Ep 195: Business Tip: Stop Seeking Validation From Other People

If you’ve got a business idea, you’ve got a passion, you’ve got a dream, you need to stop looking for other people to validate you. In today’s episode I’m telling you why and how I learned the same lesson years ago. Let’s jump in!

 

 

In This Episode Allie Discusses:

  • What kept her from starting her business for months

  • Why you need to not let the same thing happen to you

Mentioned in this Episode:

Instagram

Courses (Use the code PURPOSESHOW for 10% off!)

The Purpose Show Facebook Community

Business With Ease

 


BUSINESS WITH EASE

This bundle includes my most-requested business training videos + a workbook to help you do the inner work along the way.

  • Uncover and overcome self-sabotage
  • Identify and flip your limiting beliefs
  • Finally say goodbye to the feast-or-famine cycle
  • Make more money by working less
  • Become a content creating machine
  • Get my affirmations for business & success – I say these every morning!
 

Mom life. We’re surrounded by the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. We’re supposed to get through it. Survive. Cling on by the last little thread. And at the same time, Carpe Diem—enjoy every moment because it’s going to go by so fast. The typical mom culture that sends us all kinds of mixed, typically negative messages. We shouldn’t take care of ourselves; it’s selfish. The more ragged you run yourself, the bigger your badge of honor. But also, ditch your mom bod and work out. Don’t yell. Make more money. Show up. Be better, but not at the expense of time with your kids. I am putting a hard stop to all of this. While being a mom, running a business, and whatever else you might have going on is hard, it is a lot and there’s lots of giving of yourself, the idea that motherhood means living a joyless, nonstop-hustle-with-zero-balance kind of life, where you give and give and give and never take, needs to stop. 

I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime (at least most days). Stop the mom guilt and shame game. Stop cleaning up after your kids’ childhood and start being present for it. I want to help you thrive in work, home and life. I believe in John 10:10 that we are called to living an abundant life and I know moms are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, some business and life hacks, spirituality and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.


Hello, my friends! Welcome back to The Purpose Show podcast. Today we are talking business. 

I have a story to tell! Once upon a time in 2016 I was dreaming of creating this business. I was working really hard behind the scenes. I had a vision. I knew what I wanted to create and I believed that I could do it. I believed it was going to be epic. 

I started finding people online who had reached where I wanted to go. They were already at the top of the mountain (in my mind anyway). I was looking to be inspired and looking to surround myself with people who were inspirational and were living the reality that I wanted to make my own. 

By the way, if you guys haven’t listened to Episode 6, you definitely should go back and do that. I’ll link it for you in the show notes, or you can just search The Purpose Show Episode 006 and it’ll come right up. 

At this time my family was beyond incredibly, incredibly broke. It was taking up a ton of brain space every day to figure out where our next meal was going to come from. Quite literally. It was that bad. 

I was building this business and I had this big hope that it was going to become something big and we would not have to worry about money anymore. And that I would be able to not only not worry about money for myself anymore, but help other people not worry about money anymore. I had this big vision. 

I was watching people’s live streams, learning from business experts and these big successful gurus that were on the internet and just soaking up all the free advice I could get. And one day I was on a livestream with a really well-known business expert. This person was basically offering a free, live Q & A. 

It was quick, rapid fire business coaching right there on the live stream. I was so excited! They said, “Tell me what your niche is and ask your question.” 

So, I put a question in the chat. I said, “I want to help moms lighten their load. I want to help them live more simply. I want to help them do that through decluttering first and then branch out into all these other things. And here’s my question…”

I don’t remember what my question was. It was just a basic business question that I didn’t know at the time. 

I respected this person so much; I was hanging onto their every word. And they told me, there on the live, that moms don’t spend money on these sort of things for themselves. That my business idea was bad and I needed to come up with a different business idea quickly if I wanted to ever make any money. 

Side note: Let’s change motherhood and the expectations of mothers so that this cannot be said about us anymore. So it can’t be said that we’re not the type of people who spend money on these types of things. That we’re not the type of people who spend money on bettering ourselves. That’s a stereotype and we need to banish it for good! Ok. End of side note. 

Because this happened, because this advice was given to me I didn’t start my business for 6-9 months. It affected me. I felt crushed. I felt smashed. 

I thought, “Oh, I’ve been working on this. I’ve been dreaming of this. I’ve been putting it together and I wanted it to get going. And here it is totally just thrown away like it is stupid and pointless, and nothing.” 

