My guest today is Dr. Laura Froyen. She teaches conscious parenting and conscious communication with tons of grace and compassion. She also has a podcast called The Balanced Parent and today we’re talking about raising highly sensitive kids. We’re going to talk about what to do if you have a highly sensitive kid in your family. This episode is intended to be highly supportive of you as a parent. Let’s dive in!

Mentioned in this Episode:

Instagram

Courses (Use the code PURPOSESHOW for 10% off!)

The Purpose Show Facebook Community

Declutter Like A Mother Book

The Balanced Parent Podcast

Alyssa Boyer The Purpose Show Episode

Your Happiest Holidays

The Balanced Parent Instagram

Allie Casazza Instagram

The Explosive Child by Ross Green

Mom life. We’re surrounded by the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. We’re supposed to get through it. Survive. Cling on by the last little thread. And at the same time, Carpe Diem—enjoy every moment because it’s going to go by so fast. The typical mom culture that sends us all kinds of mixed, typically negative messages. We shouldn’t take care of ourselves; it’s selfish. The more ragged you run yourself, the bigger your badge of honor. But also, ditch your mom bod and work out. Don’t yell. Make more money. Show up. Be better, but not at the expense of time with your kids. I am putting a hard stop to all of this. While being a mom, running a business, and whatever else you might have going on is hard, it is a lot and there’s lots of giving of yourself, the idea that motherhood means living a joyless, nonstop-hustle-with-zero-balance kind of life, where you give and give and give and never take, needs to stop. 

I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime (at least most days). Stop the mom guilt and shame game. Stop cleaning up after your kids’ childhood and start being present for it. I want to help you thrive in work, home and life. I believe in John 10:10 that we are called to living an abundant life and I know moms are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, some business and life hacks, spirituality and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.

Welcome to The Purpose Show podcast! It is an absolute honor to be spending some time with you today. Thank you for letting me be a part of your day and letting me be an influence to you. 

This episode is intended to be highly supportive of you as a parent. My guest today is Dr. Laura Froyen. She has her Ph.D in Human Development and Family Studies with a specialization in Couple and Family Therapy. She is seriously such an expert. 

She is so wise and so grounded. Being in her energy, listening to her speak and teach is so helpful on its own, and then of course the added bonus of what it is that she’s saying and teaching is so incredible. 

Laura combines trauma informed practices with the latest in child development research to help families find more peace and more connection as a family unit, which is beautiful. She does such a great job at that. 

She teaches conscious parenting, which I love. I love that phrase. She teaches conscious communication with tons of grace and compassion. She has a podcast called The Balanced Parent and she also has courses and programs.

Today our topic is: Raising highly sensitive kids. This is a topic that has been highly requested by you guys, especially after a semi recent episode with Alyssa Boyer on being a highly sensitive person yourself. 

We’re going to talk about what to do if you have a highly sensitive kid in your family. This is a really helpful conversation, so get ready to take notes or relisten later if you’re driving or something, because it’s really, really good. And as always, we end with some really actionable steps to take. Don’t be overwhelmed. Time to know better and do better.

ALLIE: Hi friend! Welcome back! This is episode two together.

LAURA:  Thanks for having me! 

ALLIE: Everyone knows now what you do, what you specialize in, and the amazing gifts that you bring to our world. 

We had an episode come out recently with Alyssa Boyer about if you’re a highly sensitive person or an HSP, what that looks like, what that means, and how to navigate that. So many women were resonating with that and feeling really seen. 

It brought up a conversation in my Instagram community in particular about what if you are raising an HSP, what if one of your children is extremely sensitive, how can you serve them and support them in all of that? That’s what I want to dive into with you today.

Laura, can you explain what it means to be an HSP? What does it look like?

LAURA: One way to think about it is that for highly sensitive people the world is turned up for them. They perceive more. They sense more. 

They are more aware and awake. The world can be an overwhelming place for highly sensitive people. We feel things more intensely. 

The research on highly sensitive people is super cool too. We have these mirror neurons in our brains and for highly sensitive people they’re more active, which means highly sensitive people tend to take on other people’s emotions more. 

We’re more sensitive. We can tap into compassion quite a lot easier. We perceive more. We seem more in touch, in tune, and aware. 

