I was so excited to share this with you guys that when I recorded this episode I actually streamed it live on social media. I want to talk to you guys about the power in 15 minutes. I started doing these little 15 minute “resets” and they are total game-changers!
How many times have you been going about your day and you feel like things are just not going well? You want to hit that reset button, but you also feel like you don’t have the energy to do that because you’re tired, drained and it’s going to get undone anyway.
This 15-minute reset hack is going to pull you out of that negative spiral so you can take action and change the situation. I really think this can be applied to just about anything and everything. So, let’s jump in and talk about it!
In This Episode Allie Discusses:
What the 15-minute reset is
Why using it in your marriage leads to a stronger relationship
How to apply it to your home—cleaning & chaos
How it can totally shift your mindset when it comes to exercise
Giving your problems 15 minutes of brainstorming power
Mentioned in this Episode:
Allie’s Facebook group
Allie’s Courses (Use the code PURPOSESHOW for 10% off!)
My Totally !@#$% Day Checklist is one of my favorite free downloads! It’s basically a list of the things you can do to turn your day around. It has a list of my favorite happy dance songs, my favorite scriptures and affirmations for a bad day, links to funny videos if you need to laugh in the middle of a bad day, and more!
This is a great resource to download and save to your phone so you can pull it out when you need it!
Mom life. We are surrounded with the message that it’s the tired life. The no-time-for-myself life. The hard life. And while it is hard and full of lots of servitude, the idea that motherhood means a joyless life is something I am passionate about putting a stop to. I’m on a mission to help you stop counting down the minutes till bedtime, at least most days. I want you to stop cleaning up after your kid’s childhood and start being present for it. Start enjoying it. I believe in John 10:10 “that we are called to abundant life” and I know mothers are not excluded from that promise. Join me in conversations about simplicity, minimalism and lots of other good stuff that leads to a life of less for the sake of enjoying more in your motherhood. I’m Allie Casazza and this is The Purpose Show.
*If you’re listening to this podcast episode, you’ll notice that I mention my course Unburdened opening for enrollment soon. When I recorded this episode in early August 2019, I streamed it live on social media, so I was letting everyone know who was watching that the doors would be opening later in the month. This episode is going live in September 2019, and the doors are closed again, so those portions have been removed from the transcription below to avoid any confusion. You can click here to get on the waitlist to be notified as soon as it opens again!
Hi friends! How are all of you? It has been a minute since I was live. I am so excited to hang out with you and I have a surprise for you! Something cool.
I want to talk to you guys today about the power in 15 minutes. I have been doing these little things that I’m calling 15-minute resets. They’re game changers. I’ve been thinking so much about how this can apply to just about anything and everything. There’s so much power even in 5 minutes or 10 minutes, but I think there’s something really special about 15 minutes because it’s just the right amount where you really can get somewhere and really make a little bit of progress in a short amount of time. And so, I just want to talk about that.
I want to talk about the power in 15 minutes and how this idea of the 15-minute reset could really be applied to almost anything—cleaning up, brainstorming through a problem, talking through a relationship issue, exercise. Just the power of setting a 15-minute timer and going all in on one thing for a set amount of minutes, I think it’s so deeply, deeply underestimated.
One of the things that I struggle with as a person is being “all-or-nothing.” This is “all-or-nothing syndrome,” and I am the epitome of it. I struggle with it so much. You know my right-hand girl, Hayley. She’s the COO of my company and she knows this better than anyone. She’ll let me finish talking something out and then she’ll say, “Okay, but we don’t have to do it like that. You could just get it out there for everybody and then add that later.” And I’m like, “Oh yeah, you’re right. It doesn’t have to be perfect or completely “all or nothing” all the time.”
That’s perfectionism. “All-or-nothing” syndrome is just another way to say perfectionism. It’s a version of perfectionism and it’s a struggle that I have. I think it’s a struggle that a lot of us have.
But these 15-minute resets have really, really helped me. How many times have you been going about your day and you feel like things are not going well? You’re bickering with your spouse and it’s just ruining your day? Or something with your kids? Or the house feels like a total crap show and you’re really frustrated? Or you feel like you want to hit that reset button, but you also feel like you don’t have the energy to do that because you’re tired, drained and it’s going to get undone anyway and you find yourself in that negative spiral?
This “hack” is not new. I didn’t make it up. I am sure if you Google it, you will see all kinds of people who have done this before me. But as a busy mom, I’m learning the power in these little 15-minute resets. It’s hitting that reboot button in an area you’re tired of being “all-or-nothing” in. Where you’re tired of not making progress, and you just want to hyper-focus on it for a small amount of time and make it better.
