Ep 151: Raising Kids Connected to Their Purpose

We have a beautiful opportunity to help our kids navigate life and develop an understanding of themselves. There are things we can do to encourage them and to help them know how to lean into the right things that will help them figure out what their purpose is.

I’m sharing some things that Brian and I have done that we feel are working really well. I don’t have all the right answers but I’m hoping this episode gives you some clarity, makes you feel better and gives you space to just think and process. Because I always want to ignite and inspire you!

 

 

 

 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • Helping your kids connect to their purpose

  • The difference between purpose and just getting a job

  • Knowing your own purpose in order to help your kids find theirs

  • Limiting beliefs

Mentioned in this Episode:

Instagram

Courses (Use the code PURPOSESHOW for 10% off!)

The Purpose Show Facebook Community

Ted Talk

Big Life Journal

Live Love Now book



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If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at hello@alliecasazza.com or connect with me over on Facebook & Instagram


Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hi beautiful, beautiful friends! I am currently sitting on my unmade bed. I’ve got my backup mic in my lap, my laptop is in front of me, and I’ve got an almond milk iced latte that I will be sipping, so you will definitely hear it throughout the episode.

I’m not in my office today for several reasons, but I just didn’t want to wait to record this episode anymore. I’ve had the bullet points jotted down for a while and I was thinking about it today and I felt inspired to record it. So, here we are. Imperfect, not-super-professional, sitting on my bed and just chatting. Which is awesome because it kind of feels like I’m just talking to friends. And I really like it when the show feels that way. So, let’s just dive in! 

This episode is exciting because it’s the first time that we’re introducing a new mini, minute-like segment on the show. If you have been listening for at least a few months you probably remember Allie Reads October. Allie Reads October is something that I started doing every year where I draw attention to books that have really shaped me as a person and that have transformed my life in one way or another over the last year or at a different time in my life. It’s just a time for me to focus on the books that I believe are really worth your time because there’s so many books out there. 

I feel like every time I open social media somebody is promoting a new book. And you know, it’s all good. I love books. I love reading. I love having books on my shelves. And I love the accomplishment of finishing a great book. But I also really don’t like to waste my time or read a book that I thought was going to be one thing and it ended up being another. So, I use Allie Reads October every year to really highlight books that I thought made a big enough impact in my life to highlight for you. 

But the problem is that it’s only once a year. So I wanted to find a way to bring you an Allie Reads Minute on the podcast on a more regular basis. Maybe not every week but at least more than once a year. And so, this is going to be the first episode that has an Allie Reads Moment. We’re going to highlight a book that I just finished that I feel is really impactful and really beneficial for you, so that’ll be coming later. 

But this episode is actually about raising your kids, and I want to talk about raising kids connected to their purpose. I’ve been thinking about this so much over the last few months and it’s probably just because my oldest, my daughter Bella, is getting a little older. She just turned 11 and she has such a joy, such a hopeful outlook on life. I’ve been thinking a lot about how in a few years she’ll be nearing the age when kids just kind of lose that. And I’ve been thinking a lot about, is that normal? Natural? Necessary? Is there something that I could do to help her keep that or save her from feeling like her light has been snuffed out? I’ve been thinking a lot about the process of adolescence, growing up, and what I want for my kids. 

I ended up starting a group chat on Instagram. I don’t know if you know that you can do that but you can and it’s pretty cool. I started a group chat with a bunch of moms that responded to my Instagram story and we started to chat about purpose and about the pressure that we feel to help our kids find their purpose so that they don’t feel lost.

A lot of the women in the group were sharing that they felt really lost when they were young and they don’t want their kids to experience that. But also, is it just a part of life? They know their kids need to figure it out for themselves but they are their moms. Can’t they help them and can’t they spare them the pain of being lost and not really knowing what you were put on earth for? Some of the moms who are of faith were sharing: “I want them to be connected to God and to know what they were made for.” 

It was just this really beautiful conversation among a lot of different moms from a lot of different backgrounds, a lot of different religious beliefs, but they all shared this common denominator of, “Where do I stand in this? Where do I go in this with my kids? What is my role in helping them be connected to their purpose?” 