There are times where, because of that intensity that we have, we get put into negative labels. We’re dramatic. We’re over the top. We are too sensitive. 

We take things too personally. We are slow to warm up or we’re really shy, which is really just a misunderstanding of the depth of processing that happens. 

That’s another thing that highly sensitive people do is when we take new information in it takes sus a lot of time to process it because we’re taking more information in than the average person. Fifteen to twenty percent of the population identifies as highly sensitive, so there’s not a whole lot of us.

But we also serve a really good purpose and function in this world. We’re kind of like the canary. We are here to wake the world up. We’re here to be innovative, to be creative, to see the details really clearly. There are beautiful parts to being sensitive. 

ALLIE: It helped me understand myself so much when I was first learning and reading about this. It answered the ‘why’ question for me. This is why when I go somewhere with Brian, my mom, or someone else in my life who isn’t an HSP and I say, Oh my gosh, did you feel that crazy energy shift when this person walked in?

And they won’t have even realized that someone else walked in. I’ll get super overstimulated. My skin will be crawling and I’ll need to leave. 

I’ve said often throughout my adult life that I’m such a baby or that I’m super high maintenance. I don’t say those things anymore, but it is how it felt much of the time. 

LAURA: There’s this concept in psychology called “the orchid children versus dandelion children.” Highly sensitive people are orchids. We’re kind of picky, finicky, a little sensitive, a little high-maintenance about our environments. 

What that means is that when the environment is not suited to us, we can really struggle. We get overwhelmed. We get overstimulated. Kids who are really sensitive and grew up in homes in an environment that’s not well suited for them, have more anxiety and depression. We don’t do so well. 

A dandelion child can pop up between the cracks in the sidewalk. They are super resilient. 

ALLIE: I’m assigning flowers to my kids. It helps you see how that makes sense. 

LAURA: Yeah, absolutely. 

So often we think about this flip side, but what’s beautiful about highly sensitive kids is as this orchid, when we are in the right environment, we really flourish. We’re really beautiful. We are a gift to the world. 

What’s fascinating about this research on parenting highly sensitive people is that they’re the kids that we have the most impact on, the most ability to influence their outcomes, which can feel like a lot of pressure, but it feels really exciting for me as a parent. 

ALLIE: Yeah. It feels empowering. I want to influence my kids and I hope they’re listening. I hope that they’re getting it. 

My child that’s highly sensitive is more that way. I can tell by the way that he is, the way he speaks, the things he’ll remember. He is really paying attention.”

LAURA: They are. They really cut to the core.

We had a situation like that this morning where my daughter got up at 10:30 in the night, which she normally doesn’t do. My husband had trouble getting back to sleep and he mentioned that to m,lm e. She overheard it and she just lost it. 

She was so upset. She felt like everybody was mad at her because daddy’s tired now, which was not what happened at all. But she picked up on the tiniest little nuance and took it in so deeply. 

That’s one of the things that highly sensitive people do. They’re wired that way. There’s a genetic piece to it as well. 

ALLIE: How do we get like this? Is there a tension with this? Is there stress or a debate over this? Because people get really heated. 

They will message me and tell me: This is from trauma. You are highly sensitive because of trauma. 

And I’m like, Well, as far as I know my kid hasn’t gone through trauma. I didn’t necessarily go through trauma. I have been this way for as long as I can remember.

LAURA: There are different schools of thought. The term ‘highly sensitive’ came out of a collection of negative things that psychologists were talking about. Things like ‘slow to warm’ or ‘difficult temperaments.’ 

The person who really did the groundbreaking work on this really encouraged us to change the way we were talking about this underlying personality trait, this cluster of traits that some people have. There are genetic markers for it. 

It exists in over a hundred species that they’ve looked at. There is an evolutionary component that really indicates to us that this is a benefit for our society to have a certain percentage of people who are sensitive. 

I think the trauma piece comes in how we cope with this, how we learn how to cope. If we grew up in a home where we’re being told constantly that we are over dramatic, that we’re too sensitive, that our reactions are not in alignment with what’s happening, where we’re getting gas lit, those things can absolutely be traumatic. 

Then how we go on and inform strategies for responding to the world and our own internal dialogue, how we think and talk about ourselves internally, those pieces I think are heavily influenced by our experiences. 

