On today’s episode of The Purpose Show, I’m answering one of the most popular questions I receive: How do I show up authentically and effectively on social media if I have a business or a message that I want to share with the world? I’m not getting technical in this episode, instead we’re getting into the nitty-gritty internal work of being authentically you. Let’s jump in!
In This Episode Allie Discusses:
Having confidence in yourself
Having confidence in your message
Having confidence in what you’re selling
How not everyone likes you, and that’s okay
Showing up with a plan
Giving back what you wish to get
Why you need to stop paying attention to vanity metrics
Rules to keep you mentally and emotionally healthy on social media
Mentioned in this Episode:
Courses (Use the code PURPOSESHOW for 10% off!)
Mom life. We’re surrounded by the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. We’re supposed to get through it. Survive. Cling on by the last little thread. And at the same time, Carpe Diem—enjoy every moment because it’s going to go by so fast. The typical mom culture that sends us all kinds of mixed, typically negative messages. We shouldn’t take care of ourselves; it’s selfish. The more ragged you run yourself, the bigger your badge of honor. But also, ditch your mom bod and work out. Don’t yell. Make more money. Show up. Be better, but not at the expense of time with your kids. I am putting a hard stop to all of this. While being a mom, running a business, and whatever else you might have going on is hard, it is a lot and there’s lots of giving of yourself, the idea that motherhood means living a joyless, nonstop-hustle-with-zero-balance kind of life, where you give and give and give and never take, needs to stop.
I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime (at least most days). Stop the mom guilt and shame game. Stop cleaning up after your kids’ childhood and start being present for it. I want to help you thrive in work, home and life. I believe in John 10:10 that we are called to living an abundant life and I know moms are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, some business and life hacks, spirituality and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.
Hello, my love! Welcome to The Purpose Show. We’re getting into business on social media today, and I’m really excited about it!
One of the most popular questions that I receive is either: 1. How do I show up on Instagram authentically? People get really worried that they’re going to say too much, share something that they didn’t mean to share, or that something bad is going to happen if they’re vulnerable on social media.
Or 2. How can I do it? They feel like there’s something holding them back. It’s usually fear of some kind in some way, shape, or form, or it’s perfectionism. Perfectionism is just a version of fear because you were afraid of doing it wrong. The truth is most of the time there is no way to do it wrong. You just need to do it.
We’re going to talk about that. We’re going to talk about showing up authentically and effectively on social media, whether you have a product-based business, you’re a personal brand, you have a nonprofit, or just a message that you want to get out into the world but you’re just not showing up and you can feel it.
You can feel it in yourself when you’re not really showing up. I can feel it in myself, and you have that same ability as well.
This episode is going to be all internal. I’m not going to get technical at all. First of all, the technical stuff is all incredibly “Googleable” and it’s a side note, okay? It’s not really the fact that you’re not sure how to use hashtags that’s keeping you from showing up on Instagram, or social media, or wherever.
I’m going to use Instagram as an example because that’s where I really really show up and a lot of my other social media is just pulled from there. I either repurpose it or I’ll say the same thing live on Facebook at a different time. It’s a lot of repurposing unless I’m in my Facebook group.
When I’m showing up on Facebook, Instagram, or wherever, I’m showing up as myself. I’m all in. I’m showing up consistently and authentically to myself.
It is effective because it drives sales. It drives engagement. It cultivates connectivity and positivity. And that’s what I’m here to do.
All the tech stuff—hashtags and all that stuff—I teach that elsewhere, and a lot of it is Googleable. If you want to find out how to do that, you can go and get the Instagram training. You can pay me for that. You can pay someone else for that.
But here today, I want to teach you about the internal things that you need to have in check so that you can show up authentically. Number one is you need to have confidence in yourself as a person. There is nobody who is not confident about themselves who shows up completely vulnerable, authentic, and effective on social media.
Maybe they have a big following, but they’re definitely not going deep. If they’re not really confident in themselves they’re going to avoid depth. They’re going to avoid authenticity. They’re going to avoid vulnerability like the plague because they are not solid in themselves.
You need to build up confidence in yourself as a person. The way that you do this is going to look different person to person. I get my confidence from a lot of places. I get my confidence from God. I get my confidence from my experiences—all my experiences.
I get my confidence internally, from myself. I know that I am me. It’s so cheesy, so annoying and cheesy, but that really is my superpower. That’s what makes me, me.
