We’re going to talk about overthinking today, and it’s going to be a kick in the pants as per usual! Everyone struggles with overthinking, so today we’re going to talk about simple action steps we can take to break the pattern and overcome overthinking. Let’s dive in!
In This Episode Allie Discusses:
Why we overthink
The problem with overthinking
Action steps to overcome overthinking
Mentioned in this Episode:
Courses (Use the code PURPOSESHOW for 10% off!)
Mom life. We’re surrounded by the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. We’re supposed to get through it. Survive. Cling on by the last little thread. And at the same time, Carpe Diem—enjoy every moment because it’s going to go by so fast. The typical mom culture that sends us all kinds of mixed, typically negative messages. We shouldn’t take care of ourselves; it’s selfish. The more ragged you run yourself, the bigger your badge of honor. But also, ditch your mom bod and work out. Don’t yell. Make more money. Show up. Be better, but not at the expense of time with your kids. I am putting a hard stop to all of this. While being a mom, running a business, and whatever else you might have going on is hard, it is a lot and there’s lots of giving of yourself, the idea that motherhood means living a joyless, nonstop-hustle-with-zero-balance kind of life, where you give and give and give and never take, needs to stop.
I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime (at least most days). Stop the mom guilt and shame game. Stop cleaning up after your kids’ childhood and start being present for it. I want to help you thrive in work, home and life. I believe in John 10:10 that we are called to living an abundant life and I know moms are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, some business and life hacks, spirituality and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.
Hello, my loves! Welcome to another episode of The Purpose Show. I’m super stoked that you’re here with me today.
I just love you guys so much. I love sitting down at my desk, turning on my microphone, knowing that I get to talk to so many of you and just be a part of your day. It’s literally my favorite thing. I think I’ve said that a lot of times on this show, but it really is.
This is the first episode that I am recording in my new finished office. We moved a couple of weeks ago. By the time you guys are listening to this episode we will have moved a while ago, but I’m recording this at the end of August and my office is finally done!
This is the first time I’ve sat at my mic to record at my new desk in the office, done with rugs, the sound set up the way it needs to be and everything just finished. There’s so much light. The walls are so white. My art is hung. I just love it so much!
I actually got this amazing desk from Joybird and it’s real marble and stone. It’s actually formed from marble and stone from the earth. That was really important to me. I wanted a desk that was made of stone. That was actually real, from the earth.
It’s really heavy. It’s just beautiful, clean, and inspiring. It keeps me grounded. I wanted something from the earth so that I could be very grounded while I work and feel that grounding, solid, calm, confident energy that we find in the earth. It’s really beautiful. I feel so inspired.
If you work and you have a business I want to encourage you to always notice the details in the way that you work. Always notice how you’re feeling. What’s the environment? Maybe you can’t afford to get a new desk or you can’t afford to have a space that really feels or looks beautiful the way you would exactly want it, but there’s always things you can change.
You can always get some flowers in the room. You can always move your desk to a different position so that it’s facing a different direction or facing a window. You can always brighten things up. You can always add plants. They’re cheap and they change the room just as much as paint does. Paint and plants are the cheapest, best ways to change a space.
There’s always something you can do. The environment that you are creating your work in is so important. That was a mini episode within an episode but I’m feeling super inspired and grateful for you guys today. Grateful for my space. Grateful for this new desk and new office.
And I am ready to dive into a really, really great topic that I think you guys are really going to enjoy because it’s going to be a kick in the pants as per usual. We’re going to talk about overthinking today. That’s our topic. So, let’s just dive in.
Overthinking. I totally get it. We all overthink sometimes. I think there are certain personality types that overthink maybe more than others, but everyone struggles with this. Even people who have mastered getting over perfectionism and not overthinking, they still come back to that every once in a while. The good news is it’s normal and I totally get it.
When you overthink, you’re really trying to be smart. You’re trying not to make a mistake. You’re trying to not regret something.
Maybe you’ve had an experience where you messed up big time before. Or maybe you invested in something that you thought was really going to help your family and it just sucked it. It wasn’t what was advertised. It really let you down. You weren’t able to get a refund and you really regretted buying that.
