We all do it. We all over-complicate decision making because sometimes it is easier to not make a decision than to take action on a decision. But unmade decisions carry unnecessary weight and unwanted stress that shouldn’t have to carry. Some decisions cannot be made right away and need time, but whenever they can be made right away, just do it. Just get it done. Do what you have to do to come to a decision as quickly as possible – then you won’t have to carry that load any more! On the flip side, if you have a big decision to make, I hope you find this episode helpful as I share how I process making decisions (and avoid over-complicating them!)
In This Episode Allie Discusses:
The weight unmade decisions carry.
Understanding the difference between decisions you can make now and decisions you have to process through before you can take action.
Various ways she processes through decisions.
The power of taking action even while you wait to make a decision (and what that actually looks like!)
Mentioned in this Episode:
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We are going to talk about boundaries for your phone and other people so that you are focused on what matters and not letting obligations, phone sounds, and beeps, buzes, and alerts constantly pull your attention from where it needs to be day to day. We are going to talk about rhythms and routines. We are going to talk about owning your time and shifting your mindset. We are going to talk about living with intent.
This is a LIVE thing so if you are listening to this episode when it first came out, hear me … this is happening right now! It is a totally free, 5 day video series. So it takes place over 5 days, 1 video each day. The videos are short and pointed! This series is designed by me to help you focus, prioritize, and clear the surface of your life. Don’t miss out of this FREE video series! Enrollment is open now!
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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.
Hey friend! I want to quickly tell you about a free 5 day video series that I have been working super hard on creating just for you for the past couple of months. It is finally ready and free enrollment is open! This video series is called Hassle to Harmony and that is exactly what it is going to take you from and to. Basically, each day there is one short video that is going to redirect your perspective and get you refocused.
So, Day 1 is called “Quiet the Noise” and we talk all about your phone settings and setting yourself up to not be constantly distracted from what is right in front of you. Day 2 and Day 3 are about rhythms; Day 2 is for daily rhythms and routines, Day 3 is for weekly rhythms and routines. Day 4 is all about owning your time and shifting your mindset out of victim mode when it comes to time and how much time we have. Day 5 is all about how to live with intent, because you don’t get to where you want to go by accident, only on purpose. I really want you in here! It is going to be so good!
This is not something that is going to be open for forever, this is a live freebie sort of thing. Enrollment is open now and it is free! The videos will go live on April 8th and only be available for a few days. So after Day 5 is over, they will be gone and off the internet. This is something you will want to partake in while we are going through it together. To get this free video series go to Hassle to Harmony. I can’t wait for you to see this!
Hey beauties! Welcome back to The Purpose Show, or welcome if this is your first time listening! I’m so excited because today we’ve got another stop-over-complicating pep talk episode. I love these!
We’ve been doing them for a little while. There are several if you wanted to go back and find them. Basically, what this is…I guess it’s like a personal philosophy that I have in my own life. I try to simplify everything that I can. It stems from minimalism, my story, and my own personal motherhood of how my life was before and then how I came to figure out that my problem and why I was struggling with depression, overwhelm, I was yelling at my kids and snapping at my husband, nagging, and just not the person that I wanted to be in any of my close relationships because everything was overstuffed and over complicated.
As I purged that physical clutter, it taught me something philosophical about the internal stuff too. I found that we overcomplicate things so much of the time from healthy eating, housework, marriage, relationships, and things like making decisions.
So, the stop-over-complicating series is just kind of an ongoing thing that I do when inspiration strikes.
I was going through my Instagram messages, as I do sometimes, and looking for the types of things that make episodes that you guys need, and this came up a lot. Then I had a conversation with a friend over lunch that lined up with this and I was just like, “It’s happening. This is showing up in my path over and over again. We’re going to do a stop-over-complicating episode about making decisions.”
First, what you need to know is that unmade decisions weigh you down. When you know that something needs to be decided, you’ve got to decide something that you’re going to do, big/small/whatever, unmade decisions wear you down. It’s like a mental clutter. It affects us. It makes us feel stressed.
