Working motherhood has so many different angles. And whether you work full time or part time, work outside of your home or from your home, working mom guilt is a real thing. We all struggle with it at one point or another. We don’t want to miss the first moments of our kids lives or the activities they are involved in, we don’t want them to think that all we do is sit on our computers or phones all day working, and we definitely don’t want them to resent us for working. So how do we deal with our guilt? How do we balance work and life? How do we teach our kids to value good work ethic? (Because they will grow up and enter the workforce one day!)
If there is one thing I know, it is that being a working mom doesn’t mean show up, be perfect at everything, have a super clean house, be an awesome cookie baker, come to every game, be super rich, run an amazing business or do amazing at your job. It means prioritize what matters, show up where you can, and find the balance in seasons. Show your kids what a healthy work life relationship really looks like, how grateful you are, how awesome you are, and what it looks like to thrive in these two roles of worker and mother. You’re doing a great job, mama! Keep going for it!
In This Episode Allie Discusses:
The key to working mom guilt is recognizing what causes it for your specific situation.
The connection between how you talk about your work and how your kids will view your work. It is important that they see it as valuable and not something that takes mommy away.
How you can navigate technology with your kids, especially if your job requires you to be on your computer or phone most of the day.
Why it is ok to be tired, bring in help, and release yourself from the heavy expectations of being a working mom.
Mentioned in this Episode:
Allie’s Courses (Use the code PURPOSESHOW for 10% off!)
Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.
Hi, beautiful friend! I hope you are ready to be set free today! I have been sitting on this episode for a while. I have been seeing this topic come up a lot and just wondering how to communicate what I wanted to say.
I feel like working motherhood has so many different angles. There are different types of working moms. There are different lifestyles and schedules of working moms. Everybody has their own version of guilt surrounding motherhood and so I didn’t want to just come on here and blab about my experience. I really wanted to make this useful for everyone or at least as many people as possible. I don’t think anything is ever useful for everyone and someone will always hate anything and everything, but I really wanted to do well with this episode.
I had a meeting with my business manager, Hayley, and we were talking about something totally different and she just randomly said, “You know, I was thinking recently that you should do an episode about working mom guilt because I keep seeing it come up everywhere and there really isn’t anything that’s super helpful and I just think it could be really good.”
And I do think there’s plenty of things out there that are helpful. But you know, we haven’t talked about that here. And I haven’t talked about it on my blog. I’ve really never talked about it, and it’s something that’s been a big part of my life and my personal journey. So, as I prepared this episode, I jotted down a couple of highlights that I didn’t want to forget to say that have to do with my struggle and my journey to working motherhood because it wasn’t always this way for me.
And then I talked to another amazing mom on my team, Ashley. She’s the one who does the show notes for episodes and she’s amazing. She does my press. She’s awesome. And she’s an amazing working mom, and she kind of shared with me. I just kind of asked her like, “What’s your experience with working mom guilt and can you talk to me about maybe a couple things that are hard for you?” She shared a few things with me and kind of helped form this episode. So, I feel good that this isn’t just coming from me.
My hope is that this episode is helpful for all types of working moms, whether you work outside of the home, you work at home, you work full time or part time, or you switch between out of the home office and your home office, or you hate your job or you love your job. I hope you love your job. I just want this to be helpful in some way, even if it’s small for all types of working moms. So that’s my hope.
So having said that, I just want to share a little bit about my struggle as I went from a stay-at-home mom to work-at-home mom, and not even really just to work at home mom, but an entrepreneur, a business owner, and then that kind of just evolved into being a full-on CEO with a big team to run and this big company that, you know, it’s just turning into this big thing that I never dreamed it would. It’s really neat, but it’s like every level comes with a different type of struggle, a different type of guilt. So, I just want to share a little bit about that.
When I became a mom, I was very surprised to find myself pregnant, not in the way of like, oh I’m shocked that I got pregnant, we weren’t married or anything like that. We’d been married for about eight months. I was surprised because I was told that I would probably have a really difficult time having kids, if I could have them at all.