And I want people to follow me because I’m me. I don’t want them to follow me because I’m someone that I said I was and I’m not really. The best thing I can do is to be confident in myself.
I know that I am me. I’m Allie; that’s a fact. I might as well just show up as myself because I’m confident in that. I’m confident in the fact that I am me.
Do I have flaws? Am I worried about stuff? Do I think that I can sometimes feel annoying or feel a little bit too hard-hitting? Sure. And I am a little trepidatious about those things, of course, but I am still confident in the fact that I am myself. I am a person and I have something to offer.
The source of my confidence is God, is my Creator, is the fact that I have this higher power that’s helping me do life. It’s helping me show up. It created me to be the way that I am and that I need to be who I am. And I’m confident in that.
Affirmations can help you with your confidence. Whatever is your version of getting confident in yourself, you need to have confidence in yourself as the person that you are in order to show up.
The next thing is having confidence in your message or why you’re showing up in the first place. If you don’t believe in what you have to say, if you don’t believe in what you’re there to do, you’re going to flounder and people are going to feel it. Everything is energy. Everything has energy in it and behind it. Everything.
You can say so much to a person without saying anything, because they can feel your energy. There’s energy in your body language, in your facial expressions, even the way you’re standing, Even if someone is just standing normal, you can feel how they are feeling because everything is energy.
People are going to be able to feel if you’re being inauthentic to yourself, if you’re lying, if you’re selling something that you don’t really believe in or you didn’t really love. People can feel stuff. For sure. You need to have confidence in whatever the reason is that you’re showing up in the first place.
If you’re into affiliate marketing and you are doing an affiliate launch for a course and you really believe in it, this course helped you accomplish whatever it helps people accomplish, you absolutely love it, you can’t believe you get the honor of being an affiliate for it, people are going to feel that. Those are the affiliate launches that go really, really well.
But if you never even really took that course, or you looked at it and you didn’t think it was very good, or you just need a buck, people are going to smell that. They’re going to be able to tell. That’s just an affiliate example.
This could be for your own business, your own product. The handbags that you make and sell; the coffee mugs that you hand paint and sell. Whatever it is. Your message if you’re a message-based business like me.
You need to have confidence in what it is that you are doing and why you’re showing up in the first place. What is it that you’re there to say? Have confidence in your message.
Sometimes, I will write down an idea for a podcast episode or a live stream or something, and I will be so excited about it and feel so good about it. I’ll think, “I can’t wait to do that. I’m going to write down that idea and I’m going to do that.”
Then the next time I come across that idea when I’m ready to record some episodes, I’ll go to my idea list to see which one I should do, and I’ll see that idea and think, “Ugh, I have nothing to say about that. I am so not feeling that idea.”
The energy shifted. Maybe something happened that I can’t put my finger on, but it just changed the way that I feel about things. It doesn’t really matter what happened, but I can’t get behind that message right now.
I don’t care if I had already assigned a date to that episode and I’d already told the team to make images for it because we’re going to do this episode in September. There’s no way I’m doing that episode right now, because I cannot get behind the message with confidence right now.
This is why when I’m teaching business I’m always sending people back to their feelings, because feelings are everything. Business is spiritual. How you feel about your business and your message day-to-day is going to affect the way you show up, the way you speak, the way people respond or don’t respond to you, and your revenue.
Number three in showing up authentically and confidently is, again, having confidence in what you’re selling. Not just in your message, in what you’re saying, or in what you’re promoting. It’s having confidence in the actual thing that you’re selling.
I know this seems similar to the last one, but it’s not. Because here’s the thing. I can show up on Instagram. I can go live and talk about a message.
Lately we’ve been talking about letting things be easy, right? Let it be easy. Don’t overcomplicate things.
I could feel really confident in my message. I could say, “I’ve just been thinking about this so much lately. I see so much value in it. I really believe in that message!”
But at the end I could say, “You know, I have this product. It’s going to help you make your life easier. And I want to sell it to you right now.”
I could start talking about it and my tone could completely change. I could start to go into this sales mode where I’m worried people are going to think that I’m salesy. Or I could sound like I just don’t believe in the product that I have. Like I really think everyone could get this for free if they just Googled it, and it would probably be better than the thing that I made for them. My confidence could totally not be there.
You have to have confidence in yourself as a person. You have to have confidence in the message you’re speaking when you show up on social media. You have to have confidence in what you’re selling if you’re a business on social media. Those three things are connected, but they’re very different.
