I want today’s episode to be a perspective shift for you guys. It’s a really, really simple thing you can do to set yourself up to have a better day: Don’t check your phone first thing in the morning. When you open your phone in the morning and you’re looking at your text messages, or your Instagram, or opening your email, you’re automatically giving away your power. In this episode I’m going to explain what I mean by that. There are habits that you need to break when it comes to your phones in order to set yourself up to have a better day. Let’s dive in!
In This Episode Allie Discusses:
Why checking your phone first thing in the morning gives away your power
How an early morning email totally ruined her husband’s day
How morning quiet time and mediation can help you set the tone for your day
The adjustments she made in her phone settings to take back power
Mentioned in this Episode:
Allie’s Facebook group
Allie’s Courses (Use the code PURPOSESHOW for 10% off!)
I’ve created a free and easy guide for you that lays out the different phone settings that I use to help me stay present in my life and with my family.
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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.
Hi guys! Welcome to The Purpose Show! Oh my gosh, I’m so happy to be recording today. It feels like it has been forever since I hit record on an episode. I mean it has been. Because of the way I batch the episodes that I last recorded, and then taking July off, it’s been a minute and I’m so happy to be back in front of my mic. I love it.
Okay, so before we get into this episode, I should just share with you guys…I just finished this amazing latte. Hear it? The remnants? So good! Seriously, so good! Maybe there’s somebody who’s trying not to have sweeteners and sugar that will thank me for sharing this, but I have figured out this iced latte situation that I’m really happy about. Actually, Brian figured it out and it’s amazing.
I have this little coffee place in our town that makes handcrafted, artisanal coffee. It’s not a Starbucks. You can get it with oat milk or almond milk, whatever your milk alternative choice is, or regular milk if that’s your thing. I order a latte with almond milk and I get an extra shot of espresso so that it actually tastes like coffee and doesn’t taste like I’m drinking a cup of milk, because I like coffee. I say, “no sugars, no sweetener.” Then I ask them to add a little bit of honey instead. Now the person has to add the honey to the hot espresso, not just dump it into the cold latte otherwise it won’t mix right. But if they do it right and you ice it…oh my gosh. It is so good, so refreshing, so nice in the middle of the afternoon as a little midday pick-me-up. It’s super good.
I notice at Starbucks…they don’t get it right. Which in my opinion, I don’t really like Starbucks so they don’t get a lot of things right. I only go to Starbucks if I have to or if I really want coffee and it’s just super convenient. But anyway, this is just super good. We’ve been traveling a lot lately and I’ve been getting this everywhere I go—in every state—and it’s just been really good. They get it right at many, many places and it’s really yummy and refreshing.
So, if you are a person who is trying to cut out sweeteners and all that stuff, I’ve been on that boat for a really long time and haven’t had artificial sweeteners or even Stevia or anything for so long. It’s like a honey latte. It’s really, really good. Okay. Anyway, that was a side note.
Today’s episode is…I don’t know if it’s a pep talk or what, but I think I want it to be a perspective shift for you guys. It’s a really, really simple thing you can do to set yourself up to have a better day. We’re gonna just dive right in…
Don’t check your phone first thing in the morning.
Now don’t quit this episode because you’ve heard this before and you think it’s going to be about all the scientific studies that show the effects of the phone first thing in the morning or at night when you’re going to sleep. All of those things exist. We know those things.
I think for most of us we see those things. We look at that data and we’re like, “Wow! That’s really crazy.” And then we just keep doing it. We don’t make any changes. And I have stuff like that too. It’s fine. But this isn’t about that. This is more of a psych/spiritual thing.
I’m going to tell you a story. This happened to my husband, Brian, and after it happened, we were talking about it and I was like, “You know, I think I should share this on the show.” And he’s like, “Yeah, absolutely. It’s totally a bad habit. It ruins a lot of days. People need to know to make this shift because it’s something you do without thinking about it.”
Here’s the thing I want you guys to understand. When you open your phone in the morning and you look at your phone in the morning, it’s not that you just have opened your phone and you’re just sitting there doing nothing on it. You’re doing something on it. You’re probably looking at your text messages, or your Instagram, or opening your email. You’re doing something and that is automatically giving away your power.
