Multitasking may feel like you are getting a lot done, but when you really think about it, are you? Because, truthfully, we can’t show up in multiple places at once. We can’t show up for a workout, plan our calendar, and think about dinner at the same time. Maybe we can, but are we doing it well? Probably not. Multitasking can create this inner noise and feeling of things getting done in a rushed or hurried way. We need to show up well and be fully present in life instead of just letting it pass us by. This is something I am totally learning right now and I am excited to share the journey with you!
In This Episode Allie Discusses:
Why multitasking creates inner noise and causes feelings of being rushed.
The value of showing up to one thing, not multiple things.
How to set up a rhythm for all the things that need to be done so you can avoid multitasking.
Action steps you can take to practice mindfulness during your day.
Mentioned in this Episode:
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Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.
Hi, beautiful friend! Oh my gosh, I feel like I just need to take a moment right now and take a deep breath. Feel free to join me if that’s how you’re feeling right now. I am about to record this episode with you and I just had to start over, which I never have to do. I really never have to stop and do another take when I start recording an episode. I pretty much just hit record and talk realness with you. There’s not a lot of editing that goes into my words, just putting in the intro, the music and stuff.
But I had to stop and restart this episode two or three times because I was in this mentally rushed state. I quickly helped Brian get the kids, the boys, ready for baseball, get the other two kids ready to go with him so that I could have the house to myself for an hour to record this episode and get a little bit of writing done.
I just was rushing around getting everyone’s shoes together, helping everyone get out of the house. I grabbed a snack. I grabbed a coffee. I’m trying to hurry up and finish the coffee cause I’m tired today and I need it, so I’m quickly drinking the coffee. I’m responding to a text message from someone on my team and troubleshooting a problem all while sitting in my desk chair, barely breathing and about to quickly hit record on this episode. And it’s like, “No! What is this episode about?”
It goes to show that this is something that always needs to be worked on. This isn’t about me coming on here, sitting in front of my microphone and preaching at you how I’ve learned to be amazing at things and you can too. Barf!
It’s about us sharing what we’re learning, sharing inspiration, encouraging each other, rooting for each other, which is something that sadly women don’t do a whole lot. Coming together and trying to know better and do better one day at a time. And soak life up instead of passing it by.
I just had to take a second, restart this episode a couple of times, take a deep breath and invite God to come and sit with me so that I can practice what I’m about to talk about.
It’s something that I have been learning more and more every day and really, really feeling like this episode is just where I am at lately. And so, just being truthful with that before we dive in.
Having said all of that and giving you that honest disclaimer, I’ve got an iced coffee here with me. Can you hear it? We’re just going to sit together, take a beat, and we’re going to have coffee and talk about multitasking and the importance of mindfulness in your day-to-day life and what I have been learning lately about this. Not what I have been doing perfectly, not what I’ve gotten down and I just have to tell you how to do it, but what I have been thinking about lately. What I’ve been noticing. What I’ve been working on in myself.
I’ve got a phone background that reminds me to take one thing at a time and be mindful. It’s something that I think about in the morning when I wake up and at night when I look ahead at my day and look at my calendar and see what’s going on in the next day, thinking how can I take each thing one at a time and really show up there where I’m going to be and not be doing a bunch of other things mentally at the same time.
So, let’s talk about this.
This episode was really born out of, like I said, just what I’ve been learning, what I’ve been thinking about lately in my own personal real life. I love those episodes because I feel like even though it’s one-sided, obviously you’re not here with me, it feels like you are. It feels like we’re just having a conversation and it’s my turn to share. Do ever have a friend like that where you go out to coffee and she has her time to share what’s been going on with her? You talk about that together for a little bit and you pour into her and then it’s kind of like, well what’s going on with you? What have you been learning? And then it’s your turn to share. It kind of feels like that. Like it’s my turn to share with you what I have been thinking about and that’s what this is to me. That’s where I’m at with this stuff.