ALLIE: That expression that your parents’ voice becomes your inner voice may just be extra true and sooner for highly sensitive kids. 

LAURA: I don’t want to put too much blame on parents either. Kids come to conclusions about themselves and about how their parents feel about themselves that often are based on miscommunications from the parents too. 

ALLIE: That sucks. 

LAURA: It does suck. Parents could do everything right and then our kids are still people who come to their own conclusions. 

As soon as the kid’s voice starts moving inside, around that three-year-old age, when they are three they narrate all their play. You hear all the thoughts that go through their head around for that really comes inside. We have less awareness of what they’re thinking. 

They’re already crafting an inner critic at that point in time. They are already creating the narratives of who they are and their place in the world. I think it’s really important for us to talk about how are we talking about these kids? How are we talking about them out loud? How are we talking about them in our own heads? 

I know you talk about this a lot—that labels and words matter. And they matter, especially for these kids, because these kids can tell. Even if we’re not saying it, they know when we’re thinking something negative about them. You know what I mean? 

ALLIE: Yeah. That’s so crazy. I mean, it’s so crazy. I feel like there is a pressure there. It does increase the pressure on the parents. 

Before we get into how to handle these kids, how can we handle our own self? As if mom guilt isn’t already taking over everyone enough, how can we speak to ourselves about parenting these HSP kids and that increase of pressure, that guilt of: Well, it’s already hard enough. Now I have another thing.

It sometimes can feel like your kids are already a lot and now there’s this added layer, this other extra thing for this one person or multiple people that you’re raising that you have to take care of and keep up with. 

LAURA: Yeah. Okay. First of all, I just want to reassure everybody that the overwhelming message from nearly a hundred years of child development research is that good enough parenting is where it is at, especially for these kids. 

We do not need to be perfect. We do not need to nail every interaction. Having mistakes is a beautiful opportunity to sensitively, empathetically, and compassionately model the repair process. 

We don’t have to get this perfect. The good enough thing is what we should be shooting for—70/30, round in there. And being really kind to ourselves.  

Adults, if we’ve been highly sensitive our whole lives, we’ve gotten the message coming up through our culture that we’re too much, too sensitive, turn it off, shut it down, right? So we are really not great at listening to our intuition, listening to our body, checking in. 

What do I need right now? What would feel good? What would feel soothing? How can I cope with a world that’s not made for me? 

Kids don’t have that baggage, which is super cool. This means you don’t even need a book or some expert like me to tell you what to do. All you need to do is to talk to your kid. Your kid 100% knows what they need. 

Their intuition is not turned off. It’s beautifully still on. You can nurture that throughout their whole childhood. They know what they need. It’s a beautiful thing. 

That is really calming to me. I don’t need to know all the things. All I need to know what to do is how to ask my kid. 

ALLIE: That’s such a huge reliever of weight, honestly. We know how to talk to ourselves. We know it’s okay to not be perfect. We’re going for B- parenting work and that’s the best way to go about it. We know the signs of having a child that is a HSP.  

Let’s go into a very common, basically daily, scenario of raising a highly sensitive child. The absolutely-heartbreaking-my-world-is-over meltdown of tears and distraught. And for my sensitive kid it’s almost like self-blame—This is all my fault and I’m just broken. 

And I’m just sitting here like, You’re so little. Why are you thinking that? Even though I relate, I just don’t want him to go through that. 

When we have these meltdowns of complete sadness, that “don’t fit” whatever the situation is, what are the steps? What does a parent do?

LAURA: If we think about feelings as waves, these are the kids who have tsunami feelings. Just huge waves. It’s so tempting as parents to want to lesson the wave for their own comfort, because we love them. We don’t want them to be in pain. 

Often we are also highly sensitive. We have those neurons firing too and so their pain really is our pain and it feels overwhelming for us, so there’s this temptation to dampen, and that’s what we don’t want to do.

We want to teach them to ride the waves of their feelings. This is one of the beautiful gifts of being a highly sensitive person, is that even though their sadness, their pain, their anger is higher, so is their joy, their wonder, their curiosity, their passion. 

