In This Episode Allie Discusses:
Being Intentional with holiday traditions
Mentioned in this Episode:
Courses (Use the code PURPOSESHOW for 10% off!)
Mom life. We’re surrounded by the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. We’re supposed to get through it. Survive. Cling on by the last little thread. And at the same time, Carpe Diem—enjoy every moment because it’s going to go by so fast. The typical mom culture that sends us all kinds of mixed, typically negative messages. We shouldn’t take care of ourselves; it’s selfish. The more ragged you run yourself, the bigger your badge of honor. But also, ditch your mom bod and work out. Don’t yell. Make more money. Show up. Be better, but not at the expense of time with your kids. I am putting a hard stop to all of this. While being a mom, running a business, and whatever else you might have going on is hard, it is a lot and there’s lots of giving of yourself, the idea that motherhood means living a joyless, nonstop-hustle-with-zero-balance kind of life, where you give and give and give and never take, needs to stop.
I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime (at least most days). Stop the mom guilt and shame game. Stop cleaning up after your kids’ childhood and start being present for it. I want to help you thrive in work, home and life. I believe in John 10:10 that we are called to living an abundant life and I know moms are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, some business and life hacks, spirituality and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.
Hello, my loves! Welcome to another episode of The Purpose Show podcast!
Today’s episode is actually one from 2018 that I am re-releasing because I think it is so important. I was looking at the outline for this month and thinking, “It’s the holiday season and I want to create content about this but I’ve already said this.”
I want to pull attention back to this important episode because I think right now at this time of the year we are looking at traditions under the light of intentionality and asking ourselves, “Do I even like this? What is this doing? Is this serving our family in the right way? Is this helpful? Is this pointless? Am I doing this out of obligation?”
If 2020 has taught us anything it’s to question things and to ask, “What’s the root of this? Is this something that I even really believe in? Is this something that I even want to be doing, that I even want in my life anymore?”
I am going to encourage you to do that with your holiday traditions. I’m going to encourage you to revisit things, encourage you to ask questions, and encourage you to take a fresh look at what your holiday traditions are and how they are serving or not serving your family.
Please enjoy this episode and use it as a guidepost (if it helps you) to reevaluate. To look at your traditions and make sure that they are life-giving for you and your family. Because that is the whole point.
Alright, so this time of year it sometimes feels like we’ve got things kind of backwards. I know we talked about this last week a little bit in terms of simplifying Christmas, presents, and with other people and all that stuff, so if you haven’t listened to episode 87 go back and listen for sure. But we tend to get it wrong and have things backwards.
We care so much about creating a special holiday and not missing out (you know, we have that FOMO) that we go way too far and end up trying to create such a special atmosphere that it’s very not special.
We go way out of our way with our traditions. We stretch our schedules and our budgets way thinner than is comfortable for us just to mark a special occasion. And then that ruins the special occasion, so it’s pointless.
Joshua Becker wrote once that, “traditions should not detract from the season; they should elevate it.” And I really love that. Well said, Josh, if you’re listening for some reason.
Joshua Becker is amazing. I’ll link to his blog. We like each other. We’re friends. We email a couple of times. I like him. He’s awesome.
He said that once in a blog post and it just really struck me. I mean that’s where it’s at. Traditions should not detract from the season. They should elevate it.
It’s like our traditions have become really overbearing. They start to feel really heavy and they’re not fun anymore. We have stopped looking forward to them.
Raise your hand if you’ve ever had the holiday season come at you where it feels like it just happened and all of a sudden it’s upon you. That one thing that you always do every year pops into your head and you feel that let down feeling of, “Oh, I’m going to have to go to that thing. I’m going to have to do this thing. I’m going to have to see this person.”
This is what’s leading to adults dreading the holiday season rather than looking forward to it. It just kind of ruins it for all of us. If we’re not looking forward to it, if we’re not enjoying it, our kids aren’t going to either, even if we give them an awesome Christmas.
They can sense that. They can feel that. And it should be magical for all of us.