Maybe it’s something that you did and you just totally messed up. You were a little thoughtless. Or maybe you felt like you were a little selfish and you made this decision and it really hurt somebody.
When you overthink, you’re not crazy. You’re basing it off of past experience. You’re trying not to repeat that because you’re a human person. But overthinking keeps you stuck.
There’s a difference between wisdom and overthinking something. We’re focusing on overthinking. We’re not focusing on wisdom; we’re focusing on overthinking.
Overthinking keeps you stuck. Overthinking keeps you where you no longer want to be. And usually it’s as you’re trying to think of and figure out the solution to make a shift, make a change, make a good decision that’s going to lead you, your family, one of your kids, or whoever down the right path. You’re trying to make that change. You overthink if this is the right way to do it.
That overthinking actually keeps you from taking action, from making that shift. And it actually keeps you stuck. It actually keeps you exactly where you don’t want to be. The overthinking of the way to make this shift that you’re craving so deeply is the thing that’s keeping you from experiencing the change that you’re craving so deeply.
It’s a real crap shoot. It’s a really, really crappy, junkie kind of Catch 22. Let’s dive into this so we can break the patterns. I’m going to get right to the point and even give you a couple of simple action steps, mental action steps that can help you overcome overthinking.
First, we have to understand that overthinking is really rooted in perfectionism. It’s rooted in the desire to not make a mistake. To basically be perfect. It’s rooted in perfectionism and it’s got these other little roots, twigs, and branches attached to its roots that are lies you tell yourself.
Lies like, “If I don’t make the right decision, everything will be ruined.” Or, “If I don’t do this the right way I am going to be a failure.”
Raise your hand right now where you’re listening if you struggle with perfectionism and you know it. If you know that you struggle with perfectionism, that’s so amazing. You’re so in tune with yourself. That’s great!
But perfectionism can be sneaky. It can often mask itself as overthinking, “Oh, I’m just being smart. I’m just being careful. Well, I’m just not frivolous. That’s all.”
Well, sure. Again, we want to be wise, but let’s go back to that difference between wisdom and overthinking. Overthinking is based in fear, perfectionism and lies. Wisdom is based in a solid, calm confidence that you have experience, you are listening to your gut, and you know solidly that this is the right decision for you. That’s wisdom.
Overthinking has this sense of panic about it. Racing thoughts, really going back and forth a lot. And again, the root is perfectionism.
In your overthinking, step back and observe yourself, observe your thoughts, observe what’s happening internally for you. Are you afraid to make a mistake? Are you afraid of looking stupid? Are you afraid of upsetting someone with your decision or disappointing someone? Those are all perfectionism things.
They’re also all lies you tell yourself—You shouldn’t disappoint anyone. You can’t disappoint yourself again. You can’t mess up again.
You don’t have any wiggle room to make a mistake again. If you spend this money on this thing then you’re not gonna have any more in your budget, you’re going to screw yourself over, and you’re going to regret it. It’s going to be the wrong thing. You’re going to piss your husband off.
Whatever it is, these are all lies you tell yourself. And when you tell yourself these lies they do become your reality. They do. Because your thoughts are powerful. Your thoughts and what’s going on internally will present itself in your outer world every single time. We’ve talked about this before.
If you’re focused on, “Oh my gosh, this is going to be a huge mistake. This is the wrong thing, but I’m just gonna do it anyway. I’m scared, but I’m gonna do it anyway.” Well, it’s probably not going to go super because you were so focused on how wrong it could go.
Then what you focus on expands so you’re probably going to start to see proof that you made the wrong choice and that it wasn’t the right thing. If anything, you’re going to be so mentally focused on the fact that it was the wrong choice that as you’re taking action on the thing that you decided to do, you’re going to be so focused on how wrong this was and how stupid you are for making this decision that you’re not going to be available to do the thing you decided to do or to take action on that choice.
You’re gonna make it to where it was a mistake because you’re not even focusing on the thing you just decided to do. Does that make sense? It’s hard when there’s not a specific example and I realize that, but apply this to whatever you’re struggling with right now.
Let’s apply it to Unburdened because that’s open now and that’s closing. Let’s talk about that.