Okay? I think I’ve explained it enough. So, what I want to do in this episode—in this live stream—is apply the 15-minute reset idea to different situations you might want to use it in.
One of the first ideas that I started implementing this with was actually a relationship thing—which is funny because you would think that you would do this with other things and then be like, “Oh, I wonder if I could apply this to my relationships.” But, for whatever reason, I thought of this first.
So, you know Brian and I are home together all day, everyday, all the time. We run our business from home. I’m at my home office right now, upstairs. One of the kids’ bedrooms is across the hall. I’m here all the time. We homeschool our kids. The school room is downstairs. We are all here, altogether, all the time.
And while that is our dream and it is what we wanted, it can get very difficult to have a full conversation. (You guys, you don’t need to have our lifestyle to know that. If you have kids and you’re married, you already know that—no matter how much time you spend together). We’re together and we’re running our life together so much. It’s not like he’s at work and I’m running the business, then at the end of the day, we connect. We’re doing all of that together, all day. So, there is a lot of need for conversation, working and figuring things out. And that can get really difficult. And it can sometimes cause disagreements, tension or feeling like “why can’t you listen?” (Why can’t he listen? Because there’s a freaking kid pulling on his leg every two seconds.)
But whatever it is, I want to be like, “Can we just get the kids settled and set a timer for 15-minutes and work this issue out? You talk and then I talk? Then we come to a conclusion?” So, the 15-minute reset totally works in relationships and talking stuff out.
What’s great about it is that you could give three minutes to your spouse and three minutes to yourself, uninterrupted. You guys get to share your side and then spend the remaining time trying to come to a conclusion, trying to come to an agreement, trying to solve the problem. And it’s okay if you don’t; No pressure to make this magic happen.
But you’re showing up for each other. You’re giving space for each other. Reminding each other that you’re on the same team. Giving it a shot that you can work this out. Setting aside set time in the day to connect. Then, even if you’re not agreeing on how to get where you both want to go, you are agreeing you both want to get there, you’re just disagreeing about how.
These 15-minute resets have been amazing for Brian and I to say, “You know what? It’s okay for the kids to have 15 extra minutes of technology that they normally wouldn’t have for us to get this time to hash this out.” So, we’ll do it. We’ll pull all the iPads and say, “Guys go play.” The kids are like, “Oh my gosh, yes!” It’s great for them. They go play and we can go upstairs and just sit together and say, “Okay, three minutes for you; three minutes for me.” Or you know, five minutes/five minutes. Whatever it is. And then the remaining time just spend like, “Okay, so now that I hear where you’re coming from, and I didn’t interrupt you and same for me, where are we going to go?” And getting on that same page.
Oftentimes it doesn’t lead to any decisions, but it leads to camaraderie and it leads to a stronger relationship moving forward in the rest of the day. And that is huge.
So, 15-minute reset for relationships and decisions that need to be made is magic.
Another area that you could apply the 15-minute reset idea would be the house.
When the house feels messy, set a timer for 15 minutes and just have at it. Clean everything that you see. Get your family involved if you can, if your kids aren’t super, super little. Even if they’re toddlers, they could do something, even if it’s not really helpful. We’re making the habits for later, right?
I think we overthink it and we think like, “Oh my gosh, I didn’t do what I needed to do today. This day is a total botch. Now I’m going to have to make it up for tomorrow. No one helps me…” And we spiral, spiral, spiral again into this negative mindset of “it’s all too much,” and “I don’t have any freaking help,” and “it’s just too hard and now it’s going to take forever,” and it doesn’t need to be like that.
You guys, magic can happen if you just pick up for 15-minutes. If you have really little kids, try to get them busy with something, and just do what you can. You just never know what you can get done.
The other day I did this and I ended up going a little over. I did about 20 minutes in my kitchen. I had been working on a big project and Brian was “in charge” and he’s just not me. He’s not able to balance the different things that I am, and the kitchen was a mess and it was left a mess and I couldn’t take it anymore. So I came downstairs (I wanted a break from sitting in this desk chair) and I just decided, “You know what? Being resentful over this, being upset that he’s not keeping things the way that I keep them…I’m not going to give space for that in my marriage. That’s ridiculous. It doesn’t have power over us and I’m not going to let that derail our day. I wanted a break from the office anyway and he’s gone with the kids running an errand, so I’m just going to do this.”