We can’t dampen just the negative emotions. If we start dampening, we start limiting the range of the human experience of emotions and one of their greatest gifts is how big their range is, you know? We don’t want to dampen it. 

In the moment it looks like just riding the wave with them, teaching them to surf it. You’re here with them. You’re accepting all of their emotions. 

You’re allowing all their emotions. You are not taking them on as your own. You’re letting them flow through you, not stay stuck in you.

We can talk about all the senses, but because these kids are so sensitive, when they’re in their feelings, when they’re having a meltdown, it’s often because they are so overloaded, they’ve been so overstimulated. 

These are the kids who when you try to talk about their feelings often will say, Shut up. Don’t say that. Don’t talk about it. Don’t talk to me. Go away. 

Sometimes we need to give them space. Sometimes we need to say almost nothing. Sometimes just listening works better for them because they can’t handle more auditory stimulation coming in. 

I know it’s infuriating to some parents. These are the kids who will cover their ears and say, La, la, la. I can’t hear you when they’re in a big feeling.

We need to see that for what it is. That’s an attempt to very wisely regulate the sensory input that’s coming in for these very sensitive kids. So saying less, sticking with them, calming yourself, or letting the emotions flow. 

The reality is that most big feelings last no more than 90 seconds, and that’s for all of us, so if we can just sit there for a minute and a half. If it’s hard for you, you can talk to yourself in the midst of it, All right. We’re 30 seconds in. There might be another wave after it, but we can do this. We can sit here and hold space for them. 

Then it’s afterwards that you start taking a look at what is it that set them off. There’s an analogy that I really like to teach that comes from Ross Green. He has a book called The Explosive Child.

ALLIE: We were just talking about that in the Unburdened group. One of the girls was having a boundary issue with one of her kids and that book popped into my head. I don’t read parenting books ever, but that one is incredible. 

LAURA: It’s so good. It’s so good that I went out and got certified in his method because it’s so powerful. How he talks about these meltdowns, these big explosions is that these explosions are nothing more than a symptom of an underlying issue.

We can go in and treat a fever with ibuprofen or Tylenol. But we don’t go into that thinking that Tylenol or ibuprofen is going to cure the flu that the kid has, right? We know that there’s a virus in their body and that it’s just got to get worked out. 

When we go in and teach calm down strategies to a kid who’s having a meltdown, when we go in and try to teach breathing strategies, those are great, but those are Tylenol. We have to really understand that it’s just treating a symptom. 

If we want to really treat the underlying issue, we’ve got to go further upstream and take a look at what set them off. 

This happens a lot for kids after they get home from school. If your highly sensitive kid has been at school all day, they have been bombarded with fluorescent lighting, lots of sound and activity, lots of people’s emotions. It’s a lot. Understanding that maybe they need a self care ritual when they get home from school that you do every day, that is soothing to their nervous system, helps them decompress, engages senses that need a little bit of uplifting, gives them opportunities to decrease the senses, their sensory experience, where they need it. 

For example, my daughter since she was probably four (she’s nine now), we would come home every day and have a candlelit bath. We would draw a deep bath, light candles, very soothing, some essential oils going. She would lay back and I would help her float so that her ears were under the water. And that little cocoon of sensory deprivation was what her nervous system needed in order to do well. 

Kids do well when they can. When they’re having these big feelings, it’s an indication that they are overwhelmed more than anything else. They don’t have behavior problems. 

There’s nothing wrong with them. They just happen to be living in a world that’s not designed for them, that’s not suited to them. 

Hi love! This is for you if you are feeling overwhelmed about the holidays and all the stuff, all the busyness, all the run-ins with people you haven’t seen in a long time. Everything that this time of year tends to bring to people that feels heavy. 

I want to invite you into one of my mini courses, Your Happiest Holidays. This course is only $39.

Honestly, it’s such a steal because it is really, truly, packed with that load lightening content that you need to get permission to do things differently this year. 

If you’re not enjoying the holiday season, then honestly, your family’s not really going to enjoy it because so much of our kids’ childhood is experienced through us. 

Kids can feel it. They can feel when we’re just like, “Ugh, I just want this to be over.” And honestly, is that what you want? Is that what you want for your own holiday experience? 