I don’t have the answer, but I just wanted to open this conversation and share some things that Brian and I have done that we feel are working really well. Our kids, so far, are connected to purpose, at least the fact that they do have one and that it’s going to be revealed to them if they continue to seek it, if they continue to seek God, if they continue to seek out what they were made for. We point out what they’re good at, what they seem to be lit up by, and things like that. 

And then, also just conversating around the talk that we had in the group Instagram chat, I wrote down all of the really big struggles that these women were having, especially the ones that I shared.

And we’re just going to talk and share and I’m hoping that this episode makes you think. I’m hoping that this episode gives you some clarity, makes you feel better, gives you space to just think and process. And that it can start a conversation either among you and your friends, or a conversation between you and your spouse, or just a thought process for you by yourself. Whatever needs to happen. I always want to ignite and inspire you. 

First, I want to start by saying there is definitely a pressure on moms to give their kids a purpose. Like if the kids don’t find it, it’s somehow all the fault of the mother. And I just want to start out by saying point blank that is just not true. Obviously we have a beautiful opportunity to help them navigate life and develop an understanding of themselves. There are things that we can do to encourage them. And what I want to say is that there’s hope here. It’s not all on you, but there are things that you can do to encourage your kids and help them know how to lean into the right things that will help them figure out what their purpose is. 

To me, purpose is that thing that you were put on earth to do. The thing that you are good at, that lights you up. The thing that you would do all day long for free. Maybe it looks like turning that into a business. Maybe it looks like applying for a job at a company that does that thing and you can help them do it really well. Maybe it looks like working a ‘regular job’ and making enough money to fund a nonprofit that is your purpose. 

I think purpose takes all different shapes and forms and I’m not coming into this thinking purpose is this one way. And I’m not going to define it for you because you should know what it is, but that to me is what purpose is. I really believe that we all were born to do something, to be someone, to be ourselves. And the way that you naturally are, the way that each of your children were naturally born is very intentional. 

I believe that God is the Creator of the universe, that Jesus is His Son. This is what I believe. And I believe that God made each of us for a specific reason—to be the best version of ourselves, to be a small version of Him. I believe that we are all made in His image and we all have this important job and opportunity—just this huge, huge opportunity—to be super grateful for. And that is to make the world a better place, to further the Kingdom of God, to further God’s will. This is beauty. It’s abundance. It’s joy. 

I don’t believe that God desires for anyone to suffer, struggle, or constantly be putting themselves down and depriving themselves. I really believe that He is a good God and He wants us to be fulfilled and that purpose has a lot to do with that. 

It’s okay if you believe different things than I do. I know a lot of you guys do. I actually was just talking with this incredible group of moms who have very, very different beliefs than I do, and we had a great conversation. I called into their group and it was really great and life-giving. And I think that we all get to have a right to what we believe and you do not need to believe what I believe. Period.

But you also don’t need to believe what I believe to get something out of my show. And I work really hard to make sure that’s the truth. But I’m Allie and I believe what I believe, so sometimes those things just come out of me and they spill over into everything that I say because it’s a part of who I am. So, if you are listening to the show, you’re definitely going to get some of what I believe. And that’s just because I’m my own person and this is my purpose and it’s my Purpose Show. But I just want to encourage you guys, if you are hearing what I’m saying and you’re like, “I just don’t really vibe with that, I don’t really believe that.” It’s okay. 

If you’re listening to this, you probably have kids. And we have that in common. You know what? Motherhood in common is enough. It is strong. It’s a bond. We share that and we’re in this together. I’ve got you. I love you and I’m so glad you’re here. So, I just want to say that. 

I feel like in guiding our kids to feeling purposeful one of the biggest things that I’ve noticed is that it’s important to help them notice their strengths and what they seem passionate about versus what job they should do when they’re grown. I feel like it’s kind of the old way to just say, “Go to college, get a job, get a paycheck,” like that’s the most important thing. I feel like there’s so much beauty and opportunity in helping our kids notice their strengths and really teaching them to tune into what they seem to be passionate about and what really seems to light them up.