I set a timer for 15 minutes. I got the entire kitchen from really bad (we cook from scratch basically everything, so it was really messy). I got all the dishes washed, everything put away, counters wiped down. I picked up the living room, put some oils in my diffuser and got the house feeling like it had a touch of Allie in it. It felt so clean and so beautiful. The timer had gone off 5 minutes before I was done, because sometimes you set the timer and you go even longer. The point is just 15 minutes. It makes such a difference. And even if you don’t get it all done, you got 15 minutes of focused energy onto a problem.
Recently the upstairs of the house was just a mess. We had been downstairs a lot, we were planning out our curriculum for the next homeschool year, there was a guy here fixing our sink, the kids were being crazy ridiculous…it was just a mess. For two days we had stuff like that going on, so I didn’t do my morning rhythms. I just let it slide and I shouldn’t have. It was a mess up here. So, I just went at it for 15 minutes and it was almost all the way done. I just didn’t get the beds made and things like that. But I started a load of laundry, I sorted the laundry that needed to be done, I got things picked up, and that was progress. It wasn’t perfect, but it was progress. I felt so accomplished and so much better.
Do you see how the 15-minute reset idea can get you out of that perfectionism? That all-or- nothing mode? You’re doing something. It’s something. It’s good. Not everything needs to be done all the way. Just set a timer and do what you can. 15 minutes now and do the rest later.
Another area where we can apply the 15-minute reset that I think is really beneficial—and not the same as cleaning—is if the house just feels really overwhelming. This is another house one, but I think the house can feel really overwhelming in a way. Not just because it’s messy, but because it’s chaotic, overstimulating, loud and tense. Set a timer for 15 minutes and attack that.
Listen to your kids. Why are they whining? What’s the root cause? What do they need from you? Pick up the messes that are in your way right now, right where you are in that room. Light a candle. Turn on your oil diffuser. Start playing some praise music or rap—whatever the mood is, right? Solve the problem. Come in and bring peace over your home.
Listen to your kids for a second. Just diffuse the situation like, “Okay, you got listened to. We’re not doing that right now, but I would be happy to talk about doing that a different day.” Get the vibe in the house diffused. You know what I’m saying? It’s when your house is needing you, but it’s not necessarily just the mess. It’s what’s going on inside, and it’s just too much. There’s too many people and it’s loud. So, solve the problems—just for 15 minutes.
Stop cooking dinner and just hold on. Sometimes your house just needs you. You’re so good at running it and sometimes it just needs you to pause, evaluate, and diffuse certain things. The timer can help push you to go “all in” on that problem—right now—so that it just gets done. The timer is just pushing you to spend a small chunk of time on a problem. That way when it dings, you know you tried. Maybe the kids are still being jerks (because let’s face it, sometimes they are) and maybe things are still chaotic, but I put what I had into my home for 15 minutes and I did something about it. Now I’m going to get back to making dinner, or whatever it was.
Let’s talk about exercise with the 15-minute reset. Let’s just say that you know that you need to do it but it’s never happening. You set goals. You say you’re going to do something. You Pinterest the plan that you’re going to follow. I’ve done that a million times. And over and over, it just keeps not getting done. Get out of “all-or-nothing.” You don’t have to follow the Pinterest-perfect plan to live healthfully, to take care of yourself, to move your body. Movement is so good for your bodies, ladies. It is so, so good and it is worth pursuing. But “all-or-nothing” syndrome so often kills what we want to do, what we need to do. You don’t need to go to the gym for an hour to get what you want. You don’t even need to go to the gym at all.
My friend, Robin Long, talks about this so beautifully. She’s at The Balanced Life by the way. If you’re not following her or subscribed to her Pilates workouts, what are you doing? Go! But you know, just set the 15-minute timer, get the kids busy, and hit it girl! Go! Do squats, pushups, tricep dips, arm circles, or just flip on that rap again and proclaim a dance party. Go hard for 15 minutes. Make your kids think, “What the heck is wrong with mom?” Just go!
I have totally done this. If you have followed me for a while, you might remember when I posted a slow mode dance video in the living room. I’m going crazy and one of my kids is with me. We do that all the time. It’s like, “I can’t make it to spin class. I am not going to go to the gym. It’s just too much. I’m frustrated. I need to move today, and this is just how it’s going to get done.”
It can be so fun. Bring the fun back to life. Stop with the to-do lists, the checklist, the perfect workouts from Pinterest, the pressure that you need to get toned, and all these ridiculous things. It’s good for you to move. It makes you a better mom. It makes you more fun. It makes you feel beautiful. It gets those endorphins flowing. It’s not for your abs or your shape. It’s for you. It’s for your family, for you to move and feel good. So just get it done.