Brian and I met in junior high school and we got married a couple years after high school. We were really young and we weren’t really jumping to start our family or anything. Birth control made me incredibly sick, like violently ill. I’m allergic to latex so you can figure that one out. So it kinda just felt like this struggle to prevent pregnancy. Young and dumb, and in love, and just kind of over it, I just kind of figured, you know, if birth control makes me violently puke, get hives and get nausea, and pretty much all methods of birth control make me so sick, and if I can’t even really probably have kids, I’m just going to stop.
And then there was Bella, so I became a mom and I got my real estate license actually, shortly after Bella was born. You guys might know already; I’ve talked about this a little bit before but I had postpartum depression and I was just like a mess when Bella was a baby.
But towards her first birthday I got my real estate license and I started to work and I hated it. It was super boring for me. I just really didn’t like it. I was driving to my first job. I was going to go and put a lockbox on this house. I was driving and I heard God say (one of two times that He has talked to me like almost audibly) and He just said, “This is not what I have for you. I want you to turn around and go back and be with your daughter.” And so, I did. Super dramatic story, I know.
And then I was a stay-at-home mom from then on. I stayed at home with Bella. I stayed at home with Leland. I stayed at home with Hudson. Brian got a job at a big company and he was working. He was working his butt off. We were able to make ends meet barely, but we did.
There was a lot of good seasons in that job, like where he was able to work a lot of overtime and we had the money that we needed. We were able to pay our bills. I was a stay-at-home mom and that’s where we felt good for years.
Then I had Emmett and we moved to the Midwest for his job and everything just kinda started to change. And if you’ve listened to episode six, you already know our money story, our business-starting story, and all that. I won’t get into that. But basically, God just showed up and changed our life and lead us into this place where we didn’t have any family. We had very little friends and we didn’t really know anyone. We were kind of just brought out away from everyone so that He could change our lives and give us this message of, “Okay, it’s time for you to do this now.”
It was basically turning my little hobby blog into a business. I had had a lot of ideas for that, but really didn’t feel like it was something that I needed to do, was supposed to do or really knew how to do. We just kinda got thrown into making this a big focus.
I worked my butt off and I learned. I had already kind of taught myself how to do some coding and I knew how to make websites. I knew how to blog. I’m a writer at heart, so I loved to write, and I was good at that part of it. I had a message that I was really passionate about with helping moms simplify. I just wasn’t doing it as a business. My audience was asking me for that and asking me to create a course.
And so, I did. You guys know the story probably, and it all just kind of exploded. I mean I say that like it happened overnight and it didn’t. I worked my butt off and it took a long time. But long story short, there I was a previously stay-at-home mom running a full-on business. Then I hired somebody to help me with email. I hired somebody to help me with images and graphics and design. Then I hired someone to take photos for me because I found that it is illegal to use other people’s photos and I didn’t know that before.
Then I hired a business manager and a project supervisor and CFOs because I’m not great with money, and all of these things started adding up. Now here I am, CEO of The Purpose Group, Incorporated, and it houses The Purpose Show podcast, the blog, the website, the courses and The Abundance Academy, which is the school where all my courses live. It’s this big thing and it’s crazy.
Through that process from going from stay-at-home mom to mom, business owner, work-at-home mom, (my office is at home and I typically work at home. I don’t have an outside office) I have dealt with a lot of different types of mom guilt. And it was really unique for me, I feel like, because the process from actually exiting stay-at-home motherhood and getting into work-at-home motherhood was very abrupt for me.
It wasn’t like, “Hey, I think we’re going to talk about this. I think I am going to go to work. I think I’m going to get a job.” It was just like, okay, everything is going terribly and something needs to change and we both really feel like God’s pulling us over here, so let’s go.
Then one thing led to another, led to another, led to another where it was like, not only am I now work-at-home mom, but I’ve got this big role and a lot of hours and a lot of time going into my business, all these things happening and all these people to manage. And now I’m the breadwinner, because Brian left his job and we did this full time, and oh my gosh, it’s just a lot.