One example of this is my husband versus our daughter, Bella. My husband when he was growing up really felt like it was just, “Well, this is the job that’s in our family and you need to just go to college and become this job as well.” And it wasn’t backed up by any conversation or explanation. There was no talk about purpose. It was just like, “You gotta pay the bills, have a family and then die.” And that really is what the message was. Let’s leave that there and know that my husband deeply, deeply struggled with his purpose up until a few years ago. He really, really struggled to just know who he was and to know who God made him to be, and that made him have a lot of issues with his relationship with God. It really spiraled into this very confused state of being for most of his life. 

And now, let’s look at my daughter, Bella. Granted, she’s only 11 and who knows what’s going to happen, but this is where we’re at right now. Bella is 11. She has her own website. She has her own business. She has her own business ideas. She knows that she wants to use art to change the world. She has been super interested in art therapy for special needs kids and kids who have experienced trauma like foster kids. She has this really specific, purpose driven passion in her and any chance she gets she’s refining her skills and drawing. She wants to teach kids how to draw because she believes that it’s freedom. She loves playing video games and watching Netflix shows, but she also chooses balance and she talks to me about this. She realizes that she doesn’t want to live her life playing video games and watching Netflix all the time, so she’ll turn it off and she’ll be like, “I’m going to go draw. I need my brain to unwind.” She’s just this little adult person in an 11-year-old body. She’s got this sense of purpose. 

How did she get like that? Whenever something is going right, I’m like, “Okay, how did this happen? How can I mimic this for the other kids? What’s going on with this?” I’m just using Bella as the example because she’s the oldest and is the most come-to-fruition kid out of all my kids because she is the oldest. She’s also a girl and girls tend to be a little bit more ‘in tune’ and they tend to express it more. Maybe I’m wrong, but in my family that’s the truth. But let’s look at how she got like that. 

She’s been in love with horses and drawing since she was old enough to even experience loving anything and she’s always drawn for me. She would communicate to me by drawing when she was really little. She would draw me a picture of something sad if she wanted to tell me that she was sad about something, and something happy if she wanted to communicate that she was happy or grateful for something. It’s been this skill that she’s had that she’s used to communicate. I know that she draws for herself as therapy when she’s going through a hard time. Recently she had a little bit of a friendship heartbreak and she drew so much every day for several days to heal and communicate. She has connected with other people through drawing. She just loves it. 

Her whole life I have noticed that, pointed it out, and communicated to her that this is beautiful. Not that she’s a good artist, but that it’s beautiful that she uses that. It’s beautiful the way that she does it, the way that she uses it as a gift, as a skill, as therapy, as healing, as communication. And I really tried to focus less on, “You’re so good at drawing,” and more on, “This is so beautiful the way you use this.” 

She is really good at drawing, but I never wanted her to feel like, “I’m good at drawing and that’s my identity,” and then someday somebody tells her that she’s not and her whole world is smashed. I wanted it to be like, “You are amazing at using this for therapy. It’s really beautiful the way you communicate, the way you use art in ways that other people are just not really using it. I really love that. This can really help people. This is very soothing to me. I want to frame this and put it in my office because it just reminds me of peace and you really did a good job at communicating that.” Focusing on things like that. 

I have my daughter around me a lot when I’m working on my business. I talk openly about my business in front of my kids and we’ll dive a little bit more into that later. I’m connecting those dots with her and she’s connecting them for herself. So, she’s like, “Okay, I want to have my own business where I can get paid really well to draw, to teach other people to draw, and to use art.” 

And so, I think it’s just these conversations. Going back to my husband’s childhood, look at the conversations that were—or I guess were not—really there. The conversations that were there were very much like, “This is what you’re going to do.” 