Every time of year is meant to be enjoyed and no one gets to come in and steal that from you. Nothing, no standard set by society about how the holidays work with gifts and traditions gets to steal that from you either. 

But how do you shift it when it’s always been done this way? When you might disappoint your family? When you might disappoint your kids? When you feel like you have to do it all in order for it to be fully enjoyed by everyone else?

This is where Your Happiest Holidays course comes in.

This short and powerful video course is going to help you get intentional, simplify, and enjoy the holiday season by teaching you how to set the intent for your holiday season, how to decorate your home in a really beautiful way that feels good without it getting super cluttered, and also pursuing less this season. 

It’s going to teach you how to encourage your partner to engage in a more minimal holiday mindset when they’re very resistant to it, or they love to go all out and that’s causing some stress.

It will help you learn how to transition your kids to a simpler holiday, how to make new traditions that feel really good that you’re excited about.

You will learn how to buy and receive gifts with a simpler mindset. 

It will help you learn what to do when the holidays are over. 

This is really packed full! It’s really going to help you! And you’ll have it forever. It’s $39! 

Go to alliecasazza.com/holiday to simplify this time of the year, really feel good about it, and finally enjoy it today!

ALLIE: Parents whose schedule is really hectic and busy, before bed is such an opportunity. 

I’m just giving some ideas from my own experience to add to what you’re saying. 

I’ve talked a lot about how we will rotate. We’re not going to do all four kids in activities all the time, because it makes our schedule too hectic and I can’t do stuff like this. I’m not available to pour into the kids, give them space, and have a relationship with them. I’m just not. It’s my limit. 

We made my HSP kid really just basically mirroring how I always felt. Our schedule was really busy. We like being busy. I enjoy having a lot to go to. 

I love doing baseball with the kids. Bella does horses. We had all these things and I liked it. But he just wasn’t doing well. 

This was when we started the rotation where we’re only going to do one thing at a time and I am okay to miss it and have Brian take them if I need to hang back with my little sensitive one or whatever is needed. 

I want to give you guys permission. It is okay to shift the way that your family is doing things to cater to the sensitive one. It is okay to slow down. It’s okay to go counterculture. It’s about cultivating relationships, not just being busy for the sake of being busy or letting the kids try all these different things. 

We used to have a rule where everybody had to be in an activity because I wanted them to find out who they are and what they like. And this particular kid just didn’t want to do any. He isn’t a sports person. He just wants to hang out and read. And so that’s what he does. And that’s okay now.

I’m just spitballing with you guys because I want you to know I get it. It can be stressful. You wonder, Well, if I’m catering to this kid, are they going to be spoiled? What about the other kids? 

There is a way to have balance in your family that works for all the different personality types, all the different types of people that are living in your home. Give yourself permission to cut yourself some slack. Let some things go, let some things slide off the calendar. 

It’s not dramatic that your kid needs less. There’s always a way. I think it’s good for us all to learn how to live with each other. 

LAURA: I think far more than teaching a child to be selfish, needy, or spoiled, it’s teaching a kid how to be a good family member, how to be a good community member and recognizing that we’re all wired differently. We all have different needs. Let’s work together to figure out how we can meet everyone where they are and support them in feeling seen, heard, and valued in our family. That’s a beautiful thing to be modeling. 

I have very few worries about these kids feeling spoiled because these kids look bad when they are overwhelmed and overstimulated. They look selfish. They look self-centered. All these negative things all for the most part happen when this kid’s nervous system is overwhelmed.

When they’re well taken care of they are a gift to most families. 

You talk so much, Allie, so beautifully about how simplifying and decluttering can help. These kids are super sensitive to a cluttered home. They will do so much better if things are simplified, things are not out on surfaces and they don’t have that visual clutter. 

They will also do really well with simplified routines and rhythms. These kids get really thrown off by things like vacations or staying up late for Halloween, for example. They really live and breathe the rhythmic kind of body. 

They need a lot of downtime. American kids are so over-scheduled compared to the rest of the world. The research on it is that it’s really not optimal for our kids. So, absolutely don’t feel bad about reducing things. 

These kids need a lot more rest and downtime, they need a lot more sleep, so if you are going to a holiday gathering or if there’s a Halloween party, bow out so that they can get to bedtime at the right time. 