And what I want you to know, first of all, is that we all deal with mom guilt and I think that’s okay. It’s okay that it’s there. But the key might be to recognize what’s causing it for you. What is the guilt circling around? I don’t want this episode to become Allie’s story from stay-at-home mom to work-at-home mom, and my mom guilt, so I want to kind of exit that part. I’m just letting you know that I relate and kind of how my story went very briefly.
But I really want to get into this now and get into the mom guilt stuff. So, like I said, let’s first start by, because you know me, I’m always trying to help you take action, what is the mom guilt circling around? Is there a key that you can recognize of something that’s causing it?
For example, do you always have mom guilt around the fact that you sometimes miss your kid’s baseball games for example? If so, how can you find a way to make it to the game? Is that even possible? Could you work out with your boss to get those nights off? Could you structure your schedule if you work at home to be done working by then?
If not, if it’s not a possibility for you to make it, then can you have a conversation with your kid and just kind of talk it out with them? Be candid with them about it and explain it to them like, “This is what I’m doing, this is what’s going on for me. I just wanted you to know that I love you. I care and I’m supportive. I’ll always make it to your Monday night practice, I just can’t make it to your Wednesday night games,” or whatever it is. Talk to them about it. I think a lot of the time our kids care much less than we assume they do.
So often we can find or create solutions about our problems, the problem here being guilt, but we just don’t. We let it feel hopeless and we do nothing so it becomes this lifelong struggle. We linger and sit in this mom guilt that could have been solved.
Don’t think that mom guilt is just something that you can’t do anything. I think it’s normal. I think it’s going to be there in some amount, and it’s okay. It’s just being a mom. But if you chronically have guilt around something kind of stop, step back and think about it, look into it a little deeper and ask yourself, what is this guilt circling around? What’s it stemming from? And get specific and like, okay, it’s because I always miss my daughter’s swim meets. See if you can find or create a solution to that problem and then it will cure that guilt. Okay?
I also think, I mean I know this has been said before, but I want to say it to you again. You’re providing for your family. You should be so proud of that. Step into that awesome role and feel good about what you’re doing. You’re doing something awesome. That is not a small deal. Try to come back to that pride place where it’s like, look at what you’re doing. That’s so great.
I also think it’s really important to note how you feel about your work, how you react to it, how you talk about it in front of your kids, how you treat it. That’s how your kids are going to see it.
So, if you’re coming at your work from a place of, you know, “Gosh, I’m just so sorry that I always have to do this, and oh my gosh, I just can’t do it all,” and you’re yelling all the time, you’re stressed, your burdened and you’re treating it like that or talking about it like that, that’s how your kids are going to see it and that’s how they’re going to see work in general especially if you have girls and they become mothers and they’re working, so be grateful for it.
We’ll talk about that more in a few minutes, but be grateful for your job. Be positive about it. Let your kids see how strong and amazing you are, that you have something else going on too. Not just being their mom. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, like please don’t message me, “I can’t believe you said that.” That’s not what I mean; this is a working mom episode.
You have something else that you’re doing. It’s a big deal. It’s good. You’re amazing. So be grateful. Be Positive. Use positive words. Have a positive vibe and energy around your job because how you feel about your work, how you react to it, how you talk about it, how you treat it, is how your kids are going to see it. So, they won’t know that it’s negative, stressful, or there should be guilt around it unless you make them feel that way.
Also, next, let’s talk about taking breaks. It’s okay to take a break from work and prioritize your kids for five minutes. I think a lot of us tend to get into this “all or nothing mode” where we feel like, okay, right now I’m working so I’m going to have to finish this task completely. Then I can be with you guys, be with the kids. Nothing has to be “all or nothing” unless you make that choice to have it be that way.
I think one of the definitions of, especially if you work at home, one of the definitions of work at home motherhood is that you’re going to be interrupted, and you have to get really flexible and really good at coming back to things, getting interrupted and doing one thing, then doing another and then coming back to the other thing. And women are great at that, so you can do this.
Break it up. Do some work, and if your kids are coming up to you and tapping on your leg, or asking for your time…Ashley, the girl that I told you about that’s on my team, she was telling me that her son will come up and just close her laptop and it’s kind of her sign of like, okay, you need me. Take five minutes and go on a walk with them, Build a castle out of blocks with your toddler. Have a dance party in the living room real quick. Get them a snack. Give them a kiss. And then get back to work. It’s okay to break things up. Allow yourself to be flexible and do what you need in the moment.