And I let that affect me. I let that keep me from actually working on my business and really getting it started for 6-9 months. But here’s the thing, that idea, the idea for the business that I have now, it wouldn’t leave me alone. 

I couldn’t get it out of my head. I kept seeing myself leading women. I kept having these dreams, visions, and thoughts flooding me about doing what I am doing right now. 

About making a difference, making an impact, sharing what I had learned in my own motherhood. Turning what I had learned into programs designed by me, a mom, for other moms to help them do what I did the shortcut way and to not have to figure it out the hard way. 

That idea would not leave me alone. I kept getting creative spurts where I would get an idea for a specific piece of content or I’d think, “What if I started a podcast? What if I created this course?”

It just wouldn’t die. And eventually I started my business anyway. Because I was at rock bottom there was nowhere else to go but up, so what did I have to lose? What if this person was wrong?


There are certain things that not a lot of people talk about that are totally clogging your creative flow and making things more complicated than they need to be in your business. 

Just like I love to help you guys simplify your home and your lives, I love helping you make business easy. 

I know that word is hard for some people to process, but it really can be easy. It can flow. It can be simpler, good, and work around your life.

Because your life shouldn’t be working around your business. Your business needs to be fitting in around your life because we started businesses to have more freedom and to focus more on what matters. And if we’re not careful then it can flip the other way around where we don’t want. 

What I’ve got for you guys is a special price on my bundle called Business With Ease.

This bundle includes my most requested business trainings, videos, workbook, and all kinds of good stuff to help you do the inner work along the way in your business to really unblock yourself. 

We’re going to uncover and overcome all the different ways that self-sabotage can come in. 

Self-sabotage looks like you have a goal in your business and you want to get there, but you just seem to keep not doing it. Or you make things harder for yourself by procrastinating or being perfectionistic. 

Self-sabotage has all kinds of different masks that it wears. We’re going to get to the bottom of it for you, specifically in your life and business, and we’re going to get over it so you can really be overcoming that self-sabotage, not letting it creep back in, and you’ll be able to recognize it in the future so it will never have that power over you.

We’re also going to identify and flip any limiting beliefs that are holding you back, because your beliefs form your thoughts which form your actions. Getting to the root of those beliefs is everything in business. 

We’re also going to say goodbye to the feast and famine cycle in your business, when you go from feast to famine, feast to famine, month to month. You have a really, really big month in your business and then you’ll have a really, really low or nothing month in your business. 

I’m going to show you how to get that revenue consistent all the time without working more. 

I’m super good at this. This is how I run my business. I’m really excited about that part. 

I’m going to help you make more money by working even less. 

I’m going to help you become a content creating machine so you’re never having to sit down at your desk and think, “What should I post today?”

And to back you up and get in between all this good stuff and support you, I’m going to give you my affirmations for business and success. 

These are the affirmations I say just about every single morning, sometimes more than once a day if I’m having a rough day.

These are the affirmations that I spoke out loud, over myself, over my business, over my life when I was building my company and was super, super broke and things were really hard. 

These are the words and the statements I spoke out that formed new beliefs instead of limiting beliefs and they carried me through to where I am today in my business. 

Guys, this bundle is literally loaded. It’s amazing. It’s valued at over $600. It’s $99 for you right now, but you’ve got to go to alliecasazza.com/bizwithease to snag it. 

That’s alliecasazza.com/bizwithease

I can’t wait to see you in there! This is a really, really good one!

*Note: The special offer on Business With Ease has ended. The regular price for this product is $197.


Today, as you guys are listening to this podcast, there are over six and a half million podcast downloads of The Purpose Show, which I started in 2018. 

There’s almost $4 million in sales. 

I have over 24,000 students in my programs. 

I have over 200,000 email subscribers, and I keep my email list very pruned so these are active, engaged email subscribers. 

I have 113,000 followers on Facebook and 94,000 followers on Instagram. 

I’ve created more than 15 jobs, and those are families that my business supports plus my own. 

I have taken my family with me all over the country, soon to be the world.

I’m living my dream life. I get to be here with my children. I get to be spending time with my family. I get to be doing the work that I love, that I’m good at, that I was made to do. I’m living that top-of-the-mountain reality that I saw years ago in my head and wasn’t sure if I could get to. 