I did a little research and I found some pretty saddening stats. Apparently 69% of Americans said they would skip gift exchanges this holiday season if their family would agree to it. And then when they were asked what they like or don’t like the most about the holiday season, Americans’ top three answers about what they liked the least involved buying things. They said things like commercialism, materialism, financial stress, shopping and being in crowds all the time.
Basically, we’re doing what we hate. And it’s not shocking at all that we don’t look forward to it like we did when we were kids.
I feel like I’m mentioning Joshua Becker multiple times, but another quote of his just popped into my head that I share all the time and that is, “minimalism is the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of anything that distracts from that.” You all know that I am all about applying minimalism and simplicity to our lives, not just our homes. It all starts at home, but then it spills over into everything.
Under that light, why are we doing this? It’s not right. It’s not creating joy. It’s not creating abundant life for our family. So, let’s apply minimalism to our traditions.
Let’s ask what’s intentional here? Let’s stop being a part of the 69% that say, “I just wish that we could skip exchanging gifts. I hate this. I’m unhappy. I don’t enjoy the holidays because it’s filled with all the things that I hate.” Let’s say, “No,” to that and let’s move forward in a more intentional way.
Friends, I have been waiting for one year to say what I am about to say! It’s that time of year again! Declutter Like A Mother is freaking back!
Declutter Like A Mother is my annual challenge. It is totally free! It is completely epic! It’s massive! Giant! You’re going to make so much progress, get so much lighter, right at the start of the year!
And if there’s one thing that we all need exiting 2020 and going into 2021, it is to feel lighter! It is to create lightness. It is to set ourselves up for success!
You all know that I believe, and know from experience, that it all starts at home.
Let’s do this, mamas!
Declutter Like A Mother Challenge starts on January 1, 2021! It is 30 minutes a day, for 2 weeks. That’s not a lot, but you are going to get massive progress with such small amounts of time!
You can even break up your thirty minutes a day into 5-10 minute chunks. You do you!
We’ve got freshly postpartum moms joining. We’ve got working moms joining. We’ve got single moms joining. We’ve got moms of a billion kids, like myself, joining. Everyone is joining!
Everyone is ready to Declutter Like A Freaking Mother and start this year off with a bang!
To sign up – totally free- go to alliecasazza.com/DLAM.
You guys have to be a part of this! In case you don’t know, this is a huge deal in my corner of the internet!
Every year tens and tens of thousands of women come together and sign up.
There is a group where we all get together, we all talk, we all share.
There is a video training from me almost every day of the challenge. Super, bite-sized pieces of information, extremely actionable, broken down into the simplest version. You don’t even have to think. Just show up, listen to what I have to say, go and take action!
You can share your before and after photos. You have crazy amounts of accountability.
This is paid help. And it’s free! It’s paid status, but it costs you nothing.
We only do this once a year. The time is now! Sign up!
Don’t forget to tag me on Instagram and spread the word. Share that you are signing up!
I’m so excited!
Let’s declutter like mothers!
Let’s talk about how you can choose and carry out intentional traditions that are good for your family, that you really look forward to doing every year because you’re not doing them out of obligation anymore.
Firstly, I think you need to know that you have permission to be super basic. I am giving you full permission to be a basic girl and keep it simple. You don’t need to over obligate yourself.
Here’s an example from our life. Our biggest tradition, the only one that no matter what happens we do is just baking sugar cookies. It is so simple. It’s so basic.
But you know what? A handful of years ago when we weren’t being simple and we were giving into the “more and more and more holiday season BS”, we missed baking sugar cookies. And Bella said something about it. She was really sad.
What happened is that it had gotten lost in the hullabaloo of all the holiday overstretching and over-obligating, and so it didn’t happen. And we love baking sugar cookies. My kids love it. They look forward to it. I look forward to it. It’s a win/win. Why did that get skipped?