The next thing that you need in order to show up authentically is you need to have a belief, a really solid belief that you will be okay if not everyone likes you. Because guess what? They already don’t. Or if they don’t, they’re just not telling you in real life like they will online.
Not everyone likes you. Not everyone that you’ve ever met likes you. On social media it’s going to be the same thing. They’re probably going to be more vocal about it because of cowardice.
Cowards are online, and they’re totally confident and happy to tell you that they think you are the worst. They think you’re annoying. They don’t like your stuff. They don’t like your message. They disagree with you. They think you’re an idiot because it’s behind a screen and they can.
You have to have a belief that you will be okay if not everyone likes you. If you don’t have that belief, you’re going to avoid social media. You’re going to find yourself procrastinating showing up on there. You’re going to find yourself feeling really anxious whenever you do have it on your to-do list to show up. And you’re going to find a way to self-sabotage, avoid, procrastinate—all of the above.
So, how do you get to a belief that you’ll be okay if not everyone likes you? First of all, realize that not everybody does like you already; they just haven’t been vocal about it. Are you okay? Are you alive? Has it caused you any grave illness? Has it caused you any catastrophes?
No. You’re here. You’re fine. You probably don’t even know they don’t like you. The only difference on social media is that people will tell you.
So, what’s the difference? You’re okay right now and there are people that exist that don’t like you very much. You’ll be just fine if there are people online that don’t like you very much, and they message you or comment that they think you’re stupid or whatever it is. Anchor yourself in the fact that you are already okay, so you will be okay. Does that make sense?
Another thing that can help you show up authentically is show up with a plan. Don’t just open up a social media app like Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok, or whatever and open your mouth for the sake of opening your mouth. Don’t just post for the sake of posting. No! Show up with a plan.
Are you here to connect or serve? Because those are really the only things behind any version of showing up on social media. Are you here to connect with your audience? Are you here to serve your audience? And really those are kind of the same thing in a lot of ways, but for me, I’ve noticed a differentiation in these two ways of showing up.
If I am there to connect with my audience that is when I am asking them something about themselves. I’ll post questions like: Hey, where’d you meet your spouse? How many kids do you have? What are your kids’ names and why did you pick them? Do you like coffee or tea? How much water do you drink a day and do you need to drink more like I do?
People like to talk. People like to talk about themselves. They like to answer questions about themselves. And that’s very connective. That’s not really serving them. It’s just connective.
When I show up to serve my audience I will do posts on social media like “Ask Me Anything” on Instagram stories. That takes me so much time and so much energy. I’m really giving to people. They get to ask me anything. They get to take up some of my time because I offer it to them.
Then I serve them by giving them a really solid answer and really connecting with them. I’m linking stuff up. I’m sending them to my free podcast episodes that will answer their question. I’m Googling myself, trying to find where’s that episode that I produced two years ago.
I’m answering. I’m really showing up. I’m letting them get a peek behind the scenes and I’m really serving them.
So, let’s break this down. Show up with a plan. Don’t just show up on social media and open your mouth just to yap for the sake of yapping. Are you here to connect with your audience or are you here to serve your audience?
Breaking it down again: Connecting is all about relationships like the examples that I gave earlier. Serving is when you educate them, empower them, or sell to them.
Selling is serving. When you sell people your programs or sell them on your product that’s amazing, you are serving them by showing them, “Hey, this is an amazing handbag. It’s way better to shop small. This is going to last you. It’s way better than going to Target and getting whatever bag they have there.”
When you’re serving you’re empowering them. You’re serving them by lifting them up, helping them feel more powerful in themselves, more empowered by giving them knowledge. Or you’re serving them by educating them on something.
This is like when I post one of my images on Instagram (where you have to swipe through to get the whole thing) and it’s educating you on something. It’s something like:
- 10 Things You Could Do This Week To Grow Your Business;
- 20 Things You Can Get Rid Of Right Now;
- 5 Things You Could Do Today To Simplify Your Over Cluttered Calendar.
Things like that. I’m educating them. These are all examples of serving your audience. Giving them free content, free value, teaching them something, helping them feel more empowered in themselves or in something that they do—whatever your niche is—or selling to them.
Show up with a plan. Are you opening up that social media app to connect with them or to serve them? And when you pick whichever one it is, how are you going to do that? Don’t just open the app for the sake of opening the app.
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The next thing that I want you to focus on in terms of how to show up authentically is being yourself. This has so many different layers to it, but the one I really want to dive into is I want you to talk the way that you normally talk. Don’t have a social media voice.