Some decisions, I realize, cannot be made right away and need time, but whenever they can be made right away, just do it. Just get it done. Do what you have to do to come to a decision as quickly as possible.
For example, today I was going about my day. I’ve got my schedule. I’ve got my to-do list. I’m just getting stuff done. And something small came up. My COO got in touch with me and she was like, “Hey, I just need you to look over the two emails that I sent you. Could you do that?” And I said, “Sure.” I started to add it to my to-do list and I stopped myself and thought, “This is adding length to my to-do list. I’m sitting at my computer right now and I’m not in the middle of anything. I could just check them right now.” So, I checked them right away and got it done. Then the decision was made. Everything was out of the way and my to-do list didn’t get any longer. It only took me a couple minutes.
Try to avoid adding things to your to-do list and just get it done whenever possible. Don’t interrupt important work, but whenever possible, just get it out of the way. Because when things linger and they’re not finished, unmade decisions are lingering, it weighs us down and it causes stress. It literally causes your cortisol to rise.
We need to get decisions off of our plate whenever we can. So, call whoever is involved and talk through it real quick, go for a walk and pray about it, ask God to show up and He totally will, for those smaller decisions like are we going to do this trip? Are we going to send that email? Are we going to have dinner with your parents? Whatever it is, just get it off your plate whenever you can.
But sometimes decisions are bigger and you need more time, or some other circumstances outside of the dry decision need to fall into place for you to know what to do.
I want to share with you guys my mental process on making decisions. The reason is I get asked a lot how we seem to make so many really big decisions so often, and so confidently.
First of all, I want to say that that is just the outsider’s view on the inside. On the inside obviously I’m not live streaming on Instagram me and Brian fretting over a decision or arguing because we think we should do something different than the other person thinks. You’re not seeing all of that. But I will say that our life is really full and really intense.
There’s a lot of things that are a byproduct of our business and the fact that we’re seen that bring up a lot of big decisions. We’ve made a lot of big decisions. We’ve made them very publicly and we’ve even gone back on them very publicly. Both of those are decisions…like making the initial decision and then making the decision to not move forward anymore with the original decision, to change our minds. We do make those decisions very confidently because of the process in making decisions that we have in place.
I’m going to just share my personal decision making process.
First of all, I’m an external processor, so I need to talk things out. I will grab my husband and we will go for a walk around the block and just talk through something. I will literally just go up to him and say, “Hey, I really need to talk something out.”
Ashley, she’s on my team. She runs the podcast and my schedule. She and her husband were hanging out with me and Brian in Nashville and I saw her doing the same thing. And I know she has the same personality type as I do, or the same number on the Enneagram, and I know that she’s also an external processor, which is one of the reasons that we work so great together because we can talk things out and come to decisions very quickly and effectively.
I saw her do the same thing to her husband, Billy. She said, “Hey babe, will you pause real quick? I need to talk something out with you.” She said a few sentences and came to her own decision without Billy really even doing anything. And that’s exactly how it works for me.
Brian is an internal processor. We talked about this in our marriage episode. I don’t remember which episode it was, but I’ll find it and link to it for you guys in the show notes. We talked about our difference in personalities and how it can cause conflict, but how we work through it and make it work for us instead of against us.
One of the things that is a part of that is the fact that he processes internally, so it’ll seem like he’s not listening because he’s just quiet and still because he’s thinking, and I have to talk it out.
When I need to make a decision, I’ve got to talk it out. So, if I need to call Hayley (that’s the COO that I mentioned earlier) and talk something out with her for a business decision, or if I need to go for a walk with Brian, if I need to just pace downstairs while Brian sits and does nothing and just talk it out, but there’s gotta be another person there and I’ve got to be talking it out to that person.
Even if they just sit and do nothing and they don’t contribute to the conversation, I’ve got to talk it out. It’s weird. I wish I could change it because it’s unfortunate when I am running a business. I wish I could just sit and think about something and come to a decision, but I can’t. I have to process it out loud. There has got to be another living body there.