This conversation actually started in one of my therapy sessions. I’ve shared a little before that I go to a therapist once every-other-week and it’s just like self-care. It’s just so good. Sometimes we have a lot to talk about and other times I don’t really know why I’m going except that it’s good for me. I believe in the power of taking care of yourself. I believe in therapy – if you have a good therapist – I believe in that. I’ve seen so much good come out of it. I’m so against those stereotypes of if somebody goes to therapy they’re really in the thick of a hard time, or they’re really going through something or they’re struggling with something, or they must be super depressed or on meds or something. I think that every single one of us could benefit from having a really, really good therapist. I’ve got a really good therapist and she’s just a gem.
We were having a conversation and talking about this, and so this episode came out of a conversation with her and what I have seen in my own life lately. We were talking back and forth. We’re both working moms and seeing in her life how she’s seen multitasking rob her of productivity and sweet moments and me sharing in my own life.
So, we had this conversation and I just really started to become aware of when do I find myself multitasking? Is it something that seems involuntary? Do I naturally tend to multitask because it’s something that I choose to try to do in order to get more done?
How is this showing up?
After I had that conversation with Ann (Ann is my therapist) I started to be really aware and I noticed that it was both. I would find myself looking at my giant to-do list and thinking, “Okay, I can get this done while I go to this place. I can get that done while Brian drives our family to this thing. Then I can get this done while I’m going to the bathroom. I could think about this and make a decision about that while I take a shower.” I would ‘plan’ to multitask and I would also involuntarily fall into multitasking. Sitting in a moment, sitting in at one task and being present and showing up in just that task was really hard for me.
I started to get unsettled about that. I don’t like that. I want to live a little bit of a slower life. I like having a full life. I enjoy having a lot going on. I always have, it’s just my preference in life. When I was having babies. I liked a very, very simple slow life for sure. But when I’m not in a specific season like that…this thing is a little bit harder…like for me having babies and really tiny toddlers, it’s harder for me than having older kids. I know a lot of people feel the opposite, but for me, that was just my truth.
Normally when I’m in a season that’s not super difficult or anything for me, I like being busy. I like having a full schedule. I like having a lot going on. I really thrive in that. That doesn’t mean that I have to multitask. It doesn’t mean that I have to cram things in where they don’t belong.
One example that I noticed this in was in my workouts. A few months ago, I hit a wall. I was making healthy choices, exercising and eating well but was just having hormonal issues. And a part of that was hitting a wall with weight loss. I had a goal to lose weight and just feel better. I just wasn’t feeling good and I wasn’t seeing the effects of my workout.
So, I decided, “You know, if this is my peak, if I’m going to have to kill myself physically in my workouts to lose more weight, I don’t want to do that. I want to feel good. I want to do workouts that I enjoy, that work up a sweat, are good and difficult for me, and challenging for me, but don’t make me hate getting up in the morning to exercise.” So, what I’m going to do is I’m going to level up and hire a personal trainer. Somebody who knows her stuff. And I’m going to really show up there and tell her what I’m struggling with, show up and work out and take care of my body. And if I lose the rest of the weight that I want to lose, great. If I don’t, okay, well we’ll figure that out. Cross that bridge when we come to it.
So, I took this step in my life and I started to go to this trainer and I found that after the the ‘honeymoon phase’ of exercising with her and having this trainer wore off, I started to just get irritated that I had made this choice. I started to feel like, oh great, now I have to get up early, go and do this and I don’t want to. I have so many other things to do this morning.
You guys know that I’m usually a pretty early riser and so I would think, “I want to get up at five in the morning and I want to get my work done. I want to get this stuff out of the way. I have so many better things to do than work out. I’m over it. I’m not even there anymore. I don’t even care anymore. This is so dumb.” But because of my personality type, how I show up and perform with accountability, I didn’t want to feel like a quitter. I knew that I couldn’t just back out because Carrie, my trainer, would ask me about it and check in with me. I knew that I needed to do this and I couldn’t just back out and stop it. I could, but it’s not how I wanted to live. You know?
You know what I’m talking about? You know when you feel like, “oh dang it, why did I have to get my ish together? Now you have to go to the stupid thing that’s good for me and I don’t even care anymore. I’m over it.” You know? Like that ‘honeymoon phase’ of “I’m going to get this together. I’m going to really level up. I’m going to really improve this part of my life.” And then you’re just like, “Nevermind. I’m over it. I hate this.” That’s kind of where I was at.