It’s really hard not to do that. You automatically start to talk differently when you turn on the microphone to record a podcast or open social media. It’s really weird.
I used to do that automatically without trying and it was making me hate my content, and it was also making me avoid showing up. I just felt really fake because that’s not my voice. It would change. It would be really sing-songy and that’s not how I talk; I talk like this.
I had to deliberately think about how I would talk if I was just with a friend at coffee, just being normal. I wouldn’t say, “Hey, you guys!” in a sing-songy voice. I’d just say, “Hey guys, just in case you didn’t know already we are doing Declutter Like A Mother and it’s happening next week. I really want you in there because it’s going to help you A, B, C, D, E, F, & G. Why wouldn’t you show up? It’s going to be frigging amazing. So swipe up! Join now!”
This is how I talk. I’m promoting something, and maybe I don’t normally do that in my friend relationships, but my voice is normal. It’s the way I normally talk. Yeah, I curse a little more in my real life, but I don’t want to do that because we’ve got a lot of moms and kids; sometimes I do, but most of the time I don’t.
I talk the way I normally talk. I’m using my same tone of voice. I don’t have a social media voice. I don’t have a podcast voice. I’m just being myself.
Be yourself. Do you have a sense of humor? Show it. Are you sarcastic? Be sarcastic. How do you want to talk? Be yourself.
Next thing: To show up authentically and really have an effect on social media—really cultivating an engaging community, getting more engagement, driving more revenue through social media, getting what you want—give back what you wish to get.
Give back what you wish to get. This is not a weird, fluffy, “woo-woo” thing. This is real. This is how God has set up the world to work.
Comment, send a DM, engage. Don’t show up on social media only to receive things. This comes from a scarcity mindset. Abundance will always breed abundance, and scarcity will always breed more scarcity.
What do you want on social media? Do you wish you had more engagement? Then show up and give more engagement, and then go on and post your social media posts. Make sure you’re cultivating your content to breed engagement. You’ve got to ask questions and tell people to comment. Tell them to tell you if they drink coffee or tea or whatever it is.
Send encouraging DM’s to other people who are trying to grow a brand. Engage. And not just with famous people. Engage with people who are where you’re at or below. Show up and give what you want to get.
The next thing is I want you to do is to stop worrying about the metrics so much. But pay attention to what your analytics are telling you that can help you show up better. Here’s the thing: your follower count will drop; it doesn’t matter. It will also rise; it doesn’t matter.
The more you’re authentically yourself, the more it’ll grow and the more it will also drop. Every time you post, you will lose some followers and you may also gain some followers. It’s a one step forward, two steps back sort of situation. It doesn’t have to be like that. There’s certainly a spiritual aspect to growing an audience, and you can practice manifesting or whatever you want.
But for me, I am just here to show up. I’m really not focusing on the numbers. I talk about my goals, revenue, manifestation, going for the goal, going for what I want, and stepping into the version of myself that I would be if I already had those things.
If I already made this much money a month, how would I act? How would I be? I would probably not be worried and freaking out about money, so I’m going to act like that.
I don’t focus on my followers. I’ve never focused on, “I’m going to create this many followers.” Actually, one time I did. One time I got on Facebook and said I was going to hit a 100K in a week, and I did. But that’s it. I’m not normally focused on followers, on my metrics, my vanity metrics.
Truly, truly, truly, I don’t care. I don’t focus on it. I don’t even really know what my numbers are. I don’t pay attention to it.
The only time I notice is if I have to go to my feed to look at something, I’ll notice the number. Sometimes I notice that it’s lower; sometimes I notice that it’s higher. Or if a team member points it out to me for some reason. That’s it.
I’m not focused on that. That’s not something that I am manifesting, trying to cultivate, or go for. It’s just not something that’s on my mind.
My followers have grown very slowly and very steadily and it just matches my consistency. I show up. I’m consistent. But I’m not obsessing over this.
Your vanity metrics don’t matter (your vanity metrics are your follower count).
So let’s talk about analytics. Facebook has insights and Instagram has analytics, if you have a business account. If you have a business or a personal brand, you should have a business account. These are metrics that are actually helpful.
Look at your analytics and watch what happens when you show up and you feel like you showed up as the most authentic version of you, and you were consistent. What spikes? What’s the response? How do you feel?
How many people viewed your last story? What is happening in your Instagram feed or your Facebook feed? What do people like or not like? What are the trends that you see?