Hey friend, can you even believe it? The holiday season is almost here. It’s coming! It’s crazy that it’s already here!
Oh my gosh, this season can so easily feel super overwhelming, not very fun, really stressful, and it just doesn’t have to be that way this year. What if, imagine with me for a second, this year the holiday season was just as fun, just as magical and just as exciting for you as a parent, as you’re trying to make it for your kids?
I’ve put together a little mini course called A Merry Little Christmas and it does just this for you. I created this last year and it’s been enrolled in by thousands of moms all over the world and they are loving it. It’s coming back this year and here’s what it does for you.
It basically will simplify everything about Christmas and the holiday season for you as a mom. You get an aerial view over what you want your Christmas season to look like.
We talk about what your intent is, what’s important to you, what your focus will be. We talk about decorating your house with a simplicity mindset and prepping your house for the holidays.
What if your husband wants to go super overboard and doesn’t want to simplify the holidays? How do you handle that? How do you transition your kids to a simpler Christmas when they’re used to you just going all out? How to make new traditions. How to handle buying your kids presents in the minimalist way? What about relatives and all of their gift giving? How do you handle after Christmas? And a bonus for me is all about decluttering the toys for purposeful play.
This is a really awesome little course. It really packs a punch and it’s only $15. So, head to alliecasazza.com/jolly and you can enroll for just $15 and get your holidays started off on the right foot.
There was one issue that Ashley brought up that I thought was great and it was really specific. I want to address it. She was talking about that torn, weird feeling that you can get because a lot of us who work are on our phones, tablets or computers pretty often. I have dealt with this for sure. I think that’s why Ashley brought it up. I was like, “Yes! I need to talk about that.”
My job is on my phone. In my business I have a lot of things delegated that I used to do that I don’t do anymore, but my job description now is basically being a public figure. I write my emails because I love connecting with you guys and talking to you guys. I do Instagram stories and I record the podcast once a month, but day to day I’m responding to you guys on Instagram. I’m responding to your comments. I’m posting things. I’m checking in. Like it’s my job to show up, and talk to you, be there and encourage you. Like that’s my job, so I’m on my phone a lot.
It can kind of feel weird when you’re doing that, because it’s your work, and so your kids see devices and technology as normal, as almost like expected entertainment. They can throw a fit if you’re on your stuff and you’re trying to limit their technology, not wanting to hire Netflix to babysit them every day when you’re working. They don’t understand and you feel hypocritical. Like they’re going to think, “Well, mommy’s on her phone, why can’t you be on your tablet though.” And I just want to speak truth to that. If anyone is struggling with that, especially if you have toddlers, it can be really hard to communicate to them that that’s different.
I just want to let you know…let that go. That’s not a thing. It doesn’t have to be a thing. It doesn’t have to be something that you feel weird about. It’s such a blessing to be able to do your work from your phone. I’m so thankful that I can take my kids to the park, let them run crazy, have fun and play while I sit on the bench and catch up on Instagram comments. Don’t feel guilty about that. Don’t feel weird about that.
We live in an awesome time where work can be done from anywhere. So if you see another mom judging you for being on your phone at the park, she doesn’t even know. That’s happened to me before, and I’m like, “Girl, you don’t even know. I’m sitting here encouraging, inspiring and equipping other moms because it’s my job. Because I worked my butt off to be able to work from this park bench. Don’t you raise that eyebrow at me or I will rip it off.”
But don’t let that be a thing. Let that go. Of course, set boundaries and be intentional, but if you have to do your work and it’s on your phone, let that be that way. Be grateful that you can do something like that on your phone so easily and it’s just right there. It’s something that you can do anywhere.