But I started to show up like that. I would drag myself out of bed and get ready for my workout. I would be multitasking on the drive to my workout. I would be voice texting and sending voice emails while I drove. Starting my work day. I would get to the workout and mentally be somewhere else. I would be planning my day, thinking about what I was going to do when I got home. I wasn’t really showing up in my workouts and I was having little to no results.
And I started to think, “This is dumb. It’s money to have a personal trainer. It’s time. It’s a lot of effort. It sucks.” You guys, working out is probably one of my least favorite things to do ever. I’m not a person who enjoys exercise. But I am a person who thrives on accountability. So, it works for me, but not if I don’t show up.
And so, after I was having this mindfulness conversation, this multitasking conversation with Ann, at therapy, I was like, “Okay, I wonder what would happen if I just showed up at my workout? Let’s test this. Let’s see.”
I did a little research and I encourage you to do the same, but science is pretty clear. Multitasking doesn’t work. We are disheveled and scattered and we don’t really do anything very well when we’re doing things multiple things at the same time. There’s even been studies that show that multitasking mentally makes you not have results in things that you’re trying to do.
I wanted to see if this was true with my workouts. I decided for a couple of weeks I’m not going to work in any way, even mentally on the drives to my early morning workouts. I’m going to listen to worship music and just be in the moment, pray over my day, or sit in stillness and listen to the music. Get woke up and be thinking about my workout.
And when I get there I’m going to turn my phone off, put it in my bag. I would go to get a water break in between my workouts and tap on my phone screen to see if any of my emails had been responded to. Guys, I was just not there. I don’t like working out. I was totally unpresent. I would check the time, like how many more minutes do I have to be here? I was just mentally not there. I was physically there because I had to be and that was it.
And so, I stopped that. I turned my phone off. I put it away. When it’s time to stop the workout, the workout will be over and that’s it. It was just me, my trainer, my water bottle, and me fully being there. I would focus on every movement, every squat, every bicep curl, every punch on the kickboxing bag, everything.
I would show up for it and I would notice I was way more sore. I was doing better. I was doing more. It felt like the things I was showing up and doing were actually having an effect on me. I noticed that I mentally felt so good when I would leave my workouts and it started to reawaken my excitement about why I did this whole thing in the first place. Why I got a trainer and decided to show up in this area of my life in the first place. It reinvigorated that fire in me and I would leave my workouts super amped up for the day. I would be so excited. I would have more energy. I felt mentally clear. That’s the only word I can think of to describe it. I felt clear headed and focused.
Hey sweet friend, in case you haven’t already heard, I’ve been talking about Unburdened a lot in my world lately because the doors are open and it’s going away and I want you to hear about it before it does.
Unburdened is one of my online course programs. It’s the second one that I created. The first one is minimalism and simplicity and intentional living for your home and your physical space. This one, Unburdened, is that for your life, your calendar, your schedule, your day structure. How do you structure your days and make sure you get the important things done, but not be tied down to a rigid schedule? Because not everyone wants that and that freaks some of us out, me included. Unburdened is everything for the overwhelmed mom who knows that she needs a life overhaul but is too overwhelmed to start and doesn’t know how to do that.
Unburdened lightens your load by taking you through a four-step framework that I have refined over the last three years.
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Step 3: implement a plan for doable self-care because you cannot give your family water if your well is dry.
And finally, step 4: get purposeful in your day-to-day life. Because how we spend our days is how we spend our lives.
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I stopped needing to catch a little bit of a nap midday. I have said a lot of the time I’ll wake up early and I’ll just catch a little catnap in the middle of the day. I stopped needing that. I stopped needing that afternoon cup of coffee. Sometimes I would have it because it’s a joy to me but I didn’t need it. I didn’t feel like, Ugg! I need coffee! Will you go get me one babe or can you put the coffee pot on for me? I really need coffee so I can finish doing this with the kids or whatever it was. I felt awake in my life.