The 15-minute reset can just make things happen that you keep not doing, and for me exercise is a big one.
I think also doing some kind of movement for 15 minutes every day is such a fantastic way to boost your mood midday. I’ll say this gently, because I know some of you guys have kids and stuff around, but this is also a really great way to get “in the mood” for an intimate night with your spouse. To be slow, calm, and present for romance with your husband because a lot of the time, even though we love them, we’re just not feeling it. And sometimes, if you were to just move your body, put your headphones in, listen to some peaceful music and just stretch, take a shower, go for a walk by yourself. Say, “I just need a minute. It’s been a day.” Move your body by walking and getting those endorphins going, by stretching, by taking a deep breath, taking a bath, taking a shower, breathing and unwinding for 15 minutes. Think about all the positive things about your husband, and just move, stretch, flow is such a perspective shift. It will work. Trust me. I don’t mean that to be TMI; I’m just trying to give you life-hacks because that’s what I do when I need to—and it works. It’s a marriage saver. It saves me. I want to be with my husband, but sometimes it’s just hard to transition into that slow mood when it’s just been like write an email, go live, post this video, do this, talk to this person, business coaching, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, cooking, kids, kids, kids, kids. And then you’re like, “Oh, well, yeah, you. I forgot.” So, this can be a great transition. It can really help you honor your body and honor yourself. Just 15 minutes of movement. It’s so good for you.
Throw away all the other things. You look amazing. It’s not about that. It’s just about pressing pause, doing what your body needs, and creating space for that.
Okay friends, we want to take action, right? I don’t want you to just listen and walk away. I want to do everything that I can to help you take real action. So, on top of giving you these ideas, hopefully giving you some inspiration about the 15-minute reset, I also want to give you something that you could have tangibly in front of you or downloaded and saved to your phone to help shift your perspective and reset your day when you need it.
I have a free download called The Totally Crap Day Checklist and that’s exactly what it is. When you’re just having a bad day on top of all these ideas with the power of the 15-minute reset, The Totally Crap Day Checklist has a list of the types of things that you know it, but you’re not thinking that way in the moment when you’re negative, everything seems to be going wrong and you know something needs to shift, but you’re not really sure what.
It’s got ideas like how to get a change of scenery and get out of your house for a second, find the humor in situations, remember what you can and can’t control, and these detailed little perspective shifts and ideas.
Do you realize how powerful that would be to have saved on your phone that you could pull up at any time, have printed on your fridge as a constant reminder, or taped inside the inside of your pantry so you see it every time you’re going to get a snack. You have it there; it’s a resource.
This is totally free. There’s really no reason not to go and download it, print it out or save it to your phone, your laptop or wherever you need it.
These types of reminders…these are the small stepping stones that we can set ourselves up with that can help us walk into a better life. They are constant reminders of who you really want to be when things are good.
But then when things turn and get hard or negative, what are you going to do? Are you going to go back on the hamster wheel of the cycle of anger, resentment, nagging, yelling and negativity that hasn’t been working for you? Or are you going to pull out that stepping stone that you saved before when things were good and use it to turn your day around and have a better day?
I want you to get this Freebie. Alliecasazza.com/shownotes/119 that’s where you can grab it.
The last thing that I wanted to share with you guys about how we can use the 15-minute reset is brainstorming through a problem. Oh my gosh, I think I might do this almost every day. I’m such an external processor. Lori Harder says, “As an entrepreneur your job is to solve problems and put out fires constantly. If you’re not putting out fires and you’re not solving problems, you don’t have a job anymore.” And it’s so, so true. So, basically I’m always brainstorming, thinking, finding a way around a problem. I don’t take “no” for an answer and that’s just my personality. If something isn’t working, I need to find a way.
There’s just a lot of brainstorming in my life. There’s brainstorming also in my personal life to come up with these life-hacks for you guys. So, when I notice, “Man, it is really hard to work at home, homeschool your kids, and have a clean house, but I’m not okay with that. I believe we can have all of those things functioning well together.” And so, I will find a way and I do find a way, and that’s my courses. I’m always brainstorming.
The 15-minute reset applied to this. Guys, it’s just been absolutely mind blowing and such a game changer. First of all with this, you need to know if you’re an internal or an external processor.