And he didn’t want to do that. He didn’t want to do that job. He didn’t want to become an engineer. He didn’t want to do the family thing. He just didn’t want to and so he felt very lost like, “Well, I was told I had to do this but I don’t really want to do that, so what do I do then?” There were no other options or conversations. No one pointed him to God. No one pointed him inward. No one pointed him anywhere except one place that he knew he didn’t want to go. 

Then with Bella, it’s more child-led. We saw this in her and Brian and I both cultivated that and encouraged her. It wasn’t really about her level of skill, it was about the beauty in what she was doing, if that makes sense. And she’s so connected to that purpose. She’s so connected to herself. She’s so self-aware and she’s so in love with art. She knows that it’s something that she has to offer, and she’s confident in that. And that is what I really, really wanted for her—to be connected to that beautiful skill that she has.

Okay guys, it is time for an Allie Reads Moment. I want to talk to you about this book by Rachel Macy Stafford called Live Love Now. It’s her newest book. She’s actually a bestselling author and she’s just incredible. If you Google her you have for sure heard something about her. 

In this new book she’s talking about the biggest challenges that are facing kids today. She really goes into detail to equip adults to engage with kids with humanness, heart, compassion, and honesty rather than wagging your finger at them and telling them what they should do. It’s really about life-giving connections. I really, really love this book. 

It will help you practice self-care and purpose for yourself so that the young people and kids who look up to you (for you guys, it’s probably the kids you’re raising because we’re moms, right?) and really have an amazing role model in you, trust you, and want to be like you. This is incredible. 

It’s stuff that we’re talking about in my community on a regular basis, that as moms we want to show our kids that life and motherhood isn’t just a suck-fest. That there’s hope and purpose. We want to give that to them and show them an example of abundant life and living really well. 

This book will help you meet the goal of raising kids to become resilient, compassionate, and capable adults, which I think is so important, and it makes Live Love Now a must-read. I’m linking it up in show notes, alliecasazza.com/shownotes/151. You’ve got to get your hands on this book. Such a good, worthwhile read for you guys!

I think another thing to mention is that it helps to know your purpose in order to teach that to someone else. When we were in this Instagram group chat situation, a lot of the women were like, “I don’t know what my purpose is. I feel bad saying that because I’m a mom.” And I was like, “No, don’t feel bad saying that because you’re a mom.” A lot of moms struggle with not knowing their purpose because you’re raising kids right now. But you’re not always going to be raising kids and your motherhood is not your identity. It’s a role that you’re in. My motherhood is not my identity. It’s a piece of me. It’s a piece of my identity. It’s a part of who I am and what I do. It’s a role that I’m in. 

I’ll always be a mother, but I’m also a business owner. I’m also a daughter, a wife, and a friend. I’m also an avid learner and I love books. I’m a bookworm. I’m constantly reading. I also used to be a dancer. I don’t dance the way I used to anymore, but I love dancing by myself. It’s my workout most days. I turn on loud music and I dance. That’s a part of my identity. 

I am a healer, a hope dealer, an empowerer for women and I get paid to do that. I love that and I cultivated that purpose once I found it. Knowing my purpose is really, really powerful in raising my kids. 

So, how do you find your purpose if you’re listening to this and you’re like, “I want that.” I think again, it’s about what lights you up. What do other people come and ask you for? What could you do for free all day, everyday because you love it so much? I would encourage you to dive into this, seek connection with this in yourself because I think it’s important to know your purpose in order to teach your kids to find theirs.

I really think it’s beautiful how I’ve seen this to be true and how it works. It’s so important that we be connected to ourselves in order to connect deepest with our purpose and with our kids. It’s almost like a law of the way the universe works. You have to be connected to yourself in order to really connect with your spouse, to really connect with anyone like a friend, a parent, a spouse, a person that you’re dating, or your kids. It’s like a rule of thumb that if you’re not in a healthy relationship with yourself, if you’re not a healthy person emotionally and mentally, then it’s going to be really difficult to attract the right person, the right mate, to have a good, healthy dating life, or to have a healthy marriage if you’re already married. It’s just the way it works. We have to be connected to ourselves in order to really experience a deep, healthy connection with our purpose and with other people, including our kids. 