So that is one of the things that I do. There’s no shame in that if you’re resonating with that and you’re like, “Oh, I think I’m an external processor.” To learn to talk it out, get your people in your corner and talk it out. Offer to take your mom to lunch and just talk it out with her or get the kids in the car and go for a little drive and just talk things out with your husband.
Figure out a way for you to be able to do that because as you talk it out you work through the problems. 95% of the time you come to your own conclusion without the other person even doing anything, or doing much of anything. You just needed to start your brain flow. The way that external processors start their brain flow and get it flowing is by talking it out.
Hey girl! Ok, I am interrupting what I was talking about because I want to tell you about this one more time. I feel like when you are listening to a podcast, they are talking about stuff and most people have ads and sponsorships from other companies and stuff like that. But this is important and I don’t want you to tune it out!
The Hassle to Harmony video series is open for enrollment right now! This is a LIVE thing so if you are listening to this episode when it first came out, hear me … this is happening right now! It is a totally free, 5 day video series. So it takes place over 5 days, 1 video each day. The videos are short and pointed! This series is designed by me to help you focus, prioritize, and clear the surface of your life.
I help a lot of women in my course, Your Uncluttered Home, clear the surfaces in their homes, declutter, and implement minimalism but this is for your life, calendar, and structure of your days. I am going to help you set up a few rhythms that are going to help you function really well. It is called Hassle to Harmony for that very reason: because if your days are feeling really hassled, the things that need to get done are not getting done, there is a lot of stress and chaos.
We can help harmonize that, and sync it up to where it needs to be.
We are going to talk about boundaries for your phone and other people so that you are focused on what matters and not letting obligations, phone sounds, and beeps, buzes, and alerts constantly pull your attention from where it needs to be day to day. We are going to talk about rhythms and routines. We are going to talk about owning your time and shifting your mindset. We are going to talk about living with intent. This is legit stuff! We are dealing with big issues here! I really want you in there.
Again, this is something that is happening LIVE. So you can’t listen to this episode in the future and go back and get this. It is happening live right now! The opening for free enrollment is right now – again, totally free! You can go to Hassle to Harmony and sign up for free! You will get 1 video for each. After Day 5, these videos are going to be removed. So you want to not only sign up live, take part in the videos, open those emails, watch the videos when they come to you so that you can take in this content while it is here. Once again, that link to sign up for FREE is Hassle to Harmony.
Another idea, especially for those who might be more internal processors, is to journal through it or do a pros/cons lists. Something with pen to paper. There’s power in that. Just start journaling. Just start writing. Open up your journal and just write, “I’m in the middle of making a decision about whether or not to take this job” or “I’m in the middle of making a decision about how to handle this disciplinary issue with this child.” Whatever it is, just start writing.
It doesn’t have to make sense. It doesn’t need to be pretty or perfect. Just start writing a sentence. When your pen starts to flow, your brain starts to flow and you will have no more issues journaling through this problem. And pros/cons lists…old school, but it’s amazing. They work. Try it.
I also want to talk about another part of my mental process of making decisions is just sleeping on it.
Studies show that our subconscious actually works things out for us while we sleep, and that’s an amazing, amazing gift that our bodies and our brains give us. So, give your decisions some time to air out. Give it some space and watch what happens while you sleep.
So many times I will go to bed not really knowing what to do about something, just kind of sifting it around in my brain a little bit. I’ll talk it out with Brian and go through the evening like that, and not really come to anything exactly. But I’ll go to sleep and I’ll wake up and I’ll know what to do.
This also happens when I need an idea for something, like a business idea or a way to communicate something to the kids for homeschooling, and I just can’t really figure it out. I’ll go to sleep and just ask myself, “What could I do to teach them this important topic in an effective way? What’s going to work for my kids?” And I go to sleep with that, and wake up in the morning and have the answer. Try it. Sleep on it. See what happens.
Another piece of the process for me is imagining the details of each choice, each option. Take a second and imagine that I chose option A and walk down that path of my life with that choice. Visualize the details.