Then I tried it with work. I’m always tempted to check my email while I’m in a meeting because it still looks like I’m looking at the screen when I’m in a meeting in a zoom room. I would check my email, multitask, respond to text messages, catch up on my phone, catch up on my email, catch up on Instagram comments. You know, I would do two things at once. I decided I’m not going to do that. When I’m writing, I am writing. My phone is off. I am focused.
When I’m in a meeting, I’m looking at that person. I’m looking in their eyes like we’re in real time, like I do when I’m really with somebody, because I don’t do that it in real life. I love showing up and using my body language and my facial expressions to make people feel valued, so I started to do that in my work. And of course, I felt like I knew exactly what was going on. I never got caught off guard in a conversation like I wasn’t paying attention. My work started to be more productive. I would spend less time doing things and get more done because I wasn’t allowing distractions and I wasn’t distracting myself.
I have my life set up pretty well for not being too distracting. My phone doesn’t really make noise or light up for really anything except phone calls or texts from Brian. My text message alerts are off. All of my apps are off. I only have Instagram on my phone. All the alerts for that are off. I have to open the app to see what’s going on.
I realized that I was allowing myself to get distracted. I would pick up my phone and open it and look at stuff. I would open Instagram and decide to respond to comments in the middle of a writing session instead of focusing in and plowing through. “No, I’m writing until 11:30 and it’s only 11:01. Why am I picking up my phone, letting myself take a break and get distracted?” It’s not good for the way that our brains work.
I stopped doing those things and my work improved. I was spending less time doing work, getting more done and the work was really good quality work. The writing was better. I was writing more powerful subject lines for the emails that I send to you guys. They were getting opened more because they were more enticing and exciting and I was focusing on that.
My Instagram started to blow up. I was just showing up better when I was writing the message I want to give you guys in my captions. They were captivating. They were getting more engagement. Everywhere that I showed up was increased just because I stopped multitasking and started focusing in on being mindful and present in each task.
Then I started doing it, (which I should have started here, but I didn’t cause you know, I’m a human being, whatever) I started doing this in my motherhood. Putting my phone away out of sight, and sitting down on the floor.
Do you know how hard this is? Have you guys tried this? Sitting on the floor with your kids? I mean, real talk, you immediately start to think, “There’s a billion things I could be getting done right now. I’d rather be doing a lot of things but this,” and that’s just real talk. I’m sorry. I think a lot of us would agree.
Maybe some of you are like, “I would never feel that. Oh my gosh, I’m so shocked by this!” Unsubscribe. That’s fine. You do you, it’s okay. It was fun while it lasted. Maybe not, I don’t know.
But I think most of us would get that and be like, “Yeah, that is how I feel. And I feel a little guilty about that.” Just throw that away, girl. Most of us feel that way. I feel that way. It’s fine.
The last thing on this frigging earth I want to do with a giant task list, with a house to run, with a business to run, with social media that’s constantly blowing up, is sit on the floor and talk about Ninjas. That’s the last thing I want to do. But I started to just try. And you know what? The world can wait. This moment is fleeting. These babies are growing up so fast, so dang fast. I’m just going to sit for a minute. And you know what happens when you sit on the floor? Your kids flock to you.
I sat on the floor and I took a deep breath and I made myself just be there and it was great. I was on the floor for a couple minutes and the kids came up, Emmett sat on my lap, snuggled me and started talking to me. The kids flocked over to where I was and started taking turns talking to me. It made me see how rarely I pause, sit and be mindful with them and that’s not what I want.
I don’t want it to be a rarity. It taught me a lesson and so now I try (key word…try). I am trying to make this a nightly thing, at least once at night when we’re getting ready for bed or after we get ready for bed, to just sit on the ground. Maybe I have a cup of tea or a glass of wine or whatever, but at the end of the day just sit and be. Sit on the floor, be available, let Emmett sit in my lap and just take a deep breath and listen to my kids talk to me about their day.
This has basically replaced story time which was getting pushed out anyway. Let’s just face it. I always say we have story time at bedtime but it would often be like, “no story time tonight. Go to bed.” I’m just being real with you guys.