It’s okay to say, Nope, we’re not gonna stay up and do fireworks. They can do that when they’re a little bit older. I know they’ll be miserable for three days if they stay up.  At least that’s how it is for my kids. Don’t be afraid to meet your child where they are, to see them as individuals. 

The other thing that we haven’t talked about is that every highly sensitive person is different and unique. I have two highly sensitive kids who are radically different in terms of what they need. Help them figure out what makes them feel grounded, what makes them feel connected. 

What makes them feel like their body is nice and loose, because they will carry tension. What makes them feel like their body is loose? What makes them feel like they don’t have a lump in their throat or twisties in their tummy? Some kids get those things.

How can I leave the school day behind? What are some things we can do when we pick up to make that easier? One of my kids still listens to music to unwind and come home to themselves after school and the other kid can’t stand it so she wears noise canceling headphones so that the other person can have some music.

There are ways to work in a family. I really appreciate you saying that. There’s no danger in tailoring your family life. 

I think about all of these moms that I work with, so many moms, who have no idea how to feel better in their daily life. They feel overwhelmed, overstimulated, alone, lonely, unnourished, and they don’t know what they need. What a beautiful gift to help your child tune in and listen to themselves. 

I don’t know about you, but sometimes parenting my highly sensitive kids has been incredibly healing to my inner child. Seeing my kids advocate for themselves and say, No, I need you to not talk to me has been so freeing for my own inner child. 

ALLIE: Also, it’s helped me see that we’re really just born needing these things. My kid will say, I need to go to bed and it’s only 7:45. And I’m like, Okay, yes. 

It helps me see that we’re just like this and to see him so naturally being connected to what he needs and saying it. Sometimes I do wonder, Is this too much? Am I too needy? And it is so natural for him and it encourages me. 

Our kids are always such beautiful mirrors for what it is that we need to see about ourselves, both the light side and the shadow stuff. 

LAURA: They do such a good job of cracking us open. I always think of ourselves as like geodes that our kids crack open when they’re born and they just shine a light on the shadowy parts that look hidden. And then we see once the light is on, that they’re actually quite beautiful, lovely, and sparkly. They let us know where we have healing to do. 

If we can be really present with ourselves in the midst of parenting these sensitive kids, that can be this beautiful kind of resonance, echoing of acceptance, love and unconditional presence that feels really good to us if we didn’t get that growing up. I know some of us who are highly sensitive did get that growing up and that’s wonderful. 

ALLIE: What would say for actions steps here for moms that are like, Oh my gosh, yes! This is my child! Would you say creating an afterschool or afternoon routine that supports their HSP? What should they be doing? 

LAURA: I have two action steps for you. When you stop listening, I want you to take a piece of paper and fold it down the middle. On one side, I want you to write down all the negative things that you have either said, thought, or have heard others say about your child: They’re too sensitive. They’re too shy. They’re not bold. Whatever it is that you maybe think in your head, you worry about in your head or other people say.

Then on the other side, I want you to write down a positive alternative to that thing. For example, if they’re too cautious, you can write that they’re discerning; they don’t jump into play, they’re observant. 

Be firm with yourself. Craft those positive thoughts and start practicing with them.  Start noticing that when the negative things come in you are actively rewiring your brain to think positively about your kiddo or about the things that happen. I would definitely do that exercise. It is critical to do. 

Then the other thing is to sit down with your kids and talk with them. Have a little date. One of my daughters really likes to feel like she is on a date with mom. We would go and get hot chocolate when we would have these conversations. Have a little one-to-one date with your kiddo and talk to them about what a gift it is that they have these senses, but that sometimes it can make the world seem too big or too much for them. They can get tired and worn down more easily, so we want to develop a plan, a menu of things that this kid has access to.

I like thinking about self-care in terms of a menu where we have little appetizers and tapas, things that kind of fill in the gaps if you have five minutes here and five minutes there. Things that are longer that take more time are the main courses, things that are the icing on the cake, the desserts, and help them go through that. 

I think it’s helpful to go through the five senses with your kids. Because again, these sensitive kids are being bombarded all day long, so help them get in tune with which of their five senses that they don’t like, that is overwhelming—bad smells, loud noises. 