It’s okay to just shove everything else completely to the side and say we’re stripping this down to its bare basics. It’s okay to stay super basic and simple. Don’t look at Instagram and what all the other moms are doing and feel that FOMO and let that comparison win over.
It’s okay to be super simple and just say, “What do we love to do?” Even if it’s, “Wow, you’re only tradition is baking sugar cookies? That’s genius. Way to go. You’re really killing the holidays.”
You are, because that’s what you love to do. That’s what your kids love to do. It’s okay if it’s super simple.
There were years when I was so burdened and so over-obligated that baking sugar cookies with my kids didn’t happen, like that one year. Or it would happen, but it made me annoyed and stressed out and cranky with my kids.
And it wasn’t an enjoyable process because of that. I was trying to do so many other things that it ruined our main and favorite simple tradition. That’s an example to kind of inspire you.
What do I mean? What am I talking about? How can you get intentional in this way?
I think another thing you can ask yourself is “What are the things that you and your family love and look forward to that might’ve gotten smudged out by stressful obligations?” Ask your family. Talk to your kids. Talk to your spouse.
What I hear a lot is that you, as the mom, want to simplify. And your kids have some pretty basic, simple holiday traditions that they want to do. But your spouse is really wanting to go all in, really wanting to go over the top and pushing back about wanting to simplify.
Talk to him. Pull him aside and ask him, “Where is this coming from?” Don’t be condescending. But just ask, “Hey, what’s the root problem here?”
Usually when I help somebody dig into this, it’s usually the husband and he’s feeling like the holidays are a time where he gets to spend more time with his family. He’s feeling a little bit guilty that he misses things and he wants to go all in because if he doesn’t he feels like he’s not a good dad. I see mothers do this, too, especially working mothers.
If one person in the family is really pushing back against simplifying and streamlining the activities and the traditions. Ask, “Where is this coming from? What’s the root cause? Why do you feel like that?”
I think the main point in choosing what traditions are going to stick and what’s worth it to you is just having that conversation with your spouse and with your kids. And if your kids are super little (good for you for starting early by the way) then just talk to your spouse. When your kids are old enough, you can ask them what’s going on and kind of reevaluate.
It’s okay to let a tradition die. It’s not going to ruin your kids’ lives if you used to have a tradition that was standing for years and years and years, and when you realize that it wasn’t serving you anymore, you dropped it.
If you keep going it’s going to ruin your holiday. That’s not good. That’s not what you want.
I think it’s so funny (and I’m talking to myself here too) how people will cling to something that is just not working for them because it’s something that they’ve always done and they have some kind of guilt or obligation around keeping that up.
The main thing to remember is just because your family has always celebrated the holidays in one way does not mean that that can never change. It doesn’t mean that you can’t shift expectations. You can be the first person to have a new idea and say, “Let’s do this instead.”
Even when it comes to relatives and people who are outside of your immediate family. And since basically 70% of us would rather not exchange gifts if everyone agreed, you know your family might thank you for bringing that idea to the table.
It’s not about going way the opposite way and being against gifts and against tradition. I love both of those things and we have a lot of that in our holiday season in our house.
But it’s about gifts that add joy to the holidays, not subtract from them. It’s about choosing traditions that add joy to the holidays, not subtract from them.
Ask yourself, “What is the reason for this season for me and my family?” And then intentionally choose traditions that align with that.
So go! Get your butt out of here. Make a list. Figure out what that’s going to be for you guys.
Thanks so much for hanging out with me! In case you didn’t know, there’s actually an exclusive community that’s been created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions around The Purpose Show episodes. It’s designed to get you to actually take action and make the positive changes that we talk about here. I want you to go and be a part of it. To do that, go to alliecasazza.com/facebookgroup.
Thank you so much for tuning in! If you’d like to learn more about me, how I can help you, how you can implement all these things and more into your life to make it simpler, better, and more abundant, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, online courses, programs, and other resources to help you create the life you really want.
I am always rooting for you, friend! See you next time! I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.
Hey mama! Just a quick note, this post may contain affiliate links.