Let’s say that you’re trying to decide if you’re going to homeschool or send your kids to school. That’s a big decision. So, imagine the details. Imagine yourself homeschooling your kids. Imagine the hard days, the frustrations, what conversations might be had, how you might feel, how they might feel. How will your child’s personality show up as a homeschooled kid? How will your personality show up as a homeschooling parent?
Imagine the days. Imagine them being there when you wake up. What would you guys do in the morning? What time of day would you start school? Imagine, feel yourself walking through your life (not your life, cause that’s overwhelming) but a couple of days as this decision has been made, we are homeschooling. Let yourself feel what it feels like to live in that decision.
Then option B, sending them to school. Imagine the details of getting them a backpack. Packing them up each day, having to wake them up early. Imagine the pros and the cons of each choice. The con of homeschooling…it’s hard having your kids there all the time. Imagine yourself doing that.
But that’s also a pro. How does it feel to enjoy every moment with them?
Sending them to school…con…they don’t get to rest in the morning until they’re ready to wake up. They’ve got to get up super early and jump on it and get ready for school. Pro…you have time in your day where you are a little bit separate so it makes being together all that much sweeter.
Let yourself live out each option. Imagine yourself living in it. Sometimes you get a gut feeling…one feels really great even though it’s a little scary and feels hard and you’re not sure but still you know that it’s right.
That’s mostly my process for making decisions. I hope that was helpful.
Just going over it before I move on…talking it out because I’m an external processor. Journaling through it or making a pros/cons list. This is helpful for internal processors. Sleeping on it. Giving decisions time and space and just seeing what happens in the morning. Imagining the details of each choice option. See how I feel living in each decision in my head.
I also want to talk about something that I see happening all the time. I think it’s important. Obviously, it’s important for me that I pray about my decisions. That’s something that I do for pretty much everything, like ridiculously small things and huge things.
But I think it’s also really important to walk forward while you pray and think about what to do. Don’t just stand still until you know everything for every step of the way.
One example is for when we were buying a house. We didn’t really know what we were supposed to do, where we were supposed to live. A house came up in front of us and we just walked forward and moved forward with buying it. We had just started to like, “Okay, we’re going to pray about this, we’re going to move forward feeling pretty good about this. We are just going to move forward until the door closes.”
There’s power in doing something while you wait until you know what you should do. And there’s power in that type of faith in action because lots of people wait to “hear from God” before they do anything. But God so often shows us what He wants for us by opening and closing doors as we walk up to them. So, praying, “God, show us. If you don’t want this house for us, let it not work out. Just give us a hard ‘no,’ give us peace about walking away and canceling this deal. Don’t let it work out in some way.” And God did that for us with the house.
And He’ll do that for you with whatever your decision is.
One quick thing to note…sometimes living this way makes you look silly. It makes you look fickle. It makes you look like you don’t have your ‘you know what’ together. You know, like, “Oh, we’re moving across the country.” Actually, no we’re not, but who cares?
This is your life. The one and only. Live boldly. Walk forward. Prayerfully move on. Stop feeling bad about changing your mind.
Also go listen to episode 17. It’s called, “it’s okay to change your mind.” It’s amazing and powerful. It’s another pep talk and I think you might need it if you’re listening to this one and vibing with what I’m saying.
I just think there’s something to be said about not sitting still and waiting for God to tell you, “This is exactly what I want you to do. This is exactly how it’s going to feel. This is exactly what’s going to happen.” So often that’s not how He works.
So, pray and move forward. Start walking. Start going towards something that you feel good about. Ask God to align your heart with His. Ask Him to align what you’re doing with His will, but move forward as you walk and pray and seek out what is right.
Sure, you might look silly and people might think, “Hey, I thought you were taking that job,” or “I thought you were going to homeschool,” or “I thought you were moving.” And you’re going to be like, “No, that ended up not working out.”
Who cares? It’s okay to change your mind and it’s okay to just walk forward.
Stop over-complicating decision making. It’s stressing you out. It’s not worth it.
This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.
Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.
I am always rooting for you, friend!
See ya next time!