Let’s say that you are somebody who is thinking, “Okay, I need to change my life. This is enough. I am so overwhelmed. I don’t know what to do. My days are really feeling crappy. I’m so exhausted. I just don’t feel good. I don’t feel good about myself. I don’t feel good about the way that I’m living. I don’t feel good about what I’m doing. I don’t feel good about the way that I talk to my kids. I don’t feel good about myself at all. And I’m just heavy.”
Well, when you’re focusing on that the answer is gonna come, right? So, “Here comes Unburdened. Hey, the doors are closing on October 1st, that night. You should join it.”
Now you start to overthink. You’re overthinking. You’re overthinking. You’re overthinking.
You’re overthinking, “Well, this is a lot of money. Even with the payment plan it’s pushing it. I’m not going to have enough money.”
Well, now you won’t because you’re focusing on it rather than, “Hey, this is something that I need. I’ve been asking for this. I have been talking about this problem, and this is the solution. I need this. How can I make this work? What am I willing to cut out? How can I be creative? How can I sell stuff we don’t need and make the money to pay for this? How can I just take a risk? What would happen?”
Obviously I’m not talking about making a dumb choice, like if you literally, physically don’t have the money and you’re in a really bad position like my family was before I started my business or something like that. I’m talking about when we overthink, we make things up, and we tell ourselves lies.
When you just dropped $300 – $500 at Costco on God only knows what. You feel like you checked out, you got your total, and you’re like, “Wait, what did I even just buy?” Then you’re struggling to invest in something like Unburdened that’s going to change your life for the better.
It’s an investment in your family’s well being and you’re overthinking, overthinking, overthinking. We all do this. You guys know what I’m talking about.
Let’s say that you go ahead and enroll and you’re freaking out, “Now I’m going to be critical. Allie better show up and change my whole life.” Which by the way is absolutely the wrong mindset to have.
When you invest in any course, book, or resource where someone is guiding you or teaching you something, it’s you that has to do the work, okay? I will show up and give you the tools, but you gotta do the work. So you get into this really critical place because you’re still rooted in fear. Even though you made the decision and you pulled the trigger, you made that choice, you enrolled, you’re still rooted in fear.
That fear comes out differently in every person, but sometimes it can come out as bitterness, resentment, and being really critical of the course or the person. You think, “Well, this isn’t doing enough for me. This isn’t what I thought it was. Nevermind.”
Or you’re just stuck. You’re just so afraid, you’re stuck. You’re not even able to take in the lessons, really hear what I’m saying, really do the journaling work, partake in the community and let myself and these other women around you scoop you up and lift you to a higher place in life because you’re still stuck in fear.
Does this make sense to you guys? This is huge. Overthinking is the cause of all of this.
Guys! This is the moment we have been waiting for for months! Unburdened is open for enrollment!
Unburdened is my signature course. It is life-coaching school with me. You will walk out the other side of this program a completely renewed, different, lighter version of yourself. I guarantee it if you do what is in this course.
Nothing is crazy. Nothing is like, “Oh my gosh! It’s so insanely time-consuming. How am I going to do this with kids, doing their school, and working?”
It’s simple. It’s bite-sized. And it packs a frickin’ punch!
Unburdened is a fan favorite program. It only opens a couple of times a year and this is it.
The doors are closing on October 2nd at midnight. Please take advantage of the fact that it’s here right now. The price is going up next time. It’s normally not available at all, so not only will you miss out on a lower cost, you will not even be able to get to it.
Unburdened will go over everything in your life, your internal, your mindset. It is a motherhood lifestyle coaching program.
The lessons pack such a serious punch. They are so pointed. They are so life-giving.
You are going to want to go back, reference, and relisten to this course over and over and over again. I know because this is what my students have been telling me for years.
I love this course so much. I believe that this course is an absolute game changer for moms who are feeling like things have to be a little bit overwhelming all the time.
Your mindset is skewed. The way that you’re interacting with your family and your kids just doesn’t feel quite how you want it. You feel like even though maybe you have some things kind of simplified, things are still really heavy.
You need to be Unburdened by getting enrolled into this program now. Absolutely this is for you!
If you are a woman, if you are a mother, and you feel like your lifestyle could be lighter, please go to unburdened.life. That’s the website. I want you to check out the info page. See if it’s for you.
There is a payment plan for you. I have got you so set up for success this time, guys. I am so excited about this!