Also if you do have toddlers and they just don’t understand…I was telling Ashley this…I did this with Emmett because he was the only one that was really, really little when I was growing the business and stuff. So, when he would come up to me and basically be asking to play a game on the tablet or borrow my phone because I was on my computer or whatever, say things like, “Mom’s working. Emmett doesn’t work. You silly boy. No, mom’s working. You don’t work. You do this.” Show them a toy and just kind of explain, “I’m working. This isn’t a free-for-all tech time. I’m working.” I know that’s really specific, but I know that I struggled with that and I always felt kind of weird.
Also in my job, I talk about being intentional with your phone time. I have to text my team and make sure things are going well and answer any questions. My text time is a lot more than other people. But my text time for pointless reasons, like just texting people because they have my number and they think they can ask me something, is almost nothing.
My Instagram time is my job. My texting time with my team is my job. So it’s okay. Let that go. Don’t let yourself feel weird about that. If it’s actually your job, don’t let it be an excuse, but you guys see what I’m saying.
Another thing is to realize that it’s okay to bring in some help. You absolutely cannot do it all. And if you are doing it all, you won’t be doing any of it very well. So what does this look like for you? Child care, having some help with your kids? Housekeeping help? Hiring a housekeeper? A meal delivery service so you’re not having to prepare so many meals? Get creative and think through that.
And if finances are a problem, I mean do what you can. I know that every single time I’ve been kinda like, “Man, can we afford this? I’m just going to do it and just see how it works out because I just can’t do it all. I need help.” Every time I’ve delegated something, I have more energy and more time and I end up making more money because I feel better. I’m less stressed and I’m able to focus more on what I am doing.
So, every time I’ve hired a team member or every time I’ve delegated something like hiring my housekeeper or a personal assistant to help run errands and do returns and stuff like that for me, it’s come back to me and then some because I’m less stressed, I’m more present. I spend more intentional time with my kids and my time with my kids isn’t spent running around and cleaning and doing all that.
I’m delegating and exchanging for more time and energy and that always ends up being more revenue because I’m doing more of what I’m good at. I’m good at owning my business. Showing up for you guys. Inspiring you. Telling you about the courses and equipping you there. Showing up in the groups, being live and doing all those things. It always ends up being more worthwhile because I delegated the things and I was able to show up better at what I am doing.
Okay. When you’re feeling mom guilt, if you feel like you just have guilty in general about working, one thing that really helped me is… and you guys. I’m sorry, this episode is kind of random. I literally just brain dumped what helped me and I’m just reading it to guys. I have bullet points, like here mention this, this, this and this, because it’s just a mess. Working motherhood is messy, so I think it’s kind of funny and ironic that this episode is random points too.
Anyway, when you have mom guilt about working, decide what’s important to you and prioritize it. To you. Not to anyone else or everyone else, but to you. So, what breaks your heart to miss? Find a way not to miss it.
There’s an example that Jessica Turner shares, which I love. She’s an author. She wrote the book Stretched Too Thin. It’s awesome and it’s for working moms. I’ll link to that for you guys. But Jessica Turner loves Halloween and every year she does themed family costumes and she puts a lot of effort, planning and time into that and that’s really special to her. Like it would break her heart to miss that. So, she prioritizes it and makes it happen.
So, what’s important to you? Is it important to you to throw an awesome super themed over the top Pinterest-y party for your daughter every year? Then do that. If it breaks your heart to miss that, then don’t miss it. Prioritize it, but let other things go. Don’t do anything out of obligation or “I just want to perform, I just want to be the best mom.” No. What really breaks your heart to miss? Don’t miss those things.
For me, around the holidays, it can be tempting for my business to get ultra busy because my business is for moms and during the holidays us moms have a lot of things going on, a lot of fun things that we’re doing, and it can be really easy for me to come up with a lot of content and form my business around being really busy around the holidays.
But for me the holidays are really no fun if I am too busy. I already feel stretched way too thin. On my husband’s side of the family there’s some divorce and so the family is split and we’re kind of like double doing family plans. It’s just kind of a mess and I tend to kind of not enjoy the holidays. I’ve learned to really prioritize that time of year and make it enjoyable for me and my family.
So, if I were to miss going to the pumpkin patch multiple times during October, if I were to miss enjoying my family during Thanksgiving, if I were to miss baking cookies and going to see the dancing lights in our city that are famous around here, if I were to miss going to Legoland for the Christmas decorations, I would feel so sad.