But I was determined. I brought my dream to this expert person and they told me it wasn’t going to work. But it doesn’t matter what this business genius told me, why they said that, or whatever their limiting beliefs were. It doesn’t matter because it’s not their business. It’s my business. 

And here’s the takeaway: You can’t look to someone on the outside to validate what is calling to you on the inside. You can’t get your validation from someone else because here’s the thing: Everything is projection. 

That person was projecting assumptions and beliefs about how the world works, about moms, and about business onto me. And it ended up not being true. I held off for months on doing what I knew I needed to do because I placed my validation on this other person rather than listening to what I knew for myself was right.

Imagine if I had never picked my laptop back up and kept going. Motherhood would look different across the globe if I had listened and not started what’s been started. If I had not done what’s been done. And I know that now. Who knows how much truer that will be a year from now, because I’m going to continue doing the work.

Figuring out what you want to do is the hardest part, you guys. It’s the hardest part. I personally know a lot of people who are stuck wanting to change their lives because they don’t know how. 

If you’ve already figured out what you want, you’ve got a huge head start and you’re doing great. But protect it. Protect yourself. Protect your ideas. Protect your energy. 

Be careful who you let speak into your life. Be careful. Do not put validation of your ideas, validation of who you are, validation of your dreams on other people, because it is not theirs. It’s yours. 

It’s one thing to ask for advice, but take it with a grain of salt. You hold your validation. You hold your dream. You hold your business close, because it’s yours. 

There is a reason you feel passionate about what you feel passionate about. And it’s pretty likely that almost everybody else is not going to share in that. 

They can give you business advice. They can tell you what worked for them. But don’t look for validation outside of yourself. You can’t. It’s irresponsible. 

I started 6-9 months later than I would have because I put my validation on this other business expert. I didn’t believe in myself enough. I didn’t believe in my idea. I didn’t listen to my gut.

I didn’t believe in my intuition enough to validate myself and just ask for advice with a specific course or a specific question or whatever it was, take it with a grain of salt and know that I am grounded in who I am. 

I am grounded in my ideas. I am grounded in my passion. I am grounded in what I feel pulled to do, enough to where someone else can’t come and take that from me. 

That’s not where I was at then and it affected me greatly. It took away my headstart. I started later than I would have.

Everything worked out and everything happens for a reason. And here we are. But I didn’t validate myself and that’s a lack of respect for myself. 

That’s a lack of faith and belief in God, because God’s the one that gave me that divine download, that divine inspiration, that divine idea to start this business. You’re on here listening on this platform because of this business, because of this message, because of that passion, because of those ideas that got dropped into my head.

Do not seek validation outside because no one is going to give it to you until you prove it. That’s just the way the world works. And by then, you’ve already proved it. You already did it and you don’t need it. 

People are so quick to give you validation when you’ve made it. But I hadn’t made it. I was just a really broke girl with a bunch of kids and a dream based on an idea that I was told was stupid. 

What if I hadn’t just kept going? What if it wasn’t a 6-9 month pause? What if it was just an idea that I threw in the trash can? 

We wouldn’t be here today. Things would look different. People’s motherhoods would look different. People’s lives would be worse. 

I get the DM’s telling me that every day. And that has nothing to do with me and everything to do with my message getting out there. 

God chose my voice to be the conduit for a message. It was my responsibility to say yes to that. It was my purpose to say yes to that. 

I looked for that validation in another person whom I deeply admired and respected. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but there is something not right about looking for other people to tell you that you’re worthy, that you are good enough.

When you know inside, you’ve got that intuitive pull, and you just know, “That’s it!” That’s validation. Follow it. Seek advice. Read books. Ask questions. 

Look at what other people are doing and notice what speaks to you, what feels good to you and if you would really like to do things that way too. 

Learn, grow, and commune with others. Talk, ask questions, and keep going. 

But don’t look for that validation outside because you might not get it. It’s not something you’re supposed to go get from someone else. It’s already yours.


Thanks so much for hanging out with me! In case you didn’t know, there’s actually an exclusive community that’s been created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions around The Purpose Show episodes. It’s designed to get you to actually take action and make the positive changes that we talk about here. I want you to go and be a part of it. To do that, go to alliecasazza.com/facebookgroup

Thank you so much for tuning in! If you’d like to learn more about me, how I can help you, how you can implement all these things and more into your life to make it simpler, better, and more abundant, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, online courses, programs, and other resources to help you create the life you really want. 

I am always rooting for you, friend! See you next time! I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.