And so, I’m connected with that in myself. It was maybe four or five years ago that I really figured this out for myself. I had kids before that. And I’m careful to say this because it had nothing to do with stay-at-home motherhood; It had to do with a lack of purpose and a lack of fulfillment in myself. But before that I just didn’t know who I was. I fell backwards into motherhood and I just was lost. 

I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know what I was doing here. I was just going through the motions, reacting to my life, and showing up where I needed to show up because I’d had another baby or something had happened in my life and I was just being where I needed to be to get through the day, if I’m being honest. And in that place, in that purposeless place, I thought my purpose was just being a mom, but I was really miserable and it was really, really hard. It was really hard.

And I feel like there’s something there. I feel like there’s something to it that that was the truth for me. I feel like there’s something to uncover there and I feel like it has a lot to do with not knowing confidently who I am, what I was made to do, what my gifts are. 

And it’s not to say that being a mom can’t be a purpose, but you are a person too. You’re not just a mom. And I don’t believe that we would be created for a purpose that’s temporary because raising your kids is temporary. I think it’s important to dive into this and figure out who we are outside of that role. 

Whenever I talk about this people get really upset, but I feel like when something upsets you, triggers you, or makes you feel negative emotions, there’s something to dive into there for yourself. Not about me, but for yourself. 

I talk to our kids with confidence all the time that they were created for a specific purpose and that they will know what it is even if they don’t know now. What this does is it opens up tons of beautiful conversations from them about different jobs that they see in the world and different paths that interest them. And we discuss it all the time. 

Recently I was discussing the differences between life as a firefighter and life as a police officer with my son Hudson. And he was thinking about it, feeling into which one he felt more drawn to, and asking clarifying questions. I’m teaching my boys too, not just Bella, but also my boys to lean into their intuitive feelings. That is not just for girls. 

I think that one problem the world is seeing right now is that men are very out of tune with their intuition. I’ve been talking a lot about this with my husband, Brian, and showing him how to lean into his intuition. Everyone has a masculine side and a feminine side and it’s important to tune into both of those places and really feel into your decisions and also have logic, whether you’re a man or a woman. So, just really teaching my boys to feel into, “How does it make you feel to be a fireman? Let’s go over what their typical day looks like. Let’s do some research. Let’s go to the fire station. Let’s talk to our friend who’s a firefighter and let’s do the same thing for being a police officer. Do you like these jobs? Which one do you feel more drawn to? Teaching them to research. The logical side is researching, talking to people, and studying what that job might be like, and then also more intuitively feeling how that feels. What does it feel like to imagine being in that place? How do you feel about that job? What’s coming up for you?” I love empowering my kids, and my boys as well, to lean into those kinds of feelings and thoughts.

Brian and I both have been really intentional about this. We let our kids know what it is like to help with something. Brian recently ordered a new outdoor table and chair set and it was really complicated to put the chairs together. And Leland, our oldest son, wanted to come over and help with building my chairs and I saw Brian struggle at first with like, “Hey, this is probably going to take way longer,” but he paused and he let him help. And you know, Leland sat there and put eight different complicated chairs together with Brian for hours and he stayed and helped the whole time.

And I think that’s really beautiful. Most kids would have gotten bored and walked off, but Leland really wanted to help and he’s always been like that. He’s the one that builds Legos all the time and he’s the one that probably could be an engineer, he probably will do something like that. He loves math. He loves putting things together, taking things apart and putting them together again, and things like that. Brian was patient and allowed him to cultivate that and to experience what that feels like. 

And that kind of stuff is important. Just imagine if Leland grows up, he might say something like, “You know, I always enjoyed putting things together. My dad would always let me help and I would put things together and take them apart and put them together again for hours because I love putting things together. So, I knew from my experience putting things together that I wanted to have this job or have this business,” or whatever it is.

