can be real with each other. It’s not my fault. And I have to get these episodes knocked out for you guys, right?
So, if you hear kids in the background, they are actually not mine for once!
Now, let’s talk about self-care.
I feel like you are taking care of so many other people all the time that we forget that we matter. Our tanks get low, close to empty. We get snarky, cranky, fussy. You know – the “B” word. Really, that’s what you get. You get mean, nasty and you don’t feel so good. It’s because your well is empty. You can’t pull water up and hydrate your family from an empty well.
That’s how we get when we don’t practice self-care enough. Your self-care, how you feel about yourself and how you feel in your day is so important. It matters so much.
I think the first step is to know who you are and identify what restores your energy. I think this really comes down to knowing whether you are an introvert or extrovert. I know a lot of you probably know this already, but maybe some of you don’t.
A lot of people get mixed up with what an introvert and extrovert means. They think it means shy or outgoing and it doesn’t. It actually has everything to do with what restores your energy.
Introverts are restored typically by being alone. It refuels them. Extroverts typically restore their energy by being around other people.
If you go to a party, it doesn’t mean you won’t have a good time if you are an introvert. I am really, really introverted. If I go to a Christmas party, hang around friends and people that I know and love, socialize – I have a great time. But when I leave, I am not restored, rejuvenated, and want to talk about the party. I am done. I don’t usually talk much on the drive home. I am tired. It drains my energy. It’s not a bad thing, that’s just me being an introvert.
An extroverted person will typically be really reenergized, excited, and refueled by being around other people. Being around other people is how they get new ideas, feel really good, and excited about life.
Some people can be in between. I think that’s called being an ambivert.
I think it is really important to know who you are and what restores your energy so that when you are making your list of self-care ideas you can know where to start.
For me, all of my self-care ideas are based on being alone. I do have a regular coffee date with a good friend of mine who lives near me that is really restoring and inspiring. We talk about things and will share whatever we are struggling with currently. We bounce ideas off each other. It is always really good. But that is one-on-one. It’s not a group of people.
Typically, your self-care ideas will be based on what you are restored by.
Here are a few self-care ideas. You can take these ideas and just run with them. Or bounce your own ideas off of my ideas. But here are some ideas to help you see what exactly self-care looks like so you can get the ball rolling.
One thing you could do is get a mani, pedi, or both. Just go and relax. Let someone else do something for you. There is something so relaxing and powerfully restorative about delegating something to someone else to do for you while you relax. When you go for your manicure, you can sit back and relax. Listen to music. Talk the manicurist. When you are just relaxing and she is just taking care of you, it is so restorative.
Another thing you could do is take a walk. Make sure someone is there with your kids and take a little walk, even if it is just around the block. Just get out. Breathe in some fresh air. If it’s cold, bundle up. Take a walk.
Bonus points for making it a gratitude walk where you spout, out loud, all the things you have in your life to be thankful for. It literally boosts your spirit. It is scientifically shown that it lifts our spirits and mood. It reduces our high cortisol, which is the stress producing hormone. It changes your perspective and gives you a fresh start.
That’s super simple – you can take a walk anytime.
If your kids are home and you can’t leave, just get outside. Get them busy. Explain to them, “here’s the boundaries. Mom needs to step outside for a second.” Make sure they are OK and just step outside on your porch. Take a deep breath. Name 10 things you are grateful for before you go back in.
It can be as simple as that. It doesn’t have to be overwhelming or expensive or difficult to get there.
Another self-care idea is to develop a simple morning ritual that gives you a really good start to your day. Maybe it’s ten minutes of meditation. Download the calm app. It’s for meditation and calming yourself down. It has a timer, nature sounds, and things that you can do for some quiet meditation time.
Do some Yoga in the morning. Work out in the morning. Take a walk in the morning before your husband leaves for work.
Find something that works for you that makes you feel like you could be restored and rejuvenated. Something that works for your family and lifestyle that you can do every single morning that will give you a good start to your day.
This might mean completely waking up at the butt-crack of dawn and starting a ritual where you read the Bible, have some prayer time, meditate, do a 20-minute Yoga video on YouTube. Take a walk. Make coffee. Have breakfast alone. Get dressed before your kids wake up.
Or it might be as simple as 5 minutes of sitting outside with your cup of coffee and breathing deeply to start your day. Something small, or big, that you can make a morning ritual that gives you a good start to your day.
Do you feel like you are barely getting through your days friend? Does motherhood feel more like a hurricane of chaos that you are just surviving rather than the awesome, joy-filled season that you want it to be?
Well, motherhood is hard. I am not going to lie to you about that. While it is servitude and giving to your family from yourself, it doesn’t have to be something that we are waiting to be over. Something that we are counting down the minutes till naptime, or bedtime, or waiting for the next day to start. If you are wanting to sort through the clutter in your mind, your heart, your home calendar, your health, routines, and relationships, I created Unburdened just for you!
It is a guide that will help you go from drowning in the sea of stress and overwhelm, to owning your time and living the best version of your motherhood. So you can live abundantly while intentionally focusing on those who matter most.
Unburdened is the overwhelmed beginner’s guide to a simpler motherhood.
In Unburdened, I will walk you through how to stop over-complicating, procrastinating, and just start making positive changes now. How to declutter, just a little bit – not super deep into it, because you can’t handle that when you are this overwhelmed – but a surface declutter that will get you real results in your house so you can clean up less.
How to declutter toxic relationships in your life and set some good boundaries. How to simplify cleaning, get healthy and feel better – finally!