I make myself do it. I don’t want to do it. I rarely want to do that, but I’m making myself do it. And once I am sitting and I’m hearing about their day, even if I’m exhausted, it feels so good to be present and not be multitasking.
I’m learning that multitasking, it feels like you’re getting a lot done. It feels like, “oh, I’m a woman. I can multitask.” Like you’re getting a ton done and you’re making the most out of every moment, but actually you’re making the worst out of every moment.
Multitasking totally creates this inner noise and this feeling of constantly being rushed and hurried. Because the truth is we can’t show up at 2-5 places at once. We can’t show up for a workout and mentally be at our desk two hours from now thinking about what we’re going to be working on, or what we’re going to make for dinner. You don’t get things done well.
You’re doing these things, but they’re not getting done well. Yeah, they’re getting done. I’m not saying that multitasking is impossible. I’m just saying it’s not effective and it’s not the way that any of us truly want to live.
I’m learning to practice mindfulness in day-to-day tasks. It’s so hard to do that, especially when you’re a mom, but it is possible to slow down. It is possible to do it.
I’m going to give you guys a few action steps that I put in my phone for myself that I’m really working on doing and I’m inviting you to join me.
The first action step is bookend your day with stillness. And if you can’t bookend your day, do what I’m doing and do it once a day, whether it’s in the morning in the beginning of your day, or at the end of your day. Put some stillness in your day and be intentional about that.
Decide. Put an alert on your phone that goes off like, hey, it’s time for some stillness and just sit on the ground. Be with your family.
I like to be with my family in the stillness because it connects me to them and reminds me that these people are here and they love me and I love them and I want to have memories with them. I want them to remember me sitting with them and talking to them. I care about what’s going on in my kids’ day.
If I don’t intentionally pause and ask about it, I’m never going to know and I’m going to miss out on a lot.
Bookend your day with stillness if possible. If not, pick one of the bookends, the beginning or the end of your day, and just create some stillness intentionally.
Next, find yourself multitasking? Stop. Just stop. I do it all the time.
You guys remember when I did my 30-days-no-yelling challenge with myself? This was years ago when we still lived in the Midwest and those of you who have been around a while might remember that. It was like that. I had to put a rubberband around my wrist and snap myself whenever I started to yell. It wasn’t a matter of like, oh, I stopped yelling and it’s hard to remember to not yell. I would yell and I would have to stop myself. For a long time, out of those 30 days, it was almost impossible to not yell. I would start yelling and then stop, and then that turned into no longer yelling, and this is the same way.
I find myself multitasking almost constantly. It’s a mental multitasking. That’s what’s killing me. You have to decide, “stop multitasking,” when you catch yourself doing it.
If you’re doing something, don’t let yourself, “okay, I’m going to respond to this text and down this cup of tea. I’m going to quickly respond to that email while the water’s warming up so that I can do the dishes, and then I’m gonna do the dishes and I’m going to run and do this.” Just stop.
Are you going to do the dishes right now? Then do the dishes right now.
Side note: Let’s say you’re doing the dishes and you usually have some prayer time while you’re doing the dishes. That’s great. I’m not saying that. That’s productive. You’re good.
I’m saying that rushed, hurried feeling that you have to be doing everything at once. That you feel like you’ve got to respond to that email. Answer that phone call. Wash the dishes. Have the laundry going. Get the kids ready for baseball. All at the same time.
No. Pause. Stop multitasking. Be Present.
What needs to be done right now? Do you need a break? Do you need to drink a cup of coffee and take a breath? Do that. The dishes can wait a second.
Do you need to get the kids ready for baseball and get them fed? Okay. Help them find their baseball gear. Make some quick sandwiches. Just show up in that, in getting ready to get out the door. The dishes can wait there too.
Do you see what I’m saying?
The multitasking that makes you feel rushed, pushed, hurried and creates that inner noise, that inner loudness, that stress you feel in your gut. Stop that multitasking.
The next step that I’m working on is leaving room in my schedule for showing up fully in the thing that I’m at. So, not scheduling something immediately after something else. Giving myself some more white space. I used to be really good at this a couple of years ago and things just got so full of good things with the business growth, career success, the kids getting older and having different activities and sports and things they were into, and it just got so much, you know? I am trying to be good at this again.