Go and check it out.
I want you to stop overthinking.
I want you to stop spending money on everybody but yourself and think for a second what would happen if you were a better, lighter, less stressed version of yourself?
How would that affect you as a person? How would that affect your faith? How would that affect your marriage? Your relationships? How would that affect your relationships with your children?
How would that affect how you show up everywhere you show up every single week? If everything was simplified? If there were rhythms that were supporting you and how you live your life?
If you looked forward to every day? If you looked forward to every week? If the things on your calendar that make you drop a little bit inside because you’re just over it, you don’t feel right doing it, something is off, or something in your day just always feels stressful? There’s a particular time of day that you just always kind of dread? If everything was just lighter?
There is always a way to figure it out! Don’t think that the way that your life is heavy on you is an exclusion to what I am saying. There is always, always a way to figure it out and make things lighter.
Guys, Unburdened will change your life. It’s here! The doors are open! They close on October 2nd. Get in there!
Unburdened.life. I’m obviously super passionate about this. I want to see you in there!
I want to walk you through these next few weeks of your life taking one step at a time, one bite-sized chunk at a time of removing stress, infusing your life with intentionality, peace, life, and joy so you can stop living in this cycle of constant, breathless overwhelm.
Unburdened.life. If you’re a woman, if you are a mom, this course will change your life.
Note: The audio of this episode says the doors to Unburdened will close on October 1st, but I decided to extend it a day. They’ll close on October 2nd at midnight PT.
Basically, when you overthink you kill your brain cells before you even start the thing you’re overthinking about. You’re exhausted from deciding to do it. Now you have to replenish your energy to be able to actually take action because you drained yourself from making the decision.
And sometimes that energy is hard to get back because you over-thought so much about the decision, the thing that you were deciding on, you kind of have a negative feeling about it because it sucked you dry. It took all your energy because you let it, because you were overthinking so much.
Now, the thing that you were thinking about, “I can feel that I need to do this. Our family needs to move. My kid needs to go to this school instead of this school. I think I want to homeschool. I think I want to invest in this program..” Whatever it is, you overthought so much that now you kind of killed the buzz and you’re not so excited about it anymore. You stole your own joy because of overthinking.
Overthinking can end up being all of these different things or just one of them. It just depends on the circumstance and the type of person that you are. These are basically symptoms and results of overthinking. I feel like we’re kind of clear on that, and I want to give you a couple of really simple action steps that you can do to break the hold of overthinking on you.
Number One: Remove the pressure of the decision.
Everything is okay. Everything will be okay. You’re going to be fine, no matter what. It’s not like you’re choosing to throw yourself on the sword or not throw yourself on the sword.
You’re thinking about which way you should school your kids. Should you and your family move? Should you invest in this course that’s probably going to change your life? Should you read this book or that book?
With all of these decisions, no matter what you do, you will be okay. There is not always a right or wrong choice. I’m going to say that again. There is not always a right or wrong choice.
Usually it’s just, “This feels good to me and this does not feel good to me.” And that decision is all relative to you, to the timing of your story, to where you’re at in your life, to you as a person and who you are. This is all very, very relative.
We need to remove the pressure that there is a wrong way to make every single little decision. That you are going to mess up, miss out, wreck your life. Peel back for a second. Remove the pressure. Remove the right or wrong idea in your head right now.
Think about the decision. What feels really good? Does it feel really, really good to imagine your family moving into that house? Does it feel really, really good to imagine you being in this program, having someone you admire guide you through shifting your life to where it feels so much better?
Does it feel good to be surrounded by other women in that community to help, support, and walk with you? Does it feel good to step back and just pass on a decision you’re trying to make at this time and maybe just put it aside for later? Does it feel good or does it feel like you’re giving into fear?
Define what good is for you and make your decisions from that place rather than this very, very heavy loaded-with-pressure place of, “I have to make the right decision. I can’t mess up. I can’t waste money. I can’t move and then move back. It’s a right or wrong choice and I have to make the right one.”
You can always move again. You can always go back. You can always pull your kid from that school. You can always try again another time.
You can always invest in the course and take it at a later time. You can always wait for the next round. You can always change your mind.