And so, I think it’s just about these opportunities to let our kids experience doing different things with us. Even if it slows us down, even if it’s not ideal for time’s sake. Just letting them experience helping with things, letting them experience the things that you’re doing, letting them experience things because that’s how they figure out, “Wow, I really liked that.” He even mentioned later while we were having dinner that night, “Hey I really liked building those chairs. Is there anything else that’s coming in the mail that we could build?” (Amazon delivered the chairs.) It’s just really cool to see how he connected with himself. He connected with the fact that he enjoyed building something and so we pointed out, “That’s really great. You really like building things. You’re always doing puzzles and building Legos. You really enjoy it. You’re really good at it and you really enjoy building things.”

Not just focusing on, “You’re good at this,” but, “You really enjoyed that; I see you lit up.” It puts that in his brain and helps him connect to a part of himself that realizes, “Okay, I really enjoy building stuff.” That’s an identity thing. That’s a purpose thing. It’s helpful for kids to connect with things like that. 

Another thing that I feel is really important and it’s really hard and if you’re struggling with this you are not alone, but not telling our kids that there are limits, not putting your own limiting beliefs or the world’s limiting beliefs about how life works on your kids. One limiting belief that was put on me was you have to go to college, otherwise you’re going to flip burgers your whole life.

Basically the message was—and my dad would say that all the time in a joking way, but he meant it—“If you don’t go to college, you’re not going to ever have any money. You’re going to be broke and you’re going to have a crappy job. You have to go to college. Money is college. You have to go to college. That’s how you make money and success.” And so, when I first started my business (I shared this with you guys in past episodes) I really struggled with this limiting belief that I didn’t go to college so I don’t deserve money. I really struggled with proving my dad wrong. It held me back and I wasn’t making any money. The second that I let go of that limit, my business exploded and I became a self-made founder of a multiple seven-figure company, from being a stay-at-home mom with a $50 laptop and getting declined for a $3 McDonald’s cheeseburger (which really happened the week before my business exploded). 

Those limiting beliefs are real. There are things that are fed into our minds as children that we believe are truths. So you know, all of our kids are going to have limiting beliefs. Our kids are going to have things that we taught them, said to them, or put in them that are not pleasant because we’re human beings. But there’s things that we can intentionally try not to do like telling them, “This is the way life works. You have to do this otherwise you won’t (whatever)…” That’s a limit. 

That might not be their story. I feel like you can find your purpose in a job, with the people that you’re around, being parents. You can find your purpose in lots of different ways so let’s not limit our kids. 

“Well, you have to go to college.” 

“Well, that’s not a real job.”

“That’s not going to make a lot of money.” 

Those are all limiting beliefs. 

I know people who have created massive success, fulfillment, and money in something that most people say is a dead end. Being an artist, being a writer, being an entrepreneur. Another limiting belief that I had in owning my own business was that money is always feast and famine, feast and famine. It’s not consistent. And I am actually currently working through that limiting belief because I’m seeing that pattern. Well, I’m not anymore, but I was seeing that pattern in my business and so I had to push through that and believe, “You know what? There is no ceiling except the one I create for myself, and I am choosing that my business always makes large amounts of money and I don’t have to go through famine phases in my business.” And they’ve really dissipated. Now there’s less dips, but there are still little dips and I’m like, “Nope, we’re not doing that. I am refusing to believe that my business needs to have those ebbs. I believe that it can be all flow.”

Teach your kids that they make their own ceiling. The thoughts you think become your reality. Guard your thoughts. Let’s not teach them limits that they don’t need to know. 

I think also we have these set opinions about being on your own, being self-made. You either make it and you’re amazing, but you’re the 0.001% of people. Or most likely you’re going to fail and it’s just too risky, so you should just get a regular degree or just go get a regular job. That’s really hard. It’s gotta be hard when your kid wants to do something that you’re like, “Okay, 0.001% of people actually make it.” 

What would happen if we just instilled this belief in them, this crazy, wild belief that they can do what they set their mind to? That if they really believe it and they decide that it’s nonnegotiable that they live outside of getting paid really well to pursue their dream and we backed them up? What would happen? Notice when somebody is really successful in a rarity career like professional sports or being a singer, entertainer, actor. They almost always say that their parents or one of their parents was very supportive. Kids need us to listen to them. They need us to support them. 