The way you know this is, if you are an external processor, you come to conclusions by talking about it to somebody. For example, if you go to coffee with a friend and you’re like, “Man, I’m really stressed out about this,” and she’s asking you about it and you’re talking through it. But as you’re talking through it, you say things like, “I think I just solved the problem for myself,” or “I think that’s what I need to do. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that before.” It’s because you’re an external processor and the way your brain works isn’t to come to conclusions and solve problems internally.
Now, Brian is an internal processor. Amy—you guys might know Amy, she’s on Team Allie and she does so many things for us. She’s the one who has therapy experience who’s working with me to make The Uncluttered Kid’s course. She is an internal processor. So, when they need to figure something out, they have to be quiet and think about it.
We use Voxer, which is a walkie-talkie app for your phone. Amy and I use Voxer to communicate to each other. I’ll talk something out to her and then I’ll be like, “What do you think?” And she will respond and say, “Let me think about it and get back to you.” And at first it was so weird to me because I’m like, “How?” And it’s because she’s an internal processor and Brian is the same way. He needs to sit there and stew over it for a little bit.
I’m not gonna lie, it annoys me sometimes because I want to be external. I want everyone to be external and I want to talk through things. But it’s just not the way he works. It’s not the way Amy works. It’s the way I work. We’re all different. I think knowing which one you tend to be, that knowledge is power.
Once you know, set up a 15-minute timer and brainstorm the problem in the way that you brainstorm it. A lot of internal processors like to journal through things. I’m an external and I still will journal through things sometimes. It’s almost like I just need to get it out in one form or another, whether it’s talking or writing, but usually it’s talking.
As an external processor, one way that I use the 15-minute reset in brainstorming through a problem is I will set a 15-minute timer and go for a walk around my neighborhood. I will open up my voice memo app and talk to myself like I’m talking to a friend.
I got this idea from Hilary Rushford. She’s a stylist and a business guru. She’s amazing. I’m in her mastermind class and I adore her. She gave me this idea. You’re talking it out, but you’re not having to have a physical other person with you because sometimes that’s just not doable. And so, I will talk out the problem as if I’m talking to a person. No one knows I’m not on the phone so it’s fine. I feel a little crazy, but it’s okay. It gets the job done. Just talk it out. If you need to phone a friend. Bring your husband and go for a walk. Whatever. But talk it out for 15 minutes. Usually you only need a few minutes.
If you’re an internal processor, go for a walk and just be quiet. Just process. Just think. Whatever you need to do. Grab a journal. Make yourself a cup of tea, sit down and just journal through the problem.
Do you guys remember the episode of The Purpose Show where I did How To Be An Action-taking, Problem-solving Woman? In that episode you could do that process, just writing out here’s the problem and here’s the brain dump of possible solutions on the other side of the paper. Even if they’re stupid and I can’t believe I just wrote that down, you’re getting your brain going and you’re being an action-taker. You’re solving problems.
You know the stereotype of women who just complain, nag, go to brunch with Mimosas and whine to their friends about how their husbands suck, everything’s so hard, and they can’t remember the last time they showered…? Say, “no” to that. We don’t live there. We don’t go there. We don’t stay there for sure. We are action-taking, problem-solving women. If we don’t like something, we take action. We shut our mouths and we do the work. We show up and we fix it.
And the 15-minute reset for this kind of brainstorming through something that’s bothering you is everything. It could be a business problem. It could be a relationship problem. It could be something as simple as why is the house so dang tense every day from 3:00 – 4:30? It’s called the witching hour for a reason. Why is our house so tense? I’m going to brainstorm through this problem. Okay, what can I do?
Maybe I need to have more crockpot meals so I’m not also having to cook dinner during this stressful time. Maybe we a drop an extracurricular activity. Maybe I need to have a better system in place for when the kids get home from school and create a peaceful atmosphere. Maybe I need more rhythms and routines that serve me, my family and our timeline better.
Brainstorming through, getting your brain going and solving problems instead of whining, complaining, staying in the same place, being so tired and giving in to that to where you’re living in the same day over and over again. That’s not where you belong, girl. It’s just not, so let’s climb out of that. All it takes is 15-minutes and just focusing on the problem.
As moms especially, there’s so much going on all the time. Everybody’s talking to us. Pulling at us. Asking things of us. The PTA, extracurriculars, the kids, school—whether homeschool or public school, marriage, grocery list, to-do list, and all of the things. It’s just so much. We need to dedicate a small amount of time to say, “Look, I am not happy with this, so I’m going to dedicate a tiny chunk of my time and I’m going to work through it and brainstorm through it. Maybe one time isn’t going to be enough and it’s going to take a couple of times, but I’m going to start because I don’t want to lie down and take things. I want to come at things and be better. I want to be beyond average and this is how I’m going to do that.”