How to simplify your calendar. How to start owning your time and not just managing it as life happens to you.
How to stop just setting goals and letting them sit there. Start actually defining where you want to go and getting there through reverse engineering and goal-setting.
How to create a cleaning routine that works for you and your life.
This course is a mini-course. It is small. It is straightforward. But it is everything for the mom who feels like she needs a total overhaul, but is too overwhelmed to start.
It will help you simplify the things that have you stuck and leave survival mode behind for good.
Is this resonating with you? Sound like you? Does this sound like something that would really help you right now? Go to bit.ly/getunburdened.
I really poured my heart into this little course. I created it for the mom who is really wanting to simplify, declutter, and pursue a life of less, but she is so burdened and overwhelmed with the mess of life. It’s not just her house. She wants to simplify at the surface of all the different things in her life so she can focus on her family more. So then she can focus more on really, truly purging her entire house.
If this sounds like you, I encourage you to check it out. You are probably the person I created it for. I want you in there. I want it to help you.
Check it out. bit.ly/getunburdened
Another self-care idea is to create a system restart that you keep on the back burner for hard days.
When I was doing the stay-at-home mom thing my husband worked for a large company with crazy, crazy long hours. He was doing 12-14 hour days, 6 days a week. It was crazy. It was really hard for me. It was good that I was home with my kids and I really loved that, but I would get burned out.
So I had this system restart option for the really hard mom days. Really hard days were where I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was not being a good mom. I was yelling, and I was at my wits end. You just need to break away from the norm routine.
I would get the kid’s shoes on. I wouldn’t really worry if they were super-dressed. I just kinda threw them together. Threw myself together. Made sure I had my headphones. I would hit the Starbucks drive thru on the way to the park. I would put my headphones in and listen to a restorative, relaxing podcast, or music, or an audiobook while I watched the kids play. I would make sure I stood up the entire time. I didn’t sit down on a park bench. I walked, paced and got the blood flowing.
And I felt restored. It was so simple. The kids loved it. I could watch them yet not really hear them very much. I didn’t have to listen to the screams of them playing.
That sounds awful, but you know what I mean. When you are at that point in your day, you don’t want to hear the sound of kids. You’re done. But you can’t be done because your day is still going. Your partner is still at work and you’ve still got to go a lot of hours of dealing with the kids. You have dinnertime and bedtime. It’s overwhelming.
Those of you who have been there totally know what I am talking about. That “I am so done, and I am not allowed to be done yet” feeling. So that was my system restart that I would fall back on on those really, really hard motherhood days. Create something like that for yourself.
When I lived in the Midwest and we didn’t live near a park, I would just bundle up the kids and go for a walk. Push them in a stroller. Have your podcast in. Just walk. I didn’t care if the kids were loud. They were next to me. I could see them. They are safe. And we just walked.
Go for a drive. Your kids are buckled in safely. You know they are there. Tell them it’s quiet time. Get them a hot chocolate or something at Starbucks. Put your headphones in and just drive.
Do something where you are just audibly checking out. Everyone is safe and OK. But you are getting a bit of a break and a change of scenery. Never underestimate what a change of scenery can do for you.
Another self-care idea is get that book you have been dying to read. Set a time each day to sit and dive in.
Have your kids take a “rest time” or a “quiet time” even if they are too old to nap. My kids always napped until they were 5. But if your kids are out of the nap phase, set the boundary of them having quiet time for your sake. It’s not a prison. It’s not awful for them. It’s you being a good mom. You have to have some kind of break to be able to keep going and be a great mom.
Set up that time boundary. “For this time, or for this hour, you can go look at a book. Or play quietly with toys. Or watch Netflix. You have to be somewhere else in the house away from mom and this my time to relax.” Don’t do housework during this time. Sit, relax, breathe, read a book, listen to worship music, watch Netflix, do something calming where you are self-caring.
Another idea is on the weekend or when your husband (or someone) is home to watch the kids take an hour for yourself. To browse a bookstore. Or sit in a coffee shop alone. Enjoy a warm cup with a book. Or look through your phone and catch up on Instagram. Whatever restores you. Find that time. Make that a priority.
Schedule a monthly coffee date with a good friend. Just make sure it is someone who makes you feel better after you hangout with her; not drained. This can work for introverts too just like with my friend.
As we focus on this month of love and loving ourselves, I think also outside of self-care ideas is a mindshift. Instead of always working on yourself and improving yourself in a way that has you focusing on your flaws and your mistakes, what you need to be or change or get better at, focus on what you are good at.
For those of you who remember the Unstuck Mom Challenge that Kendra Hennessy and I did where you had to write a full page of “why you are an awesome mom”, do something like that. What are you really good at? For example, I am really good at pausing in the middle of a kid noise storm with someone screaming and freaking out, just getting down at my kids’ eye level looking into them and asking, “what’s wrong? Talk to me.” Just being calm whereas my husband gets really freaked out and anxious in those moments. That’s a strength of mine.
Outside of motherhood, I am really, really great at blogging. I am a really good writer. I am really good at taking pictures.
What are you good at? Focus on those things.
Just like we talked about in Episode 2, with your body, “being grateful for yourself.” Choose joy and positivity when you talk and think about yourself. I think that is a really good base for self-care and self-love.
I want to encourage you guys. Take care of yourself. Remember the “well” example. You can not pull up fresh, hydrating water that your family needs from you if that well is bone dry. You have to take care of yourself and restore yourself.