I’m going to explain what I mean by that. There are habits that you need to break when it comes to your phones. I talk about this stuff all the time. I don’t really struggle with my phone so much anymore. I used to be completely addicted to my phone, social media, and constantly be mindlessly scrolling, and for the last few years I really haven’t been. I’ve broken that in my life and it’s a really great feeling. I would love for you guys to get there. I do have a free pdf that I’ve created that people love. It’s really helpful. I think it’s called Phone Settings For A Present Life. It’s free. I’ll link to it in the show notes for you guys. You can go grab it to get started.
I know they say you’re not supposed to have your phone in your room and all of that. And I still do. I have my phone on my nightstand and it charges at night. It’s my alarm clock. But I don’t struggle to open it up and mindlessly scroll anymore. I really don’t. I really only open my phone if I’m going to do something on it and it needs to happen.
But my husband, Brian, has had a harder time making this shift happen for him. And so, we’ve been talking about this a lot lately because he’s noticed how much time is wasted on there. This situation happened where Brian inadvertently gave his power away first thing in the morning by checking his phone.
This can happen if you’re on Instagram and you see something that upsets you, but I think it really happens when we open up our phones and we get into the communicative apps first thing in the day. That would be things that people are communicating with you on. That could be Instagram because there’s DM’s and comments, but usually it’s text messages and email.
When you open up those things first thing in the day, that’s where you’re really giving away your power. You’re basically putting the power of your mindset for the day in the hands of strangers and in the hands of other people in your life who are getting in touch with you. They get to decide how your mood is, how you start the day, how you feel as you go about the day because you gave them your first moments of the day.
I’m not sure why, but ever since the digital age with cell phones, smart phones, apps and notifications, humans have allowed a simple vibration or beep from their mobile devices to totally interrupt their lives. We are spending time with our kids, we hear our phone vibrate on the counter and we just need to know who’s texting us. We need to know: what does that say? We need to know: what does this Instagram message say? Who liked my photo? What is my dad texting me about? What is this email from my boss? We have to know right now. It’s kind of a blessing that we can do that; It’s really cool, but it’s also a major curse because it’s constant interruption to where we are currently in real life where we’re supposed to be present and we’re not so present anymore.
I want to help you shift from constantly allowing yourself to be interrupted to living a life that is aligned with what you say your priorities are. Because saying that your family is your priority is totally different than backing that up by the way you live your life, the way your phone is set up, the things in your home and your schedule that make space for you actually prioritizing what you say your priorities are.
I have this free pdf that I mentioned in this episode. It’s called Phone Settings For A Present Life. It’s totally free. It’s a fan favorite. People love it. My phone settings are exactly like this still to this day and they have been for years.
It is basically how to set up your phone to stop interrupting you for things that don’t matter, but still collect your notifications quietly so that when it’s time for you to go check your phone, you can check your phone and see who’s texted you and who’s gotten a hold of you…all of those things.
To get this free pdf, go to alliecasazza.com/shownotes/117. Again, it’s totally free. Let me help you simplify this area of your life. Quiet the noise so that you can be a more present mom.
Here’s an example of what I mean by that: A few weeks ago, we were waking up in the morning and lying in bed. In the morning I normally will wake up and I’ll lie there for a second and let myself wake up. I wake up a little slow. I’ll usually do my gratitude. I’ve shared on Instagram about this. You guys might already know about that. I’m mentally going through a slow list of things that I’m grateful for as I wake up and come-to for the day.
Brian woke up and he grabbed his phone, turned his alarm off, opened up his apps and opened up his email. When he did that, he saw an email from somebody and basically this person was doing something that was just not fair when it comes to my business. They were basically copying some of the content and the ideas in my business. It’s somebody that we know or used to be close with and it upset him really bad.
I won’t get into all the details, but basically, he opened up an email that upset him and it was one of those things where it’s like, “How could this person do this? This really is not right. Oh my gosh, should I say something? But if I do say something…”
You know one of those kinds of emails where you’re just like, “Oh my gosh! Why did I have to see that? Why does this have to be happening?” It was making all of these ugly feelings come up in Brian and he was having a really, really hard time. It was really hard for him to shake. He was getting ready for the day. He was having his coffee. We were doing breakfast and everything, and he was in a bad mood. It ruined his day. He had a hard time shaking it.
Even later in the afternoon after we had gone through so much of the day, it was almost dinner time and he brought it up again. “How are you not upset about that? I can’t believe that! It’s just not right. I just can’t believe this person…” He was really upset about it.