The 15-minute reset is magic, magic, magic. Try it.
Also, I know there’s so many other ways we could do this. I want to know from you guys. Please tag me on Instagram. Send me a DM. Whatever it is, I want to hear from you.
How are you taking the 15-minute reset and applying it to other things? Your meal planning, a different perspective shift on applying it to a relationship issue? I want to hear from you guys. How did this inspire you? What is it that you’re using it for? How are you making this actionable for you?
TARA: Will you speak on affirmations?
ALLIE: Yeah, absolutely. The 15-minute reset for affirmations. That’s a lot of minutes. I don’t even do 15 minutes of affirmation. That’s amazing.
So, okay, let’s just say you are having a bad day and you’re like, “You know what, I am caught in the negative speak cycle.” Because it is a cycle; it’s a cycle of lies. It’s a cycle of negativity. You get stuck there and it’s hard to get out. It’s like quicksand.
We were learning about quicksand for homeschooling the other day and I was just really emotional. I was thinking about clutter and negativity simultaneously and how it truly is quicksand. That’s so cheesy and I’m aware of it, but it’s where my mind went. I think this cycle of negativity is exactly like quicksand and we need to deliberately pull ourselves up and out, and stop it before it gets worse.
Affirmations could absolutely be a part of that. They’re a part of that for me. I think 15 minutes is a lot. If you want to do that, great. I would just ask, “What’s the opposite of what you’re feeling?” Locate what you’re feeling. Like, “I’m feeling really negative about my husband.” Okay, great. That’s okay. It’s normal. What exactly? “Well I just feel like he doesn’t help enough.” Well, is that the truth? Really? That’s such an opinion. Really is that it? And start saying truths like, “What is good about him? What is good about your relationship? What does he do? Where can you be more of a team player in this?” Start to speak truth.
Let’s talk about body for a second. If you are looking at yourself and you’re like, “I need to change this. I need to lose that. I need to be better here. I need to be fitter there.” Stop. What is the truth? The truth is: “I am wonderfully made. I am beautiful. I am strong. My body has done amazing things for me.”
This was really, really huge for me, you guys, when I had C-section after C-section after C-section. Trying to have a baby naturally and just feeling so broken. Having hormonal disorders. My body can’t even regulate itself? What’s wrong with me? Having issues with my leg muscles where I had to stop being a dancer when I was in high school and it broke my heart. My body was just so broken. And I told myself that over and over again. Stopping that negativity and just speaking life totally changed the game for me.
There’s an episode of Positive Words Over Your Children. This changed my son, our relationship and the way that he behaved…literally. Words are so powerful.
What an incredible way to use the 15-minute reset on your words and literally just flip the story. I absolutely love it.
ALLIE: Crystal says, “I need sibling reset tips.” Okay, let me think through this while I talk it out because I’m an external processor.
Okay, so sibling reset. I think it’s so funny because so many of my followers act like my kids don’t ever fight or something. I think it’s because I talk a lot about minimalism and how it’s brought so much peace, so much togetherness and it absolutely has. But of course, they bicker and it’s the most annoying sound of all time. You know how it is. I can’t. Like cannot.
The 15-minute reset could totally be applied here, but if I was going to do it that way, I would say, “Okay guys, 15 minutes: 10 minutes apart, 5 minutes talking it out. Apologize if you need to apologize.”
I try really hard not to do the thing where you make your kids apologize. I try really hard to just say, “You know what, if you feel you need to apologize, this is your time to do that.” Or, “Go ahead and take some space and then come back when the timer goes off.” I have the timer on my iPhone set to the dog barking sound, so I’ll say, “When you hear the dog bark, come downstairs and if you feel that you owe Leland an apology, you can apologize to him” (or whoever it is). That’s how I would do it. 10 minutes apart, when the dog barks come back, and if you feel the need to apologize you can apologize and usually they will.
Sometimes they won’t and I’ll make a note to remember and during bedtime later I’ll sit on that kid’s bed and be like, “Hey, how come you didn’t apologize? What did you feel about that? What do you feel? What happened? Where are you at?” And that works.
15-minute reset would be great for sibling rivalry.
Okay guys, we’re wrapping this up. Those of you who are watching this episode live…so fun! I love you all so much! Thanks for listening with me! So fun! I love, love, love the surprise episode, doing live with you guys. So fun!
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