Leave room in your schedule that allows you to show up fully in the thing that you’re going to.
If you’re going to have lunch with a friend, try to create a day that allows you to show up for your friend at lunch that you’re not checking your phone, freaking out, and realizing that you have to go to a meeting after and you don’t have notes ready for that meeting. Now you’ll have to be thinking about what you’re going to say at the meeting while your friend’s trying to talk to you about her marriage.
How can you show up fully for the thing that you are at?
Like I did with my workouts. How can I show up fully for where I’m going to be so that I’m really there? I’m showing up. I’m getting the most out of it. I’m being intentional with that thing.
This way we’re not wasting time and money, right? We’re not wasting anything. We’re showing up fully where we say we’re going to be at.
The other thing is just turn off your phone. Your phone begs you to multitask. I am seeing that so much.
I would encourage you, step one, get your phone settings set up the way I always talk about. This is the way that I have my phone set up. There’s a free download that walks you through setting your phone up better.
That’s step one, but sometimes you have to take it a step further and just turn the dang thing off and put it away. Put it in a drawer. Just get it out. It doesn’t need to be a part of every moment of your day. This is something that I dive really deep into in my course Unburdened, which side note, is open right now for enrollment and it’s going away for months.
But this is why we kind of start there when we get to the part about your schedule and you’re structuring your days because the phone steals so much of your time.
And for some of us, the phone is our job. Like for me, the phone is my job. So, my screen time…on the iphone you can see your screen time…it’s way higher than most of you, I bet. Because it’s part of my job and that’s okay. I’m good with that.
But I know when I’m getting something done and I’m enjoying the freedom of working when I’m on the go and not having to be tied to a desk versus when I’m allowing something to steal mindfulness from me, steal moments for me, when I’m allowing it to take over. And you know that too. You can feel it.
That’s why this is something that we touch on major and dive deep into an Unburdened because it matters.
You’ve got to get your phone in its place. That’s a huge part of mindfulness.
And the other thing, the other action step for you guys, and for me, is when things need to be done, like they have to be done for things to run smoothly, set them into a rhythm so you don’t have to worry about it, and you don’t have to constantly think about it. It’s not pulling brain calories from you because you only get so many per day.
You don’t even feel the need to multitask because the things that must get done – like the laundry so your family has clean underwear to wear, the dishes so your family has clean dishes to eat off of, the meal prep so your family has food to eat – those things that must get done for a successful smooth day are set into rhythms. They’re automated to different parts of your day that work for you, so you don’t have to think about it.
It is just a part of your day. You quickly get it done and the rest of your day is open to your appointments, stuff on your calendar, the people in your life, whatever is going on in your specific day. Does that make sense?
Speaking of Unburdened, this is the core, the chunk of what this course does. Most people know me for teaching simplicity and minimalism in your home, Unburdened does that for your life, for your schedule, your calendar. To create a non-multitasking life. To create a mindful, focused life. Focused on the people. Focused on what matters to you so that you’re not running around like crazy. You’re not trying to find a pair of clean underwear while you’re 30 minutes late to preschool drop-off. Because you’ve got the things that must get done set into simplified rhythms in your mornings and your evenings and your day is freed up for work or for whatever it is you fill your day with.
So, join me in just being better at not multitasking.
Let’s work together to practice mindfulness in our day-to-day lives. And to show up fully wherever it is that you are.
This was an episode of The Purpose Show. Did you know there is an exclusive community created solely for the purpose of continuing discussions surrounding The Purpose Show episodes? And to get you to actually take action and make positive changes on the things that you learn here? Go be a part of it. To join go to facebook.com/groups/purposefulmamas.
Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are ready to uplevel and really take action on the things I talk about on my show, and get step-by-step help from me, head to alliecasazza.com. There are free downloads, courses, classes, and ways to learn more about what the next step might look like for you and to focus on whatever you might need help with in whatever season you are in right now.
I am always rooting for you, friend!
See ya next time!