And that leads me into my next point which is that we have to listen to them. To connect our kids to their purpose, we have to listen when they talk, notice what they’re saying, what they’re drawn to, what’s important to them. What a gift it would be to our kids if we would actually really listen to them, understand them, and then we could help them understand themselves. 

I think it’s so easy (and I’m just speaking from experience here) to tune our kids out because we’re busy, our schedule is tight and we’ve got stuff to do. But what would happen if we really listened to them? We’d be tuning in with an adult mind to a child’s words and be able to see, “They always want to go and do that when they’re happy or they always love doing this.” We can really develop a toolkit of information about them that can help them when they’re old enough to hear it and have us guide them into their purpose.

I also think it’s important to treat each of our kids accordingly. Not all of our kids’ purposes will be the same or have the same cultivation needs. I don’t think it’s unfair parenting if one kid’s passion means money and time and another’s only requires free YouTube videos and practice. Honestly, that’s probably just God doing you a favor, so don’t feel bad if for one kid you’re pouring your budget into music lessons and expensive instruments and for the other you’re turning on YouTube and letting them learn how to do something and just practice it by themselves. It’s all about balance and if you show up for your kids in the same way and you love them, talk to them, and make space for them in all the other ways, they’re not going to think it’s unfair. And even if they ever did, that’s kind of how life works, so really we’re just teaching them to be adults. 

I also think it’s so impactful and beautiful for them to see us making room for what they care about. You don’t have to be a parent who’s always got kids signed up for a million different activities, but listen to what they care about or what they’re interested in, make room for them to pursue, try, and play with ideas. Grab a drawing pad or some new colored pencils for your kid that seems to really want to draw the next time you’re at Target. Cultivate that and just say, “I saw this and thought of you because you seem to really love drawing and I just wanted to get this for you.” Little things like that. 

I think it’s also important to note that activities do not equal purpose-seeking. I feel like a lot of parents (and this came up on the Instagram chat a lot) struggle with feeling like, “If my kid isn’t in a bunch of activities then they’re not going to know their purpose.” Having your kid try different sports, different musical activities, Girl Scouts, horseback riding lessons, dance and all of these different things is not how they’re going to find their purpose. Their purpose is already inside of them and you’ve just got to notice what comes out. You would do so much better as a parent helping your kid be connected to their purpose by just noticing, listening, sitting back, and watching rather than sending them to a million different activities. 

I want to share a couple of resources as we wrap up that came up in the chat. I want to share them with you because I want to help you guys with this. This is a really big topic and we’re not really landing on a specific, “Here’s the big answer to how to find your kid’s purpose,” but we’re just talking here, so I want to share this with you. 

Somebody—actually her username was @another_Morgan—shared The Big Life Journal. I haven’t looked into this for myself, but it seems pretty great. She said that there’s one for kids, one for teens, and I think there’s one for adults as well. She said that the teenager one is especially amazing. But it’s basically a journal for people to process through their life and their purpose. 

And then there’s also a Ted Talk that I’m going to link to in show notes from Julie Lythcott-Haims, which is amazing and I feel like everyone should watch it. I’m linking to it in the show notes. Go watch it. That will be at alliecassa.com/shownotes/151

To close, I want to encourage you guys…maybe some of the things I said here you just really didn’t jive with. Maybe some of it you did. Maybe all of it you did. Maybe none of it you did. The point is we’re all raising kids. We all want the best for them. We all have worries and concerns that we’re going to mess it up because we’re human beings and we will. 

But if you’re listening to this episode and at this point you’ve listened to all of it, you’re such a great mom. You care so much. It really doesn’t matter if we believe different things, if you’re worried or concerned, or you didn’t like something that I said. 

You’re doing a great job. You’re right where you need to be. It’s okay if you don’t know everything. It’s okay if you mess up. You’re going to mess up. Maybe it’s better to just be cool with messing up a little bit and just continue to show up. I think that’s really all there is to do as moms.


This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.  

I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!

 

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