You can learn a lot about how to continue to serve your audience through this, so definitely look at your analytics. I’m not saying don’t look at anything. You could just look at nothing, and you’d be fine. But if you want to learn, then learn. But don’t focus on vanity metrics because it just doesn’t matter.
Let’s go over these things again, and then I’m going to give you a couple of rules that I have for social media that are going to help you. To show up authentically and effectively on social media, have confidence in yourself and who you are as a person. Have confidence in your message. Have confidence in what you’re selling if you’re a business. Have a belief that you will be okay if not everyone likes you.
Show up with a plan. Are you here to connect or serve? Connection is all about cultivating relationships with your followers. Serving is all about educating, empowering, or selling to them.
Be yourself. Talk the way you normally talk. Give back what you wish to get on social media. Don’t just come to take. Stop worrying about the vanity metrics, but pay attention to the analytics that can help you read messages about your content and help you show up better and have more of an effect.
Now that we’ve summarized, here’s a couple of quick things that I want to share with you. These are some rules that I have for social media that helped me stay sane, keep my mental and emotional health intact as someone who is an influencer on social media, and just stay generally healthy and happy.
I got this first one from my friend, Allie Worthington. She’s been a guest on the show. She’s an author. She’s an incredible human. If you don’t already know her, go find her.
Number one: Don’t go on social media when you’re not in an emotionally healthy place. Before I open up the Instagram or Facebook app, I ask myself, “Am I doing okay? How would I feel if there was something negative that popped up?”
Even though I’ve delegated the management of my Facebook and Instagram ads and I’m not the one that comments on those all the time, I will still open up the Instagram app and there will be a comment right there in my face. Comments on ads tend to be kind of negative and mean, because this is an audience that’s not warmed up to me. They don’t know me.
They don’t really have any connection to me. So, if they’re annoyed or convicted by something that I said, or they just think that I have the worst clothes ever, or they just don’t like me, or they’re unhappy that day, they’re going to tell me that. That energy is going to show up in my feed.
I do not open my app if I am not in an emotionally healthy place. That is my number one rule. Sometimes this means that I’m not on Instagram for days at a time, but that’s my rule. That’s my priority.
I need to protect my mental health. I need to protect my emotional health. I need to protect my spirit and my energy for my family and for myself. That’s my priority.
The other rule that I have that I’m really rigid about is: staying off of social media when I start my day. I don’t open up the app when I wake up. I don’t even look at my phone when I wake up. We actually have an episode about that if you want to go and listen to that one. I’ll link to it in show notes for you guys.
I don’t go on social media in the beginning of my day. The beginning of my day is going to set the tone for the rest of my day, so the very last place that I should be spending time or giving energy to is social media.
Sometimes I take a picture of my cute little coffee cup or I’ll post something, but that’s because my morning is already done and I’m already starting work (sometimes I start earlier rather than later). Or it’s a picture from yesterday and I automated it. Or I took it on my camera app, but I didn’t open social media and I posted it later. It doesn’t really matter.
That’s my rule. Behind the scenes, I’m not going on social media when I start my day. I stay off of social media at the beginning of my day.
This is my time of day to connect with Brian, to connect with the kids, to get everyone good for the day, to pour into myself, to pour into my spirit, to practice my meditation, to do a workout, to walk, to read, to start my day well. And social media has no place in that. Those are a couple of things that really help me stay mentally and emotionally healthy when it comes to social media.
Show up, guys. Don’t be afraid to show up. If you are afraid, it’s okay. Don’t say you’re not afraid. Don’t pretend you’re not.
But look into the reasons of why you’re afraid, face those fears, deal with them. Journal through it. Talk through it to yourself or to someone that you trust.
Think about what it is that’s making you afraid. Why do you feel worried about showing up? Where is the fear coming from? Work through it.
Because if you have a message that you want to share, the world needs to hear it. And we need you to get over this fear, to get through it, work through it, show up authentically, and be effective on social media, because there’s so much power there.
Thanks so much for hanging out with me! In case you didn’t know, there’s actually an exclusive community that’s been created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions around The Purpose Show episodes. It’s designed to get you to actually take action and make the positive changes that we talk about here. I want you to go and be a part of it. To do that, go to alliecasazza.com/facebookgroup.
Thank you so much for tuning in! If you’d like to learn more about me, how I can help you, how you can implement all these things and more into your life to make it simpler, better, and more abundant, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, online courses, programs, and other resources to help you create the life you really want.
I am always rooting for you, friend! See you next time! I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.
Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.