Look at how that went: First thing in the morning, he is barely even awake for the day and he chose to instead of taking the power in his own hands for his day and deciding, “This is what I’m going to do. I’m going to choose to be grateful. I’m going to read my Bible. I’m going to pray. I’m going to go for a run, or I’m going to do something. I’m just going to relax and breathe.” He opened up his phone, he opened up his email, and he gave the power of his day away to somebody else who had sent an email and upset him.
This has happened to me as well. In the past I have struggled with my phone. I’ve opened up an email or seen a text message somebody sent me—something really early in the morning—and it was upsetting. Or they’re asking me to do something when I really have a full day and then I’m upset because everyone is always wanting something from me and I have things to do.
My big problem in life is that people think that because we do school at home or because we work at home we can do whatever we want, and there’s really no schedule and it’s just chill. It’s frustrating because people that have jobs outside of the home and schedules, they think that we can just do whatever. And so, maybe somebody sends me a text with that air about it and it upsets me.
First thing in the morning you are not in a place where you are calm. You haven’t set the tone for your day yet. It’s almost like you’re a blank slate. It’s so important to take that morning time, even if it’s just for five minutes, and be intentional with it. When you’re not, you’re giving away your power.
This day is the only time you’ll get this day. It is so important. We’ve got people to raise. We’ve got a business to run. We’ve got school to teach the kids. We’ve got people to influence. We’ve got stuff to do. We’ve got conversations to have. We’ve got food to make. We’ve got energy that we need to keep reserved for all the things that are coming in the day. And you grab your phone, you check your emails and someone upsets you, you just gave them the most important part of your day and you let them have that power.
Brian and I in different situations. And Brian—in this specific situation—if he would have had self-discipline, if he would have just not checked his phone first thing in the morning and instead had an intentional morning with meditation, prayer, reading and gratitude, seeing that email or a text message later would’ve had a totally different effect on him, right?
It’s not that the email wasn’t upsetting, but it was because he opened his phone and he looked at it first thing in the day before he’s really even come-to and you’re just kind of out of it, right? He gave it the first moments of his day. It upset him. He was so upset.
Let’s rewind and play it a different way. If Brian had done what we normally do: woken up, gotten straight into gratitude, done meditation, read our Bibles, sat out on the porch with coffee and had a conversation, prayed with each other, and then Brian usually works out, and then he went and checked his email, it would’ve had a much different effect on him.
Yes, it still would have been upsetting. Yes, it still would have been a bummer and brought up emotion, but that person wouldn’t have held the power over his day. He probably would have been in a certain frame of mind from having all of his spiritual quiet time to respond to it differently. I mean, he didn’t respond to them. I’m saying respond to it within himself differently because he would’ve set the tone and decided for himself how his day was going to go.
If anyone has ever practiced gratitude even once, or if you pray or read your Bible, or do anything for yourself in the mornings, you know that you are a totally different person when you do that in the morning than when you don’t, right?
You take the power of your first morning moments in your own hands and you decide, “This is the person that I’m going to be today. This is how my day is going to go. Yes, I’m flexible. I’ve got kids. Crap might totally hit the fan, but at least I gave the first moments of my day to something that mattered. Something that set it in a good tone. Something that’s going to help me.”
When life happens, things get crazy, somebody upsets me or sends me a rude text message, it has a different effect on me because I’m centered. Because I’m standing on a firm foundation. For me that’s my faith, you know?
When we set ourselves up in that way in the morning, we are putting the power where it belongs and we’re not giving it to other people. We’re not saying, “Hey, you can decide how my day goes. You can take the first moments of my day. You can set the tone for me.” We set the tone for ourselves. We decide.
The power of your first morning moments are really important. It’s really powerful.
I wanted to share that story, this thought, and this thing that we’ve been learning. I learned how to do this years ago, but of course there’s always moments of struggle where it’s easier to grab your phone. For some reason on the weekends it’s not the same as any other morning and you can grab your phone and it’s cool because it’s not Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or Friday. And that doesn’t make any sense. You’re still a person. You still have a powerful day ahead of you. You still have a powerful opportunity in your morning moments.
If we set these simple rules and we say, “You know what? I’m going to set the intent that I am no longer going to grab for my phone first thing in the morning. I’ll turn my alarm off and that’s it. I’ll get into my morning practice.” Even if your morning practice is just going downstairs with your kids and making them breakfast, and you’re not even having quiet time, that’s okay. But you’re not giving the power to other people who don’t really care how your day goes, right?
Maybe consider setting that intent and making that really small shift. Set yourself up to have a better day.
This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.
Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.
I am always rooting for you, friend! See ya next time!