Then also help them notice what is pleasing, what is soothing—lavender essential oils, having flowers that they can look at, having a cozy warm blanket that feels good to them, or a weighted blanket.  

Go through their clothing. Some kids are really vocal about their clothing. If it’s itchy, they won’t wear it. But other kids will just suck it up and be uncomfortable all day in their clothing. So ask them, Are your clothes comfortable? Are there seams that are itchy? And that’s not looking for problems, that’s helping them tune in and check in. 

Regularly go through that and make a plan for how we can help you feel more comfortable, seen, loved, and valued in our family? 

Those are the two action steps. 

ALLIE: That’s great. Thank you so much! 

I feel like everyone is going to want to run to you and connect with you. You’re an amazing follow on Instagram. Can you give us your handle? 

LAURA: Yeah. So I’m just Laura Froyen, PhD. There’s only one of me, so if you get to Laura and then Froy, you’ll probably find me. 

ALLIE: Your reels are so helpful. You really pack it in there so well. 

LAURA: I love reels. They’re so much fun. 

ALLIE: I was so resistant. I thought, I’m not gonna be a windup toy entertaining everyone. That’s not what I’m here to do. I’m here to teach. Then my Instagram girl said, Well, let’s teach with them, because people weren’t really teaching with them yet. So now I’m all in. 

LAURA: I love teaching with reels. For me as a highly sensitive person, part of something that feels really good to me is being creative, getting granular, seeing details and trying to figure out how I can break something down in a way that’s consumable and quick. 

The format is appealing to me. I love doing them. I look like a total goofball. 

ALLIE: I love it. I think it’s great. And I agree. It’s a challenge to take a big idea and pair it down into less than 60 seconds. It challenges me to get to the point. It’s really good.

You’re very helpful and so insightful. You’re just such a light and it shines through when you’re talking and on Instagram. Every time I see your story light up. You’re one of the few people that I love watching. 

LAURA: Allie, that means so much to me. 

There’s something I just wanted to say too. I hope that everybody listening will just be really kind to themselves. If you have been doing some of the things that I’ve said not to do, just be kind to yourself. We only know what we know. 

We’re all here to learn. We’re all here to improve, get better, see our kids, and see ourselves. Please just be kind to yourself. 

There’s no way to learn when you’re stuck in shame, blame, and guilt. You can’t. Your brain literally turns off. You cannot learn and grow. Bathe yourself in self-compassion. 

ALLIE: Yeah. You can’t be perfectionistic about this. Take one small step. 

Something that I like to say to myself when I go down that rabbit hole of I should have or, Oh my God, I didn’t know. I’m freaking out, is, Considering what I’ve been through so far, it makes sense that this is how I’ve been. This is how I’ve been reacting. It makes sense. Totally makes sense. And now knowing what I know, it makes sense that I’ll be making some shifts.

And then release it, breathe it out. It’s already done. Now we can move forward. 

LAURA: I love that. I do love that. I love that phrase it makes sense.

ALLIE: It’s permissive. 

LAURA: It makes sense feels really good to kids too. It makes sense that you would feel this way. It makes sense that it was really painful to watch your two friends have a fight. They really like it makes sense too. 

ALLIE: Yeah, that’s great. Oh my gosh. I love this. Thank you so much for your time, your expertise, and your wisdom. We’ll definitely link to your Instagram in show notes. 

Is there anywhere else you’d like to send people? Do you want to send them to a specific place on your website or anything? Or do you want them to go to Instagram?

LAURA: I think Instagram is the best place to connect with me. Feel free to send me a message. I like connecting. I like making sure that everything I’m doing is relevant and helpful. 

ALLIE: Thank you so much friend! 

Thanks so much for hanging out with me! In case you didn’t know, there’s actually an exclusive community that’s been created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions around The Purpose Show episodes. It’s designed to get you to actually take action and make the positive changes that we talk about here. I want you to go and be a part of it. To do that, go to alliecasazza.com/facebookgroup. 

Thank you so much for tuning in! If you’d like to learn more about me, how I can help you, how you can implement all these things and more into your life to make it simpler, better, and more abundant, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, online courses, programs, and other resources to help you create the life you really want. 

I am always rooting for you, friend! See you next time! I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.

Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.