Go back to The Purpose Show episode where we talked about how it’s okay to change your mind. We’ve got to stop creating shame and guilt around the simple human act of changing your mind.
To repeat, action step one is to remove the pressure from the decision. Step away from right and wrong and step into asking yourself, “Does this feel good for me or does it not feel good for me?” That’s how you tap into your gut.
I’m also going to repeat something that I’ve said in a previous episode that I learned from Marie Forleo. Get centered, close your eyes for a second and think about the decision, whatever it is. Let’s keep using Unburdened as an example, because it’s lighting me up at this point in time in my business and I want to focus on it.
Let’s pretend that you are not sure if you’re going to enroll in Unburdened. (If this is not your scenario then put whatever your current life scenario is in place of this example). You’re thinking about it, but you’re really overthinking. You can feel that you’re overthinking.
You can feel the fear. You feel selfish for buying something for yourself (side note: it’s not for you; it’s for your family and your legacy) and you’re just not sure. You don’t even know.
You’re trying to remove right and wrong. You’re removing the pressure, and you’re asking what feels good or doesn’t feel good. You’re so caught in the overthinking cycle that you don’t even know what feels good or doesn’t feel good for you.
Here’s a trick. Deep breath. Close your eyes. Think about nothing. Clear everything from your head.
Now think about the decision. Think about enrolling in Unburdened and finally having me to coach you through this. Think about having that community, having those women around you to support you, to ask questions, to ask for help. Think about being at those live calls with me, being in that energy with me, changing your life in just a few weeks, creating more boundaries, more space, more rhythm for you to thrive.
Think about buying the course. Think about the number it costs (whether you’re getting the light version or the full version). Think about getting in there.
Now, do you feel yourself contract inside? Do you feel yourself tighten up like, “Oh, this is not right. This is not what I should be doing.” Or do you feel yourself expand and open up to the idea? Do you contract and tighten up? Or expand?
Does the idea make your soul rise up, open up, expand, and it feels so good? Or do you feel like maybe even your shoulders are hunched over? You’re contracting. You’re not expanding at all. You’re very closed up and tense.
That is how you tell if something feels good or doesn’t feel good for you right now. Overthinking now has no place.
The second and final action step I’m going to give you is in relation to fear. The trickiest part about stopping overthinking and making a decision is that a lot of the time the decision that’s going to feel good and be right for you also has fear behind it. It can feel like, “Oh, well I feel really afraid, so that’s obviously the wrong choice.”
But hold on. The decision that may feel really good for you and be right for you (we’re not really doing right and wrong, but you know what I mean) will probably have some fear behind it. But it’s an “I’m excited” anxious fear. A trepidatious fear.
It’s like you’re terrified you’ll fail. You’re terrified you’ll waste money, waste time, disappoint someone or yourself. But you feel it pulling you forward still. Does that make sense?
It’s like you have to lean into the fear. And that’s the second action step: Lean into the right kind of fear because you have to listen to the message behind the fear. Why are you afraid of doing this? Why you’re afraid is the clue to what you should do.
Because being afraid of failing at something, being afraid of not doing something that you really want to do is a clue that you care about doing that thing. It’s the thing that’s going to make your soul expand. It’s important to you.
The fear—if it’s not a good feeling—is like, “I feel very low. I feel very contracted. This is not right for me. I do not want to move to that house. I do not feel good about it. I do not want to enroll in that. I do not want to move here. I do not want my kids to go to that school.” You know that you’re contracted, and that’s a no.
But when you feel expansive and you feel like, “Yes, that would be so good!” But then all of a sudden all the fears come up—”What if they get bullied at that school? What if we move and then we decide we don’t want to live there after all? What if I enroll and then I don’t take action? What if I enroll, I can’t get a refund, and I’m freaking out.” Those are all fears because it’s important to you.
You have those fears because you’re a human being. It’s normal, and you wouldn’t be afraid if you didn’t really want it. You wouldn’t be afraid if it wasn’t important to you.
Action step one: Remove the pressure of the decision and peel back to just asking, “Do you contract or expand when you think about doing it?”
Number two: Lean into the fear. The fear is usually a clue that you are fearful because you care about this thing, because you want to do it. The fear is often a clue of what you should do.