Those are the things that would make me feel like, “Oh no!” But if I have to miss one of the kids’ games…I’m bummed, and I feel like a crappy mom for a second. But then I think, “Wait, I’m running an awesome company. I have a purpose here. It’s okay. They don’t mind, I just talked to them.” Work it out and move on. Find what breaks your heart and find a way not to miss those things and prioritize them. You can’t not miss everything.
And that leads me to my next point which is that you have to understand that there will be seasons. Sometimes work will be busier and you are less present with your family and you are missing a little bit more than you normally do. Sometimes your home and your personal life will be busier and you need to dial down your efforts and your hours at work. This is the only work/life balance you’re going to get because perfection doesn’t exist. Work/life balance is a total lie. It’s such BS and I’m so glad that multiple people have been speaking out about that lately because it is just fueling the working-mom guilt fire.
And this is such, such truth. And I really only tuned into this truth this year, in 2018. As a working mom, I have decided like, “Okay, we’re going to go into a busier season as a family, and we’re going to go ahead and sign up for these extracurricular homeschool activities. We’re going to go ahead and say “yes” to these sports for these kids. ‘No’ to this one, and ‘yes’ to this one. But we are heading into a busier family season, so work needs to take a back burner.”
I have been working a lot less hours in the last couple months because of my personal life. If you guys follow me on Instagram stories, you’ve seen that we have constant sports practices and games. The kids are in Spanish, piano, theater, guitar, baseball and softball. And we love doing that in seasons because our kids are homeschooled and I feel like it really helps us find the balance between them making friends, being out and about and busy interacting with other people, but we don’t do that at the same time as, you know, a giant launch in the business that can take a lot of time and energy.
I will plan a really busy season of the business at the same time as we’re dialing down at home. So, there’s less extracurriculars or our schedules are a little less full. Or I’ll work a deal out with Brian where it’s like, “Okay, I need this busier season in the business, but there’s also a busyness in our family. Do you want me to wait on this busy season in the business or do you want to take 75% of the busyness with our family so I can focus on the busy season in the business?” And we’ve done that before too.
We have a unique situation to where we’re both home and we kind of share the load of everything, but we’ll kind of work it out to where he’ll take over most of the homeschooling and I kind of let go and I’ll just do some things with Hudson who’s in first grade and needs a little bit more care and attention but requires less time each day in school. I’ll kind of just take over his stuff and Brian will take over the older kids and the bulk of the homeschooling. He’ll take them to practices and stuff and I’ll just show up at games. I’ll spend the bulk of the day working on projects.
You have to just understand that there will be seasons and it’s all give and take. If work is busier, that’s okay. It’s okay that you’re missing more than usual. Just let it be a season. Sometimes home will be busier and you won’t be killing it so much at work. And that’s okay too.
I think it’s also really important to focus on feeling satisfaction and joy in your work. Do you love what you do? I think this is so important for ditching mom guilt. So if you’re listening to this right now and you’re thinking, “No, I don’t love what I do,” then bring it to the Lord. Pray about it. Figure out a way to maybe go a different route. Maybe you should look for a different job. Maybe you should start being open to that opportunity.
But if you do love what you do, don’t feel bad about that. That’s so amazing. Step into that and let yourself feel it completely. What a gift that is, that you get to provide for your family and go to work and have a purpose and you love it. That’s awesome. I think we let so many things steal our joy and we don’t let ourselves really just get still and feel the joy in what we’re doing. Even if you’re not like super passionate about your job, but you like the environment at work and you’re making good money, let yourself feel that joy.
One other thing that steals our joy is comparison. Comparing yourself to other people.
It’s so hard not to do that, especially with social media, but remember that this is your life. Your story. And you’re making yourself emotionally unhealthy if you compare yourself to other people. You are not them and you are not supposed to be them. You are you. You’re living your story right now, so focus on that and understand that work is a part of that. At least for now.
I think just accepting that even can be so huge. And letting go…if you see an Instagram picture of a mom baking cookies with her toddler and you’re at work sitting at your desk like, “Oh my gosh, I feel like the worst right now,” that is so emotionally unhealthy for you and mentally unhealthy. Don’t let that lie sink in there. That mom is doing something awesome and so are you. You’re making money. You’re providing. You’re showing up in that way. And that is so awesome
Another thing that I notice is that a lot of women seem to think that it’s not okay to be exhausted, like they need to be full of energy. This was one thing that was big for me. Ashley and I talked about it too when we were kind of talking out the points of this episode.
This was one thing that was particularly really hard for me to get over. I actually don’t work that many hours. I used to, when I was starting the business. I used to work all the time, but now I really don’t work that many hours. However, I’m an introvert and the hours that I do work are spent doing things like live streams, pouring my heart into an email. Talking into my microphone (like I am right now) sharing my heart with you, encouraging you in a podcast episode. Answering questions live on Instagram, writing content for Instagram or whatever it is. It’s all extroverting, so the few hours that I do work, I’m exhausted when I’m done.
It took me forever to learn that it is okay to be tired. You’re amazing. You’re working and you’re being a mom. The two hardest things in the world. I mean I’m going to drop a word here, so if you have kids around watch out, but honestly, how much more badass could you even be? Don’t ever let anyone make you feel “less than” for working. And work-at-home moms, don’t ever let anyone make you feel “less” for working from home. Like it’s less legit than working outside of the house. That’s total BS. Don’t you take that! Don’t you take that! You’re amazing and you’re doing a lot. It is okay to be tired. It is okay to rinse and stack the dishes and leave them for tomorrow because you worked all day and you are just freaking exhausted. It is okay.
I think another thing that I learned is that a lot of the judgment I was worried about…becoming a working mom, I realized that I am very concerned (or at least I used to be) about judgment from other people. It’s what caused me to shrink back in doing what I do in my business and being a public figure. When I see people judging me, which people always do anyway, I used to shrink back and share less or be less vulnerable. And honestly, being a working mom has taught me to overcome this so much and I hope it does the same for you.
People will say things and people will be rude and that’s fine, but usually when it comes to working mom guilt, most of our judgment actually comes from ourselves. It only freaks us out when we maybe see a glimpse of it from other people because it’s just solidifying what we feel about ourselves and we need to deal with that.
Have you ever really heard another mom say, “Oh my gosh, she’s such a terrible mom for working outside the home?” I haven’t. I think if you will realize that you have expectations of yourself and you’re the one making yourself feel judged. Deal with what you expect of yourself. Think about where it comes from, usually our childhood, and let go of it. It doesn’t have to have power over you for one more day, so really think about it.
Is anyone really judging you? Maybe you’re like, “Yeah, my mother-in-law or my dad is” or whatever, deal with that too. But a lot of the time, I think most of the judgment that we’re feeling is actually coming from inside of ourselves.
And one last thing that I want to leave you with is this: the fact is when our kids grow up, it’s very, very likely that they’re going to work. Our daughters, our sons, it’s really likely they’re probably gonna work. So, it’s so important that we model a healthy work life relationship for them and not act super guilty, stressed, burdened and victimized by our role of worker.
Remember that you’re setting an example for them, that you’re showing them what this life looks like. If you’re a mom and you work, if you own a business or you have a job, you are their main example of that lifestyle. Whether you chose it or financially, you have to have that lifestyle, you’re that example.
So, let’s change the way we’re treating our work. Let’s change the way we’re talking about our lifestyle. Let’s change the way that we are treating our jobs and our roles. It doesn’t mean show up, be perfect at everything, have a super clean house, be an awesome cookie baker, come to every game, be super rich, run an amazing business or do amazing at your job.
It means prioritize what matters. Show up well where you can show up. Find work/life balance in seasons, like taking turns with what’s prioritized and what’s not instead of trying to have everything prioritized perfectly balanced all the time, because that’s never gonna happen.
Show them what a healthy work life relationship really looks like, how grateful you are, how awesome you are, and what it looks like to thrive in these two roles of worker and mother.
This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.
Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.
I am always rooting for you, friend!
See ya next time!