I’m going to leave it there because it really does get to be that simple you guys. Overthinking is holding you back from everything you want. And it’s your choice. You get to decide if you’re going to stop or not.
On this note, Unburdened is closing, okay? It’s closing tomorrow night at midnight. This is it. If you’re listening to this when it comes out, October 1st, then that evening is it.
This has been a massive launch. I have completely reworked this program. I have raised the price because I’m raising the level we’re working at. I am showing up live with you guys once a week. There is a community of women who will help you and work with you.
My team is in there. I’m in there. You’re getting life coaching with me when you get the life coaching version.
There is a more affordable version if you just can’t swing it that has less content in it and I’m not going to be there. It’s not a five-week program. It’s not that. It’s just some of the crux things that will unburden your life and make a big difference. That is there for you.
So either way you pick based on your budget, go ahead. But don’t run away from fear because you’ve never done that before. You’ve never invested in your family like that before. You’re feeling nervous. What if you don’t take action on it?
You get to decide that you will. You get to decide. You get to figure out what time of day is going to be best for you. You get to figure out if you spend your Sunday night doing that. You get to figure it out.
That’s on you. There’s no, “What if I can’t?” You can, because you are you.
If you don’t, then you didn’t. It wasn’t because you couldn’t. You are in charge.
We moms have to stop giving away our power. We have to stop acting like we are victims to our own selves and we can’t make any decisions. We have to stop overthinking and take freaking action.
If you have been complaining about your life. If you have been struggling internally. If you feel like you can’t even manage your own family.
It’s heavy. It’s a lot. The schedule, the to-do list, the house, the kids. Who are you?
What are your boundaries? People are draining your energy. You feel like you’re lost. You feel like you don’t have a handle on your life.
Unburdened will change the game. I believe in this course so strongly. I have poured all of my energy into it. I am raising the bar.
I’ve talked about this before, but I raised the price of Unburdened pretty substantially because I’m raising the bar for myself. And I’m hoping that you will too. I want to call in women to this program who are ready to go to the next level. They are ready to really show up for themselves and their families.
They are ready to really go all the way in. They’re not screwing around. They’re there, all the way there. They are behind me. They’re with me.
They are raising their vibration. They are raising the bar for themselves. They are raising themselves to a new, higher standard of purpose, of clear, empty space in their lives for them to freaking live, stop maintaining their lives, be present for them, and really find joy and purpose.
Cause you know what girl? The soccer practice, the running around, the errands, the dishes, the laundry, the cleaning up, the maintaining, the nagging, the homework, all of that. That is not your way. That is not your truest way.
Those are mundane side notes and they do not deserve to be taking up a large amount of your brain space. They can be automated. They can be set into rhythms. I can help you simplify.
I can help you move that crap out of the way so that you have space for your actual real way. Who you are as a woman. You’re not just a mom. Who are you as a person? What do you even like to do? Who even are you?
Getting yourself clear and in ownership of the life you’re living where all of these mundane side notes are exactly that—mundane side notes. They need to be handled. You need to clean up. You need to take your kids to soccer practice. You need to do this and that.
Sure. But they are mundane side notes. They are no longer heavy, weighted stressors just adding burden after burden after burden to you to where you have lost yourself, your energy, your drive and your joy.
Let’s reclaim it. I am raising the bar. Unburdened is going to be massive this round! I’ve raised the bar because I want to call in women who are raising the bar for themselves to stop overthinking and take action.
It’s open now and closes tomorrow night. If this was for you, I want to see you in there! I want to hear your story. Post it in the group after you enroll.
I love you guys so much!
Unburdened or not, stop overthinking. Remember the action steps. You got this! I love you guys so much!
Thanks so much for hanging out with me! In case you didn’t know, there’s actually an exclusive community that’s been created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions around The Purpose Show episodes. It’s designed to get you to actually take action and make the positive changes that we talk about here. I want you to go and be a part of it. To do that, go to alliecasazza.com/facebookgroup.
Thank you so much for tuning in! If you’d like to learn more about me, how I can help you, how you can implement all these things and more into your life to make it simpler, better, and more abundant, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, online courses, programs, and other resources to help you create the life you really want.
I am always rooting for you, friend! See you next time! I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.
Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.